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The Horror Of My Love For You

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The obsession began small.

I saw you just before the Chuunin exams. You were smiling; you were my first glimpse of true beauty. I watched you from afar, secretly daydreaming. I felt a sort of innocence that hasn't been with me since I was a child; you brought that to me, a little unknown gift, something special you didn't know you could give; yet you did nonetheless. I felt… happy. Every time I saw you, I felt something blossom within me.

While I watched you, stalking you in the shadows of where you tread each day, I found that I liked your smile; it was pure and true, without a hint of pride or malice or mischief, like the smiles I was accustomed to. Your demeanor lacked the betrayal and ruthlessness that I sensed everywhere else.

You looked like a sun god, warm and glowing, your skin kissed by the yellow orb in the sky, your hair reflecting its golden rays. I was immediately jealous of the sun, because it had the pleasure of touching you all over.

I am not as lucky. The sun doesn't like me. Instead, my skin is kissed by the moon, pale and milky. My hair is stained a blood red since my birth, and my forehead has been long since marked of the thing I cannot possess: love. My soul is tainted as well, unlike yours. You are so different from me; you are my perfect opposite, the sun to my moon, the light to my darkness, the somebody to my nobody. I immediately knew that there was something about you that I was drawn to; we must be magnets. You are all of the positive energy, the yan, and I am all of the negative energy, the yin.

I almost wanted to hate you; you are everything that I am not. You have what it is that I lack.

That is how my obsession with you began. But it only gets worse from there, and soon, it becomes uncontrollable, and utterly unstoppable.

I start asking around. I try to learn all I can about you. Most of the villagers of the Leaf ignore me or give me vague answers; save for one. A tan man with a long scar across the bridge of his nose, with brown hair back in a ponytail; he answers me. He gives me all of the answers I could ever wish for.

This is how I find out your name. He is too generous, too kind; he thinks that I want to be your friend, that I'm not a threat. He's almost correct. But he tells me your name, a name I come to treasure, to savor on my tongue as I repeat it:

"Uzumaki Naruto."

Naruto. Like the little fish cakes I always force Temari to put in my food. Who knew you'd have the same name as something I already love?

The man tells me other things, interesting things. He tells me that his name is Umino Iruka, and that he was your teacher for a long time, and that he cares about you like the father you never got to have. I ask him why you don't have a father; he says it's because your father died to protect the village. He says that your father battled the great Nine Tailed Fox Demon, the Kyuubi. He informs me that the fox was locked inside of an infant, and I automatically am reminded of myself. And then he tells me that the father of the infant was the Hokage himself.

I am shocked. I have discovered the truth about you, Naruto: you have darkness in you that mirrors my own. You, too, contain a monster within you.

I ask in a low tone if the village shunned you as a child because of your burden. Sadly, Iruka nods. He says that you were ignored, hated. He says that not many people warmed up to you for a long, long time. I feel a pang in my chest, and I grip the clothing over my heart. I know your pain, Naruto; I was shunned and hated and ignored as well.

I also find out little things about you. You are a prankster, one who starves for attention. You love ramen. Your favorite color is orange, although I already assumed this from your vibrant clothing. I find out that you have a goal: to become Hokage. I also learn that you do not know of your parents; you don't know that your father sealed the fox demon within your stomach, or that you had a loving mother. You don't know these things like I do of my own parents. But that's okay; now that I know, I can tell you someday, for your own good.

And, ending the conversation with Iruka, I realize something vital: I need to make you mine.

I follow you home one day, just to see and learn where you live. You have a tiny, quaint apartment with no adults to guard you. You are alone, and so very lonely. I keep watch over you some nights, staring down in through your window from the neighboring rooftops. I listen to you sleep, mumbling and breathing evenly and one night, I'm lucky enough to catch you moving beneath the sheets, succumbing to fleshly desires.

I bite my lip, a bizarre, unexplainable hunger rising in the pit of my stomach as I watch you that night. Your face is precious, flushed in the moonlight with a blush and lighting up at the end before you drift into sleep with dirty sheets around you.

I dare to slip in to your bedroom that night, long after I'm sure you're fast asleep. There are lingering drops of sweat on your forehead, and I gently wipe them away with the most careful, ghostly of touches.

You're like an angel when you sleep. Your lashes are like delicate feathers, your lips supple and kissable. I stand over your bed, the moonlight casting wicked shadows across my arm as I reach out to stroke your cheek. I want to touch you. I like touching you, even if you aren't aware of it.

You feel wonderful to my desert-dried fingers. I love your skin, Naruto; it's like silk, smooth and soft. But it's also hot, like the desert air. You're warmer than a regular human because of your fire element demon, I'm sure. I lick my lips, wondering what your skin might taste like.

You turn in your sleep onto your side, rolling towards me. I lean down and smell you, inhaling your essence and drinking in your scent. I sigh, because you smell like savory ramen and sweet, tangy, vibrant pineapple, but also a bit like green grass and life. I brush my lips over your brow, and I feel them contract as you frown in your sleep.

Something suddenly ignites within me, an electric flame that consumes my innards, coursing down my veins until my fingers and groin twitch.

I want you.

I need you.

I leave immediately, dashing out the window before I do something I might regret. I can already feel the unfamiliar sparks of desire race through my bloodstream like adrenaline in a fight, and it makes me ache in places I didn't know could ache so.

Is this normal? Just what is this? Is it… love? Or is it lust? I can't tell, but it feels painfully blissful, whatever it is.

The next day, I'm scheduled to battle with the green-jumpsuited black-haired ninja, the boy called Lee. I went to see you last night in hopes of getting strength from your beauty, but instead I only became tense. And now I must release the tension by fighting.

You're here, in the ring. I see you up high, observing, and also supporting your friends. I curse them all. Why do they get to receive your love and care? Why can't I have your affection, too?

I hate Lee for that. I aim to destroy him, to crush his body into gritty, bony dust and dripping blood. He doesn't deserve your friendship, nor your thoughts. He deserves to die!

So I kill him, simple as that. Where he lies in the hospital bed after our rumble, I bring my sand creeping into his cot and I squish him like a bug. He is but a little green bug, anyhow; he is nothing to me but an obstacle, an annoyance in the way of getting to you, Naruto; my prize.

You glare at me, much like you did when you rushed out of the ring. But I'm happy, because it means that you notice me! You talk to me some, and you listen to my rants, and it makes me happy just to be this near you while you are conscious and aware of it.

I wonder: are you afraid of me, of what I am? You stand there, frozen, but you're looking at me, so it must mean that you're unafraid. You must sense my lust, and you must understand my inner thoughts. Don't you?

When it's time to fight your friend the Uchiha, I aim to murder him as well, out of spite; he's closer to you than anyone else, isn't he? He's like your dearest brother, your closest, most precious person, isn't he? Well then, he should die! You're mine!

You don't scream when I crush Uchiha Sasuke's throat with my sand at the end of the battle, when we have moved deep into the forest. You only gape in horror, but at least Sasuke is out of the way. I'm sorry, Naruto, because I know his death hurts you, but I've seen how he treats you; you're better off without him.

Next on my list after the Uchiha is the pink one, the female of your team. I saw how you gaze upon her sometimes, sneaking glances; you like her. You have a crush on her, a step away from romantic feelings. Well, that won't do; I need you to look at me that way!

You've become my full-blown obsession, my reason to continue to exist and prove my existence. Without you, Naruto, I'd gladly let Shukaku, the Single Tailed Raccoon-dog Demon inside of me, eat me from the inside and out. I would allow it if you never loved me, and loved her instead. She needs to die, because you have to be mine, Naruto; not hers. Mine.

I pin the pink-haired wench to a tree trunk and destroy her before you can reach her. You scowl and come after me with tears in your eyes. I'm sorry for hurting you, Naruto, but can't you see that these people would only break your heart later on? But I would never do that! I'll love you forever, until the day I die and become nothing but ashes in a pine box in a hole in the ground.

You come at me for revenge for killing your teammates, and I welcome it. I grin with sharp, half-demon teeth as your body collides deliciously with mine. I wrap my arms around you to keep you here, close to my heart. We fall backwards off of the branch I had been standing on, and we get the breath knocked out of us as you land on top of me on the dirt of the forest floor below.

My half-demon appearance melts into sand as I sweat in the sunlight and crush you to me. You struggle violently and demand that I release you, but how can I? The largest threats are gone, and I can finally feel you against me. You make me feel whole.

"Naruto," I breathe, my voice a coarse whisper in your ear. I feel you cringe and shiver. I flick out my tongue and lean upwards slightly, curving into you so that I may taste your sweat and the soft skin of your neck. I can feel it pulsate against my tongue as your heart races, sending waves of fresh blood through the artery in your throat. You taste like a dream, one that I never wish to wake from.

How I wish that I could break your skin and drain you, but you're much better when you're alive.

"Wh-what are you doing, 'ttebayo?" you shriek, your face flushing as I kiss your collar bone and grip you even tighter, squeezing until you groan in pain from my nails digging into your back where your clothing rides up.

"I'm claiming you," I state simply. I roll us over until I'm above you, hovering close while I pin you to the earth beneath us. You stare up at me with confusion decorating your features, save for your eyes, which are leaking at the corners with leftover tears from your friends' deaths. But your tears are beautiful; they enhance your big blue eyes with a sort of sparkle that only tears can create.

"What do you mean by cl–"

But before you can ask, I roughly kiss your mouth, something I've daydreamed over and over since I first laid eyes on you. I'm only twelve years old, but I know what a kiss is, and I know that I want to give you one more than I've ever wanted to give anything in my life, even more than giving the gift of eternal rest to my victims.

You gasp, and I slip my tongue past your teeth. You would bite down and make me bleed, or push me away; but you don't. I can tell that you like it.

But no, soon you are pushing me away after all. You call me weird and insane and a freak, and you bolt.

I holler after you, "I know your secret, Uzumaki Naruto! I know that you are a monster. Deep down, you're a monster just like me, and your village hates you. But I don't hate you."

You stop in your tracks. You turn and face me, taking hesitant steps back towards me. You stutter and question, "Where'd you hear that?"

All I do is smile and offer my hand to you. You're standing within arm's reach now. I could grab you and hold you again, but I resist. I keep my hand outstretched. You look at it, but then you smack my hand away and flee again, and just like that, you're out of sight. Gone. And I'm alone, my only company the two corpses I left in the trees.

I am mistaken. I'm not entirely alone; Shukaku is here. He murmurs an idea into my head, You love that fox-child, don't you, Gaara?

I sigh, not even bothering to deny it. "Yes, I do. I love him more than anything."

More than your mother? More than blood?

I nod and smile. "Yes. So much more. He's my everything."

You want to keep him with you forever, don't you, Gaara?

"Yes! Forever and always, I want him to be mine. Forever and always," I say firmly. My fingers shake at my sides, eager to touch you. I want you so much, Naruto…

Well, I know a way that you can do that, Gaara… I know what you must do to have him in your grasp.

"How?" I plea, needing desperately to have such knowledge. I'd do anything to have you, Naruto! I would even bargain with a heartless, bloodthirsty demon, if it meant that I would have a sure-fire way of keeping you. Forever and always.

It's simple: murder his entire village. Wipe them all out, every last man, woman, and child. That way, he'll come crying at your feet. He'll beg you to be with him, since he'll have no one left. He'll be so alone, so utterly lonely, that he'll crawl right into your awaiting arms. He will thank you for getting rid of all of the people who were cruel to him like they were to you in Sunakagure, and he'll be proud of you for doing something so selfless. It's the ultimate act of love: sacrifice. And do you know what else, Gaara?

I grin eagerly, loving how this idea sounds more and more with each breathtaking word. "What? What else?" I ask, jumping on my demon's plan like a lion jumps on a gazelle.

In the end, his inner monster will awaken and be freed, and then you two can kill and slaughter entire villages of people together, an unstoppable force. He will thank you and love you for setting him free, and you two will be bonded like demon-mates.

I smirk evilly and crack my knuckles. "Sounds like a good idea to me," I cackle. There doesn't seem to be a downside to this plan. "Let's get started, shall we?"

The following day, I spend it wiping out an entire village for your sake, Naruto. I do it all for you, because those people deserve it, and I must have you for myself. I love you more than myself, more than my life, more than anything. You are perfect, you are my opposite, and you are exactly like me: a Jinchuuriki.

As I locate you among the gore and finish off the last of the squirming bodies, I ask you if you're proud of me.

But you just look traumatized. You shout, "How could I ever be proud of something like this?"

And that's when I snap.

Chapter Text

"Why aren't you proud of me?" I whimper. I take a step closer, and you cower in the corner and cover your face with your forearms. "Why are you shaking so? You should be happy. I thought I did well... Didn't I do well?"

You scream and scrunch up into a tight ball. "Keep away from me! Get away! You're crazy!"

I start to cry, the tears scorching languid and thick like muddy acid as they drip down my sandy cheeks. I fall to my knees and drop the last body shrouded in soiled sand. "Why are you so afraid of me? I would never hurt you, Naruto; I love you. Don't you see? I did all this because I love you. I love you!"

You're everything to me. I need to have you with me always; without you, I'd crumble into dusty sand and ruin the Earth with my crimson poison. I want you like obese people want food, like poor people want water, like rich people want money and fame. I crave your flesh and heart and soul like addicts crave tobacco and alcohol and cocaine. You are my entire world, my purpose, my sweet, sweet soul mate…

Can't you understand that? Because I thought you understood me. After all, you have a monster within you, too. We match.

But no. You are sobbing and pathetically attempting to flee. I get up and chase after you, my feet heavy as lead and my clothes splattering droplets of blood as I move. I lick my lips – metallic and warm and salty from gore – and I beg you to wait. I beg you to stay.

"Come back, Naruto!"

"No, no! Please, just leave me be, you… you murderer!"

I stop dead in my tracks. You hurt me so much, but I can't hate you for it. "But I thought you knew that already. Is that what bothers you? I can change! I swear, I won't do it again! Just let me love you…"

"No!" you scream, and when you trip on an amputated limb as you enter the forest surrounding Konoha, you fall and scrape your knee. I catch up to you, standing darkly above you as the sun sets and casts my shadow across the grassy knoll. I bend over to cradle you in my arms. You resist me, but I hold you tightly until you cease the fighting and submit to my strength. "Please… don't kill me, Gaara," you whisper, hoarse and frail.

"Kill you?" I laugh, and peck you on the nose with my bloody lips. "I would never! I just wanted you to see how much I love you. Look," I say, and nod my head in the direction of the slaughtered village before us. "I killed all of the people who mocked and tormented and ignored you. Aren't you happy that they won't hurt you anymore?"

It's beautiful; the sun is setting orange, casting palely brown shadows across the pools of shiny-red bodily fluids. There are faces frozen in horror with staring, blank eyes and gaping mouths. They look like pretty little dolls, broken and scattered and painted vibrant shades of crimson with sparkling, gritty sand sprinkled on top.

"Don't you like it? It's a painting. I painted the town red for you."

Well, this is a little bit of a lie. I also slaughtered them because I couldn't let them have you, look at you, touch you, call you names, hurt you. None of them deserve you. You're too pure and soft and lovely for them all, even if you contain the Kyuubi inside of you. I'm not much better, but I could take care of you. If you let me.

"We can have picnics in the graveyard, among all their tombstones. We can swim in the bloody lake in the moonlight, and sing sweet songs of lust and possession. I'll sing them to you, and you can smile and laugh and I can take pictures of you, and then we can print them out and keep them forever."

You shake your head and cry, weak and frightened and unsure. Why are you being this way? I thought you liked me. What happened to the joyous times during the Chuunin exams? Why aren't you smiling? I'm smiling. I'm smiling so broad, because you're here and you're in my grasp and you feel so wonderful that I never want to let you go. We're only twelve years old, but I think I know what love is now. It's this: proximity and protection.

"I'll protect you from the world, Naruto. It can be only you and me and no one else; I'll kill them. I'll kill them all, just for you…"

I stroke your face, leaving trails of glimmering red. You look so beautiful when you're covered in blood. I lick your lips. "Kiss me. Let's become one. I want to merge with you, body and soul. Please, be reasonable. We'll be so perfect together."

I want to crawl inside you, clawing my way into the perfect burrow and sleeping for an eternity. I want to feel you from the inside out, I want to sink my teeth into your flesh and taste your supple, forbidden flavor. But I won't hurt you, no. I will be gentle with you, I promise. But things might get a little rough when I start to grind against you, our bones clashing until our marrows mix together and we become like Siamese twins: inseparable.

You grow quiet. Your eyes flutter closed and you turn your head from me. You've fainted, so I pick you up and carry you, your body lighter than I thought. You're like a little bird, pretty and lightweight and carefree, but caged. I have you caged, right where I want you. I need you to stay; you can never leave. You're my little blond beauty, tan and toned and perfect. And I finally get to have you.

And despite being taken hostage, I think you'll be okay with it over time. You'll be okay with it because I know, deep down inside, you do love me. And part of you loves the gore, too, because aren't you a monster inside just like me…?