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Barmaid and the Lionheart

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Bella lost herself the moment she saw Thorin's blue eyes sharp as icicles yet solemn like he had seen too much in war at her door. Or was it lost too much in war? She wasn't sure as she was making a rough guess herself. She couldn't have imagined what he'd been through knowing full well that he was likely over a hundred (a rough estimate) and she couldn't fathom living past a hundred. Course she had a lot on her mind of late a wedding she didn't want or need, the thought of marrying a Baggins who wasn't a Baggins in respectability.

Earlier that same day:

This morning I agreed to let Gandalf bring company over Dwarves its been a while since I had such legendary drinkers and big eaters over anyway. It probably was not my best idea but what the hell? I was slowly going to die after I married Lotho anyway but either way I see it maybe just maybe their is a slim chance of me getting out of this marriage by going with them no matter the danger. I don't care much for the danger, that's irrelevant my wish to get out of this possible marriage by far outweighs the risk right?

Lobelia wanted her to marry her son and I wanted to be left alone ... Well unlikely as that was now. I was half tempted to run for it and refuse but I couldn't at least not anymore. The smoke from my pipe died out the ashen remains of pipeweed being all that remained of the lovely weed it left me to think. I figured I already smoked too much after all I best stop before I get something like an addiction to it or the like.

'Bella dear are you fine?'Leo asked reapppearing at my side trying to get information out of me or comfort me. I couldn't decide which one as I sat on the bench in front of my smial still thinking over what Gandalf said when I agreed to let the dwarrow come over.

'Yes am I'm okay.' I said to him in hobbitish which is what he had always spoken between us. Hobbitish is the secret language of the hobbit's we guard it even more closely than the dwarves do Khuzdul. In our history from the first age until now only four outside our race could speak hobbitish fluently and none of them elves or men which is odd if you ask me.

This day was the strangest day in my adult life. As the remaining ashes from my pipe I spilt out onto the ground not exactly ladylike or nice to the earth at all but right now I was trying not to panic. I didn't want to marry I was trying to find a way out of this but I couldn't! I bloody well couldn't, the usually resourceful and extremely cunning Belladonna Bilba Baggins II couldn't think up a way out of a marital proposal! The thought of it made me sick well no sicker than the thought of sharing a marital bed to Lotho Sackville-Baggins. Ugh the very thought of that made my blood boil and my stomach churn I lost everything that day so long ago at least it feels that way it was only three months ago. And now I was losing it all over again to a petty marriage that I didn't want but got anyway. How aggravating is this?

The only reason I agreed to it all was because I was drunk out of my mind and seeing triple possibly because it was a new type of wine I was drinking and unbeknowist to me at least until a week later some nimrod at the party thought it would be genius to mix drinks. Unfortunately this person wasn't well verse on what to mix and what not to mix in alcohol terms several hobbits had to go to the hospital during and after the party due to alcohol poisoning. Ironic they only had two or three drinks before succumbing to this a rare occurrence for our kind due to our strong tolerance for alcohol (which supposedly surpasses that of a dwarves but not an elf's) I only had one before going home because I felt sick.

I found out later that it just wasn't wine but mead as well and even an idiot who is drunk knows better than to do that as strong wildberry wine mixed with hobbit mead will lay out even the strongest constitution towards alcohol for a week. Two if you even the amount and drank more than one, wildberry wine is weaker than elven wine and is preferred over elven wine by dwarrows if they have a choice between the two. While hobbit mead is strong enough to make an elf fall over with one drink and tends to make the taller races sick for a week or more.

I spent a week with a hangover and never drank with those complete idiots ever again or drink alcohol at all in excess anymore I like all my remaining braincells being intact or as intact as hobbit-ly possible. Injury doesn't count in any case either lucky for me I'm not a klutz like some people I know and they are such pleasant people too! Easy to talk to yet again the clumsiness of movement impedes their everyday life sometimes no doubt it can feel like that.

'I would rather marry a dwarven Prince than Lotho!' I had screamed once long ago like fifteen years prior to this, I think. It's been I while though I do distinctly remember shouting that when someone mentioned the match making between us, yuck I was at least twenty one maybe and he was at least barely a decade my junior. The only reason Lobelia even married so young and had kids at all was because of the blood lily flower, another one of those dozen or so odd plant species that only seem to react to a hobbit particularly a hobbit lass beyond the age of sixteen. They were odd in a sense because they were exceptionally rare but if picked by a hobbit lass beyond the tweenaged year of sixteen the flower will only keep for a little bit before turning to dust in the hands of a hobbit. It jump starts a blood moon fever which is rare nowadays even by hobbit standards, and considering that these magic flowers aren't fully understood by hobbit's. For the reason being as they aren't truly plants but they aren't magic fully either they are stuck in between the two. Lobelia managed to survive such an ordeal and found her Rose in the twenty year old Otho Sackville-Baggins in the process though anyone would have probably wanted it to turn out on more normal terms.

I got my dreaded wish now I was marrying the dreadful Lotho the freaking annoying as hell peeper who likes watching me naked from a bathroom window. How many times did I chase him away with my favorite hitting pan? Innumerable times, I don't know why he kept coming back did he like the threat of pain? The threat of being chased around with a hitting pan? Did he get off on it?

Later that same day after most of the company of dwarrrow's came to my smial surprised by the amount of food I prepaired, along with ducking away my dinner and the various desserts.

"Something wrong?"Gandalf asked innocently after they entered my home.

I said nothing ignoring him blankly I was giving him both the muteness and a cold shoulder at the same time after all why should I give him the time of day, especially when its already night.

For a moment I was unaware of where I was truly for a moment reality was nothing as I was outside in the front lawn cold compact icy snow under my feet, I followed the screams how foolish of me (I still care for my fellow hobbit's and anyone else that needs it). I heard only the wind and the wolves of the Fell Winter howling lucky for me I only saw only a flash and not overly long pieces that made reality disappear for minutes at a time. I felt another set of extreme anxiety overtaking me again all because of Lotho.

I refilled my pipe relighting it outside taking to the backyard. Taking out my cigarettes when I burnt out the remaining pipeweed in my pipe, I had an obvious smoking problem especially when I'm nervous. Maybe I should quit smoking? I should really consider at least cutting back on my smoking habits at least.

I had the same Old Toby a pipeweed that is held steadfast to hobbit's and is well liked by most races (including wizards), except elves I didn't know why but I often joked in my tweenaged years that it got the elves high. Alongside the elves in this lack of pipeweed are the ents who can't smoke plants because they are plant's in a way and everyone knows ent's are critically endangered too so that would change the even possibility. They are extremely rare and their woman are even rarer than dwarrowdam's so such trade between a living tree creature with sentience (they thank Yavanna and the elves for giving them language). Blowing the smoke through my teeth and refusing to make smoke rings for fun even if I could make smoke rings. It felt like summer it wasn't cold out.

'Bella why are you out here?' Leo Took asked or at least his ghostly see through form.
'Smoking the ciggys again?' Leo the ghost asked, leo used to be a cousin now he was six feet under but never left for whatever reason.
I simply nodded at his colored yet see through form.
'Guess that's to be expected and all you never wanted to marry Lotho.' He figured it out so soon he must have spied on Lobelia while I was getting ready for the dwarves tonight.
A ghostly hand was on my shoulder, it looked like he saw how miserable I must have been. He disappeared just as quickly as he came as ghost's tend to do when they make their full body form known to us.

I groaned putting out a cigarette in the ashtray nearby knowing full well I had to quit smoking like now. Before I got something bad happening to my lungs or something though I never heard of anyone dying because of pipeweed smoking. Hobbit's came up with idea of smoking the pipeweed and it caught on soon after with many others taking to it as well.

I went back in after they tossed around my dishes! Wait they were singing a tune to the later part of it too the bastards! I watched in horror as my mother's over a hundred year old west farthing cockery was thrown around like it wasn't fragile dishware. I couldn't bring myself to care outwardly inwardly I was panicking screaming at me to do something run around and attempt to stop them it was all Lotho's now. I couldn't bring myself to interrupt, Yavanna what was wrong with me? Why am I doing nothing? Everything was his now even before I said my own vows to that surely hobbit it sent shockwaves as I realized I just couldn't marry or risk becoming like this perminantly hiding inside myself complacent to do nothing while the world fell apart. THAT WASN'T ME! It wasn't at all like me at all a hard knock came to my door it almost hard enough to break down the door.

"He's here."Gandalf said smoking his pipe.

"Thank Yavanna for that observation Gandalf. You think he could have knocked any harder? Or perhaps broken the door like your lot attempted to force to door open for some reason." I snapped showing a bit of crude humor.

I opened the door and said nothing more about that subject. I didn't even react to being called a barmaid I just stared blankly at him temporarily seeing in his place the bastard Lotho in front of me. Really Bells you got to snap out of this facade it's unlike you, after all are you not Belladonna Took's daughter? I roared at the complacent me and my lack of actions toward the outside world as of now.

"Gandalf I thought you said this place would be easy to find I lost my way, twice." The black haired dwarf said his voice was calm. His breathing wasn't normal like he was slightly winded like he walked the rest of the way here. He should have come on a pony at least a pony has an apparently better sense of direction, I inwardly snorted at that and outwardly I stifled a snicker. His head snapped in my direction he narrowed his eyes at me glaring at my stifled snicker at the situation of his.

"So this is the hobbit? Gandalf you said the hobbit was a Bilbo Baggins. This hobbit or is it hobbitess?" He seemed a bit confused on what a female hobbit was called for a moment at least he recovered easily. If he was uncomfortable he didn't let it show so easy his face was a emotionless mask one fit for someone who might end up being king one day.

"This is obviously not a certain Bilbo Baggins at least not the one you were speaking of." He said through a displeased scowl, he looked as if he was angered like he'd been lied to this wouldn't surprise me it was Gandalf after all he was prone to lying at times. That set my blood to hot right their this dwarf didn't realize it at the time but he should tred carefully. As usual people underestimated me due to my status as a hobbit or 'a halfling' for our kind size doesn't matter as the bigger the foe is the harder they fall our size means nothing it just means we can move faster than these overgrown thugs that often were the lesser refined bigfolk (usually the lot you didn't want to be around). It seems to be a reoccurring theme with trouble either finding me or I attract just outright terrible people like moth's to a flame. Stupid moth's don't they realize they'll get burned if they get too close to the flame? I suppose not considering a moth can't help being attracted to light for some reason.

My own fury once stoked slightly and then repeatedly stoked could result in a relentless raging Inferno he seems intent on creating such an event whether or not he realizes it I don't care. The idiot seemed intent on pressing my own tolerance for such insolent behavior, and invoking my own wrath due to it. His luck would be tested beyond my own limits if I allowed it and right now I don't think I will allow it no matter who the hell he was. Unfortunately I never allowed such people to go that far as I refused to be walked on , well usually at least. Right now it seems that I seemed to started to listen to my own inner self and came out of my own hiding inside myself.

"That is my hobbitish middle name, Master dwarf." I said icily. I was just barely managing to keep it together so I didn't do something extremely stupid I refused to call him by his name because I didn't want to give him the time of day or let him know that I knew who he was almost immediately.

"Odd." He stated, his heart rate seemed to speed up my own ears picked that up easy. Why was his heart rate speeding up? Such didn't just happen without reason as he easily recovered from his trek on foot. Dwarven endurance at its finest, that's probably somewhere along the lines of stamina as well for dwarves.
"This is the leader of our company Thorin Oakenshield." Gandalf introduced me to his likes.
"I know who he is." I said blandly. I couldn't forget his face or anything how many dwarves have come to me demanding his death. I wasn't an assassin after all, though those dwarves did manage to die in an accident a few months later probably created by some other guys that caught onto their ploy to kill him and got them killed in retailiation for such a action or plot. By means I won't go into details or anything of the sort I will just say that I found out through a manner of means. The very sentence I said invoked likely some powerful feelings of doubt and suspicion from the dwarves present.
"How?" Thorin questioned no the bastard had the audacity to demand that I answer all the while scrutinizing me. He never met me before so he was likely immediately suspicious of my very presence. Good first impression, likely one he'll never forget. Not like I ever could forget how many times people came to me asking for me to kill him apparently they couldn't tell the difference between a ninja and a trained assassin.
"I cannot reveal my sources." I spat his arrogance was disgusting I saw my to-be-husband for a moment in him and grew furious quite easily at the very thought.
"What is your weapon of choice?" he asked me not realizing how much trouble he was in, I saw Lotho instead of him. I had enough of this bullshit and interrogation I had been insulted by my own family who for three years after coming of age defended my lack of marriage in public but behind closed doors it was different. I won't even think about what they said and how angry it made me.

"Ax or sword?" He prodded further I should have walked away right then and there. I didn't and as always I would pay the price often by making terrible and violent first impressions. Of late that seems to be the only thing I am capable of lucidly without my inner self screaming at me to do something instead of doing nothing.

"That is none of your concern ,now get out of my sight before I make you eat your rude words." I said forcing the words out of my mouth forcing my own politeness. Only because I would break out curses if I didn't, the kind that would likely get me killed if they understood hobbitish or I might 'accidentally' spew them out in westron that may or may not get me killed. For some odd reason I just wanted to see their reaction's to it but I forced myself to refrain because the consequences will be far worse that and I like living without creating more distrust of my race and the dwarves who are well known for their grudge-holding.

"Like you could." He scoffed.

Lotho was mean like him too except he was far taller, a different race and better looking too on top of that with far more possible rage issues along with that whole grudge holding situation. During the engagement between Lotho and I somehow he managed to take away my freedom not all of it mind you he wasn't a complete monster. He knew me well enough to know that I was a Took through and through ,so he intended on curbing 'unrespectable' interests I may have had. This included my Veterinarian job as a intern that I was unpaid for, and later as I hoped to join a animal hospital as a on staff vet.

He was going to ensure that I am permanently anchored down 'like a prim and proper hobbitess of the Baggins should be'. He was a rare type of male hobbit a chauvinist what he did to ensure my dreams were shattered, permanently which probably caused most of my problems right now. I needed to get away from the Shire so I could return to my normal self but he wouldn't let me! Before this like right after I agreed to marry him a week after to be precise he tore apart my application I was going to send in to Brier animal hospital. Right.In.Front.Of.Me. A devastating blow for me as I was well qualified and just managed to finish my unpaid internship just enough to finally get my degree in veterinary care.

I knew if I married him it would not be a happy marriage I would either bare him children and then have his tiny terrors bouncing around. Or it would end with me becoming a concubine to someone else in the Shire. Cheating on marriage vows wasn't looked upon fondly by the Sackville-Baggins though in hobbit culture you could still have a harem and at least two marriages at a time but no more than that. No one in the Shire truly "loved" me enough to risk it ,elope and the fact that I wasn't courting anyone.

Lotho started to court me after I agreed to marry him at that party I mentioned before while I was super drunk. He made a good show of it too I didn't care, my life as I knew it was ending. It only made me a ticking time bomb the marriage would end violently in death or end in a slow death.

I saw red I didn't care about being a gracious hostess right now I wanted to teach him a lesson, I've been gracious enough every single one except those who knew better would face my fury apparently this now included the leader of the company. I saw everything I hated in my soon to be marriage I wanted to take it out on something or someone. Right now it was him at the end of the barrel of my rifle. Thus he found out how useless his armor really was when he got a bullet in the shoulder shouting in pain, a pain that one would never forget. The deafening bang they likely never heard before in their life however long it had been or would ever hear it since.

"Like I did, dwarf. Say that again and I'll put another set in the other shoulder. Or I could just kill you I'm not in a forgiving mood when it comes to men like you!" I snarled gun in hand. The one weapon that was our kinds own invention. I was being merciful this time I figured that in my rage I shot him with the gun I always managed to have nearby no doubt the pain was unlike being hit by an arrow,cut by a sword or spear if not thirty times more painful than that experience like a case of searing pain that hurts worse than an arrow. Add into the shrapnel from his armor adds something else into it like pouring salt into a wound along with glass to make it hurt not only more but bleed more.

"Belladonna! You just shot the lea-leader of our company." Gandalf stammered, he was afraid of me now wasn't he? As always it seems that he like those who hated guns didn't like the sound after all their was no other way to reduce such a wizard to stammers. It usually had that effect of people outside our race, that and a few morons got hurt on the shooting rang because they couldn't handle the recoil. You don't get much recoil with a bow nor do you get any from sword, axes or spears because it simply doesn't have that extra kick to it that a gun has.

"He needed a lesson taught arrogant bastard. You aren't above me just because you were born into nobility or taller than me. Talk to Greg about that he somehow has an inferiority complex and a case of megalomania." I spat purposely changing the subject.

"Who's Greg?" Bombur asked cautiously fearing for his families sake.

"Beardless dwarf." I leveled him with a bored cheery look. Bifur fainted, inwardly I was laughing my butt off and doing backflips with joy.

"You said that on purpose!" Dwalin accused me and he was quite right on that accusation.

"Indeed." I said smirking.

"Damn you, can someone help me?" Thorin growled. I got my veterinary kit out should be easy enough fix this dwarf should be grateful I'm somewhat nice even if he's not. Must be a family trait. Lucky Lotho never got a hold of it or I would have lost every remaining dream I had, and slowly faded if you want to be overly dramatic about my end of my dream. It would have been very painful without it being in my life now.

"I'm going to have to pull the bullet from your shoulder." I said gruffly. This is why I didn't work with people animal's I was more gentle with because I had to be and because it was part of the job description. I liked animals more than I liked people even the dangerous reptilian ones (try dealing with a mad Jane monster with a toothache and and a abscess in one go talk about a very bad week for the lizard) Jane Monster's are colorful in color to warn others to stay away being one of only a few actually venomous lizards in the known world. I even deal with the occasional venomous serpent respect is needed their because they aren't like cats their brains are hard wired differently they will only be grateful for you feeding them if they are in captivity even if they aren't venomous do not underestimate a snake who is pure muscle.

"You put it there!" Thorin accused I wasn't impressed by his feeble whines like a wounded mutt. He was groaning like he never been shot before likely considering guns are considered evil by anyone outside the Shire.

"Because you opened your big mouth and inserted your foot, stupid dwarf. next person who insults my gender will lose his hair and maybe more than that if he really pisses me off. Then I'll toss the offending dwarf out." I snarled my callous warning it shook the dwarves to the core only because of the look on my face.

I dragged Thorin into another room it seemed he learned a terrible lesson on angering my likes that was either good or bad I didn't know which yet.

"Why does it hurt so much?" Thorin cried it was pathetic really he was whining like he never been shot before. Then again those men from Bree saw our weapons as 'evil' and elves had pretty much the same opinion if not with a few more ...em colorful metaphors, for us it became necessary to have this type of weapon around due to a old enemy that isn't important right now. For me I have been shot with hollow points those are a bitch getting all the fragments out. They cause more damage inside your body being made for stopping power, though it doesn't matter anytime you get shot it hurts like hell.

"Take off your shirt and your armor , now." I wasn't giving him an option as I forced him in my fathers sitting room. Not the best place to do surgery but it'll do, not like I had much of a choice anymore did I? The dream was flickering out because of one damn hobbit, Thorin did as I ordered. I began after I used numbing agent around the wound it took a bit for it to kick in I only started working after I asked him if he could feel anything in that spot. Realizing that shrapnel had embedded itself into the wound and the surrounding skin as well armor does that when hit with a bullet at least when its not plate armor that you have to hit at the weakest point and that may take several shots for it to puncture.

I pulled out a Petri dish and began my work I didn't do people for a reason they aren't exactly a favorite patient of mine. With the wound numb and effecting a area around it (it takes full effect in thirty minutes) he wouldn't feel a thing pulling the metal armor shrapnel from his shoulder. Peice by piece along with stopping the bleeding in a manner that was almost second nature to me, the difference however was obvious: he was a dwarf not my typical patient.

"The stitches will dissolve themselves in a week or so." I stated putting the bloody bullet into a petri dish. Putting my bloody vet equipment into another wet glass cylinder to sterilize them for future use later. He put on his shirt and slightly damaged armor again along with his fur cloak. He had a nice arm tattoo as well likely having more meaning to it than my own did.

Back tattoos hurt more especially considering the amount of space it can cover. I was resistant to pain even then it was nothing compared to getting my wolf clan sigil on my back. I swore like a pissed off dwarf to another pissed off elf, as one can guess it wasn't a pleasant experience. I have one on the back of my neck, behind my left ear and several on my left arm. For someone in the Shire tattooing is more common for us than dwarves and that's a pretty big boast.

Though facial tattooing is unheard of unless you have a very good reason to have one. I cleaned myself up afterwards getting the blood off my hand's and trying my best not to flip out on everyone.

"Belladonna are you okay?" Gandalf asked me again.
No answer, I wanted to say a thousand things yet nothing came out right my inner self was screaming at me to say something anything is better than nothing. Better take the silence. I wasn't usually like this I had already written up a will (the Sackville-Baggins wouldn't get my smial even if I left) and letters to my relatives that I would later send via messenger owls to inform them that If I do not return within two years I am dead. If by chance I decide to name someone else the inheritor in my place if I cannot return they will become a honorary Baggins and my holdings will pass to them. I also might have mentioned what happened that night and voided the marriage proposal for that reason I also brought up Lotho's peeping on me when we were tweens and brought up his possible lack of respectability as well.
"You got a functional semi mute." Kíli teased in the kitchen not the best time Kili really.
"No I figure it's better if I say nothing."I said blankly. My inner self screamed 'lies! all of it and you know it this is all Lotho's fault and you know it!' I couldn't disagree with that surprisingly shared sentiment.
"You truly believe that?"Gandalf questioned.
"Okay so I am being forced to marry a hobbit I hate. My life as I know it is ending, everything in this smial was his the moment I gave in." I growled I managed to eat before hand of which I am grateful they didn't find the stashed away desserts ....yet.
"I hate him! Completely. Now if you mind."I dismissed myself from their presence before I told them more. Causing them to murmur in their native Khuzdul a bunch of words I ignored for the sake of my remaining respectability.
I got the other pack of cigarettes above my mantle piece the second pack that I started about two month's ago lost in my drawers then just found yesterday. I got my lucky wolf emblazoned lighter from my one area I had at least twenty lighters I ducked around the house. Lighting the cigarette blowing the smoke out upwards into the night sky I might be neglecting my guests but after I leave the shire I swear I'm never smoking this much again. I seriously need to stop smoking really bad because this is becoming ridicules how much until I start doing something else.
"I wouldn't have taken you for a chain smoker." Bofur teased when I came back in.
'Neither did Leo.'I said in hobbitish he had a confused look on his face after I said that not understanding what I said.
"Does she take us for fools?"Gloin took it as an insult.
"Your being a jerkass."I snapped harshly, why do they always assume that I'm insulting them? I already have to put up with that Bullshit with my dwarven in-law's from the Iron Hills that don't like me.
"Bella."Gandalf warned.
"What?" I snapped at the wizard he seemed surprised as I was.
"Refrain from the insults."He managed to calm me down with one of his spell something I thanked him for. The stress of dealing with the Sackville-Baggins was getting to me and it showed seriously enough to change my life. In more ways than one and never in a good way.
"I should put that dead bolt on. Oh I am going to enjoy denying Lotho everything of mine."I said though secretly I already had I sent the owls off to their destinations.
"How'd what?"Gloín sputtered not following.
"Are you even sane?"Dwalin asked.
"What's your definition of sane?" I countered sharply.
"She's nuts."Ori added surprising the company funny I took him for being quiet and reserved.
"Try dealing with Lobelia sometime! Her son is a troll. I think I would rather marry an Orc."I mentioned offhandedly shocking a few dwarves who cursed up a storm when they heard that as expected from any self respecting dwarf be they a dam or otherwise.
"He might just kill me first try that would be merciful."I teased rolling my eyes.
"Where is your tea?" Dori asked he was a little bit nervous around me for good reason I suppose I gave him all the right reasons to be nervous in my presence.
"Lotho locked it up somewhere. He has the key and my lock picking set I got from Bree." I rubbed my temples, I felt a headache coming on a bad one.
"Why?" Nori asked. I eyed him stealing my west farthing silverware and gave him a grin freaking him out making him put it back not that I cared much as I pulled out the dessert's.
"Unrespectable and unladylike according to him all because I chose to be a vet instead of house wife." I said coolly.
"Can't you just run?" Ori asked.
"Great idea genius where to?" I joked light heartedly.
"I've never seen you this tightly wound up. Even for a Took I hardly think that is normal."Gandalf stated.
"Yet you have beer." Gloin mentioned I shrugged.
"I'm more of a whiskey person myself I don't mind beer but don't mix the two together. A moron thought it would be a genius idea to mix drinks unfortunately he mixed blackberry wine which is fine all on its own and hobbit mead together. It didn't end well a few hobbit's at the party had to go to the hospital during and after the party. Whiskey was sorely lacking suddenly I realize I have a lot more alcohol than someone who doesn't drink should, normally I use it in cooking when required and during parties such as this one but a bit more planned on my part. No matter a party is still a party."
"Damn it where is my whiskey?!" I growled finding a note left by Lotho the arrogant prick that he was in my old drinking cabinet lucky that only I knew where the key was to the epic game room that functioned as the epic woman's cave that could double as a mans cave, in case your wondering while I'm good at womenly pursuit's I am by no means normal I like hunting as much as anyone else during hunting season but our kind has a 'hunting commission' meaning you have to have a licence to hunt during a certain time. We also avoid over hunting this way and while it isn't perfect we manage well enough to keep those damn deer from ruining my rose bushes this year!
The note read in Lotho's overly fancy scrawl: Under lock and key:

Pipe weed

- Lotho
"Damn." I took a sword to the lock mainly Fíli's I don't think Fili liked that too much.
"Bingo. Hey I've been looking for that for a month." I brought out a pair of pliers.
"Meh, don't need them now. My rum? My whiskey!"
"Stress does strange things to people." Oin noticed.
"Apparently."Fili grumbled as they started to chow down on the desserts Thorin nearly devoured the entire custard and blackberry pie and a slice of the Blackberry tart his favorite (though by the way the dwarves were scarfing down their favorite dessert's like they would never taste them again).
"Do save some tart's for the rest of us, Thorin." I said glaring at him I love black berry custard pie too I wanted to have a taste before the bastard scarfed it down life a ravounous wolf. "I don't think he's wrong on scarfing it down it's likely been an age since he's tasted blackberry and custard." Gandalf mentioned. "Well that's stupid why didn't any of you lot bother to come down to the shire for the fall harvest or midsummer festivals? That seems what always brings Tokora down here she either gets really drunk, beats her brother in a soccer match, or the food. She beat Olo Took in a eating contest and that's saying something its a feat worth an honorable mention. That and she tells the best adult jokes I've ever heard." I mentioned grinning at the memory. "Why did you use my sword as a lock pick?!" Fili demanded.
"Lock breaker."I answered.
"You are a bit unhinged."Fili spat.
"You've noticed?"I said slyly.
"Now where are my bolt cutters?" I searched for them.
"Why...?"Thorin began.
"I have asked the same thing."I answered cutting him off.
They noticed she was lacking sleep by the dark circles under her eyes.
"I recognize this craftsmanship, Tokora Stormfury?"Thorin questioned from his chair.
"Aye she came and visited the Shire has a thing for mushrooms and chocolate covered grasshoppers."
Fíli, Kíli, and Thorin Oakenshield paled a bit.
"'Family recipe' she called it the fauntlings didn't even know! Till she told em."I laughed.

"Don't eat to fast you might end up hurting yourself though I doubt you will attempt to eat my silver ware. Which is why I got rid of the sporks because I had a cousin that ate one, yup you can tell he was either high as fuck or drunk as a skunk in the middle of a bar fight." I smirked.



"Are you flirting?"Kili was outright shocked.



"Meybe? Meybe not depends on whether or not their is another person in the picture and their is always someone else. Who's prettier and better looking that they are involved with." I cringed at the memory of finding Todd Banks was actually in a relationship with someone else. She threatened to hang me after she shaved off all the hair on my feet the pure horror made me fun away crying. She didn't do it thankfully and she apologized soon after personally.