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The Nine-Nine meets Facebook

Chapter Text


Amy Santiago was officially having the worst week of her life. She hadn't made any arrests the entire week, her favourite coffee place had shut down on Monday, which meant five days so far without her daily caffeine boost and to top it all off, she had two days to move out of her current residence and find a new place to live in till the end of the month because today, of all days, was the day the cops from the 64th decided to check up on a few reports on strange odours in her building and found a horder two floors below her apartment. They demanded that until everything was cleared out of the building, it would have to be shut down.

Amy slumped her head against her desk in exasperation. 

Her only saving grace right now is that it's almost the weekend so she'll have the time to properly label and box her stuff up.

Time to find a temporary place to live at. 

Amy stands up and surveys her surrounding, thinking carefully about who she can ask.

The Sarge? No, he's got too much on his plate already.

Charles? Erm, hell to the no. Ex-wife's boyfriend's basement, no thanks. 

Gina? Not even over her dead body. Gina was never going to be an option.

Rosa? Might as well give it a shot.

Amy stands up and yells across the bullpen, obviously not in her right state of mind.

"Hey Rosa-"

"No." Comes the cold reply from Diaz.

"But you don't even-"


Well, that was a bust.

Amy slumps back down.

"This blows."

"Title of your sex tape." Peralta shouts out from wherever he is.

"Anyway, what's wrong Santiago? I couldn't feel your creepy approval craver vibe today and that's never happened before. I thought you were sick and didn't come in." 

Amy lifts her head to glare at Jake, then slumps her head back and sighs.

"Buzz off Peralta, not today. I can't deal with you or your childish crap right now."

"Woah, woah, woah. Hold up right there. What's got your grandma panties in a bunch?" Jake asks her, genuinely concerned that she didn't roll her eyes and smile like she usually would.

"None of your-"

She pauses. Wait, there's nothing wrong with telling her partner.

Jake raises his eyebrow at her sudden change in demeanor but says nothing.

"I need a place to live at because my life, and apparently building, are in a horrible mess."

He keeps looking at her, waiting for her to finish talking. 

She knew why he was waiting. Jake Peralta loved puzzles, solving and all. And if there was anything he hated, it was probably incomplete ones. Which is exactly what she presented him with just then.

"Uh, fine. I need a place to stay at until my building is cleared to live in again."

And he smiles. That stupid arrogant half-smirk, half-smile that she knew for a fact was absolutely adorable. Not that she'd ever tell him that. Not ever.

"Why don't you just live with me? My place is small, but it's perfectly fine to live in if you're staying for just little while." He suggests with a twinkle in his eye that just screams trouble.

And she doesn't know what it was that prompted her next answer (Okay, maybe she does), but after about five minutes of complete silence at their desk, she says yes.

Even if you held her at gun point, Amy Santiago would never admit that the reason she said yes, was because she saw a silent challenge in his eyes that no one, except maybe Gina, would ever have noticed. And a Santiago never backed down from a challenge.

She also may have said yes because he was being a cute little puppy with that expression, and allergies be damned, if he challenged her to get one, she most certainly would. 

Again, not that she'd ever admit it.

Chapter Text


Yesterday passed by pretty quick after Amy's living debacle was solved, and now it was finally the weekend. The weekend squad was in, and Amy began preparing for the move.

Check list:
-Label Maker? Check.
-Enough boxes? Check.
-Food? Nope. I can survive, can't risk wasting time.
-Tape? Check.

"Aright then! I'm all done." She announces to her empty apartment.

As soon as she picks up the first box, someone rings her doorbell.

Who could that be? I don't think anyone's supposed to come in today.

She walks to the door and pauses right before she can open it.

"Santiago! Ames! Amy! Open the door damnit!" She hears the unmistakable voice of Jake Peralta.

"What do you want Peralta?" She opens the door to ask him.

"Oh good, I was about to use the spare key you keep behind the plant." He says and grins at her.

"How do you even know about that? Actually, never mind. I don't want to know. Answer the question Peralta, what are you doing here?" She doesn't even try to hide her annoyance.

"How rude Santiago, you won't even call your saviour inside. After I came all this way to help you pack, with food no less." He replies, holding out a bag of Thai takeout from her favourite place and some drinks and coffee towards her.

"Oh. Thanks, and sorry, come in." She moves out of the way to let him in.

"How did you even know that I didn't have food? And you're not usually this considerate or active enough to help, what made you decide to come help me?" She raises her eyebrow and asks him.

"I, um. I knew you wouldn't have food because I'm an awesome detective and there's no way in hell I'd miss out on the opportunity to annoy you." He smirks, acting like he isn't vaguely blushing.


"Uh huh. And what, might I ask, O Great Detective Always Right, gave away that I don't have food?" She deadpans and asks him, not buying his bullshit for a minute.

"One, you don't ever have food, and two, you still suck at throwing away your lists, secret or not." He says as he pull the list that she threw away yesterday from his pocket.

"Okay, let's get to work. And give me that." She snatches the list from his hand, furiously blushing.


"Okay Peralta, you want to help, start packing away all my dollies in that box there, I'll put away my curtains sheets." She tells him, pointing to a box in the corner of the room.

He pouts but goes to do it.

Okay, curtains at the bottom of the box, sheets over the curtains.

Odd that Peralta is actually doing his work. I can't even turn to check or I might jinx it.

She's about halfway done with her work when she feels something hit her back. She turns around to see what it is and see one of her dollies. She glares at Peralta and gets back to what she was doing.

I knew it was too good to be true.

She's almost done when she feels a few more dollies hit her back and turns around to see Peralta aiming another one at her. He quickly drops it and acts innocent.

"Peralta. If you're here to help, help. Or get out, I have a lot of work to do." She says, walking over to check how far he's gotten. Surprisingly, he's almost done, except for the ones he threw at her.

She looks at him, surprised.

"Not bad Peralta, I thought for sure you'd be doodling on the box and doing nothing."

"That's cold Santiago. That's real cold. I came here to help you, and I'm going to do just that. With a little bit of messing around of course." He grins and turns back.

Turns out he wasn't kidding, and that 'a little bit of messing around' meant starting an all out doll war.

Dolls were flying back and forth, hitting things of off shelves, and she's pretty sure they were laughing so hard the neighbours were going to be knocking soon, telling them to quite down. But she couldn't care less,she I hasn't had this much fun in a while.

The war slowly quites down until they're both lying on the couch, too exhausted from laughing amd the war, to stand up.

"Hey Amy, smile." Jake pulls his phone out of his pocket and stretches his hand out.

"What? No. I must look like a mess. God no." She says, immediately panicking about what she must look like, completely self conscious, and about what the captain will think if he sees it.

"Just relax, and smile Ames." Jake says, still looking at the camera.

She turns towards him, about to protest again, but she sees an odd twinkle in his eye. He looks so, relaxed, and happy. She quites down, turn towards the camera, and smiles.

"There it is." He mummers.

Right before he clicks the picture, she turns towards him, and kisses his cheek.

When she checks the picture, she's sure she's never seen a picture of a more surprised Jake Peralta in her entire life, nor has she ever seen a picture of her that good either.

Jake turns to look at her.

"What was that for?" He ask, slightly red in the face.

"A thank you, for making this fun." She laughs and tells him, not letting him see the blush she could feel creeping up her neck.

"This is so going on Facebook." He smirks and says.

"Jake no!" She makes a grab for his phone.

"Too late!" He says,grinning.

Oh god, why?



In the picture, Jake and Amy are sitting on the couch, one of Jake's arms around her shoulder, and the other outstretched to take the picture. Amy's kissing his cheek and his entire face is lit up with his smile and the surprised look in his eyes.

Jake captioned it; #FriendshipGoals


Rosa Diaz: I see you guys finally took my advice and boned it out. Good.

Charles Boyle: Oh my god guys!!! You're so cute! Jake, you want some help to set up your proposal date? *-*

Gina Linetti: *thumbs up* :) :') C: Not bad Jakey *clapping emoji* *clapping emoji*

Kevin Cozner: Well, Holt definitely needs to see this. @RayHolt

Ray Holt: Detectives Santiago and Peralta, congratulations! That being said, I expect your fraternization forms on my table first thing Monday.

Terry Jeffords: Aw, good job guys. My wife says congrats on finally getting together!

Amy Santiago: Oh god, why? What have I ever done so wrong? Peralta, why would you do this? Guys no, this means nothing, he helped me with packing. Captain, I swear this is nothing.

Jake McAwesome Peralta: Guys stop makin hr mad. I pt dat as d cption so u guys wudnt gt d rong idea. N sry it ws 2 gud 2 nt upload

Amy Santiago: What? God Peralta, learn English. It's bad enough that you write like a three year old. But I hopefully translated that right and uh yeah, that.