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wow, fantastic baby

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The thing I hate about gym is that everyone is so fucking aggressive. Seriously, chill the fuck out. It's nine in the goddamn morning. We all know that we'd rather be sleeping than in this hellhole known as school.

To be honest, the only thing I hate more than gym is this asshole named Eren.

Now I'm sure he's a great guy or whatever, but he really gets on my fucking nerves. He's one of those over-excited jackasses. You know, the ones that yell at you if you let the other team score. Like shut up man, it's a fucking game. None of this shit even matters. I've pointed that out many times, but I mostly get a glare and some annoyed grumbles. But hey, what-fucking-ever. If he wants to have a heart attack over floor hockey, be my guest.

I bet you're thinking 'Wow, this guy has no team spirit.'

And you're right, I really don't. I don't give a shit about gym. I mean I like being active and whatever, but I don't think having a whole damn class for that is a good idea. I move when I want to fucking move, not when some dick blows a whistle at me.

Anyway, that's not my point. My point is that Eren fucking Jaeger needs to take a goddamn chill pill before I knock him the fuck over.


I lied. That's not my point either. My point of telling you this story is that Eren Jaeger has really fucked up my life. Like you don't even understand. He just comes in with his fucking green eyes and stupid laugh and fucking personality and-

Okay whoa hold on.

Let me just tell you the story, right from the abso-fucking-lutely dreadful beginning. 

"Alright guys, start jogging when the music begins!" Mr. Flynn yells before going to sit in his cushy-looking chair by the gym doors.

I frown and stand up slowly, crossing my arms over my chest. My sister sighs at my expression.

"It's just gym," she says.

"No Mikasa, it's not just gym. It's a fucking piece of shit class," I snap back.

Mikasa gives me this blank look.

"Relax," she says. 

I roll my eyes and turn away. The music starts overhead, and all the students begin jogging. I walk, taking my sweet-ass time. Like hell I'm moving. I'm barely even fucking awake.


"Don't fucking start. You know how I feel about this shit."

"What a baby," Mikasa grumbles under her breath. I give her the most intense glare I can manage, but she just rolls her eyes.

I roll my eyes back at her. She continues walking beside me until she spots her friends. But hey, that's fine. Whatever man, I'll fucking remember that later. So much for family.

I continue walking until the whistle blows and the music stops. All the students follow their respective teachers outside to the field, where they inform us what shit we're going to be doing.

"Today we're playing soccer!" Mr. Flynn says. He's always so goddamn energetic.

"Nice!" I hear a boy named Jean say. I fucking hate him. He and Jaeger both need to chill the fuck out.

"Split into teams and then we'll get started," Mr. Flynn says, and he asks two kids to help him get the soccer goals out.


Everyone splits into teams. I cross my arms and stand still.

"Hey Levi!"

Eren's waving wildly at me.

"What the fuck do you want?" I shout back.

"Join our team!" he says, smiling. What a fucking asshole.

"Fuck that," I say, but I walk over anyway.

"What position do you want?" Eren asks me. I stare at him blankly.

"Whichever one requires me to give the least amount of fucks."

He looks slightly surprised at my answer.

"...Defense it is," he mutters, and turns around when Jean taps his shoulder.

"Hey, Eren," Jean nods, an all too fucking innocent look on his face.

"What?" Eren looks just as suspicious as I feel.

"Try to actually win, okay?" he says, and cackles as he jogs over to his team.

Oh fucking hell.

Eren is obviously riled up when he turns to us.

"Alright guys, remember to bring your best okay?"

"It's not that fucking serious," I complain, but I go usual.

Everybody nods at our tyrant captain. Eren's lips break out into a wide grin again and he jogs to the center of the field. It's hot as fucking balls out here. Lord knows why the hell the gym teachers make us all play in the fucking field, but here we are. The sweat is making my shirt stick to my back, and when I look around I see everyone's in a pretty similar state.

But of course the gym teachers are all sitting in the shade. Fucking pricks, man.

I take my spot near the goal and cross my arms. Mikasa is playing offense with Eren, and her other friend Armin is the goalie.

"Hey Levi," he says.

I turn to look at him.

"What do you want?"

"If you hate gym so much, why do you bother changing?" he asks innocently. I think about kicking the soccer ball into his face.

"Because failing gym makes me sound like a fucking idiot. Now pay attention to the fucking game."

He grumbles something under his breath. I turn back around and watch as the rest of my class really gets into the game. People are pushed and curses are flying through the air. But of course, Mr. Flynn doesn't hear or care. He's living it up underneath the fucking shade.


The ball comes my way twice. I stare at it and don't bother moving. Eren is obviously frustrated, because he jogs up to me as the other team scores yet again.

"Are you just going to stand there all day?" he asks, arms crossed over his chest. He's sweating like a fucking pig, but I guess it's not as gross because we all are.

"Yes, that's the plan," I reply.

Eren screws his lips to the side. I continually remind myself to stop staring. Not because I like him or some shit like that, but because it's weird.

"You're playing offense now."

"Oh fuck no."

"Yes you are," he grabs my arm and drags me to the center of the field.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I kick at his leg.

"Ow!" he stumbles, letting go of my arm. He turns and looks at me with watery eyes. "That hurt!"

"That was my intention."

Eren reaches down and rubs at the back of his calf. Mikasa pinches the bridge of her nose and sighs when I smile at her.

"Your brother is terrible," Eren mutters at her, limping back to the center so that he and Jean can restart the game.

"You're impossible," Mikasa says to me.

I ignore her and move a little ways away from her. Mikasa whistles to start, and Jean and Eren instantly go for the ball. Jean kicks it away from Eren and begins to race toward the other side of the field. I stick my hands into my pockets and casually stroll towards them.

Jean kicks the ball into the goal. Eren drops to his knees dramatically.

"Oh no, it went in," I drawl, and Mikasa pinches my arm.

"I'm sitting out," Eren says. I stare at the grass stains on his knees. "Mikasa, take my place. Make sure your brother moves around."

"Got it," she says.

"Fuck off," I say.

The game ends shortly after. My team lost, as I expected. We all head towards the locker rooms, something I'm grateful for.

"Nice game out there, Ackerman!" Jean shouts from the back of the locker room.

I hold my middle finger up to him, smirking as Reiner cackles loudly beside me. Eren comes in shortly after, his bangs sticking to his forehead with sweat. He narrows his eyes at me as he stops in front of his locker, which is next to mine.

"You okay there Jaeger?" I ask him.

Eren frowns.

"You didn't even try."

"Lord help me," I mutter under my breath. I raise my voice. "It's a fucking game, man. A game."

"Ooh, wrong thing to say," Reiner says. He quickly shoves his things into his locker. Bertolt, Marco, and Armin also hurry to put their things away before hauling ass out of the locker room.

...What the fuck?

"A game?!" Eren throws his sweaty shirt down indignantly. "Look here buddy, it's not just a game! This is real! This is like...a fucking example of showing how great shit can be when people work together! It's fucking teamwork!"

"...What the hell are you even saying?" I grumble.

"I'm saying that you should care! This affects all of us!"

It's kinda hard to take him seriously when he's pretty much half naked. I think about pointing that out, but then I get an image of Eren smacking me across the face.

"Right," I say instead. "But..." I walk forward and grip his heaving shoulders, looking him dead in the eye. "It's a fucking game."


"Shut the fuck up Levi!" About half of the remaining boys shout that at me. I blink in surprise, my mouth half opened.

"...Jeez," I say. I put my lock back on my locker and grab my stuff. "Tough crowd. I was joking. Actually that's a lie, I was being fucking serious."

Eren smacks me.

"You need to control your boyfriend," I tell Mikasa as we're walking home. My cheek still feels fucking sore.

My sister makes this odd, strangled sound in the back of her throat.

"Oh, he's not my boyfriend," she says. I almost have a fucking heart attack when her lips curl into a tiny smirk. "But I know whose boyfriend he is."

"Eren's got a girlfriend?" I say, a little surprised.

I never knew girls thought Jaeger was attractive. I mean obviously don't. He's my sister's dumbfuck of a friend. Totally unattractive to me. Mikasa's the only reason we interact.

"Nope," Mikasa says, still smirking.

"So a boyfriend?" I ask. For some reason, this strange feeling settles in the pit of my stomach. "Who is he? Do I know him? Is he in the same grade as you guys?" 

Mikasa doesn't bother hiding how amused she clearly is.

"Let's just say he likes older boys," she winks. I try to permanently erase that image from my mind. "And yes, you know him."

"Is he in our gym class?" I frown. "Shit, is it fucking Jean? I knew it was suspicious how they always act so handsy-"

"What are you talking about?" Mikasa cuts me off.

"Oh please," I roll my eyes. "Jean's always grabbing on him and shit. I saw him smack Eren's ass one time."

Mikasa looks at me.

"...Boys are so weird," she mutters. "But no, it's not Jean."

"Damn," I say. "Who?"

Mikasa's smirk is back.

"Figure it out, big brother," she teases.

"Wait, you said an older boy?" I say. I don't know why I even give a shit. Maybe the heat is getting to me. "So by older do you mean like a junior?"

A handful of juniors, including me, somehow got stuck in with one of the sophomore gym classes. The school totally fucked up our gym class, but when we brought it up they were in no hurry to change it. Apparently they don't understand my intense hatred of people younger than me (I only tolerate Mikasa because she's my sister) or people in general.

"Why do you care so much?" Mikasa says, interrupting my train of thought.

I think about it. a really good fucking question. A question that I don't know the answer to, though.

"Because," I say stiffly.

"Because?" she snickers.


"Who are you dating and what's his name?"

Eren begins coughing violently. He stops jogging abruptly. He bends over, his coughs sounding like they're never going to stop.

"Hey, I asked you a question-"

"What the hell Levi?" Eren says. His eyes are wide. Shit, have they always been so freaking green?

"Mikasa said you're someone's boyfriend and then she said some shit about liking older boys," I say.

"That jerk!" he hisses.

"Hey, that's my sister," I say. "But anyway, who is he? Is he one of the juniors? Because I'm telling you right now, it better not be Reiner or Bertolt. We all know that they're fucking and cheating is fucking wrong-"

"Jesus fucking Christ," Eren's face goes pink and he begins coughing again. "I need a drink."

I follow him out of the gym to the water fountains in the hallway. He drinks for an obnoxiously loud time before I grip his shirt and yank him away from the fountain.

"You're avoiding the question," I growl.

"You can't just demand to know things like that!" Eren waves his arms about wildly. "I mean, like, that's personal."

"Uh-huh. So who is he?"

"Oh my god," Eren pinches the bridge of his nose. "I'm not dating anyone. The guy I like is a douchebag."

"I fucking knew it was Jean!" I say, much louder than I intend. "I always thought he was such a fucking pervert-"

"It's not Jean!" Eren screeches, his voice going shrill.

"Okay chill," I hold my hands out defensively. Eren groans, his voice at a normal level.

"I fucking hate you," he grits out, and storms back into the gym.


"Help me."

Mikasa looks at me, her eyes wide.

"Oh my," she whispers.

"What?" I say.

"'re asking me for help? Mr. I Got This Under Control? What has the world come to?"

"Why I oughta fucking-" I cut myself off. "Listen, stop being a little dickhead and help me."

Mikasa looks at me thoughtfully.

"What do I get out of it?"

"I don't fucking know," I grit out.

"Then I guess you don't need my help," she says, putting her earbud back into her ear.

"Alright, I'll do the fucking laundry for the next month."

Mikasa screws her lips up.

"But you like doing that. For me to be satisfied, you have to do something you hate."

"What are you, Satan spawn?" I say, snickering. My sister gives me an unamused look. "Okay, sheesh. I'll cover for you so that Mom and Dad stop riding your ass for staying out too late with your friends."

"Done," Mikasa says, sitting up on her bed. "Sit down, my dear brother."

I roll my eyes and plop myself onto her bed.

"Your friend is fucking me up."


"Eren. He's fucking me up," I say.


"So during gym I asked him who his boyfriend is. Not because I care, but because the curiosity is killing me-"

"Right," Mikasa snorts. I ignore her and continue.

"-and basically he said it was personal, the guy he likes is a douchebag, and that he hates me."

"Well, there's only one conclusion I can draw from this," Mikasa says seriously.

"That being...?"

"You both are idiots," she says. "Now please leave. Your session is finished."

"What the fuck? That was so unhelpful!"

"Tell it to someone who cares."

I flip her off and slam the door as hard as I can on my way out.

"Yo Jaeger!"

Eren stops mid-jog.

"Go away."

"This is a public place. I have as much as a right as you do to be here," I say smugly. 

"What do you want now?" he groans, avoiding eye contact.

"I just want to apologize for yesterday. I don't give a shit about who you like or date or whatever."


Eren looks at me, this weird look on his face.

"Yeah, I mean like you said it's personal."

"I lied."


"When I said it's personal," Eren clears his throat. "People...know."


An awkward silence falls between us. Eren's cheeks go pink.

"You know him."

"Mikasa said that."

"...Like, really know him."

Hm. There weren't many guys in my grade I really knew. I mean there's Reiner, but he's crossed out. Let's see, there's also Farlan, Mike, Nile-


"Erwin?" I screech suddenly.

"Oh my fucking god! I give up," Eren suddenly starts jogging again.

By some sort of fucking miracle, I start jogging too.

"Hey, wait!"

"It's you, you dumbass!" Eren shouts, stopping.

I stop too, my eyes wide.

"Me?" I say, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You," Eren says.

The world feels like it's stopped or some shit like that.

"Me," I say again.

"You," Eren repeats.

Oh sweet Jesus.

"If Mom asks, I went to study with friends," I tell Mikasa as we exit school.

"Okay one, you don't have friends. And two, where are you going?"

"Fuck you and none of your business," I respond. "See you!"

I scan the blob of students until I see who I'm looking for. I make my way through the crowd, not even caring who I bump into.


I grab his arm. He looks at me, shocked.

"H-Hey Levi," he says.

"Can we talk?"

"Like, now?"

"I mean yeah, that's kinda why I grabbed you."

"Right, yeah," he clears his throat. "What about?"

"Earlier, in gym," I say. "I..."

"It's okay," Eren looks down. "I know what you're going to say."


"Yeah," Eren rubs the back of his neck sheepishly. "A guy like you probably already has someone you're interested in."

I can't help it; I start laughing. Eren gives me this bewildered look.

"I'm sorry," I say, catching my breath. " you even know me? I curse like a sailor and I've got a shitty personality. If anything, I'm only good at driving people away. No sane person would ever be interested in me."

"Except me," Eren says sullenly.

"Except you," I grin at him. "What I'm trying to say is that I'm not like weirded out or whatever."

"Really?" Eren says, visibly brightening up. I nod.

"Yeah. I mean yeah you're my sister's friend or whatever, but you're not bad."

"Not bad," Eren suddenly smirks. "So you like me?"

"I didn't say that," I say. "I just said you're not bad."

Eren shrugs, laughing.

"I'll take what I can get," he says. "But I have one condition."

"Already breaking out the rules?" I raise my eyebrows. "Shoot."

"You have to be more active in gym," he says. I snort.

"Ha! That's funny."

"I wasn't joking."

I look at his face.

"Damn, you're really serious," I say. "Normally I'd say no fucking way."

"But?" he says teasingly.

"What the hell makes you think there's a 'but'?" I say. Eren raises an eyebrow. "Damn, okay. I guess I'll make an exception for you."

Eren chuckles.

"I think I like this," he says, his eyes bright.

I snort.

"I wish I could say the same," I say, and swiftly dodge his smack.

Before I wrap this shit up, there are two things you need to know.

One: I fucking hate gym. No bright-eyed, brown-haired, really fucking amazing person is gonna change that.

Two: I really fucking like this bright-eyed, brown-haired, really fucking amazing person, and no stupid, dumb as fuck gym class is gonna change that.

And yes, he's an over-excited jackass named Eren Jaeger.