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"Excuse me?" did Dave really just ask you that? You search his face for some kind of hint of a joke but all you're met with is a stoic expression that says, 'I'm waiting for an answer, you fucking idiot.'

"Yeah, you know... kinks, fetishes, weird shit that gets you off. Everyone's got 'em whether they want to admit it or not. Like, shit, did you know that Rose is into fucking tentacles? Fuckin' shot in the dark, am I right? And Jade's a god damn furry. I mean, we don't judge but you know, it' ain't exactly normal-- sure as hell ain't MY thing."

"Oh my god, what is your point, Dave?" You have to cut him off or his ramblings will go on forever. It's a little quirk you actually like a lot about him but you just want to not even have this conversation right now, so you have to end it.

"My point, Egbert," He gets up and sits next to you on the couch, his arm snaking around your shoulders. You aren't sure why this makes you nervous, but it does. "Is that I'm sitting here, wondering what the fuck your weird kink could be... and I'm coming up with a blank, so help a brother out. Know what I'm sayin'?"

"So you want to find something else you could use to make fun of me, is that it?"

"I didn't even humor the thought."

"I'm... heistant."

"I'll tell you one of mine."

"One of yours?"

He shrugs his answer so you should just probably give up, now. He's relentless. "Okay, one condition..."


"You first."

He stares at you through his dark shades a moment before leaning back, crossing his arms in mock concentration. "Alright, let's see..." He takes a moment to gather his thoughts, you suspect. "Humor."


"Yeah, like make me laugh and I'll suck your dick."

"That is seriously your answer? That doesn't sound like a serious answer to me."

"Wow, fuck you, yes it does."

"So, you're telling me that if you went to a comedy show, and the guy was really funny and you laughed until your gut hurt, but he was still an old, fat guy, you'd suck his dick?"

"Don't test me, boy."

"That is ridiculous. I'm not telling you mine, then."

"What? Whoa, that's cheating. You can't just dip out of a deal like that. I'm never believing you, again."

"Okay, jeez!"

Dave leans in and nuzzles your nose in a way that you can only describe as ironic and you laugh and push him away. "It only works when it's the one I love making me laugh. You're in big trouble, Egbert." He whispers and you fight back the blush that crawls up your neck and cheeks.

"Haha, jeez..."

"Shit, I'll tell you another one. Always wanted to fool around in the shower."

"The shower?"

"Yeah. Like take a shower together and do shit while in said shower. You don't even have to worry about making a mess because you're already in the bath."

"You've never told me that before..."

"We should totes try it sometime. Okay, your turn. What gets the prudish John Egbert to lose all control of his body?" Dave leans back and rests his head on a fist, propped up by the back of the couch. You are caught in the gaze of a predator and there is nothing you can do about it, but answer.

You fidget with your hands because wow, you never thought you would be having this conversation with anyone, even your boyfriend. But, you figure if anyone should know about the things you like-- your fetishes-- then it might as well be someone you can completely trust with that information. And that person is Dave. You can tell Dave anything.

"I... I guess, if I had to pick something... then, it would probably be... uhm..." You falter and lose all of your confidence. This is a horrible situation. "Uh..."

"Hey, man. Don't be embarrassed. Like I said, no one's gonna judge you."

"But, what if you tell someone like how you told me what Rose and Jade's kinks were? I want to know that you will keep it between the two of us... please."

Dave shrugs and smirks at you. Cocky bastard. "Yeah, sure. It's not like I want anyone else to know, ya dig?"

You purse your lips and wring your hands a little more, slowly building up the power to tell him. You've never told anyone and this is kind of a big deal. But, yeah... It's just Dave. "I've always wanted to, uhm. Okay, you know how I play the piano?"

"Yeah, no shit. What the fuck kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn't even know that about you?"

"Uh, right... Okay, so... I guess, I've always thought it'd be super... uh, hot, if maybe... I was playing the piano while, fooling around..." There, you said it. You peek up at him to see his expression. You're sure he's freaked out or something like that. Anyone would be. But he just looks like he normally does. The conversation then turns to whatever is on TV. You make dinner together and go to sleep at the same time.

Dave is always the big spoon.

Playing the piano is one of the things you really loved about your childhood. If it weren't for those lessons your dad got you when you were 8, you don't know what you would've done. Been bored, probably. Either way, you have this incredible gift of finger, as Dave puts it sometimes, and you indulge in the luxury of piano playing as often as possible which is when you don't have anything else to do and Dave is either busy or napping. This time, he's napping. So you sneak away and quietly close the door and begin playing and lose track of time.

Your fingers glide effortlessly over the keys and it feels right. Just right. You think that there is probably nothing else on this Earth that your fingers can do better than play the piano. You think that if the devil came up form Hell, wanting Dave's soul and the only way to get it back is to play the piano in a contest and beat the devil, you would be able to do it. Some call it arrogance. You'd call it the truth.


Musical notes is what wakes you up from your cozy afternoon nap on the couch. You listen for a while, not wanting to get up and not having to. It's really nice finally living with John. You guys had been together for most of high school and college and moving in was the logical next step. Those were John's words. Not yours. You were just happy to be able to spend more time with him. That's all you really wanted. Didn't matter if you lived in a fucking bush outside of his house. As long as you could see him whenever you wanted.

Hm. Music. It sounds like John's playing, now that you think about it. First, you just thought he was in his room listening to it while he did homework or something. But now that you're more awake, you can totally tell it's him playing. You know his style, his sound. You could pick it out of a medley of every famous composer since the Romantic period and you'd like it the most, too.

Then you remember the talk you had with him the other day and you are on your feet, strolling to the room he keeps his piano in and sneak in. He pauses for a second to say hi and you slip right next to him on the bench, per usual.


"Beethoven." He laughs and continues playing. You get stuck listening for a while before you remember what you came in here to do-- make John feel like he's the only girl in the world. You are going to make his fantasy a reality and knock his god damn loafers off.

You start with a hand on his thigh and he pauses for a nano second before continuing.

Okay, time to step it up a notch. You begin to rub small circles with your fingers and you're pretty sure he missed a note there. He totally did. This is going to be really, really fun.

You retract your hand and John glances at you before asking what the ever-humping christ you think you're doing and you reply with a shrug. He goes back to paying attention to his piano and you get up and walk away, taking off your shirt and then coming back to sit next to him and lean on him.

"Dave, where is your shirt?" He asks, his fingers stay firmly on the keys.

"What are you-- oh, my shirt? Well, shit where did that thing even get to? Crazy things happen, sometimes..." You sigh, dramatically and fling your arm over his shoulders. He just laughs and shakes his head.

"Alright, man. Whatever gets you juicy."


That's when Dave starts rubbing your shoulders in a way that doesn't really feel like 'hey man, I'm comforting you in a non-threatening manner' and more like 'hey man I just want to coax you into doing something you might not originally be in the mood to do.' His other hand wanders and you are kind of glad you decided to wear pajama pants all day because if this is going where you think it's going, then the easier access, the better.

Turns out your recollections are right and he is rubbing your crotch in a way that is, wow, fantastic. You can't seem to stop playing the piano, though. Which is something you've always wanted to happen to you. This gets you hard in an instant and he knows it. His hand is right there, after all.

He starts to rub harder and you let out a groan that you didn't mean to let slip and this gives him confidence to continue, you guess, because he starts to nibble on your ear as his hand slips under the waist band and he's stroking you. Another moan slips out of your mouth and your eyes close. Good thing you have these keys memorized.


Even with the sound of the piano playing, you can hear John's moans and that just excites you more than you thought any of this would.

You place your hand on his hip and move him up and he stands, immediately. The piano is still tinkering away, so you guess he's still playing. Your eyes are more interested in his body than the musical instrument. Sliding on the bench under him, you GRACEFULLY manage to get him to sit on your lap and it's like fireworks explode in front of your eyes because you are seeing lights you didn't know existed. John knows exactly what to do as soon as he makes contact and the grinding is enough to throw you over the edge.


He grunts and misses a note. "What?"

"I want to go the full yaoi with you."

Everything stops and you pant in his ear, wondering what the fuck the deal is.

"If there was anything you could've said to make me go completely flaccid, that was it. You found the secret phrase." You shut him up by biting the lobe of his ear and revel in the satisfaction of getting him to start up the grinding again.

As the rhythm sets in, you notice the music starts to slow down and eventually stops, being replaced with john shuddering and erratically rubbing against you. This drives you crazy and you clench onto his hips and ride the orgasm out until you're both slump over on the piano and John is idly tapping one note a slow speed, waiting for you to catch your breath.

"Fuck, Egbert. You need to tell me about your fetishes more often... Jesus..."

He laughs breathlessly and slowly gets up, smoothing down his shirt before presenting his hand to you which you take and stand up with him. He gives you a coy smile that shoots electricity down your spine and you love it. You love him.

"I'm feeling kind of gross and I bet you are, too. Let's go get cleaned up. It's not fair if we only indulge my fetishes."

Oh hell yes.

Hell fucking yes.