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Once in a Lifetime

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Changmin had developed a bit of a habit for checking the Oricon charts. At first, just the weekly pop singles and albums. Then a few months ago he'd found himself checking the weekly indies and rock charts. When he started checking the daily charts, he told himself it was only because of the new singles Tohoshinki themselves had put out recently. A lie that might have held more water if he hadn't been so closely watching the charting for Mitsuyubi and Natsukoi. He didn't even know why it mattered. Some lingering trace from their one joint concert, he told himself.


He could feel them in his sleep, phantom hands that stalked his dreams. Not all the time, not even most of the time, but often enough. He knew their touch completely, those hands, had dreamed them a dozen times. Two sets of them moving over his body, touching every part of him. Hands that touched him so intimately, in ways no real person had in ... well, he didn't like to think about that. But what could he do? SM Entertainment kept them too busy for Changmin to have the time to invest in a proper relationship and he didn't believe in one night stands. A quick jerk in the dark was one thing, but actually going out looking for a partner of the moment just ... wasn't his style. Maybe when their contract was up he'd have more time for a relationship, but until then ... well, that was why man invented porn, right?

But his porn collection was cold comfort alongside his empty bed. His dreams were so vivid sometimes, like he was actually there with him, with them. And then there was the shirt, returned to their apartment by courier two weeks after the show and heavily scented with cigarette smoke and cologne. There'd been a note of apology for not getting it back to him sooner, hand-written even. The paper had also been laced with the scent of cigarettes and cologne, more cologne than cigarettes, and with a Hello Kitty watermark. A gift from a fan, he supposed. It wasn't even signed, so he wasn't sure which of them had sent it, supposed it didn't really matter. The end result was the same. A missed opportunity, one he doubted would ever come again.