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THE OCHINCHIN IS FUCKING STUPID

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CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board cool kids club.

CTG: alright listen up
CTG: this is going to be a long three years on our respective shitrafts
CTG: so lets
CTG: waste
CTG: some
CTG: fucking
CTG: time
CTG: i am gonna stream something fucking incredible and youre all going to watch
CTG: and cool it on the time bullshit lets keep this linear for once ok

FUTURE terminallyCapricious [FTC] 37 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTC: THIS WAS A MOTHERFUCKING MISTAKE.
CTG: sweet someone for me to make an example of
CTG banned FTC from responding to memo.
CTG: past and future assholes get out
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: Here I go again, blindly clicking every link that's sent to me.
CTT: What have I gotten myself into this time?

CTG: hey lalonde
CTG: wanna watch a cartoon about a little kid getting raped
CTT: Sure.
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGC: H3Y COOLK1D >:]
CURRENT grimAuxiliatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGA: Hello
CTG: sup ladies
CTT: Hi.
CGC: WH4T 4R3 W3 DO1NG?
CTG: im about to show you the fucking pinnacle of human animated cinema
CTG: i hope youre ready for this tz

CGC: 1 W4S H4TCH3D R34DY D4V3
CTG: you better be
CGC: OH
CGC: D1D YOU G1V3 TH3 L1NKS TO K4RK4T??

CTG: no
CTG: you do it if you want
CTG: hell just start screaming and shoveling shit out of his baby ass diaper if it comes from me

CGA: I Do Not Think That Will Be An Issue
CGA: Karkat Does Not Wear A Diaper

CTG: how would you know
CGA: I Admit I Dont Have First Hand Knowledge
CGA: But I Am Fairly Confident
CGA: I Guess

CTT: The diaper was metaphorical, Kanaya.
CGA: Oh
CGA: I See

CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: I DON'T FUCKING WEAR A DIAPER.
CCG: FUCK YOU, STRIDER.

CTG: then whats that noxious stonk i smell every time i walk by
CTG: god damn i can smell it from across the meteor

CCG: YOU EVER THINK THAT MAYBE IT'S YOU?
CCG: MAYBE YOU'RE THE ONE SLATHERED IN SUCH A THICK COAT OF FESTERING WASTE THAT YOU ARE UTTERLY UNABLE TO PERCEIVE THE OUTSIDE WORLD BEYOND YOUR OWN FECULENT COCOON OF SELF-AGGRANDIZEMENT.

CTG: maybe
CGC: H3R3 W3 GO 4G41N
CTG: but when i turn into a big shit butterfly youll still be there in your big poopy nappy with nobody to change it
CTT: Shit moth.
CTG: what
CTT: Moths spin cocoons, not butterflies.
CTT: The pupa of a butterfly is called a chrysalis.

CTG: lalonde why you gotta go and ruin everything with your
CTG: books
CTG: and your
CTG: learning

CTT: What was the point of all those years spent trawling Wikipedia for useless trivia if not to employ it in ostentatious displays of pedantry?
CTG: im pretty sure the point of useless things is to not use them
CTT: I'll take your word for it.
CCG: THIS IS ALREADY FUCKING TERRIBLE.
CGC: SHUSH K4RK4T >:]
CGC: TH1S W1LL B3 LOTS OF FUN!

CCG: IF YOU SAY SO.
CCG: UGH. DID YOU INVITE GAMZEE?

CTG: no on account of
CTG: fucking crazy
CTG: wasnt particularly in the mood for more hilariously sexual allusions to my gruesome death and subsequent consumption
CTG: gotta take that shit in moderation you know how it is

CCG: HE'S NOT LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
CCG: IT'LL BE FINE.

CTG: yeah ok whatever
CGA: Do We Have To Include Him
CCG: YES, WE HAVE TO INCLUDE HIM.
CCG: WE'RE GOING TO BE STUCK ON THIS METEOR TOGETHER FOR THE NEXT THREE YEARS, WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.
CCG: SO WE'RE ALL GOING TO HAVE TO GET ALONG.

CGA: Ugh
CTG: wow drama
CGC: >:?
CURRENT terminallyCapricious [CTC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTC: hello my motherfuckers. :o)
CCG: HEY GAMZEE.
CGA: Hello
CGC: >:? >:?
CTC: WHAT'S ALL UP AND GOING DOWN WITH THIS THING?
CCG: WHAT'S GOING DOWN IS THAT YOU'RE GOING TO BEHAVE YOURSELF AND GENERALLY NOT EMBARRASS ME BY BEING A PSYCHOTIC PIECE OF SHIT, OKAY?
CTC: honk. :o(
CTG: awkward
CGA: Just Tell Me When We Start
CTT: I'll pester you, Kanaya.
CTG: alright im getting the failboat crew in here
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: hey dave, rose, karkat!
CTG: hey egbert
CTT: Hello.
CCG: HEY.
CGC: 1 SM3LL BLU3B3RR13S >:]
CEB: and hi terezi! and everybody else i guess.
CTC: HONK. :oD
CEB: eheheh. so what are we doing?
CTG: remember that thing ive been trying to get you to watch since forever
CEB: oh god.
CEB: no, dave.

CTG: no its happening
CEB: dave no.
CTG: you cant get out of it this time
CEB: yes i can, dave.
CEB: i can just close this window right now.
CEB: just like every other time.

CTG: shut up egbert were watching this
CEB: no!
CTG: yes
CEB: no.
CTG: yes
CEB: no.
CTG: yes
CEB: ugh, fine.
CEB: but only so you'll finally stop asking me!

CTT: Now I'm almost excited to see this.
CTG: you would be
CURRENT gardenGnostic [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGG: hi everybody!!
CTG: sup harley
CEB: hey!
CCG: UGH, TOO MANY HUMANS.
CGG: oh be quiet karkat :P hehehe
CGG: oh! did you send the stuff to davesprite??

CTG: shit i forgot about that guy
CGG: daaaave
CCG: OH, PLEASE NO.
CCG: ONE OF HIM IS TORMENT ENOUGH.

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG2: hey
CGG: hiiii :D
CTG: sup me
CTG2: dont mind me just being a big shitty bird nobody remembers
CTG2: wow i even get a 2 next to my name
CTG2: identity crisis

CGC: 1 R3M3MB3R YOU M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S >:]
CTG2: thanks terezi
CTG2: im shedding a big fat tear over here

CGC: 1 W1SH 1 COULD T4ST3 YOUR T34RS TOO OTH3R D4V3
CGC: 1 B3T TH3Y T4ST3 L1K3 D3L1C1OUS L1QU1D C4NDY TR34TS
CGC: H3H3H3

CTG2: well that isnt weird at all
CTG: nope
CCG: UUUGHHHH
CTG: uh oh better watch out
CTG: pricess sunshines getting his panties in a bunch again
CTG: see he has this thing where any time terezi talks to me he starts, i dunno, hallucinating that shes sucking me off

CGC: WH4T >8O
CTG: thats my working hypothesis anyway
CTG: i cant think of any other explanation for the degree of rectal ragnarok this guy is packing

CTG2: wow that must be a crippling disability for him to live with each day
CTG2: my sympathies dude

CTT: I wish I'd thought to alchemize popcorn.
CCG: WHY THE FUCK AM I EVEN HERE?
CCG: CONSIDERING I HATE LITERALLY EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU, I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I EXPECTED ANY EVENT YOU'VE ORCHESTRATED TO BE ANYTHING LESS THAN AN EXERCISE IN THE MOST EXCRUCIATING, TORMENTUOUS AGONY THE CORTICES OF MY THINKPAN ARE EVEN PHYSIOLOGICALLY CAPABLE OF PROCESSING.

CEB: wow, uh.
CCG: IT TAKES EVERY LAST FIBER OF SELF-RESTRAINT IN MY BEING TO RESIST JUST HOLDING YOU DOWN AND PUNCHING YOU IN THE BULGE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL YOU HEMORRHAGE AND DIE.
CGC: K4RK4T >:\
CTG2: hahahaha look at this guy he thinks hes tough
CTG2: its adorable

CTG: hahaha i know right
CTG: hes like this scrappy little toy poodle except smaller and less intimidating

CGC: D4V3S >:/
CCG: FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOUR SHITTY ORANGE FLAPPING DINGLEBERRY OF A CLONE.
CGG: HEY!!!
CTG: right back at you buddy
CGG: knock it off!!
CGG: you guys are acting like a couple of big babies, this is ridiculous

CTG: sorry mom
CCG: CAN WE JUST GET THIS GRUESOME TRAINWRECK OVER AND DONE WITH BEFORE I HAVE TO LOBOTOMIZE MYSELF?
FTC: IS ANYONE GONNA TELL A MOTHERFUCKER WHAT'S GOING ON?
CCG: NO, SHUT UP THE FUCK UP.
FTC: oh. :o(
CTG: look what you did man
CTG: you went and made the murderous clown sad

CCG: I SWEAR TO GOD
CGC: S1GH
CTT: While this is all extremely entertaining, perhaps it's best if we move on?
CEB: that's... probably a good idea.
CTG: ok whatever
CTG: i got everybody right

CGG: oh!!
CGG: we should invite all of the sprites
CGG: theyre people too you know!

CTG2: aww shucks harley
CGG: hehehe :D
CTG: sure why not
CTG: bring in the fuckin nakkadiles the more the merrier

CEB: uh, maybe not ALL the sprites!
CURRENT Nannasprite [CNS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CNS: Hoo hoo hoo!
CEB: oh my god.
CGG: hi nannasprite!!!
CGC: H1 >:]
CNS: Hello, kids!
CNS: What are we watching? :B

CTT: I don't think you'd be familiar with it.
CEB: i
CTG2: hahahaha
CEB: er.
CNS: Is something the matter?
CEB: um, nanna?
CEB: gosh, i don't want to be rude!
CEB: but i think i would maybe be a little uncomfortable watching... uh.
CEB: this kind of thing.
CEB: with my grandmother.

CNS: I understand, dear.
CNS: I wouldn't want to come between you and your friends!

CEB: thanks, nanna!
CEB: maybe we can watch something that isn't... this.
CEB: later.

CNS: That sounds wonderful!
CNS: I have plenty to baking to catch up on, anyhoo.
CNS: I understand I've been gone for thirteen years now; I'd best get to work if I want to make up for all that lost time!

CEB: oh boy...
CNS: Hoo hoo hoo, toodleoo! :B
CNS
ceased responding to memo.
CTG: hahahaha did that just happen
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?
CTG2: im fucking dying
CTG2: oh man

CEB: yeah, i can see that. asshole.
CGC: YOUR N4NN4 1S D3L1C1OUS
CEB: ...
CEB: i'm not even going to reply to that?

CGG: ... why cant nannasprite watch?? :/
CGG: WHAT exactly are we watching?

CTG2: oh youll see harley
CTG: you will fucking see
CGG: ...
CGG: i
CGG: dont think i like the sound of that >_>

CGC: 1 DO >:]
CURRENT Jaspersprite [CJS] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CJS: Oh hello meow. :3
CTT: Well.
CTT: I, for one, have no problem with watching this with my undead talking cat.
CTT: No need for further delays from my camp. Shall we get this show on the road?

CTG: yeah sure
CTG: is everybody here

CTG2: lets fuckin go
CTT: Let me tell Kanaya.
CEB: sigh.
CCG: UNFORTUNATELY.
CJS: Yes im a cat meow.
CTC: HONK.
CGC: 1M 3XC1T3D H3H3H3
CGG: yup... >_>
CGA: I Am Here Now
CTG: alright
CTG: lets do this


CEB: eegghhh.
CTG2: egbert its been playing two seconds


CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS? I CAN'T UNDERSTAND A WORD OF THIS UNBELIEVABLY SHITTY SONG.
CTG: thats what the subtitles are for bro try reading
CEB: it's japanese, karkat.
CEB: it's one of our other human languages. we have a lot of those!


CCG: WHY ARE THE EYES SO BIG???
CTG: hes got a dire case of the animes
CCG: WHAT.
CTG2: dont question it


CTC: honk. ;o)
CCG: GAMZEE
CCG: JUST DON'T.

CTG2: wow let the man honk
CTG2: what are you some kind of honk fascist


CEB: that sure is a butt.
CTT: Are the feet supposed to be butts as well?
CTG: no im pretty sure theyre just supposed to be terribly drawn


CGG: umm...


CEB: oh god.
CTT: The plot thickens.
CEB: oh god.
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK?
CGG: omg dave is this porn???
CTG2: just keep watching
CGG: omg...
CGA: Hm
CGA: This Is Educational

CGC: D4V3 WH4T 1S TH1S C4RTOON
CGC: 1T SM3LLS 4WFULLY F1SHY

CTG: trust me fishy is the absolute last thing this thing is


CCG: WOW, HUMAN ANIMATORS MUST BE REALLY SKILLED.


CJS: Hm.
CJS: I think it may be because i am a cat but i dont quite know whats going on meow.

CTT: Jaspers, we're currently watching a pubescent boy exposing his swollen nipples as he removes his stockings.


CCG: WAIT, THAT'S SUPPOSED TO BE A BOY?
CTG: dude did you miss the dick
CGA: Oh
CGA: I Had Simply Assumed That The Bulge Was A Feature Of Female Human Anatomy

CCG: HUMANS ARE FUCKING WEIRD.
CTT: This cartoon is quite stylized.
CTT: Typical human girls and boys are much closer to what you're familiar with, from what I've gathered.

CGA: I See


CGA: So Human Females Do Not Actually Have Bulges
CTT: Not usually, no.
CGA: Usually
CTT: Yes.
CGA: Rose Do You Have A Bulge
CTT: No, Kanaya, I do not have a bulge.


CCG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKK
CEB: aaaaauuuuugggggghhhhhhgfshgfsr i can't believe i'm watching this!
CTC: huh.
CGG: omfg
CGC: TH31R BULG3S T4ST3 FUZZY
CTG: hahahahahahaha
CGA: Oh My
CGG: DAVE WHAT THE FUCK???
CTG2: whats the matter harley
CTG2: its just a couple of guys jacking each other off no big deal

CGG: ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwewewew
CGG ceased responding to memo.
CTG: hahaha oh man
CTG: im surprised she lasted that long honestly


CTT: It's a good thing that disclaimer is there, or else this might have been weird.


CEB: oh no.
CEB: no.
CEB: no no no no no

CTG: its barely started egbert keep your pants on
CCG: OKAY, SO REALLY, WHAT IS WITH THE PIXELS?
CTT: The Japanese have to censor their pornography by law.
CTT: Or had to, I suppose.

CCG: DOESN'T THAT SORT OF DEFEAT THE POINT.
CTT: Don't look at me.


CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS HE DOING?
CGA: I Am Confused
CGA: Is The Point Of Recreational Intercourse Not To Receive Pleasure
CGA: This Appears To Be Unpleasant

CTG: the point of sex is also to not fuck little boys but they screwed that one up too so who knows


CGC: TH3S3 SOUNDS 4R3 R34LLY GROSS
CGC: TH1S C4RTOON 1S 4 S3NSORY 4SS4ULT
CGC: 1 L1K3 1T >:]

CTG: never change tz


CCG: DON'T TELL ME HE'S GOING TO


CTG: yup
CCG: AUGHH



CCG: IF THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A NOTE AT THE TOP WHY DON'T THEY JUST FUCKING TRANSLATE IT?
CTG: listen
CTG: that word carries deep cultural connotations that would be lost across linguistic boundaries
CTG: the ochinchin is fucking important

CCG: THE OCHINCHIN IS FUCKING STUPID.


CTC: THIS IS MAKING ME A LITTLE MOTHERFUCKING.
CTC: uncomfortable.


CTG: buckle up kids
CTG: were in for a wild ride



CTC: WHERE DID THE PORN GO?
CGA: I Dont Think I Want To Know



CTG: i wonder
CTG: should i creep on some adult women or keep searching for a naked pubescent boy



CTG2: hahaha was that even a fucking question
CTT: You're spoiling it.
CTG: whoops sorry i wouldnt want to ruin the preeminently crafted plot of boku no pico for you
CTT: Thank you.



CCG: WHY IS HE JUST STANDING NAKED ON A RANDOM ROCK?
CEB: ugh.
CEB: this is so so creepy.






CTG: help
CTG: im getting lost in his animes



CTT: The mysterious case of the disappearing nymphet.
CTT: How will our intrepid protagonist overcome this harrowing obstacle and poon a young child?





CCG: HE JUST HAPPENS TO WALK INTO THE PLACE THE KID WORKS???
CGA: That Does Seem A Bit Unlikely But Perhaps It Will Be Explained Later
CTT: I wouldn't count on it.


CGC: 1 B3T
CGC: >:] >;] >:]


CEB: if he's a boy, why is he dressed like that?
CEB: don't tell me his grandfather...
CEB: euughh.

CGA: Perhaps He Simply Enjoys Feminine Fashions
CTC: i think his little bow is wicked cute. :o)


CCG: GAMZEE
CTC: WHAT'S UP MY MOTHERFUCKER?
CCG: JUST
CCG: ... NEVERMIND.

CTC: honk. :oD





CTG: grandpa knows that slice is too choice to keep to himself
CEB: jesus, dave.


CTG: ahahahaha he fucked up


CJS: Meow milk.
CJS: I havent had milk in a long time meow. :3

CEB: we can alchemize some milk for you if you want, jaspers.


CTT: Jaspers, who gave you milk?
CTT: That isn't good for cats.

CJS: Oh sometimes mom would forget it makes me sick and give me milk.
CJS: But thats okay because tastes really good meow. :3


CTT: John, please don't give my cat milk.
CEB: er, yeah, maybe that's for the best.
CEB: i wouldn't want him to start... pooping everywhere.
CEB: we get enough of that with davesprite!

CEB: ehehehehe.
CTG2: better watch out egbert
CTG2: who knows what might fall out of the sky


CEB: ewww, dave.
CTG2: hey you started it
CTG2: im just taking this shit joke to its logical conclusion


CTG2: and i mean that in both senses of the word
CEB: god, shut up.
CJS: Meow. :3c


CTT: What an artful contrivance!


CTG: sup kid dont mind the boner



CCG: WOW, WEIRD???


CEB: did he just, like, not notice this guy macking on his neck?
CGA: I Guess Not
CGA: That Is Rather Strange



CGC: MMM 1C3 CR34M >:]
CTT: I get the feeling he'll be getting more than ice cream.



CTC: OH.
CTC: uh.



CCG: CAN THIS KID DO ANYTHING RIGHT??



CTT: Of course not. How else could the narrative conspire to get him licking spunk-colored fluids off his fingers?




CEB: oh wow.
CEB: this is like...
CEB: wow, really legitimately creepy. :(


CTG: hahahaha what the fuck did you expect
CTG: its fucking shota

CEB: yeah, but, like


CEB: man. i just don't think this is that funny, dave.
CGA: This Is A Bit Of An Uncomfortable Subject
CTG2: look at these chumps
CTG2: what kind of loser cant laugh at a little child molestation


CTT: I can see a certain morbid comedy in it all.
CCG: THIS IS MORE HORRIFYING THAN FUNNY.
CCG: LIKE
CCG: IT'S SO TERRIBLE, BUT I CAN'T LOOK AWAY.

CGC: Y34H S4M3
CTG: see they get it


CGC: BUT TH3 T4ST3S OF TH1S C4RTOON 4R3 4LSO
CGC: HM
CGC: 1NT3R3ST1NG >:]

CTG2: hahahaha



CCG: MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE HE'S LIKE 5 FUCKING SWEEPS OLD, YOU ODIOUS GRUB DIDDLER???


CEB: uugghhhh....
CJS: Meow i dont know if ill be able to understand whats going on at all. 3:
CTT: Perhaps it's better if you don't.



CEB: okay, i'm sorry, i can't watch this.
CEB: this is too much.

CTG: oh come on



CEB: sorry, dave! not my thing.
CTG: what are you a chicken
CTG: you sound like a big chicken john
CTG: cheep cheep cheep cheep cheep

CTG2: whoa man lay off the cheeps
CTG2: a little racial sensitivity here

CEB: dude, that isn't even remotely close to the sound a chicken makes.
CTG: whatever you say bro


CEB: aaaaaand i think this is my cue to get the hell out of dodge.
CEB: jaspers, do you wanna go find where jade went off to and play a game or something?


CJS: Oh sure john that sounds like fun meow. :3
CEB: alright, let's go.
CEB ceased responding to memo.
CJS ceased responding to memo.
CTG: a chicken AND a pussy
CTG: goddammit

CTT: Slow and unfunny.
CTT: Impressive.

CTG: oh shut up that was great
CCG: NO, IT REALLY WASN'T.



CTG2: oh shit its a penis





CGC: WHO4 >8O
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOUR JUNK?
CCG: GOD THAT'S TERRIFYING.

CGA: I Think Its Fascinating


CTG2: pedos havin second thoughts
CTT: I am deeply sympathetic.
CTT: This story just exudes such pathos.



CTC: I HEAR YOU LITTLE MAN.
CTC: shit, i feel a little funny myself.




CTG2: ok im gonna take off
CTG2: egberts bothering me and ive already seen this shit like a thousand times anyway

CTT: Is that so?
CTT: That's very interesting, Dave.



CTG: wow thanks a lot bro
CTG2: hahahaha
CTG2: i am so glad im not you dude
CTG2: i can just leave when she starts doing that shit


CTT: I am twirling my glorious Freudian mustachio as we speak.
CTG: yeah yeah
CTG: fuck off you fat feathery bastard

CTG2: flies off into the fucking sun
CGC: SM3LL YOU L4T3R M1ST3R OR4NG3 CR34MS1CL3S >;D
CTG2 ceased responding to memo.




CTC: UHHH.
CTC: ... honk.


CTT: Considering the kid didn't even seem to know what an erection meant a few minutes ago, this is a rather strange line of inquiry.
CTG: maybe hes just really confident in his ability to fuck kids and thinks hes got special dick stirring powers other pedos dont




CTC: I
CTC: uh.
CTC: I HAVE TO FUCKING GO.
CTC: bye.

CTC ceased responding to memo.
CTG: hahahaha oh man did he really just
CTG: oh man

CCG: ...


CCG: OH GOD
CCG: DO THEY EVEN HAVE A BUCKET?


CGC: 3W
CTG: wow tz
CTG: i thought you would be into tasting a little boys cum drenched pulsating anus


CCG: THEY'RE NOT GOING TO JUST


CCG: WHAT THE FUUUUUUCKKKKKKKKKK


CTG: this shit is so anime
CTG: i cant handle it
CTG: every damn time hahaha


CCG: WHAT


CCG: THE


CCG: FUCKING


CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU


CCG: CCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK



CTT: Wow.
CTT: That is...
CTT: A lot of cum.

CCG: OH MY GOD
CTG: dude what are you flipping out about
CTG: its just a 12 year old kid nutting out about three gallons of jizz all over himself

CGC: K4RK4T 1S JUST 4 L1TTL3 B4BY W1GGL3R WHOS N3V3R S33N BUCK3TL3SS PORN B3FOR3 >:P
CTG: oh right
CTG: the bucket thing



CCG: WHAT.
CCG: I AM NOT A WIGGLER.
CCG: TAKE THAT THE FUCK BACK.

CGC: YOU SO 4R3 4 W1GGL3R K4RK4T!
CGA: Even I Have Seen Porn Without A Bucket Before Karkat
CGA: It Is Not That Big A Deal


CCG: WOW ARE YOU GUYS SEEING THIS???
CCG: I'M SURROUNDED BY FUCKING DEVIANTS, OH MY FUCKING GOD.


CTT: I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but humans...
CTT: Don't even use buckets.
CTT: Like, at all.
CTT: Ever.

CCG: WHAT


CTG: its true dude
CTG: like we just all up and nut all over each other


CTG: gallons and gallons of jizz bursting forth from our intercrural beef sacs
CTG: freely deposited wherever we see fit

CGC: TH4T SOUNDS 3XC1T1NG >:]
CCG: OH MY GOD


CTG: dude thats only the beginning
CTG: after weve drenched each other in spunk
CTG: we gotta just
CTG: rub it into each others skin


CTG: thats how human babies get planted
CCG: THIS IS THE STUPIDEST FUCKING THING I'VE EVER HEARD IN MY LIFE.
CTG: then once theyve incubated they violently burst forth out of our skin in droves
CTG: thousands of pink squealing human babies writhing atop the desiccated carcass of their mother



CTG: all of them keening out in grief to mourn the parent they will never know before they turn on each other in a cannibalistic frenzy
CGC: >:?
CCG: I
CCG: WHAT?


CTG: they maim and devour and tear each other apart until only child is left, fat and gorged on the bodies of its slain brothers and sisters
CTG: that is how humans are born


CGA: Was Any Of That Actually True
CTT: No.
CGA: Ok I Didnt Think So But I Wanted To Be Sure





CTT: Ah, crossdressing.
CTT: A classic.

CCG: UGH.


CGA: I Have Been Meaning To Ask
CGA: Why Do Various Parts Of His Body Appear Red And Inflamed

CTG: idk japan has a shitton of bugs
CGA: Oh Thats Unfortunate


CTT: The most shocking twist yet.



CGA: I Have Never Understood Why Boys Have Such A Problem With Dresses
CGA: They Are Very Comfortable And Aesthetic

CTT: It's a mystery.
CTG: probably because thats hella weird


CGA: But Why
CTG: it just is
CGC: P4NTS 4R3 W4Y B3TT3R TH4N DR3SS3S
CGA: I Do Not Agree But I Respect Your Opinion



CGA: I Just Think That Some Boys Would Look Quite Nice In A Well Tailored Dress Or Skirt Thats All
CCG: KANAYA.
CGA: What


CCG: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE GETTING AT AND FOR THE THOUSANDTH TIME, NO.
CGA: What I Did Not Say Anything
CCG: YOU WERE THINKING IT.
CGA: I Was Not


CGA: That Is Your Own Imagination
CGA: Imagining Things I Did Not Say And Definitely Was Not Thinking At All

CTG: well i for one think a dress would suit you perfectly vantas
CTG: itd complement your big leaky vagina

CCG: I'M JUST GOING TO ASSUME THAT WHATEVER YOU JUST TYPED WAS CONSISTENT WITH YOUR STANDARD LEVEL OF EGREGIOUS TEXTUAL DIARRHEA AND JUST GIVE YOU A HEARTY "FUCK YOU".
CTG: thanks bro


CGC: WH4TS WRONG W1TH H1M >:?
CTG: hahahaha his fucking TITS
CTG: jesus

CTT: Wow.
CTT: That is impressive.



CTT: It's clear why he's molesting pubescent children now.
CTT: Only someone who has never seen another human being's chest before would be willing to sleep with him.



CGA: That Is Questionable




CTT: How romantic.
CGA: Not Really
CGA: Actually That Is Kind Of A Weird Thing To Say



CGC: BL3GH BL3GH BL3GH MY MOUTH F33LS L1K3 1TS FULL OF FUZZ!
CGC: D4V3 YOULL H4V3 TO SHOW US SOM3TH1NG L3SS FUZZY N3XT T1M3 >:]

CTG: maybe later
CTG: weve got two more of these fuckers to get through


CCG: ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS???
CTG: yup



CTT: I'm surprised anyone wanted this enough to fund even one of these, let alone three.
CTG: no youre not
CTT: No, I suppose I'm not.


CCG: OH GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN HANDLE ANY MORE OF THESE.
CGC: 1M LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO TH3 OTH3RS H3H3H3 >:]
CGC: TH1S 1S FUN!

CGA: Fun Is Not The Word I Would Use But I Suppose I Feel Some Sort Of Obligation To See These Through To The Bitter End


CCG: I'M JUST GONNA
CCG: CLOSE MY EYES
CCG: SOMEONE TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER

CGA: How Will We Tell You If Your Eyes Are Closed
CCG: I DON'T KNOW, YELL OR SOMETHING.
CGA: Can You Even Hear Us From Your Block
CGA: Did You Hear That

CCG: NO I


CCG: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKK


CCG: AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


CCG: GUSDHG;SUJDNFSNF;SIKJ;IOEJ IAHBALHSDVBAYGBPSDHA8DU9Q3U0I9NHA SHAB DHABSUJ


CCG: OH MY GOD, WHY IS THIS SO TERRIBLE???
CCG: HOW IS IT EVEN POSSIBLE FOR ONE THING TO BE SO UNFATHOMABLY AWFUL IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY????

CTT: It's almost artful in its unbearable terror.
CTG: "almost"???
CTG: listen its a crime that this shit isnt already featured in the fucking louvre

CGC: H3H3H3





CTT: I love how he's just concerned about the dress, and not the fact an adult man just ejaculated all over his face.
CGA: Well
CGA: As I Understand It
CGA: Ive Been Told That
CGA: Genetic Material Can Be Quite Difficult To Remove From Clothing So I Can Empathize With His Concerns



CTT: Sympathize, you mean?
CGA: Yes What Did I Say
CGA: Oh
CGA: Er
CGA: What I Meant Was


CGA: Wow His Undergarments Are Quiet Pleasantly Designed Are They Not
CTT: Yes, they are very nice.



CGA: Oh
CGA: You Like Them
CGA: I Could Make You Something Like It If You Wanted

CCG: ...
CGA: Oh Goodness That Was A Weird Thing For Me To Say Wasnt It
CTG: hahahaha
CTT: It's fine.
CTT: I appreciate the offer, Kanaya. Thank you.


CGA: I Am Going To Stop Talking Now



CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, WHY WOULD ANYONE DO THAT?
CCG: THIS IS REVOLTING.

CTG: dude are you 6
CCG: ... YES?
CTG: hold on let me get out my calculator
CTG: dude are you 2.7777777777777777777777777777778

CCG: WHAT, NO.


CCG: OH GOD THE SOUNDS
CGC: SQU3LCH SQU3LCH SQU3LCH >:]
CCG: TEREZI NO.
CGC: 1F ONLY YOU KN3W HOW 1T T4ST3S K4RK4T!
CCG: UUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHH



CGA: How Is He Being Mean I Am Not Quite Following
CTG: its not proper japanese porn unless the one on the bottom is pretending to be in extreme pain at all time
CGA: Why
CGA: Thats Very Odd

CTG: who knows




CCG: WHYYYY






CTT: Aw, how sweet.
CTT: I'm moved.



CGC: SQU3LCH SQU3LCH SQU3LCH!
CGC: H3H3H3 >:]

CCG: ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT, MY FINGERS ARE GOING IN MY FUCKING EARS.
CTG: why dont you just turn off the sound dude
CCG: FUCK YOU.
CCG: ACTUALLY
CCG: OK THAT'S PROBABLY A BETTER IDEA.



CTT: You'd think he would have figured this out by now.



CGC: H4H4H4 OH WOW
CTT: "My butt is so full."
CTT: ... Really? Seriously?

CTG: you wish you could write such stirring dialogue lalonde
CTT: If only.


CCG: NO


CCG: NO


CCG: NO NO NO
CTG: okay man this is like the third cumshot youve seen
CTG: it cant be that shocking anymore

CCG: NO, IT HAS BEEN EQUALLY HORRIFYING EACH AND EVERY TIME.


CGC: OH 1TS NOT TH4T B4D!
CCG: YES IT IS.
CGC: BLUH BLUH BLUH >:P


CTT: I wish they would stop showing his chest on screen.
CTT: My face is starting to hurt.



CTT: Oh, I see where this is going.



CCG: WOW, RUDE MUCH???
CCG: HOLY SHIT, WHAT AN ASSHOLE.

CTG: hahaha dude are you serious



CTT: I'm sure a completely naked, cum-drenched little boy stepping out of an elevator isn't going to raise any suspicions.
CCG: WHAT??
CCG: THE KID JUST WANTS TO BE PITIED AND THIS COWARD CAN'T EVEN ADMIT HE CARES ABOUT MORE THAN HIS PAIL!

CGA: I Do Not Get The Impression That This Was Intended To Have A Particularly Compelling Love Story
CTG: these words that you are saying are the lamest words i have read possibly ever



CCG: UGHH, WHATEVER.



CTT: Oh, wonderful. Time for a montage!






CGA: Oh No Why Is He Cutting His Hair
CTG: first thing you do in the animes when you get upset
CTG: lop it all off
CTG: its like a requirement



CTT: A graveyard is definitely one of the first places I'd look when searching for a child I've raped.


CGC: >8O
CGC: 1 TH1NK H3 T4ST3S B3TT3R L1K3 TH1S >:]


FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 16 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGC: D4V3 1S TH1S YOU???
FGC: http://www.tinyurl.com/TH1S1SSOYOUD4V3
CGC: OH TH4NKS FUTUR3 M3 >:]
FGC: NO PROBL3M!

FGC ceased responding to memo.
CTG: terezi


CTG: terezi jesus fucking christ hahaha
CGC: >:D


CCG: AND YOU TELL ME I'M LAME.
CCG: HAHAHA.
CCG: HAHAHAHAHA!
CCG: OH MAN SO FUNNY!

CTG: dude what are you going on about
CGC: K4RK4T COM3 ON >:V



CCG: NOT MUCH MAN, NOT MUCH JUST REFLECTING ON HOW YOU'RE JUST SO TERRIBLE.
CCG: SOMETIMES IT JUST HITS ME LIKE, OH MAN THIS GUY IS BASICALLY THE BIGGEST PIECE OF SHIT.
CGG: WHAT A RIOT!

CTG: what


CTG: what did i do this time
CTG: are you just going into sick burn withdrawal
CTG: do you just start shaking and crying if you go more than 30 seconds without me utterly destroying your pathetic ass



CCG: HAHAHAHA, YOU ARE SO UNBELIEVABLY FULL OF YOURSELF.
CCG: NO, PITLICKER, YOUR PEDESTRIAN "BURNS" SLOUGH RIGHT OFF MY SKIN, WHICH IS BASICALLY STAINLESS FUCKING STEEL.
CCG: I AM ABSOLUTELY
CCG: FUCKING
CCG: UNFLAPPBLE.
CCG: I'M JUST DOING YOU A BENEVOLENT SERVICE INFORMING YOU OF HOW ATROCIOUS EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS, SINCE YOU APPEAR TO BE UNAWARE OF IT.

CTG: no u
CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FUCK.




CTG: wow nice one dude
CTG: really struck me at my core
CTG: haha just kidding that was terrible



CTG: why dont i give you another shot at that one
CTG: if you try enough times ill sure youll be able to come up with something less flaccid than that

CCG: EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS FUCKING FLACCID.
CTG: see that was way better
CTG: im so proud of you



CTT: Will you two just snog and get it out of the way already?
CTT: There's this child pornography here I'm trying to watch, and your incessant flirting is terribly distracting.

CTG: uhhhhhhhhh
CCG: WHAT
CTG: i am NOT flirting with that fuck
CCG: WHAT


CGA: Oh
CGA: I Had Assumed You Were Engaged In Caliginous Courtship As Well
CGA: Is That Not What Has Been Going On

CTG: no???????
CCG: DON'T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THAT.
CTG: jesus dick what



CCG: JUST THINKING ABOUT ANY KIND OF ROMANTIC ENGAGEMENT WITH THAT INSUFFERABLE SHITNECK MAKES ME PHYSICALLY ILL.
CTG: finally something we can agree on



CGC: 1 TH1NK YOU WOULD B3 CUT3 TOG3TH3R >:]
CCG: OH MY GOD.
CTG: oh my god
CCG: TEREZI, NO.
CCG: THIS IS SOME STONE COLD PLATONIC ODIUM, OKAY?



CGA: Yes Why Not
CGA: You Seem Well Suited For Kismesissitude

CCG: FFFFFUUUUUCCCKKKKKKK
CTG: not gay
CCG: ARE YOU ALL FUCKING INSANE???
CTG: if was gay would have standards
CGA: What Is A Gay



CTT: The lady doth protest too much, methinks.
CTG: no
CTG: triple fucking no
CTG: wow can we not talk about this



CTT: Dave, are you sure you don't have any latent desires you'd like to discuss?
CTT: Getting it all out in the open can be therapeutic.

CTG: NO LALONDE I DEFINITELY DO NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DISCUSS LATENT OR OTHERWISE WE HAVE MOVED ON FROM THIS TOPIC


CTT: Aww, have you started using his quirk now?
CTT: Has the date of the wedding been set?

CTG: oh my fucking god



CCG: MY THINKPAN HAS MELTED INTO A SCALDING MOLTEN SLUDGE AND IS ABOUT TO GEYSER THROUGH MY EYESOCKETS
CCG: THE VOLCANIC FORCE OF MY CRANIAL VOMIT IS GOING TO KILL EVERYONE ON THIS FUCKING METEOR



CTG: i wish i could have aborted this conversation before it was ever born
CTG: hey how about we talk about this porn instead

CCG: WOW YES THAT IS AN EXCELLENT IDEA LET'S DO THAT.



CTG: look at that that sure is something
CCG: I CANNOT TAKE MY EYES OFF IT BECAUSE IT IS ABSOLUTELY ENTHRALLING AND CAPTURES THE ENTIRETY OF MY ATTENTION.


CTG: yes undoubtedly
CCG: WOW IT'S INCREDIBLE THE KINDS OF THINGS THAT ARE TAKING PLACE IN THIS CARTOON.


CTG: wow a little boy transforming into a penis this is fascinating
CCG: WOW!!!
CTT: This is adorable.
CTG: fuck you
CGC: FUCK YOU


CGA: Boys
CTT: I know, right?
CGC: H3H3H3H3
CGC: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
CGC ceased responding to memo.
CTG: thank fuck
CTG: time to pretend that never happened



CTT: Hahahahaha.
CTT: Okay, yes, this is definitely hilarious.

CGC: H3H3H3 >:D
CGA: It Is A Good Thing Karkat Left I Do Not Think He Would Have Been Able To Handle This






CTG: aaand thats all folks
CGC: 4WW
CGC: WH3N W1LL YOU SHOW TH3 OTH3R TWO? >:]

CTG: i dunno sometime later
CTG: ill let you know


CGC: OK TH4NKS D4V3!
CGC: L4T3R >:D

CGC ceased responding to memo.


CGA: Thank You For Showing This
CGA: I Guess


CGA: I Feel Like Maybe I Should Be Doing What The Opposite Of Thanking You Is Though
CGA: I Think My Life Is Probably Measurably Worse Now That I Have Seen This

CTG: youre welcome kanaya
CGA: Ok
CGA: Well
CGA: Goodbye

CGA ceased responding to memo.


CTT: Alright, I simply must ask,
CTT: Why was I never invited to a showing of such an impeccable work of artistic genius?
CTT: I feel all left out.

CTG: i dunno


CTT: I understand you harangued John quite vigorously, but I heard not a stray word about such a thing!
CTT: O, such piteous woes overcome me.

CTG: i guess
CTG: back then you were a girl and not my sister
CTG: so it would have been weird to ask you to watch kiddie porn with me


CTT: Well, I'm still a girl, and one could argue that me being your sister makes it even weirder now.
CTT: And that still likely would have been less weird than insistently pressuring your heterosexual male friend to watch pornography depicting a little boy engaging in homosexual sex.


CTG: yeah but i didnt actually want to slip egbert the strider sausage
CTT: Are you implying that the primary impediment to initiating me into Boku no Pico was an extant desire to slip me your "sausage"?
CTG: wow
CTG: i just realized how phenomenally wrong that came out
CTG: and i am now searching for ways to fit my foot into my mouth


CTT: If it's any consolation, this is much less retrospectively awkward than all of the lewd sexual comments you made about my mother's "choice ass".
CTG: no lalonde thats not any consolation
CTG: in fact thats pretty much the opposite of a consolation


CTG: god damn am i fucking oedipus
CTG: just floundering in a sea of unintentional incest

CTT: Given that she is now dead, I think the chances of you engaging in unknowing sexual congress with our mother are very slim.
CTG: and thank fucking god for that because otherwise i probably would have just tripped and fell into her vagina at some point
CTG: ok that was way too soon wasnt it


CTT: A little.
CTT: But I suppose every cloud has a single lining.
CTT: While my mother may have died what was likely a gruesome and painful death, at least I will no longer have to worry about you ruining the family reunions with your poor penile motor control.


CTG: i cant tell whether youre playing along with my shit joke or trying to make me feel bad
CTT: I can't do both?
CTT: I thought you were the expert on multifaceted humor.
CTT: Keep up, Strider.


CTG: i could never hold a candle to you in the arena of passive aggressive horseshit lalonde
CTG: you are the undisputed champion

CTT: I wonder if I can get a belt for that.


CTG: welp
CTG: thats it

CTT: Thank you for this wonderfully educational experience.
CTT: I'll see you around the rock.

CTG: see you
CTT ceased responding to memo.
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG] 37 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG: OH, BY THE WAY.
CTG: god damn i was just about to leave
CTG: what do you want

FCG: I JUST WANTED TO SAY SOMETHING.
CTG: what
FCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUUUUUU
CTG: uh
CTG: ok then

FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG2] 47 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG2: UGH, THAT WAS SO FUCKING STUPID.
FCG2: HOW DO YOU NOT SEE HOW BADLY YOU'RE EMBARRASSING YOURSELF???
FCG: DUDE, YOU'RE ME FROM LITERALLY TEN MINUTES IN THE FUTURE.
FCG: UNLESS YOU'VE FUCKING LOBOTOMIZED YOURSELF THERE IS NO WAY YOU DON'T STILL UNDERSTAND HOW BADLY THIS SHITFROND NEEDED TO GET TOLD.
FCG: AND WOW WHAT DO YOU KNOW!!! I KNOW FOR A FUCKING *FACT* I DO NOT HAVE ANY TOOLS CAPABLE OF PROPERLY PERFORMING A LOBOTOMY IN MY IMMEDIATE VICINITY AND WITH A MEAGER TEN MINUTES OF TEMPORAL DISTANCE BETWEEN US I FIND IT EXCEEDINGLY UNLIKELY THAT YOU ACCOMPLSIHED ANY SUCH THING IN THAT PERIOD OF TIME.
FCG2: OH MY GOD, WHAT WAS I THINKING WHEN I WROTE THAT.
FCG: I WAS THINKING ABOUT HOW FUCKING STUPID YOU ARE, MAINLY.
FCG: APPARENTLY YOU FORGOT THAT, ON ACCOUNT OF BEING SO FUCKING STUPID!!!
FUTURE carcinoGeneticist [FCG3]
2 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCG3: LOOK, BOTH OF YOU, DON'T ARGUE IN FRONT OF THE FUCKING HUMAN.
FCG3: I MEAN I CAN UNDERSTAND WHY YOU WANT TO TEAR EACH OTHER APART, SINCE YOU'RE BOTH COMPLETELY INSUFFERABLE.
FCG3: BUT NOW'S NOT THE TIME. YOU HAVE A MUCH GREATER ENEMY STANDING BEFORE YOU AND YOU'RE SQUANDERING YOUR OPPORTUNITY WITH THIS ASININE BULGE MEASURING CONTEST.
FCG3: YOUR BULGES ARE THE EXACT SAME FUCKING SIZE, YOU HAVE LITERALLY THE SAME FUCKING BULGE.
FCG3: FOR THE LOVE OF FUCK, STOP.
FCG: DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.

CTG: is this how trolls masturbate
FCG2: FUCK OFF
FCG: FUCK OFF
FCG3: FUCK OFF
FCG3: ANYWAY, AS I WAS SAYING.
FCG3: THIS IS COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS.
FCG: YOU'RE COMPLETELY RIDICULOUS, WHY DON'T *YOU* STEP THE FUCK OFF???
FCG2: STEP THE FUCK OFF THE EDGE OF THE METEOR MAYBE!
FCG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA I'LL HAVE TO REMEMBER THAT FOR WHEN I'M YOU.
FCG3: WOW NOOKNUTS, I CAN'T BELIEVE I HAVE TO BE THE ONE TO TELL YOU THIS, BUT METEORS ARE FUCKING ROUND.
FCG3: THERE IS NO GOD DAMN EDGE FOR ME TO STEP OFF!!!
FCG3: UN FUCKING BELIEVABLE.

CTG: ...
FCG: BELIEVE THIS FUCKNECK!
FCG: I'M MAKING A VULGAR GESTURE WHERE I GRAB MY BULGE, BY THE WAY.
FCG3: DUDE, I FUCKING REMEMBER, I AM YOU.
FCG2: HOW FUCKING DENSE CAN YOU GET???
FCG3: I KNOW, I HAVE NO IDEA HOW EITHER OF US COULD HAVE EVER BEEN THAT DUMB.

CTG ceased responding to memo.

Chapter Text

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board cool kids club.

CTG: its time motherfuckers
CURRENT tentacleTherapist [CTT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTT: What?
CTG: episode 2 lets go
CTT: Right now?
CTT: I'm a bit occupied at the moment.

CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGC: H1 >:]
CTG: yes right now its go time
CTG: hey

CGC: 1V3 B33N LOOK1NG FORW4RD TO TH1S H3H3H3
CTG: good
CGC: OK 1 H4V3 TO Y3LL 4T K4RK4T UNT1L H3 SHUTS UP 4ND CL1CKS TH3 L1NK
CTG: yeah ok good luck with that
CTT: On that note, would you stop spamming Kanaya with the links?
CTT: You're distracting her.

CTG: dude what are you dippy broads even doing
CTT: I'm just helping her with a few dresses.
CTG: ok thats marginally less gay than what i was picturing
CTT: Oh, is it?
CTT: I'm honored to be the centerpiece of your Sapphic fantasies, dearest brother.
CTT: Don't let me rain on your parade.

CTG: youre pretty much the worst you know that
CTT: I revel in it.
CTT: At any rate, why are we bothering with memos?
CTT: We may as well just watch the thing in the same room.

CTG: nah im getting egbert in here again
CTT: You think he'll come?
CTT: He didn't seem particularly enthused about the last one.

CTG: oh hell come
CURRENT ectoBiologist [CEB] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CEB: huh?
CTT: Hello.
CEB: oh.
CTG: sup bro
CEB: dave. no.
CEB: i am not watching any more of your gross boku no picos.

CTG: excuse me this is pico to chico
CTG: and yes you are watching it this is not negotiable

CEB: no, i'm not.
CTG: yes
CEB: no!
CEB: look, it's not like i didn't even give it a fair shot.
CEB: i've seen more than enough kiddie porn to last me a lifetime, dave.

CTG: bullshit you didnt even make it through the first proper sex scene
CEB: oh my god.
CEB: dude, i have absolutely 0 desire to see any "proper sex scenes" involving little boys, okay.
CEB: i already knew it was going to be bad.
CEB: because there was a little boy in it.

CTG: what are you gay egbert
CTG: you seem gay

CEB: what? no!
CTT: Carry on. I don't even need to say anything.
CTG: are you sure bro because you sound pretty gay
CEB: this makes absolutely no sense.
CEB: how does not wanting to watch gay porn make me gay?

CTG: ashamed of all the stiffies you were popping over that supple pubescent rump
CTG: you big gay

CEB: boku no pico did not give me any stiffies.
CEB: it gave me, like, negative stiffies.

CTG: yeah ok whatever you say dude
CEB: dave, i'm not gay.
CTG: that sounds like something a gay would say
CEB: oh my god.
CEB: you're the one who likes this terrible piece of shit!
CEB: YOU'RE gay.

CTG: nice try john but i am secure in my sexuality
CEB: so am i!
CEB: i don't have to watch your weird child rape porn to prove i'm not gay.
CEB: this is soooo dumb.

CTG: come on this one doesnt really even have any rape in it
CEB: "doesn't really even have any rape in it."
CEB: consider me convinced!
CEB: with an emphatic endorsement like that, how could i not want to watch it???

CTG: egbert if you dont watch pico to chico with me our friendship is over
CTG: could you carry on living with the blood of our beautiful bromance on your hands

CEB: pfffffffft.
CEB: like i need you!
CEB: davesprite is the way better dave anyway.

FUTURE turntechGodhead [FTG] 7 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTG: whoa whoa whoa hold the phone
FTG: while i appreciate how youve finally recognized how unquestionably fucking rad i am egbert you cant just go dropping my name willy nilly
FTG: for one
FTG: youre assuming i would even want to associate with some lame ass pleb without the stones to watch japanese child molestation porn
FTG: what were you hoping turning into a bird man would give me shit taste in friends???
FTG: think again fucker

CEB: oh my gooooodd.
CTG: yeah see
CTG: your life is gonna be fucking daveless if you dont man up egbert

CTT: What happened to "past and future assholes get out"?
CTG: im suspending my policy on account of johns dire need to get told by future bird me
FTG: vi fucking peep pass
FTG: FUCK

CTG: hahahahaha did you seriously just
FTG: god dammit
CEB: eheheheh.
CEB: davesprite is a bird.

FTG: shut your fat face egbert
CEB: ok, fine.
CEB: i'll watch it.
CEB: on one condition!

CTG: what
CEB: i get a free pass to make you watch ANYTHING i want later.
CTG: christ im going to regret this arent i
CTG: deal
CTG: in exchange for pico to chico and pico x coco x chico i will watch one of any of your unbelievably fucking shitty movies

CEB: god, there are TWO more of them?
CTG: yup
CEB: woooowww, ok.
CEB: then i want two movies.

CTG: bullshit you said a free pass not free passes
CEB: you only mentioned one of them!
CTG: god damn you niggardly son of a bitch
CTG: how about one for me and one for davesprite

CEB: fine.
FTG: wow
FTG: way to throw me under the bus dude

CTG: suck it up and take one for the team
CGC: OK 1 CONV1NC3D K4RK4T
CGC: 1NCOM1NG >:V

CTG: oh wonderful
FTG: fuck all yall
FTG: im going back to the future
FTG
ceased responding to memo.
CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
CCG: EVERYTHING
CCG: FUCK EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU AND FUCK ME MOST OF ALL FOR AGREEING TO WATCH THIS ABOMINABLE BLIGHT ON THE TRANSDIMENSIONAL CONCEPT OF ANIMATION.

CEB: hi karkat!
CCG: HI.
CTT: Hello.
CGC: SHOOOOOSH >:]
CCG: DON'T YOU SHOOSH ME.
CGC: 1 DO WH4T 1 W4NT!
CCG: THAT'S OBVIOUS.
CTG: great
CTG: rose is kanaya done feeling you up i mean making your shitty dress

CTT: Nope.
CTG: god damn how long is this gonna take i only have three years of completely free time
CTT: A bit.
CTT: She has advised me that she is nearly finished.

CTG: ok good
CEB: oh, i should probably clue in current davesprite.
CTG: oh yeah
CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG2: yo
CEB: hey dave!
CTT: Hi.
CGC: H3Y T4STY >:]
CCG: .......................................
CTG: sup dog
CTG: bird w/e
CTG: have you already gone back to hand egbert his smelly gay ass 10 minutes ago or whenever

CTG2: no
CTG2: shit being a hero of time is tough work
CTG2: brb

CGC: BY3 T4STY
CTG2 ceased responding to memo.
CTG: so what other assholes do i have to invite
CTG: hey shit face does your terrible clown friend want to watch again

CCG: YEAH I DON'T THINK SO, ALSO BRUSH YOUR TEETH YOU SLOVEN ASS EVERYONE CAN SMELL THE BULGE ON YOUR BREATH.
CTT: Oh my.
CTT: It's getting awfully steamy in here.
CTT: Settle down, lovebirds.

CGC: H3H3H3 >:]
CTG: wow shut up
CCG: I AM GOING TO TACTFULLY IGNORE THAT UNBELIEVABLY ASININE COMMENT AND SMOOTHLY DIVERT THE TOPIC BACK TO GAMZEE AS IF YOU HADN'T SAID ANYTHING AT ALL
CCG: HE'S BEEN ACTING WEIRD AS A NOOK ON A MUSCLEBEAST EVER SINCE WE WATCHED THE FIRST ONE.
CCG: HE BARELY COMES OUT ANYMORE, AND WHEN HE DOES...

CTG: hahahahaha
CCG: WHAT THE FUCK DID THAT SHITTY CARTOON DO TO HIM???
CTG: did you even see the look he had on his face for the first few days after
CTG: oh man
CTG: let me tell you about that look
CTG: the palpable shame of it

CCG: I DON'T KNOW IF GAMZEE EVEN KNOWS WHAT SHAME IS.
CTG: no trust me bro
CTG: i know that look
CTG: thats the look of a man who beat off to boku no pico

CTT: And how, praytell, do you know that look?
CEB: ... uh.
CTG: i just do
CCG: YOU DID IT, DIDN'T YOU.
CCG: OH MAN.
CCG: THIS IS FUCKING RICH HAHAHAHAHA

CGC: >:O
CTG: what
CTG: no
CTG: sweet magy mother of gog no
CTG: dude i was like 10 years old when i first saw that thing
CTG: my balls hadnt even dropped yet

CGC: WH4T 4R3 B4LLS
CGC: WHY D1D YOU DROP TH3M

CTG: its an expression that means fuck no no i didnt
CEB: hehehehe.
CCG: YEAH DUDE, SURE, I TOTALLY BELIEVE YOU.
CCG: HAHAHAHAHAHA

CTG: oh fuck off
CTT: How exactly does a ten year old boy even find and watch such a thing?
CTG: my bro showed it to me
CTT: ...
CTT: Okay, that's more than a little creepy.

CEB: seriously.
CTG: no way
CTG: boku no pico is the best he did me a favor

CTT: You don't think there's something a bit off about an adult man showing his ten year old brother explicit pornography depicting another adult man molesting a similarly aged child?
CTG: hey
CTG: my bro was a lot of things but he didnt fuck kids

CTT: But why?
CTT: I mean, sure. Boku no Pico is kind of hilarious.
CTT: But also, kind of, what the fuck?

CTG: i dunno it was just his way of teaching me about the world i guess
CTG: where most parents would just tell you not to take candy from strangers
CTG: my bro sat me down and showed me a little kid getting dicked in the ass

CTT: While his unorthodoxy is certainly creative, I'd question its efficacy.
CTG: well i havent been getting into any windowless vans have i
CTG: im basically the fucking champion of not getting molested

CCG: WHAT IS EVEN THE POINT OF HUMAN PARENTS?
CCG: ADULTS BEING INVOLVED IN THE REARING OF CHILDREN IS ALWAYS A FUCKING DISASTER, HOW DOES YOUR SPECIES NOT KNOW THIS.

CEB: hey, parents can be cool.
CEB: ok, well, my dad wasn't COOL, but he was cool.

CTT: If only all of us could be so lucky.
CGC: 1 TH1NK D4V3'S HUM4N M4N LUSUS SOUNDS FUN >:]
CTG: fun is
CTG: not the word id pick
CTG: but yeah

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG2] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG2: operation hand egbert his smelly gay ass complete
CEB: welcome back, i guess?
CTG2: listen we will have words about this little deal later
CTG2: in making myself a big orange fucking bird martyr i at least expect to get some benefits in the exchange
CTG2: like not having to be the guy who has to suffer through terrible fucking movies for one

CTG: come on are you really gonna make me have to sit through two of them all by myself
CTG: just one is bad enough
CTG: what if i overdose on terrible movie and die

CTG2: win win for me
CTG2: on top of be spared from having to experience another heinous crime against cinema ill be #1 dave again

CTG: but if youre #1 dave youll also have to watch all the other movies hed otherwise force me to suffer in the future
CTG2: thats true
CEB: the movies i like aren't THAT bad...
CTG: yes they are
CTG2: yes they are
CEB: :(
CCG: UUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH
CCG: I CAN'T TAKE THIS.
CCG: ONE OF YOU ALONE NEARLY PUSHES ME BEYOND MY MORTAL LIMITS OF SANITY.
CCG: THE COMBINED RETINAL ASSAULT OF YOUR HOT DOG CONDIMENT TEXT
CCG: I JUST
CCG: HOW CAN ANY PERSON BE SO UNIMAGINABLY INSUFFERABLE??? HOW DO YOU DO IT???

CEB: karkat, come on.
CTG2: you seem a little mad bro
CTT: Hot dogs, huh?
CTT: ;)

CTG: brb i have to take a massive dump
CGC: 3W

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

TG: ok dude
CG: WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT, SHITLICKER?
TG: wow shut up
TG: we need to lay down some fucking armistice or some shit before this gets out of hand

CG: WHAT?
TG: ok i dont know if youve noticed
TG: but we
TG: are being shipped
TG: now i know you love shipping almost as much as you love sucking dicks and generally being terrible at everything up to and including sucking dicks
TG: but i am correct in assuming we have share a similarly visceral negative reaction to these suggestions
TG: right
TG: you dont actually want to stick your hate tongue down my throat
TG: right

CG: YEAH.
TG: ok
TG: so maybe we should cool it on the shit fiestas

CG: WHAT THE FUCK IS A SHIT FIESTA?
TG: its a party characterized by the excessive presence of shit
TG: like im suggesting we take a shit siesta maybe
TG: which is a nap characterized by the excessive presence of shit
TG: or actually
TG: i guess in this context it would be a nap you take as a break from some other activity characterized by the excessive presence of shit
TG: like any time i ever talk to you
TG: or anything you have any connection to in even the most tangential of capacities
TG: basically what im saying is that you are excessively shitty
TG: but we can talk about that less maybe

CG: I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN EVEN MANAGE THIS.
CG: YOU ARE JUST SO UNFATHOMABLY TERRIBLE IN EVERY WAY THAT I FEEL OBLIGATED TO EXPRESS THAT AT GREAT LENGTH, CONTINUOUSLY.
CG: IT'S NOT SOMETHING I REALLY EVEN THINK ABOUT ANYMORE.
CG: INFORMING THE UNIVERSE OF WHAT A VACUOUS WASTE OF MATTER YOU ARE COMES TO ME AS NATURALLY AS BREATHING AT THIS POINT.

TG: i know dude itll be hard
TG: but estrogen is a greater foe than either of us could ever be
TG: actually do trolls even have estrogen
TG: nevermind that joke was shit regardless
TG: so do we have an agreement

CG: YEAH, I GUESS.
CG: I DON'T WANT YOU TO GET THE IMPRESSION THAT I DON'T ABSOLUTELY ABHOR YOU OR ANYTHING, THOUGH.
CG: LIKE, PLATONICALLY
CG: BUT STILL.

TG: dont worry dude the feelings mutual
TG: we can still have cat fights in private if you want i guess
TG: not in front of the girls though
TG: the last thing i need is three years of starring in rose's slash fiction and terezi sending me shitty comics subtly suggesting we should have a fucking threeway

CG: WAIT
CG: DO YOU THINK SHE WOULD GO FOR THAT?

TG: are you for real
TG: ok dont answer that
TG: im just going to go on pretending i didnt see that and you arent actually that pathetic
TG: because if i actually acknowledged that thing as a thing that you said i would be literally incapable of not devoting every waking hour of my life to ridiculing you
TG: which would be really counterproductive to all of that bullshit that i just went on about

CG: OK.
TG: im going to go back to the memo now
TG: this conversation never happened

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG]

CURRENT grimAuxillatrix [CGA] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CGA: Hello I Am Here
CTT: What perfect timing.
CTT: After continuously complaining about the delay himself, Strider's sudden and capricious bowel movements are now the only thing holding us up.

CTG2: hey
CTG2: sometimes a mans just gotta go

CGA: Human Excrement Is Exceptionally Malodorous
CGA: It Is Somewhat Distressing

CTT: Is that so?
CGC: UGH 1 THOUGHT 1T W4S JUST M3
CGC: 1 H4T3 H4V1NG TO US3 TH3 LOAD G4P3R 4FT3R ON3 OF YOU GO
CGC: 1T M4K3S TH3 BLOCK SM3LL T3RR1BL3 FOR L1K3 45 M1NUT3S
CGC: L1K3 SOM3 K1ND OF UNN4V1G4BL3 POOPSCAP3 >:[

CEB: um, can we maybe find something else to fill the time besides talking about our poop?
CEB: this is way gross.

CTT: I imagine the odor is owed to differences in the intestinal flora between our species.
CTT: It would be an interesting subject of study.

CEB: rose please stop.
CTG: ok im back
CTG2: wb dude
CTG2: howd that deuce rate

CTG: 9.4
CTG: on the fuckin richter scale
CTG: i busted open armageddon on that bowl im surprised the meteor didnt veer off course
CTG: all that troll foods getting to me i gotta lay off the maggot tacos

CEB: oh my god.
CTT: You're a regular charmer, Dave.
CTG: thanks
CCG: CAN WE PLEASE JUST START.
CTG: yeah whatever
CTG: is everybody here

CCG: YEAH.
CGC: MY BODY 1S R34DY >:]
CGA: Yes
CTT: Mhmm.
CTG2: yo
CEB: let's just get this over with...
CTG: alright


CEB: eegghhh.
CGC: TH3 T4ST3 FORBOD3S >:]


CEB: oh my god.
CEB: there are TWO little boys now???

CTG: yup


CEB: i hate you so much.
CTG: love you too buddy



CTG2: too bad jades not here this would get her going big time
CCG: NO.
CCG: NO IS ALL I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT THE THINGS THAT ARE OCCURRING HERE.




CTT: Do any of these things in the opening credits ever actually happen in the cartoon proper?
CTG2: nope
CTT: How curious.



CTT: A lot of it even seems misleading.
CTT: How many pedophile bondage fetishists have been falsely lured in by the promise of little boys trussed up in ropes and were sorely let down?

CTG: what a fucking tragedy that would be
CGA: The Real Tragedy Is What They Are Doing To That Nice Dress


CGC: TH4T SM3LLS P41NFUL
CEB: having your body constricted by thorny vines probably IS painful.


CCG: I WANT TO PUNCH BOTH OF THEM IN THEIR FUCKING GORMLESS LITTLE FACES.


CTT: Where would we be without this timeless assurance?
CEB: in jail?


CTG: just another 10 year old boy
CTG: naked
CTG: swimming in the middle of the fucking woods all by himself
CTG: no big deal



CEB: oh god.
CEB: the anime sparkles.
CEB: this hurts.


CGA: His Shorts Are
CGA: Upsetting


CCG: I DON'T WANT TO SEE THIS.
CCG: I DON'T WANT TO SEE ANY OF THE THINGS THAT ARE HAPPENING HERE, AND YET I CANNOT ESCAPE THEM.
CCG: WHY AM I BEING FORCED TO ENDURE THIS TORMENT.

CGC: B3C4US3 1TS FUN!



CCG: NO IT ISN'T.
CCG: THE OPPOSITE OF FUN IS EXACTLY WHAT IS TRANSPIRING.
CCG: THAT IS TO SAY, MY THINKPAN IS CURRENTLY STRUGGLING TO PROCESS THE MOST UNFATHOMABLE LEVELS OF MISERY I HAVE EVER EXPERIENCED IN MY PITIFULLY BRIEF EXISTENCE.
CCG: THE FEW DOZEN MINUTES I HAVE SQUANDERED ON THIS EGREGIOUSLY REVOLTING ABOMINATION OF A SERIES HAVE BEEN MORE AGONIZING THAN ANYTHING I WENT THROUGH PLAYING SGRUB, AND AS YOU MAY POSSIBLY BE AWARE, SGRUB IS FUCKING SHIT.

CGC: K4RK4T YOU 4R3 SUCH 4 DR4M4 QU33N >:P
CCG: I AM NOT A DRAMA QUEEN.
CEB: you kind of are.
CTT: Yes you are.
CTG2: yes you are
CGA: Im Sorry Karkat But You Are Indeed Rather Dramatic
CCG: NO, MY REACTION TO THIS IS EXACTLY PROPORTIONATE TO HOW BAD IT IS, AND COMPLETELY JUSTIFIED FROM ANY POSSIBLE FUCKING PERSPECTIVE.


CTT: The creeped becomes the creeper?
CTT: What a progressive and stirring narrative.




CEB: that face is going to give me nightmares.
CTT: Does that mean we'll be looking forward to Boku no Pico themed dreambubbles?
CEB: oh my god, what if that actually happens??
CCG: OH PLEASE NO, ANYTHING BUT THAT.


CGC: 1 DONT TH1NK TH4TS POSS1BL3
CGA: I Sure Hope Not
CTG: i hope it is thatd be fucking hilarious



CCG: I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY KEEP SELECTIVELY TRANSLATING THE WORDS, THIS IS STUPID AND NEEDLESSLY COMPLICATED.
CEB: i guess certain words have cultural connotations that don't really carry into english very well?


CEB: we don't really use "brother" that way even though that's what the word means in japanese.
CEB: the animes can be confusing!

CTG: isnt onii-chan one of those magic fetish words that gets sweaty neckbeards in a tizzy
CTG: couldnt leave that shit out




CTT: It isn't as if you can't hear the word being said in the dialogue.
CTG2: weeaboos man
CGA: What Is A Weeaboo
CTG: its a sweaty 30 year old virgin with no life who spends all his time watching japanese childrens cartoons and jacking off onto effigies of fictional characters
CEB: ... did you just describe your bro?
CTG: nah
CTG: bro was 31



CGC: WH4T 4R3 TH3Y 3V3N DO1NG
CGA: They Appear To Be Throwing Straw At Each Other
CGC: TH4T JUST S33MS 1TCHY
CGA: Perhaps Juvenile Humans Have A Different Idea Of Fun Than What We Are Accustomed To




CTT: Wonderful, it's pedophile montage time!






CTT: I don't think I've ever met a 10 year old boy who collects hideous plates before.


CCG: WHAT THE FUCK, WHY DOES HE JUST HAVE THAT SITTING AROUND???



CCG: FFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKK
CCG: NO NO NO NO NO IT HAS A FACE WHY DOES IT HAVE A FUCKING FACE

CEB: oh my god, why would anyone MAKE something like that.
CTG2: japan




CEB: i don't think i like where this is going.



CEB: oh.
CEB: uh.

CGA: Oh My
CEB: ok, i was not expecting THIS.
CTT: Interesting.
CCG: A BANANA, REALLY???
CGC: WHY DO3S SH3 SOUND L1K3 SH3S B31NG MURD3R3D
CTG2: in japan girls have to shriek like theyre being run through a woodchipper or the guys cant get off
CGC: OH
CGC: TH4TS W31RD



CTT: Oh, yes, that makes it perfectly okay.


CGA: Oh Goodness
CTT: I'm curious as to why they even decided to include this.
CTT: Somehow, I doubt this is of much interest to their target audience.

CTG2: everything is improved with the addition of voyeuristic incest obviously
CTG: wow





CTG: did skaia create you for the sole purpose of giving rose ammunition to torment me with for the rest of eternity
CTG2: yeah probably
CTT: And what a blessing it has been!



CGA: I
CEB: oh wow.
CEB: uhh...

CTG: wow egbert are you getting off on this
CEB: what??? no!
CTG: hahahahaha you ARE


CEB: dave, that's ridiclous.
CEB: this is ridiculous!

CTG: yo other me
CTG: stiffy check

CTG2: k
CEB: oh my fucking god, stay the hell away from me!
CGC: H4H4H4H4 >:D




CTG2: shit the little bastards like a shrieking whirling blade pitcher of limbs i cant get a read on it
CTG: hahahahaha
CTT: Well, this isn't ironic at all.


CGA: I
CGA: I Think I Have To Go

CCG: KANAYA...
CGA ceased responding to memo.
CTT: Hmmm.
CCG: ...


CTT: Oh, what childlike innocence.
CTG: dont worry hell learn all about the universal appeal of wailing torture porn soundtracks as soon as he enters japanese society


CTG2: hahaha he locked himself in his room with his dumb little cosbymuffs
CTG: probably to jack off


CEB: fuck you, dave.
CEB: daves.
CEB: i am not jacking off!!

CTG: whatever you say dude
CEB: i'm NOT!
CTG2: why dont you unlock the door and let me in then


CEB: because you'll try to grab my dick!!!
CTG2: what no that would be weird
CTG2: just gotta do a sight check buddy

CEB: I'M PRETTY SURE THAT'S STILL REALLY WEIRD, DAVE!
CTG2: what do you have something to hide
CEB: no!
CCG: THIS IS FUCKING EMBARRASSING.
CTG: hahahaha


CGC: JOHN DO3S YOUR OCH1NCH1N F33L W31RD
CEB: no!!!!!!!!
CCG: THAT HASN'T STOPPED BEING THE MOST STUPID FUCKING WORD I'VE EVER HEARD.




CTG2: hahahahaha i think hes fucking barricading the door jesus dick
CTG: oh man
CTT: I can't be the only one who finds it positively hilarious that you've moved on to feeling up John's junk not half an hour after vigorously accusing him of homosexuality.
CTG: shut up rose
CTG2: shut up rose


CCG: NO





CCG: I CAN'T TAKE THIS. I JUST CAN'T.



CCG: NO NO NO NO NO
CGC: OH SHUT UP 4ND W4TCH TH3 PORN K4RK4T >:P


CTT: It's not kind to lie.



CTG: i like how they just keep throwing these shots in there
CTG: because the dudes beating off to a couple of little boys sucking each other off are gonna be way into an adult woman bananaing her cooch


CCG: THIS IS AS FUN AS AN ICEPICK THROUGH AN EYEBALL.



CEB: ok, i'm back.
CEB: and i am not! going to respond!! to any comments!!!
CEB: about!!!!
CEB: my fucking boner!!!!!!!!

CTG2: that was the plan
CEB: don't even finish that.
CTG2: ok



CTT: There are probably people watching this who were genuinely shocked by this revelation.



CEB: you said there wouldn't be rape in this.
CEB: this looks kinda rapey, dave.

CTG: well its a lot LESS rapey than the last one



CEB: any rape at all is more rape than i'd like.
CTT: I'm not quite sure this constitutes rape, exactly.
CTT: They're both little boys, at least.



CCG: THE BLOND ONE IS A FUCKING SEXUAL PREDATOR EVEN IF HE IS BARELY 5 AND A HALF GODDAMN SWEEPS.






CGC: TH3 BULG3 FUZZ R34LLY SUCKS TH3 FUN OUT OF TH1S >:?
CTG2: cant appreciate a good fungus covered boner terezi
CEB: please don't use "good", "fungus" and "boner" in the same sentence ever again.




CGC: SPLURCH SPLURCH SQU3LCH WH4T 4 SOUNDTR4CK
CTG: stir that mac and cheese



CEB: ... ok, now it's DEFINITELY rapey.
CTG: ok yeah its kinda rapey



CTG: the next one really isnt rapey at all though
CEB: i'm just going to not believe anything you have to say on the subject of kiddie porn rapiness anymore.
CTG: wow that hurts



CCG: FFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKISDAGJSJDNGPHJSDAHJUASDHBNHSA AHS
CTT: They have such amusingly excessive volumes of ejaculate.


CEB: i don't even know what to say to that.
CCG: UDGHPUSDBNGPSDB GSPHDB PGHAB FHFUSYF7AYHF8074WG3TRAOGF OGSDA FYHASGBUYFDGI]DSGHJOA DUFBPSDAHG VBPHSAD H
CTT: Karkat has the right idea.




CCG: GOD I HATE ALL OF YOU.
CTG2: thanks dude


CCG: EATING A MEAN???
CCG: NOT ONLY IS THIS NEEDLESS AND DUMB, THEY'RE FUCKING INCOMPETENT.



CEB: oh god, the banana...
CTG: do you think she ate the banana after she used it or did she put it back in the bowl
CEB: ewwww, dave.




CGC: 1T S33MS L1K3 1T WOULD B3 4 W4ST3 TO JUST THROW 1T 4W4Y
CCG: EXCUSE ME WHILE I REDECORATE MY BLOCK WITH SOME PROJECTILE VOMIT.


CTG2: the wiggling bike rumps return





CTT: That can't be safe.





CCG: SEE, THIS IS THE FUCKING SHIT THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A LUSUS.
CGC: 1 N3V3R H4D 4 LUSUS 4ND 1 TURN3D OUT JUST F1N3 >:P
CCG: HAHHAHAHAHAHAH AHAHA HAHHAHAHAHHA HAHAHAHAHHA OH GOD I HAVE TO LAY DOWN BEFORE I SHIT MY PANTS FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD.





FUTURE grimAuxillatrix [FGA] 26 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FGA: I Would Like To Clarify That I Had To Use The Load Gaper
FGA: It May Have Appeared As If There Were Some Other Impetus For My Abrupt Departure But I Assure You That That Was Not At All The Case

CTG2: hahahah
CCG: .......
FGA: Why Are You Laughing This Is Serious



FGA: I Must Have Eaten Something Bad Before The Showing Began And
FGA: I Simply Could Not Wait I Had To Go Right Then

CTT: Oh dear.



FGA: I Was Hesitant To Divulge The Exact Nature Of My Evacuation Since This Is Naturally A Private And Embarrassing Subject
FGA: But In Retrospect It Is Important That You Understand It Was A Necessity And It Was Not My Intention To Be Rude Or Disrespectful
FGA: I Apologize For My Unmannerliness

CTG: this is so incredible ill let you stay
FUTURE tentacleTherapist [FTT] 27 MINUTES FROM NOW responded to memo.
FTT: Yes, it is just as she says.
CTT: This is an interesting turn of events.
FTT: Isn't it?




FTT: At any rate, I can wholeheartedly corroborate that Kanaya simply locked herself in the bathroom to defecate, and certainly not to engage in any unladylike autoerotic acts.
FTT: That would be unconscionable.

FGA: Rose Please Try To Be Less Suspicious
FGA: Especially In Front Of Terezi She Can Smell Deceit

CGC: 1TS TRU3 >:]
FTT: My apologies.



FTT: I wouldn't want them to suspect we really spent all that time making out!
CGC: >:O
FGA: What
FGA: !

CTG: ok now youre just fucking with me
FTT: ;)



CCG: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKK
FGA: What
CCG: ISDZHGPUSB PGHIS HSA HFHAFBUASU 8ASF97ASFVAGSF 8A F-ASVCSVA G SAFVABS
FGA: But We Didnt Actually
FGA: I

CCG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK




FGA: Oh My God
FGA: What
FGA: Rose This Was Not In The Plan

CEB: uh...
CCG: FFFUDUUUXCPKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK
FTT: "The plan"?
FTT: Whatever could you be talking about, Kanaya?




FGA: I Mean
FGA: I Dont
FGA: I Wasnt
FGA: I
FGA: I Misspoke




CTT: You know, this whole thing was kind of bunk to begin with.
CTT: You're a vampire.
CTT: You don't even poop.

FGA: Oh
FGA: I Forgot
FGA: Shit



FGA: What Do I Say Now
FTT: I think the cat's out of the bag, so to speak.
FGA: You Could Have Stopped Me
FTT: Temporal inevitability! Sorry, out of my hands.
CTT: I certainly wouldn't want to spark any doomed timelines.

CCG: READING THIS IS EMBARRASSING *ME*.
FTT: Glad to be of service.
FTT: I'll be off, now.

FTT ceased responding to memo.



CCG: HOW IS HE SUPPOSED TO LEARN IF HE'S NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK???
CGC: M4YB3 H3 C4N SM3LL WH4TS H4PP3N1NG
FGA: I Think This Ended Up Being Substantially More Mortifying Than It Would Have Been If I Never Said Anything At All
CEB: it's ok, kanaya, we understand.
FGA: Thank You
FGA: I Guess

CTG2: speak for yourself dude
CEB: oh shut up dave, you've probably beaten off to this thing 800 times.




CTG: whoa
CTG: those are some fighting words you got there

CEB: at least i only got turned on by the part WITH THE ADULT WOMAN.
CTG2: hahahaha you admit it
CEB: don't make this about me!
CEB: this is about your gross kiddie porn fetish.





CTG2: hahahahaha
CTG: hahahahaha
CEB: oh my god, it was barely even a semi, shut up.
CTT: Sorry, John, they're never going to let you live that down.
CTG: nope





FGA: I Appreciate The Gesture John
FGA: It Makes Me Feel A Bit Better To Know I Was Not The Only One

CGC: 1N TH4T C4S3
CGC: 1V3 B33N TURN3D ON TH3 3NT1R3 T1M3, H3H3H3 >8]




CEB: ew, terezi.
CTG: oh man
FGA: Im Just Going To
FGA: Go

FGA ceased responding to memo.
CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD
CCG: AM I THE ONLY ONE HERE WHO ISN'T A FUCKING INSANE PERVERT???

CTT: Looks like it's just you and me.


CTG2: listen my enjoyment of the boku no pico series is built on an entirely ironic foundation
CTT: I'm sure it is.
CTG: what
CTG: ive seriously never beaten off to this
CTG: im not lying

CEB: ehehehe.
CCG: I'M TRYING TO RESIST, BUT IT'S REALLY HARD.
CTT: Oh, I bet.


CEB: hahaha, what?
CTG: oh jesus fucking christ
CTG: will you lay off

CTT: Touched a nerve, have I?
CTG: no the joke is just getting old
CEB: ok, you guys are just gonna keep arguing, i guess.


CTT: I don't know, Dave.
CTT: You seem pretty mad.








CCG: ASNFJA FH AHFAB FDJ98QYRH37R73VBRG QG3RVBLAHRLSA NASFN A
CCG: ASFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

CTG: im not mad
CCG: [SANFUJB FIASFHASFUAS9G8FHASF ASFVAGS FAGSA FA HDBAUD9AUD ADYA SS CANSN SAN
CTG2: a guy can be sick of being accused of wanting to bang dudes and little kids and shitty retard aliens without being mad
CCG: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
CTG2: christ will you shut up already


CTT: Dave, you are so far in the closet you're finding Christmas presents from 1999.
CTG2: what
CTG: wow projecting much
CTT: You'd like that, wouldn't you?




CTG: ok either im gay or a incestuous lez hound i cant be both
CTT: Bisexuality is a thing, Dave.
CTT: I'm just saying, relatively speaking, you are easily the gayest boy I know.

CTG: rose you know like
CTG: 3 other boys
CTG: two of them are fucking confirmed cock hungry aliens



CCG: LEAVE ME OUT OF THIS.
CCG: I WANT ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR REVOLTING HUMAN "COCKS".

CTT: Karkat and Gamzee don't really count.
CCG: THANK YOU.





CTG: yeah and the other is john egbert
CTG: i win by default

CEB: oh, come on.



CTG: no listen
CTG: im not even saying youre gay im just saying im less gay than you

CEB: i don't think that's how it works, dave.
CTG: look one of us has to be the gayest human alive and its not going to be me




CTT: Dave, you take shitty Myspace photographs of yourself in the mirror and develop them in a darkroom.
CTG2: what how is that gay
CTG: its ironic
CTG: not gay

CTG2: its fuckin hilarious is what it is
CTT: It's a little gay.





CTG: this is stupid
CTG2: ok even if that were a serious thing that i did
CTG2: which it isnt

CEB: dave, come on, i've seen those things.
CEB: you just like taking pictures of yourself.

CTG2: shut up egbert
CTG: shut up no i dont



CTG2: i dont
CTG2: but if i did
CTG2: that would be at fucking most a narcissism thing theres nothing gay about it

CTG: what next is jacking off gay too
CEB: jacking off to boku no pico is pretty gay, yeah.
CTG: oh my fucking god for the last fucking time i have never masturbated to any part of boku no pico
CTG: end of story



CCG: EVEN I HAVE MORE FUCKING SHIRTS THAN THAT.




CGC: 1 DONT 3V3N G3T WH4TS SO WRONG W1TH L1K1NG TH1S STUFF TH3Y 4R3NT 3V3N R34L K1DS
CCG: THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A FUCKING NUTTER.
CGC: TH4NKS K4RK4T >:P
CGC: D4V3 1 WONT JUDG3 YOU

CTG: et tu tz
CGC: WH4T??



CTG: look there is nothing for you to judge me for
CTG: i have never tickled my pickle to boku no pico
CTG: i have never even seriously contemplated the concept
CTG: why will no one fucking believe me holy christs puckered asshole





CTT: I don't know, your interest in the series just seems curious in light of some of your previous statements.
CTT: Oh, how did it go?
CTT: "you fucking shit, that was gay"?
CTT: "stop being gay you gay fucking shit"?

CTG: what
CTT: It's all very telling in retrospect.




CTG: are you seriously fucking using sbahj as evidence for my repressed homosexuality
CTG2: see this is where i exercise my awesome not being on the meteor benefits and ollie the fuck out of retard psychoanalysis station
CTG2 ceased responding to memo.




CTT: Oh, would Cool Dude and Stoner Lou be more representative of the ever tumultuous Strider psyche?
CTT: I remember those containing some positively delightful gems.

CTG: jesus no dont you know what a joke is
CTG: the whole point of that shit is caricaturizing the people who say that garbage its not like my schtick hasnt been thoroughly established





CTT: Oh, yes, irony.
CTT: The excuse to say and do anything you want without culpability by justifying it through speciously esoteric layers of nonsensical and deliberately contradictory motive, as if saying you don't mean it utterly divorces you from any personal connection to your own actions.

CTG: what the fuck
CEB: the only ironic thing happening right now is that we're arguing about how gay we are while we're watching an anime about a couple of little boys doing each other in the butt.



CGC: 1 C4NT 3V3N FOLLOW TH1S 4RGUM3NT
CGC: WHY 4R3 YOU HUM4NS 4LW4YS T4LK1NG 4BOUT G4Y 1TS SO DUMB
CGC: G4Y G4Y G4Y G4Y G4Y WHO 3V3N C4R3S 4BOUT TH4T STUFF???

CTT: Insecure human boys have trouble caring about anything else, it seems.




CTG: thats such a crock of shit
CTG: you started it

CEB: you called me gay first!
CTG: fuck it was a joke i didnt bust out the fucking freud and "repressed latent homosexuality"
CTT: I actually never brought up either of those things.
CTT: Done some research on the subject before, have you?

CTG: are you fucking kidding me


CTT: It's not like there's anything wrong with it, Dave.
CTG: thats not the fucking issue
CTT: Then what is?
CTG: the issue is that im not
CTG: the end



CCG: OH MY FUCKING GOD, DOESN'T IT GET TIRESOME CONSTANTLY BITCHING AND MOANING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT DOESN'T EVEN MATTER??
CTT: Speaking of irony.
CCG: I'M ASHAMED TO HAVE BEEN COMPLICIT IN THE GENESIS OF YOUR WORTHLESSLY FRIVOLOUS SPECIES.
CTG: no stop
CTG: not doing this
CTG: this conversation is finished



CTT: It's strange to see you so worked up, Dave.
CTT: Is this all too much of a personal subject for you?
CTT: Did Daddy give you the Bad Touch when you were just a little baby?

CTG: wow seriously
CTG: ok rose you win
CTG: you have succeeded in weirding me out
CTG: youve done it youve flapped the unflappable
CTG: lets skip to the awards ceremony and get you your big fucking gold trophy so we can stop talking about this


CGC: ROS3 JUST L34V3 H1M 4LON3 <:/
CTT: Oh, fine.
CCG: I'M SURE HE DOESN'T NEED YOU TO BE HIS WHITE KNIGHT, TEREZI.


CGC: UGH K4RK4T WHY DO3S 3V3RYTH1NG H4V3 TO B3 4BOUT YOUR J34LOUS BULLSH1T!
CGC: 1M SO T1R3D OF 1T

CCG: YOU THINK I'M JEALOUS OF THAT PUERILE WASTE OF SPACE???
CCG: HAHAHAHA GOOD ONE TEREZI REAL KNEESLAPPER RIGHT THERE!!!


CEB: can we just... not fight?
CEB: watch the porn, maybe!

CGC: >:/
CTG: yes please
CTT: Yes, let's.
CCG: FINE, WHATEVER.


CEB: ... oh my GOD, seriously??
CTG: yup
CTT: Wow.



CEB: she's not even going to stop them. wow.






CEB: her little brother is wearing her clothes and being "punished" up the butt and she's just gonna stand there and watch.
CTT: John, you're trying to apply logic to pornography.
CGC: WHY DO3SNT SH3 JUST JO1N 1N
CEB: ........
CTG: hahahaha
CCG: TEREZI.
CGC: WH4T??
CCG: I JUST
CCG: YOU KNOW WHAT, NEVERMIND.



CTT: It's good to see even the women in this universe have inordinately bountiful quantities of sexual fluids.






CCG: PLEASE TELL ME IT'S ALMOST FUCKING OVER.
CTG: almost
CTG: but you've got one more thing to get through

CCG: OH NO.


CCG: OH NO NO NO NO NO


CCG: FFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK


CCG: OH DEAR GOD JUST FUCKING KILL ME PLEASE.
CTG: guys i think karkat might not like cumshots
CTG: like its just a hunch but i think im onto something here

CEB: really?
CEB: wow!



CTT: Maybe we'd better show him a few more just to be sure.
CCG: OH HELL FUCKING NO, THIS IS THE LAST FUCKING TIME.




CCG: OH DON'T TELL ME THEY'RE SERIOUSLY GOING TO
CCG: PLEASE NO GOD WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS MAKE IT STOP

CTG: calm down dude its over
CGC: 4WWWW
CEB: phew...




CCG: NEVER
CCG: FUCKING
CCG: AGAIN
CCG
ceased responding to memo.


CGC: H3H3H3 >:]
CGC: SO WH3N 4R3 YOU GO1NG TO SHOW TH3 N3XT ON3???

CTG: i dunno
CTG: rose may have managed to ruin boku no pico for me forever


CGC: OH COM3 ON!
CTT: Oh, don't be like that.
CEB: well, i'll be perfectly glad to never see another one of these again.
CTG: oh no egbert
CTG: dont think youre getting out of this so easily


CEB: urgh, i shouldn't have said anything.
CTG: im going to make you watch the parts of the first one you skipped out on eventually too


CEB: um, no, you are not!
CTG: yes way dude
CTG: youve gotta get the full experience


CEB: you're gonna get the full experience of being dumb and lame and me hating your dumb lame guts forever.
CTG: you dont mean that
CTG: i cant be hated its just not a thing that can be done

CTT: I'm sure Karkat would have a thing or two to say about that.


CTG: karkat doesnt even count
CTG: hes got this dog like level of intelligence where hes incapable of doing anything but hating everything unconditionally
CTG: you cant even be insulted by it being an insufferable festering piece of garbage is just instinct for him

CGC: OH H3S NOT TH4T B4D
CTG: he really kind of is
CEB: /sighs


CURRENT carcinoGeneticist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CCG: YOU KNOW I CAN STILL FUCKING READ THIS.
CTG: good
CCG: WHAT HAPPENED TO THE TRUCE??
CTG: truces off
CTG: youre shit


CCG: FUCK YOU, YOU FATUOUS SHIT EATER.
CTG: right back at you you unwashed hogs taint
CCG: LEPROUS GLOBE GARGLER.
CEB: ... i'm just going to... go?
CTG: puckered ass pantywaist
CEB ceased responding to memo.


CCG: GRUBFUCKING PERINEAL LESION.
CTG: dingleberry doucher
CGC: OK W3LL
CGC: T3LL M3 WH3N YOU SHOW TH3 N3XT ON3 1 GU3SS

CGC ceased responding to memo.


CCG: FUCKLIPPED CANDYASS.
CTG: sweltering anal wreath
CTT: The rectal fixation characterizing these series of ripostes is fascinating, don't you think?
CTG: rose stay out of this it doesnt concern you
CTT: Far be it from me to come between a boy and his love of ass.
CTT: I'll talk to you later.

CTT ceased responding to memo.


CCG: DICKNECKED MILQUETOAST.
CTG: whoa dude youre not allowed to use dickneck
CTG: thats like cultural appropriation

CCG: WHAT???
CCG: I'M DESCRIBING YOU, YOU CLUELESS ADDLEPATE.
CCG: THE USE OF YOUR INFERIOR ANATOMICAL TERMINOLOGY IS APPROPRIATE.

CTG: racist
CCG: I'M NOT FUCKING RACIST, YOU'RE RACIST, AND THIS WOULD BE SPECIESISM ANYWAY.
CCG: ENTIRELY WARRANTED SPECIESISM, I MIGHT ADD, ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR SPECIES BEING FUCKING GARBAGE AND OBJECTIVELY WORSE THAN MINE IN EVERY WAY.
CCG: SO IT DOESN'T EVEN COUNT AS SPECIESISM REALLY JUST FACTS, FUCKING COME TO TERMS WITH IT.

CTG: man maybe you should talk to kanaya about getting a new wardrobe
CTG: i think a nice conical white hat would suit you
CTG: really bring out the bird shit grey in your eyes

CCG: WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU EVEN TALKING ABOUT?
CTG: nothing
CTG: anyway this is boring im leaving

CCG: HAHAHAHAHAHA, COULDN'T FUCKING HANDLE THIS HUH???
CCG: DID MY SCALDING BARBS OF TRUTH START A GREASE FIRE ON YOUR OILY PINK HUMAN SKIN????

CTG: yeah sure
CTG: bye

CTG ceased responding to memo.
CCG: THAT'S RIGHT, STRIDER, RUN AWAY!!!!
CCG: HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH
CCG: I WIN, I FUCKING *WIN*!!!!!
CCG: WOW, IT MUST SUCK TO HAVE BEEN SO THOROUGHLY FUCKING DOMINATED BY MY HONED LINGUISTIC GUILE AND PIERCINGLY PERCEPTIVE INSIGHT.
CCG: HOW WILL HE EVEN PULL HIMSELF OUT OF HIS COUNTER-INTUITIVELY DRY AND RECTANGULAR RECUPERACOON IN HIS HUMAN MORNING HOURS KNOWING I JUST UTTERLY SHIT ALL OVER HIS PATHETIC EXISTENCE???
CCG: HAHAHA, MAYBE HE'LL WASTE AWAY FROM THE SHAME AND DIE, THAT'D BE GREAT!!!!

CURRENT turntechGodhead [CTG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.
CTG: terezi will never like you
CTG ceased responding to memo.

 

 

 

CCG ceased responding to memo.