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against heaven and all

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What is it like being loved romantically?

Is it like feeling weird because of eating butterflies alive and you believe they start to live in your stomach like what they all say? Is it like jumping and running around a field of flowers joyfully, laughing together like problems aren't invented in the world? Or is it like walking on the floor of thumbnails and sleeping in the bed of roses with sharp thorns that hurt you ruthlessly? I honestly have no idea.

I only know one love. One great love. A love that ever since I came here, they always preach to me. A love that you needs to be loyal and faithful to someone you never met and if you don't, you'll be punished and abandoned. A love that says to be eternal and always forgives. Love from someone so almighty that whatever you do, He will still love you. A love that I was born to live with and supposed to keep until the end.

"Guardian Angel Renjun," I snapped back to reality when Archangel Doyoung called my name.

"Were you supposed to guard that kid from the Philippines? What are you doing here?"

I tried to think of an excuse why I'm here in the Garden of Eden. I can't say that I almost forgot about that kid because I was lost in my thoughts. Senior Doyoung would punish me for being so irresponsible if I say so.

"Ahh... I run an errand from Senior Archangel Taeyong to guard the Forbidden Tree for a while. I am sorry Senior Doyoung." A single white lie won't hurt me, I guess. I hope Father understands.

He looks at me unconvinced. I think I should've said something else than guarding the Forbidden Tree instead. "Alright. Greet Taeyong for me. You may go down and guard the kid. I saw an evil spirit around him earlier. You don't want to lose him to a devil, do you?"

The word of a 'devil' alarmed me. I immediately excused myself and fly all the way to where the kid I am guarding was.

I am a Guardian Angel for 18 years already and yes, we are true. It is also true that we are assigned to guard certain child since he was born into the world until the child reached 10 years old. Well, we still continue to guard them after reaching 10 but the visiting could be very minimal compared to when they were infants.

The first kid I was assigned to is now 20 years old and doing fine in college in London, serving Father God in her religion ever since she was young. She was active in her youth organization and now leading the organization to spread the word of God. She wanted to become a nun after college. I am proud to say I did raise her well together with her parents and with that, I was praised and gained the third rank of Guardian Angels.

We also have ranks, yes. It depends on how the life of the child will go under our guidance. If the child chose the right path to goodness, the child's guardian angel will gain heaven points and may rank up depending on how much the child became good. But if the child chose the path of evilness, the guardian angel will gain nothing and will move on to another child to guard. I am in the third-highest rank already, thanks to her after being a newbie and I can't wait to turn and become an Archangel sooner if I reached the first rank. Well, that really depends if the kid I am guarding right now will turn to, like a samaritan so I can earn big points.

Enough with the angel stuff, I luckily found him in the elementary's playground together with his friend. I look around and I haven't found either the devil following him or an evil spirit roaming around. I tried to find the friend's guardian angel too but I can't sense anything supernatural other than mine. I was left with no choice but to guard them both while they talk in the swing.

"Why did you do that earlier, Zach? Teacher Annie will be angry!" said Johan, the child under my guard.

"I don't know. It feels like someone was whispering to me earlier," said the friend whose name is Zach.

"What did you do, Zach?" I murmured as if they will hear me. I just love joining children's talks though most of the time, they are nonsense, very entertaining, and honest.

"Oh my god! Maybe that's a bad spirit! Your guardian angel would be mad!" Johan scares him. It was less than a minute when Zach started to cry. Holy cakes, what should I do?

I look around to see if there are people but there is not a single one roaming around the playground so, I transformed and disguised myself as their Teacher Annie. Sometimes, we disguise ourselves in a form of humans when it is really needed.

"Johan and Zach, aren't you supposed to go home already?" I said from their backs. They turned around and instead of the stopped from crying, Zach cried, even more, the moment he saw me. Oh, no.

"Teacher Annie!" Johan shouts. I come closer to them in the swing.

"Why are you crying, Zach?" I kneeled down to be on their same height level.

"Teacher Annie! Zach said he's sorry!" I smiled when Johan tried to protect Zach by talking to me on behalf of him. I'm really sure he has a heart of a samaritan.

"Whatever you did, it's not your fault. The teacher will understand you so don't cry anymore. If you keep crying, your guardian angel will be sad too. Do you want that?" He shook his head and sniffed to stop his runny nose.

Fortunately, I have my handkerchief with me so I took it and give it to him to wipe his wet face. It was embroidered with a small feather as a mark that it was made from Heaven. As long as he keeps it, good things will happen to him all the time. I hope his guardian angel will notice it and bring it back to me. Somehow, humans must not have it. It triggers the balance of this world because it was considered a holy lucky charm. I don't have a choice but to use it for a while.

I turned to Johan who's now suspiciously looking at me. Does he sense I'm not their Teacher Annie? I got nervous for an instant and remembers that he has great intuition of feeling energies from his surroundings. Setting aside the thought, I smiled at him and I was relieved when he smiled back but the next thing he said disappointed me.

"She said it's fine. You can try harder next time so you won't get caught." What does he mean?

"Johan, what do you mean?"

"Haven't you caught him cheating on our quiz earlier, Teacher Annie?" So, that's what he did? Oh no, that's bad. It's a sin.

"Zach, listen to me. Even if it's alright with me that doesn't mean it is right. Cheating is bad, very bad. Promise me you won't do it again, okay?" I calmly advise him to make him listen to me. He just nodded slowly at me.

"You too, Johan. Promise me you won't cheat too." He nodded too.

"Good boys. Now, go home and do your homework before you play, ha? I'll see you both tomorrow."

I hugged them before I bid them goodbye just like what their teacher has been doing every time she dismissed their class. Right after the talk, their parents arrived to fetch them back home and that got me relieved.

Now, it's time to hunt the devil.

I turned back to my angel form and ready myself If I need to summon a sword that can end a devil's life or wound them at least. I really hate seeing one. I will eliminate him immediately if I catch him.

I walk around the elementary school and found him in the men's restroom. Surprisingly, he is wearing a suit. He looks different than those devils that I encountered before. He was standing there looking at two boys and before he even touch them, he notices me and looks at me shockingly. Nuisance.

"Devil"

"Oh, an angel! A pleasure to meet you, God's shoes." I frowned and attacked him, pinning him to the wall, my hand holding his neck. I hold it tightly as he tries to take my hand off his neck to stop choking him. I thought he's strong. Well, he's just one of those trashy devils after all.

"How dare you harm those children."

"L-Listen... I didn't do it! It wasn't me!"

"Stop lying you rat."

"I said It wasn't me! Stop choking me you son of a--"

"God. I'm a son of God." He laughed. How dare he mock a holy being?!

"Seriously, I'm not the devil you thought. It was a demon and I already punished it. I was just doing an order from Lilith. Can you release me now?" He coldly said. I glare at his hands holding my wrist. He immediately release it and so I did to his neck. I stepped backward, inches away from him as he catches his breath.

"You sure are freaking strong, Angel. What rank are you?"

"Third."

"Ah, guessed right."

I glare at him even more. His presence really irritates me. I want to kill him right now but I had a feeling that he might be useful. It is the first time I encounter such a devil, like him.

"What a nuisance."

"Hey, as far as I remember I don't have any business with you and you suddenly jumped out of nowhere, trying to kill me.  Just how much you hate us?"

"As far as my concern too, you should be aware that your whole existence screams evil. That doesn't sit with us in Heaven."

"Aren't that too much? We also care about humans, don't worry. By the way, tell me your name, Angel."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because pretty boys have pretty names. Angels are no exception," then winks at me.

A devil is really a devil. Flirty, cunning, and deceiving.

"Stop. We don't fall for those kinds of tricks. If I were you, I'd better watch out and never come near to those children again to save my life. You're lucky I spare you." I started to walk away from him but he follows me all the way to the elementary school's gate. I'm just wasting my time.

"What is it? Tell me."

"Shut up and leave me alone."

"I won't shut up until I know your name."

"I don't have a name."

"That's impossible. A third rank guardian angel who has no name? And I thought angels don't know how to lie?" I'm starting to be very annoyed. We passed the gates and he still keeps pestering me.

"Fine! It's Renjun. Are you following me just to pester me, you ugly creature?!" I raised my head to face him when I halted from walking. Unfortunately, he was way taller than me.

"Renjun. I knew it was pretty like you." He smiled at me foolishly. My stomach churned. I felt weird. I felt sick. I knew that I should've killed him earlier and didn't hesitate. I hate this feeling and myself for losing the opportunity to eliminate him.

"Hey, are you okay? Something's hurt?"

"Nothing. None of your business." I ignored the weird feeling I feel and look away to not see his face. Holy cakes, I need to go back to Heaven. I don't feel good. Or so I thought.

"You really have an attitude ka for an angel. I was just concerned."

"Why would such a devil feel like that? As if you're a human. Tss."

"It's because we're partly humans. Why? Is it a sin to feel something humanely? I'm sure it's not."

"Stop asking nonsensical things."

"Why are you so cold? I thought all angels are kind and very friendly. Are you lost there? I mean, up there?"

"One more word and I will kill you with my sword." I pull him up with his collar as he looks at me amused. He smirked and slowly nodded afterward.

I let go of him and revealed my wings. I need to go back to Heaven and see Senior Taeyong. I ignored his goodbye and fly my way back.


When I arrived at Senior Taeyong's office, I am glad he let me in so we can talk. The first thing I did is apologize for lying to Senior Doyoung and using him as an excuse. He scolded me for doing a sin and assuring me Senior Doyoung understood and forgave me already.

"I knew you have something else to say to me. Speak, Renjun."

"Senior, I met a devil earlier. A devil in a suit." He stopped flipping pages from the book he is holding.

"Why do you look so worried?" I asked.

"Oh, it's nothing. You just encountered one of the High Ranking Devils of Lucifer." My eyes widened after I heard that sinful name.

"What? That devil is one of the top 10 devils who's ruling Hell?"

"Probably. You said he wears a suit. All of them wear one." I nodded.

I didn't know that. That's why he's not that thrilled to see an angel, unlike those lowly devils I encountered and eliminated before.

"What's with him? Tell me you fought him?"

"I did but I didn't kill him."

"Good."

"Why?"

"Because it would be hard to deal with Lucifer right now. I have lots of things to do and so is Father too. Lucifer is not easy to deal with. I hope you're aware of that." Oh, so that's it. Lucifer will get mad if any of them will be vanished so suddenly.

"But it's not really the reason why you're here, isn't it?"

How should I say this? That I feel so bothered with his presence? That the moment I look at that devil's eyes, he gave me a weird feeling that my stomach almost went ill, or am I just overreacting about it? I hate to admit but I can't stop thinking about that ugly creature.

"You seem bothered, Renjun. Does he bother you?"

Alright. It's now or never, I won't lie anymore and do another sin.

"Yes, he does."

"Does he annoy you?"

"Absolutely, yes"

"Did he say pretty things?" I confusingly nodded.

"Definitely"

"Did you feel weird in your stomach when you look at him and thought twice if you would kill him or not?"

"Exactly, but how did you know---"

"Renjun, you've fallen for the devil."

Senior Taeyong looks at me disappointed before he leaves his office and left me in shock. Like what? Me? Have fallen for the devil, like him? That annoying and talkative pest devil? What the snakes?!

No way! That doesn't make sense.

Chapter Text

"Does liking someone a sin?"

"What kind of question is that, Jaehyun? Of course not!"

"For us devils?" He looks at me with bored eyes.

"Maybe? Since we're not supposed to feel it to any creature in the first place." I nodded and took a sip in my liquor flask.

It's already a week since I last saw that beautiful angel. Since that day, I can't stop thinking about that beautiful being. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't the first time I've met an angel. There's something that I just can't forget about him. Especially, when I held him.

"Say, Johnny, have you been touched by an angel? What is it like?" He frowned and stopped signing papers just to look at me.

"You've been asking weird questions these days. Have you fought an angel lately?"

"Just answer my goddamn question you sneaky jerk." I shot him deadly glares. He smirked and continues what he's doing.

"Chill. Well, I have never been touched by one and I don't want to even meet one. They are scary and merciless." I laughed when he exactly described him. They are really scary at some point.

"Why don't you go away and bother Yuta instead? Or let Lilith bothers you again. I'm tired of answering your stupid questions."

I throw a knife at him that I saw in his wall collection in this room but he caught it without even looking. Damn this devil.

I walked out of his office and roam around Hell. I passed by a demon who ruthlessly punished men in the ash field. He bowed as soon as he saw me passing by. I look at those lowly sinful humans. Poor creatures. If only you all chose the path of goodness then you wouldn't be here at all, suffering endlessly.

I was about to continue roaming Hell but someone appeared before me that I almost got startled.

"What the fuck, Lilith?"

"Good thing, I found you, Jaehyun. I need your help!"

Lilith, the Mother of all Demons, in her black dress, appeared before me while looking nervous. Oh, not again.

"Seems like bothering me just to ask favors is your hobby these days, Lilith." I walk by, passing her.

"Sorry not sorry but please, I really need your help. What do you want in return? The usual?" I halted and turn around to face her.

"No. Give me information about someone."

"Who is this someone? A human?"

"Ah... Actually, it's an angel."

"Why would a devil be interested in an angel? Are you kidding me?"

"Do you want me to help you or not?"

"Fine, fine! I'll help you with that but first, bring me back this bitch."

She gave me a paper with a picture of a demon who looks like a human. No, not just any human, but a small girl who carries a wrecked doll. How come this is a demon?

"Really? You want me to go after a child?" I raised one eyebrow. She scorned and rudely took back the paper in my hands.

"She's not just a child. She's an evil spirit and what she carries is the freaking demon that devours children. That girl is very stubborn and wanted to wander outside her cell. The guards went easy on her so, I punished them after knowing she went out." Ohh, so it's the ugly doll.

I told her to read the information because I'll bring her back today. I left Hell immediately and went to Earth to start my searching. I asked my fire, my power, to search the location of that brat and it told me that it was roaming around the Philippines.

It's that country again. Now, whenever I hear that country's name, the encounter I had with Renjun flashes back in my mind. Argh, I want to see him again.


Luckily, I found her sitting on the bench of a park, alone. There's a lot of people here right now and I can't just drag her out suddenly because there is a high chance of possibility she will get mad that might create a commotion in the public. I don't want that to happen. I may be a devil but I care about those sinful and innocent humans too. I'm not that reckless.

I changed my form into my human form and bought ice cream from an ice cream vendor nearby. Demons love offerings. If they accept one, they can't resist but to bring back the favor.

I sit beside her and handed her the ice cream. She looks at me like an innocent and harmless child in her pajamas. This is why I dislike kids. They can be very deceiving than most of the devils.

"Here."

"Thank you." She quietly said in her soft voice.

She's definitely just a child. No, Jaehyun, you need to trick her so she can go with you and finish this boring mission already. Anyways, praise Satan she took the bait.

I watch her eat the ice cream and look at those kids, having fun playing a game where she is also looking. For a moment, I felt pity for her. She probably didn't have a good childhood when she was alive. I wonder what happened to her before she became an evil spirit. She was too young to be this bad.

"Do you want to play with them?" She looks at me and nodded.

"You can only join them if you'll let me babysit your doll."

"Why can't I tag Jolly along? He wants to come." What an ugly name for a possessed doll.

"Well, because you can't run freely while holding him. Don't worry, I'll take care of it." She smiled at me widely and handed me Jolly before she runs towards those group of children to join them. Children can be easily fooled, indeed.

I burned the doll who screamed at me after it realizes who I am but it was too late. I teleported it back to Hell, in the location of Lilith's room. It's not my problem anymore if she won't see it because she's not in her room.

I put on my sunglasses and sit comfortably on the bench as I watch that girl, playing with those children. I'll drag her out of here if she shows even a small percent of her evilness and harms those kids.

I was enjoying and eating my ice cream when someone with a strong presence sit beside me. I didn't mind him or her because I can't look away and lose sight of that girl. But when that someone spoke, I froze.

"I can't believe I would be seeing you again, devil. You even brought a harmful spirit with you. What are you even thinking?!"

It's him. It's that voice I've been imagining for a week and dying to hear. It is definitely and undoubtedly his. I look at him beside me and almost dropped my jaw when I saw him in his human form. I took off my sunglasses to see him clearly.

He's wearing a white shirt and a mustard cardigan. His blonde hair is down. His see-through bangs almost cover his forehead. Those blue eyes, looking at me with hatred or what, but there is something else. He doesn't wear makeup but hell, he looks so damn beautiful. I've never been this grateful to see such a beautiful being in my entire life living in hideous Hell.

"Holy shit."

What the fuck, Jaehyun? That's all you're going to say? But fuck, I feel so nervous more than before. I was brought back to my senses with a heavy slap on my face.

"What the fuck? What was that for?!" I said, cupping my swollen cheek.

"That's for being an asshole."

"Wow, fiesty. You're partially right."

"What are you planning and you're spreading evilness here? Are you already rotting in Hell that you decided to take a walk with a demon?" he said as he gets me closer to him when he pulled up my collar. Should I thank him for this privilege of being closer to him?

"No. I was just doing a favor. Don't worry, baby. I won't let that girl harm your little boy and those children." I smiled and raised my eyebrows at him. Before I even reach for his face when he harshly released me, disgustedly. I fixed my collar and tie instead.

"I thought you want to kill." I opened up after I glanced at him.

He's focused on looking at those children and when I look closely, there is also the boy he is guarding. That makes sense why he's here. Then I suddenly got conscious when I realized how many guardian angels are around because of those children. They've been monitoring me since I got here absolutely. I was just glad they didn't get in my way.

"I've been dying to but I was ordered to spare you, for now."

"Thanks, I'm grateful."

"Shut up."

"Why do you always want me to shut up when you're too loud in my mind. That's unfair. Aren't you getting tired?"

"What?"

"Being in my mind 24/7." Yes, Renjun. I can't get you out of my head and it's giving me a hard time.

He just rolled his eyes at me like there's something annoying from what I said. Well, there maybe is but who cares though? Their Father? Tsk.

"Can I ask a question?"

"Be sure it's worth it." Yeah, for an angel, he's really mean.

"Is there a possibility an angel falls in love?"

"Yes, to Father God."

"No, I mean, romantically? To a human or another angel, or... to your enemy?" He looks at me seriously, direct to my eyes. His eyes scream curiosity.

"No. It's a sin. A deadly sin."

"Is that so? That's unfortunate then. Why there's a lot of hindrances between us? Gives me a headache."

"What are you talking about?"

"Nevermind."

Silence. We just continue guarding those children. Seeing that evil spirit having fun with those humans is odd. Maybe, she's not really that harmful at all. Or at least, without the doll she owns.

"Hey, Renjun. Can you keep a secret?" I speak up just to break the silence. I want to clear my head right now because who knows when will I get another chance like this with him.

"Now devils have secrets too. That's interesting." He said sarcastically.

"You know what's more interesting?" He turns his face to look at me, frowning. I bend a little closer near his ear, enough for him to hear my whispers.

"How you make my heartthrobs. How I'm so attracted to you. How you look so beautiful that I wanted to see you every day."

"Stop whispering nonse---"

"How you mess up my mind every damn minute. How are you able to come closer to me like we're friends even if you know it's forbidden. How I can see in your eyes that you want me to come to you. How I can feel I have a faint chance at you. That guilt you're feeling is strong. Are you aware of that?" He tried to push me away but I stay still and continue what I have to say. I can sense his nervousness. His heartbeat gets faster.

"You want to know my secret? It's you, Renjun. You are my secret and I know, you feel it. Your Father probably knows it too." Our faces are so close to each other I can almost kiss him but I'm controlling myself not to. For hell's sake, he's a holy being.

"Devils are definitely troublemakers. Whatever you're feeling, stop it. Forget it! It's forbidden for heaven's sake. How dare you..." He worriedly shouted to me. I distance myself and heave a deep sigh.

"Yes, we are. I can't deny that. I don't need you to reciprocate what I feel anyway, Renjun. Just let me be because falling for you was never something I planned."

Silence again and we became awkward.

"You really need to stop it. I am an angel. You are a devil. We are enemies bounded by our origins. Having ties with you is forbidden already, let alone being in love. I don't even know why I have the guts to talk back to you. Let's leave it like that."

I hope I'm not imagining things but I sense the disappointment and despair in his voice.

"But you still did. You still talked to me." He met my eyes and he was about to speak up but we're both alarmed when we heard a mother scream her son's name.

"Johan!"

We both run to where they are and saw the boy on the ground, crying in pain. I immediately find the evil spirit and I saw her looking at the boy angrily. I pull her arm harshly and face her.

"What the hell did you do?!"

"He stepped on me! I just returned the pain back." Tss, she's not even sorry.

I get her out of that place and brought her back to Hell immediately. She tried to get away from my grip but she's too weak to do it. When we arrived at Lilith's room, she thanked me for what I'd done. She took the brat from me and exchange it with a folder that contains the information I needed. I was then left alone in the room.

I cussed when I forgot to bid him farewell. I was too occupied with that brat's agenda. Well, I'll see him soon. I know I will and If I don't, then I'll come to find him. Fuck Satan if he goes in my way.

I opened the folder and the first thing that caught my attention is his beautiful photo and his name below.

 

Huang Renjun
Third Rank Guardian Angel
200x - present
Christian
Guarded Children:
Tiana Smith (London, United Kingdom)
Johan Marvelos (Manila, Philippines)

 

I won't stop bothering you, baby. You have to be responsible for this too. I won't mind losing my position for you.

Chapter Text

Opposite attracts. Most of the time, literally. You feel attracted to someone who's completely the opposite of your whole being, physically or mentally. It's not wrong. Love can never be wrong. What makes it feel wrong is the circumstances that became the hindrances of the relationship. But then, Renjun and Jaehyun's relationship is an exception. Sadly, it is lawfully wrong.

Their relationship was driven by their own heart's desires. The desire to seek love and feel loved. The desire can destroy everything they both have. The desire that will make them loathe themselves.


[The Seraphim's Manor, Heaven Realm]

 

"Why are you here, Guardian Angel Renjun?" question by Jaemin, a Seraphim Angel or a spirit of love. The highest-ranking of all archangels.

"I need your help."

"I see, you're bounded by a sin. A dangerous one."

Jaemin went closer to him and brush his hair. Jaemin is one of the Seraphim who takes care of the other angels' hearts. Whenever they feel pain in their hearts, they run to seraphim to talk it out and ease them away. The moment Jaemin saw what's in Renjun's confusing heart, he immediately had a conclusion that he can't fix it.

"What do you mean?"

"You're attracted to someone you should have not to. Your confused heart tells me he's a dangerous man. What have you been up to, Renjun? Who are you seeing? You know that falling in love is forbidden!" Jaemin carefully says, worried that someone might hear them. He's been friends with Renjun ever since and he won't let his best friend be in danger.

"I know! I can't help it! I hate myself because I can't stop it! Help me, Jaemin. I don't want to lose the only things I have, including you," Renjun begging.

"Fine, I'll help you but first, tell me everything about this man."

It's been weeks since Renjun was seeing Jaehyun. At first, it was just Jaehyun who keeps on following him wherever he goes down to the Earth and guard Johan closely.  Renjun didn't even bother to notice him because Jaehyun was irritating him. He didn't even believe that Jaehyun loves him because that was still impossible for Renjun's beliefs. Their law states that they shall never love anyone other than their God. But devils are devils and they are sinful so Jaehyun, a very sneaky one, has been ignoring and abiding by the law.

Jaehyun decided he will pursue Renjun until he gives in to him too. He did everything even if it means he has to be good. The more Jaehyun talks to him, the more Renjun starts to get used to his presence and even wondered if Jaehyun can be actually good. If that miraculously happens, he will openly welcome him in Heaven.

Renjun thought that maybe, Jaehyun still has a chance to leave Hell. But every time he was reminded of the story of Adam and Eve, he disregards his thoughts about changing Jaehyun.

Until then, Renjun starts to be fond of him. When one-time Jaehyun didn't show up on him for a whole day, Renjun felt sad and worried, that it felt something was missing. That's when he realized that his feelings towards the devil were growing deeper than it supposed to. For the first time since he became an angel, he felt fear. Fear for what might happen to the both of them if he gives in.

'Eve took the bait of the fruit of Forbidden Tree and ruined her life forever. I won't do the same mistake.' Renjun reminded himself.

He knows himself that it was a lie. Another guilt that he also felt was his numerous lies. He was showing signs of normal human behaviors.


"Is there something off with me lately?"

Renjun looks at Jaehyun, sitting beside him. They were walking on the long road of Han River bridge where they can see the calm river. The sun is about to set and there were people who are passing by as well as cars and bikes running in different directions. It is one of those days when Renjun would feel suffocated in Heaven and runs down to Earth to roam around together with Jaehyun, accompanying him.

It's been weeks since the incident at the park and they become even more closer. Renjun doesn't know what to call their relationship but they're not even friends either. Renjun just knows that he likes Jaehyun's presence beside him ever since he doesn't know.

"Nothing? You're still beautiful to me."

Renjun slightly beats Jaehyun in his arm. Jaehyun winced but still laughed heartily. He's used on Renjun's beatings and has never been offended by it. Jaehyun knows that Renjun is just embarrassed by his sweet talks.

He still likes the angel though. Love even.

"I mean, are my actions becoming more human?"

"What do you mean? Are you doubting yourself?" Jaehyun frowned as he stops walking and face Renjun instead.

Renjun looks away and didn't respond. Jaehyun gently cups Renjun's face and made Renjun look at him. With one look at his eyes, Jaehyun found out what's bothering him in his beloved angel's mind.

"Are you worried that they might leave you because you're with me?" Renjun slowly nods.

"I told you a million times that they won't. Renjun, you're the angel that is really hard to let go of. They will probably forgive you. And if by means that I need to stay far away---"

"What? Stop staying that! I thought you'll stay no matter what?" Renjun annoyingly pushes off Jaehyun's hands from his face.

"I mean---"

"You don't know how much trouble this whole thing can put me through and you're thinking on giving up that easily?" Renjun look hurt at what he heard from Jaehyun.

He's been starting to open his feelings with him even though they're both different from each other. A huge difference obviously. Renjun finally takes the risk he's getting himself into and right when he's about to do it all, the devil who started it all would just tell him that he will stay back when things would crumble down.

That's a lot of bullshit, indeed.

"Renjun, can you listen to me for a sec? I'm not even finished yet and you're jumping to conclusions already."

Jaehyun knew he screwed up about choosing his words. He knew how much Renjun has been feeling different lately. He's becoming more emotional than he used to. The angel smiles and gets sad at every minute just like a human having mood swings. Jaehyun didn't know why Renjun is becoming more human but if the reason is him, Jaehyun is more than willing to turn a blind eye and go for miles just to be away from Renjun.

"Baby, look, I knew damn well what we're getting ourselves into. I'm more than willing to do anything to not get you hurt. What I'm saying is, we just need to enjoy the time we have right now. We'll settle that later but today, I want to walk with you to the end of this road and just enjoy the sunset together. I want you to clear your mind and just think about me only." Jaehyun grins while Renjun smirks from hearing his last sentence.

"Whatever happens, I won't unlove you."

Jaehyun gives Renjun a forehead kiss before he pulls away from him but before he even continues on walking again, Renjun pulls his hand and tiptoed to reach Jaehyun's lips.

It was a peck in the lips but it felt whole damn magical fireworks on Jaehyun's heart. He was smiling from ear to ear, looking at Renjun, "Does that mean you love me too?"

"Whatever," Renjun smirked and walked, passing him over.

"Baby, wait up!"

Jaehyun shouted when everything sinks in and right when he's running to catch up with Renjun, the angel foolishly runs to not get caught by the devil, laughing like it was the best day of their lives.

But then, reality kicked in when Renjun was back in Heaven and Doyoung asked for his presence privately.

One of the reasons why he has been avoiding any of his seniors as much as he can is he doesn't have the courage enough yet to face them. Archangel Doyoung starts to be suspicious of Renjun's actions strangely. Something is bothering the guardian angel. He can absolutely sense it so, he finds a way to confront him.


[The Archangel's Manor, Heaven Realm]

 

Senior Doyoung called Renjun in his office to talk to him privately about the matter. Renjun doesn't know what to do but to accept and expect what might happen because he thinks that the archangel knows already about his rendezvous with Jaehyun.

"You have called me."

"How's the kid?"

"He's doing fine and I'm guarding him properly, Senior."

"Properly? But I saw you hanging out with a devil. You both look comfortable with each other." He caught him off guard. Renjun starts to panic and thinks of what to say about his formed relationship with the devil.

"I-I was j-just... He's not w-what you---"

"Then tell me what he is, Renjun? Is he the devil you've fallen with?" Renjun shuts up because he doesn't know how to answer that question.

Renjun can't bring himself on answering that question because he knows that it was actually happening to him. Even though he's denying it, his heart screams about him and his mind flashes his wonderful moments with him. He's not stupid to not know that he has fallen in love with the devil.

"Are you out of your mind?! I thought you'd get rid of him after knowing how heavy your sin is. You of all angels should know that!" He yelled to him.

"I sincerely apologize." Renjun almost whispering.

Renjun suddenly feels his eyes are burning. He's not sure why it's happening and his sight is almost blurring but he doesn't care because the ache in his heart is much more unbearable from all the hurtful words Senior Doyoung thrown at him.

"You disappointed me, Renjun. For all of the third rank guardian angels, you're the most disappointing. I should've known you are capable of rebelling. It was a mistake I pulled you up and gave you a higher rank." That hurt him the most.

"How are you going to face Father? You just betrayed Him."

"I'll apologize--"

"You know that's not enough. Prove to Him you really love him. Prove your worth as an angel."

Tears ran down from his face that froze him. Tears. He raises his head and met Senior Doyoung's gaze.

"Renjun... you're crying. How come?" Doyoung shockingly muttered.

Angels couldn't cry.

"Don't tell me... you're becoming human?" Shock plastered on Renjun's face. He can't become a human!

"I-I don't know--"

"It's that devil's doing! What he had done to you?!" Renjun got afraid when Doyoung shouted at him angrily.

Doyoung holds Renjun's shoulders, frowning and widened eyes that show how much mad the senior is for what he had witnessed.

"Do you want to lose everything and just be a lowly human, Renjun? You'll lose your immortality, your prowess of goodness, your wings, your friends, every single thing you cherish, even that boy you were guarding if you follow your heart's desire."

He shook his head nonstop. He can't give up this life, not when he worked hard for it.

"Look at me, Renjun. You know what to do. The right thing that will save you from falling deeper."

He knows it. He knows what he means. He has to sacrifice his heart's desire and repent his sins. Renjun needs to get rid of the arrow nailed in his chest.

"Kill the devil."


[Lucifer's Throne Room, Hell Realm]

 

"I can't!"

"Jaehyun! Don't be an idiot!" Lucifer bawled at the whole throned room.

Lucifer immediately called over Jaehyun after he received a call from God. It is very rare that he receives a call from his former Father figure which struck him that one of his servants has done something almost unforgivable.

"Do you want to die in my hands or in that angel whose you're crazily in love with?!"

"You can't change my mind, Lucifer. Stop getting on my business."

"You stupid fuck! I should've known you're the most stubborn of all your companions."

Jaehyun smirked while Lucifer leans his head in the throne chair's headrest. He's getting stressed for trying his best on convincing Jaehyun to stop his madness about that angel.

Jaehyun is one of his under companions that rules Hell. He can't rule the infinite place all alone and so he collected his companions. The Ten Highest Ranking Devils including the seven deadly sins holders, Johnny, Yuta, and Jaehyun rule the Hell realm in divisions. While Lilith is her left hand and responsible for all the demons' profiles.

Lucifer knew how soft-hearted Jaehyun was ever since he adopted him as a child. He was reminded of how he and Archangel Taeil fought over Jaehyun because the angel knew that Jaehyun doesn't belong in Hell. But Jaehyun knew that it was Lucifer who had been there for him through his darkest times and so, he accepted the job of being a ruler.

"Why do you keep interfering, Luci?"

"Because he's not just anyone! He's a freaking angel, a servant of Ex-Father God, and a holy being who must be faithful to Him at all cost! You're ruining him! Knock your senses, Jaehyun. He's out of your league!" Finally, Lucifer can't hold enough of his anger and knock Jaehyun out of his senses.

Jaehyun was just staring at him blankly after Lucifer shouted and knock him off once. In Lucifer's mind, he definitely hurt the devil's feelings but he doesn't feel any guilt or pity because Jaehyun deserves to feel threatened, to feel hurt to awaken himself from his romantic bubble.

"But he told me.."

"What? That he loves you? That you can be together? And you fell from that? Are you a fucking kid? Jaehyun, wake up! That angel won't probably be that stupid to give up his own life in Heaven's realm just to be with you! You belong here forever. You'll rot in here if that's what your fate says so!"

"No! I'm the one who pursued him, said how much I love him, told that I can be better for us and can be together. It's all my fault. I didn't know how much he will lose everything because of me." He sadly said.

"Yes, jerk. Once an angel falls in love, he'll lose her faith in Ex-Father God and that is a deadly sin for them. He'll get kicked out of Heaven. He'll lose everything. His rank, his prowess, his friends, his immortality, and he'll live as a normal human being. Angels feared that. That kind of life is horrible for them. As horrible as being dead."

Lucifer remembered his first day in Hell. He did an unforgivable sin and so, his Ex-Father God kicked him out of Heaven and locked him in Hell. Living here was the last thing he ever wanted. His early years were horrible. It was an endless pain and suffering until he got used to it. He bet the whole Hell that the angel won't last long when everything turns to a disaster.

"I'll give you a day to sort things out. Come back here heartless. Don't even think of running away or you'll be banished forever," threatening him before Jaehyun angrily left the room.


[Elementary School's Playground, Philippines]

 

Jaehyun quietly sits at the swing of the playground. He remembers that this is the place whenever Renjun wants to guard Johan closely. He even met those other guardian angels. They all disgust him, look at him like he's the worst being ever created. But Renjun was different. He looked at him with fairness, curiosity, and comfort, like he understands every part of him. He knew he can't give him up but if giving up is the only thing that can save them both, so be it.

"Jaehyun"

He lifts his head after hearing a familiar voice. He sadly looks at the angel standing in front of him. Renjun's eyes are red for crying too much which confused Jaehyun after noticing it.

Did he have a rough day? Most important of all, did he cry? And he thought that angels never cry?

"Did you cry? Why? What happened? Tell me who--" he was about to reach the angel when he steps backward which stiffened Jaehyun in his feet. Did they have the same rough day? or the same order from Them?

"Don't come near me."

"W-Why? What the hell happened---" Jaehyun was about to step forward but stopped when Renjun took out his sword and pointed it at him. The day when Jaehyun feared the most has come. The day when Renjun realizes that killing him off would be for the better good.

"I said don't come near me!" Renjun lowers his gaze, not wanting to meet Jaehyun's sorrowful eyes.

Renjun can't look at him now. He still can't accept that he needs to kill the only important being that treated him like he's the most special thing that ever existed. Saw him like he's not just an assistant. Someone that made him feel that even though he's not perfect, he loved and cared for him like how an expensive jewel being worshipped by humans.

In his whole life of being an angel or some would call, God's shoes, he never ever felt that he's somewhat special. He felt like he's just an ordinary shoe that after using, will return to his cabinet and be used again tomorrow with the same routine. Ever since he met Jaehyun, the work he's been doing became lighter and felt like not a responsibility but a passion he wanted to do. No matter how much Renjun denies, Jaehyun made him feel like he's capable to love someone other than their Father.

Renjun might love to make the devil stay as much as possible but it is really forbidden. There are too many hindrances. He knew that one day, he'll make a choice. A choice that can change his life forever. A choice that can change who he will be in the future. And he chose the better one.

"You're finally going to kill me, huh?"

From being the caring devil, he suddenly switched to his cold personality in a matter of seconds. Jaehyun's attitude shifted from the good one he loved to the bad one he hated from the first time they met.

"I don't have a choice." He looks at him and their eyes lock.

"Your eyes say you had. I knew already what you have chosen. I knew it from the start honestly. It's not me." There's a stain of hurt in his last words. Jaehyun felt betrayed. Renjun can feel that he's about to cry again and so he breaks the stare.

"Leave, before I change my mind." Renjun threatened, lowering his sword down to the ground.

"What if I don't?"

"Then I will kill you!"

"Do it then."

Renjun looks at Jaehyun confusingly. There's no other trace of doubt on Jaehyun's face. For Jaehyun, he just can't do it. Leaving Renjun means he needs to forget him. He doesn't want to forget the moments they shared. For him, everything was precious. If it means he needs to carry it and bury it in his heart, he will.

"Why are you so stubborn, Jaehyun?! Why do you make things more complicated like they already are?!"

Renjun couldn't hold the pain anymore. He needs to burst it all out because it may be the last time they will see each other. He knows Father is watching them from above.

"See? You can't even do it! Because you don't want to begin with. If you really wanted to kill me in the first place, you wouldn't let me come near you in the park or in this playground, heck, even touched you in Seoul! I know how much you wanted me the same, Renjun. If I hadn't felt that way back, we're probably not hurting right now."  Renjun frowned at what he heard from Jaehyun.

Is he blaming him?

"And now it's my fault? Let me remind you that it was you who followed me like a puppy and keep forcing himself on me in the first place! I didn't kill you because it was an order to not hurt you. I'm here sparing your life because I still care for you and yet, you're blaming me for the mess you made? Unbelievable!"

"Then who else? If you didn't meddle with my business then we shouldn't be fighting right now. I wouldn't have liked you so much that it drives me crazy being away from you. I wouldn't have loved you and almost decided to run away with you from everything, giving up all I have just to be with you thinking if you'll ever come with me!" Renjun froze and just looked at Jaehyun, raging with anger. 

"I hate everything that went in our way. Our status, our life, every single damn thing! Fuck! I hate that when I just look at you, I just love you already that it terrified me. Yes, I'm terrified too, Renjun."  Renjun couldn't help but let his tears run down his cheeks.

"I'm terrified what I would for you. But it all burned down the moment you pointed your sword at me. I knew you wouldn't do the same. I hoped that you will at least consider my feelings for you but it hurts after realizing you wouldn't do that. I fooled myself that maybe, you might actually choose me just like how I choose you every day, every minute." His voice now sounds despair, sad, and hurt. He feels pain, hatred, and tired with all the bullshits everyone put him through and enough of everything. The very last thing that comes to Jaehyun's mind is he wanted to rest.

"I'm sorry, Jaehyun."

"Don't be. I should be the one doing that. Devils don't admit their mistakes but Renjun, you made me do it. I'm sorry for what I had done." Jaehyun turns his back at Renjun to not see his pain reflecting on his face.

"I won't see you again. You won't hear from me, I promise." After he said that, he vanished like thin air.

Renjun was down on his knees and cried until his eyes dried on their own, no more tears coming out like it a stopped faucet.  He felt broken, like his heart shattered in pieces. If he just knew that loving someone would hurt this much, he would have never done.

Just as the devil said, Renjun never saw him again. But devils are professional liars, Renjun may not see Jaehyun but he always sees Renjun from afar, and with that, he's contented. Jaehyun definitely won't risk what he has again.