Chapter Text
monday 2:29am
venti created a group “ one hot mf and twenty other users ig ”
venti added 20 contacts
venti: would you guys be there for me if i was going through something?
diluc: no, absolutely not.
aether: ofc not lmao
lumine: i hope it emotionally scars u for the rest of ur life <3
aether: you**, your**
lumine: and this is why im the better twin:
jean: >replying to venti
i would, if you weren’t texting at this hour smh
kaeya: guys don’t let venti’s question distract you from the fact that im that one hot mf in the group title
childe: i think you meant me** aha
kaeya: wouldn’t that just be me again 🤨
lumine: braincells flew out of the window
aether: what your attention should really be brought to is the fact that venti spelled 20 out
childe: #cancelventi
venti: you talk big for someone who stinks like the massive, most scrumptious dumpy i took jn
childe: tmi 😟
kaeya: >replying to venti
pics.
mona: screenshotting and saving this under my blackmail folder
lumine: can’t say i didn't expect any less from kaeya
aether: >replying to mona
how much would it cost to buy your entire collection?
mona: 6 figures
aether: deal.
diluc: aether i’ll sponsor you
kaeya: brother… how could you do this to me </3
xiao: its 2 in the morning everyone stfu especially you venti
venti: bbbut i didn't even say anything
rosaria: your presence alone already radiates enough degenerate aura i can smell your stinky unwashed ass all the way from the girls dorm
lumine: ^
aether: ^
diluc: ^
xiao: ^
mona: ^
childe: ^
kaeya: ^
lumine: bbbut shut yo bitchass up lmfao
mona: can we all just agree that venti slander is the best slander
childe: another day another slay
aether: you ain't got no input in this
aether: you’re another one of those stinky mfs 😐
jean: guys go to sleep we have a test tomorrow
kaeya: i’ll copy off you tyvm 🙏
rosaria: yall he doesn’t know that we will be changing seats tmrw
diluc: you’re sitting next to venti good luck
diluc: actually no i hope you fail miserably
venti: i feel like i'm being indirectly attacked rn
jean: for the love of god, go to sleep
kaeya: yes ma’am
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monday 8:01am
venti: g’morning to all you whores!
hu tao: hey mamas
jean: @everyone today we’ll be having a test at approximately 9:15 in the morning! you have more than an hour to do some extra revision so make use of your time wisely
childe: we’re fucked
xiao: you’re speaking only for yourself here
aether: >replying to childe
you’re**
kaeya: @childe i got the answer sheets dw brotha
venti: so we all in this tgth 🙏
diluc: whatever they’re up to, it isn’t good
diluc: they should be stopped immediately
lumine: nono i want to see how this plays out
aether: it’d probably end incredibly well with them acing the test or some pipe in the bathroom exploding
aether: either ways both are things i would pay to see happen
hu tao: english is a difficult subject. it can be understood through tough thorough thought though
kaeya: say it 5 times quickly
venti: tru tuff toro tot tho
albedo: im gonna shove hydrogen cyanide down your throat if you don't stfu 😐
kaeya: in a kinky way orrrr
diluc: someone call pest control please
lumine: kaeya does not deserve any human rights 😨
aether: we been knew
rosaria: kaeya i will uppercut punch you, dropkick you, and then proceed to decapitate you
keqing: i was away for a few hours and already so much has happened but one thing that we can all collectively agree on is that kaeya is absolutely revolting
beidou: i second that
venti: not trying to brag or anything but i can wake up without an alarm clock because of my crippling and overwhelming anxiety
xiao: venti i hate you with every inch of my body.
childe: that's not alot of inches tho
mona: childe, i'm saying this so that the expensive carpet wouldn’t be full of blood stains again, run as fast as you can.
aether: again? ayo???
keqing: apparently someone died in our class before
beidou: LOL I SEE XIAO TACKLING CHILDE ONTO THE FLOOR
hu tao: rip bozo 🤣🙏‼️
venti: a fellow comrade has fallen
venti: let us give a moment of silence to commemorate them
hu tao: brb guys im getting my oak wood coffin ready for childe tartaglia
lumine: update, zhongli interfered
lumine: 3 people had to hold xiao back 💀
aether: xiao pummeled childe tartaglia to the floor
aether: it was a one sided beating
hu tao: did anyone get that shit on camera?
mona: i did
hu tao: sweet. don't forget to upload it to a hard drive
aether: another addition to your blackmail material ig
childe: hey guys
diluc: >replying to childe
you got your face chewed off by a 5 feet tall gremlin
diluc: weak as hell
kaeya: dude u good?
childe: well apart from a couple of broken bones and severe psychological distress i’d say i’m doing great
childe: my hair isn’t messed up anyways so im good to go
lumine: trying to impress a certain dark haired tall guy with amber eyes huh
hu tao: damn i wonder who it’d be
hu tao: does he work as my assistant or not idk
aether: childe tartaglia you aint lowkey in the least bit
aether: we all know who you’re trying to impress
kaeya: lmao he went offline
zhongli: Good morning everyone. The test will be starting shortly, so please keep away any mobile devices or notes,etc. Goodluck on the test.
venti: damn it's already 9 that was fast
jean: venti get off your fucking phone and start preparing
kaeya: yoo jean snapped
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monday 9:35am
venti: math section a q6
kaeya: 2
aether: q18
kaeya: 4
kaeya: thats 100 mora
childe: wb q9&12
kaeya: 1,2
childe: >replying to kaeya
put it under my tab
venti: ily no homo tho
hu tao: gay gay homosexual gay
mona: wait a sec aren’t we having a test rn
keqing: yeah how are yall on this
lumine: ^ both of you are one to talk
mona: im using my old nokia lmfao
aether: ew zhongli kinnie
childe: not anymoreee
childe: im getting zhongli a new phone after this
venti: im not gay he says
kaeya: any other questions? my income comes directly from this
aether: q31 pls
kaeya: 3
venti: this is psychological torture
lumine: i saw cogwheels turning in ur brain trying to figure out how to spell psychological
venti: cry about it lmfao
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monday 12:05pm
hu tao created a group “ homiesexual ”
hu tao added 11 contacts
xingqiu: im not saying im obsessed but if chongyun told me to jump off a cliff i’d cartwheel towards the edge and do a backflip
hu tao: he read that
xiangling: what do you have to say about this @chongyun
chongyun: >replying to xingqiu
i would jump off a cliff for you too as a friend ofc
yanfei: 💀
hu tao: f
bennett: dont worry xingqiu you still have a chance lol
fischl: my fellow companions, thou has been graced with my transcendent presence! i see a dear acquaintance in a state of unease.. fret not, for i, fischl shall spare you of your worries
xinyan: what
hu tao: chuuni syndrome lmao
fischl: such insolence! what you have just said was the most insulting thing that has ever fallen upon my auricle
fischl: actually forget it fuck you
xingqiu: you know its getting serious when fischl drops her sophisticated style of speech
xiangling: yanfei should know she talks in intellectual
yanfei: i’ll doxx u stfu
xiangling: it was a compliment tho???
xingqiu: feeling cute might commit arson later
hu tao: caught in 4k 📸
chongyun: didn’t you burn down the western wing last week 🤨
hu tao: i don't stoop so low tf
hu tao: is this what you think of me? #beetrayel
barbara: bitch i got it on camera
yanfei: would be a shame if i… hacked into barbara's software system and broadcast the video to the entire school
xinyan: please do
bennett: i stand by xinyan
xingqiu: wrongdoers should be prosecuted 🙏‼️
hu tao: i hate all of you i'm going to blast 100 gecs at 3am
xinyan: a banger tho
hu tao: yall is it just me or is our science human body model smirking at me
xingqiu: nah hu tao its just your sleep deprivation in action
hu tao: if you dont stop i’ll make your penis into penwas
xiangling: banger tweet???
babara: everything hu tao says is iconic fr
chongyun: guys keep your phones i can hear mdm ping approaching
xinyan: you’re right omg bye everyone
xingqiu: bye xinyan bye hu tao bye bennett bye babara bye chongyun bye yanfei bye xiangling bye fischl bye chongyun
yanfei: you said bye chongyun twice
xingqiu: its chongyun appreciation day