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teyvets’ drug cartel

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thursday 3:38pm

orgy in the backseat

 

venti: i don't see you there kazuha

 

venti: was i too intimidating that you decided to back out?

 

kazuha: you wish

 

kazuha: im behind you 😐

 

venti: oh god you scared the living crap out of me



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thursday 6:50pm 

orgy in the backseat

 

lumine: so who won

 

hu tao: that mf venti got trashed so hard 😹

 

lumine: @aether you owe me 10,000 mora

 

aether: damn it

 

aether: i shouldn't have expected much from some homeless bard who doesn't pay his taxes 

 

mona: @kazuha you’re the star of the show

 

mona: anything you wanna say 🎤

 

kazuha: caw caw motherfuckers

 

lumine: you didn't have to get so political 🙄

 

kazuha: sorry i had to educate my fellow peers

 

lumine: understandable

 

childe: i could solo kazuha any day tho 🙏

 

kazuha: i refuse to have a battle of wits with an unarmed opponent 

 

mona: LMFAO

 

hu tao: apply cold water to the burned area

 

childe: you’ll be hearing from my lawyer for the emotional damage your slander has caused me 😐

 

kazuha: you do you i guess

 

childe: are you mocking me???

 

childe: i’ll have you know im one of the richest in liyue

 

childe: i’ll sue u 

 

kazuha: ok

 

mona: mf aint even taking you seriously stop embarrassing yourself 💀

 

hu tao: who even would tho

 

xingqiu: ken would

 

childe: who’s ken




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thursday 8:10pm

orgy in the backseat

 

albedo: hello everyone, im doing an experiment and just so happen to require a test subject 

 

albedo: any takers?

 

albedo: im willing to pay a reasonable amount per hour 

 

mona: is our safety guaranteed?

 

albedo: unfortunately, no

 

mona: shame i could really use some mora rn

 

mona:  @childe @childe @childe @childe @childe

 

childe: check your paypal

 

mona: ong ily we’re officially besties 

 

childe: and they say money can’t buy you happiness 

 

bennett: >replying to albedo

                im willing

 

albedo: great! please meet me behind campus 

 

bennett: will do

 

amber: hi guys! someone left their spongebob themed socks lying in the eastern dormitory, does it belong to any of you? if so please meet me at the cafeteria

 

beidou: spongebob 💀

 

diluc: it could be kaeya’s

 

kaeya: EXCUSE ME I DON'T EVEN OWN THOSE 

 

kaeya: i have the lightning mcqueen ones instead

 

diluc: how’s that supposed to make it any better

 

rosaria: kaeya owns disney themed socks pft

 

kaeya: stfu

 

venti: is your child texting about boobs?1!?1!

 

venti: stfu = shawty those funbags unforgettable 

 

venti: brb = big round boobsiclss

 

venti: smh = super mega honkers

 

venti: tbh = those boobies humongous 

 

rosaria: ong kaeya you sinner how could you talk about the sacred bouncing entities aka badonkers

 

beidou: fr and i actually thought you would be a great pirate buddy

 

beidou: we could’ve been all gang shit </3

 

kaeya: weren’t you staring at ningguang’s racks jn 😐

 

beidou: how could i not resist

 

beidou: if i go on a minute without staring at her i would spontaneously combust

 

ningguang: beidou i don’t think i’d consider that a compliment 

 

beidou: just showing my undying love for you bbg 

 

kaeya: we’re still here yk..

 

beidou: stay third wheeling 😹

 

lisa: ong wait do yall hear that loud bang coming from the western wing 

 

lisa: you know the area near the science lab 

 

venti: OH SHIT I JUST WALKED PAST WHAT IN THE FUCK

 

sucrose: mister albedo 😰

 

yanfei: i don’t think those substances are non-combustible

 

yanfei: if you wish to continue conducting these experiments you would need a hazardous substances license which i am happy to aid you with obtaining 

 

hu tao: yanfei..

 

yanfei: srry got carried away 

 

venti: um is bennett okay???

 

yanfei: judging by how the liquid exploded in his fucking face i’d say no

 

albedo: hey guys bennett here

 

sucrose: bennett are you injured in any way?

 

albedo: thankfully no

 

albedo: however my phone got blasted into pieces of shrapnel 

 

lisa: oh

 

venti: oh

 

yanfei: is this the 4th time it has happened this week..?

 

albedo: yeah im used to it

 

yanfei: oh

 

albedo: albedo here, and i apologise for the disturbance i might have caused

 

venti: don’t sweat it man i managed to escape from xiao because of the explosion

 

hu tao: is it about the toilet thing lmfao

 

venti: sadly xiao doesn’t understand the art of toilet-papering the walls

 

lisa: fill me in on the details babes xx

 

hu tao: venti threw toilet paper balls onto the boys bathroom ceiling now they’re just hanging down like a saggy nutsack

 

hu tao: vrd86.png

 

yanfei: LMFAO

 

venti: how my balls be looking like on a hot summer day

 

kaeya: enough of talking about venti’s balls who wanna go ding dong ditching with me 

 

yanfei: not me frfr

 

venti: sorry homie but nahhh

 

albedo: no

 

hu tao: count me out

 

kaeya: 😐

 

albedo: i’d prefer to talk about venti’s testicles

 

hu tao: testicles 💀

 

yanfei: vent(est)i(cles)

 

venti: yanfe(p)i(ss)

 

yanfei: guys that is not true i do not have a piss kink 🥺 !

 

hu tao: didn't you say you’d drink my piss …?

 

yanfei: sorry my piss kink was a lie i am in fact yourmomsexual

 

venti: you three timing son of a bitch

 

venti: what happened to the times you kissed me under the starry night promising that i was your one and only 

 

venti: and when you got down on your knees and confessed the love you had for me, was that a lie too?

 

yanfei: i..

 

hu tao: perhaps we weren’t meant to be together

 

hu tao: let’s leave her venti

 

venti: yeah.. we deserve much more than some cheating scoundrel

 

albedo: damn

 

albedo: i am astounded by how the conversation managed to change into this

 

yanfei: i am too 

 

yanfei: why tf am i branded as a cheater just because i fucked your mom???

 

yanfei:  it's no big deal calm down broski 😹

 

hu tao: yk what is big tho

 

hu tao: my 13 inch monster cock