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Zhongli's Speedrun Of Kidnapping a Cute Fae Boy

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Over the ancient tree with swollen roots rising high above the ground, making the terrain uneven for miles as the world below was cast in long shadows was where his instructions took Zhongli.

Then, even further past the scorching river that burned so hot it felt like ice to the touch, where flesh could be singed off in a moment, the map only claimed he was a quarter of the way.

Only when he reached the mountain touching the clouds, cleaved in half to create a narrow passage was he halfway to where the fae lived. 

Zhongli’s instructions could be shrugged off as the deranged words of a senile wench— an increasingly disturbed woman’s final ramblings as she stared death in the face. 

He knew better, the townspeople were ignorant and had long given up hope of curing Guizhong’s disease. The apothecaries had tried their best, and a physician was far too expensive for anyone in their modest village to afford. All they could do was pray and create home-remedies to ease Guizhong’s pain before she passed. 

However, they did not witness the agony Guizhong was in every day and night. They were not by her bedside in the wee hours of the morning rubbing her back as she hurled the contents of her stomach into a bin. They were not there for the night terrors, the screaming, or the many days Zhongli would have to beg her to eat as she looked away unresponsive. 

They did not see her suffering.

In these final days, as it became clear she would be lucky to see the next morning, Zhongli became desperate. 

Guizhong was from… somewhere else. A backwards world, she would say. Beautiful and dangerous, mystical and limitless. She had never revealed details of her home, only confiding in Zhongli brief memories she could recall. 

Apparently, as a child she had forsaken her culture and been ostracized to the human realm. If given the choice, Guizhong wouldn’t go back. It had been with much disapproval and resigned stubbornness Guizhong finally revealed the map to reach her home, or the outskirts at least. 

There seemed to be a hundred rules for even thinking about the other world . The five most important she had written on the back of the parchment underlined and circled, were as followed; 

  1. Do not trust them, they will stab you in the back then gut your stomach like a pig. 

Zhongli found this rather graphic, surely Guizhong was being dramatic? When he confronted her with his suspicions, the woman shouted at him even more graphic methods of death they could perform if he dared disobey her instructions. For a woman apparently dying the next morning, Zhongli thought she had a bit too much energy. 

  1. Never give them your name. Use an alias if you must. 

This one earned a guilty look, the two sharing unspoken words. Ever since they’d met as children, running away together to the little village, neither addressed that they were both liars. Zhongli was just as much a façade as Guizhong . It was okay though, perhaps these aliases allowed the two to be more connected with each other. 

  1. Watch where you walk. They place trinkets and precious objects on the floor in circular formations, do not step in these. You will not escape. 

“They’re called Fae rings. Nasty little traps, I would not wish upon my worst enemy. If you find one, approach it but do not enter. If you’re lucky, you’ll ignite the ire of a useless fae.” Guizhong coughed into her hand before continuing, “This will be your mission, but remember,” 

  1. Yes, they are beautiful, but do not express your awe. They will use it against you. 

Zhongli did not think this rule was that significant. He was hardly one to fall for a pretty face. Many of the lovely village maidens and men had thrown themselves into his arms, only to be soundly rejected. 

  1. Do not promise them anything. They will find loopholes. 

“Then, how will I get one to agree to save you? I must offer them something,” Zhongli insisted. 

“Under no circumstances. You may ask them to help me, but Zhongli, I will not have you ruin your own life to save mine. I will only agree to this if you swear not to promise them anything. And I mean anything.” Guizhong took his hands in her own, frail fingers trembling as she sat up in her bed, “Ask for their help, but make it clear you will not offer them anything in return. I am not worth whatever price they come up with.”



After leaving Guizhong in the reliable hands of a trusted neighbor, Zhongli had set out into the forest only hoping he could make it before it was too late. Miracles aside, even fae folk could not bring back the dead. 

Zhongli could only whisper his apologies to the wind, praying for forgiveness; knowing he’d have to deceive his dearest friend. He had agreed to the first deal presented by the handsome fae in front of him, not having enough cards to play to even begin bargaining. 

The stranger had appeared in the blink of an eye, after Zhongli had narrowly managed to stop himself from stepping into a fae ring overgrown with moss and missing a few rocks. 

“Look what you’ve done human! I’ve spent years cultivating the perfect arena and you just skip around it? 

Zhongli blinked owlishly at the agitated man, pointing at the floor with vigor as he seemingly blamed Zhongli for… not stepping in his trap? 

“My apologies, I didn't mean to offend,” Zhongli mused tentatively. 

“Yeah, well, you did,” The stranger crossed his arms like a pouting child, tapping his foot on the ground to show his visible agitation, ”At the bare minimum, you could give me your name to compensate.” 

Zhongli raised a disbelieving brow, unamused. Weren’t fae supposed to be sly and subtle? This one was barely even trying to conceal his childish attitude. What a brat. 

“I will not give you my name,” he emphasized his rejection, “But you may refer to me as Zhongli . What may I refer to you by?” 

The ginger fae mulled over it, staring daggers at Zhongli as if mustering the gaul to blame the mortal for dodging his games, “Childe. Call me Childe.”

What a fitting name, Zhongli thought to himself. Mustering all his restraint to not further ignite the Fae’s anger by laughing at the chosen name, Zhongli continued with his planned speech, “My dearest friend is dangerously ill, I fear that she will not last a fortnight. I seek an audience with the Fae for the opportunity to-” 

Childe waved his hand back and forth as a clear signal to stop, pinching his nose with the other in a visible sign of exasperation. 

“Skip the flowery talk, Zhongli, I don’t care,” Childe insisted with an overdramatic roll of his eyes, “What do you want?” 

Well, at the bare minimum, Childe’s attitude was refreshing. Zhongli cannot remember when anyone but Guizhong spoke so straightforwardly to him. The villagers always had ulterior motives obvious in their request, and while the fae before him was likely much the same, it was almost nice to not have to watch his tongue so carefully. Almost being key, no amount of bratty attitude would clear the fae of suspicion so quickly. 

“Heal her, save her. I beg of you,” Zhongli pleaded earnestly, placing a hand to his heart. 

“Hm.” Childe hummed sardonically, suddenly having the audacity to play with a speck of dirt between his nails while Zhongli spoke vehemently. 

“Hmm?” Zhongli echoed with clear agitation, tilting his head while staring daggers at the fae. 

“Hmmm.” Childe replied, taking pleasure in dragging out his reply, “All right, I’ve decided.” 

“You have?” Zhongli’s eyes widened a fraction, nearly risking a hopeful expression. 

“I shall heal your friend, and in exchange..” The fae took a momentary pause for dramatic effect, “You shall give me your firstborn child,” Childe announced, a sinister tone indicating his final words as hungry eyes scanned the mortal up and down. 

Zhongli took a second to register what was being asked, breath caught in his throat at the odd request. Cheeks tinting slightly pink, he considered the options. Of all the things he’d been prepared for, such a weird exchange was not what he’d considered. This would hardly be fair, but supposedly a life for a life…? Well, if this was what the fae wanted. 

“So, you agree to my price?” 

Zhongli nodded solemnly, heart soundly made up in his resolve to save Guizhong.

“Then, we have a deal,” The pretty ginger fae clasped his hands together, a greedy smile peeking up in his smug expression.

“You swear to keep your word, fae?” Zhongli invoked, narrowing his eyes to detect the slightest hint of fallacy. 

“Of course,” Childe easily dismissed, “I keep my word, by the time you return to your tiny little village, your precious Guizhong will be in pristine health once more. Almost as if she’d never even been sick in the first place.”

Thoughts screeching to an abrupt halt, Zhongli found his voice quickly, “How do you know her name-?” 

Childe rolled his shoulders back, looking to the side passively, “I am not a fool, I can smell the old traitor all over your clothes. She is lucky to have found a partner such as you.” 

The words were petulant, yet something about the way Childe spoke of her made it seem more like they were old friends than anything else. It is possible they knew each other— but whatever their history was, it was none of the Zhongli’s business. 

Switching back to his cheeky demeanor, the fae put a finger to his lips with an impish grin, “Now, now… Let’s hope the price wasn’t too much for your mortal soul to bear… but only time will tell, and we will see if the ends justify the means.” 

Ah, yes, the repayment. Zhongli found it rather unceremonious to be so directly asking, but it was not like there would be a better time later. 

“So, when do we start?”

“Eh?” Childe replied uncharacteristically, clearly confused by the brisk question, “...If I may ask you to elaborate, Mortal?” 

Zhongli tilted his head but continued nonetheless, “You said you wanted my firstborn.” 

“Yeah?” Childe shrugged, “And you agreed? What about it?” 

Zhongli found it odd that Childe was playing innocent now after asking for such an indecent exchange, “You wanted my firstborn, so, when do we start?” 

The mortal could visibly see the dots connecting in the fae’s eyes. Expression scrunching together cutely, before evening out into realization, then turning a frightful shade of red as blood rushed to his cheeks, until only a little “ah,” escaped his parted mouth. 

Zhongli patiently waited as Childe went through multiple stages of emotion. 

“Wa-wait- that's not- that’s not what I meant! Aren’t you-? Didn’t you do all of this for your beau? Aren’t you courting Guizhong or something-?” Childe insisted, frantically shaking his hands in Zhongli’s direction, expression guarded like the fae was accusing Zhongli of the most vile crime. 

“There is no romantic attraction between Guizhong and I. She much prefers the company of the women in our village, and my own interest falls…” Zhongli took his time scanning Childe up and down, taking the time to pause on the pale skin revealed by the small window the fae’s clothes provided on his stomach, “... somewhere else.” 



Childe severely misjudged this mortal. He was not some lovesick bunny, malleable to play with for the time being. With ravenous eyes studying Childe, the fae quickly realized how wrong he truly was. Oh, how weak he was to those golden eyes.




“Ah - ah - ah! Zhongli! Slow- slow down-” 

Childe’s pleading fell on deaf ears for the upteenth time, instead earning him a disapproving pinch to his ass as the unrelenting mortal above him muttered some incomprehensible curse. Strong hands reposition his hips, forcing him to present them up, up until his back is arched painfully. 

How-? How did Childe even end up here? Being used by a mortal possessing an impossible amount of stamina, body made into nothing but a sentient cocksleeve by that ridiculously thick cock burrowing a home inside him, over and over again

“Su- surely that's enough? - Nnngh! ” Childe moans whoreishly, intrusion prodding calliously against his sensitive walls, “Zh- Zhongli?” 

Humming contemplatively, Zhongli didn’t dignify the fae’s words with a response for a long moment. Voice coming out evenly in a way that pissed Childe off, the mortal finally responded, “It is hard to tell if my seed has taken yet,” pausing in his sentence, Zhongli took a moment to grind deep into Childe’s ass in a way that made the fae jolt and tighten around him, “We should continue for a few more rounds. To be safe, of course.”

The fucker-!? 

Before Childe could voice his many complaints and curses, Zhongli was withdrawing his hips. Childe keened as the puffy skin around his rim, sensitive and raw after the hours of the thick girth pounding inside, was forced to stretch around the bulbous cockhead. 

Childe sobbed, snot and tears running into the ground as he burrows his face into his arms crossed in front of him as a pillow. Rocking rhythmically in pace with Zhongli’s thrust as the mortal deposits another load into his waiting womb. 

Honestly, Childe had no one to blame but himself for this predicament. He should’ve just said no, why did he shapeshift a womb for this ridiculous situation?

‘It is only one round,’ Childe had said, ‘It is not like I will actually get pregnant!’

Cursing his own misjudgment, Childe was beginning to realize this mortal might actually succeed. 

Yet as Zhongli places delicate kisses down his spine while hungrily pistoning into his ass, Childe finds it difficult to regret his decision. 

“Shh, you’re doing so well,” Zhongli soothes, rubbing a reassuring hand up Childe’s hips as he slows his pace. “Such a good boy, so good for me,” there’s an underlying possessive quality in the way Zhongli purrs those words, yet in Childe’s blubbering and incessant sobs, he eats it up anyway. Limp dick twitching up for a second, even after losing track of the times he's cum on Zhongli’s cock alone. 

Childe has begun to feel bloated, the logical part of his brain that knows it should be physically impossible for a mortal to cum this much, silenced by the desperate need for everything Zhongli has to offer. 

Every thrust burns, yet the burst of pleasure following has Childe pushing his hips further back and moaning out Zhongli’s name. Little ah-ah-ah’s ringing out from the forest clearing they’d decided to use for their copulating. Mind and body slowly turning to mush under calloused fingers, running soothing circles up and down pale skin before gripping his hips and holding the fae steady. Childe readily submitting as his nails dig into the dirt below to try and get a grip. The sacred floors of the forest sullied with semen- both his own as well as the mixture of slick and Zhongli’s cum running down his thigh. 

“Mm nagh - Aghh-! Zhongli- Zhongli ! Ah- ah-!” 

Childe feels himself being repositioned, pliantly allowing Zhongli to manhandle him as floppy limbs feel too weak to protest anyway. Laying on his back so his own cock, pathetically dribbling translucent cum, spills down into the exposed skin of his abdomen. Shirt tucked up into his armpits to expose his body to possessive golden eyes. Childe can feel the cum from their earlier rounds sticking to his back uncomfortable, but can barely process it before Zhongli is continuing. 

Zhongli is saying something again, but Childe can barely hear anything over the fuzzy feeling clouding his mind. Anything beyond whimpering and begging for more- more cock, more cum- feels too difficult right now. 

Oh. Zhongli’s warm hand is palming at his bloated stomach, pushing against the cock and cum still lodged inside and oh fuck it’s too much - he’s gonna- fuck

Childe feels his orgasm ring out, body spasming uselessly as his cock tries its best to spurt out more cum again. Only a sad twitch to show for its efforts, balls drained dry. Childe hears a low groan above him, Zhongli’s face scrunched into concentration as he incessantly grinds into the fae’s gaping hole again until- ah. More cum floods his hole and he can feel it running down his thighs again. 

Zhongli’s body is warm against him, solid and unwavering even after unloading into him for the upteenth time. Childe feels so cozy and the hazy feeling from before is coming back. His eyelids feel heavy and surely Zhongli won’t mind if he takes a small nap… ? 

The last thing Childe sees is bright golden eyes, a pleased smile wishing him a pleasant rest.




Childe’s entire body hurts. Had he been mauled by a dog… ? The pulsing pain coursing through his body would suggest so. 

Turning over in the warm blankets he’d been smothered in, the fae decides to deal with it later. At the moment, the feelings of safety and warmth persuade him to return to sleep. 

“I’m so glad you’re awake~ I made breakfast and you’re just in time!” A painfully familiar voice nags, smacking the muck of ginger hair that isn’t covered by the thick blankets, “Up, up, you’ve been sleeping long enough!” 

Childe groans displeased, before blearily blinking dazed eyes up at the women above. Eye boogers making his vision all fuzzy for a second before he comprehended who he was looking at. 

“... Guizhong?” 

“Don’t act so surprised, after you saved me back there. Now come on, you’ve been sleeping nearly a full day- Zhongli had to carry you back!” Guizhong insisted, pulling him up.

Childe begrudgingly allowed it, getting to shaky feet as he nearly stumbled through the house had it not been for Guizhong wrapping a hand around his waist for support. Placing him on a soft cushioned couch before moving to get his food. 

In the small cottage, everything was fairly cluttered. However, at a round table by a brightly lit window, Childe recognized a certain pain in his ass already sitting down. Neutral expression noticeably perking up when Childe walked into the room, smiling brightly at the fae as if he hadn’t fucked his brain into who-fucking-knows. “Childe!” 

Beating Childe to whatever he was about to say, Guizhong is swatting the back of Zhongli’s head with a slipper (Childe doesn't know where she obtained it), “Don’t smile at him, asshole! Not after you went stupid possessive dragon on him and nearly misplaced his uterus into his large intenstines. His kidneys probably switched places too. I cannot believe you broke all my rules!” 

Zhongli frowned, rubbing the back of his head “I didn’t break all of them-?”

“You might as well have!” Guizhong quickly interrupted, voice strained from trying not to yell the words. 

Childe was confused. 

Deciding the best place to start, he turned to the guilty individual in front of him, “Dragon?” 

Zhongli and Guizhong exchanged a look Childe couldn’t comprehend. 

“Guizhong and I are both… supernatural individuals. I presume you and Guizhong are acquainted, the fae community tightly knit. I am a qilin myself, or half with my mother being a dragon. We are both very fond of mortal lives though.” 

Well. That explained the ridiculous amounts of potent cum. Would’ve been nice to know before Childe let the fucker breed his poor hole. Even now, Childe could feel cum still pouring out his poor, gaping asshole. Zhongli had done a decent job cleaning him, but had obviously left some inside. Possessive bastard, it only made sense he was the most possessive creature in the land. 

“And uh…” Childe shifted uncomfortably, “what am I doing here?” 

It was Zhongli’s turn to look uncomfortable, “Well, I couldn’t just leave you on the floor like that. You would only wake up long enough to curse at me, so I decided to just take you… home.” 

Wait… So Zhongli carried him all the way here? Did anyone see them? Knowing the forest, there was no way Zhongli managed to walk out with a fae without any spying eyes taking notice. Oh fuck, oh fuck he was so screwed. 

A more bashful side of Childe wondered how Zhongli carried him. Over his shoulder? Under his arm? On his back? … Bridal style? 

Childe flushed at the thought. 

“I also felt it would be easier to care for you during the duration of your pregnancy if you stayed here.”

Childe’s mind came to a screeching halt. 

“E-eh?! Pregnancy-?! But I-” But I never meant to actually get pregnant! It was supposed to be a fun little game! A quick fuck with some pathetic mortal cock that couldn’t get up without magic! But the more Childe thought about it, the more what had actually happened dawned on him. He had been absolutely bred full by a dragon . The most potent bastards of the land! So fucking virile that no community- magical or mortal - had come up with a birth control remedy. The only ‘remedy’ being abstinence from them. 

And Childe had gone and fucked one. 

“I mean…” Childe tried to reason, “Maybe I’m not pregnant…” 

“Well, I’d be happy for another demonstration if you’re not satisfied?” 

Zhongli !” 

This time, Zhongli managed to dodge the slipper to his head.