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Love Me Like You Mean It

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6 Years Ago


Clarke took off her sweat pants and climbed into bed, her sweater still on to keep her warm as the cold New York winter air burst through her window. You would think she’d get up and close it but she liked the breeze as she slept. Coming from California, it was a nice change from the heat she was used to. She let out a soft yawn before rolling over on her stomach to grab her phone. Sure enough as if on cue her phone began to ring. It never ceased to amaze her that just when she was thinking of her girlfriend a message of some sort or a phone call always followed. It was endearing even though it was slightly creepy, in the best possible way.


“You are so cute.” Was the first thing she heard as she bunched her pillow up under her arm.


“Hi beautiful.” She answered with a shy laugh as she leaned her phone against her pillow, her head resting gently in the palm of her hand. In that moment she was almost certain that the smile on her face was the wattage of the sun.


“I think I should be the one saying that. You’re up late, I thought I had missed my window of opportunity.”


“My girlfriend would be really disappointed in me if I didn’t answer the face time call of a total knock out.”


Clarke watched as her girlfriend scrunched her nose up, another endearing trait her girlfriend had. Then again all her faces were perfect and Clarke was positive she knew them all by heart. Even if she didn’t see them she knew what face she was getting by the tone of her girlfriends voice and almost every time it made her giggle softly. “You’re probably right, I mean she can’t be selfish and keep your beautiful, gorgeous, sexy, intelligent attention to herself.”


Even after years of being together, somehow her girlfriend always managed to put the biggest smile on her face and managed to keep it there. “I miss you. I used to look forward to coming home after a long day of studying and curling up next to you in bed.”


“I miss you too. More than I will ever be able to express.” She tried to stifle the yawn that managed to escape. “It’s three a.m. there, why are you still awake my love?”


“Just got home from school. We had a group lab that was due so of course people left their parts to the last minute. What’s got you up so late?”


“I couldn’t sleep and I was studying for my next test. Have I ever told you how much I dread property law?” To drive her point home the women on the other end of the line held her up textbook that had post it notes all over it.”


Again all Clarke could do was smile but she was pretty sure it was mostly her body craving sleep. “Mm, I love when you get all sexy and sophisticated with your colour coordinated notes, and those glasses. Let me tell you how lucky you are that there are 3000 miles between us.”


“And how does that make me lucky?”


“Are you flirting with me?” She raised her eyebrow, which only caused the woman on the other end of the line to laugh.


“I wouldn’t want to be flirting with anyone else, but I want to hear about your day before you fall asleep and leave me sexually frustrated.”


Clarke smiled as she felt her cheeks warm up. Even after being together for the better part of their lives her girlfriend still managed to give her butterflies and make her extremely nervous, especially when she was half asleep. “For starters, I would never do such a thing and my day was long, being an intern sucks. I’m basically the hospital bitch…is it bad that I love it?”


Her girlfriend smiled, her eyes brightening as she listened to Clarke talk about her work. “From where I’m sitting, that’s a good thing, I’m so proud of you Clarke.”


“How was your day?” She asked before she started to tear up at hearing her girlfriend say that.


“Oh you know, the usual. I had a date, his name was…” She looked down at her text book before looking back up at the camera on her phone. “Jamieson.”


“And two minutes ago you were saying that you wouldn’t want to be flirting with anyone else.”


They were silent for a moment as Clarke’s eyes involuntarily closed. “How could I when I have you. The only thing you don’t do is pass my exams for me, hence, I gotta sleep with this guy.”


“Okay, fine but I want a nice house in the hills as an apology.”


“Says the next greatest surgeon.”


Silence filled both rooms as they laid there, looking at each other through half lidded eyes. “I miss you, I miss you so bad. I know I’ve already said it but four days at Christmas wasn’t enough.”


“I miss you too but I’m right here, keeping your side of the bed warm.”


“Stay with me tonight?” It was a simple request but it was the only thing they had that made them feel just a little closer together.


“You never even had to ask. Sleep love, I’m going to study a little bit more but I promise to be quiet.”


Clarke was barely able to nod her head as her eyes closed. Her girlfriend sat there for long moments with a sleepy smile of her own before picking up her text book.


Twenty minutes later a faint whisper was heard. “I love you Lexie.” It was groggy at best, the rasp in the blondes voice made it near impossible to understand but to Lexa it was loud and clear.


“I love you Clarke.”




She was hit with the warm California air as she took her first step off the plane. It had been awhile since she had been home, so long that it didn’t really feel like home at all anymore. It had been just over three years since the last time she had decided to visit and if her mother hadn’t called with a great job opportunity it probably would have been a lot longer.


When she had originally decided to go to New York it had been to get away from her mother. The last thing she wanted was to build a name for herself based on who her mother was, so she only applied to the top medical schools on the east coast. She figured it was less likely that someone would recognize her based on her mother on the other side of the country. She needed to prove to the world and more importantly to herself that she was either going to fail or excel at being a great surgeon because of her own talent, not her last name. That was a lot harder to do when your mother was one of the leading cardio thoracic surgeons in the country, maybe even the western hemisphere.


The choice to leave had been hard; she was leaving behind her home, her friends, the family dog and her girlfriend. That was almost eight years ago.


“I hopped off the plane at LAX, with a dream and my cardigan…” And just like that Clarke’s somewhat heavy moment was erased with her best friend singing loudly in her ear.


“Really Octavia?” She raised an eyebrow at the woman.


“You’re from here, I’m not, let a girl have her moment Clarke.”


Octavia was the first person Clarke had met when she first got to New York. The story behind it was quite simple. Clarke needed a place to live and rent wasn’t cheap so she went through a long list of potential places until she found Octavia, bold, brash, and honest, just her kind of girl. They had hit it off almost immediately, considering they didn’t see much of each other. Neither girl spent a lot of time in the apartment, which is probably the main reason their friendship had blossomed.


A half hour later, they sat in the cab on their way to Clarke’s family home in Laguna Beach.


“I jumped in the cab and here I am for the first time. I look to my right and I see the Hollywood sign.” Octavia started to sing again, leaning into Clarke as she did so. “Loosen up Clarke, you know you love that song, don’t act like you don’t because I caught you singing it in the shower.”


Clarke could only roll her eyes as a slight smile crept over her features. “How is it you go from being a bad ass cop to a singing a fool?”


Octavia shrugged. “All part of my charm.”




7 Years Ago


“Octavia.” Lexa nodded curtly into the camera of her phone as she saw her girlfriends room mate lean in over her shoulder.


“Sup Lex. I’m going to be home for the next two hours before I go out to meet Lincoln, so please hold off on the phone sex until after I leave. I do not want to hear that again.”


“It was one time.” Both Clarke and Lexa said in unison as Octavia walked away laughing.


“I like her.” Lexa said once she heard the door in the background close.


Clarke grinned like a fool. “I’m glad, I can’t wait for you to meet her, outside of a phone call that is.”


“I love seeing you so happy.”


“You don’t need to lay it on thick, you already won the best girlfriend of the year award.”


They heard Octavia making puking noises as she came out of her room and back into the kitchen. “Damn I really thought I was giving her a run for her money.”


“You aren’t the only one that rides a motorcycle.” Lexa joked as she secretly took a screen shot of Clarke looking over at her roommate.


“But I am the only one that does her laundry when her head is neck deep in her textbooks.”


“Total unfair advantage of your current living situation.”


Clarke sat back as she held the phone in Octavia’s direction. Ever since she and Octavia had gotten close, Octavia and Lexa had started an ongoing battle of who was better at arguing. At least that’s what it sounded like to Clarke but she was pretty sure it was just their weird way of bonding.


“Well I can rap. Always a crowd pleasure.”


“You the girl from law school raps?”


Clarke laughed, indeed her girlfriend was known to bust out a few rhymes. “West Coast, all the way, I’m not just a privileged girl from a gated community. Besides who do you think taught Clarke?”


Octavia looked at her roommate. There had been a few occasions where she had come home to the woman dancing around the house, rapping to Eminem. “I need to see it to believe it.”


Lexa winked. “One day, if you’re lucky.”


“I’ll be getting lucky tonight so it seems as though luck is on my side.” A slap on the leg. “Ow. Clarke, okay fine, I’m going to get ready. Bye Lex Luther.”


Clarke looked back at her phone to see Lexa giving her a knowing grin. “What?”


“You know what.” A look. “Don’t scrunch those eyebrows at me Clarke Griffin.”


“Or what?” She stuck her tongue out with a laugh causing Lexa to shake her head with a smile.




Later that week while Clarke was at the hospital Octavia decided to take a walk around the small coastal town and get acquainted with where she’d be living for the next little while. Clarke had shown her a few places but she needed to stretch her wings, or at least that’s what she had told Clarke when she had texted her an hour ago.


First on her list was trying to find the best coffee house. Which she figured shouldn’t be hard considering that there really weren’t that many, especially compared to what she was used too.


“Octavia.” The barista called out her name as he set her latte on the counter. She put a lid on the cup and turned to leave. Except she turned to fast and nearly walked right into the person walking through the door. These California folk walked way too slow for her liking. There was definitely no hustle and bustle in Laguna.




“Lexa.” A moment passed as both women stared at each other. “I don’t know whether I should hug you or hit you.”