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1.

Rodney could admit it. He'd gotten a little carried away.

The problem was that he had been shaving while naked. It was one of Atlantis' fake Sundays and he was in no rush to get dressed and leave his quarters. He'd just be assaulted by people trying to make him relax and have fun. So there he was, fresh out of the shower, naked, shaving, the usual. He'd finished his face, including that tricky spot under the chin, and his cheeks were nice and smooth, and he was thinking how much John would appreciate that because for a supposed tough guy, John had very tender skin, and it was around that time that his thoughts, and his razor, began to wander.

He was pleased with the results. The lack of pubic hair made his dick look huge, longer and thicker. Plus, he was in the best shape of his life and with his tighter, field-tested body, he felt kind of like a porn star.

He stood in front of the mirror and admired the view from the side, circling his fingers around his dick and giving it a few pulls. He was starting to get hard and it made his dick look even bigger, and then he realized he was standing around in his bathroom jerking off like a loser when he could be having actual sex with his new porn star cock. He threw on some clothes and ran across the hall.

John was on his bed, reading a golf magazine. "Hey, what's up?"

Rodney dropped his pants.

John raised his eyes from the magazine, zeroed in on Rodney's crotch, and cringed.

"What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

John made a face. "That's going to itch like hell when it grows back in."

"Who cares?" Rodney said, kicking his shoes off and crawling up John's body to straddle his chest. "My cock looks enormous."

"Trust me. You'll care." John dropped his magazine and ran his hands up Rodney's thighs, fingers teasing at the hair on his legs, and then higher, where there wasn't any hair at all. He smoothed his thumbs around the base of Rodney's cock, over his balls, the crease of his thighs. For all John's complaining, he seemed fascinated by Rodney's bare skin.

Rodney gave his cock a showy stroke. "So I'll keep shaving. What's the big deal?"

"You'd better or no blowjobs until it grows back out," John warned, sounding more sulky than threatening. "Walking around with stubble burn's kind of against regs."

"Yes, yes, you're a delicate princess. Let's focus on me now." Rodney moved further up the bed, putting his dick right in John's face where he couldn't ignore it.

John reared back a little. "It does look bigger," he said finally.

"I told you! Do you think you can take it all?"

"Yes," John said, giving him a pissy look, as if Rodney'd insulted him by questioning his cocksucking abilities. "It only looks bigger, Rodney. It's not actually bigger."

Rodney nudged his cock up to rest on John's chin, stopping just short of his lips. "Do it then."

John licked his lips, his tongue grazing the head of Rodney's cock. Rodney shivered and leaned forward, hands gripping the headboard to steady himself. They'd never done it from this angle before and having John's impish green eyes staring straight up at him made Rodney want to fuck his face.

"What are you waiting for?" Rodney gave his hips a little push forward. His dick poked John in the eye. "Sorry!"

John squinted. "Take off your shirt."

Rodney quickly pulled it off and threw it to the floor. Naked except for his socks, he settled back over John's face. John slid his hands around to Rodney's ass and guided him down, and now that his shirt tails weren't hanging between them, Rodney had an unobstructed view of John as he took the tip of Rodney's cock in his mouth. Rodney had to grab for the headboard again. John's lips were soft and wet, his tongue almost rough in comparison. He looked so good like this, eyes closed, dark lashes fanned against his tanned cheeks, Rodney's cock in his mouth. John sucked him for a bit, gentle, familiar moves, then abruptly broke routine and let his bottom teeth drag against that spot under the head. Rodney shuddered, thighs twitching from the effort of holding himself back when all he really wanted to do was shove his cock down John's throat. John's eyes were teasing. He knew exactly what he was doing to Rodney's self-control.

"More," Rodney begged.

John raised one eyebrow and took him in deeper, and, oh, sarcastic blowjobs; only part of why Rodney had fallen so hard for him. Rodney pried a hand off the headboard and threaded his fingers through John's crazy hair. John tipped his head back and Rodney watched as he took Rodney in all the way, mouth stretched wide around Rodney's cock. Now Rodney was the one closing his eyes. He could feel John's lips kiss against the bare skin at the base of his cock, soft and wet. He'd never been able to feel that before, not this clearly. All that hair had always been in the way, muffling the touch of John's perfect mouth. God, what he'd been missing.

John tugged at Rodney's hips, encouraging him to move, giving him permission, and Rodney realized John had a limited range of motion in this position, which meant Rodney was going to get what he wanted after all. He put his hand back on the headboard, withdrew a little, then slowly pushed back in until John's nose brushed against Rodney's belly. John moaned and Rodney's head fell back. He flexed his hips, fucking John's mouth slow and deep.

"This is, you, you can't know--" Rodney knew he was babbling. It happened sometimes.

John hummed and worked his throat around him, fingers digging into Rodney's ass. Rodney couldn't take it. He got a few shallow thrusts in, dizzy and ragged, babbling about John and all the ways he was fantastic, and then he was coming and John was swallowing, holding Rodney up while he shook.

"God," Rodney panted. "God, that was good."

John coughed, moved one of his hands to Rodney's chest, and took a drink of water from the glass by his bed. "Thank you."

"I think I'm going to fall over now," Rodney said.

John eased him down the bed. Rodney cooperated as much as he was able and then collapsed, landing on John's chest and giving him messy kisses. John held Rodney's head in his hands, his fingers splayed over Rodney's cheeks, stroking them softly.

"Mm," Rodney sighed, "wanna fuck me?"

"You're just full of surprises today."

"Shut up. I let you fuck me."

"Only when you're drunk."

"Do you want to fuck me or not?"

John kissed Rodney and gave him a little smack on the ass. "Get off for a sec."

Rodney slithered off John's chest and lay there, face down on the bed, while John sat up and took his shoes off. He stood and Rodney turned his head to the side and watched him shed his jeans and t-shirt. Rodney loved looking at John, his hairy chest and narrow hips, his long legs. He was hard, his thick cock jutting out from a thatch of hair that was almost as unruly as the hair on his head.

John turned back to the bed with lube and a condom, dropped them next to Rodney, then leaned over and yanked Rodney's socks off. Rodney scrunched his toes against the sheets, content.

"Scoot over," John said, nudging Rodney up and climbing in behind him.

John slicked his fingers and Rodney rolled onto his side, one knee drawn up, happy to let John do all the work. John slipped his thumb between the cheeks of Rodney's ass, kissed the back of his neck, and pressed a finger into him. Rodney sighed and spread his legs further. Getting fucked after he'd already come always felt a little strange, a weird mix of sex and comfort, like he didn't know if he wanted to get hard or take a nap. John gave him another finger.

"You good?" John asked.

"I hope there's pie at lunch," Rodney said dreamily, earning himself a twisted nipple.

John took his time opening Rodney up, slow and lazy with lots of lube, but once he got Rodney on his back and pushed into him, slow and lazy turned into hard and fast. Rodney gasped in surprise, suddenly wide awake. The coarse hair at John's groin dragged over Rodney's bare skin with each thrust, new and startlingly intimate. He could feel himself getting hard again. John leaned in and kissed him, driving into him with hard, jolting fucks that had Rodney wrapping his legs around John's waist just to keep from getting slammed into the headboard.

"You maniac! You'll dislocate my spine!"

John grinned down at him. "You love it."

"You couldn't be more wrong," Rodney said, using his legs to pull John closer.

2.

Of course, his life being what it was, a week later he was hobbling through Atlantis and scratching himself through his pants, feeling itchy and embarrassed. He'd gotten caught up in a project and forgotten to shave, among other things, and now John probably wouldn't have sex with him for a month just in case the Air Force Chief of Staff dropped by to check his ass and inner thighs for stubble burn.

It was his own fault. He was too old to be experimenting with the way he looked, and for what? Some fleeting sexual pleasure and the novelty of having a bare groin? It wasn't worth the trouble. Even if it did make his dick look huge.

He sighed and limped around the corner. Now that his project was finished, he was trying to keep busy in an effort to distract himself from the god-awful itching in his pants. It wasn't working. It just meant he was out scratching himself in public instead of in the privacy of his office. Cadman had started a rumor he had space crabs.

He headed towards a terminal outside the living quarters he'd been meaning to fix. If he was lucky, the area would be empty this time of day. He took the nearest transporter and stepped out to find John leaning against Rodney's door.

Rodney nearly dropped his toolbox. "Jesus!"

"Hey," John said, smiling. "You look like a man who could use a blowjob."

Rodney scowled. "It's not nice to tease."

"I wasn't teasing. You're done with your big project, right?"

"Fine, you were right!" Rodney said in a big rush of crazy. "My big project is over. I forgot to shave and now I have crotch stubble and it itches like hell!"

John took his arm and gently pulled him into his room. "Slow down there, buddy. I was talking about your power calculations."

"Oh, those. Yes. I finished them this morning. It looks like we can open up the south tower labs without significantly taxing the ZPM, which means Zelenka and I can get started on the drone..." Rodney trailed off. John was staring at his mouth.

"You didn't shave," John said, running a thumb over Rodney's bristly chin. Rodney hadn't looked in a mirror lately, but he knew he had to be at least as scruffy as John, who already had a respectable 5 o'clock shadow an hour after lunch.

"I just said that. Weren't you listening?"

John palmed Rodney's cheek and drew him into a kiss. Rodney dropped his toolbox and leaned into it, grabbed John by the shoulder, the back of the neck. John's lips brushed over his, rough and hungry, dragging scratchy kisses along the curve of his mouth. Their stubble rasped together and Rodney moaned when John's beard scraped against the tender skin of his lips. They'd never kissed like this before. Then Rodney remembered why.

"Wait, wait!" He pulled away, panting. "We can't. You'll get beard burn and your country will throw you in jail and I'll never hear the end of it."

"I don't care," John said, reeling him back in.

"You used to."

"It's none of their business," John said.

While Rodney was wrestling with his horny inner demons (Reckless, career-endangering sex with John? Not a good idea. But hot! Yes! Very hot! But bad! No! Yes! Wait, what was the question again?), John saved him the trouble of having to decide, crowding him against the wall and taking his face in both hands. They traded hot, raspy kisses, mouths sliding together and apart, again and again, kissing until John's cheeks were flushed, his lips plump and red.

"God, your mouth," Rodney said, stroking a thumb over it.

John flashed him a dangerous grin and started kissing his way down Rodney's neck, marking him with a trail of prickly kisses. Rodney let his head fall back against the wall. John tongued his ear and pushed a leg between Rodney's thighs.

Rodney jerked upright. "Oh, no. You heard me mention the crotch stubble, right? Because it's like a war zone down there. Words cannot express how much it itches!"

"Yeah?" John said, slipping his hand down the front of Rodney's pants and raking his nails over Rodney's tortured skin. Rodney whimpered in relief and clutched at John's shoulders, pushing up into his hand.

"That's so good. More, more. I can't wait until this grows out and I can walk again."

"Why not keep shaving?" John said.

"Because it's a ridiculous amount of work simply for a cheap thrill," Rodney sniffed, embarrassed all over again at his brief fling with vanity.

"I thought it was hot."

"Really?" Rodney said. John had certainly seemed to like it at the time, but to have him actually say so indicated a level of interest that was normally beyond him.

"Really," John said, hand still down Rodney's pants. "I know you liked it."

"Oh, well, it did -- it felt good."

"For me too." John kissed Rodney's mouth, his cheek. He pressed his lips to Rodney's ear, and said, voice low, "Let me shave you."

"You mean--?"

"Yeah," John said, giving him a couple of light, teasing scratches.

Rodney arched his back helplessly. "But -- sharp things -- in, in sensitive places."

"Trust me."

Desire slammed into him, sent his heart and mind racing. He imagined John kneeling in front of him in the shower, dropping little kisses on his hips and belly, carefully drawing a razor over his skin, leaving him smooth and bare.

"Yes," Rodney said, nervous and excited and ready. "Do it."

3.

A few weeks later, he was sitting in a senior staff meeting, bored out of his mind. The only thing making it the least bit exciting was his decision not to wear any underwear, and the fact that he'd whispered this to John on their way into the conference room. John was currently sitting across from him, spinning a pencil between his fingers and, going by the look on his face, trying to bore a hole through the table with his eyes.

The night before, John had pinned him to the bed and sucked him slow and wet. It made Rodney's cock stir just thinking about it, the way John had held him down and wouldn't let him come.

His pants brushed against his bare skin, his half-hard cock, and he slid down in his seat and let his legs fall open to give himself a bit more room. John was fondling his pencil, ears turning pink at the tips. It wasn't like he could see anything through the table, but if Rodney had learned one thing about John over the past few months, it was that he had a vivid and extremely dirty imagination. Rodney grinned at him and took a sip of his coffee.

Keller finished her report on Ancient diagnostic Q-Tips or whatever and Woolsey made a tick mark and turned a page in his three-ring binder. "Dr. McKay, what kind of progress are you making on the drone project?"

"Oh, you're going to love this," said Rodney, speaking to the room, but looking directly across the table at John. "All we need is a source of yttrofluorite and we can fire up the drone factory and try a limited production run. If the equipment's sound, we could be mass producing drones as soon as next year. Cool, huh?" Rodney raised his eyebrows and threw an arm over the back of his chair.

John's eyes lit up, just like Rodney knew they would. "Way cool," John said.

"That is excellent news," Woolsey said, smiling broadly and taking notes in his binder. "And this yttrofluorite is easy to find?"

"Not at all," Rodney said, smiling back cheerfully. "Yttrofluorite is easy to look for, but hard to find. The base element we're after is pretty rare, but I've got, like, ten geologists and a chemist working on it. One of them's bound to come up with something."

"All right, then." Woolsey, seemingly baffled by Rodney's good mood, turned to the next agenda item. "Teyla, how are the Athosians settling in on the mainland?"

Teyla, who had an almost preternatural understanding of how to handle Woolsey, passed him an itemized list. "They are well, but they do have some concerns I wish to discuss."

Once everyone at the table had a copy, Teyla started down the list.

Rodney leaned back in his chair and let his hand fall into his lap, fingers splayed casually along the inside of his thigh, thumb teasing at the seam of his pants. He closed his eyes for a second, lost in the sensation of the worn cloth brushing against his skin. He'd occasionally gone without underwear before, but this was the first time since he started shaving. His bare skin made him even more aware of the intimate rub of his pants and the whole just-this-side-of-uncomfortable thing really worked for him. Though maybe a staff meeting wasn't the best place to be discovering that. He adjusted himself and sunk lower in his seat.

John, eyes narrowed and following Rodney's every move, pulled out his PDA and began poking at it viciously. A moment later, Rodney's tablet beeped. He tugged it closer so he could see the screen.

John had messaged him. You really need to stop doing that.

Rodney wrote back: Thank you, Colonel Obvious, I figured that out on my own. Walking out of here is going to be difficult.

Here's what we'll do. I'll create a distraction. You make a run for it. John smirked at him over the table.

Rodney typed feverishly. Yes, because what I want to do is draw more attention to myself.

"The subsonic array appears to be repelling the majority of the giant venomous snakes," Teyla was saying, "but there is some question of what the beacons may be attracting to the area."

"Dr. McKay?" Woolsey prodded, somewhat desperately.

"Oh, you didn't know about our giant venomous snakes?" Rodney said. "They live in the ground, like worms."

Woolsey tugged at his collar. "At least it's not bugs," he said. "I once had a very unpleasant experience with bugs off-world." John shot him a weird look, probably surprised that Woolsey had ever set foot off Earth prior to Atlantis.

Woolsey cleared his throat and flipped to a clean page in his notebook. "So, yes, what can we do about this?"

"That's Meherhomji's pet project," Rodney said. "I'll have her fly in and talk to the Athosians about what they've been seeing. She can tag along on Keller's next visit."

Keller jerked awake at the sound of her name. "Oh my god, did I fall asleep? I'm so sorry. I was up all night with a patient and I came straight here and all I had for breakfast was a muffin. Oh god, this is so embarrassing." She wiped hair out of her eyes. "Did you need me?"

"You are fine, Jennifer," Teyla said with a smile. "We were merely finishing up."

Woolsey glanced at Teyla, then at his watch. "Yes, and I see we've ran a little long and cut into lunch, so go ahead and take some extra time before returning to your regular duties. Be sure to read through the minutes as soon as they're posted and I'll see you all next time!"

The meeting broke and everyone scattered.

Rodney slipped out the back way, tablet clutched in front of him. Unfortunately, because despite his many PhDs he was still subject to the perverse whims of his libido, the giant snake conversation had done nothing to kill his erection. If anything, it was even more out of control. In retrospect, going commando to a staff meeting probably wasn't one of his better ideas.

John came up behind him. "Wanna take a long lunch?"

"No," said Rodney. "I don't have any particular wish to traipse across the cafeteria right now."

John's eyes slid down Rodney's body. "I had something different in mind."

"Yeah?" Rodney said.

In John's room, sunlight streamed through the open windows as John kissed Rodney down onto the bed, peeled open his pants, and made Rodney watch as he drew Rodney's cock out. "Stay," John said, crawling down Rodney's body, scattering kisses across his belly, stroking Rodney's bare skin with his thumbs, the tips of his fingers, his cheeks, his lips. "Stay like this."

"Yeah," Rodney said.

They took a long lunch.