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I Shouldn't Want This

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I shouldn't want this; he's a priest, celibate, a man of God. Jack would be horrified if he knew what I sometimes fantasise about. But he's gentle and good and I care for him beyond the bounds of mere friendship.

I shouldn't want this; he's a mercenary, a terrorist! But there's no denying his skills, his bravery, or the chemistry we have. And if Hobbes has committed crimes, so have I now, and he'll never judge me for them.


I shouldn't want this; I know my vows, and she's a divorcee besides. I've never strayed from the path. Yet when I look at her, my resolve crumbles. She's strong and beautiful and I cannot deny my attraction to her.

I shouldn't want this; a man, no less, it's unthinkable. Yet when he looks at me, it's like he sees me, not my vocation or my gender. It's unnerving – and exciting.


I shouldn't want this; a federal agent? I must be losing it. But she gets under my skin like no-one since…no, I won't think about her. Think about Erica, who's here, who's alive, who's so damn delicious it hurts.

I shouldn't want this; and it's just a fantasy really, but Jack…he's a sly one, tougher than he looks, and so innocent that it makes me want to show him what he's missing out on. I can't afford the emotional attachments but they both make it hard to resist.


I shouldn't want this; emotions are dangerous and I can't be seen expressing them publicly. And love is such a strong emotion that I fear being overwhelmed. Yet I long to let go and truly feel the depth of that most forbidden emotion.

I shouldn't want this; she's my Queen, and one day will rule us. My place is at her feet, or at her side, never in her bed or her heart. But I love Lisa, with every fibre of my being.


I shouldn't want this; my mother has plans for Tyler and I, and I know they won't end well. But Tyler makes me laugh and I can't help but get involved beyond the necessary pretence. I wonder if it's genetic, something programmed into us by my mother and her damn scientists.

I shouldn't want this; Joshua is too valuable to risk losing over something so foolish as an affair with me. But he's mature in all the ways Tyler isn't, he's fearless and confident and intelligent, and I do want him. But a queen must put her own needs aside for the greater good.


I shouldn't want this; but I do.