Any time a conversation with Foggy began by him walking up to Matt with his specific I’m-going-to-spring-a-bad-idea-on-you saunter, Matt knew...well, that bad ideas were about to be sprung. Considering the extent of Matt’s own bad ideas, the sound of that gait no longer filled him with a curiosity laced with dread as it had in college - still, he knew to be warier.
“Matt - just - I gotta know,” Foggy began, his voice apparently all seriousness; Matt could still hear the underlying thread of a laugh being pulled through each syllable. His curiosity was unfortunately piqued. “When did you last blow Captain America?”
That, Matt had not been expecting. He paused, his hands slowly drifting from the papers he’d been going over as though they were being pushed apart on his wave of confusion. He tilted his head slightly, furrowing his brows. “What?”
“Karen told me she found these and I kind of had to look them up,” Foggy replied, the amusement in his chest bubbling up to heighten his voice. Matt gave an apprehensive smile and was about to repeat his question when Foggy cut him off. “Hold on a sec - gotta - here we go! ‘Captain America’s hands gripped the Daredevil’s horns as his luscious’ - luscious! - ‘lips stretched around Steve’s dick -’”
“Foggy,” Matt broke in, feeling an unfortunate heat prickle over his neck. Masked in the guise of the Daredevil or not, it was still Foggy reading porn about him, to him. Evidently serious porn, for serious purposes; he felt his blush spreading against his will.
“Matt,” Foggy squeaked beneath a laugh. “Wait, wait - I hadn’t read this far: ‘‘‘Oh,” Steve moaned. He hadn’t had anyone since Bucky and it seemed only right that after everything he should have gone to the Devil.’ Oh my god.”
Foggy dissolved into his laughter, bumping against the door frame as he jostled beneath the weight of his amusement. Matt was still slightly too flustered to join in to that extent, but he couldn’t suppress his disjointed laugh. “What was that?”
“Fanfiction! You’ve got a whole genre of it, buddy. Oh, and apparently, you should have stuck with the ninja mask - I think you went down on Tony Stark like five times with that thing on. This person’s all for you and Captain America having weird religious feelings over the sexy Devil - if only she knew, huh? I could write her some fanfiction with you and Captain America, knock her socks clear across town,” he said firmly, losing himself to scrolling through his phone.
“You are not going to write weird religious things about me and Steve Rogers. Where the hell are you finding this?”
“The internet: It’s not just for vigilante gear anymore,” Foggy supplied casually. Matt sighed; he'd figured that much. Foggy fell quiet across the room, evidently continuing to search for more embarrassing - and somehow weirdly incriminating, though Matt couldn’t have put a finger on why - details. “Ooh, hey, and the Spider-man.”
Matt remained incredulous in the relative silence which filled the room; he was aware that people found him attractive, even if it wasn’t the sort of thing he could could acknowledge without being a douchebag (thereby invoking the inverse phenomenon which Foggy had lovingly dubbed “crouching duck, hidden sex panther”). Even so, he had not been aware of people waxing pornographic about his mouth until now; it was vaguely gratifying in a way that made it all the more embarrassing. Matt was enormously glad that his own confused pulse was silent to Foggy.
Abruptly, Matt was drawn from his reverie by Foggy's exclamation of, "I've figured it out!"
“How to purge them all from the internet?”
“Spoilsport! No, I figured out how you’ve kept me around all this time. It’s gotta be the lure of that - and I’m gonna go ahead and quote directly - ‘peach-pert ass’,” Foggy said solemnly. Matt couldn't help his head jerking back in a surprised bark of laughter at that one. “I just don’t know how to quit you, Murdock.”
“How many of those stories did you read, Foggy?”
“I just don’t know how to quit that, either, apparently; they’re hilarious. Do you want me to send you a link? I bet they’ll be extra hot with that screen reader voice.”
“I’ll pass,” Matt said, voice flat.
“You know what kinda sucks about this, though?” Foggy asked. He locked his phone in order to devote his full attention to Matt once more. “I can’t get in on this fictional action because of the whole 'secret identity' thing. How am I gonna know if I have an apple-amazing or pear-perfect ass, Matt?”
“I’m sure you have a mango-marvellous ass, Foggy.”
Foggy gave a false little sniffle of sincerity. “Thanks, man.”