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partners in cream: the overstayed welcome

Summary:

Gerard Way’s new years eve party was the talk of the town. Anyone and everyone would be there. Except for them...
Matty and Halsey. Take a gander at this bizarre tale at your own risk.
[GONE SEXUAL]
[GONE WRONG]
[GONE VIOLENT]
[GONE CREAMY]

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Gerard Way’s new years eve party was the talk of the town. Anyone and everyone would be there. Except for them…

That curly-haired wanka and his short-haired bird. They were blacklisted last year for their unacceptable absolutely abominable animalistic behavior all over the dance floor, the less you know the better. This year, we had a fresh start, AFTER we bleached the house, AND replaced the floorboards, we finally found peace. This New Year would be one to remember, this time in a good way.

Gee sighed as he put the last set of string lights on the exposed brick wall, the same wall that was demolished after last year's unspeakable occurrences. His breath quickened as his glace shifted from the wall to the illuminated dance floor and his pupil dilated as it all comes flooding back.

The year was 2013, Gerard had spent all month prepping to throw the most kick-ass New Year’s party his people had ever seen. The greats would be there, his friends, his lovers, his enemies, his colleagues, his acquaintances, that guy he met at that one karaoke bar who seemed quite offit but Gerard didn't judge. Everyone deserved to have a taste of this.

That was the worst mistake he made in all his years of living. The infamous karaoke man’s name was Matty. Mattheeeew Timotheee Heelyyy to be exact. The strong effect he had on Gerard in the mere seconds of their interaction at the bar, made his invitation mandatory.

Healy walked into the dimly lit house, dressed in his signature fuck boy attire, clonking his doc rottens and demanding the hazy eyes of the crowd. One particular set of hazel orbs bored back into his and his trajectory was set for the night, straight into her pants.

He sauntered over to her, legs spread to assert his dominance.

“Heyyy (¬‿¬)” He said to her back, as she was not facing him.

She twirled around to face him but lost her balance, as she was wearing heeelies, and toppled onto him, forcing them both to the ground.

“S-sorry uwu 👉🏻👈🏻” she blushed as she realized their position, her hips straddling his in a tantalizing stance.

“That’s alright luv,” he chuckled, “in fact, it’s more than alright.” He smirked making no effort to fix their current, tedious yet pleasurable predicament.

“I’m Ashley” She batted her eyelashes down at him and got comfortable.

“I know.” He said mysteriously, hot, but mysterious.

 

/////////////////🤪TIME SKIP✨///////////////////////

 

He ripped the fibers of her bright, pink lips with his aggressively British chompers and in turn ripped off the last piece of her clothing leaving them both completely and utterly bare. The crowd around them grew larger and larger as their moans got louder and louder, his briish and hers cursive.

“Stop this madness!” Gerard ROARED as he made his way to the center of it all, utterly appalled by what he witnessed.

Matty and Ashely were displaying their pure desires for the whole party to see. Head in ass, heart in heart, sixty-nineing. This was not your mom’s sixty-nine. This was a whole new ballpark. When I say head in ass, I MEAN

HEAD.
IN.
ASS.
Literally H E A D A S S !!!!!

They formed a two-person human centipede with their love and lust for one another.

“Deeper!” She commanded Matthew loudly as she felt him laugh within the walls of her gaping hole.

“You first” she heard him reply, muffled, but loud enough for her to get the memo.

She then plunged head first into his perky, pink, and waiting asshole earning a muffled but again somehow loud groan,

This circle of grotesque romance rolled around the wooden floor like a beachball, flopping and splatting on the feet of the party guests. All who viewed immediately spewed, only adding fuel to the fire, and lube to their heads.

Gerard looked on with horror in his core and tears rushing from his eyes, “You dirty little whores, GET OUUUUUT! GETOUTGETOUTGETOUTGETOUUUUUUUT!!!!!!”

But they only laughed, manically into their holes, continuing to suck and fuck and lick and moan all at the expense of the poor partygoers.

 

Gerard was brought suddenly back to reality by a pair of beautiful tattooed arms snaking around his waist and pulling him close.

“They’re not gonna be here this time, baby” Frank cooed as he felt his husband relax in his arms.

“I-i know, it-ts just that-” Gerard tried to explain but was interrupted by his own gutwrenching sobs.

Frank turned him around so they could face one another and gave him a bittersweet smile as he caressed his face.

“It’s gonna be okay.” He replied, hating the way they forced his lover into the throes of trauma. If he saw them this time, they were as good as dead.

“T-thank you, Frankie 🥺” He sniffled as his sobs subsided and he leaned into Frank’s touch.

 

As 10 o clock rolled around, the guest started arriving in droves.

“The party’s here 🤪!!” the big-lipped man, decked out in an accentuating, off-white pinstripe suit, boomed across the room as he dragged his shy mouse of a date, clad in his usual scarf, to Gerard and Frank.

 

“Hey Brendon, heyy ryan. Glad you could make it! I know last year’s party was rough for all of us, but they’re never coming back, don't you worry.” Gerard reassured them and patted Ryan on the back as Frank rubbed his.

An hour went by without a hitch, the crowd grew and grew, partying through and through, threatening each other with good times all around.

Gerard sighed happly as he watched his guests thoroughly enjoying themselves, no moans in the background, no fluids, no terror, just happlyiness.

“Great party you got going here, bruv!” Gerard stopped dead in his tracks and turned around ever so slowly, the Briiish voice immediately sending chills up and down his spine.

He felt his very bones rattle and shake as his eyes met those of his sworn, whorish enemies and widened in horror.

Heely and Hasley a match made in the deepest darkest depths of hell were standing in the last place they should be; right in front of him.

 

Matty was in his prime, clad in his oversized and haphazardly open button-up and skinny diinny jeans in equally revolting doc rattends. His partner in cream, Ashleewwy was letting it all hang out in an almost transparent, skin-tight, iridescent, pink mini dress and a blindingly unattractive pink wig to match.

Gerard released a blood-curdling, hearstopping, banshee-like screech from the depths of his throat upon the ungodly sight of this dangerously creamy pair. The party people all abruptly turned to pinpoint the source of the sound, the music stoppign and all eyes landing on him.

“What the fuck is going on?” Pete Wentz, member of Fall oUT Boy, inquired to the younbgest Way, mIKEY.

“Fuck, they’re back again,” was all he said, grimacing.

Frank Anthony Iero Jr. immideatlyey appeared next to his shellshocked betrothed, face full of rage, fists balled and ready to pounce. He clamped his hand over Gerard’s still screaming mouth and allowed him to crumple in his arms, quickly whispering a sweet nothing into his ears, calming him down for the moment.

“What in GOD’S NAME ARE YOU DOING HERE IN MY HOUSE WHERE I LIVE ON MY STREET WHERE MY CAR DRIVES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD WHERE IM A HOME OWNER WITH MY HUSBAND WHOM I LOOOOF??????” he bellowed, steam rushing out of his ears and nostrils, fire shooting from his mouth.

“Woah, woah, woah mate. Why so serious? We’re just here to partyyy.” Matty stated matter-of-factly, his smirk reaching unholy levels of smug.

“Yea I hear you throw a kickass party, dontcha Gee? Or should I say, headass party (¬‿¬)?” She stated shamelussy as she slithered over to Gerard’s shell of a body, still crumpled in his lover’s arms, booping his nose with her vile phalange, completely oblivious to the detrimental trauma she inflicted upon him with her unspeakable barrel-like actions of the previous year.

Gerard immediately broke down into hysterical sobs, his humongous tears moistening the freshly bleached hardwood floor around them, swiftly creating puddles underneath the aghast guests' feet.

“Like, let’s get out here, Scoob!!” Daniel Howell appeared suddenly and then disappeared just as quickly as he came, draggoing his compamninon Philliip Lesgrear along with him.

Fribk’s heart shattered instantly at the sound of Gerard’s cries and he shoved Ashittyly away from them, causing her to fall unceremoniously into Meaty.

“Oi! Watch yourself mate, thats ma bird your slingin about there!” He held her close to her by her left b00b, specifically, it twas his favorite of her many boobs after all.

“WENOMECHAINASAMA TUMAJARBISAUN WIFENLOOOF ESELIFTERBRAUN VOI PUTTANE CAGNA SPORCHE! MALEDICO LA TUA FAMIGLIA, IL TUO LIGNAGGIO, TUTTA LA TUA LINEA DI SANGUE!! RUE IL GIORNO IN CUI SEI NATO E SEI TORNATO A CASA MIA DOVE VIVO SULLA MIA STRADA DOVE LA MIA AUTO GUIDA NEL MIO NE (Oops! You have reached the character limit for machine translation. Log in or Create your personal account in seconds & translate more.)” Frankenweenie cursed at the creamly couple in his native tongue and shook his own phalange at them, advancing menacingly towards them, eventually backing them into a corner, of his house where he lived, in his home, where he was a homeowner.

Ashley teared up and buried her head in the crook of Mweeaty’s cock- i mean neck, causing Meatie to let some of his own anger lose.

“This shit is wild bro:-O!!!!11!1!1!!1!!” Ronnie Radke, maniac, murderer, and menace that he is, exclaimed extremey loudly on the other side of the house, already equipped with his brass knuckles in case things got rowdy.

“This bell end oever ‘ere plonker slag knob dodgy chav. Betta watch his mouth ‘fore I show him wut a propah scrap looks like. I reckon he’d like that the li‘ile uphill gardener! I come from Macclesfield, down there we mop up arsehowles like you, propah tosser if yew ask meh.” MATTY retorted, in a harshly Briish manner, to Frank’s somewhat Italian curses spit flying from his horrifically BRitish mouth, drenching Frank in now saliva and tears.

Franks simply glared at him for a bit longer before storming off to find Gerard as he had disappeared from his arms during this debacle of opposing dialects. Just as quickly as he left, an unmistakable figure appeared in his place.

Gerard was clad head to toe in a bright yellow hazmat suit, a LARGE can of EXTRA STRONG Raid in hand.

“I will not let you taint my house and terrorize me OR my guests OR my husband who I love any longer! He shouted shaking them to their core. He had gained his confidence back and then some. It was his house, his party, his life. He was Gerard Arthur Way, he never backed down, he was not afraid to keep on living, he was not afraid to walk this world alone, honey if you stay you’ll be forgiven, nothing you can say stop him from spraying them and going home.

“Gerard, baby, please think about this 😥. You don’t know what you’re doing! Put the Raid down.” Ashtitty spoke, feigning innocence, trying to approach him.

“Stay BACK, SLUT!” Gerard ordered as he shook the can and unleashed his toxic juice and fumes all over the creamy, deeamy whores.

The fumes grew wildly as his grip never faltered. Matty peered out into the crowd with fear in his eyessasrses as he was met with gas-masked faces staring back at him. Were they all planning this from the srtart?
Was this how he would disappear? Would they not give him one more time?

He looked over at his bird, his slag, Ashley only to be met with a mindboggling heartwrenching sight.

CREAM.

His once gratuitous boobed eighteen-year-old lover was replaced with a pile of white, plump, whipped cream, only a still hideous pink wig left of her.

“NAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!”

He cried out, one last hurrah before the fumes finally consumed him and the cream called his name, Meatiey Thyroid Hjelly, for the first and last time of his insane life.

The smoke cleared as Gerard ultimately stopped spraying, revealing his lover, Frak, next to him in a matching hazmat suit.

They looked down at the sight before them, expressions incredulous. The partygoers crowded around them to catch a glance of the aftermath.

Two identical piles of whipped cream sat before them, where Ashluley and Metgala, once stood.

“Gnarly.” Joshua Dun and Tyler Joesph chorused in unison, instantly high-fiving each other at their linked minds.

Gerard and Frank lifted their helmets off and their expressions hardened.

“Now you will forever be partners in cream.” Gerard stated to the piles, satisfaction smeared across his face, similar to the cream smeared across his new floor, as he dropped the empty can of EXTRA STRENGTH Raid next to them.

“You overstayed your welcome.” Frank spat, literally onto the piles of cream.

 

And everybody clapped.

Notes:

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