Chirons' List Of Camp Rules:
TO BE FOLLOWED AT ALL TIMES! NO EXCEPTIONS!
1. Percy is not allowed to recruit Leo, Jason, and Hazel to play Avatar The Last Airbender with him. (Nearly destroying the Camp is not funny Percy!)
2. Under NO circumstances is Hermes Cabin allowed to make everyone think that zombies are attacking the camp. (AND NICO IS NOT ALLOWED TO HELP!)
3. If Athena Cabin disagrees about historical and/or scientific facts Nico will not summon a dead person to tell them who's right. (Let Einstein enjoy his afterlife please!)
4. The campers will not play 101 ways to kill Octavian. (Even if it is very funny.)
5. Katie is not allowed to murder the Stolls, even if they steal her favorite plant. (Seriously you two!? She loves Rosie the rose bush!)
6. If Ares Cabin has an argument they will solve it CIVILLY and not with A DUEL TO THE DEATH! (IN THE NAME OF ZEUS DID I REALLY HAVE TO WRITE THIS ONE CHILDREN!?!??!)
7. Piper and Drew are not allowed to have a 'charmspeak off'. (I'm not sure how, but last time it ended with Valentina thinking she was a penguin?)
8. When Iris Cabin gets mad they will NOT turn the target of their anger rainbow for a week! (I mean come on Butch, as cute as Will looked with rainbow hair it's not very nice!)
9. When Apollo Cabin makes jokes about Will's name he is not allowed to lock them out of their Cabin! (Really William?! You're better than this! You shouldn't even be on this god's forsaken list!)
10. Fashion Week is now banned. (Aphrodite Cabin! This is on you! YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!)
11. Hair brushes (specifically blue ones) ARE NOT WEAPONS. They shall not be used as such, and no one is hitting anyone in the eye with one! (Rachel this one's for you! Stop threatening people!)
12. Rachel is not allowed to recite fake doom prophecies at people she gets mad at. (GIVING THE ORACLE YOUR DESERT FOR A WEEK ISN'T GOING TO APPEASE A PROPHECY, GROVER!)
13. Jason and Leo are not allowed to adopt Nico even as much as they beg for the papers. (HE'S TECHNICALLY 80 YEARS OLDER THAN YOU TWO! COMMON SENSE! COMMON SENSE! PLEASE!)
14. Throwing a dagger into a body of water WILL NOT automatically summon a Child of Poseidon! (Stop telling people this works Annabeth!)
15. The word 'dam' has officially been banned in my presence. (This joke is not funny anymore kids!)
16. Tricking Mr.D into trying to pet Peleus when he's drunk is banned! (He WILL do it! Peleus WILL get mad! Whoever does this WILL be extinguishing the fires!)
17. Nico and the Hecate kids are not allowed to have 'Pokemon Battles' in which Nico summons a dead animal skeleton or a monster, and the Hecate kids summon an imaginary creature! (WHY. I REPEAT WHY. DID THIS EVEN HAPPEN IN THE FIRST PLACE?! Hades help me.)
18. TRUTH OR DARE IS BANNED! I REPEAT, BANNED! IN ANY AND ALL PLACES, AT ANY AND ALL TIMES! THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS NO! I REPEAT, THE ANSWER IS ALWAY NO!
19. Anyone who braides my tail and/or mane while I am asleep will be locked in their Cabin until they apologize.
20. Malcomn. Not every little shadow is a spider. If you truly see one I will be more than happy to kill it, but if you scream like a baby one more time and jump on Percy's back to escape I will not stop him from throwing you into the lake! (He will not hesitate! And Annabeth will let him!)
21. You can not automatically blame the Hermes kids when things go wrong. (But let's be real here, it is their fault most of the time.)
22. Apollo Cabin and Athena Cabin are NOT allowed to argue over books! (Kayla! Bea! Why did you tear a book in half!? Your parents would be A S H A M E D ! )
23. Leo and Calypso are NOT ALLOWED to recreate broken ancient machines that SHOULD'VE STAYED BROKEN IN THE FIRST PLACE!
24. Follow up to Rule #23 Leo and Calypso are not allowed to make fictional things that should've STAYED FICTIONAL! (DO YOU TWO TRULY WANT THE CAMP TO BE DESTROYED!?)
25. Campers are no longer allowed to play 102 ways to kill Octavian. (HOW THE EVER LOVING HECK DID CLARISSE COME UP WITH ANOTHER WAY TO KILL HIM!?)
26. Alright this is getting out of control. No one. No God. No demigod. No Dryad, or Satyr is allowed to play any game concerning ways to kill Octavian. (WHAT IN HADES HONESTLY MAKES YOU THINK I'D BE OKAY WITH 103 WAYS TO KILL OCTAVIAN!? REALLY!?)
27. Casual Fridays are now banned. (Percy! You are not allowed to walk around Camp shirtless! You know half the Camp has a crush on you!)
28. Leo is also not allowed to recruit Percy, Jason, and Hazel to play Avatar The Last AirBender with him.
29. ASKING KATIE TO BE A SWAMP BENDER IS ALSO NOT ALLOWED. (TRICKING HAZEL INTO BEING THE ONE WHO ASKS TO PLAY AVATAR THE LAST AIRBENDER IS NOT COOL!)
30. Calling 'Charmspeak Offs', 'Convincing Debates' is the exact same thing! (WHY WAS JAMES ON THE ROOF!? SERIOUSLY IT TOOK US 3 HOURS TO GET HIM DOWN FROM THERE!)
31. Clarisse I don't know how many times I have to say it, but... FIST FIGHTS ARE NOT 'CIVIL'. (Please stop fighting with Sherman! Please!)
32. Meg is no longer allowed inHephaestus Cabin. (WHO TOLD HER WHERE THE EXPLOSIVES WERE!?)
33. Leo is no longer allowed to be in charge. Of ANYTHING! (If he's in charge P A N I C.)
34. Calling Percy, Thalia, and Nico 'The Little Three' is very funny, but they will kill you. And I will let them.
35. Aphrodite Cabin is no longer allowed to hide daggers in their hair brushes… (Since when did this even start happening!?)
36. Calling Mr. D 'Wine Dude' will cause you to be struck by lightning.
37. Will is no longer allowed to threaten people with spinal damage. (Why. Just, why.)
38. Nico. I will not stop Will from killing you the next time you decide to dump cans of paint on him while he's sleeping!
39. No one is allowed to ask about Nico's human skull collection.
40. Throwing parties in cemeteries is now forbidden. (Really Stolls!?)
41. Percy is not allowed to drive Golf Carts into the lake on a dare. (DIDN'T I BAN TRUTH OR DARE!?)
42. The Camp Halfblood Version of 'Jingle Bells' is now forbidden.
43. Shipping Jaick (Jason and brick) Will make him angry! (He WILL throw a brick at you!)
44. Follow up to Rule #43. Throwing a brick at Jason to try to get them to kiss is a VERY BAD IDEA!
45. The Solar Eclipse IS NOT ARTEMIS GETTING MAD AT APOLLO AND YELLING AT HIM IN THE BROAD DAYLIGHT! (Apollo kids! Stop spreading this rumor! Thalia! Stop helping!)
46. Making fun of Percy's dead Panda Pillow Pet is mean.
47. Buying 10 Panda Pillow Pets to make up with him is NOT a proper apology! (HE WILL KEEP THEM ALL!)
48. Apollo Campers are not allowed to summon large musical instruments to impress their friends. (Crushing monsters in battle is one thing, making a guitar hit Drew when you get mad at her is another thing entirely!)
49. Jason and Thalia are not allowed to mess around with the electrical circuits around Camp, and send us into a 2 week black out! (Seriously! You guys made Harley cry!)
50. ELFIE THE ELF ON THE SHELF IS NOW BANNED FROM CAMP! (You guys! Seriously! Come on! This is why we can't have nice things!)
51. Nico is not allowed to make birthday cards anymore! (HE KNOWS WHAT HE DID!)
52. Stealing people's belongings and rewrapping them as presents is very funny, yes, but causes way too much confusion!
53. Scream offs are BANNED. (I'll let you figure out what they did on this one.)
54. When decorating one's cabin for Christmas you will ONLY decorate your Cabin! (Tyson, Percy, when I told you to go crazy with your decor I meant INSIDE your Cabin! Not everyone else's too! TOO MUCH BLUE!!!)
55. No one is allowed to go to Olympus and stir up trouble with the Olympians.
56. FOLLOW UP TO RULE #55. DID I SERIOUSLY NEED TO SPECIFY THAT YOUR NOT ALLOWED TO STIR UP TROUBLE WITH MINOR DEITIES TOO!?
57. RULE #55 INCLUDES GOING UP TO ATHENA, HERA, AND APHRODITE AND ASKING THEM WHO'S PRETTIER! AGAIN DID I REALLY SPECIFY THAT THIS MEANS AT ALL TIMES, AND NOT JUST ON OLYMPUS! REALLY!? (Julia, Alice it is a true wonder you two are still alive...)
58. Holly, and Laurel are not allowed to bet anymore. (I don't care if you were betting Candy, no, means NO!)
59. The first thing that new campers are told will not be: 'Hide your stuff, and never trust a Hermes kid.'
60. Percy will check what blonde curly hair person he is sneaking up behind before he accidentally kisses another of Annabeth's siblings!
61. CENTAURS ARE NOT INSECTS BECAUSE WE HAVE SIX LIMBS! STOP SAYING THIS! (LEO!? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?)
62. Whenever I tell Percy that he's in charge, he isn't. Annabeth is. Don't be stupid. Come on.
63. Asking me if I'm proud of you when you make it through the day without stabbing anything (Clarisse), breaking anything (Tyson), or stealing anything (Travis and Connor), yes, I am. (BUT FOR REAL, I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO BE PROUD OF YOU ABOUT THIS STUFF. NORMAL PEOPLE DON'T THINK ABOUT STABBING PEOPLE ON A DAILY BASIS CLARISSE!)
64. When I ask you if you thought something was a bad idea and you say 'yes, but we chose to do it anyway'. THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT ANSWER!
65. Blaming Apollo kids for Covid-19 is forbidden! (Apollo did that, Will, Austin, Grace, Georgina, Jerry, Yan, and Kayla did not.)
66.You are not allowed to curse at camp around the little kids. But, yes, you can go to war. And, no, the irony is not lost on me.
67. Getting a picture of a Pine Tree, Corn Plant, and Guinea Pig then telling the young campers that these are Percy, Thalia, and Nico is very wrong.
68. While Sally Jackson is very nice she is NOT all of your mothers! You CAN NOT go to her house whenever you feel like it!
69. Follow up to Rule #68. Sally Jackson is not a goddess, and no, you can not pledge your allegiance to her!
70. Piper is not allowed to start a youtube channel where she shows her followers Frank as exoctic animals.
71. NO RUNNING FOR PRESIDENT! (HAZEL! DO NOT MAKE PERCY LOOK LIKE HE'S IN HIS MID 30'S! I SWEAR!)
72. Follow up to Rule #71. No running for any government position!
73. Follow up to Rule #72. NO INTERFERING WITH POLITICS. OF THIS COUNTRY OR OTHERWISE! (THIS INCLUDES CANADA, I'M LOOKING AT YOU FRANK!)
74. Follow to Rule #69. Ignore Rule #69, Sally is 100% a goddess, and should be worshiped as such.
75. Follow up to Rule #74. IGNORE LAST RULE. (PERCY, REYNA, NO WRITING ON MY LIST!)
76. Sally Jackson is in fact all of your mothers, and will be happy to adopt you all.
77. PERCY! I SWEAR! NO WRITING ON MY LIST! IGNORE RULE #76!
78. CAMPERS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO WRITE ON CHIRONS LIST!
79. IF I WAS A MY LITTLE PONY MY CUTIE MARK WOULD NOT BE MAKING YOU ALL MISERABLE! (PIPER, I KNOW YOU STARTED THIS!)
80. NO CREATING CULTS OF ANY KIND!
81. CAMP TRIPS TO IKEA ARE BANNED
82. Nemesis Cabin is no longer allowed to be in the camp play! Nor is Nike Cabin! You guys take things too seriously! You'll kill somebody!
83. Putting saddles on Unicorns is forbidden. (GODS DAM IT, MEG.)
84. Adopting dragons is not allowed! (Peleus is for protection, and Festus is a robot, stop complaining that you don't get anything Lou!)
85. Making flowers come to life and attack the Stolls is not allowed! (Demeter Cabin! Stop!)
86. Gracie, Yan, and Jerry are not allowed to be left unsupervised with Kayla and Austin. (Those three are EVIL I tell you! EVIL!)
87. Shadow tag is now banned! Hazel, Nico, turning everybody into shadows is hazardous! ( H A Z E L ! ? I thought you were better than this!)
88. Screaming, stealing, violence, and arson are not healthy stress outlets! (Annabeth, Cecil, Clarisse, and Leo, you guys need serious help!)
89. The best way to someone's heart is not through the 3rd and 4th rib. (Unless you are fighting a war, and if we are? Have fun tearing out as many hearts as you want, but if someone makes you mad then this information does not exist.)
90. Hermes Cabin and Apollo Cabin will not get into a prank war. (AND NEMESIS CABIN WILL NOT JOIN IN!)
91. Drew is not allowed to hold anyone down and give them a makeover. (AND PIPER WILL NOT HELP HER!)
92. Insulting other Cabins is allowed if they started it, but please refrain from sneaking spiders into Athena Cabin from now on.
93. Friendly reminder that Butch is not to be trusted with doing the Camps laundry, he will dye them all rainbow. Anyone who lets him do laundry will be thrown into the lake by Percy.
94. Don't let Meg near anything. Ever.
95. The 7 are not secretly Olympian spies who could kill with one glance no matter what Reyna, Thalia, Nico, Drew, and Will say.
96. Dryads, Naiads, and Satyrs! Please keep the candy away from the Half-Bloods!
97. The next person to say that Connor and Travis are twins will be thrown in the lake.
98. Coincidently the next time Connor and Travis pretend to be twins they will be thrown in the lake.
99. Leo will not tell Harley to ask the Romans where babies come from.
100. Bad puns are banned everyday except Sun-day, get it? Hahaha.
101. Will! Stay away from my list! And that was not funny, not even because you're the Son of the Sun god, who's also the God of Poetry which are just glorified puns. It's not even Sunday!
102. Cabin 6 will not buy a pet owl and have a trivia battle in which the winner gets to name it.
103. A car will not take a screenshot if you press the accelerator and break at the same time! (Leo!? Are you trying to get Percy killed!?)
104. The Hephaestus Cabin will never again take a holiday card picture in front of their cabin that Leo just set on fire!
105. Nico's nicknames are NOT 'dandelion, corn plant, and baby neeks'. I can not help you if you decide to use one of these, and he murders you. (Will is exempt from this rule, he could call Nico anything and Nico wouldn't care. He'd just blush and stutter.)
106. Percy is not allowed to sue the Olympians with Damian as his lawyer!
107. Follow up to rule #106. Hazel is not allowed to get national news coverage of the court trial either!
108. Just because I'm a thousand years old does not give you the right to call me a boomer.
109. Clarisse, Sherman, Arnold, Mark, and Ellis will not use guns and knives to teach the younger Ares campers about math.
110. The one rule of Hermes Cabin is NOT 'Never use your own money, steal it from Tyche Cabin!' (WHY DID I EVER LET THE STOLLS BE INCHARGE OF ANYTHING!?)
111. HERMES CABIN IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO HANG OUT WITH THE PARTY PONIES!
112. NO TURNING ANYONE INTO ANIMALS! (AND NO HAZEL, YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION EVEN IF NEMESIS CABIN TOLD YOU TO DO IT!)
113. Sneaking out of camp to hide 'Good Parenting' books in the gods rooms in Olympus is not only allowed, it is encouraged! (But I didn't tell you to do it if you get caught, tortured, and integrated.)
114. Percy WILL NOT turn all of the food at camp blue!
115. Hecate Cabin is not allowed to put a temporary color blind spell on Percy, so that all of his food looks to be green.
116. The gods do not refer to Percy as 'their secret weapon' at council meetings! (Okay maybe they do, but it's supposed to be a secret!)
117. Filming music videos about your lives where you sing about murdering the Olympians is not a proper stress outlet!
118. I now realize trying to make a family tree to explain our existence to the young campers is strange and kind of gross, now no one is allowed to repeat this.
119. Begging the Romans to take Mr. D so that you don't have to deal with him is only funny behind his back!
120. THAT'S IT! I RETIRE! LET MR.D DEAL WITH YOU ALL FOR A MILLENIA!