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“Apolo, I am so so sorry!” JR said sniffling. Apolo stared up at the hospital room ceiling.

“Shut up.”

“But I’m so sorry!”

“JR, you broke my dick!” Apolo said glaring. JR flinched.

“I didn’t mean too!” he cried.

“It’s broken! They’re taking me in for emergency surgery!” Apolo said, hysterics taking over.

“I know! I’m sorry!” JR said. Apolo took deep calming breaths.

“I guess it was sort of my fault too. It was my idea to fuck on the hood of the car. It’s not really your fault you started to slide off and my dick caught you…”

“Oh god, my mother’s going to find out,” JR said staring blankly at the faded hospital wallpaper.

“Fuck your mother. Everyone is going to find out.” Apolo said. JR looked at him confused. “What? You think I’ll be able to hide the fact that I fractured my penis having gay sex on the hood of my car!?” JR started to apologize again but Apolo’s glare stopped him cold. “Just imagine the headline. US Olympic star breaks dick in gay sex scandal, news at 11.” JR winced.

“We can make up a story?”

“Broken dicks aren’t that common, JR. They’ll know.”

“This is gonna suck,” JR huffed. Apolo winced.

“Not for a very very long time.” Apolo replied. JR smirked.

“Well not for you, but my dick is in fine working order.” Apolo raised an eyebrow at him.

“You’re crazy if you think you’re getting a single blowjob or hand job out of me until my dick is fully recovered. And don’t even think you’re coming anywhere near my ass with that thing.” JR pouted.

“Well that’s hardly fair,” he objected.

“We’ll talk about fair after you’ve broken your penis and had to have emergency corrective surgery!” JR couldn’t really argue.

It starts with Jordan. Of course it does. The best long running jokes do. He drops by the house after Apolo comes home and hands them each a wrapped present. They share furtive looks. JR opens his and finds a dildo. He glares.

“To keep you satisfied while he’s out of commission.” JR tosses it back in the box. Apolo opens his. Inside he finds a ceramic cookie jar shaped like a brightly painted rooster. “Thought you could use a spare cock.” His laughter echoes through the house, even as the ceramic bird hits the wall and shatters into pieces.

Suddenly it’s a running joke. The guys start buying JR sex toys and Apolo anything with a rooster on it. There are suddenly dildos, vibrators, and butt plugs for JR being dropped off alongside rooster Knick-knacks, pens, aprons, and figurines for Apolo.

The ultimate present, the one they both secretly think is hilarious and will never be topped, is a joint one. A rooster shaped vibrator that is delivered by a giggling Simon three weeks post-surgery. They never let on how well it works, or how much they enjoy using it. Some things are better off not shared with friends.