Work Header

Surfing the Fourth Wall

Work Text:

Nate woke to a empty bed early Christmas morning. He didn't have to look far to find his more than slightly insane -- partner. Nate refused to think of Wade as his boyfriend because it made him feel like a twelve year old girl in his own head.

The computer screen glow illuminated Wade. His mask rolled part way up his nose most likely to accommodate the cookies he was munching. Nate could hear him humming Jingle Bells under his breath.

"Wade, do you know what time it is?" Nate asked, sitting up.

Wade paused mid-scroll, the sound of the mouse stopping. "Here or someplace else? Because I've got this little widget on the sidebar that can tell me the time in any state, country, world, time-line --"

Nate rolled his eyes. "Here."

"Oh," Wade paused. "Sun not up time?"

Stifling a groan, Nate rubbed a had over his face. "I know I'm going to regret asking this -- but what are you looking at this early on Christmas morning?"

"Yuletide!" Wade declared, happily, then spun the chair around to grin at Nate. "All the yuletide stories are up."

Nate tried to think of a universe where that made any sense and really couldn't think of one. "You're reading Christmas stories?"

Wade clicked him tongue. "Yuletide stories, Nate. Biiiig difference. You got to get these things right! I mean not everyone celebrates Christmas and -"

"Wade," Nate sighed. "Why are you reading yuletide stories?"

"I wanted to see how much sex we got this year. See we're still counted as a small fandom -- which I think is a crime because I mean how could people not love us? And how could they not want to write about our wacky adventures, over the top subtext, and write us having corpus amounts of sex? Do you think it's all that Liefeld art? We've had better artists but people always remember those pouches -- not that I mind pouches -- or maybe they'd just rather write me having sex with Creed and looking like Ryan Reynolds under my mask -"

Nate frowned slightly then shook his head. "Wade, I have no idea what your talking about," he sighed in a long suffering sort of way.

"I'm talking about corpus amounts of kinky sex our fans make us have on the internet," Wade told him brightly.

"That isn't even the oddest thing I've heard you said," he said to the room in general. "Wade, how about you come back to bed, and I'll give you corpus amounts of real sex?"

Wade turned back towards the computer, slightly, then looked back at Nate then back at the computer. "Oh, tough decision. I hate tough decisions - what should I do, oh, narrator?" He looked up at the ceiling and nodded. "Thanks for the advice, I like you when you aren't having me blown up."

Nate ignored the last part. "You'd rather read about us having sex - pretending for a moment that someone on the internet is writing such a thing?" Nate demanded, feeling just a tad put out.

Wade grinned slightly. "You're really bendy in some of these and sometimes you use your TK--"

Nate climbed out of bed. "I'll show you bendy."

Wade just grinned wider.