Four years later-- Louis is 21, Harry is 24, Liam is 28, Niall is 23 and Zayn and Andy are 26.
I wake up gasping for air, I realise it's the buzzing from my phone that has brought me out of my nightmare. I reach out to grab the phone from my bedside table and look towards the clock, 6:30am ughhhh. I don't look at the caller ID, not fully awake yet, I just click the answer button.
"Hello" I say groggily into the receiver.
"Unca Lou?" I hear a cute little voice ask me.
"Lacey?" I ask as I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up in my bed.
"Yeh, Unca Lou it me" she says back giggling.
"Lacey sweetheart, does daddy know you have his phone again?" I ask with a laugh.
"No, I hiding shhhh" She whispers.
I laugh in response.
"Wanna see you Unca Lou" Lacey tells me.
"Ohhh I wanna see you too sweetheart, I will be there on Saturday for your birthday okay, I promise" I say.
"Will you bring me a pwesent?" She asks me cutely.
"The biggest I can find munchkin" I tell her.
"A pony?" She exclaims loudly.
Before I can answer, I hear shuffling on the other line and then Liam's voice in my ear.
"Lou? I'm so so sorry bud, Lacey got my phone again. I don't know why, but she always wants to talk to you and knows how to find your picture in my phone and press the call button, I'm sorry" Liam rushes out, sounding tired.
"It's because I'm the best Uncle in the world" I declare and Liam scoffs causing us both to laugh.
"It's fine Li I promise, I love her, she can call me whenever she wants" I add.
"Thanks Lou.......so how are you doing?" Liam asks and I sense there is an underlying meaning to his question.
"I'm fine Li, really busy with work at the moment, I will see you guys all on Saturday okay, I'll stay until Monday and then I have to head back for a few jobs" I tell him.
"Sounds great Lou, we can't wait to see you" he says.
"Me neither, give Lacey a big kiss for me okay" I tell him.
We say our goodbyes and hang up. I sigh and flop back on my bed. I'm so tired, I haven't had a nightmare like that in months. I still get them every now and then, even after four years the accident still haunts my dreams.
I make myself get up off my bed and head for a shower. I don't have to leave for work for another hour and a half but there is no point in heading back to sleep now.
I walk through the warmth of the flat noticing as I look out the window, that it looks quite cold outside. I run through my itinerary for today in my head and remind myself that I have to pick up a present for Lacey this afternoon after work. I strip down in the bathroom and avoid the full length mirror as always.
Over the last four years I've relapsed twice with my eating disorder. About a year after I moved was the first time, the stress of studying was really getting to me and I went backwards and I started skipping meals. It only lasted for a few months before the boys helped me get back on track. The second time though, was about four months ago and I'm still struggling.
When I moved into the dorms at Oxford university I really felt at home, like I actually fit in somewhere. I didn't really struggle with making friends, but I didn't go out of my way to make any either. It turned out that Cameron was accepted to Oxford as well and was in the next dorm room over, majoring in social economics. We became really close really fast and developed a great friendship, he is now one of my very closest and best friends. After we both graduated six months ago we ended up moving into the same apartment building in the snobby part of London, I'm one floor above him. Cameron has a steady boyfriend named Oli and he is a great guy, we all get along really well and are always hanging out. I sometimes can't help but feel like a third wheel but they are both quick to tell me I'm not and that they both love having me around.
Over the last four years Liam, Zayn and Andy have grown their business and expanded globally. They are now one of the top record labels around. They are still based out of the UK and have all actually moved into a high-end estate where they all live on the same street, in the same cauldersac, it's actually insane. Liam is now married to Sophia and they have a three year old called Lacey and another on the way. Zayn and Perrie are also married, they have been trying for about a year to have kids with no luck yet. To everyone's surprise, Andy has also settled down with his fiancé Chloe, they have one year old twins Audrey and Jasper. Of course I am the best Uncle in the world, I love the kids to bits and spoil them rotten. Much to Liam and Andy's protests, but they just need to understand that's what uncles are for. Niall is also back in England, playing football for Manchester United. He is now a world renown player and has made an awesome career for himself. He has a steady girlfriend but nothing serious, he claims he is still young and doesn't want to settle down just yet.
With me based in London now but traveling a lot for work, I don't see them all as much as I would like. We are all still really close and I try to make it for monthly Sunday dinners, but with work and the two and a half hours it takes to travel to them, it's not always possible. We talk on the phone a lot though, I don't go more than two days without talking to at least one of the boys.
When I moved to Oxford I had no idea what I wanted to major in, I decided to take my time and I took a few months to decide. I found I really had a passion for kids and after what I went through during high school I really wanted to help other kids like me, who were bullied and abused. So, I majored in Child Protection Law and minored in Business. As a result, I developed a program for high school kids that focuses on anti bullying, it is now a compulsory part of the curriculum in the UK, for all children to participate in at the beginning of high school. I also helped pass a law in the children's court that allows bullied and abused children to rightfully apply for protection and restraining orders against their peers. I achieved all of this before I finished my second year of study. Eventually I want to open my own law firm, strictly dedicated to helping kids who are bullied, harassed and abused.
My law firm dreams have taken a backseat for the moment though. Two years ago Cameron and I were getting our usual morning coffee at Starbucks before classes, when I was approached by a modeling scout. I really didn't think anything of it and never even dreamed of ever doing something like modeling. With too many insecurities and a ruthless industry full of people who criticise your body and every move, I didn't want to get caught up in it all. That is, until the scout came back to the same Starbucks three times looking for me because I never called her back. I eventually caved though, with Cameron constantly in my ear telling me to try it. I went to an interview, was signed on the spot and I haven't looked back. I've currently got a contract with Calvin Klein underwear as well as Burberry and Vans shoes to name a few. I'm too short to walk a catwalk but I have done it a couple of times. The boys were all worried at first as It had only been a year since my last relapse at the time I was signed. I was back on track though and determined to not let the industry get to me and it worked, for about two years. Until I found some online tweets about how I was ugly and fat. No matter how many good tweets I read it was the 3 or 4 negative comments that I couldn't get out of my head and I let them get to me. Thats what led me to now and my second relapse in four years. I've been calorie counting and continuously weighing myself and limiting my food intake for the past four months, as well as exercising a little more than I should be. Nothing as bad as I was, I'm not throwing up, just keeping my weight a lot more in check. I don't want to be on a billboard in the middle of London with a flabby stomach. I haven't told anyone or mentioned anything to the boys. I still see Kimberly once a month but I haven't mentioned it to her either, I'm not out of control and feeling depressed or anything. I'm really happy with my life and what I've achieved so far. It's just its my job now, to make sure I look good and that's all I'm doing, ensuring my career.
My insecurities are still an issue for me, I still feel like I'm not good enough and I haven't really gotten over Harry leaving me. I haven't had a boyfriend since he left nor have I wanted to enter into a relationship with anyone. It's not like I'm pining and waiting for Harry to come back to me, I know I'm not good enough for him. I just haven't found anyone whom I want to be with, who sends me weak at the knees just by looking at them. Who, when we kiss the whole world stops. Who knows me inside and out and the way I am. I may be asking for to much but I know I can find someone like that, I know that type of love exists because I've had it before, with Harry.
I haven't seen nor spoken to Harry in four years. Cameron still keeps in touch with him and Niall and him are still the best of friends. I don't ask about him though and I tell Niall and Cam not to mention me. It's just too hard, even after four years it's too hard. When I wake up on a rare occasion I have a nightmare, the first person I look for even after so long is Harry. When I fall asleep at night I think of Harry and what he is doing and if he still thinks of me. I still wear his paper plane necklace around my neck, ironically it's my lucky charm. I have heard through the grapevine that Harry completed his medical degree with top honours and is now a highly sort after General Surgeon and Emergency Room Doctor. He hasn't tried to contact me and as far as I know hasn't asked about me from Niall or Cameron. He would have moved on for sure and completely forgotten about me.
I get out of the shower and get dressed in my black skinny jeans, a white long sleeve top and my black and white Vans. I walk to my kitchen and turn the kettle on to make myself a cup of tea. I look around my apartment. After growing up in such a huge house and always feeling lonely, I wanted an apartment that was homely and warm. I haven't achieved that yet, as much as I don't want to admit it there is and always will be, something missing.
The kitchen is modern, grey marble bench tops and black cupboards make a u shape around the room. While a stainless steel fridge and pantry sits in the corner. There is every gadget and appliance imaginable inside the many draws and cupboards, that I have never and will never use. The kitchen itself isn't oversized though and I don't get overwhelmed walking into it, Kimberly said that was important, but it's not like I use the kitchen much anyway.
Off the kitchen is the sunken lounge room, both rooms have glass walls that overlook a beautiful big park. To the right of the lounge room is the hallway and off the hallway there are two modest size bedrooms and a bathroom. The place is really nice and modern but it's not my home.
The kettle whistles and I get to pouring my tea. I'm not going to eat this morning, I haven't eaten breakfast in at least two months, I just stick to tea. I'm just finishing my cup when someone knocks on my door. I head to open the door and come face to face with Cameron.
"Morning snookums " Cameron says smirking at me.
"Good morning sweet cheeks do come in" I reply, moving aside and gesturing with my arm.
Cameron laughs and walks into the apartment.
"What are you doing up this early?" He asks me.
"I have a shoot with a new clothing label that wants to sign me" I say.
We head into the kitchen and Cameron sits up on the bench and starts swinging his legs.
"Getting quite popular lately, huh babe" he says with a wink.
"Shut up" I say as I shove him and look down and blush.
It's a complete mystery to me why anyone would find me attractive and want to put me on a billboard. I stopped trying to analyse it a while ago and just go with it. All I can do is make sure I keep my weight in check and stay toned. I'm just waiting for the day it all comes crashing down, but in the meantime I'm having a blast.
"Have you eaten this morning?" Cam asks, turning serious.
"Don't start Cam" I say as I push myself up off the bench and leave the kitchen, heading into my room to grab my stuff.
"Lou, I know what you're doing. Should I be worried?" He asks following me.
"No, I ate some toast before" I lie.
"I know when you're lying to me Louis and I didn't see a plate in the sink" he says.
"What, are you checking up on my every move now?" I ask getting angry, turning around to face him.
"Don't be like that Lou, Liam is worried, Im worried, all the boys are" He tells me.
I knew Liam was hinting at something this morning and now he has sent Cam to check on me, I'm so annoyed.
"What. Why? I haven't given them a reason to be worried, I'm doing fine" I say frustratingly.
"Lou, we all saw the gossip magazines last week and you can't blame us for worrying"' Cam says.
I grab my wallet, phone and backpack and head to the front door.
"I expected you if all people to not read that shit Cam, it's all made up. I'm not too thin, I'm eating and I'm definitely not on drugs" I say back.
I grab my black jacket and grey beanie and slip them on and I turn to leave.
"Ok I believe you I do, I really do, just.......come to me please, if you need too" he says sincerely.
"Don't I always" I ask him.
He shoves my arm.
"Yeah Lou, you do" He smiles.
I can't help but smile slightly back at him. I'm lucky to have a friend like Cam in my life and I don't want to give him a reason to leave.
"Knock em dead at your shoot snookums, love you" he says and kisses me on the cheek.
"Love you too sweet cheeks" I laugh and we leave the apartment.
The shoot goes really well and the clothing label signs me on the spot a £200,000 one year contract. It's not as much as my other deals, but an amazing opportunity and I would never turn it down, I'm amazed I can even get any work. The campaign consists of pictures on billboards and bus's, as well as pictures across buildings throughout the UK. Some photos will be shirtless. I'm used to that but I just hope my body will be ok and won't disappoint.
Its 2pm by the time I leave the shoot and I'm starting to get a little light headed, I usually go home and sleep when I get like this but I still have to get Lacey a present for her birthday. I head towards the kids toy store in the middle of town. I have no idea what a three year old would want, a pony apparently but Liam would absolutely kill me. I end up finding a life size mechanical pony that makes real pony sounds and eats fake carrots. It seems like the most ridiculous toy ever but I know Lacey would love it. £300 pounds later I've arranged for the pony to be delivered Saturday morning to Liam's.
As I'm walking out of the shop, pleased with myself for finding such a good present, I'm sure to keep my 'Best Uncle' title now. I walk past the gossip magazine stall in the middle of the street and there on the front cover of three separate magazines is me. The headlines read everything from me being 'sexy, gay and single' to me being 'on drugs and too thin'. I sigh, why it's even news is a mystery to me. Thanks to my dad Mark though and his huge celebrity status, as soon as the press got wind that I was his son, my fame seemed to skyrocket further. Now my every move seems to be watched and reported on. As I get closer, I pick up the magazine that's talking about me being too thin. This must be the magazine Liam and the boys read. It's absolutely stupid and it looks like I have been photoshopped to look much thinner than I am. I shake my head and put the magazine back and begin my walk back to my apartment. When I'm about two blocks from home I notice a car is following me and then suddenly it stops and four photographers jump out of the car. Paparazzi! . I turn around quickly and keep my head down as I pick up my pace, I'm surrounded in seconds.
"Louis is it true you are now in rehab for drug abuse?" One annoying pap asks.
"No, it's not true I don't do drugs" I say shyly, keeping my head down.
"Is it true you have just signed with H&K clothing?" One asks.
How do they know this stuff? I literally signed with them two hours ago.
"Yeah ,I'm looking forward to working with them" I say.
I'm trying to push my way through the crowd and I'm getting even more light headed and a little dizzy. This isn't the first time I've been approached by paparazzi but as I'm walking, more and more people enter the crowd. Cameras and flashes are everywhere and my name is being called from all different directions. I'm feeling really claustrophobic and my breathing picks up. They are pushing and pulling me roughly.
"Louis! Over here"
"Louis, you're too thin are you ok?"
"Are you sure your not on drugs?"
There are arms grabbing me from all over the place. Shit, I can feel myself starting to freak out, I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm actually a little bit scared, I can't get through and I feel like they are all closing in on me. I cannot panic here in front of all these cameras. I'm finding it hard to breathe though, I try to regulating my breathing like Kimberly used to tell me to do and my legs keep pushing me forward. My mind is dizzy and cloudy but I ignore the questions and comments and just keep walking.
I push forwards and finally I can see my apartment up ahead. The doorman at the entrance notices the crowd and looks towards us. We make eye contact and he opens the door ready for me. I reach the entrance and I'm ushered quickly inside. Paparazzi aren't allowed to follow me into the building thank god. I practically bolt in and run straight for the lift. As soon as the lift doors open and I'm inside and on my way to my floor, I lean against the glass and sink to the floor. I try to calm my breathing. That was so overwhelming, I've never been mobbed and pulled at like that before.
When the lift doors open I race straight for my apartment, open the door and turn around and lock it. I take my jacket off, I'm too hot. Before I can control it I'm racing for the toilet. I get there just in time, before I'm on my knees puking my guts up. I now know perfectly well that I've just crossed the line, I haven't been this bad in four years. I haven't thrown up from stress or had a panic attack in four whole years. I can't help but hate myself just a little bit for being so weak, for going backwards after I've come so far and the worst thing is, I hate myself for wishing that stupid boy with the stupid curls and stupid green eyes who broke my heart was next to me telling me I will be ok.