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Lost For You

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James is there, in his bed, wearing nothing. Teddy looks at him spread out, long strong limbs, smooth firm belly sprinkled with dark hairs. His chest has broadened, making him not only a tall man, but a formidable looking one. James looks good in his Quidditch kit, which lays wrinkled and forgotten on Teddy's floor. He also looks good in jeans, trousers, jumpers, dress robes, really anything he chooses to wear. But James looks best like this: wearing nothing at all.

Teddy's heart clenches at the sight of him. Dark and beautiful. Teddy's always thought that James was beautiful but now it's worse. Teddy feels himself twisted up in James, so devoured by and lost in James that he doesn't know where James begins and he ends. This is not just when Teddy is buried deep in James' arse, it is all the time. Teddy can be at work, miles and miles away from James, and James will cross his mind and he feels it; the all-consuming wave that crashes over him. It happens now. Teddy stops in the doorway as it hits him. He has to hold on to the door frame. His knees feel weak and his head swims. Teddy loves James, and it scares him.

James still thinks they're only fucking around. It's what they've done for a while now, but neither of them has looked at anyone else since it started. James hasn't said anything but Teddy knows James. It's not in James to be dishonest, or keep secrets, or be anything other than hopelessly open. If James was getting laid elsewhere, Teddy would not only know about it, he would have to endure hearing about it and pretending he didn't care.

Teddy cares so much he can hardly bear it. He wants to go to the bed and grab the stupid book James is reading and throw it away. He wants James to look at him with his complicated, brown-hazel eyes and he wants to tell James he loves him so he can't go fuck anyone else. But Teddy is afraid. He doesn't know if James loves him too. Like Teddy said, James is honest and he hasn't made one indication to Teddy that he feels remotely the same. Rejection hurts.

"You going to do more than stand there, Lupin? Or are you going to come back to bed?" James tosses the book away as if it's nothing at all and looks at Teddy with a slow, lazy smile.

Teddy, legs still feeling a bit shaky, pushes off from the door and walks slowly to the bed. Teddy has to move deliberately, not only because if he walked any faster he'd fall all over himself, but because James is watching him, taking him in. James' gaze is all over his body and Teddy wants it that way. He wants James to only look at him.

Teddy gets to the bed, puts one knee on it, and stops. "What were you doing staring at me?" James says, face brimming with arrogance. "I was waiting for you to start wanking like some sort of peeping Tom."

"Not a peeping Tom if it's my bed you're naked in," Teddy says.

James shrugs as if that's of no consequence. "Still, I was waiting for it. Waiting for you to toss-off while you looked at me."

"Is that something you want?" Teddy asks and he already feels the stir of arousal.

"Why don't you show me and I'll let you know," James says and crosses his arms behind his head, ready to watch the show.

Teddy looks at James as if he can't be serious but James smirks, totally serious. Teddy closes his eyes, although James being naked before him is enough reason to wank, he can't look James in the eye. Teddy is good at schooling his features. He has to be; his magic is so connected to his emotions that he would hardly be able to walk down the street without his hair changing colours if he wasn't conscious of it. Now though, with all these feelings for James racing around his body he couldn't stare at James and touch himself without his feelings being totally apparent.

He thinks about James showing up at his flat only an hour ago, mud splattered and limping, but still demanding and eager, cock already hard when he stepped from the Floo. Teddy would have had him there on the floor if James hadn't said he had wrenched his knee during training and it was smarting quite a bit. James hadn't waited around for the team Healer to look, he was in a hurry to get to Teddy's.

Teddy had taken him to the bathroom, saying he needed a hot bath before anything. By time they reached the bathroom James was kissing his neck and rubbing his cock. James smelled of grass, mud, and the oil he conditioned his gloves with; it was too much for Teddy and he was done for.

He had James hard and fast on the bathroom floor, just as James wanted. James, more often than not, liked it that way.

Teddy's cock is fully stiff now. He groans as he thinks about how James wanted him in his arse and didn't wait to be stretched or for Teddy to get his wand. He slicked Teddy's cock with the lotion that was close at hand and that was all.

"Fuck," Teddy says as he thinks of James' arse tight around him.

"What are you thinking about?" James says and Teddy opens his eyes to look at him. James is staring wide-eyed at him, and slowly stroking his own cock.

"Same thing I always think about," Teddy replies.

James thinks about this for a moment. He rolls his lower lip in his mouth and then says, "And that is?"

Teddy arches his brows. James should know very well that it's him, and so it strikes Teddy as odd that he even asks. Teddy doesn't say anything and James begins to look uncertain, a look that doesn't fit on his face very well. He's always so confident.

Teddy stops stroking his cock and looks at James for a long moment as he considers what to say, what to do. He decides to take a page from the Potter playbook and not think too much about it.

Teddy lies on the bed and presses the entire length of his body to James' side. He gently pushes James' hand away from his cock and replaces it with his own. He presses his lips to James' ear and slowly closes his eyes, letting his eyelashes brush James' skin.

"You," Teddy says barely audible, and grinds his cock to James' hip. "It's only you I think about." Teddy twists his wrist and moves his hand up James' cock. James groans and thrusts into Teddy's hand.

"Yeah?" James says, sounding breathless.

"Jamie," Teddy says, stroking James' cock and grinding his own, it feels so good to press to James' skin. "Never anyone else."

James moans and thrusts into Teddy's hand. He tries to thrust again to speed the pace. Teddy squeezes his cock and thrusts sharply into his hip. "Slow down," Teddy says. "Why so eager?"

"It's you," James says his voice sounding tight. "Can't have you enough."

"I'm all yours, Jamie. Don't rush."

James moans again and Teddy feels his head nod.

Teddy strokes him slowly up and down, taking time to twist his wrist just so, and squeeze the head of James' cock. He touches James' balls, trailing his fingers over them. When James gasps, Teddy tugs gently on his balls, enjoying the stiffness of his cock and the weight of his balls in his hands. James makes impatient needy noises but doesn't thrust too fast and allows Teddy to touch him deliberately, slowly. Teddy grinds his cock to James in time with his strokes. It's blissful like this; hot and slow.

Teddy kisses James' ear, his neck, and back to his ear again. He pulls the earlobe into his mouth and tugs on it with his teeth. James cries out. He likes Teddy's teeth on him.

"Fuck, Teddy, please," James says as he puts his feet flat to the bed and thrusts as hard as he can.

"Please, what?" Teddy says, taking the moment to taunt James just that much more.

"Make me come," James says.

Teddy is about to but then he stops moving his hand and says, "No." James stills in shock, and Teddy lifts his head to look at him. James' brows are wrinkled and he blinks at Teddy. Teddy has never not given him what he wanted. "I want you to bring yourself off while I watch," Teddy says.

James kisses Teddy briefly and then wraps his left hand around his cock.

"Tell me what you're thinking about," Teddy says as James begins to move his hand slowly.

"Same thing I always think about," James says, his lips twitching. He looks so smugly amused that Teddy is tempted to pin him to the mattress and not let him come any time soon, but Teddy loves James like this.

"What is that, exactly?" Teddy says and rolls his hips against James.

James looks up at Teddy, and holds his gaze as he says, "You." Teddy can hear the blood rushing in his ears and he feels dizzy like he did before.

His mouth is dry. "What about me," he manages to ask.

James' arm moves again. He strokes himself, and while Teddy wants to do nothing but look at his eyes and his face, he can't. His gaze is drawn down to James' cock as his hand slides along it.

"I always think about the few times you let me have you," James says. "Your arse."

Teddy shudders and groans at the memories. He snaps his hips, rubbing his cock faster. It hasn't happened often, but when it has happens James is slow and gentle as he can be with Teddy. He takes Teddy to the edge over and over, until they're both aching to come, shaking with need, and crying out when it finally happens. Teddy is willing to let him do it more, but James insists he likes Teddy on top of him, pounding into his arse.

"You like my arse tight around you?" Teddy asks, his hips rolling steadily now. He's desperate for the friction on his cock.

"I like that you're mine. When I come in you like that, you're all mine." James strokes his cock faster now, the pink head peeking out between his fist and disappearing again in an instant. The words spill from his lips. "No sharing. Never want to share you. You're all I want. On me, in me, touching me, licking me, fucking me. I stare at you all the time, thinking about it. Mine. Let me fuck you now, Teddy. Please?"

Teddy pulls his eyes from James cock and back to his face. "Fuck, yes," Teddy says breathlessly.

"Fuck!" James cries out and he's thrusting manically, arching his entire body into his hand as his cock pulses and he comes.

Seeing James completely undone sends Teddy into a dizzying spiral of need. He has to come, now.

He grips James tight, pulling him so hard against him that Teddy can barely roll his hips to get any friction. He presses faster and faster till he feels his cock pulse and he cries out as he comes, spilling himself on the hollow of James' hip.

Neither of them moves. Teddy feels the adrenaline pulsing in his veins and he wants to move but he won't. He wants the moment last. He hears James take a breath, about to speak, and Teddy feels his insides tighten. He silently begs James not to dismiss it all but won't blame him if he does.

"I meant what I said," James says. "I always mean what I say. You don't have to say you meant it, too, just to make me feel ok. We were fucking, so it's OK if you didn't. I understand. I'm not taking it back though."

Teddy wants to laugh. James has just said the best thing that Teddy has ever heard and then punctuates it with his trademark stubbornness. He loves James more for it. He wants to say so, but he can't find the words that James said so easily.

Teddy props himself on one elbow and looks down at James. James looks back, and Teddy can see the question in his eyes.

Teddy strokes his hand across the delicate freckles that pepper James' cheek.

"I'm -" Teddy begins, about to tell James how totally lost he is for him, but it's wrong. True as they are, those words aren't right for them. Not now. A smile pulls at Teddy's lips as he knows exactly what to say to please James. "Your bollocks are in serious danger if you so much as look at anyone else ever again."

"Same for you?" James says, trying but failing to repress a wide, triumphant grin.

"Same for me."