Work Header

Hold your breath, he's with you.

Work Text:

He was fine. Truly. There was nothing wrong with him.

The situation just came out of nowhere, but that was it. It only was a little shock, but no more. He was okay, really.

Everything was going to stay the same, right? He surely hadn't a reason to suffer about it, right?

After all, Akutagawa Ryuunosuke was nothing but his enemy. The person that so many times hurted him, insulted him, and repeatedly times threated him, claiming with ease the hate he felt towards him.

He was someone who pissed him off.

And that was the only feeling they —he was completely sure— ever had towards each other.

So, that was it.

Nothing was going to change, nothing was off, nothing felt wrong.

'Nothing will ever be the same.'

He forcefully blocked any thoughts that could come out of his mind and betray the way he tried to feel at the moment.

Akutagawa's death had nothing to do with him. Not at all.

He died because of his ill.

Not in some sort of battlefield. Not in some accident. No.

He died of a disease, one he carried even before they met.

So why did his entire self felt so betrayed?

Why was his heart bursting with pain?

He couldn't evade his death, it wasn't his fault!

Yes, he might feel a little bad about the fact that he died before the six months bet was up, but that was the only thing he ever had the right to feel bad about!

"So stop crying!" he shouted at himself, curled up in a corner of the agency's bathroom, where he locked himself after Dazai told him the news.

Although no matter how bad he tried, the tears wouldn't stop coming out.

"Fuck. Fuck!" he cursed. He couldn't leave the room in that state.

But it was just too much.

"Why—?!" He sobbed. A cry ranging out of his throat.

Why now? Why when they started getting along after all the time they had been spending together? Knowing his new partner more and more during the missions that both the agency and the mafia forced them to accomplish. Claiming the wonderful teamwork they made.

God. He hated to admit it, and he was completely sure Akutagawa hated it as well —even more, probably—, but they started to grown close to each other. Sharing some traumas, finding out things they had in common, even learning to understand the other's pain and thoughts.

'Why had it to be now?'

If only he hadn't got deeply attached.

If only they just had stayed out of the other's way.

If only he hated him... If only he had hated him.

He stared at the ceiling in silence. Or at least he tried to. Feeling his face warm and wet, while his vision kept getting blurry because of the tears.

In that moment he came to the realization that he didn't mind staying there for the rest of the day. He was sure that the others wouldn't mind as well.

After all, he just lost his partner.

Weak and pathetic, Atsushi bit his lips in order to stay silent.

He could already hear Akutagawa complaining about him being too noisy even at something as trivial like breathing.

A tiny broken smile made his way on his face.