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Where do we go when we walk on light?

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He is thirteen when the flu hits him. He has been ill before but it has never been an issue because his mother has always been there to make him feel better, coming by every break and trying to give him as much care as she could while working herself to an early grave. His dad follows him with sad eyes, watches him twist and whine because he feels horrible, he feels like he’s burning up and like he will die any second.

It’s been two days since it started and he hears his parents talk, hears them say that they have to take him to a doctor and that he will die if they don’t do anything.

On the third day his father doesn’t come home and the guard knocks. They take his mother away to question her and they take one look at him and call a doctor.

When he sees his parents again three days later, the flu that hadn’t been a flu has passed and his father is on his knees begging the chancellor for his life.

He is trying to defend himself, saying that the just did it for his family and for his son and that “It will not happen again now that I know” but no one listens to him.

He watches them float him, the noise of it being the only thing that he hears in his ears and he barely registers the look his mother gives him.

He wishes sometimes that he had noticed it because maybe then her hatred towards him wouldn’t have come as such a surprise.

But he doesn’t and he goes on with his life, trying to forget his father’s pleas and the reason for them.



John Murphy has never liked anything about the Ark if he is being honest with himself – something he doesn’t manage quite that often but something he’s getting better at.

He hated the smell, the noise, the fact that everyone’s future had already been planned for them and the control the privileged had about his life. He loved being on the ground, the freedom, the possibilities. Until everything blew up in his face of course.

But now when he’s thinking back towards the Ark and the mandatory suppression shot they gave him right after his first heat at the age of thirteen, he thinks that maybe… maybe it wasn’t that bad. Of course the questions every six months sucked, but at least he had never had to deal with a heat. Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

“John?” Jaha’s voice is nothing more than a buzzing in his ears, something that irritates him but not enough to actually raise his head.

God damn it, had it really been two months since they had been sent to earth?

“I’m fine,” he murmurs and hopes that Jaha will leave him be.

He stops, his hand pressed to his lower belly where the cramps had been growing stronger each hour. He has only a vague memory of his last heat, the one four years ago and he has absolutely no idea how fast everything will happen. Of course he remembers the lectures, the cramps-two-days, one-day-break, heat-four-days’ timetable but he also knows – has seen it happen once at the camp – how nature will fuck up your body when it’s under stress. So he could be going into a full blown heat right here, under the burning sun with nothing more than sand and death and Jaha around him.

What a beautiful thought.

“Did you get hurt somewhere?” Jaha asks again and Murphy is a second away from punching him in the face and wringing his neck.

He knows that it’s not Jaha’s fault that he can’t smell the beginning of Murphy’s heat just as much as he can’t do anything against his aggressions – something all Omega’s apparently experience right before a heat. He remembers the doctors saying it’s because his instincts want to remove every weak one from the equation until only the strongest Alphas and Betas are left.

Biology really sucks.

Jaha still looks at him like he’s thinking about saying or trying anything stupid or caring – as if Murphy needs someone to care for him, for god’s sake – but he keeps his mouth shut and starts walking again.

“Why are we even going back, if we found what we were looking for?” And got every other person killed in the process.

“Because we have a mission to do, John.”



He’s not sure how long it takes them to cross the dead zone this time – somehow he thinks that it takes them a lot less than on the way to it but maybe that’s just his head being messed up by his hormones – but when they hit forest ground again the cramps have faded to an unpleasant notion in his back. He only has a day before he’ll go into heat and he’s more afraid than ever before in his life. More afraid than when the Hundred had hanged him or when the grounders had taken him prisoner. He had known what to expect then. But now he’s treading in unchartered waters without any help from anyone.

At least Jaha has stopped asking him what is wrong. Maybe it is because he’s getting crazier by the second or maybe he has just learned to mind his own business – doubtful, it’s Jaha after all. Nevertheless Jaha hasn’t been annoying him in a few hours, enough time for Murphy to let his mind wander to what might happen as soon as they get back to the Camp.

He has absolutely no idea how they treat Omegas now and absolutely no interest in finding out. The only thing that makes him actually follow Jaha is the fact that he doesn’t want to think about what would happen to him if he stayed out here.

The camp comes into sight around midday and he’s not sure if it looks different or if he just remembers it different, but Jaha marches straight towards it, not even caring that there might be guards who are ordered to shoot anything that moves.

But Murphy follows him because he knows what he has no other choice and because he hopes that they are going to recognize their former chancellor, even though he’s clothed in rags and as dirty as Murphy in his glorious days with the Hundred. Not that Murphy is that much cleaner, it’s just not a look he’s used to from Jaha. And definitely not a look the sky people are used too.

When there’s movement behind the fence Murphy grips the knife in his pocket. He won’t be able to defend himself with it but he doesn’t have anything else left. Jaha was adamant about them not taking weapons from the City of Light with them. And now Jaha’s warning gaze makes it clear that he’s not supposed to attack their own people.

Even if they shoot him.

“Who’s there?” shouts a voice that Murphy thinks he might remember. It’s definitely not a guard because he has no idea what their voices sound like. Might be one of the Hundred. And if they use the Hundred as guards they must be in deep shit. The adults had been so hell-bent on not letting the children do anything.

“It’s me.” Jaha says and Murphy blinks.

“You should probably-” Jaha raises a hand to cut Murphy off and he thinks that maybe he should use his knife right here to kill the stupid man.

“Thelonious Jaha.”

And now there’s frantic movement behind the fence, people running around, everyone shouting and Murphy feels like he’s going to bang his head against the fence, electricity be damned. He’s just so irritated by everything and his back still aches and he hope that the survivors from the Ark managed to string some suppressions together – he doesn’t think so, the doctor already told him to be careful the last time he had talked to them because they got nothing left.

“Jaha?” A voice calls and Murphy thinks it might be Kane. His assumption proves itself to be right when the gate opens and Kane does stand behind it. Since one of his fears about returning had been that the chancellor was going to throw him into a cell again or give him some kind of punishment Murphy is surprised to see no chancellor’s pin on his chest.

He’s also not sure if he’s happy about that or not. Whoever might have taken over might be worse than Kane.

“Marcus.” Jaha says and Murphy averts his eyes while the two men to the whole manly hugging thing. He shifts uncomfortably on his feet, thinking about just sitting down to relieve some of the pressure on his back – now that he can actually think about that without fear of getting attacked by a grounder or some kind of mutated animal – but decides against it the second Kane notices him.

“And you brought Mr Murphy back.” he says and Murphy doesn’t really like the tone he’s using. He can’t pinpoint what exactly annoys him about it; maybe it’s the fact that Kane is an Alpha, maybe it’s because he doesn’t like him – probably both.

“John has helped me a great deal on my journey to the truth, leave the poor kid alone.”

And now Kane gives him a look like he is responsible for Jaha’s nonsense. Murphy just shrugs and rolls his eyes, making sure that everyone who might watch knows that it’s not his fault and that he has no idea what’s happening.

“Why don’t you tell Abby all about that?” Kane asks and Jaha’s nods enthusiastically. He has already taken a few steps forward when he turns around and takes a look at Murphy.

“We should probably take John with us. I think he might be ill.”

He only managed to raise his hands and open his mouth to protest before Kane has gripped him by the upper arm and dragged him along.

God damn it.



Doctor Griffin takes one look at him and raises her eyebrows. He sees her nostrils flare and her nose crunch and he is thankful for all the dirt on him that nearly overlays his natural scent.

He knows that he probably still smells like Omega going into heat – even though there’s a lot of dirt that he deliberately smeared onto the scent glands on his neck - but he also knows that not a lot of people will be able to smell it. The advantage of having maybe 30 Omegas on the whole Ark, most of them on suppressions to reduce any kind of erratic behaviour on the side of the Alphas and the Omegas – and mostly pairing them up with Betas to lower the risk of multiple pregnancies.

“Would you give us a second.” she demands and only now John notices the chancellors pin on her chest. He doesn’t know the man but he is surprised that Kane gave that much power away to someone like the doctor. Maybe she took it from him, Alphas are known to fight over their properties.

After the two men have left the room she crosses her arms and looks at him like he’s the reason for his problems. Like this might be somehow his own fault. It’s the same way his mother used to look at him, it’s just that the doctor’s eyes aren’t filled with hate.

“You’ve been here before, Mr Murphy.” she says as if she doesn’t remember patching him up after Bellamy punched the crap out of him. As if she doesn’t remember giving him a shot an hour before he got put on the drop ship.

“And your memory seems to be intact.” he answers before he can think better and she nearly bares her teeth at him. It ends with just a snarl but it is enough for him to make himself smaller and he can only just stop himself from apologising.

Stupid, stupid Omega hormones.

“You’re also going into heat.” He opens his mouth but she stops him with a raised hand.

“I know that this doesn’t seem to be bad for you at the moment but what do you think will happen to the Alphas around this camp when they smell you? You’re barely out of the first stage and I can already smell you.”

“I guess I didn’t think we would actually make it here?”

She “tsks”, turns around and calls for her assistant, who enters only a second later.

“Jackson, do you think we got a single room for Mr Murphy here?”

Thankfully she doesn’t mention why and from the look of it the assistant doesn’t seem to realise it himself.

“I’m gonna take a look.”

The doctor smiles at him before turning back to Murphy, her face hardened.

“I would like to go over some facts with you before we send you off.”

Oh dear, no, here it comes.

“Have you been sexually active in your last heat?”

“My last heat was when I was thirteen.”

She gives him another look and he shakes his head.

“Have you been sexually active since your last heat?”

“Meaning?” He could just say no, because he has been behaving good on the Ark about the whole unmated Omegas aren’t allowed to have sex thing and after that nobody knew and he didn’t really feel any kind of attraction to anyone – well, to most people.

“Did you have sexual intercourse since then?” she rephrases. Doctors shouldn’t sound so done with everything, he thinks, but there is some part of him that understands why she’s not happy to put up with him. Most days he can barely put up with himself.


“No mate I guess?”


“What about any potential ones?”

What the fuck was this, a dating show?

“Nope.” he answers, slowly and he’s aware how unsure his voice sounds.

She notices it and sighs.

“I’m just asking because we’ve come across some pretty intense heats in the last few weeks. It’s absolutely no problem for a healthy body to go through a heat but with a body like yours…” Malnourished, thin, underweight and probably dehydrated.

“Are you saying it might kill me?”

“If you ride it out fully and alone, yes.”

“Didn’t you doctors always tell me that this isn’t the dArk ages and that O-people like me don’t die from heats anymore?” This is ridiculous. This is absolutely fucking ridiculous and he doesn’t even know if he should get angry or start to cry hysterically.

“If you haven’t noticed, we are back to the dArk ages.”

The noise that comes out of his mouth is definitely a hysteric laugh.

“So it would be in your best interest to find yourself someone to spend the heat with. No one expects you to enter a bond and we got a few morning after pills left, so that shouldn’t be a problem.”

He’s going to scream any second.



He gets send back outside after the doctor is done and Jackson still hasn’t returned from his search for a room, but there are other more important things – mainly Jaha apparently – that require her attention so he sits down in front of the Ark and hopes that nobody notices him. He might punch the next person who talks to him in the face.

There are some weird looks from Arkers who might recognise him from before he left and he even sees a few of the Hundred – he’s not sure if he should call them something else, because they’re not Hundred anymore, he doesn’t think there’s even half of them left - walk around and some of them even wave at him, which is fucking ridiculous on its own.

But now that they’ve seen him he knows that they will tell Bellamy or ClArke or whoever is in charge now because he doesn’t believe for a second that any one of them would follow any orders from the chancellor, neither Kane nor the doctor.

Maybe he should just run before more people realise that he is back, maybe his chances of staying alive in the wild – while being underweight, dehydrated, mostly unarmed and going into heat in the next 24 hours – are a lot better than here.

They aren’t and he knows it but he also knows that nobody of the Hundred knows what he is because Omegas are rare, because the council has been trying for years to get them more or less extinct to reduce the chance of overpopulation – because he knows from his talk with the doctors back then that Omegas are prone to having twins or even triplets – and the stigma around being an Omega isn’t something he wants to deal with on top of all of the shit that he had done the last time he’d been here.

He’s not afraid that anything might happen to him, he’s self-conscious enough to realise that – okay, maybe there might be some people who would like to hurt him really bad when he can’t defend himself and won’t be able to accuse anyone after it because the laws around Omegas and heats are fucked up and probably a thousand years old.

Maybe the wild is better after all.

He’s a second away from getting up and running for his life when the scent of Alpha hits his nose. It seems like it’s already getting more sensitive with the suppressions out of his system. There’s a big chance that it will get a lot worse and then stay like that if they really don’t have any other kind of medicine.

He clenches his fingers and closes his eyes to calm himself down because the scent of this Alpha does something to his brain. Something that it hadn’t done when he had met the doctor and Kane and for a moment he asks himself why. And then he looks up, directly into Bellamy’s face and he knows why.

Bellamy has always been someone Murphy has accepted as his leader without questioning – until a certain point of course and he did like to push his boundaries. Mbege asked him why once and Murphy had never been able to answer it in a way that Mbege would understand because something that makes sense in an Omega’s head doesn’t have to make sense in a Beta’s head.

God damn it, he really misses Mbege right now.

“So you’re back,” Bellamy says and crosses his arms. Murphy resists the temptation to lower his head because that is what his instincts want him to do. But he also doesn’t get up because with the way Bellamy stands it would put them so close to each other that not even the dirt over his glands would mask his scent. Maybe this way Bellamy won’t smell him and he could ignore Bellamy’s scent.

“I’m back.”

“You left Jaha alone in the desert?” He says it with so much disbelief that Murphy needs a moment to process it.

“You think I wouldn’t do that?” He clenches his hands into fists again when he lifts his head to look Bellamy right in the eyes, which is a bad mistake, because the scent becomes a lot stronger. Maybe he’s just imagining it or maybe he just knows what Bellamy smells like because he would be lying if he didn’t admit that there had always been some kind of attraction towards Bellamy on his side.

“You didn’t drop me off the cliff,” Bellamy states as if that means anything and Murphy scowls at him.

“Doesn’t mean anything.” The look Bellamy gives him is so intense that he does look down for a second and then finally comes out with the truth. “He’s talking to the doctor and Kane.”

“And they left you out here?”

“As if you care about that.”

Again, another look. “That assistant guy is looking for a room for me.”

“Since when do you need a room of your own? Everyone bunks together.”

This time he doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to say it and he doesn’t know how, so he keeps his mouth shut and focuses his eyes somewhere else.

What he hasn’t thought about is that Bellamy might be more interested in what’s going on that he originally thought so he is utterly unprepared for the face that appears right in front of him when Bellamy crouches down.

What he’s also unprepared for is the strong Alpha scent that hits him.

And with the speed Bellamy’s pupils dilate he knows that his own scent isn’t much better.

“What the fuck.” Bellamy says and reaches out with a hand. He gets thrown back by Murphy, who pushes him back with a kick against his knees.

Murphy watches as Bellamy falls down on the ground, not even trying to land on his hands so that his clothes don’t get any dirtier than they already are, his eyes focusing on Murphy.

“Murphy, where the hell-“ It’s Jacksons voice that’s coming through the buzzing in his ears as he walks out of the Ark, apparently looking for him but stopping when he sees both of them.

“Everything okay?” Jacksons asks and he manages to nod, his eyes not leaving Bellamy in case he starts saying something about him that he shouldn’t. Something loud, something that nobody should hear.

“Everything’s fine. We’re done here.” He’s not done. He might have to kill Bellamy if he opens his stupid mouth and starts talking about stuff he shouldn’t talk about.

“Well, I found a room for you,” Jackson starts and Murphy looks away from Bellamy. Somehow Jackson looks a bit nervous. “It took me a bit longer because I was also looking for Bellamy, so… you should probably both come with me.”

Murphy blinks. Then looks from Jackson to Bellamy, back to Jackson, back to Bellamy.

Oh hell no.



“No,” is the first thing he says after Jackson drags him by the arm inside the Ark and Bellamy follows confused but with his eyes never leaving Murphy. He isn’t sure if Bellamy might be having an existential crisis because he is an Omega or if this has something to do with the heat. Probably both.

The adults are all there. The doctor – standing by the examination table, Kane – sitting on it, and Jaha – who looks a bit wound up but not worse than before which is a general improvement – and they are all looking at him.

“If you think that I’m going to agree with this than you can all go fuck yourselves.”

Jaha smiles at him like he always smiles at him when Murphy has said something he deems amusing but both the doctor and Kane look at him with disapproval.

“If you would let us explain, Mr Murphy,” the doctor starts. “Then you would know that Jackson found you a room that’s perfect for everything to come. It was originally chosen for another Omega.” Murphy flinches and he sees Bellamy straightening himself up. Another Omega, probably his stupid sister.

“But now that she’s … not in need of it anymore,” This time Bellamy flinches. “We think that Mr Blake will probably be so kind as to let you stay there for the next week.”

Everyone looks at Bellamy who’s got a pained expression on his face.

“Sure he can stay there, I can crash in Octavia’s and Lincoln’s room.”

The adults turn their heads to each other again, seemingly communicating without saying anything. God damn it, he hates adults.

“If it’s not too much of a bother we would like you to stay there.”

It takes him a second.

It takes Bellamy a second.

Jaha looks away.

Kane puts his feet on the ground as if they’re going to attack him.

The doctor looks at them.

“Are you fucking kidding me?!”

“I’m not sure I understand?”

He gasps for air, not believing his ears because this is some fucked up shit and he can’t even comprehend what exactly they’re saying.

“Guys.” Kane says when they’re both opening their mouths again. He’s not as threatening as the doctor but Murphy is a little bit more afraid of him than he is of her so he shuts his mouth and hopes that Bellamy will object. But Bellamy just looks at Kane like they have some kind of special bond, like they suddenly started liking each other in the time Murphy has been away.

“We already explained to Mr Murphy that going through a heat alone might kill him. We told him that he would need to choose someone he could rely in, should the need arise but he’s been difficult.” She explains and Murphy bares his teeth at her.

“He’s always difficult,” Bellamy states and moves his weight to another foot, positioning himself a little bit in front of Murphy. A few hours later Murphy might have swooned. Now he just nods.

“That doesn’t mean that you have to pimp him out because he’s not thinking this through and doesn’t trust any of us.”

He nods again, even though he’s pretty sure that there had been an insult somewhere in there.

“So you want him to die from his own stupidity?” Kane says and Murphy opens his mouth to say something really hurtful back, but can’t because Bellamy has put a hand on his mouth to stop him from speaking. Asshole. He should just bite him.

“I don’t think you should be the ones deciding this. And especially not like this, seriously,” Bellamy looks to Jaha. “You spent time with him, you know how he is.”

He does bite Bellamy in the hand because now Bellamy definitely insulted him. His teeth sink into Bellamy’s palm and Bellamy looks to him and gives him one of those looks, the looks that had made him want to fall to his knees even when he hadn’t been able to feel anything because of all the suppressions.

He bites down harder, but Bellamy doesn’t let go.

“So what do you want us to do? We’re not gonna let him die.” Says Jaha and Bellamy sighs.

“Ask him if this is okay? I mean I’m the last person he probably wants to do this with, so seriously, just ask him.”

He takes his hand away and Murphy proudly notices the bites marks on his palm. But as soon as he can speak again, everyone is looking at him.
“So, Mr Murphy what’s it gonna be?” Asks the doctor and Murphy just stares at her.

Then he opens his mouth.



“I can’t believe I actually said yes.” He says, probably for the tenth time. Bellamy makes a non-committal noise besides him as he leads them through the remnants of the Ark towards the room that was originally Octavia’s but that he’s now occupying. It’s far down the wreck and he gets why they choose it. There’s mostly destroyed rooms and a few machinery things there so the chance of people actually coming here is probably a lot smaller than with every other room.

Bellamy hasn’t said anything since Murphy had blurted out his very confused “okay”. He’s pretty sure that he could blame it on the hormones that are slowly clouding his mind, even though he did learn in biology that the cliché of the mindless Omega is mostly not true.

They hadn’t waited for anymore of the doctor’s lectures and just left the room. Which means that Murphy had turned around as fast as he could and Bellamy had gripped him on the neck at some point to stir him in the right direction.

When they reach the room Bellamy opens it and goes inside without waiting for Murphy to follow him.

He does follow though.

The room isn’t that big, but it has a mattress laying on the floor that’s big enough for more than one person, a lot of blankets and, when he looks towards the right, its own bathroom. Of course if this was a room thought for an Omega who might have to spend nearly a week in it, it was probably smarter to give them such a room.

“You can stay here tonight, I’m gonna ask Octavia for a place.” Bellamy says and his voice sounds so defeated Murphy actually feels so bad about making him leave that he makes a step towards Bellamy.

“Heat’s not gonna start until tomorrow afternoon I guess. You don’t have to leave tonight.” It sounds stupid, it sounds pathetic and it does sound like something Murphy doesn’t wants it to say. “Could be a bit short notice for them?” he adds and Bellamy sighs.

Murphy watches as he sits down on the mattress and buries his head in his hands.

Wonderful. He’s been here for half a day and he already managed to piss Bellamy off. If he manages to find Clarke and do the same to her this might be a new record for him.

“I’m not angry at you.” Bellamy says, his voice muffled between his hands.

“Okay,” he answers slowly and shifts from one foot to another.

“Screw that, I am angry at you,” Bellamy raises his head and Murphy feels naked under his stern look. He should probably run. “Why the hell didn’t you tell me?”

Oh god damn it. Not this one. “Tell you what?” He tries to come off as innocent but not a single muscles moves in Bellamy’s face.

He sighs. “Didn’t seem important. I didn’t think I would live long enough for it to matter.”

Bellamy nods, his dark curls bouncing on his head. Murphy has always been oddly fascinated by them.

“Who knew?”

“Nobody.” The answer comes to fast and Bellamy raises one eyebrow. “Mbege,” he adds because it’s true. No one besides Mbege had known.

“Well,” Bellamy makes. He opens his mouth, then closes it again. It’s obvious to Murphy that he hasn’t any idea what to say about this.

“I don’t need you for this.” It bursts out of Murphy and he knows that it comes off a lot ruder than he wants it too, but he doesn’t have it in him to think about something that sounds nice.

“They’re making a fuss about this, I’ll be fine.” At least he hopes so.

But Bellamy nods and grins at him. He seems to think that Murphy is actually capable of knowing what’s going on in his body.

“I didn’t expect anything else.”

Thank god. Not that he actually thought Bellamy wants to do this but it is nice to get confirmation.

“So I guess I stay here tonight and then crash at Octavia’s?”

Murphy nods.

“And I’ll take a look at you twice a day and if it’s too bad and you think your body might give up on you…” Bellamy leaves the end open but they both know what he means.

He nods, not wanting to think too much about it. He already knows that he won’t be able to stop thinking about it as soon as his heat starts.

Bellamy nods and they both look awkwardly at each other before Bellamy gets back up.

“Stay here for the rest of the day, get a shower, for god’s sake. I’m gonna find some food and water for the next days after work.”

His getaway is as abrupt as Murphy would have guessed but he doesn’t expect anything else. It’s not like they actually like each other.

“I’ll try not to miss you too much,” he says and Bellamy actually grins at him honestly for the first time.

“Shut up, Murphy.”



The shower makes him feel like a completely new person but also makes him a lot more aware of how much he already smells like heat – he has actually never smelled it on the Ark before but he spent enough time in that grounder village to have smelled it and it has burned itself into his brain.

He thinks about putting his clothes back on but they’re sandy and dirty, so he pulls a pair of trousers out of his bag that he had stolen at the City of Light – they’re not completely clean because he had them in his bag with all the other stuff but they smells a lot cleaner than everything else he owns. He puts his shirt back on because he hasn’t got anything else and he doesn’t feel comfortable sleeping around Bellamy with practically nothing on.

He should probably start to think about other things, if the doctor has been right and certain measures will have to be taken but at the moment, when he still has the luxury, he is totally okay with pretending that everything is okay.

He falls down on the bed without a second thought, rolling himself in a tiny ball at the edge of the mattress and falls asleep before he has even pulled a blanket over himself.

He thinks that he wakes up when Bellamy comes back hours later, depositing some stuff on the floor and looking at his dirty clothes and sighing again. He thinks he leaves again and he doesn’t know why because it feels pretty late, but he comes back after a few minutes and Murphy hears his boots fall on the floor and the mattress move under Bellamy’s weight.

He falls back asleep with the scent of Alpha in his nose and he feels kind of okay.



He definitely does not feel okay when he wakes up after what feels like a whole day that he slept, his legs tangled in the blankets, one of his hands buried in his trouser leg.

Bellamy’s breath is hot on his face and he realises that they have moved closer to each other during their sleep.

He also notices that he’s so incredibly warm that he thinks he might be ill. Warm. Hot. God damn it.

It’s the same feeling as back then just multiplied by a dozen, with heat pooling between his legs and his nose being filled with Alpha scent.

Sleeping with Bellamy in a room had been a fucking terrible idea.

If this would be one of those horrible romance novels Mbege used to tell him so much about, they would have started hugging and cuddling and possibly even grinding in their sleep. But this is reality and the second Bellamy opens his eyes and realises how close they are lying to each other, he props himself up on one arm, leaving Murphy – who doesn’t dare to move – awkwardly starring at his arm.

“Sorry.” Bellamy murmurs and Murphy looks up to his face. The heat in his gut makes him uncomfortable and he resists the urge to squirm to get something, to feel something.

“Nothing happened,” he says and shrugs, even though his mind is working fast on telling him what exactly could happen if he would like that. And god damn it would he like that. He feels like he’s burning up inside, his skin itches and his ass feels very weird.
He knows what’s happening, knows that his heat came earlier than it should have – they can’t have slept more than a few hours – and that this is not even the worst of it.

Bellamy nods and seems to be thinking for a moment – a moment Murphy takes to stare at his Adam’s apple as he swallows, god damn it, what is happening – and then he gets up slowly.

Murphy follows him with his eyes, trying to look away when Bellamy puts his boots on and grabs his jacket.

“I’m gonna go… I took away your things to be washed so… they’re not missing.”

Murphy nods with his lips pressed together and Bellamy leaves.

It’s so awkward he can’t believe this is happening to him. He’s never been awkward. He is an asshole and he knows that he tries to compensate his social status with horrible behaviour – he had always been going for the Beta with a horrible attitude aka Alpha-complex and it has always been the reason why people didn’t look close enough – but he has never been awkward.

He also hasn’t been attracted to anyone before – not like this at least, with his hormones going wild – and he definitely hasn’t been attracted to anyone who he has tried to kill and who has tried to kill him more than once.

He rolls on his back, arms over his eyes and tries not to scream because his life sucks even more than usual and he doesn’t think it will get better.

Especially not with the prospect of actually having to go through a heat in sight. Probably not alone. With someone he once really liked, still finds very attractive and kind of hates more than anyone else.



He falls back asleep because it really has been a long time since he has been able to sleep in a relatively save space – because even though the City of Light had been awesome at first sight, he hadn’t been able to sleep there.

He has absolutely no idea how late it is when he wakes up again but his throat feels dry and he sits up to reach for the water bottle that Bellamy has left him.

He drinks in big gulps, probably too big for his body because they had been short on water the whole way but after it he feels so much better and for a second it even makes him forget the sweat on his skin and the clothes that stick to his body and the wetness between his thighs.

If he had thought that it had been weird earlier he had been so wrong because now he feels it every time he moves his thighs and it makes him feel weird and vulnerable and he really wants it to stop.

His dick doesn’t want that, obviously, because it’s hard and pressing against the inside of his trousers like Murphy doesn’t have enough problems already.

He lets himself fall back on the bed and calms his breathing as much as he can. He remembers what the doctors said about this. If he is calm and collected it won’t be as bad, because if he’s afraid and nervous his body will think that he’s in a dangerous environment and it will try everything to get him out of that safe – meaning his heat will come on faster because Omegas in heat don’t get killed, they just get fucked.

He has absolutely no idea if it works because it’s not like he has anything to compare it too, but he must be doing something right because he lies on the bed for the better part of the day – or he thinks so, he has lost absolutely every little bit of sense of time – and so far he hasn’t banged against the door and begged someone to let him out and fuck him.

Which is kind of what he always expected when he got the nice talk from the nice doctors.

But this actually feels nice. He’s hot, he’s sweaty and he’s really horny but it’s not uncomfortable, now that he thinks about it.

He’s got his hand lying on his stomach, just above the waistline and he tries to remember if the doctors ever said anything about getting off making it better or worse but he can’t remember anything like that. They probably never talked about it.

And his erection was actually something that was getting a little bit uncomfortable.

He pops the buttons of his trousers open, thinking for a second of undressing completely because he thinks that they might be sticking to the back of his thighs but decides against it. He has no idea when Bellamy will be back and he really doesn’t want him to catch him jerking off.

Or maybe he does.

And now that the thought has entered his mind, he can’t seem to stop it.

As his hand sneaks into his trousers and grabs his dick he thinks about Bellamy coming in, probably freezing at the door, watching him move his hand up and down. He would see what was happening because Murphy wouldn’t wear any clothes and his thighs would be wet from the slick dripping down, showing how ready he was, how much he needed it.

He throws his head back on the mattress and closes his eyes, while his hand works faster on his dick and he imagines the look on Bellamy’s face, when he watches him. He doesn’t really know what he wants fantasy!Bellamy to do and he’s not someone who gets off on being watched but right now in his imagination Bellamy is closing the door behind him and leaning against it and it is the most amazing thing ever and he bites down on his lip when he comes.

Well, that was fast. Stupid heat.

He opens his eyes, breathing uneven and his free hand shaking and he looks up just to see that Bellamy is not standing in the door which he is really grateful for. There’s a difference between fantasy and reality and this one he doesn’t really want to cross at this point.

He moves his hand out of his trousers and wipes the come off on the jeans – he expects there to be a lot more before his heat ends – before closing them again and just lying there on the mattress.

He’s never felt so relaxed after an orgasm but now that his body can’t think about anything else and doesn’t want anything else it’s probably logical that it makes him feel like he really needs that feeling again.

So far it’s not that bad.



It gets bad.

He had thought that he had been burning up a few hours ago.

He can’t even compare what he feels now to then.

His hands shake, his skin feels like he needs to scratch it off, his hairline is coated in sweat.

His mouth feels like he’s in the dead zone again and hasn’t had water in days and when he tries to grab the water canister with his hand he has to move forward on the mattress and his pelvis cramps.

He hadn’t even known that that was possible, but apparently there are a lot of muscles in there because it doesn’t stop and the only thing he can do is pull his legs up to his body.

The pain doesn’t stop and it’s not the most comfortable position he could have changed into. But he doesn’t know what else to do, because he’s burning up, his body is hurting like hell and there is some part in him that knows that he’s only feeling like this because he’s so empty and it would just go away if there was something, if there was someone…

But no one is here and he is all alone.

He rolls himself tighter together, giving up on reaching the water any time soon and hopes that the feeling will pass soon.



It doesn’t.

Murphy has absolutely no idea how long he lies there, but by the time he hears any sound otherthan his own pathetic whimpering his whole body is coated in sweat, and the slick leaking out of him has soaked through his trousers.

He hears a voice calling after him but moving hurts like hell so he doesn’t look up, doesn’t open his mouth.

Someone approaches him fast and sinks down next to him and pries his hands away from his face. He expects the touch on his skin to hurt, like it hurts when his trousers and the mattress move against it. He expects himself to start crying because he knows that he is only about a second away from it but the touch…

He can’t describe it, his brain is too fogged for that but it feels calming, it feels soothing, like someone else touching him is everything his body needed.

This was what the doctor had meant.

He looks up, right into Bellamy’s face. Bellamy who looks at him like he’s actually afraid that something might happen to him, like he actually cares.

He drowns in the freckles on Bellamy’s skin, when his hand touches his face. Murphy opens his mouth without hesitation when Bellamy pushed a thumb against it and past his lips but his eyebrows draw together in confusion when the thumb leaves his mouth again and Bellamy leans away from him. He wants to go after him, to lean into him again, to smell him again, but one of Bellamy’s hands is on his shoulder and holding him down with little force. Not that he would have tried to struggle against him because right at this moment Bellamy being here – and holding him down – feels so right.

He doesn’t have to be a doctor to realise that his body is reacting to Bellamy’s Alpha scent, to his presence. He feels wet between his legs and he feels his hands clench in the bed sheet but before he can do anything Bellamy is right back in his face and he’s pulling Murphy up into a position that he wouldn’t be able to hold if it weren’t for Bellamy’s arm against his back. Nevertheless he grabs Bellamy’s jacket with one hand because he needs to be secured and he needs to touch him.

The water container gets pressed against his lips and he opens his mouth because he knows that he needs water. He doesn’t get more than two gulps before Bellamy pulls it away and he whines – actually whines – because he needs more.

His throat feels on fire and the little bit of water has only helped to make him thirstier.

“Give it a second. You’ll get more.” Bellamy voice is deep and rough, like he hasn’t been drinking either and when Murphy looks up to him he can see that Bellamy’s pupils are dilated and that he swallows every few seconds.

The water returns and this time he tries to control himself but he knows that he fails miserably because it’s gone again soon.

His stomach feels like he might vomit soon and his skin, his skin really hurts.

“Murphy?” He blinks and realises that water is running down his chin because he hadn’t noticed that there was more. He opens his mouth again and more comes but he feels like he is losing more and more focus.

Bellamy puts the water down and grabs his neck with one hand. It should freak him out because Bellamy and his neck isn’t a good combination but the two fingers that are touching him are cold against his skin and he could kill to get more of that feeling.

“Fuck, your heart is beating very fast.” Then the fingers are in his face and opening his eyes and Bellamy curses.

“This isn’t good, Murphy.” Murphy can’t react. The water has helped him and he doesn’t feel like he’s going to die anymore but he knows it’s only because of Bellamy’s presence. Because his body knows what this should mean even if Bellamy isn’t going to do anything. Because he’s noble, he’s a hero and he will not give Murphy’s body what he wants.

Bellamy slaps him.

It should scare the shit out of him because Bellamy hitting him has always been accompanied by a lot of other pain. And it does scare him, hell does it scare him, because he realises how lost he has been in his own mind and how he had been slipping away faster and faster.

“Murphy?” Bellamy asks and he nods.

“Fine,” he manages to croak and Bellamy raises his eyebrows. He’s not fine. He’s only a moment away from falling back and pulling Bellamy with him, over him, begging him to fuck him.

“I think this is what the Chancellor was talking about,” Bellamy says and Murphy nods and forces himself to listen. He feels like he might be slipping away again.

“I’m gonna go to her. And ask if there’s something we can do.” Something that’s not fucking. Because it’s not right and they both don’t want it. Like Murphy isn’t wet between his legs and like he can’t see Bellamy’s cock straining against his jeans.

But he presses out a “Good idea, thanks.” And Bellamy smiles at him and lowers him back on the ground. When he tries to get up though, Murphy can’t bring himself to let go off his jacket.

He wants to apologise for it because this is really inappropriate but Bellamy just huffs and closes his eyes with a pained look on his face, before slipping out of the jacket one arm at a time and leaving it with Murphy.

“I’ll be back in five.” Bellamy is up and running before Murphy can say anything back and then he’s out of the door.

Murphy isn’t sure if he’s imagining this but he thinks Bellamy might curse outside the door. He grips the jacket tighter. Now that Bellamy is out of the room it doesn’t smell as much of Alpha as before but the jacket, the jacket smells so good. It smells like he might get everything that he wants soon and he thinks that he could even get himself off if he wanted, the jacket pressed to his nose.

He would do it if he didn’t know that Bellamy would be back soon.



Bellamy takes forever. At least it feels like it has been forever when the door opens again and Bellamy steps in.

At least Murphy thinks it is Bellamy because he can’t see anything. He’s got Bellamy’s jacket over his face, breathing in the rich dark scent of Alpha. It’s the only thing that stops him from shoving his trousers down here and now and shoving four fingers up his ass and that’s really not something he needs Bellamy to see. Even though he would actually really like Bellamy to see it.

His mind feels a lot clearer now that his body thinks he might get fucked soon so when he peeks out from under the jacket he recognises the worried look on Bellamy’s face.

“What?” His throat still feels sore but he actually managed to drink water on his own so he doesn’t think a lot about it.

“I talked to the Chancellor.” Bellamy says as he comes slowly closer. It’s weird because he’s looking directly at Murphy and their eyes don’t lose each other when he steps closer and comes to halt directly in front of the mattress.

Murphy moves back a bit to let him sit down and Bellamy’s hand seems to reach out for a second.

He sits down and Murphy pushed the jacket towards him. It doesn’t feel right to smell it now that Bellamy is back. Especially not so because Bellamy seems to be radiating pheromones.

“What’d she say,” He doesn’t ask because he knows what she said because they both know what she would say if she was asked again but having another confirmation does feel right.

“The only way to stop it is… mating.” Murphy smiles because Bellamy has never been shy about cursing in front of him. “Your body will work itself into overdrive and give out under you before the heat is over.” He knows that, they both know that.

But apparently Bellamy has to hear and say it again. He’s trying to convince himself to do it, Murphy realises. Bellamy is an Alpha next to an Omega in heat and his instincts are probably telling him to go for it but his brain, the part that doesn’t like Murphy, tells him that it’s not a good idea.

It actually hurts.

“I can find someone… else if you’re not up for that.” He loses his voice at every other word and he clears his throat before pushing himself up in a sitting position. If Bellamy doesn’t want to fuck him he’ll find someone else. Hell, there are enough Alphas here and what does he cares if one of them will only fuck him to hurt him? He has been tortured by the grounders before.

“Just help me up and I’ll find someone.”

Before he has finished the sentence he finds himself on his back, Bellamy’s hands pushing uncomfortably against his shoulders and his face only inches away from his own.

“Don’t you dare.” Bellamy says and Murphy smirks. Bellamy is so close that his scent fills Murphy’s nose and he can only just restrain himself from leaning up and burying his nose in Bellamy’s neck.

“I’m not gonna die because you won’t let another Alpha fuck me, Bellamy.” he says and he’s surprised how bitter his voice sounds.

Bellamy’s fingers clench around his shoulder, and Murphy hisses and grips them with his own hands. It’s fucking confusing because he knows that he shouldn’t like this but his body is responding, going lax under the weight Bellamy uses to hold him down.

“So if you won’t fuck me” he continues because thinking about what he is saying has never been his strong suit and maybe it’ll get him some kind of response.

And it does, because when he begins talking again Bellamy’s lips press against his.

At first he’s rigid, then he gets angry and he bites down on Bellamy’s lip, who only growls at him. Maybe it’s that, maybe it’s the kiss, maybe it is just the heat that’s killing him slowly but he raises one hand to Bellamy’s neck and pulls him down further and opens his mouth to deepen the kiss.

He has never kissed anyone before and he’s not sure if he likes it or if he’s any good at it but he can’t seem to stop when Bellamy’s tongue slips inside his mouth.

He moans and buries his other hand in Bellamy’s hair.

Bellamy doesn’t break the kiss when he moves, climbing on the mattress, his body directly above Murphy’s. Murphy opens his legs for him without even thinking about it and suddenly they’re so close that he feels Bellamy’s hips against the inside of his thighs.

He can’t seem to control himself because he bucks his hips up to get anything because he needs something and Bellamy puts one hand on his hip to hold him down. His thumb presses against the scent glands at his hip, slowly massaging them and the scent of Omega gets heavier.

The whine that comes out of his mouth is as pathetic as it is necessary because the kiss ends and Bellamy’s forehead sinks against his.

He’s trying to catch his breath, feeling Bellamy’s own against his lips and he really wants to do that again, because kissing is amazing and can probably lead to something else.

“So I guess you do want to fuck me?” The smirk steals itself on his face on its own volition again and he hears Bellamy chuckle.

“It’s not that.” Bellamy says and the smirk freezes on his face. So this is about Bellamy not wanting him is it? The kiss and the hard cock pushing against his own say something else but maybe Bellamy is as much his body’s slave as Murphy.

But then he actually looks at Bellamy’s face and the look is… torn.

“If you’re having some moral issues with this you can go fuck yourself.”

Bellamy huffs.

“No seriously, you think I would have slept in your room or even stayed anywhere near the camp if I wouldn’t have been okay with this?”

Bellamy pauses above him and just as he has said it out loud Murphy realises that it’s true. He hadn’t even tried to escape when they had told him what would have to happen. He had accepted it because it was Bellamy and some really fucked up part of him trusts him.

Bellamy seems to search for a sign that he is lying but when Murphy just looks him right in the eyes a smile creeps on his face.

And then they’re kissing again.

It’s frantic, to be honest. Open mouths, Bellamy’s tongue pushing into his mouth and their teeth clashing against each other – which should feel weird but Murphy feels himself getting dizzy again and knows that his body is just ready to go with the program.

Bellamy grips one of Murphy’s thighs with one hand and pulls it up to press their hips – and their crotches – closer together. His mouth latches onto Murphy’s neck just under the scent glands and he can’t stop the moan that comes out of his mouth.

He buries his fingers in Bellamy’s shirt and wraps the leg Bellamy is already holding tighter around Bellamy’s hip. He bucks his hips up again just as Bellamy grinds his own down and Bellamy pants against his neck. For a second there’s a hint of teeth scrapping over his skin and even though his brain can’t register much else than yes, please, now, a sudden grip of fear settles over his clouded thoughts.

He whines and tries to move his head away in the same moment as Bellamy pulls his mouth away.

“Fuck, Murphy, I’m…” Bellamy’s voice is rough and strained, his expression showing how much he doesn’t want that to happen, and Murphy calms down. Of course his body wants Bellamy to bite down, to claim him, to mark him, to show everyone that he has a good Alpha that will knock him up good, but he can’t think of anything he would like less in this moment. Maybe to stay completely alone and die but he’s not sure what he would choose if someone were to give him that choice.

“Just…” He starts and Bellamy nods. They both know that this shouldn’t happen and they both don’t want it to happen, so it’s not an issue.

They stay like that for a about a minute, starring at each other, their faces about half a meter away from each other until Murphy has enough because he needs it and he needs it now.

He sits up and Bellamy moves back, brows drawn together in confusion. The shirt he’s wearing is so worn and ripped that he could just rip it off but he pulls it over his head as good as he can, which isn’t that good considering the position he’s in, so he doesn’t protest when he feels Bellamy’s hands on him. The shirt is gone soon and he pulls on Bellamy’s own.

Soon they’re pressed together again, Bellamy’s mouth on his collar bone, his hands at Bellamy’s belt. He’s pulling it open and pulls the zipper down without thinking. Bellamy groans against his skin and Murphy bites his lip.

He hadn’t actually thought about what else to do, but now he slips his hand inside Bellamy’s pants and grips his cock with one hand.

“Murphy.” Bellamy moans and Murphy isn’t sure what Bellamy wants to say with that exactly but he honestly doesn’t care. What he does care about is having sex and stroking Bellamy’s cock is definitely going to help him with that. He’s almost completely hard, pre-come wetting the head and Murphy can’t wait to get it inside him.

He uses his other hand to tear at Bellamy’s pants, to get him to take them off and Bellamy follows his silent plea after a few moment of biting and licking against Murphy’s skin.

Bellamy’s pants, as well as his boots and socks land on the floor and Murphy has his fingers at his own fly, when Bellamy’s fingers grab the waistline and just tear it down.

Murphy can’t even say anything about how he’ll need those back, can’t even be embarrassed about how they cling to his ass and the back of his thighs because the cool air feels so good against his skin and then Bellamy is back between his legs, pressing against him, skin against skin.

Bellamy’s cock is hard against his own, pressing against his hip and Murphy hears himself whine because he can’t do this anymore, he has to do something.

He uses every bit of strength he has and turns them around, with Bellamy on his back and his own knees on both sides of Bellamy’s hips.

There’s a snarl on Bellamy’s face, his Alpha nature not liking this change of plans but when Murphy puts one of his hands on his neck, massaging his scent glands with his thumb and bends down to kiss him, he doesn’t do anything to change their position.

The doctors have always said that he would know what to do in this moment, that his body would just take what it wants but if he’s being honest with himself he has absolutely no idea how to proceed – he knows the technicalities of course but he also knows that he’s in no way ready to take Bellamy’s cock.

Bellamy seems to be thinking the same thing because one of his hands settles on Murphy’s ass, lying there like he’s waiting for Murphy to say anything. Like Murphy isn’t too busy biting at his lips.

He knows that he could do this himself, that he could open himself up for Bellamy, because he had to do that in front of the doctors who marked it down as one of their sex-ed things. Of course he has touched himself before but there is some part inside of him that wants Bellamy to do this. Unable to explain this to himself or anyone else he moves his hips down grinding against Bellamy whose hand tightens on his ass.

He hears the warning growl but ignores it because this is good, it gives him friction and it feels really nice. He yelps when Bellamy hand slaps his cheek and stops.

“Stop it.” Bellamy says.

“Then do something,” he answers and then Bellamy leans up and Murphy leans down. He grips Bellamy’s jaw with both hands, surprised how hot his skin feels against Bellamy’s and pushes his tongue into Bellamy’s mouth.

He knows that he’s doing all of these things they said he shouldn’t but he can’t seem to control himself because right now this is what seems logical, and then Bellamy is sitting up and Murphy is balancing himself on his thighs. He’s a second away from pushing Bellamy down again, just to rile him but then Bellamy’s finger move.

He stills completely when he feels Bellamy’s hand move between his cheeks, and he should probably feel embarrassed about how wet he is, but honestly? The thought and the feeling alone make him feel like there will be even more slick in a second.

Which is good. The more the better.

“Relax.” Bellamy’s voice is low against his lips and his free hand tangles itself into Murphy’s hair and starts massaging his scalp.

The first finger feels weird, foreign, but it doesn’t hurt and the pressure is actually kind of nice. Bellamy is slow, slower than Murphy would probably be – he is the one in heat after all and he really needs this – but he is still grateful for it.

Murphy is so wet that it doesn’t take Bellamy long to add a second finger. He’s writhing by the time he does it and when Bellamy scissors them he buries his fingers in Bellamy’s skin. He’s got one wrapped around his neck and the other one lying on the arm that is still massaging his scalp and then Bellamy touches something inside him and he digs his fingers in so deep that Bellamy hisses.

But he doesn’t stop moving his fingers in and out, making the nerve endings in Murphy’s body react with every single movement and soon Murphy is panting against Bellamy’s neck.

He’s moving back and forth, towards those fingers and towards Bellamy’s hip because the additional friction might take him over the edge.

And then Bellamy adds a third finger and Murphy half expects it to be too much but it’s not and he whines and Bellamy has to grip his hips to keep him still.

He’s feels so hot and he really needs Bellamy to fuck him right now.

He must have said it out loud because Bellamy stops scissoring his fingers and Murphy opens his eyes to look at his face. His brows are drawn together, like he is trying to stop himself from doing exactly what Murphy wants, even though there’s sweat glistening on his skin and he’s panting nearly as hard as Murphy is.

“You’re not ready.” Bellamy says and Murphy nearly laughs. How much more ready is he going to get?

“Let’s find out,” he challenges Bellamy, but Bellamy just gives him a look like he’s being ridiculous. Then he kisses him again – probably just to shut him up - and thankfully starts moving his fingers again.

It’s not enough – how the hell can it be not enough? – and then Murphy remembers something that the doctors had told him back then.

He drops one of his hands down to his dick and grips it without much finesse – he’s hard, he needs it, and Bellamy is stimulating his prostate with every other movement so what the hell – and starts jerking off.

For a second he’s thinking about gripping Bellamy’s cock too but he’s been on edge for hours and with the additional stimulation he’s coming embarrassingly fast.

He moans into Bellamy’s mouth when he comes and Bellamy’s grip around his hip becomes bruisingly hard.

But then it’s done and he finds himself on his back, pliant and relaxed and Bellamy is looming over him, still kissing him but pushing his legs further apart. Murphy wraps them around Bellamy’s hips and digs one of his hands into Bellamy’s back.

They’re still kissing so he can’t see what’s happening but he can imagine that Bellamy grips his cock to guide it and then he feels the blunt pressure of Bellamy’s cock against his opening and it pushes right in.

Murphy has to stop the kiss at that moment because it seems like he can’t breathe and he whines and tightens his legs around Bellamy’s hips.

It doesn’t feel like too much like he feared it would, and it doesn’t feel wrong, it feels right and good and he needs more of that feeling.

When he's pushed as far inside as he can, Bellamy lets his head fall down on the mattress next to Murphy’s. They’re both staying like this for a few moments but then it’s enough. He has gotten used to it and now he needs Bellamy to move, god damn it.

He uses one of his legs to kick Bellamy and bucks his hips up. It seems to work because Bellamy raises his head, takes one look at him and lifts himself up on his elbows. He looks at Murphy with something that could be describes as fondness and despite being a little bit irritated he feels himself smiling back.

“Come on,” he whines and Bellamy kisses him again. It probably shouldn’t be such a chaste kiss considering that Bellamy is balls deep in him, but then Bellamy starts to move and the pleasant pressure becomes something else entirely.

It feels like too much. It feels like not enough.

He feels like he can’t breathe every time Bellamy pushes back in and like he’s dying without that feeling when he is pulling out.

His cock is hard again, lying against his stomach and Murphy would do something about it, would it not be for how close he and Bellamy are pressed together, and how much he really doesn’t want to move his hands because he is hanging onto Bellamy like a lifeline or if the feeling of Bellamy pushing his cock deep inside him weren’t enough. He thinks he could come untouched – if that’s a thing, he has absolutely no idea actually – and he realises that this is what all the fuss about being an Omega is all about.

Because in this moment he doesn’t need anything more than the steady rhythm of Bellamy above and inside him to exist. If he were to die right now, it would be okay, he realises and he can’t even believe that he’s thinking something so stupid, but then Bellamy grips the bed sheet with one hand and makes a noise that makes Murphy want to fall to his knees.

Bellamy curses above him and Murphy feels something different. At first he can’t pinpoint what it is, he’s so lost in the feeling of being split wide open. But then he realises that there’s more, that every time Bellamy pushes into him it gets harder like there’s resistance.

Oh dear, he has totally forgotten about this.

Bellamy pulls out again and this time it’s nearly painful and when he pushes in again, Murphy wraps his legs as tight around his hips as he can.

“Don’t you dare pull out again.” The words would probably have a lot more meaning if he wouldn’t have moaned right afterwards but Bellamy just huffs and latches his mouth onto Murphy’s neck. He’s rocking slowly forwards and backwards, the knot steadily growing.

He’s not sure if it’s painful or not because it feels like Bellamy is trying to split him apart with that thing but at the same time it rubs against his prostate and he’s so, so close.

He’s so close he doesn’t even care if Bellamy bites him right now and bonds them together.

Which should be a truly terrifying thought, but instead he just digs his fingernails into Bellamy’s back and he is pretty sure that he leaves marks and maybe that is the thing that brings him over the edge, or maybe it was just about time, but Bellamy thrusts into him one last time, the knot so big that Murphy doesn’t think it will ever get out. Not that he wants it to, because he can feel Bellamy coming, he can feel all of it and he whines.

Bellamy’s teeth graze his skin again and that’s it for him too.



He thinks he blacks out for a few moments, he’s actually not sure. But when he opens his eyes again he’s still naked, the knot is still inside him – still coming, ew – and he’s lying on Bellamy, with a blanket thrown over them.

It seems like the fog over his mind is gone and he can finally think clearly again – even if it’s just for a moment.

He raises a hand to his neck, where there’s thankfully no bite mark.

“You’re awake.” Bellamy notes in a hoarse voice and Murphy props himself up on his arms on Bellamy’s chest.

Bellamy has an arm thrown over his face but he takes it away and settles it on Murphy’s back, his fingers slowly moving against the skin in butterfly-light touches.

“You okay?”

He nods because he really does feel okay. He’s still warm and he knows that the heat still isn’t gone but right now he really does feel good.

Bellamy looks at him like he might not have said anything so Murphy rolls his eyes at him.

Was Bellamy always this caring after sex? Like some weird post-coital mother hen instinct?

“You really scared me there for a moment.” Bellamy says casually like he might be talking about the weather and Murphy tilts his head.

“What do you mean?”

“Well you lost conscious a few times, couldn’t drink, couldn’t eat…”

He huffs and waves his hand at Bellamy. Definitely some weird Alpha thing.

“I was out for like three hours, don’t make a big thing out of it.”

Bellamy blinks. Then he opens his mouth and closes it again. “Murphy, it’s been two days.”

“What?!” His voice sounds a lot shriller than he would like and he automatically moves, forgetting that they’re still tied together. It’s not much but the pressure of the knot inside him makes them both moan and Murphy settles reluctantly back down.

“That can’t be,” he says because no, that’s just not possible.

“You were fine on the first day but at the end of the second you were… you weren’t good. So then I went to Clarke’s mom and she confirmed your signs so… measures had to be taken.”

He doesn’t remember any of that. Of course he remembers Bellamy coming by but this sounds… crazy.

“Seems like I was really out of it.”

Bellamy nods, his lips pressed into a firm line.

“Like I said, it was kinda scary.”

Now that he thinks about it, it does makes sense. It explains why he’s been feeling like he was dying before Bellamy came over – that time that he remembers it, at least.

“Well… thanks.” Even to his own ears his voice sounds awkward, but Bellamy shrugs and continues drawing patterns into Murphy’s skin. Weirdo.

“Wait, so what day is it now?”

“Like weekday? No idea, but it’s about five in the morning, third day for you.”

Shit. So he hasn’t eaten in two days. No wonder he felt so weak and dead. And just as he thinks it his stomach starts grumbling.

He’s too hungry to be embarrassed about it and Bellamy just chuckles at it. He reaches out with his arm and pulls the bag with the food closer. They’re still short on it but Bellamy pulls out a little bit of bread – he’s still not over the fact that they have bread now – and some berries and starts breaking it apart.

Murphy wants to protest that he can totally do that himself but the thought of Bellamy giving him the food wakes something up inside him.

He accepts every bite and by the time they’re done the knot has gone down enough for them to separate.



They stay and sleep like that for a few hours.

When he wakes up again the heat is fully back on and this time they fuck with Murphy on top of Bellamy, his knees on the mattress and Bellamy’s teeth clamping down over his collar bone.

He loses count of how many times they fuck but when he finally feels his heat calm down and he knows that he can’t even pretend that it’s still there – because this really had been nice – he decides it’s time to leave.

He thinks about taking a shower but he doesn’t want to wake Bellamy, so he just gets off him – because they continued to sleep with Murphy on top of him – and puts on his clothes – Bellamy even brought his washed trousers back – and slips out of the room.

There’s a morning after pill waiting for him somewhere.