Oh he should not be doing this. Definitely not. This was a bad idea—mega bad, worse than the protagonist of a horror movie walking into the haunted house bad. But Lisa had one hand sliding under his t-shirt and her other in his hair and bad was sounding very, very good right now.
God she was kissing him like she meant it, way more intense than the first time, and he probably shouldn’t trust this, sure she must have some ulterior motive, but the things she was doing with her tongue were driving him cray-zay. So he let his hands grip her waist and prayed for the best. Not sure what the best was. Just praying for it.
She pulled back and grinned. “Cisco, we have got to get you to a bed, or a least a room, ASAP.”
He made a hhnngggh sound but no articulate words actually came out. She didn’t seem to mind, smirked like she was more than pleased with his reaction. The she was turning, grabbed his hand and dragged him toward the back door of the bar, something like “my car’s out back” registering in his ears but honestly he was too busy staring at her ass and contemplating the feel of her fingers clasped in his hand to really process that information. Really, having Lisa Snart press you up against a secluded corner in a dingy bar with the intent to have her wicked way with you, that kind of shut a guy’s brain off pretty fast. Having her announce that she was dragging you off to a room somewhere, well if this was another trap, it was definitely the best possible way he could go.
The night air woke him up a bit when they exited out the back door, Lisa giggling and stealing another kiss in the middle of the alley, cheeks flushed from the cool night air but eyes alight. God she was beautiful.
“Aaaand, I said that out loud.”
“I never mind a compliment, you know.”
He couldn’t stop the goofy grin on his face if you paid him.
Then Lisa grabbed his hand again and he caught up, took the liberty of taking back that hand and slid it around her waist instaed, kind of fluttery and nervous while doing it, but determined to show her he could be cool and confident too. She smiled over at him like she knew exactly what he was doing but didn’t mind, a cat with the cream. It made him feel altogether too warm and bubbly, so much that he was just staring at her when they rounded the corner to the next alley, the one toward the parking lot, and it took a second for him to even realize they’d stopped walking. Lisa’s eyes widened tenfold, her eyebrows shooting up, and Cisco followed her gaze and—
His exclamation halted the proceedings in front him like a shocked tableau. And what proceedings they were.
Barry—Barry in the Flash uniform—his suit! his precious tripolymer beautiful suit—was pressed up against a wall not ten feet away from them, by none other than Captain Cold. They’d been the middle of a heated kiss, he was pretty sure Barry was groaning and that was a sound he would not be able to wash out of his brain. This whole sight was a thing he would not be able to wash out of his brain, even if he used bleach. The kiss looked filthy for the second before Cisco had yelped and then they tore their lips apart (and their lips were way too red and swollen, oh no no no) to stare wide-eyed at their intruders. Cold was wearing his parka, Barry’s hands disappearing somewhere under it, Cold’s hands on Barry’s—yep, definitely one on Barry’s ass, and the other had clearly pulled down the zipper on the front of his suit, and Barry's chest was bare and Cold's hand was on it and the cowl of Barry’s suit was down and oh this was bad--like he had thought kissing Lisa was mega levels of bad, but this was like, this was a lot more levels of bad.
They all stood there for a long, awkward moment, as though if no one moved then this moment wasn't actually happening. Then Lisa started to laugh, practically hysterical, and Cisco tried to let out a chuckle but it came out very constricted and more like a choking sound.
“Len—oh, Lenny, no this is too good—” Lisa was seriously laughing hard and Cold was grimacing and stepping away from Barry who was finally pulling his cowl back and zipping his jacket up, and he was not looking and Cisco. Oh man, he had been sure Barry would be pissed at him if he found out he was going home with Lisa (again), but—
“You, you trying to tell me, ‘Oh no Lisa, you can’t seduce Cisco, we shouldn’t fraternize with the enemy,’ that was just grand.” She laughed again but it was more devious and now Cisco did chuckle a little bit, seeing where this was going, glad he hadn’t let go of her waist because now she wrapped an arm around his and grinned. “Do tell me, brother, exactly what do you call this little fraternization with the Flash then?”
“Lisa,” Cold’s voice was low and annoyed.
“Oh save it, Lenny.”
“I have an idea! Why don’t we all just pretend we didn’t see one another, huh?” Cisco felt like that was the best course of action, gave a beseeching and innocent smile, grin too wide, to Lisa and then to Cold. Of course, Cold glared and him and he remembered how disapproving the other had been of a simple kiss and yeah, he was probably about to get murdered.
“Hey, Cisco…” Barry called over, looking for a half second at him and then blushing a bit and looking away. Right, whew, Barry would protect him from Cold.
Wait. His brain caught up. Barry and Cold?!!! When the hell did that happen?!
“Cisco.” Yikes, that was Cold, and the other took a step toward him. He was going to faint. Lisa tightened her grip on his waist. “When I asked what exactly your intentions were with my sister, I don’t recall you mentioning any rendezvous or future dates.”
“Uhhh...” Cisco was a certified genius. It was really bad that he could think of zero things to say. Well, zero things that weren’t movie references.
“C’mon, Len,” Barry put his arm on Cold’s shoulder and—what, okay, so they were on a happy first name basis. Alright that was new. “Why don’t we just leave them be and uh,” Barry’s voice got a bit softer, “get back to what we were doing.”
Okay, Cisco was blushing on Barry’s behalf. He was so not equipped to deal with Barry trying to seduce Captain Cold, even if it was to help save his life from the man or allay bloodshed. So not equipped.
“Yes, Lenny, get back to what you were doing, or who you were doing, and we’ll go—“”
“Wait,” Cisco told himself to shut his mouth but he kept talking, “So is this a thing—are you two a thing? When did you become a thing, like how did that, and when did that—"
Barry looked like he was about to groan and actually dropped his forehead onto Cold’s shoulder while standing behind him. Cisco was gonna’ have an aneurysm.
“Can we… not have that conversation right now, right here?”
So, a while. They’d been at this for a while. He was not hyperventilating, definitely not. Did this mean Cold was less likely to kill him, after all he was Barry’s friend, and if Cold was Barry’s boyfriend—was Cold Barry’s boyfriend?—then he definitely wouldn’t kill Barry’s friends. Right?
“I agree,” Lisa said at his side, “This has been fun but I do have other things I wanted to get to this evening.”
And oh, she meant him. He blushed and tried to suppress a grin, and yeah the look Cold was shooting him definitely said he’d find away to make the murder look like an accident.
“Right, uh… see you guys later?” Cisco said, looking briefly at Barry who nodded at him. Then Lisa was turning to go as though the matter was decided.
“Treat her right, Cisco,” Cold—Leonard (he might have to get used to using his real name)—said, “and expect an invite to our next family dinner!”
He just tried to hide his groan and nodded while Lisa laughed, taking his hand again and pulling him toward her car, past her brother and Barry. He locked eyes with the speedster on his way past in a moment of sympathetic understanding—the Snart siblings could be domineering and—wow was this a weird thing to bond over. He also made a mental note to have a conversation with Barry about what activities he was not allowed to get up to in the Flash suit.
But then Lisa was pushing him against her car and kissing him thoroughly and nothing else really seemed to matter after that.