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Chapter Text

Chapter 1: Prologue


I tried to suppress my laughter as I watched an old video of me and Nathan a few months back. Nathan just created a Youtube account so I decided to give his videos a few hits. Not like they wouldn't get a lot more.

"I just don't wanna!" I yelled in the video, insisting I wasn't going to sing in front of Nathan. Stupid Nathan. I wasn't going to embarrass myself; I was pitchy in the studio just the other day. In front of 20 people, I said.

I knew Nathan would concede defeat sooner or later. The camera rocked unsteadily, I didn't realise I had such bad cameraman-ship, this was so unlike Freddie. The nerdy tech-boy was so far from how Nathan actually was, but when he got in front of the camera it fit perfectly, like 2nd nature to him.

I smiled so wide my face hurt. I did look pathetic with that 'actor face', my eyes were as large as they could go and I pulled my bottom lip down at the sides, staring desperately at the video-cam. Nathan's laughter erupted in the background.

"That's her actor face! How could you not love-" the video froze. Love? I shook the thought out of my head. It was probably in a sister-brother way. I rewinded the video a little, allowing it to load once more.

How could you not love that face?" Nathan asked, with a smirk on his face. The same smirk all those fan fiction writers always included in their stories. The same smirk Nathan does in front of Madisen when he wants to get his way. The same smirk I had a strong attraction towards...

Yes. It's true. I do like Nathan.


Chapter Text

Chapter 2: Sister?

Speaking of which, I couldn't recall when I first started to like him. It wasn't love at first sight, though. When I first met in on the first day of filming I found him really weird. He'd always try to crack lame, stupid jokes to make us laugh whenever Jerry wasn't there. The effort he put in was pretty funny to watch. He used to have really bad dress sense that he never realised. I guess he did when he started to like Madisen.

He knew he had to do something to catch her eye. He knew that there was competition from other male celebrities. One thing he had in common with Freddie, he was really smart. And i don't mean he only learned fast. It's like, he was a prodigy. An absolute genius. He'd figure out the solutions to science questions when given a little mentoring. It wasn't just amusing, it was attractive. Alluring. Real sexy.

Just thinking of Nathan brought a little, contented grin to my face. How he grew from an innocent, eager boy to a robust, strong and determined man.

Oh look, the Clevver TV interview of Nathan just got uploaded. I clicked on the video, and it brought me to a new page.

"Hey iCarly fans!" went the squeaky voice of the blonde Clevver TV presenter, "We had Nathan Kress come in the studio just now and he told us all you need to know about the Seddie kiss!"

The video changed setting to their interview room, with the presenters on the left and Nathan on the right, wearing his blue plaid shirt, the one that he was in during the earlier rehearsal. Sitting with his leg draped across his other, he lay back on the chair and talked about the whole fandom and how they were divided into Seddie fanatics and Creddie enthusiasts.

"It'd be safe to say there are more people out there who want Sam and Freddie together." Nathan states. Well, duh! How could you not, when Freddie is so adorkable and Sam is so zany? They're perfect!

"It's like kissing your sister!" he joked. My heart skipped a beat. His non-chalance had me with knotted brows. He always addressed me as his 'bilgerdunday', and it was fine as we always gave each other pet names. But this just didn't sit properly in my heart. If I died, I wouldn't want to be remembered as his 'sister'. I always dreamed of ending up with an a-lister but that thought died once I started to like nathan.

And he didn't stop there.

"We don't have those feelings for each other," Nathan said, "And we're pretty darn sure that Jathan'll never happen!" Nathan cracked up. Pretty darn sure? How sure, Nathan? A shiver ran down my back and my hair stood on end as if I just stuck my finger in a power socket.

I do feel that way, Nathan. Was it that unobvious, you couldn't tell? I do like you. Now I feel like I've been hoping all this while, for nothing.

I wonder if he ever knew. Pah, I wasn't a very good actor when it came to love. My mom could tell that I liked Jerry. I can't believe she told him. If she knew I liked Nathan, would she give that away too? I shook that thought out of my head, letting my dry curls bounce up and down. The hairspray lost its ability and my rebellious, natural curls frizzed at my split ends.

No, that could never happen. I won't hurt him. I won't hurt Madisen, even though I don't like her all that much. I put on a show on front of Nathan, so he'd feel happy that his girlfriend and best friend could get along. So it was me being nice to her, and her being nice to me in front of Nathan. Stupid boy, too oblivious to tell. Miranda could tell I didn't like Madisen. I can't recall another person who likes Madisen, actually. She's your stereotypical spoilt rich girl, and it's really 'opposites attract' that Nathan loves her.

Clicking shut my laptop, I leaned back into my ugly doll and closed my eyes, forgetting everything that was on my mind.


"-DUNDAY!" a familiar voice rang out. There was an incessant thudding on my room door. As I realised who it was, a smile found itself on my lips.

"Coming!" I yelled, opening the door. "want to come join us for our tea party?" I offered in my best British accent.

He patted my messy curls and smirked.

"How's my little tomato?" he inquired. I rolled my eyes.

"That's what I call you!" I laughed.

"Hey!" the most interrupting voice on earth called. A waxed arm with manicured nails slung itself round Nathan's waist, and the other arm met the first in the center of his torso. I gritted my teeth and forced a smile.

"Hi Madi!" I said in a sickeningly sweet tone. Lifting my hand for a high-five, Madisen high-fived me. I'd do anything for her hands off him.

"Aww, hey my Little Madi!" Little Madi? Only I get addressed as 'little', it's a term sacred to only me and no one else. Who is she to get called 'little'? She's almost as tall as Nathan, and Nathan isn't considered little.

"So we going to go shopping today?" Madisen asked. She laid her prissy head on his broad shoulder and stared into his eyes.

"Anything for my dear." Nathan agreed. I have to admit, it was respectable how he'd do anything for her.

I shut my door slowly as the footsteps faded down the corridor. My heart sank. Being in love with someone you can't have is the worst feeling ever.

Could this get any worse? I wondered. I slided down to the floor with my back against the door. Well, whenever you ask that question, the answer is: Yes, it does.
Before I knew it my doorknob turned quickly and a compelling unbeknown force smashed me against the wall.

"Hello! Jenn?" the intruder bellowed. I groaned. My chest ached from the agony of being squashed between the door and the wall. Stupid boobs. They're massive-ness did not alleviate the situation.

"Oh sorry, didn't notice ya there, dear." I looked up. Math class. I scrambled up awkwardly, got my notebook and felt around my pencil case for a pen. I turned to a fresh page and stared at a Math question. Unfortunately, my mind soon wandered off to a time when Nathan and I were laughing at Fred videos, just before he cameo-ed on iCarly...

"You don't seem to be very focused today, Jenn. What's bothering you?" Charlie, my teacher, questioned. The thing about knowing someone for too long is that they can see right through you. Here goes nothing.

"If you liked a girl, I mean, really liked her, what would you do if you know you can't end up with her?" I asked softly, emphasizing on my ‘really’.

"Well, I wouldn't wanna scare a girl off like that by asking her out." Charlie replied. "Not many girls can take the invitation." I pursed my lips into a tight line.

Charlie wasn't exactly what you'd picture as your 'prince charming'. And with his pot-belly, girls wouldn't dare go near him. But he was just such an awesome guy, if you knew him well enough, you couldn't decline the offer.

"Who you got in mind, Jenn?" charlie asked with a sneaky grin on his face. A thin line of gum showed. Sometimes when he smiled like that I couldn't tell if he was up to something or if he really cared.

"Uh, I'm stuck with this math equation." I lied.

"Is it Nathan?" Charlie ignored my question. I choked on my saliva. He really knew me. This wasn't good.

"Uhm, yeah..." I mumbled and stared at the floor.

"Nathan's a good catch! You deserve someone like that!" Charlie was so exuberant about the whole thing.

"Shh!" I yelled, motioning to the door and smacking his heavy arm, "And besides, Nathan doesn't like me."

"Well, since you really like him," he emphasised it the same way I did, "the only way to find out is to make a move."

So what, has iCarly become real life? Have I fallen the same way Sam did for Freddie? Has Seddie become Jathan?

"One thing, Charlie." he raised his eyebrows. "Madisen."

Charlie's face fell and his shoulders went limp. His eyes dropped and he looked like a wet puppy in the rain.

"Right. Madisen." he repeated dryly.

"You know Charlie, just forget the whole thing." I gave up. I sat back into the chair and stared at the ceiling.

"Well, I was just like you way back in my days. I tried to forget her, but I never could." Charlie recalled. I raised my eyebrows. I never knew Charlie had a first love. Or any loves, actually.

"Tell me 'bout her?"

"Well, her name was Stephanie. I sat behind her in history. She was a beautiful girl with luscious blonde hair." Charlie paused. "I knew everything about her. Her smell, the way she'd toss her hair whenever it wasn't in place, her timetable... The best moments were when she'd pass down the worksheets the teacher gave out. The little eye contact we had felt like a glimpse of heaven."

Charlie's first love honestly sounded pathetic. He barely knew anything about Stephanie, let alone loved her!

"Well? Did you tell her how you felt about her?" I asked. Charlie's eyes had a twinge of regret in them.

"No." he admitted.

"Well, why not?" I demanded to know. "She didn't have a boyfriend, did she?"

He nodded sadly. So she did. Now I get how he feels.

"Did she say anything to you?" I asked, hoping it wasn't as pathetic as I thought it was.

"No." Charlie answered. Frowning, I never knew this side of Charlie. He was always outspoken, jovial and always trying to make things better for others.

"He was a real jerk, her boyfriend," Charlie stated with discontempt, "I found out a few years back that the reason she had to leave school early was because he got her hooked on drugs." My jaw dropped.

And I realised something. If Stephanie had given Charlie a chance, she wouldn't have ended up like that.

"Charlie, I wish you'd have told her how you felt. I think she'd be a very happy woman if she ended up with you." I couldn't help but exclaim.

"I wish I did, too."


Later that day it dawned on me why Charlie let me know about his whole 'first love' fiasco. I wasn't very much different as compared to Charlie. I liked Nathan, while he had a icky girlfriend.

But what would happen if I told Nathan I liked him? What would he think? Will Madisen hate me more? Will it just be a gigantic embarrassment?

My worst fear was: Would it ruin our friendship forever?

That couldn't happen. I wouldn't let it.

She wears short skirts, I wear t-shirts
She's cheer captain and I'm on the bleachers
Dreaming ’bout the day when you wake up and find
That what you're lookin for has been here the whole time

If you could see that I'm the one who understands you
Been here all along so why can't you see?
You belong with me
You belong with me

(Taylor Swift – You Belong with Me)

Feeling depressed, I decided to chat with my twitter followers.

"Hey guys! Ustream in 15 minutes!" I tweeted. In a few seconds, hundreds of my followers tweeted what they would ask me if their questions were selected. I heard that it almost trended, which was pretty cool.

Looking through the questions that my fans wanted to know the answers to, I picked a few out of:

"hey jennette what's the size of ur bra"

Oh please, not another one of these!

"i love you! please let seddie happen..."

Oh, Seddie is gonna happen, alright!

Some didn't know how to spell my name properly.

"jenette when is the new icarly coming out?"

"jeanette I’m your biggest fan!!!!!!!!!!"

I picked these:

"Hey Jennette! I love your music! When is the new album coming out?"

"Jennette, what do you do in your spare time?"

"Do you miss your parents because you don't live with them when filming?"

"What is your inspiration for your music and who are your celebrity crushes ;)"

After answering them, I was about to log off when one question caught my eye.

"When kissing Nathan in Seddie scenes, how do you feel?"

I was stunned, not knowing what to answer. Then I soon regain composure and answered coolly what I prepared in case I ever needed it.

"Hahaha." laughing always covers things up. "You know we're so close... It becomes really awkward in the Seddie kissing scenes. So before them we'll be like, 'sorry, dude.' but we have to do our jobs anyway."

I ended the Ustream session, leaving many disappointed fans. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't entertain all of their questions.

Also, I didn't know so many people shipped Jathan. Little did they know, I did, too.

I lay back on my ugly doll with a weird sense of contentment in my heart. The rest of the day till my next rehearsal was a great way to recall all the happy moments I spent with Nathan.


"I need to see you two." Dan texted us.

We were in Nathan's room, looking at some physics questions. He still didn't get the chapter on electrical circuit and I was having a hard time explaining it to him. I wasn't a very good teacher.

We set off to Dan's office once we received the text.

"Hey guys!" came Dan's friendly greeting. "There's a change in the script."

"What?!" we yelled in unison. It was hard to hide the smile creeping across my face.

"iOMG doesn't end that way." Dan continued. "Carly doesn't call them in to help with Spencer. They end up with a kiss."

I remember standing there stunned, while Nathan pretty much looked the same way I did. Deep down inside, there was this warm, fuzzy feeling.

Seddie was back.


"Nathan!" I burst into his room, he always left the door unlocked.

"Have you gotten the text?!"

"What text?" he reached over for his phone, letting a little of his shirt ride up. Trying not to notice, I couldn't help but stare.

"Congratulations Nathan Kress and Jennette McCurdy," He read, "you are... We're hosting the KCAs 2011!"

"I know!" I was all pumped up now. He got off his beanbag and embraced me in a tight bear hug. I hugged back eagerly, too excited to host the KCAs with my favourite guy. However, I accidentally knocked him over and we fell back unto the beanbag chair.

Amazing, Jennette. You have officially embarrassed yourself once more.

"I'm sorry..." I started.

"It's okay. Besides, I'm really happy to host the show with my besfren!"

"Right back at you!" I agreed.

The KCAs were great. Nathan looked absolutely gorgeous, I felt fantastic and the Australian crowd was just a million energizer bunnies.

But honestly, the best thing about the show was before and after.


"Those heels are ridiculous, Jenn." Nathan remarked.

"Aww they're no big deal, I don't wanna look like a dwarf next to you!" I replied.

"You could twist your ankle in that," he continued, "Or break a leg!" He cared.

"Well-" I started.

"You gotta wear something more sensible." he suggested.

"Hurry up! Show's in 10, 9, 8..." the director ordered.

Nathan glared in his direction and bit his lip. Knowing there wasn't any time left, he did the cutest thing. Taking my hand, he took me to the stage.

"Hosts for this year's KCAs are Nathan Kress, and Jennette, McCurdy!" the announcer bellowed.

We ran out unto the stage like 2 maniacs and whistled to the crowd. Nathan was right. The heels ached.

He took my hand again as we ascended the platform. His hands are perfect; they're warm and just the right degree of moist. They aren't rough, but they aren't soft either. Manly, I'd say.


After the show, he got me a cup of slime when we were backstage.

"Really, Slime?" I asked.

"Yeah, don't you love these things?" he stuck his finger in the viscous liquid and lifted it, both of us watching the slime drip back into the cup.

Suddenly, he coated 2 fingers with slime and drew green whiskers on my cheeks.

"Nathan!" I yelled, trying to push his hands away. He threw back his head and laughed. He's such a boy.

Scooping some slime from the cup, I flicked the liquid at his face and hair.

"Oh, look Jenn's all angry." Nathan ridiculed me.

He did the same.

By the end of the night we looked even more like algae monsters than we did during the KCAs.

But I loved playing with Nathan. I felt like a child again, not having to worry about how messy I looked, how girly I had to present myself. I felt carefree, happy and secure with Nathan.

Then I realised that the connection I had with Nathan wasn't just a infatuation anymore.


There was a knock on the door.

"Jenn, rehearsal in 10!" Miranda called.

"Got it!" I responded. Getting up, I made my way down the corridor to the set of iCarly.

"Yo, yo!" Nathan called, hands held up for a high five. I ruffled his hair and skipped off, leaving him with a cute little confused expression on his face. Grabbing my script, I met miranda outside of the Shay's front door.

"Action!" the Dan called. He was in his director's chair, as always.

I pushed open the door forcibly, the way Sam always did.

"I'll be at the fridge." I informed Spencer, racing toward the fridge to pull out a ham.

"Hey baby sister, and friend who doesn't seem to have a home." Spencer replied. He was watching the lastest episode of Girly Cow: Uncensored.

"You know I do have a home, Jerry," I said with my mouth full of ham, "Just one that isn't very homely."

"OMG Jenn!" Miranda laughed. "Who's Jerry?"

Realising my mistake, I threw back my head and laughed. I didn't mess up my lines very often.

Later on, I made another accident.

"In 5, 4, 3, 2..." Freddie called, as Carly and I twirled around in weird dance moves.

"I'm Carly!" Carly yelled.

"I am Car-," my accident, "I am not Carly!"

Miranda and Nathan laughed.

"What's wrong with you today?" Miranda asked, a smile spreading across her face.


When Miranda and Jerry filmed their scene Nathan found me in the back room.

"Something bothering you? You don't seem to be very focused. Wait, I didn't mean it-"

"It's okay, just something on my mind." came my vague reply.

"Anything I can help with?" he was concerned. Yes Nathan. Fall in love with me and everything will be fine.

"Nope, just some math problems." I lied. "But Charlie'll help me."

"Oh." he replied, disappointed.

Just then, Charlie walked by and winked at me, as if wishing me luck. My face went hot, I can't let Nathan discover I like him!

Nathan frowned.

"Does Charlie have a thing for you?" Nathan whispered suspiciously. My eyes went wide. What?! Charlie's almost 40! No Nathan, you've got it all wrong!

"Uh, I don't think so..." I answered.

"Lately, he's been acting so strange," Nathan told me. "Like he's spying on you or something."

I tried to stifle a giggle. Silly Nathan. But why did he care?

"Naw, he's fine." I reminded him.

"Sure hope so," Nathan warned, "Y'know Jenn, we haven't gone out in a while." You're too busy with little miss prissy. How would you have time to spend with me?

"Well, if you wanna catch a movie, I'm free this Friday." I told him.

"Thought we could take a stroll in the park, get some ice-cream like we used to?" Nathan asked.

"Alright, it's a date then!" I replied, trying to hide my utmost enthusiasm. I covered my mouth with my hands, realising my 3rd mistake of the day.

"It just slipped..." I tried to cover up.

"Haha, yeah it is sort of, a date!" Nathan corrected me. "See you Friday!"

Chapter Text

Chapter 3: He went for it

I went back to my room, hoping Nathan wouldn't notice my ecstasy. It was a date, sort of. With Nathan! Good job, Jenn! Charlie would be proud of you. I couldn't wait to share the good news.

I texted him once I got to my phone.

Me, 4.15pm,
Charlie! Nathan 'asked' me out!

Charlie, 4.16pm,
Awesome! What's with the inverted commas?

Me, 4.16pm,
Well, he's still with Madisen. It's a sort of date where we're going to the park to have ice-cream :)

It sounded pathetic. But Charlie was just being, well, Charlie.

Charlie, 4.17pm,
It's still a date, Jenn. So happy for you ;)

Me, 4.17pm,
Thanks! :D

Charlie was such a nice guy. I hope he finds someone deserving who can cherish him.


I skipped along the gravel and concrete of the park. Thankfully, the management never bothered to renovate the park, even though the tiles along the pavement were falling out.

The park brought back great memories, the most sentimental, nostalgic moments of my life. I can't say it's my favourite place to be, but just being here allows me to relax and think through things clearly.

I remember a few years back when I first met Nathan, we had our first Miranda-less meeting at the park. We were barely fourteen, and Miranda was a much more sought-after celebrity, so she was busy that day.

It was the first day I really got to know Nathan, we were 'forced' to get to know each other, or put up with the awkward silence.

Fortunately, we picked the better option.


We sat down by the old oak tree, far away from the perimeter of the park. Ice-cream in hand, I savoured my raspberry-mint while Nathan licked his blueberry and grape. He always liked a weird mix.

"Remember when you got this?" he asked, running his finger down the scar on my left leg. I flinched, the electricity surged up my leg.

"Yeah," I replied, "I tripped over one of the tiles on this sidewalk, and landed" motioning a few feet away, "there."

Nathan smirked, "Yeah, stupid loose tiles."

"I like them." I admitted. Nathan shot me a look of confusion.

"They bring back the memories. Without them, the park just wouldn't be... Our park."

Nathan seemed to understand.

"You ever come here with Maddie?" I was curious.

"Not once." Nathan admitted. "She prefers the mall."

I continued to lick my ice-cream, not knowing what to say.

"I prefer girls like you." Nathan said. I frowned. That didn't make sense.

"Thanks." came my feeble attempt at a good reply.

"When I think of you, I feel... Happy." Nathan continued. "It's different when I'm around Maddie."

"How different?" I couldn't help but question. This didn't make any sense at all, really.

"Well, Madisen always talks about herself. She goes to places she likes. She makes me do things she wants to do." Nathan answered.

"So in other words, you want me to tell her what you like?" I suggested.

"No." Nathan replied.

"To hint to her you prefer a park to shopping, shabby tiles to marble ones, natural trees to potted ones?" I asked.

"No." Nathan repeated.

"Then what exactly do you want Nathan?" I was getting sick of this. Even though I was the one to bring up the topic on Madisen, I wasn't comfortable talking about her.

"You say 'I make you happy', and then you imply you 'don't like Madisen's company', but you're dating her. Are you some kind of masochist? Do you enjoy hurting yoursel-"

Then, Nathan grabbed me by the waist and kissed me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4: The Truth

I kissed back stronger, more desperate. It was something I couldn't resist. After all, what I've wanted for the past few years has come true, right? His lips were soft, but I was used to them from all the kissing during the Seddie arc.

However, there was a tiny voice inside of me, telling me to stop. 'Stop,' it said, 'what will Madisen think?'

Madisen? I tried to rid my head of the thought but it didn't budge. Nathan's cheating on Madisen. With you. You're the third party. You shameless girl, how could you? You're no better than Madisen.

There's a reason why Nathan'd cheat on her, I fought back. I'm letting Nathan be happy, it's what he wants. But I knew what I was doing was wrong.

I pushed Nathan away.

Nathan's eyes went large and he gave me an incredulous look, similar to the one Freddie gave when Sam kissed him in the lock-in. As if he wasn't used to girls avoiding his affection. Then he regained composure and apologised.

"I'm sorry..." Nathan started. But i wasn't gonna follow the script and go 'it's cool', because it wasn't.
"I'm sorry Jenn, I shouldn't have gone so far..."

"You shouldn't have even started, Nathan!" I scolded.

"I know," Nathan explained. It's just that I realised that I'm falling in love with you."

Those words that I wanted to hear since forever didn't seem so important anymore.

"You can't," I brought him back to reality, "You're dating Madisen."
I got up and started to walk away.

"Jenn, don't go. This isn't what you think it is!" Nathan begged.

"I don't get what you want anymore." I sighed.

"I wanna make purple!"

I stopped in my tracks. How dare he. As much as I want to run away from the whole confusion, it's pulling me back. I felt like a hopeless puppet guided by the wires connected to it. The way society tugged me back and forth, how it yanked and forced however it wished to, without my prior notice. A flood of the Seddie moments we shared together engulfed me like a strong wave of emotions.

You never know what might happen.

Nathan caught up with me.

"That's Seddie. Not us." I reminded him. He took my hands. I shook his off.

"Please, let me explain." Nathan reasoned.

"I never knew you were this type of person, Nathan. I thought you were loyal, how you put up with her shopping trips and bought the most unnecessary things for her. I don't think there's any legit reason for this, I don't need any explanation from a playboy like you." I was so disappointed in him.

"You don't understand." Nathan said. His shoulders went limp and his eyes were partially in a puppy-eye mode.

"You're right." I said. He brightened up a little. "I don't understand at all."

Nathan sighed.

"I'm going back." I told him, and walked away.

"Jenn, please!" Nathan yelled in my direction. "Give me another chance!"

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes as I quickened my pace. My cheeks flushed and I bit my lip to prevent a break down.

I ran to the nearest bus stop and took the next bus, not caring where it took me. I sat right at the back, hoping no one would notice that I was crying as well as the fact that I was a celebrity.


I buried my head in my hands, trying to restrict the sound of my sobbing from escaping.

"Jenn, it's me."

Nathan, go away!

A man sat next to me and put his arm around me. I looked up. To my relief, it was Charlie.

"What're you doing here, hun?" he asked.

Thank you, lord! I needed Charlie right now. I wrapped my arms around his broad waist and cried into his shirt, wetting the pocket of it.

"There, there." Charlie consoled. "What happened?"

I mumbled what had happened earlier to him. Somehow, he was able to make out my words through the immense sobbing. He ruffled my fringe and gave my arm a squeeze. He drove me back to the set when we got off the bus. I went straight to my room.

Hurling one of my smaller ugly dolls across the room, I took out my phone. 5 missed calls and 7 unread messages. All from Nathan. I deleted them all, not bothering to read through them. I went back to my screensaver, a picture of Noah, Nathan and I at the chalet two summers ago.

Nathan seemed to be staring at me. I forced my eyes closed.

I changed the picture of my screensaver to one of me and Ryan, a kid with cerebral palsy I was sponsoring. I smiled.

Ryan was the happiest guy I ever knew, he was only 4 when his parents abandoned him at an orphanage after learning of his condition. He vaguely remembers them, but didn't hate them. In fact, he was thankful for his parents for being with him for the first few years of his life. I sponsored him after Cody passed on. I was really depressed at that time, Cody was so young and when he went it was too unpredictable and unfortunate.

Then Ryan came along and showed me that you could be happy, even though your life was far from perfect. He got really sick lately, and I'm pretty worried about him. Every now and then he'd get fits and give me a big scare, but he recovered soon after them and went back to his normal, jovial self.

There was a soft knock on my door. I knew who it was, he always knocked that way. But right now I wasn't too happy to see him. I remained silent, hoping he'd leave after awhile.
"Jenn, let me in. I know you're in there!" Nathan called, just loud enough for me to hear across the door.

I took a long, deep breath and went to the door. Hand on the doorknob, I didn't yet dare to open the door.

Nathan sighed.

"Hi." I said icily, yanking open the door with a jerk.

"Thanks Jenn. I-"

I spun around and sat on my bed, leaning against my huge ugly doll. Nathan followed me in, closing the door behind him.

He picked up the smaller ugly doll off the floor and settled down next to me. I shifted away a bit, not wanting any physical contact. He sighed once more.

"Jenn, there's something I really need to tell you." Nathan confessed. "I'm technically not dating Madisen."

I raised an eyebrow.


"Yeah, it's a long st-"

"I wanna know."

"What you wanna kno?!" Nathan said it the way Sam did at their Groovy Smoothie date. I shot him a look.

"Okay, I'm sorry." he apologised. "It all started when I was five..."

I wasn't very well off then. My brothers and I all stayed in a single-storey house near a whole bunch of factories. We were pretty poor, not too far from the dangerous areas of Nevada.

One day, my dad's business got bankrupt and we went into a huge debt. We had a big family and when his business went bust we had no income whatsoever to rely on. I almost got sent to an orphanage.

My dad borrowed money from illegal money-lenders and my older brothers had to go to work, even though my oldest brother was only 12. It was hard to earn a living, no one wanted to employ a young boy back then. Soon, the interest was even more than what my dad initially borrowed. Knowing that he was unable to pay up, my dad arranged for our family to jump off a building - all of us.

Then, Madisen's dad came along and offered to pull us out of the debt.

How could he disagree? It was the only thing that could help us.

My dad changed our names and we moved to California. He started a small business, and soon enough we made enough money to scrape through. In school a drama teacher saw potential in me and sent me to a acting school. I didn't think I'd reach where I am now, but let's say someone, somewhere was watching over me.

Then, Madisen started to like me.

She noticed me on iCarly a few months ago and asked her dad if he could fix her up with me. She's only interested in the publicity. After doing some research for his little girl, he found out who I actually was.

For gratitude's sake I posed as her boyfriend. Just a publicity boyfriend. There's nothing more than that.

"Trust me, Jenn." Nathan was telling the truth.

"So you were never with Madisen?" I clarified.

"Nope, not a second." he replied.

"So," I asked on a less serious note, "What was your birth name?"
Nathan smirked. He was relieved that things were back to normal between us.

"You don't wanna know." he shied away.

"Yes I do!" I demanded.

"Okay," Nathan admitted, "It's 'Walter'"

"Hahaha, what?!" I laughed. "That was the most un-Nathan name anyone could think of!"

"Stop it, Jenn!" Nathan yelled, his smirk turning into laughter. He threw my ugly doll at me, letting it bounce off my head.

"So why'd you suddenly feel like 'leaving' Madisen?" I asked, motioning the inverted commas.

"I can't stand her." he complained. "She's such a stereotypical spoilt brat."

Great minds do think alike, Nathan.

"Are you going to break up with her?" I continued, not wanting to sound pushy. "Do you think you've paid back your 'debt'?"

"I will, in the nicest way possible. And yes, I've bought her enough useless branded shoes to last her a decade. Deal's off."

We stared at the wall, each other hoping the other would break the stony silence. I fiddled with the loose fuzz of my giant ugly doll, trying to press it back into the seams.

"So." Nathan started. I looked into his eyes for the first time that evening.

"Since Madisen is out of the way, I was wondering..."

"If we should kiss?" I ended his sentence with a seddie quote. Nathan smirked.

"No." Nathan replied, the smirk still on his lips.

"I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend. Un-technically."

Yes! My life is officially perfect!

"I'd love to." I answered, recalling the scene between Freddie and Melanie.

Nathan shifted next to me. His smirk turned into a gleeful smile.

"What's the time?" I asked. Nathan fished out his phone.

"Ten-thirty." he replied. This was so perfectly cliché.

"Wanna make out till midnight?" I asked, a smirk forming on my face.

"I love you." Nathan whispered into my ear.

"Love you, too." came my reply.


It was 12am and Nathan was asking if he could stay over. I argued back, saying he was just next door and could call me 'if he was afraid there were monsters under his bed'. He just laughed and said that 'he wasn't afraid of them'.

"I needa call my mom." I told Nathan.

"Why? He asked. "Cause today you gained a hot boyfriend?" he got thumped.

"No, cause a Walter asked me to be his girlfriend!" I teased him.

"It's not funny!" He pouted.

"Mama I promise I'll be alright," I sang as I dialed mom's phone number.

"I'll call to say 'I love you' every night." Nathan continued.

"Hey Mom." Mom picked up after 3 rings.

"Hey Jenny," Mom replied. She was the only person who called me that. "How was your day?"

"It was okay. Nathan asked me to be his girlfriend." I said non-chalantly.

"..." Mom was stunned. "Sorry?"
"You heard me right, Mom!" I turned away from Nathan to hide my excitement.

"My baby has someone to take care of her!" Mom was delighted.

"Mom! I'm not getting married!" I covered my mouth and whispered loudly into the phone. Nathan laughed.

"Who is it, again?" Mom asked. I passed the phone to Nathan before he could refuse.

"Hey, Mrs McCurdy!" Nathan said 'hi' in the most casual way possible.

"Nathan?!" Mom yelled loud enough for me to overhear. I guess she still thought I liked Jerry, and Nathan was classified as a friend.

"My baby has someone to take care of her!" Mom was delighted.
"Mom! I'm not getting married!" I covered my mouth and whispered loudly into the phone. Nathan laughed.

"Yeah, it's me, Nathan." he clarified, trying to make a good first impression as my boyfriend.

"Do you accept me as Jennette's girlfriend?" The way he said my full name was so sexy.

"Sure, I will take care of that." Nathan responded to whatever my Mom said, I couldn't hear. "Have a good night, Mrs McCurdy." He hung up.

"What did my mom ask?" I questioned.

"She asked me to make you promise to send me cute texts, make out with me everyday and give me whatever I want." Nathan joked, he cocked his eyebrow. He got another thump.

"Seriously? I want the real chizz." I demanded in a Sam-like manner.

"Fine," Nathan relented, "She asked me to treat you well, keep you safe and well, something else..."

"What else?" I asked.

"Something to do with this." Nathan replied, lifting up the finger with his purity ring. My eyes widened. Mom!

"I'm going down to the studio tomorrow." I quickly changed the subject. "Wanna come?"

"Yeah. New song?" Nathan asked. He was always supportive of the new songs I wrote. 'Not that Far Away' was his ringtone 2 months ago. Then he changed it to 'Suga' after he 'got together' with Madisen. I hated it, too much auto-tune covering up her already shrill voice. Poor Nathan.

"I'm writing one, but can't seem to think of a good title for it." I answered. "Help me?"

"Sure!" Nathan replied. "Madisen might be there, though. She's working on a new song too." I wrinkled my nose at the thought of her. At least Nathan'll be there.

"Gotta do the 'break-up' tomorrow morning then." Nathan sighed. He never liked to put people down or disappoint them.

"But I'm doing it for us." Nathan said, intertwining his fingers around mine. Our hands fit perfectly, like 2 pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. It made me feel complete.

"Stay over?" he begged me, with his eyes in full-on puppy-eye mode.

"How could you not love that face?" I laughed. He kissed my nose.

"Switch off the lights."

He immediately brightened up, smiling like a child with newfound candy.

He flipped the switch quickly and jumped in bed with me.

"There isn't much space on a single bed." I noted.

"I like it that way." Nathan whispered cheekily.

"Wanna get thumped?" I threatened.

"Don't mind if it's from you."

I gave him a quick kiss on the lips instead, which made him pretty satisfied. I lay with my back against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around me. I felt security, something only Nathan could give me. My hair tickled the back of my neck as I fell asleep to the continuous rhythm of his warm, constant breathing. Nathan was right. Someone, somewhere was watching over me.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5: What Night?

In the morning, I found Nathan watching me as I slept. He left the blinds closed and the lights off so that I didn't wake up. He tucked a strand of hair behind my ear and smiled.

"Wake up, sleepyhead." Nathan greeted me 'good morning'. I want to wake up this way for the rest of my life!

We spend all our time lying side by side
Going nowhere, it's really something
Getting busy doing nothing
We spend all our time running for our lives
Going nowhere, it's really something
Getting busy, doing nothing.

(Olly Murs – Busy)

He was so perfect just the way he was, how he was the best friend I could ever have and the loveliest boyfriend I could ever dream of. I never knew someone so special could exist.

"What time is it?" I asked groggily.

"10.30." Nathan replied, a smirk on his face. Our time of the day.

"Really?" I don't remember sleeping so soundly in a long while.

"Yeah. Wanna go to the studio? I'll drive you there." Nathan offered.

"Let's go, tomato!" came my reply.


At the studio, I went in to meet Clyde, my recording manager.

"Sup, Clyde!" I yelled. He gave a pat on the head.

"Hey Jenn, Nathan!" Clyde called. "Where's Madi? She's late."

"As always." I added. Nathan stared at the floor, unsure what to say. I wish Clyde didn't associate Madisen with Nathan, but I understood just fine why he did. Just then, Madisen strolled in as if she was right on time.

"Hiiiii." Madisen sang, off-key.

She ran a finger down Nathan's arm. He flinched.

"Hey Madi. We need to talk." Nathan initiated, leading her to the other direction.

"Sure, baby!"  Madisen took Nathan's hand in hers. He let go. Madisen's face grew darker.

"What's with them?" Clyde asked.

"I don't know..." I lied. He didn't need to know. Worse still, he didn't need to get the wrong idea. I made my way to the recording room.

I put my headphones on and adjusted the mic to a suitable height. I fiddled with my drafts, I was to record whether I sounded okay.
Clyde signalled me to begin.

I found a picture of my mother
In her bell-bottom jeans
Flowers in her hair
Two fingers up for peace

In that polaroid she smiled, a grown baby boomer
Maybe Mama walked down the wild side
Walking on the moon
What will they say about us?

I 've heard stories of my Grandpa
Child of the great depression
How growing up broke creates
And deep and dark impression

He sits in a rocker down at the veteran's home
Even when I visit
He's still rocking all alone
What will they say about us?

They call us generation lost
Or generation greed
Or the generation…

(Jennette McCurdy – Generation Love)

I faded to a quiet whisper. I hadn't finished the chorus. Nathan came into the studio halfway through the recording.

He stared at me incredulously. I walked out of the recording room.

"How was it?" I asked them.

"You didn't finish." Nathan noted.

"She's not done writing it." Clyde told him. I nodded awkwardly.

"It sounded great, Jenn." Clyde complimented.

"Great? That was amazing." Nathan took my breath away.

Clyde gave us a confused look.

"Uh, I've got stuff to do." Clyde excused himself out of the recording studio. He must've felt really out of place.

After he left, Nathan came over and hugged me, squeezing all the oxygen out of my body.

"I didn't know you could sing so well." he told me.

"Pah, barely well." I shied away.

"It sounds even better here than it does on an actual download." Nathan continued. "I'm happy I got to be one of the 20+ people to hear that! How was it, guys?" He asked an imaginary crowd. I laughed, smacking his arm. He held me tighter and didn't let me go until I gave him a kiss.

"Not here." I warned. Thank God there were no windows in the recording room.

"I broke up with Madisen." Nathan said, a huge smile forming on his face.

"Good." I replied. "Now I don't have to put up with this." I ran a finger up his arm imitating Madisen. He let out a laugh.

"But I want you to do that!" Nathan admitted. "And this." he used my hand to tap his nose. "And this." he tightened my grip on his biceps. "And..." he kissed me again. He's such a boy. But I didn't mind.

Suddenly, the door shut in a tight slam. We jumped. My eyes widened. Madisen was standing at the door, her arms folded. Her jaw tightened and her eyes were like daggers, staring right at me.

"Slut!" she accused me. Nathan stood between us, afraid Madisen might do anything stupid.

"Madi, I told you that it's over. I've had enough. We never were." Nathan told her.

"That's not what you said at my family gathering." Madisen said curtly. She wasn't going to give up that easily.

"You know why I was 'with' you." Nathan motioned the inverted commas.

"That's not what you said in front of my ill-stricken Granddad." she brought up.

"What else was I supposed to say to a sick person? 'No, I don't think your granddaughter has a good voice?"

Madisen winced. I put my hand on Nathan's shoulder, hoping he'd get the message to stop.

"I can handle this. No one calls my girl a 'slut' and gets away with it." Nathan said. Now I didn't know whether to let him continue, but kept my mouth shut.

"That's not what you say behind that slut’s back." Madisen amplified the word even louder. Her eyes reddened. My eyesight turned blurry and I felt tears forming in my eyes.

"That's not what you said that night." Madisen ended, leaving in a huff.

Wait, what night?

Chapter Text

Chapter 6: Denial

Nathan stared at the ground, avoiding any possible eye contact.

I'm lost. If Nathan never loved her, why would they spend a night together? Did anything happen? Did Madisen make it up? Why is Nathan so awfully quiet, then? Worse still, is his purity ring still valid, or has he lost his virginity?

Streams of hot tears fell from my eyes. I couldn't hold it in any longer.

"It's not what you think!" Nathan insisted, holding me again.

I nodded repeatedly, too deep in love to think anything else. My heart plunged me into self-denial of the mind. He kissed my neck up to my right ear.

"Jenn, believe me." he pleaded. I spun around and pressed my lips against his, professing my love to him, not wanting him to leave me. We kissed vigorously, I didn't want anything else. Please stay, don't ever go.

Please don't leave me
Please don't leave me
I always say how I don't need you
But it's always gonna come right back to this
Please, don't leave me

(Pink – Don’t Leave Me)


On the way back from the studio that day, we bumped into Charlie in the corridor. Nathan grabbed my hand and eyed Charlie suspiciously. The silly boy still thought Charlie liked me. Charlie's eyebrows shot up, he mouthed an 'impressive'. He was in a good mood, and told me to check my phone. Nathan told him that we were an item now. I felt so proud and put my arm around him. Charlie beamed, he had no clue of Nathan's silly suspicion.

When I reached my room, I checked my phone. Whoa, 4 texts.

Charlie, 11.34am: Jenn, you okay?

Charlie, 2.37pm: Saw you near the studio. Nathan and you friends again?

Miranda, 2.56pm: Hey guys! Back from Nashville. See you tonight! :)

Charlie, 4.12pm: Rose, Nathan's new hairdresser is really pretty and cool... Should I ask her out?

Aww, Charlie found someone new... It's time he got over Stephanie. I replied to his text.

Me, 4.15pm: Yes you should! Rose seems cool. And Nathan and I are more than friends... ;)

He replied in a flash,
Charlie, 4.15pm: Wow good job Jenn! :D so proud of you.

I smiled. It was a good feeling

Chapter Text

Chapter 7: So Close

The next 3 weeks that passed by were a breeze, they say 'time flies when you're having fun', and I'm telling you that it's true.

We met the first lady, visited a Fatcake factory, had sleepovers and of course, had a dozen dates at our park. One thing was that I couldn't forget about the 'night' Madisen talked about. And Nathan refuses to talk about it.

I recalled the highlights of our first month, a smile spreading across my face.


"Hey Dan, Miranda, Janet, Nathan and Noah." greeted the first lady. She was so cool, even though she got my name wrong.

"Good afternoon, Ma'am." we all replied. It was hard to remain calm in front of her. Too bad we didn't get to meet Obama. Her daughters stood behind her, they were bubbling with excitement. I never knew iCarly was such a popular show that they watched it. I felt so honoured to be on the show.

We proceeded to film, although Mrs Obama acted as herself, she was still a great actor and didn't show the slightest bit of nervousness or self-consciousness. She admitted that she herself was a Seddie fan and her daughters would religiously follow to show and tell her of any Seddie moments. We didn't tell her of Jathan but Sasha and Malia kept obsessing about how cute we were and Dan made us do a Seddie kiss just to show them, which we happily obliged to anyway.

They fangirled about that, which I thought was really cute.

Unfortunately, we didn't have much time to spend with them, we talked for about 15 minutes and took a photo. After that, they left and we all returned to our normal, Obama-less lives.


"I hate Fatcakes!" I complained, shoving the remainer of a fat, pink fatcake in Nathan's direction. He coughed as the flour filled the air. They were disgusting, calorie-filled and too sticky.

As much as I hated them, Sam loved those things and had to call them 'fat angels', which I didn't want to disappoint people if they really went to try them.

"You've just gotta eat two..." Nathan tried to brighten things up, as he always did.

"I don't wanna eat them!" I shouted, using my hand as a gun to imitate me shooting the crates of fatcakes on the set. We were still in America, although Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Gibby were supposed to be in Canada.

"At least eating fatcakes beats getting your toe stuck in a faucet." Nathan reasoned. No, it wasn't, so I shot him a look.

By now the cast knew of our relationship, but Jerry was all uncomfortable about the PDA.
Nathan and I kissed. It was something we did naturally, it wasn't random at all.

Noah didn't mind, he said he 'kinda likes it' because he 'pictures himself kissing Megan Fox' which makes us all shudder. Jerry would be all 'cool it with the PDA!' but we'd tell him to look away if he didn't wanna enjoy the show.


"Please!" Nathan begged me for a sleepover. It's like he's scared of sleeping alone. He leaned his head on my arm, looking up at me and giving his biggest, more pitiful puppy-eyes.

"If you no let me I'll talk in me baby voice." Nathan threatened, using his icky 'baby voice'. He knew I hated it, so all the more he teased me with it.

"I've got work to do." I told him. I was only halfway done with the song.

It's called 'Generation Love' and I wasn't done writing it. I couldn't concentrate with Nathan around, it's better if he left. But at the same time, I loved his company, his cuddles and his adoring stares.

He kissed my neck. He kissed it again. He kept kissing me, again and again. How was I to concentrate? Uh oh. Here comes the hands. They slowly made their way across my waist, making me cower with tickles. My yells of 'stop' didn't work, Nathan refused.

"Okay!" I surrendered. "You can stay." Nathan threw his hands up in the air and 'boo-yeah'ed. I laughed. He could be so childish sometimes. I gave up writing and switched off the lights, Nathan wrapped his arms around me and snuggled beside me. Soon, I fell to sleep.


"No, Mom!" I saw my mother being pulled away by unfamiliar hands. I held on desperately to her hand, not letting go. Half of her was submerged in darkness, she was screaming in pain for me to pull her back to safety. Tears were streaming down her eyes, she was in messy state with her mascara running and hair whirling about her head. As I got a better grip on her, she was yanked back, out of my reach, into the depths...


I bolted upright, in cold sweat. It was just a nightmare. Sucking in air with desperate gulps, Nathan must've woken up because of the racket I made.

"You okay?" he asked with concern in his tone. He sat up and put his arm around me.

"There, there. I'm here, and you're safe." he cooed. He pushed my sweaty hair out of my face and stared into my eyes. Even in the dark I could make out every feature of his face, every reaction, every emotion. He was now staring at me longingly, as if eager to know my worries, my anxiety, my darkest fears.

"I need to call Mom." I told him. He handed me his phone and I punched the number in. It seemed like eternity before Mom picked up.

"Hey Nathan, how are you?" Mom asked.

"Mom, it's me Jenny." I gasped, elated to hear her voice on the other side. She was safe. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine, dear." my Mom answered with a puzzled tone. "Why the sudden question?"

"Thank God," I told her, "I had a nightmare. You were in danger."
Mom laughed.

"I'm fine, hun." I was so relieved. Nathan held my free hand.

"Sorry Mom." I apologised. It was probably 1am in California.

"It's okay. Bye." Mom said, putting down the phone.

"I'm not tired anymore." I told Nathan. He nodded.
Then we just sat there in the dark, his arms like walls around me. Not a word. Just contact, that's all I needed. And he seemed to understand.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8: Forever

"Ice-cream?" Nathan asked.


"Raspberry." I told the girl across the counter in an annoyed tone, she was eye-sexing my boyfriend.

"Hiii, can I have your number?" she flirted. She didn't deserve to have the name on her nametag, it read 'Miranda'. I glared at her.

"Well, I-" I cut Nathan off with a kiss on the lips. That ought to teach that tramp. She was disgusted, her brows furrowing and she shrunk backwards, her back banged the door of the fridge.

"Are you okay?" Nathan asked. He was an overly-nice guy.

"I'm fine," she replied in a sickeningly sweet tone, tucking her hair behind an ear. "About your number..."

Man, this girl didn't get the message.

"Back off!" I yelled, taking Nathan by the arm. He smirked and went "'reow! My kitty's got claws!" I rolled my eyes. That was a Freddie line.

We settled down under our oak tree and shared my ice-cream, I was too sick of the little tramp to get a second cone.

"Hope that didn't destroy the mood." Nathan broke the silence.

"It sure did." I replied, still annoyed at her boldness.

"It didn't ruin mine. Besides, she was kinda..." I put my finger on his lips, he was too stunned to continue.

I kissed him passionately, my hands under his shirt, pushing him up against the tree. He held my face with his, kissing back with as much hunger as I did. We made out for 20 minutes, not giving a care to the passers-by who yelled at us to 'get a room'. It was out PDA, something we were proud of and didn't wish to hide. He grazed the skin at the bottom of my shirt, too polite to go any further. I put my hand over his and yanked it all the way up my shirt, I could feel him smile on my lips. It was so magical how we coordinated, how we knew what to do next. Like we were born for this. After our hot make out session, Nathan congratulated me on my effort.

"Whoa. Didn't know you were capable of that!" he complimented.

"Yeah, I can handle that." I replied cooly, like it was no big deal.

"I mean you seem so calm and reserved... Didn't know you could be so..." he trailed off.

"Bad?" I suggested.

"I prefer schmexy." Nathan gave a smirk. Schmexy it was.

We sat there hand in hand and watched the clouds go by, our peaceful together time at our favourite place. I laid my head on his shoulder, closing my eyes.

At one point, a little boy of about 7 years came and tugged on Nathan's shoulder. He had the cutest dimples and talked with a lisp which was probably due to the fact he had missing front teeth.

"Can you play ball with me?" he asked.

Nathan agreed readily and made me join them. We learned his name was Trevor and spent the afternoon chasing after his bright purple ball. When Trevor fell, Nathan picked him up and lifted him into the air, which made Trevor squeal with glee. Boys just looked too cute with kids. I wondered if Nathan would have my kids. He glanced at me from time to time, I could tell he felt the same way, too.

It soon grew late and Trevor left. We sat back under our oak tree, Nathan carved our initials on the dry trunk with his swiss-army knife. This branded our tree. We took a photo with the carving on our phones, and I knew what to change for our screensavers.

As the sun set, an elderly couple hobbled over to the old wooden bench facing the water, he had his hand in hers as they watched the sun hit the water and disappear with hues of red and blue that painted the sky. I smiled, just watching them there made me realise that someone could love you forever.



Chapter Text

Chapter 9: Madisen Returns/ The Anniversary

I skipped down the corridor toward Nathan's room. It was our 4 week anniversary, it's hard to believe a whole month has passed. That was fast. His anniversary gift in my hand, I knocked on his door.

"Hey N-" before I could even call him, a shirtless Madisen collided with me.

"Jennette!" she screamed. "Get him away from me!"

I was shocked. I gaped at Nathan, he put his hands in front of him and waved them side to side quickly, telling me 'no'.

Madisen had tears down her face with her mascara running, it stained my red and white striped shirt. I tried to push her away, but the more I pushed, the harder she held on to me.

"What's going on?" I demanded to know. Even if I didn't want to.

"Jennette! Nathan wanted to..." she stopped, her eyes turning soft. "I don't wanna hurt you by telling you."

"He wanted to what?" I insisted to know. She didn't wanna hurt me? What was she doing clad only in a bra and tight jeans in my boyfriend's room, then?

"He wanted to finish off what he couldn't..." she faded. "That night."

Those two cursed words that never seemed to leave my memory. That night. That night. What night?! It haunted my emotions.

"Madisen, nothing happened that night!" Nathan insisted. "Nothing that Jenn needs to know!"

"Oh yes she does!" Madisen growled, glaring at Nathan. She turned back to face me, another facade different from the one she had just now. This one was meaner, more cunning, meant to hurt and tramatise and scar. Madisen was insane, completely mad. Delirious.

"He took off my clothes. Then he hit me... Hit me with his belt." Madisen stammered, showing me the red marks Nathan had 'left behind'. "He forced me to... Do it."

'Bitch, please.' Nathan mouthed. He shook his head in complete disbelief, hoping that I'd believe him instead of her.

"Did you do this?" Nathan asked, pointing to the bruises down her thigh. Madisen shivered and hid her face in my hair.

"No... you did." Madisen stubbornly insisted.

"I. Did. Not. Rape. You." Nathan emphasised each syllable, staring at her incredulously.

"You did!" she accused.

"I wouldn't, ask Jenn!" Nathan asked me indirectly.

"Well then why is my shirt-" I cut Madisen off.

"That's it!" There was only one way to prove who was right or wrong. I walked over to Nathan's table, where his videocam was up on his shelf. I switched the 'on' button and watched as the videocam beeped, its red recording light disappearing. I set the video to rewind.

The fast-forwarded the video, plaing it in real time would be unbearable. It flickered and played Madisen barging into Nathan's room, grabbing him by the collar of his plaid shirt and pressing him up against the wall she kissed him forcefully, unbuttoning his shirt. He tried to push her away with a little force, but she didn't back off. He pushed her off him forcefully and she yelled some stuff I couldn't make out, the video was going too fast and she sounded even screechier than a chipmunk. She then pulled off her shirt and well, that's where I come in.

"See?" Nathan insisted. "I didn't rape you. You raped... yourself."

Why would she do that? She was a pretty girl who could be nice if she tried hard enough, I'm sure. Just because some guy you like doesn't feel the same way, it doesn't mean you throw yourself at him and make him like you, right?

"Madisen, why are you doing this?" I demanded to know. I didn't need someone to make life any harder than it already is. "I don't think Nathan's the reason." Nathan's eyebrows shot up. He didn't understand. Madisen burst into loud sobs.

"You're right." she admitted. "I'm a bitch. I'm the slut, not you. I think that because my dad has money I can do all the guys I want. I can treat people with no respect, I can call them names."

We stood there, flabbergasted.

"You're right." Madisen went on. I hated to see her in such a pitiful state, so vulnerable and exposed.

"I don't deserve you," she choked, not daring to look into Nathan's eyes, "or you, Jenn. I don't deserve nice people like you. I'm so sorry. I should go." Madisen made a beeline to the exit. She didn't even put her shirt back on.

"Wait." I called her. Walking towards her, I did the most unlikely thing I would ever do to Madisen - I hugged her.

"Put on your shirt." I told her. She still had dignity, self-pride, and an ego, which were at stake now. She sobbed loudly, Nathan came and put his hand on her shoulder after she was fully dressed. She was a messy sight. I've never seen her like this before, so weak, unlike her usual arrogant self. Seeing this humane side of her, I felt guilty for not liking her before. I'm sure Nathan felt the same way.

"Thank you." Madisen said an a small voice, hardly audible. I knew she wasn't used to expressing gratitude. "I should go."

"Who caused them?" Nathan asked.

"Caused what?" I didn't understand him at first.

"The marks." Nathan needed to know.

Madisen fells to her knees with a loud 'thud' and curled up into a ball on the floor, the fetal position. That triggered further crying.
We coaxed her to sit on Nathan's bed, as she told us about her dark secret.

Six years ago when I was 11, my Mom and Dad got a divorce. It was fine and It was good to see them happier after they separated and my life was pretty normal. But it all went wrong after my Mom married this guy called Arnold. I knew he wasn't any good, but my Mom was head over heels in love with him. She threw a temper if I didn't accept Arnold. She went crazy whenever I complained to her of his lewd behavior, and the more I hated him, the more my Mum felt she had to make me like him. It was a total contradiction. One day, when my Mom was out and left me at home, Arnold came over. That was when things became even worse.

He came towards me, with this evil glint in his eye. I was too meek to do anything, scared that if I told him to go away, he'd tell my Mom.

He grabbed my shirt and ripped it off, before I could yell he put his hands around my throat, suffocating me so badly I couldn't breathe. I didn't have enough strength to fight back, he was a heavy man of 160 pounds. Soon, my kicking and scratching grew weaker and I lost consciousness...

When I regained consciousness I was on my bed. I ached, there was blood that stained the sheets. My blood. I didn't know where I bled from. I looked down at my legs, they were bruised. Straight, red marks lined them, but not much bleeding that could cause the stains. My arms, nothing. Just the legs. Where I could cover up. I was scared, would Arnold come back that I was conscious? Will he kill me? Will he hurt my mom too?

I rushed off the bed to my desk, my phone screen was smashed and the landline cable cut.
Then it hit me. Last summer, my friends and I were hopping off the balcony into the pool.

I opened the window, careful to make as minimal sound as possible. Balancing on the ledge, I breathed in and leapt. Splash! I landed into the pool.

Arnold wasn't around. I swam to the edge and crawled out, the water stung my bruises. I ran to the neighbours, and they called the police.

There were countless court cases, but Arnold hid all the evidence. Our home had no CCTV, no security cameras. They couldn't even prove Arnold was there. Even my mom didn't believe me, accusing that I hurt myself to make her break up with Arnold.

"That was six years ago." Nathan noted. "Why do they look fresh?"

"After the court let me be with my dad," Madisen choked, "he came back."

Nathan put an arm around Madisen and I held her hand.

"He came back to finish what he hadn't." Madisen stifled in between sobs.

It was so obvious that Madisen went through sexual abuse. What a douche Arnold was. I got why Madisen was like that, why she didn't get along with people easily.

"Why don't you tell the police this time?" I asked her. Her expression turned grim.

"They wouldn't believe me." Madisen said. I wish we could do something for her. She stood up.

"I better go." Madisen left. "Don't worry, Nathan. I never liked you all that much, anyway."

"What?" Nathan and I were shocked.

"Then why did you 'go out' with me, then?" Nathan didn't understand.

"Well, you seemed like an awfully nice guy." Madisen smiled. She turned to face me. "Jenn, you want to know about 'that night'?"
I nodded. I couldn't wait any longer.

"I got Nathan to come over to my place. I was infatuated with him. It wasn't love. It was... He was just a publicity boyfriend." Madisen sighed. "I'm sorry, Nathan. I can see you two really love each other, and it was selfish of me to try and get in the way. I won't anymore, I promise."

And with that, Madisen left us. We sat there for a moment till Nathan broke the silence.

"It's true." Nathan said. "I do love you."

That was all I needed to hear.

"I love you, too." I replied. He looked at me with those chocolate-coloured eyes.

“So,” I started, “What actually happened ‘that night’?”

Nathan turned as red as a… well, tomato.

“I got drunk.” He admitted, his eyes avoiding any contact with mine.

“Drunk? Are you Nathan Kress?” I laughed. ‘Nathan Kress’ and ‘drunk’ don’t go together at all.

“Yeah,” he continued, “After the Clevver TV interview, I went to drink with Madisen cause she knew of these bars in town. I felt guilty for lying that I didn’t have those feelings for you.”

“Well, that’s better than what I thought it was.” I told him. He looked up with a little smile on his face. A pitiful, sorry one.

I faced him. "When did you start to like me?"

Nathan smiled.

"I liked you the first day I met you, Jenn. You were so outgoing, so optimistic and fun to be with." Nathan replied. Really? He experienced love at first sight? He liked me even before I returned the feeling?

"When did you start to like me?" he asked.

"When you grew up, I guess. You were the first one to kiss me, and I want you to be the last one I kiss." I admitted. He smirked and stared at me with his large, brown eyes.

"You know, you looked really pretty at the KCAs. Your dress made you look... Hot." he blushed.

I smiled, a guy never called me that before, apart from all of those icky male fans I had.

"You remember the iCarly episode where I had to wear that robot costume? You looked awesome in that tight orange tee." Nathan commented. Okay, my boobs looked really big in that outfit.

"You got anything else besides talking about my rack?" I teased.

"Well, yeah. I love how you sing about the world and how you can make it better, not just about love and heartbreak like the other artists out there. How you don't care much about how you look. How you can play Sam so well even though you're hardly like her. And how you're such a good friend, you never said anything about me and Madisen even though you didn't like us together." Nathan admitted. He could see right through me, just like how Charlie could.

"You know how I told my fans that I preferred brunettes to blondes?" Nathan asked. "It was because I didn't want them to know I had feelings for a certain blonde..."
He smirked. My heart melted.

"When I had to film the music video for Moi's 'Superman', I really didn't want Madisen and I to be the couple in the video. But Madisen's dad made me do it, saying it was something I should do to show gratitude. I reluctantly agreed. It was horrible. Madisen is such a lousy kisser, she doesn't know how to be in sync with me like you do." he smiled.

"When Dan gave us the script for iKiss, I was so glad. This would really be an awesome start to the cutest on-screen couple. After reading it, I instantly knew that Seddie would happen and that when Freddie said again and again that he didn't like Sam, it was all self-denial and lies, just to cover up what he really felt for her." Nathan said. "The Seddie arc was just plain magic. It was like an excuse to kiss you, even if it was to do with iCarly."

I blushed. Nathan was just being so sweet. I could never tell her felt the same way, he hid it so well.

"I never knew you liked me that much..." I responded weakly.

"I love you, Jenn. I want to be with you. I'm so happy you said 'yes' that day, and now I'm even happier that we're together." Nathan was so sincere. He grabbed my face and kissed me senseless, it was sudden but I loved to be kissed randomly.

"I love you, too." I kissed back.

Nathan pushed me up against the wall, gently enough to make sure he didn't hurt me. I let my hands explore the details inside his shirt, and he let me. He was so fit. I never knew this about him, we never went swimming or anything but hell, he's got such amazing abs. Those gym visits really paid off. He brushed my fringe aside and bit my bottom lip. I played with his tongue, running mine across his teeth. Soon, our tongues were fighting for space, I tugged at the bottom of his shirt. He lifted me and carried me over to his bed. Throwing me onto the soft pillows, he picked my ugly doll that I left in his room the other day and thwacked me with it.

"Playfight! This is war!" Nathan yelled.

"Shh!" I hushed. I'm sure Miranda could hear in the next room. "They can hear us!"

"Let them!" Nathan whispered. He messed up my already untidy hair. I grabbed one of his pillows and hit him in the stomach with it. Nathan gasped, falsely appaled at the attack move.

"Boombah!" I quoted Sam's line, getting ready to hit him again. I swung the pillow, hitting his chest.

"You got me!" Nathan cried out, collapsing to the floor. He closed his eyes and stopped moving. I sat on him, legs spread apart on his abdomen. His eyes opened wide. I bent down to kiss him.

"I don't think people wake up once they pass out." I teased, kissing his neck.

"Well if a girl like you was on them-" he sat up to kiss me. I pushed him back down unto the floor, hoping the door was locked. Now lying on top of Nathan, I kissed his nose.

"You got some great abs there." I complimented, pushing my hands inside his shirt.

"Thanks." Nathan replied. "What about you?" he squeezed me into a bear hug, making my shirt ride up a little.

"You really wanna know?" I took of my shirt slowly, letting him admire my details like a computer slowly loading a new page. His eyes widened further, staring at my boobs. He then tried to look away.

"Jenn, are we getting a little carried away?" Nathan asked, his eyes on the floor with embarrassment.

"Can we get carried away at least for today? It's our anniversary. Speaking of which-" I got up and brought his present out of my bag.
I turned around, surprised to see him standing up, without a shirt on.

"You wanna get carried away, too."

Locking the door, I ran towards him, letting him catch me in an embrace. He held my face and kissed me. His hands were so warm. I put my hands around his broad shoulders, dropping the present unto the floor. It wasn't fragile, anyway. His hands crept to my back, he was too decent to go near my bra.

I undid the clasp for him, throwing it unto the floor. He kissed down my neck and pulled me towards his swivel-chair, sitting on it and dragging me unto him. I ruffled his hair and he traced along my chest, not opening his eyes the whole time. I licked his neck and he wrapped my legs around him. I was cumming, and we didn't even have our jeans off. Glancing down, the tent in his pants grew and I ran a finger along it. Nathan held me closer, I wanted so much more. I played with his lips as he cupped my breasts, squeezing the blood out of them.

"Nathan!" I yelled, gasping for air. I never had a make-out session this hot before.

I spent the whole day with him, he didn't make me put my shirt back on because I didn't let him put his on either. We basically spent our anniversary eye-sexing each other, making out, eating together and we also looked through his baby photos.

"You had the cutest nose." I remarked, putting the tip of my finger unto the picture. I wished I got to know him when he was that age, I wonder if we would've liked each other that long ago. He kissed my nose.

"So do you." he replied. He was the perfect boyfriend, I don't think I wanted anything else.

Walking over to his bed, I snuggled on his pillows and hugged a purple one, inhaling his scent. It was a sweet smell, kind of like the smell of rosewood and pine after a snow day.

"Tired?" he asked. I nodded, closing my eyes. He came over and lay down next to me, hugging me tight, his breathing relaxed on the back of my neck.

You'd be strong enough to believe in us

Cause I don't care what they say
It's our life life life
We can dance if we want
Make it feel alright
Temperature's rising
I feel the fire
Tonight, it's just me and you

Tell me baby, will you be here when I wake up
Even with no make up
I don't want to fake it

And you don't gotta doubt a second if I miss you
Everytime I'm with you
I feel naked

(DEV ft. Enrique Iglesias - Naked)

Chapter Text

Chapter 10: iLove You

"Wake up."

I opened my eyes. It was still bright, I think I only slept for an hour and fifteen minutes.

"What time is it?" Nathan pulled me up. He put on a shirt, much to my disappointment. Guys that buff wearing shirts are just illegal. He gave me one of his to put on, too. It was too long and a little loose around the shoulders and I had to fold the sleeves, but he said that I looked attractive in it so I didn't mind.

"It's about... 6 o clock." Nathan replied. He took my hand and led me to the door. Unlocking it, he got me on his back somehow and piggy-backed me all the way to the roof garden.

"Put me down!" I laughed, although I meant the actual opposite. When he did, he kissed me on the forehead.

We were in the middle of the daisies, my favourite flower. They looked pretty, swaying in the wind. Nathan picked a flower and buried the stem in my hair, letting the petals peek out of my curls. I smiled.

He sat me down on the bench, kissing me and then settling on the bench opposite mine.

Reaching behind the row of flower pots, he lifted a guitar out from behind them. I raised my eyebrows.

"Jenn, it's our anniversary. I know I could buy you whatever you want, but I feel that this is more special, something we both won't ever forget. I'm so happy being with you, you're the perfect girlfriend. I love you." Nathan said, his brown eyes earnest with the truth.

"I know you love this song, and you're the one who made me love it too. Here goes." he picked up the guitar pick.

You make it easy,
It's easy as 1-2-1-2-3-4
There's only 1 way
2 do
3 words
4 you,
I love you.
(Plain White Ts - 234 I love you)

"It isn't much I know, but I'm not as good a singer as you so I hope you understand." Nathan apologised sheepishly.

"Pah, I'm not that gr-" Nathan walked over and cut me off with a kiss. He picked me up and swung me around in a circle, my arms around his neck, like those scenes in the movies. I loved him too, everything about him. He sang better than how the Plain White Ts did, or maybe I'm just biased because I'm in love with him. It's wonderful feeling to be loved, and be loved back.

He put me down but didn't let go of my waist. I put my head on his right shoulder, inhaling his sweet smell under the cologne. We swayed back and forth, in a slow dance. I closed my eyes as he led me, my left hand on his waist and right on his shoulder.

"Look." Nathan said. Opening my eyes, my gaze followed the direction his was in. It was half sunset, the sun looked so large, so close. Yet, it was so far away. Purple hues filled the sky, a few seagulls soared home. Our second sunset. The clouds grew darker and night settled in. We were on the bench, my head resting on his shoulder.

"That looks like a submarine." I pointed to a fluffy cloud.

"That looks like... A bunny rabbit." Nathan noted. "See its ears?"
I nodded.

"And that looks like a..." I couldn't believe it.

"Like a heart." Nathan ended my sentence.


We ran all the way back to my room. Or rather, Nathan was trying to tickle me and I ran away from him, as our laughter filled the hallway. I nearly bumped into Charlie around the corner. His eyes widened and tilted his head in the direction of Nathan's room. I glanced into his room before disappearing into mine, I left my shirt on the floor. OMG. Nathan realised and closed his door with a 'bang', I heard a yip from Miranda next door. I dove into my sea of pillows, they always came in handy in times like these.

"Sorry!" Nathan yelled in response to Miranda's yelp. He banged my door louder and Miranda let out another yelp. Sigh, when boys got excited, you really couldn't control their adrenaline tendencies.

Nathan dove into me, and we became a tangled mess. He hugged on my waist so tight it was hard to breathe.

"Easy, boy." I coaxed him like a dog. I put my hands on his arms and made him loosen his grip. I sat up, and he came really close to my face, I could feel him exhaling. Our eyes connected, I didn't realise how beautiful his intricate features were, the times when I got this close my eyes would close naturally to prepare for the kiss. I could tell he was feeling the same way, it was comfortable to be lost in each other's eyes. I just stared longingly into his eyes for what seemed like eternity, I was a sucker for brown eyes, especially Nathan's. His eyes were soft, as he looked into mine I knew this was right. I was right, he was right, and we were right. The silence was almost enjoyable, I was lost in his world and he was lost in mine.

Then, he held my face and kissed me, I kissed back passionately, parting my lips to invite some tongue.

My fingers undid the buttons of his shirt, he did the same to mine. It seemed like second nature now. I took his shirt off, running my hands down his chest, pressing him down unto the bed. He hooked my leg around his hip and turned me over, getting on top of me. I flung my shirt (or his, actually) behind, I think it landed on the shelf because a few books dropped off and hit the floor. I kissed his neck, it was softer than it looked. He nibbled my earlobe and bit it playfully. I let out a squeal, it hurt just a bit. Licking his neck, his hands travelled down my thighs.

Oh, they were now coming up my back. He undid the clasp of my bra; congratulations, Nathan. That's my boy.

I let my mouth pause on his, we stopped moving for a few seconds. His hands came on my boobs and gave them a playful squeeze. I put mine on his ass and did the same. My fingers felt along his leather belt and met in the middle of his zipper. The bulge was pretty big now. It was satisfying to see how I was able to make him so hard. I unbuckled his belt and loosened it. I felt along his zipper, stuck my finger a little into the gap at the top and dragged downwards. Sucking on his neck, I'm sure I would leave a hickey there which would show the next day. He groaned and felt the outline of my breasts.

He pulled down the hem of my jeans a little. I put my fingers around his hands, pushing them all the way down my jeans, inside my underwear. He smiled, parting lips with me and kissing down my neck, in between my breasts. He took his hands out of the back of my jeans and felt for my belt buckle. What was he about to do?

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

Nathan looked up angrily, his arms covering my breasts. I looked behind, whoever disturbed us should really take a hike.

"Put on a shirt." Nathan whispered. He got up, zipped up his pants and opened the door after making sure I was dressed.

"Hey Jenn, I-" Charlie stopped mid-sentence, surprised to see Nathan, who was still shirtless, at the door.

"What?" Nathan demanded to know.

"Sorry guys. Jenn, check your phone." Charlie told me, I was at the back of the room. Blushing, I ran a hand through my sex hair. Being caught during your make-out session isn't the best thing that happens to you.

"Bye!" Nathan said, ushering Charlie down the hallway. Nathan slammed the door with a thud. Miranda was probably too deep in her slumber to notice. He muttered something under his breath.

"Hey, I'm sorry." I apologised.

"Not your fault." Nathan scowled. "Madisen's out of the way. Get him out of the way, too."

I picked up my phone. 3 unread messages.

Jerry, 4.12pm:
Eww, I really do not want to know what you guys are doing now! :p

I smiled. Stupid Jerry. Nathan frowned and I rid the smile off my face. He probably assumed that I was reading Charlie's message.

Charlie, 5.08pm:
I asked Rose out and she said yes! :D

"He is out of the way." I positioned my screen in an angle in which Nathan could read. Nathan's eyebrows shot up. His cheeks turned a peachy crimson.

"You mean..." he started.

"Nope, Charlie doesn't have a thing for me, you silly tomato!" I laughed. I really enjoyed the jealousy.

Mum, 1.02pm: Hey Jenny, I'm driving over. Meet you in the morning! xoxo i love you sweetheart.

"Mum's coming tomorrow." I informed Nathan. It was a while since I last saw her.

"I'd better go back to my room then." Nathan headed to the door. "I wouldn't know what to say to her if I didn't have this on tomorrow." He pointed to his purity ring. I laughed. We both knew we were mature enough to control ourselves.

After a quick kiss, I closed the door after him. It was gonna be my first night sleeping without him by my side.

Switching off the lights, my the light from my phone was the only thing that saved me from pitch darkness.

Nathan, 1.08am:
I love you, Jenn. Thanks for all the affection. Goodnight! Sweet dreams of me. I'll call if I really get scared my the 'monsters' under my bed.
Love, Nathan
P.s.: you were so sexy today ;)

I chuckled, replying him with an 'I love you, and the song that you sang, baby.'

I pulled the covers over my head. Still in his plaid shirt, the material was rough and warm, like his hands. There was a subtle scent of him, Rosewood and pine after a snow day.



The vibration of my phone woke me up. I opened my eyes and felt around lazily for my phone. It was too dark for it to be morning.

Really, Nathan? That was fast. It was only 3.02am. It was pretty romantic to be talking to your boyfriend at this time of day.

"Hey sexy." I answered the call. "Need to come over?"

"Sorry, is this Ms McCurdy?" a formal voice asked. My face went hot and I felt myself blush. Sitting up against some pillows, I smoothed out my hair.

"Yeah it is." I put on my professional voice. "Who are you?"

"Is your mother Debra McCurdy?" she tried to cover up a frenzied tone with professionalism. Who was she? How did she know my mom? It better not be a psychotic fan.

"Yeah, that's my mom. Why do you ask?" I needed to know.

"She's been in a car accident."


Chapter Text

Car accident? How did that happen? Mom was always a careful driver...

"She has cancer!" I yelled. I heard some mumbling and the paediatrician repeating my words.

"What kind of cancer?" she needed to clarify.

"She’s got 2nd stage breast cancer... It's serious!" How badly was Mom injured?

"We're at Everton Hospital, we need you to come over now." the medical paediatrician replied in a severe tone. She then hung up before I could say anything more.

I got up hurriedly and quickly got dressed, leaving Nathan's shirt in a pile on the floor. Throwing my wallet, phone and keys into a bag, I felt around for the door in darkness. Wincing from the glare of the lights in the hallway, I thudded gently on Nathan's door, careful not to wake anyone up.

After a few thuds a sleepy Nathan answered the door. He winced in the brightness and grinned after he realised it was me.

"Are there monsters un-" I cut him off.

"Mom's been in a car accident." I told him. "Drive me to Everton Hospital?" Nathan’s eyebrows shot up in shock. He blinked twice and snapped back to reality.

"Yeah, I'll get my keys." he headed back into his room.

We rushed to his Toyota and sped off, Nathan accelerated past a few yellow lights when he was sure that it was safe. I played with my fingers and bit my bottom lip till it bled, it seemed like forever to go out of state.

"Can't you go faster?" I urged him, giving him an annoyed look.

"I'm going as fast as I can." Nathan replied, an anxious expression on his face.

"Well I don't know how Mom is... What if last summer was the last time I saw her? What if I never see her again? I never told her 'I love you', it was in one of my songs but I never actually told her face to face... I don't want to say goodbye to her just yet, I-"

Nathan pulled to the side of the road.

"What are you doing?" I demanded, glaring at Nathan.

He unbuckled his seatbelt and held me by my shoulders. Looking me in the eyes, he assured me greatly.

"She's gonna be fine." Nathan said. A tear rolled down my cheek. He brushed it away. "We don't need two car accidents in one night."

He was right.

He whispered an 'I love you' and kissed my forehead. Suddenly, a bright flash appeared before our eyes. A camera. Paparrazzi. Nathan swore under his breath; we hadn't told the press about our relationship, fans still think that Nathan is dating Madisen.

Fastening his seatbelt once more, he sped off, forgetting about the leaked news. This time, we reached the next state quicker than I had expected. A watch kettle never boils, Momma used to say.


"Jenny, it's gonna start soon." Mom assured.

"But we've been here for ages!" I complained. 'Pirates of the Carribean' was the first movie I went to watch. It was their opening day and Mom took me to see it as an early birthday present.

"Look, that's another film we could see." she pointed at the large screen, showing advertisements for 'Harry Potter' and 'Indiana Jones'. To me, pirates were more interesting than wizards or explorers. To me, they existed.

"Ugh, how long will it take the actors to get ready?" I yelled, hoping the director would hear. Mom chuckled.

"It's not a live show, Jenny. They're just gonna be playing a film, that's recorded. Just wait and imagine what the pirates will look like, a watched kettle never boils." Mom said. What was she talking about? Kettles had nothing to do with Pirates.

Seeing my puzzled expression, Mom explained the saying to me.
Surely enough, the cinema lights dimmed and the screen played a scene of a little boy fishing on the moon.

"There, the movie's about to begin." Mom told me, clapping her hands in excitement.

I remember that that movie was the best movie I ever watched, I don't remember any other time that I felt more excited than that afternoon with Mom. The guy who played Jack Sparrow was an amazing pirate, there were times in the movie where I felt like I was one, too. Little did I know, Johnny Depp was the actor behind Jack Sparrow. After that movie my whole life changed, I told Mom I wanted to be an actor like Johnny one day. Mom was enthusiastic about the whole thing, she clapped along with me during the closing song even though some people stared at us, annoyed. She was my best friend, the person I loved the most and there aren’t many days in which I was that happy. Fine, there were some days that enjoyable with Nathan.

But there were only 2 people in my life that could make me feel that way.


"Jenn, we're here." Nathan nudged me awake. I sat upright, how could I have fallen asleep?

"Thanks." I opened the car door.

I knew this place, this was the hospital that took care of Ryan when he was sick. Nathan followed me close behind as I walked through the auto-open doors. A gust of air-conditioned wind blew at me, causing my fringe to get into my eyes. Brushing my fringe aside, the strong smell of detergent and cheap antiseptic spray filled my nose.

I wrinkled my nose, I never liked nor got used to the scent. I guess hospitals weren't the best place to be, they were either places to go to when you got really sick, or places you visit when a loved one is sick. Or worse. I quickly shook that thought out of my head.

"May I help you?" the cheery receptionist attended to me. She was clearly tired, the layers of make-up did not cover up her weary eye-bags. It must be unpleasant to work on night shift.

"I'm visiting Debra McCurdy, she's in A&E." I told her. Nathan came by my side and held me, shielding me from the cold of the freezing hospital air-conditioning.

"A nurse called 'Cheryl' is waiting for you." the receptionist told me, ushering me down the corridor.

Walking briskly to the A&E ward, I nearly missed Ryan.

"Jenne!" Ryan called. He was unable to pronounce my full name but tried his best, anyhow.

"Hey Ryan!" Nathan called, taking the handles of his wheelchair, guiding him in my direction. "Jenn's a little busy now."

"S... O, k." Ryan responded, craning his neck to face Nathan. Nathan beamed at Ryan, acting as if they had known each other for years.

Nathan read the print on his blouse. It had all his personal details embroidered on his chest pocket:

Name: Ryan
Age: 7
Blood Type: AB
Condition: Cerebral Palsy

A little blonde girl about Ryan’s age rolled past us in a wheelchair. The name on her chest pocket read ‘Taylor’; she waved at him, smiling. There were gaps in her teeth, she was giggling with glee. The nurse pushing her wheelchair hushed her, but she couldn’t stop laughing. Ryan waved back furiously, the tube to his drip rocked about. The pressure went the wrong way, his blood rising up the tube. Shocked, Nathan called the nurse pushing the little girl. The nurse adjusted Ryan’s drip and got the water flowing the right way again. Ryan’s blood went down the tube slowly, leaving a little bit of a brown stain on the inside of the clear tube.

"Hi, where's the A&E ward for car accidents?" I asked a lady in a nurse uniform. Glancing at her nametag, her name was a little like Nathan's.

"Down the hall, Ward 88." she told me, smiling. "Are you... Jennette McCurdy?" She could hardly contain her excitement. A supervisor came over and started to pull her away.

"Hey, it's okay." I said, putting my hand on her sleeve. "Bring me to Ward 88?"

The supervisor scowled, clearly too old to watch iCarly but too young to have kids who did.

"Sure, come with me. I'm on my break, anyway." Nathania said. I read her nametag, she was this really tall lady who looked a little like Miranda Kerr. We went down the hall and down a few more, reached Ward 88. Cheryl, the nurse, came and told me of Mom's condition.

"Hi Ms McCurdy, your Mom needs a blood transfusion. Her blood type is AB, right?" Cheryl asked. Nathania stood behind me with her clipboard.

"Yeah." I confirmed. She sighed.

"We've only 2 bags of AB left." Nathania told her. My shoulders went limp, Nathan came behind me and put his arms around me. Nathania's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. She mouthed 'Jathan'...

"To.. Tw..." Ryan stuttered.

"You see, we have this other ward full of patients who need AB-" Nathania started, realising that she had to focus.

"She's in A&E, by right she gets the blood first." Cheryl reminded her.

I didn't have the guts to argue, my Mom needed blood... It was my mother they were talking about!

"Sign this form and wait by those benches." Nathania passed me a light purple form that said the hospital would not be held liable for any demise of the patient. Blood transfusion was risky, right? I can't believe my Mom had to go through it.

I picked up the pen, my hands quivering. Ryan rolled over, pushing the wheelchair with his thin arms. He put his hand on mine, urging me to sign the form.

"S... Sign..." Ryan nudged me gently, he was at the hospital frequent enough to know what the procedures were like. Nathan put his arm around me. I scrawled my signature across the page and handed it to Nathania. Cheryl walked away to probably receive te blood from the blood bank. Nathania followed her, admiring my signature for a few seconds.

"There, they're gonna save your Mom now okay?" Nathan assured me. I took a deep breath.

Nathania and Cheryl returned with the bags of blood and a stand to hang them on. They disappeared into the room and came back out after a few seconds, told us they were going to get a doctor.

"I need some water." I told Nathan. The thought of a blood transfusion made me nervous, I never liked the sight of blood.

"Let's go get some," Nathan replied. "They sell bottled water near the entrance."

I told Ryan to stay put, I didn't think it was necessary for him to tag along. He nodded, looking downcast but he agreed, flashing me his best smile as he fiddled with the padding of his wheelchair.

"She'll be fine, okay?" Nathan told me as we walked to the shop. "I had an aunt that went through a blood transfusion and it was successful."

He looked at me with his large, brown eyes and put his hand on my head, giving me an encouraging pat which ruffled my hair a little. I gave him a nervous grin, trying to hide my worry. He handed me a bottle and I tilted my head back to drink. Instant relief, I felt refreshed, less dizzy and not as panicky.

"This is it, then." I sighed.

"C'mon." Nathan took my hand and we walked back to the ward.
I sat down on the same bench, the light of the operation room wasn't lighted yet so I assumed that Mom was waiting in there, still unconscious.

Wait. Where was Ryan? I turned around, Ryan wasn't where I last left him.

"Where'd Ryan go?" I asked Nathan. Something felt amiss. Nathan looked around.

"I don't know... Maybe he went back to th-"

A scream rang out from the operating theatre.

Our heads turned, was Mom in danger? The scream didn't sound like it came from her...

I ran and pushed open the doors of the operating theatre, not caring if it was in the middle of the transfusion.

Mom was lying on a bed on one side of the room, she was still; a peaceful expression on her face. On the other, a figure lay crumpled on the floor, with a wheelchair at his heels...


Chapter Text

My eyes widened. The photo was uploaded so quickly?

Blinking twice I walked off, leaving Nathania in utter confusion.

Who did that? Why would they? What will happen to us? What will Madisen think? A million questions flooded my mind, I was in such a daze.

"Someone uploaded a picture of us in your car." I told Nathan, he was sitting by Mon's beside. She lay still, still in coma.

"What?" Nathan nearly yelled.

I stared at the floor, unsure of what to do. Just then, Nathan's phone vibrated.

"Hello?" he picked up the phone. "Oh... That's great. Thanks... Really? I'm so happy for you!" Nathan smiled.

"Madisen's got it sorted." he told me. "Madisen's dad sued the website, so they're gonna take the article and the photo off. And guess what!"

"What?" It didn't really matter if the world knew we were together, anyway. We would've told them sooner or later.

"Madisen told her dad about the abuse, and the police now know about Arnold's misdeeds!" Nathan told me.

I felt better knowing Madisen was safe and the press wouldn't say that I'm the third party in Nathan and Madisen's non-existent relationship, but I still felt a twinge of sadness. Mom was still in coma, and I hadn't gotten used to the absence of Ryan.

I looked at Mom, admiring her features. Although many people pointed out that we looked alike, I never noticed. Suddenly, she seemed to look a whole lot like me. Right when it was too late to tell her so.

It's the last day on earth
In my dreams

In my dreams
It's the end of the world
And you've come back to me
In my dreams

Between the dust and the debris
There's a light surrounding you and me

In my head I replay our conversations
Over and over til they feel like hallucinations
You know me? I love to lose my mind

(Kate Miller-Heidke – The Last Day on Earth)

My eyes brimmed with tears, one escaped and fell, landing on Mom's cheek. Nathan came and sat next to me, putting his arm around my shoulder. Facing Mom, his breathing blew my hair back and forth. I wiped the dampness off her cheek. Her eyelashes fluttered.

Wait, what?

Her eyelids moved a little.

"Did you see that?" I asked Nathan, hoping it wasn't a figment of my imagination. Nathan stared at Mom. She opened her eyes a little, looking around through half-open eyes.

"Mom do you see me?" I asked, a smile forming on my lips. I waved a hand over her head "Yes, you're Jenny..." Mom groaned. She tried to sit up, but I told her to lie down.

Luckily, she didn't have any organ failure or brain damage, which the doctors said were very fortunate, considering her car was overturned in the accident.

"And that's Nathan..." she continued. Nathan smiled, adjusting her blanket so as to leave a better impression on her.

"Do you need anything, Mrs McCurdy?" he asked, getting up.

"It's fine, call me Debra." Mom replied. "How many days have I been here? The last thing I remember was-" she forced her eyes shut in pain. She covered her ears with her hands, as if someone was yelling into them.

"Shh." Nathan hushed. "It's alright, you're safe now." Mom reopened her eyes, it was pretty interesting how Nathan could calm you down almost immediately.

She took his hand, shaking it. Also checking to see that his purity ring was still there. She gave a sigh of relief to see the it on his finger. Oh, mothers will be mothers.

"You've come to, Mrs McCurdy!" Nathania greeted, walking into the room. She outstreched her and Mom took it, shaking it politely. Nathania gave her a glass of water. Mom smiled at her, nodding after noticing that she looked like Miranda Kerr, her favourite model. Nathania read the letter from a supervisor that was on her clipboard and scribbled a few more lines.

"If you feel alright, you could be discharged tomorrow!" Nathania chorused. Mom smiled up at her. Her cheeks were a rosy shade of peach once again, more radiant than the pale dullness it was when she was still asleep.

"Can I go home tomorrow?" Mom asked her.

"Sure!" Nathania came to her side and pressed a few buttons on the computer monitoring Mom's progress, checking to see that she was well enough to go home.

"You're fine Mrs McCurdy!" Nathania piped up, reading the data on the machine. She fiddled with Mom's drip and left the room, leaving us to plan what we would do after we left the hospital.

Little did I know, Nathan wanted me out of the room after Nathania left.

"Jenn, I've something to ask your Mom." Nathan said, a very serious look on his face.

"Uh, sure." I took my coat off the chair and disappeared out the door. I know I shouldn't have, but I peeked through the gaps in between the blue hospital blinds, catching a glimpse of Nathan talking to Mom. Mom looked neutral, nodding calmly. Nathan didn't express a lot of emotion either, which made it hard for me to figure out what they were talking about. After awhile, Mom's eyes shone and she brightened up.

Was it a surprise birthday party? My birthday was 6 months away. Perhaps Nathan's telling Mom about what Ryan did to save her.

Naw, why chase me out, then? It was a pity I was unable to read lips.

Chapter Text

Chapter 13: Epilogue

"Should I wear the red dress or the black one?" I asked Nathan, holding up both dresses against me.

The red one had this really cute belt to go with it and just the other day, Mom brought me out to buy a pair of the most amazing heels that ever existed. I was aware I didn't look too good in bright red but the dress would bring out my figure pretty well.

On the other hand, the black dress had very intricate lace and the skirt flowed beautifully as I walked. I did own a couple of black hair accessories, earrings and jewellery. And like, about 8 pairs of black shoes that went with the outfit.

Nathan didn't even look at them. He stared straight into my eyes.

"I prefer you wearing nothing." Nathan commented cheekily. I thumped his temple. He asked for it! What a boy.

"Seriously, tomato. I'm stuck." I looked back and forth as I hung both dresses inside my half empty closet. I recently cleared out my clothes for a fund-raising outreach program that helped kids like Ryan.

"Hmm, I really don't know. It's hard to chose. I know you've got that belt and shoes for the red one and a whole lot of stuff that suit the black one..." Nathan stared at both of them, coming behind me and holding me. I tilted my head back to kiss his neck, it was amazing we knew each other so well already. He turned his head to face me and and we kissed.

We've already dated for a few months now.

I was trying to choose a dress to wear at Kid's Choice Awards. It was going so be so much better this year, Will Smith was hosting it and he is like one of the best actors out there. The KCAs was gonna be a red carpet event and all the reporters and fans were gonna be there, I didn't wanna have a wardrobe malfunction.

"A girl like you would look great in anything." Nathan assured, walking to his cupboard to pull out a tie. He moved into my room a week ago , it was only a little larger than his but Dan didn't allow us to knock down the wall between us.

"How does this look?" he held up a purple tie on himself. I laughed, he looked so goofy.

"A Seddie fan gave it to me." Nathan looked in the mirror to see for himself. Holding his tie, I pulled him towards me, a smirk forming on my face. Nathan smirked too and holding my face, he kissed me. Propping me up against the wall, his hands moved downwards and held me by my waist.

It was a sweet little 7-second kiss; it reminded me of our first in iKiss.

"I love you." Nathan told me.

"I love you, too." I replied.

I closed my closet and lay back on my bed. The KCAs were tomorrow. I gave my make-up artist a call and my hairdresser, as well. Nathan scoffed at the amount of time I had to put in to get ready. It cut off our date at the park, y'see. I laughed, telling him that we could resume it after.


"Well, this is formal." I noted. We were in a limo that pulled up by the side of the entrance. It was a shiny black porsche, a little too glamourous for small celebrities like us, but Nathan insisted we arrive in style.

I held onto the handle of the door, ready to get out once the car slowed to a stop. Nathan put his hand on my arm, signalling to me not to. I sat back, confused.

The porsche pulled up at the side of the entrance and the driver hopped out of the car and opened Nathan's door. Nathan told me to stay put and not follow him out. How formal could this get?

As I stared out of the rear window, a horde of girls came really close to him, reaching out for him. I frowned, don't they already know I was his girlfriend?

Nathan came to my door and opened it with a click, offering me a hand to help me out of the car. He made sure I wore sensible heels, but couldn't coax me out of wearing a tight black dress, neither of the choices I started out with. I smiled my best smile and took his hand, stepping out of the car. Not used to the low height of the porsche, I lost my balance. A murmur went through the crowd as Nathan caught me before I fell. That was followed by a collective sigh of relief, including mine.

"Nathan Kress!" a reporter yelled. "Are you dating iCarly co-star, Jennette McCurdy?"

Nathan ignored her question, taking my hand. A couple of crazy girl fans threw themselves over the barricade, they were quickly carried back by a few heavy security guards. Nathan didn't take heed of them, his eyes locked with mine the whole time.

"Jennette McCurdy!" the same reporter called me. "Are you dating iCarly co-star Nathan Kress?" I turned to look at her, bewildered, not knowing what to reply. Nathan's grip on my hand tightened, his eyes beckoned me to follow him.

"Jennette!" Jerry called. He walked toward me, as a thousand cameras flashed non-stop at us. Noah was behind him, dressed in a plaid suit and a black tie to match. He looked handsome, but nowhere near good-looking as Nathan. I scanned through the crowd for Miranda, it was a great time to take an iCarly cast picture. After all, we were rumoured to win the KCAs again this year.

"Miranda!" I called when I caught sight of her. She was wearing this girly, pink cocktail dress with kitten heels to match. They made her so much taller, Nathan would deem it impractical. As I expected, he stared at her shoes with a disbelieving look written all over his face.

"Sam!" a young fan's voice rang out from the massive crowd. She looked so exhilarated, jumping up and down like an energizer bunny. I laughed, it reminded me of the audience for last year's KCAs.

I picked her up and posed with her for a few pictures. She giggled, playing with a stand of my fringe. Nathan came to pose with us; it seemed so awkward. The little girl had long, brown hair the same shade as Nathan, she looked like our daughter. Nathan seemed fine with it though, or maybe he never noticed.

Dan walked up to us.

"Group photo!" he yelled, pumping his fist into the air. I held hands with Nathan, Miranda put an arm around me as Jerry and Noah posed as if they were fighting against each other next to her. I put the little girl down and she disappeared into the crowd.

We smiled as the cameras flashed simultaneously, first smiling, then, Miranda and I posing with the 'peace' sign as the boys stood poised, radiating manly-ness into the crowd as the girls sighed. Then we had a fun shot where Miranda stood upright with a shocked expression and a hand over her mouth; Nathan carried me up on his shoulder and I blew a kiss; Jerry made a spastic expression paired with awkward hand poses; Noah acted as if he was a superhero with his head held high.

‘Generation Love' started playing from the loudspeakers. I smiled, proud that I finally finished recording it. Miranda danced along and blushed when James Maslow came behind her and tapped her on the shoulder. They insist they're just friends, but everyone else knows there's more to them than that; just like Nathan and I. I totally ship Jiranda!

"Jenny!" a voice called me. Mom was here? I squinted into the crowd, looking for her. She waved at me, grinning from ear to ear. She pointed in the left direction. My head turned, and I got the biggest surprise; Johnny Depp was standing just a few feet away from me!

The crowd gasped; I bet they were all admiring the awesome-ness of Johnny Depp. I smiled at Mom, who smiled back, her hands clasped together. She had a happy look on her face, it was just happy, not exuberant or exhilarated. Just happy.

"Look Nathan, it's Johnn-" I stopped; my jaw dropped.

Nathan was down on one knee, a diamond ring held between his index finger and his thumb. He looked right at me with those soft, brown eyes.

"Jennette, will you marry me?" he asked.

Yes, yes, yes, the crowd chanted.

"Yes," I agreed, "it's a 'yes'!"

The crowd cheered as Nathan put the ring unto my ring finger. Mom came and stood next to me. So that was what they were talking about in the hospital room! Mom seemed happier than I was.

"OMG Jenn, you're crying!" Miranda laughed. I didn't notice I was, wiping a tear off my cheek.

Nathan took my hand and posed for the crowd, lifting my hand up to show the engagement ring. He was smiling like a child who just won the first prize in a competition.

"I love you, Jennette. You'd make a beautiful bride." Nathan whispered into my ear and kissing me on the cheek as the many cameras clicked.

"I love you too." I answered.

I thought of Mom, Ryan, Charlie, the iCarly cast, Clyde, my music manager and Dan, but most of all, Nathan.

You belong with me,

You belong with me.

It was a great feeling when the person you love loves you back, but it's even better knowing you are going to spend the rest of your life with him.

Chapter Text

Hey guys! This is the end of Jathan, sad to say. I hope that you guys liked it and for all of you who stayed with me from the very start on, you are amazing. Tell me what you think in a PM! I have another story on if you do want to check it out.

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