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Espresso For Two

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"Doyle, you bloody moron, let me in!"

"Go away, Bodie."

"Not leaving, mate. Staying right here, in the hallway. Sleeping here as well. I might even unzip and let loose if need be. There's a quiet corner down the corridor I can use."

"Bodie, I swear, I'll get my gun and-"

"And what? Shoot your favourite partner? The one bearing gifts? Not bloody likely. Not if you're smart, anyway. Doyle? Okay. You're not smart. We've established-"

"All right, you dumb crud, come in!"


"What the fuck are you carrying?"


"I can see that, but why?"

"It's your birthday, mate. Did you forget?"

"Not celebrating. Not after-"

"I was there, you know. I understand. Which is why Cookie would want us to celebrate. We're alive and-"

"He isn't."


"Heartless bastard."

"That's me. Now shift so I can get to the kitchen."

"You've brought quite the haul. What's this?"

"What's it look like? A pair of trainers?"

"I can see that it's a coffee pot."

"Ah, tis. You know, Doyle, that's why I love you. Bloody intelligent, you are."

"Put it here on the table. Salami? What else? Italian olives. Hmmm, nice- Sharp provolone. Why do I get the feeling you went to Terroni's?"

"Again, I must bow to the depth and breadth of your intelligence. Hey! That hurt."

"Fresh ground?"

"'course. It's your birthday and all of this is my treat."

"But you don't know how to make espresso."

"Ha! Shows what you know, old son. I had a lesson in all the ins and outs, and I must say, I'm an excellent student."

"Really? Why?"

"Because... Jesus, Ray, you're my mate, in and out of that big old bed you have in this swanky flat. You're my partner and my- just because."

"Ahh, ya big ole softie. I love you, too. And thanks for trying to make me feel better."

"Is it working?"

"Yeah. Sort of. Cheers."

"Care for a jelly baby?"

"Have you been watching too much telly again? Hmmm. Yum. Good, this. They sell jelly babies at Terroni's?"

"Nah. Tesco's."

"Pillock. I will let you dazzle me with your espresso skills."

"You might faint at my expertise. Then I'll eat all of this by myself."

"Good god, but you're full of it today. I spread out the antipasto, after all. Hmmm. Nice tomatoes. This cheese is amazing, and the salami and- smells so good. Fresh crusty bread. Had this wine before. I like it."

"And that's not all."

"More? What's this?"

"Polenta cake. One of their specialties. First food, with this nice wine, then cake and espresso for afters."

"Nice. I'm starving."

"I'm happy."

"We're the two dwarves. Starving and Happy. Let's eat."

"That was good."

"Do not say, 'after all'. I knew what you needed, and it was a decent feeding. And it was good, wasn't it?"

"Now what are you doing?"

"Dazzling you, of course. Watch. You fill this little reservoir with cold water. Put the basket full of fresh grounds into the slot. Guido said not to pack the grounds, to be gentle. They have to have room to brew and release their full-bodied flavour."

"You sound like a telly commercial now. What's next?"

"Lid gets placed like so, then screw on the top half... Turn on the hob to medium for me, please. Cheers."

"These grounds smell wonderful."

"I watched Guido grind the beans. Now you have to be patient, and let it brew. See. The coffee bubbles up through this little slit and this part captures all the goodness."

"Milk or sugar with yours?"

"Guido says to try it first. These beans have their own sweetness. Ray, you did a fine job laying out the antipasto. Looked almost professional."

"Until you got at it! Disaster area now. Remember, you brought the eats, but thanks. Wait. I don't have espresso cups. You thought of that too? What have you done with my Bodie?"

"I'll show you later."

"Cretin. That smells wonderful.

"Bodie. Bodie, Christ, but this espresso is amazing. Smooth and rich and dark. Exactly how I like my men."

"I'm smooth and dark. Sorry about the rich."

"Love you anyway, I suppose. Thanks for all of this. It was fresh and delicious. "

"You can thank me after I'm done eating another slice of cake. And having a second cup. I'm pleased with myself for making espresso. First time for everything."

"Want a beer?"

"Nah. I'm full and still savouring the deliciousness that we had."

"I'm ready for the next part of me birthday celebration."

"Me too. Let's go to bed. Need you, mate."

"Bed it is. I need the loo."

"Meet you in the boudoir in ten. Go on. It's your birthday. I'll clean up here and brush me teeth."

"Hurry up."

"Impatient, are we? Won't be a tic."

"I'm waiting!"

"I'm coming!"

"Not yet, I hope. Hmmm. Like that, do you?"

"Like anything you to do me. Ray! Do that again."



"Cor blimey, Bodie, you sucked me brains out through my cock."

"I'm here to serve."

"Bodie... really, thanks for this."

"Any time. Now come over here and make me scream."

"My pleasure."




"You taste marvellous."

"Come here and let me hold you."


"Night, luv."


The End