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Two Gorgeous Men beg you to stay

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"It reeks of wine." 

Kaeya would have agreed if he could lift his head further than a few inches off the table. As it stood, a very dreamy disappoined looking Zhongli was standing behind him and Childe, his expression a weird cross between concern and judgement. 

"Has he tricked you into getting drunk?" 

Not really considering this was the aftermath of a wine tasting hangout devolving into a death after noon drinking competition...he'd probably do it again, especially if Childe paid for both the private room and drinks. 

"pfft!" 

The 11th Fatui harbinger snickers from his similar position on the table and raises his head to gaze at Zhongli with a look one could only call lovestruck, open and honest in a way that Kaeya's can't say he's seen before. 

"Ugh, that drunkard is a disgrace to the arts." 

Ooh that hand checking his temperature was blessedly cool for a geo vision holder. Childe seems to be pouting. Kaeya makes a soft sigh of enjoyment to aggravate him. It works. Fatui probably weren't supposed to look that cute, puffing out a flushed cheek like a little child.(hehe)

"Wait a moment. I'll brew a pot of sobering tea." 

Aww the hand left. Speaking of children though; Kaeya had heard of Childe's little brother (Deuces? Sooser? He cant remember right now...damn how much did they drink again?) from the traveller. A bright eyed, bushy tailed, adorable little thing they said. Was Childe the same back then? He must've been so cute.... 

"It'll be ready in only 6 hours so just-" 

Aaaand Childe is up and sliding sneaky fingers around Zhongli's waist. Damn. That's kinda hot. 

"Daddy Zhongli. Daddy Zhongli~!

Childe purrs as he practically wraps himself around Zhongli, not an inch of space able to keep them apart. Like a Cat in the 'nip one might say; purring and rubbing their cheeks, losing their adorable little minds. Although it seems the geo holder is more likely to be losing and the hydro holder winning. After all look at that open surprise and very pretty blush. 


"Hey Daddy Zhongli hold still~♡"


Childe's hand slides up Zhongli's chest and Kaeya finds himself deeply fascinated by the shudders that accompany the sensual motion and the way Zhongli's breath seems to catch when that wandering hand rests against his neck. Kaeya feels his mind spawn strange and somewhat dangerous thoughts watching the normally cool and smooth funeral director swallow nervously. 

The director however seems to blink himself out of the moment, perhaps just realizing how much he too was affected by the alcohol intake, sips though he may have taken. He makes the fatal mistake of opening his mouth, perhaps to admonish or even complain and Childe grins like the vicious little wildcat he is. 

"Chi-" 

With a simple flex of his fingers Childe forces that chiseled chin to turn just enough to stifle that sound into a surprised groan as suddenly they're making out-!?! 

Kaeya, knight of Favonious, informant extraordinaire, is suddenly a lot closer to sober than he'd wish to be. And that's because his two friends? Acquaintances? Comrades??(lol) are straight up(lolol) making out in front of him. 

(It's really really hot

This is really awkward. Does this count as PDA? Wait since this is technically a private hire does it count as voyeurism? Surely Rosario would've drawn out such a kink ages ago. Should he be awkwardly attempting to leave at this point? 

"Nngh." 

Or should he watch the moment when Zhongli's legs weaken and Childe uses that moment to guide him to sit down, straddling him as a consequence? Hmm...Decisions...He should make active choices later. Yup. He was drunk after all. He'd totally stumble and ruin the moment. Mhm! He was doing them a good service. He was a good comrade! 

Wait are Zhongli's eyes glowing? 

"Mmph!?" 

Woah. Childe's cheeks look...kinda full...By Barbatos is that tongue bulging even his throat!? He's discussed spicy theories about the anatomy of the non human type humans in Teyvat but this is probably the first time he's gotten to witness it in that kind of action. 

Childe's gasping and squirming and suddenly it's like him and Zhongli have switched expressions. Childe had succeeded in turning on his partner's switch, however there a lot more power behind it than he'd expected. Perhaps because the director's reason was being inhibited by the intoxication. 

Kaeya can't help but grin as the straddling ginger frowns in frustration, never one to back down from a challenge. But how could he possibly turn the tables? 

By using his damned Delusion that's how. 

'Well now~' Kaeya thinks, his drunkenness being unconsciously shoved aside so he can analyse this rather peculiar use of the esteemed Tsaritsa's gift. 

The change is rather subtle visually. Childe's form seems to shimmer and waver like a mirage for a few moments until the vision clears and a very large Childe is seated on Zhongli's lap with only the eye part of his delusion mask formed. 

Oh...he seems to have fangs in this form...And Zhongli's eyes and markings are definitely glowing. Its disgustingly pretty; the pure gold and royal purple mixing and melding together. Like those strange but absolutely delightful sparkling bath bombs Lisa makes. 

The sound Zhongli makes then lingers somewhere between a growl and a groan as he pushes back against the harbinger on his lap. It was like one was struggling for dominance while the other simply enjoyed themselves. 

Predictably, the one most at ease wins their little squabble and Childe poofs back to regular size. Kaeya feels himself squirm on the inside as a tongue as long as his forearm slips out of Childe's lips and leaves the poor man gasping for air, his back supported loosely by Zhongli's arms. 

Newly distracted, Kaeya stares unabashedly as that tongue retracts into a sharp fanged smile that closes into a wicked grin and chuckles at him. Oh yeah...he's probably not supposed to be staring...Well it's not his fault they decided to be weird and sexy in front of him! Horndogs! The pair of them! 

Mind made and annoyed persona adopted(like him haha...) Kaeya drags himself up to standing, chair screeching slightly. He was no ordinary drinker after all. He was Kaeya, the ultimate drinker of Mondstadt, matched only by Venti and- 

Childe whines. 

Kaeya almost stumbles with the force of the goosebumps that ripple up his body. That sound couldn't possibly be cute...or directed at him for that matter. He really shouldn't peek at them again but he can't help it when Childe whines again when he starts to move. This time however; 

"Kae~" 

It's his name. Since when were they on nickname basis? Who knows!? Certainly not Kaeya, gulping as he's stilled by a pair of hungry blue and gold eyes. Of course the door is behind them! Why are they looking in his direction anyway!? 

He huffs and pulls together a barely held air of nonchalance, running his fingers through his hair and sighing. Definitely not to buy time to think about how he was going to pass them without...something...happening... Especially when the Death After Noon haze was returning with a vengeance and the voice in the back of his head loudly singing "I DON'T MIND!" was getting a lot harder to ignore... 

Kaeya rolls his eyes and takes a few suspiciously small but bold steps in their direction, eyes focused on the door. 

Zhongli makes a deep purr like a big wildcat that reverberates across his skin and Childe sighs in enjoyment as that heavy sound practically massages his neck. 

Naturally Kaeya freezes, almost within arms reach, and can't help another nervous swallow. It felt like the sound was a hand caressing his body... 

The smile on Childe's lips tells him that he knows exactly what Kaeya was feeling...and that it could feel so much better. The smile on Zhongli was telling him he wasn't going to make it to the door. 

Well what was he supposed to do? 

Say no? 

Please :}