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2022-03-13
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2022-06-17
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If It All Fades Away

Summary:

Rey is a bully, used to hurting people physically and verbally to keep them away. Except when new student, Ben Solo shows up at her school, suddenly Rey finds she wants his attention—and she’ll do whatever she has to to get it—including bullying him too. She’s in for a rude awakening when things don’t exactly go as planned.

***

A story about two teenagers navigating love while one of them is trapped by her inner demons—and an abusive narcissistic mother.

Notes:

Thank you for reading

~Myra

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Personal Foul

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

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Rey was used to being in the vice principal’s office.

She had been there many times for getting into fights before. With the threat of expulsion, she started to use her words rather than her fists with equally devastating outcomes. Girls left in tears would report her, and just like clockwork, she would be called down to receive her punishments. The boys, however, kept it to themselves when they would get into physical or verbal altercations with her. Too embarrassed to admit they were bested by a female. 

No one wanted to be around her and no one wanted to be her friend. Well, almost no one—except for Rose Tico. Others tepidly sat with them at lunch, but only because of Rose. Rey was often excluded from conversations. Even when Rose tried to get her to engage, the others found a way to make sure she would be forced to disengage. Rey eventually helped Rose stop torturing herself by eating quickly and slinking out of there. 

Gym class was no better. She loathed physical education, but it was a natural consequence of her not participating in any varsity sports. You had to be physically active somehow, and if you didn’t do a sport, you were required to take P.E. 

Rose was on the varsity soccer team, so she couldn’t be there to save Rey from herself—or anyone else. Least of all, Armitage Hux, who finally got his due punishment one day after he had been verbally harassing Rey for weeks.

They were playing basketball. Rey was dribbling the ball, getting within range to make a shot. Hux, irritated that he couldn’t reach around her to get it, resorted to cheap tactics. 

That’s when Rey felt it—heard it—it seemed to happen to someone else for a moment. Until she realized that it was happening to her.

He had snapped her exposed bra strap.

Shocked and instantly self-conscious, Rey lost her rhythm and focus for a fraction of a millisecond, allowing Hux to steal the ball from her. She stood, embarrassed and furious all at once, as everyone tore down the opposite end of the court laughing. She could feel her ears and cheeks flare red.

As Hux made a successful lay up shot, she remained frozen on the court, too blinded by rage to think straight. 

While the bra snap was upsetting—she was more upset that he had to resort to sexual harassment to beat her—and won—not in basketball points, but by finally rattling her after weeks of trying to penetrate her cool composure.

Mr. Parks blew the whistle, stopping everyone.

“Rey, what are you doing?” He asked, annoyed, hands on his hips.

Hux and the others slowly returned back to her end. He had a crooked smile on his face as he calmly dribbled the ball to the center. Rey walked up to the center as well and then, without warning even unto herself, she punched Hux square in the jaw, knocking him to the ground. Collective “oohs” sounded. A classmate nearby had his fist curled to his mouth.

Damn, Rey, you didn’t need to go all Mike Tyson on his ass.”

She got a three day suspension for that. 

There was no talks of any legal action however, as Hux eventually admitted to what he had done. After a particularly nasty and public sexual assault case, the school pathetically vowed to be “free of sexual harassment” and “pro young women”—letting Rey have that one. 

Still, she had to serve her suspension while Hux got nothing at all for his behavior. Typical.

“Ball busting bitch” was what Hux and his friends called her after that. They simply referred to her as “B3” in gym and around school though. That way they wouldn’t get in trouble for swearing but could still tease her about the incident. While embarrassed, Hux was not completely demasculinized from the experience because, as everyone knew, “That’s just how ‘Crazy Rey’ was.”

 

Sitting slouched in a stiff chair, waiting for the Vice Principal to get off of a phone call, Rey was mindlessly picking at a hang nail when the door to her right swung open—startling her. The library-like energy of the room was instantly washed away by the entrance of a dark haired boy. He was tall, somewhat lanky, with his backpack hanging off one shoulder. He paid her no attention as he approached the secretary’s counter.

“Oh, you must be Ben,” she said cheerfully. “I got your class schedule right here, and…” She rose from her swivel chair. “I also got your AP Biology textbook you’ll need.”

Rey found herself slowly sitting up as the boy placed his backpack on the floor, slipping the thick textbook into its mouth. She tugged at the bottom of her plaid skirt, suddenly feeling dry and itchy in her Catholic school uniform. The secretary glanced at the wall clock as the boy now stood straight again.

“Come on, I’ll give you a quick tour of the building and then by that time it should be lunch.”

Mrs. Welsh started to make her way around the cubicle area. The boy kept his back turned, but moved slightly to make way for her.

“You stay right there,” she pointed at Rey near the door. “Mr. Davis is expecting you, so no funny business.”

Rey glared up like an angry dog as Mrs. Welsh exited the room first. She realized she was still glaring as the boy named Ben, exited as well. He finally looked at her with almost indiscernible eyes. 

Almost. 

Except Rey was pleased to see somewhere in his eyes, a curiosity at just what exactly she had done, and what type of person could she be that she had to be warned to stay put. 

As the door clicked shut, a self-satisfied smirk crept across Rey’s face. The room was suddenly cooler in temperature again and just as tranquil as it had been before the boy entered. 

The Vice Principal’s door finally opened.

“You can come in now, Rey.”

Notes:

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Chapter 2: Cotton Balls

Chapter Text

Rey was let off with a warning after pretending to be particularly contrite. Typically she would be more defiant and annoyed, but today she played the good-girl-gone-bad role quite well, and was released easier than usual. She agreed to apologize to Mrs. Phasma for telling her to “go get some dick” instead of bothering her about why she didn’t turn in last week’s paper.

A strange sensation, like cottons balls in Rey’s stomach, compelled her to get to the lunch room as quickly as possible. Arriving outside the cafeteria, she tossed her backpack onto the backpack mountain and made her way down the hallway to the lunch line.

Just as she was moving forward, she heard familiar cackling behind her. She audibly groaned, then straightened her posture, readying herself.

“Hey B3, I heard you were sucking Mr. Davis’s dick again to get off. Heh, get it? Get. off?

“Correction. I suck him and then fuck him, Hux,” Rey said flatly, too annoyed to even bother to look back to address him.

Hux and his two main cronies snickered.

This was their daily routine in the lunch line. The boys would poke and prod her like they were bullying her, and she indulged them with dirty talk to prevent them from actually bullying her. She knew it turned them on, and she would much rather them be focused on the swelling in their pants, than on her specifically—her hair, her clothes, how she smelled, what she ate, etc.

“What’s his favorite position?” One of them asked.

“I bet you let him do anal,” the other chimed in.

“How many times do I have to tell you,” Rey raised her voice. “I fuck him in his chair and then bounce on his big fat, hard cock until he—“

Rey turned to continue her particularly vulgar tirade, wanting to get to the punch line sooner today—only to see the boy from earlier standing behind Hux and his two friends. 

Horrified, Rey immediately turned back around to face the front. The boys were thankfully too busy laughing to notice her terror.

The tummy cotton balls were drenched and water logged with anxiety and humiliation now.

“Wait, you didn’t finish,” Hux plied. “Or should I say—he didn’t finish—“
More laughter. Then silence.

Rey didn’t want to continue. But she knew what was to come if she didn’t. They would start to turn mean. She inhaled, refusing to turn again. Heart thudding. 

In a much lower voice, she continued: “I bounce on his big fat, hard cock until he comes all over my ass.”

Gross,” Hux said, satisfied. “Such a dirty little slut.”

Luckily, they were all at the food portion of the line now and they couldn’t continuing talking like that. Rey had never been so relieved to see the lunch ladies in her life.

Taking her tray, she practically threw her money at the cashier and told her to keep the change. She hurriedly made her way over to Rose, head lowered.

She slammed the tray down without realizing it, causing Rose to jump.

“Jesus!” Rose shrieked, holding her hand to her chest. “Rey, you scared me.”

“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, sitting down, immediately putting her hands to her forehead.

“What’s wrong?” Rose asked.

Rey’s shoulders rose and then fell as she inhaled and exhaled deeply.

“Just Hux and the assholes, managing to make me look like a fucking pervert in front of the new guy.”

“New guy? What new guy?” Rose turned to look. “…oh. Yeah, wow.”

“I know.”

“Why don’t you tell on them? It’s wrong that they’re making you say sick stuff to them.”

“Because I can’t. After what happened with Hux, they don’t want to hear about me or him in the same sentence ever again. Plus if I tell, it means he’s won again.”

“Is that all you care about? Winning?”

“We’ve got seven months left in this shit hole. I can manage.”

At that moment, some of Rose’s other friends arrived to the table. It was Rey’s cue to eat quickly and get out of there. She shoveled food into her mouth and kept her head down. Down to her last few bites, she brought her gaze up to look around carefully.

She was done eating the moment her eyes spotted Ben sitting at Hux’s table across the room.

 

At the end of the day, Rey was more than relieved that another shit day was over with. The halls thrummed with students opening and closing their lockers, chatting, leaving.

Rey opened her overstuffed locker and forcefully shoved the books she wouldn’t need inside. Just as she went to close it, however, her gym shoes came tumbling down with some smaller books and papers.

Son of a bitch,” she said, bending down to pick up the spilled contents.

Footsteps around her were becoming more sparse. As she began to try to rearrange the mess inside to once again shove the contents in, the hairs on the back of her neck stood up.

She turned to see Ben standing a few feet behind her, waiting.

Then she realized, the locker below her had always been empty. Arranged alphabetically, that meant that his last name must have started with an S too.

The cotton balls had completely disintegrated at this point, and this Ben character had been present for every single humiliating moment of her day.

Angrily throwing her shoes back into the locker, she turned away from him.

“You know you can say “excuse me” to get into your locker, instead of standing there like some fucking weirdo,” she barked.

He said nothing.

She turned after slamming her locker door shut, successfully, finally.

“And by the way, Hux is a predator who likes to sexually harass women. Probably has even raped one or two at a party. If you’re friends with him, you better stay the fuck away from me.”

And with that, in true bro-fashion, Rey shoulder checked Ben’s mid-arm to get passed him. It didn’t exactly have the same effect as someone else her size—but it definitely was enough to make a statement.

“Oh and one other thing, you should probably get some new shoes. No one wears those ugly fuckers around here,” Rey said to Ben as an afterthought. She made sure she seemed like she was down the hallway, then turned to look back, happy to see him staring at his feet.

Who feels stupid now, she thought. 

Though somewhere deep inside, she felt a twinge of guilt—because there was absolutely nothing wrong with Ben’s shoes. 

Chapter 3: Like Christmas Colors

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey threw herself onto her bed when she got home, too exhausted to take off her school uniform. Her body was now heavy in the comfort of her own home—in her own room—she was finally safe. She laid on her stomach, eyes closed, lying to herself that she would just rest for a bit. Just a little bit. 

Her parents wouldn’t be home for another few hours at least and she could just…rest.

Drifting into sleep, she thought of Ben. Ben S. She wondered what his last name could be. She was also curious if they would have any morning classes together, given that he had shown up at lunchtime. Highly unlikely. Not after she saw his AP Bio book. Here he was taking college prep-courses and she was taking the “I’m barely going to graduate high school” courses. 

Rey always felt something stir inside of her when a sympathetic teacher pulled her aside and gave her the “you’re smarter than this” speech. It was meant to motivate it her, but all it did was make her feel bad that she was disappointing yet another adult. She preferred when they just sent her down to Mr. Davis’s office. Ms. Holdo was perhaps the last teacher who believed in Rey. She would be lying if she said she didn’t hang onto that. It was Ms. Holdo who advocated for Rey when Mr. Davis finally said “fuck it” last year and wanted to expel her.

They stopped bothering her parents with letters and phone calls a long time ago. Reserving contact with them only when absolutely necessary.

 

The next day, Ben was at his locker in the morning before Rey at the start of school. She noticed he was still wearing the same shoes, which annoyed her. As he finished, he grabbed his backpack and rose up, walking past Rey as if she wasn’t even there.

Rey was irritated that he didn’t even look at her at least. Was he really that hurt that she told him his shoes were ugly fuckers? Grow a pair, you baby, she though.

Her first period was study hall. This was usually when Rey would complete the homework she didn’t finish the night before. If she decided to do it at all. Just as she was entering the massive library, her phone buzzed with a text from Rose. She wouldn’t be in school today because she didn’t feel well. Possibly a fever. Great. Lunch was going to be a blast.

She sat in her usual spot at a long wooden table. Right at the end, near the windows. She begrudgingly pulled out her English book. Ms. Holdo’s class. It was the only one she still tried to care about. She didn’t want Ms. Holdo to give up on her too. She started to read when a black spec traveled across her peripheral vision. Looking over, it was Ben making his way across the library. He sat several tables away from her. She tried to pull her eyes away but couldn’t. He began to take out very large and thick textbooks. 

Rey looked down at her own textbook. She still had another day to complete the assignment. She might just have to actually do the work at home. Her mind was made up, she slammed the book shut and put everything back into her backpack. Glancing at the clock, she had only been there five minutes. That meant she had another forty to fuck with Ben.

Approaching slowly, Rey swallowed at the sight of a vein in Ben’s neck, protruding upwards from beneath his crisp white collar and dark green wool sweater. Arriving at the table, Rey pulled out the empty chair in front of him. She wished the floor was tile instead of carpet so she could make more noise to annoy him, but as such, she would have to settle with abrupt movements. She plopped down and sighed loudly. Throwing her keychain lanyard and phone onto the table. 

Ben was busy writing with a pencil, paying her no mind at all. One glance and the problems intimidated Rey. She leaned over, now almost directly over Ben’s book. Ben Solo was written in a scribble at the top of the paper. She also saw on the textbook page AP Calculus.

“Jesus, no one needs to take that many fucking AP courses,” she said, throwing herself back into her chair. Ben continued to write.

She pushed her chair back onto it’s hind legs, holding onto the edge—she made a big show of peering under the table.

“I see you’re still wearing those fucking ugly brown shoes,” she remarked.

Still nothing.

Rey let her chair down with a loud thud.

Perturbed, Rey finally had it. She reached over and snatched Ben’s assignment, causing his pencil to drag a line across the paper and then into his book where his hand remained. She held the paper up in front of her, so she could take in Ben’s face. She was pleased to see his eyes and head slowly come up to look at her. She smiled a shit-eating grin. Then looked back to his paper, “Your handwriting looks like a child’s.” Lame. But it was the best she could come up with.

Ben now had his hands interlocked and rested his chin on them, patiently waiting for Rey to finish.

“I don’t understand any of this shit,” she said, placing it down in front of her. She was now looking at Ben. “What are you going to college for exactly anyway?”

Rey was truly beginning to wonder what it would take to disarm this smug fucker sitting in front of her. And then just as she went to open her mouth to launch another pathetic assault—he spoke—

“Your eyes have central heterochromia,” he said in a low, raspy voice.

Rey felt like someone just threw a bucket of ice cold water right into her face.

“Wha—“

“It’s when the inner ring of your irises are a different color from the outer ring. I have it too. But I have to admit, yours look more striking than mine—prettier—almost like Christmas colors with the red and green.”

Rey tried to discern the color in Ben’s eyes but was too self-aware now and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. She was completely thrown off her game. She simply tossed the paper back at him.

“I uh—I gotta go,” she said, standing up. She quickly grabbed her keychain lanyard, phone, and bag…leaving the library.

There was still a lot of time left in study hall but she didn’t care. Once in the hallway, she heard a voice. Hux, always managing to be everywhere and nowhere all at once.

“Skipping class B3?”

“Not now, you fucking stalker!” She snapped. Her fast pace turned into a run. She was running.

Once in the girls restroom, she threw her backpack onto the tiled floor causing it to slide under the sinks. She hastily made her way over to the large powder mirror. She leaned in close, peering deeply into her eyes.

Ben Solo was right, she did have two different colors in her eyes. A red-brown on the inner iris and green on the outer edges. She had stared at her eyes a millions times before, and she knew what she looked like, but she was trying to see them now with new eyes. With Ben’s eyes. She didn’t know such a thing about eye color had a name. 

She heard his voice in her head again, speaking matter of factly. Central heterochromia…Prettier…Almost like Christmas colors…

 

Fuck.

Notes:

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Chapter 4: Her Name is Rey

Chapter Text

Rey could hardly focus on any of her classes that morning. Not only was she still thinking about how Ben Solo had completely dodged her bullying tactics, she was also worried about how lunch would go. Rose never missed school, not unless she was genuinely sick. Worse still, she had to deal with Hux and his two cronies in the lunch line, and if Ben was there again, she was certain she would die from humiliation.

The last class before lunch was gym. Rey desperately hoped they wouldn’t be doing any partnered activities today. Her nerves couldn’t handle much more. Changing in the girl’s locker room, she tugged at the shorts that were far too small now. She really needed to ask her parents to get her some new clothes soon. No doubt it would be met with annoyance and scorn, per usual.

She didn’t pay much attention to the fact that she was the only girl in gym. She was just thankful they were a class of twelve and not twenty five like middle school used to be. All the other girls in her grade at least had the good sense to participate in a varsity sport. 

Walking sheepishly out of the locker rooms, Rey’s stomach dropped when she saw Ben standing next to Hux. Surely he could do any varsity sport, what the hell was he doing in gym? She wanted to scowl but it became apparent that Hux was just talking his ear off. Ben was respectfully listening, and it gave Rey the hope she needed to believe he wasn’t actually becoming friends with Hux.

“Hey Rey,” Finn Lewis said as he passed her by. Finn. Genuinely nice guy. Rey felt on more than one occasion she should try to talk to him more. He wasn’t there the day she decked Hux, but he did make a sly comment to her when she returned from suspension that she did them all a favor.

Ben glanced in Rey’s direction, then turned his head back to Hux. Poor guy, Rey thought, he’ll never get away if he doesn’t tell him to shut up or interrupt him.

Mr. Parks entered the gym. “Alright everyone, we’re going to be doing some exercise drills today.”

A collective groan could be heard.

“We’re going to do ten laps around the gym to get our heart rates up, and during that time I’m going to be setting up some agility stations in the middle of the court. When you’re done with your laps, go ahead and stretch and then get a drink of water.”

All the boys scuttled over to the designated starting corner. Rey made sure to get behind all of them, not wanting to interfere with their dick-measuring contest of who was the fastest. Sneakers squeaked and thudded as they stampeded around the gymnasium.

Rey did her best to stay at least within range of the boys, not wanting to get lapped, which would inevitably happen anyway. Hux always over exerted himself to try and beat Finn and it amused Rey that he failed every time. 

Turning one of the corners on the second lap, Rey looked over to see that Ben and Finn were striding together, Hux practically flailing behind them. They both looked at ease while Hux looked like he was trying not to die. His face already bright red, matching his hair, thus making his whole head look like a giant red dot bopping around in circles. Rey stifled a laugh.

She felt her lungs and legs start to burn. She stopped focusing on the boys and instead focused on her own stride. She had improved in her lung capacity since the beginning of the school year, but still struggled to keep an even running pace. She preferred this type of cardio over the agility drills that would come next though. Thinking of what she was going to do about Rose not being at lunch, she didn’t realize that Finn, Ben, and Hux were now passing her on the fifth lap. Rey tried to move out of the way and got clipped by Hux.

This clearly infuriated him, breaking his desperate attempt to stay with Finn and Ben.

“Get the fuck out of the way, B3!” 

He must have stepped on the ear of one of her laces, because like a bad high school movie, Rey felt her whole shoe come off, and just like that—BAM—she was outstretched onto the floor. She hit. Hard. The other boys continued on past her. Mr. Parks was too busy in one of the utility closets getting out cones and ropes and shit to see what had happened.

Rey blinked. Her eyes had instinctively closed on impact and her vision was black for a moment. She began to sit up when she saw Ben’s legs near her.

“Are you okay?” He asked, offering her his hand.

“Fine,” she said, standing up and dusting herself off. She looked down at her elbow where it burned on the floor. She retrieved her shoe and quickly put it back on, tying it hastily, then took off running again. Only this time, Ben stayed alongside her.

“You don’t have to run with me out of pity,” she informed him. He didn’t respond. Still, he kept alongside her. Then Finn passed them both.

“Are you okay, Rey?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” Rey breathed. 

“Don’t worry about B3!” Hux called after Finn, breathless, lagging behind but now passing them too. “She gets plenty of cardio each week with Mr. Davis.”

Suddenly Ben stopped. Rey turned to look back at him.

“Her name is Rey!” He shouted, his deep voice bellowed, echoing in the large gymnasium.

All the boys looked over from a straight- away stunned. Mr. Parks was stupidly standing in the doorway of an attached hallway holding cones, confused as to what just happened.

Hux looked genuinely frightened. “I—I know,” he called back awkwardly from a distance.

Ben had an angry expression on his face, and then he quietly resumed running. A tense silence overcame the room. The thudding of shoes sounding more intense than before.

Rey kept her head down as Ben came back up alongside her. She almost lost count of the amount of laps she had left; then the other boys finished. Two more.

She can’t remember the last time someone stood up to Hux for her that went unchallenged. Rose’s attempts were so quickly shot down with a viciousness that made Rey hurt for her friend. She insisted that Rose stay out of any taunts or put downs aimed at her.

The rest of the class was a blur, Rey tried to stay away from Ben. She could already sense that Hux was not particularly happy that Ben was staying close to her, nor was he pleased to be humiliated in front of everyone. With legs like jelly from agility ladders, cone sprints and the like, Rey hobbled to the locker room. They were given enough time to shower, but Rey always hated that the time was clearly meant for boys, not girls. She did her best to wash up quickly.

As she exited the gymnasium, Rey felt the dread of lunchtime that she had managed to forget from physical and mental exertion. She could just…not eat. But then her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she was very hungry. Not eating would mean she could literally faint later. It had happened before. She remembered how furious her mother was in her sophomore year, forced to leave work early to come and get her. Rey could still hear her mother’s voice ranting on the car ride home. About how a skinny little bitch like her needed to eat more. That no one wants to fuck a skeleton. To not ever “pull a fucking stunt like that ever again.” 

Yes, mother, fainting from not eating because of severe anxiety of being bullied was definitely an elaborate stunt.

Rey sighed, her legs weak from exercise and nerves, her right hand trembling. Today, like every other day, she would just have to suck it up and put on a brave face. Just get through it, she told herself. It’ll be okay. And even if it isn’t. You’ll find a way to be okay later.

Chapter 5: Who Hurt You

Chapter Text

Rey grabbed a Saran wrapped sandwich and scurried out of the cafeteria. She was relieved Hux didn’t notice her. Relieved the girls didn’t seem to notice her look over to confirm one of her worst lunchtime anxieties—that they would never leave a spot open for her. Not if Rose wasn’t present. Rey also observed while sneaking out of there that Ben was not sitting at Hux’s table. He wasn’t sitting anywhere, actually. Walking down the hallway, Rey practically crammed the whole sandwich into her mouth, not wanting to get in trouble for not eating in the cafeteria.

Opening her den of trash in the senior hall, Rey resolved that it was perhaps time to try to clean it out. Probably worthwhile after the spectacle she made of herself yesterday. She had plenty of time before Ms. Holdo’s class. Might as well be productive with it. She began to sort through old papers, walking over to a trash bin and tossing them as needed. She had a few empty water bottles, Starburst wrappers from when she was given the yellow ones that Rose didn’t like, some spare clothes that smelled of locker now.

She heard footsteps coming around the corner, not thinking anything of it, Rey’s stomach leapt when she realized it was Ben. She refused to give him more than a sideways glance however. She didn’t want to seem overly interested, but she also didn’t want to seem completely disinterested. She wasn’t sure how to behave with him, exactly. Not after this morning in study hall or gym. 

Rey should have been grateful that Ben stood up to Hux for her. Truth be told, it filled her with dread. Because now Hux would be hyperaware and focused on the two of them. Maybe Ben didn’t snap at Hux because he was defending her. Maybe he was just using her as an excuse to tell Hux off; a quick and easy way to get rid of him. Whatever Ben’s motives were; be it making her blush in study hall or offering her a hand when she fell. Rey didn’t know what to do with any of it. Sure, she wanted his attention by fucking with him, but he thwarted her every move to disturb him in some way.

Looking down at him as he opened his locker, staring at the top of his black head of hair. Rey hated that at every turn, she was the one looking like an idiot. Ben managed to subvert all of her efforts to mess with him. As he pulled thick textbooks in and out of his locker, Rey felt contempt creep inside. His laser focus—his ability to be unbothered—his commitment to schoolwork that would surely grant him favoritism. His attempt to play nice guy by complimenting her eye color, by offering a hand in gym, and (maybe) defending her to Hux. Rey hated all of it. That’s what she had convinced herself of anyway. She hated that she was so easily disturbed, an outcast, and he got to be the cool kid on day two. The studious good guy.

Their locker doors had been flush together while open. Rey stayed to the side of Ben, slowly shifting through papers in her hand. Ben was still crouched down, examining his schedule, still getting used to what days he had different classes on. Ever so slightly, Rey reached over him, and quietly moved her locker door to be right above his head. She smirked, and continued to mindlessly stare at her papers, completely unfocused—waiting for Ben.

He folded his schedule and put it into his binder within his bag. Zipping up the backpack, he rose up, just as he had done many times already. A loud WHACK came from the sharp metal corner smashing right into the back of Ben’s head. Rey howled with laughter. She shouldn’t have, but she couldn’t help it. 

“Oh, I got you good,” she cackled. “Gotta even the playing field by knocking out a few of those brain cells you have.” She held her stomach and continued to cackle. 

Ben remained motionless, he had brought his right hand up to the top of his head. It had to have fucking hurt. Rey hit plenty a cabinet door or two at home. Sometimes the pain was so sharp and excruciating she wondered if she would need medical attention.

Still laughing, she jumped when Ben reached his hand up while still looking down and slammed her locker door shut. He then stood up quickly and faced her with serious eyes. Rey was so frightened by the rapid change of energy and movement that she punched Ben in the chest, on reflex. Before she could pull away in horror of what she had done, he snatched her wrist. 

His grip was strong, his huge hand wrapped around her tiny wrist.

Rey looked up to see that Ben’s eyes were glassy. He looked…wounded? Sad? Hurt? Concerned? Something. And it was not at all what she was expecting. She didn’t know what she thought would happen, but certainly not this.

“Who hurt you?” He asked. His voice was low and quiet, one of concern. Like a teacher trying to convince a child to report abuse at home.

She felt the terror flicker through her body, and it surely flashed before her eyes. Because she saw that Ben caught it. Rey quickly forced herself to switch back into regular-Rey mode. 

She looked down and snorted. “Wow, really? ‘Who hurt you?’ Stick with Bio and Calc, you big-nosed freak.” Why were her insults so juvenile when it came to him? She tugged her wrist to break his hold, to no avail. His grasp was firm and strong, but not threatening, not like a death-grip when her father grabbed her by her upper arms and shoved her into the fridge once. Mad over something that Rey can’t even recall—just that she was terrified of the brute strength she felt.

Was this the part where she told him to let go? 

Rey kept her gaze to the floor. She didn’t want to look into his eyes again. But she also strangely didn’t want him to let her go.

She looked up and saw the sadness in his eyes once more, and something about it stabbed her. With her free left hand, she slapped him across the face, for reasons she didn’t understand. And he caught that wrist too. 

“You take hits like a pussy,” she said, weakly. 

Ben now had both of her wrists, a red mark on his face, and a look of deep melancholy in his eyes. A suffocating gaze that Rey could hardly stand. She felt like a rodent in a cage desperately trying to get out while scientist Ben just watched, taking notes. Thinking to himself how interesting this little rodent was.

“Let me go,” she said finally. And to her utter surprise, Ben did. Immediately.

She didn’t know what to think of that. She rubbed her wrist and lowered her head, blinking wetness away. And then—Ben stepped closer—and wrapped his arms around her. Her arms that had been released and remained up to her chest, came to curl into his.

A hug? What the fuck was this?

Rey stood like a feral child. Not sure what to do with Ben’s contact. He smelled good. Really good. Like something musky but faint. A scent that you could only smell when you were this close to him.

She couldn’t come up with one single smart ass remark to say. All she could do was stand, her legs now put through the rollercoaster ride of a lifetime in one day. First a fall, then intense exercise, lack of food, anxiety, and now—a strange and painful euphoria that Rey had never experienced, making her weak again.

She can’t remember the last time a male gave her a hug. If it was her father as a child, she had no memory of it. 

Rey decided she would just…accept it. Whatever Ben’s intentions were, she would accept in this moment. Rey allowed herself to lean into him slightly, arms still folded into his chest. She closed her eyes when he brought his hand to rest on the back of her head, petting her. Affection. That must be what this was. As a feral animal, even Rey knew that petting like this was good, and kind, and safe.

She was safe.

Safe in the arms of Ben Solo.

Chapter 6: The Student Advocate

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Did you get enough to eat?” Ben asked, bringing his hand to a stop on the back of her head.

“Hmm?” Rey hummed into his chest.

She opened her eyes when she felt him move, he had pulled his head back slightly to look downwards at her. 

“I was in Mr. Singh’s classroom asking him some questions. I saw you walk by and shove that whole sandwich into your mouth. Did you get enough to eat? Are you still hungry?”

“I—I’m fine,” Rey said. 

She was still hungry. 

“Well, I have an unopened bag of Oreos if you want them.”

Rey wanted to cry out when Ben released his hold on her. He crouched down and opened a front bag compartment to pull out the cookies.

“Dessert…” he said, offering them to her.

“…thanks,” Rey said, slowly taking the bag. 

More time must have passed than she though. Because some students were trickling into the hallway. And then the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch.

“What class do you have next?” Ben asked, pulling his backpack over one shoulder. 

“English with Ms. Holdo.”

“Oh she’s nice. I have her for AP English.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Rey said, letting her hands fall to her legs in annoyance. 

“It’s the only other AP class I have, I promise,” Ben smiled, raising both hands.

Rey twisted her lip, trying to stop a smile from forming on her face, but Ben’s grin was simply too infectious, and she felt her teeth show. She also realized that her face was becoming warm again, the same way it had in study hall that morning.

The hallway was now filling up with other students going to their lockers. Locker doors unlatching and conversations weaving between them now.

“I’ll see you later?” Ben asked.

“Yeah,” Rey said. And with that, Ben disappeared around a corner, on his way to his next class.

Rey picked up her bag from the floor and opened her own locker now. Surprised, she had completely forgotten just how much trash and papers she managed to clean out. She grabbed the textbooks she needed for the remainder of the day. Conscious of the fact that her mouth could not stop smiling.

 

 

Making her way to Ms. Holdo’s class across the building, Rey felt a lightness in her step. A giddiness that lingered in her stomach. She inhaled deeply, cherishing the faintest of Ben’s scent particles clinging to her.

“Rey,” Ms. Holdo nodded to her with a smile when she entered. Rey bowed her head in return with a genuine smile today. Ms. Holdo seemed pleased to see that, checking Rey’s name off for attendance.

Rey daydreamed as the lesson began; she wasn’t totally checked out, but she wasn’t completely tuned in either. She was just…existing and enjoying. Rey watched with glazed eyes as Ms. Holdo’s head of purple hair moved about. She used to wonder how they let her get away with that at St. Michael’s. 

Rey got to see why last year at her possible expulsion meeting.

 

Rey sat outside of Mr. Davis’s office, waiting for her parents to arrive. Head in her lap, she was more terrified of her mother and father than expulsion. Feeling sick, she jolted when the reception door swung open. Ms. Holdo stormed in, charging for Mr. Davis’s office door, bursting through it without a knock. 

Immediately, Rey and Mrs. Welsh heard yelling before the door could even click shut.

Ms. Holdo laid into Mr. Davis about how they only cared about the big donors at St. Michael’s. That as long as they got their money, they didn’t give a shit about the other kids. Mrs. Welsh breathed an audible “Oh dear” at hearing the word “shit.” Rey normally would have been amused at that—but not today. Not with the unease of her parents on their way.

Ms. Holdo then mentioned a handful of students who had done far worse than Rey. She mentioned horrific vandalism of a hotel after an away football game that was hushed up with powerful connections; drugs; alcohol. She named dropped both boys and girls. Mr. Davis immediately countered with a reference to Rey’s freshmen year, when she punched a junior girl in the stomach, how the parents wanted to press charges. That she should have been expelled then—or what about the time she was caught cheating on a final exam in her sophomore year? Clearly suspensions and academic probation weren’t doing much. Ms. Holdo retorted that they hadn’t even tried counseling yet. That the school counselor was an imbecile and that Rey needed real help, maybe even medication. 

Rey caught Mrs. Welsh quietly shaking her head in pity as she typed on her computer. As if the problems with Rey were so trivial she could still manage to focus and type while a full blown argument was taking place. It hurt Rey to see that. What hurt her even more, however, was the moment her parents arrived. Rey wanted to throw up at the sight of her father in his greasy work uniform, contrasted against her mother’s grey pencil skirt, matching grey jacket swung over her arm.

Ms. Holdo made her case to the whole room, to Mr. Davis, to her parents. Rey sat as still as possible. A resolution was finally agreed upon.

Rey would have to serve three days of suspension, plus get six sessions of private counseling. 

Leaving that day, her parents said nothing to her as they all walked out together. Her father simply got into his pickup truck and said he was going back to work. Her mother sighed audibly, placing her purse and jacket inside the back seat of her car. Closing the door, she then entered the front; Rey did so as well with trepidation.

Once inside, not a moment too soon, Rey’s mother slapped her across the back of her head. One of her nails caught and dragged awkwardly through her hair as she pulled away.

“I can’t fucking believe you,” she breathed, immediately reaching to turn the keys in the ignition as if nothing had happened. “Counseling…Medication….” She mumbled to herself, disgusted.

“I swear to god, Rey…” her mother warned. Rey curled her left ear into her shoulder to prepare for another blow before she realized her mother was just reaching to put the car into reverse. “If we have to come up here one more time, you’re going to regret the day you were born.”

Rey got six sessions of counseling, and that was that. She wished she could have gone for longer—as she had really liked her therapist—but of course, her parents refused. She never did get onto any type of medication. She wasn’t sure what she would have needed, or been put on, but she would’ve at least liked to have tried something.

 

For the rest of her junior year, Rey behaved as well as humanly possibly. The incident with Hux at the beginning of this year—her senior year—she cried hysterically to Mr. Davis and begged him not to call her parents. He had never seen her like that, and nervously agreed, too uncomfortable to ask the deeper questions.

“You’ll have to serve your suspension outside of school,” he told her. “…however you want to do that.”

“I know,” Rey sniffled, finally calming down some. “I’ll just…go to the public library or something.” She wiped her eyes and nose with her green wool sleeve. It wasn’t a good tissue, but Mr. Davis wasn’t offering her anything, nor did he have a box of Kleenex on his desk.

And that’s what Rey did. She got dressed in her uniform for three days straight and left when she was supposed to for school. Only instead of taking her usual route to St. Michael’s, she went to the local library. Despite the circumstances, it was actually very pleasant for Rey. She found some books she was interested in, sat, and read. She also got to play on the computer a bit. Which was refreshing because she didn’t have one at home that she was allowed to use.

 

Coming back to the present, Rey was reminded that Ms. Holdo got to wear a head of purple hair at St. Michael’s because Ms. Holdo was a fucking badass. Rey smiled at the memory of her yelling. She wasn’t intimidated by Mr. Davis or anyone. Not one tiny bit, and she wasn’t afraid to lose her job if it meant doing the right thing. She was the very definition of no fucks given.

If Rey could think of one adult she would like to be like when she grew up, it would be Ms. Holdo.

Notes:

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Chapter 7: Cherry Red

Chapter Text

Rey could hardly get to her locker fast enough at the end of the day. She wasn’t sure what she was going to say or do around Ben, just that she wanted to be near him. Stalling for as long as possible, Rey felt a pang of disappointment when Ben didn’t show up. Maybe he was talking to a teacher again, or already went home.

Once outside, Rey pulled the hood of her coat up. The November air bitterly cold. She was thankful she only had a few suburbs to walk through to get home. A text buzzed in her pocket—it was Rose—asking her if the day went alright. Oh Rose. Thinking of her even while she was sick at home. Rey told her not to worry about her, that it all went fine, and to rest up.

Rey’s Mary Jane’s crunched on the settled snow on the ground. Her cheeks were the coldest part on her body at the moment. Head down, and almost to the edge of the school premises, Rey heard a vehicle slow next to her.

“Do you need a ride?” Ben asked through the passenger window. “It’s way too cold to be walking out here.”

“I don’t live far,” Rey said, her cheeks cherry red.

“Come on, get in, I’ll take you.”

Rey hesitated for a moment, then agreed.

Climbing inside of the SUV she shivered. Ben instantly turned the heaters on full blast. Rey placed her hands to the vents.

“You really walk in this?” Ben asked, looking at Rey’s knees, just as red as her cheeks. 

“It’s not that bad,” she responded, fisting her plaid skirt downward.

“Where do I need to go?” He asked, ignoring the cars going around him to get to the stop sign at the end of the drive. Rey directed him and then shivered again, but was warming up quickly.

“I’m sorry I didn’t see you at our lockers. I’m still getting used to where everything is.”

Rey said nothing. She didn’t want to seem like she was expecting him. Another wide turn and they were on her street. It was really close in a vehicle.

“It’s that blue house up there,” Rey pointed.

Ben slowed down once they got closer, then pulled into her driveway.

 

Now comfortable and toasty, Rey began to reach for her bag at her feet. She then slowly reached for the door handle, trying to think of something to say other than thank you. Just as she was pulling it to open, Ben spoke:

“Were you able to get your homework done?”

“—what?”

“You didn’t come back to study hall this morning. I was just wondering if you were able to get what you needed to get done.”

It felt like an eternity since first period. So much had transpired in one day, Rey could have sworn he was asking about last week. At St. Michael’s, there was never-ending reading, writing, studying, and projects to be done. Any free moment wasted was surely time that could have been spent doing any one of those things. It was a fair question on Ben’s part.

“I didn’t…but I’ll get it done tonight.”

“…I can give you my number…in case you need help with anything.”

“…okay.” Rey pulled out her phone and they both entered each other’s information.

“Do your parents work late?” Ben asked.

Rey realized that he was stalling now.

“…They do. My dad works second or third shift usually, it depends on the week or the month. And my mom works odd hours. Sometimes she doesn’t come home at all. She has an apartment downtown for when she has to work really late and be up early too.”

The heater was still blasting, and Ben turned it lower now that they were becoming too hot.

“Well, be safe then,” Ben said.

Not what Rey was expecting him to say. She really needed to learn to stop expecting anything logical from him.

“Um, thank you for the ride,” she said, exiting. As she was walking up the pathway to her front door, she heard Ben call out.

“Rey.”

She turned to look. 

“If it’s okay with you, and if your parents don’t mind, I can take you home each day. It’s not a problem for me, and it’s not that far—but it’s too cold for you to walk home.”

How sweet, she thought, he’s worried about what her parents thought, even though he knew nothing about them or how little they cared about her. The only time they cared was when she messed up or when they were inconvenienced by her, which felt like a lot.

“Okay,” she called back to him.

He waved and pulled away. Rey returned the gesture, watching him go, then unlocked the front door and entered.

 

Rey powered through the English assignment as best she could. It wasn’t too difficult but she could hardly focus. She kept re-reading the same sentences over and over again. Not only was the material not especially interesting, but she also had Ben on her mind distracting her. Laying on her back, hands on her stomach, eyes closed, Rey smiled as she replayed their hug over and over again in her mind.

She didn’t realize she had fallen asleep until she awoke to full darkness, unsure of where she was or what time it was. Rey had drool on her mouth, her elbow on a crinkled paper she was writing on, and a few of her book pages bent. Rey grabbed the assignment, shoved it into her book, and then tossed it onto the floor. Peeling her wool sweater off with her blouse, then her skirt and stockings, she climbed under the quilt cover; removing her bra as well, leaving only her cami and underwear on. Pulling the covers up to her face, Rey fell asleep for the rest of the night, completely exhausted from the events of a single day.

Chapter 8: Good Morning

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey could hear her father snoring down the hall when she awoke. He was currently working thirds and would go straight to bed when he got home. Her mother hadn’t been home for the past two days. Checking her phone, Rey still had about ten minutes before her alarm was supposed to go off.

There was a text message from Ben:

Good morning, Rey

I asked my parents and they said it would be okay if I picked you up and dropped you off each day. What time do you usually leave? Is it okay if I come and get you this morning? I don’t want you walking outside in the cold.

-Ben

Rey smiled and texted back. She thought it was cute that he told her good morning and signed his name. It was nice to hear from him first thing in the morning. Showering and getting dressed, Rey ate toast with jam while she waited for him. Normally she wouldn’t leave until closer to school’s start time, being it only took her ten minutes to get to St. Michael’s on foot. But because Ben had to drive a little further to get to her place and then school, she was dressed, ready, and waiting much earlier than usual.

Watching the dark SUV pull into her driveway, Rey grabbed her bag and hastily exited the front door.

“Good morning,” Ben said as she opened the door.

“Ugh, you’re one of those types,” she said, climbing in.

“What?” He asked, genuinely confused.

“You actually say “good morning” to people, verbally. Just…say “hi” or something. “Good morning” is such a huge ‘fuck you’ to me.”

“…okay,” he laughed nervously.

“I’m still not fully awake yet. When someone says “Good morning” it just feels like they’re trying to start shit.”

Ben chuckled and drove down the road. She could tell he was amused and conceptually understood her distaste of morning greetings, but not quite literally. Probably the result of a better upbringing, she told herself. 

Rey remained silent for the rest of the very short ride. Once parked, walking up to the building, Rey slowed when she caught the back of Hux’s head entering. Ben noticed she was lagging behind and turned back to look at her, then back to Hux’s disappearing head through the double doors.

She could see his breath on the cold air as he spoke.

“How long has he been bothering you?” He asked.

“Hux? Oh, since freshmen year. I’m used to his bullshit by now though.”

Ben was not convinced.

“I punched him in the face earlier this year,” Rey laughed, as if that was supposed to appease him. Ben’s eyes widened.

“What happened?” He asked. “Come on, keep walking so we can get inside.” They continued through the double doors, Hux now out of sight down another hallway.

“He snapped my bra strap in basketball. I got mad and punched him in his jaw,” Rey shrugged with a nonchalant facial expression. Ben stopped again, now that they were inside. “He had been pissing me off for weeks in gym and I finally had it,” she added.

“Wha—what happened next? Did he get in trouble?”

Rey snorted. “No, actually, I got in trouble. Had to do a three day suspension. Although I did hear Ms. Holdo was pretty pissed because she didn’t know I got suspended until I didn’t show up to class. There was a really ugly rape here about two years ago.” Rey informed him; she felt her cold nose starting to warm up. “I guess Ms. Holdo practically dragged Hux in by his ear to Mr. Davis’s office and made him confess” Rey laughed. “She threatened to make a bigger deal out of it than it was. Pretty sure she scared him into getting his mom to back off of talks of assault and shit. I think she knows he’s done some other stuff—to girls…she just can’t prove it.”

Ben was not calmed in any way by Rey’s words, if anything, he looked positively horrified. Rey was starting to feel self-conscious and that perhaps, maybe she said something wrong. Ben was supposed to just laugh it off like she did. Why wasn’t he laughing? It made Rey uneasy.

“That’s fucking disgusting,” he said finally. “Him. Not you. My God, why haven’t they done anything about him?”

“Why do you think?” Rey threw back at him. “Because he has money. More than me anyway. It’s always about money….you should know that.”

“I’m really sorry that no one’s done anything for you,“ Ben said, with that familiar sadness in his eyes again.

Rey’s throat caught. “That’s not true,” she said, quietly. “Ms. Holdo’s done a lot for me. And besides, Hux doesn’t bother me all that much,” she lied. “He’s just an idiot.”

“He’s a dangerous idiot, Rey.”

Rey looked down at her black Mary Jane’s. “Did you…uh—did you hear what we were talking about in the lunch line on your first day?”

“Only the end of it,” Ben said. “I didn’t know the context of your guy’s relationship. I didn’t think a whole lot of it until Hux talked about you at his table.”

Rey was both curious and mortified. “What did he say?” She asked a little too quickly.

“Stupid shit. Nasty stuff that’s obviously all in his head. It’s not worth repeating.”

“No, I want to hear it,” Rey insisted.

“I don’t want to repeat it,” Ben said firmly. Rey gave him an angry scowl, feeling petulant and betrayed at the same time.

The bell rang signaling the start of first period. They had five minutes to get from class to class. She and Ben had been so caught up in their conversation that they had forgotten to go to their lockers. They both made haste to get there; putting their coats and belongings away with a tense silence.

Rey made sure to close her locker door first, loudly and definitively—so that Ben knew it was closed before he stood up.

Notes:

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Chapter 9: Church Duty

Chapter Text

Rey and Ben sat together for first period study hall. Rey decided she would read the chapter required for World History. There were more students in the library today than yesterday.

Rey rested her head on her fist and began to read. Once again, she had a hard time focusing. She glanced up at Ben several times, dismayed to see him so intently working on…whatever it was he was working on. She wasn’t sure how to get his attention without being obnoxious. But she also couldn’t be mean to him again; not after him being so nice to her repeatedly. When was a good time to try and flirt with him?

She watched his brow furrow as he glanced back and forth, between a page and his paper. His intensity was admirable…and—and sexy, Rey decided. She literally bit her lower lip and choked back an involuntary laugh. Thankfully the librarian was super chill about students talking a little. And it helped that her office and check out counter was further away, near the door. 

Ben looked up at her with his eyes only. Then back to his work.

“I’m sorry,” she giggled.

“It’s okay,” Ben said, not looking at her now. “I like seeing and hearing you laugh.” He continued to write before pausing. “That is…as long as my head isn’t being smashed into by a locker door.” He flashed her a grin.

Rey’s smile faded away as she looked down and cleared her throat, grabbing her other arm across her body. “I’m…I’m sorry about that.”

“Don’t apologize.” Ben told her without hesitation. “I’m grateful for it.”

Rey blinked up at him from beneath long lashes. Grateful? Really? They held each other’s gaze for a moment. Then Rey’s phone buzzed quietly, distracting them both. It was Rose, informing Rey that she would be out of school again today, and would be going to the doctor’s. Rey felt her stomach drop at the news. It was the same hollowness she felt yesterday. What was she going to do about lunch?

“Will you sit with me at lunch today?” Rey blurted out, the thought spilling out of her before she could take it back.

Ben picked up on her anxiety. “Where do you usually sit?”

“With Rose Tico. She’s my friend. You haven’t met her, but she was sick yesterday and today…and I don’t have a seat at our table unless she’s there.”

“Why not?” He asked, serious.

“Her other friends that sit there, they uh—don’t really like me. So…unless Rose is there and saves me a seat. I have no where to go.”

She saw a look of realization on Ben’s face as he put two-and-two together from yesterday, when she stuffed the sandwich into her mouth while walking.

“I guess I don’t really have anywhere to go, either.” He said, as if to soothe her. “Yesterday Mr. Singh told me to just bring my lunch to his room so we could chat, but I hadn’t thought about where I was going to sit today. Definitely not with Hux though.”

Rey didn’t know what to say to that. She couldn’t fathom just…not thinking about her seating arrangements until the time came. That level of confidence that Ben had, to not worry about where his place was in a new environment galled her.

“We’ll find a spot, don’t worry,” Ben told her. And for once, Rey believed that she could, indeed, not worry if Ben was at her side.

 

Thankfully, Gym was only on Mondays, Tuesdays and Fridays. Today—Wednesday—Rey had “Church Duty.” Her responsibility was to clean up the cathedral; making sure there was no litter after Sunday service. And to ensure everything was ready for Thursday mass for the school. She looked forward to being in Church Duty more than anything else each week. Even more than Ms. Holdo’s English. Rey wasn’t stupid though, she knew this was a charity class for her. An attempt to keep her away from Hux (and out of trouble as much as possible), and to hopefully bring her closer to Jesus.

Rey wasn’t sure what she felt about God, or Jesus. She had prayed many times, but she still felt…alone. Still, there was something to be said about the solitude she experienced each week when she cleaned. And with the genuinely good people involved with the church, those were the people who made any type of Catholicism worthwhile to Rey. Like Sister Eugene and Father Poe Dameron.

Entering through a back door, Rey announced her arrival to Sister Eugene.

“Good morning, Rey,” she said, warmly. 

“Good morning, Sister Eugene,” Rey said politely.

Sister Eugene. Probably the only person who could get away with a “good morning” greeting at anytime. She managed the reception area for Father Dameron and never gave Rey a hard time about anything, ever. Super sweet and in her eighties, she seemed genuinely happy to just be of service to the Lord and the Church.

Rey hung up her coat, and asked if there was anything special that needed to be done.

“Just the usual, my dear,” Sister Eugene smiled. “Do you want some candy? I stocked up.”

“Of course,” Rey said, walking over to her crystal dish at the front of her desk. “Ooo, you got my favorite!”

“I always think of you, dear.”

Rey plucked out the Wether’s Original hard caramel candy and immediately opened it, plopping it into her mouth.

“Mmm. Is it okay if I take another?” She asked, indulging the kind old woman.

“You take as many as you want, dear. Hardly anyone else is ever back here.”

Rey grabbed at least three more and put them into her skirt pocket.

 

Entering from behind the altar, Rey always stopped to take in the grandeur of St. Michael’s Cathedral. It was old school, with rows of pews and tall stained glass windows. At this time in the morning, around 10:45, if the sun was out, it shown through the windows just right. Illuminating a section of the pews and center aisle with a beauty that was rarely rivaled for for everyday occurrences—except—maybe; legitimate rainbows that could be seen after a summer rain.

Rey took a deep breath, and then got to work, checking the pews for any possible litter, rearranging the pamphlets and hymnal books in their back slots accordingly. Next she would change the song board to accurately reflect tomorrow’s hymns. She would then check the bathrooms to make sure toilet paper was stocked, and trashes emptied. Simple work, but work that her overactive and anxiety-ridden mind never seemed to tire of. In solitude, Rey was just fine, and that’s how she usually liked it.

Except today.

Today, she wished somehow that Ben could be doing this work alongside her; with her. And just the thought of him diligently cleaning and making sure everything was just so, made Rey smile.

Chapter 10: Calm

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey made her way to her locker to put her coat away. Just as she was about to close it, Ben arrived.

“You weren’t in gym,” he told her, as if she was unaware.

“Oh…yeah…I forgot to tell you. I don’t have to go on Wednesday’s. Church Duty.”

“‘Church Duty’?”

“Another one of Ms. Holdo’s attempts to keep me in this shit hole’s good graces…and to spare me of Hux’s bullshit in Gym. She wanted to get me out of there completely, but you know how that went. They’d rather girls be sexually harassed than possibly gain weight.”

Ben made a face. “What even is going on here?”

Rey laughed loud and hard at that. His genuine confusion at the fuckery that was St. Michael’s Catholic High School could no longer be contained—and he was only on day three.

Rey composed herself, still amused. “We have mass every Thursday, as I’m sure you’ve already burnt into your memory from that little schedule of yours. Anyway—I’m the one that makes sure everything’s clean and tidy for that.”

Ben just shook his head. It was all beginning to make sense to him. 

“Are you ready to eat?” He asked, earnestly.

“No,” Rey said, promptly.

“It’ll be fine. Let’s go.”

They silently made their way down to the lunchroom. Rey’s mind and stomach did multiple jumps and twirls, trying to figure out how the next forty-five minutes was going to transpire. Arriving in the side-hallway, Ben could now fully appreciate just how badly Rey hated this time of the day.

“It’s going to be okay,” he told her. She said nothing. Just stayed behind him. 

And then, it began. Hux and his two cronies were coming down the way. Rey sideways glanced and then quickly looked away. But she could tell that Ben was facing them, chin held high and proud. She saw from her peripheral that Hux had stopped talking, slowing down a little, taking in the sight that was Ben and Rey together.

“Armitage, good to see you again,” Ben said, as if they were actually pals or something. Rey knew they both just had gym together, but the formality in Ben’s voice was more of an upper hand tactic. Rey instinctively knew it was a manipulation technique, as did Hux. They all did. But the level of maturity that Ben portrayed, his confidence to be that bold to Hux, with Rey at his side—could not be challenged—it just simply worked. 

“…Hi, Ben…Rey.”

Rey couldn’t believe her ears. Wait, did he actually call me by my name?  All she could do was nod in acknowledgement, but she did not make eye contact. Coward, she told herself. 

“So like I was saying,” Hux said to one of his two cronies. 

And that was that. Hux left her alone for one fucking day. Rey was stunned, and eternally grateful to Ben immediately. Even if he left St. Michael’s tomorrow forever, Hux clearly had a new respect for Rey…and she was moved by that.

Without realizing it, Rey was now suddenly in front of Ben, and she noticed for the first time in a very long time, she could actually think about her food and drink choices. The cashier even look confused when Rey calmly and carefully gave her her lunch money without an attitude or grimace.

Now came the tricky part. Rey stood with her tray, nervously, waiting for Ben to pay as well.

“Where do you sit again?” He asked, now finished.

Rey looked to a long corner table. “Over there,” she gestured with her head. 

“Okay,” Ben said, as if it was no big deal. And without hesitation, he headed straight for her table.

“Ben—what, no—wait!” Rey called out, but it was too late.

Ben arrived at her and Rose’s usual table. At least four of the girls looked up as he arrived. And two to three more would come soon.

“Hi, I’m Ben,” he informed them all. “I just got here on Monday. Is it okay if Rey and I sit here with you today?”

Again, the confidence. Rey would normally have laughed if it wasn’t for her gut-wrenching anxiety. Be it because he was a male, or because he was new—or because he was a male and new—and hot (at least to Rey)—she could practically see all the girls jizzing in their panties. 

“Yeah, sure, of course,” one of them said.

“No problem,” another said.

The girls on each side of the table moved chairs out for the both of them.

You’ve got to be fucking kidding me, Rey thought. Seriously?

Seriously.

And just like that, her and Ben were seated across from each other.

“Rey, have you heard from Rose?” One of them asked. “She hasn’t been in school and we’re all worried about her.”

Rey could hardly believe what the fuck was happening. This cunt was seriously talking to her like they were actually friends.

“Umm,” Rey cleared her throat. “She’s uh, she’s going to the doctor’s today. She’s had a fever since yesterday and it hasn’t gotten any better.”

“Oh my gosh, that’s terrible,” one of the other girls said, holding her hand to her chest, as if she actually gave a shit.

“Oh no, I hope it’s not too serious,” another said.

“I…I don’t know. But I should hear from her by the end of the day,” Rey informed them.

“Yeah, totally let her know we’re thinking of her,” the last of them said.

“I will,” Rey lied. Too disgusted to continue the facade, Rey angled her body away and began to fork at her food. Ben had been waiting for her to start eating before he began eating also.

“Is she going to be okay?” He asked. And Rey forgot for a moment that she had failed to inform him also, of Rose’s condition.

“…I—I think so?” Rey said. “She’s had bad ear infections and stuff in the past, so maybe it’s that again.”

“That’s rough,” he said sympathetically. “I used to get them really bad too as a child.”

Rey felt her stomach and body soften at Ben’s mention of his childhood. And it completely distracted her from the fact that Rose’s supposed friends were glancing over at her and Ben frequently, clearly dying for them both to leave so they could gossip about the two of them.

And something about that made Rey smug, and confident, and validated inside. Because in some small way, with her actually being friends with Rose, and Ben asking them—if he and Rey could sit there—meant that Rey was winning. She wasn’t sure at what, precisely. But it was very clear that she was no longer just Rose’s weird friend. She was something else entirely. And neither she, they, or Ben was certain of what that was exactly. But it was tangible. And Rey especially—felt it most of all. 

Notes:

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Chapter 11: House Invite

Chapter Text

Rose did end up having an ear infection. She would be out of school for the rest of the week on antibiotics. Far too much had happened for Rey to convey via text, and she wasn’t about to put her best friend through the misery of a phone call with an infected ear. Rey simply told her that she and Ben were sitting with the girls, and that Hux was now leaving her alone—a miracle. Rose was both happy and relieved for Rey, and excited to meet Ben.

When Rey entered the house on Wednesday afternoon, she didn’t realize that her mother was home. Not with her car parked in the garage. Walking into the living room, she was startled at the sight of her mother sitting on the sofa near the front windows.

“Who was that?” She asked, cup of coffee in hand.

“Oh—“ Rey said. “Hi mom.”

“Who was that?” She repeated.

“Ben…Solo?” Rey timidly said. “He’s new.”

“I see that…why is he taking you home?”

Rey didn’t know how to respond, except honestly. “Because he says its too cold to be walking outside.”

Her mother scoffed. “It’s really not that far.”

Rey expected her to give her shit about a boy bringing her home, but she didn’t. She got up and took her coffee cup to the kitchen.

“I’ll be here tonight and tomorrow, but Friday I’ll be in town again. There’s a conference all day Saturday.”

Rey said nothing.

“Do you want to order something for us in about a half hour?”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief. “Umm, sure, what were you thinking?”

“Something with rice. Chinese or Indian is fine. I’m going up to shower.”

Rey’s mother wasn’t a total monster. That’s why it made the moments when she was in a good mood, all the more difficult. Because they could be having a decent time together—and sometimes, even a great time—but if something small and unexpected went wrong, it was all over. Like this order; Rey knew whatever she chose, if she accidentally fucked it up, or even if the restaurant fucked it up—Rey would still be to blame. And she would be subjected to her mother’s foul mood for the rest of the evening, maybe even into the next day. Forcing her to apologize more than a dozen times and walk on eggshells, hoping eventually her mother would come around.

Rey settled on Chinese, double and triple checking that everything was entered correctly.

Thankfully for Rey, when the food arrived, everything was as it should be. And she and her mother were able to eat and watch TV together, like a normal mother and daughter duo.

 

Thursday mass came and went. Rey and Ben sat together in one of the back pews with the other seniors. Finn sat next to Ben, and it was nice for Rey to see that those two were forming a friendship. Each day that he dropped her off, Rey expected Ben to ask about her parents again, but he didn’t. Finally realizing that he wasn’t going to overstep any boundaries, Rey decided she needed to take some initiative.

As they left school on Friday, and Ben began to get closer to her house, Rey felt her heart thudding in her chest. She was shaking slightly, worried that she would lose her nerve. 

“Did you have a good first week of school?” She asked, genuinely curious.

Ben looked over to her as he slowed on her street.

“I did,” he said. “It was…interesting to say the least. And kinda weird in some parts, but it was good.” His voice emphasized ‘good’ at the end, and Rey knew that he was talking about her.

They were now pulling into her driveway. She could sense that Ben had absolutely no expectations. He was just dropping her off as usual.

Reaching for the door handle, Rey’s hand shook.

“Do you want to see what my house looks like?” She asked awkwardly. The sentence came out of her mouth clumsily. What the hell was that Rey? She couldn’t believe she couldn’t even ask Ben properly if he wanted to visit.

His expression changed, and she saw him contemplate her offer for a moment.

“Are your parents home?”

“No.”

“…I don’t know that I should be going into your house if your parents haven’t met me yet,” he said. 

Rey instantly regretted her offer. Too soon, Rey, much too soon. But she refused to let rejection get the better of her. Not just yet, anyway.

“Ben, my parents don’t give a shit about you,” she said, a little too harshly. “And by that I mean, my mom saw you drop me off the other day and basically said nothing. My dad works third shifts for twelve hours every day and I barely see him anymore….it’s not a big deal.”

Ben still seemed reluctant. But at the end of the day—he was still a teenage boy—and Rey was still a teenage girl. And she was offering him the chance to come into her house while her parents weren’t home.

She could tell he was thinking about it, but the good boy in him was agonizing about not following some proper protocol.

“My mom is at her apartment for tonight.” Rey pushed. “She has a big conference tomorrow at the Hilton. And my dad just left for work thirty minutes ago. They’re not going to be coming home at all. It’ll be okay.”

Ben let out a sigh, then turned the key off in the ignition. 

“Okay,” he said, still a bit nervous.

Rey was giddy all of a sudden, and opened the door. Ben followed her hesitantly up the front pathway. His hands in his coat pockets. It was the first time that Rey had genuinely seen him somewhat out of his element.

Unlocking the door, Rey felt herself suddenly aware of every aspect of her home. 

He stood until she told him to take off his coat and shoes. An old wooden clock with a pendulum ticked methodically on the wall. 

“Are you hungry?” She asked. 

Ben looked around and then simply shook his head. 

Rey gestured to the open layout of the living room, dining room, and kitchen, and remarked that it wasn’t as big as some other people’s houses. Instinctively knowing that his home had to be bigger; more expensive.

“It’s nice,” Ben said. 

Rey stood unsure of how this whole thing was supposed to go.

“Umm…if you want, I can show you my room?” Her voice was slowly becoming smaller and smaller.

“Sure,” Ben said. 

Rey began up the stairs to the second floor, maybe a little too quickly, entirely aware that Ben could get a look up her skirt if he wanted to. 

Chapter 12: Lightning Strike

Chapter Text

Rey slowly opened her bedroom door, and Ben followed behind her, cautiously, as if his every step in her home was dangerous.

“So this is where I sleep,” she said, with an outstretched hand. 

Ben again looked around, seemingly surprised at how plain it looked. Rey didn’t appear to have a lot of belongings, no band posters typical of someone her age, no collage of pictures….just, a bed pushed up against the wall, a TV facing the bed from the side, on a dresser. And a bookcase, with some books and magazines, and a DVD collection. 

Rey realized how entirely ill-thought out her plan was. She had no plan. The plan was simply to get Ben Solo into her house. And here he was, and there she was, standing in her room, saying nothing and doing nothing. Just before Rey thought she would turn into a puddle on the floor, Ben’s eyes got really wide and he immediately went over to her bookcase.

“You have ‘The Secret of NIMH’?” He asked in disbelief. 

Rey smiled. “…yeah?”

“Oh my God, I haven’t seen this movie in years,” he said, excitedly. “Can I…?”

Rey of course gave him approval to grab the DVD.

As he was looking at the back cover, Rey spoke.

“Do you want to watch it together?”

Ben looked up while holding the case. “…I’ll have to text my mom to let her know where I am,” he said. “But it shouldn’t be a problem.”

Rey took the case from him and sat at the edge of her bed, opening the box and placing the disc in her player. She gestured with her hand for Ben to come and sit next to her.

“Sorry…I don’t have any chairs in here,” she said.

“This is fine.”

As the movie started, Ben just kept repeating how he hadn’t seen the movie in years, how it was one of his favorites as a child. That it was one of those movies he would sometimes think about, meaning to look it up to watch again—but then he would forget about it the moment the thought had passed. 

Sitting with no back support after about fifteen minutes, Rey started to feel pressure in her neck and upper shoulders. As the winter sun went down, the room was becoming darker and darker. Rey realized that this would typically be when she would fall asleep after school. 

She couldn’t fall asleep, not with Ben sitting next to her. But she also couldn’t sit on the edge of her bed in agony for a whole movie.

“I, um…I need to lay down. My back and neck is hurting,” she finally said to him.

“Oh—uh, where would you like me to be?”

Rey was too tired and sore to be particularly shy about it. 

“You can just…put your legs over mine and put your back against the wall if you’d like.” 

Ben began to move, and Rey laid down to face the television. She made sure her skirt was tucked under her, and once comfortable, Ben sat as she suggested. He was trying to keep the contact of his legs over her to a minimum.

They watched in total darkness now, the screen the only thing illuminating them.

They were coming up on Rey’s favorite scene:

Her eyes were heavy as the kaleidoscope of mandala-like shapes and DNA strains flashed on the screen—when the rats and mice were coming out on the other side of the scientific experiments.

Nicodemus’s deep and wise voice narrated:


“The miracle was kept secret from the scientists…and in the quiet of the night, we escaped through the ventilation system. The mice were blown away….sucked down dark air-shafts to their deaths. All…except two: Jonathan and Mr. Ages. We were trapped by a locked door on the roof. It was Jonathan who made possible the unlocking of the door.”

Rey always loved the scene of Jonathan opening the latched door, how cute he looked wiping his forehead. Poor Mrs. Brisby’s sadness at seeing her dead husband’s heroism.

Rey could no longer stay awake after; the sound of Mrs. Brisby and Nicodemus’s voices were too soothing. Ben must have seen her eyes close; or felt it was the right moment; because just as her eyes shut, Rey felt warmth behind her. Ben. Ben was now behind her. He wrapped his arm around the front of her waist and snuggled up to her. Rey welcomed his head behind hers, his breath in her hair. She desperately wanted to stay awake to enjoy it, but she simply could not any longer, and fell asleep. Lulled into a slumber by Ben’s large hand caressing her hair behind her ear repeatedly.

 

Some time later, Rey heard her name.

Rey,” Ben whispered softly. His breath hot on her ear. 

She stirred. As she came to, she felt Ben’s hand rub on her sweater-covered stomach, giving her flutters of excitement. She rolled over to him.

He was smiling. 

“The movie’s over,” he told her, still in a whisper. Rey could hear the song playing during the credits.

She looked up at him, taking in how happy he was, how beautiful his hazel-brown eyes shown in the light of the television. It was the first time she could really look deeply at him. Moving his hand from her stomach, to her face, Ben leaned in and kissed her.

A pulse shot through Rey’s body, hitting the center of her thighs instantly—like a lightning strike. This is really happening. Ben kissed her softly, his lips larger than hers, warm and wet. And gentle. He was staying relatively at the front of her lips, only slightly open with a little bit of tongue. He was encouraging her to yield to him, but only if she wanted to.

Rey reached out for his neck, pulling him into her. She pushed her tongue against his, forcing a deeper kiss between them. His breath on her upper lip, the smell of him, his hands—always firm but never aggressive—Rey welcomed all of it. She felt a flash of worry at seeming too easy, but quickly shoved that mental-attack back into the depths it came from. 

They kissed for a long time, and Rey was more than a little aware that she was wet. Looking down, she could see that Ben was hard. He looked down also and apologized.

“I’m sorry,” he said with a shy smile.

“It’s okay,” Rey replied quietly, kissing him again.

And while there was the “mature” side of Rey that wanted to go a little bit further. There was still a pang of fear lingering behind her arousal. She didn’t know what that was, or what it meant; just that she wasn’t ready for whatever was supposed to come next. Pulling away, Rey caught her breath. Ben was trying to pace himself too, apparently.

He then stroked her hair around her face, looking at her forehead, her eyes, her lips; searching. 

“Rey,” he said finally.

She looked at him with her full attention now. He looked as if he had something serious to say.

“Can we be together?”

Rey’s breath felt faint and shallow. She couldn’t be sure she was hearing him correctly. And while she was overjoyed to be asked that question from him. Another part of her brain—the protective part—instantly jumped in front of her soft-hearted side, like a big sister; demanding an answer to one single question:

 

Why would he ever want to be with someone like her? 

Chapter 13: Broken Doll Face

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey stared at Ben, searching for any ill-intent. Like at any moment he could pull a “just kidding” on her. But all he did was smile after his question.

“Why?” Rey croaked.

Ben’s eyes jutted back and forth over hers. Waiting for her to ask her full question.

“Why do you want to be with me?”

Ben blinked, briefly organizing his thoughts, then spoke almost immediately. 

“Because…I feel like I’ve known you my whole life already. Because you’re funny. And kind—“ 

Rey’s face cracked like a doll’s when Ben said the word “kind.” Her eyes shifted downward, unable to look at him, her throat squeezed shut as she attempted not to cry. But the tears flowed anyway; mercilessly.

He seemed unfazed by it. As she sobbed he brushed hair away from her forehead and continued.

“Because from the moment I first saw you through that glass window sitting in Mr. Davis’ office, I knew I wanted to be closer to you.”

Ben kissed her temple. 

“Because you’re beautiful,” he whispered into her hair. 

Rey could not stop the tears from flowing, her body shook as she sobbed, choking back ugly throat noises. Ben put his arms around her, pulling her into him. She cried and cried into his chest. He was warm and so big compared to her tiny body. His smell, she wished she could bottle up and keep forever. His sweater was becoming wet from her tears. He rubbed her back and stroked her hair, endlessly.

Eventually, Rey was able to breathe, her face puffy and her head now hurt from crying. Finally, she was still.

“Almost everyone,” she said, her voice different from crying.

Ben looked down at her, hand on the side of her face, thumb on her cheek. She was still looking downward.

Again, he simply waited for her. Listening.

“The answer to your question is…’Almost everyone.’”

Rey knew that he now understood what she was saying.

“Oh Rey,” he said, so deeply sad. Squeezing her tight, rocking her as best he could. She had softer tears come now. 

“I can’t promise anything, because I know life can get messy…but if I ever did hurt you, I just want you to know that it would never be on purpose. Ever.”

The pressure at the top of Rey’s skull and in her sinuses were immeasurable. Eventually, she pulled away from Ben, and laid on her back. They laid in silence as Ben continued to touch her lightly on her neck and face with his fingers. 

“I feel so sad for her,” Rey said finally, staring at the ceiling. “Elizabeth Hartman.”

“…who?”

“The actress who voiced Mrs. Brisby.”

She could tell that Ben didn’t know.

“…’The Secret of NIMH’ was the last movie she ever did. She left acting after that, and died five years later from suicide.”

Ben seemed crestfallen at hearing this.

“My God, did she have a beautiful voice,” Rey said. “I just think…how alone she must have felt at the end. Because I think that people always feel…so alone when they get to that point. I know I have—I’m sorry—“ Rey cried, bringing her hands to her face, shuddering. “I’m so sorry. You asked me one question and I didn’t answer it at all.”

“Rey, it’s okay,” Ben said, snuggling closer to her.

Rey breathed very deeply, her chest filling completely. Then she exhaled.

“Yes,” she said. 

Ben perched himself up to be over her once more.

“Yes, we can be together,” she said, smiling. Then she sat up and pushed him down onto her pillow—kissing him deeply.

Notes:

This chapter is dedicated to my uncle Rick and friend Jamie who died from suicide. This is also to all the beautiful people out there who feel alone and unloved. I see you, I feel you, I hear you. Thank you to everyone for the amazing and wonderful comments so far. Please keep them coming. This community has broken my heart open and I’ve cried many tears from the kindness expressed here, and from some of the most beautiful Reylo stories I’ve ever read. This first fic of mine is bringing up so much for me, and is some of the best writing I’ve ever done. Like Rey in this story, I still lack confidence sometimes and we all just need some people in our corner letting us know we are loved and it’s all worth it. So for those who have been with me thus far, thank you, from the very bottom of my heart, for letting me know my writing is worth it. That I am worth it and worth having a voice out there to tell a story like this, and maybe many more to come. Thank you.

127-B0-BC2-9-A55-4-CF5-87-C4-9-FB88-B1503-D0

Chapter 14: New Status

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

It was official: Rey Simons was dating Ben Solo. 

That’s how Rey thought of it, abstractly and objectively, because she still couldn’t believe it.

Rose couldn’t believe it either when Rey texted her. 

 

Rose

I get sick and am gone for a few days and you end up with a boyfriend?!

Rey

You should probably get sick more often and we can see what else improves in my life lol 

Rose

No kidding! OMG

 

Rey thought of Ben all weekend. How badly she wanted to see him again, to kiss, cuddle, watch movies, hold hands. She couldn’t stop smiling randomly. Her father was home on the weekends, but he was practically a zombie in front of the TV. Rey did her required weekend chores of cleaning the upstairs and downstairs bathrooms, sweeping, moping, and any laundry that was undone.

Her mother came home on Sunday morning, and Rey avoided both of her parents as much as possible. The tension between them as they tried to maintain some semblance of a connection, one or two days a week, was soul-sucking at best. Usually the discussions in the living room revolved around bills, and house work that her father was too exhausted to complete, but simultaneously refused to hire anyone else to do. 

 

Monday morning, Rey was nervous as her mother was awake and drinking coffee in the living room. She had the day off. Rey timidly made herself toast in the kitchen. Eating slowly and deliberately, each minute that ticked by felt excruciatingly slow.

Rey couldn’t shake the feeling that her mother was going to start something with her as she tried to leave the house.

“That Solo boy picking you up again today?” She finally asked. 

“Yes.”

“What does his parents do?”

“I haven’t asked yet.”

“Jesus, Rey, do you ever think of anyone else but yourself?”

Rey remained silent.

She finished her glass of water and threw the piece of paper towel away that she had been eating off of. Ben would arrive in the next five minutes.

Rey knew the real issue wasn’t that she didn’t ask Ben what his parents did yet (although she did feel guilty at the mention of it), but rather, her mother wanted to see how she measured up to his mother. She didn’t put stock in measuring her marriage against others much anymore, but as far as being a power woman in a corporate job, she was always competing. Even if other women were more successful, Angela Simons always found a way to try to cut others down to her level.

 

The lights of Ben’s SUV crawled across the back wall of the dining room, cueing Rey to get up and head out.

Just as she was about to open the front door, Rey’s mother spoke.

“We’ll have to schedule an appointment with Dr. Brewer.”

Rey paused.

Her mother sipped her coffee and grinned. “You don’t look like that and not end up pregnant. I was seventeen once too you know.”

Rey blushed. “Mom,” she said.

She chuckled. “Have a great day, cauliflower.”

 

Rey open the front door and was so, so happy her mother seemed to approve of Ben. She had her charming moments for sure. Which always broke Rey’s heart when they disappeared in an instant. She could never predict when she would be “cool” or “crazy”—because to Rey, there was literally no in between. She was just forced to suffer the whiplash of Angela’s ever changing moods.

 

Once inside of Ben’s car, Rey wanted to kiss him, but knew her mother was watching.

“One of your parents home?” Ben asked.

“My mom,” Rey said, buckling her seat belt. “She thinks we’re fucking already and wants to take me to get on birth control.”

Ben’s eyes got wide.

“I didn’t tell her we’re dating, but she already knows. She’s always had a sense for that kind of stuff. Probably pretty obvious since I’ve never mentioned any other boys though.”

“Hux?”

“Gross. But yeah, no—my parents still don’t know about that.”

Ben was now driving down the street. “Wait—what?”

“I begged Mr. Davis not to call them…so he just told me to do my suspension out of school. So I did. He probably broke some protocol or some shit by not telling them, but I think he’s just so fucking jaded with me, he doesn’t give a shit anymore.”

Ben’s brow was furrowed. Rey wasn’t giving him anything more than that at the moment.

“Do you have any projects you’re working on?” Ben asked, changing the topic.

“Just a Sociology project. We have to pick something about female criminals or something? I decided to do mine on female gangs in the United States.”

Ben laughed. “Of course, you did.”

“Whatcha implying over there, Solo?”

“Oh nothing. It’s just so very…you.”

“I can get down with some sister loyalty,” Rey said, nodding. “Step to me or my loved ones and I’ll cut a bitch.”

Ben just shook his head and laughed.

 

 

Rey was happy to see Rose was back, although she was still taking her antibiotics; she was feeling much better.

At lunch, Rose was always the first at the table. Then came Rey, and then the other girls, usually. As it was, Rey and Ben now arrived together, same as they had since last Wednesday. 

Rose was waiting for them both. Ben, in true Ben-style, introduced himself and shook Rose’s hand. Anyone else, and it would have been too much, but anyone that interacted with him could tell that his interest in others came from a genuine place. Rose was flattered, and Rey was proud.

They sat and talked and laughed, as the other girls slowly arrived at the table.

Rey did her best to ignore it, but once the girls had expressed their condolences to Rose for being sick, they ignored her completely. Instead, they started talking to Rey, excitedly. Rey hated it, but she also didn’t know how to be mean to them now that they sat together everyday.

One glance over to Rose, and Rey could sense that Rose was baffled as to what had happened in the time that she had been gone. Rey couldn’t put it into words, except that the queen bee of the little clique they sat with, now regarded Rey as an equal.

And that was devastating to Rose, because she had been working all four years to try and level with these girls. To be..something to them. And here, in less than a week, Rey achieved something that Rose never would with them.

A seat at the table, figuratively, not just literally. And it hurt Rey to see that Rose was so moved by this, while Rey could only be smug about it in passing.

Immediately, she felt terrible for her friend, and managed to turn the conversation back over to Rose to take control of.

Ben, while a sweetheart, could not pick up on any of this. And why would he? He was a new student, a man, and the whole reason all of them were behaving differently anyway.

Rey hated the moment that a dick was added to the equation—for anything—meant that, suddenly, the women involved started a hen-pecking order, assigning value as to who was at the top.

With Rey now dating Ben, none of the girls at the table, including Ms. Queen Bee herself, wanted to admit that it was Rey. Rey was the one on top. Rey didn’t think like this on purpose; but they all thought about it on a subconscious level, and knew it all too well, since infancy. Where their places were. Where they stood in the world of men. And particularly, where they stood in the world of women—formed around the importance of men. 

Notes:

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Chapter 15: 1984

Chapter Text

Rey didn’t know it was possible to be this happy. She thought of Ben all the time, wanted to be with him, all the time. They coordinated their class routes as best they could, either walking together, or reaching out to touch each other’s hands in passing. 

Rey looked forward to every morning, when Ben would pick her up and when they had first period study hall together. Rey found that being in a good mood, and happy, actually compelled her to study harder. Watching Ben work hard at his studies made her also want to work hard. Rey realized that even though they were dating now, she weirdly wanted to impress him. To match his level of commitment to learning. 

To be worthy of being his girlfriend.

Mrs. Phasma was surprised when Rey turned in the paper that she had told her to “go get some dick” over. She had marked it off in her grade book as uncompleted, but had to go back in and erase the mark. She checked it as completed, forced to take a few points for it being late.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you last week,” Rey said, handing her the paper after class one day.

The look of shock on Mrs. Phasma’s face was a Kodak worthy moment for sure. Rey realized that Mr. Davis hadn’t actually followed up with her about whether or not Rey apologized. And why would he? She was a seventeen year old senior, who had been a troublemaker since day one. They were all just going through the motions at this point.

 

On Friday, Rey stayed after school to ask Ms. Holdo some questions about that week’s assignment. Rey texted Ben where she was.

He arrived quietly as Rey was sitting in a front desk casually, chatting away.

Ms. Holdo turned and smiled. 

“Rey tells me you guys have been discussing Orwell.”

Rey scoffed. “He’s read all of his books when he was like, ten.”

“That’s not true, just ‘1984’ and ‘Animal Farm’,” Ben corrected. “My mom had them from when she was in high school.”

“Whatever,” Rey waved her hand. “Still a weirdo reading dystopian shit before you had pubes growing.”

“Language, Simons,” Ms. Holdo said, but only out of obligation.

“Sorry,” Rey grinned.

Ben took a seat at a desk next to Rey.

“I was just telling her how we were talking about the movie,” Rey said to Ben, “and how I got mad at you that you haven’t seen it.”

“Oh yeah, Rey’s upset that I haven’t seen it,” Ben said in affirmative.

“John Hurt, what a phenomenal actor,” Ms. Holdo remarked.

“Then we were talking about the ‘1984’ Apple Super Bowl commercial, and how I got really mad that you hadn’t seen that either.“

Ms. Holdo laughed. “Solo you’re going to be submitted to a lot of visual media while you’re with Rey.”

“Yeah, she literally busted out her phone, and pulled up YouTube to make me watch it.”

They all laughed.

“I remember seeing that live when I was young,” Ms. Holdo added. “It was really something to experience first hand.”

“So jealous,” Rey commented.

There was a moment of silence. Ms. Holdo was still smiling at her desk, chin on one of her hands. 

“You two are so cute together.”

Rey and Ben both squirmed a little, then smiled.

“Say—since I have you both for English—I’ll give you both extra credit if you watch the movie ‘1984’ and compare it to the book, plus explain why you think the movie and Apple commercial being released during the actual year, 1984, was so significant.”

Rey groaned loudly and exaggeratedly, throwing herself across the desk. “I should have known we can’t talk about anything without it becoming some sort of assignment.”

“Make it a date night,” Ms. Holdo said, chipper. “Solo you don’t need the points but knowing you, you’ll want them anyway.”

Ben didn’t protest, in fact, he got out his small notebook and wrote down the assignment.

“You really need to write that down?” Rey asked him.

“I just want to make sure I’m getting all the details,” he said, serious.

“Is that a ‘yes’ then?”

Rey and Ben both said ‘yes’ in unison.

“Great,” Ms. Holdo said. “Rey, do you own the movie or do you need a copy?”

“I don’t have it, actually. So a copy would be great.”

“I’ll be right back.” Ms. Holdo left the room with a smile plastered on her face, and now Ben and Rey were alone.

“So…when can we watch it together?” Rey asked. All too eager.

“Umm…I was thinking of watching it separately.”

Rey laughed. “Ben, it’s just extra credit.”

“I know,” he said. “I’m just worried I won’t be able to focus if we watch it together.”

He wasn’t wrong. Any chance they could get alone now, were full on make out sessions.

“I’m not letting you borrow it,” Rey teased. “So if you want to watch it alone, you’re going to have to rent it.”

Ben was looking at her with sweet eyes but also looked as if he wanted to object. 

Ms. Holdo returned a moment later. “Had to get it out of the media storage closet across the hall.” She handed Rey the case.

“Is there a due date for this?” Ben asked.

“No,” Ms. Holdo said casually. “Just make sure I get it before the end of the semester. That way you can get the points for your report card.” She was now seated at her desk again.

“We should get going,” Ben informed Rey.

“Right,” Rey said, standing up.

Ben and Rey waved their goodbyes.

 

As they walked down the hallway to leave school, Ben was quiet. He was quiet on his way out to the vehicle as well. Rey didn’t ask why, but she felt something was wrong. Once inside of his car, she spoke.

“Did I say something to upset you?” She asked.

Ben looked over to her, as if he didn’t realize he hadn’t been speaking, then back to the steering wheel. “Oh—uh, no…I was just thinking about what I remember from the book. I’ll have to read it again even though I haven’t read it since my freshmen year. And I was just thinking of when I can find time to read it because we’re already reading three books at the same time in her class right now.”

Rey swallowed. 

“Ben…”

He turned to look at her again. She had a look of disconcertion on her face. She waited for him to realize what she was getting at, and his face was searching hers, waiting for her to speak.

“Ben, it’s not that serious.”

She saw his eyes scan her whole face, then he smiled. 

“Yeah,” he said, “You’re right.” He laughed. “I’m probably overthinking it.”

“You are,” Rey said. 

Ben turned the keys in the ignition. 

They were silent for the rest of the ride to Rey’s house.

Chapter 16: Friday

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

One of Ben’s conditions of dating, although communicated, but not explicitly stated, was that him and Rey could not spend time together after school—unless it was Friday, or the weekend. They had only been dating a week, but it felt much longer.

Pulling into her driveway, Rey ignored the strange incident that had just occurred. Both of her parents were gone as usual. And she only cared about one thing. 

Getting Ben Solo into her bedroom again.

“Want to come in?” She asked.

“Parents?” Ben asked, shorter than usual.

Rey gave him a look. “Really?”

“Right.”

He shut the key off in the ignition and they both exited the car.

He was quiet and nervous again, just like last Friday.

 

Up in her room, Rey practically shoved Ben onto her bed, making out with him wet and sloppy. They had been sneaking make out sessions together in a largely unused stairwell after lunch each day, and in the school parking lot before he took her home.

Laying on top of him, Rey grabbed his hair and kissed him longingly. Moving her head, this way and that, unable to get enough. She repositioned and allowed Ben to get fully on her bed, laying his head on her pillow.

Once on top of him, she grabbed his face and kept kissing him greedily, eventually moving to his cheek, down to his neck. Instinctively, she gave him a small scrape of her teeth for the first time. He let out a shameless moan of pleasure. Rey then kissed her way back up to his ear, breathed into it, then suckled on his ear lobe. She felt his cock flex beneath her. 

Ben tightened his hold around her waist. But Rey wanted more. So much more. Still, she just kept kissing him, until the heat and wetness between her legs became unbearable.

Catching her breath, she came up to see that Ben was sweating around his forehead a little. A humorous thought flashed in her mind, “You thinking about ‘1984’ now, boy?” She chewed her lip with a shit-eating grin, stifling a laugh, and then continued kissing him.

She felt so connected to him, as if they had been doing this for years. He was irresistibly sexy to her…and Rey really wanted him to grab her ass. 

As she worked him over hungrily with kisses and light teeth scrapes all over, she hoped that he would get the hint, or do something. But once again, he was still being a good boy. Waiting for her command apparently.

“Grab my ass,” she breathed into his ear.

Ben didn’t need to be told twice. Her slid both hands down and slipped them up under Rey’s skirt. 

Rey had purposely not worn any spandex shorts under her skirt today, fully anticipating that Solo would be coming over later.

She had fantasized about him being naughty and sneaking an ass grab here or there at school, but he was too proper for that kind of thing. And during their post-lunch stairwell make out sessions, he respectfully kept his touch at Rey’s waist and back. Much to her disappointment.

She decided he just needed a little direction—and a bit of command. 

He groaned in pleasure as he felt her. 

“You like that?” Rey asked, feeling him throbbing beneath her.

“Yes,” he breathed.

Both of his hands formed into a grasp and Rey let out a tiny moan.

“Oh, so you just need to be given permission then, hmm?” She asked, breathless and annoyed.

“Yes,” he said confidently, and hungrily. Now he was the one becoming more aggressive, and it turned Rey ON on.

“Do I need to ask for it?” She whimpered into his ear, starting to yield control.

“No,” he said. And then, to her delight, Ben stroked a circle on her left ass cheek with his right hand—and then landed a loud, hard smack.

Rey whimpered a little too loudly, feeling a great gush come from her.

Ben grinned, looking up at her in complete ecstasy.

“Who likes it now?” He asked. 

“Shut up,” she whined.

Ben kissed her neck, taking his time. Rey murmured, then put her head down into the crook of his neck, completely at his mercy, waiting.

“Not yet,” he said, now in total control.

He grabbed and spanked her ass, then played with her panties—driving Rey crazy.

“Solo, you fucking bastard, if you don’t do something—“

“Alright, alright,” he said, conceding. He brought his fingers up to his mouth and sucked them until wet, although there was no need. Rey was completely drenched. 

Slipping his hand behind her, he pulled her panties aside with one hand, then slid the other down between her. Rey thought she might die of anticipation. 

He rubbed between her gently, and while Rey was pretty sure he had never done any of this before, he handled the whole situation like a pro.

Still, she had to ask. 

“You do this before?”

“No,” he told her, almost offended.

“You sure seem like you know what you’re doing.”

“That’s because it’s you. I make sure to know what I’m doing even if I’ve never done it before.”

Fuck. Shoot me now. Rey thought.

Slipping his fingers in, Rey let out a strangled noise of pain and pleasure. Ben kissed her cheek and worked his fingers slowly, eventually building up pressure and speed. Rey lost all conscious thought of any noises she might be making and melted completely into Ben, letting him have her.

Eventually, she felt a strange little throb. Not quite the same as when she masturbated, but…something, and it was enough. Her final whimper was satisfactory to Ben.

“Good?” He asked, almost a little sarcastic.

Rey could only mewl in return.

“Of course, it was,” he said, smacking her ass cheek, his other hand still buried deep in her orgasm.

Who knew Solo could be such a daddy? Rey thought.

I did. A voice inside said smugly in response. Since day one.

Rey came hard again on Ben’s fingers at the thought alone. 

Notes:

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Chapter 17: Fumbling

Chapter Text

Rey’s head swam.

As Ben slowly pulled his fingers out, she knew she had to reciprocate. Which she wasn’t afraid of, but stupid things were dancing around in her head now. Terms like “safe word” and “daddy”….”Lube”…Lube? Jesus, Rey. Cosmopolitan’s “Tips on How to Please Your Man” sprang out at her also. 

Who the hell was Rey kidding, she didn’t know anything about any of this stuff. She just read about it. Another one of her finds after she had fallen asleep after school, waking up at midnight or 1 am, wide awake. Sometimes Rey would be so exhausted, having stayed up from 1-4 am, just scrolling, reading. It was usually the light through her window that cued her she was on the weird side of the internet again. Reading about sex and BDSM terms and serial killers and the chemistry behind Diet Coke and Mentos eruptions and how to tie your hair up with a single Bobby pin, and, and. 

Sometimes she would fall asleep, phone in hand, followed by being rudely awakened by her alarm going off. Rey eventually trained herself to just…not reach for her phone when she was tempted and unable to sleep. Still, it would get her now and again.

 

 

Creeping down Ben’s chest, she pushed his sweater up, one tug and his dress shirt came out of his waistband. Rey kissed at the trail of hair descending downward. Ben’s skin fluttered under her lips. As she went to undo his belt, Ben hurriedly undid it and his top button. Rey peeled back the last of the fabric, revealing his boxer briefs underneath.

A glance upward, and Rey caught Solo looking a bit disheveled. His eyes half opened as he stared down at her, he brought his hand up to tangle in her hair. Rey then moved the waistband of his briefs down to reveal it at last.

It practically sprang out. It was beautiful, and well-shaped and…and hers. Rey took it into her hand and saw Ben’s eyes shutter a bit. Hovering over it, a sly smile crept across her face. But he was more patient than she was, and she couldn’t tease him even if she wanted to.

Finally, Rey put her mouth on him and slowly made her way down. She watched as Ben’s head threw back into the pillow, his eyes shut and his mouth parted involuntarily. She did her best, even though she had no idea what the hell she was doing.

Trying to go down all the way wasn’t really happening, but Rey wanted to please Ben, and so she forced herself that last little bit. It hit her gag reflex and she choked. The noise and movement startled Ben out of whatever bliss he was in.

“Are you okay?” He asked.

Rey pulled off and coughed a little, embarrassed.

“I’m fine,” she said, swallowing.

“You don’t have to do this,” Ben said, totally abandoning any dominate energy he had earlier.

“Just…worry about getting your dick sucked, Solo.”

He was still concerned until Rey told him to lay back again and close his eyes.

She would have to pace herself and stay a bit more shallow. Continuing her work, Rey decided to use her hand beneath her mouth. It seemed easier and more effective. 

As she worked him, Ben eventually spoke, “You’re doing amazing, but can you just…slide the skin more, and put more pressure towards the top?”

Rey gave him a look of annoyance but didn’t want to embarrass herself again. Doing as he said, she sucked and tugged in rhythm. She twirled her tongue around his head and finally found the right pressure in her hand. Pumping faster, she could tell he was in another place now.

Faster and faster, his lower stomach began to flex, and at the last moment, maybe because she was scared of the taste—Rey pulled her mouth off of him and stroked him to completion.

Ben let out an undignified moan and shot cum all over his stomach and even hit his pushed up shirt some. Rey didn’t realize she was biting her entire lower lip, teeth and all, until Solo opened his eyes and looked at her.

“Oh my God,” he said. “Okay….alright…”

Rey just laughed.

“I’ll go get you a towel,” she said with a smile. Rey carefully got out of bed, leaving Ben in his aftermath. Her hand was covered also and she held it out somewhat, making her way to the bathroom. Once inside, she rinsed her hand off, then wet a hand towel corner with warm water.

She returned to Ben, handing it to him; he took it, still destroyed, and began cleaning himself.

“You got some on your shirt too.” Rey pointed.

Ben sat up slightly and pressed his sweater and dress shirt down to look.

“I did, didn’t I?” He then tried to spot clean his white shirt with the towel and Rey laughed again.

“What?” He asked with a crooked smile.

“Oh, nothing—just…you.”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, in need of some serious clean up herself, Rey leaned forward and kissed Ben.

They kissed for a long time again, until he was fully aroused once more. Rey pulled away, informing him that she would have to shower now and throw some laundry in.

One glance as she was heading towards the door, and Rey saw Ben get comfortable under the covers. Something about that made her smile.

Rey would find him sleeping upon her return from the shower fifteen minutes later.

Chapter 18: The Cat and The Snake

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey got on birth control the following week. The pelvic exam wasn’t as dreadful as she thought it would be. Her mother was actually a good sport about the whole thing. Rey figured it probably had something to do with her parents having her so young. As her aunt Natalie told it, both sets of her grandparents were furious and horrified when they found out Angela was pregnant. They literally met at a table and discussed what to do, agreeing to wed the young couple. The shame and scandal from the greater Catholic community, too great to bear.

 

Walking to her locker on Wednesday after Church Duty, Rey spotted Claire standing at a locker nearby, talking to one of the other girls. Little Ms. Queen Bee herself, not of the whole senior class, but certainly of the middle tier of girls; Rey was not fooled for one second at her motives. She handled her carefully, always expecting her to bite at any moment, like the snake she was.

“Rey!” She called out to her.

“Uh, hi,” she said, approaching slowly.

“So, um, we’re having a thing this Friday. At my place. And us and the other girls wanted to invite you.”

Rey must have stared like a cat that was spotted ready to pounce on said snake, because she felt her head move forward in an unnatural way. A certain reaction of  ‘the fuck you just say to me?’ 

“But—only you,” The other girl, Annabelle added. “And Solo, if you want to bring him.”

“What about Rose?” Rey asked, immediately.

The two girls looked at each other, surprised perhaps that Rey wasn’t getting the hint.

“It’s umm, for couples only…and anyone trying to hook up…”

“Yeah, there’ll be other guys there and stuff, so it’s not just us girls,” Claire noted.

Rey could see exactly what was happening here. Rose was being put into the square-virgin category. The goody two-shoes innocent bookworm, who had no business going to a party that would most definitely have drinking, and people fucking in back rooms.

“I’ll uh, have to talk to Ben,” Rey said, taking her coat off and putting it on an inner hook.

“Great!” Claire said.

“You going down to lunch now?” Annabelle asked her.

“Um, I will, I gotta use the bathroom first.”

“Oh good, cuz we have to go too.”

Fuck.

Rey wasn’t getting out of this. And where the fuck was Ben? He was the one usually waiting for her. She sent him a quick text message. The girls practically shoving her down the hall now. 

Once in the lunch line, Rey tried to stay away from Claire and Annabelle as much as possible. She knew Rose would already be seated and eating, but she tried not to provoke Rose’s anxiety about these bimbos if she could help it.

Thankfully, just as she was turning to look back, Ben arrived behind some other people in line. Thank God. Rey told the girls to go ahead and that she would get her food with Ben.

“Hi Ben!” Claire said, obnoxiously. 

Ben nodded respectfully, as he always did.

“Hope it’s okay we stole your girlfriend away,” Annabelle said.

“It’s not a problem,” he said with a smile.

Rey walked up to him and put her arms around his waist playfully. She was truly smitten to see him, and just as he was leaning in to give her a kiss, just as she was turning her head.

She caught it.

A flicker, a dash, a moment—in Claire’s eyes. She still had a smile on her face, but her eyes’ betrayed her. Rey knew what it was instinctively, and a moment of cockiness overcame her. Instead of just a peck, she slipped Solo some tongue, not looking at the two girls.

“Jesus, get a room you two,” Hux said behind them. Rey hadn’t realized he and his cronies arrived.

“Fuck you, Hux,” Rey said, so flippantly dismissive, turning away from him.

Ben stayed with his back to Hux, holding Rey’s hand. Once she glanced in the direction of Claire and Annabelle again, she could see that Annabelle was fully facing forward, but Claire was not. She could tell she was watching them from the corner of her eye. Talking as if she was fully engaged, but still tracking their movements. Rey knew the tactic well, because she’s had to use it her whole life too, same as Claire, always on the lookout for potential dangers.

Rey. Rey was the danger now.

She had to remind herself not to get too carried away with this feeling. This security. This cockiness.

But for once, it was nice to be seen—and not just as the weirdo girl who told other girls to shut up or they would get done up—or “B3” who was an overreactive bitch who punched Hux—no—now; now she was an actual person. Someone worth respecting.

Notes:

This fic is really drudging up some old shit for me I tell ya.

Chapter 19: Good Girl

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After making out in the stairwell after lunch, Ben, fully hard, adjusted his cock after they stopped kissing.

“We really gotta stop doing this,” he said, breathless.

“Why?” Rey cooed.

“Because I have to jerk off in the bathroom after and it’s super awkward when someone walks in and I’m standing in a stall—obviously not taking a shit.”

Rey burst out laughing. She quickly covered her mouth as the sound of her cackle echoed up the stairwell.

“You don’t have that same problem, huh?” He asked.

Rey bent over in stitches, her face turning red as she tried to hold in the laughter.

“Just wet panties?”

“St-stop,” she breathed. Then she laughed some more, finally just surrendering, doubled over. Her cackles echoed and echoed. She was sure she was going to piss herself.

“Get out of here,” Ben said, swatting her ass. Rey opened the door and stumbled out, still laughing. She had literal tears running down her face.

Finally composing herself, face still red, unable to stop her facial muscles from hurting, she stood up to say her goodbyes.

“I’ll see you later?” she asked. Then laughed some more.

“Yeah,” he said, tugging at her hand.

They parted ways, laughing and smiling, looking at each other as they went in opposite directions.

 

At home, Rey was tired as usual. Like Ben, she would have to tend to herself after their make out sessions; but only for clean up. She wasn’t a guy, she couldn’t just…pump it out within a few minutes due to desperation and blue balls. She had to take her time and be comfortable. Other than seeing Solo now, her favorite time of the day was getting home and readying herself for her afternoon nap. 

Curling beneath her bed covers, she had stripped down already to just her cami and underwear.

Now warm and snuggly, Rey kept replaying their little session from last Friday in her head. How Solo knew what she wanted, almost by telepathy. How good it felt to just…let go and let him have her. To take over. What a fucking tease he could be, knowing full well the effect he had on her.

Rey would capture the perfect moment in her mind— the specific moment that did it for her.

It was when she asked if she had to ask for it. And Ben had so confidently said no. She could still feel his touch, how large and good his hand felt as he swirled a circle on her ass cheek. The moment he landed that smack and she gushed. 

Rey began to tread her hand beneath her panties.

Again.

“Do I need to ask for it?” 

She could remember how helpless she felt. How good that felt. To stop fighting so hard for control. And how He. Did. Not. Miss. A. Fucking. Beat.

No.”

She could still feel his hot breath on her ear, his stiff cock beneath her. His confidence. God, the fucking confidence. She drove herself crazy replaying the line he had said, over and over again.

“That’s because it’s you. I make sure to know what I’m doing even if I’ve never done it before.”

She could feel his long slender fingers slipping in, working faster and faster. The thought of him doing some research or…something, before fingering her mercilessly was always what made Rey’s head throw back.

As Solo in her memory worked, Rey did too.

Fully wet, just as she had been then, she used her middle finger to stimulate her clit.

Get it,” she whined desperately to the Solo in her memory, altering the past.

Her body shuttered as she came, a small moan escaping her lips. She stayed with the sensation that surged through her insides, in between her legs, all the way down to her toes.

 

She was still scared, still unsure of when the right time would be—but she couldn’t wait until she could fuck Ben Solo’s brains out. Riding his cock into the horizon like a stallion that would never die.

She didn’t care how stupid these thoughts were. They were her’s, and she got to replay them over and over again in her head, altering and twisting them as needed to satisfy herself.

 

Too tired to care, her panties completely soaked, a total mess, Rey pulled her hand out and curled up on her side with the thick duvet. She would sleep—and sleep well—until she awoke.

 

She could hear Solo in her head after she came. Even if it wasn’t real, he was very real.  A real person.

 

“Good girl,” he said. She fell asleep to his confident voice commending her on a job well done. Like she had just completed and turned in an assignment she had been slacking on.

Studious good boy, Ben Solo, had transformed into Professor Ben Solo, bending her over his office desk, railing her mercilessly in her plaid skirt.

 

Good girl, indeed.

Notes:

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Chapter 20: Decisions

Chapter Text

Rey and Rose were walking to Thursday Mass together. Rey could tell that Rose was not her normal self. Once they got into the church, seated in the back row pews. Rey tapped Rose’s arm, and mouthed “what’s wrong?”

Rose mouthed back, “I’ll tell you later.”

Rey had a sinking feeling it had something to do with the party tomorrow night.

The way the pews had assembled, Ben wasn’t seated with her today, he was a few rows up with Finn. 

After the second reading, Rey saw a tear drop hit Rose’s arm. Rey went to open her mouth, but before she could, Rose got up and left. Rey waited for a few moments so it wouldn’t be obvious, then followed Rose to the Church bathroom.

Opening the door, she could see Rose full on crying now.

“Rose, what’s wrong?” Rey asked.

Rose startled at Rey and wiped her eyes. Then went to a stall to get some toilet paper and blew her nose.

“Hi,” Rose said, not looking at her.

“What’s going on?”

“I feel so stupid,” Rose said. “I shouldn’t feel this way but I do.”

Rey’s heart was thudding.

“It’s just—“ Rose sniffled. “Every since I was gone because of my ear infection. And coming back, and Ben is sitting with us—which don’t get me wrong is great—it’s just like…I’m invisible at the lunch table now.”

“Rose, those girls are cunts,” Rey said.

“I know, but, it’s like—“ She blew her nose again, then took a deep breath.

“It’s like they don’t even want to talk to me anymore.”

“Why do you care what they think so much?” Rey asked.

Rose exhaled, somewhat annoyed. “Rey, is it true?”

Rey tried to play dumb. “Is what true?”

“That Claire invited you to her party tomorrow night?”

“Yes. And I have no intention of going.”

Rose started crying again. Rey put her hand on her back, rubbing slowly. She wasn’t sure if that was what Rose needed. It certainly wasn’t how anyone comforted her until Ben recently.

Rey thought for a moment, and then found what she hoped were the right words.

“Rose, I think they shit on you because they know you care so much.”

“I know, that’s my problem. I always care too much.”

Rey had an idea.

“What about Finn?”

Rose’s head perked up. 

“What?”

“He sits at a different table, but like, what if we sat with him instead? Ben and him are kinda friends now I think, so it wouldn’t be too weird.”

“His table is always full.” 

Rey could see that Rose was thinking about it. She had a massive crush on Finn but was always too shy to do much more about it. 

“Honestly, they’ll probably be shocked we stop sitting with them. God knows Claire is going to act like one of her lap dogs escaped. No offense.”

“No, it’s true,” Rose said. “I’m fucking pathetic.”

“You’re not pathetic, you’re just too nice for them. Like actually nice, and kind, and they’re all fake as shit.”

Rose was staring off now, her face becoming a bit less strained. Her tears dried.

“I can talk to Ben about it?” Rey offered.

“Yeah, okay.” Rose agreed.

“Come on,” Rey said, wrapping her arm around Rose’s shoulders. “Let’s get back out there so we can wish that Father Dameron’s ass wasn’t covered up in a robe.”

Rose laughed, and Rey could see that she was feeling much better.

 

 

At lunch, Rose and Rey sat with the girls as if nothing was amiss. Any evidence of Rose crying was long gone. Watching Claire prattle on about next month’s winter dance and what she planned to wear was nauseating. Rey had only vaguely gave some thought to it, but Claire’s mouth yapping did remind her that it was only a few weeks away.

Rose and her went last year, and their sophomore year. As non-dancers, they went back and forth between the gymnasium and the hallway. Other hall minglers were out there as well, in little groups socializing. A few of the girls humored Rose during their dance breaks, while Rey stood by awkwardly.

Thankfully, this year would be different. Rey would have Ben to go with. And if this whole lunch table thing worked out—maybe Rose would have Finn to go with too.

 

Rey texted her mother about the dress situation after lunch. She had never gone dress shopping before, but this time she would. Previous years, for Homecoming and the Winter Wonderland Dance, Rose’s older sister, Paige let Rey borrow dresses.

This year, Rey really wanted one of her own. 

Chapter 21: Blue

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey had to forgo her and Ben’s Friday night date time together. Her mother said that if they were going to go dress shopping, they should do it now, before the stores had all the good ones picked over. She made time in her schedule to take Rey to the mall.

 

They had looked in a few stores, without much luck. A lot of the dresses were too childish it seemed. Rey had a vision of what she would like to wear, but was too afraid to ask her mother. Fearing she would say it was too expensive. 

Rey could never understand how her mother and father worked so much, yet they were always talking about money. 

If she asked for something new, they acted annoyed, or told her she didn’t need it. Rey supposed her tuition, combined with her mother’s apartment, the house and car payments must have added up. But it still didn’t quite make sense. 

Rey saved what little money she was given to thrift shop. A lot of her books and magazines were from “book dumps” at the library. The most expensive items she saved up for were usually DVDs. Angela didn’t want to subscribe to any streaming services…so there Rey was, still watching DVDs.

Rey tried not to sulk, because they hadn’t found anything yet, and there was only one store left.

Carmen’s Prom and Bridal Shop

It was most certainly where all the lunch table girls got their dresses, and Rey could only imagine Claire made sure to get something outrageously expensive.

 

Her mother stopped at the cross section of the mall, she put her hands on her hips and sighed.

Rey said nothing. She knew the body language, even if she was behind her. Angela was contemplating something, but wasn’t sure if she was ready to commit to whatever it was.

Could it be?

Then she turned to Rey.

“If we do this, I expect some serious good behavior from you until the end of this year, and when Aunt Natalie visits. Any smart ass remarks to me with her, and I’ll bring that dress right back here.”

Rey couldn’t help a grin from forming across her face.

 

It was about seven o’ clock in the evening now, and there wasn’t anyone else at the bridal shop. It was located on the far end of the mall, tucked in a corner.

Entering the store, Rey realized she had never actually gone into it. She felt like she was crossing over some forbidden threshold.

The mannequins were beautifully adorned with formal dresses for young ladies, and of course, bridal dresses. Rey admired them one by one as they approached the center where a consultant was standing.

She was curvy, with short cropped hair, and expertly applied makeup.

Her face lit up as Rey and her mother approached.

“How can I help you this evening?” She asked, enthusiastically.

“We’re shopping for a winter dance dress,” Angela informed her.

“St. Michael’s?” She asked.

“That’s the one.”

“Well you’ve come to the right place. We have a wonderful selection of unique, one-of-a-kind dresses, so you never have to worry about another girl wearing the same dress.”

That thought had never occurred to Rey before. Then again, she wouldn’t be familiar with that kind of thing. That a boutique would make sure no two dresses were ever the same.

“If you want to just come over here, dear, and I’ll take your measurements real quick, that way I can look and see what we have that’s closest to your size.”

Rey approached the panel of three mirrors and stood in front of a risen platform. The consultant pulled out a loose tape measurer and began measuring Rey’s bust, waist, and hips.

“You’re a tiny thing aren’t you?” The woman said, finishing the last measurement around her hips.

Angela was seated on a nearby white chaise lounge, watching, her elbow and head resting on the back of it.

“If you follow me, I’ll show you some of what we have.”

Rey and Angela followed her to the back of the store, not far from where the mirrors and dressing rooms were. 

There were dresses hanging, and the woman stopped just before them.

“You have any idea of what you’d like to wear and what color?”

Rey glanced at her mother, who just gestured to the woman, like “she’s asking you.”

“Umm,” Rey mumbled. “Something blue?”

“Perfect color for a winter dance.”

“Let’s see what we have here.”

She moved down the way a little to where some blue dresses were hanging.

Rey moved closer a bit.

“You can come over here, dear.”

Rey then walked up to the blue dress section.

She shifted through them, there were some with some very deep V-cuts, going too far down for Rey’s comfort. There were Spaghetti strap ones, which reminded Rey of the 90’s all the way. And still more, with long sleeves.

Then Rey saw it.

It was a completely strapless gown, with subtle sparkles all over, the kind that weren’t too much but stood out. She loved that it had a sweetheart neckline. And there was a subtle slit up the side. Tastefully sexy and beautiful.

Before she could get carried away, she tried to sneak a look at a price tag…there wasn’t one.

“Umm, Mom, I think I like this one.”

Angela came a little closer.

“What about that one with the long sleeves and open back?”

Rey turned to look again, she had considered it, but didn’t like how low it went in the back. She just imagined being cold.

“I…feel like my back would get cold,” Rey said.

Angela snuffed a little. “And your arms and shoulders aren’t going to get cold in that one?”

One glance to the consultant and Rey was thankful she knew when to jump in.

“We can try a few on. Sometimes what you think looks good on a hanger, doesn’t always look good once you try it on.”

That seemed to satisfy Angela. And Rey agreed to try on the long sleeve one, the sweetheart neck one that she liked, and a third one, with a nice turtle neck like collar, exposing the shoulders.

 

The consultant placed all three dresses apart in a large dressing room.

“You let me know if you need help, hon, otherwise just holler or come out when you’re ready.”

“Okay,” Rey called, slipping out of her street clothes.

Rey looked at all three dresses and contemplated which one to try on first.

She decided to go with the turtleneck one, as neither she or her mother seemed particularly invested in it.

Slipping it on, and shimming her butt into the fabric, one look in the mirror and Rey didn’t like it. She didn’t hate it, but it certainly wasn’t the one.

She came out.

Her mother looked up at her, and Rey knew that she didn’t care for it either.

“What do you think of this one?” The consultant asked.

Rey began to open her mouth to speak.

“Go ahead and step up on the platform, that way you can get a better look.”

Rey stepped up and looked at herself in the three mirrors.

“I just…don’t like it,” she said. “It’s not bad, it’s just…kinda boring.”

She turned to look to her mother again. 

“Agreed,” she said flatly.

“Okay,” the consultant said, as if that settles that.

Rey stepped down. 

“I’ll uh, try on the next one then.”

The consultant came in and helped Rey get out of the dress.

 

Staring at two dresses now, Rey knew in her heart what one she wanted. She had known the moment she saw it, but she had to try this one on for her mother. She wasn’t sure how she was going to tell her no.

Stepping into the gown, Rey put her arms through the see-through sleeves with floral designs. There was no back to zip, but she adjusted as needed. There was a gap in the lower back region, which was far too low for her anyway.

She stood and looked in the mirror. 

It wasn’t her. It wasn’t her style. It wasn’t what she wanted at all. She sighed, then opened the dressing room door.

“Oh, I love it,” her mother said, putting her hands to her mouth.

Rey smiled a little, because Angela was smiling. 

She sheepishly stepped up to the platform again. The consultant came over.

“I think it’s a little too big in the back,” Rey said.

“Anything can be altered, my dear, so that’s not a problem at all.”

Angela was now standing to the side, in front of Rey and the mirrors a bit.

“My God, Rey, you look stunning,” she said. 

Rey lowered her head, she felt her eyes getting a little glassy. She can’t remember the last time, or ever, that her mother paid her a compliment like that.

“I…I still need to try on the other one,” Rey said.

“Yeah, yeah,” Angela said enthusiastically with a downward hand wave. “Try the other, honey, but I think this is the one.”

Rey saw the consultant’s face behind her in the reflection of the mirror. The woman had been in the business a long time, that much was obvious, and she had seen it all. And Rey knew, she was seeing a familiar situation unfold before her, but it was still upsetting for her to witness.

 

Returning to the dressing room. Rey easily slipped out of the open back dress, it fell to the floor in a pile. Rey didn’t bother picking it up.

She took a deep breath, and then reached for the sweetheart one.

As she stepped into it, and pulling it up to her chest, her bra straps were visible. But the dress had a built-in bustier. Rey knew she wouldn’t need a bra for this, and slipped it off.

She was able to get the zipper all the way up in the back. And immediately, once she kicked the dress on the floor aside, she felt a small gasp escape her.

It was the most beautiful dress she had ever seen on herself. The lights caught the subtle glitter spectacularly. 

Rey loved how good her shoulders and collarbones looked in it. She could see herself with a little updo, a clutch, maybe even some heels.

She imagined Ben in a suit, the look of admiration on his face as he saw her for the first time. Rey could see it all.

Them dancing under the lights together. Her with Rose and Finn. All of them having a good time.

She was smiling.

 

 

Opening the door, she stepped out. 

 

 

The consultant involuntarily let out a small noise of approval.

Rey, still smiling stepped up onto the platform. 

“Tell me what you think, dear,” the woman said.

Rey couldn’t stop smiling, she did a little twirl, all the lights focused on her, the glitter sparkles dazzling everywhere.

She felt beautiful.

“I think this is the one,” she said.

“I have to say, that’s the most breath-taking one I’ve seen you in so far,” the woman said.

Rey almost forgot about Angela though, and turned on the platform to look at her. She regret that decision immediately. 

She was so happy coming out of the dressing room, in a fog, that she didn’t even look at her mother’s face. She just wanted to get up onto the platform right away.

Her mother had her arms and legs crossed, her lips pursed.

“It does nothing for me,” she said. 

Rey swallowed. “But I really like it…”

“And I don’t, so take it off.”

The consultant looked terribly sad.

Rey looked down, the sparkles on her dress becoming obscene in her watery eyes. She started crying.

“Oh, don’t tell me you’re going to cry now? I just said it does nothing for me.”

Rey was trying to stop the tears, but they kept falling.

“Come on, let’s go,” Angela said, standing up, grabbing her purse.

Rey felt a fire inside of her chest building. It was rushing upwards, like a river of flames. Until finally it burst forth up and out of her, violently. 

“You don’t even fucking know me!” Rey said through angry tears.

Her mother looked stunned, her eyes wide, clutching her purse strap; she had already been turned to leave.

Excuse me?”

“I hated that fucking dress!” Rey said. “I hated it so fucking much. And you only liked it because it’s some stupid shit you would wear.”

“You know what?” Her mother said, reaching into her purse. “You want that slutty dress? Fine.”

Angela opened her wallet, shaking, she pulled out a credit card and literally threw it at Rey. It hit her upper arm and fell to the platform floor.

“It’s yours.”

She put her wallet back into her purse angrily. 

“Find your own way home.”

And with that, she turned her back on Rey and left the store. 

Rey started sobbing, so thoroughly humiliated. So hurt. The consultant came over to Rey and stepped up onto the platform.

“Oh sweetie,” she said, wrapping her arms around her. “I’m so sorry.”

Rey could not stop the tears from flowing, and all she could do was accept a hug from a kind stranger.

Notes:

Let me know what you guys think of this chapter. I love your comments. Have you ever been so happy and then have someone else crush it immediately? Such a devastating feeling. 😢 Poor Rey.

Chapter 22: Unbeholden

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When Ben arrived to pick Rey up, he insisted on coming to the store to get her.

Rey was sitting on the chaise lounge when she saw the consultant stir and knew that Ben must have arrived. Arriving to the center area, he looked over to Rey.

Rey suddenly realized that this was the first time they were seeing each other without their school uniforms on. He looked good.

Rey stood up and started apologizing immediately for bothering him, that she wouldn’t have called him if she could help it. Ben wordlessly came over and gave her a hug. It took all of Rey not to start crying again. He stroked the back of her head how she liked.

When Ben turned to look at the consultant, he was still petting Rey’s hair while they both looked at her.

“Like I said, dear, I can hold the dress for you if you’d like.”

“I—I don’t know what I want to do.”

Rey didn’t want to buy the dress now. Not with her mother’s credit card. She would be beholden to her for a year or more over that fucking dress. They hadn’t even purchased it and already it caused a huge disaster.

“What’s going on with the payment?” Ben asked, to both of them. 

“I don’t want the dress anymore. I’m not using my mom’s credit card. I won’t hear the end of it. I’ll just…borrow another one of Rose’s sister’s dresses.”

“I’ll buy it,” Ben said immediately.

Rey pulled away from him.

“What? No. You can’t do that.”

“It’s your senior year. It’s the last winter dance you’ll ever have. I want you to be happy.”

“I—I don’t want you to see what it looks like,” Rey weakly protested.

“All dresses come with a storage bag with the contents hidden,” the consultant chimed in. Rey noticed she had a small affectionate smile on her face since the moment Ben arrived.

“See?” Ben said.

Rey didn’t want Ben to spend his money on her. But she also knew that this was her only chance to get the dress without her mother. 

“Okay,” Rey said.

“Is there anything else you need?” Ben asked.

Rey hadn’t even thought of it.

“I’ll need some heels I think. But I can always just check the thrift store.”

“No, that’s ridiculous.”

The consultant waited, Rey didn’t object, and then she spoke.

“Would you like to look at the shoes we have?”

Rey simply nodded. 

Ben sat down on the chaise lounge as Rey and the woman went to the front of the store where there was a selection of formal footwear.

Rey had no clue what would look best. With the consultant’s help, she grabbed two pairs of silver heels. She wanted Rey to try them on with the dress and so, back into the dressing room Rey went.

She tried on the first pair and the heel was too high and the straps dug into the tops of Rey’s feet. Definitely a no.

The second pair, were a pretty silver satin, open toed, with an adorable raised up bow detail in the front. 

Rey didn’t think it was possible, but she was smiling again.

“Alright if I take a look?” The consultant asked.

Rey opened the door. Ben was on the other side of the large mirrors, so he wouldn’t be able to see anyway.

“Oh, those are adorable.”

Rey looked down. “They’re really cute and comfortable.”

“Hold on, one second,” the consultant said. And Rey waited for a full minute.

The woman came back with two clutches.

She held one out in front of Rey, standing in the door way, then the other.

“Definitely this one,” she said and handed the first one to Rey.

Rey took the silver clutch with an elegant jewel adornment and looked at herself in the mirror.

“What do you think?” The consultant asked.

“It’s beautiful…but this is too much. I can’t have him buying me all this stuff,” Rey said, shaking her head.

“I tell you what,” the woman lowered her voice a little. Like it was a secret. “I had planned on it anyway, but I’ll give you 50% off the dress. And the clutch will be on the house.”

“Oh no—you don’t have to do that. Gosh I was so upset I forgot to ask how much this cost.”

“I want to do this for you, honey. And the original price for the dress is 400,” the woman informed her. 

“Oh my god,” Rey said. “No!”

“I can hear you, you know,” Ben said from over the mirrors. “We’re getting that dress. And anything else you need.”

Rey laughed a little. 

“He’s a keeper,” the woman whispered to Rey.

Rey was sincerely touched. 

“Okay.” She agreed. 

The woman unzipped Rey’s back.

“I need to come out there to bag this dress up, can you be trusted to close your eyes?” The woman called over the mirror to Ben.

“Yes.”

“Alright, I’m coming out now!”

They all laughed. 

Rey watched as the woman whisked the gown away to a back room in the corner. 

Once dressed, Rey carried the heels and clutch back out to where Ben was.

“Umm, she said she’s going to give me a 50% discount on the dress—so you won’t have to pay as much,” Rey said. “And the clutch will be free,” she quickly added. 

“It’s not an issue,” Ben said again.

 

After a few minutes, the woman returned with the dress in an opaque fabric storage bag. 

She then took the clutch and heels, boxed them up and put them into a nice, sturdy white bag. The shop’s name on both sides.

 

Rey stood to Ben’s sides with her hands in front of her.

As the woman calculated the total in the computer, Rey’s heart thudded.

“Total is going to be $318.06,” she said to Ben. Rey had forgotten about the shoes.

“Oh my God,” she said, putting her hand to her forehead.

Ben said nothing. She watched him swipe a card and then intently sign his name.

Coming around the desk, she handed Rey the gown bag. 

“You can handle these I presume?” She said to Ben. Handing him the other bag. 

He laughed a little.

 

“Um, thank you so much,” Rey said. “I’m sorry I didn’t ask your name sooner…”

“Oh my goodness, I did forget to introduce myself, didn’t I? And I don’t wear a name tag usually. I’m so sorry about that. I’m Sally, the store manager. It’s on the card in the bag.” 

“I’m uh, Rey.” She always hated telling others her name. “I really appreciate everything.”

“It’s not a problem, dear,” Sally said. “You two are going to have the best time.”

Rey wasn’t one for giving hugs, but she was incredibly grateful to this woman.

“Can I give you a hug?” Rey asked. 

“Oh my God, yes,” Sally said, like she was waiting for Rey to ask.

Rey awkwardly held the dress bag out and the two embraced. Sally squeezed her tight. Saying so much with her hold.

“You need anything at all, my number is on that card, just ask for me if I’m not here.”

”Okay,” Rey said over her shoulder. 

 

As they pulled apart, Sally looked to Ben, then back to Rey.

“Now you two remember me when you come back here in a few years,” she said. 

Too stunned at what was said, before it hit Rey what Sally meant, Ben spoke. 

“We will,” he said with a smile.

“Take care now,” Sally said with a wink.

 

Rey mumbled a goodbye as they left the store. Her head spinning at what Ben just said. 


That one day, just maybe, Rey would be shopping for a wedding dress. 

Notes:

I ain’t one for knight in shining armor shit but Ben coming through for Rey like this is a whole mood.

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Chapter 23: Money money

Chapter Text

Once in Ben’s car, her dress hanging in the back, Rey realized just how exhausted she was from the whole experience that took place. 

“I’m so tired,” Rey said, putting her elbow on the windowsill, resting her head on her palm, eyes closed.

“What happened?” Ben asked.

All Rey told him was that she and her mother got into a fight and that she had left Rey at the mall.

Rey sighed. 

“She didn’t like the dress I wanted. And basically said she hated it, then when I started crying, she said “let’s go” and I blew up on her. Told her how much I hated the dress she liked. So she threw her credit card at me and walked out. Told me to get my own ride home.”

“All of that over a dress?”

“Yup, that’s Angela Simons for you.”

Ben was quiet for a moment.

“Rey, that’s abuse.”

“What?”

“What she did to you was abuse.”

“She’s just fucking nuts,” Rey said, completely dismissing what Ben said.

“Nuts or not, that’s no excuse to humiliate your daughter in public, throw a tantrum, and then abandon her with no way to get home.”

Rey’s face bunched up and then she started crying again. God, why couldn’t she stop crying? Ben’s simple statement of what happened, illustrated just how completely fucked the whole situation was. 

“I was so happy,” Rey cried. “And then she had to fucking shit all over it like she always does.”

Ben brought his hand to brush in her hair, trying to comfort her.

Rey was ugly crying now.

“I fucking hate her.” She couldn’t see well, the tears running down her face. Again. “It’s like, nothing I ever do is good enough.”

Rey started wiping her eyes and nose. She looked out the window, taking shuttering breaths. One glance at the time and Rey didn’t realize how long she had been in Carmen’s. It was close to nine already, the mall was closing soon. 

She inhaled and exhaled deeply. 

“God, I don’t want to go home. She’s going to be waiting for me and ready to really let me have it.”

Rey didn’t want to ask, but she had hoped Ben would offer.

“Well…maybe you can come over to my place for a little bit? And then if you decide you want to go home later, I can take you. Otherwise you’re welcome to stay the night. We have a guest room, and my mom already knew I was coming to get you.”

Rey just turned and blinked at him, she wiped her nose again.

“Okay.”

Ben kissed the side of Rey’s head. “It’s going to be alright.” 

Ben started the car up and then brought his cellphone to his ear.

“Hey Mom, I’m coming back now, Rey’s with me.”

She could hear a woman’s voice on the other end somewhat.

“Yeah, she’s okay. But she might stay the night. We’re not sure yet.”

Rey was floored. She had no idea just how good of a relationship Ben actually had with his mother, but she did now. One short phone call told her everything she needed to know.

He hung up.

“Are you hungry? My mom has some zucchini pasta left over from dinner.”

Rey hadn’t check with her body in awhile, the small snack she ate before they left for the mall, long gone. They were supposed to get fast food or something on the way home. That obviously didn’t happen.

“Umm, I am actually pretty hungry,” Rey said.

 

 

Arriving to Ben’s gated community Rey realized, Oh, they have Money money.

The houses were huge, just fucking ridiculous.

Eventually, they pulled up to Ben’s house. Rey could see a high window over the entrance, with light from a chandelier poking out. There were other lights on. 

Walking up, Rey realized she was nervous. This wasn’t how she wanted to meet Ben’s parents.

Opening the front door, a smell of clean and something floral hit Rey’s nose instantly. 

“I’m home,” Ben called.

One step inside and Rey couldn’t contain herself. She looked up at the chandelier hanging above them in the high ceiling.

Holy shit,” she breathed.

There was a massive living room off to their left, with an actual fire place going. Some music faintly playing somewhere, but the house was so large, Rey couldn’t tell from where exactly. To their right, a formal dining room, untouched, but certainly used for special guests. The table, real wood, could easily seat twelve or more. A length-ways chandelier was above the table, dimly lit. She could see far away light from the kitchen coming through another entry point. In front of her, a staircase lead to the second floor, and a hallway went down the center of the house. 

Ben lead the way while Rey gingerly padded behind him. 

Entering the kitchen, there was an informal dining area that perhaps Ben and his parents ate at each night. Tall glass windows overlooked what was must have been the backyard. There was stainless steel everywhere. The kitchen was fit for a chef. Fuck they probably did have a chef.

An older woman, with grey hair wrapped up into a simple, but elegant hairstyle was seated at a counter, piddling on her phone. 

As soon as they arrived in the room, she lit up.

“There she is!” The woman said excitedly. 

Rey was stunned. She almost looked behind her to see if there was someone else she was talking about.

The woman came over to Rey with open arms.

She pulled Rey into a hug. She smelled good, it was an expensive perfume. 

“Rey,” Ben said with an amused face. “This is my mom, Leia.”

“Oh my goodness! He’s told me so much about you. We’ve been meaning to have you over for a proper dinner, but it’s just been so busy around here, and we’re still getting settled in.”

Rey couldn’t help but smile. Ben’s mother practically throwing up kindness all over her, it was hard not to get coated in it. She could not remember the last time her mother or father hugged her. And here Leia was, throwing her arms around Rey within seconds of meeting her.

“Hi,” Rey said, so overwhelmed.

“So Ben tells me he was picking you up from dress shopping?” 

Leia said it as if Ben going to pick up his abandoned girlfriend at the mall was just an everyday occurrence. She didn’t seem to be deliberately dismissive, but she knew precisely how to evade an obvious problem at hand.

Ben mentioned they moved recently because she had accepted a new position as Dean of the College of Health Professions at the local university. It showed. 

“Umm, yeah, I was shopping for the Winter Wonderland Dance.”

“Ben is so excited to take you—Is the dress in the car?” Leia turned and asked Ben. He nodded. “Well go get it, Benjamin, we don’t need it hanging out there getting all cold and wrinkled!”

Ben had no expression of protest as he turned and left. Rey thought it was cute that his mother called him “Benjamin” while lightly scolding him.

“Come, come,” Leia signaled for Rey to sit at the raised counter. Rey sat on a cushioned stool carefully.

“Are you hungry? I have some leftover zucchini pasta. Are you allergic to anything?”

Rey could barely keep up with Leia’s energy. 

“Umm, I’m not allergic to anything. And that sounds really nice, thank you.” She could feel herself hunching forward, trying not to intrude.

Rey could hear the front door opening again.

“Where do you want me to hang it?” Ben called.

“The first guest room is fine,” Leia called back, opening the massive fridge. 

First guest room, Rey thought. Jesus Christ.

Leia began to reheat the leftovers and they smelled amazing. A short time later, she placed utensils in front of Rey with a placemat. She then gave her a cloth napkin with a ring on it.

It was all too much.

“What do you like to drink, dear?”

“Water’s fine,” Rey said.

“Nonsense,” Leia said. She then listed off an extensive variety of drinks they had available. 

“Um, Sprite is okay.” 

Rey actually wanted Coke but didn’t want to be awake all night. The thought of having to go home, to bed, suddenly fresh in her mind—she quickly shooed it away.

“Eat, eat,” Leia said to her, placing the beverage in front of Rey.

Rey placed the cloth napkin in her lap, then slowly began to eat the noodles. She hummed instantly. It was so good.

“This is delicious, thank you.”

 

 

Ben came back down and was in the kitchen now. He got himself a glass of water and leaned up against a counter on the other side of where Rey was sitting. Leia then came over and pulled out a stool at the end of the counter.

“Ben tells me your mother is a paralegal and your father works at a metal factory?”

Rey swallowed a mouthful of noodles, blotted her mouth, and then spoke.

“Yes, that’s right.”

“How wonderful. Ben says you’re very smart but haven’t decided what you want to do after graduation?”

Rey shot a look over to Ben. She wasn’t smart.

“Yeah, I’m not sure yet.”

“Well, you got time to figure it out. I keep telling Ben he should consider surgery, just like his father, but he said he wants to have a life outside of being on call. That’s where Han’s at now, the hospital.”

Rey squirmed a little. She wondered if Leia was saying it in passing, or if there was actual pressure on Ben to follow in his father’s footsteps.

“He’s already been accepted to several universities, but we’ll see. He doesn’t know what he wants to do yet either. And that’s okay.” 

Rey knew all of this already, but she could tell it was still making Ben a bit uncomfortable. Anytime the topic about his future came up, Ben got a little dicey about it. The same way he had dodged her question when she first asked him in study hall. He hit her with that shit about her eyes—making her forget about it completely. When she inquired again later, he said he has some ideas but still didn’t know. He was weirdly quiet about it. The same way he had gotten weirdly quiet about the ‘1984’ assignment. 

 

Rey sat, no longer eating because she was engaged with Leia.

“Well, I’m going to sit by the fire place for a bit. And Ben, if Rey decides to stay, you show her the guest room. I’ll be going to bed in an hour.”

Rey glanced at the clock. It was ten o’ clock now.

Rey finished eating and Ben took her bowl to clean it.

“I’m really tired, and if it’s okay with you, I would like to stay the night,” Rey said. 

Rey had checked her phone several times. There was nothing from her mom. The Silent Treatment. Classic Angela, Rey thought. Fine by her, she had enough of her shit for one day.

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to want to rest here. I’ll show you the guest room. We have pajamas and stuff too.” 

Just then, her phone binged; it was Claire, saying the party was just getting started, if she and Ben still wanted to come out. Rey had forgotten all about her stupid gathering. She almost snorted. Claire was the last fucking person she wanted to see, besides her mother. Especially given the day she just had. Rey just wanted to not think about any of the people in her life, who made shit more difficult right now. 

Just for one night—maybe she could get that.

Chapter 24: Need

Notes:

Ben wants to make Rey feel ALL better. 😏 This chapter clocked in at over 4K words, the longest one yet. I hope you guys enjoy.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Once upstairs, Ben opened one of several guest room doors, revealing a space larger than any Rey had ever slept in before. There were two night stands with lamps turned on a low setting.

Rey could see a large closet open with her dress bag hanging inside. Her bag with the shoes and clutch placed on the floor. 

“There’s towels and everything you need for a bath or shower. We keep spare pajamas for men and women in the dresser here.”

Ben opened a few drawers to show Rey. A maid had clearly folded them neatly inside.

“Thank you,” Rey said.

“I’ll just be down the hall reading if you need anything,” Ben said. 

“Okay.”

Ben went to close the door. Rey stood, overwhelmed, yet again. At this point, the entire experience of this house was almost offensive. No, that wasn’t the right word. Just…obnoxious. 

Rey moved to the attached bathroom, chuckling in disbelief when she turned the light on. The tiles beneath her feet were heated. It looked like a spa. A full size, deep soak tub, a separate glass shower with an overhead rainfall nozzle. There were double sinks, fresh flowers placed in one of the corners. A chair for sitting if need be. Towels rolled up in view, perfectly placed in the recessed cupboards. There were fucking lights inside of the cupboards.

After the long day Rey had, she decided she would take a bath.

Nearby were some bath salts and the like, sitting on a small table. Rey didn’t need any thing of the kind. She just needed warmth. Heat. 

The tub didn’t take long to fill up, after undressing, Rey stepped into the hot water. Slowly lowering herself.

“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Rey said, realizing there was a remote on the side table to control the lighting, floor temp, and apparently, music from a wall speaker. Rey didn’t want to touch it, she knew she would drop it and ruin it somehow, even if it was waterproof. 

Instead, she leaned back into the tub curve and closed her eyes. 

The incident with her mother, now a million miles away. She refused to let Angela take up any more head space. Her muscles relaxed, and Rey was able to enjoy the moment.

After a while, Rey stepped out of the tub and made her way over to the shower. She washed and shampooed her hair, feeling like one of those women in those ridiculous commercials with the rainfall water coming down. 

Stepping out, Rey felt amazing. She dried off, lightly towel dried her hair, and then made her way back out to the bedroom. She opened the drawers and found summer and winter pajama bottoms and tops. She realized that she couldn’t put back on her old underwear, and was now in a weird spot of putting on pajamas with no panties. Oh well. Wouldn’t be the first time.

Rey didn’t like to get too hot in her sleep, so she opted for the summer set. Short sleeves and shorts. They were a pale pink with little roses all over. Rey didn’t care for collared pajama tops, but would have to deal. 

Drying her hair a bit more with the towel and putting all of her belongings on a chair in a corner, Rey decided it was probably time for her to settle in.

Her phone was at fifty percent. Enough to get her through until she went home tomorrow. Turning her phone on silent, Rey pulled back the thick cover and sheets underneath. The corners had been tucked in, which Rey always hated. She gave a hard tug and released one corner. She could now poke one of her feet out if she wanted and not feel trapped.

Two clicks on the cord switch turned off both lamps.

Rey laid there….unsure of what to do. Everything felt so foreign and strange. There was an outside light somewhere illuminating naked tree branches on the ceiling. Rey watched them sway gently in the winter air.

There was a low hum of a heater switching on from another wall. Not loud and rattly like hers starting up at home. In fact, this house barely had any sounds.

Rey stared at the entrance to the bathroom for a while, then rolled and stared out the window on the other side of the bed.

She didn’t like sleeping alone in a bed this big. She was used to her tiny single bed. Eventually, Rey reached over and checked her phone. It was a few minutes past midnight. Sitting straight up, she looked under the door to see if there was any evidence of Ben still awake down the hall.

The light was very faint.

Rey went to the door, hesitated, and then very quietly pushed the handle down. She was used to being quiet while she crept around at home. Not wanting to upset her mother or father if she made too much noise, especially while they slept.

One look into the hallway, and Rey realized that the dim light was actually a series of night lights.

She looked down to Ben’s door and saw that it was cracked, ever so slightly, but dark inside. He was probably sleeping.

She listened in the hallway for a long time, the house that barely spoke, a bit unnerving. She had no sense of what noises it made or where. She was nervous to try to go down and see Ben. 

Ben mentioned on the way up that his parents had a massive master bedroom on the first floor of the house in the far back. Ben’s room was closer to the front. Still, what if Leia could hear her all the way downstairs from where she was? 

Rey carefully opened the door a bit more, and then lightly stepped out onto the middle hallway carpeting. She then closed the door as gently as possible, without making any noise. If Leia did come up, Rey wanted her to think she was still in there.

Step by step, Rey made her way down to Ben’s room. Once at his door, she held her breath, and then pushed it open slowly.

Ben must not have been sleeping either, because he stirred immediately. She saw him sit up slightly. Once in his room, Rey closed the door quietly. She didn’t know how, but she knew Ben was waiting for her. The door had been left open a tiny bit on purpose, in case she needed him.

 

Ben scooted away from the edge of the bed, moving the blanket open, wordlessly inviting her in. Rey crawled in and he dropped the blanket over them.

Immediately, Rey kissed him, his hands unable to wrap around her fast enough. Rey realized that Ben must have showered too, because he smelled really good and his hair was still a little damp.

They made out for a long time. Ben’s hands on her ass, grabbing absentmindedly.

Finally, Rey spoke.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she whispered.

“Me neither,” Ben said, brushing a hair away from her face.

There was a pause, Rey had a few things to say.

“Thank you for coming and getting me, earlier.”

“Of course.”

“Your mom is really nice.”

“She’s been really excited to meet you.”

“It’s not how I wanted to meet her.”

“She doesn’t care about stuff like that. I mean, not that she doesn’t care about what happened, but—she’s not going to think about the circumstances of meeting you negatively. She’s just happy to meet you.”

Rey paused, then rolled onto her back as Ben had his arm underneath her neck, between her and the pillow.

She exhaled. “I’m not looking forward to going home tomorrow.”

Ben said nothing, or didn’t know what to say. He just kept petting Rey here and there.

“Try not to think about it,” he said after a moment. “You’re here with me now.”

Silence. Rey blinked, then spoke.

“Am I good, Ben?”

She had a knack for bringing up weird shit like this with him, especially during times like these.

“Do you mean are you a good person? I think so.”

Rey cleared her throat.

“I’m not good. And my parents remind me all the time. I always feel like I’m doing something wrong. Maybe it’s because I’ve done a lot of wrong things.”

Ben kept stroking her hair.

“Like what?”

“I used to make fun of this one kid in eight grade all the time. For how poor he was. His uniform was always ratty. It felt good to have someone else be beneath me for once.”

Rey paused before continuing, going through a laundry list of examples.

“My freshmen year, I punched a junior girl in the stomach—hard—just because she was doing that stupid shit where you try to step around a person, and then they match your steps, back and forth. It was literally the first time she did it to me.”

Ben kept listening.

“God, I didn’t even know her. But she was a lot taller than me. Like, now looking back, I honestly think she was joking around, but I couldn’t tell, or take it. She dropped to the floor and started crying. A bunch of girls came to her side and immediately started yelling at me. I remember feeling so scared when one of the girls told another one to go get a teacher. She started running down the hallway and I just knew I was fucked.”

Rey had light tears trailing down the sides of her face.

“I cheated on my sophomore final exam for geometry and got caught. I’ve stolen stuff from people. Things I couldn’t afford but wanted, like earbuds and expensive makeup, perfume. I’ve named called people, “sluts”, “whores”, “stupid,” “ugly”…I’ve made fun of struggling peers directly for dumb shit like reading too slow in class. Even though I’m no fucking better.”

Ben wiped the tears away on his side, Rey wiped the other. She watched the tree branches on this side of the house dance on the ceiling as well.

“I’m not a good person, Ben.”

Ben moved in and kissed her temple. 

“You’re a good person to me. And you’re still young. You’ve been through a lot. It’s not like you’re an adult and still doing some of those things.”

Rey closed her eyes, the tears streaming down the same path they had traveled before.

“And even if you were an adult—there’s help out there.”

“I think you’re good,” he said, as if his judgment was final. “You’ve just been hurt a lot, that’s all.”

Rey turned her head to him, eyes still closed, kissing him. Ben understood she needed him, needed his praise, needed his touch.

You’re so good,” he said, coming up over her now. He trailed soft kisses all over her jaw, trailing his way down her neck. His breath tickling her flesh.

Rey grabbed at his shirt. Her other hand came down to feel the full length of his cock in his boxer briefs. She stroked him through the fabric.

Ben then grabbed her wrist stroking him and pinned it near her head. He did the same with the other at his shirt. Rey felt a pulse shoot between her legs. Fuck.

He was pinning her to slow her down. She was too greedy, and he clearly wanted to take his time. Rey realized, at her house she got to direct what happened—but here—his bed, his rules. She had a very long day; she could learn to be patient.

Rey tried to relax her body and breathing. Ben must have felt her soften somewhat, because he removed his right hand from her wrist, bringing it down to cup her breast. Kneading it in his palm. Rey moaned softly.

Eventually, Ben let her other wrist go and began to unbutton her top. Rey moved to help but he stopped her.

No.”

Rey had to put her hands at her side and wait in agony as one by one, Ben slowly undid her buttons. He left two at the bottom intact, then slowly parted the upper fabric to reveal her.

Rey felt exposed, the room just barely warm enough, but thoughts about temperature disappeared when she watched Ben examine her.

“I want to see these better,” Ben said. Rey’s head jerked upward to watch Ben climb over her slightly, turning his bed lamp on.

Coming back to his place between her legs, he squinted before his eyes fully adjusted to the light. 

He regarded her once more.

With his hair still slightly damp, dark eyes on her. His cock hard, she so badly wanted to grab it again.

Fuck he looked hot.

Ben’s intensity as he assessed with no visible or verbal judgments, made Rey writhe beneath him.

“How are they Doctor Solo?” She finally asked.

“Fucking perfect.” He said immediately, still not looking at her. “Going to need to order some tit-sucking stat.”

Rey burst out laughing, then quickly covered her mouth. She was still in stitches when Ben slowly lowered his head to one of her breasts. His mouth warm and wet, Rey immediately stopped laughing and whined. His tongue swirled around her nipple with wide strokes, shooting electricity to her center. She moved to grab his hair and he just wordlessly took her hand and placed it back down at her side.

Fine,” she said, petulantly.

He didn’t acknowledge her. His tongue now taking to short flickering. Her nipple hard in his mouth. His hand came up to cup the same breast he was working on, pushing more of it into him. He suckled gently now. 

Switching to the other side, Ben did everything in reverse. He cupped her, suckled, flickered, and then swirled. 

Rey’s clit was engorged and pulsating. 

His mouth still on her, Ben’s large hand trailed down her stomach ever so slowly. Her lower belly fluttered once he reached the waist band of her shorts.

Rey bucked her hips to him, chasing his hand as it crept under. His touch now on her mound, she looked down when she felt a breathy grin on her breast. He had realized she wasn’t wearing any panties.

Sliding his fingers between her folds, he struggled a little in the web of the fabric, but managed to create enough space to enter. Slowly, ever so slowly, he began working her. Rey arched into his hand and mouth. 

Ben began to pick up speed, and Rey could feel the soft fabric beneath her, getting wet from her cum running down the length of her.

Ben then removed his hand from her shorts, slowly kissing his way down her partially exposed torso.

Oh shit. Rey thought.

She knew what was coming but hadn’t expected it. She had always heard that guys didn’t like to eat girls out. Some said they liked it, others said it was gross.

Ben’s hands pulled Rey’s shorts off and threw them aside, landing them on the far edge of his massive bed.

Rey didn’t realized how self-conscious she was about him seeing her until he was actually there. Fingering her was one thing, but actually looking at it, was another. She tried to bring both knees together, but Ben was obstructing, so she tried to scoot her butt up and away.

“Rey, darling, the Doctor needs to examine down here too,” he told her.

Rey mewled and closed her eyes. Ben reached up, grabbed her hips, and brought her back down and towards him. He took both hands and gently parted her at her thighs.

There was silence and no touching. The seconds felt like minutes and Rey opened her eyes again to look down. Ben was looking at her vaginal area the same way he had looked at her breasts. 

She knew there was a part of him that was actually examining her out of curiosity, and that was so fucking hot to her.

“Jesus, Solo, you act like you’ve never seen tits or a pussy before.”

“This isn’t the same,” he said, still looking down there. “I’ve never seen one up close that I was actually invested in.” 

Rey laughed at Ben’s dead pan take on all that he was seeing and experiencing. He glanced up at her with a grin, then his eyes came back down. He adjusted to get even lower and closer.

“Have you gotten a good enough fucking look, yet?” Rey demanded, coming up onto her elbows.

“Actually, no, I haven’t,” he said. “Have you seen this thing? It’s incredible.”

“I don’t sit around staring at my pussy in the mirror all day, Solo. I just…look down there when needed, and take care of what’s needed. I don’t—finger fuck myself in front of a mirror. That’s weird.”

“Well you should.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” she replied, bratty-like.

“Will you let me then?”

“What?”

“Let me finger you while you watch in a mirror.”

Rey’s eyes got really wide. She managed a small nod.

“Perfect,” Ben said. He got up from the bed and made his way across the room. He had a movable medium-sized, wooden-framed mirror. He picked it up to make minimal noise and brought it to the end of the bed.

He looked back into the mirror, and Rey could see him each time in the reflection, adjusting the side knob, then looking back; again and again, until he felt he got the perfect angle.

“Can you see yourself alright?” Ben asked.

“Unfortunately,” Rey replied.

“You’re beautiful. Everywhere. I hope you can see that eventually.” 

Rey said nothing as she swallowed and looked up at the ceiling.

“I’ll…I’ll look when I’m ready, okay?”

She closed her eyes, seeing blackness, as Ben carefully slid his two middle fingers in her again. He began thrusting forward. Rey wasn’t prepared for what came next. She arched her back and whimpered. Ben was now sucking her clit, giving her the same swirls and flicks as her nipples earlier. Eventually, he removed his fingers and just used his tongue.

Her whole body writhed as she moved to press into him. His mouth and head followed wherever she went. Either up and down, or in a constrained circle. She wanted to grab his hair, but didn’t want to be rejected again, so she just clenched the sheets of the bed.

Finally, she lifted her head up and looked down, and while she couldn’t see herself, she saw the back of Ben’s head in the mirror, just…going to town. She didn’t care now, she reached out and grabbed a fistful of his black hair. 

Her whimpers continued as he worked her over, varying his patterns, pressure and speed, either on her clit, or around her folds. Licking her from the bottom to the top, eventually pushing his tongue deep inside of her, going as far as he could go. 

Rey now had both of her hands clenching his hair, her legs somewhat together so she could grind her hips. He was completely unfazed by her basically face-fucking him now.

Finally, he paused and pulled back for a breather. 

“Fuck, you taste amazing.”

Rey had no words. As Ben rested his head on one of her inner thighs. She finally caught a glimpse of herself. She had never seen her pussy from this angle before. It wasn’t as bad as she had remembered—whenever that was. But it did seem better now. If Ben Solo could go down there and eat it like he was dying of starvation, then it couldn’t be all that bad, right?

Ben didn’t wait long before resuming his work.

Rey could feel the pressure building inside of her, suffocating her clit. She needed to get off soon.

“I need to come,” Rey reported. Ben looked up at her briefly. Then kept licking. She realized he didn’t know what she wanted.

“I want you to finger me so I can rub my clit,” she said directly.

“Oh,” Ben said, pulling away. “Well in that case.” He readjusted himself to get more comfortable. Before he continued, he paused. Rey realized that he had completely forgotten about the mirror while he was down there.

He glanced to Rey.

“It’s fine,” she said, granting him permission to clear her line of sight. Ben got out from between Rey’s legs, and angled himself so he, too, could look in the mirror. 

He was on her left side, staying out of the way of her right arm. 

Licking his left middle fingers, Ben stared into the mirror as he slid into her again. Watching his wrist and forearm muscles work as he thrusted in and out, Rey wouldn’t be long now. She trailed her right hand down and touched herself.

As she rubbed, some of the tension in her clit began to ease up from the pressure and friction. Rey could see why Ben wanted her to watch. Wanted her to see it all. It was so fucking hot once she got her own self-consciousness out of the way and could just…look in admiration at what they were doing.

She rubbed faster and faster, and Ben started to move in rhythm with her. She glanced over to see that his dick was trying to explode through his boxer briefs. She would help him take care of that soon.

Back to the mirror, they worked together as a team, until finally, Rey could feel it approaching. Like a tsunami wave, rushing to the shore. Her body started to still, her toes curled, nothing existed now except for the wet sounds of Ben’s fingers working in her pussy. And then, she couldn’t hear anything, do anything, be anything—except for the tsunami that crashed to shore. Releasing her. 

Rey literally screamed.

Her head threw back involuntarily, back arching as her whole body lurched towards the sky.

She saw the last second of her pussy clenching on Ben in the mirror, until her clit caught up and she came all over his fingers and hand. 

She had never came so hard in her life. She didn’t know an orgasm like this was possible. 

She was still flexing, clenching, gasping. It was a whole body orgasm. 

Ben’s hand stilled the moment Rey clamped down on him. 

He stayed there, letting her enjoy each and every aftershock.

As Rey dissipated, Ben was able to slowly pull his fingers out.

There was an incredible energy in the air.

Rey looked over to Ben, her eyes glazed over, her whole body still humming. She didn’t want to move, she just wanted to sleep. But she couldn’t be selfish, not after the way he worked her over.

“Just give me a second,” Rey breathed. “My body is still recovering.”

Ben was just smiling. He looked so happy to see her in the thralls of it all. He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. Her chest was still rising and falling deeply.

Once all feeling returned, Rey sat up and shoved Ben down.

“This shouldn’t take long,” He told her.

“No, it shouldn’t,” She said. “Because I’m going to swallow your cum.”

Ben had an oh look on his face.

Rey practically ripped his boxer briefs off and grabbed his swollen, almost purple cock now. She instantly took it into her mouth and forced herself all the way down. It hit her gag reflex, same as before, but instead of immediately choking and pulling off, she resisted the sensation. She just had to work a little slower at the bottom, and not freak out when she felt it hit her reflex.

Ben looked like he was dying, mouth open, breath rigid, eyes closed. He had worked so hard to get her off and now he was able to relax.

Rey worked him up and down, her hand and his cock beginning to smell of spit. It was a work of art, and she was going to give it every bit of appreciation it deserved.

Using her right hand, she found the right pressure and rhythm. Was it weird to grab his balls? Rey had read it feels good. Fuck it. She would be a ball-slut for one night. She gently grabbed Ben’s balls as she sucked and jerked his cock.

He let out a whiny noise. Rey took that as a good sign.

Finally, with all the sucking, tugging and groping, he was close. Rey switched her grip back to her dominate hand, abandoning his balls. She had to focus.

She put more pressure into her hand, staying just beneath his head with her mouth. Her cheeks were starting to hollow out from a weird suction created. She obviously still didn’t know what the hell she was going. 

But she knew he was close. 

Just as she was about to let off to take a breath, Ben cried out and his whole body contorted. He shot hot cum into Rey’s throat. She stilled, letting it fill inside of her mouth, and then once she thought he was finished, she pulled off. Her cheeks popped and now they could relax; she had Ben’s load safely stored. 

It didn’t taste as horrible as she had thought it would. A little salty but nothing unbearable.

Ben’s eyes were still closed and Rey wasn’t sure if he was the type of guy who wanted to see this shit—like in porn—or what, but she figured she wouldn’t bother him. He was so spent and enjoying his blissful aftermath, she would just leave him be. There would be plenty of future opportunities for him to watch her.

With one big gulp, Rey swallowed—and she felt really hot doing it. 

 

 

Turning out the light, Rey curled up next to Ben while he threw the covers back over their partially naked bodies. They quickly and easily fell asleep together.

Notes:

I had way too much fun writing this chapter. Let me know what you guys think in the comments. 🥵🤣♥️

Chapter 25: Freedom

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When Rey awoke the next morning, Ben wasn’t next to her. It was lightly snowing outside of his bedroom windows. She had no idea what time it was or how long she had slept for. Ben didn’t have a clock on his night stand. Probably only used his phone. His bedroom door was closed.

Ben had placed her a fresh pair of pajama bottoms on the back of a desk chair, which Rey hadn’t noticed in the dark last night. She looked around for her shorts but could not find them.

Rey went to Ben’s bathroom nearby. It was essentially modeled the same as the guest room she was in. After she went pee, she looked at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a bit fucked up from sleeping on it somewhat damp but nothing unmanageable.

Opening Ben’s door, she could hear talking and the smell of bacon hit her nose instantly. She made her way to the guest room she was supposed to be sleeping in. Checking her phone, still no messages from her mother. Angela’s Silent Treatments were always the worse, because if you had really pissed her off, you didn’t know how long she would keep the grudge going.

There was a message from Rose, probably sent out of anxiety, asking her if she went to Claire’s or not. Rey briefly told her what happened. She wasn’t sure if she was supposed to get dressed in yesterday’s clothes, or if it was okay to come down in the guest pajamas.

Rey texted Ben.

You’re fine to come down as you are. We have breakfast.

Rey went down the back set of stairs that she and Ben had taken last night from the kitchen.

Once in the back hallway, she made her way to the sound of voices and the smell of food.

“Oh, you’re awake!” Leia said enthusiastically. She, Ben, and what appeared to be Ben’s father, were all sitting at a table in various sleep wear. Any other family and Rey would have laughed at them, looking like some shit straight out of an advertisement. But this was Ben’s family, and she found them rather adorable.

The counter she had sat at last night had fresh fruit cut, a glass pitcher of orange juice, a large French press with coffee in it, and bacon on paper towels in a basket.

“Rey, honey, do you like eggs?”

“Umm, yes?”

“How do you like them?”

“Anything is fine.”

“Ben, you’ve been working on this with her, right? To ask for what she wants? My goodness she’s way too modest.”

Ben leaned an elbow on the table across the way and covered his mouth.

Oh, she’s learned to ask for what she wants alright.

Rey rolled both of her lips together to a stop a mischievous grin from forming on her face. One glance to Ben told her he had caught it.

Han was waiting for Rey to come and sit at the table. Once seated across from Ben, he introduced himself. He apologized for not being home last night, called in at the last minute to surgery. He asked if she slept well. 

Ben and his family were good people, even if they were stupidly rich.

“Yes, I slept very well, thank you,” Rey replied. The last thing she remembered before falling asleep was swallowing Ben’s cum. She tried not to think about that while talking to Han.

Leia came and served Rey some exquisitely made scrambled eggs with heated up bacon, fruit, toast. 

“Coffee or orange juice? Water?”

“Um, orange juice, please.”

“Ben says you like movies, Rey?” Han asked her as she slowly ate her eggs.

“Yes,” she said, “I don’t think it’s more than the average person, but Ben hasn’t seen as many as I have.”

“He’s always had his head in books since he was very little.”

“Rey has a good book collection, too,” Ben added, as if to defend her a little.

“I mostly read at the library,” she added.

“Oh, which library?” Han asked. “We’re still not familiar with the area really.”

Leia came back to the table to sit with all of them, fresh cup of coffee in hand.

“The Hutchinson-Genesis Library,” Rey replied. “It’s very close to where I live and St. Michael’s.”

Han gave a grunt of approval.

Rey finished eating her meal as Han, Leia, and Ben held a conversation about this and that. Rey felt like an observer looking in. So this must be what normal families look like?

Just then, her phone buzzed.

It was her father. That was never a good sign. He rarely texted her.

You going to come home sometime today to do your chores or are you just going to keep running the streets?

Rey sighed. She was glad she had already eaten, because her stomach tightened at the message.

Ben looked over. “Everything alright?”

She sighed again. “I should probably get ready so I can go home.”

Han and Leia stopped speaking and looked over to her also. It was impossible for Rey to have a good poker face with them. She had been living in another life, another world with them, and the illusion had been broken by a single text message.

Rey got up. “Thank you so much for breakfast, Mrs. Solo.”

“Oh honey, call me Leia, please.”

Rey forced a smile and left the kitchen. She made her way up the stairs in the front section of the house, sullen. Once in the guest room, she began to tidy up the bedding, then moved her belongings from the chair to the bed.

There was a soft knock at the door. It was Ben.

“You okay?”

“No,” Rey said.

Ben looked a bit sullen himself. “I can take you home whenever you want.”

“I got to go. My dad texted me and he never texts me. My mom must still be super pissed.” 

Her mother and father, both at home, it all hung over Rey’s head like a dark cloud. Ben came over to her at the bed’s end.

“What did you do with my shorts from last night?” She asked him.

“Put them in the wash along with a few other items.”

“And your mom isn’t going to worry about why there are two pairs of pajama bottoms that need to be washed?”

“Nah,” Ben said.

Rey smiled a little. Ben wrapped her into a big hug, kissing her head. He smelled so good. Rey never wanted to leave him, never wanted to leave his home. She could stay here with him, with his parents, forever.

“Last night was fun,” he whispered into her hair.

Rey chuckled into his chest. “Yeah.”

“Will you let me treat you before I have to take you home?” He asked.

“What?” Rey asked, looking up.

Ben wordlessly lead her gently to the end of the bed.

“Ben—the door is still open a little.”

“They won’t come up here,” he said, his eyes hazy. “They practically live downstairs.”

“Ben—“

Rey couldn’t resist him though. And she allowed him to gently push her down onto the end of the guest bed, he was feeling her through the cloth pajama bottoms. He kissed her as he rubbed her. She let out a soft moan.

Rey let herself be taken. She told herself to enjoy every last second at the Solo residence before she had to return to the place she called hell.

Pulling her pajama bottoms down, but not completely off, Ben took to sucking Rey’s clit again, slurping eagerly.

Same as before, he fingered her and she rubbed to get off. Not as intense as the night before by any means, but certainly a welcomed parting gift.

 

 

Pulling into Rey’s driveway, it was still snowing lightly out. A few inches had formed on the ground.

Rey sighed. She was nervous. 

Ben reached over and stroked her hair.

“It’s going to be okay,” he reassured her. “If anything happens, or you need me to come back and get you, let me know.”

“I will,” Rey said.

She gave Ben one last look, and she could see his hurt for her in them, but also reassurance. And that alone, was enough to convince Rey that she would be able to handle anything that lie in wait beyond that front door.

 

Once inside of her house, Rey saw her father seated in a recliner, watching television.

Her mother was also seated, reading a book. The contempt practically emanating off of her.

When she closed the door, and Ben had pulled away, her father spoke.

“That’s not going to happen again,” he told her. 

“What?” Rey asked, trying to conceal her anger at yesterday’s events.

“You, running the streets and acting improper,” he replied.

She looked to her mother, who simply licked her finger and turned the page in her book. The little head movement she did told Rey that she was enjoying every second of her father’s slut-shaming.

“Nothing happened.”

“I don’t care. It’s disgraceful. And you’re not going to embarrass us like that again.”

“Ben comes from a good family.”

She saw her mother still, it was hard to “still” while reading, but Rey caught it.

“You’re saying we’re not a good family?” He asked.

“No. I’m just saying…he’s not like that.”

“If he’s not like that, then why haven’t we met him yet?”

“When was he supposed to meet you both at the same time, again, exactly?” Rey asked, incredulously.

Her father looked as if he was about to stand. Instead, he brought his legs down from the recliner.

“Watch your mouth,” he warned.

Finally, her mother looked up, placing the book in her lap.

“I see you didn’t bring that harlot dress home. Did you even buy anything?” She asked.

“I did,” Rey replied.

“So where is it?”

“At Ben’s house.”

Rey saw her mother’s nostrils flare.

“You’re going to use my credit card, and not even bring home what I bought?”

Rey began for the stairs. 

“Actually, you didn’t buy it,” she retorted. Rey then reached into her small purse and pulled out Angela’s credit card. She set it near the key dish at the door. 

“Ben did.”

Rey, in all her life, had never seen a look of shock on her mother’s face as she saw then.

 

 

And it made her feel incredible.

 

 

“Can I be excused?” She asked.

Gerald, her father, sat at the edge of the recliner, elbows on his knees, ready to pounce, Angela sat with her legs curled in the chair, book in her lap— shock still plastered on her face.

When neither said anything, Rey went upstairs to her bedroom and closed the door. She made it. Just barely. It could have been a lot worse, but something felt different about this time she got into it with them. 

Something different. Something new. Something miraculous.

 

 


Freedom.

Notes:

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Chapter 26: Push

Chapter Text

Monday morning, Rey was more than happy to see Ben. Although they had been texting, he asked her how the weekend went. Surprisingly, her parents left her alone for the most part as she did her chores, and came out of her room only to eat Peanut Butter and Jelly sandwiches or cereal. Even when her father gruffly called up that Saturday evening to report they ordered pizza. Rey called back that she was fine. She later came down after they went to bed to eat. It wasn’t easy, but she did it.

Making her way to her locker with Ben, Rey glanced over to see Rose stalling. 

Fuck.

Rey had completely forgotten to mention the lunch table arrangement to Ben. It was literally the last thing on her mind.

Rose gave Rey a look and came up to her. She could tell that she had been agonizing about it all weekend, as well as Claire’s party.

Fuck. 

After seeing Rose crying last week, and telling her she would talk to Ben and not following through on it, Rey felt awful. And she also knew that she couldn’t take one more fucking day with Claire and the girls.

Rose timidly approached.

“Did Ben talk to him?” Rose asked nervously.

“Not yet, but he’s going to,” Rey lied.

“Oh my god, Rey,” Rose brought her hands to her forehead.

“It’ll be fine, I promise,” Rey said.

 

The first bell rang.

 

“I’ll see you at lunch,” Rey told her. “We won’t be sitting with those cunts.”

“Okay,” Rose said, unconvinced.

Rey could see that Rose’s trust in her as friend was slipping, and she couldn’t handle that.

 

 

After all the bullshit that had happened with her mother, and then her spending the night at Ben’s and doing…things…plus coming home and not eating her parents’ food out of spite—Rey had not mentioned the seating situation to Ben. 

She decided to take matters into her owns hands.

Finn was a nice guy. She knew he was because he always said hi to her, had commended her on punching Hux, and asked her if she was okay when she fell during running.

Even if she wasn’t particularly good at school work, Rey was fairly proficient at reading people. Further still, Rey also understood that people, even if uninterested, perked up a bit at the news that someone else was interested in them. It was human nature.

“Oh, you’re interested in me? Why? Tell me more?”

 

Rey caught Finn as he was on his way out of the boy’s locker rooms.

“Hey Finn!” Rey called.

Finn turned to face her. 

“Oh hey, Rey, how’s it going?”

Rey came a little closer. “Can I talk to you for a second?”

Finn’s pupils widened a little. They moved to a side corner.

“Yeah, sure, what’s going on?”

Rey had no time for bullshit. She had to push things a bit if she had any hopes of them getting out from under Claire’s claws, and for the possibility of a double date for the dance.

Rey made herself as cute and mischievous as possible. She felt like she was in seventh grade all over again.

“Umm. So this is a little awkward for me,” she began. 

His eyes were wide now. She had his full attention. He knew she and Ben were together, so it wasn’t that.

“But, uh, Rose really likes you. And she wants to know if you’ll go with her to the Winter Wonderland Dance…if you don’t have someone to go with, of course.”

Finn’s eyes were still wide, he said nothing.

Rey prayed that this wasn’t a big fucking mistake and she ended up humiliating her friend.

Finn inhaled.

“I, uh—actually don’t have a date yet,” he said, a bit stunned.

Rey could tell he wasn’t repulsed at the idea of Rose, so she thought she would push it a bit more.

“Even if you don’t feel the same, you’ve always been a cool dude to me, so promise you won’t say anything to embarrass her—“

“No—of course not,” Finn said, a little eagerly.

Fuck yes. Rey thought. He was in, he just didn’t say it yet.

“But yeah, uh, she’s liked you since sophomore year.”

That part was true.

Finn’s head came forward a bit.

“Really?”

“Yes, really. She’s too scared to ask you herself. Also, Ben and I had hoped you guys could go to dinner, you know—like a double-date? Before the dance.”

“Wow,” Finn said, self-reflecting.

“Just…give it some thought.”

“Yes,” Finn said.

“Yes, you’ll go with her?”

“Yes,” he said.

“Okay,” Rey said. A little too pleased in the face. 

“I’ll uh—I’ll let her know you said yes.”

“Cool,” Finn said, trying to act unimpressed.

As Rey turned to leave, she had to secure one last thing. Her and Finn had already been parting ways.

 

“Oh, Finn, one more thing,” Rey said. She could tell that Finn was committed now. Whether he knew it subconsciously or not, he wanted to know and care for Rose—to secure his date, to get through the dance—maybe something more. Whatever.

Rey knew how to plead a sympathetic case. She had sat with her mother as a guest in the courtroom on a few case growing up. She remembered being especially attentive, because it was her mommy involved, and even if she wasn’t involved directly—Rey paid extra attention. 

“Listen,” Rey said to him. “Claire Miller and her little friend crew, have been really mean to Rose lately. They treat her like a lap dog. And Ben and I sit with her to support her. Would it be cool, if like, me, him and Rose sat with you, today?”

Rey knew his lunch table was always full, but she was surprised to hear what he said next.

“Yeah, sure, it’s no problem at all. We all just sit wherever we want each day, so it’s super chill. The guys will be okay to move someplace if you guys want to sit with us.”

Rey sighed exaggeratedly so Finn knew how much she was saving them.

“Oh my god, THANK YOU,” Rey said. And this part was sincere. “Those girls are so mean to Rose, and she was really hurt when they didn’t invite her to a party this weekend. So I said “Fuck them” to her and promised we would move to another table. So thank you so much for saving me, her, US from those wenches.”

Finn laughed. 

“It’s no problem at all,” he said.

“Great,” Rey said, “So we’ll see you in a few?”

”Absolutely,” Finn said. “I’ll let the guys know what’s going on before you guys get there. So it won’t be awkward or anything.”

Rey clasped her hands together, and she had meant it of course,

“Thank you so much!” She said.

Finn laughed a little nervously. 

“Of course, Rey,” he said.

 

And Rey wondered why, for the last four years, she didn’t make more of an effort to be friends with Finn Lewis. 

Maybe things would have been different from the start if she did.

Chapter 27: Sharp Smart

Chapter Text

Rey texted Rose to wait for her before entering the lunch line. She caught up with Ben who had already left the gym before Finn. Too many damn people to keep track of.

Once her and Ben approached, Rey spotted Rose biting her fingernails. 

“We’re all set,” Rey informed her.

“We are?” Rose asked, her voice high. “Cuz I just saw Finn go by and he told me he was looking forward to going to the dance together. Rey, I about fainted, what the hell is going on?”

“Well,” Rey said, a little too cheeky.

“Oh my God, Rey, you didn’t tell him I liked him, did you?”

“No,” Rey lied. “But I think he likes you, because he said yes to going to the dance with you.”

Rose playfully punched Rey in the arm.

“Ow,” Rey said, holding herself.

“What’s going on, exactly?” Ben asked.

“We’re sitting at Finn’s table from now on. And Finn and Rose are going to the dance, together—with us.”

Ben just blinked twice. “Okay, then.”

Rey and Rose laughed.

“You just follow along, okay, babe?” Rey said.

“Of course,” Ben smiled.

 

 

Approaching the cashier, Rey could see that Finn was true to his word. Some of his friends had went to some other tables and he was eating and still chatting with a few sitting near by.

Rey glanced over to Claire, squawking as usual. 

This should be interesting, Rey thought.

Once through the line, Rey didn’t look at Claire once, making a bee line straight for Finn’s round table. Rey glanced back to see Rose tucking her head down like a shameful turtle, following her. Ben was as chill as always.

“Hi, guys!” Finn said, enthusiastically.

Rose put her tray down and pulled out a chair, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear as she sat.

“Hi,” she mumbled.

Ben and Rey sat as well. 

Rey turned to look over at Claire’s table, all the way across the cafeteria. She literally saw all of the girls looking their way.

If looks could kill, Rey would have been dead by now.

Claire was pissed. And while Rey normally wouldn’t have been afraid of her. Something sinister lay in wait behind her gaze, and Rey knew—she and Claire were not of the same breed.

Claire would pay her back for this, Rey just didn’t know how.

She wasn’t sure if she should make up some bullshit lie, or tell her the truth, or just ignore the situation. 

But for sure, no question—things would eventually come to a head between her and Claire. Rey just wasn’t sure how or when. And while Claire might be the type to enjoy such drama, Rey honestly just wanted to get through the rest of high school with a minimal amount of bullshit.

 

 

At study hall the next day, Rey sighed and sighed. She was struggling to focus. Again. She felt itchy and hot. And all she could think about now was kissing Ben in the stairwell. Of sucking his dick. Of their hot little mirror session. She was horny all the time, and she thought for sure, there must be something wrong with her.

Ben, however, did not look at all horny sitting across from her. He was intently focused, completing calculus problems.

Rey groaned and threw her head back, staring at the old lights above her.

Ben spoke.

“Doing okay?”

“No,” Rey said, tersely.

Silence.

“Rey,” Ben said. 

She brought her head back to face him, a little dizzy actually, from staring upwards for so long at the ceiling light. She could see the after image of the light in his face.

“Don’t take this the wrong way…” he paused.

Rey tensed at the words. Oh no. What was he going to say?

“But have you been tested for a learning disability?”

Rey could only blink.

“What?”

“It’s just, you’re very smart. I know you don’t think that. But it’s true. And you can remember a lot of facts and details about movies, and get really hyper focused on stuff. But with schoolwork, and things you aren’t interested in, it’s a lot harder for you.”

Rey scoffed.

“No, I’ve never been tested. And I’m sure Angela would fucking die before she had to admit that her kid was actually stupid, in addition to being a troublemaker.”

“Please stop saying that,” Ben said. 

Rey froze. She could tell that he was literally starting to hurt from her putting herself down, constantly.

“You’re not stupid.”

Rey blinked tears. She felt like Ben was scolding her a little.

“It’s too goddamn early in the morning for this,” she said, looking down.

“Rey, I’m not mad at you. Please don’t cry.”

She was crying. Tears in her lap now.

Ben came to her side, his knees on the carpeted floor as he looked up at her. His hands in her lap, touching her arm closest to him.

“Rey, you’re not stupid.”

He really needed to stop saying that. It was ruining her.

“Let’s go outside for minute,” he said. 

Rey stood up, her head still hung low. Ben held her hand as they exited the library.

There was an exit near the library that was for appearances only, to showcase the front of the building. Ben took Rey into the space between the double doors. It was cold, but nothing they couldn’t handle in their uniform sweaters.

Rey kept crying soft tears, not able to look at him.

Ben hugged her, petting the back of her head, as he had done so many times.

“I don’t know where you got this from,” he said. “But I really wish I could take it away for you.”

Rey held her sobs in. Ben always managed to make her fucking bawl her eyes out. She clung to him.

“My parents,” she said into his chest.

She could feel Ben inhale very deeply. It was as if he was containing himself, but clearly frustrated. 

He was too good of a person—too kind of a soul—to pass judgment on people he had never met. 

“You’re not stupid,” he said, quietly. “You’re so smart. Sometimes I wish I could be as sharp as you are.”

Rey knew he wasn’t pitying her. He was speaking the truth. Because Ben Solo had only ever spoken the truth. She didn’t know what specific moments he was referring to, when he said she had been “sharp”, but it was simultaneously beautiful and awful for her to hear at the same time.

Rey wept and wept in Ben’s arms.

And she wondered if—someday—their relationship could be more than just her ugly crying into his arms.

Chapter 28: Family Visitor

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Christ, Angela, did she even get any new clothes since I was here?”

Those were the first words out of Rey’s aunt Natalie’s mouth when she walked through the door Wednesday evening. She had driven five hours from Chicago to spend Thanksgiving weekend with them. Rey had a half day of school, the rest of the afternoon spent with her father sleeping as she anxiously awaited Natalie’s arrival. Her mother got home just before she got in.

Angela took one look at Rey, her bra straps were showing slightly from her off the shoulder sweater.

“Those aren’t that old,” she remarked.

“That bra is from last year, I would know because I bought it for her. Christ, look at her spilling out the front, Angela.” Natalie gestured. “I can see it through her sweater. Or have you not noticed her tits because you’re too worried about your own?”

Rey had to turn away to try not to laugh. Her aunt visiting was one of the best times she had with her family. It was always a sad occasion when she left.

She texted with Rey about once every two to three weeks. Rey thought that perhaps she should try and text with her more, on her part. Sometimes she wouldn’t respond to her aunt’s text messages, too tired or depressed to reply back. 

Natalie never gave her shit for it though. Just kept messaging her funny memes or asking how she was, even if she didn’t always get a response.

Rey learned her lesson though to not get too overly zealous with her on roasting her mother. Two years prior, Rey and Natalie shared a few laughs, and Rey added a few comments of her own. Angela laughed right along with them like everything was fine. Soon as Natalie left however, all the smiles and laughs faded away. Her mother immediately took her phone for a week and grounded her to her room. 

Her threat to return the dress that she didn’t end up buying, if she made fun of her with Natalie was very, very real.

Rey desperately wanted to tell her aunt more about how she felt about everything going on. But she was afraid of what would happen if a blowup occurred. Her mother was the type to completely write people off for challenging her. Rey also knew there were a few years here and there, when she did not speak to Natalie. Predictably, it was Natalie that came back around to make amends—or as her mother put it—“came crawling back around.”

It was never Angela making the amends, of course.

Natalie confessed to Rey when she was thirteen that she had only done it because of her. It had been fairly calm in those four years since. The incident two years ago, the only major bump in the road since she was thirteen. Rey being on the receiving end for that one.

Rey knew something deeper was between them as sisters though. Something unspoken. Something that had absolutely nothing to do with insults about Angela’s tits or the like. Maybe someday Rey would find out. But she was also too afraid to ask. Because deep down inside, Rey knew it wasn’t something she was ready to hear or know.

Angela, surprisingly, but in true chameleon fashion, managed to act cool at the insults to her mothering and obsession with her appearance.

“Guess this is the perfect opportunity for you two to go Black Friday shopping again then, isn’t it?”

“It is,” Natalie said.

Rey went to take her suitcase upstairs to the guest room.

“No, honey, I got it.”

“Let her take it up.”

“I can carry my own shit, Angie.”

Angie. What Natalie called her when she was growing impatient with her bullshit. Rey always loved to hear it.

Her father started to rouse at the sound of Rey and her aunt coming up the stairs. Rey grabbed a few of her other belongings anyway; more than happy to give her a hand to save her two trips.

“This house doesn’t change a bit, does it?” Natalie asked, once Rey opened the door. 

For how out of date their home was, it was still a fairly decent sized house—enough to have four bedrooms, one in the basement, two and a half baths, and a respectable amount of property.

Rey had remarked it was smaller than some other people’s to Ben. Perhaps because almost all the classmates she knew had newer, bigger houses. Built long before St. Michael’s school and church. It was her paternal grandparents’ and now theirs. 

Lord knows what the property value would be now, given the location.

 

 

Natalie made coffee and sat and chatted with Angela and Rey in the living room. Rey’s father came down at one point, groggy eyed, gave his greetings and then retreated back upstairs. He would watch the television in their bedroom. Recognizing he couldn’t lord over the living room domain as he usually did. Not with Natalie there. 

Rey cherished seeing her mother actually laugh and smile with her aunt. It upset her to see how entirely…normal…she could be. Not even faking it, just—not acting like a fucking child. Rey also felt like an equal in the room for once, or at least, wasn’t sitting in fear.

 

She really wished her aunt Natalie didn’t live as far away as she did.

Notes:

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Chapter 29: Thanksgiving

Chapter Text

Once Rey was sent upstairs for bed, she sat on the floor with her ear to the furnace to listen to her mother and aunt talk. Her room was over the living room so she could hear almost everything usually.

“So tell me about this boy she’s seeing?” Natalie asked.

“He’s…handsome…seems nice, he picks her up and drops her off everyday.”

“What does Gerald think of him?”

Silence.

“He hasn’t met him yet. Well, neither have I.”

“What?”

Angela sighed. “It’s been busy. Heh. Though she did stay at his house this past weekend.”

Natalie said nothing. 

“She made a big damn scene while we were out dress shopping for her dance coming up.”

“How?” Natalie asked.

“She said she fucking hated the dress I liked. Started screaming and crying at me.”

“And I can’t imagine that you didn’t have anything to do with her acting that way, hmm?”

“She’s always been so dramatic.”

Rey so badly wanted to scream through the furnace that her mother was a fucking liar. 

More silence.

“So then what happened?”

“Well, I guess her little boyfriend came and got her. She didn’t tell me where she was or where she was going.”

“Why was he getting her from dress shopping?”

“I left her there.”

Rey could picture Natalie’s eyes getting wide.

“Christ, Angie, what is wrong with you? And why haven’t you and Gerald invited him over for dinner?”

She could practically see her mother rolling her eyes. 

“Some of this is on her too,” Angela said.

“She’s fucking seventeen years old! Be the fucking adult here. My God, mom and dad would be horrified if they knew this is how you’re treating her.”

“You going to see her this weekend?”

“Don’t change the subject. And yes, I am. Saturday.”

“I’m going to bed,” Angela said, ending the conversation. Her voice changing. Rey could tell she was moving to the kitchen.

“Unless you have any objections, I think Rey should be able to invite the boy over for dinner tomorrow,” Natalie said.

“Fine.”

“You really going to make me look like the savior here, or are you going to tell her yourself?”

Angela groaned. “I’ll let her know.”

“Good.”

Rey could hear the sink running and spoons clattering into the sink from their coffee cups.

“Good night,” Angela said.

“‘Night. I’ll be up shortly,” Natalie replied. Rey heard the TV click on downstairs.

She heard her mother making her way up the steps. Rey scrambled to get into bed and under the covers. She then heard her mother’s footsteps approaching down the hall.

Her door opened without a knock.

“Rey—“

“Yes,” she said, her back to the door.

“Invite that Solo boy over for Thanksgiving dinner tomorrow. Tell him he doesn’t have to stay long. I’m assuming he has dinner with his family too.”

“…okay,” Rey replied.

Her mother closed the door.

Rey knew her aunt could have really laid into her mother more than she already did. She probably restrained herself quite a bit. Once her mother was settled in the other room, Rey pulled out her phone and texted Ben. He replied that his house would be full of extended family all day, so it wouldn’t be an issue for him to dip out for awhile. 

Rey was both nervous and excited. She wanted her parents to like Ben. She was excited that aunt Natalie was going to meet him.

 

The next morning, Rey showered, curled her hair for the first time in a very long time, and found her best clothes to wear. Her mother and aunt Natalie had been up very early, preparing the Turkey getting the kitchen ready to prep the side dishes. Her father was downstairs, watching TV, no doubt passing time until the football game came on.

Rey came down and set the table, she cleaned every dirty dish her mother and aunt made. But for the most part, tried to stay out of the way. 

As the day went on, Rey kept nervously glancing at her phone. Until, the door bell rang. Her heart and stomach dropped. She rushed a little too quickly to get the door.

Ben was standing, a dish in hand, he gently knocked his shoes at the door to remove any excess snow. Stepping inside, Rey shyly said hello.

Ben bowed his head as he entered.

“Hello,” he said to everyone. 

Rey glanced to her father, who had not gotten up to greet him. He said nothing. 

Her mother came over. 

“Hi Ben, so nice to finally meet you,” she said. It actually sounded sincere for once. But then again, Angela was great on putting on a show for people.

“Thank you for having me. Please accept my apologies for not introducing myself sooner. I appreciate you allowing me to pick Rey up and drop her off for school.”

Rey saw her father stir. Her mother seemed taken aback by his maturity. 

“It’s uh, no problem at all. Do you want me to take your coat?”

“Um, my mother sent this along. She says “Happy Thanksgiving” and that she would like to have dinner with you sometime.” Ben extended the dish.

“It’s homemade apple pie.”

Rey could tell that her mother was loving the attention doted on her. That Leia wanted to impress her, or be friends, or something. She was as charmed as anyone could be by him.

“Well, that’s very sweet of her, please tell her I would love that.”

“I will,” Ben said, removing his coat.

Rey took it from him, as her mother took the pie to the kitchen. Natalie came over.

“I’m Rey’s ‘aunt Natalie’ if you couldn’t tell,” she said, shaking his hand. “Lord knows she doesn’t get her brown hair from her mother.”

Ben smiled. Rey was surprised she didn’t see Angela’s head of blonde hair whip around to throw a glare.

“Nice to meet you,” he said.

Rey hung his coat in the closet nearby. Ben removed his shoes. Now came the real test. Her father. Who was still in his chair, playing the dickhead dad role all too well.

Ben came onto the carpeting and regarded the television her father was watching.

“Oh, they just made a touchdown? I didn’t listen to the game on the way over.”

And then, her father started talking football with Ben. It was wonderful. Rey didn’t know or give a shit about football. But she could tell her father was softening to him. Immediately endeared to him from liking “manly” shit.

Then a commercial came on, and Ben walked over to her father, still seated, and extended his hand. He introduced himself, and her father leaned forward to shake his hand. It was a huge sign of respect on his part. And Rey thought she might die of pride. Ben was old school. His parents raised him right. He knew how to introduce himself, even in a difficult situation. Always be polite, always give everyone the highest amount of respect, even if you didn’t like them. That’s what Rey saw. She didn’t even know Ben’s exact feelings about her parents—say for him pointing out her mother’s abuse at the mall. But if he felt some type of way about them, he didn’t let it show.

 

 

Rey was able to enjoy the dinner. Ben spoke with Natalie and her parents, completely at ease. They even shared a few laughs. Looking around the table and seeing smiles on everyone’s faces, Rey felt for once in her goddamn life—she was doing something right by dating Ben.

Chapter 30: This Right Here

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After Ben left, Natalie and Angela kept going on about what a nice, handsome young man he was. Her father had resumed his place in the living room but Rey could tell he was in a good mood. Rey helped her mother and aunt put food and dishes away. 

Sneaking away upstairs after to decompress from the stress and excitement of the day, Rey scanned her DVD collection to search for something to relax with. She found an old favorite and put it on.

Laying in her bed, she received a text from Ben.

I got home about twenty minutes ago. I’m really glad I finally got to meet your parents and your aunt, she was funny. I was a little nervous. Sorry I forgot to tell you how beautiful you looked today.

Rey smiled at Ben’s admission that he was nervous and that he thought she looked beautiful, acknowledging the extra effort she put in. She had mildly scolded him recently to not overuse “beautiful” when complimenting her. Ben was confused at first, but agreed. Rey didn’t think she was beautiful. Her mother had saw to that a long time ago. But she was trying not to sound like a goddamn mess to Ben at every turn, so she simply said to only say it when he meant it. “I mean it every time,” he said. Rey still couldn’t believe it. It was just some stupid shit he thought he was supposed to say to her. 

But still—she had tried today, tried for him—and he told her she looked beautiful, and Rey thought that maybe, it could be true.

I’m glad you got to meet them too, even if they are assholes. They all really liked you.

Rey curled up and watched her movie, so incredibly relieved that everything went well.

 

 

The next day, Natalie took Rey out to go Black Friday shopping, while her parents stayed home. On the way out the door, Natalie gave Angela shit about Rey still not having her driver’s license. After some sisterly bickering, Angela said it was fine to let Rey drive. 

Rey hadn’t driven in awhile, and she certainly didn’t have enough practice in the Michigan snow. Natalie told her to relax as she drove, giving her pointers and reminders.

As they made their way out of suburbia, Natalie spoke.

“So…tell me what really happened with your mom and this whole dress thing. I got the Angela-version last night, now I need to hear yours.”

Rey groaned. She did not hold back, immediately launching into her side of the story. As she recounted everything that happened, she could see Natalie with her arm on the windowsill, temple on her fist, just shaking her head in silent anger. Her lips in a tight line. 

Rey told her how Ben had purchased the dress, what it was like staying at his house, meeting his parents, what they did for work.

“What’s he going to college for?”

Rey laughed, because she knew how much that question made Ben squirm. “I think he’s kinda been thinking about being a doctor? Like his dad, but he doesn’t want to be a surgeon.”

“You can tell he actually cares about people. Medicine would be perfect for him.”

Rey smiled at the thought and memory of them half-heartedly role playing as doctor and patient.

“He said he could also see himself teaching Biology or something at the university.”

“Teaching would also be good for him,” Natalie said, with a head nod. “What about you though? I asked your mother last night and she said you still don’t know.”

“I really don’t know.”

They were now pulling into the mall parking lot. Rey was surprised at how quickly the ride went while talking. The parking lot was full of cars. They circled a bit.

“You can always apply to someplace in Chicago.”

“It’s so expensive there though.”

“Rey—“ Natalie said.

Rey turned to see her aunt with a look on her face, head tilted.

“I wouldn’t want to burden you.”

“You wouldn’t be a burden. It’s so wonderful there in the summer time. You’d love it. I’ve been trying to get your mother back out there—with you—for years.”

“When was the last time she went?”

“I think you were nine? I don’t know why she didn’t bring you then. I really can’t remember.“

Rey tried to remember being nine. Then it clicked. “Oh, actually, I think I remember now. I stayed at Rose’s for a few days.”

“Oh, that’s right. How is she, anyway?”

They were exiting Natalie’s little car now. Rey filled her in on the latest happenings with Rose and Finn. The sun was shining, the snow a bit slushy under their feet. On the way into the building, Rey let her mind drift away to a life in Chicago. But what about Ben? She knew it was stupid to try to plan her life around him, but the thought stood at the forefront of her mind.

 

 

Inside Macy’s, Natalie asked Rey what she needed for clothes.

“Um, pretty much everything?” Rey replied, embarrassed.

Natalie just sighed, so obviously over her sister’s bullshit. 

“Do they give you money for yourself at all?”

“A little. But not enough for clothes. They get mad if I ask for anything.”

Natalie started to make a beeline for some active wear. Rey could tell she was doing her best not to completely run her younger sister into the ground. She could tell because her lips kept coming into a thin line with a twitch in her jaw.

Rey tried on sports bras, shorts, leggings, sweaters, jeans, and the like. She was thoroughly sick of trying clothes on.

“I don’t think my hair can take anymore sweaters going over it.” Rey came out with frizzy hair, some strands literally standing up from all the static electricity. Natalie laughed. 

“No, you look pretty well done.”

Checking out, Natalie looked at her watch.

“Say, it’s almost lunch time. There’s that nice restaurant in the corner. Do you want to see if Ben would like to join us?”

Rey smiled. Of course she would. 

 

 

Ben arrived about thirty minutes later while they were seated with waters in a dark booth. Rey was thankful he was available to come out to lunch. She felt new in the Macy’s top she changed into.

“Ben, long time no see,” Natalie said. 

“Hello, again,” he said, with his usual head nod. Then sat next to Rey.

Rey felt like a little girl, smiling and smiling. She couldn’t understand why at first, until it hit her—she and Ben had not gone out to a proper dinner date yet. Ben wanted to take her someplace on a Saturday, but Rey was always too afraid to ask her parents. So they were relegated to sneaking around on Friday evenings, which always made Ben a little tense, no matter how often she reassured him. Maybe now, after they met him, they would be more inclined to let him take her out.

“So, Rey said you’re thinking of being a doctor or something, huh?”

Ben chuckled. “Something like that.”

“What’s the hesitation? Both your parents are in the medical field. You seem like a great fit for it. I told Rey you have incredible empathy and people skills.”

Natalie hadn’t quite put it that way, Rey thought, but it was true. Strangely, Ben seemed at ease with her very forward questioning, when he normally seemed reluctant to give answers.

The waiter came to ask if they were ready to order. Natalie asked for a few more minutes.

“Um…well,” Ben mumbled, as if embarrassed. “I thought I knew where I wanted to go, but now I’m not so sure.” He looked to Rey subconsciously, then quickly averted his eyes. As if he knew he should have had a better answer prepared.

Silence.

“Oh, honey, you have fallen hard, haven’t you?” Natalie said.

Rey’s cheeks flared red, her heart racing. A sideways glance to Ben revealed similar pink flush in his cheeks. He typically could hold a gaze, but now he smiled shyly, looking into his lap.

Rey was stunned.

Ben? He was unsure about his future because of her?

“My goodness.” Natalie sat back in admiration. “You know, I don’t know how else to put this to you guys. And you’re so young that most adults won’t point this out—because they’re too stupid, or bitter, or don’t believe in such things—but you two were made for each other.”

“What?” Rey almost barked, in disbelief. Ben looked up with only his eyes now, his arms still resting in his lap.

“Yeah—this right here—“ Natalie gestured to the two of them. “This is some soul shit right here. No question.”

 

Just then, the waiter returned, and all three of them quickly grabbed their menus, ordering whatever they could find the fastest.

Notes:

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Chapter 31: Willing to be late, gotta satiate

Chapter Text

After they ordered, Natalie continued.

“Normally I would say you shouldn’t hinge your life plans on a boyfriend or girlfriend, but in this instance, I think you guys could make it work.” Natalie said, retying her hair into a loose pony tail. “I was telling Rey earlier that she should apply to some places in Chicago— then she could live with me while going to school there.”

Ben sat up straighter, his interest peaked.

“And as I’m sure you know, Ben, Pritzker School of Medicine is very highly regarded.”

Rey and Ben shared a look with one another.

“I—I hadn’t considered Chicago honestly. I was thinking of the University of Pennsylvania because I’ve already been accepted there. And it’s where my dad went—I mean, not that that’s how I got in—“

“Well, just something to think about,” Natalie said, smiling as she sipped from her straw, a little too self-satisfied.

 

 

After lunch, Rey, Ben, and Natalie meandered around the mall, occasionally dropping into a few stores. Towards the end of one section, Natalie stopped, then glanced over to Ben and Rey with a sly grin on her face.

“Ben, you’re eighteen aren’t you?” She asked.

“Uh…yes?”

“Rey, dear, I’m afraid you’ll have to stay here.”

Rey glanced up to see it was an Adult store for sex toys and lingerie, eighteen and up only. 

“Oh my God,” she said, a bit mortified.

“Oh please, like you two haven’t fooled around already?”

Rey flushed, Ben was actually slightly amused, chuckling softly, but also red.

“Um, well, erm,” Rey stammered.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Come on, Ben.”

Rey resigned herself to sit in one of the nearby cushy chairs as Ben and Natalie went into the store. She felt hot all over, but also, in a really good mood. 

She was going to miss when aunt Natalie left.

Fifteen minutes later, they came back out.

Rey buried her face in her hands, sheepishly smiling and laughing at the site of them. They both had black bags in hand. 

“Well, I tried not to be a total pervert and let your boyfriend shop in peace, but I did have to recommend some vibrators on your behalf.”

Rey could only laugh now.

“Shit—we should have gotten one for your mother shouldn’t have we?” Natalie asked, like she was actually thinking about it. “Would do her some good—she’s wound up so goddamn tight—“

“OH MY GOD!” Rey shouted, both amused and horrified, hands at the sides of her head. She did not want to think about her mother using a vibrator. Several people in nearby chairs were looking at them. All three of them were laughing now. Rey noticed Ben seemed to be amused and happy.

“Sorry, everyone needs that one depraved aunt in their lives,” Natalie raised her hand, as if to stop Rey. “BUT—Ben does have some really nice goodies in there now, so you’ll be thanking me later.”

Ben smiled quietly, still a little red from blushing and laughing, but looking oh so adorable.

Natalie glanced at her watch.

“I hate to split you two love birds up,” she said to the both of them. “But I told your mother we would be back by four, Rey.”

A pang of disappointment hit her immediately. The fun had to end sometime. Rey gave Ben a goodbye hug, while Natalie also bid farewell with a hug.

 

 

Aunt Natalie left early Sunday morning. Rey tried her hardest not to be depressed, but it was an inevitable emotion as the high of her visit came crashing down.

She managed to complete her homework for almost every class, say for one assignment she could complete during study hall the next day.

 

 

Rey barely spoke to her mother Monday morning. Angela sat with her coffee as usual. Rey noticed she was staying home the last few Mondays, and her father was also staying out after work. Typically he would have been home and sleeping by now. 

She thought to ask.

“Where’s dad?”

“Somewhere,” Angela said, detached.

“He’s usually home sleeping by now.”

“I know.”

“Are you off Monday’s now?”

“Yep.”

This was a closed conversation. Rey could imagine her dad escaping for a cup of coffee somewhere. She couldn’t blame him, and yet, he seemed to tolerate Angela just fine on the weekends. 

Rey also wondered why her mother wasn’t staying at her apartment instead, if she was this grumpy.

Rey had to accept she would never understand her parents’ dynamic, or what they were up to—or what they were doing at any given time.

Ben pulled into the driveway. Thank God.

 

 

Once in the school parking lot, Rey practically pounced on Ben.

“Wha—Rey, we have to go inside.”

She was kissing him sloppily, stroking him through his pants.

“It’ll be quick.”

“Someone might see,” he said, nervous, but getting harder every second.

“Your back windows are tinted.”

Rey took advantage of his weak objections, climbing her tiny frame into the backseat. Ben got out of the car and then entered the back.

“We have like ten minutes. You’re ridiculous. If we’re going to be late—“

“To what? Study hall? You think Mrs. Styre’s old ass is going to notice?”

It was true, the woman hid out in her office, sometimes dozing off. 

They were parked in a corner at an angle in such a way that anyone who pulled up next to them, wouldn’t have been able to see what was going on anyway.

Fuck,” Ben whispered, as Rey fished his cock out and began sucking it greedily.

He gently brought his hand down on the back of her head as she bobbed up and down. She was getting better at her technique each time they did this. This being only their third time—and Rey was all too painfully aware of it the entire weekend—missing their usual Friday time together.

Ben must have been pent up as well, because it didn’t take long for him to empty himself into her mouth. He shuttered, his whole body twitching as he finished.

Rey swallowed and wiped her mouth.

“Fuck,” Ben breathed again. “You’re terrible. I didn’t even have a chance to thoroughly enjoy that.”

Rey sat with her legs curled under her across from him, grinning. He practically launched for her. 

“Oh,” Rey said, surprised. 

Ben pulled Rey by her middle to shift her underneath him, laying her out across the backseat. His hand instantly sliding up her inner thigh to her center. She was wearing her cotton spandex shorts. It was Monday, not Friday, she wasn’t prepared.

“I’m sorry,” she breathed.

“Shut up,” he said, kissing her and rubbing her warmth.

Eventually, Rey pulled the shorts down, her panties going along with them, and Ben got mildly frustrated and then laughed trying to pull them over her Mary Janes, her stockings getting fucked up on the way down.

Rey’s skirt covered her front, but her exposed ass felt cold against the leather seat. She didn’t care. She just wanted Ben’s fingers inside of her, now. Sliding them in, he kept kissing her hungrily. He worked her as her wetness flowed down the length of her. 


After a little bit, Ben pulled away, he had a mischievous smile Rey had never seen before. He reached into his backpack that was shoved into the middle space of the front seats.

“No!” She gasped with a hand on her mouth.

“I mean, she did say she recommended some vibrators…” he said, pulling the toy out of a little cloth baggie.

“What the hell are you doing with it now?” Rey asked in disbelief. 

“To give it to you to take home. What the hell am I going to do with it during the week? Plus we’re usually at your place anyways.”

Ben handed Rey the small bullet shaped vibrator. 

“I already charged it. It has a couple different settings,” he said, proud of himself. 

Rey blushed as she pushed the end button, going through the various settings.

“Why does this feel weird with you watching?” Rey asked.

“You’ve never used one before?” He asked.

“Who’s was I going to use? You heard my aunt; Angela’s pussy is a block of ice. No vibrator’s been near that thing probably ever, and I sure as hell wouldn’t have used hers, even if she had one.”

Ben laughed. “We’re really going to be late now,” he said, leaning forward and kissing her. “Come on, try it.”

“Don’t look at my stupid face,” Rey laughed. 

“Okay, I’ll look away, but you know I’ve already seen your come-face, like, twice now, right?”

“Shut up and let me concentrate!” Rey scolded.

There was silence, and then she carefully brought the angled tip to her clit. She closed her eyes, aware that Ben was not keeping his promise. 

“I thought I told you not to look,” she said, eyes still closed.

“I’m sorry, I can’t help it. You’re so beautiful when you’re like this, and I don’t want to miss anything.”

Rey smiled with closed lips. She knew he meant it. 

She clicked through a few settings and then found one she liked best, a constant vibration.

“There,” she breathed.

“There?” Ben asked.

Rey said nothing, it felt incredible. Ben then slowly pushed his fingers in again. As he began thrusting, Rey couldn’t believe the sensations compared to her middle finger on her clit. Ben peppered her cheek and neck with kisses. 

It didn’t take long at all. The vibration more intense than anything she had experienced before. 

She was close now, and quiet. Ben could sense it also. She could feel his eyes burning into her and Rey realized she liked him looking at her, like this. She clicked one notch higher and then it started to descend. Her back arched, her mouth shamelessly fell open, her brow furrowed.

Rey cried out. Spasms clenching down on Ben’s long fingers. She held the vibrator in place to let the entirety of her orgasm wash over her. The contractions hit and waned, hit and waned, again and again.

Rey felt light and faint. Her toes literally tingling. 


—and then—she pulled the toy away.

 

Turning it off, she felt Ben kiss her cheek again. She was aware of how really soaked the leather was.

 

She still had her eyes closed when Ben kissed her throat that was pointed upwards and exposed. “Good girl,” he said, fingers still deep inside of her. 

 

Oh my god, he fucking said it, Rey thought. Another after shock squeezed around him, then her whole body gave a finally twitch. She swallowed the saliva that had accumulated in the back of her throat, slowly opening her eyes.

 


“How did you know?” She choked out.

“Know what?” Ben asked.

She patted at his hand to pull out, he did so slowly.

“Know that I wanted you to say that?”

“‘Good girl’?” 

“Yeah,” she breathed.

“I don’t know. I just did.” He sucked his fingers cleaned. “And besides, I don’t think you get enough praise anyway. Coming is hard work. Plus—you’re totally a good girl—you’ve just managed to convince everyone else you’re bad.”

Shut up” Rey gave him a half-hearted slap. Ben grinned because he knew he was right. He leaned in and kissed her again and again. Rey noticed his eyes were closed, totally stuck in the moment. 

“We gotta get to class!” She said shoving him away finally.

“See? Totally a good girl. If you were really bad you’d say let’s skip school and continue this in a bed.”

“Don’t give me any ideas, Solo,” Rey warned, sitting up. 

 

 

They were definitely going to be late for study hall.

Chapter 32: Stomach pains

Chapter Text

Rey was almost finished with the assignment she had left undone from the night before. She and Ben had slinked in one after the other to Study Hall. No one noticed and no one cared, least of all Mrs. Styre. Study hall was for their benefit mostly anyway.

Half way through, Rey began to feel stomach pain. She grabbed her side and winced. 

Ben glanced her way. “What’s wrong?”

“I—I don’t know. My stomach hurts.”

“What did you eat this morning?”

“Just what I usually eat, toast with strawberry jam.”

“That’s all you eat?”

Normally, Rey had a smart ass remark lined up but not now, not when she was in pain. The hum of the fluorescent lights above them seemed oddly loud this morning. Her face felt warm.

Silence.

“Oh shit,” Ben breathed. 

“What?” Rey asked, slightly bent over. 

“You…you know—and probably didn’t eat enough.”

Rey felt her face in agony. She was miserable. And stupid. “Guess they don’t teach you that in sex ed class.”

“Yeah, well, abstinence only,” Ben said sarcastically. He began rummaging through his backpack.

“It’s not much but I have a granola bar.” 

Rey took it. She managed to open it quietly and take small bites.

“You don’t have to do that porno shit, you know,” Ben whispered. “It’s not worth getting sick over.”

“If I want to swallow your load, Solo, let me,” she huffed very quietly, too proud. “I just need to not do that again on an almost empty stomach.”

Ben looked dismayed but said nothing. Rey drank from her water bottle and laid her head on the table, Ben reached across and stroked her forearm. She gradually began to feel a little better, although the feeling of stupidity still lingered a bit.

The bell rang signaling the end of first period. Rey really just wanted to curl up in bed at home and go to sleep now.

 

 

With some time left after lunch, Rey went to Ms. Holdo’s classroom. She told her about what Natalie had said, regarding her and Ben going to school in Chicago together.

“Has Ben applied anywhere out there?” She asked.

“I don’t think so, not yet anyway.”

“Hmm. If you guys were to try to do something, he would need to submit his application to med school very soon, probably one of the latest deadlines for the fall would be mid-December if I had to guess. Which is only two weeks away.”

Rey felt a sense of panic. Natalie made it all sound so easy and casual, but the reality of effort required was really starting to sink in.

“Have you thought about what you were going to apply for, now that your aunt is offering a place to stay?”

Rey felt shy about it, but she knew Holdo wouldn’t shit on her dreams, no matter how pathetic.

“Um,” she squirmed a bit. “So—I was looking at possibly doing their Screenwriting program…at Columbia College.” Rey’s voice dropped a little at the end, still unsure of herself.

“Oh, I think that would be wonderful, Rey,” Ms. Holdo said.

“Really?”

“Yes, of course. You’ve always been into movies and you’re very creative. The papers you’ve written have always been very insightful. I think you would do very well.”

Rey beamed a little. “I’ll probably apply then,” she said.

“Yes! Please do. If you need help or a letter of recommendation or anything, please don’t hesitate to ask.”

Rey noticed that the ending lunch bell was about to ring. She got out of one of the front desks and made her way to her designated seat closer to the back.

“Oh, and uh, I wasn’t going to ask but the end of the semester is approaching. Were you still planning on doing the extra credit?” Ms. Holdo asked.

Rey perked up. “Yeah, Ben and I just haven’t had a chance to watch the movie together yet.”

Ms. Holdo made a face, somewhere between confusion and regret. “Oh—well…uh, he already turned his assignment into me.”

Rey felt a pain in her stomach, only this time it wasn’t from Ben’s load, but from his betrayal.

“Wha—“ she stopped herself. “When did he turn it in?”

Holdo frowned, “The week after I gave you guys the assignment.”

Rey felt so stupid and couldn’t bear to stay in that state any longer. She sighed. “He did say something about wanting to watch it on his own.” She rolled her eyes. “I’m going to have to give him crap later.”

Ms. Holdo gave a small smile, then the bell rang.

Rey sat in contemplation as other students started to shuffle into the room. She would have to give him crap later. Because for the life of her, she couldn’t understand why he would watch the movie, not tell her, and then turn the assignment in without discussing it at all.

As class began, Rey couldn’t hear anything, because she went from being confused to downright pissed.





On the ride home, Rey had a scowl on her face the entire time. She had hoped that Ben would notice, but he was rather oblivious it seemed. Pulling into her driveway, she remained motionless, hand on her fist. She wasn’t opening the door.

Ben looked over.

“Rey, what’s wrong?”

“So uh…were you just planning on watching ‘1984’ together like you never saw it—or were you just hoping Holdo wouldn’t tell me you already turned in the assignment?”

Rey turned to him. Ben looked away and down into his lap.

“I…I was kinda hoping both. I’m sorry.”

“Really? So…you were just going to watch it with me, say ‘oh yeah, great, I’ll do the assignment now,’ and then pretend you didn’t turn it in not even a fucking week after she gave it to us?”

Ben said nothing, his head hung low, like a dog that just tore up a shoe and got caught.

“I’ve been a bit stressed out with all of her assignments to be honest. Her class is a lot more writing than I anticipated. It was the same before I transferred too, but Holdo is harder than my previous English teacher. So I just wanted to get it out of the way as soon as possible. It’s…it’s hard to keep up with all this school work. I’m sorry—“

“You know,” Rey said, “I think the second day we met, I told you that no one needed to take that many fucking AP classes, and I can’t help but feel a little bit smug right now.”

“I have to do well though.”

“You need AP Calculus to become a medical doctor? You’re going to be doing equations and shit when you’re seeing patients?”

“Well, no, but—“

Rey sighed. “Jesus, Solo. I’m surprised you let me suck you off this morning if you’re that worried about every single subject.”

“I hated being late to be honest.”

“No one forced you to get into the back seat.”

“No…but you know I can’t say no to you.”

Rey could only blink. 

“So…you’d rather lie to me than say no to me?”

Ben looked at her with big puppy dog eyes. 

“Rey, I’m sorry, this is all really new to me. I’ve—I’ve never had a girlfriend before. I’m not used to being with someone and trying to do school work at the same time.”

Angela opened the front door, as if to say “you coming in today or what?” Rey almost forgot that she had the day off. 

“I gotta go,” Rey said. 

Chapter 33: Shards of Glass

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey couldn’t get up to her bedroom fast enough. She managed to brush past Angela with a bullshit explanation for why she and Ben were taking so long in the driveway.

Once in her room, Rey scurried under her blankets and cried. 

She felt childish and stupid for being so upset at Ben for watching the movie without her. It felt like a betrayal. It was a betrayal. Holdo had given them the assignment with the sole purpose of them watching it together, discussing it together. And he just…completely disregarded that part of the assignment. Cut her out. Did it on his own. Too impatient and anxious to get it done. He treated it as nothing more than an assignment to get out of the way, rather than an experience to be shared and enjoyed together.

Just as she was about to drift into sleep after crying for awhile. Her eyes heavy, Rey jolted awake. 

Through the furnace, she could hear her mother yelling in the garage. There was an echo as she said, “Useless piece of shit!” Rey startled at the sound of something breaking. Then she heard the garage door opening, followed by the sound of her mother pulling out of the driveway. 

Once it was quiet and calm again, Rey was too warm and cozy to go down and investigate. She finally fell into a slumber.

Awaking a few hours later, Rey checked her phone. She had a few text messages from Ben.

 

Rey, I’m really sorry. I shouldn’t have lied to you. 

Please forgive me.

-Ben

 

Later

 

I understand if you’re mad at me and don’t want to talk. I just hope you know how terrible I feel right now. I hate feeling like this. Just let me know what I can do to fix it.

 

Jesus, Rey thought. Talk about anxiety.

But Rey liked him feeling like shit like this. Maybe then he could understand and appreciate how much he fucked up. Rey loved watching movies. They were important to her. They made her feel a wide range of emotions and on some of her worst days, provided an escape. Ben robbed her of any possibility of sharing those first time emotions that HE might have felt—with her. And it hurt. It shouldn’t have, but it did. 

Rey wasn’t sure what to say to him. She wasn’t accustomed to someone apologizing to her. Her parents never apologized. Not to her and not to each other.

 

They just resumed normal activities as if nothing happened.

 

Rey’s stomach growled. She was very hungry. 

Once downstairs and in the kitchen, she popped a frozen dinner into the microwave. 

Opening the fridge, Rey searched for something to drink. There were no cans of Pepsi. Her father’s favorite. Rey would check the garage, where he put the extra cases to stay cold. With the light from the kitchen illuminating a sliver of the bare garage floor, Rey didn’t feel the need to flip the light switch. She saw the case to the right, just out of reach, in the dark. Rey stepped down onto the small step to try to reach for the 12-pack when she felt something stab her. 

“Ow! Son of a bitch!”

She stepped back into the house and immediately sat on the floor. 

A small piece of brown glass was poking into her left foot. Rey plucked it out immediately, bloody. 

“What the fuck?”

She hobbled over to the kitchen sink, running a rag under cold water, then applied pressure to her foot. Once the blood flow stopped a bit, she changed the water to hot, sticking her foot into the basin. Angela would have killed her on sight, surely. Rey found some bandaids in the bathroom near the basement door, then carefully apply one to the bottom of her foot.

The cold from the garage door being left open consumed the whole kitchen now. Rey grabbed some plastic flip flops from the hall closet and slipped them on.

At the garage door, when Rey flipped the light on, she saw the culprit of her wound—a broken beer bottle. Only, it looked like it didn’t fall and break, but that it was deliberately thrown. Shards of glass everywhere. Then it clicked. That must have been what she heard earlier, when her mother left.

Did Angela really throw a beer bottle into the corner of her own garage?

As far as Rey knew, her mother only drank martinis and wine. She hated beer, said it makes you fat. God knows Angela could never let that happen. But Rey’s father didn’t drink. At least not to her knowledge. As Rey got a broom and cleaned up the pieces, something else clicked. About six months ago, she heard her father come in on one of the mornings she couldn’t sleep and was phone scrolling. She heard Angela, scolding him, short and sharp. “Keep that shit out of the house.” Rey thought she meant something about his work clothes or boots. Was he trying to bring beer in? And what did Angela care? It was his house he inherited, and she came and went as she pleased.

Maybe he wasn’t expecting her to be home that day.

Rey’s mind kept twisting over, trying to make sense of it all as she emptied the bottle pieces into the garage waste bin.

Her stomach growled again. Rey grabbed the case of Pepsi, left the garage and returned to her microwave dinner, finding it almost as cold as it was when she first put it in.

 

 

The next morning, while eating her toast, Rey glanced to the garage. She knew her father was sleeping because she heard him snoring when she left her bedroom.

Slowly and quietly opening the garage door, Rey went into the garage, where his truck was parked. Rey thought to look inside, maybe see if there was anything incriminating in there.

She closed the garage door just a little, then turned her phone flashlight on. She didn’t want to turn the main light on for some reason.

She had to pull herself up onto the step to peak inside. 

Shining her light inside, Rey saw coins, some trash, and then turned her head slightly to see a white ticket with a bar code on it. There was a large plastic handle cup in the way. But Rey thought she could make out what the paper said, she just…needed to get a better look. She was shaking now, but she couldn’t stop herself.

Rey was scared, but thought to just give the handle a pull. She was so tiny and the vehicle was so big. To Rey’s surprise, after nearly falling over, the unlocked door opened.

She checked her phone. Ben would be there in about ten minutes.

Rey grabbed the paper.

It said Soaring Eagle Casino and Resort, both in writing and on the watermarks all over it. The cash out was for less than a dollar. When Rey looked, there were several tickets like that, all with different dates and times. Times that he should have been at work…and other times he should have been at home…

Hearing a car drive by, Rey startled briefly, then realized it was just someone going down the road.

While leaned forward looking at the tickets, Rey thought she could smell alcohol, but she didn’t see any bottles anywhere.

She brought her nose closer to the large cup, and realized it was coming from there. Opening the lid, Rey saw the bottom had a faint ring of dark liquid. Definitely alcohol.

Putting everything back where it was, Rey began to climb out of the truck. Just as she was doing so, her phone fell out of her hand onto the floor. Rey swore and then leaned forward from the ground to grab it. As she did so, the flashlight illuminated what shouldn’t have been a surprise to Rey (given what she just discovered) but it was. Bottles, the same as the one she cleaned up yesterday, shoved under the driver seat.

Rey scrambled out of the truck, carefully closed the door and rushed back inside. She was very cold now, and very shocked.

Her father gambled. Quite a bit. And he also drove drunk.

Rey now had more questions than answers. How the hell did he keep a job? He came home when he was supposed to it seemed. But then, she realized that wasn’t always true. He would be home on odd days here and there, sometimes out, like he was on Monday. Her mother sitting there, however, was new. Or was it? Rey had no clue if Angela was waiting up for Gerald, waiting to ambush him after Rey left, waiting for a phone call that he was in jail somewhere. She could have just been sitting there in her usual pissy mood for no reason.

 

Rey knew one thing though. It made a lot more sense now—why her parents never wanted to buy her anything—or let her buy stuff for herself. 

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Chapter 34: Insulted Motivation

Chapter Text

Rey’s mind was still swirling when Ben pulled into her driveway. She was quickly brought back to the present, now forced to deal with another problem at hand.

She took her time going outside.

After her discovery last night, Rey just texted Ben that they could talk tomorrow. She was too tired and overwhelmed at the day to discuss anything via text.

Once inside of the SUV, one glance to Ben, and Rey could tell he didn’t sleep well. She was trying to pull her head away from what she discovered in the garage. She still had the bandaid on her foot to remind her of how it all started the night before.

“Rey—“ Ben began.

“Just get to school. I’ve had a shit night and morning and I don’t think I’m ready to discuss anything yet,” she said flatly.

Rey could feel Ben looking at her side profile, but she didn’t look at him. 

 

He did as she asked and pulled out of the driveway.

 

 

Parking near the same spot as the day before, Rey thought about everything that had transpired in the last twenty four hours. About this time yesterday, they were fooling around. Now, she didn’t even want to look at Ben. 

She knew she couldn’t let it fester all day though, and just as Ben was about to open the door, Rey spoke.

 

“Am I just entertainment for you?” She asked, still looking forward.

 

Ben stopped and turned to her. 

 

“What?” He asked, a bit taken aback. “No, you’re not just entertainment to me. What kind of question is that? I—I really like you, Rey.”

 

“I mean, you literally said we were going to be late yesterday, then asked me to vibe my clit off while you watched and fingered me. And then— once you get confronted in a lie later, suddenly it’s all my fault that you’re unable to focus on your school work. And that you didn’t like to be late.”

“Yes, I wanted to mess around, but I also didn’t like being late. It was…conflicting.”

“Mmm,” Rey said, her mouth forming into a bitter line. “Maybe for the rest of the week, I can just stay away from you and see if it that makes you feel better?”

 

“What? No—” Ben sighed, putting his hand to his forehead. “I didn’t think it was going to be this big of a deal.”’

Rey turned to regard him now. “Ben, you do realize she literally gave us that assignment so we could work on it, together. Or at least, discuss and spend time together. It’s like…I’m fucking amusing to you as long as I don’t interfere with your school work. But this one little assignment, which was some innocent extra credit, and you totally shit on me.”

Ben had sad eyes, which annoyed Rey, but she was at least glad he was showing remorse.

“It’s like…you’ll let me suck your dick as long as we can do it on Fridays, and you’re down to do it in the backseat of your car, which you obviously enjoyed—so long as it doesn’t interfere with school. But if it does—I’m the easy slut tempting you.”

“What? Rey, my God, no. Please, don’t say stuff like that. That’s not true at all. I’m—I’m really sorry. Please, tell me what I can do to make it better?”

“Why are you so focused on just fixing this immediately? Christ, just listen to what I’m saying. Stop worrying about how you feel and actually think about how I feel.”

Ben inhaled and then exhaled. Rey could tell he wasn’t used to conflict. She really didn’t like getting into his ass this badly either. But his lack of awareness on how her feelings might have been hurt from this whole movie thing—it really upset her.

Rey looked to her phone. 

“We got five minutes. I’m going inside,” she said, opening the door. “Wouldn’t want to make you late again.”

 

 

Rey quickly walked to her locker and put her coat away, making sure to get away from there as quickly as possible. Ben was a little behind her.

In study hall, Rey sat further down the table that she and Ben shared. She didn’t find it necessary to sit at another table, but she definitely wanted to convey to him how upset she was. And that, she too, meant business as far as schoolwork went. 

When Ben arrived a few minutes later. He was still wearing the same melancholy puppy dog face. 

Rey threw him a quick glare, then pulled out her textbooks and began studying furiously.

 

 

Ben wanted to blame her for being a distraction that he couldn’t say no to. A default response she had heard many boys complain about through the years—including Hux. Not even always in a sexual way, just…if she and a group of boys were horsing around, she was always the first one yelled at. The one who was clearly responsible for getting the boys all riled up. She of course, always shouldered the blame alone. None of the boys took responsibility for their behavior, and no one else held them responsible for it either. 

 

And fuck it all to hell if Ben Solo was going to be able to use that excuse with her too. Not now. Not ever.

 

 

It felt like uncharted territory for Rey, but she definitely welcomed the extra boost of motivation from her boyfriend’s unintentional insult.

Chapter 35: The Apology

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey brought her World History book with her to lunch, arriving after Finn and Rose. Immediately she sat and opened it while eating a sandwich. 

“You got a big test coming up, Rey?” Finn asked.

This was the first time she had brought homework with her to the lunch table.

“Yeah, day after tomorrow.”

Ben arrived, and then slowly sat next to Rey. 

She didn’t look at him. One glance from her book to Rose and Finn and she caught that they could sense something was amiss.

“So uh…how are you guys feeling about them changing where the dance is going to take place?” Rose asked nervously.

“Fine,” Rey said.

Ben cleared his throat. “Um, I’m not familiar with previous years of course, so…”

“Oh, that’s right,” Rose smacked her forehead, as if she didn’t know.

“Well Rey and I never had dates to Prom last year, so…we don’t know what the venue looks like.”

Rose said it as if she was hopeful Rey would say more than two words.

“Sorry guys,” Rey finally said. “I gotta study. I’m really nervous for this test.” 

That seemed to appease them, and they left her alone. But the tension was still there, because it was apparent Rey and Ben weren’t talking.

 

That afternoon, Rey also sat in silence on the way home. She got out of the vehicle, mumbling a thanks to Ben, and then slammed the door shut.

 

 

The next day, Wednesday, Rey welcomed Church Duty. She grabbed a broom and made her way up and down the pews, sweeping. They had a janitorial service clean the church of course, but it was amazing how quickly the floors got dirty. Rey often cursed that she did a better job than whoever was getting paid. Little things annoyed her, like how whoever else cleaned, put the toilet paper rolls with the paper going under, instead of over. It was like a weird silent battle of the over/under debate playing out in the church bathrooms.

 

There was no sunshine today. Rey had to turn the lights up a notch to see better. She started from the altar, and worked her way down, then continued through the pews, one by one. When she was halfway through them, she heard footsteps coming from behind the altar entrance.

It was Father Dameron.

“Rey,” he said. “Good to see you.”

“Father,” she said, with a head bow. She resumed sweeping.

“If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like to inquire about something with you for a moment.”

Oh God, Rey thought. What now?

“Um, sure,” she said.

“It’ll only take a minute,” he smiled.

Rey leaned her broom and tall dustpan up against an outside pew and made her way down the center aisle. Father Dameron came around the altar and down the elevated platform to meet her.

“As you know, Christmas Mass is in a few weeks. Your family usually attends here don’t they?”

“Yes,” Rey said. She had hoped this wasn’t an ambush about their lack of regular Sunday attendance.

“I’ve seen you working hard here for this past semester. And well, I think you should be more visible in the church.”

Rey had no idea what the fuck he was talking about.

“Have you thought about lecturing?”

Rey’s eyes got wide. “You mean…like reading?”

“Yes,” he said, still smiling. Anyone else who smiled that much and it would have been creepy as hell, but Father Dameron was easy on the eyes, and not at all creepy. That’s not to say Rey didn’t imagine him bending her—

“So, what do you say? Maybe Christmas Mass this year?”

“That’s um, kinda a really big deal,” Rey said. “I’m worried I’ll get too nervous.”

“Well how about you practice in front of me and Sister Eugene for the next few Wednesday’s. The church will survive a lack of cleaning or two. Or, if you want, maybe you can do a Sunday mass reading as a practice.”

Rey wanted to tell him her parents didn’t go to church, but then, she lived so close and really had no excuse. Her anxiety was kicking in. Rey remembered that Ben was now attending Sunday mass at St. Michael’s with his parents, and maybe this would be another opportunity for her to see him. Pissed off though she maybe at him.

“I’ll uh, have to talk to my parents,” Rey said.

“Great. Let me know as soon as possible. I think the Lord has other plans for you here at the church than just cleaning.”

Rey’s head was swimming with dirty thoughts again.

“Thank you, Father, I will.”

Resuming her cleaning, Rey thought about being a lecture and reading at Christmas mass. What the hell did she even just agree to? She loved solitude, not standing in front of a bunch of people reading….

Putting her wireless ear buds in, Rey finished her remaining tasks in the back of the church. Sweeping and shaking out the rugs, cleaning windows even, anything and everything she could find that needed to be done. It always amazed her how neglected certain ledges and landings were, completely covered in years worth of dust.

 

Making her way out of the church, traveling the short walk back to St. Michael’s school, Rey was really jamming out on her headphones. She was in a better mood from the activity and solitude of cleaning. She thought about watching a movie later that she found in the library’s movie dump bin. 

Going to her locker, she put her coat away. Just then a new song she was enjoying came on and she was really into it. Completely oblivious to her surroundings.

Rey felt a pair of arms wrap around her, she shrieked and jumped. One of her ear buds fell out and she immediately recognized the arms as Ben’s. She ripped her other earbud out and tried to turn to ask him what the hell.

“Rey,” he said. He was holding her firmly so she couldn’t turn. 

“What do you want?” She asked with a groan. Rey really had enjoyed completely forgetting about their little tiff for the last hour or so.

He put his chin on her left shoulder. “Just listen, okay?”

Rey immediately felt herself relax. How the hell was he able to do that?

“I fucked up—I know that—and I’m sorry.”

Rey inhaled.

“I’ve done some thinking, and…I didn’t realize that movie watching was one of your love languages.”

Love languages? Rey thought.

“So…I’ve wanted to say I’m really sorry in another way. I uh—I called your mom—“

“What?” Rey jumped.

“Just listen,” he said, still holding her. “I called your mom and she said it was okay for me to take you to dinner and a movie Saturday.”

Rey closed her eyes. Her chest full of butterflies, she tried not to cry and instead felt an involuntary grin form across her face.

“Will you let me take you? To say sorry?” He had angled his long neck around and turned her slightly so he could look at her. Her eyes were still closed stubbornly, but surely her involuntary closed lipped smile she was fighting back showed.

“I’ll take that as a ‘yes’?”

“…No,” Rey teased, with her mouth still closed.

“Yeah, right,” Ben said, snuggling his lips and face into her exposed skin. Rey squealed in delight and shock and swatted him away.

They pulled apart from one another and Rey was looking up at Ben, fully smiling now.

His eyes were happy but serious too, somehow. He brought his hand up to her face and kissed her. Rey’s knees literally gave out, he had to hold her up for the second it took to steady herself. It had been two days, but it felt more like two months since they last kissed or touched.

“How the hell did you get my mom’s number?” Rey asked.

Ben smiled, knowing the charm he had. “Well, you know, when you tell the secretary that you want to surprise your girlfriend with dinner and a movie—and she gushes about how sweet it is—it’s kinda hard for her to say no.”

“You bastard,” Rey slapped him lightly. “She probably found it immediately, didn’t she?”

“She did, actually.” Ben laughed. “Said something about how it was nice to be looking up your mom’s number for a reason not related to you being ‘naughty.’”

“Oh my god, she didn’t actually say ‘naughty’, did she?”

“She totally did.”

“Gross.”

 

Ben pulled Rey in again with a silly hug, kissing her playfully.

Notes:

I’m working on a Breylo & Benlo fic right now if any of y’all are interested. Here’s the fic summary.

The Twins and The Iris
Rating: Explicit

Rey is fifteen, and on the brink of becoming a woman in her tribe.
On her sixteenth birthday, she is to wed her predestined husband, Ben. However, Rey is a gifted Iris, a person with clairvoyant and healing capabilities that even she isn’t aware of yet. She sees that in time, Kylo, Ben’s twin brother, may kill him to take his place. Rey comes up with an untraditional solution for a predestined couple—let them both have her.

***

Ben was sitting, watching the horizon, waiting for the first glimpses of the sunrise.

“Are you nervous for when this all goes away?” He asked.

“No,” Rey said.

Kylo glanced to the two of them, still tending to the flame.

“You know what I’m actually afraid of.”

***

Click the link below!

 

The Twins and The Iris

Chapter 36: The Date

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey found one of the only dresses she had. It was from her freshmen year and still fit her. Not her favorite but she wanted to look her best for her first real date with Ben. It was all black and went to her knees. She also found a pair of heels to wear—practice for the Winter Wonderland dance.

At the top of the stairs, Rey began to take steadying steps. Her face breaking into a smile as she saw Ben’s head of black hair, at the bottom, talking to her mother and father. When he saw Rey out of the corner of his eyes, he turned up and smiled at her.

She let him do all the talking as she mumbled a good bye to her parents.

On their way out to dinner, Rey was smiling and smiling. Her and Ben were back to their normal selves. Nothing made her happier.

 

Entering a dimly lit restaurant, Rey was surprised when Ben told the greeter that they have a reservation.

They are whisked away to a table in a corner, semi-private, but still overlooking some other tables; a nice view of the restaurant. A tea light candle is flickering in an emotive in the center.

The waiter mentions something about bottles of wine, but then jokes that they are obviously too young to be drinking. Ben mentions how upset his mother would be. He’s always so at ease with literally everyone and Rey wishes she can hate it, but she can’t. She admires it so deeply about him.

After the waiter returns with drinks, Rey wonders where the menus are. She mentions this to Ben. He smiles a closed lipped smile.

“It’s a course meal, it’s already been decided.”

“Oh,” Rey says. Fancy shit. She most definitely was not used to this.

The first dish that comes out is a small appetizer with a swirl of sauce, and components Rey doesn’t even know or recognize. Is that a fish or a mushroom? Either way it tastes delicious. 

This goes on for awhile, small dishes, obviously prepared and plated by a real chef.

Before what Ben says is to be the dinner portion served, he reaches his hand across the table to Rey.

She raises an eyebrow to him. He shakes his upturned palm again, and she reaches out to take it, then he offers the other hand, which she also takes.

“I wasn’t sure when a good time was to tell you this, but I suppose this moment feels just right to me.”

Rey swallows. She has no idea what he’s going to say. But he looks so beautiful in this light, well dressed. He’s just been smiling at her all evening.

He’s holding her hands gently and smoothes his thumb over one of her knuckles.

 

“I didn’t have a lot of time to think about it, but I know in my heart I’m making the right choice.”

Rey swallows.

“Rey—“

“Yes?”

“I want you to know that I’ve applied to The University of Chicago Pritzker School of Medicine.”

Rey’s heart skips a beat.

“What?” She can’t believe what she’s hearing. 

“Holdo told me that you were planning on applying to Columbia College for Screenwriting. Said you seemed pretty serious about it. She told me I should apply right away because the deadline was fast approaching. So I did.”

Rey felt wetness forming at the edges of her eyes.

“I don’t think I should have any trouble getting in, but even if I wasn’t accepted. I’d figure something out.”

“Ben.”

It was all too much for her.

“Rey, look at me.”

She regards him, broken open. 

“I want to be with you. I don’t think you’re just entertainment or a distraction.”

Rey looks down and laughs through tears.

He bends his head a little to try to look at her more. “Or just a good time.”

Rey also laughs at this, as did Ben.

“But I do know—it’s hard for me not to think about you being at the center of every decision I make. Rey—“

She looked up at him now with soft tears trailing down her cheeks.

“I want to make Chicago happen. Do you?”

Rey’s smiling and crying at the same time. 

“Yes,” she says. 

He leans forward, and it’s awkward to kiss across a table, but they do. And Rey’s heart is so incredibly full. Rey’s wiping away tears and thinks to herself that she was glad the food wasn’t coming a moment sooner.

The plates are set in front of them, some sort of small exquisite looking steak, and Rey can hardly taste it through the joy she feels all over.

 

 

Ben asked Rey the other day if she wanted to see a new movie, or if she wanted to see an already released movie, possibly from years ago, at the historic movie theater. When he mentioned the options, Rey opted for the older movie. Ben said he was curious to see the recently renovated historic movie theater anyway.

They get popcorn, candy and pop at the concessions stand. Rey just cannot stop smiling. Entering the theater, Rey literally gasps. It’s old, from the 1920s, with an elaborate ceiling and sconces. A red curtain. The seats, upholstered with plush red velvet.

There aren’t many people yet, they were a bit early, but Rey just cannot stop staring at the whole structure in wonder. She can feel Ben looking at her and smiling.

Rey thinks the last time she had been to a movie theater was with Rose when they were eleven or so. For what movie, she can’t recall. 

But this—this was something else entirely—something so unforgettably special. The dinner, Ben’s news of applying to Pritzker, the theater, all of it.

Rey’s chomping on her popcorn when the lights go down, and she finds a way to slip her feet between the seats in front of her.

Rey’s spine literally tingles when a theatrical trailer comes on. 

She feels a stupid sense of excitement that Ben is going to see Seven for the first time with her. She had never seen it on the big screen, it came out before she was born, but she was giddy at the idea of seeing a movie she was a little too familiar with, in a theater.

 

Rey gets absolute CHILLS when the opening credits with Nine Inch Nails’ Closer opens and plays on the big screen and surround sound. And she can only hope that Ben is feeling what she is feeling. 

Rey takes glances at Ben during certain parts of the movie, trying to gauge his expression as the light and movement shifts in his eyes.

She smiles when he’s laughing at Brat Pitt being a smart ass as usual throughout the film:

So many freaks out there, doin’ their little evil deeds they don’t wanna do. ‘The voices made me do it. My dog made me do it.’…’Jodie Foster made me do it.’”

Rey likes seeing him smile and laugh at the deadpan delivery of the lines, something that still cracks her up as well, no matter how many times she’s seen the movie.

She looks over at him during the infamous “Box” scene and relishes when the moment of what’s in the box is revealed. She giggles silently to herself, thinking about the meme with Brat Pitt and Grumpy Cat. 

Brad Pitt’s character Detective Mills demanding “What’s in the box?!” And it’s a clip of his sad, confused, yet somehow stupid expression, coupled with Grumpy Cat just below that says

 

“Shit. Scoop it.”

 

 

After, Rey enjoys the credits the whole way through. Noting to Ben in case he didn’t notice that they come from the top down—not the bottom up as traditional credits do. David Bowie’s The Heart’s Filthy Lesson plays. 

 

An absolutely indescribable sense of satisfaction swells all throughout Rey’s body. And she does her best not to lament in the moment, that she wishes she could experience this all the time with Ben. 

 

Maybe because there’s a part of her that hopes with his confession of wanting to join her in Chicago, means that maybe—just maybe—things can always be this way, once she graduates high school and moves out, moves away—

Away from her parents.

A life with Natalie and Ben. 

It seems too good to be true. But for once, Rey doesn’t feel that way. Because she’s determined to make it happen now.

 

 

Whatever it takes.

 

 

 

Notes:

I’m a millennial and most definitely saw the movie Seven when I was wayyyy too young. I remember seeing it as a replay in theaters in about 2009/2010 or so and it was an EXPERIENCE. Anyway, it’s been uh, a bit difficult to write about some Gen Z kids when I am so obviously a goddamn millennial. Lol

PS- trust our girl Rey to ask/have her bf take her to see a movie about a serial killer 😂 #blessher Love her to bits!

Also, in case you need to remember or forgot how iconic this opening is:

https://youtu.be/OEq-4fua3lM

Please follow and share my work on Twitter!

Chapter 37: Winter Wonderland

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey sat with her hands under a UV light, sealing the shellac or whatever the hell it was doing. Rose was also sitting next to her, hands under a lamp. She was chatting on about something, but Rey could only half listen.

Turning her head in the large mirror on the back wall, she felt herself smiling a strange little happy smile. She liked how her hair looked, it had some weird twisting elements on the top, all of which gathered into the back into—was the damn word?—A chignon. A sort of big ass bun or something. Rey didn’t know, but she loved how it looked none the less. 

She wasn’t sure how many pins the hairstylist put in her hair, but it felt like a lot. 

 

Rey somehow managed to convince her parents to let her stay at Rose’s after the dance. 

Although, that was a lie. She wasn’t staying there. And neither was Rose staying at one of her other friend’s houses. She was actually going to be staying at Finn’s. They had it all worked out. Well, Finn was having people over after, so it wasn’t going to be just them, but she was staying there none-the-less. Finn was a good guy, he wouldn’t pull anything on her. Rey knew she would be okay.

 

Leaving, Rey paid with the cash that Ben had given her. It was almost amusing that her mother didn’t even ask about her hair or if she needed money for dinner. In fact, Angela seemed…oddly chipper compared to the state she had been most of the time recently. Just weirdly…detached. 

Fine by Rey.

Even though she knew her toes were fine, she still felt weird putting her socks and shoes back on.

Back at Rose’s house, Rey and her spent a long time on their makeup. Chatting. Both excited for the evening. It was the longest Rey had certainly ever spent on her appearance. She had been watching Lisa Eldridge tutorial videos. Because for once she wanted to look not just cute, or sorta put together, but actually suitable for a formal event.

 

Rey was happy to put the Chanel quad she had stolen from some classmate to good use. She decided to stick with a neutral smokey brown eye. The end result, she was actually quite pleased with. 

She packed up eye makeup remover, for the end of the evening. Tossed all her makeup into a bag, and made sure she had everything in order.

 

Now came the final part, the dress.

Rey removed it from its bag. Ben gave it to her, which she then gave to Rose to hang onto. For reasons she still wasn’t quite sure why. She could have kept it at her house, but she didn’t. Ignoring that weird feeling, Rey stepped into it, and zipped herself. 

She put her heels on. Adjusted her small boobs in the front and smoothed the fabric out over her thighs.

Bless her heart, Leia was letting Rey borrow some old costume jewelry to wear. Nothing obnoxious, just a little pop. Rey put the earrings in, the necklace on, and then the bracelet.

 

Looking in the full length mirror, she grabbed the last item. The clutch, and stood, taking it all in.

 

Rose came in from finishing her makeup in the bathroom a moment later.

“Wow.”

Rey turned to her and felt a strange smile on her face. “What?” She was stupidly happy.

“Damn, Rey. You look amazing.”

Rey thanked her with a mumble. And then shortly thereafter, she was helping Rose into her own gown.

 

The Winter Wonderland dance this year was being held at the same venue that Prom typically was. In previous years, it was always in the gymnasium. It seemed oddly monumental to Rey that this year, the year that she actually had a date, would be the same year they decided to change the location of the dance.

 

Rose drove Rey over to Ben’s house, where Finn would meet them. 

Rey’s feet were cold getting out of the car. Thankfully the walk to the front door wasn’t too long. Her heels were comfortable enough but she hoped she wouldn’t get sore later. She had no idea how long the wear was on these. 

 

Opening the door before they could even get to it. Leia shrieked. Rey could feel the sheepish expression on her face, and Rose was also smiling.

“Oh my God, Rey,” Leia said. “Ben’s still upstairs but I think he’s going to faint when he sees you.”

“I hope not,” Rey said.

“You must be Rose,” Leia said, and immediately embraced her.

She whisked their coats away, shooing them into the formal dining room.

Rey was nervous, no question. 

Just then Finn arrived. Rose went to answer the door.

Leia was making conversation with them, and Rey anxiously sat at the table, waiting for Ben to come down. When she heard what sounded like him at the top of the steps, she stood up.

He came down, focused on talking to Finn, Rose, and his mother. Rey was sure he had not seen her from the angle of coming down the stairs in the formal dining room.

She noticed the moment she had caught his eye. He had a corsage in hand, Rey timidly was holding the boutonnière in its small plastic box. Rose’s mother picked them up for the girls.

 

Rey wished to never forget the expression on his face when Ben saw her.

 

He froze, as if all time had stopped. His mouth parted slightly, his eyes, as if they were seeing her for the first time ever. That she was so awe-inspiring, he couldn’t help but be moved.

Finn, Rose, and his mother paused momentarily to regard them, but Ben paid them no mind. He strode across the floor, to see her in the light of the formal dining room. Her dress, sparkling in the light of the table chandelier. It was getting dark outside now, the winter sun set. 

Rey wasn’t sure if what she saw was tears in his eyes or not, but they definitely appeared a bit glassy. Rey too, felt her eyes shift, seeing him in a suit, just exactly as she had imagined.

“Rey,” he said, barely a breath. He put his small box with the corsage onto the table. 

She smiled as he did. He came up to her and kissed her gently on the lips, then pulled away to look at her, head to toe.

“You’re beautiful every single day. But I’m—at a loss for words.”

“You can just say she looks hot, Solo,” Rose called, teasing him. 

Rey had noticed Rose was getting more forward and funny, even in the short time that she and Finn were a thing.

 

Ben drove with Rey, and Rose with Finn. They ate at an elegant restaurant. Not fancy like the one Ben had taken her to, about two weeks ago, but still nice.

Rey wasn’t able to focus on the food, she could only think of her nerves at going to this new venue. She also wasn’t sure how much she would actually dance. She had never done it before. Maybe she could manage slow dancing? Would Ben expect her to do other dancing? She had no idea. They hadn’t talked about it.

 

Arriving at the hotel, it overlooked the water, they were on the top floor. It was gorgeous. Clearly the reception area for weddings. There was DJ already, music playing. People were lingering a bit. But as more students arrived, some started to go out onto the dance floor. Rey was surprised the chaperones weren’t paying that close of attention, or if they were, they didn’t care. Because those that were dancing were very clearly drunk. 

There were tables and chairs set up, like an actual wedding, and students were claiming them left and right. Finn managed to find one round one in the corner, near an exit. 

There were snacks and beverages being served in the corner bar window area. Rey and Rose made their way over to grab some pops. Rey didn’t realize how thirsty she was as she downed the Sprite in one go.

Eventually, the place was packed. 

The DJ played a mix of music. And when the first decent slow song came on, Ben stood up and offered Rey his hand.

“What?” She asked, shocked.

“Let’s slow dance to this song.”

“I—“

Ben could sense her hesitation. “It’s not hard. I’ll guide you. It’s really simple.”

Rey’s heart thudded as Ben lead the way. He grabbed her arms and placed them at his shoulders, then let his hands fall to her waist. They started moving, just side to side, and Rey thought to herself, this wasn’t so bad.

She then saw Finn and Rose in a corner.

As she started to relax, she was finally able to take in the totality of the moment. The lights, Ben, her—finally, in that goddamn dress that caused so much heart ache, which was so worth it to her now. Ben was just smiling and smiling at her. He was significantly taller than her, so her arms were extended about as far as they could go, but she wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“What are you thinking?” Ben asked.

Rey’s attention snapped back to him. She was looking at him, but not fully focused.

“Just—that I’m here—I mean, we’re finally here.”

“We are,” he said. 

 

Just as soon as it began, the song changed to something more fast paced, and Rey scurried away as quickly as possible. Ben tried to convince her to stay but she slipped away faster than he could grab her wrist.

Back at the table, she was breathing heavily again. He lumbered over, a huge smile on his face. “I thought I was going to be able to get you to stay out there.”

Rey snorted. “No way in hell.”

Rose and Finn were also approaching. Rose, always just as shy as Rey was.

“No luck either, Finn?” Ben asked.

“No. I tried.”

Then there was a pause. 

“You girls are just nervous. But you know what, I know how to have a good time. Practically mandatory for my family.”

Rey and Rose exchanged a glance. 

He gestured with his head out the nearby door, and they all followed.

Finn found a dark corner way down the hallway, and then pulled out a flask.

Rose looked to Rey, who looked to Ben. They surely knew that’s why they were in the hall, but they weren’t sure who would, or would not agree to his offer.

Rey had wide eyes. And Ben had a smirk on his face.

“My mother would kill me, but if this will get you out on that dance floor, then I say let’s all do it.”

Rey laughed. “Solo—“

“I can surprise occasionally,” he said.

And with that, they all took swigs of the drink that tasted absolutely dreadful. Rose quickly ran to get something to chase it with. Then came back. They did a few more. And then the flask was gone just as soon as it had appeared.

 

Rey had never drank before. But something about Ben doing it, knowing how goody-goody he was, made her feel safe. That he wouldn’t lead her astray, but cared nothing more than for them to all have a good time. She hadn’t expected that out of him. Not at all. And it was…it was kinda hot.

 

Rey’s belly became hot with the fire of the alcohol and very shortly after, her whole body started to feel loose. She started to feel good. Suddenly, she was able to actually see other people in the room. She noticed Claire and the other girls across the way, at a table of their own. She was with some prick from another school. Annabelle, likewise. 

She saw Mr. Parks, standing and talking to Mr. Banes. Gross. He was the math teacher who caught her cheating. She knew she was wrong, but she still hated him—maybe not hate—but she definitely bristled in shame every single time she saw him. 

The alcohol did, however, help take that sting away somewhat.

And then, a song was on, and before she could protest, Ben was gently leading her with a hold on her arm. 

“Feel my body,” he said, coming behind her. 

If the alcohol didn’t give her a flush to her cheeks, him grabbing her waist from behind surely did. They were moving, strangely, but erotically. Others were forming around them, girls with their dates, also grinding a bit. It wasn’t totally obscene, well not to them, but it was enough to give the chaperones pause. They always discouraged this type of dancing, but, knew better than to try to stop it. If they had actually implemented, “Leave some room for Jesus” by force, no one would come to these fucking functions.

Rey let her ass rest into Ben’s lap, he was slightly lowered to accommodate her height. Probably not an easy feat, but he had her. And that’s all that mattered.

Rey felt sensual, she felt wanted. And she felt unafraid. She wasn’t sure she would have agreed to this had she not done three shots of whatever the hell that was—but she was glad she was there. With Ben. She turned her head at one point and he was already there, and it just seemed right. And no one else cared, when her and him kissed a bit too intimately for a school function.

 

When the song ended, another came on, and they danced to that one too. Until Rey needed some water. Back at their table, Finn and Rose were there already. They had danced to the previous song but didn’t stay out on the dance floor. It made Rey happy to see how stupidly cute those two were being. That Rose, like Rey, had managed to loosen up with a little help, both from the boys and the alcohol, to have some fun.

 

Rey could see why her father drank as much as he did. Well, what she assumed was him drinking. She had all the evidence. She pushed the thought of her father being a professional drunk out of her mind. 

 

A slow song came on, and Ben was offering his hand again. 

“Okay, but I’m seriously resting after this one,” Rey said. 

Ben Solo loved to dance. 

Who knew.

 

Rey would have normally laughed at the song, but Ben could make anything seem better than it was. How could something she never paid attention to, suddenly seem to sound so beautifully profound and different to her?

She sure as hell was not one to listen to Mariah Carey in her free time, but damn if the woman couldn’t sing. And further more, suddenly, the song she and Ben were dancing to seemed—perfect.

Rey knew that from this moment on, she would never hear Mariah Carey’s We Belong Together in the same way again.

 

She was drowning in his eyes, the smell of him, this moment.

 

We belong together 

Who else am I gonna lean on

When times get rough

 

Rey could fall asleep standing against him, he was so big, warm and comfortable. Rey closed her eyes and rested her head on Ben’s chest. She then felt him rest his cheek on top of her head. Protecting her, holding her.

 

Who’s gonna talk to me on the phone

Till the sun comes up

Who’s gonna take your place

 

She could stay like this with him, forever. There was no where else she wanted to be.

 

Rey never wanted to forget it.

 

 

There ain’t no body better 

Oh baby, baby

We belong together

 

 

 

Notes:

These damn babies get me right in the feels. 🥺😭♥️

Chapter 38: Night

Chapter Text

Rey and Ben left the dance a little earlier than it was supposed to end. Rey was actually quite tired. She didn’t have a nap in the afternoon like she normally would have. On the way out, she hugged Rose and Finn, while Finn and Ben shook hands and pulled each other into half bro hugs or whatever. It was actually super sweet.

 

On the way back to Ben’s house, Rey dozed off slightly.

She awoke when they pulled into his driveway. His parents, were gone that evening, some foundation Christmas party down in Detroit. They would be staying the night there.

 

Walking inside of his home, it was odd, not having Leia rushing over and hugging her. Rey had her heels in hand, she was out of them towards the end of the evening, wearing flip flops, but her feet held up very well. 

They entered Ben’s kitchen where Ben asked if Rey was hungry. It was awhile since they had had dinner. She just wanted water. After drinking it and setting the glass down, they went upstairs.

Rey’s eyes were heavy. She so badly just wanted to snuggle up in Ben’s bed. She went to his bathroom as he followed behind her in his room. 

“Jesus, my eyes are red,” Rey said. She had been up entirely too long. 

She dug around in her makeup bag, pulling out cotton pads and eye makeup remover. Then she washed her face. Rey began the process of taking the Bobby pins out.

“Your parents want you back by a certain time tomorrow?” Ben asked.

“Not that I know,” Rey said. “Noon should be fine I think.”

Endless Bobby pins.

“Christ, how many fucking Bobby pins did he put in here?” Rey asked out loud.

She heard Ben laugh. The sound of hangers moving in his closet. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Rey pulled out a lot of fucking pins. 

Entering his bedroom, his ceiling light on, she walked over to the end of his bed and threw herself face first into it to be funny. She let out a loud groan. Ben laughed when he came back out of his closet.

“Good time, huh?”

“Mmhm,” Rey said into his duvet.

“I’m just hanging this up and then I’ll be ready for bed.”

“Can you unzip me when you get done?” Rey asked. She was so tired, and really wanted to just close her eyes. “I’ll also need a t-shirt or something to sleep in because I was a dumbass and just brought clothes to wear home tomorrow.”

“It’s not a problem,” he said. 

A moment later, she feels the weight of Ben come onto the bed and beside her. He rests his warm hand on her upper back with the fabric to hold it in place. Then brings another hand up to slowly unzip the back of her dress.

Rey doesn’t move. 

And then suddenly—she’s all too aware that Ben is weirdly quiet, and strangely tender. He doesn’t make any jokes like he normally would. Instead, he’s taking his time. Rey turns her head so she can breathe and see him out of the corner of her eye. Her breathing hitches, because it’s very apparent where this is going, and she realizes that there would never be a more perfect time than this.

 

Rey hadn’t planned this. Not at all. But there was that moment, between her asking him to unzip her, and him getting done with being in the closet, that something shifted.

Ben leans forward and kisses her cheek, she flutters her eyes shut. 

 

Rey inhales deeply, then, eyes still closed, she pushes herself off of the bed to stand. As she does, the dress slowly falls to the floor. 

She’s standing before Ben now, completely bare chested, curly disheveled hair down, only in her black panties. He’s nervous, she can tell, because he’s just watching her.

 

They’re just…watching each other. And Rey is all too aware that this is the most skin she’s ever shown to him. The other time she was here, she had the night top on as they messed around. And the other times, they were half-dressed in their school uniforms.

Rey swallows, steps out of the dress, her eyes still on Ben.

Ben who is swallowing as she is. Not far from her. 

He’s in a black t-shirt and boxer briefs. He was dressed to go to sleep, which Rey took as a clue that he too hadn’t planned for this anymore than she did. She sees that he’s already hard.

Rey, wordlessly, thumbs her panties down, and those too, fall to the floor.

 

Ben reached behind his head and pull his shirt up and over. Rey’s breath catches. Because in the time that they’ve been dating, the times that they’ve messed around, one or both of them was partially clothed. This was the first time she was seeing his broad chest and shoulders. 

He then takes his boxer briefs off.

Ben comes over to Rey and kisses her, leading her back down to the bed she was standing so close to.

He brushes her hair away, now over her, and faintly puts his lips on hers.

Rey lets her hands feel his chest, his back, her hands are exploring him. 

One knee comes up along side of him, and Rey is soon gripping and tugging at Ben’s cock. He’s somehow managing to not touch her all over, just keeping his hands at her face and head.

Pulling away, Ben nods for her to move up the bed, and she does. He turns the bathroom light off, as well as his ceiling light. He locks his bedroom door, even though his parents literally won’t be home for the night.

The light from outside, hitting various parts of the room, just enough for them to see each other. The tree branches on the ceiling, same as last time. Ben comes back into the bed, pulling the covers back and Rey climbs over and under into them. She forgot how big and warm his bed was.

For once, it’s not Rey shoving Ben down, but it’s him, hungry and over her. His eyes closed. He smelled amazing. God, did he smell amazing.

Rey can’t get over the fact that they’re both naked together, in his bed, and not in some semi-states of dress. Rey’s hand fumbles to Ben again, stroking him, and he just will not stop kissing her. She doesn’t want him to.

His hand slides to her center, rubbing her with his hand downward, spreading her wetness all over. 

Rey wondered if he had planned any of this at all.

“Did you think about this, before tonight?” Rey asks.

“Uh—well, not specifically this night. But yeah. I’ve thought about it.” He gives out a small laugh.

His lips are on her again. 

“Shit,” he breathes. He looks to his night stand. 

“What?”

“I—I was literally going to buy condoms the other day.”

“I thought you said you weren’t specifically planning for this?”

“Well, no. But…I mean, I figured we were getting someplace soon.”

“You fucking asshole,” Rey teased. Then added seriously. “I—I’m on birth control…it should be okay.”

Ben gave pause. Then he looked at her again. He went to protest and Rey stopped him with her lips. 

“Don’t kill the moment, Solo,” she said, pulling him closer. 

“Okay.” He smiled on her lips.

 

Rey’s tugging at him again. 

“Ben—just do it already.” 

She sees him pull away. 

“You’re nervous,” Rey says. Not realizing until that moment, that he’s been stalling.

As if she somehow gave him permission, his eyes dart down to her center and then back to her eyes. They’ve shifted. From worried to hungry, dark, passionate. Something.

He won’t take his eyes off of her, and then Rey inhales as she watches his hand come down to fit himself on her outside.

He pushes slightly, and Rey realizes that this kid’s cock is much, much bigger than his two fingers. Rey breathes to relax her body.

“You okay?”

Rey nods, trying not to wince as she feels him fit just inside of her. “You’re okay, you’re okay.”

And then he pushes a bit more, and Rey flexes internally. He pauses, watching her expression, constantly monitoring her.

Ben softens and leans forward to kiss her forehead, then nip at her neck and ear. That distracts and excites her enough to let him fit the rest of the way through. 

For all their shit talking and playful banter in prior sessions, there’s none of that now.

Now inside of her, they were looking at each other still. Rey was aware her eyes were dancing back and forth between Ben’s just as much as his were.

She pushes her head forward a bit and kisses him. They kiss and kiss, until Rey moves her hips slightly, letting Ben know he’s okay to continue.

Ben starts slow, with gentle thrusts, and Rey feels her breath hitch, suddenly aware of how much weight he has throughout his whole body. They’re still feeling each other, still adjusting to this new experience. Rey clings to him, wrapping herself more tightly to him, and Ben relaxes into her. As her breathing turns to slight moans, his hips move faster and a bit deeper with shorter strokes. Not long and drawn out as he had started. Rey feels full, in every way possible, and somewhere in her brain, she remembers how Natalie had said that she and Ben were made for each other.

Suddenly Ben is laughing a little, then stills.

“What?”

His head is beside hers. “You feel too good. I have to pause for a second.”

“Gonna blow your load that quick, eh?”

He looks at her now. “For you? Yes.”

She smiles.

He begins again, slower thrusts as in the beginning, building back up.

But Rey is tired of this slowness.

“Ben—“

He groans in acknowledgement.

“Seriously, please just—fuck me like you mean it.”

His eyes are on her again. “I do mean it.”

“I mean like you don’t care about coming. You’re being too gentle.”

Rey can’t believe she just said that, but she wanted more, she wanted to see him let go.

“I—I probably won’t last long. I’m sorry. I feel really stupid right now, like a twelve year old boy.”

“I don’t care,” Rey said, moving her hips. “Just—fucking get it.”

Ben brought his head to the side of Rey’s then began to thrust, deeper, harder. 

Her eyes shutter, and she’s suddenly feeling every thrust, every movement, his breathing, them. All of it.

He looks directly into her eyes now. His lips touching hers, wet, full and soft. Hungry. How he can always be so many things at once, Rey feels like she will never know.

Truth be told, she’s always felt very two-dimensional compared to Ben. He was smart, not just book smart—and maybe not what Rey would consider “street smart”—but he had a grip in reality that Rey didn’t think possible for someone with so much wealth. His parents were wonderful, and it was a painful yet beautiful reminder to Rey, what someone could look like when they’ve been loved their whole life.

Rey grips Ben’s shoulders as whimpers escape her. He’s hitting a spot deep inside, something she didn’t know existed. It’s sending waves of pleasure all throughout her body.

She starts to whine, the pressure is building, barely tolerable. Rey’s back is starting to arch, her neck to the ceiling, and Ben is kissing at her throat, giving it a lick and then a soft scrape. Just as she feels like she’s at the edge of a cliff, Ben starts to speed up. She knows she may not come with him, but just being on the edge is enough. Feeling him, knowing he’s losing himself in her…it’s enough.

Faster, harder, his breathing strained.

Rey closers her eyes, the sound of their flesh and wetness hitting, she’s tight, getting even tighter. And then—Ben gives panicked thrusts, until finally he has one that slams and pauses in place, his abs flex, and he goes still, releasing a noise somewhere between agony and relief. Mostly relief. 

He’s throbbing inside of her, and Rey can feel him filling her. It’s hot and wet, he’s still pulsating. Rey regards his face, his eyes closed as he shutters. Almost like he’s felt a chill run through him.

He lays on her, but not entirely. 

They’re still for a moment. Rey’s barely able to grasp the trees on the ceiling now. Their hearts thrumming and pounding together. They share sticky skin of sweat.

“I’m sorry,” he breathes next to her. 

“For what?”

“For not getting you off first.”

“Christ Solo, for once, can you just focus on your dick being happy?”

He says nothing. Still breathing heavily. 

Instinctively, Rey brings her hand on the back of Ben’s head, running her fingers down through his hair, traveling even further to his neck a little. She keeps stroking him, petting him, until she feels a weird vibration go through his body. Then a sound. 

She turns her head to see where he is at on her left shoulder area.

 

He’s crying.

 

“Ben—wha—“

His body is now shaking. 

“Ben, what’s wrong?” Rey asks. Completely panicked.

She sees actual tears on his face, running down his nose, his mouth is partially opened, and Rey’s eyes get glassy just at the sight.

“I hate them,” he says quietly.

Rey goes to open her mouth again.

“I hate your parents,” he admits, then cries some more. “I’ve never hated anyone in my life. And maybe I don’t even know if what I’m feeling is hate—but it must be close—“

Rey feels her throat catch, tears escaping her now.

“They—they have their own demons I’m sure, and I’ve tried my best to understand. But for the life of me, I don’t think I ever will.”

He lifts himself to look at Rey now, his face, completely wrecked in a way Rey never thought possible.

“I will never understand—why they don’t love you the way I do.”

Rey’s vision blurs. She really doesn’t want to make this moment about her, or start crying, because for some odd reason she knows she needs to be strong for Ben right now, something.

“Ben—“ her voice cracks.

Ben grabs her by her face with both hands. 

“Rey, I love you.”

“I love you too,” she says back, it comes so naturally.

“I want this goddamn year to get over with so badly. I want to get you away from your parents. I just want us to be together, happy and in Chicago together.”

Rey closes her eyes, inhaling and exhaling sharply. She tries to move her head to the side, to get away from him. 

“Don’t try to cry looking away,” he tells her. She can’t bring herself to open her eyes. “I’ve seen how badly you try to fight it sometimes.”

Rey doesn’t recognize the noise that comes out of her, and she wants to curse Solo for holding her goddamn head in place, for forcing her to be—right there—

He leans down and kisses her on the side of her mouth.

 

“Rey, look at me.”

She opens her eyes. 

His tone evens out somewhat. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I love you. I want to marry you someday. I want kids—I want all of it.”

Rey wraps her arms around him, hugging him, and she feels his head come to the side of her again. They cry together…and Rey grasps for the right words. Something that can even acknowledge or touch the magnitude of what he’s told her.

 

She swallows, calling her voice to return.

“Ben—if—if all that I am—all that I’ve lived—All the pain, all the sadness—all of my memories—everything…everything

 

if it all fades away

 

You’re the only thing that I want to remember.”




Ben looks at her, and they both just hold each other, crying, smiling. Lost.

 

”We’re going to get through this,” he tells her.

 

“I believe you,” Rey says softly.

 

 

 

I believe you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 39: Christmas Eve

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey feels like she wants to throw up. Her hands are literally sweaty and shaking. 

As the clamoring of people fill St. Michael’s, she wonders why the hell did she agree to fucking read in front of everyone for Christmas Eve Mass. Why? Why?

Ben is sitting next to her, saving a spot for his parents, as is Rey with hers. When Han and Leia arrive, they’re all smiles. Rey does her best to be responsive and hug them but she can’t hear anything they’re saying. She asks Ben to keep a look out for her parents, her nerves too much of a disaster to try and keep looking back for them.

“They’re coming,” Ben says.

“Oh God,” Rey says. 

“Relax, relax.”

Rey’s forehead is hot, her stomach in knots, she hasn’t eaten anything in a while and won’t be able to until after Mass. Her adrenaline, the only thing sustaining her now.

“Bennnn,” Angela drawls giving him a big hug. Gerald is behind her, Ben shakes his hand with a head nod.

“These must be your parents?” 

Rey stands aside as Angela doesn’t even acknowledge her, shaking Leia’s hand and waving to Han. 

“So nice to meet you finally,” Angela says with her best smile.

“It’s so nice to meet you too,” Leia says. 

Finally Angela acknowledges Rey. “Hi, honey.”

“Hi,” she mumbles.

 

Soon, there is standing room only in the church. Conversations among the parishioners continues until music starts playing to signal the start of the procession. Rey can’t hear anything hardly.

Rey hears nothing but humming her ears until the moment she is to go up for the second reading.

Once up at the lecture stand, she feels her throat start to swell shut, there are hundreds of people in attendance. Rey’s certain she’s going to get stage freight, but then—she looks to Ben, and he mouths to her ‘You got this.’

And Rey suddenly remembers just Father Dameron, Sister Eugene, and the one day Ben was able to get out of gym to come and see her practice.

Suddenly, everyone else fades away, and Rey imagines it is only Father Dameron, as he sits now, Ben, and Sister Eugene, who also happens to play the piano.

And then, she speaks. She goes slow, making sure to not let her voice drop at the end of each sentence. Enunciating each word carefully. She realizes she had read the reading so many times, she almost had it memorized.

Before Rey knows it, she’s done, and seated with weak knees next to Ben. Having to pass by her father on the outside, as well as her mother.

Ben gives her a small smile and reaches over to squeeze her forearm, as if to say ‘good job.’

Suddenly, Rey’s adrenaline is subsiding and she is starving. After the gospel and communion, Rey only hopes that the wine and wafer she ate can sustain her for another twenty five to thirty minutes. 

 

As Christmas songs of praise and glory are sang for the closing procession, Rey begins to feel more antsy. And then—it’s now time for Angela to speak with Leia and Han.

“Angela, sincerely, so good to meet you,” Leia says.

“Ben is such a nice young man. We loved having him over for Thanksgiving,” Angela chimes. “And your apple pie. Oh my goodness. Wonderful.”

“Thank you,” Leia says. Then adds, “Rey, honey you did amazing up there.”

“Didn’t she?” Angela asks, interjecting. 

Leia blinks momentarily, then switches to another topic. “She looked absolutely stunning in her Winter Wonderland dress. Oh my god, I thought Ben was going to faint seeing her.”

Rey could practically see her mother’s eye twitch.

“I couldn’t believe it when I saw it. I almost cried. Breathtaking. Oh my, we had such a good time picking out her dress.”

Rey was almost balking with Ben, and she saw Ben’s contempt in his eyes. 

“So, Rey is planning to live in Chicago with your sister, is that right?” Leia asked, changing the subject yet again, still focused on Rey.

Rey’s stomach dropped. Oh my god, no.

Angela’s face almost wavers for a moment. Her eyes shift, but her smile stays. She reaches up and places a hand on the back of Rey’s neck.

“Yes! Oh my goodness, Chicago is such a beautiful city.” She gives the back of Rey’s neck a squeeze. “I haven’t been in ages and have been meaning to get back there to visit, but you know, my job working for John J. Turner just keeps me sooo busy.”

“Oh my goodness, it must! The big case he won, I mean, you guys just won.”

“Thank you,” Angela smiles, not relaxing her grip. “Thank you. It was dreadful, I thought it would never end.”

“Well, congratulations, you certainly have a lot to be proud of.”

Rey can feel the anger in her mother’s grip. And something makes her feel so absolutely helpless as she watches Ben, holding his coat over his arms. Watching Rey, being strong armed by her mother—literally. Rey’s certain she’s never seen Ben so angry in the time that they’ve been together. The only other time she sensed this type of energy from him, was when he yelled at Hux in gym class.

Ben had a very cool head, but Rey could tell, he wanted to snap. To say something. But this was not the time, nor the place. And it would only make matters worse.

“Thank you,” Angela says again, closing her eyes slightly and nodding.

Leia quickly adds, “I mean about Rey too, of course. She’s such a wonderful young lady, we couldn’t have asked for a kinder girl to date Ben.”

Angela, still holding Rey’s neck, looks to her, then pulls her closer in a fake embrace.

“Thank you. We’re so proud of her.”

Leia, Han, and Ben are all standing there, and there’s an awkward moment of silence.

Then Angela speaks. “Oh my goodness, speak of the devil, there’s John.”

“Well, we will let you guys go. Merry Christmas,” Leia says with a wave. 

“Merry Christmas to you too,” Angela says. She lets go of Rey to shake Leia’s hand.

Rey glances over to see that her father is sitting on the pew with his eyes closed.

Leia and Rey hug, Rey shakes Han’s hand, and then she gives Ben a long hug.

“Merry Christmas, babe.”

“Merry Christmas,” Rey says back. 

They embrace for a long moment. Because both of them know the complete and utter bullshit she just had to go through in front of his parents. Not to mention, Ben and his parents were going away on vacation for the next week and a half. She and Ben wouldn’t see each other until they were in school again, in January.

Rey hated that the last time she would be seeing him for awhile was at Christmas mass. She had hoped she would get to spend time with him before he left, but it just wasn’t possible.

 

Before she knows it, Rey is being whisked away from Ben. She watches with sad eyes, as does he, as she is once again being lead away by her mother’s hand across the church. That’s the last of Ben Rey sees, before she’s being shoved in front of the prosecutor her mother works for.

 

“Rey,” he says. “My goodness, have you grown up.”

“Hasn’t she?” Angela asks.

Rey feels slimy just looking at the man, his wife, plain but not necessarily ugly, is standing nearby. 

“So good to see you two here on Christmas Eve,” her mother says.

“We couldn’t miss this year, not with Rey reading,” John says.

Rey is floored. 

“What?” She asks. Her mother gives the back of her neck a squeeze.

“Oh, um, I mean—thank you,” Rey says with a head bow.

“Charlene,” Angela coos, and for a moment, she lets go of Rey to talk to John’s wife.

It’s a strange moment where Rey’s eyes are fixed at the empty pew in front of her, people still emptying the church. And then, realizing her mother is really preoccupied in the conversation—she slowly brings her eyes up.

John is staring at her.

Not just looking at her, but he is staring…with desperate hunger.

Rey’s heart thuds as she frantically glances to her mother, who is so full of shit in conversation with his wife.

“Wow,” he says, out of her mother’s ear shot. “My goodness Rey, I remember you sitting in the courtroom when you were seven, but who knew this would be what you would grow up into ten years later.”

Rey swallows and averts her eyes.

“Your mother has said so much about you. But I didn’t realize how similar you two looked. It’s a little jarring to see you with brown hair though. I’m so used to Angela’s blonde.”

Rey nods. 

“So you got any big plans for college?” He asks.

“I, uh—I plan to go to Columbia College…in Chicago,” she says, stealing another look at him. 

He’s about Ben’s height, a little pepper of grey in his hair with a well shaved face and short goatee. He’s broad, handsome even, not exactly Rey’s ‘type’. But she could see his attractiveness, how he could be someone else’s type.

“Chi-town, huh?” He says. “I have a college buddy who lives out there. We used to go bar hopping all the time there. Good times.”

Before Rey was forced to continue speaking with him, John glanced over to his wife and Angela. Aware that they were finishing up their conversation.

He then leans forward and whispers in Rey’s ear.

“Say, you need any legal help in the future…let me know. I know you’ve had some problems in the past. I’m always available if you need me, with or without your feisty mother knowing about it.” 

Rey’s eyes surely conveyed the shock as he pulled away with a smirk, and then smoothly handed her his business card.

 

Right under her mother and his wife’s fucking nose.

 

“I’ll uh—I’ll keep that in mind, sir. Thank you,” Rey says.

“You’re welcome,” he says firmly. His eyes remained fixed on her until Angela is back.

“Well, we really must be getting going,” she smiles at John.

“Angie,” he says with a smile. Almost cocky like. 

Rey freezes at Angie. No one, literally no one—except Natalie—was allowed to call her that. Rey feels the bristle from her mother, and it must have reverberated right back from her, because Angela tried to deflect it as quickly as possible.

“Merry Christmas, John,” she says. “SO good to see you and Charlene here.”

“Merry Christmas, ladies. Take care.” He says, with a slight nod, turning away to his wife. 

 

Before Rey knows it, Angela is practically choking her from the back of her nape as she rushes them back over to the pew they were at.

“Gerald!” She snaps.

His eyes open. “Yeah,” he says, drooling awake.

“It’s time to go. Now. Get up.”

 

Rey turns, her mother’s hand still on her neck and she sees that John is still, creepily smiling and smiling at her.

 

And it occurs to her, that either previously or currently, that her mother was—or still is—fucking prosecutor John J. Turner. Who also happens to have an eye on his paralegal’s seventeen year old daughter; whom he just reassured he would be there for, should she need anything…legal or otherwise. 


Rey thought she wanted to throw up before mass, but she really had no idea just how close she would become by the end of it. 



Merry Christmas, Rey. 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 40: More and more

Chapter Text

Walking out to their vehicle, Rey stays a few steps behind her parents. Her mother’s heels click on the pavement that has been salted about four times over. Her father, walks decidedly slow.

 

She hears her mother when she leans over to her father.

“Can’t even keep it together for one fucking hour?”

He simply laughs in response, then stumbles a little.

Rey wonders how she missed all these glaringly obvious clues about her parent’s double lives. Her father coming home at odd hours or not at all, his slight bumbling of steps when he would stagger down the hall to go to bed. Her mother’s apartment in the city. 

What Rey couldn’t wrap her head around however, was why the hell these two stayed together? Why did Angela even bother to come home on the weekends and other days?

 

Getting into the backseat, Rey’s heart thuds and thuds. Fully expecting Angela to inquire about Chicago, Rey is deeply unnerved when she doesn’t. It’s terrifying, actually. 

Rey instead watches her mother’s face in the rear view mirror, quickly looking away when her gaze catches Rey’s.

Once home, Rey hopes to get inside and upstairs as quickly as possible, and she succeeds. Her mother seems…preoccupied. Maybe thinking about John J. Turner. His stupid middle initial, the only thing adding any flare to his boring ass name.

Gerald stumbles upstairs and Rey hears him groan as the bed collapses under his weight. She listens and listens, waiting for Angela to come up, or to call her down. Something. But she doesn’t, Rey wished she could breathe a sigh of relief when she hears the TV click on, but she can’t. 

 

 

Christmas morning comes and goes. They didn’t bother putting up a tree anymore. Rey gets a gift card from each of her parents for fifty bucks to Meijer. Rey knows her mother had to have grabbed them in the check out lane. She remembers Christmases being a bit better when she was younger. And then as she got older, they just kinda became less and less. Still, she’s grateful for the money and can maybe buy some clothes, movies, or books there.

 

Rey is relieved to spend Christmas Day evening in her room, alone. Unbothered. She hears her mother say she has to go into town to take care of a work problem. Sure, Angela. On Christmas Day. She wonders if her dad knows and just doesn’t fucking care.

 

Ben texts Rey the following morning, saying they are boarding their flight in Detroit and that he loves her. Rey texts back the same and that she’s going to miss him. She’s surprised when he asks her to send him some pics with a winky face. Rey wasn’t sure if she was comfortable doing that, always worried someone else will end up hacking the photos or something. She couldn’t bear the thought of others seeing pictures not meant for them.

She texts back:

I’ll think about it :) 

 

Staring out her window, a shit winter day, her father and mother both back to work, Rey uses her vibrator to get off. Painfully aware that she’s clenching around nothing. With the end of the semester taking up their time, and then Christmas break around the corner, Rey and Ben hadn’t had sex or messed around since the night of the dance.

 

It was going to be a very long week and a half.

 

Ben video chats with Rey when they make it to the Bahamas. She’s happy to see him happy, but he kept lamenting about how he wished she could have come along. The resort and all other aspects of the vacation had already been booked in advance. Rey knew her parents wouldn’t have let her go, even if she could. 

Rey cleans around the house during the day, doing as she’s asked. Seasonal chores like washing the inside windows, she does, even though that would be a task better saved for spring. She sweeps and brush mops the basement floor. Dusting away cobwebs and organizing old boxes in a corner.

 

Sitting down to rest, Rey gets distracted and decides to start going through one of the boxes that’s marked with her name. There’s some papers, vaccinations records from when she was a child. A few crayon drawings she has no recollection of doing. Getting to the bottom of the pile, she finds an envelope with pictures. Curious, Rey opens it and sees some pics of her as a baby, some with her mom and dad—they were even younger still in them. Angela doesn’t have a line in the middle of her brow yet, she looks a little…happier. Her father has her on his shoulders outside in the backyard. Rey’s smiling in the picture, as is he. Rey feels her eyes get moist.

Before she can sit with that thought for too much longer, she finds other pictures, her, with what she knows is her maternal grandparents. Florence and Wilfred. It then seems, there are quite a few with them, the ones with her parents non-existent for a number of flip throughs. Rey notices the dates, and that she’s in a photo with them in some variety every month, for a year.

 

She really doesn’t remember them. Rey thinks about what Natalie said during her visit:

“My God, mom and dad would be horrified if they knew this is how you’re treating her.”

She recalls her mother asking Natalie if she planned to go and visit Florence. Rey was always told by her mother that it wasn’t necessary to go with her to visit. Stating she had dementia and was violent. That she wouldn’t have remembered Rey anyway.

Natalie wordlessly left on Saturday to go and pay her a visit. And she spoke nothing of it upon her return. Wilfred died of a heart attack when Rey was ten. She remembered staying with Rose for the funeral.

Flipping through more papers, Rey comes across an official court document, the corner ripped, and is bewildered when it has her grandparents verses her parents. There’s a bunch of legal jargon introducing the purpose of the document, her grandparents seeking custody for child neglect—and then—it ends. Rey frantically searches and searches the box, trying to find the rest, but there isn’t anything. 

She finds her birth certificate and social security card, and a few other papers, but not much else. Rey searches the other boxes, and finds nothing.

“Rey?” 

Fuck. Rey hears her mother’s voice upstairs and puts the lids back on the boxes and frantically stacks them all back up, shoving them into the corner. She rushes over to the laundry area and begins running the washer, throwing clothes in.

“Down here!” She calls back.

Her mother comes to the top of the stairs. She says nothing. Seemingly pleased to hear Rey doing laundry.

“Did you need something?” Rey asks, her voice a little too high.

“No. Just wondering where you were.”

 

Later, Rey lays in bed in her room, her head swimming and swimming. Trying her hardest to remember her maternal grandparents. They looked like they loved her. She was so young in the photos, but even as a baby, Rey was smiling.

Rolling over, Rey looks to her night stand and sees the card John gave her. Leaned up against the TV. Something about it feels different now, and she’s not quite sure why.

Chapter 41: Welcome Back

Chapter Text

Rey is only too anxious for Christmas break to get over with. She’s sure she’s cleaned every single goddamn corner of the house, out of boredom and obligation. She even rearranged her entire book shelf alphabetically. Her books, magazines, and movies.

 

As she looks through her film choices, nothing sounds particularly compelling to watch.

 

Rey’s sure she’s never masturbated so much in her life. And she absolutely caved and sent Ben pictures of her self. Her did likewise and it made her crave his glorious cock even more. The physical ache, of his touch, of his smell, of him. Almost palpable.

 

Rose invited Rey over to Finn’s for New Year’s Eve, but Rey made up an excuse that she was sick. She couldn’t bear the thought of the ball dropping, Finn and Rose kissing, while Rey stood there stupidly alone. If there was any alcohol involved, which Rey knew there would be, she was sure to become some sort of pathetic crying mess at her boyfriend only being gone for a week.

 

With a few days remaining of Christmas Break, Rey takes to walking outside each day, the weather fairly tolerable. She keeps turning over and over, her findings in the basement. There’s something sinister that lies in wait for the answers she seeks, and she terrified to get them. 

She’s not ready for them. And she knows she’s not.

 

The night of Ben’s return to Michigan, Rey paces all afternoon. She knows he’s probably exhausted from traveling, but she doesn’t care, she can’t care. She needs him. And Rey is only too pleased that neither of her fucked up parents are there. Both at work, or off doing, whatever—or whoever—the hell it is they were doing.

 

Rey takes a long shower, shaving her legs and her bikini line. She makes sure to use some really amazing smelling lotion after. Curls her hair. She debates if she should do her makeup or not, but eventually decides against it. Sure she’s to get decimated in the best way possible, rendering makeup a nuisance. 

Finally, at around 8 PM, Rey sees Ben pull into her driveway. She practically runs to the door. When she opens it, he looks tired, but happy to see her.

Rey’s arms are around him before he can speak.

 

Ben grumbles something about taking a shower before he came over and Rey takes that as her signal to go down on him. She could almost laugh with how he looks like he’s never received oral sex in his life. She’s all too aware of just how much she loved and missed him.

Rey thought she knew hunger, but she didn’t, not until she had been apart from Ben. His energy from traveling may have been depleted, but Rey had entirely too much energy and was more than happy to take the lead.

After pulling off Ben with a pop of her mouth, she crept up on him. He looked down at her dazedly, so obviously in need of sleep. 

“What are you doing?” He asks, through tired eyes.

“What does it look like I’m doing?” She replies, straddling herself over him.

He lays his head back and closes his eyes in disbelief. Rey grabs him at the base of his cock, fitting him on the outside of her, and slowly lowers. Ben lets out a soft moan, looking absolutely fucking ruined from the experience. 

Once Rey is fully fitted on top of him, his hands come up to her hips, and he opens his eyes lazily with a smile.

Rey places her hands on his chest, and slowly rises and lowers herself on him. Ben hisses through his teeth and fixes his eyes at where she’s at, almost guiding her with the hold of her hips. Slowly up and down. 

Rey leans her head back and begins to rock, enjoying the sensation of his length along every ridge inside of her. She’s biting her lower lip, top row of teeth and all; something she’s not aware of until Ben points it out. He gives a soft chuckle when she tells him to shut up.

Rey changes her grinds from up and down, to rocking, to laying down on Ben—now bouncing—and she can’t help but laugh. 

“Why are you laughing?” Ben asks. “Man, that feels weird. You’re like, laughing and your pussy is flexing on me at the same time as you laugh.”

Rey tries to stifle herself, but it’s useless.

“I—“ she breathes, finally just resting her forehead on his shoulder. “When we started messing around, I used to get this really—intense urge to just—“ Rey grits her teeth and speaks through them to emphasis her point. “—the urge to just—fuck you and ride you like a horse—“

Ben lets a laugh escape him.

“Have you ever ridden a horse?”

Rey howls with laughter. “Oh my god, Solo, you’re so fucking ridiculously literal sometimes.” She laughs some more.

Suddenly, while they’re still laughing, Ben grabs her and begins thrusting up into her. 

“Oh fuck,” she breathes.

“You were saying?” He asks, smugly.

She’s breathing heavily now. The sensation of enveloping him to seek pleasure, unexpectedly transitioning to him fucking up into her, caught her completely off guard. 

Ben kisses her cheek. “Relax.”

Rey lets herself completely melt into him.

“I got this,” he whispers.

Suddenly he is fucking devastating her with upward thrusts, pounding her, one slam after the other. Rey’s mind contains absolutely nothing as she takes it gladly.

Ben wraps his arm around her middle, and then his other hand comes up to cradle the back of her head.

Rey’s moaning and whining shamelessly. He won’t stop kissing her cheek, and if Rey hadn’t been so completely cock-starved, she would have been able to reciprocate somehow. But instead, she’s just relegated to accept what he has to give.

“I want you to come,” Rey breathes. 

“What?” He pants.

“You. Come.”

“No. I’m not even close yet.”

“Solo, you fucking bastard, do what I say.”

There’s a moment where the sounds of their flesh, the only noise.

“No,” Ben breathes into her ear, with a soft laugh.

Rey’s a sucker for him taking control—always—she doesn’t argue and can only whine in response. 

She’d laugh if she could, at the thought that there’s not a whole lot one can do, when Ben Solo’s huge cock is ramming up into you while you’re physically trapped on top of him. 

 

Maybe because Rey doesn’t suggest moving into a different position, or maybe because Ben senses that she really just needed to feel him—whatever it was—Rey feels him start to rush to the finish line. Which is exactly what she wanted. 

She wanted to feel him throb inside of her, pumping her full of his cum. She needed him, in every sense of the word. He goes quiet, focusing, and Rey helps him along a bit by softly biting his ear lobe. He whimpers slightly, and she continues doing that, with a few flickers of her tongue, until he is clinging desperately to her—slamming into her.

Come,” she whispers in his ear.

 

A long pause of nothing but flesh.

 

And then—Ben hits her—and cries out, emptying himself in her. His mouth shamelessly open as he releases. Brow furrowed.

This time it’s Rey’s turn to kiss his cheek.

She starts to laugh, for whatever reason, knowing that Ben maybe completely useless after this, which is fine by her. She just needed to feel him again.

 

Rey softly kisses his cheek. 



Good boy.”

 

 

She grins when she sees Ben, still breathless, smile knowingly with his eyes closed.

 

 

Chapter 42: The Urge

Chapter Text

When school started back up a few days later, Rey practically jumped out of bed to get ready. Truly a first for her. She was dismayed that unfortunately, midterm exams were right around the corner, which meant that every single class for the next week would be review. Not to mention, lots and lots of studying.

At lunch, Rey chatted excitedly with Ben, Finn and Rose. She was glad to be back to a normal routine, seeing her friends.

What took Rey by surprise too, was how some of the teachers that normally groaned at her, like Mrs. Phasma and Mr. Parks, told her good job on her reading at Christmas Mass. Rey humbly thanked them, feeling warmth inside at receiving praise for once. Phasma also said she noticed Rey’s renewed commitment to her homework, and said to “keep it up.”

 

During Thursday mass, Rey noticed that Claire was sitting one row up, near her, Ben, Rose and Finn’s back pew. During the entire mass, Claire kept turning back slightly to look at Ben out of the corner of her eye. From where Rey was sitting next to Rose, Claire wouldn’t have been able to spot her stealing glances.

Falling back as all the students started to shuffle out, Rey watched as Claire approached Ben walking with Finn.

“Ben!” Claire said with a playful whisper.

Rey struggled to get a little closer without being seen.

“You’re still coming to the study group tomorrow after school right?”

Ben looks down at her, then back up, scanning the crowd, before facing her again.

“Uh, I’ll see.”

“Cool cool.”

As Claire took off, Rey’s stomach practically fell out of her. Study group? For what? Rey racked her brain to think if Ben had any classes with Claire, and came up empty handed. She wanted to ask him what the fuck was that but simply came alongside him, hands shaking. Throat closed.

“There you are,” he said with a smile. “I thought I lost you for a second.”

Rey looked up and forced a smile. 

Internally, however, she was freaking the fuck out.

 

 

When Ben dropped Rey off that afternoon, she finally worked up the courage to ask about mass, in a round about way.

“So um, you’re still planning on coming over after school tomorrow, right?”

Ben looks at her. “Well, actually, I’m glad you asked because I was planning on doing a Calculus study group with a few people for the midterm exam.”

Rey swallows. “Oh.” She fists her skirt downward. “You going to someone’s house or something?”

“Yeah, Danielle Adamski’s.”

Rey keeps her hands in a fist, afraid they will expose how badly she was shaking.

“Who else is going to be there?” She asked, trying to keep her tone of voice calm.

“Uh…her, Brendon Rhoades, and Claire Miller.”

Rey’s whole body is thrumming with panic now. Her head fixed in her lap. 

“I uh—I don’t suppose I could ask you not to go, could I?”

Rey feels Ben turn to look at her more fully. “What? Why?”

Rey closes her eyes. “Because…I don’t like Claire, and I’m pretty sure she has a thing for you.”

Ben scoffs slightly as if he doesn’t believe it, but not to mock Rey, just, truly in disbelief. “I don’t know how that’s possible, we don’t even sit near each other in Calc, and I barely talk to her. I didn’t when we sat with her at lunch either.”

Rey rests her elbow on the door, head in hand, eyes closed. She takes a shuttering breath.

“Ben, please tell me you’re not serious right now?”

There’s a long pause. “Rey, I’m literally so confused. I honestly have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Rey’s taking steadying breaths, trying to calm her nerves. Then opens her eyes to look at him.

“I’m telling you, she likes you—whether you believe it or not—and I just—“ Rey sighs. “I just don’t want you going over to someone’s house with her is all.”

Ben’s eyes fall, he momentarily picks a piece of fuzz from his sweater, then looks to Rey again. 

“Rey, I don’t like her. Like, literally not at all. She’s not my type and we don’t even know each other.” Rey can see out the corner of her eye, Ben’s arm resting on the steering wheel, regarding her. Something about that seems odd to her…an unusual mannerism. Or maybe she’s just freaking out.

“I really do need to go to this study group though. I want to review some stuff with others and we all decided to meet up already.”

Rey grits her teeth.

“I don’t want you fucking going!” She yells before she can stop herself. 

 

Ben’s eyes are wide. He swallows.

 

“Rey—I—I have to say I don’t like how you’re behaving right now.”

Rey turns to balk at him. Her mouth literally open, eyes wide.

“You…you what?”

“It’s…a little scary. Because I just told you I don’t like Claire, that I have to go to this thing, and you’re acting a bit…controlling.”

Rey feels a panic course through her veins, something is terribly wrong.

“Oh—oh—you think I’m scary now?”

“No, that’s not what I meant. I just said your behavior is a little scary.”

“Your girlfriend—who knows this fucking cunt better than you ever will after four years—suddenly has no idea what the fuck she is talking about when it comes to her?”

 

“I don’t like her!” Ben yelled, out of desperation, his hands out.

 

“I don’t fucking care!” Rey screams directly at him, spit flying. “She’s the fucking problem even if you’re not!”

 

Ben is shaking now. He puts his hands over his face, exhaling deeply. Rey can hardly believe what’s happening. This can’t be happening right now, this isn’t happening, this isn’t real.

 

“Rey,” he says, still not looking at her. “I love you. I don’t know how many different ways I need to try to show it to you, but I do.” He regards her once more. “But I think you’re being irrational and jealous for no reason right now.”

 

Rey’s face twists, she closes her mouth, she can’t think straight. She just stares at Ben, not fully processing what he just said. It hit her like a brick. But she’s aware, very suddenly, of an indescribable and violent urge to hit Ben. The thought alone is terrifying to the more logical part of Rey’s brain, and whatever ounce of that she has left, she uses to move her visibly trembling hand to reach for the door handle.

 

Rey—“ Ben says. 



There is no love in his voice. 

 

 



Rey gets out of the car, without a single glance—and slams the door shut.



 

 

 

Chapter 43: Knock knock, is anybody home?

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey is a complete and total wreck for the rest of the evening. She can’t think about anything except Ben and Claire. Worse still, the way Ben basically called her a jealous psycho bitch of a girlfriend and completely invalidated her feelings.

 

Rey’s fear and panic eventually gives way to a slithering sadness that snakes its way all the way up to her throat, strangling her. Until finally—Rey yields to it—and sobs uncontrollably. 

 

For hours.

 

She’s losing Ben, has probably already lost him, and she doesn’t know what to do about it. Rey tries to stop panic-crying several times, to no avail. She manages a few times, enabling herself the opportunity to breathe—and then is gripped with the pain once more. She cries and cries, until her face, chest, and eyes literally hurt. Snot and tears all over her blanket. 

Eventually, Rey falls asleep—so utterly exhausted from the emotional hell and turmoil she just went through.

 

Upon waking to darkness a few hours later, Rey’s stomach physically hurt from hunger, but she paid it no mind. 

It mattered little now, because something had shifted while she slept.

 

Something had awakened. 

 

Where there was sadness before, it was now completely gone. 

Replaced by an eerie yet soothing sense of calm.

 

 

The calm before the storm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

The next morning, Rey set out on foot for school at the time she used to. She had checked her phone a few times, but there was nothing from Ben. Which was fine by her.

Arriving to school, she glanced to the clock, and noticed that this would be the time Ben would be picking her up. She put her coat away, grabbed her books, and closed her locker door.

Making her way down to study hall, her phone vibrated.

 

Are you ready? I’m here.

 

He had been waiting for seven minutes. Normally Rey was out the door within thirty seconds of him arriving.

 

Five minutes later.

 

Are you at school? I just spoke with your dad and he said you weren’t in your room.

 

Rey ignored the message. Once in the library, Rey sat at her old spot she used to. She didn’t realize how much she missed the view at the window. How little time had passed since she had last sat there alone. It was comforting actually, the familiarity.

Rey did her best to focus on her reading, but she couldn’t help but keep glancing at her phone and out of the corner of her eye. 

Ben eventually arrived, and her heart started thudding, but she kept her head down to her book.

She noticed him pause at their usual spot. She could practically feel the shock emanating off of him.

Rey’s blood pumped thick when she realized that he was coming over to her.

“Rey—what the fuck was that?”

She doesn’t look at him.

“I just had to wake up your dad to see if you were home. He checked and you weren’t there. I’ve been texting you—“

He stopped himself, and Rey heard the mixture of concern and anger in his voice.

Rey.”

 

She absolutely refused to fucking look up at him, no matter how firmly he said her name.

 

Rey quietly closed her book, slipped it into her backpack, scooted her chair out, stood up, pushed it back in, and left the library.

 

 

Ben followed her.

 

 

“Rey—“ he grabbed her by her arm in the hallway, pulling her into him. He grabbed her by both upper arms.

 

 

It reminisced of the time her father slammed her into the fridge.

 

She remembers now.

 

It was because she ate the last of the cheese slices in the fridge for a sandwich.

 

 

“Rey—I’m sorry. You can’t honestly be this upset about what happened yesterday.”

 

Rey slowly brought her head and eyes up to look at him, her head as far back and away from him as it would go. Her eyes—filled with pure hatred.

 

 

“Get. 

Your. 

Fucking. 

Hands. 

Off. 

Of. 

Me.”

 

 

Rey could see the terror in Ben’s eyes, because he realized just how deeply he fucked up.

 

But he knew it was too late. 

 

They both did.

 

 

Oh, was it ever too late.

 

 

 

 

“Rey—No, no, no—Rey, please.”

 

 

 

He tried to pull her into a hug.

 

 

“Rey, please don’t do this. I’m sorry. I won’t go. I love you. Please—“

 

 

Rey brought her hands up to his chest, resisting him with all of her strength. Trying to create some distance between them.

 

 

Ben held her tight, Rey could feel him shaking, his heart pounding into her hands. 

She literally growled into his chest, furious that he wasn’t letting her go.

He brought his hand up to the back of her head, as he had done so many times to soothe her.

 

“Please don’t do this,” he begged.

 

 

“Let go of me,” she said through gritted teeth. “I fucking mean it.”

 

 

He pulled away to look at her, tears in his eyes. 



“Rey—please—don’t do this. I’m sorry. I love you. Please—no. This isn’t who you are.”

 

 

A deliciously wicked smile came across Rey’s face, she chuckled softly, her eyes glazing to black.

 

 

“This is who I’ve always been, Solo. You were just too fucking stupid to believe otherwise.”

 

 

 

 

There was enough space now, and Rey was only too glad to bring both of her hands up and scratch down the front of Ben’s face with her nails. Hard.



He let out a noise of pain and let her go. 

Ben blinked up through his tears, looking nothing short of devastated with red marks striped down his face from her attack.

Rey took several steps backwards, briefly regarding Ben’s skin beneath her finger nails. 

 

 

Looking up once more through the eyes of a beast—clawed hands still held out before her—Rey turned and ran.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She was finally set free.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I regret to inform you all that we have officially entered the Angst portion of this fic 😔

Chapter 44: A Taste

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey ran to the girls bathroom. The same one she had ran to the day Ben had told her about her eyes, so very long ago.

Looking in the mirror, Rey’s hair was a little frazzled, her breath heavy. She looked at her fingertips once more, slightly in disbelief at Ben’s skin there. 

Rushing over to the sink, she washed her hands vigorously. Certain she couldn’t go back to study hall, Rey managed to wait until second period. And then she went to her locker, grabbed her coat, and headed home—well, not home exactly—but to the Hutchinson-Genesis library.

By lunch time, Rose texted Rey, asking her if she was okay and that neither she, nor Ben was there.

Rey still had it in her to explain what happened. Rose was immediately on her side, which gave her some comfort. But, it also made Rey a bit sad that Ben must have gone home. Perhaps too humiliated to continue the rest of the day with half of his face scratched off.

Rey asked Rose if she could pick up any of the assignments or review notes they shared classes in. To which Rose agreed, also noting she would ask some other classmates for the notes for classes they didn’t have together.

Oddly enough, Rey’s rage fueled her to want to prove Ben wrong. Or something. Because deep down inside, she knew he thought she was too stupid to actually do well in school. Sure he said she was smart, but it was half-true. Whatever intelligence he thought she had, it mattered little in comparison to her shit work ethic. Which she was now determined to prove to him, herself, maybe her teachers, maybe even her parents—that they were all wrong.

One would think she would just say fuck it and throw in the towel under such circumstances, but anger was a powerful tool, and goddammit was it ever delicious to lean into.

 

 

Rose dropped by that Friday afternoon to give her the necessary notes. Rey would have invited her in, but she was too spent from the emotions of the last twenty four hours. She thanked Rose and hugged her. Rey really didn’t deserve her as a friend, but she was thankful for her during this time period nonetheless.

Rey did her usual household chores on Saturday, then studied all weekend. It was difficult, and she briefly considered what Ben had mentioned previously about her having a learning disability—however, with frequent breaks and a few naps—Rey found she was able to power through.

She had never felt more confident about her midterm exams in the entire four years she had been in high school, than she did now.

 

Come Monday, arriving to school on foot again, Rey felt like a year had passed between the events of Friday to this.

Putting her coat away and carefully pulling her books needed in and out of her locker, she set off for study hall.

 

Ben was already there. At his usual spot, studying.

 

Rey saw that all remains of any scratches she had left were almost gone, except for one that went down the right side of his face at a diagonal.

Jesus fucking Christ, she thought in horror and almost, a sick admiration at the evidence she had left behind on him.

 

 

Marking him.

 

 

He was still hers.



 

No fucking question.






Rey enjoyed that fact. 

 

 

She held her eyes to him until she knew he sensed she was there. He looked up to her, but his eyes—his fucking eyes—were different.

He looked, expressionless, and then shifted his gaze back down to his book.

Rey felt something pang in her chest at that, but she quickly shooed it away. 

Sitting in her normal spot, Rey opened her English book to read, even though she was well caught up now. She read anyway.

 

By gym class, Rey put on her new clothes that Aunt Natalie had purchased her for Black Friday. Looking in the mirror, at her crew neck sweater and short shorts. Rey had an idea.

 

Walking out to the gymnasium, head held high. Rey noticed a few boys glance to her and pause. As she made her way over to her usual stretching spot, Rey was only too glad to notice Ben steal a glance, and then freeze, looking away—only to steal another.

Hux was practically drooling.

He inched over to her.

“Hi, Rey,” he said.

They hadn’t spoken to each other in a long time.

Rey stood up and gave him her best smile. “Oh, hi Hux. How’s it going?”

 

Rey had come out in a tank top, pulled slightly lower, so that her best feature, her collarbones and shoulders were completely exposed. Furthermore, she rolled the band of her shorts so that they hiked up about two inches. The crease of her ass, just barely there. A tease. 

A fucking taste, of what was there.

 

Rey’s stomach did jumps of joy, knowing she was absolutely fucking destroying Solo from across the gym. She looked good, and she knew it. 

All the boys in the goddamn class knew it. 

Because Rey Simons had only ever worn shirts and sweater that covered her up completely, while nervously pulling down her shorts as much as possible.

Now—she was practically a walking advertisement, saying:

 

I’m free, and I’m available.

 

 

Her and Solo hadn’t officially broken up. But they might as well have. He had sent Rey a dozen texts over the weekend, all of which she ignored. Until it finally got to the point where she had to turn her phone off.

His desperation—completely and utterly fucking pathetic at this point.

It disgusted her actually.

She mindlessly chattered with Hux, aware that Ben started to pace in a corner. Finn and him were talking, and Rey was sure that Finn was filling him on whatever he knew from Rose.

 

 

Rey showered, letting the water run over her. She smiled into the water, relishing the way she had commanded incredibly power with a tease of her sexuality to all the boys in gym class. How they all, literally every single one of them, were a tad nicer. Even Finn had a look of surprise in his eyes. Not necessarily him being unfaithful to Rose or no shit, but she could practically hear him say:

“Okay, girl, I see you.”

It was hard to explain. She wasn’t a fucking man-stealer like Claire, but—she knew she was impossible to ignore.

And the idea that Ben had to sit and watch as all of the boys saw in her—in a way that only he had seen her since day one— made her feel drunk with superiority.

 

At lunch, Rey was only too excited to get into line. Only this time, instead of hearing Hux behind her. He was besides her.

“How is your studying for midterms going?” He asked.

And Rey realized, he wasn’t actually so bad. As she looked at him—actually looked at him—as he spoke, she realized just how attractive he actually was.

The next moment, his two cronies arrived, and for once, Rey remember and committed their names to memory. Evan and Thomas.

They seemed bewildered at first, but one flash of her best smile and speaking to them in her best voice, Rey let them know what was up indirectly. They all fell into step. As if this had always been the way things were, except, instead of Rey being an unwilling participant in their conversations—she was gladly apart of them now.

 

Rey kept smiling and smiling, flirting with all three of the boys. And as they moved through the line, she wondered why the hell she didn’t do this sooner. Instead of acting like a scared little girl. Making up such obvious shit about her fucking Mr. Davis. Except now, all three of the boys knew—Rey was actually sexually experienced now. And none of them needed to tease her or talk about Mr. Davis. Because the energy of her confidence with them said enough. Told them enough.

 

Rey’s heart thudded as she approached the cashier, and once through the line—she let her eyes flicker to her usual table with Ben, Finn, and Rose.

Then she looked to Hux.

 

Once seated next to him, Evan and Thomas, her table not far away—Rey wished she could have fucking paid real money—for the look that was on Ben Solo’s face. His jaw open, eyes wide. He was truly in shock. So much so, he couldn’t pretend to be otherwise.

Rose and Finn saw it, and Rey stayed smirking as they both turned back to look at her.

 

She didn’t give a fuck about any of them anymore. 

 

 

And Rey wondered why, oh, why, did she fight against this so hard, for so long. 

 

 

Because there was comfort here.

 

Here.

 

Exactly where she belonged.

 

 

Where she had always belonged.

 

 



Notes:

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Chapter 45: Barking Dog

Notes:

Sorry if you guys didn’t sign up for Dark Rey. I’ve tagged accordingly but uh, our girl has been through a lot and it was only a matter of time before she snapped. Sadly it was on poor Ben. This chapter has been in my mind for a while though…so don’t think I’m just writing this one to be more sympathetic. Our girl is still in there of course, but she’s lost her goddamn mind for many and yet—no reasons—what so ever. Thanks for continuing to read and support my work.

Chapter Text

Rey left school on Monday afternoon, still, absolutely intoxicated with the high of making Ben hurt as she had last week.

Come Tuesday, Rey decided to sit in the girl’s bathroom near the library. There was a weird little ledge created near a window, above the stalls, where she liked to sit sometimes. It was completely tucked away, but she liked to sit there when she wanted to skip classes. Not unusual in her four years at St. Michael’s.

 

She didn’t want to endure study hall with Ben a few tables in front of her, to her left and at a diagonal. She couldn’t stop staring at him, or being aware of him, even if she wanted to.

 

And so, today, she would spare herself that pain.

 

She pushed the window open, letting the cool January air hit her face as she quietly ate her chocolate muffin she purchased at the cafeteria before school.

 

She heard girls coming and going to use the bathroom. Luckily from the ledge above the heater, against the wall, at her height, she didn’t see anyone—but she could hear them.

 

Rey hadn’t escaped to this spot in a long time, and same as the library—it welcomed her back so easily. As if to say “Where have you been? I’ve missed you.”

Sitting and enjoying the cloudy sky, finishing the last of her muffin, Rey heard a familiar voice come in.

Two familiar voices actually.

 

Suddenly, she smelled cigarette smoke drifting up to all of the other open windows in front of her. 

 

It was Claire Miller, with Annabelle Peters. 

 

Rey stilled completely, barely breathing.

 

They must have been skipping second hour or something.

 

“Christ, I’m so sick of Phasma’s shit,” Annabelle said.

“She’s so goddamn stupid,” Claire said.

“You mind if I borrow your light?”

The sound of a lighter followed.

Silence.

 

 

“You see Ben’s face?” Annabelle asked.

“I did,” Claire said. “He missed our study group on Friday…and then all of a sudden he has that big ass scratch across his face.”

“You don’t think it was Simons, do you?”

Please—who the fuck else could it be?”

“Wonder what happened.”

“It’s obvious. He told her he was going to do something that didn’t involve her, and she freaked the fuck out,” Claire said.

Annabelle started laughing, and then laughed some more.

“What?” Claire asked, laughter in her voice.

Annabelle was almost hysterical at this point.

 

“Shut the fuck up, or we’ll get caught. What the hell is so funny?”

 

Annabelle was wheezing now.

 

“Zane Johnson told me—“ more laughter. “That when Simons got into it with Mr. Banes her junior year—“

More cackling.

“Spit it out, you fucking cunt,” Claire said, becoming less amused.

 

“I’m sorry,” Annabelle said. “He said she bit Mr. Banes when he tried to pull her out of her desk, and that she started barking at him like a dog.”

 

Claire exploded with laughter.

 

“WHAT?! How the fuck did you not tell me this?” She asked, wheezing.

 

Annabelle rushed into a stall. “I gotta pee, I’m about to piss myself!!”

 

 

Rey heard moments of streaming urine, followed by cackling, and then a bit more. Both girls’ cackles, echoing and echoing.

 

“I gotta sit on the floor—“ Claire howled. Still laughing.

 

Rey felt hot tears slowly making their way down her cheeks. They were talking about the day that she was to be expelled. A memory she tried to bury as deep as possible.

 

“How much—“ Annabelle came out, after flushing the toilet.

“Are you fucking crawling on the floor?” Claire asked. 

“Shut up!” Annabelle laughed. “I gotta—I gotta wash my hands—“

“Stupid bitch, hurry up,” Claire said, then cackled some more. “I literally can’t stop crying. How have you not told me about this sooner?”

Annabelle washed her hands, still laughing, “I don’t know!”

Rey could tell they were near each other now, on the floor.

“How much do you want to bet, she threatens to kill herself every time he wants to break up with her?” Annabelle laughed.

“STOP—“ Claire wheezed.

 

Rey put her head in her knees, desperate that the sounds of their laughs would disappear. But they kept echoing and echoing into the space. Until finally—they did subside. A moment of silence—followed by more uncontrollable laughing.

 

She could tell they were laying on the floor by their sounds. And she wondered if they were on something. 

 

Then it was silent. Unnervingly so.

 

“So what’s actually going on between you two?” Annabelle asked.

Rey heard Claire sigh.

“God—I don’t even know. He helped me with some problems in Calc a few times. He kept smiling at me and I just—I really felt this connection between us.”

“And?”

“I eventually worked up the courage to give him my number.”

Rey wanted to throw up.

“You said you texted him a few times right?”

“Yeah, while he was in the Bahamas with his family. I asked if he could send me a dick pic, but he just responded with a frowny face and said he was too drunk, and that he was pretty sure Rey wouldn’t have liked that.”

“Oh fuck him,” Annabelle said.

“But—I mean, he texted me back—so that has to mean something right?”

“Totally,” Annabelle said. There was a pause. “What do you plan to do?”

Rey could hear from Claire’s breath that she was taking a drag of her newly lit cigarette.

“I don’t even know. If I could get him drunk at one of these study groups, it would be a lot easier to kiss him.”

“Do you think they’ve fucked yet?” Annabelle asked.

Claire scoffed. “Simons is so goddamn weird she probably doesn’t even know what a dick is. Solo’s probably just held hands with her anime-loving ass at best.”



The girls laughed and laughed,

 

 

and all Rey could do was choke back tears—

 

 

as she cried and cried.

 

 

 

Chapter 46: Stairwell Confessions

Notes:

Whew! Y’all have some feelings about these two! Haha, thanks for the comments on the last chapter. I haven’t had a chance to respond yet. It’s been a wild ride, watching people react and engage with my writing when I’ve literally kept all of my fictional characters to myself for 32 years. So uh, this is an experience to say the least. Thanks for continuing to read.

Chapter Text

After Claire and Annabelle left, Rey was still crying. 

She thought about the look Claire gave her when she moved tables with Rose. How she knew one day, she would be repaid for pulling her best friend out from under her claws. She remembered thinking they were not the same breed of people. She remembered thinking that Claire regarded her as a threat to be eliminated.

Even though she had clearly seen her kiss Ben in the lunch line the one day, she laughed and laughed with Annabelle about how she and Ben probably only held hands.

Rey felt betrayed by Ben, only for real this time. She hiccuped at the sheer ridiculousness of how she felt hurt and “betrayed” over him watching a movie without her. She desperately wished she could go back to that being their biggest problem.

Rey didn’t deserve Ben, she never felt like she did. 

 

She remembers how sweet he looked, leaning over her and asking, “Can we be together?” How the very first thought that came to her mind was, Why would he ever want to be with someone like her?

His voice, a memory now:

“Because…I feel like I’ve known you my whole life already. Because you’re funny. And kind. Because from the moment I first saw you through that glass window sitting in Mr. Davis’s office, I knew I wanted to be closer to you. 

Because you’re beautiful.”

 

Rey was none of those things. She never was. And she tried to tell him. Tried to warn him she wasn’t a good person. It was easy for him to say that she was—when it didn’t involve him being hurt.

 

“You’re a good person to me. And you’re still young. You’ve been through a lot. It’s not like you’re an adult and still doing some of those things. And even if you were an adult—there’s help out there. I think you’re good. You’ve just been hurt a lot. 

You’re so good.”

 

Claire was a better fit for Ben. She was smarter. In AP Calculus with him. She had money. Came from a normal family. Sure she was a conniving bitch, but, she would likely outgrow that someday…maybe. He had been accepted to many colleges, he could follow her wherever she went. Rey however, had a half-baked dream of living in Chicago with Ben and Natalie.

 

She could almost laugh now, at how stupid that dream was. How naive and hopeful she felt when she submitted her application. 

 

The thought of living with Natalie, the only thing that gave her some hope now…but even that seemed so far fetched. It was January, and school didn’t start up until end of August. She didn’t graduate until beginning of June. 

Rey really wasn’t sure she could make it until then. 

Bit by bit, piece by piece, she was being taken apart. 

 

Rey imagined Claire in Ben’s bed. Him making love to her, how he did Rey. He was a considerate partner, always worrying about Rey getting off first. Rey overhead some girls talking at their lockers the one day, how the one’s boyfriend didn’t care about her, just blew, and that was that. Never went down on her either. 

 

Rey had no concept of such behavior. 

That was a thing?

She secretly counted her blessings, because that was not Ben at all.

 

 

Rey skipped second and third hour, spending the most of third trying to fix her face. She was thankful she had some concealer and eyeshadow in her bag. For fourth hour, when she would normally have gym, Rey spent it sleeping in a corner of the library. At one of the far tables in the back. Behind some bookcases.

At lunch, Rey tried to stay chipper with Hux and the boys, but she was dreading seeing Ben. 

Sitting down with her tray, Rey did her best to eat, as well as trying not to look at the back of Ben’s head. He had taken to having his back turned to her now.

Rose had texted Rey a WTF text yesterday, when she sat with Hux. Rey simply replied she needed some space. Rose and Finn were now where Ben and she normally would be.

As her food continued to taste like sand, Rey decided to text Ben, finally.

 

Meet me in the stairwell. 

 

She saw him pull out his phone, then quickly shoot off a text, then put it back in his pocket.

 

My mom wants me to stay away from you.

 

Rey’s heart dropped at reading that. It hurt. But then again, she never belonged in the Solo’s lives anyway. She was a feral animal that Ben was stupid enough to try and tame, and he eventually, literally, got scratched the fuck up because of it.

 

She’s not wrong. It’ll only take a few minutes.

 

Rey watched as Ben pulled his phone out again, and gave pause. He must not have been expecting that reaction, because she saw him turn to look at her. He hesitated for a moment, then stood up with his tray to throw it out. Rey waited until he was out into the hallway to follow, emptying her tray on her way out also.

 

She remembered how giddy and excited she used to feel, every day after lunch, going into the stairwell. Not she just felt sad and a bit numb.

 

Eventually, they both were there. Rey immediately taking note of Ben’s closed off body language. She decided to keep a respectable distance. She said nothing at first.

 

Ben gave her a look, then put his hands out.

“Well.”

Rey sighed with a shutter.

“I figured we could talk this out before I make anymore rash decisions.”

“…okay.”

Rey couldn’t help get a little sarcastic as she spoke, if only to keep from crying. She looked down at her Mary Janes.

“I just overheard a rather interesting conversation this morning in the girl’s bathroom. Between Claire Miller and Annabelle Peters no less.”

Ben’s demeanor remained unchanged.

“There’s a little spot I like to sit at when I’m skipping class. I can’t see anyone, and they can’t see me, but I can hear them.”

“Okay.”

“Claire said she gave you her number at some point…and that she was texting you while you were in the Bahamas. Is this true?” Rey felt weird, calmly channeling all the times she sat in the courtroom as a child, watching that prick she barely remembered at the time, cross examining someone.

Ben closed his eyes, then put his hand to his face.

“Fuck.”

“Mmm. Fuck, indeed,” Rey said. “And here I was, thinking and being made to believe I’m just the crazy psycho jealous bitch of a girlfriend.”

Ben sighed deeply, his back against the wall, he looked up the stairwell.

A long moment of silence.

“Yeah, what was that you said? ‘I think you’re being irrational and jealous for no reason right now.’ Was that it?”

Ben still wasn’t looking at Rey.

“I’m asking an actual question here, Ben.”

“Yes, that’s what I said.”

“Okay—so, assuming I’m still your girlfriend right now, and you’re still my boyfriend—I don’t suppose I have any right to ask what it was you guys texted about?” Rey crossed her arms. 

“She initially texted me some questions about Calc. I didn’t think anything of it, and just responded. It was the night after you and I video fucked essentially….and I really missed you. So after my parents went to bed, I just had some of their alcohol. Which was a mistake, because I got super fucked up.”

“That is a bit unusual for you, I must say, Solo,” Rey said. 

“Yeah, well, I missed you.”

“And?”

“So before I know it, she started asking me how the vacation was going. And I told her. She said some stupid shit about how she wished she was there.”

“Oh I’m sure she did,” Rey said, hands trembling in her crossed arms. “Then what happened?”

“I was getting ready to pass out…and then she sent me another text….asking for—for—“

Rey could almost smirk, at how nice it was to see Ben admitting to what she just heard.

“Spit it out, Solo.”

“She wanted a dick pic.”

 

Rey started clapping softly. The sound echoing upwards. Ben looked over to her in surprise.

She smiled. “There you go. Good job. See? It wasn’t that hard to admit that your girlfriend wasn’t being a paranoid bitch, now was it?”

“This isn’t funny, Rey,” Ben said, his eyes dark.

“Does it look like I’m fucking laughing?” Rey retorted. “So then what happened?”

Ben was looking at his feet now. “I—I just told her I didn’t think you would like it if I did that.”

“Which was super shitty to say, by the way—you could have said nothing—but instead, you threw me under the bus like some jealous cunt.”

“I didn’t want to be rude and not respond,” he said.

Rey’s eyes widened. “My god, you really are this stupid, aren’t you?”

“Sorry, I don’t just fucking ignore people, Simons.”

 

He called her Simons. In the entire time that they had been dating, he had never called her Simons.

 

“I mean, imagine if Hux asked me for a picture of my pussy while I was away on vacation, drunk, and then I just replied that I didn’t think you’d like that?”

She saw Ben’s nostril’s flare, because suddenly, put into that context, he seemed to realize the gravity of the situation.

“Speaking of which, real cute, you sitting with him by the way,” he said.

Rey turned her chin up at him.

“Why, does that bother you? It shouldn’t. I could say I think you’re just being irrationally jealous for no reason. Because last I checked, I didn’t like him either, and yet, here we are.”

 

This was the third time that Rey had seen Ben visibly angry.

“You’re really something else, you know that?”

“I am,” Rey said, only too proud. “And I also know that I’m not just a crazy bitch imagining things. You lied to me. Maybe not directly but by omission.”

“No, you’re right,” Ben said. “You’re right, Simons. I did lie by omission. Because I don’t fucking like the girl. Never have and never will. And what boyfriend is going to say, ‘Oh hey babe, after we video fucked, I got a text from the girl you hate, asking for a picture of my cock’?”

“An honest one.”

Ben’s mouth opened. 

“What did you think it meant when she asked you?” 

“You want to know the truth?” Ben asked, standing up straighter.

Rey swallowed.

“I thought she was drunk too and just being stupid.”

Rey snorted.

“No, I’m fucking serious, Simons! No girl has ever liked me before. Ever.”

Rey was a bit stunned. Her eyes wide.

“I mean it. And if they did, then I was too fucking stupid to be able to tell, just like you said. I’ve always just—just focused on my school work.”

Rey could see his eyes getting glassy and it made hers get a bit wet too.

 

“So imagine how caught off guard I was when you practically made it your job to start fucking with me. And all I could think was, wow she’s really pretty and kinda funny for messing with me. But I still just kept focusing on school, because I was new here and I was nervous. And then, I smash my fucking head on your locker door. Which—by the way—fucking hurt like hell…” Ben took a moment to breathe. “And while my head was throbbing like I might have actually been hurt, all I could hear was you cackling like a goddamn witch. Literally my only thought was, even after I had already tried to be nice to you that day—was, Who on Earth hurt this girl for her to be acting like this?

 

Rey let her tears escape her.

 

“And it was weird, because when I stood up after slamming your door, you looked terrified and suddenly hit me. My only thought was—you were scared—and didn’t know what you needed, except maybe attention. It was just…natural for me to hug you.”

Ben was crying now.

“You know what the saddest part of all of that was to me?”

Rey’s lip trembled.

“Was that you would have been happy if I hit you back.”

Rey looked down, the tears trailing her cheeks softly.

“What kind of life have you lived that the way for you to get attention is to want to be physically abused?”

Ben sniffled and wiped his nose on his sweater. Rey rubbed her eyes with her palms.

 

“You so obviously just needed someone to love you. And I just….I loved you from the moment I saw you. How is that? How is it that we both were immediately interested at the same time??”

Rey choked slightly. “I don’t know.”

 

Ben inhaled and exhaled deeply. He looked at his phone. 

“I have to go. But—I do think we should—take a break or something. My mom was really upset when I came home on Friday. I did my best to explain stuff to her, but she was pretty adamant.”



“Ben—“ Rey said, looking up now. Suddenly very calm. “You deserve better.” She laughed slightly. “Trust you to still try to find some middle ground by suggesting a break…but….I think it’s best if we just…break up now.”

 

“Rey—“

 

“It’s for the best, Ben.” 

 

His eyes looked pained, but he didn’t argue.

 

“Okay,” he said softly.

 

He then walked to the double doors, and looked back at Rey. Then quietly left.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 47: Memories

Notes:

Content warning for mention of anti-Black and anti-Asian racism

Chapter Text

When Rey was a child, she spent almost all of her time in the backyard. There were some trees that lined the back fence she liked to climb, and bushes she could crawl in. 

Eventually though, Rey was big enough to climb her favorite tree that overlooked the neighbor’s equally large backyard. She grew curious when a new family moved in and she could hear three boys playing. 

She watched them for a long time, longing to play with them. 

One day, Rey was sitting and giggling, when one of the boys heard her. 

He looked towards the tree where she was hidden. Rey was too high up to come down, so all she could do was freeze with horror.

All three of the boys came over to the bottom of the fence. 

 

“Do you want to play with us?” The oldest one asked, ball under his arm. 

 

Rey stammered. “I, um, my mom is inside and she doesn’t like it if I leave the yard.”

 

“Oh,” the boy said. “Well, if you change your mind, we could use another player to kick the ball around.”

 

About two weeks later, Rey kept glancing back to her house, and then to the yard with the boys. Angela had never come out and checked on her. The thought of getting on the other side of the fence was both tempting and terrifying.

 

Until one day, she finally jumped over. 

 

Soon, she and the two brothers, the oldest—Terrence, his younger brother—Elijah, and their cousin—Malikah—who lived with them, were all kicking the ball around, playing games like hide and seek, and running everywhere.

Their mother was a very nice woman, always well dressed, and she served them snacks and drinks on the back porch. Rey still had yet to experience fresh homemade lemonade as good as Mrs. Washington’s.

 

And then one day—it was all over.

 

“Rey Simons!” Angela snapped from over the fence. She had used a small ladder to peer over. 

“Get over here, now!”

 

The boys and Rey immediately stopped playing. 

 

Head hung low, Rey made her way over to the fence. When Angela started cursing about how the hell was Rey going to get back over, without having to go through someone else’s yard, Terrence came over and gave her a step up.

Rey will never forget the look of pure disgust in Angela’s eyes.

“You boys—come here, all of you.”

As Rey was straddling the fence, Angela addressed them.

“You stay away from Rey, you hear me?”

Rey opened her mouth to object. She turned back to look at the three of them, an awful look of sadness on their faces.

Mrs. Washington must have heard, because she came out onto the back porch.

“Is there a problem?” She called. 

“Yeah,” Angela called back. “Your boys need to stay away from my daughter.”

Mrs. Washington calmly came out to where they were now. Rey began shaking where she was straddling the fence.

 

“You must be Rey’s mother, Angela.”

Angela looked surprised that the woman knew her by name.

“I’m Clarissa, we moved in about four months ago.”

“I don’t care who you are, you keep your children away from my daughter.”

 

“Why aren’t they allowed to play together, exactly?” Clarissa asked, crossing her arms. 

But she already knew the answer. 

They all did.

 

Angela snorted. “You know why.”

 

“No, I don’t. Rey’s been a wonderful playmate with the boys, and I watch them from where I’m at in the house, there’s never been any problems.”

“Well, there is now,” Angela said, grabbing Rey by her upper arm and began trying to drag her over. Rey screamed because her crotch got caught on the wood of the fence.

“Get over here,” Angela growled.

“It’s really sad that you’re teaching your daughter that she can’t play with someone based on their skin color.”

“You worry about your kids and I’ll worry about mine.”

 

Mrs. Washington looked to Rey with a sadness in her eyes.

 

“We loved having you, Rey. I’m very sorry to see this happening to you.”

 

And with that, Rey was back over the fence, the center of her still throbbing in pain. 

 

Inside, Angela spanked Rey on the bottom, extremely hard several times until she cried.

 

Angela made her stay inside for a long time after that. Rey could still hear the boys playing sometimes from inside, and it literally made her cry. Because she knew just how much fun they were having over there. What it was like to have an amazingly kind and wonderful woman for a mother.

 

Eventually the Washington family moved, and Rey held the boys she became friends with only as faded memories now.

 

Rey wondered if part of the reason she never became better friends with Finn Lewis a lot sooner, was because of Angela’s racism towards black people. Same as it was with the Washington’s.

She even made the occasional shitty comment about Rose and her family, reinforcing racist stereotypes about Asian people.  When Rey tried to speak up against it when she was younger, Angela focused her attack on Rey instead; so she quickly learned to just shut up and be quiet.

Rose would sometimes ask Rey why she glared at her mother when she dropped her off. Rey didn’t even realized she had been doing it until it was pointed out to her. She glared, because she was utterly disgusted at what a two-faced wench Angela was to Rose’s parents.

Rose and Rey had been friends since an early age, but it was always Rey going over to Rose’s. Never the other way around.

Rey didn’t even want to know what Angela’s fucked up logic behind that was.

 

 

As Rey swept the pews in the Church on Wednesday, she reflected on how easily it was to exist and function alone. 

 

Because for the majority of her life, she had been alone. The moments she had friends and happiness, always interrupted or clouded by Angela’s bullshit. 

At one point, Rey stood in the center aisle and stared at the massive structure for God. Thinking to herself, that she, as one person, had just cleaned all of it. 

She also couldn’t reconcile the disparity of being completely alone in the church, compared to it being completely full for Christmas mass.

 

 

Rey stood in disbelief, wondering why she had agreed to read in front of so many people.

 

 

Maybe it was because for once, she wanted to be seen and heard—

 

instead of hidden and silenced.

 

Rey resumed her cleaning in contemplative silent reflection.

A mood she was all too comfortable and familiar with.

 

 

 

Chapter 48: Playing with Fire

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

During Thursday mass, Rey had sat next to Hux, Evan and Thomas. 

Hux was well aware now that she and Ben had broken up. And he was only too eager to have her taking an active interest in him. He also had to have surely known, that Rey had initially done it to make Ben jealous.

 

Except now, Rey felt this was truly where she belonged. While Rose understood Rey’s motives initially, Rey could tell they were growing further apart because of Finn and Ben. All four of them had been friends, and yet, Rey was not only giving a huge fuck you to Ben—she was giving it to all of them.

 

The moment of provoking Ben’s jealousy and insecurity had since passed, and yet, Rey found herself only too comfortable with the boys who had tormented her for four years.

Eventually, Rey defaulted to her bullying ways with them. Instead of her being the target this time though, it was other people.

It felt good to have a malicious little snide crew to roll with, if Rey was being honest about it all.

 

At lunch that day, Hux had dared Thomas that he wouldn’t launch a tray of ice cubes behind his head.

Rey drank the last of her pop and poured her contents onto the tray in front of Thomas.

“Dude, just fucking do it.” Evan cackled.

Rey buried her head in her arms, laughing as well. She peeked up exaggeratedly, to which Hux and Thomas laughed.

“One, two, three—go!” Rey said.

Thomas brought his tray absolutely FULL of all of their ice from their beverages up and over his head.

Rey saw how high and far all the cubes flung from a single eye glare, and she laughed so hard she thought for sure she was going to piss herself.

They all were in stitches as some sophomore and junior girls shrieked in horror.

 

Rey had literal tears running down her face when she vaguely caught her old table looking at her. Ben—fucking furious if he ever was such a thing—as he glared at her.

 

Rey didn’t give a single fucking fuck anymore. Least of all from good little rich boy Ben Solo.

 

Their laughs were so loud and disruptive, especially Hux’s, whose octave was especially obnoxious—drew the attention of almost all the tables around them.

 

They laughed and laughed. Rey literally couldn’t breathe. And then—she saw Holdo walk by with a sandwich and drink in hand. She paused, giving a inquisitive look to Rey, then her eyes tracked to Ben—then back to Rey.

 

Rey paid her absolutely no mind, as she cackled and cackled. Too amused by the chaos and shenanigans she, Hux, and the boys created each and every day. It was fun. TOO much fun, and Rey once again, wondered why the hell she didn’t join them so much sooner?

 

After their laughs had finally subsided, they all composed themselves enough to speak the English language once again.

 

Hux was as red in the face as his hair, and Thomas breathed, then started randomly laughing again. Evan’s hand was over his mouth, still stifling chuckles.

 

“Oh,” Hux breathed. 

A moment of silence managed to greet their table.

“Say Simons,” Hux said. 

“Yeah,” she laughed, her lungs still hurting in the best way possible.

“There’s a thing tomorrow night at one of my buddy’s houses from St. John’s. You want to go?”

Rey felt a shiver run through her entire body.

“What time does it start?”

“Eight or so. He’s having a bonfire, drinking. Should be a good time.”

Rey looked over to her old table and noticed that Ben was gone.

 

“Yeah, I’ll go,” Rey said. 

“Really?” Hux asked.

“Yeah,” Rey smiled. “But—I’ll need a ride.”

Hux laughed. “Are you asking me to pick you up, Simons?”

Rey knew she was playing with fire, but she just 

 

Did 

 

Not 

 

Fucking 

 

 

Care 

 

 

Anymore 

 

 

“Yes, Armitage, I am asking you to pick me up.”

 

Something about her calling him ‘Armitage’ for the first time must have done something to him. Because suddenly he perked up, realizing that truly, there was something different developing between them.

 

“It’s not a problem,” he said, with the most serious face Rey had ever seen from him.

 

 

Rey knew she was playing with fire.

 

 

 

But she didn’t care anymore—she couldn’t—care—anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

She had hoped she would catch fire and burn alive.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Maybe then she would feel something again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 49: Holdo’s Sacrifice

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

After English class on Friday, on her way out of Ms. Holdo’s class, she stopped Rey.

“Rey, can I see you after school for a few minutes today?”

Rey stood awkwardly, one hand on her back pack strap.

Holdo had never asked to see her after school before. It was always Rey and her just hanging out, chatting. So this was about something in particular.

“Yeah, sure,” Rey said dismissively, then left.

 

 

 

Rey’s stomach was in knots as she approached Holdo’s room.

“You wanted to see me?” Rey asked, once in the doorway.

 

Holdo looked up from her desk. “I did. Please close the door.”

 

In all the times that Rey talked with Ms. Holdo, she had never asked her to close the door. Rey grabbed the knob and pulled the heavy wooden door shut.

 

“Have a seat, please.”

 

It was also the first that she was telling Rey what to do.

 

Rey dropped her book bag and sat in the front seat she always sat in. 

 

“I…wasn’t going to say anything initially, but, being that it’s been a week now, I wanted to talk.”

 

Rey said nothing.

 

“I assume you know what I’m talking about?”

“No, I don’t,” Rey lied.

“You, sitting at lunch with Armitage Hux?”

“And?”

“Well,” Holdo drawled, as if saying ‘if you want to play this game’. “Considering earlier this year you got suspended for punching him in the face, and just last week, you and Ben were sitting together…I can’t imagine what would have happened to make you go from sitting with Solo, to someone you could have been charged with assault over.”

Rey’s eyes fluttered in anger. She wasn’t going to budge. Not now.

“We’re having a disagreement that’s all,” she said, crossing her arms, defiant.

Holdo nodded her head. “Right…right.”

 

Silence.

 

“I mean, it’s just very strange because, I did essentially have to negotiate with his mother to have him agree to stay away from you. Not to mention, getting you Church Duty on Wednesdays after failing to pull you from gym class.”

 

“And no one asked you to do that,” Rey spat out, before she could even catch herself.

 

Holdo’s eyes widened and her mouth opened.

 

“No. No one did. It’s just—I’m concerned about you is all.”

 

“Well, don’t be. I’m not a charity case.”

 

Holdo let a quiet noise of disbelief escape her.

Rey was not like this with her usually. But she didn’t give a fuck anymore. Not about her or anyone.

 

And just to drive the knife in a little further, Rey added.

 

“Also, I don’t think what I’m doing outside of your class is really any of your business.”

 

Holdo was stunned. Rey liked how powerful she felt lately. Just essentially telling anyone and everyone to get fucked.

 

“No. You’re right. It’s none of my business,” Holdo said.

 

“Can I go now?” Rey asked. She uncrossed her arms and sat up, ready to get out of the desk.

 

Holdo lowered her head. Rey could tell that she was effecting her, maybe even hurting her.

 

Good.

 

“You can go. But before you do,” Holdo said lifting her head up, high and proud, despite being obviously hurt. “I just have to tell you, in the fifteen years that I’ve been teaching here, and for the last four that I’ve been fighting for you—I gotta say—my least favorite moment of my entire career was when your mother threatened to come after my job.”

 

Rey’s eyes widened.

 

“Yeah.” Holdo leaned back into her chair, crossing her arms, looking at the ceiling. “In fact, if memory serves me correctly, it came after an especially exhausting and emotional day of fighting with my boss—and then speaking with you present in front of your parents. Only to go home after, and get a call several hours later from your mother, telling me—“

 

Holdo paused for effect. She had Rey’s full attention now.

 

“And I quote: ‘You’re nothing but a unqualified, childless lesbian, and if you ever suggest my daughter needs medication or professional mental health help ever again, I’ll have your fucking head on a platter.’ —End quote.”

 

Rey had never heard Holdo swear. And she knew—that was her mother coming through her—no question. 

 

Horrified, did not begin to described Rey’s emotion at that moment. 

 

Holdo continued, in a slightly more upbeat sarcastic tone—“She then proceeded to mention the very powerful and successful prosecutor she works for—noting that I wouldn’t stand a chance in court.”

Rey put her hand to her forehead and closed her eyes. She was rendered speechless. Holdo knew what to say to keep her seated, and it worked. 

 

“Just…you know…for your information,” Holdo said, almost casually. “I mean, it’s not like us teachers are people with lives or feelings or whatever.”

 

Both hands at her head now, pushing her hair back, Rey spoke, much less defensively this time. Holdo had cracked her first layer of defense, an easy feat when it came to mentioning her mother.

“What else did she say?” Rey asked, observing the way the lights above, highlighted the various scratches in the laminated desk below.

 

“Oh, I think that pretty much covered it. She really didn’t have a lot of ground to stand on after you did what you did.” Holdo was saying all of this, as if Rey could forget. “She knew deep down inside we were doing you a favor by not expelling you then.”

 

 

 

Rey closed her eyes in shame. The memory gripping her now. 

 

It was her junior year. She was on the third floor, Mr. Banes was teaching Trigonometry. Rey had already been in trouble for cheating on his geometry exam the previous year. On this particular day, Rey was looking out the window, wishing she was anywhere but there. She wasn’t thinking about anything in particular, just, how clear and cloudless the sky looked. There was a large brick corner visible from where she sat, and she found herself imagining the men laying the brick in the mid-80s, when the school was built. What life would have been like then. Who were the men who built it on that particular day? What were they lives like then? Where were they now? Did some of them die since then?

“Rey,” Mr. Banes snapped. 

She startled and turned to the front.

“The final exam is in two weeks and you of all people should be paying attention.”

A few students snickered. 

Banes turned and sighed. 

Rey was so over everything. She could imagine herself being on that brick corner, jumping off of it….

“Really?” she taunted, but also was upset that he had to embarrass her like that. 

“Well—“ he said, taking the bait. “Considering you got caught cheating last year, it would behoove you to pay attention and try to learn something.”

A few audible gasps could be heard. An odd laugh of discomfort also sounded. No one knew that until that moment. Banes had spared her the humiliation at the time, waiting until later to confront her privately, but apparently, he wasn’t going to do that now. 

Rey looked down, and twiddled with her book.

“You know—“ she said, so casually, so cool. “The only reason I cheated was because the content was so fucking boring.”

More audible gasps at her swearing. Then some jeering.

“Quiet!” 

“I mean…if you had given geometry problems about the sizeshape…and…length of your how small your penis was relative to other, larger sized penises, then that—THAT would have interested me enough to study harder…you know what I mean?”

The whole class was laughing and a few guys were clapping. Someone was literally doubled over in their desk.

Banes came over and grabbed Rey just above her elbow.

“Hey! You’re not allowed to touch me,” Rey snarled. 

Get up,” Mr. Banes demanded. 

Before she could help herself, because there was always something about anyone grabbing Rey by her upper arms, she lunged forward and bit Mr. Bane’s forearm.

 

The man literally screamed in pain.


Rey started barking at him, like a dog, just to fuck with him.

 

 

More gasps, then laughing, then sheer and total chaos. The room a mess of noises, indistinguishable. 

 

“Someone go get another teacher!” One student shouted.

A student ran to do so.

“Damn, he’s going to have to get a rabies shot now,” Another classmate said. 

Mr. Banes was holding his forearm in agony, hunched over, stumbling away.

 

“SIMONS GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY CLASSROOM NOW.”

 

Dead silence. There was nothing funny now.

 

Rey however, started laughing while shoving her book into her backpack, getting up to leave.

 

“You taste fucking disgusting by the way,” Rey said to him, in passing, with a sneer.

 

Someone barked a laugh, then quickly silenced it.

 

At that moment another teacher was at the door, shock on their face.

“Take her to Davis,” Banes snapped. “—and she won’t be coming back here if I have anything to say about it.”

 

 

 

 

“Rey,” Holdo said, bringing her back to the present. Rey didn’t realize large tear droplets had fallen onto the desk.

“Ben and I broke up,” she said, through her tears.

Ms. Holdo waited for a moment. “I know.”

“You do?” 

“I spoke with him yesterday after I saw you sitting with Hux. I noticed that large gash on his face. He tried really hard to say it wasn’t you.”

“God, I’m a fucking mess.” Rey cried.

“I don’t suppose I need to tell you what you did to him was assault—and abuse.”

Rey just choked at that. Holdo came over with a box of Kleenexes and started rubbing her back. 

 

“I see you, Rey,” Holdo said. “I’ve always seen you. In the way that only people like us can see each other.”

 

Rey was gritting her teeth, shoving down as hard as she could, the sounds that were trying to escape her throat. Her tears thick and hot. Holdo rubbed her back in gentle circles, then pulled away, taking her place leaned up against her desk in front of Rey.

 

“It’s not easy growing up. Being different. Not to mention knowing you’ve liked girls since you were seven.”

 

This was Ms. Holdo’s first actual admission that she was a lesbian. Rey breathed and looked up through tears, blowing her nose, and drying her eyes somewhat. 

 

“And then you grow older, and you feel like everyone can just see it written all over you. Terrified that you’re going to be outed at any moment. So you spend a lot of time alone, already being a strange child, and then add on a queer orientation to that…it makes for a pretty awful combination.”

 

 

Holdo could lose her job by openly admitting she was a lesbian teaching at a Catholic school. So the weight of what she just said to Rey was not lost on her. Rey noticed the rings on her fingers clutching the edges of her desk. All except a wedding ring. Holdo made no mention of a partner, but if she had one, there was no evidence of it—couldn’t be—any evidence of it.

 

“You’ve obviously grown up very lonely, Rey. Probably even had an imaginary friend or two?”

Rey looked down again, nodding her head. Holdo apparently was trying to destroy her every barrier she had put up—and it was working. 

 

“Mine were ‘Lena’ and ‘Skip’. Did yours have any names?”

“‘Timothy,’” Rey said quietly. She didn’t tell Holdo it was Timothy, Mrs. Brisby’s son from ‘The Secret of NIMH.’

There was a very long silence between the two of them. The hum of the fluorescent lights and the subtle buzzing of the wall clock filling the space between them.

 

Finally Ms. Holdo broke the silence. 

“One other thing I wanted to mention to you. That ‘1984’ assignment I gave you and Ben—“

Rey looked up with curious puffy eyes.

“His paper was…average. About what I would expect from an AP student. But yours? Yours was exceptional. You had analysis in there that I had to look up online to see if it had been discovered already. I shouldn’t have doubted you, of course, but I was truly blown away, Rey.”

This caused Rey to cry softly again.

“You’re smarter than Ben in a lot of ways—and he knows that. It’s part of why I think he likes you. Loves you too, obviously. Among many other reasons.”

Rey tries to choke out what happened, she wants to tell her about Claire, about all of it. But she shoves it back down. It’s what’s left unsaid that is saying a lot more than anything she could explain.

 

Another moment of silence.

 

“Whatever he did wrong. I just hope you know how deeply you’ve embedded yourself into that boy’s soul as he’s done yours.

 

Don’t let a high school misunderstanding ruin what you two have.”

 

Holdo glanced to her wall clock. Then stood up.

 

“I really hate leaving you like this. But I have to get home and eat before I head out for my night classes.”

 

Rey started shifting and wiping her nose. Moving quickly.

“Yeah—no, no —I’m sorry to keep you. I should get going too.”

“Take your time.” Holdo came over and put her hand on Rey’s shoulder. “I’ll lock the door on my way out, so make sure you take your stuff when you go. Otherwise you won’t be able to get back in.”

 

Rey nods. Still trying to clean her face.

 

She can’t look at Holdo, she just lets her touch her shoulder. The woman’s already defeated her, and anything more than a back rub and shoulder squeeze would just send her to her grave.

 

Holdo gives her a final pat, then releases her reassuring touch.

 

“Have a good night, Rey.”

 

“G’night.” Rey mumbles, her head still lowered.

 

 

“Make sure to turn these lights off when you leave, will ya?”

 

“I will.”

 

“Thanks.”

 

 

She hears Holdo turning the lock and then the sound of her footsteps down the hall, followed by the clicking of the door shut.

 

 

 

Notes:

This chapter has been lying in wait for awhile. May we all have a Holdo in our lives and be a Holdo for those in need.

Chapter 50: Prayers

Notes:

I was supposed to take a breather after yesterday’s chapter, but I had to sit someplace for about 3 hours earlier today, so I brought my iPad and typed away. Also, for some comedic relief, one of my readers commented on Chapter 44, regarding Rey:

“She needs to send the therapy bills directly to John J. Turner and Associates. Woof”

Listen, when I tell you I fucking CACKLED, and then later, remembering it randomly again, cackled some more…oh man. Too funny. Thank you all for some of the most amazing and wonderful comments— funny, serious, and heartbreaking. They all mean the world to me.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey composed herself eventually and left Holdo’s room, turning the lights off as she went.

The halls were especially empty, being a Friday afternoon. Rey didn’t realize how long she had been there from start to finish. There might have been some faculty left somewhere, but in the senior hall, it was completely dead. The fluorescent lights half on.

 

Arriving at her locker, Rey started to put some of her books away she didn’t need. She was still lost in her head a bit, thinking of all the things Holdo had said to her.

As Rey stood there, head down for a moment, a thought occurred to her. She looked left and right, certain that she was alone, but just to be sure, she placed a few books on the floor. That way it wouldn’t look so weird that she was kneeling, just in case someone did come by.

Once lowered, Rey steadied her hands on Ben’s locker below hers. She leaned in to the upper air vents, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. She could smell him instantly. It was dark in the locker, but Rey was sure he had a spare green wool sweater in there. Being that close to him again, his smell, of him—she pulled away and put a hand to her mouth, suffocating any cries she might make. 

Was she just torturing herself after the Holdo conversation, where she had cried a lot already? Or did she just need to feel close to Ben again—to know he was still near in some way? It was one thing to conceptually know he still existed, seeing him in passing at their lockers, in study hall, gym, at lunch. But it was quite another to smell him. Because smell didn’t know time, and it didn’t know conflict, it just simply was. 

The memories attached to it, shaping how it could be perceived—and in that moment, all Rey could smell were the best memories of her life. However short lived they may have been.

Rey cried for a good minute, shuttering, before she realized she just really needed to get home to actually cry it out. Where she wouldn’t have to try so hard to silence herself.

 

At home, Rey turned off her phone. She didn’t want to deal with Hux texting her about the bonfire. She didn’t want to deal with anyone. 

She just needed to sleep. Sleep was her escape at the moment. The only place where she could find a brief pause from the chaos.

On Saturday, Rey completed her chores, as usual. Her father was home, sleeping and lounging about. Her mother dropped by briefly and then was gone just as quickly.

The next day, Rey felt a bit funny, and she wasn’t sure why she was going to put herself through it—but she decided to go to Sunday mass.

Maybe it was because of loneliness, maybe it was because there was a good chance Ben would be there, Rey really didn’t know, but she set out on foot anyway. 

 

 

Once there, outside, Rey realized she hadn’t gone to a Sunday service at St. Michael’s for a very long time. She went sporadically as a child with her parents, and then that eventually just stopped. Not that Rey was complaining, she was usually bored to tears.

But there was a weird sense of accomplishment by deciding to go by herself today. Even though she was dreading possibly seeing Ben and his parents, she was also hopeful to see him too. There was also something familiar and comforting about being some place that wasn’t her bedroom all weekend.

Walking in with some other parishioners, Rey tried her best not to feel like an imposter that didn’t belong. Making her way up the steps in the front entrance, she bristled once out of the cold. Anxiously looking around, she didn’t see Ben or his parents anywhere. An elderly woman who entered behind Rey touched her arm, she turned with wide eyes. Rey had no idea who she was, but it was nice to hear her compliment her reading for Christmas mass. Rey bowed her head and thanked her politely.

 

Unsure of where to sit, Rey decide to take her place in one of the back pews, same as Thursday mass.

 

And then—out of the corner of her eye—Rey’s heart dropped into her stomach, as she immediately recognized Ben with his dark head of hair passing by. Leia and Han were with him. Rey felt Ben pause, momentarily startled, and then kept walking. Rey put her head down, desperate not to see what Leia’s expression would be on her face.

The Solos sat in the middle pew area. Rey knew she was sure to do nothing but stare at the back of Ben’s head the entire service.

 

During communion, when Rey went up, Father Dameron gave her a look of both surprise and approval as he handed her her wafer. Something about that made her feel really good, happy that he seemed proud and pleased to see her.

 

 

Once seated again— looking at back of Ben’s black head of hair, Rey felt a physical ache in her chest. It felt strange to be so far away from him, and yet, knowing how close she had once been to him. She admired how the stained glass sun looked in his dark tresses.

Rey remembered how his strands felt between her fingers, clenching a fistful while he licked at her center, or how warm his breath felt against her cheeks and ears during sex, the way his eyes looked when he was about to kiss her. 

 

Rey so desperately wanted to talk to Ben. To apologize to him, to his parents, especially Leia. Who welcomed Rey so warmly into her home more than once, fed her, and put her up for the night—two actually, although she wasn’t sure if Leia knew about the second time— only for Rey to hurt and humiliate her son.

 

Rey bowed her head during the rest of communion as the music played. Letting Sister Eugene’s fingers on the piano soothe her as she prayed. 

Rey hated that she was of course, one of those people Father Dameron talked about, who prayed only when they needed something. He said you should pray for others, pray in thanks and glory, pray always. 

 

If Rey had prayed before, it was aimless and stupid. Asking for clothes or toys. Now, however, Rey felt like she actually had something to pray for.

 

Rey prayed for a few things, more than a few things, actually. 

She prayed to not feel this pain in her heart anymore.

She prayed to get her fucking shit together—to not act like a goddamn cat caught in a trash bag at the first sign of conflict—literally scratching, biting, punching, and cursing people out.

She prayed for help. That something could happen so she could go to counseling again, maybe get on medication, as Holdo had suggested to her parents last year. Maybe Natalie could help her. She just had to get through the rest of her senior year and summer.

Rey prayed that she could continue living in her parents house without incident. Without any fights or conflict. She prayed that her parents could be happy, just for a little while, until she could move out. 

 

The last thing, Rey prayed for, what she wanted most of all:

 

She prayed to have Ben back in her life. 

 

She asked God to help her get better. To be a better person. That perhaps if she did, maybe Ben could forgive her and give her another chance. Same with Leia. Father Dameron said that God’s timing was perfect, that it was never wrong. 

Rey clutched her eyes shut, hoping, praying, wishing —that God’s timing to help her, to hopefully reunite her with Ben—would be in perfect timing—before it was too late; before he decided to go some place else for college, and they would drift apart forever.

 

Rey ended her prayer, made the sign of the cross, and then quietly left. Not necessarily the best etiquette to leave right after communion, but she at least showed up.

 

That had to have counted for something. 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 51: Safe

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Arriving to school on Monday morning, Rey had felt a bit more optimistic about the future. She had hope, ambition, and she felt some release during her prayers to God during Sunday mass. She wasn’t sure if they were heard or not, but she had to believe they were—somewhere in the universe. 

Rey had all but forgotten about Hux and the boys. That is, until she decide to turn her phone back on at her locker. She had let it completely die during the weekend, then charged it that morning, and then finally worked up the courage to turn it on.

 

She had thirteen missed calls and messages from Hux. Something about that made Rey sick to her stomach. The messages started friendly enough, but then they quickly devolved into anger, and then what appeared to be outright rage, calling her a selfish cunt. 

 

Rey started shaking. She had to have known this would be the result of her not going with him on Friday night. She was so fucking stupid to think anything else but him raping her or at the very least, her convincing herself that she wanted to have sex with him at that party—was what was going to happen.

 

Rey desperately wanted to turn back, to run home. But she had to keep going—for herself and her future—and if she had any hope at a chance with Ben again. At any hope to get herself out of this wretched fucking city, away from her parents.

Meandering to study hall, very slowly, Rey was shaking uncontrollably. She felt a fear that felt a little too real. She didn’t know what to do. Her stomach was turning and twisting with a sickening feeling she couldn’t shake.

 

She saw Ben briefly, and then, probably looking like an old woman, hobbled her way over to her old spot. She sat carefully, then put her head into her arms. She couldn’t soothe herself. Something visceral had been triggered from Hux’s very angry messages. Somewhere in her memory, she heard Ben’s voice:

He’s a dangerous idiot, Rey.

But was he really? What was the worst he could do to her for standing him up? She didn’t say anything mean to him, she just—had her phone turned off all weekend. She needed the time, space and quiet to herself. 

 

Rey tried to steady her breathing. It wasn’t working. Her leg shook horribly. She felt hot and cold all at once. She didn’t know what she was going to do about gym, or lunch. She could try to lie to him, but somehow she knew no matter what she said—it wouldn’t have been good enough.

Rey suddenly began dry heaving into her lap in the library. She quickly brought her hand to her mouth. But it was no use. The sensations were one of anxiety and not a real stomach sickness. The only way to actually stop them was to remove the threat. 

Hux, living in her mind, sitting around angrily texting her as the night went on, filled her with dread.

 

If she hadn’t felt so ill, she might be capable of crying. Instead, she just felt awful. 

 

“Are you okay?”

Rey closed her eyes, hard. So incredibly desperate—desperate not to cry.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“You don’t look fine.”

Rey said nothing. She let hot tears escape her. 

Ever since Ben Solo had come into her life, she always managed to cry. She felt like such a fucking weak ass bitch. Crying here, crying there, fucking crying everywhere. It was almost funny if she hadn’t felt so goddamn pathetic every time she did.

It was hard to feel safe crying at school. Rey couldn’t help it though. Because whenever she heard Ben’s voice—his tone of genuine concern—it always did something to her.

 

Softened her. Weakened her. 

 

Even though she had scratched the shit out of his face, flaunted herself in gym class, sat with Hux and the boys to make him jealous, started doing bullying shit again, ignored him, belittled him, named called him.

 

He still had it in him to care.

 

Rey never deserved him. She knew that. And yet, he still loved her anyway. Still cared even though they weren’t together anymore.

A testament to the authenticity of his truly good character. 

 

Rey swallowed hard again. She couldn’t stop her fucking pathetic tears. Least of all when Ben pulled out a chair in front of her. She still couldn’t bear to look at him though.

“Rey, what’s wrong?” He asked.

She couldn’t help but choke, head still in her arms.

“I was fucking stupid,” she garbled. 

She felt his arm reach over and touch her forearm. His touch destroying her instantly. He rested his hand there to just reassure her, as he had always done.

“I was supposed to go with Hux to this thing on Friday and I didn’t go—“ she cried.

“Rey, let’s go outside.”

 

Still keeping her head down, Rey wordlessly followed him. In the double door space they had been once before, Rey managed to steal a glance at Ben. The scratch on the right side of his face was completely gone. Thank God.

 

“What’s going on?” He asked again.

“I—I was supposed to go to this stupid thing with Hux on Friday—“ Rey choked out again. “But I didn’t. I just—I couldn’t.”

Ben was keeping his distance. That crushed Rey. But she knew it was a natural consequence of her violence and them not being together anymore. 

He was listening as a friend, and something about that broke Rey’s heart even more.

He wasn’t saying anything from a place of judgment— he was just listening. 

 

Rey choked the sound of her crying away. Ben was patiently waiting, listening.

“I—I came to school this morning because I had my phone off all weekend. I just—didn’t want to deal with him or anyone else. And I—I turned it on finally.”

Rey sat down, shuttering from anxiety and cold. Ben came to sit next to her, right up against the heater where they would be warmer. She could feel him looking at her.

“He sent me all these really mean text messages.”

Out of the corner of her eye, where Ben’s arms were crossed over his knees, she saw him clench one of his fists. But he said nothing.

 

“I’m so stupid—“ Rey cried, putting her head into her knees.

 

“You’re not stupid, Rey,” Ben said quietly, as he had done so many times before.

She did her best to cry silently, desperately wishing that Ben would touch her somehow. But why would he? After they were no longer dating and she cut him up. He had no reason to. 

Rey remembered how good it felt asking God for help the day before—even if she didn’t know what was going to happen with them—Ben was still a dear friend. A friend she most definitely didn’t deserve but still needed.

 

A friend that still cared no matter what.

 

“Can you—“ Rey choked. “Can you—can you just hold me?”

“Of course,” Ben said.

And before Rey knew it, she was in Ben Solo’s arms again, crying heavily.

 

It was simultaneously the best and worst feeling in the world.

 

Because once again, Rey was safe.

 

 

Safe in the arms of Ben Solo.

 

 

 

Notes:

Not me crying again writing about these babies. Goddamit. I want this to be about 60 chapters but I swear to God, some of this is not going at all how I planned, so I hope you guys are along for the ride. I don’t plan to drag anything out more than necessary, but legit, this exact chapter was unplanned, and yet here we are—me crying with this angsty shit. UGHHHH

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Chapter 52: Admit It

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“I don’t want to live like this anymore, Ben,” Rey said.

She had stopped crying a few minutes ago, leaned up against the heater with her legs stretched out on the floor. She stared despondently at her feet.

“I’m just so…so very tired.” Rey closed her eyes. “It’s a tiredness that even sleep can’t help.”

“What would you like to be different?” Ben asked. 

Rey scoffed. “Everything. I’d want everything to be different.”

Rey began to pick at a loose thread on her skirt. 

“I wish I could get back into counseling…I went last year after I was supposed to be expelled. Holdo had suggested medication—“

“You were supposed to be expelled?” Ben asked quietly.

Rey turned to look at him. “You didn’t know that?”

“You…you never said anything.”

Rey looked forward again. “Yeah. In addition to overhearing how Claire wanted you to send her a dick pic. I got to listen to her and Annabelle laugh hysterically about when I supposed to be expelled.”

Rey’s brow was furrowed. The memory of them laughing, both hurtful and angering.

“Can I ask what happened?”

“Does it really matter?” Rey asked. “I’m fucking trash, Ben.”She paused. “Anyway, my parents came, and Holdo really went to bat for me. I was suspended and had to do six sessions of counseling to avoid expulsion. You can image how pleased Angela was at that.”

“What about the school counselor?”

Rey was becoming irritated with Ben’s lack of knowledge that seemed so redundantly old news to her. But she tried to be patient, because he didn’t even know half of the shit she’d gotten to over the years.

“The guy’s an idiot. That’s why Holdo suggested private counseling. My parents were kinda backed into a corner. So…my mom had me do it, and then that was that.”

Rey laughed to herself.

“She was so mad. She smacked me on the back of the head as soon as we got in the car.” Rey just shook her head and looked away from Ben completely. “Fucking bitch,” she breathed.

 

The bell rang. First hour was over.

Rey stood up immediately. Ben did likewise, a little more slowly with his tall frame.

“What about Hux?” Ben asked.

Rey dusted herself off. “What about him?”

“It’s just…he’s harassing you. That’s not okay.”

Rey sighed. “I’m not telling on him. It’s not worth it.”

“But this is concrete proof that he’s saying inappropriate stuff to you.”

“And what am I going to say to Davis? ‘He was supposed to avoid me as much as possible and now he’s mad because I didn’t go with him to a party’?”

Ben grimaced.

“I gotta get to second hour,” Rey said, opening a large double door.

Ben wordlessly followed behind her. They retrieved their backpacks from the library and went their separate ways.

 

 

Gym was upon Rey before she knew it. She still felt anxiety in the pit of her stomach. She shook as she changed her clothes, wearing long sweatpants and a crew neck t-shirt. Exiting the locker room, Rey made her way to the gym on shaking legs.

Ben was stretching with Finn. Hux was in a corner with a few guys.

Rey went to a corner all by herself and started stretching her quads, looking at the floor.

She heard obnoxious laughing from Hux, then eyes on her out of her periphery. She felt safe with Ben there, but also somewhat foolish at the stark contrast of her wearing more revealing clothes recently, to suddenly covering back up. 

 

Mr. Parks came in and began talking. Rey looked at him, but she was actually only looking at Ben on the other side of him, and Hux out of the corner of her eye. To Rey’s horror, it was dodgeball today. And of course, she was on the opposite team of Ben and Hux. Luckily, Finn was on her team. 

 

She did her best to aim at others that weren’t the two of them. She noticed Ben was doing the same. Hux, however, had a shit-eating grin and began chucking the ball at Rey. She was his sole target. She successfully blocked a few times with her own ball, jumped out of the way during other attacks, and he got her legs a few times, forcing her out. Finn noticed Hux’s attacks and managed to get him out during at least one round.

In the final round, as Rey was dodging an attack from someone else, she turned and was hit square in the face with a ball. 

From Hux of course. Who was laughing, red in the face.

Ben looked furious and started saying something indiscernible to Hux. Rey blinked through the wetness and embarrassment forming in her eyes. She simply walked off court, not staying around to deal with any further bullshit.

“Rey, is everything okay?” Mr. Parks called out to her. 

“Rey,” Finn said.

She ignored them both and went to the girls’ locker room.

 

If she hadn’t cried it out so much with Ben earlier, Rey may have broken down into tears again. However, she just felt sorta numb. After showering and changing back into her uniform, Rey made up her mind on what she needed to do.

 

Exiting the locker rooms, she was surprised to see Ben standing against the wall waiting for her.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“He’s such a fucking asshole,” Ben breathed. “I’m going to go talk to Holdo after this.”

“Don’t,” Rey said. “I got this.”

“Rey, please don’t do anything rash.”

“No, I won’t. I just want to talk to him—“

Ben stood up straighter as Hux came out of the boys’ locker room.

Hux walked pass the two of them, talking to Christopher Moore, as if they weren’t even there. Rey started to follow him. Ben opened his mouth to protest. “Stay here. I promise if something goes down, you’ll hear it.”

Ben did as she said, staying put. Though he didn’t look too pleased.

 

 

“Hey, Hux,” Rey called. She was now around the corner from where Ben was.

Hux kept walking.

“You want to tell me why you can’t just fucking admit you like me?” She said, a bit louder. 

Hux stopped. She knew he would. Christopher Moore turned first, then Hux.

“What?” He laughed.

“You heard me.”

“Simons, don’t flatter yourself. You’re tits are too small and you have big teeth.”

Rey winced, but she remained undeterred.

“That hasn’t stopped you from harassing the absolute shit out of me for four fucking years. Not to mention the dozens of fucking text messages you sent like an asshole this weekend.”

Christopher began to look uncomfortable.

Rey saw Hux’s jaw work. He mumbled something to Christopher, essentially dismissing him. He walked down the hallway, then turned out of sight. Looking only too happy to get the hell out of there.

“You and Solo back together?” He asked. “Is that why you have him hiding around the corner. What, is he too much of a pussy to fight me?”

“We can go someplace else if you want,” Rey said, chin held high.

Hux came up to her, they were close together now.

“We can talk where no one will hear us.”

Hux looked to contemplate it. “Okay.”

Rey could sense Ben’s tension around the corner somehow. Even though she couldn’t see him, she knew it was there. An odd feeling…because, how could she know what he was feeling without seeing him?

 

 

Rey lead Hux to a far away corner, near another exit, where the concession stands were.

Hux turned to regard her once they were there. “What’d you bring me here for? Want to suck my dick behind the counter?”

“Stop fucking talking like that,” Rey snapped. She could feel how cross her face was.

Hux sighed, then laughed. “I liked you better last week…when you showed off those small tits and had your shorts hiked up your ass.”

“You know, Hux,” Rey said, unfazed and unafraid of him for the first time ever. “If you weren’t such a prick to me since freshmen year, I might have actually like-liked you.”

 Hux’s mouth opened slightly, surprised. “What?”

“Just fucking admit it,” Rey said. “You torment me because you like me.”

Hux looked down and away. 

Rey continued. “And I could have liked you too…if you hadn’t hurt me so much.”

Hux looked up at her, eyes completely serious through the strands of his red hair.

“Yeah—you win, Armitage Hux,” Rey said, offering her hands out. “You’ve hurt me. A lot. Are you happy now?”

Hux’s face had softened.

Rey looked down, not wanting to cry. She saw that he wasn’t a total fucking monster. Not yet anyway. He was a fucking cunt for his bullshit, but, if she was ever going to try to get through to him now—she might as well do it when she just couldn’t fight anymore.

“I just took you, Evan and Thomas’s shit—all this time—and I thought—if I just play along, they’ll leave me alone. If I just ignore it, they’ll leave me alone. If I just punch you, you’ll all leave me alone.”

“So why sit with us then?” Hux asked, eyes narrowing.

“Because I was pissed off at Solo,” Rey said immediately. “Come on now. Don’t act stupid—you know the game.”

Hux shifted his weight, Rey moved back slightly, staying within a safe distance. He looked angry a bit, but, definitely dropped the bullshit joker act.

“I’ve done literally fucking everything I could think of,” Rey said. “Hoping eventually—you guys would just fucking leave. Me. Alone. And then this weekend, I had my phone off, because I just haven’t—“

“Haven’t what?” Hux asked, impatient.

Rey swallowed. “I haven’t…felt good…lately.”

A soft tear fell, Rey kept her head lowered. 

“I’m—I’m sorry if you felt…something more was developing between us. But I’m—I’m not okay right now. And it’s not even just Solo. I’m just going through a lot.” 

Silence. Rey saw Hux’s feet shifting back and forth, apparently a self-soothing technique for him. Everyone would be at lunch now. It was just the two of them.

“I couldn’t,” Hux said.

Rey looked up, wiping away her tears slightly. “Couldn’t what?”

“Couldn’t admit it,” Hux said, barely audible, then quietly added, “I’ve always liked you, Rey.”

 

Rey’s throat caught. “Then why—why’d you have to be so fucking mean to me?” The desperation and hurt, surely evident in her voice. 

“Why couldn’t you just fucking talk to me like a normal human being?”

Hux’s head was hung in shame. He was twisting his foot in a small circle now.

“I don’t know,” he said. “I thought you’d laugh at me if I told you.”

“And that’s the worst fucking thing that could have happened?”Rey asked, still hurt, her anger coming through somewhat. “Instead you had to call me a ‘dirty little slut’ that liked to fuck Mr. Davis? You snapped my bra strap in basketball. You called me a ‘selfish cunt’ this weekend. You attacked me with fucking dodgeballs in gym today. And you literally just said not even ten minutes ago that I had small tits and big teeth. How the fuck did you think I was ever going to respond to any of that?”

 

Hux looked up at her, his eyes fluttered. “I thought what happened last week, would be what would happen eventually.”

 

Rey’s eyes were wide, she could feel her mouth hung open, stunned. 

 

“And then what? I go to the bonfire and get smashed ass drunk and you weren’t going to fucking take advantage of me?”

 

“What?” Hux asked. “No!”

“Oh my god,” Rey said, hands over her face. “I should have fucking known.”

“Known what, Simons?” Hux asked, angry but not threatening.

“Here I was, just making shit up in my head,” Rey said. “God, even Holdo believed it. And I let your big ass mouth scare me all this time, but it’s so obvious.”

Hux’s lips pursed, his nostrils flared.

“Have you—have you had a girlfriend before?” Rey asked.

Rey and him both knew what she was really asking.

 

“No,” he said, flatly. His eyes dark.

 

Rey could feel her eyes downturn. He still snapped her bra strap that time, he had said so many awful things to her. He had legitimately tormented her at various points through high school. He never actually got to know her. He still didn’t know her.

Rey straightened up. 

There was a strange moment of them just staring at one another.

“If you…if you still care about me at all,” Rey said, her voice a bit uneven. “Please just let me finish this year in peace.”

Hux’s throat bobbed. “Okay.”

“I—uh, I can’t sit with you anymore,” Rey said. “I’m really sorry, but—“

“Solo,” he said. “I got it.”

“We’re actually not back together,” Rey said, correcting him.

“What?” Hux said, perking up.

“It’s…just..whatever, we need to get to lunch. We got like fifteen minutes left now.”

Rey started to make her way down the hallway, and Hux followed with her. 

She wasn’t able to wrap her head around the conversation they just had. She still didn’t entirely trust Hux. But with any luck, she may have just disarmed him some. Another part of Rey wondered too, if he was only going to continue to be on good behavior because he still felt like he had a chance.

He may have missed the point entirely. Only ever thinking of her as a potential girlfriend. He may forever be that douchebag who, if he wasn’t out raping girls, then he would be bitterly lamenting that he was being “friend zoned.”

 

Whatever the case, Rey would do her best to remain cordial with Hux, but keep a safe distance from him. Unpredictable. That’s how she looked at him now. 

 

It was hard for her to see which way he would turn in time, but Rey just had to manage him as best she could for five more months.

 

 

 

For now, she really just wanted to get some goddamn food in her. 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I apologize for the lack of updates. Have I arrived as a fic writer now that I got people telling me I need to update? Lol. I’ve been very busy preparing for my black belt test in Kyudo this upcoming weekend. Kyudo is Japanese long bow archery (YouTube it, it’s pretty sweet). I’ve been practicing for 3 years here in Japan with multiple covid interruptions—so to get to this moment—still feels utterly surreal. Please wish me luck and send good vibes! After this weekend, I’ll be back to updating about our babies as frequently as I had been. Much love. ♥️

Chapter 53: Worth fighting for

Notes:

Not me blessing y’all with a chapter on the eve of my test—writing to help curb my nerves apparently. Tomorrow is the big day! Lol. Hope you guys enjoy this one.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey didn’t sit with anyone at lunch. She grabbed a sandwich as she had done so many times before, quickly scurrying off. She ate it in the stairwell she and Ben used to frequent. 

 

Walking home that afternoon, Rey felt a familiar prickle on the back of her neck. 

“It’s really cold out, you know,” a familiar voice said.

“I’m okay,” Rey called.

“It’s not that hard to just get in and let me take you home,” Ben said.

Rey closed her eyes and inhaled deeply. “I’m fine, Solo.”

She continued to walk. 

“Please?” Ben asked.

Rey turned to look at him. She couldn’t deny his puppy dog face and eyes. And it was pretty cold out.

Once inside of his vehicle, Rey said nothing.

“Did everything go okay earlier?” Ben asked.

“It went fine.”

“So…he’s going to leave you alone, or do I still need to talk to Holdo?”

“He agreed to leave me alone.”

“Good,” Ben said. But he sounded a little too firm when he said it.

They were on her street now. 

“Is your mom home today?” Ben asked.

It was a Monday, but oddly enough, her mother wasn’t home today.

Rey turned to look at him. “No.”

“Okay.”

Once in her driveway, Rey spoke.

“Ben, what the fuck is actually going on here?”

“What?” He glanced to her.

“You’re the one who broke up with me, remember,” Ben said.

“So…are you asking to get back together?” Rey asked. They broke up last Tuesday, here it was Monday. 

“I just want to be with you. However, that needs to happen,” Ben said quietly.

“I’m goddamn mess right now, Ben.”

“I know. You’ve said that numerous times now.”

“You want the truth?”

Ben turned to regard her, confused.

“I don’t care what we are to each other at the moment. I just want you to fuck my brains out,” she said.

Ben laughed while looking down. His face a mixture of amusement and sadness at the same time.

 

 

Ten minutes later, Rey was moaning as Ben railed into her from behind. His large hands gripping her firmly at her hips. Her eyes rolled back into her head with each thrust. 

Warm tingles of pleasure radiated from inside of her as he hit her harder and harder. 

There was an animalistic nature to their sex this time. 

The first time had been sweet and clumsy, with Ben confessing he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Rey. The second time, he was tired from traveling and it was good sex because they missed each other, but this time—this time felt entirely different—heavier, darker, forbidden even. 

 

They weren’t back together in the official sense of the term, because nothing had been properly talked about or resolved.

 

Rey didn’t think about that right now. She didn’t—couldn’t—think about it as Ben’s warm hand slowly smoothed it’s way up her back, sending shivers down her spine and arms. It was loving, but still sensual. Eventually, he tangled his fingers into the back of her hair with just the right amount of pressure.

Then, as she jolted forward with each thrust, she felt his left hand leave her hip—followed by a hard smack on her right ass cheek.

Rey let out a sharp gasp. She clenched around Ben harder.

His hand rested softly on her cheek, he gave it a squeeze, then spanked her again, even harder this time. A stinging sensation from the contact, vaguely registered with the mixture of arousal. 

“You’re going to come on my cock,” Ben told her roughly. 

Rey prickled. Ben had teased her before with his dirty talk, but he never sounded as authoritative as he did now. She shuttered with thrill as Ben’s grip in her hair became firmer.

“Start rubbing yourself,” he growled.

Rey struggled to keep her balance as she tried to reach down. Ben wordlessly guided her hips back with both hands, he was leaned back and Rey thighs were against his. He began kissing the curve of her neck while fucking up into her.

“Touch yourself,” he repeated, snaking a hand up her torso, resting his grip around her throat.

She let out a quivering moan.

“You like that?” His grip tightened, Rey whimpered.

She began rubbing herself as he had instructed. Her back arched. His breath hot on her neck as he nipped at her, his other arm wrapped around her middle.

His chest was firm against her back. The lewd sounds of him thrusting into her wetness, carrying her away someplace else entirely. She let her head fall back against his shoulder, mouth parted.

“Your little pussy’s getting tighter,” Ben informed her quietly. “You like being choked, don’t you? Hmm?”

Rey’s eyelids fluttered as she hummed an affirmative.

“Come. Come on my cock, Rey.”

Rey was so wet and Ben’s thrusts were so punishing, it was hard for her to be specific enough with her rubbing.  She was close, but it wasn’t going to be enough.

“I—I can’t,” she said, defeatedly. Worried he’d get upset at that for some reason.

He paused, relaxing his grip on her throat slightly. “Where’s your vibrator?”

Rey swallowed, then lulled her head forward, dazedly opening her eyes.

“It’s between the mattress and the bed frame.”

“Get it,” he said. He slowly let her go and withdrew himself from her carefully.

Rey laid down, reached toward the edge of her bed, and dug her hand into the space where she kept her toy hidden. She was thankful she always kept it on it’s little charger after each use. She was so wound up, anything less than a full throttle vibration wouldn’t do for the orgasm that was needed.

“Love seeing your ass from this angle,” Ben said. Rey turned to look over her shoulder, mischievously. 

“Yeah?”

“Should let me eat on it sometime.”

“What?” She laughed.

“You heard me. I’d tongue fuck your cute little asshole just like I tongue fuck your pussy.”

Rey’s eyes were wide and then she turned away, scooting back to him. “Maybe some other time.” She wasn’t ready for anal play, not yet anyway. Furthermore, Ben was talking like they’d be fucking again, as if there wasn’t a glaring number of problems they were ignoring in the name of sex.

“Heh,” Ben sneered, pulling her back onto his hard length. “Yeah, maybe some other time.”

Soon Rey was back in the position she was before, and she switched the vibrator on. Ben’s thrusts were slow and smooth as he let her position the tip of the toy just right.

Rey let out a whining moan, her head falling back against him once more.

“That’s it,” he said, his breath on her neck in way that let her know he was looking at her.

Gradually, he picked up the pace, and Rey was able to steady her arm and hand enough to maintain the spot needed.

Not even within fifteen seconds, Rey felt the beginnings of her orgasm start to descend.

Yes,” Ben hissed into her ear. “Just like that.”

Rey bit her lip, her whole body starting to go rigid, as the arousal descended.

Oh,” Rey cried. “Oh fuck, Ben.” 

Ben’s mouth lowered to bite a sensitive spot on her neck, sending her right over the edge.

Her pussy gave way to violent pulsations. Ben slowed slightly to let her enjoy the waves of pleasure. She let out small whines as the sensations continued, Ben nuzzling against her hair. Kissing her while her mouth was open and panting. He eventually stilled for her completely, for which she was thankful.

Her insides, contracting and relaxing, until eventually, Rey was aware of the rest of her body once more. Now conscious of the fact that her inner thighs were burning from being stretched.

Rey moved to fall forward into the mattress, Ben guiding her. 

“Keep that ass up,” he told her. “We’re not done yet. And get that pillow under you.”

Rey wanted nothing more than to collapse, but she did as he said, shoving her pillow beneath her hips.

“You can relax now. Except for this ass, it needs to stay here.”

Rey let the rest of body melt into the bed, conscious of trying to keep her back end elevated for Ben who was still inside of her.

He placed one of his hands on the small of her back and pushed it down, then leaned forward further, now able to hit her deeply.

Her orgasm had waned enough to not feel any unpleasantness from his devastating pounds. She could feel his hips rolling and grinding. She might just have to get off again if he kept this up….

“Fuck, Rey,” he growled. “You’re so tight and wet. Feels amazing on my hard cock.”

She tightened again at his dirty talk. She liked it. Even if everything was a bit fucked up with them at the moment, she let his praise wash over her, soothing her.

“Feels…so good,” she gritted out. 

“Yeah? You going to take my cum like a good girl?”

“Always,” she breathed.

Fuck.”

Ben set to harder and faster thrusts, Rey’s face rocking into her mattress, as she sighed against the sheet breathlessly. She felt him begin to swell inside of her, his rhythm perfect, until finally he released, his hard groan, almost painful sounding. Rey could see his head thrown back out of the corner of her eye.

His hot spend, filling her and filling her. Rey’s pussy fluttered inside again, as if there was another tiny orgasm, drinking up all he had to give. 

They were both sweaty and short of breath.

Ben slowly withdrew from Rey. Her legs were still tingly and weak from all the fucking. She could feel the mess between her legs, and possibly Ben’s semen leaking out of her.

“Do you have something to clean up with?”

“Hand towel, from the bathroom.”

Ben leaned forward and brushed her hair away from her face. Kissing her temple. “Okay.”

 

Rey watched as his gorgeous muscular body walked out of the room, and she felt involuntary tears come to her eyes.

There was a cathartic release of some kind. She wasn’t sure if they were just fucking or if that was actually some sort of makeup sex. Whatever it was, it was passionate and filthy and wonderful all at the same time.

When Rey heard Ben’s footsteps coming back down the hallway, she turned her head the other way.

He used the dry end and wiped her gently, then the wet side, alternating as needed. Rey lifted her hips to sit up.

“Are you good?”

Rey kept her head down and wordlessly reached her hand out for the rag. She took it and finished cleaning the very front of her, where Ben couldn’t clean as well. She then handed it back to him.

“Just rinse it off and hang it over the sink after you ring it out.”

 

Ben now back in the room, Rey was crawled under her bed cover, facing the wall.

He was standing at the edge of the bed, his eyes on Rey’s back.

“…can I join you?” He asked.

That hurt Rey. She nodded.

He lifted the blanket and climbed under, snuggling up to her.

His smell, his body, his voice. All of him. He was here, with her again. His big arm wrapped around her middle. He kissed the back of her head, then inhaled deeply. “Ah, I’ve missed this.”

Rey didn’t want him to see her soft tears, he was brushing her hair away repeatedly. 

“I love you,” he said.

Rey’s throat caught. A frog in it for sure. “I love you too,” she managed quietly. She felt Ben still, but he didn’t press it. Even though he could tell she was weeping.

They stayed together quietly, until both fell asleep.

 

 

 

Rey awoke a few hours later. Ben was still sleeping, his mouth open slightly, his eyes and brows, so totally relaxed. She watched him, his slow and steady breathing. He was right there, he was just inside of her…and yet…he still felt so far away. Although the light from outside was practically gone, Rey could make out his features from the street lights glowing upwards to her ceiling.

She searched and searched his face, looking for any remains of her violence. The memory alone, twisting her stomach in shame. 

His mother wouldn’t want them together, she knew that. Ben realistically didn’t want to actually be with her, not after what had happened. And truth be told, she still didn’t trust him entirely. He hurt her. Even if he said he never would when he first asked if they could be together. He lied to her. Made her think everything with Claire was all in her head until she confronted him with the truth.

Rey wondered how someone as good and kind and handsome as Ben, had went his whole life being overlooked by girls. It was utterly absurd. He had to have simply not noticed. Something. 

And yet, he ended up with her. 

She wasn’t worthy of him, she knew that since day one. 

Rey had worked harder to be a better student, studying, completing her assignments, even doing Holdo’s extra credit. She wanted to impress Ben. Wanted to make sure her last semester of high school wasn’t a complete shit show grade wise.

 

Ben began to stir. He smiled at her with blearily eyes. “Hi.”

“Hi.” She smiled back softly.

He rolled slightly. “What time is it?”

“Almost six.”

That seemed to wake him up a bit more. “Are you hungry?”

Rey hesitated. “I am.”

“We should go someplace to eat.”

“No, I really shouldn’t.”

Ben looked confused. Something in the way Rey said it, tripped him up. He seemed at a loss for words.

Rey didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t help it. Couldn’t go out and eat or do any coupley things—not like this.

 

“Ben?”

“Yes?”

“What’s going on with us?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean this,” she said, regarding them both laying together.

“I don’t know. I was hoping you could tell me. Since you said earlier that you just wanted to have sex.”

“I didn’t say that,” Rey weakly protested. 

“You did.”

Rey went to open her mouth. He was right. She had said that.

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“What is going on with us, Rey?”

“I don’t know,” she said softly. “I want us to be together again, but —I can’t…not after I scratched up your face. Your mom hates me and—“

“My mom doesn’t hate you,” Ben said, almost offended.

“You said yourself she wanted me to stay away from you. And that she was really upset.”

“She was. But that doesn’t mean she hates you.”

“She hates me now I’m sure.”

“Rey, she does not.”

“You don’t know how women work,” Rey said, a bit defiantly.

Ben seemed to be getting defensive, but she could tell he was trying to keep it under control.

“You don’t know how I work, or how Claire works, or how your mother works,” Rey said, looking at his chest, which was rising and falling rapidly. “I keep thinking I’m the only problem here. But then I remember…you just don’t want to see people for who they really are. Or I should say, how women really are. You think everyone is virtuous and good by nature. But you’re wrong.”

“I don’t know what you’re saying exactly.”

“I told you I wasn’t good, but you didn’t believe me. I told you Claire wasn’t good, and you didn’t believe me. I’m telling you your mom hates me now, for sure, and you don’t believe me.”

“I might not know how girls my own age work exactly,” Ben said. “But I do know that my mother doesn’t hate you. She was just worried about me.”

“But did she worry about me?”

“Yes,” Ben said instantly. “She worried about you before all of this stupid shit happened.”

“I wouldn’t call it stupid shit exactly, Ben, seemed pretty valid to me.”

“You know what I mean. She was really upset after we saw you and your mother at Christmas.”

Rey’s eyes shimmered. She had almost forgotten.

“She knew how absolutely full of shit your mother was. And it’s all she could talk about on the way home. I know they aren’t psychologists or anything, but they did have to study it as apart of medicine, and both my mom and dad think your mother is a narcissist.”

Rey looked up at Ben, with wide eyes.

“I should have seen it too. From all the stuff I read, but it wasn’t obvious until my mom started pointing out stuff she saw right away.”

“Like what?”

Ben sighed, obviously a bit worked up.

“She said your mother wanted to take credit for all the good things you did. When my mom tried to talk about you, Angela redirected the conversation to something about herself, or made up some lie. Like that shit about you guys dress shopping. I couldn’t believe she was so comfortable telling such a bald faced lie when she knew I had to come and pick you up from the mall. Knew you stayed the night at my place.” Ben laid on his back, Rey still in his arm. He ran a hand through his hair. “Maybe she thinks my mom and I don’t talk or something. Or maybe she just didn’t care. That we knew she was full of shit.”

“She’d do anything to save face,” Rey said quietly.

“Yeah, and then that shit where she was grabbing you by the back of the neck. My mom said that’s a common thing she’s seen as a nurse, when abusers are subtly controlling their victims.”

“Thought she was going to leave bruises on me.”

“I was really upset after we left church. We all were. So…when I tell you that my mom doesn’t hate you. Believe that she was first shocked at seeing my face, as a mother, and then realized just how badly things must be at home for you, for you to act out like that.”

Hot tears came down Rey’s face. “I’m really sorry,” she said.

Ben rolled back to her, pulling her into his chest. “I know,” he said, confidently. “I know who you are, Rey. Please—just—let me help you.”

“How?” Rey asked.

“I don’t know. Just…don’t push me out. Let’s talk when something bad happens. I’m really sorry for how I mishandled everything with Claire. I’m an idiot, I know that. But I promise you, I don’t like her.”

“I want you to stay away from her,” Rey said. “If I say stay away from a fucking bitch, you better listen to me.”

“Anything,” Ben said, bringing her chin up to look at him. “I’m yours, Rey. Just say the word and I’ll do it. I love you so fucking much. I don’t care if people think I’m being controlled by you. I know who I am, and I know who you are. You’re just wounded, and you haven’t been given the chance to heal.”

Rey sniffled into him, her hands at his chest. He smelled so good.

“I want to get better, Ben, I really do.”

“I know. Which is why I’m going to talk to my parents tonight to see if we can help you somehow.”

“What?” Rey asked, looking up.

“If your worthless fucking parents won’t do it. Then I will.”

“I don’t think—I can’t—can’t do anything without their permission. I don’t turn eighteen until March.”

That gave Ben pause.

“Have you thought about trying to be emancipated before?”

“I looked. Once,” Rey said. “It’s really not that bad here, Ben. My parents aren’t even around half the time. But I’m provided with food, housing, education, and medical care. Angela’s…narcissism…or whatever you want to call it, doesn’t affect me that much. And my dad’s apparently a professional drunk, who just works and works and gambles from what I’ve found.”

Ben sighed. “They do effect you though. They’ve corroded your self-confidence into dust, and it’s been fucking hell—not because of you—trying to help you see your worth.”

“I’d rather just try to make it until graduation, and then hopefully make it out to my aunt’s.”

Ben was silent at the mention of Chicago.

“Would you—would you still be interested if I wanted to be apart of that somehow?”

“Yes,” Rey cried, and smiled. Ben kissed her deeply, hand on her face.

“I told you we’re going to get through this. I’ve never wanted to stop trying for one second. Just—please don’t shut me out again, Rey. I’ll do anything to keep you in my life.”

Rey’s lip quivered. 

“I don’t know how you can keep saying that when I’ve hurt you so much, and I’m just…a broken mess, all the time—“

“Rey, look at me.”

Rey’s tear filled eyes met his magnetic gaze.

“It’s because we’re meant to be together.” Ben laughed under his breath. “I feel it in my soul. And that’s a feeling worth fighting for.”

 

 

Rey kissed Ben desperately, their hands tangling in each other’s hair until they were making love again—love of a different kind once more. 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 54: Tart

Notes:

⚠️ Major Trigger Warning: Attempted oral sexual assault in this chapter. Please be advised and read with caution. ⚠️ A chapter summary is available at the end notes.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey went to sleep that night, the smell of Ben still all over her and in her bed. She felt so good, so warm again.

They were back together. 

Rey drifted into a deep sleep, and slept better than she had for the last two weeks. Thursday would be two weeks to the day since she confronted Ben in his car about Claire. It seemed much longer. Rey was glad it did not last any longer than it did. Her emotions were pure hell in the time she and Ben were apart.

 

The next day, Rey and Ben made their way to their lockers, as they used to. They were laughing and talking together, as Rey rounded the corner, her and Ben slowed. Hux was at his locker, but he looked like he was waiting for something. He had a moment of recognition, his eyes wide, then narrowing some. Rey could tell he was waiting for her…and then he realized she was with Solo. Rey kept her head down and put her stuff away. She and Ben made their way to first hour. 

 

Come gym time, Rey was on her way down the small enclosed hallway to the girls locker room when she stopped. Awash with terror instantly. 

Hux was standing by the door, leaned up against the wall, arms crossed, waiting for her.

“H—hi,” she said, her voice shaky. 

“Go in,” he said, gesturing with his head.

“What?”

“I won’t tell you again, Simons.”

Rey should have turned and ran, but before she could, Hux grabbed her by her upper arm. 

It instantly put Rey into fight mode.

No. Don’t do it. Think of your future. Think of Ben.

Rey allowed him to hold her as he pushed the door open. He locked it behind him. 

She tried to maintain her cool composure. She was trapped. The door was locked. Only someone with a key could get in.

“Wha—what’s going on?” Rey asked.

“I thought about what you said yesterday,” Hux said.

Rey’s whole body was shaking, her hands especially. 

“About how you could have liked me if I wasn’t such a prick. And then I realized— you are a selfish cunt.”

Rey felt her face fall. “Hux—“

“You just used me to make Solo jealous. And then here you are, back with him today.”

“I—I told you that though. You seemed fine with it yesterday. Why are you being like this now?” Rey asked.

“Because I told you how I felt after you slutted it out of me.”

“I just—I was just telling you the truth, Hux. I could have liked you.” Her heart hammered in her chest, she clenched her fists to try to stop the shaking.

“You were never going to give me a chance. You just said that shit so I’d leave you alone. So you’d get Solo to get back with you. And don’t say you’re not, I saw you two this morning.”

Rey felt an icy dread come over her.

“So…so if I wasn’t with him this morning. Then what?”

Hux laughed. “Doesn’t matter now.”

Rey felt her throat close shut. She had felt a glimmer of hope yesterday, that maybe Hux wasn’t so bad. She remembered thinking that the trajectory of his life wasn’t set yet. That he could choose what type of a man he would become one day. But he had no reason to change. His mother got him out of everything. He had money. He was set to go anywhere in the country for college.

He wasn’t used to earning anything, he just took as he wanted. And if things didn’t go exactly his way, there was hell to pay.

Rey felt her eyes get glassy. “You wouldn’t have been happy if I said no to you this morning.”

“You’re right, I wouldn’t have…which is why I realized it didn’t matter either way.”

 

Rey knew what was to come, but she still didn’t want to believe it. Didn’t want to acknowledge it. 

 

“I thought you said you’ve never had a girlfriend,” she said through tears. 

“I haven’t. But that doesn’t mean I haven’t been with girls before.”

Rey closed her eyes as she saw him start to unzip his pants.

No, no, no, no. God, Holdo was right. Ben was right. Rey’s gut instincts were right. He never had a girlfriend but he’s taken advantage of girls before. 

 

“What do you want from me?” Rey choked out.

“You suck Solo’s dick?” He asked, casually. 

Tears rolled down Rey’s cheeks. She lowered her head.

“Yes?”

She nodded, droplets falling to the concrete floor.

“You’re going to show me how you do it to him. I want to see exactly how he likes it. How your dirty little slut mouth takes him.”

“Oh God,” Rey breathed.

“You’re fucked anyway, Simons. You were supposed to stay away from me. Holdo won’t be able to help you now. And as soon as Davis hears that you’ve been sitting with me, at lunch and mass, no one’s going to believe that you didn’t want this.”

Hux began push his pants down some, leaned up against the door. 

“Get over here,” he demanded.

Rey couldn’t look at him as she approached. He grabbed a fistful of her hair, jerking her hard, then shoving her to the ground. A glaring contrast between Ben yesterday that was immediately registered.

 

She could smell him. He had his own unique scent. Not anything that she would find instinctively attractive. He smelled too much of laundry detergent and some sort of bar soap.

 

Rey could bite his dick, should could punch him in the nuts, she could do any number of things.

No. Don’t do anything stupid.

Think of your future. 

Think of Ben. 

Just imagine it’s Ben.

This is only temporary. 

This isn’t real.

Rey tried desperately to imagine it was Ben in front of her, that none of this was real. Her mind disassociating as much as possible.

Hux reach into his pants and freed himself, his cock flopping out in front of her face, hard as a rock. 

He began to pull her head closer, Rey closed her eyes—god, this isn’t happening — she would just get through this and everything would be alright.

 

Then a loud knock came on the door. 

“Rey, are you in there?”

“BEN!” Rey screamed, eyes snapping open. 

“Fuck,” Hux said, shoving himself back into his pants.

“HUX is in here!” 

“Shut up!” Hux back handed Rey across her face. Hard. It was incredibly painful. God, did it hurt.

“Rey!” Ben began pounding on the door. “Hux you fucking piece of shit, I swear to God as I soon as I get this door open you’re leaving here on a stretcher.”

“Fuck you!” Hux yelled.

“Mr. Parks!” Ben yelled.

Hux tried to run and hide in a corner, but it was no use. Very shortly, the sound of the door unlocking was the last thing Rey heard, before she was crying hysterically.

“Solo!” Mr. Parks called. Finn was there, as well as two other boys. 

Rey’s last image before Finn was suddenly pulling her up by her arms, asking her frantically if she was okay, was Ben leaping over her, rushing to where Hux was, out of sight.

She heard scuffling and blows landing, shouting.

Finn lead Rey away.

“Fucking bastard,” Finn said, looking at her face.. “Let’s get you out of here, Rey. I gotta take a picture of this when we get out into the light, before the mark is gone.”

“How did Ben know—“

“What?”

“How did Ben know to come and knock?”

“I—uh—I don’t know. I guess we were all sorta coming into the gym and suddenly he looked like he saw a ghost and ran.”

Out in the open safety of the gymnasium, making it passed the other boys who were keeping their distance, but gawking, Rey let Finn take quick photos of her face.

Rey couldn’t stop shaking. She had to sit down.

“Whoa whoa whoa, you’re alright, Rey…you’re alright,” Finn said, guiding her to the floor.

 

 

 

“We can’t have this again!” Davis yelled. The sound of his fist pounding on his desk.

“No, no—you can’t have this again,” Holdo shouted back. “Never mind that we knew he was a threat for a long time!”

“What? Your unfounded rumors again? His family is practically St. Michael’s royalty.”

“You think I give a shit,” Holdo snapped back, drawing out the word ‘give.’

 

Rey and Ben were sitting together outside of Mr. Davis’s office. Rey kept touching her face, although there were no marks left, the memory of Hux’s strike, forever embedded in her body’s memory now. 

Ben had an ice pack on his knuckles. He sat slouched, brow furrowed, fuming. 

 

 

“You know who her mother works for?” Holdo asked.

Rey laughed to herself. Yes, let’s put Angela’s side piece to good use for once.

Davis could be heard groaning loudly, the sound of his chair going around in a circle. 

“Yeah, you want John J. Turner to get a hold of this? It’ll be all over the news. You’ll be reliving two years ago allll over again.”

“Where is he now?” Davis asked, regarding Hux.

“Home. Not that he was going to stick around, he practically ran after Nick managed to break him and Solo up with some help—you know we have Title IX obligations to uphold? The police are supposed to be notified—“

“Don’t even think about it.”

“Brad—“ Holdo said firmly. “This needs to be reported.”

Silence.

“You’re really willing to throw it all away for this tart?” He asked, almost smugly.

Mrs. Welsh looked over, concerned, as Ben stood up.

“Don’t” Rey said, grabbing him by his arm. “Please don’t.”

 

 

Holdo opened the door. “Rey.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“Call your mother.”

 

 

 

Notes:

I do my best to not write cookie cutter characters. Hux has perplexed me this entire story, but I think two things can be true at once. That he has had genuine feelings for Rey at some point, but will take by force when he feels rejected/denied what he believes he’s entitled to.

 

Chapter summary:
Rey and Ben are officially back together.
They go to school together and Rey sees Hux at his locker, waiting to speak to her. He leaves because she is with Ben.
At gym time, Rey goes down a small hallway and Hux is standing there, he grabs her by her upper arm, forcing her into the girls locker room. He locks the door behind him and explains to Rey that he thought about what she said yesterday, and concluded she’s still “a selfish cunt” and would have never given him the chance to be with her. Rey is horrified to realize he said he’s never had a girlfriend but that doesn’t mean he hasn’t been with girls. He demands that Rey come over to him after he tells her he wants her to perform oral sex on him, how she does to Ben. He grabs her by her hair and shoves her down in front of him. Rey who has already been crying, decides she will comply for the sake of her future with Ben. She closes her eyes, and as Hux is about to violate her, Ben knocks on the door. Rey screams for him. Hux back hands Rey very hard. Mr. Parks opens the door after Ben started yelling for him, and also tells Hux he’s going to hurt him. Rey is brought to her feet by Finn as Ben leaps over her to chase after Hux in a corner. She hears blows landing and shouting. Scene cuts to Mr. Davis and Ms. Holdo arguing that they can’t have a sexual assault case again. Holdo insists that they must report this under Title IX obligations and to the police. To which Davis asks if Holdo really wants to throw it all away for “that tart” referring to Rey. In the conversation with Davis. Holdo reminded him of who Angela worked for and that he really didn’t want John J. Turner getting a hold of this as a case. Holdo opens the door and tells Rey to call her mother.

Chapter 55: Sick ‘em

Notes:

I passed my Shodan exam (1st degree black belt) in Kyudo last Saturday. Just so you all know. I burst into tears when I got the news because I really wasn’t sure if I passed or not based on some minor mistakes I made, but I did!! Yay! 🎯
Furthermore, I just finished up another fic this week that gave me a breather from this one. You can find the link at the end notes. Lots of love!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

“Ben,” Holdo said. “You might as well call your mother as well.”

Rey felt her stomach in knots as she dialed her mother’s phone number. Ben grimaced as he stepped out and called his mother as well. 

For once, Rey agonized more at seeing Leia than she did Angela. 

Ms. Holdo allowed Rey and Ben to go to lunch to grab a bite to eat. Although Rey could hardly eat, even with Ben encouraging her to do so. 

Holdo decided to move them all to a conference room as they waited for Leia and Angela. Rey kept her head in her arms. Holdo paced. Ben and her spoke intermittently.

“I’m very sorry, Rey,” Holdo said. 

“It’s fine,” Rey mumbled into her arms.

Ben rubbed her back. 

 

Finally, Angela arrived, and Holdo stepped out to explain the situation to her. Leia came shortly after, and Rey couldn’t bring herself to look up.

Ben removed himself to go and speak with his mother.

Then, Angela quietly entered. 

“Rey,” she said. 

She brought her head up slightly, then sat, unable to look at her. 

“I’m told you punched this boy at the start of this year,” Angela said.

Rey closed her eyes. “He’s been bothering me for four years, mom.” She was so tired. So, so very tired. 

“Well…it’s about to get interesting now.”

Rey didn’t know what her mother meant by that. 

Eventually, Leia and Ben entered the room, along with Ms. Holdo, shortly followed by Mr. Davis coming from his office.

 

Davis began to lay out Rey’s long history of misbehavior at St. Michael’s. They all sat and listened. Rey certain she would die of shame as Ben had to hear every single retelling. Including her biting Mr. Banes and barking at him like a dog.

Tears fell into her lap. The humiliation, too great to bear. Ben rubbed her shoulders, reassuring her, which made Rey want to cry even more.

 

“Are you finished?” Angela asked to Davis.

Rey sat up, wiping her face a bit, hiding behind her hair.

“Because, all I heard was how you let this boy torment my daughter for four straight years. And apparently, you didn’t bother to call me after the incident with them at the beginning of the year.”

Davis squirmed slightly. “She—she begged me not to.”

A tense silence settled in the room.

“And yet you still failed to uphold your responsibilities.”

“She’s seventeen. She’s practically an adult,” Davis said.

Angela inhaled deeply. Then she set to performing.

“Let me tell you how this is going to go,” she said.

Rey glanced and saw almost a smirk on Holdo’s face. It was as if she knew when precisely the right moment was to sick her mother on Davis.

Rey couldn’t determine if Angela was actually on her side, or was just relishing at her moment to shine at what she did best—which was busting balls and abusing people. She had hoped she wouldn’t hear about what a slut she was later. Hoped that just maybe, her mother could be on her side for once.

Whatever her reasoning, the energy of the room quickly became tense as Angela Simons set to giving Brad Davis the dressing down of his life time.

She laid out what would happen to him for not informing her as a parent when Rey had been sexually harassed. His failure to report when she defended herself. She set to emphasizing that Rey was defending herself in gym that time.

Davis weakly countered with something about how he saw Hux and Rey sitting together.

Angela had an answer for that too. What if they had been dating? What then?

It went on like this, until piece by piece, bit by bit, Angela told him how she would essentially come for him with John J. Turner. That she would work with Holdo in trying to find other victims that they failed to take seriously.

Rey stole a look to Ben and Leia at one point, their eyes wide as they watched Angela stand up, taking to yelling and pointing. Holdo seemed relatively unfazed. Maybe a bit too glad it wasn’t her on the receiving end of Angela’s abuse this time. Davis, looked so utterly worn down. Exhausted.

Angela had spent so much time in the courtroom, weeks on end for some cases, assisting John, that she was used to things dragging out, and on and on.

Davis, however, was always quick to want to put things to rest as quickly as possible.

Angela made it very, very clear that if something wasn’t done about Hux immediately—she would make sure it would drag on for as long and as painfully as possible.

Angela glanced over to Leia nearing the end of her tirade, as if to ask if she had anything to add.

“The boy seems like a genuine problem,” Leia said, wrapping her arm around Ben’s shoulders. “Ben’s never hit anyone in his life. And I’m deeply disturbed that this was allowed to escalate to this point. Should Ben become involved in any of this, we of course, would have to hire our own attorneys as well.” 

Davis sighed, rubbing his fingers between his eyes.

“I need to talk to my boss. And the board. We’ll have an answer for you as soon as possible.”

“Great,” Angela said, with a smile that was disturbingly genuine.

But this was her realm, this was her world. Conflict like this. She lived for it. Thrived on it.

Leaving the room, while everyone else was completely drained and exhausted, Angela seemed energized. Alive.

Rey stood with her mother as she watched Leia, Ben and Holdo speaking together as Davis walked past them, unable to get away fast enough.

Angela wrapped her arm around Rey while looking on, waiting for the others to turn and see them. To see what a loving and wonderful mother she was.

Ben walked over to Rey.

“Rey’s so lucky to have you, Ben,” Angela said. 

He nodded. “I’m lucky to have her.”

Angela blinked momentarily. As if the idea that Rey was the catch for him, and not the other way around, was bewildering.

“Um, if it’s alright with you, Mrs. Simons, can Rey and I please go out to lunch together and I can bring her home?”

Leia and Holdo weren’t far behind Ben now.

“No, of course not!” She said.

Rey began to walk away with Ben, looking back to see the three women standing together talking.

 

Rey agonized over the school work they weren’t collecting. Ben said he had already spoken to Holdo about her picking up what was needed for them and emailing them both later.

Walking out to his car, Rey wanted nothing more than to close her eyes.

Sitting in the passenger seat of the vehicle, she leaned the seat back slighting, inhaling deeply.

“Are you okay?” Ben asked.

Rey shook her head. “No.”

Rey saw Ben’s hands grip the steering wheel, not starting the vehicle.

“That was—uh—that was terrifying,” he said quietly.

Rey laughed. Almost proud of her mother. Weirdly pleased that others could see what she was capable of and yet, glad that she had put it to good use for once; not directed at Rey. Her victim-blaming, if it was to come, had yet to be seen at home. But for now, Rey had to believe Angela showed genuine heart for her in that room.

“What, you mean my mom?” 

“Yeah.”

“That’s her being tame.”

Ben just shook his head. “My god.”

“She was all extra professional and shit. You can see how she has her uses though.”

Silence.

“Is that really what you grew up?” He turned to look at her. 

Rey swallowed when she saw his eyes were watery.

“Yes,” she said.

Ben started sobbing. And Rey, still leaned back slightly, hands on her stomach, didn’t know how to comfort him.

 

She had never seen a male cry before like she was seeing Ben cry now. She didn’t know boys or men were capable of crying like that. Rey didn’t think less of him for one second. She just felt so terribly sad that she had subjected someone as innocent and kind as him to such treachery.

 

To her and her mother. To Hux even. 

To all of it.

 

 

Rey hoped one day Ben would forgive her. Even if he didn’t consciously know at that moment, that such a thing would eventually be required. 

 

 

 

Notes:

This was all started from a TikTok meme someone shared that said “They’re always like ‘If Adam Driver was just a clerk at a Circle K, you’d think he was ugly.’ But nah man, I would be buying a 79 cent fountain drink every day till he railed me in the back of his ‘02 Ford Taurus.” I shared it to the Reylo FB group and it got a staggering 300+ likes. A moderator suggested someone make it into a fic, and so here we are!

Lots of Fluff and smut, almost no angst, just sweetbeans being awkward. Soft/Shy Ben and Soft/Thirsty Rey. He works at a 7-11, she works next door at a Chinese restaurant. Chaos ensues.

Click the link below!
In The Back of His ‘02 Ford Taurus

Chapter 56: Genuine

Chapter Text

Ben and Rey ate in silence at a local fast food restaurant. Rey was starved at that point, having not eaten since she was supposed to at lunch. Ben ordered a milkshake as she hastily ate french fries and chicken tenders.

 

Driving them back to her house, Rey was surprised to see a car she didn’t recognize in the driveway. Her mother was home, that she knew upon leaving St. Michael’s.

Entering the front door with Ben, Rey tensed slightly, but did her best to relax.

John J. Turner was sitting in her living room with her mother. Rey glanced at the wall clock. She had completely lost track of time. Her father had left for work a little while ago. Where the hours had went—since Hux, Davis’s office, Rey trying to eat lunch, the conference meeting, and then Rey actually eating with Ben—she had no idea.

“Hi Rey,” John said, standing up.

“Hi,” she said a bit uneasy.

“This must be Ben.” He strode over and shook Ben’s hand.

Ben didn’t know about what happened at Christmas Mass. That Rey realized Angela and John were fucking, that he had given Rey his business card, assuring her he would “help” her should she ever need it.

 

John went back over to where he was sitting in the other recliner that her father normally occupied. Her mother in the other. Rey and Ben hesitantly sat on the couch. 

John and Angela were only too relaxed. Rey and Ben however, completely exhausted.

“So, uh. Wow, what a day you two had, huh?” 

Rey simply nodded.

“Well, your mother has filled me in on everything that has happened. She mentioned that she told your…what is he again?” John turned to ask Angela.

“Vice principal. But he’s basically the principal. The actual principal doesn’t do anything there. He’s in another building doing…who knows what.”

“Right. Right. Well, she mentioned your VP, uh, wants this to go away as quickly as possible. Now, she did say she told this Davis guy that if something wasn’t done immediately that she would be bringing charges against him and the school, as well as this Armitage Hux boy.” John leaned forward, a mannerism that was so natural for his profession it seemed.

“Now, I know you’ve had some difficulties at the school in the past. However, despite that, they legally should be reporting this to the police and doing their own investigation based on Title IX rules, regardless if a report is, or isn’t filed. Your mother and I discussed this, and your so close to the end of your senior year. Do you really want to move forward with this? Because, the boy’s family does have quite a bit of money. I would be representing you as a friend of course, so, no fees incurred to you or your mother. But, this would be potentially drawn out and very public. You would potentially face a lot of harassment and backlash. Unless we were to find other victims who would come forward—“

“I don’t want to file a report or press charges or anything,” Rey interrupted.

“Rey—“ Ben said softly.

“I just want him to go away. I’ve always just wanted him to just…go away and leave me alone,” Rey said.

John swallowed, looked to Angela, then back to Rey.

“Unfortunately in situations like these, sometimes not moving forward is the better option.”

“And he gets to go on like nothing happened? Potentially raping other girls out there?” Ben asked.

Rey spun her head to him, a bit shocked.

“Yes, son. I’m afraid that’s how it works sometimes. If Rey doesn’t want to move forward, it stops here. And, unfortunately, even if that English teacher were able to find other victims. They may back out eventually too. Things like these can get very nasty, very quickly, and fall apart just as quickly as well. I’d give it everything I had, but, with Rey’s past and…her sitting with that boy recently, this case would be tough.”

“He didn’t even really do anything to me,” Rey said quietly. 

Ben stood up and walked to the front door, wordlessly opening it and then exiting. Rey turned to see him standing on the porch through the front window. Pacing back and forth.

“We’re waiting on the phone call from Davis,” John continued. “With what your mother told him earlier, I do believe if he and the board are smart, they’ll have this boy removed.”

“And what if they don’t?”

“I’d take care of it,” John said. “Make sure they got it done.”

Rey felt relieved for once. She should have felt sad that Hux wasn’t going to have to face any further accountability for what he had done, not just to her, but to others as well, according to Holdo. 

She just wanted it all to go away. To just get on with her life at St. Michael’s and to get through the rest of the year.

“You want another coffee, John?” Angela asked.

He pulled back from where his forearms were on his knees, looking to his cup. 

“Oh, uh, sure.”

Rey watched with disgust as her mother leapt to her feet and dutifully retrieved John’s coffee mug. Like the perfect wife she wasn’t. She came back with it filled, the steam wafting up.

 

“He seems like a nice young man,” John mused, taking a sip of his coffee.

All three of them turned to look at Ben pacing back and forth still.

“He’s going to be a doctor,” Angela quipped, beaming.

“Is that right?” John turned to look at her. He then regarded his own cup of coffee, eyes down, letting a small sneer form at the corner of his lips. 

“Where’s he going to school?”

Rey fisted her skirt down, feeling itchy. She and her mother hadn’t spoken of Chicago, or Natalie, or her future plans with Ben. And it disturbed her still—that she had not asked after Christmas mass. 

“He’s…he’s not sure yet. He’s been accept to a few places.”

“Mm. And you still going to Chi-town?”

Rey saw her mother’s head snap to look at John.

Oh no. Oh God no. 

Angela hadn’t overheard their conversation at mass. And it was suddenly, horribly, and excruciatingly obvious that not only did Ben’s parents know about Chicago and Angela didn’t—but John J. Turner did also.

Rey could feel her mother’s grip on her neck again, even if it wasn’t actually there.

“I-I don’t know yet. I haven’t gotten accepted to the school I want to go to.”

“Columbia, right?”

Rey was shaking. Her mother’s eyes were dark, the contempt, and anything else that was unpredictable about her was within in them.

“Y-yes,” Rey said faintly.

“You didn’t tell me what you were studying last we spoke.”

Angela sprang to her feet.

“Well, I think it’s about time we head back to the office and wait for the call, don’t you think, John? Plus we got the Pratmoore case files to look over.”

John looked up at her, mildly surprised. “Oh. Oh right.” He stood up, smoothing his slacks and buttoning his suit button.

Rey remained seated.

“Well Rey, I’m very sorry about all of this, but things should be better for you from here on out. And as your beautiful mother knows, I’m happy to help you ladies at any time.”

Angela beamed at the praise and Rey could practically balk at how fucking obvious the two of them were. Further still, how Angela picked up on John practically lurching for Rey—except instead of being disgusted—she decided to compete for his affection.

 

“I’m uh, I’m very tired,” Rey said, standing. “Is it okay if I go lay down?”

“Yes, of course, dear,” Angela smiled. 

“Is…is it okay if Ben stays for a bit?”

“You know he’s welcome here anytime.”

Rey scurried to the front door quickly, all too aware of John and Angela’s eyes on her.

“They’re uh, they’re leaving,” Rey informed Ben, who had stopped pacing. His back to her. “My mom says you’re welcome to stay. She’s heading back to the office with John right now.”

Ben didn’t turn to look at her, his breath visible on the winter air as he spoke. “Okay.”

Rey waited, then closed the door. John and Angela were packing their things up. Rey didn’t say a word to either of them as she bound up the stairs to her room.

“It was nice seeing you, Rey,” John called.

“Yeah, you too,” she called back, her voice high, tripping at the top step as she rushed to her bedroom.

Once inside, she ran to her bed and threw herself into it. She heard the commotion of them leaving through the heater, the voice of Ben for a bit, and then the front door closing.

Rolling over, Rey saw John’s card starting back at her, resting where it had been left against her TV for over a month now. She grabbed it and shoved it between her bed frame, close to her vibrator. She didn’t want to see him staring at her. Even if it was only his name.

 

Rey knew she was so fucked later on. Angela was sure to get into her about Chicago, and Rey had no plan for how she was going to manage or explain herself for that conversation.

 

 

Ben quietly entered her bedroom, closing the door behind him.

Rey looked up at him, still shaking.

He wasn’t looking at her as he came over to her bed, sitting at the end where her feet were.

Rey didn’t like how he looked. Almost as if he was disappointed in her.

“Are you…are you mad at me?” Rey asked.

Ben inhaled deeply, then exhaled, looking forward to where her closet was across the room.

“I just can’t believe this is happening.”

Rey sat up slightly. “What would you want to see happen instead?”

Ben kept sighing, pausing before he spoke, still not looking at her.

“He’s going to get away with all of this. All of the things he’s done, and he’s going to get to go off to university and abuse and rape women there too .”

Rey let her eyes fall. The room was becoming very dark now, the winter sun setting. 

Ben turned to regard Rey now. “That doesn’t bother you?”

Rey looked up with her mouth open. “What?”

“He’s going to get away with this Rey.”

“And what am I supposed to do, huh? Put myself through a whole ass court case so I can sit up there and say he almost put his dick in my mouth but didn’t?”

Ben turned away again, a scowl on his face. “I didn’t mean it like that, Rey. I just…I’m so angry, and I wish—“

“You wish what?”

“Please don’t think I’m blaming you. But I wish you wouldn’t have…”

“You wished I wouldn’t have sat with him?”

Ben kept his head lowered. 

“I fucking hate him. I was so angry…so jealous when I saw you two together. I hated how genuinely happy you looked—“

“I wasn’t happy, Ben.”

“I felt like I really didn’t know you. But I still loved you…wanted us to be together. And I wanted to hit him every time I saw you two laughing together. I was so fucking mad that I’ve never been able to make you laugh as much as he was able to.”

Rey said nothing. And she felt sick that she had genuinely laughed with Hux. A lot. Had enjoyed herself more than a few times for the brief time period that she and the boys were together.

“I’m a sick person, Ben,” she said, tears at the edges of her eyes. “I’m sorry I don’t laugh enough with you.”

“So it was real…the few times that you looked like you were dying of laughter with him?” He asked, looking at her.

“Yes.”

Ben rested his head in his palms. 

“But that doesn’t matter, Ben,” Rey said, trying to move closer.

She could tell there were tears running down his nose as he sniffled.

“You’re not a guy, you don’t understand.”

Rey wanted to touch him, but decided to hold back, in case he rejected her. She couldn’t handle if he rejected her touch, especially since she had never been one to touch or be touched.

“W-what do you mean?”

“To a guy, making a girl laugh is everything sometimes.”

“You-you have made me laugh though. A lot.”

“I know. It’s just…we’re in this mess now. And I just—I’m struggling.” Ben wiped his nose and his eyes.

 

 

 

“Because none of this—this bullshit with Hux—none of it was necessary.”

 

 

 

Chapter 57: Trapped

Chapter Text

Rey retreated from Ben, rolling over, she faced the wall. The tears making their way down her face. Ben eventually moved to come behind her. He wrapped his arms around her, snuggling up to her. Rey tried so hard to hide her tears. She wanted to appear upset more than anything.

She felt a strange desperation in Ben’s embrace. Something was different. He tried to rock her over to him. But she wouldn’t budge. 

Ben put his chin on her as best he could, but she wasn’t turning to look at him. Wasn’t turning to snuggle into him.

“Can I just hold you right now?” Ben asked.

“You are,” Rey said flatly. 

“I mean hold you, hold you.”

Rey inhaled deeply, her body lifting Ben’s head weight slightly.

“What do you mean none of this shit with Hux was necessary?”

There was moment before Ben spoke. 

 

“I just wish none of this happened is all. I—“

“You mean, had you not said I was being ‘irrational and jealous for no reason’ about Claire, none of this would have happened? Yeah, that’s how I feel too.”

Ben sighed deeply. “A lot of this is my fault. And not just the Claire shit—but Hux too.”

Rey’s breathing was ragged and uneven now. She waited for him to continue.

 

“I should have made it more clear how dangerous he really was. Instead, I just…got mad about you guys sitting together because I was hurt. But I really should have tried to warn you better.”

“How?” Rey croaked.

“It’s not just how he looked at you all the time, which I’ve always noticed even when he didn’t think people were watching him. It’s the other stuff he said that time I sat with him.”

Rey waited with bated breath. “Are you—are you going to tell me now?”

“I never wanted to repeat it again. He said—“ Ben’s throat caught. “He said you probably liked being chained up and raped by Davis. Said some shit about how all the times you’ve missed class through the years—which is fucking creepy that’s he’s kept track of—was that he was secretly raping you in a part of the school in the basement.”

 

Rey rolled over to face Ben.

 

“Who even says that about a classmate?” He asked with his eyes closed. “Those fucking idiots he hung out with, they just laughed and laughed. And it’s almost all they could talk about. We’re eating food and they’re all laughing and getting their dicks hard at the idea of a grown ass man sexually assaulting you.”

Rey’s eyes were forlorn as she brushed Ben’s dark hair back.

“There is a place in the school basement,” Rey said quietly. “It’s got a few rooms, maybe for storage, it’s really dark and almost all concrete. With just a series of lights, like an underground tunnel down the hall.”

Ben put his hand over his eyes and shuttered through tears. “I should have told you. God, I fucking hate him,” Ben cried. “My only source of comfort was punching him in the face repeatedly. That’s the only justice that fucker is going to face in all of this.”

“I’m really sorry, Ben,” Rey said, tears trailing her cheeks as well. 

“It’s not your fault,” he said, stilling himself. “None of this is your fault. I just—I didn’t protect you. I didn’t warn you. I didn’t do more. And I was a fucking idiot about Claire because I drove you right into his path.”

Unexpectedly Ben removed his hand from his face and grabbed Rey’s face with both of his, her eyes wide with tears.

 

“This is all my fault, you understand me? All of it. I was a fucking idiot. I—I didn’t believe you about Claire—“

“Ben, I didn’t believe you about Hux,” Rey interrupted. “I don’t know that I would have, even if you had told me that stuff. He’s always talked about me like that…not that shit about the basement and chains, but—“

 

Ben kissed Rey suddenly, silencing her. His eyes were closed as he pressed his lips to hers. It was desperate, terrified kissing, as if Ben was worried Rey was going to disappear at any moment.

“Ben—“ she breathed.

“I won’t let anything like this happen to you again. Claire, Hux, anyone that comes between us—the first sign of someone trying to do something to you, or you’re unhappy—I’ll put an end to it right away.”

Rey’s hands gripped Ben’s sweater. “Ben, you can’t protect me from everything. I’m—even here—I’m not completely safe here. You can’t protect me from everything.”

“I know,” Ben buried his head under Rey’s chin now. A strange and awkward position for him. He curled into her as much as possible, for someone as large as him. “I talked to my parent’s last night, which feels like a hundred fucking years ago. And they said what you said, that it would be hard to get you out of here. That waiting until you turn eighteen is the best choice.”

“We’re so close to the end, Ben. That’s why I don’t want to deal with this Hux shit any more than I have to. Also—“ Rey swallowed. “You forget that my mother would find a way to make this all about how she saved me ‘that time.’”

 

“Oh God,” Ben sobbed, suddenly realizing Rey was right. “Why are people so fucking wicked?”

 

Rey brought her hand up to the back of his head, petting him, the way she liked to be pet. The only other time she had done so for him, the night they first had sex.

 

“I’ve never felt so helpless in all my life,” Ben finally whispered, his voice nearly gone.

 

There was a very long moment of silence. Rey heard her rattly heater kick on. It was completely dark in the room, the orange glow of the street lights illuminating the ceiling. 

 

 

 

“I’ve always felt this way,” Rey said softly. “It only feels awful when you get a taste of freedom and realize just how trapped you’ve actually been your whole life.”

 

 

 

 

Chapter 58: Loser

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Do you know why they call you cauliflower?” Natalie asked.

A thirteen year old Rey turns to regard her aunt. 

She didn’t know the answer. 

“It’s because you were a colicky baby,” Natalie says, driving Rey to an eighth grade dance. She was visiting for two weeks. The first time in years. 

“We always joked that ‘colic’ sounded similar to cauliflower,” Natalie informed her.

Rey said nothing as they pulled up to her middle school. She had said nothing for most of the ride, after Natalie apologized for not seeing Rey in years.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t around when you got your period,” Natalie said.

Rey blushed. She had started two years prior, at eleven, and was too scared to tell her mother. Worried she would get mad at her for ruining her underwear. She threw them away until she had almost none to wear. She went through a whole roll of toilet paper, trying to create her own makeshift pads. 

It was only when Mrs. Tico called Angela, that she found out. Rey had been borrowing pads from Rose, who eventually told her mother.

Rey started crying when she saw her mother talking to Mrs. Tico on the phone, realizing what the context of their conversation was.

She ran up to her room and hid under the covers. Some time passed, and then her mother knocked.

 

Rey froze as she entered. Angela came and sat on the end of her bed.

 

“You…you could have told me,” she said, her voice cracking.

Rey closed her eyes as tears rolled into her pillow. She didn’t know how to talk to her mother. Angela was always mad about something, and often times, Rey couldn’t predict what set her off. 

Ruining clothes was certainly high on the list.

Angela slapped her across the face once when Rey tore her Sunday dress while out playing with some of the boys after church. 

Back when they still went to St. Michael’s on Sundays.

 

 

“I’ll be back at nine to pick you up,” Natalie called to her.

Rey nodded as she pulled away.

Inside, Rose sat on one of the pews that was set in the hallway. 

Music and lights were emanating from the gymnasium. 

 

Rey and Rose sat inside of the gym at some of the pulled out bleachers, watching their classmates dance. 

There were some other awkward boys, sitting on the other side of the gym, not confident enough to ask the girls to dance either.

 

Rey wondered why she even put herself through this shit. She always lamented at seeing the popular girls with their boyfriends. Talking, sneaking kisses, and dancing. 

Rey was sure she would never find someone that liked her. It was always the gross and super duper weird guys that liked her. That or the jocks would tease her about anything and everything.

How she walked, talked, what she ate. Rey started to become self-conscious of her teeth and mouth, and stopped eating at lunch often. She would sneak into the bathroom with her backpack to eat a sandwich she made. On the days that she forgot, she usually bought a granola bar and told Rose she had to go to the bathroom.

 

Often times Rose would come in after she ate, finding Rey sitting on the floor, biding her time. 

 

“Hey Simons, how’s the hay these days?” One particular dick head would ask her at lunch. His girlfriend would start to make neighing sounds.

“You see her teeth?” The boy asked his buddies in the lunch line. “Practically Seabiscuit over there…”

 

During homeroom period, Rey read manga one day, she really wanted to finish the volume.

It was a mistake she didn’t repeat twice when said jock boy got a hold of it. 

Rey kept her head lowered as he flipped through the pages.

“Look, they show panties!” He shouted, pointing.

“Cody, bring it here,” Mrs. Campbell called.

Rey was scolded after school that day.

“You shouldn’t have sexually explicit material like this, Rey,” Mrs. Campbell said.

She said nothing. It was literally one scene with a girl in her underwear.

“I’ll be keeping this until the end of the year.“

Rey was too humiliated to bother to get the item back at the end of the year. She never did find out what happened. It was found in the junk bin at the Hutchinson-Genesis library—Barnes and Noble didn’t have a copy.

Searching online showed one or two available second-hand on eBay, but Rey wouldn’t dare ask her parents to buy it for her.

Every now and again, Rey thought of the title, how she should try to find it again—but then it slipped her mind just as quickly.

 

 

One day, Rey felt creative with her hair, and decided to do it in three buns down the middle. 

 

By second period, she took them all out, thoroughly humiliated at Cody saying she looked like a camel in the desert. He made some remark about how she was asking to get ridden. 

Almost everyone in the class laughed as Mrs. Campbell stepped out to make copies of something.

Rose kept her head lowered at a desk near Rey. 

At an assembly at the end of the day, Cody started knuckling into Rey’s sides where she sat in front of him. She didn’t know how she ended up there, but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of moving. 

Eventually she awkwardly brought a fist up to him, to which he and his buddies laughed.

 

Going home that evening, Rey looked in the mirror and realized she had bruises on her right ribcage area, where he kept digging in repeatedly.

 

Little memories like these, danced around in Rey’s head that evening as she fell asleep. Agonizing over what would be said about her tomorrow…what other people would think. 

She wanted to believe she didn’t care, but she did.

Because not caring in the past had consequences. Anytime she tried to ignore her bullies, they just upped the ante. Making sure they got a reaction out of her sometime….eventually….always.

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Shout-out to all the fellow survivors of bullying out there. I see you, I hear you, I feel you. Some of my deepest scars in life, even with ALL of the shit I’ve been through—and all the therapy— have been from bullying.

You are loved, and you are worthy. You didn’t deserve any of it. Not one goddamn second. And if you were weird like me, just know that you were never meant to be the same. I hope you have come to love and embrace how different and unique you really are.

The world needs more of us in it. ♥️

If no one’s told you yet,

I love you so, so much.

Chapter 59: His Name is Ben

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey woke in the middle of the night and checked her phone.

There was a message from her mother:

 

The boy was expelled. You won’t have to see him ever again.

 

Rey rolled back over and fell asleep, a little lighter, but not completely relaxed.

 

The next morning, Rey and Ben walked down the long hallway to the senior hall. A few people stopped and stared, then resumed their conversations. Rey tensed at that. Eventually, they were both at their lockers. A small group consisting of Claire, Annabelle, and some of the girls that were insignificant from their former lunch table surrounded her.

“I mean, it’s not like she couldn’t just bite his dick…she’s pretty good at biting people,” Claire said.

Annabelle laughed a genuine laugh, while the others snickered.

Rey felt her head lurch forward. She closed her eyes. 

Just ignore it. Just ignore it.

They must not have seen her and Ben among the throng of other students.

“I mean, she was literally sitting with him last week and now she wants to cry ‘rape’,” Annabelle said. “Please.”

The small bit of people that were between Ben and Rey, and the corner where Claire and her little crew were dissipated.

They all looked startled to see them together. Rey kept her head down and removed some books out of her locker. Ben was doing likewise.

 

“Rey!” Claire called.

Rey glanced over to her briefly, then resumed what she was doing.

The group came over to her, Annabelle and Claire leading.

“We’re so sorry to hear what happened yesterday,” Claire said, hand on her heart. It was a mannerism Rey hated.

“Seriously, he was a creep,” Annabelle said.

Claire kept glancing down to Ben, and it was obvious she didn’t get the memo that Rey and him were back together. 

Rey waited for Ben, anxiously, and he eventually stood up. 

“Hi, Ben,” Claire said, but he didn’t meet her eyes. Rey saw her glance to Rey and then back to Ben.

 

“Are you sure about that?” Ben asked, bringing his eyes to meet the girls. 

“What?” Claire asked.

“Are you sure that you’re sorry about what happened to Rey, yesterday?” He asked.

Claire scoffed slightly, “I mean, yeah, Hux was scary.”

“Really? Because you do realize we both just overheard you two saying Rey should have bit his dick and that she was ‘crying rape.’”

Annabelle began to back away, as their other little followers quickly dismissed themselves.

“Wha—I didn’t—“

“You did,” Ben said firmly. “Also, don’t talk to me anymore.” 

Claire opened her mouth to protest, Rey’s eyes were wide as she stood behind Ben slightly. Now that Claire knew the hunt was over, she immediately turned mean.

“Pfft. Here I was beginning to think you were cool, Solo.”

“I don’t care what you think of me,” he said flatly. “You’re a parasite that latches onto vulnerable people and feeds on their pain. What happened to Rey was sexual assault, and here you are laughing at her. It’s disgusting.”

Claire waved her hand as she walked past the two of them.

“Whatever, Solo.“

“It’s Ben.”

“What?” She turned to snap.

“My name is Ben. Stop calling me Solo. You don’t know me like that.”

Claire turned red, thoroughly humiliated as she stormed off. 

“Okay—whatever, Ben, fuck you and your ugly ass little…girlfriend…or whatever she is” she said. 

Ben’s eyes followed her dark and unwavering as she rounded a corner and left.

Ben turned to regard Rey, his eyes shifting at the sight of her to something wonderful and kind. Rey was speechless, the hall was long since empty after the second bell rang for first hour. 

 

“There, I think that pretty well takes care of that, don’t you?” Ben asked.

 

Rey slammed her locker shut and grabbed Ben by his hand, leading him off to the girl’s locker room near the gymnasium.

“Wha-“ he asked.

Rey realized the almost irony of the situation. The day before, she was being forced against her will by a boy in the same locker room, now she was dragging a boy in there. Except, this was so much better. Consensual. Lustful. Thankful. Something.

 

Rey locked the door just as Hux did and instantly began to undo Ben’s pants. He was breathless and confused, smiling down at her.

“Rey, what the —“

She didn’t care that he was confused, she fished his flaccid dick out and immediately started sucking on it until he got hard and started moaning. A low rumbly fuck escaping his lips. 

Rey struggled her way out of her spandex shorts, letting them tangle into a ball at her feet as she stumbled backwards onto a wooden bench bolted into the ground. She spread her legs wide open and laid back, filthy and wanting.

Ben grinned and immediately came to her, bringing his tall frame and legs on either side of the bench. He slipped in with a grunt, and Rey had to part her skin and pussy lips slightly, as she wasn’t totally wet yet.

There, right there on a bench in the girl’s locker room, Ben was fucking Rey steadily. It was very echoey and at the first loud moan she cried out he put his hand over her mouth. 

Her ass cheeks squeaked slightly against the laminated wood surface. Her back was somewhat in pain but it felt better when she literally wrapped her legs around Ben, hooking her feet together as much as possible.

He was fucking her up the length of the bench now, the fabric of her skirt allowing her to slide somewhat but the skin of her ass kept her in place.

Ben was mumbling filthy and wonderful things into Rey’s ear and she realized she was getting tighter and wetter as she moaned into his big palm.

“Fuck, are you going to be able to cum?” He asked, breathless.

Rey couldn’t respond, she was being suffocated.

“Can I?” He asked. She managed a nod. This was good enough. She wanted him to pump her full of his cum. It was a thing for her apparently. He got her off plenty, but Rey really liked to see him be selfish sometimes, as that wasn’t something Ben was, ever.

Feeling and watching him give over to that primal part of himself made her wetter and closer to the edge, every time.

She would worry about her pussy after. Right now she just wanted to feel him take her to pound town on this bench.

 

As his hips became more erratic, his pressure on her mouth became a bit firmer, until he released, his hand sliding away—allowing Rey to let out a moan so loud, it most definitely would be heard if there was anyone else around. 

 

Rey, arms and legs wrapped around him like a little koala bear, shuttered with a tiny pussy cum as her insides fluttered. She let her eyes go hazy as she felt Ben’s cock pulse inside of her, welcoming the wetness that was now sliding down into her asshole area. 

Solo,” she breathed. And he grinned at her knowingly through orgasm-hazed eyes. 

Rey’s mind could hardly register when Ben shamelessly brought her legs up over his shoulders, licking her from her tiny rear hole all the way up to the top of her sensitive nub. She was basically in another world when he finger fucked her to orgasm with her assistance.

 

 

Rey laid there with Ben slightly resting on top of her. They had no idea what happened really, but one thing was for sure:

Neither Armitage Hux or Claire Miller would ever be a problem for them or their relationship ever again. 


Rey told herself as best she could, in her mind, to let whatever residual shit she was holding against Ben go. She had to. Because he had done the one thing she wanted him to do most from the start.

 

He had told a snake in the grass to go fuck all the way off. 

 

It was petty, but Rey relished and enjoyed every moment of it.

 

She licked her lips as she closed her eyes,

 

like the cat that got the cream. 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 60: Just Another Day

Chapter Text

It was Wednesday, which typically meant Church Duty. And Rey realized with horror, that now that Hux was gone, she might be pulled away from it. She tepidly went to Holdo’s room after third hour, her next class already shuffling in.

“Oh, hi Rey, how are you?” Holdo asked at the door. She looked happy to see Rey, but also dull and exhausted from the day before.

“Um, I’m good,” she said. “All things considered.”

Holdo gave her a small smile, like, ‘Tell me about it.’

“Is there something I can do for you?”

“Do I uh—do I still have Church Duty today? Now that…Hux is…gone?” Rey asked.

Holdo paused momentarily, as if the thought hadn’t even occurred to her. 

“Do you want Church Duty still?” She asked, unsure.

“Oh, I mean,” Rey responded quickly, not realizing how her question may have come across. “Um, if it’s okay with Mr. Parks and all, and with you. I just—I just wasn’t sure.”

Holdo smiled. “It shouldn’t be a problem. Besides, I’m told you do a very good job there.”

Rey turned to leave, giving her thanks.

“If you and Ben have time today,” Holdo added. “Maybe you can stop by here in the afternoon?”

Rey nodded. Holdo no doubt wanted to debrief them about what happened with Hux. It did feel oddly anti-climatic coming in that morning, the halls, just another day—except for a few stares and whispers—and Claire and Annabelle of course. And Ben and Rey in the locker room after….

 

Come Church Duty, Rey was checking the pews for any litter, then she set to taking a bucket and wet wash cloth, wiping them down one by one.

“You can always be counted on to go above and beyond, Ms. Simons,” Father Dameron called, his voice echoing slightly.

Rey glanced up at him quickly, giving him a head nod in acknowledgement. He came down the altar steps to where she was.

“I heard about your classmate and what happened yesterday. I’m very sorry to hear you went through that. Are you okay?”

Rey swallowed and nodded.

“You know,” he said, gesturing for her to sit in one of the pews. Rey set her cleaning supplies down to sit. He leaned up against another pew on the other side of the one in front of her. “When they first asked me about you doing Church Duty, I thought it strange that they didn’t try to get that boy help—maybe send him to me for confession or something at least once. But instead, they sent you my way. And I’m very grateful for that, because you’ve grown well here.”

Father Dameron paused and adjusted his white clerical collar, his shirt and pants, all black.

“Have you found your time here to be helpful?” He asked.

Rey was worried he was trying to kick her out, now that she was no longer needed.

“Yes, sir. Very much,” she said, nodding fervently.

“I thought so.” He smiled. “You know Rey, I’m very proud of you.”

Her throat caught, her eyes, immediately glassy.

“And not just me, but Sister Eugene, and Amilyn Holdo. You’ve taken your work here very seriously, and it hasn’t been missed by any of us.”

She said nothing. She didn’t know what to say. 

“I don’t know what that boy’s future holds,” Father Dameron looked down, sighing deeply. “But I’ll continue to pray for him.”

Rey admired the idea of praying for Hux, even though she herself could not. The idea had never occurred to her actually. Where he fit in the eyes of God in all of this, where she fit. Father Dameron didn’t look like he knew either, but would diligently uphold his promise to the Lord to pray for all of his children, the sins and their sinners.

“You only have a few more months here,” he said, almost melancholily. “Do you have plans for college?”

“I uh, I plan to go to Columbia College…in Chicago,” she fisted her skirt down. “For…for screenwriting.”

He smiled at her. “I know we discussed it before, but it wasn’t missed by me that I saw you in church here on Sunday. Would you be opposed to reading once a month…until it’s time for you to leave?”

Rey couldn’t say no even if she wanted to, but she did, actually, want to. The adrenaline rush and crash of reading, followed by individual praise after, too compelling to resist. She knew she was supposed to just be a conduit for God’s word, but that was impossible to feel entirely, when strangers and people she knew alike, were praising her.

“I can do it,” she said shyly.

“Great. You did such a great job at Christmas and I’ve been meaning to ask you, if you were interested in doing it again, but it just kept slipping my mind. I’ll get the schedule to you this Sunday then,” he said, moving to leave.

Rey bristled at the idea that she was now roped into attending Sunday mass regularly. Then she instantly remembered that Ben attended Sunday mass also, and maybe, just maybe, she could sit with him—or they could somehow spend more time together after.

Suddenly, because she had so easily forgotten, Rey’s stomach dropped at the thought of Leia.

 

She still had yet to properly apologize to her for hurting Ben. 

 

Rey wanted the floor to swallow her whole when Leia and Ben had to listen to Davis outline her entire four years of troublemaking. Ben reiterated later on, that they both just felt sorry for her, after seeing Angela completely destroy Davis’s body and soul. 

Rey didn’t want pity, but if that meant she would be seen with less scorn from Ben’s mother—she would take what she could get.

 

Rey was sweating by the time she was done using Pinesol on the pews. Not taking a moment to break, she immediately began cleaning the main entrance area of the church. As usual, it was much colder in this area than the main part of the church. Rey always tried to go as quickly as possible, sweeping and such. 

Today, however, thoroughly exhausted from the energy of the morning, the day before, all of it—she sat on the winding steps that lead upstairs.

Rey always thought that the cold draft was coming from the doors, but sitting where she was, she finally paid attention to the small window at the base landing.

It was practically held in place at the frame by duct tape. Old, rotten wood had given away, and there was next to nothing except the tape to hold the window in place. For all the money coming in and out of St. Michael’s Catholic School and Church, the idea that they couldn’t fix a small window baffled her.

Maybe next week she would bring her own duct tape and do a better job of sealing it up, since the current maintenance people didn’t give a shit anymore than the next person.

Finishing her tasks for the day, Rey returned all of her cleaning equipment to the designated closet in the cry room. She was finally—actually—hungry again for the first time in the last forty eight hours, and she couldn’t wait for lunch.

She only hoped that it would be okay for her to return to her old lunch table. Even though she knew it would be, Rey sighed at the realization that she owed an apology to Finn and Rose too for how she behaved.

 

 

Finn and Rose accepted Rey’s apology. Finn immediately understood after bearing witness to the events of the day before, but Rose, however, took a moment longer to accept. Rey wished she had apologized to her in private first, but it was what it was.

Rey resolved that she would buy Rose a nice gift or something—as an additional component to her apology.

 

Sitting and watching Rose, Finn, and Ben laugh, as they had all been before all this “stupid shit” happened, as Ben correctly put it, Rey realized she didn’t deserve any of them as friends, but she was grateful to have them nonetheless.

More than they would ever know.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 61: Home

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Ben and Rey spoke with Ms. Holdo after school. It was brief. She told them how Hux would be transferring to another school, St. John’s for the remainder of the year. Rey remembered he mentioned that was where his friend went, the one who would be hosting the bonfire she didn’t go to.

Holdo asked how they were doing; reassuring them that if they needed to use the school’s counseling services, they could, or if they needed to come to her, they could. 

Leaving school that afternoon, Rey checked her phone. Natalie had sent her a message, just checking in. It was too upbeat for her to have known about what happened with Hux, and of course Angela wouldn’t have told her. Although she should have.

Rey didn’t feel like rehashing the details to her, so she just responded with a funny picture.

Anything from Columbia yet? 

Not yet. 

And what about Ben?

Same.

Okay. Keep me posted. I love and miss you both.

 

 

 

 

Rey smiled at Natalie saying that. That she would say she loved Ben was unsurprising but still heartwarming. 

Once in her driveway, Rey began to gather her things. Ben went to reach for the ignition, then stopped.

“You’re…you’re parents aren’t home, are they?” He moved his hand away, as if to try and hide that he was going to turn the vehicle off.

Rey blinked over to him. Ben had been there the previous two days. Monday they had makeup sex and got back together, yesterday he stayed after John and Angela left, talking and snuggling.

“My mom has a big case they’re working on, so she said she won’t be home all week.”

Ben’s hand rested on his thigh, he lowered his head, as if waiting. Through the haze and drama of all that had happened, Rey realized that while it had only been two days since they were back together—Ben was breaking his own rule of not seeing her until Friday afternoons. 

She didn’t know what to make of that.

“Don’t you have homework to do?” She asked. 

“I can do it later,” he said.

“Are you—do you want to come in?”

“If it’s okay,” he said, looking over.

 

 

Ben was being especially tender this afternoon. His large hand at her cheek, his tongue and lips against hers, soft, gentle, loving. She could feel a bit of his stubble on his face; usually clean shaven, he must have forgone it with all of the stress from the past few days. 

Rey was thankful to be under the warm bed covers as Ben took to brushing his other hand up and down her inner thigh, creating chills. He was completely naked for what would likely be an afternoon nap after fucking, but Rey stayed in her tank top and panties.

Little pulses of radiance zinged to her center with the brush of his trimmed finger nails. Rey began to rub her thighs together on instinct, aroused. Ben continued to kiss her, drawing little shapes on her flesh. She felt him make a tiny triangle, a few circles, then spread his fingers to rake up and down, up and down. He came close to her panty edge, stopping just short. Rey wanted to demand he just get to it, but for once, she would let him do this for her. 

 

She would yield to him completely.

 

 

His touch, his kisses, she knew it was all just for her. 

 

 

Ben pulled his mouth away, nuzzling against her cheek, he made a trail of open kisses along her neck, stubble prickling as he went. She almost squeaked at the tickle, but then his mouth formed at her neck muscle; a flickering of his tongue, followed by a predictable yet delicious bite. Rey whimpered, her right leg dragging up in response to the pain, then back down just as quickly. Ben gave an apologetic peck at the mark. 

He finally brought his fingers to her center, rubbing up and down her covered slit. The fabric was damp and clung to her. Ben took to lazily rubbing her. She writhed to buck her hips into his hand. He gripped her jaw. “Don’t move,” he whispered.

Oh.

Rey would try to stay still. She would do whatever he wanted, let him take whatever he wanted.

 

He had earned it after all.

 

A single finger hooked into the edge of her panties, the back of his nail, brushing against her curls. He let that one finger tease her, where thigh and groin met. His kisses were deeper now, the grip at her jaw, locking her in place. Rey felt herself getting hotter, wetter. She really needed to work on letting Ben do whatever he wanted more often. Usually she became impatient and greedy, and sometimes he relented, but other times, he did not. 

 

Today was a day he absolutely would not be relenting.

 

An unspoken understanding that she was his, and he was hers; from now on, they would do exactly what the other wanted.

Ben broke away to look into Rey’s eyes, his, dark amber, liquid and longing, as deep as they had ever been.

“Do you know what you do to me?” He asked quietly. His finger was now on the outside of her panties again, and he was using the back of his knuckles to brush up and down the front of her. As if he was trying to flatten any creases he had made in the cotton.

Rey’s eyes were wide, Ben had never spoken like this before.

She’d like to think the drama with Hux and Claire wasn’t responsible for bringing this darker, more possessive side of him out of his personality.

 

But they both knew that it absolutely was.

 

Because Ben Solo before this whole Claire/Hux incident had insisted on studying, being a good boy, and seeing her only when appropriate, completing assignments as soon as possible, and thinking only the best of people. 

 

Now, now he was something else entirely.

 

“Do you?” He asked again. Rey had to remind herself to hear again, to think, to remember what it was he asked her the first time.

 

 

Do you know what you do to me?

 

 

Rey whispered a dry no.

 

“I think about you all the time,” he said, still brushing her apex, kissing her again.


“Even when I’m not thinking about you, you’re there. Within me, beside me, around me.”

 

 

 

Rey’s breathing became ragged. Her eyes surely conveying how wrecked she felt. His hand at her jaw brushed down her throat. He was looking at her nipples through her white tank top now.



 

“When we were apart, I thought I was dying. There was nothing that mattered more to me except getting you back. Of being here—right here—with you.”

 

Rey’s ear drum vibrated with the sound of Ben’s voice. She remembered a documentary she saw once, about how sound was received by the ear and transferred to the brain via nervous impulse. She always thought of the little ear hairs, cells, she had seen as apart of the animation, how they moved and swayed, how they could become damaged if sound decibels were too high or from being hit. How ringing—tinnitus—could occur.

 

If Rey could see her little ear hair cells, she wondered how they would look, hearing what Ben Solo was saying to her right now.

 

 

“I’d give it all up for you, Rey,” he breathed, the warmth of his breath, now against her physical ear. Inside, the way the sound hit, it felt like all of her little ear hair cells were leaning to him, clinging to him.

 

He kissed her ear lobe, as if knowing how his words were destroying her.

 

“I’d be anything you wanted me to be, do anything you wanted me to do,” he said. Rey gasped as Ben’s fingers effortlessly pushed her panties aside, sliding within her soaked pussy. 

 

“Tell me what you want me to be, and I’ll be it for you,” he said. Rey’s throat caught as he worked her in earnest.

 

This wasn’t Ben. She didn’t want him to be whatever she wanted him to be. 

 

Suddenly, she didn’t know who he was anymore. He had been so firmly grounded in who he was when she met him. Had always been so firmly grounded in his identity, that it frightened her, to see him completely disregard himself for her.

 

“Ben—“ she breathed.

 

Had she ever disregarded herself as much as he was doing now—for him?

 

 

Rey had been running, hiding, maneuvering, grieving, crying…she had been absolutely everything except completely and totally at Ben’s mercy.

 

She had never fully given herself to him. Not even in kisses, in fooling around, in their first time, in sex—she thought she had—but everything had been great prior to what happened.

 

Now—now it was different—they had went through some real shit together, and Ben was offering himself to her.

 

Body and soul, he was telling her, I’m yours. 

 

Frightening as it may have been, to see Ben Solo prone spiritually before her—not expecting her to do the same in return, but offering nonetheless—Rey could not—would not—let his commitment, his sacrifice, his love, his devotion go unanswered.



She was his.

 

Was always his.



Ben had not given himself entirely to Rey until that moment, and while it was scary to see him disregard schoolwork, his ambitions, who he was, or who he thought he was—Rey knew—within the depths of her being—within the depths of her soul—

 

That this is what she had wanted all along.

 

It went beyond words, beyond comprehension.

 

But she thought maybe now—

 

Now he understood. 

 

He was ready.

 

She was ready.

 

They were ready.

 



Now there was was this. Only this.

 

“I just want you, all of you,” she gasped, as he fingered her like a witness to God.

 

 

 

“You have it,” he said. “You’ve always had it, Rey. You’ve always had me.”

 

 

 

“I know, Ben,” she whispered, pulling him into her. “I know.”

 

 

 

 

Ben slotted inside of Rey after she slipped her panties off. 

 

They kissed and kissed as he thrust into her.

 

And for once—finally—at last—

 

 

 

Rey was unafraid.

 

 

 

She was free.

 

 

 

 

She was home. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Home—in the arms and soul of Ben Solo.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 62: Shred

Chapter Text

Ben’s hips rolled and rolled, he had never looked so fucking beautiful as he had then. 

Rey nuzzled into his neck, breathing him in, drowning in his etheric energy. As he continued to impale her, Rey became aware that their bodies were in the way. She couldn’t get enough of him. Her inner walls were gripping him tightly, molded around every single inch of him. Tighter and tighter, thrust after thrust, kiss upon kiss, moan within moan—Rey wanted him to own her—

 

claim her

 

mark her

 

Fucking ruin her. 

 

Taint her so no one else would ever dare to look at her again without the knowledge that she was Benjamin Solo’s. Tethered to him for eternity. 

 

“Fuck—come inside of me,” she cried.

“You want it?” Ben asked, a sly smile on his face.

“I want all of it. All of you. Fucking destroy my pussy Ben—please,” she whined, her head thrown back.

Literal tears of pleading desperation ran down Rey’s face as he devastated her with pound after pound.

“I don’t think I heard you the first time,” Ben said, almost casually. 

Rey sobbed. “Pump your hard fucking cock in me and blow your load—please Solo.”

She had no dignity left. 

Ben had taken it from her a long time ago, but any scrap, any shred remaining—any that she had been safe guarding out of pride—he was surely claiming it now.

 

He had taken everything and Rey surrendered gladly. 

 

“Choke me,” Rey whined. 

 

Ben pulled back so he was away from her now, his large hand flying to her small neck. Rey’s eyes rolled back into her head as the constriction in her carotid arteries blinded her momentarily. Everything was fuzzy, Ben’s hard cock, ready to fill her with his cum, the only thing that mattered now.

 

“There it is,” he growled, noticing she was getting even tighter.

The sounds of wetness as he pummeled her, his flesh slapping against her, their hairs sticking together, the tiny chokes she was making as his long slender fingers curled almost entirely around her neck—covering her with the same slickness he had just retreated from—now upon her.  Rey could smell herself on his fingers. 

 

“I like watching these tits bounce,” he gritted out. Rey didn’t have much to speak of, but she could feel them jiggling slightly with each thrust.

Once satisfied with watching her, as if the thought had just occurred to him—Ben came back down to Rey and slipped two large fingers from his other hand into her unexpecting mouth. He was looking at her with eyes that only she was ever privileged to witness in moments like these.

Rey swallowed the pooled saliva at the back of her throat as she gasped for a breath around his fingers. 

“Close your eyes and suck.”

She whimpered slightly, doing as he said, not realizing how much she had been breathing through her mouth until she had to close it around his digits. Rey struggled to breathe but managed heavy inhales and exhales through her nose, the force of the air felt on her upper lip, against Ben’s fingers. Ben kissed her cheek, fucking her harder and harder, faster and faster.

“That’s a good girl,” he praised. 

Rey allowed her choked tongue to swirl around his fingers, then sucked on them like she did his dick. She felt Ben’s cock twitch at the obvious similarity.

He was close.

Rey was strung so tight she was sure she was going to snap at any moment. 

“I’m going to cum, and you’re going to keep sucking until I tell you to stop.”

The pads of Ben’s fingers pressed deeper into her neck as his palm remained mildly firm on her trachea, allowing her to breathe. He kissed her temple, then brought his face to rest against hers—breath heavy against her ear. Rey was strangely attuned to everything in the room from being mouth fucked by his fingers, choked with the other hand, and fucked with a dick that should be illegal for how massive it was.

 

Fuck—“ he said, “You’re so beautiful. Your pussy is so tight. I’m going to cum—I’m going to coat your fucking walls with it—“

Rey tried to gasp for a breath, Ben allowed her to, easing up slightly on his fingers inside her mouth, then shoved back in. 

“Don’t stop—suck ‘em like you suck my cock.”

“Mmnn” Rey whined.

“Here I come,” he said, breathless, panting, his hips stuttering. “I’m coming—I’m coming—oh fuck—“

Ben’s hips became short and erratic, pumping and going until with one final thrust, he throbbed, releasing a very hot and heavy load, spurt after spurt, throb after throb inside of her. 

“Don’t stop sucking,” he cried. Rey choked on his fingers slightly but continued sucking them diligently, Ben released his grip on her throat, causing her to gasp slightly. She kept going, wet and sloppy, absolutely fucking dirty for him.

Don’t stop,” he whispered. “You’re close.”

Rey whimpered. She thought she was going to piss herself, but it turns out, she was on the precipice of a different kind of orgasm. Ben kissed her flushed cheek, spreading his two fingers in her mouth so her tongue was in the middle, allowing her to breathe as her mouth started to part into a tell-tale open cry. Her head titled back and she felt Ben’s hand follow like he was giving her medicine—until finally, it came—she came.

Rey moaned loudly, muffled only slightly by Ben as her pussy spasmed on his still hard cock. 

Ben peppered her face and forehead with kisses, brushing her hair back. She managed to open her eyes to see him smiling as he dragged his saliva soaked fingers down her chin, trailing wetness in its wake.

“Beautiful,” he praised. 

Rey was still pulsating around Ben as she smiled and caught her breath. Ben took the edge of her blanket and wiped the drool off of her face. He kissed her, their tongues pressing in hot ecstasy as they both came down from the religious experience they just shared together.

 

 

 

Chapter 63: Little Mouse

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“You sure your mom isn’t going to come home randomly?” Ben asked, standing by as the water ran hot.

“Well, I mean, I suppose she could come home at any time, but why would she? She’s got that apartment in the city I’ve never seen, plus she’s fucking that John guy.” Rey held her hand out to the streaming water to test its temperature. 

“Wait, what?” Ben asked.

Rey told Ben about all that she had discovered, plus John being creepy towards her at Christmas mass, giving her his business card.

Ben’s pupils narrowed as he shook his head. 

“It’s ready,” Rey said, stepping into the shower. “You can come in.”

Ben put one foot forward, his muscular thigh flexing as he did.

 

They rinsed off together, allowing hot water to pour over them. As Rey began shampooing her hair, Ben’s mouth found the curve of her neck from behind.

“Stop,” she giggled, curling into him. 

“I can’t,” he said. “You taste too good.”

“You don’t taste shampoo?” Rey asked.

“No,” Ben said. “Just you.”

Rey turned her head towards Ben, their mouths meeting. Ben brought both hands up her torso, palming her breasts as she laid back against him. Ben removed the shower head nozzle and rinsed Rey’s hair, she aided his efforts by running her fingers through until all the shampoo was gone. 

Turning towards him, Rey grinned upwards and began to tug on his hard length sticking out, hanging down slightly from the weight. She guided him up against the side wall, so the water still kept them warm. 

As she worked him slowly, Rey realized Ben’s hair still wasn’t wet….she grabbed the shower head nozzle with her other hand and brought it over Ben’s head.

His eyes that had been blissfully closed, snapped open.

“No don’t,” he said, pulling his head out of the stream.

“What?” Rey jumped, genuinely startled, his dick still in her hand. 

“I—I don’t want to wash my hair right now,” he said. But Rey knew that was a bunch of bullshit. She felt his cock start to give way, then quickly tugged on it, demanding it stay erect. His eyes shuttered as she used the shower head on his chest and worked it down, running water at his abs. 

She would distract him for now. Make him forget he was even showering. 

“Here, put this back,” she told him. Ben dutifully took the shower head, reaching over and across her to place it back in its holder. Rey lowered herself to her knees, not a whole lot of space as her back and ass hit the other side of the tub. She took Ben into her mouth, the bulb of his cock head poking at her opposite cheek as she came at him from an angle to start.

Rey peered up at him, one side of his hair wet. 

Ben locked eyes with her, looking wrecked. 

Working him in and out steadily, stroking his base, her other hand at the underside of his balls, Rey fondled them lightly, elicited a low groan from Ben.

His hand came to push her hair back, then held her gently.

A low fuck came from his lips, Rey continued going in and out. 

She drew out slowly, taking herself to the very tip, then shoved herself back down fast and hard. Relaxing the back of her throat as she forced herself down the last bit of him. She kept this rhythm for a while. The steam of the shower drifting upward, sucked away by a small, almost useless ceiling fan.

Ben closed his eyes and leaned back, his knees visibly becoming weak.

Rey only had to keep going a little more.

“You want me to let you do something new?” She asked.

“Hmm?” Ben asked, opening his eyes lazily.

Rey didn’t answer, she tugged on his base harder, flickering her tongue at his slit. Pre-cum coating her tastebuds.

“I can let you do something new, but you have to do something for me,” she said.

Ben tilted his head back. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“I want you to come all over my tits.”

Ben laughed with his teeth shown, eyes still closed, like it was a joke.

Rey stopped all motion, pulling off of him.

“Do you want this or not?”

That woke Ben up, he looked down at her. 

“It’s all good. Anything you do or don’t do to me makes me want to cum all over you. Always.”

“Well, I’m telling you what I want, do you want what I want, or not?”

Ben was too close to his orgasm to form coherent thoughts.

“Su—sure whatever.”

Rey continued. 

“If you want to cum, if you want me to take it all over me—“ she peered up at him, lips touching his head. Then she dove back in.

“You have to get your hair wet.”

Ben opened his mouth to protest, but Rey started sucking him furiously and pumping just as fast, her other hand at his balls giving a firmer knead. 

“Ha—no—“

“Do it or I’ll leave you like this.” She stopped again. 

“No—No—don’t stop,” he begged. Rey didn’t resume. He opened his eyes, she gave him a head gesture. He immediately grabbed the shower head and let the water pour over him like he was dumping a bucket in the desert. He even shook like a dog after to show her he was now completely wet.

Rey smiled. “Good boy.” She resumed sucking, tugging, jerking. Ben—who had the most adorable ears sticking out—closed his eyes and started to lower his hips, he was close. So close.

His mouth opened in a silent cry, and then just as he was coming, Rey pulled off of him, letting him release all over her chest, shifting so he caught at least one nipple. He bent forward, releasing a low groan, eyelids fluttering. He swallowed hard, panting for breath. Using her head to steady himself slightly.

“Holy fucking shit,” he breathed. 

Rey can only laugh, her knees and hips sore now. 

He opened dazed eyes to look at where he spilled. Rey conscious of the water hitting him mostly now, and her shoulder.

Rey went full pornstar mode and started rubbing his spend across her tits. Ben laughed, weary.

“Okay, now you’re just being ridiculous.”

“Mm,” she hummed in an affirmative, smiling up at him through lidded eyes.

Ben helped her to her feet and she kissed him.

She pulled back to look at him, brushing hair behind his ear. 

“Is this what you were so worried about?” Rey asked.

Ben’s face is already flush, but he gives her a quiet nod, shy like.

“They’re adorable. Like a little mouse. My little mouse.”

“No,” Ben said. Covering his ears with both hands. “Don’t say that.”

“I love them,” she hummed against his lips, kissing him again, pulling his wrists away, replacing her own fingers at his ears, brushing along the edges of them. She kisses him and kisses him, then shifts to nibbling on one of his earlobes. Of course she had seen his ears before, but his hair always hid them well. She wasn’t aware of just how much they had actually stuck out. And she adored that this was the one thing that Ben was genuinely self-conscious about.

 

Ben grabbed Rey gently and guided her to where he was. 

“As much as I want to suck on these, I don’t think I’m into tasting my own cum yet.”

“Yet,” Rey muses.

Ben showered her chest, using a wash cloth to clean her. Once satisfied, he immediately dives in and sets to steady flickering. Rey hums. Ben can’t lower like she did, so he stands to the side of her to bend at the waist. Water hitting his back.

Rey brings her hand up to the back of his head, the other at an ear.

She was already wet from going down on Ben, but his hand that finds her center has her throbbing with need again.

Rey watches Ben, his eyes closes in pleasure, flickering and suckling, one hand at the breast he’s working, the other lazily spreading her arousal around watered lips. Satisfied that he has her slick spread, he eases a finger in, then two. Rey lets out a sharp exhale.

As she watches Ben, she suddenly imagines him as a small child.

Small mouse-ear Ben. 

She wanted to know if he experienced what she did. 

Once again, she had a knack for bringing up weird shit at times like these.

 

 

“Were you bullied?” Rey breathed as Ben gave her right breast a particularly tender yet firm pull into his mouth. 

“What?” He asked, switching to her other nipple.

Rey moaned softly. “Were you bullied?” She repeated.

Ben was deep in focus, he started to thrust her tight hole faster, as if that would silence her.

“W—“

“Yes,” Ben said, stealing a glance, then tugs away from her nipple with a slight pull of his teeth. “All the time.” He stopped to consider his options for maneuvering, then withdraws and guides Rey a few steps to the back wall. He is now directly and more comfortably in front of her.

 

She had more questions though. His adorable ears, his wet hair clinging to his head—he was like a different person now. Or rather, the same person who was letting her see something he had kept hidden.

 

“Did you—“ Rey began.

“Rey,” Ben said, looking at her, stopping all motion he had just continued.

“I love you with all my heart—but please—I’m begging you—let me suck on these divine titties in peace.”

Rey laughed and nodded her head, lolling it back. Ben had just told her to shut the fuck up in the most delicious way possible. She supposed no guy wanted to talk about when he was bullied while servicing a girl in the shower.

 

Fair enough.

 

Ben’s mouth found her clit and pussy lips and Rey was sure the hot water was about to run out soon. 

“We should finish this in the bedroom—“ she gasped. “The water will get cold soon.”

Ben moved his head back and forth, his whole mouth latched onto her pussy as he hummed an “un-uh.” Rey laughed and half-heartedly tried to push him off. “I’m serious, goddamit.”

 

 

Back in the bedroom, after they had finished in a rapidly cooling shower, Rey towel dried her hair and shifted through the clothes in her closet. 

Ben came up behind her, towel wrapped around his waist. He put his arms around her.

“I can’t wait for Prom,” Ben said. She felt his eyes land on her blue sweetheart sparkle dress that was obvious from the cloth bag it was stored in.

“Oh…yeah, gosh I forgot about that.” Her face fell slightly. “I’ll need a dress for that too, I guess.”

“I want to take you someplace in Detroit,” he said.

“What?” Rey turned to look at him.

“It’s a bigger store than Carmen’s. I just thought it would be fun to make a day out of it or something. Go to Somerset Mall.”

“Oh my gosh, I’ve never been.” Rey brought her hand to her mouth. “Rose kinda brags about it every now and again when she visits her grandma down there, and I’ve always been a bit jelly I could never go.”

Ben’s mouth, open, wet, and needy was at hers once more.

They were fucking again before Rey even had a chance to consider what she was going to wear that evening.

 

 

After eating dinner, Ben and Rey went to a movie. Even though it was a Wednesday night, he insisted on taking her. Rey was happy about that. It was much easier to “sneak away” on a weeknight than it was to try to go on a weekend date.

During the movie, Ben reached over and linked his fingers into Rey’s. She turned and smiled at him as he brought her hand up to kiss the back of it.

Rey couldn’t wait until she graduated, couldn’t wait to move out. They were at the end of January now. As Rey felt Ben’s fingers linked within her own, she thought, maybe, just maybe they could find a place together after they graduated.

Before the thought of moving in together seemed like it needed to wait until college, but maybe now that things had shifted with Ben, he wouldn’t be opposed to the idea.

 

 

On their way back to her house, Rey broached the topic.

“Do you think—“ she began. “What are your thoughts on us moving in together after we graduate?”

Ben glanced to her, then back to the road. “You mean like an apartment?”

“Yeah.”

Ben sighed deeply, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

“I had asked my parents about you moving in with us, actually.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. And I mean, technically there isn’t anything stopping you because you’re seventeen. There’s a weird loophole in Michigan law that allows kids who are seventeen to move out, but at the same time, their parents are still financially responsible and obligated to them until they’re eighteen. If you ran away or something though—not saying you would do that—“

“Trust me, I’ve thought about it,” Rey huffed.

“If you ran away…I guess it would depend on the police officer if your parents called, but technically, they can’t really force you back home. So…either way, moving out is really almost a non-issue from what I’ve read.”

Rey sat with her hands in her lap, like a child.

“What did your parents say?”

Ben was quiet. 

“They said…”

Ben’s jaw worked. “They said it would be hard to get you out of here now—that if you did want to leave—waiting until you turned eighteen would be the best choice. Less…messy. And you could sign legal documents and whatnot as an adult.”

Ben paused for a moment, as if he was leaving something heavy unsaid.

“What it is it?” Rey asked.

“I got mad at them,” he said quietly. “Because, we could easily have you come and live with us, and they just…said you needed to have a job, still needed your driver’s license, that you should pay rent—“

Rey knew all of those things to be true, even if it stung—that she was practically useless, as far as actually trying to become an adult went.

“Let’s uh—let’s just say I didn’t handle hearing that very well.”

Rey’s eyes became heavy, she was both hurt and embarrassed that his parents were speaking truth to what she already knew, what Ben already logically knew—but it was still painful to hear.

“They’re not wrong. I can’t do shit on my own. And I do need my driver’s license.”

 

Ben pulled into the parking lot of a small liquor/grocery store near her house. “Sorry I can’t talk about important stuff like this while driving, and we’re close to your house already.”

“It’s fine,” Rey mumbled.

“You shouldn’t have to fucking pay rent at our house, Rey,” Ben said. “That’s absolutely fucking ridiculous. And they know it. I mean, look at where we live. My mom has old money from her great grandfather for God’s sake.”

“I wouldn’t feel good if I was just freeloading off of you guys anyway though.”

“You wouldn’t be.” Ben turned the heater up slightly. 

“I would. And I should get a job. I don’t want handouts, I just—I just want to get the fuck out of my parent’s house. I should have been working since I turned sixteen, but I was too chickenshit to go and apply for a job.”

“And why wouldn’t you be?” Ben turned his body to her. “Your parents have ignored you most of your life, your self-image is dog shit—no offense—“ Ben gestured a hand over to her, taking a breath. “So why on Earth, are you or anyone else, expecting you to have the courage to go out and put yourself in unknown and vulnerable situations that require transportation, people skills, and the ability to juggle a work and school schedule?”

Rey’s eyes spilled over. 

“You’re too hard on yourself, Rey. No one should be asking you to do anything that you’ve been completely ill-prepared to do. That’s why I got so fucking mad at my mom and dad. They think you can just go out there and do it, and they don’t realize how goddamn privileged that is.”

Ben stopped himself to catch his breath, he was visibility worked up.

“The job thing. God, it made me mad—“

“Ben—“ Rey said, as if to soothe him. “There’s people who have it way worse than I do, who have to do it and don’t have a choice.”

“But you do have a choice.” Ben’s hands shoot out in desperation in front of him, his way of speaking when he was getting passionate about something. “You have me, you have a chance—“

 

“Imagine the people who aren’t so lucky, Ben,” Rey said. “I’ll—it’s fine. I can make it until I graduate. It’s not that big of a deal. My parents really aren’t that bad.”

“Yes they are!” Ben was almost shouting. Rey flinched.

“I’m sorry—“Ben stopped himself. He closed his eyes and took steadying breaths. Rey watched as a few cars came and went.

“We have the means, we have the money—and yet, they still don’t want to help you.”

 

Rey wasn’t going to counter Ben anymore. She could tell how upset he was getting, how helpless he was starting to feel, yet again. 

 

She didn’t like seeing him like that.

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I got a new work up to give me a breather from this one, as we’re nearing the end here…I’m trying to be careful and calculated with how things go because I know exactly how they’re going to go, but want to do the chapters and ending justice.

Anyway, here’s another little piece, strictly Benlo:

Notice Me Sensei, Notice Me Sempai
Twin brothers Ben and Kylo have been training at the same martial arts dojo since they were five years old. As Snoke Sensei’s top senior students, they know what it takes to win it all. Multi-year US, State, and District Champions, they train every single day to remain at the top.

What people don’t see from the shining newspaper articles and trophies however, is the methods used by Snoke Sensei to bring out the best—and worst—in his prized students.

Ben wonders what it will take for him and his brother to stop hurting each other. He isn’t sure what that is—but he hopes one day it will set them free from the only father figure they’ve ever known.

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Chapter 64: Tick tok

Chapter Text

On Thursday and Friday, Ben was at Rey’s again in the afternoon.

They watched movies, fucked, and snuggled.

It was pure bliss.

 

On Friday evening, Ben made breakfast for dinner for Rey.

“I’ll see you at mass?” Rey asked Ben at the door.

“Yeah,” he said, leaning down to give her a kiss. 

Saturday, Rey did her usual chores. Her father, watching tv as usual, she worked around him timidly. He drank from a large mug. No doubt full of beer, and not Pepsi as she had previously thought.

Doing laundry in the basement, she glanced over to the stack of boxes in the corner. Her name in permanent marker waving to her. The findings, still itching at the back of her mind.

Rey was a bit anxious, as she hadn’t seen Angela all week, not since the Hux incident on Tuesday. She also hadn’t text Rey anything else except to inform her he had been expelled. Rey worried if she was receiving an Angela Silent Treatment—either because of Hux, or if it had something to do with John knowing about Chicago. 

 

Ben had been a welcomed distraction, but now that it was the weekend, her anxiety about her mother was really beginning to set in. 

 

Because typically her mother came home on the weekends.

 

Rey brought the folded laundry in a basket upstairs. She paused. Debating whether or not to ask. 

“Do you—“ she paused. “Do you know if mom is coming home today?”

At first her father remained expressionless in front of the television. Rey opened her mouth to speak again.

“She’s got that big case.” He paused, taking a drink from his mug. “That’s all I know.” Another moment of silence, the television the only sound.

 

”She’s probably off slamming martinis with that prick in his thousand dollar suit somewhere.”

 

Rey bristled at the mention of John.

 

So he knew. Her father absolutely knew, and he more or less said he didn’t care.

 

 

Rey said nothing as she took the basket up to her bedroom, putting her clothes away first, then made her way to her parents room. 

She wondered why they even bothered. Why stay together if they were so miserable? Angela wasn’t even visible at the church anymore, and Rey wasn’t with her in the courtroom anymore either. Their attendance at Christmas mass, the first function they had attended together as a family in a long time.

Rey knew she wasn’t impressive anymore, and neither was her father—

She thought of the pictures she had seen of them, when they were younger, when Rey was young. How handsome he looked, Angela, undeniably smoking hot. They both were stupidly good-looking. 

But they had been forced to marry. Her father later inheriting the house. Angela, refusing to be a knocked-up failure—always the golden child compared to Natalie—went on to complete her paralegal degree.

 

Rey figured that Angela would mold herself to whatever narrative earned her the most praise. That she could still wear a wedding ring, boasting of her daughter and husband when it served her. Casting them off when they didn’t—which was most of the time. 

 

 

 

 


Rey went to mass on Sunday, and literally cringed—head turned away and shoulders up to her ears when she saw Ben walk in, spoke to his parents ever so briefly—then left them to be with her, as they continued onto their usual seating spot. 



 

So they did hate her.

 

 

 

Ben smiled at her as he sat in a back row pew with her. His smile, an obvious attempt to cover for his parents discontent towards her.

It made Rey physically ill. 

That they didn’t think she was worthy of Ben, only further confirmation that she really wasn’t. Not after what she had done. Rey also noted the energy from Leia as she grabbed a glance at her, then looked away.

It distinctly felt like she felt some type of way about Rey. That Ben was being influenced by her, corrupted, pussy-whipped—whatever phrase you wanted to call it—his mother knew.

And she so obviously did not approve.

 

But Ben was already long gone. And while that prospect that he was—for her—Rey didn’t want him to become alienated from his parents. She wanted to be apart of whatever it was they had, if anything.

 

Ben’s departure from them to sit with Rey, a welcome and somber statement to them that he would choose her, should it come down to it. 

 

At the end of mass, Rey went to the main entrance to leave, she hugged Ben, off to the side a bit so the elderly didn’t see them, or Father Dameron, or Ben’s parents. 

Rey shivered and she glanced over to the window in the corner.

“Christ, they really need to fix that goddamn window” she remarked, putting her coat on.

Ben glanced over to the duct-taped window.

“Wow, that’s uh, not exactly sealed up well is it?”

“All this big money they have and yet they can’t fix a window that could literally let a homeless person or serial killer in at any time.”

Ben laughed. He leaned in to give her a final huge as the young ushers came to open the large wooden doors.

“I‘ll see you tomorrow,” he said with a stolen peck to her cheek. 

“I love you,” Rey said.

Ben smiled. “I love you too.”

 

 

On Monday, Rey felt awkward at lunch. She had noticed that Rose was remaining polite with her, but not friendly, not like a best friend as they were. She could tell by her body language and the way she gave a closed lipped smile. How she mainly spoke with Ben and Finn, but ultimately avoided responding to Rey’s jokes and conversation starters.

 

 

When the bell rang to signal the end of lunch, Rey felt her stomach tighten as Rose quickly got up and went over to empty her tray with Finn. Ben was behind her.

“I’ll catch up with you later,” she said. 

They had resumed their stairwell make out  sessions since getting together last week, much to Rey’s delight.

“I have to talk to Rose,” she told a quizzical Ben. He nodded. She had already told him how she felt Rose had not fully forgiven her yet.

Rose had already grabbed her backpack from the backpack mountain and was down the hallway with Finn already.

“Rose!” Rey called.

Rose and Finn turned to look, she had interrupted their conversation. Rose tried to keep walking, but Finn had stopped completely.

Rey caught up to them.

“Hey, can I talk to you for a second?” She asked.

Rose’s eyes shifted. Rey glanced to Finn. He got the hint to leave, even if Rose didn’t convey that to him.

“Sure,” she said, her voice cold.

Rey pulled her aside, in a corner near the sophomore lockers.

 

 

Rey exhaled an uneven breath, she was shaking.

Rose regarded her with relatively cold eyes.

“I just want to say,” Rey began. She was breathing heavily from the anxiety and rushing up to Rose and Finn. 

“Fuck, this is heavy,” she mumbled, removing her backpack. Rose clutched both straps of hers.

Rey swallowed and stood up straight, looking to Rose now.

“Rose, I just want to say I’m very, very sorry for how I’ve treated you recently.”

Rose—sensitive and sweet Rose—changed in demeanor almost instantly.

“I’m sorry I ignored your texts, and for being a bitch and sitting with Hux even though it was obviously stressful for you—and Finn and Ben—and I just—“

Rey felt her eyes getting watery. She looked away when she saw that Rose’s was also glassy.

“I was going through a really hard time with the Claire shit and Ben, but I know that’s not an excuse for shutting you out and ignoring you. And I’m—“ 

Rey’s voice cracked. She looked down as tears spilled.

“I’m very sorry.”

She couldn’t look up, not yet.

Silence.

Rose was a simple person. She didn’t hold grudges if you sincerely apologized, and she didn’t get mean with people. She just…became distant.  Her parents, Vietnamese refugees who had her when they were a bit older, spoke plainly and directly. A trait that Rose was raised with. 

“I—I accept your apology,” Rose said, her voice low and pained.

Rey looked up and saw that Rose was just as emotional as she was.

Rey wasn’t good at hugs, the last time she hugged Rose was in the bathroom during mass, before she decided to get them away from Claire.

She wanted to hug Rose though. A strange feeling, but one she was becoming used to from all of the hugs she had received from Ben.

It felt right, and Rey was confident she wouldn’t be rejected as she moved in to embrace Rose. The two cried silently together.

“I’m a shitty friend, but I love you,” Rey said.

Rose shuttered. 

Rey was aware now that the sophomores trickling away from their lockers for fifth hour were starting to stare at them, but she didn’t care.

“You’re not a shitty friend, Rey,” Rose said.

The two held each other for a long moment, and then Rey made a joke. 

“For all the bullshit he’s caused us, I probably should have bit Hux’s dick off though, don’t you think?” Rey mused.

Rose laughed. They pulled apart, wiping tears away.

“You forgot about Claire too,” Rose said.

“I wish you were there to see her face when Ben basically told her to go fuck herself.”

The stories of Hux and Claire had been rehashed at least two to three times at their lunch table, but Rose remained rather unmoved until now, in the context of Rey not apologizing to her.

 

The energy was lighter now, and Rey felt good, relieved, to see her best friend from childhood forgive her. She may not have earned it entirely, but she was genuinely sorry, and Rose had always been a little too quick to forgive people in general. But they also both knew, deep down inside, that Rey was the only person to not exploit that about her character. 

If Rey was sorry, she was truly sorry, and if Rose forgave, she had truly forgiven.

All was right in Rey’s world at that moment.

 

After, Rey mentioned to Rose what Ben had said, about going down to Detroit to dress shop for prom. And soon, the two were plotting a double date for shopping, eating, and dress selection.

 

 

 

Coming home that afternoon a little later, as Ben and Rey had hung out in Ms. Holdo’s room for a least an hour, talking and laughing. Even joking at what a piece of shit rich prick Hux was—Rey didn’t realize just how late it was until the winter sun had begun to set behind the school building. 

 

Rey had largely kept the conversation going too, not wanting to go home. A bit unusual for her, and Holdo didn’t seem to mind, neither did Ben—but she noticed because it wasn’t a Friday.

 

Rey’s stomach clenched. She still hadn’t heard from her mother in almost a week now. Her text messages on Saturday and Sunday, went unanswered. And that was how Rey knew she was getting a silent treatment, but for what exactly, she couldn’t pinpoint.

 

And it made her sick to her stomach with anxiety now. 

 

Rey waved to Ben, feeling he shouldn’t be over today—not with Angela gone for so long— that she could unpredictably be home on Monday’s and perhaps, could be there that afternoon.

Rey inhaled deeply, closing her eyes as she pushed her house key into the tumbler, turned it, and then slowly opened.

 

 

The wall clock was the first thing she heard.

 

 

Tick

 

tok

 

 

Tick

 

tok 

 

 

Tick 

 

 

 

tok.

 

 

 

 

Tick.

 

 

 

 

Tok. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And as Rey came passed the door, the blinds closed in the living room, giving the illusion that no one there—Rey saw, that in fact, someone was there.

 

 

Angela Simons.

 

Her mother.

 

Was there.

 

 

Only she wasn’t sitting on the couch as she normally would be, sipping coffee. 

 

And she wasn’t sitting in her designated recliner.

 

But rather—she was sitting, arms on both rests—in Rey’s father’s recliner.

 

 

She had never sat in her father’s recliner. Ever.

 

 

 

And Rey knew—

 

 

 

 

 

Something awful awaited her.

 

 

 

 

Chapter 65: Mother

Notes:

⚠️ Major trigger warning for physical and verbal violence and abuse ⚠️

 

I cried as I wrote this.

 

Please proceed with caution.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey closed the door, she removed her shoes, then turned the switch on to turn the lamp lights on in the living room.

 

She removed her backpack from her shoulders, setting it near the door, shaking. Aware that her mother was watching her every move.

 

When Rey was finished, she stood at the edge of the living room facing her mother.

 

Angela’s blonde hair was pulled back into a bun, she was wearing a short sleeve shirt and relaxed sweat pants.

Rey went to speak, but before she could, her mother grabbed a zip locked bag that had been sitting tucked between her leg and the recliner. Rey couldn’t make out what it was immediately, but as her mother strode over to her, holding it out, she realized with half terror that it was her vibrator, placed inside—like some kind of specimen not to be touched.

“You want to explain this?” Her mother asked.

“It’s a vibrator?” She asked, confused. Surely this wasn’t what Angela was sitting and seething in the dark over.

“Where did you get it?” Angela said, still holding the bag out in front of Rey’s face.

“With Ben and Natalie when she came to visit,” Rey said, then caught herself. 

Her mother didn’t know that Ben had met up with them at the mall. 

Angela’s arm lowered slightly. “Uh huh. So you guys met up to plot your escape to Chicago then, huh?”

Rey knew to tread lightly. “Aunt Natalie just said we should invite him out for lunch.”

“When were you going to tell me you applied to Columbia?” Her mother asked. Rey noticed her other hand was shaking, she was holding something else in it as she crossed her arms. The bag with her vibrator in the other. 

“I…” Rey swallowed. “I wanted to wait until I got accepted. I—I didn’t want you to be disappointed if I didn’t get in.”

Rey thought that maybe that sounded believable. Maybe half of it was true—that she didn’t want her mother to weaponize it against her if she didn’t get in. Reminding her of how stupid she was, what a fuck up and failure she was when others weren’t around for Angela to pretend otherwise.

Rey’s hands still trembled. Her mother twisted her lip, arms still crossed, until she undid them and then held out the other item she had been holding.

 

It was John J. Turner’s business card. The one he had given her of course.

 

“And you want to explain how you got this and why it was next to your vibrator in your bed?”

Rey had used her vibrator since she stuffed John’s card down there, the day of the Hux incident when she ran upstairs. When she didn’t want to see his name staring back at her. She didn’t feel the need to remove it from her bed frame.

 

“He gave it to me at Christmas mass,” Rey said. She didn’t know what came over her, but she couldn’t help a small laugh. Her mother’s interrogation, suddenly weirdly absurd and funny. Her vibrator dangling in her arm, like a filthy specimen.

 

It was funny, until Angela dropped the bag to the floor in one motion while bringing her open hand up, fingers spread, to smack Rey across the head and face.

 

Hard.

 

It was the hardest Rey had ever been hit by her.

Her cheek stung, and her ear started to ring 

 

 

 

and ring

 

 

 

 

 and ring.

 

 

She wondered what her ear hair cells looked like now. How many had just been damaged.

 

 

 

The ringing started to dissipate, fading away, and Rey instinctively brought her hand up to her face, flinching away from her mother. 

 

 

“I’m sorry,” Angela said, ever so sweetly. “Do you want to try that again?” Her head was turned now slightly, turned to follow where Rey had shifting to look, anywhere but at her mother’s face.

 

“I don’t—“ Rey choked out through involuntary tears. “I don’t know what you mean—“

 

Her mother held out the card again.

 

“When did he give this to you?”

 

“I…I just told you,” Rey said, her voice so incredibly small. 

 

“You think I’m stupid, don’t you?” Angela asked.

 

“He gave it to me while you were talking to his wife.”

 

Rey looked to her mother with pleading eyes, hoping she would realize she was telling the truth. But they only narrowed further, and she looked absolutely furious at the realization that John had slipped Rey his business card right under her nose.

 

“What did he say to you?”

 

Rey lowered her hand, trying to stand up straighter to speak. She cleared her throat.

 

“He…he just asked me where I planned to go to college, and said he had a friend that lived in Chicago. And then…he—he—“

Rey couldn’t speak, her heart pounded and pounded, her hands were shaking, her whole body was shaking. Her ear was pained on the outside from the strike also, the side of her head hurt.

 

She was trying.

 

She was really trying.

 

Trying to find the right words. Trying to make sure she didn’t fuck up anything she said or didn’t say.

 

Tried to be careful.

 

Tried to not infuriate her mother further.

 

“Spit it out,” Angela said. “What did he say to you when he gave this to you?”

 

Rey could not stop her tears.

 

“He just said if I needed any legal help in the future to let him know.”

 

Rey couldn’t understand what about that was wrong.

She gave the right answer and it still didn’t matter.

 

Because Angela struck her again, even harder.

 

“You fucking whore,” her mother said.

 

Rey started sobbing. 

“That’s all he said to me I swear!” She cried, falling to the floor.

 

“You fucking little bitch. You’re a fucking whore and always have been. You think I gave a shit about you getting on birth control so you could fuck your boyfriend who’s obviously too good for you? I did it so you wouldn’t get knocked up and make a fool out of me—and yet here you are—fucking whoring yourself out some more.”

 

I’m sorry! I didn’t do anything—I didn’t call him or anything—“

 

Angela grabbed Rey by her hair, jerking her head back.

 

“You’ve taken so much from me. It’s too bad you didn’t die like you were supposed to when you were a baby—“

 

Rey’s tears streamed down her face, her neck hurt.

 

Everything hurt.

 

 

“Mom, I’m sorry,” she cried, her voice pleading.

 

 

“You want to keep taking from me? I can take from you just as easily,” Angela said, shoving Rey back by the hold of her hair, she fell backwards with the imbalance.

 

“Fucking whore,” she breathed, storming off to the kitchen.

Rey heard her rummaging around in the junk drawer. 

She curled into a ball on the floor, the tears, endless. She would stay there, she would do whatever it was her mother wanted, to get her to stop.

She could be a good ball. She could.

 

Rey curled up as tightly as possible as she heard her mother stomp back over to her. Rey covered her head with both arms, knees to chest.

 

And then—

 

Angela was going upstairs, and when Rey opened her eyes to watch her mother ascend, she saw a pair of scissors in her hand.

 

Rey realized with utter horror, what and where her mother was going.

 

No.

No no no.

 

 

It was the reason she had kept it at Ben’s.

 

 

It was the reason she had kept it at Rose’s. 

 

It was the reason she had that weird feeling, that pit, that knowing that she should not have kept it at home.

 

 

 

Her dress.

 

 

 

That was where Angela was heading to now. 

 

 

 

 

And then, something within Rey snapped.

 



She charged up the stairs.

 

No.

 

Angela wasn’t going to ruin her favorite memory with Ben.

 

 

Everything about that night had been perfect. Them dancing together, under the lights, there with friends. Ben confessing to her that he loved her and wanted to spend the rest of his life with her, them losing their virginity together in the most beautiful way possible. 

 

 

 

No!” Rey bawled, stumbling up the steps, Angela rounding the corner to stalk down the hallway. 

 

Angela was there before she could stop her.

 

 

Rey rushed to her bedroom, her mother, at her closet, opening the door, pulling the string to turn on the light.

 

 

 

Rey grabbed her arm.

 

 

 

Angela, perhaps not expecting Rey to touch her, to try to stop her, turned with such fury and surprise.

 

 

She was at Rey’s throat immediately with one hand—the scissors held high in the other.

 

She was fast.

 

Frighteningly fast.

 

 

Angela shoved her up against the bedroom door, slamming it shut with the force and weight of Rey’s body.

 

 

“I’ll fucking kill you if you touch me again,” Angela breathed.

 

 

Rey brought both hands up to her throat, and she could see—

 

 

 

—she knew

 

 

 

 

That Angela absolutely meant it.

 

 

 

 

Scissors still raised, Rey felt constricting pressure on her trachea, Angela’s manicured nails stabbing into her neck like tiny knives.

 

 

She couldn’t breathe.

 

 

When Angela saw that Rey understood, she released her grip.

Rey slumped to the floor, coughing and choking.

Angela turned back to the closet.

 

Rey choked 

 

 

 

and shook 

 

 

 

and sobbed.

 

 

 

 

Hot tears continued to pour down her face—as she listened to her mother jerk the dress from it’s hanger.

 

Standing there, Angela ripped the fabric bag open with her bare hands.

 

She angrily snatched the blue dress from it’s protector.

 

 

 

And then she started trying to cut with scissors that weren’t meant for fabric.

 

Fuck,” she breathed.  Throwing the scissors down, she then took to ripping the dress apart at it’s weaker points. 

 

 

 

 

 

It was the most awful sound Rey had ever heard in her entire life.

 

 

And in that moment—she wished she couldn’t hear.

 

 

 

 

 

Wished her tiny ear hair cells could be spared the reality of transferring such awfulness to her brain via electrical impulse.

 

 

Fucking whore. This fucking harlot dress you had him buy for you like the prostitute that you are—“

 

Fabric tearing, sparkles that under normal circumstances should have remained on the dress, were now floating through the air.

 

 

 

 

Rey looked up at her mother, the bun in her hair now sagging, she could hardly see her through the tears.

 

 

 

But what Rey could see, however, was that there was no human before her.

 

Maybe Angela had never been one.

 

 

 

The only thing Rey knew now—whatever her mother was—

 

was that she had to run.

 

 

 

Run for her life.

 

 

 

Because there was no telling what Angela was going to do next.

 

 

 

Rey scrambled to her feet, and swung her bedroom door open as fast as she could.

 

Running down the hallway, she slipped from her stockings on the hardwood floor.

 

Her phone fell out of her skirt pocket. And just as she was turning back to try to get, Angela was coming after her.

 

 

 

“You’re not going anywhere!” She shouted. 

 

 

Rey practically tumbled down the stairs. Angela stomping down after her.

 

Rey made it to the base of the steps, she swiped up her Mary Janes and fumbly unlocked the front door, cursing herself for locking it behind her out of habit when she came into the house.

 

 

 

The winter air hit her face immediately.

 

 

 

Rey ran and then ran some more.

 

 

“You won’t get far!” Angela called, her voice echoing off the porch walls and garage door. “I’m calling the cops right now!”

 

Rey felt terror at the thought of the police coming to get her.

She remembered what Ben said, that they technically couldn’t force her to go back home.

But Angela was chummed up with a lot of the local police. She could probably get them to do anything.

 

 

Rey couldn’t think about that now,

 

 

not as her feet stomped across the snow covered grass,

 

 

not as she ran with feet not meant for concrete down the street.

 

 

 

 

 

Not as she ran for her life.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

This chapter took a lot out of me emotionally and mentally. It maybe a few more days until another update. **5/30/22**

Chapter 66: Benjamin Organa Solo

Notes:

Thank you for your guys’ patience. That last chapter took a lot out of me. Furthermore, these next chapters I’m taking the time to get right, so the updates between might be a little longer than you’re used to—days verses every other day. Thank you for reading once again. 🙏

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Ben was in the midst of eating dinner when he felt sudden excruciating pain in his chest and stomach.

 

“Are you okay, dear?” Leia asked.

Ben’s ears were ringing and ringing, painfully. He could barely hear her.

“What?” He asked, almost annoyed.

Leia frowned. “Is everything okay? You look pale.”

Ben swallowed. “Fine,” he lied. “Can I save this for later? I’m still full from lunch.”

His mother gave a half-convinced smile. “Of course, dear.”

Ben put his food away in a glass container and quietly exited the kitchen.

 

Things had been unusually tense at the Solo household. 

 

Ever since he had tried to convince his parents to let Rey move in with them.

 

Ever since Ben had come home with scratch marks on his face.

 

“What happened?!” Leia shrieked.

As Ben turned away from her grasp, he was forced to tell her about Rey. He didn’t want to, but when Leia insisted, there was no lying to her. She simply would not accept bullshit.

“Did you clean these as soon as possible?” Leia asked.

Ben closed his eyes and jerked away. “Yes, Mom. I did. It’s fine.”

He didn’t need to see her face to hear the tempered anger in her voice.

 

“Have a seat over there,” Leia huffed.

 

Ben begrudgingly went to sit at the table Rey once sat at for breakfast. He stared out the floor to ceiling glass windows, noting that the daylight was fading. His mother had just come home from work. He had been home all day, leaving school early.

 

Home all day, crying.

 

Not because Rey had scratched his face, but because he feared he was losing her, may have already lost her. He saw the look in her eyes, how she had already turned. 

He was too shocked and upset the night before from their fight in his car to text her, hell, to actually call her. He realized way too late that that had been a grave mistake.

He shouldn’t have grabbed her as hard as he did, he shouldn’t have held her close when she told him multiple times to let her go. 

He shouldn’t have done a lot of things.

The fact that she even tolerated him just dropping her off each day after school, when they could have easily spent time together, hurt him now. He should have spent every moment possible with her, telling her how beautiful she was, how smart she was, how her laugh was music to his ears, especially given how serious she could be sometimes.

 

“Benjamin,” Leia said, snapping his attention. “Look at me.”

 

Ben didn’t want to look at her. Because other than Rey, she knew him well. Too well.

 

He slowly brought his eyes to look at his mother.

 

“I want you to listen to me carefully.”

 

Ben sighed, not wanting to hear what she was going to say. Because anytime she called him Benjamin, it meant she was play-scolding, or speaking to him very seriously. 

 

“I don’t like the sight of my son before me. Do you know what I see?”

 

Ben hung his head down again.

 

“I see a young man I don’t recognize. He’s broken and lost. And he’s being sucked into something that he’s not capable of handling.”

 

“That’s not true,” Ben whispered, weakly.

 

“Girls like Rey aren’t going to magically get better just because you love them, Benjamin,” Leia said gently. 

 

The rest of what his mother said became distorted. He wouldn’t hear any of it, not when he knew Rey’s contraction back into her shell he first found her in—wide-eyed and terrified—was his fault.

After a few minutes, Leia’s voice cut through the static of his mind.

“—in the mean time. I want you to stay away from her.”

Leia rose from the table and went to the fridge to begin fixing dinner. Ben left also, but he wouldn’t be coming down to eat that evening.

 

 

 

In the immediate present, Ben laid on his bed, gaze to the ceiling. He still felt the pain in his chest and gut, his left ear still ringing—and he thinks about the saying that if your ears are ringing, it means someone is talking about you—except, he knew that wasn’t what was happening here.

 

He knew that something horribly wrong was happening with Rey.

 

It was the same feeling he had felt when she went to go talk to Hux alone. Intensifying into a blazing white light the next day—a feeling beyond reason—that something awful was taking place in the locker room. When his brain made the connection apart from the obvious clues that it had to have been Hux—he took off running. Sprinting the short distance to the hall on the opposite side of the gymnasium for the girl’s locker room.

 

It was that feeling. Only this had been the worst of them.

 

Ben rolled over and texted Rey. Hoping he would get a response sooner rather than later. He became anxious when he didn’t hear from her after while. He tried to call her, but it just went straight to voicemail. Ben was half-tempted to go back over to her house, to see if she was alright, but he didn’t want to upset Leia anymore than he already had. She had remained silently upset over the past week, that he was obviously going over to Rey’s after school now—and not telling her—that he wasn’t coming straight home to dutifully finish his homework and begin working on extra projects, if there were any.

 

Ben was tired of being good, if he had to admit it. He was tired of constantly studying, reading, and writing. Of going above and beyond when he was so close to the end of high school. There would be fuck tons more work in Med School, and Ben really wondered if he even had what it took to endure it if he was feeling this burnt out at eighteen.

One of his teacher’s joked that he could literally fail the midterm exam or just not take it and still get an A in the class. His classmates laughed, but not in a teasing way. Ben liked that kind of praise, and yet, he wanted to tell them all how he couldn’t fail. That his anxiety to do well meant failing wasn’t an option. Ever. 

Things began to shift for him when Rey tried to tell him that the 1984 assignment wasn’t that serious. He struggled with the assignment, finding information online with analysis that was so obvious, he knew he couldn’t use it. He wanted to ask Rey what she thought, but then, he’d have to admit he watched the movie without her. Which he instantly regretted. It was a lonely experience—watching it on their giant flatscreen TV in the entertainment room that weekend—all alone—wishing she was there. Wishing he could snuggle her, smell her hair, and maybe even mess around a bit.

 

 

 

Ben’s mind began to race, the physical sensations had waned a bit, but now he was suddenly very cold, his feet especially. He crawled under his thick blankets and began rubbing them together. He checked the remote near his bed for the temperature controls, turning the heat up.

 

Ben closed his eyes, shivering, worried, his mind turning over and over. He tried not to replay the argument he had with his parents last week. How Leia and Han’s eyes widened at hearing him swear and start raising his voice. He knew he scared them a little, but he couldn’t help it. He loved Rey, he wanted to get her out of that fucking hell she was living in—to come live with them. Ben snapped the moment he heard Leia start rattling on about Rey needing to get a job and pay rent. His father then firmly telling him to get it together. 

 

 

It ultimately culminated in Ben storming off. 

 

 

Ben refused to apologize to either of them. Only validated further the next day when he saw Leia’s eyes fill with genuine fear as they watched Angela dig into Davis. Taunting him, mocking him, laying out how she would destroy his reputation, possibly even get him charged for knowingly allowing a sexual predator to stay at St. Michael’s. 

 

 

Ben’s feet eventually began to warm up, and he hoped that whatever was happening with Rey, she was okay. He had not stopped staring at his phone, hoping, praying, agonizing for a response. 

 

But it never came. Not within the next hour, or two, or three. And as the night became its darkest, Ben got ready for bed, feeling completely sick with worry.

 

 

All he could do was wait. 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

I hope you guy’s enjoyed Ben’s perspective. There will be more from his side, which I’ve been itching to write for awhile. ♥️ Lots of love. Hang in there, our sweet babies WILL get that HEA.

Please follow and share my work on Twitter!

Chapter 67: Rumination

Notes:

Thank you for all of the wonderful comments on the last chapter. Your engagement keeps me motivated and writing!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey’s feet were wet from the snow and hurt from running on concrete. It was also icy in some parts. About four houses down, she shakily put her Mary Janes on with soaking wet feet and red fingers that were quickly becoming numb from the cold.

She didn’t have a coat on, left on the arm of the sofa. She just had her blouse and green wool sweater on. Rey was thankful that it was actually wool, as it was likely the only thing keeping her truly warm at the moment. Once her shoes were on, Rey continued to run, she kept glancing behind her, sure that her mother might just chase after her. Rey didn’t have her phone, she didn’t have a coat, she didn’t have anything but the clothes on her back.

As she rounded the curve of their subdivision, Rey tried to think of where she was going to go. Ben lived twenty minutes away, and with how cold it was outside, cold enough to see her breath, her feet, soaked from the snow, Rey wouldn’t make it very far, just like her mother had said.

The panic of police coming to fetch her and taking her back home, only for her mother to manage an elaborate and believable lie — was enough to make Rey run faster. She had to get out of their subdivision. At the end of the street, where it met into a main road, Rey ran across, taking to another side street. Running also served the sole purpose of keeping her as warm as possible. 

Rey remembered from another documentary, how you could go for about two weeks without food, three days without water, but without heat, you could die very quickly. Becoming wet in the cold was practically a death sentence if it wasn’t remedied right away.

Rose lived further away than Ben did, about thirty minutes, on the outskirts of town.

She had no where to go.

Where could she go?

She couldn’t go to the local liquor and grocery store. If she did and tried to call for help, she’d probably just appear hysterical. There’s no telling what the police officer would do. Probably and most likely—they knew her mother.

She couldn’t risk it.

The closest thing place she was familiar with was St. Michael’s.

St. Michael’s.

And then the realization flooded her with both hope and fear.

 

She could stay there.

 

The window. The one that hadn’t been fixed. She could enter that way. Stay there until she could gather her thoughts, until she could try to figure out a way to get a hold of Ben. Until she could at least get warm and take her stockings off to dry.

 

Rey ran faster, now that she had a place to go.

 

Rey arrived at the church and school more quickly than when she walked to school. It was dark, except for a light illuminating the steps of the church. The busted window, raised up a bit on the side. Not impossible to get to. Rey felt like a creep, scurrying across the snow, then making her way to the side of the brick building.

She came to the window and hesitated, but she didn’t have time to think. A car drove by on the road, causing Rey to duck down. She touched the rotting wood of the window frame, dug her fingernails into the side and then pulled out slightly. Worried she might be making noise, she went slow, her fingers however, with no feeling, demanded she go faster. She had to hurry. Pulling up with one swift motion, some of the wood falling away, the duct tape making a weird peeling noise, Rey hoisted herself up and through the opening. 

She went slowly over the threshold, her eyes transfixed on the inside of the church. It was completely dark, except for a soft light coming from underneath the second double doors, no doubt from the altar, illuminating the cross.

Rey steadied her hands on the stair landing, bringing her legs through. She paused, waiting for any possible sound to let someone know she had just broken into the church.

 

Father Dameron and Sister Eugene lived in the rectory, attached beyond the reception area in the back of the church. Surely, neither of them could hear her.

Why didn’t she just go ring at the reception?

Rey felt stupid for crawling through a window, but there was no turning back now. She just needed to get warm. She was cold.

So cold.

Frozen.

She did her best with red, numb fingers to draw the window back in, the top hanging by it’s old hinge, just barely. She replaced the less-than sticky duct tape around the edges.

Rey removed her shoes on the landing, then her socks. 

She carried them in her hand and slowly crept to the second entrance of the church. She hesitated, then ever so carefully opened one of the double doors, just enough to slide through.

The cross was illuminated, just as she had thought. 

Rey paused, considering her options. There was no telephone inside of the church. She knew the doors behind the altar would be locked to the reception area. 

Looking to her left, she saw the cry room. It was her only hope. She prayed the door wouldn’t be locked. Padding over with bare feet on tiled floor, she exhaled, then gave the door a timid pull, not expecting much. But to her surprise, it was unlocked. Her mind had that moment of triumphant joy. Rey inched her way through the opening, then paused once inside of the room. She looked around. She had no idea what she was thinking when she ran away from home. She wasn’t thinking at all, just running, escaping. Now here she was, in the church’s cry room. It was dark when she left. She glanced to the wall clock up above. She was going to have a long night if she planned to stay here. With no way to contact Ben…she didn’t even know his phone number anyway…she had no choice but to wait it out until morning.

How on earth was she going to sleep here? Her feet were still freezing, but were warming on the carpeted floor, not tile like outside of the room. She inched over to the old wall heater almost immediately and sat, feet to it, warming. It felt amazing, to feel heat. It almost hurt she had been so frigid.

Rey gently placed her Mary Janes in front of the heater, draping her completely soaked stockings over the foot openings to dry. After some time, now that she was warm and her adrenaline had subsided, Rey’s body registered that she was thirsty, hungry, and had to pee. She went to the small bathroom attached to the cry room. Thankful that she didn’t have to go out to the main one. Rey drank water after she washed her hands, noting how eerie it was to be in the dark. Normally she was there, cleaning the same bathroom in the day light.

 

Rey considered her options. She’d have to wait until morning, until school. Until she could see Ben, or Ms. Holdo. As much as she liked Father Dameron, she wasn’t comfortable having him be privy to the situation with her mother. Not when he wasn’t already familiar. 

Rey ultimately decided to sleep, to pass the time. It was going to be a very long night.

She went over to an old cupboard area, and found two small blankets, no doubt meant for babies to play on. She grabbed them and a few stuffed animals, then crawled under one of the two pews that were placed in the room.

It was dark, and lonely, but for the first time since escaping her house, Rey felt safe.

She arranged the two animals at her head and covered up with the small blankets as much as possible.

 

Finally still, Rey stared out at the wood wall in front of her, the light of the altar shining through the glass window above. So parents could see and participate in mass.

 

The shock and absurdity of what had occurred finally hit her.

She was laying with some stuffed animals and baby blankets under a pew in the cry room of St. Michael’s, of which she just broke in through a busted window, because her mother threatened to kill her with a pair of scissors while strangling her.

 

Fuck.

 

Rey closed her eyes. Still a little puffy from all the crying with her mother. She was thankful that sleep came, and came quickly.

 

 


 

 

Ben slept like shit. He awoke a few hours later, a little past midnight, immediately checking his phone. 

Still nothing from Rey.

Ben stared and stared at her name in his messages.

He decided to pass the time by deleting old messages, hoping by chance he would finally get one from Rey.

He went through the short list of names in his messages box.

 

 

Claire Miller was about four or five names down. 

 

 

Ben paused.

He clicked on the bar that contained the exchange between them, he hadn’t looked at it since he was in the Bahamas.

It started innocently enough. Claire saying something along the lines of sorry to bother you, had a question about this equation, was wondering if you could help me. Ben took a look. The solution was easy. He suspects now that she already knew the answer. He remembered at the time feeling some vague sense of confusion as to why she was messaging him, instead of any one of the other people in their Calc group.

 

Claire: Omg thnx so much :) Ur such a big help

Ben: No prob

Claire: So what are you up to? :)

Ben: Just on vacation with my parents

Claire: O rly? Where at?

Ben: Bahamas

Claire: ugh SO jealous. I’ve always wanted to go. But we usually just go to Cancun.

Claire: wish i was there ;)

Ben: it’s not anything special really

Claire: really? Why not?

Ben: it’s just me and my parents

Claire: oh…Rey couldn’t go?

Claire: so how r u going to pass the time?

Ben: drinking

Claire: wait, u drink?!

Ben: occasionally

Claire: r u drinking now? i bet the Bahamas has some amazing cocktails like Cancun does

Ben: sure

Claire: i’m drinking right now too ;)

Ben: cool

Claire: hey can i ask u something?

Ben: shoot

Claire: can u send me a pic of ….well u know

Ben: ??

Claire: oh come on, don’t play dumb.

Claire: fine, if ur going to make me spell it out & beg

Ben: sorry i’m kinda fucked up right now :( i don’t know what u mean

Claire: a dick pic, Solo. Geez

Ben: :( i’m too drunk and i don’t think Rey would like that

Claire: r u saying u *wouldn’t* be opposed to sending me one if u weren’t drunk & if she wasn’t ur gf?

Claire: she wouldn’t have to know ;) i *promise* i won’t share with anyone. it’d be just between u & me :P

Claire: well, suit yourself, Solo. i had fun chatting ;) have a good night xoxo 

 

 

Ben felt awash with shame. At being both an idiot and a bad boyfriend for ever letting the conversation with Claire get that far in the first place. Also somewhat horrified that he had no memory of her saying that Rey didn’t have to know. He must have blacked out not long after. 

He felt ashamed for everything that happened afterwards too.

He had acted like a total asshole when Rey was brave enough to voice her anxieties about Claire’s interest in him.

Fucking Claire—who he had no allegiance to whatsoever, and was sitting on proof that she was exactly the kind of person Rey accused her of being; someone who had no conscience about casually soliciting dick pics from a disinterested classmate—another girl’s boyfriend. HIM. Rey’s actual boyfriend.

Ben knows that he was trying to avoid conflict, but he can see now that some part of him had felt guilty even then. He didn’t want to share and protect secrets with people like Claire: a bully, a true one. Someone who was probably just as dangerous as Hux. Someone who had gone their whole spoiled rotten life going unchallenged for her transgressions.

Ben could take some small solace in the fact that he essentially told her to go fuck herself. He could also hope that just maybe there was some sort of cosmic scale out there, a balance to be made—and just maybe—Claire Miller was yet another person who had their spoiled scale tipped over after fucking with Rey Simons.

 

Even though he and Rey were technically past it, the whole of it made a little lap around in Ben’s head again—reminding him that he messed up. Ben caught himself—ruminating—he was ruminating. That’s what his therapist said it was called, when he got like this. Replaying events, conversations, and sometimes test answers he got wrong, over and over again, as if thinking about them enough, would somehow change the past, even though he knew that it couldn’t.

Ben tried to calm himself and use some techniques his therapist had taught him about a year ago. How to challenge unhealthy thought patterns. To ask questions, and to take situations out as far as they logically could go. If this happened, then what? And then after that, then what? What’s the worst that could happen? What’s the best that could happen?

 

Ben deleted the messages with Claire without a second thought. 

He didn’t like Claire. Never had. Never would.

Not only was she not his type, in every sense of the word, she just...wasn’t Rey.

No one was, or ever could be. 

 

 

Rey.

 

 

Still sick with worry about her, Ben tried to use the same therapy techniques he had learned to help manage his anxiety and rumination. What was the worst thing that could be happening to her right now? What was the best thing that could be happening to her right now?

 

Try as he might, Ben could only focus on the worst. 

He clicked his phone off and rolled over in bed.

 

 

 

Ben would toss and turn all night—thinking of nothing and no one but Rey.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

Special thank you to my sister for beta-ing this chapter for me. All previous chapters (except one) were unbeta-ed, so her help on me getting this right so close to the end, is beyond words of appreciation.

Chapter 68: Rooted

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

Rey?” A voice said.

 

Rey jolted awake immediately. It was still early, that much she could tell by the light coming through in the cry room.

 

“Rey, what on Earth are you doing here?” Father Dameron asked. “Is everything alright?”

 

Rey scrambled out from under the pew, her words a babbled mess as she tried to explain herself. She sat on the wooden structure, as if the stuffed animals and baby blankets underneath weren’t evidence of her trespassing.

 

“I’m so sorry, Father, I—I—“

 

Father Dameron sat next to her. He placed a hand on her shoulder, reassuring her. Something about seeing a kind face she could trust, after the hatred and homicidal look she had seen in her mother’s eyes, sent Rey spiraling.

She started sobbing, spilling out the events of the night before. How she had gotten into the church. That she was so sorry for bothering him, that she was going to fix the window, that she should have gone to the reception, that she—

“Rey,” Father Dameron interrupted. “Just breathe. It’s alright. Breathe. You’re safe now. You’re safe here.”

Rey was hyperventilating, trying to do as he said. She took a deep, deep breath—shuddered—then started crying again. Father Dameron left briefly to fetch her some toilet paper to use as Kleenex. Then he just sat with her. He didn’t touch her again, and that was fine by Rey. He had a good sense for what she needed, and that was comforting enough. 

 

Rey imagined he’d seen a lot as a priest. Giving people their final rites, praying with them, baptizing babies, visiting the sick, washing feet as Jesus did.

 

When Rey was eventually able to compose herself, Father Dameron spoke again.

 

“I’m very sorry this has happened to you, Rey. But I want you to know that I’m very happy you felt like the church was a safe place to come.”

 

That was nice to hear.

 

Rey sniffled and blotted her eyes, then looked up at the clock. It was a quarter after seven.

 

She looked out at the church, the empty pews.

 

“How did you—“

“I open the doors every morning at seven,” he told her with a smile. “Including the cry room.”

Rey gave a small smile back, then laughed at the irony of her crying in the cry room. Father Dameron didn’t laugh but rather, kept his forever kind smile on his face.

“Oh, what a mess I’ve gotten myself into…” Rey breathed after.

“Is there anyone I can call for you?” He asked.

Rey turned to look at him. “Ben?” She asked. “ I don’t have my phone. He usually picks me up before school and I definitely don’t want him going over to my house right now.”

“We have a list of phone numbers in the rectory for all the families. Why don’t we go there now?”

Rey felt her heart leap for the first time since this whole wretched experience began.

 

Father Dameron lead her to the main office, where Sister Eugene was. She was just getting the day started, as Father Dameron had been, her eyes wide at seeing a disheveled Rey. Father Dameron simply asked if she could find the Solo family’s phone number, no verbal confirmation needed that he would explain everything later. Once she had located the information, Sister Eugene asked if Rey wanted to call, but Rey simply shook her head. Sister Eugene didn’t seem bothered by that.

 

Rey’s heart thumped and thumped in her chest as Sister Eugene held the phone to her ear.

 

“It’s ringing,” she informed Rey. Tense, awkward silence, then a look of success. “Hello, Mrs. Organa?”

Organa? Rey thought Ben’s mom’s name was Solo? She felt a pang in her chest at realizing that Leia had never corrected her at breakfast that time.

“Good morning, this is Sister Eugene from St. Michael’s Church, how are you doing?”

Rey wanted to faint at the formality of Sister Eugen’s voice, her composure, before trying to convey the absolute clusterfuck of a situation that even she wasn’t aware of entirely yet. Father Dameron suddenly had the phone held up to his ear, sparing Rey the disaster that surely would have come, had she tried to speak with Leia.

“Hi, Leia, how are you?” He asked. His voice smooth as silk. “I hate to bother you this early in the morning, but there’s a bit of a situation at hand and I was hoping you could help us out.”

Rey wanted to cry at that. How Father Dameron had the authority to address her by her first name, that it was a situation that required her help, calling upon her to act. Sister Eugene motioned for Rey to sit in one of the chairs in front of her desk, which she did so gladly. She rested her head in hand, so utterly exhausted, then noticed the small crystal dish of caramel candies. She was fucking starving. One glance to Sister Eugene and her smile gave Rey permission to help herself.

The salty sweet taste on her tongue, so welcomed after the worst night of her life, and after not eating for so long.

 

Father Dameron kept the conversation upbeat and light, almost playful, acting as if anytime Leia could stop by to see him would be great. He simply said that Rey needed some help, and that, should she stop by today, he would be happy to explain everything in person.

Rey was shocked that at no point, did Father Dameron ask for Ben. And something about his voice, the way he was speaking with Leia, there was a familiarity there. Like he had known her for years, even though realistically it had only been a little less than three months. 

Rey wondered if perhaps Leia had come to him previously with her concerns. Did Leia go to confession? To confess that she hated Rey? That she was worried her son was being polluted by the devil? Her mind played through a variety of scripts. Soft tears rolled down her face once again as she continued to suck on the caramel candy. Sister Eugene quietly passed a box of Kleenex to her.

 

At the end of the conversation, Father Dameron looked to Rey.

 

“Yes, Rey is here now. Tell Benjamin he has nothing to worry about. She’s in good hands. Yeah, alright. Okay. See you soon, Leia.”

Father Dameron hung up the phone with a smile.

“Benjamin and his mother are on their way.”

“Oh God,” Rey said, sick to her stomach again.

“It’s going to be fine,” Father Dameron reassured, coming over, placing both hands on the sides of her shoulders to steady her. “Sister Eugene, would you mind taking Rey to the lounge and seeing what we have to eat? I imagine she’s very hungry.”

 

Feed the poor and the hungry.

 

Of course. 

 

If Rey wasn’t sure about her belief in God before, she was sure of it now—and maybe not entirely in him, her, it, whatever—but she could be sure in the people who did believe with all of their might. 

 

She could believe in his true servants. 

 

And even if God didn’t exist—that Father Dameron and Sister Eugene had dedicated their entire lives to serving him; his people, his children—if ever there was a moment that Rey felt so deeply rooted and connected to her faith—it was now.

 

 

 

That had to have counted for something.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 69: Never Again

Chapter Text

Ben couldn’t get to St. Michael’s fast enough. He had seen the way his mother looked and responded with Father Dameron on the phone, somehow confirming his worst fears without any details.

His mother followed behind him so she could leave for work after.

Typically at this time, Ben would be picking Rey up at home. 

 

But not today.

 

Leia ended her cell phone call with a look of concern and confusion. She informed Ben that Father Dameron said there was a situation with Rey that he said he needed her help with, but would not discuss over the phone. 

 

It had to have something to do with her parents, that much Ben knew.

 

Pulling into the church parking lot, Ben was annoyed that Leia was taking her sweet ass time parking. 

He couldn’t get to Rey fast enough.

 

As Leia locked her car doors, Ben was speed walking to the rectory reception, then broke into a run. He didn’t have time to wait for Leia as he swung the doors open.

 

Oddly, Father Dameron was sitting where Sister Eugene usually did.

 

“Benjamin,” he greeted, standing up. 

Ben couldn’t focus on anything but the absence of Rey.

“Rey is getting something to eat with Sister Eugene.” Father Dameron said, noticing his tension and frantic scanning of the empty room.

Just then, Leia came in through the double doors.

Father Dameron gave her a warm smile and head nod.

 

”Why don’t you both have a seat,” he offered.

 

Leia seemed rather put off at first, not that that would be obvious to anyone but Ben, but he knew when she didn’t liked be inconvenienced. Still, she was putting on her best face for Father Dameron.

 

Once Ben and Leia were seated, Father Dameron opened yet again with polite formalities, asking how they were. Ben didn’t have the patience for that. It took all of him not to scream ‘shut the fuck up and just tell me what’s going on.’

 

As Father Dameron’s usual warm smile faded, he began to explain the sight he had come upon that morning, and what Rey had told him.

 

To say Ben was devastated would be an understatement.

 

He was devastated—but most of all—he was also fucking furious.

 

But not just with Angela, oh no, he was fucking furious with his mother too.

 

Because deep down inside, Ben knew it could eventually come to something like this, and neither Leia or Han would hear anything of it.

 

 

Ben literally gritted his teeth, palming his slacks when he heard that Rey had run for her life.

 

Father Dameron must have picked up on all of this.

 

“Benjamin, why don’t you go down to the lounge where Rey is at with Sister Eugene? I’m sure she would be more than happy to see you. It’ll give your mother and I time to speak in private.”

 

Ben practically leapt out of his chair.

 

“Down the very end of the hall, to your right,” Father Dameron directed.

 

Ben couldn’t look at Leia—refused to look at her. Because his worst fear of what could happen to Rey had come full circle. Just as he suspected, or at least agonized it would. And yet, she ignored his pleas for them to help her.

 

Ben took off, feeling more rage than satisfaction at knowing that he had been right all along.

 

Making his way down the carpet hallway of many doors, most of them closed, Ben was more than elated to see Rey sitting with a paper plate in front of her, speaking with Sister Eugene.

 

And when Rey saw him—Rey who had tried to bully him at first, Rey who had cried into his arms more times than he could count, Rey who had scratched the shit out of his face, Rey who he lost his virginity to—that Rey—all of her—when that Rey saw him: the look of relief, shock, and revelation on her face that Ben was there for her.

 

Ben wished he could bottle it up and keep it forever. Despite the awful circumstances.

 

Because even though he always and forever knew who she was. In that moment, after the worst night of his life, and what he imagined might have been the worst of hers, the look she had—so many emotions all at once—there were no words.

 

Her face had cracked open like a porcelain doll’s, the same way it had cracked the first time he told her she was beautiful and asked if they could be together. 

 

It was that face, all over again. A homecoming of sorts.

And Ben was more than happy to be there to embrace her with open arms.

 

As Rey ran to him with a broken face full of tears—he welcomed her with every fiber of his being. Scooping her up in one swift motion.

 

Ben couldn’t help the tears that spilled from his face too, as he received Rey.

 

She was there, she was alive. Angela hadn’t killed her. She was still breathing, she was still there.

 

 

She was still with him.




Ben,” she cried, as he lifted her clean off of her feet.

“Rey,” he cried, breathing life and love into her neck and hair.

 

Ben could vaguely feel Sister Eugene turned around in her seat, smiling gently.

 

Ben rocked Rey into his arms, her feet still dangling as she cried and cried, him crying with her.

 

“I’ll give you two kids a moment,” Sister Eugene remarked with a smile as she walked passed them.

 

Ben took in all of Rey, her hair, her body scent, the way she felt against him, how light she was. The moment he heard the door closed behind him from Sister Eugene, he couldn’t help it—he started sobbing himself.

 

And together, him and Rey sobbed together as he guided them to the floor. And there, in the rectory lunch lounge, Ben and Rey cried and cried, a mess of tears and hugs and kisses on the white tiled floor.

 

Ben,” Rey cried again. 

“I got you, Rey,” he said, pushing her hair back while she lay on top of him. “I’ve always got you.” He reassured. 

“I’ve always had you.”

 

He felt Rey’s whole body shudder as she sobbed into his embrace once more.

 

 

Ben wrapped his arms around her even harder, squeezing tighter, letting her know that no matter what—he would never let her go—never again, would he ever let her slip away.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Never again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not for as long as he lived.

 

 

 

 

 

Chapter 70: Psychosomatic

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

When Ben and Rey came out of the rectory lounge and back down to where the reception area was, Sister Eugene was sitting at her desk.

Father Dameron and Leia were now speaking privately in his office.

Sister Eugene made small talk with them for awhile. Then made a call down to the main school office to let them know where Rey and Ben were. Sister Eugene said once she heard more, she would call the office back. 

And then it became quiet, she resumed typing up whatever it was she was typing. Scuffling around here and there, talking to herself rather humorously, occasionally answering the phone. A mailman came to deliver a package at one point.

And then, finally, Leia and Father Dameron emerged from his office.

 

Ben could tell she had been crying. Not that it wasn’t obvious from how she was wiping her nose, her eyes still a bit red.

 

“How are you, dear?” Leia asked Rey.

Rey looked up from beneath long lashes, shyly. “I’m fine,” she said.

Ben could tell something had dramatically shifted during Leia’s time with Father Dameron. 

“Ben, are you planning on going to school today?” Leia asked. “Or did you want to take Rey back home to our place? I imagine she’s very exhausted and would like to take a shower and get some sleep in an actual bed.”

 

Leia surely had to have known the obvious answer to her question, but Ben tried to hide his wide eyes at her offering to let him skip school, to be with Rey.

 

“I’ll take her home,” Ben said, standing up.

Rey stood too, head lowered. Ben could tell she still wasn’t comfortable with Leia, but he could tell Rey’s shoulders had relaxed somewhat.

“We’ll inform the office and let them know the circumstances of your absences for the day,” Father Dameron said with a smile. “I’ll be in touch with Amilyn Holdo for you both too. I understand she’s been of great help recently.”

 

Ben simply nodded.

 

“Thank you very much,” Rey said, to both Sister Eugene and Father Dameron, her arms held in front of her. “For everything.”

“Of course, dear,” Sister Eugene said, smiling. “Go and get some rest.”

 

Leia walked over to Ben and gave him a hug. So much communicated in it. “I have to head into work after this, but text me when you get home, okay?”

“Okay,” Ben said, hugging her a bit more firmly in return.

She understood. She was committed to help.

As he pulled away, Leia sniffled and straightened herself, turning to regard Rey.

“Rey—dear, I’m very, very sorry for everything that’s happened to you. And I just want you to know that we’re going to do everything we can to help you. I understand you’re close with your Aunt Natalie?”

Rey nodded. 

“We would like to be in touch with her to try and help figure out what our next steps would be. But in the meantime, you’re welcome to stay with us.”

Rey swallowed, and Ben felt his own throat get tight. Leia then wrapped her arms around Rey, who softly returned the embrace.

“I don’t have my phone,” Rey said quietly. “I’ll have to message her online.”

“Don’t worry about contacting her right now, just get some rest, okay?” Leia stroked Rey’s face. 

Leia gave Ben a final hug.

“I love you,” she said.

“I love you too, Mom,” Ben said, and it took all of him not to start crying again. 

 

Walking to the reception doors, Ben gave Rey his coat. As they were making their way out, Ben holding the door open for Rey, he looked back to see Father Dameron put his hand on Leia’s shoulder.

 

“He’s still with you,” he said.

Ben saw his mother look down, bringing her tissued hand to her mouth, as her face crinkled in tears.

 

Of course.

 

Not only had they obviously discussed Rey. They had also discussed uncle Luke too. And it hurt Ben to realize he never really made the connection, that Leia would never stop grieving her twin who had died too young. Ben felt his eyes droop at seeing his mother so vulnerable. Then he felt guilty, because it all had to have been a lot lately—the move, her new job, Dad getting a new job, Ben at a new school, the situation with Rey that steadily escalated over time—

 

“Ben?” Rey asked.

Ben turned his head and let the door go. He would have time to talk to his mother later that evening.

“I’m coming,” he said.

The sun was shining, melting the snow. Ben got into the car with Rey. 

He turned to look at her, then reached over and grabbed her face with both hands, kissing her deeply again.

Rey smiled through glassy eyes, her cheeks smooshed.

 

 


 

 

Rey felt like a new person after she showered. Washing the night  before off of her. She looked in the mirror and grimaced at the small marks left behind from where Angela strangled her with one hand and dug her manicured nails into her.

Wrapping herself in a towel, she stepped out in the guest room she had slept in twice. 

Ben was laying atop the bed.

“You feel better?” He asked.

“A lot better,” Rey said.

She looked over to the dresser where she had gotten pajamas once before.

“Can I?” She asked.

“Of course,” Ben said.

Rey opened the drawers and pulled out a top and pair of shorts, just like she had done before.

She glanced over her shoulder at Ben, then dropped her towel to the floor. Her bare ass and back to him. She waited for a moment.

When she heard nothing, she peaked back over her shoulder again.

Ben looked visibility…unnerved. 

Rey slowly slid on the top she picked out, not bothering to button it, then sensually slipped on the shorts she had worn once before. Crawling into the bed, Rey was at Ben before he had time to contemplate what was happening.

Clothes were off with little effort, and before Rey knew it, she was waiting as Ben, her Ben, was fitting himself on the outside of her. He had already gone down on her.

Ben thrusted into her, kissing her lips, her bruised neck, which he had already kissed with love and condemnation, her collar bone, her nipples. All of her.

They made love in the best way possible. Rey, clinging to Ben, Ben crying in her arms.

 

Together, they both were crying again, just as they had done earlier. 

 

“I love you so, so much,” Ben sobbed into her shoulder.

“I love you too, Ben,” Rey replied, voice cracking. And then it hit her, that she was finally free and safe. “I love you so much,” she sobbed.

Together, they lay there—inside of each other, sobbing, crying, kissing—clinging to one another.

Ben pulled away after several desperate kisses and looked down between them as he thrust. Rey would never get tired of Ben on top of her, of him being inside of her, of feeling safe with him. Ben leaned back and thrust into her slowly as Rey rubbed herself, except—it was harder to cum without the aid of her vibrator—which Angela now held hostage. 

“I—I can’t,” Rey said, disappointed with herself. Her finger could no longer do the job alone anymore.

Ben leaned forward, completely unfazed. He kissed her lips.

“I‘ll be right back,” he said, slowly pulling out.

He left for his room from what Rey heard.

He appeared a moment later with obviously the same bag, from when him and Natalie went shopping together.

He pulled out a bonus vibrator he had.

“I charged it,” he said with a smile. “Just in case.”

“You fucking bastard,” Rey laughed with delight. She kissed him hard and deep and then laughed some more.

As he fitted inside of her once again, Rey used a different, but similar vibrator to the one she had.

Her head tilted back in the tell-tale sign, and as she came, Ben thrusted into her frantically, coming with her.

Rey cried out, just before Ben did, and then—she couldn’t help but laugh after he throbbed inside of her, falling forward on top of her.

They lay together, panting and spent.,

“Wow,” Rey breathed. 

“Your aunt was right,” Ben said with a short breath.

“About what?” Rey panted.

“That you should always have a backup,” he said.

The two laughed together, chests rising and falling in unison.

 

Shortly after, they fell asleep together.

 

Rey had never felt so safe, so relieved in all of her life. 

 

 

Because she knew—she just fucking knew—that she was finally

 

 

finally

 

 

Finally fucking free of Angela Simons bullshit.

 

 

 


 

 

 

Ben awoke around 2pm with Rey still beside him.

He sat up, completely disoriented to all that had occurred. 

He forgot to text Leia. He reached over to the bedside table opposite of Rey’s.

A few texts from Leia.

Ben immediately messaged with apologies and that everything was fine.

 

There was an email from Ms. Holdo, offering condolences and the like. He saw that Rey had been CCed on the same emails, even though she had no way to access them yet.

Ben looked over to Rey who was still sleeping soundly. Suddenly, Ben’s stomach growled. He was hungry. It was well past lunch time. He leaned over and kissed Rey’s forehead, then crawled out of bed.

Ben made himself something to eat for lunch. Unsure of what to do with himself, on a day he was supposed to be in school, he fixed Rey lunch as well.

When he brought it up to her, however, she batted him away and rolled over. 

He decided to put it into a container and save it for later.

 

Ben was downstairs, doing the homework he was supposed to be doing from one of his books, according to Ms. Holdo—until he heard a strange noise.

 

He went to investigate immediately.

 

“Rey?” He asked.

 

She was throwing up in the guest room toilet.

He rushed to her side immediately.

”Rey!” Ben shouted, with shock.

“Don’t touch me,” she barked. Then lurked, throwing up what little she must have eaten with Sister Eugene.

“Rey,” Ben said again, softly.

“I’m fine,” she said, then vomited some more. “I’m fine.”

 

 

She was obviously not fine.

 

 

 

Ben texted his mother—who told him she would leave work early.  

 

Rey lay in the guest room bedroom with a fever and frequently dry heaving.

 

Leia came to see Rey.

 

 

She ran all of her usual nursing diagnostics. 

 

“Ben,” she said to him.

 

Ben understood to leave the room with his mother. She looked nothing short of exhausted.

 

“Everything she’s experiencing is psychosomatic,” she informed him.

 

Ben shook his head, as if he had heard that term for the first time  ever.

“She’s going to be fine, Benjamin,” Leia said, pulling him into an unexpected hug. “She’s safe now, you hear me?”

 

Ben’s throat caught.

 

“She’s just purging all that shit she’s been holding in and keeping.”

 

Ben nodded to keep from crying.

 

 

“I’ll be downstairs. Your father will be home soon,” she informed him.

 

“No,” Ben protested.

 

“You don’t have to worry about any of that,” Leia said sharply into his shoulder. “Everything’s going to be okay, you hear me?”

 

Ben and his mother rocked together in the hallway.

 

“Okay,” he said.

 

Pulling away, Leia looked up to Ben.

 

“I do have one request though,” she said.

 

Ben looked to her confused.

 

 

Natalie.

 

 

Of course.

 

 

 

Ben was friends with her on social media.

 

Ben—more specifically, they—the Solo family—would reach out to her.

 

 

Natalie.

 

 

The only real family that Rey had (to Ben’s knowledge) that was worth a damn.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

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Chapter 71: The Right Thing

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

“Hey cauliflower,” a voice said.

Rey rolled over and could hardly believe her eyes.

It was her aunt Natalie.

The room was dark, but the hallway lights of the Solo residence were enough to illuminate everything. 

Rey moved to sit up, then felt her head pound again.

“Just rest, dear,” Natalie said. “How are you feeling?”

Natalie brought her hand to Rey’s forehead. 

She burst into tears immediately. Natalie laid over her to hug her. After a few moments of crying, Rey managed to sit up and wipe her face off.

“What time is it?” She asked.

“Almost ten. I left as soon as Ben and his mother got a hold of me.”

Rey cried some more.

“He told you what happened?” Rey gritted out through tears. 

“His mother did, when she called me. I—I’m so sorry, Rey. There’s—there’s not enough words to describe how I’m feeling at the moment.”

“Where is Ben now?” Rey asked.

“He’s downstairs with his mom and dad.”

“I can’t go back there,” Rey said immediately, shaking her head. “I can’t.”

“No one in their right mind would expect that. I know you don’t feel the greatest, but we’ll get this all sorted out. Luckily I have flexibility with my job, so I can be here for a few days at least.”

“God, I don’t even know how it all happened. She just—lost her fucking mind about that pervert John that’s she’s obviously been fucking. I didn’t even do anything wrong,” Rey cried.

Natalie looked down into her lap.

Rey looked up at her. “So you knew?” 

“They’ve been a thing since you were very young, unfortunately. I didn’t talk to her for almost a year when I first found out.”

“What about the other time?” Rey asked, a little too quickly. 

Natalie sighed. “We’ll talk about that another time. But for now, I need to go talk with Ben’s parents. I’ll come back up to see you when we’re done.”

There was a pause, as Natalie looked around. “Quite the fucking place they got here, eh?”

Rey laughed softly, “Yeah.”

“They showed me where I’ll be sleeping and I tried not to laugh.”

Rey smiled. “It’s obscene.”

“I’ll be back but I’m going to talk to them now, okay?” Natalie said.

“Can you let Ben know I’d like to see him?” Rey asked.

“Of course,” Natalie said, kissing her forehead. “I planned on sending him up anyway.”

 

 


 

 

Ben was sitting at the kitchen table with Han and Leia when Natalie came downstairs. 

“Ben,” she said at the kitchen entrance. “Rey asked to see you.”

“How’s she feeling?” He asked.

“She looks exhausted. Do you have something like Vernor’s or Sprite to give her to drink? That always helped when she was younger.”

Ben stood to get the drink for Rey. Natalie was at the table now.

“Oh, and Ben?”

“Yeah?”

“I’ll need some time alone with your parents, if you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, no problem,” Ben said, he filled a glass with ice and then scurried off.

 

At the top of the stairs, Ben held the can of Sprite in one hand and glass of ice in the other. He paused, debating if he should just mind his own damn business, or eaves drop. 

He wanted to know what his parents and Natalie were going to discuss. He hoped it wouldn’t be for Rey to leave with her. God, Ben hoped not. He worried that that was what his parents were going to suggest.

His heart thudded, he could just make out what was being said, the voices carrying through the formal dining room.

He carefully sat down, then placed the can and glass far enough behind him so he wouldn’t accidentally knock either one over.

 

 

“I’m very, very sorry to hear about Rey’s behavior towards Ben,” Natalie said.

Ben’s stomach sank. He had messaged Natalie online, but Leia had spoken to her on the phone in her bedroom. Ben didn’t think anything of it, but now he realized that his mother had told Natalie everything that had happened, and not just the situation with Angela.

“I almost screamed when I saw him,” Leia said. “I was so angry at her, but—I, we—we just didn’t want Ben to get in over his head and lose focus of his priorities.”

“No, of course not,” Natalie said. “He’s a very bright and wonderful young man.” 

“Thank you,” Leia said, humbly.

“I haven’t talked to Rey yet, but I wasn’t quite ready for her to come to Chicago. I’m still remodeling the spare bedroom, trying to get it ready for her. Plus, with her so close to graduating, it really doesn’t make sense for her to transfer now.”

“We know how hard that can be,” Han interjected, his deeper voice more easily heard. “Ben I think, has always been resilient, but it was a huge transition for him too, to leave so close to the end as well, when Leia accepted her job here with the university.”

“Last I heard from Rey, she didn’t get any news from Columbia. Ben’s acceptance may take a little longer than hers I imagine, correct?”

“Yes, though he’s already been accepted to a few other universities,” Leia said, reminding Natalie that he had options.

Ben only had one option in his mind, as far as he was concerned—and it involved Rey.

The conversation carried on. Han and Leia mentioning how torn Ben was for awhile, about what he wanted to do. Natalie noting that Rey had always enjoyed writing and movies. They then discussed Chicago. Natalie reiterating the conversation she had with Ben and Rey during their Black Friday lunch. 

 

“Well, I plan to let Rey stay with me, but should Ben need someplace while he searches for an apartment, I do have a pull out couch,” Natalie laughed.

“That’s very kind of you to offer,” Leia said. “Ben would have to apartment hunt anyways, so it may save him some money if he doesn’t have to stay in a hotel. I’ll mention it to him.”

“In the mean time, like we discussed on the phone, I’d be happy to pay for Rey to stay here until she and Ben can come to Chicago.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Han said.

Ben’s heart was beating now, not from fear, but excitement. Finally. Finally, he was going to get what he wanted.

“Please—“ Natalie said. “It’s not a problem.“

More talk about the logistics of what Rey would require to move into their home.

“I’ll be calling my sister first thing tomorrow morning. See what we can get out of the house—“

“Please be safe,” Leia said.

“I don’t plan to speak to her ever again after this,” Natalie said, matter-of-factly. “I’ll make sure we have police present. Just in case. I wouldn’t put anything past her, especially at this point.”

 

There was a tense silence.

 

“She’s done a lot of damage to our whole family through the years. I’ve always hung on and came back around for Rey, but this—if I didn’t think it would stress Rey out even more, I’d be taking her down to file a police report right away to press charges against her. But then again, Angela’s got that attorney up her sleeve she works for. The same one who helped her win custody against my parents when Rey was a baby.”

Wait, what?

“That must have been very difficult for them,” Leia offered sympathetically.

“Angela was so young at the time. But John Turner helped get her an excellent defense attorney—and she won. I was going to college in Chicago at the time, so I couldn’t be around as much as I should have been, but it absolutely devastated my parents.”

“Oh,” Leia said, sounding truly sympathetic.

 

 

“Ben?” Rey asked, standing at the door.

Ben startled and turned back to look at her immediately. He brought his finger to his lips, then stood quietly. He picked up the can of Sprite and glass of ice.

“Hey,” he said to Rey, kissing her forehead.

“Eavesdropping?” Rey asked, with a sheepish grin, stepping back inside of the room.

“Yeah,” Ben laughed. “Sorry I’m not normally nosey like that, but I wanted to hear what the game plan was.”

Rey crawled back into the bed.

“And?”

Ben sat at the edge of the bed, “It sounds like your aunt is going to try to have you stay here until we can go to Chicago.”

Rey didn’t seem as happy as Ben at that news. 

“I can’t afford to pay rent,” she said, grimly. 

“My mom and dad told Natalie ‘no’ when she offered to pay for you to stay here, but she seemed pretty insistent. I’m sure they’ll work that out somehow.”

Rey stared off, her arms on top of the blanket. Ben placed the glass of ice on the night stand, then opened the can of Sprite, emptying it inside. 

“Gotta stay hydrated,” he said, handing her the glass.

Rey took it, her mind clearly off someplace else, then slowly drank.

“Holy shit,” she closed her eyes after the first gulp. “I didn’t realize how thirsty I was.” She took another drink.

“Are you hungry at all?”

Rey shook her head furiously. “No, God, no. Don’t even mention food right now.”

“Sorry,” Ben said. “If you do get hungry, just let me know.”

Rey nodded.  “Will you be able to sleep here tonight?”

Ben glanced to the door, as if an invisible Han or Leia was standing there. “No, I can’t,” he said.

Rey’s eyes lowered to her glass.

“But that’s not to say I can’t sneak in and out of here to visit you for a bit.”

Rey smiled, Ben leaned forward and planted a flat kiss against her lips.

“Sorry, I don’t want you to taste my mouth right now,” Rey laughed.

Ben brushed her hair behind her ear. After Rey’s thirst seemed to be satiated, she placed the glass on the nightstand.

“Scoot over,” Ben said playfully. Rey opened the blanket and let him slide in next to her. She slipped into his arms easily, and the two laid together, warm and comfortable.

 

Ben pulled Rey in a little tighter, a little closer and she made a small breathy noise against him. He looked down, while she looked up at him. She looked relaxed, finally—a small smile on her face that was beginning to see color again.

 

Rey wasn’t enthusiastic yet, too worried about being a burden, something Ben knew was so deeply engrained into her psyche from her parents, Angela especially.

 

But eventually, Rey would see and understand that she wasn’t a burden. She would see that in time, with the right help, and love, and care, and kindness—and all that Ben had to give and would continue to give—

 

Rey would one day see that she was worth the world.

 

 

 


 

 

 

It was late, very late, when Natalie jostled Ben’s shoulder. Leia was at the door.

Ben groggily pried himself from Rey’s embrace and made his way to the door. 

“If you need anything,” Leia said quietly. “Just let us know.”

“I will,” Natalie said.

Ben stood with Leia as she closed the door, leaving it ajar.

“You going to bed?” Ben asked.

Leia looked completely and utterly spent.

“Was just going to sit in front of the fireplace for a bit. Your father went to bed about an hour ago.”

Ben wordlessly followed his mother downstairs to the living room. The two sat in silence as they watched the fire burn. Ben moved to put a log in it. 

After the hypnosis of the flames finally waned, Ben spoke to Leia, who was sitting nearby, blanket over her legs.

“I’m sorry,” Ben began. 

Leia turned to look at him, a soft closed mouth smile on her face.

“For what, dear?”

“For being so mad at you and dad. For not being more sensitive to everything you’ve been going through.”

“You’re not insensitive, Ben,” Leia said. “Quite the opposite, actually.” 

Ben readjusted in his recliner, watching the flames dance on his mother’s face.

She managed another small smile. “You feel things so intensely sometimes—just like all the men in our family—it just worries me is all.”

Ben says nothing as he turns to regard the flames once more.

“What’s going to happen now?” He asked. Even though he already knew, or hoped he still knew—the answer.

“Rey’s aunt plans to call her sister tomorrow. See if she can get her to agree to let her and Rey go to her house to get her things.”

Ben looked to Leia, waiting for the next part.

“I don’t want you to get too excited—because I want you to remember to stay focused for this last semester—but we’ve agreed with Natalie to let Rey stay here for the rest of the year and the summer, until she can move to Chicago with her.”

It was music to Ben’s ears.

“Thank you,” he said quietly.

Leia managed a weary smile. “You’re welcome, dear.”

She closed her eyes for a moment, as if to rest them to fight off the need to sleep. 

“Mom?”

“Yes?” She said, snapping back awake instantly.

“It’s okay,” Ben said. “You can go to bed now.”

“Oh,” Leia said, as if realizing she dozed off. “Yes, I suppose I should.”

Ben stood up as she did. She came over and placed a hand on his face.

“Someday—all of this will be a memory.” She let her hand brush down his face. “Now you two can move forward—together or apart—Rey’s safe now.” Leia pauses before finally adding. ‘You did the right thing, Benjamin.”

 

Ben’s throat caught, his eyes glass.

Together him and his mother embraced. 

And she went to sleep thereafter.

 

And Ben—

 

Ben went to sleep with Rey—staying with her all night, and all morning—never leaving her side.

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

Rey.”

Rey opened her eyes, it was night time. They’d been driving for a while and she must have dozed off.

“Look,” Ben said with a head nod.

Rey turned to her right to look out the window. She literally gasped.

 

Chicago.

 

Lit up brilliantly in the night sky. Consuming all that she could see. The buildings were spectacular, in hues of blue, yellow, and black. One was even lit up in red and blue. There’s one that’s diamond shaped, others fading in and out as they drove closer. Rey recognized the Willis Tower from movies. 

“Oh, Ben,” Rey cried. 

She looked over to him to see him smiling, his eyes glimmering.

The water of Lake Michigan, reflected the lights in rippling dark.

 

The sight was better than anything Rey could have ever imagined.

 

It was mid-August. The summer heat upon them. Rey decided to roll down the window and stick her head out like a dog. 

For once, feeling like an animal wasn’t such a bad thing. 

She let the wind whip the tears from her face as she smiled and cried.

As Rey continued to take in the buildings larger than anything she had ever seen before, she smelled the air, the sound of the tires, the other cars around them as they came closer and closer into the city.

 

Rey had only ever seen places like New York, LA, and Chicago on a small television her whole life.

 

She was here.

They were going to Natalie’s. 

They were both going to start college in less than two weeks.

 

Rey can’t wrap her head around any of it.

It was happening.

It was really happening.

 

Rey felt Ben’s hand reach over to hers. She turned to look at him, bringing her head back in slightly, her hair still thrashing about from the summer’s night. Ben threaded his large fingers in between Rey’s; and she held him there, squeezing tightly. 

 

As the lights and buildings continued to come closer and closer into view, Ben gave her a final shake.

 

We did it, Rey.”

 

“Yeah,” her voice cracks, she looked to Ben, tears of joy streaming down her face. 

 

They’re not into the thickest part of traffic yet, they won’t die if he looked away for a moment, which almost makes Rey laugh.

 

“Look at me,” she said.

 

Rey leans in and plants a kiss to his lips.

 

 

We did it, Ben.”

 

 

He pulls away, tears in his eyes, matching hers.

 

 

“We did it,” he repeats, and Rey says it once more with him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

We made it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Notes:

This is it, folks. Next comes the epilogue! 😭 So many emotions! Oof.

Chapter 72: Epilogue

Notes:

This epilogue mentions extreme child neglect. Please proceed with caution.

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

It’s hot, but not unbearable. 

 

Rose is buzzing about, as is Natalie, helping Rey. Paige is spraying hair spray in her hair, complaining about the heat making it frizzy.

Rey’s hair is in an updo, not unlike one she had in high school, for the Winter Wonderland Dance and Prom. She muses that once again, at the end of the night, she’ll have a mountain’s worth of Bobby pins to remove.

Leia knocks lightly at the door, then steps into the room, informing Rey that Ben is a nervous wreck. 

Ben had always suffered from anxiety, but today at least, he had a legitimate reason to be nervous.

“It’s almost time, dear,” she says. 

Rey exhales shakily.

Natalie helps Rey into her heels. Rose continues to fuss about how her boobs look in her dress. Natalie remarks they look fantastic. Paige cracks a joke about Finn motor boating them at the end of the night.

As everyone leaves the room, a final knock comes at the door.

 

“Come in,” Rey says meekly.

It’s Han. He smiles.

“You ready, kid?”

Rey exhales one last time.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she says.

 

Arm in arm, Han walks Rey down the aisle. 

Rey looks around.

She sees Ms. Holdo with her wife. She hadn’t seen her since high school graduation, but they’ve stayed in touch. She left St. Michael’s after Rey’s graduating class. Noting she had had “enough shit.”

Father Dameron couldn’t make it, but he sent a lovely card. He also noted that Sister Eugene would be proud of her and Ben. She had passed two years after they left for Chicago. Father Dameron told Rey what a wonderful job she did reading that summer, before they left Michigan.

There were other faces, some she hadn’t seen in years. It was shortly after they moved to Chicago and before Rey was diagnosed with ADHD. She half-heartedly searched for them, but was surprised to see their names come up on social media instantly. Not expecting much, Rey sent a message, and she got one back, and over time, the correspondences continued.

Mrs. Washington looked as good as she ever did, wearing a large hat and matching dress. Her boys, Terrence and Elijah, much, much taller and barely recognizable now, both of them married. Malikah couldn’t make it, but the fact that any of them came, still shocked Rey.

 

Rey had to remind herself time and time again, that people liked her, that people cared. 

 

That not everyone was out to get her.

 

Her therapist taught her that expecting the worst of people, wasn’t always the way to go through life living. And even when people confirmed her suspicions of being pieces of shit, like a few classmates did while she was at Columbia, to not over blow the situation. 

 

It took Rey a long time to learn that not every problem was worth getting upset over.

 

It was a stark contrast to what Ben had to learn in therapy with her. That Rey had been on guard her whole life, constantly assessing and fretting over her parent’s moods, and of a variety of bullies, making her hyperaware of others. And that sometimes, many times, she had a pretty good read on people.

The Claire and Hux situation required rehashing details and what went wrong. 

It was a particularly exhausting session when Rey told Ben that she never thought she was worthy of him. And that she honestly envisioned him with Claire after their fight in his car. That that evening—she damn near lost her mind. 

Ben came to understand that Rey had a thing about being grabbed—her trauma from being slammed in the fridge by her father, of being grabbed up by Angela so many times she lost count, and then of Mr. Banes, grabbing her out of her desk her junior year—it was like a switch short circuited in Rey’s brain. 

She just wanted him to let her go. 

Ben apologized through tears, saying that he thought if he just held her like he usually did, it would make things better.

Rey explained that without proper communication, physical contact would not soothe her. 

Rey never learned how to properly process appropriate physical touch and comfort growing up.

She mentioned this one day, while visiting Natalie, who finally told her about the custody battle Angela and Gerald faced against her grandparents. Natalie broke down crying in a way Rey had never seen before, informing her that the neighbors at Angela and Gerald’s first apartment, called the police one day, after they had heard Rey crying—for hours.

Gerald was off getting drunk at a bar after work, and Angela was likely off fucking John J. Turner at the time. Neither of them communicated much to the other, borderline hatred for being forced into a loveless marriage. And thus, Rey was lost in between them. 

When the police entered the home, Rey was laying in a crib, covered in urine and feces. Her face red from screaming for so long. Rey knew she was a colicky baby, knew how hard it must have been—but that her parents were so fucking selfish to neglect her like that, leaving her for dead—it was unforgivable.

 

Natalie could hardly breathe as she told Rey, and begged her for forgiveness. Rey cried with her, explaining that she had nothing to be sorry for. 

 

Natalie went to therapy by herself again, having gone before, but the conversation with Rey brought up a lot of old wounds for her too. And then together, she and Rey went. They shared a few laughs about how Angela had really done a number on them. But there were also moments of compassion for her, and what life must have been like for her; being the golden child, then getting pregnant, forced to marry someone she didn’t love.

Rey never thought it would happen, but eventually, she just ultimately felt sorry for both of her parents. And not even in a pitiful way, but a truly genuine way.

 

Rey grieved them for a long time, and maybe would never stop grieving—for the parents she never had. Instead, she ultimately decided to be thankful for the people who helped see her through.

 

Like the Washington family that one summer, Father Dameron, Sister Eugene, Ms. Holdo, Rose’s family, as well as the Solo family, and Natalie. 

 

The pain became less so over time. 

 

Rey had a number of big breakthroughs in therapy, one particular milestone—when she wrote a letter to her parents. She had been no contact for three years at that point, and she intended to remain that way for the rest of her life. Sometimes, many times, she wondered if she had made the right choice.

But then Rey remembered baby Rey, crying for hours and hours, all alone. Helpless. She remember child Rey, being spanked and pinched, and yelled at.  And then she remembered seventeen year old Rey, her mother’s hand at her throat, scissors at the ready.

 

And it was enough to assure Rey, that yes, she had made the right choice.

 

As Rey read the letter she would never send to her parents, to her therapist, she cried all over the paper and smudged the ink. She blubbered and sobbed, and started yelling at one point. Then started whimpering. Until finally she was quiet.

 

I just wish I could understand what I did wrong to make you hate me. But then, I realized over time, what you guys did—and didn’t do to or for me—ultimately had nothing to do with me at all in the first place. 

And I can’t decide what’s more painful: 

That I was never really considered, or that you two were basically children who never grew up yourselves.

Were the pictures of you smiling with me as a child, all a lie?

Mom, you loved smiling about me when there was an audience, but as soon as the curtains closed, you’d turn into a fucking monster.

I’ll never get the satisfaction of seeing you exposed someday for being the narcissistic demon that you are, but I’m proud to say—I don’t wait for that anymore. 

Because just being you must be its own special kind of hell.

And that to me is punishment enough. 

 

As Rey said her goodbyes in her letter—it reminded her of when she, Natalie, Ben and the police went to her home to get her belongings.

When she had actually said her less than satisfying goodbye. But maybe that was the point—there’s no satisfying goodbyes in a situation so awful. 

Rey remembered how Angela sat on the sofa with her arms crossed like a petulant child, refusing to interact with anyone. She kept her answers short and sweet with the police, trying to act like everything was fine, because, of course, she knew them from the courthouse.

Rey was surprised to find her DVD collection in tact—her dress, on the other hand, still on the floor from a few days prior. Of course, Angela would destroy something to do with Rey’s appearance, but leave her movie collection alone. It once again showed her how little Angela actually knew her.

 

They made a few trips out of the house with Rey’s books, movies and clothing, as well as the box from the basement with Rey’s name on it. Natalie communicating with Angela for the whereabouts of any and all legal documents. 

 

One police officer was on the porch when Rey stopped to look at her mother, Ben was behind her, then Natalie, and then the other police officer.

 

Rey found the words she finally needed to say:

 

“I’m glad I’ll never have to see you again for as long as I live.” 

 

Angela’s teeth gritted, and Rey knew it was taking all of her not to let the monster show. She still refused to look at Rey, and that was fine by her. Ben gave Rey a reassuring touch on her shoulder, and then they were off.

Natalie was the last one to leave. 

It was a moment. And Rey and Ben both were out on the porch as it happened.  

“You know,” Natalie said, looking to her sister. “I’ve thought of every variation of this conversation in some capacity for the last decade or more—and it always ends the same—there’s literally no other words that I can think of. And I know I speak for all of us who have ever dared to love you when I say:

 

Go fuck yourself, Angie.”

 

The police officer guided Natalie out the door, and Rey was both proud and horrified. Because for once, Angela wasn’t going to get the last word. She couldn’t—because she didn’t want to look unhinged in front of the police officers she knew. Rey would later smile at that. Knowing that none of them had to endure what she had lived with her whole life, ever again.

Rey never got to say goodbye to her father. He was absent that day, just as he had usually been—just as he had always been. Rey thought to send him a text message or something, and she half-hoped and half- dreaded that he would eventually send her one too.  But he never did.

 

The rest of the school year, Han and Leia treated Rey as if she was their own child. It was all too much. They took her horse back riding with Ben for spring break, and camping in the summer.

For her eighteenth birthday, Ben arranged for a small surprise birthday party at the restaurant he had taken her to before they went to see Seven at the old movie theater. 

There were pointy hats and heart balloons, Finn and Rose, Natalie even, back for a day to celebrate, Han and Leia.

It was perfect.

Ben gifted Rey an absolutely obscene emerald cushion cut necklace.

She had never been happier.

Surrounded by the people who loved her, by the people she loved.

 

When Rey and Ben were strong enough from their own individual therapy, Ben going for his intense anxiety, perfectionism, and need to be the savior and fixer in his life— they went together, to learn how to communicate, how to heal from the wild ride of their senior year in high school, and most importantly—how to move forward as a couple.

Ben shook one day as he read to Rey that he couldn’t put up with violence in his life. And that, while it was one incident in high school, what had happened to him ultimately wasn’t okay. He cried saying he absolutely understood how him grabbing her was a trigger, but should something like that happen again—he couldn’t stay with her. 

Rey cried as well, apologizing, and saying that he didn’t deserve any of that or how she behaved, that she had no idea about how her trauma manifested itself at the time. She apologized for trying to hurt him with Hux, explaining that she didn’t realize all the ways in which she acted like her mother sometimes. Weaponizing silence and manipulation against those she was supposed to love as a means of control.

Rey had plenty of sessions where she agonized all the ways in which she had hurt people through the years, including those she bullied, stolen stuff from (even if they were rich), that that wasn’t okay. She came to realize that while she had hurt Ben and others—she was different from Angela in that she felt remorse. She was different in that she was willing to admit there was something wrong with her. She was different in that, she wanted to get better.

Rey came to understand that someone like her mother, would never get better because she refused to see anything wrong with herself.

 

Ultimately, Rey promised Ben she would never do anything like that to him ever again, no matter how upset she was.

Together, they agreed that violence had no place or future in their lives, including in how they would raise their children.

Rey knew it was going to be hard, but she was committed, with the best person beside her, that she would never subject an innocent child to all the things that she had been subjected to.

 

 


 

 

It was sunny, summer time.

Rey was drinking coffee, going over her latest script. 

Ben roused.

“Hey,” she said, turning from her desk to look at him.

“Hey,” he said.

“You going to want some coffee?”

Ben stretched out in the bed, “I need a kiss before I need coffee.”

Rey groaned playfully, putting the cup down. 

She climbed into the bed next to him.

“What do you want to do today?” He asked, pressing his lips to hers.

“It’s been a minute since we’ve done the Shedd Aquarium.”

Ben nodded. “It has, hasn’t it?”

“We’re not meeting Natalie until six. Could go and come back. Enough time to shower and change.” Rey snuggled into his chest.

“Sounds good.” Ben looked over to the window. “How’s your script coming?”

“It’s almost done—then I’ll have you take a look before I let the others read it.”

“Always good to get a second and third opinion,” Ben said, kissing her forehead, then her lips, slowly working his way down. He pushed her oversized t-shirt up.

“I didn’t know tit sucking was also required before coffee, Dr. Solo.”

“The charts just came in, the patient needs it’s immediately,” he said, kissing a nipple before taking it into his mouth.

Rey laughed. 

“And what else does the patient need?”

 

Ben moved back up to kiss her lips.

 

“Mrs. Solo,” he said. “Let the good doctor show you.”

 

Rey laid her head back as Ben kissed her and kissed her.

 

The sunlight poured in.

 

 

And Rey let her husband love her.

 

 

 

Notes:

There aren’t enough words to describe what this experience has been like for me. Thank you so SO much to all of you who have come along for the ride on my first fanfic ever. Reylo has absolutely changed my life and I couldn’t be more thankful.

Thank you for reading and believing in me.

So much love being sent to you all. ♥️

Please feel free to check out some of my other works:

Hearts Engraved In A Tree, Baby Makes Three
(Reylo) Ben and Rey are sent to a summer youth camp for trouble teens. It’s supposed to teach about wilderness survival, empathy, and team work. What it doesn’t teach, however, is how to stay away from the other campers. Ben and Rey come out of the experience having gained very little—except for an unplanned pregnancy and baby.

In The Back of His ‘02 Ford Taurus
(Reylo) Rey works at a Chinese restaurant next door to a 7-11, where Ben Solo starts working. He just wants to get through his shift each day—Rey just wants to get him in the back of his ‘02 Ford Taurus.

The Twins and The Iris
(Breylo/Benlo) Rey is a gifted clairvoyant and is predestined to marry her future husband Ben on her island, however, she foresees that in time, his twin brother, Kylo will kill him to take his place. Rey suggests an alternative to her tribe of letting them both marry her.

Notice Me Sensei, Notice Me Senpai
Part I of “BENLO in the martial arts” series
(Benlo) Twins Ben and Kylo have been training at the same martial arts dojo since they were 5 yrs old. As Snoke Sensei’s top students, they’re shining—and suffering. Maybe they can find a way to stop hurting each other…together.

Crouching Boys, Hidden Rey
Part II of “BENLO in the martial arts” series
(Breylo/Benlo) Ben and Kylo are still dealing with their newfound connection when a fiery girl named Rey shows up in their lives. She’s self-taught and she’s needs a teacher. Ben intends to be all of that for her, and more—Kylo intends to be the one to put a stop to it.

Notes:

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