Hanagaki Takemichi was tired.
It was a recent feeling, he discovered, that was constantly there. The feeling of being tired wasn't new, though. Tt was there when he was 26 and working at the DVD rental store. When he went from his apartment to work and then back. He was familiar with tiredness then.
But this level of tiredness, this exhaustion, the tiredness he felt at 26 was nothing compared to this.
The ever-growing urge to sleep and stay asleep. The feeling of utter hopelessness, of not being good enough. This was all new to him. These were all new emotions, emotions that he knew where they came from.
When he understood what he was capable of, the time leaping, he was happy. Takemich could mean something by helping others, being a hero again. Being able to Hinata.
The first few times, that feeling stuck. Never once faltering. The rush he would get when he helped someone and prevented something dark from occurring in the future...it was exhilarating.
That feeling was amazing. Takemich thought that it would never end, that emotion. He thought he would achieve his goals, by saving everyone and living happily ever after.
Hanagaki Takemichi was wrong.
The time leaping kept going. He had to keep saving others. He had to witness those close to him and others die. He had died, many time. Takemich didn't know what to think.
The feeling of being tired and hopeless and depressed slowly appeared as he continued to selflessly help others. Takemichi finally acknowledged it soon enough.
After waking up from being killed by Mikey, did Takemich finally acknowledge the feelings that had been building, and in that moment, they bubbled over.
Takemichi felt like he was drowning. All he felt was betrayel and hopelessness. After everything, all Takemichi received was nothing.
He tried so hard, and yet it seemed like he was always failing. Every turn seemed to end in a disaster, no matter how many times he tried to go a different way. It seemed like it was useless, to go through all of this. Trying to help everyone, when it ended uo being all for nothing.
Takemichi hated this. He felt like a failure. He felt like he let everyone down. He wasn't a crybaby hero, like the others fondly called him. He was a failure, a crybaby failure.
Takemich would never be able to save anyone. He wouldn't be able to save Hinata or Mikey. It would all be for nothing. He would continue to fail, and everyone would seem him as the disappointment that he seems himself as.
One day, Takemichi would be revealed as the failure he really was and he didn't know how to react with that though. He couldn't bear to witness everyone's reaction. He couldn't handle seeing them right now.
So, Takemichi decided to go back to sleep.
After all, Hanagaki Takemich was tired.