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Some Things You Don't Forget

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“You’re a cocky asshole.” Jason’s teeth were gritted as he spoke, watching as Dick worked at the seams of his suit. He’d torn off his helmet the moment they were in the cave, tossing it to the side, glaring at him.

“Why? For knowing I could make that jump?” Dick tugged one glove off, plucking his mask off with his now bare fingers and setting it aside. He blinked a few times, adjusting to the bare, low light of the cave. He liked it more when the lights were dimmed, made it feel less clinical. Jason didn’t respond, looking away to close his eyes, pinch the bridge of his nose. He had a headache coming on.

Behind his eyelids, he could see Dick, throwing himself off the building, free falling, in an attempt to intercept a woman who had been tossed off the neighboring building. Jason had been clutching the arms of two other civilians, a couple, who had both screamed when Dick threw himself over the edge without a thought.

Jason had watched, eyes wide, as his once-almost brother had flipped himself, turned into his back, grabbing her as she got closer, turning them against to clutch her to his chest, having precious few seconds to get a hookshot form his waist, fire it, and hope it caught.

“He’s Nightwing,” Jason had breathed to the panicking civilians in his grasp, “He never misses a landing.”

Which was mostly true. Jason had seen him botch a few, but he was still standing- or, falling, in that moment- in one piece. He belonged in the sky, in the air-

Didn’t mean Jason didn’t think he was batshit crazy, in that moment.

“It was reckless,” Jason finally said, watching as Dick stripped of his other glove, then went back to working the top of his suit. Not that he expected anything else from Dick. He’d seen him when he got his own colors, when he passed the Robin uniform to him- and he had been. Terribly cocky, reckless, but so damn good it almost didn’t matter.

He glanced away as Dick stripped out of his boots, the bottom of his suit, finding a pair of sweatpants and throwing them on instead. He walked barefoot through the cave, towards the elevator, and Jason hesitated a moment, then chose to follow, even if he hadn’t been invited. Truth be told, he hadn’t even been invited into Gotham, he had just meant to pass through. In and out without having to see the family in any way- but he should have known better. Bruce had eyes everywhere, it would always get back to him if someone was in his city.

Jason hadn’t expected Dick to just show up in the middle of the road though. With his cocky smile and his arms folded, Jason having to swerve his bike at the last second, nearly toppling over. He’d screamed at him for it, but Dick had just shrugged a shoulder, told him Bruce wanted to know what he was doing in Gotham.

Don’t tell me you weren’t going to drop in and say hi. Jason had laughed, wanted to spit back that he didn’t need to see any of them- but that was when Bruce was falling Dick, over the com link, and whether Jason wanted to or not, he was suddenly on his bike again with Dick behind him, racing for downtown Gotham because it was going to be the fastest way to get the man where he was needed.

And like it or not, Jason had been pulled into the action with the rest of the present family.

He didn’t step onto the elevator for a moment, and Dick reached out, holding the doors open. “Bruce will have my head if I leave you alone in the cave.” It seemed like the closest thing to an invitation he’d get, and Jason climbed on, trying to stand as far away from the other man as possible and not seem obvious. He felt funny, strange, like he was anxious and crawling under his skin and slightly hot, and Jason knew the cause. Knew it and hated it.

It was all Dick’s fault.

The slipped into the silence of the manor, the firsts to return. Bruce had stayed to do a final sweep of the city, keeping Damian with him. Stephanie had gone off as well, but Dick had said he didn’t expect her back at the manor. Tim, it seemed, was with the Titans.

So it was simply them.

Dick made his way towards the large main staircase, stopping to glance back at Jason, who seemed out of place, looking around as if he needed to find the door. Dick knew he knew exactly where it was.

“You don’t have to just leave,” he said, “You know it.”

“Don’t think Bruce is too keen on having people like me in his home.” By that, he meant people who didn’t follow his stupid rule. People man enough to pull the goddamn trigger when it needed to be done. People with blood on their hands.

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” Dick turned. “You’re part of this family still, like it or not. So are you coming up, or are you leaving?” Jason knew he should leave, should turn right around and head out that door, get the hell out of Gotham. He didn’t belong here, not anymore. Hadn’t in a long time.

He watched Dick reach up, rubbing the crook of his neck, and frowned, daring to take a step up the stairs. “You pull something?”

“I’m fine.” Jason ignored him, ignored his better judgement too, and reached out, swatting Dick’s hand away and pressing his gloved hand against the muscle, pushing in. Dick made a little noise, the kind that was contained, barely more then a breath.

“You’re wound tighter then the damn Joker,” he said, watching Dick’s eyes flash at the mention of the clown. Seemed no one could handle Jason making a joke about the man. “Fine. I’ll stay, but only if you let me help.”

“Where’s the real Jason?” Dick asked, turning away, heading up the stairs, Jason right behind him. Jason didn’t answer him, even as they made it into Dick’s room, the door clicking shut behind them. Dick walked over to his bed, flopping down, on his stomach, his face buried in a pillow, and Jason felt his stomach tighten, once, almost painfully. Pulling on his gloves, he walked over, heard Dick say, almost mockingly, “Your boots are not coming on my bed,” and kicked them off, tossing his gloves as well and climbing on.

He wasn’t sure Dick actually expected him to, to straddle the backs of his thighs- because the moment he did, he tensed, shifting to glance back at Jason.

“What?”

“...Didn’t actually expect you to.” He glanced away, folding his arms, resting his head on them, and Jason dared to run one hand up the curve of his back, along his spine.

“Yeah well. I’m feeling nice tonight. Probably just enjoy it.” Jason leaned over, pressing his hands to Dick’s shoulders, working the muscle so that Dick groaned instantly, dropping his head so it wasn’t his chin, but his forehead against his arms. Jason felt the tension, the over extension of muscle over and over again, nights prior but tonight especially. He exhaled, thumbs pushing at the base of Dick’s neck, at the pressure point where it always seemed to collect for him.

Jason knew this, knew it from memories of what felt like a lifetime ago, of a boy coming off the streets with a huge grin on his face, with energy to burn. A boy who had looked up at his almost-brother and asked to spar, to go out for just one more run around the city.

A Jason who wanted nothing more then to watch Dick move, fly through the air, to taste Gotham’s night sky in his mouth and swing next to him.

Dick used to laugh at him, but he indulged him, sparring with him until Bruce kicked them out of the cave, told them to go to bed. Then Dick would sneak Jason into his room, continue the fight there- but lighter, more playful, until he was flipping Jason up onto his bed, and the it was done. He had won. He still had size, practice on Jason- and even if he had raw talent, he didn’t stand up to him, yet.

Jason closed his eyes, drank down the sound Dick gave him as he dragged his thumbs along his spine, all the way to the base of his back, pulling the tension out to his hips. He knew the paths Dick liked, had them committed to memory- because he had told him, taught him after those fights. When he would crawl onto his bed and rub Jason’s shoulders until it didn’t feel like he’d taken a beating, been run over by a truck, before telling Jason exactly how to touch him, where to put his hands, the pressure he needed, to exact movement.

“You’re still-“ Dick was cut off, groaned as Jason worked his shoulders again, “still good at this.”

“Some things you don’t forget.” Jason’s voice was quiet, and he didn’t like it, didn’t like how it felt to have Dick under his hands, his finger tips. Didn’t like that he could remember the butterflies he used to get as a kid, getting to touch him. The stupid rush of heat to his cheeks because Dick was pretty, he was the goddamn boy wonder, or had been- and Jason just thought the world of him.

He worked on Dick’s right side, the kink of muscle from twisting, grabbing that woman mid fall. Dick’s groan was breathy, and Jason shifted, all too aware that when he moved, he pressed right against Dick’s ass, that the position was compromising, to say the least.

That heat under his skin had flared to hellfire, his stomach in knots, his spine tingling. He needed to diffuse this, the silence in the air, the only sounds their breaths, Dick’s groans. It was too thick, suffocating, and he needed a way to distract them both.

“You remember sparring in here?” Dick shifted a bit, lifting his head and only glancing back at him.

“Of course I do. You do?” Jason rolled his eyes.

“I didn’t forget everything before...” he trailed off, chose to not put words to his brief absence from life, his trip into a tight, hot abyss that still gave him nightmares. “I didn’t forget,” he said, again.

“Sometimes you act like you forgot a lot.” Jason stopped moving for a moment, that hesitation enough to have Dick turning to glance further back at him as he started moving his hands again.

“I didn’t.” Jason didn’t know what else to say, what Dick was getting at. He tried to not look at him, just his hands, but Dick was moving, shifting too much.

“You can stop, Jay.” Jason pulled back, situating himself back up on his knees, pulling his hands back into his own space. He hesitated a moment, then moved off of Dick, settling down on the opposite side of the bed, hanging his legs off it, ready to leave. He’d stayed long enough.

Dick rolled over, didn’t sit up, just laid on his back, arms folded behind his head, staring at him. Jason felt those eyes, felt them burning into the back of his head, and held his gaze on the opposite window, on the night sky beyond it.

“What?” he finally asked, unable to stand the silence, that feeling of being watched. Dick’s mouth curved, slightly, into a fond sort of smile.

“So you remember...” Dick let himself trail off, and Jason closed his eyes, exhaled. He knew what Dick was talking about, knew that one specific night, sliver of time, where Dick had gone to flip him onto the bed, to end their little game for the night, and Jason had been just a moment faster, had crouched and then turned, throwing his weight onto Dick and spilling them both onto the bed, breathy, panting from the exercise. Dick had laughed, his breathy, happy laugh, and ruffled Jason’s hair and smiled at him in such a way that Jason’s stomach had gone to butterflies.

He hadn’t been able to stop himself. He had leaned up, pressed his near quivering lips to Dick’s quickly, a hasty, almost chaste kiss, just a press of his mouth, a flush growing in his cheeks, and then he was pulling back, away, trying to push himself off Dick so he could get as far from that room as possible. Hiding under his own bed had been his first choice.

But Dick had been faster, and grabbed his shoulders and pulled him back, kissing him differently, far less innocent that Jason had. The kind of kiss that had Jason fidgeting around, making little noises, nearly crying when Dick’s tongue had traced his lower lip.

It was that that Dick was talking about.

Jason didn’t know why Dick had to bring it up- did he just want to gloat? Want to rub it into Jason’s face that he’d been a stupid kid with a stupid crush? And a stupid inability to say no.

Not that he’d needed to, not that it had ever gone that far, but there were nights when the sparring ended in kisses a lot less innocent then that first one. It was embarrassing to Jason, now, remembering the way he’d squirm against Dick, let the older boy almost rut against him as they grasped at each other, neither entirely sure where to take these kisses, how to really proceed. Fresh, new territory it had been, for both of them- Jason, in general, and Dick with another boy.

“Yeah,” Jason finally said, “Yeah. I do.” Dick shifted a little, finally sitting up, eyes moving over the curve of Jason’s shoulder. “Why? Don’t tell me you have wet dreams about me or somethin’.”

Dick didn’t say anything, Jason’s sarcasm an obvious defense. Instead he reached out, traced his hand up along his shoulder, grabbing it and forcing him to turn. Jason did, ready to tell Dick to lay off, expecting the man to tease him-

Instead, he got Dick’s mouth pressed right up against his. It was quick, barely any movement, but when he was pulling away, Jason couldn’t breathe. He simply stared, and Dick smiled, smiled at him, hand leaving his shoulder to reach up, brush his knuckles along his cheek.

“I was worried you forgot.” His hand moved back, into Jason’s hair, fingers tangling in with those short, dark locks, and Jason felt his heart in his throat, against the back of his tongue, throbbing, tugging on every heart string, tugging on every nerve in his body. Hurting, because Dick looked so sweet, looked younger then he was, looked so pretty, and the way he was looking at him-

He’d seen that look before, when Dick had him pressed into his pillows, was squirming between his legs, kissing him until they were both whimpering, had seen it when Dick would pull back and just stare at him, need to watch him. It was awe.

Jason leaned in, pressed his mouth against Dick’s and squeezed his eyes shut, the corners stinging. He couldn’t handle Dick looking at him like that, like he used to. Couldn’t handle thinking that he cared, that he had truly cared back then- that it hadn’t gone away.

Dick grasped at him with his other hand, his jacket, tugging him down so they sprawled out on the bed, Jason partially on top of him. Jason tried to pull back, but Dick didn’t let him, took the kiss from him and made it something new, harder presses of his mouth, the sudden feeling of Jason’s lip between his teeth. The younger man groaned, not sure where to put his hands,settling for clutching at the sheets instead.

When Dick finally released his mouth he nudged Jason’s chin up with his nose, kissed at his throat, lightly, smiling into his skin. Jason’s eyes had opened and he gasped, felt his body quake once.

“I didn’t want you to,” Dick whispered, “to forget. Any of it.” His hands had begun to roam Jason, along his sides, up under his jacket. Jason felt his body tense, unsure how he should be reacting- pulling away? Pushing closer?

Dick kissed up the side of his neck, right under his throat. “Your crush was cute,” he whispered, nipping at his ear lobe. “Almost as bad as mine was.”

Jason closed his eyes again, couldn’t handle this, felt like a child again, felt like the boy who had kissed Dick and wanted to hide from the world. The boy who had thought the world revolved around his predecessor. The boy who had wanted nothing more then to have Dick look at him with those pretty eyes like he was the only thing in the world.

“Stop,” he whispered, as Dick’s hands were pushing his shirt up, pressing to the bare skin at his waist. “Dick, don’t-“

“Why not?” He mouthed at his neck again, inhaling the smell of the exhaust from his bike, cigarettes, everything that made of Gotham’s air.

“I can’t,” Jason pulled away, managed to sit up, his breath rushing out of him. Dick stared at him with wide eyes, shocked, almost hurt, and Jason felt his chest caving in. “I just. No, Dick. No.”

He half expected Dick to grab him, to pull him in for another kiss, but the man kept his hands to himself, respecting the refusal. Jason sucked on his own tongue, watched Dick look away, could barely handle the ache in each and every fiber of his being. He couldn’t because it would kill him, having to life through those feelings again. He had died with them, in his chest, died knowing he had loved Dick and had never told him, died wanting to kiss him again, to curl up in the night and pretend that he was safe.

He couldn’t drag those back up, not to have them haunt him. If he was going to have Dick, he was going to leave nothing left for the rest of the world. He was sure the other man wasn’t ready for that.

“You know, after you...” Dick trailed off, and it seemed neither of them could verbally acknowledge Jason’s first death. “I was locked in here. I didn’t leave this fucking bed for a day, two, I don’t know. Alfred knows. He counted. But there was a pillow that smelled like you, and when I closed my eyes...well, I could pretend it never happened. It was a bad dream. And you were just asleep, right here, next to me, like you used to do on those late nights. Like you just didn’t want to walk back to your room.”

He reached up, brushed a hand back through his hair, a nervous chuckle on his lips.

“Guess I...I never really got over it.” He shrugged a shoulder, Jason watching each little movement. “Never got over you.”

Jason felt his chest crushing in, and suddenly he was back, pushing back up against Dick. He didn’t kiss him, simply pushed him back to the bed, pressed his face to the crook of his neck, inhaled and shook, let himself finally tremble, as the other man wrapped his arms around him, held him tight.

“I hate you,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut, hating that they were wet, that he was so undone. Hating himself, hating this man, hating whatever affections he held for him- because he had thought he was past this, past letting anything in enough to touch him like this. Thought he was seamless, crackless.

“I love you too, kid,” Dick whispered, and Jason almost laughed, shook once in silence and then pushed himself up, looked down at Dick.

“I’m not a kid anymore,” he reminded him, and Dick ran his hands up along his arms, cocking his head to once side.

“Prove it,” he teased, easing Jason away from the emotional onslaught, away from the cracking points in his armor- because he could feel it, the way he was slipping, from himself. Knew Jason had a voice in him, had hell inside his chest, and didn’t want to see him suffer there, drowning again.

Jason quirked up an eyebrow, dared to smile, and Dick was pulling him down, kissing him again. This time, the kissed was liquid, was slow and burning, Dick’s tongue tracing his lips, Jason not wanting to let it on, trying to push past it. Dick’s hands easing his jacket off his shoulders, pushing his shirt up his sides once it was gone, fingers tracing scars, scars he didn’t know, stories he had never been told.

They broke so that Jason could pull the shirt over his head, toss it to the side, before he leaned down to kiss Dick again, one hand finding his belly, laying flat over muscle, skimming over skin until his fingers pushed past the band of his sweatpants, Dick pushing his hips up, encouraging Jason to dip under the waistband of his underwear, to let his fingers brush along the base of his cock.

He hadn’t expected to find Dick aroused- at least, not in the state he was, fully hard and moaning the moment Jason’s fingers were there. He swallowed down the sound, grasped him, stroking him inside his clothing. Dick’s hands squeezed at his sides, then fluttered down to his own body, the kiss breaking as he pealed his clothing down to his thighs, his hips rising and a hiss leaving his lips as fevered skin met cool air.

“See-what you,” he started, breathy already, “do to-me?” Jason felt his stomach flip, watched the way Dick’s lips parted as he moaned, the way his cheeks were flushing, color on his neck too. The fever of want, a disease he had in him too, felt his own cock aching, his own body in endless steel knots.

Dick groaned as Jason rubbed his thumb over the head of his cock, then right under it, teasing the bundle of nerves there. He felt Dick’s mouth moving over his neck, teeth dragging along his skin, his hands grabbing at his lower back, then his ass, and Jason moaned, didn’t mean to but Dick’s hands felt so good, had always felt good, even when they were fists, when they had pressed into him with bruising force as a kid. Even then, they had felt good.

When his hands left his ass, Jason almost whined, managed to swallow back the embarrassing sound, as Dick’s hands moved to his belt, working it open, then his pants-

And god, when he pulled his cock free, stroked it at the same rhythm Jason was using on him, he was sure he was dreaming. Sure Dick was going to disappear and he was going to wake up to a mess on his sheets, alone with just the memory of what he had wanted so badly.

“I want you to do something, Jason,” Dick managed, the younger man only nodding, lips slack, unsure how words were even possible, how Dick could even think. Dick leaned up, kissed the corner of Jason’s mouth, squeezing his cock as he did so, whispering, “I want you to fuck me.”

Jason gasped then, groaned, couldn’t believe what he was hearing, that he was here, in this moment. He shook once, felt Dick letting go of his cock, guiding Jason’s hand away from his own, kissing along his jawline.

“Please?”

Jason nodded, almost uncontrollably, felt like a bumbling idiot as Dick smiled, so sweetly, running one finger down his chest.

“Nightstand,” he whispered, and Jason was moving, leaning over him and opening it, rummaging around. He grasped a small bottle, nearly dropped it trying to get it over to the bed, tried to open it but his hands were shaking. He was on overload.

Dick reached up, taking it from his hands and popping it open. With one hand he grabbed Jason’s wrists- but then, instead of leaning the bottle over his fingers, sucked two into his mouth, swirling his tongue around them, feeling Jason shake for him, loving the way his pupils dilated. When he guided them from his mouth, dragging them along his lower lip, he did hold Jason’s hand still, pouring the lube over his fingers, then setting the bottle aside, working it along the digits, until he was satisfied.

Jason moved, when his hand was released, Dick arching up to fully peal his clothing off, tossing it over the side of the bed. When he spread his legs, Jason nearly died again, felt his heart lurch with excitement, his cock twitch. He settled between them, one hand running along a thigh, feeling the muscle, the way it flexed beneath skin, his other hand slipping lower, between flesh and pressing against Dick’s hole.

Dick exhaled, as if calming himself, then, “Both at once,” and Jason was listening, pushing two overly slick fingers into his body. He was shockingly relaxed, and Jason wasn’t sure if it was will power or the amount of lube on his fingers, but they fit so easily into Dick, moving without pain as Dick tipped his head back, Jason trying to keep a steady thrust, scissoring them from time to time, liking the way it made Dick shake, just once.

He added a third before Dick told him, was rewarded with a groan, the man arching his back, one hand scrambling along the sheets. Jason drank it all down, felt nearly giddy over the fact that he was making Dick react like that, he was the one making him come undone, undiluted around the seams. He was the one forcing his way into the center of his world.

“O-kay,” Dick breathed out, even as Jason curled his fingers, hit that sweet spot inside him and had him crying out. “Jay. Jay s-stop,” he panted, tossing his head. Jason stilled his movements, sure for a second that he had done something wrong, but Dick was reaching down, grasping at his wrist, guiding his hand away from his body. “Don’t make me cum before we even start.”

Dick smiled, and Jason exhaled, chuckled, felt the butterflies rising up in his stomach again.

“Pants off first,” Dick teased, and Jason scrambled off the bed, to finish stripping, before climbing back on, between Dick’s thighs, grasping the bottle of lube and pouring some into his palm. He reached down, stroked himself, saw Dick watching him and couldn’t help but tip his head back, thrust into his own hand, groan once. “Jay,” he breathed, trying to hook his leg behind his thighs. “Jay come here, this isn’t fair.”

Jason smiled, listening, sliding in closer and grabbing one thigh, pulling it up towards his waist as his other hand held the base of his cock, began guiding himself inside. Dick’s breath caught in his throat, a choked sound escape him, and as soon as Jason was fully inside him he was pushing himself up, reaching for him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him closer.

He kissed him again, felt like the first and thousandth time, and Jason moved his mouth in every way Dick imagined he would, now- like he had when he was younger, when he was nervous and excited and so completely enthralled.

“Slowly,” Dick whispered, and Jason eased his hips back, rocking in slowly, feeling Dick shake once, his mouth on his jaw. Dick’s grip tightened around him and Jason wrapped an arm around him, trying to steady the two as they teetered between a delicate state of balance and tumbling, breathless to the bed.

Jason was torn between wanting to drive into Dick, to lose himself, and the sweet rhythm they had, to ease of it, the way he was almost more concerned with the way Dick would grasp his shoulders, kiss his throat, whisper his name. The way it didn’t seem like they were fucking, like it was something else-

His stomach knotted for the countless time that night, and Jason turned, found Dick’s mouth and kissed him, kissed him like he could tell him the story of his life without a single word. All the time spent away, all the secrets when he was a child. All the awe and wonder and love he had felt then, when looking at him.

“You’re fucking amazing,” Jason breathed, and Dick smiled, reached up to brush his thumb along his cheek. They were barely moving now, simply tied together, connected, their seams merging. Dick kept kissing him, quickly, his mouth and then the corner, his jaw, back to his lips. Like he needed to map his entire face for memory.

“And you’re real,” Dick whispered, clutching him tighter. “Sometimes I worry you’re not.”

Jason felt his chest tightening, reached up to grip Dick’s chin and kiss him, unable to stop himself from shaking, stop his eyes from watering, small wet trails appearing on his cheeks.

Sometimes, he worried he wasn’t real, too.

Dick wrapped both arms around his neck, clutching onto him, kissing up his cheek, licking at one salty path, kissing the corner of his eye, his temple. He hushed him, he whispered his name, over and over again, like he was bringing Jason to life, pulling him back from the world of the dead, casting a spell to make sure each bit of his soul materialized in that very room.

When Dick kissed him again, Jason could taste his own tears, and he shifted, had Dick whimpering, the movement sparking their nerves back to life, reminding them of the intimate lock they had each other in.

“How do you-“ Jason whispered, and Dick let go of him, falling back into the pillows, spreading his thighs and then holding his arms out, welcoming him in. Jason leaned over him, thrusting up into him as Dick grasped at his shoulders, gave a cry, the pleasure that had eased firing back up through his spine, inside his body.

“Like this,” Dick answered, even as Jason thrust into him, had him groaning between words. “With you looking at me.” Jason choked, couldn’t tear his eyes away from Dick’s, from the impossible dark blue, from the curve of his cheek bones below, the way his lips tugged when he moaned, smiled, said Jason’s name.

“I always look at you,” Jason confessed, because it was true. Anytime he was in Gotham, anytime he crossed paths with this man, he looked right into him, tried to see the boy he had fallen so madly for as a child, saw the man he wanted to grasp, to hold, to cling to as unravel for. He looked at Dick like he was the only thing in the world.

“Like I’m the only one in the world.” Jason lost his breath, kissed Dick, sucked on his lower lip, made him whine.

“You are,” he breathed, and Dick was clutching tighter, gasping, breath coming faster, pulse pounding through his body. Jason shivered as his blunt nails dug into his skin, couldn’t help but thrust faster, couldn’t help the pressure building in his spine. Dick’s breathing was gaspy, rushed, and he was quivering now.

“Do you want me-“ Jason started, but Dick was shaking his head, liking the way Jason had him framed, his forearms pressed into the pillows around Dick’s head.

“I-don’t need it,” he managed, arching his hips up, and suddenly he was crying out, Jason hitting that sweet bundle of nerves that had him seeing stars. He clutched Jason as if death threatened to carry him away again, and Jason aimed, hit that spot again, and again, and again, until Dick was gone, undone and sobbing his name, shaking as his body clenched him tightly, as he came with Jason’s name falling form his tongue like a prayer.

Jason followed, completely undone from the way Dick’s face looked like pure bliss, from the fact that he was making him feel good, that he had done this, had managed to satisfy this man. He groaned, his thrusts stilling as he filled Dick, and then he was shaking too, feeling as if he was plummeting down from a high.

When Jason pulled out, Dick whined, let the broken sound fall openly from his mouth. He slipped over his side, laying down next to him, as Dick shifted onto his side so he could face Jason. He reached out, pulled the younger man into his arms, forcing Jason to rest his head on his chest s he rolled back onto his back, stroking the curve of Jason’s shoulder blades, the beginning of his spine.

Neither spoke for a moment, Jason listened to the beat of Dick’s heart, his breathing, before finally, “I do always look at you.”

Dick smiled, hand tracing up to tease the ends of his hair. “I know,” he whispered, “You did when we were kids, too. It was the sweetest thing anyone has ever done, still.” Jason said nothing, traced his fingers along the curves of the muscle along Dick’s stomach. “You know, I used to forget what I was doing sometimes, when you were in the room.”

Jason shifted, pushed himself up and glanced back at Dick, the other man’s hand falling away from his body.

“I couldn’t stop looking at you. You were just...you were something else, Jay. You are something else.” He reached up, traced knuckles along his cheek again. “When you were around, you were the absolute center.”

Jason felt his stomach clenching, couldn’t handle another breakdown, another crack in his skin. His fingers were trembling, and Dick took his hand, kissing his knuckles.

“I loved you then,” he added, glancing up, “and I wasn’t lying before. I still do.”

With that, Jason felt everything around him shrinking, caving in, crushing into him. He couldn’t be living this, it was too good, too good for him. Nothing ever worked out like this in his life- not for long, anyway.

He pulled away from Dick, moving from the bed. “I just,” he started, feeling awkward as he stepped into his underwear, pants. “I need some air.”

Dick didn’t fight him, nodded, watching him cross the room, shirtless, opening up Dick’s balcony doors and stepping outside. The chill sunk right into his lungs as he fumbled around his pockets, found his lighter, cigarettes. He shoved one between his lips, tried to get a flame and shield it from the wind, but it seemed damn near impossible. He cursed, finally getting the flame to take, and inhaled deeply, the rush of nicotine what he needed. He exhaled, let his head fall back, listening to Dick moving behind him. He had left the door open, afraid Dick would think he was running away from him.

He wasn’t. Jason wanted to run away from himself, from his luck, from what seemed to be an endless game of hard to get he played with happiness.

Jason took another drag, before suddenly the door to Dick’s room was opening. Jason turned, felt his blood going cold as Bruce stared into the room. He wasn’t in his suit, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t terrifying.

He was holding Jason’s helmet.

He was looking at Dick, as if he didn’t see Jason, and maybe- maybe he didn’t. It was late, the night had been long, and maybe Jason could simply disappear for a minute.

“Perfect,” Dick said, taking the helmet before Bruce could say anything, “Saves me a trip. Everyone in one piece?” Bruce nodded. “Good. So Jason is staying the night. We can play catch up in the morning. We’re kind of...tired.”

Bruce glanced past Dick, caught Jason’s stare. Jason held it, his cigarette burning between two fingers, his chest tight. He held that stare, and he saw something in Bruce’s eyes, a veil of sadness falling, disbelief- like he wouldn’t let himself believe Jason was there.

And then he was leaving, not commenting on either’s state of near undress. Jason turned away, taking a hasty drag on his cigarette, as Dick tossed his helmet onto his jacket and walked over to him, sliding right up next to him.

“You are staying, right?” Jason glanced at him, took another drag, held it for a moment.

“Yeah,” he said, as he exhaled. “Yeah. I think you convinced me.” Dick grinned, turned Jason and plucked the cigarette from his fingers, tossing it away as he leaned in, kissed him, tasted it on his lips.

“Good,” he whispered, “because after that, if I wake up clutching another pillow that just smells like you, I think I’ll lose my mind.” He took Jason’s arm, tugging him inside, and Jason followed, feeling that fluttering in his stomach, his chest. That crazy sort of infatuation that had always come when he looked at Dick, from the days when they were kids fighting for fun, from the moments when Dick kissed him and Jason simply didn’t know if it was even real-

To the moment he had thought about his pretty eyes, in those final, crazy moments before life ended, for a short time.

And maybe he didn’t have the best luck, maybe this wouldn’t last. Maybe someday, he’d lose Dick again, be lost himself.

There were a lot of maybes, but for once, Jason didn’t care. Didn’t want to care. All he wanted to do was curl up in bed with Dick, let the man fit perfectly along the curves of his back and hold him, like he had when they were kids, when Jason refused to leave. All he wanted to do was relive those moments, for just one night, the fluttering of his heart, the comfort in having Dick’s hand to hold.

He would enjoy this, every last moment, until it was gone. And he would always have his memories, even when he was gone, faded back into the abyss of nonexistence. Nothing could take these moments away from him- he knew it was true, as he stretched out in Dick’s bed, like he had so long agao, and as he had hoped, the older man curled up behind him, pulling him back against his chest, nearly cradling him. Jason sighed, felt Dick kissing his hair.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Jay,” he whispered, and as if he was inside Jason’s mind, added, “I promise.”

Jason believed him. He allowed himself the luxury of trust, if only for tonight.