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Sans' underwear

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“Why aren’t you scared of me?” you say, your head just an inch from Sans’, and your whole body placating him against his bed. “Normally when I do that to people, something comes out of their eyes, and they start to call me mom. I don’t know why...I mean, for what reasons would I bring stinky human babies into this world?”

“oh did your forget? i let my bro and all my friends die in some routes so who's to say i'd budge a finger to this? you can rape me all you want, it's not like I have a...” he glances briefly to his shorts. “a thing."

"what the fuck sans you will let me do you without saying anything??? Thank you!"

"your welcome. I dont think you'll be able to do much with my bones, anyway so..."

But you dont hear him. It was like mom and dad offered you a brand new toy to play with, and told you that you were allowed to break it apart. You always dreamed they offered you this chance...ah, such a shame they died before it happened.

Dad had gotten very hoarse someday, and despite all Mom’s efforts to heal him, he’d died the day after the incident. Somehow, Mom had gotten the same disease, so, like a good child, you had given her the same thing she had given him. But to no avail. The day after, she was dead from coughing too much...or you think ?

"eh whatever." he says, as you tear at his clothes. "enjoy yourself with whatever you’ll find, kid."

You toss his shorts in the trash tornado and take a moment to appreciate the sight of your husbando spread out half-naked on his bed. OH MY GOD it's just like in your dreams!!! Except for sans, he's nothing like in your dreams. Why the hell is there nothing on his bones?? That’s not normal! where the hell is he putting his dingdong!!

"in my underwear like everybody else."

"You startle, not expecting a response. It was like sans could read your mind- wait."

You look at the skeleton again, near his pelvis region.

"But sans," you pout. "You don't have an underwear."

"well then, go look for them inside of my drawer. it's the ones with the bones on it. heh. cause what kind of skeleton monster would i be if I hadn't an underwear with bones eh? it just makes sense."

Silently agreeing and nonetheless eager you slip away from sans, and start searching for his underwear. Seriously the things you wouldnt do for having sexy times with this unbearabely sexy skeleton.

You trudge to his dresser, and start searching through it. You're really scandalized by his pile of socks, and it almost makes you loose interest in the skeleton. almost. Your love for him must be strong, and you haven’t boned for a long time so...

So you keep looking. and looking, and...d-damnit just how much pair of socks does this skeleton have?? Starting to tire searching, you violently pull the drawer out of the dresser and flips it upside. A mountain of socks piles up on the floor, and finally- finally you can see the telltale of clothe that isn't a sock. You pull at it eagerly, and bring it up close to your face. And wow this is-

Wait that's...that's not an underwear.

"Sans why do you have a bra inside of your dresser."

You hear no responses from his part, and look to your left to see Sans sleeping like a rock.

"Sans!!!" you shout.

"u-uh wha?" he slurs, opening his eyes. "did ya find it?"

"What the hell is this bra for! You don't even have boobs!"

Sans sits up a little straighter, wiping at his eyesockets tiredly.

"so the d* on a skeleton is fine by your standards, but boobs arent?"

You look at his face with a stupid expression on yours.

"Well, yeah? cause that just doesn't make any sense??"

"heh. yeah. like this fic."

With that said, sans lays back down on the bed, and two seconds later you can already hear him snoring like a bitch.

"Sans!!"

Your voice jolts him awake.

"n...wha?"

"You didnt answer my question!"

"what question?"

You feel yourself teetering on the edge of your anger as you point the bra again. "This. Why."

"Ooooh...that." he gazes at it, then adds. "I dunno."

At that you can feel a twinge of jealousy and murdery intent being pushed into your soul. "Well, I'm at least hoping that's yours... Because if not-"

With the dexterity of a chef you draw a knife out of your pocket and start the slicer the furnitures. You then tear the binds into shreds, and once you're done, you throw the bed over in your fit, forgetting Sans was on it.

"oh ok." sans says on the ground. "think I just remembered why I was letting you do all this in the first place."

"Glad I could knock some sense into your thick skull, Sans. Now where were we ?" You say seductively, approaching on all fours like a cobra with legs.

"At where you slice everything like a goddamn jambon."

"Right!" you bounce joyfully as you clap your hands. "I was searching for your underwear !"

Again, you pace in the room, humming thoughtfully as you fidge. After 2 more hours of searching his shit, you begin to seriously tire. You turn to your husband for life, and realize he’s been reading a magazine of cars this whole time.

"Sans!! Where the fu* did you put it ??!” you spit as you throw your foot against the turned over dresser. “The room is like 3 feet long, but I can’t seem to find anything !"

"Well, I think I found it."

You move your head his way so fast, you think you heard something crack.

"What ?"

"A few hours ago actually."

"And why wouldnt you tell me this sooner ?"

Sans glances your way.

"Well, uh...its, uh. a little, uh...how do I say it, uh..."

"With your tongue stupied." you blurts.

Sans eyes your face like hes lost all intelligence, then opens his mouth to put out his blue, sexy, unbearably hot tongue. mhhhhh

However your drool stops hitting the floor when he points to a pile of shreds down the dresser.

“I ssink your desttroyeedit earliur”

You gape for a minute before the murdered clothes. Jesus christ, what had you done ?

A complete bloodshed, is all that you can see before you. Shreds of tissus that you had harshely teared are spread everywhere at your feet. The once lively colors they harbored are now so tern and morose, like you had ripped the life out of these clothes. No doubt about it, it was a sight that would make a serial killer go pale.

“Sans.” You say blankly.

“yesh ?”

“I’ve always wanted children.”

You point once again your face to Sans, and watch him as he rolls his tongue up (to your misfortune ).

“ok.”

“And you don’t have your underwear anymore.”

“no, i guess not.”

You stay immobile for at least thirty minutes, but finally decide that it has been enough time to show your confusion about all this. Your walk towards Sans, all trembling, and put your hands on his shoulders. Sans watches you as your tears and snot roll down your face.

You want to say something. You want to. But your throat is tight and your chest heavy. You’re immediately thinking of detergent until you hear a door opening.

“HELLO SANS, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS FINALLY BACK TO TAKE CARE OF THE USELESS BAG OF BONES THAT YOU ARE. AND IT HAPPENS SPAGHETTI IS ON THE MENU TONIGHT, WHICH IS PERFECT BECAUSE IT HAS BEEN ALREADY SET ON THE TABLE. YES I KNOW, I KNOW. “PAPYRUS YOURE THE COOLEST, WHAT WOULD I HAVE DONE IN MY LIFE WITHOUT YOU, ETC ETC” AND YOURE RIGHT ABOUT THAT, SANS. YOU ARE ONE HUNDRED PERCENT RIGHT. BY THE WAY MAY I ASK YOU WHY YOU ARE HALF NAKED WITH SOMEONE IN YOUR OWN ROOM ? IF WE CAN STILL CALL IT A ROOM NOW THAT ALL THE FURNITURES I HAVE PROVIDED YOU ARE GONE.”

“heya, paps.”

“HEYA TO YOU TOO SANS.”

“Hi, Papyrus.” you say enjoyfully.

“YES HI TO YOU TOO HALF NAKED HUMAN.”

“heya, half naked human.”

“Hi, Sans.” you say.

“SO CAN ONE OF YOU FINALLY TELL ME WHATS GOING ON OR DO I HAVE TO ASK REDDIT WHAT YOU TWO ARE UP TO ?”

A long minute passes before your throat loosens and let you speak. You should think of drinking some detergent soon. Genetic is a bitch, but to hell if you’re going to make the same mistake as your parent’s. Prevention is better than cure.

“Sans is a unfertile underwear-less piece of shit is what’s going on !” you say.

« UH YES ? » Papyrus raises an eyebrow, and glances at Sans for a sec or two. « HE’S ALWAYS BEEN. WHY ?”

“Don’t you get it Papyrus ?” you say harshly. “It means I’ll never have the skeleton babies I've ever dreamed of. Never. All I’ll have is normal human babies.” you point your thumb down to show your depreciation.” And you know what Paps ? That SUCKS.”

You dont wait for a response to stomp heavily towards the door. You wanna make sure they know you’re angry, so you break it as you pass. And then you’re gone, leaving the two skeletons in the middle of their torn room.

“oh ok.”

“OH OK INDEED…WOMEN THESE DAYS ARE ALL LIKE THIS.”

“I don’t think this person is a good exemple of what a female is, Paps.”

“SANS THAT’S SEXIST, AND YOURE A PIECE OF SHIT FOR SAYING THAT.”

“uh, i am ?”

“NO, BUT WHATEVER SANS. NOW THAT SHE’S GONE AND THAT WE’RE ALL TO OURSELVES,”

Papyrus closes the distance between them, a seductive wink on his face, as he takes sans’s mandible.

“ITS TIME TO PLEASE THE OTHER PART OF THE FANDOM. IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEEEAN. »

“really ?” sans says enthousitiaclly.

“NO.”