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Eternally Never Yours

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Let's get this cleared up:

You're a moron.

I don't get how you've been missing it for so long. I'm not going to make it easy and spell it out for you. It's not your style and that's not how I want it. But I'm losing my patience, which has never been that high to begin with.

It's been years of the same routine, over and over again. I kidnap the princess; you jump around tons of worlds that I've taken control of, and storm your way to my castle. Have you ever stopped and wondered why I keep at it? You must have.

Everyone else wonders. She does. Her people do. My people. I'm pretty sure your brother does too. So you must have questioned my routine. What I question is how you couldn't figure it out from that.

How could you not see that I'm doing this…all of it…for you?

The easy opinion is that I like Peach. Where that started is beyond me, but it became the most popular reason that anyone can follow. "The monster has to be in love with the girl! Why else would he constantly take her away? Certainly not for her hero, that's for sure!" Ugh.

Don't get me wrong; she's pretty. Blonde hair and blue eyes, a favorite, winning combination for anyone, I suppose. The blonde is too bright, for my tastes. You brown is softer to look at. Blue eyes are quite lovely, but her glint of ice and lack the warmth I see in yours. Whereas hers are cold, yours are deeper, immersive as an ocean, and much more assuring to look into. It's easy to lose myself in your eyes.

What of the rest of her? What of her sugary sweet personality that everyone loves? I loathe it. She's soft, too soft. It's a wonder that she could be in charge of an entire kingdom. I must compliment her, as she can buckle down and show strength, once in a while. But that's so overshadowed by her insecurity, her fragile appearance, and constant need to be rescued.

Of course she would like you. Short, but strong. You get a fair bit of a workout from your travels and battles, I'm sure. I do contribute, after all. Sure, you look a little pudgy from time to time, but that means you eat, unlike the boney princess. A little over nourishment isn't a problem for me, as you could identify by my own outward appearance. (The shell adds a lot of my bulk, honestly.) Of course, the mustache is a plus, as anyone could tell you. I'm dying to know what it feels like to have it graze my lips and can only imagine how many lucky women have had the chance to take what I so desperately desire. Especially, of course, our "beloved" princess.

If you're interested in her, that would make sense. That's the logical thing, isn't it? The story with the, what's it called, "brave, noble, dashing hero" risking everything he understands and climbing every mountain to reunite with his, "beloved princess," right? It sounds like the most romantic tale of them all, of course.

No one would suspect any interest in the monster, at least.

Anyway, the answer is no. Peach is my target to prove how flawed her kingdom's defenses are, how prone she is to attack. If I were to marry her, it wouldn't be out of love; I want her kingdom, plain and simple. It wouldn't be a long arrangement and she'd quickly be…disposed of, so to speak. But everyone loves a good show, right?

So I give them just that: the grandest charade they'll ever entertain. "The big and terrifying monster that lusts for the beautiful princess and terrorizes her kingdom so he can have her for himself." HA! Truly, this makes the most sense to the public at large, be it for one kingdom or another. Hers, some foreign land, whatever, or even my own. They all fall for that sham of a story.

Going along with it is bitter work, but I do so nevertheless. Feign interest in her, dumb down my speech and intellect, and act like she's everything I want. It's easy to fall into and even easier to fool everyone, including the girl herself.

It's not so good of a performance, however, that even you should be deluded by it. You're better than that and I know you are.

Clearly, you do enjoy playing the hero, what with all of the constant dangers to handle, perilous adventures that await, new worlds to explore, and so much more. And then, when you've "vanquished the evil tyrant" and rescued "thy fair lady," you're rewarded on a grandiose scale. It's all too alluring for you to resist, I imagine.

Who could?

If I looked so handsome and fell into that role in the tale, I'd take it and run with it, just like you. It grants the greatest of payoffs, after all, so why not?

If you knew the truth, it could stop you, or at least give you pause before your next little quest.

You can't know. You're somehow caught up in the act. You have to be.

You must be.

I tell myself this every time we square off. Each time you engage me, I wait a moment, looking to see if you've changed. I'm hoping I see your mind conflicted, maybe some sign of hesitation.

But no, you never do. You're as confident as ever. Beat the tyrant, save the princess. I can almost guarantee that's your mantra as you approach me.

Did it ever, even once, cross your mind that the big, bad Koopa may be less caught up in usual drama than you realize? Do you ever think that, maybe, just maybe, that he's looking for something more?

If I were to yell out, "I love you," would you hesitate then? Would you think more carefully, with a cleared mind, away from all of the lies?

I can't tell you how tempting that is for me. Just to see you freeze up would be a delight. You might even stop and I could finally be honest about my feelings, about the act, and everything else. Maybe you'd reciprocate my feelings.

Could you?

My heart pounds with hope every time I see you. It leads to disappointment, always. But I cannot…no, I refuse to give up.

I don't know what it takes. The more days that pass by, the more I feel at wit's end. What does it take to get you to understand in the subtlest way? How do I save face for us both if we ever do get the right words, the proper feelings out? What happens after, when the tyrant Koopa king relents in attacks and suddenly goes out to more and more parties and sporting events with what everyone foolishly considers his arch nemesis?

Actually, it's those times I enjoy the most. Simple sports. Racing, golfing, football or soccer, tennis, baseball, or whatever else we can play. It's these times that I don't have to work against you. I normally do, for appearances obviously. But there's always the chance for the unthinkable: the two of us on the same side, working together. The chance for you to be with me, however brief, and for us work as equals. The moment for us to share the same burning desires, the goals and victories we hunger for. I long for that to go beyond games.

But I lose myself again. My attention is always on you, one way or another. It gets to the point where I forget everyone else, including your brother, the green clad fellow. He's…charming, in his own rights. In fact, I have debated pursuing him, as he seems more, um…what's the proper way to say it? Feminine? Easily emasculated? Either way, I suppose do find him somewhat viable as an option. He's related to you after all, and does well enough to oppose my forces.

But it's you I prefer by far. I don't know how else to say it, but I prefer the more masculine and strong types. It makes a suitable match for me, reflects how I am as well.

This all leads back to my introduction: you are, in fact, a moron.

You're brilliant, strong, cunning, kind, and quite talented. However, I firmly believe that you're not as smart as I believe. This train of thought soothes me when I'm driven insane by the lack of acknowledgement to me. The smart man would realize that I'm after him, not the princess. You? You couldn't be further from realizing it, could you?

Or could I be mistaken? Are we both anticipating the same thing and waiting for one another to make the first move?

What am I to you? Nemesis? Evil king? Dark lord? Am I a friend with a twisted sense of humor? Mutual crush that fails to admit to shared feelings? Anyone important? Nobody? Tell me, I'm begging to know!

I need a sign. I've told you so many times how important you are to me. All right, I admit that it's not blatant and I continue my charades. But if you're so important as an enemy to me, can't you try connecting the dots? I'm not as good of an actor as I've lead everyone to believe.

Are you nervous too? Are you afraid to bring out your deepest feelings? Can you not stand the thought of playing any role beyond the hero? Do you share feelings with not only me, but your precious princess as well? It's not my son that brings doubts to your mind, is it?

My son. Is that who causes you to hesitate? Is he who makes me hesitate? I've told him many lies to keep him under the veil of my performances. He believes my artificial hatred of you is quite real. I don't know how to tell him otherwise. There are days that I wish he were a clone of me, something produced by a Magikoopa's magic. He's not. Junior is…from a fling. One I don't even remember. It must have been another Koopa, since he doesn't possess any other traits from…well, anything else. He could be my clone, for all anyone cares; he's identical to me and shares almost every little trait with me. Physically, emotionally, mentally, he's me. He's far too young for me to explain the truth. Getting with you might even prove disastrous for him. I may not always act it, but I do cherish him. Junior and the other Koopalings. My army is my family and they do what they can to keep my spirits up. It's not easy playing the villain; less so when I'm smitten for my so-called adversary.

I'd love to work it out somehow. My life would suddenly become picture perfect if I could just have you by my side, no questions asked. It goes to the point where I could relent any conquest desires I have; my kingdom is strong enough as is and if giving up my plans to rule over all meant us being together—happiness—I'd do it in a heartbeat.

Yes, conquest. As I said, it's all for you. I act like a vicious ruler so no one can see my tender side, my vulnerabilities. In truth, I would probably make a very normal, if not boring, empire.

There's a reason that I've ventured to space; castles with lava moats can only hold an appeal for so long. You stopped me there; I knew you would, of course, even relished your pursuits of me, but it was an undeniable blast for both of us. It was something I was delusional about; the grandeur of space was alluring. Part of me hoped that we could get lost out there, just the two of us. It could never work though; we have too many responsibilities. My kingdom, your princess; there's so much to keep up with. So much that keeps us apart.

That's the point of total conquest for me: take control of everything, no more opposition. No more sides. You would be with me. There would be no more acting. I wouldn't need to make an excuse to see you or work with you. You would be mine and I would become yours. We could rule, both of us, together.

The people would think you'd do it to keep me in check, to stop any further forms of my infamous evil domination. We could laugh in privacy, mock the idea that I did it for any power hungry ambitions. Power is a tool, an extension of oneself to accomplish goals. Mine is simply to have you. It's dramatic, sure, but worthwhile, I'm certain. If you could tell me of alternatives, I'm more than willing to listen.

If you would tell me anything intimate, I'm desperately waiting to hear.

I delude myself with how much I want from this. My thoughts drift, wondering if a monarchy has ever had to kings united through their matrimony and if we'd be the first. We haven't even begun to explore a relationship, let alone entertain such thoughts. (Still, I can't seem to help myself.) Could we engage in romance with one another? Would we be so compatible? I don't know. I like to think so, but I realize that we need to actually get there first.

It goes nowhere though. I hesitate, afraid of consequences. Fear seeps through me as I wonder what the world around us, the people, will think. Is it so unnatural? On how many levels? What lines would we cross by becoming lovers? Would we be rejected and horrify the masses? Or would we be embraced, finding the best solution to peace that could be arranged? Would your brother accept a monster in law, literally instead of figuratively? Could my son understand my love for you and accept you as a second father?

There are no answers. Only fantasies.

My heart bleeds and, more than anything, I fear that we will never be together. If you were to reject me, that would be simpler. Painful, but we could make the illusion real. My appearance as an evil overlord would be much easier to keep up with. Or perhaps I could relent, let that go entirely, with nothing left to pursue.

No, I fear more of your mutual acceptance of me.

It would not be of your love. It would be of the difficulties that rise from us being together. There would be a strenuous amount of problems and trials for us to face. There would be someone, somewhere, that would deny us, refuse our love.

We would be outcasts. I would be overthrown from my kingdom. You would be banished and labeled traitor to the Mushroom Kingdom. They might even hunt us; do everything possible to separate us. Claim that we're mentally ill. Keep us apart.

It's unimaginable. Even if we could manage to be together, could we manage to be parted from our loved ones? Could we leave everything we've ever come to know behind, with only each other forevermore?

If you could, maybe you could give me the strength to do so. It's incomprehensible to me at base value.

I wonder, again and again, if there could be a perfect world for us. I could wish on all the stars for us to be together. Is there was a possible way for everything to go right? You know that I've tried. You've stopped me without knowing why, but if you knew, would you let me? Or do you stop me because it isn't right? Would it be so unnatural to create our own world from scratch?

If you knew, would you let me? Would you help me? Would we agree?

There's so much that I wish to know. I want so much from you, from myself. I'm not brave, not like you. I'm afraid. I'm insecure. I need you, your guidance, to let me know if I'm right. I need to know if you want what I want.

Mario, you are everything to me. No, you will never know, but you are everything that I could ask for, all that I pine for.

I call you the fool because I want you to make the first move. It should be me, but I'm far too afraid. Could you understand someone so mighty being so frail? I disgust myself with such thoughts, but it's true. It burns me so.

These are the most painful truths, but they're all I know.

Years will trickle by. We will engage eternally in battle. We will never be together. We will die, again and again, longing for an impossible end.

But as I've said, you should know by now:

I will never give up.

Eternally never yours,