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Some Thing’s Weren’t Meant To Be

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Honggi could only clearly remember a few things of that night.

But the feeling of knowing what’d happened haunted him.

He’d gotten into a fight with Dochul. It was all about the same bullshit, money problems, or whatever. Honggi wouldn’t even remember what he’d done to piss off Dochul in the first place. They both hadn’t been in the best spot of their relationship, so Honggi wasn’t surprised that a fight broke out, per say.

It wasn’t long till they hit a point where they were just going back and forth. Neither of them stepped down from the fight, so they both kept a getting more, and more worked up. Dochul much more than Honggi, though. Honggi didn’t pay much attention to it, so he continued arguing his point.

Honggi could remember that at one point, Dochul started getting really, really mad. Dochul kept telling him to leave, but Honggi was stubborn. He obviously didn’t look okay, so why would he leave? He wasn’t even mad at that point, if anything, it was worry and concern keeping him there. Honggi didn’t realize how much he’d regret not leaving.

All he could remember from that point on was drop your head, and protect it between your elbows. It was all you could really do but hen you pushed your boxer boyfriend way, way too far.

Honggi knew how bad Dochul could get, it was hard enough stopping him from beating the shit out of someone else. But to be the person Dochul was pouncing on, it was terrifying. This man was strong as hell, Honggi didn’t stand a chance. All he could really do was protect his head while Dochuls punches landed swiftly and quickly.

Honggi didn’t know how much time elapsed before Dochul finally stopped. He seemed to step back, hiss loudly at his knuckles before storming out. Honggi watched him with wide eyes, flinching a lot more than he would’ve liked to when Dochul slammed the door.

Honggi felt his whole body ache. He’d taken bad beatings before, but that had to be one of the worst ones. It was horrible pain. Not to mention, the fact that it’d been Dochul that done it.. practically his fucking soulmate.. and he was willing to do something like this. It made it all the more heartbreaking than it already was.

Honggi walked slowly to the bathroom. Because of his upper body pain, he couldn’t walk so fast. He kept tell himself he was okay, that he was fine. But the second Honggi turned on the bathroom light and looked at himself in the mirror, that being okay veil was quickly shattered.

His right eye was bruised, and his right eyebrow was bleeding open. His lip was bleeding, and his left cheekbone had one of the nastiest bruises he’d ever seen on a person.

Honggi didn’t even know what to do. How was he supposed to fix this? It felt like his life had been shattered by the one person he’d thought it was safe to be with. Dochul was his safe space. What the hell had happened?

The more Honggi stared at himself, the most emotions came up. He didn’t even know if he was upset, angry, or just sad. Maybe all of the above. He could see himself tearing in the mirror.

Honggi hated his reflection, he just fucking hated what he saw. A sob soon broke from his throat, tilting his head down. He even couldn’t stand to look at himself.

He knew he had to fix himself up, get the first aid kit from the sink and get to work. But, he couldn’t move from the mirror.

After sobbing for a few minutes, he decided it’d be best to check how bad the damage to his body was. It hurt all over. Honggi carefully pulled his tank top over his head, his eyes widening a bit at what he saw.

His upper body was covered in nasty bruises. From his chest, to his sides to his back. All Honggi could do was tilt his head back as more screams and sobs came from his mouth. How could the man that’d sworn to love and protect him, hurt him so bad?

Honggi shouted a few curses as he cried out. He didn’t even care about the idea of Dochul coming back home and overhearing him. This was all his fault, anyways.

Slowly, Honggi leaned down to grab the first aid kit. He sighed as he grabbed it, before walking over to the toilet. He flipped the lid down before slowly sitting down. It hurt, thinking about all the times that Dochul had used this same first aid kit to clean up Honggis cuts and bruises for him. He never would’ve guessed that at one point, Honggi would be using this kit to treat cuts and bruises caused by Dochul.

Honggi got up as he grabbed some alcohol wipes and bandages. He needed to take care of his cuts first. He tried not to cry as he cleaned up his eyebrow cut, but it was really hard not to. It felt like the more he suppressed himself, the more ended up spilling out. He watched his lip quiver rapidly as he tried to clean up the blood left from it being busted open.

Eventually, Honggi couldn’t hold back anymore. It all became too much at once, and he was soon scream sobbing as he tilted his head down. He couldn’t remember of a time where he’d felt so alone. Even before he’d gotten with Dochul, it’d never gotten this bad. He wasn’t sure if having Dochul around made it all worse.

Honggi gripped the counter as he cried out, hating what he saw in his reflection. All he could see was some pathetic guy that was too money hungry, and was stuck with someone that didn’t think twice before laying his hands on him. He couldn’t remember a time where he’d hated himself more.

 

Once Honggi patched himself up, he could still feel the ache of his body as he walked out. He checked the clock in the living room, and it was about 4am. He had no idea where Dochul was, but frankly, he didn’t really care. Honggi knew he’d come back at some point. He decided it’d be best to sleep on the couch that night. He didn’t want to even risk Dochul still being pissed at him when they saw each other again.

Honggi sat down slowly, still crying to himself. Even if he wasn’t sobbing anymore, it didn’t mean it all didn’t hurt any less. He didn’t even know if Dochul would remember what’d happened the night before. More often than not, Dochul went blackout angry when he got so pissed. But, of course, there was still the chance that he hadn’t. What if he’d done it, fully knowing of how much he was hurting Honggi? Honggi didn’t know what scared him the most.

He decided to just force himself to sleep. He was getting a headache from how much he was crying, after all. Honggi fell asleep on the couch soon after, curled up. And for the first time in months, he didn’t have someone’s arms around him, making him feel safe again.

 

Honggi woke up to the sound of the front door opening and shutting quickly. His head was pounding with a headache. So did his throat. Well, he wasn’t surprised. He’d cried and screamed his heart out last night. Honggi knew he probably looked like shit, and he sure felt it.

“Honggi? Are you here?”

Dochuls voice broke the silence of the room. Honggi could feel his blood run cold at the sound of his voice. He decided it was best to just turn and the pretend like he was asleep. That way, he wouldn’t have to face Dochul, at least yet.

Honggi turned on his side again, closing his eyes tightly. He’d never admit it, but he was honestly terrified of Dochul. From his tone, Honggi could tell Dochul probably didn’t remember last night. He usually didn’t remember his violent fits of rage. Honggi wasn’t sure if he was happy about that at all.

Dochul walked over to the couch, but he only saw Honggis back. He sighed quietly before grabbing the blanket from the bed. Honggi looked like he was shivering. He had no idea why his boyfriend would sleep on the couch like this, but whatever. He didn’t even have a blanket.

Dochul gently laid the blanket over him, watching his boyfriend sleep. Dochul reached over to gently place his hand over Honggis arm, before him arm flinched slightly. Dochul frowned.

“Are you awake?”

Dochul spoke quietly. Honggi moved his arm away from Dochul after a second. It wasn’t much, but enough to let the other know to leave him alone. Still, Dochul frowned as he took his hand back.

“Hey, what’s going on? I know you’re awake, Honggi.”

Honggi stared at the cushions of the couch as he opened his eyes. He could tell Dochul was genuinely concerned, but he didn’t really care. He was so hurt and shaken up by last nights events, he didn’t even want to look at his boyfriend.

“Leave me alone, Dochul.”

Honggi said in a small, weak voice that he barely ever used. It only got Dochul even more confused.

Before Honggi could pull away his arm again, Dochul squeezed Honggis arm. The small action made Honggi flinch, but Dochul didn’t seem to notice.

“Cut it out, Honggi- what happened, huh? Turn around right now, something happened, I know it.”

Dochul pushed, but Honggi just pulled away his arm again. He really just wanted to be alone. Even if Dochul felt bad and apologized, he didn’t know how he’d react. Would he even forgive him? Honggi himself didn’t even know.

“Dochul- stop-!”

Honggi shouted as he felt Dochul force his arm so he’d turn around. Dochuls face dropped when he saw how bruised Honggi was. What the hell had happened to him?

Dochul frowned as he watched his boyfriend. He could barely remember anything from last night. He wished he had, he’d kill whoever had fucked him up so bad.

“Who did this to you? Honggi!”

Dochul shouted quickly as Honggi just turned around again, ushering out a small ‘go away’. Dochul continued pushing, not caring to leave Honggi alone. He’d seen Honggi after he got jumped before yet, it’d never been this bad.

“Stop-“

“Who did this to you-?!”

Dochul raised his voice, repeatedly asking the same question. It made Honggi tense up. He knew Dochul honestly didn’t remember, but it pissed him off.

“What asshole did this to you-“

“You did- Dochul!! You did!”

Honggi finally screamed out as he sat up. He watched Dochul with hurt eyes as he pushed his hand away from his arm.

Dochul was stunned. Had he actually done something like this? He hated the fact that he didn’t doubt it. But, would he really be capable of doing something like this to Honggi? No matter how mad he could get?

After a second of silence, Honggi spoke again.

“Look at your knuckles, and ask me who did this to me, again, Dochul.”

Honggi spoke in a trembling voice, full of hurt. His eyes teared up as he watched Dochul look down at his knuckles.

They were red, bruised. Dochul didn’t even know what to say. How was he supposed to even apologize? Where could he begin? He looked up at Honggi again, who was watching him silently.

“Honggi, I..”

“Don’t. Just g-go, Dochul.”

Honggi looked away from Dochul. He knew Dochul would want to repair this, somehow fix their relationship. But Honggi didn’t know if he could even move past this. He just needed to be alone to think.

“Honggi-“

“Just go!”

Dochul stayed still as he watched Honggi. If Honggis face looked so bad, he couldn’t imagine what his body looked like. Although he wanted to be stubborn and stay, he knew he couldn’t. He owed Honggi that much.

Dochul slowly stood up, walking to the door. He glanced back Honggi as he reached for the doorknob.

“I’m sorry.”

He muttered out a small apology before walking out, shutting the door behind him.

Honggi felt himself tear up even more as he watched Dochul leave. It felt like his life had fallen into pieces on his lap, and he was the one responsible for putting it all back together.

Maybe it just wasn’t meant to be after all. Honggi loved Dochul, with all his heart. Hell, he was the only man he’d ever met get so close. Honggi couldn’t remember the last time he’d been in a committed relationship. But, all of this just reminded him why he’d been so scared of commitment in the first place. If he had trouble trusting people before, he’d never be able to open up again now.

The thought made Honggi lower his head as tears streamed down his face. He’d strained his throat enough from how much he’d screamed last night. All he could do was cry quietly, and hopefully think of a way to fix this fucked up situation.