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When Foggy first meets Marci his heart flutters. Years later he’ll say it was because she put the fear of God in him. It was really because of the sweet smile she gave over her Starbucks latte as she pushed bleach blonde hair behind an ear.

When Foggy first meets Matt, only a day after Marci, his heart flutters again. Years later he’ll say it was because of Matt’s deep voice and half shy, half self-depreciating, smile and that’s the hard truth.

Growing up, Foggy’s mother always said his heart was too big for the world. He loved everyone and was never afraid to hide it. The stray cat with a chunk missing from it’s tail; Sally from the fourth-grade who always shoved him off the swing set at recess; Joseph, the troubled kid in high school who ended up committing suicide graduation day.

Foggy took everyone in and loved unconditionally.

When Foggy meets Karen his heart flutters and his stomach churns. He’s pretty sure that’s because it’s his first case as a real lawyer but chalks it up to the beautiful girl sitting scared in front of him. He soon realizes it really was nerves as he vomits into the precinct’s toilet while Matt talks to someone about Karen’s paperwork. 

“You okay?” Matt questions, lips tugging down into a frown, when Foggy emerges.

“Fine, fine,” Foggy mutters. “Nerves.”

Matt nods absentmindedly and taps his cane. He tilts his head, looking as if he’s listening to the whole world around him. Later, when Foggy finds out about Daredevil, he laughs humorlessly to himself because that’s exactly what Matt is doing.

“Let’s go save the world,” Foggy says to lighten the mood and Matt grins at him before heading back to their office. Foggy’s heart flutters at the thought of their office, them being real lawyers, and Matt by his side. He wants to ride that high forever.

It all comes crashing down the night he finds Matt half-dead in his apartment. Foggy’s heart stops fluttering when he realizes how much Matt lied to him throughout their entire friendship. It stops doing anything but pump blood through his body and Foggy swears he hates Matt for doing that to him. He believes it – he always was great at deluding himself. 

Foggy storms out of Matt’s apartment, ignoring the feeble words Matt is trying to yell after him, and goes to Marci. His heart doesn’t flutter, even when she does that thing with her tongue, and Foggy curses Matt for fucking things up.

~

“You’ve reached Foggy Nel-Please enter your four-digit password.

You have 6 unheard messages. To hear your messages please press 1.”

“First message.”  

“Hey. Foggy. I. I’m sorry. I never wanted… I just. Please call me. Please.”  

“End of message. To rep-“

“Message deleted. Next message.”

“Foggy, please. Please call me. I-please.”

“End of message-“

“Message deleted. Next message.”

“Hey Foggy, it’s Karen. Have you spoken to Matt? He’s not returning my calls. I… I’m here at the office. Where are you guys? Please call me. It’s Karen.”

“End of message. To reply-“

“Message deleted. Next message.”

" Foggy-bear, it’s-“

“Message deleted. Next message.”

“I don’t know what to say, Foggy. I’m sorry. Please call me. Or. Or. Just don’t ignore me. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell yo-“

“Message deleted. Next message.”

“I think I love you.”

“End of message. To reply, press four. To save, press six. To delete, press seven.

You have now heard all your messages. To-“

 ~

 “You fucking asshole!” Foggy yells the moment Matt opens the door to his apartment. Foggy pushes past him, not caring about the wince on Matt’s face as he’s jostled out of the way.

Matt closes the door and Foggy rounds on him, shoving a finger into Matt’s chest.

“You motherfucking asshole! You think you love me!” Foggy is now laughing hysterically and Matt is just standing there, hunched over slightly, hands stuffed into his hoodie pockets looking like every kicked puppy out there.

“I wanted to be hon-“

“Fuck that! You haven’t been honest with me since we met, why start now?!”

Matt’s face crumples slightly, the same way it was doing last time Foggy was there, trying to hold back tears but failing in Foggy’s presence.

“I want to make things right.”

Foggy’s laughing again, with maybe a sob hidden in there somewhere, and collapses into one of the living room chairs.

“You fucking asshole,” Foggy mutters this time, running a weary hand over his tired face. “That’s not going to make anything right.”

Matt shuffles slowly across the apartment, wincing as he eases himself down onto the couch across from Foggy. Foggy wants to take care of Matt until all his wounds heal but that would take a lifetime and Foggy isn’t sure anymore if he can give that to Matt.

“I’m sorry,” Matt whispers. His face cracks and he doesn’t hold back his tears this time. “I needed to tell you – needed to say it – incase – you-“

Foggy watches as Matt can’t continue on, can’t get any more words out.

“Incase what?” Foggy knows. He knows what Matt is thinking but Foggy believes he deserves to hear it out loud – to hear the truth out loud.

 “You leave me,” Matt chokes out and curls up on himself, despite the obvious pain it causes.

Foggy’s heart flutters.

“Fucking asshole,” Foggy says one last time, this time gentler, and moves to sit beside Matt. He wraps his arms around Matt and Matt immediately melts into the touch, into Foggy, and clings to him like a man lost at sea clings to his raft.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Foggy says into the top of Matt’s head, kissing it lightly. “I am still fucking pissed and that’s not going to change any time soon but I’m not leaving you.”

Matt hugs Foggy tighter and starts to quiet down.

“I’m sorry. I am truly very sorry, Foggy.”

Foggy rubs light circles on Matt’s back, careful to not cause any more pain, and sighs.

“I know. And for the record, I know I love you.”

Matt raises his head and their faces are only mere centimeters apart. Matt grins so wide that Foggy thinks he might be blinded. His heart almost stutters to a stop and Matt’s hand rests on Foggy’s chest.

Foggy presses a light kiss onto Matt’s lips and Matt hungrily pushes forward to get more, gain more traction, but Foggy holds him back.

“Not yet, Matt,” Foggy whispers. “I can’t – not yet.”

Matt’s grin falters and he nods, understands and doesn’t push for once. Instead, he rests his head onto Foggy’s shoulder and just listens to the steady heartbeat with the occasional flutter.

They fall asleep together on the couch. It’s not the most comfortable, and it’s a bit restless, but it’s a step in the right direction and Foggy starts to re-think that whole lifetime thing. Maybe he could do it after all.