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Alatrenuiel Lindomeril was wandering along the small paths of Mirkwood. A faint smile crossed her face as she thought about the previous night. Her beautiful features were highlighted as she stepped into a patch of sunlight. She had long shimmering golden blonde hair, glimmering iridescent skin, and incredible violet eyes. Her slender, graceful form was languid and graceful.
An old and bent figure approached from behind. A scowl crossed her face. She despised Gandalf. He always tried to get her to leave these lands, and return to her own. He had realized that she could have done so long ago, and had not been fooled by her testimony of “I don’t know how!”. “What do you want, old man?” she demanded harshly.
“Do you truly believe you can demand anything of me? You cannot fool the Lords of the West, nor can you fool their servants,” he replied calmly.
“I know not these “Lords of the West” as you call them,” she snapped impatiently.
“You shall know them soon enough. You are now of the Quendi, and the Doom of Mandos states that you will all feel the call of the Sea.”
“Not me! I am above such trivial things!”
“Right. I think I shall go and inform Lord Námo of this, and perhaps he shall do something about it,” the Istar replied dryly.
“Stupid wizard! You know I am more powerful than you!”
“Ridiculous Sue. You do not even know what I truly am. In any case, I have merely come to congratulate you on your new bond with Legolas Thranduilion.”
“New bond? We are not yet bound,” she muttered incredulously.
“Oh, but you are,” the Maia snickered, “Because according to the tradition of the Quendi, your…escapade…with him last night means that you are eternally bound to the prince of Mirkwood.”
”What?!” the Sue shrieked in horror.

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Author notes: This is my first attempt at Pratchett-style writing. It's probably terrible, but I need practice.
Arianawen Shinysilverhair was only a child* when she fell into Middle Earth. She wandered for days without food or water** or guidance. However, seeing the plight of the lovely golden haired maiden, the creatures of the forest*** guided her to the elven halls of Mirkwood.
There she met the man of her dreams. This she told Legolas of Mirkwood: "My name is Arianawen Shinysilverhair**** and I love you Prince of Mirkwood!"
Legolas stared at her in confusion for a moment. Who was this strange woman whose language sounded incredibly similar to that of the Orcs? His eyes narrowed. Then, Legolas Thranduilion shot the strange girl who was obviously allied with Sauron. The two giant spiders who had led the child to him came back to their senses, and attacked the elf.

*of 13, which is the age of many fangirls.
**but didn't starve because she is a Mary Sue.
***namely two giant spiders, a couple of Orcs, and an evil looking gerbil.
****This was, naturally, her pen name on