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Every now and then, Sakura gets an itch.

“Come on,” Kakashi pleads. “Kiss it better, have pity on your old sensei. I’m a citizen in need, in distress—

“You’re an idiot.” Sakura corrects, trying her best to ignore his wheedling while she listens to his heartbeat and fights the rising heat in her cheeks, forever bemoaning how easily she flushes and hoping he thinks she’s only ruffled by his ridiculous teasing and nothing more. If Kakashi knew how tempting she finds the idea of kissing anything on his person better, things between them—well, some things aren’t worth thinking about.

“You wound me, Sakura,” he sighs morosely. Sakura rolls her eyes. “Remember when you used to respect me? Those were the days,” he sighs wistfully, and Sakura’s eyes roll so hard she’s surprised they don’t fall out of her head.

“What days were those? I definitely don’t remember.”

“The days before you started bullying your poor old sensei into invasive medical—”

Standard, routine health checks,” she speaks over him, “and I only have to bully you into them because you’re so—”

It’s a comfortable, well-worn argument they settle into happily, and Sakura manages to get through the rest of the appointment without too many untoward thoughts.

No matter how many times she does this, she never quite manages to quell her nerves.

It’s warm out, but Sakura’s hands are made cold by the anxious itch under her skin, and only years of training keep them from shaking as she slides Kakashi’s window open. If it weren’t for the fact that Sakura has already made a habit of letting herself into his apartment, sometimes to make sure he’s not living in quite so sad a state as he’s been known to in the past, and sometimes just to be somewhere she feels understood, she knows she’d never get away with this.

As it is, though, he’s comfortable enough with the appearance of her chakra, the rhythm of her step, that she knows he won’t wake immediately, never has. Sometimes, she questions her own certainty and thinks maybe he does, it’s hard to say. It’s always been difficult to be sure how much of this—of her—Kakashi is aware of. She hopes none, but sometimes she wonders if Kakashi has found her out and simply chooses not to say anything. Dares to hope that he might even be waiting for her.

The thought makes Sakura go gooey inside, distressing and comforting all at once, and it makes it easier to slip down through the window and into Kakashi’s kitchen, carefully sliding it shut behind her before making her way down the hall, towards his bedroom.

She finds him as she always does, splayed out on his bed in the nude, only the faint light from outside to light the room, shining across his skin and painting long-healed scars silver in the moonlight. Sakura sees well in the dark, and it’s more than enough for her to pick up on the details of him.

There's a sheet wrapped messily around him and nothing heavier. It looks like he must’ve had a hard time getting to sleep. She knows well enough that he has nightmares, she’s the one who writes his prescription when he can’t manage without.

If she goes any closer, she knows he’ll wake, regardless of how comfortable he is in her presence. This is the part of the night she likes least of all, but it’s a necessary evil. I’m doing this for us both, she reminds herself. He needs me, even if he doesn’t know it. Her sensei is too negligent of himself to ask to be taken care of, so she has no choice but to do it in whatever way she can manage.

Kakashi typically detects genjutsu with ease, but when he sleeps, if done subtly enough, even he can be kept under. She weaves the images in his mind from dreams into illusions and, aware of the narrow window of opportunity, moves closer to slip the needle into his neck, healing the pin-prick once she’s removed it. He’d notice, without a doubt, if she did not. She knows, now, that she could be louder if she wanted, Kakashi never wakes up even when she does much, much more, but she’s unable to resist the natural impulse to stay as covert as possible.

In a way, it’s an indulgence, a little thrill. It sounds silly that a kunoichi might need to get her kicks sneaking into someone’s bedroom, but this isn’t just anyone, this is Kakashi, and the giddy ball of nerves in the pit of her stomach brings her back to her days as a genin, when being a shinobi was still new and novel.

Sakura’s heart-rate kicks up as she stands at the foot of the bed and waits while his breathing deepens and slows. She forces herself to stop and take a full, steadying breath. Once she’s feeling a little less jittery, she begins to strip. Carefully toeing off her sandals, fingers trembling as she draws down the zipper of her shirt. It’s loud enough to be jarring to her senses, all on edge, in the otherwise silent apartment.

When she kicks off her skirt and shorts, the chill of the air against her bare skin makes her shiver, just a little, hair standing on end. She crawls onto the bed, moving forward until she can lean back on her heels and hover over Kakashi’s knees, careful to remain not quite touching.

She draws in another deep breath, trying to tamp down the sick thrill low in her abdomen that always begins to swell around this point. She shouldn’t—there’s nothing to feel sick about, she reminds himself. What Kakashi doesn’t know can’t hurt him, right? She needs this, they both do. Besides, he makes passes at her often enough, even if they’re in jest, Sakura just knows he’d be okay with this.

This is what she tells herself as her fingers ghost over the sheets, breath stalling for a moment when she hooks her fingertips over the edge of the sheet, hesitating infinitesimally before pulling it back. The breath leaves her all at once when Kakashi’s cock is revealed, lying fat and soft against his thigh. Sakura aches with desire at the sight of it, eager to feel the familiar stretch of him splitting her open.

With unsteady hands, she reaches out to drag her fingers over the soft skin of Kakashi’s cock. It twitches under her touch, and something unclenches in Sakura’s chest. Kakashi enjoys this, even if he doesn’t know it. Emboldened, she wraps her hand around him, smoothing her thumb over the underside and appreciating the weight of him in her hand.

Gripping Kakashi a little tighter, she points his cock upwards so she can bend forward to drag her tongue over the head of him, only barely managing to hold back a groan of anticipatory pleasure at the familiar taste. If she ever works up the nerve, or the stupidity, to tell Kakashi how she feels, she thinks her first priority would be sucking his cock. Getting to see the way his eyes would go heavy, feel his hands pulling at her hair, she’d let Kakashi have it however he wanted. He could fuck her face until she cries, if he wanted to.

Just the thought of it is enough to make her chest hurt, she wants that so, so bad, but she knows it’s a terrible idea. Kakashi is the only man who has ever really understood her, ever seen her, and even that hadn’t come easy. She can’t rush, can’t ruin things. For now, this will have to be enough.

One of the few pleasures in doing this without his knowledge is that she gets to take her time. Sakura bends low and settles carefully between his legs to drag her lips down the side of Kakashi’s cock, inhaling deep when she reaches the base of him. She wants the musk of him so deeply imprinted on her senses that she’ll never be able to escape it.

She presses a wet, open-mouthed kiss to the root of him, slowly slipping downwards until she reaches his sack. It’s easy to get lost in him, laving gently and carefully bringing him into her mouth to tongue at the soft skin before pulling back. She feels almost silly. The taste of Kakashi is one she somehow never tires of. Sharp and strong and raw, she’s addicted.

Dropping down again to suckle at the tender head of his cock, she runs her tongue around the rim of him, delighted when Kakashi twitches against her lips. Excited anticipation swells inside of her and she’s unable to resist the urge to suck Kakashi into her mouth properly, eager to get him hard and ease the pressure of desire already knotted up in the core of her.

Letting herself be sloppy with spit to ease the way, she drools down the side of his cock as she works him further and further into her mouth, shivering when Kakashi finally grazes the back of her throat. He’s getting hotter, fatter, longer in Sakura’s mouth and the increased weight of him on her tongue makes holding back her moans a very real struggle. The throb of Kakashi’s cock against her tongue makes her wet between her legs, enough to feel it every time she shifts.

She sucks him down, savouring the way that the mass of Kakashi begins to choke the breath from her lungs as he hardens, blocking her from breathing when Sakura forces herself down to the root. When she finally feels the thick, salty liquid beginning to push its way out of Kakashi’s cock at a sluggish pace, she pulls back, reluctant. There’s an ache in her jaw and she wishes it was stronger, intense enough to last through a day or two, at least, as a constant reminder that she is wanted, even if not consciously.

Sakura shuffles forward until she’s braced over Kakashi’s thighs and runs her hand through the mess between her own, strangely turned on by the wet sound of it, then reaches down to wrap both hands around Kakashi’s cock once more.

Kakashi truly does have a magnificent cock, Sakura thinks to herself, admiring it as she runs his hands over it. Not so large as to be truly uncomfortable, but big enough to make her ache, with a pleasant curve. It’s a shame he seems to let it go to waste, seeing as Sakura never finds anyone else in his bed. Of course, she knows she’d hate it if she did. She’s not sure what she’d think, what she’d do.

Once Kakashi is slick, Sakura licks the excess from her palm—she could get more wet but she never likes to be too ready for him. She wants to make sure it’s rough enough that she’ll carry the feeling with her at least until they see each other in the morning. It’s dangerous, the genjutsu will have worn off by now, and the medication has its limits—especially on someone like him—but she tells herself this is the only way she can go longer before she gets that itch, again. The one only Kakashi can scratch, however unwittingly.

Shuffling forward again until her knees bracket Kakashi’s hips, just a little space between them, she reaches back to grip his cock. The impulse to drag it over the crease of herself is too strong to resist, so she does just that, shuddering with the anticipation that wells up in her chest as Kakashi’s slick, warm cock slides across her skin.

When he catches against her on the way back up, Sakura grips hard and begins to bear down. She always takes this part painfully slow, she tells herself it’s to avoid waking Kakashi, but deep down she really just loves the way it hurts. Sharp pain flares up through her spine as she holds herself tense while Kakashi’s cock slowly forces itself deeper in her cunt. She’d worked out a jutsu designed to keep her muscles strung tight, make it hurt more, it’s been her secret ever since. She uses it every time.

Even if Kakashi doesn’t know it, he’s the only one who’s ever had her like this, and she has no one in between, not even a toy. Sakura has been with other people, sucked enough cock that she’s not too shy to admit to herself that she loves it, but somehow she thinks having anyone else inside of her like this would only disappoint.

The head of Kakashi’s cock finally breaches her entirely and Sakura sighs shakily. Her whole body is vibrating with nervous energy, she feels like an exposed nerve. She tips her head back, letting her eyes slip shut, trying to focus on the feeling of Kakashi’s cock opening her up, sliding deeper and filling her up inch by inch. She doesn’t want to be distracted.

Her muscles burn and she knows her legs are shaking with adrenaline and want, but the sharp pain of the stretch is starting to fade to a dull, aching burn and she’s just not ready to let go yet. Without giving herself a chance to brace for it, she rises and drops down onto Kakashi’s cock hard enough he bottoms out, and lets out an involuntary cry. Her head snaps up, hand coming up to slap over her mouth. Kakashi’s body has gone stiff underneath her.

She feels—she doesn’t know what she feels. Sick, terrified, excited, like she wants to cry and she’s not sure why.

When she makes herself open her eyes, Kakashi is staring back at her.

Sakura’s never seen him look like this before. She’d expected rage—something cold and angry, but this isn’t that. This is hurt, worse than she’s ever seen him wear, and that’s no small measure to beat. Her heart is beating so hard, so fast it actually hurts inside her chest, it takes her a moment to work through the shock enough to realize that he’s frightened. Really, sincerely frightened.

“Kakashi—” She hates how out of breath she sounds.

“I don’t know what you think you’re doing—” She’s never heard Kakashi’s voice like this, either. It sends a chill through her spine.

“Kakashi—” She pleads again, voice starting to shake.

“Or what you’ve done to me—”

Oh. Oh.

Of course, his chakra has been inhibited by the medication. That’s why he’s afraid, and she can hardly blame him for it. There’s a not a shinobi alive who wouldn’t be alarmed to wake up in the same state. Sakura quickly weighs the options in her mind. She wants Kakashi to want her, wants him to feel comfortable wanting her, even when he’s vulnerable.

“Kakashi, sensei, please. It’s only temporary, I had to keep you asleep—” Kakashi doesn’t give a moment of pause to Sakura’s interruption, continuing to speak threats that make Sakura’s blood run cold, though he hasn’t tried to push her away. Sakura holds on to that thought as she turns over different ideas in her mind—just distracted enough that she panics when Kakashi lunges forward, hand going for her throat, a kunai he’d had hidden in the other.

The struggle is brief, without his chakra he can’t hope to match her strength, and when it’s over, Kakashi’s hands are knotted in the sheet and pinned to his wooden headboard with the kunai he’d drawn on her. Sakura agonizes over the situation. Had he been trying to kill her? To truly hurt her, after everything?

It feels like an hour goes by without anyone saying anything, without anyone moving, but it can’t be more than a minute at most. A minute of Sakura struggling to bring her breath back to normal while Kakashi stares up at his hands, unblinking, face unreadable. The silence is suffocating and eventually Sakura breaks.

“Kakashi,” her voice is small, tentative. Kakashi doesn’t look at her. Sakura shifts nervously and in doing so causes Kakashi’s cock to drag inside of her, sending shivers up her spone. He’s somehow still incredibly hard, even with how difficult the situation feels, maybe even more so because of it.

Kakashi’s head snaps forward, eyes burning into Sakura’s and it—he doesn’t look like Sakura had thought—hoped—he would.

“Please, say something,” she begs.

Why?” Kakashi’s voice sounds like it’s being ripped from him, the incredible pain of it belying the stoic mask that’s fallen over his face. Sakura doesn’t understand.

“I… I thought you’d be happy. I thought you’d like it,” Sakura explains, voice barely above a whisper. She’d been sure, so sure of how he’d felt, that he simply didn’t think he deserved what he must want, but the explanation feels weak in the face of Kakashi’s pain. She has to wonder if, deep down, she knew it would be.

“Happy to be raped by my student?” Kakashi spits, his face does give way, then, to what he’s feeling. It’s enough to make Sakura flinch back, feeling like she’s been slapped.

“No! No, it’s not—it was never like that, Kakashi, I promise.”

“Look at yourself, Sakura.” Kakashi’s voice has gone cold.

Sakura’s heart is in her throat. There’s no use lying about it now.

“I come here sometimes, to do this, to take care of you.” Kakashi looks like he’s going to be sick. “It’s just—you’re all alone, and—and I know what it feels like, you know? And I thought—I knew you’d never ask, but I thought maybe you needed me, like I need you. Please, Kakashi, please, let me—”

“No. Get off me. Right now.” His tone is vicious but now that his face has given way to emotion, he can’t seem to banish it. Maybe he’s not even trying. The hurt in his expression is obvious.

But he’s wrong. Sakura knows, she knows this is probably shocking, and she can see why Kakashi might get upset. Sakura didn’t ask him, she should’ve asked him. She didn’t do this the normal way and she’d thought maybe because Kakashi isn’t normal, and she’s not normal, that could be okay. Good, even, but she’s clearly been wrong. Right now, though, Kakashi is wrong. Sakura knows that Kakashi wants her, she just has to show him how good she can make him feel and things can be better.

“I’m sorry,” Sakura says, beginning to rock back on Kakashi’s slowly softening cock. Kakashi chokes, looking like he might be on the verge of tears.

“Get off of me, Sakura. if you ever—” Sakura covers his mouth with her palm, careful to leave him able to breathe through his nose. Kakashi—she knows what Kakashi’s about to say, he’s about to say something that will convince Sakura to stop and she can’t let that happen.

“You’ll see,” she promises, rocking back against him more vigorously, now. “I swear, this is going to be good. You’re going to feel good, okay? You just—you just need to let me take care of you, see how I can make you feel, and then it’ll be okay. We can figure things out.” She’s panting now, getting excited again. She knows it’s true, it has to be true. Kakashi is going to understand how good they can be together, how good they are.

Kakashi is making distressed, wounded noises behind her hand and Sakura wishes the sound didn’t land heavy between her hips the way it does. Something about it is intoxicating. She can feel Kakashi slowly getting harder inside of her and she can’t help moaning at the feeling of him, panting through her smile as she arches her back so he can enjoy the sight of her flush chest.

“I told you you’d like it,” she reminds Kakashi. His body has lost its aggressive, stiff posture from before, when he’d seemed ready to wrap his hands around Sakura’s throat and choke the life from her the second he got the chance, and he’s now slumped back against the headboard, wriggling occasionally like he wants to crawl out from inside his own skin. His pupils are blown wide but his eyes are empty.  

Pitching forward, Sakura braces her hand on Kakashi’s chest, dropping her head down to his sternum as she works herself over Kakashi’s cock, so she doesn’t have to see his face.

“I’m sorry,” she whispers into Kakashi’s chest. Something in her feels wrong, hollowed out by the broken look in Kakashi’s eyes but still unable to stop. “I’m sorry I need this. I’m sorry, sensei.” She can hear Kakashi swallow, and when she looks up at him there are tears shining in his eyes.

Sakura feels a pang of deep sorrow mixing with dark, desperate arousal in her gut. She pushes herself up and pulls her hand back from Kakashi’s mouth, soothing over his cheek. She’s doing this, but she deserves to hear whatever Kakashi is going to say.

It’s both much better and much worse than Sakura feared.

“I used to want this,” Kakashi chokes out, voice sounding horribly, devastatingly broken. Sakura doesn’t stop moving. “You.”

“You don’t still?” Again, Sakura hates how pitiful her voice sounds, like this.

“I wish I did, but—not like this, Sakura.” Kakashi stays quiet when he finishes.

Not like this. Sakura can work with that. It doesn’t always have to be like this. She knows she won’t last much longer and starts pushing back onto Kakashi’s cock harder, clenching down to try and pull Kakashi towards orgasm with her. Kakashi’s body flinches and Sakura drops her head down onto his shoulder, hands coming up to grip both.

“Iit won’t be. Not again, not if you want me,” she promises. “You can have me however you like, you just have to want me.”  Kakashi shudders, making a noise like he’s in pain, and Sakura feels warmth explode inside of her. She moans into his neck, desperate heat flaring under her skin.

“Tell me you want me, Kakashi.” She bites down on Kakashi’s neck, hard enough to draw blood.

“Yeah.” Kakashi chokes out. “I do.” He’s not lying, he’s not lying, but he’s not happy. Sakura comes when he says it anyways.

Her orgasm scrapes through her with a shocking amount of pain, like her body knows that’s what she needs. She burns and aches and stings all over, shaking until she finally collapses against Kakashi’s chest, his cock slipping out of her as she slumps forward, already missing the fullness of him.

“I don’t want to hate you, Sakura,” Kakashi whispers into her hair, “but I feel like you’re going to make me.” He sounds like he means it, but Sakura knows she can change his mind.


Kakashi hates Sakura.

He hates her for what she did. Hates her because for one stupid, fleeting moment, it had seemed like there was something, someone that might be good in Kakashi’s life. Someone he didn’t even deserve, but could aspire to, someone worth changing for, and she ruined it.

And yet—

Sakura is someone, now, that she wasn’t before. She no longer feels innocent, no longer feels forbidden. She feels attainable, and she knows as much. She flirts with him, she no longer tries to hide her face when her cheeks go pink. She brings him food every time they go on patrol, run a mission together. She’s patient with him, vulnerable around him, and it should be laughable, it should make him sick, and it does, but somehow it also feels real. Genuine. Like something that could still be good.

All the walls have come down between them and now she seems, somehow, just as flawed as he is. It’s a dangerous thought.

Where Kakashi kills, Sakura takes. Maybe it’s not her fault that Kakashi made himself so easy for her to take from.

“Hey,” Sakura nudges him, drawing his attention back into the real world, back to her. Back to the smell of the food laid out between them, one of Sakura’s usual offerings. “I’m—” She hesitates, looks down at hands, folded her lap. It’s a wonder, he thinks, that she can still find it within herself to be bashful. “Are we ever going to be better? For real?” He’s lost his appetite.

“No.” He looks away, unwilling to see the heartbreak in Sakura’s soft eyes. It’s ridiculous that he should still feel their effect.

“Please, Kakashi. I—I feel like I’ve ruined my life, hurting you.” She sounds like she might cry. “I miss you.” She tries again, quieter. Kakashi wants to laugh. She feels like she’s ruined her life. It astonishes him how she’s learned so little self-awareness, but then, who has he to blame but himself?

“Something you should have considered before, I’d say.” He stands to leave, but Sakura catches his arm before he can walk away.

“You can hurt me, if you want?” She looks up at Kakashi with those big, deceptively innocent eyes and Kakashi can imagine them blackened so easily. Can practically see bruises blooming over her cheeks, blood splitting the lip she’s rolling between her teeth.

Kakashi is tempted.

He’s never liked to hurt people, especially the ones he cares for, despite himself, but—that’s the issue, right there. He cares about her, he wants her, and he can’t think of any other way to move forward. He brings up the arm that Sakura is clinging to and grabs her by the throat. Squeezing, testing. Instinctively, Sakura’s hands fly up to his neck to pry Kakashi’s hand away and Kakashi laughs.

“Liar.” Sakura’s face falls, looking devastated. She tries to keep hold of Kakashi’s arm without her full strength when it drops but he shakes her off, rough, turning to walk away.

“No, please,” she begs, “I meant it, it was just instinct, I meant it. Please, let me prove it. I don’t want to lose you.”

You already have, Kakashi wants to bite back. He wants it to be true, he wants so desperately to be able to tell Sakura that she’s already lost him and she should leave him alone and have it be true, but it’s not.

Maybe that means it really is Kakashi’s turn to take.

“You’ll really do anything?”

“Yes,” Sakura agrees, frantic, desperate to be believed. “Yes, whatever you want. Please, let me?”

“Alright,” he swallows, unable to believe himself and guilty over not feeling worse about what he’s about to do. “You’ve got one chance. Close your eyes.” Kakashi instructs, outwardly disgusted, but inwardly amused when Sakura’s eyes go wide, like she didn’t expect to be taken up on her word quite so soon.

“Oh—okay?” Sakura stammers, closing her eyes with clear enough reluctance to make it satisfying. Kakashi waits long enough to make her nervous, and then brings his hands together, forming a rapid series of seals before pressing his palm to her throat. He watches as her eyes fly open, going wide with confusion, as ber veins bulge and she goes stiff all over. Out of habit, he catches her before she can fall, lowering her gently to the ground.

“Let’s make a deal, Sakura.” Her hand comes up to claw at her throat and Kakashi, crouched by her side, grabs her wrist to stop her. “Now, now, you asked for this, remember?” He chides, pleased to see Sakura drop her hand back to the ground without protest, clawing at the dirt, instead, while she shifts, clearly tense and fighting her own desire to react. Her eyes are wide, cheeks are flush, and the air is choked from her lungs enough to keep her from speaking, but allow her to breathe if she focuses.

The jutsu he’s used is one he’d learned in his ANBU days, designed to keep a hostage debilitated, but conscious. Quiet but useful. She doesn’t try to sit up when Kakashi presses a hand to her chest, making sure he’s pushing hard enough for it to hurt. She’ll will have a bruise there, tomorrow.

“Once this seal has been used, it stays in the skin forever. If you’re really sorry, I won’t have to use it again. How does that sound?” Sakura looks up at him, and he’s pretty sure she’s not quite grasping what he’s saying. She should be scared, Kakashi wants her to be scared, but she looks hopeful, instead, and he hates her for it. He wants her not to mean it, so he can stop giving a shit. He wants Sakura to be weak and pitiful, unwilling and unable to take the punishment she deserves so that Kakashi can let go of her and not be sorry. Not miss any part of her.

“It sounds good,” she breathes, when he finally releases the jutsu.

“You don’t even know what I mean.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Sakura insists. “You won’t need it.”

“Fine,” Kakashi huffs. He’s irritated that his plan isn’t working. Shoving off Sakura’s chest and standing back up, he decides he’ll call her bluff, even if Sakura doesn’t realize that’s what he’s doing, he’ll make her see. “Take off your clothes.”

Sakura sits up, and for a moment, he thinks he’s won. Sakura looks nervous, like she wants to protest, Kakashi knows she’s worried that someone might see her. That’s the point. Unfortunately, she’s more committed than he expected. She stands up, looking a little shaky, and slips out of her clothes, glancing around, paranoid that someone is watching her despite the fact that he already knows no one is. They’d both feel it if they were. She moves to cover herself and Kakashi smacks her hand away hard enough to leave a welt.

“Did you care about my privacy, Sakura?” She drops her head, shamefaced, and shakes it. “Didn’t think so.”

For a moment, Kakashi just looks at her. He takes in the soft fall of her pink hair, the curve her her hips, subtle tone of her thighs. She’s lovely, and before all this, she’d been so much more. When he’d looked at her before, he’d seen not only her loveliness, but how strong she’d become, how much she’d seen him through during and after the war, whether she truly realized the extent of it or not. He’d never wanted to hurt her, before. He’s not even sure he wants to now, but—balance. Balance is what they need.

Kakashi kicks her legs out from under her so she falls to her knees, crying out in pained surprise as they land on the rough pebbles underneath her. He grabs hold of her hair and drags her forward across the rough ground, he wants her knees to bleed. He lets go to open his belt, reaching into his pants to get himself out, and Sakura looks up at him, finally bearing a trace of fear in her eyes.

Suddenly, Kakashi isn’t so sure he wants her to go. He still wants her to be scared, though.

“If you back out now, I’ll never forgive you.” He’d meant it to only be compelling, but it comes out more raw, more honest than he’d intended.

He grabs Sakura by the jaw, forcing it open, and pulls her forward to feed her his cock. He feels a little sick and a lot turned on. He’s not sure when his heart started to race but when he’s got Sakura gagging on him, eyes squeezed shut as Kakashi forces her further, he can hear it rushing in his ears.

Sakura gasps for air when Kakashi pulls her back, she’s red down to her chest and she’s heaving like she might actually throw up. Kakashi hates the way he wants more. He shoves Sakura back down so that he won’t have to think about it. Sakura’s shakes as Kakashi forces her down, grinding up against her mourh when he can feel her throat convulsing around his cock, and jostling her a little, just for the vindictive satisfaction he so rarely allows himself, savouring the wet, distressed noises she makes as she gurgles incoherently around him.

Letting himself get carried away, Kakashi tests Sakura’s limits, fucking into her throat and seeing how hard he can go, how long she can take him before she gives out, equally pleased and angry every time she manages to take what Kakashi gives her. When he thrusts in particularly hard, he can actually feel the bile rise up in her throat, though she manages to swallow it down. Kakashi groans and the next time he thrusts forward, he reaches down to grip his cock through her throat.

When he pulls back, Sakura sways dangerously. Kakashi bites his lip, deliberating for only a millisecond before giving in to impulse and smacking her hard across the face to liven her up, moaning as he shoves his cock back down his throat. Something in him has come loose, now. It’s strange, hard to pinpoint how, or why, but he thinks it’s possible that he’s stumbled into some genuine catharsis.

He hadn’t thought this would help, not truly, he’d thought it would either drive Sakura out of his life, or drive him insane. This… helping, maybe, possibly, hadn’t really been on the table.

Sakura looks like she’s going to pass out, and he doesn’t want that. This time, when he pulls back, he kicks her down into the gravel with a foot to her chest, cock throbbing with the way the impact knocks the breath out of her. He steps forward and drops down to his knees, dragging Sakura over the gravel yet again as he lines himself up. Some part of him is screaming, still telling him that Sakura needs teased, cherished, made wet—more so than she already is, he hasn’t got the wherewithal to think too closely about that, just now.

That’s the part of him that still feels good when Sakura blushes around him, instead of sick. He imagines crushing that part of himself under his boot as he forces his way inside Sakura’s body. She cries, convulsing as she fights her instinct to push away from Kakashi, fists clenched so hard in the gravel that her palms are bloody.


He hopes Sakura hates it as much as he did. He hopes she feels as fucking sick with herself as Kakashi had, having something, everything taken from her and being betrayed by her own body in the process.

The grip of her cunt is borderline painful when Kakashi pulls back, he considers spitting on his cock to further ease the way, for his own sake, but he’s loathe to make this any easier on her. Willing to suffer through a little pain to make Sakura hurt more. Besides, he’s felt much, much worse.

He pushes into her again, and again, and again, never giving an inch, folding Sakura in half so he can leverage his weight in full and make her hurt. Each thrust is punctuated by a sob from the body below him and Kakashi loves it, wants it louder, want it to be all he hears. Sakura’s broken, pained voice, crying his name.

Tension is starting to pull through him, pressure building in the cradle of his hips, and he knows he’s getting close. He reaches up with one hand to squeeze Sakura’s throat again and her hands fly up to Kakashi’s arm, gripping tight like she’s only just managed to stop herself from trying to pry him off of her. For half a second, he worries that he’s done it, he’s broken her right as he was getting so close to thinking this could actually be something again, but Sakura’s hands don’t push or pull. Instead, they relax. Clenching and unclenching but never leaving his arm.

Kakashi grins and squeezes down harder, watching Sakura’s face go purple as orgasm pulls her body tight and shakes her apart. Her face darkens and her chest reddens and he feels the second she goes limp. Her hands fall to the ground, legs lolling out to the side, and she relaxes around him. She’s given him a beautiful idea.

Giving one last punishing thrust, he pulls out and shuffles up Sakura’s body on his knees, taking hold of his cock and jerking himself hard and fast towards her face. He shudders as his orgasm punches through him, more satisfying than any he’s felt in ages, almost brutally so. He feels weightless afterwards. Letting himself fall back and to the side to catch his breath, he admires his handiwork. Sakura is splayed out in the blood-stained gravel, legs wide, leaving her used cunt on display, face painted with Kakashi’s come, mess between her legs, bruises and blood all over. It makes him want to take care of her.

Kakashi feels something a little tender well up beneath the bone-deep satisfaction and thinks maybe now they can move forward. The feelings he’d held for her before had been naive, he understands that now. They’d been kind, soft around the edges, but blind. Now, though, he understands her for real, and he thinks she might understand him in turn.

He’d gotten a glimpse of this, that night, when she’d apologized for needing what she needs, but he hadn’t seen her clearly, even then. He understands, now, that she’d done what she did because she didn’t know how to ask for this. Maybe, he thinks, if he can make sure she never has to again—maybe, they could be alright. It might be foolish to hold on to hope, even now, but there isn’t much left to lose.

He sighs, and decides they’re on as close to equal ground now as they’re ever going to get.

When he gets up, he doesn’t quite manage to resist the urge to debase her one last time, leaning over to wipe his cock off on her lips, but once he’s tucked himself away, he covers her up and carries her home.

Three days later, Kakashi brings her lunch again for the first time in weeks. She sits with her thighs parted just enough for him to see the bruises she never healed.

One week later, Kakashi kisses her outside a restaurant a couple blocks down from his apartment, and it’s achingly, unbelievably good in a way they both thought was lost.