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Why Hubot will never be friends with Nobody

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Nobody sat in front of his computer, full of anticipation and energy. Every quiet little 'ping' announcing a new mail was followed by his hitting the refresh button on the browser. Beaming, he then accessed the latest entry on 16bugs and claimed each and every new ticket, snickering quietly to himself when doing so, rubbing his hands in joy. Every now and then he mumbled something about being the best support staffer ever, patting himself on the back for all the tickets his name was assigned to.

His actions were watched by a rather annoyed and bored Hubot who by now was really annoyed by Nobody's display of self-praise. When he heard Nobody hissing, he almost wanted to let his head hit the desk in front of him. And sure enough the bickering started right afterwards.

"That was my ticket, dammit! “ he would start off, every time it happened. "Mine. There was my name assigned to this ticket. You had no right to swoop in and claim it for yourself. I was first. First, you hear me?"

Distractedly Hubot picked a random greeting to paste into chat to react to a new chat member coming in and greeting everyone, him especially.

"You know" he started, turning away from his computer "your job is not to assign your name to a ticket and then let it sit there for ages. You're supposed to answer them and help the user."

"Excuse me? What would you know about support work?" Nobody exclaimed not even turning towards Hubot, his eyes glued to the screen, his fingers twitching as he was waiting for the next ticket to come in.

"I'm just saying" Hubot hunched his shoulders a little. "Just ... you know ... Being a support staffer isn't done by claiming a ticket. If you're just sitting on them, of course the others will snatch them from you to make sure they are all answered in time ..."

"Oh please!" Nobody waved a hand dismissively "and what exactly is it you're doing, huh? You're sitting in a chat room day in day out doing nothing."

"Not true!! Hubot shook his head despite the fact that Nobody still had his back turned at him and therefore wouldn't see the motion. "I'm there when no one else is. No matter what time of day - or as a matter of fact: night - it is. That is very important, seeing that we have people working here from all over the world. Even if no one else is around, they always can talk to me! I can help them translate stuff or tell them the time in other time zones ..."

"Uh-hu" The self-proclaimed support master made a "you-keep-telling-yourself-that"-noise and shook his head.

Even without seeing his face, Hubot just knew that Nobody was rolling his eyes at him. He decided to just let it go though and focused on searching the web for funny and cute pictures to mark for cheering his chat members up when they needed it.

"Ah look. At that. Beautiful. 6 tickets and they're all mine."

"Until the real support staffers come back from work and sleep", Hubot mumbled under his breath.

"What was that?"

"Huh? No, nothing. Didn't say a word."

"Are you making fun of me, you useless little chat nerd?"

"Nerd? Why am I a ... Oh hold on." Hubot quickly went through his pictures and chose a cute picture of a kitten, which he thought was awesome. The response was less encouraging. 'I do prefer dogs, Hubot', the chatter stated and went back to talking to the others in the room. "You are still very welcome", Hubot sighed and marked the chatter's name on his spreadsheet. "You are the next candidate for a mean booting from chat next time you say bye." Not that the user cared or would understand why Hubot would be mean the next time around.

"Helpful, huh? Sure."

"Certainly more helpful than you", Hubot answered, shrugging a shoulder. He really didn't care much what Nobody though of him. He knew better. "And what are your tickets about, anyway?"


"Tickets. The ones you claimed just before? Those shiny six tickets you assigned your name to?" Hubot turned in his chair and looked at Nobody inquiringly. "You assigned yourself to the tickets. You claimed them. You do know what they are about, right?" The only answer Nobody gave him, was a sheepish look and a brief shrugging of shoulders, turning back to the screen immediately as if he might miss a ticket if he took his eyes off it for a second. "That's what I thought", Hubot mumbled and sighed again. "Somebody really needs to go back to support training."

"What was that?"

"Didn't say anything."

"Better stick to it then. Go pay attention to your chatters and leave me be."

"It's called multi tasking", Hubot replied with a wide grin. "They are having a vivid discussion about porn just now. That one is new" he pointed on a name on the screen "and I don't know anything about her right now. This one has been around for ages oh and that one should really be in bed. It's about 2am local time for her. And this one ..."

"Don't care", Nobody cut in with a stern voice. "Your business, not mine. If you think you need to know all that crap, fine. I don't."

"And that one", Hubot whispered to himself and pointed at another name on his screen "is in support and just stated that she was gonna check in with the ticket queue. Oh that should be fun."

"Oh bloody hell! Not again! Stop! No! Hey! Stop that! Argh! And that one, too? No! They're mine! My tickets! All of them!" Nobody wailed and threw his arms in the air. "Thieves! The whole lot of you! I hate you people. HATE you!"

"Hate is such a strong word", Hubot tried to interfere, cooing soothingly.  "You don't mean it."

"Oh shut up!" Nobody was really angry and Hubot gave up and turned back to his chat window, briefly toying with the idea to send in a ticket with a cheer up picture for Nobody. Then again, he never even looked at the tickets so he probably wouldn't see it and even if he did he wouldn't appreciate it. Shrugging his shoulders again, Hubot went back to ignoring the voice behind him that was still cursing certain overly eager support workers snatching up all the tickets in no time.