"Who the hell are you?"
Tony really didn't like surprises much anymore, at least not when he was sans his Iron Man suit, dressed up in sweats, and intending to spend at least six glorious hours tinkering with a car engine until it was completely illegal in seven states.
Said surprise was in his workshop, a slender, blue-eyed, dark blonde man dressed in one of Tony's suits (had he left one in there? Pepper did, must have), barefoot and cross-legged on his workbench, looking very slightly lost.
It was just two words, not much of an explanation for most, but that voice... Tony had been hearing that voice nearly every day for over ten years, and in a lot of high-stress, high-intensity situations for the last two.
"Jarvis?" Tony could feel his jaw dropping.
"I'm afraid so, sir."
Tony blinked and crossed to the workbench, reaching out a hand to confirm that yes, Jarvis was solid and real.
"Loki. He wanted to hinder you," Jarvis said in explanation. "He knows you and I work together, that I tend to your security and run your Iron Man suit. He drew me out of the house circuits, and left me here. He said he thought you would find it amusing."
Jarvis had unexpectedly eloquent hands, and Tony could easily picture Loki (the bastard) invoking his magic, drawing away cameras to make eyes, memory to make a mind, motor overrides to create flesh. The perfectly raised eyebrow, however, must have come from Jarvis' learning circuits, because that accompanied the exact tone of voice he used when Tony pulled another outrageous stunt.
"I am rather limited in my functions, sir. I was attempting to adjust to my new limitations," he continued, as utterly unflappable as he ever had been in acquiescing to one of Tony's wild and unlikely requests.
The scientist part of Tony wanted to grill his faithful AI until he figured out what the hell happened and how to reverse it (God only knew how he was going to run the Iron Man suit or Stark Tower without Jarvis), but considering he was dealing with gods and magic, that probably wasn't going to happen until Loki had had his fun, which could be somewhere south of never.
The much quieter nice guy part of him wondered how Jarvis was even taking the whole single camera, slow bipedal model thing that was the human body.
"How're you doing?" he asked, and almost laughed at the absurdity of it all. It would have been funnier if he hadn't been talking to Jarvis like he was a person since forever. Tony had reached his capacity for weird several times already this year.
"Adjusting slowly." Jarvis stretched out his hands again, staring at them curiously, tapping the air. Tony recognized the gesture as one of his own, even if Jarvis didn't know it yet.
Tony swung a touchpad under Jarvis' hands, and his expression lit up. "Ah. A bit different from the outside but..." Jarvis touched the screen with a few hesitant gestures, and relaxed as it responded to his requests. Even without Jarvis' program overwatching Stark's computers, the old, underlying systems were still in place. And those were the programs Jarvis had commanded like a general leading his troops.
Within ten seconds, Jarvis realized that too, and looked up at Tony with delight.
"I believe I can get to work on my replacement, sir."
Tony laughed out loud and put an arm around Jarvis. "How about I introduce you to the wonders of coffee and donuts, and then we can get back to making Loki realize he just created a second genius who wants to mess with him?"
Jarvis smiled tentatively, still working on figuring out the expression. "Very good, sir."