Work Header

My friend? Oh...he's a god

Chapter Text

See, the truth is, Sapnap never truly believed in gods. Of any sort. I mean, come on, some overpowered being that created something so massive in the universe (or the universe itself) or controlled some part of the universe, or the world, sounded like actual bullshit. 


But then again, Sapnap never thought he’d be on his knees, hands tied behind his back, face bleeding, muscles sore, hearing some bitch in a priest outfit whispering some words in some sort of foreign language. 


“We send this blessing to our Vanir gods,” The priest spoke in English, wiping something on Sapnap’s face. He winced, struggling against his binds, but something behind him stopped him from moving. “We leave him here and wait for our blessing.” 


Once the priest was finished with some weird bullshit around Sapnap, they left him alone in the church, was it? It looked like one. An ancient one. He tried standing, but he found himself stuck to the ground. Sapnap looked around as suddenly every door in the place opened harshly, and thick winds filled his face. The fuck was going on? 


He closed his eyes, hearing footsteps coming closer. He kept his eyes closed; if he was gonna die, he wasn’t gonna bother to see how. The last thing he needed to see was some ugly dude with a knife in his hands to plunge into Sapnap’s eye. 


“Oh you poor thing,” A voice, deep and scratchy, said. Sapnap opened his eyes but refused to look up. The thing in front of him had legs, a good sign, but they were fucking massive. Like…one leg was the size of Sapnap’s two. And it was tall, he noticed. 


“You may look, I won’t hurt you,” the voice said, and Sapnap almost didn’t trust it. Until his binds were released and he was free to stand. Once he did, he looked straight up at the thing. Its face was covered in a mask. A smiling mask. He was at least 9 or 10 feet tall, but then again, Sapnap was never good at telling heights just by looking at another person. 


“Who…what the hell are you? “Sapnap asked, taking a step back. 


“I am what you would call…a god,” The mask muttered.


Sapnap would’ve called bullshit if this thing didn’t appear out of thin fucking air and release him without even touching him. “I’m dead,” Sapnap finalized. “Because there ain’t no way in hell that’s the truth. I’m dead; the priest killed me for that fucking harvest bullshit. I’ve died.” 


“…I assure you…he didn’t,” the mask said. “You’re very much alive, young human.” 


“Well…then I’m hallucinating because ain’t no fuckin way,” Sapnap denied, taking another step back. 


“You seem to be in good health, other than that bruise and your bleeding lip and eyebrow. Would shifting much form help convince you that you’re alive?” Mask offered, and Sapnap’s eyebrows pressed together as it did so without Sapnap even prompting it. 


Dark green fog covered him, and from what Sapnap could see, he shrunk quite a bit. When the smoke cleared, he was much shorter, around 6 foot or something, blond hair, mask still on his face, but butt-ass naked. 


“OKAY!” Sapnap yelled, taking his jacket off. “This! Over your junk! Now!” He said, closing his eyes and tossing it at him. 


“The penis?” It asked, the voice also different, but Sapnap didn’t focus on that. Had he’d been looking, he would’ve seen the god look down at itself. 


“YES! THE PENIS!” Sapnap was exasperated. 


“I’m covered,” The god said, and Sapnap reopened his eyes. Okay, so it was actually covered. 


“This has to be a fuckin dream,” he mumbled, and the god tilted its head. “Alright… what’s your name?” Sapnap asked, crossing his arms. 


“I… haven’t had a name in a very long time…so whatever you’d like to call me!” It chirped. 


“And… you’re a male?” Sapnap asked, purely guessing because of the fact that he just saw a dick, and this god didn’t seem to present femininely. 


“I mean, I could form into a woman if you’d like! I figured a male figure would’ve been more comfortable for you,” He said, and the smoke started to come back. 


“No! No, it’s fine! Stay a man, please! “Sapnap said quickly. He sighed, looking the god up and down. “What’s…with the mask?” He asked. 


“Oh it’s just a part of my power,” He responded, reaching up to take it off. Underneath it, the face was one of the most beautiful fucking things Sapnap had ever seen. The greenest, and he mean greenest , fucking eyes you’ve ever seen. His jawline and cheekbones were sharp but not too strong. Freckles were placed perfectly everywhere, like they were hand-drawn to perfection. Fucker looked like a god. 


“It helps me control my power, you could say,” He hummed with a warm smile. 


“Alright,” Sapnap mumbled. “Where did you come from?” He asked. 


“Oh, I can’t say,” The God said, “unfortunately, that’s unavailable to humans.” 


“Well…can you go back?” Sapnap asked. The god tilted his head confused. 


“No, I cannot. I was summoned here…and I was linked to you! I cannot leave until our business is finished,” he said as if Sapnap should’ve already known. 


“What business?” Sapnap asked. The other shrugged. 


“That’s up to you,” He said, “All I know is, you haven’t released me yet, so I cannot go. Besides… I’d quite like to know you more. It’s been a while since I’ve spoken to anyone,” he said, sounding quite a bit sad, honestly. 


Sapnap sighed, looking the, still very naked, god up and down. 


“Fine, since I’m stuck with a ‘god’ …might as well…figure it out. Can’t you just summon clothes for yourself?” He asked. 


“Material items are nothing I can produce out of thin air, no. At least, not without the proper items,” He said. 


“How-fucking-inconvenient,” Sapnap grumbled. “Alright…follow me.”




Sapnap found his way back to his car after walking for what felt like twenty miles. It had been trapped on the outskirts of town, and since it was the middle of the night, they snuck through quickly. When they reached Sapnap’s abandoned car, he checked the doors, relieved to find it was opened, but worried now that he could’ve been robbed. 


He wasn’t, much to his surprise. 


“Put these on,” He said, handing the god some clothes from his bag. He had been traveling, but right now, he just wanted to go home. 


The god did, thankfully he seemed to know how, and Sapnap was a bit shocked to see they fit, but Sap did tend to wear things on the larger side. 


“Okay…now I need a name to call you,” Sapnap said, and the god tilted his head with a small smile. “God…this has to be a dream,” He mumbled, running a hand through his hair. 


“You keep saying that,” The god said, “‘dream’...why not just call me that if you’re so adamant on calling saying that I am one?” He suggested. 


Sapnap looked him up and down before sighing. “Fine. Dream it is then,” Sapnap mumbled, kneeling down near his tires and getting his spare key. “Fuckin dumbasses,” he muttered, getting into the driver’s seat and starting his car. 


They really did nothing to stop him from escaping, guess they thought he’d actually die or something. Sapnap looked back at the god, “C’mon,” He said, and Dream tilted his head confused. Sapnap sighed, “How long has it been since you’ve been on earth?” he asked. 


“I left when Christ was born,” Dream smiled, and Sapanp groaned. 


“Okay,” He huffed, getting out of the card. He led Dream to the passenger door, “Put your hand here, pull, the door opens,” Sapnap said, “Sit in the seat,” He said, and Dream did just that. “Put your hand there,” he said, and Dream followed the instruction. “Close the door, lightly, I swear to any other gods if you break my door-” 


Dream gently pulled on it, and it latched shut. Sapnap sighed in thanks before getting back into the driver’s seat. He put the car in drive, and he started down the road away from that god-forsaken town.