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It's NOT a crush!

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Episode 3: At home – It’s not a crush!?  Fuck

 

Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

 

He was going crazy right now. He couldn’t get to close his eyes all night. He was just lying in bed, turning from left to right, unsettled, his mind restless.

What had he thought back then? He had kissed Rome! And it had been not only a little peck and it didn’t happened by accident. No, there had been want behind it, he had wanted to kiss Rome. Wild, untamed, intense. He never ever had kissed someone with that much passion. Never lost his control like that. Fuck, what kind of mess got he caught in?

He was straight, damn it! He couldn’t have the desire to kiss a boy. That was not possible! He liked girls, he wasn’t gay… impossible.

Assuredly he was just confused, because he spent too much time with Rome and hadn’t gotten in contact with a girl in a long time. That was the reason for sure!

 

 

When the sun started rising and the birds started to wake their fellows, Pick decided to get up. He took a quick shower to clear his mind and drove to the campus with a tense face. His hands were still clenching at the steering wheel when he arrived at the parking lot. He took his time in the car to breathe deep. His knuckles turning white when he tightened his grip and with a sign, he let go of it.

He had decided to get rid of the problem once and for all. He simply would ignore everything about it and pretended it didn’t happened. That was the best and surly the same thing Rome wanted to do. It was impossible that the kiss wasn’t just a slip. And Rome would agree with him. It was on both behalf to forget the whole topic and just move on. Yes, that was a good plan.

 

He nodded to himself in the driving mirror and left his car. With determined steps he entered the building and started his day.

 

 

Moreover, Pick had decided to reduce his time with Rome. Obviously, it wasn’t good for him to have him around that much. It only confused his head. The up-coming semester break was ideal for that plan. He would slowly reduce their lunches together in the last two weeks before break, so Rome could get used to it, and at break they wouldn’t meet at all and he was free when university started again. It was a good plan and Pick decided to implement it today.

 

But jokes on him because Porsche cancelled out his plans without knowing. He had organized a club meeting right after lecture that Pick as well as Rome and Emma had to attend.

So much for the plan to avoid Rome today, Pick thought while he was sitting towards Rome in the club room. He didn’t really listen to Porsche’s rambling about their great work and the plans for semester break.

 

Pick tried to look as less as possible at Rome’s direction, he wanted to avoid any contact. And it was working well but then suddenly his phone vibrated in his pocket and his lock screen showed Rome’s name.

 

 

‘P’Pick? Can we talk?’

‘Please?’

 

‘Please stop ignoring me’

 

 

He ventured a cursory glance over the table and met Rome’s intense starring, his phone still in his hand. Damn it.

Quickly he lowered his eyes back to his hands and put his phone back without checking the messages. It buzzed again and Pick could see out of the corner of his eye that Rome typed harsh on his screen. But he continued to ignore every buzzing in his pocket.

 

 

When the meeting was over Pick didn’t hesitated one second, snatched his bag and rushed out of the room without saying a word. He wanted to avoid any type of conversation, especially with Rome who seemed to have decided to bother Pick during the whole meeting to catch his attention.

Shorty could be really stubborn if he wanted to….

The moment he threw pens at him Pick almost lost his temper, but he could hold back last minute. And he had seen him coming towards him after Porsche bit his goodbye. But Pick was at least as stubborn as Rome was, so Pick had made a quick getaway before Rome could reach him.

 

At the parking lot in front of his car he had to pause and had to catch his breath. He had sprinted to his car and hadn’t that much stamina to be unbothered by it.

He sighed and peeked at his phone. The lock screen showed 4 unread messages from Rome, the last one was viewed,

 

 

‘Why do you ignore me completely? ‘

 

 

Pick huffed frustrated and ran his fingers through his hair. Fuck, it was harder than he had expected. He buried his head in his hands.

“Why are you ignoring me?” a voice resounded suddenly behind him and startled he swirled around. Rome stood there, an arm length far from him, his arms crossed and his face serious.

“What’s all this about, P’Pick?”

Restless and nervous Pick’s eyes shifted from right to left.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“Don’t play dumb. You know exactly what I mean.” Rome sounded furious. Something Pick wasn’t used to. Normally Rome was lightheaded, cheerful. But the Rome that stood in front of him was cold and seemed… hurt?

Pick quickly turned to his car and unlocked it. He wanted to go. Needed to bring some distance between them. He couldn’t stand Rome right now.

“That’s none of your business” he said dismissive and clenched his teeth together.

“Oh no, you will not run away from me. We’re gonna talk to each other. Before that I won’t let you go.” Rome ran up to him and snatched his car keys out of his hand. Pick gasped upset and looked at him in disbelief.

“Give them back right now! I have nothing to say to you.”

Pick took a step forward to Rome, but Rome also took one backward and held his hands behind his back, so Pick couldn’t reach him and the keys. His face was serious.

“Really? And what’s about the kiss yesterday?” Bam, directly the hot topic? Damn it, Pick didn’t want to talk about that kiss or even think about it. It was confusing him. Why couldn’t Rome just pretend it didn’t happened? Pick got angry.

 

“Tsk, what kiss?”

Rome squinted his eyes for a second as something had hit him and when he opened them again, he looked at him sharply.

“We kissed yesterday, P’Pick. For a long time.” He took a step to Pick who backed off.

“That wasn’t a kiss.”

“No? Then how do you want to call it? Unrestrained making out?”

Pick flinched heavy by the last words. How could he phrase it like that?

“Definitely not. Nothing happened yesterday!”

“Stop denying it! We kissed. And it was both of us! You even started it!” Rome’s voice grew louder and louder and in Pick was boiling anger. He wanted to argue? Great, as he wished!

“You kissed me first! You suddenly pushed me in the stall and attacked me!”

“Yes, because you had looked at me full of longing before! Are you even know how you looked like at the table? You nearly undressed me with your gaze.”

Pick blushed startled and tried to cut him off but Rome didn’t let him.

“And then suddenly you pushed me and scooted away. The heck? What was that? And in the bathroom, you still looked at me with that needy face. That was definitely the last straw for me. My patience can also run out, you know?” Furious he waved his hands around and his face turned desperate, reproachful, and sour. He sighed deeply.

“Since forever I flirt with you and every time I think, now he will take the first step. But no, you chicken out ever damn time! And I couldn’t take it anymore! So, I thought, fuck it, I do it myself. And you returned the kiss, you were into it as much as I was. You can’t deny that.” Rome closed up to Pick and started to poke his chest with his index finger.

“And now you act like a big asshole. Talk to me! And stop running away!” With his face ice cold, he crossed his arms.

Pick was overwhelmed by Rome’s speech. How could Rome say such a bullshit? Now Pick was really angry.

“What do you want to hear from me? It was an accident! A mistake! A one-time thing!” Furious he pushed Rome back to increase their distance. Rome stumbled back and looked at him in surprise. All his confidence seemed to disappear, and Pick noticed how his eyes become moist.

Almost noiseless he asked, “Y-you think it was a mistake?” But Pick was too much outraged to considerate Rome’s feelings.

 

“Of course, men don’t kiss each other. That’s disgusting.”

Rome gasped horrified.

“You’re kidding me? You flirt with me for months. Months! And you constantly send me mixed signals and confuse me. I always ask myself, what he wants, if he’s just making fun of me. So, it’s just a game for you? One of your poor pranks? Are you having fun making someone fall for you just to drop him the worst way possible?”, he yelled, his voice broken, the last words were cracking, and the first tears ran down his checks.

“F-fall?” This word had thrown Pick off course. Shocked he looked at the crying boy.

“Yes, Pick. I have falling for you. Hard. Since you had started visiting the café, I was head over heels about you. At the beginning it was a simple crush, but then you ramp up the contact and searched my company. You showed obvious interest. Of course, I fell deeper” Rome slammed his words at Pick’s head, wiped over his wet cheeks several times with despair but the tears didn’t stop.

“You’re gay?”

“Yes”, Rome said without hesitation, “And I like you.”

Pick couldn’t believe his ears. That couldn’t be real. No! Impossible! T-that… no!!

 

Pick screamed, “But I don’t! I’m not gay, I could never! I’m straight, I like girls!”

Rome ducked his head as if Pick’s words had slapped him in the face. More tears were running down his cheeks.

“So it was really just a sick game? You made fun of me growing feelings? You’re pathetic, Pick. A rotten and heartless asshole”, Rome didn’t yell but whispered broken, standing there with slouchy shoulders. The car keys tight in his fist, his knuckles turned white.

“You’re right! It was all fake, get it in your head already” Pick said regardless it was all a big lie. And he immediately regretted his words when he realised, he had gotten too far. Rome looked at him with wet and sad eyes, crying in silence, telling him with his gaze how much he despised him. Rome despised him from the bottom of is soul and it broke Pick’s heart. Shit!

“I understand” Rome’s voice was cold and bitter.

“I should have listened to Emma” he whispered when he tossed the keys at Pick, turned around and rushed away.

 

Pick stood there stunned, looked after Rome who was already out of sign. When he came to his sense he cursed loudly and kicked the wheel of his car.

 

Fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

 

 

*

 

 

The next day Pick didn’t visited Rome at lunch. Porsche tried to address it but Pick just shrugged his shoulders and avoid an clear answer. Saying he didn’t feel like it and changing the topic. It was obvious that something serious had happened but Pick didn’t want to talk about it and Porsche had to accept that – for once. But Pick seemed different, and Porsche started to worry.

He behaved the same, like nothing were wrong. He was late to class – his ‘early phase’ had ended the time he didn’t visited the café in the morning.

They fooled around, laughed together, teased each other the usual amount, joked together. Everything was normal. Too normal. And that was it that worried Porsche. Pick didn’t seemed bothered or involved as it had nothing to do with him. And Porsche doubted that.

He had asked Emma and had tried to get information from her, but she had just ignored him. It was something serious and Porsche had no idea what he should do.

 

 

*

 

 

The atmosphere had dropped completely. Pick didn’t even once visit Rome and avoided his name and the whole topic as it was something toxic. The last day before semester break Pick was gone right after class without a last word or any goodbye. He drove away and Porsche could just look puzzled after the car.

What the fuck did his friend do? He needed answers. Desperately!

 

 

*

 

 

Pick locked himself in his room. He had hidden his phone under a pile of dirty cloth so that the constant vibration of Porsche’s spam couldn’t bother him. Feeble he threw himself at his bed and growled annoyed.

He was mad. At Rome but more at himself. He really had acted as a total bastard, and he regretted his words. That he had hurt Rome. It had been horrible to see him cry. It wasn’t his intent to hurt Rome. He had been just overwhelmed with the love confession and he hadn’t known how to react. And it was haunting him every day how horrible he had responded. He had the worst reaction someone could ever had. And there was no excuse for it.

But how could Rome say these things? He and flirting? With him?

He never looked at him in that kind of way, Rome had just imagined that… right? Argh!

 

Pick kicked frustrated in the air and pulled at his hair, rolled to the side, and pressed his pillow at his face, screaming in it. When he couldn’t get enough air he tossed it to the side, laid back on his back and starred at the ceiling. Fuck.

 

 

Pick was overwhelmed. During his whole life he never ever had felt attracted to a person as much as he felt towards Rome. Even with his ex – his high school romance for half a year – he never felt that connected and he had loved her very much back then.

But it couldn’t be compared to the connection he had with Rome. With Rome he felt… carefree, as if he could be his truth self. As if Rome could look through his rough shell and right inside him. He felt safe with him. And he wanted to be beside him, all the time. Keeping him by his side. To protect him from everything and everyone. Rome belonged to Pick just as Pick belonged to Rome. They belong together.

Rome… with his catching laugh, his permanent cheerfulness, his happiness which was the opposite to Pick’s aggression. Rome with his brown eyes which captured him every time. His pointy nose which wrinkled each time he laughed. The dimple that appears every so often he smiled broadly. His full lips which were soft as fuck and forbitten inviting and fitting Pick’s perfectly.

Rome was just… Rome. His Rome. His Shorty. … … … fuck.

 

He growled again in his pillow. Damn it, Rome was right… He- … he had fallen for him. Deeply.

Fuck.

 

 

Since their fight Pick had struggle to collect his thoughts and feelings. He had tried to ban all his unwanted feelings deep inside his brain, crammed all of them in a box in his mind but every time he tried to close it the whole content busted out and spread through his brain.

He could only think about Rome. About their time together, their funny nights when they teased each other. How they snoozed outside in the sun. How Rome studied beside him, focused on his notes while sticking out his tongue. How he wiggled his nose when he smelled something delicious. How he blushed when Pick praised his food. His habit to lift one leg slightly when he took a good photo. The cute little messages every night that wished him sweet dreams.

 

Everything collapsed at Pick all at once and he was entirely swamped with all the feelings that he had ignored before. And now all of it rained down on him. Suddenly he realized how he had stared at Rome. What he had felt every time he had looked at him. Why he had been that desperate to meet him at the café. Why he had set everything in motion to spend his lunch with him. Everything burst in front of him, and he only could try to get the situation under control.

 

One single kiss and his freaking world stood upside down. Rome literally had kissed him out of his mind. Fuck.

 

Everything was spinning when Pick laid in his bed and recalled what had happened once again. And he realized that he made the biggest mistake of his life.

 

 

*

 

 

After some time, he took enough courage to admit to himself that Porsche hadn’t been wrong with his comments and his teasing – he had hit the mark.

Pick picked his phone out of the pile of dirty cloth and wasn’t surprised to have a bunch of messages and missed calls. Porsche had desperately tried to reach him and had spammed texts and calls. Mostly there were spammed question marks and cursing.

But he had no message from Rome.

 

 

‘Bro whats going on?’

‘answer me!’

‘Dude, seriously. Take my call!’

‘Hello?’

‘Pick!’

‘Pick!!!!’

‘Damn it!!!’

‘Fuck you don’t ignore me’

‘idiot’

 

‘idk whats going on but N’Emma doesn’t talk to me anymore and Im sure it has something to do with you. Youre relly strange lately I noticed that and Im sick of all this confusion. Can you please tell me whats up?’

‘Im your best friend and im worried yk? Please, if somethings wrong, tell me’

 

‘text me if you ready to talk. ANYTIME okay??’

‘<3’

 

 

Pick rolled his eyes. Sometimes his best friend really was a pain in the ass. Too dramatic. He sighed when he tapped at recall and it only ringed once until Porsche answered the call.

“Dude! It’s about time!” he yelled as greeting. From the other side he could hear some rustle and crackle. Pick rolled his eyes again.

“Tsk, fuck off. You have no patience. It’s not that long.” Pick scratched the back of his head and sat down on his bed. The call was already getting exhausting.

It was silent for a moment. The rustle had stopped.

“Pick, you didn’t answer for three days” Porsche said slowly.

“Ha? What?” Pick blinked stunned and had to look at his lock screen to check the date.

“Fuck.”

“Mhm.”

“I didn’t notice that.”

“Obviously.” It rustled again. Pick frowned. What was Porsche doing?

“But seriously, what was that?”

Pick sighed and rubbed his forehead, slumped backwards at his bed, and stretched his arm out.

“That’s… difficult to explain.” Porsche didn’t answer him and Pick could hear engine noises. What the…?

“Mhm, I thought so. Chance your cloth in something fresh and air your room. I don’t want to choke when I’m there.”

“What? Oh no, you’re not coming here” it escaped Pick’s mouth in panic and he jumped up to his window.

“You bet! My best buddy is in a crisis and it’s my duty as a best friend to be there for you. Someone has to lend you a shoulder to wail.”

“Fuck off, I don’t wail” Pick shouted angry when he saw Porsche’s car entering the entry. Damn it.

 

“Beside that someone must give you a kick in the arse. I don’t know exactly what’s going on but I’m sure that you fucked it up and you need someone like me to tell you how bad.” Porsche got out of his car and waved at his window, knowing that Pick stood there even he couldn’t see him.

“… I hate you” Pick said dry.

“Aww, me too, babe. Now open the door.” With that Porsche cut the call.

 

When Porsche arrived at his room, he sniffed in disgust immediately.

“Didn’t I just tell you to open that damn window?”

Pick showed him his finger, but still opened the window.

“And you stink. When did you shower the last time?” He sighed and slumped himself at Pick’s bed, closing his eyes. Pick grunted and leaned over Porsche, an evil grin on his face. He pressed his armpit on his friend’s face and laughed when Porsche jerked up in surprise and disgust. He twisted under him, shrieking, and trying to escape the headlock Pick pulled him into.

“Say that again.”

“Yuck, let me go you pig. Okay, okay, I’m sorry that I’m too honest to lie to your face that you scent like a field of flowers. Dude, let me go or I puke at your bed, I swear.” Pick still laughed while letting go and watched his friend gasped exaggerated. He sprinted to the window, hung half of him outside and took deep breaths of fresh air. Mad he looked over his shoulder and showed Pick his finger.

Pick’s laugh grew louder, but he followed Porsche’s advice and took a shower. But just because he could play for time a bit.

 

 

“Now tell me. I’m all ears. What did you do?” Porsche asked after they made themselves comfortable on Pick’s bed.

An “Argh” escaped Pick frustrated and he squeezed his pillow at his face.

“That bad?”

“Mhm. This time I really fucked it up.”

“What happened?”

“… I made out with Rome…”

“Woah, what? Really? How did that happen?”

“We fooled around that day, and one leaned the other and we got a lot closer. I freaked out because it was too physical and ran into the men’s bathroom. Rome had followed me, pushed me in one of the stalls and well… then it somehow happened.”

Porsche whistled.

“Just kissing or more?” He got the pillow thrown at his face.

“Just kissing! What are you thinking?!”

“Just asking. Making out could mean many things.”
“We’re just kissed! And I… well, I panicked because – fuck, I kissed a damn guy! Willingly! That killed me, so I dumped him without saying a word and ran away…”

“Wow, that was quiet a dick move, I have to say.”
“I know and that wasn’t even the worst.”

“It gets worse?”

Pick threw him a blasted gaze.

“Sorry, please continue.”

Pick sighed defeated.

“I really fucked it up very badly, Porsche.”

“What did you do?”

“I wanted to ignore him, okay? Just pretending nothing happened. I mean, a kiss could destroy a friendship and I’m no gay, that kiss couldn’t have a meaning.”

“Well-“

“Let me finish. Before I lose my guts here.”

Porsche shut his mouth and nodded quickly.

“...Rome wanted to talk about it, I ignored him and wanted to forget him, but Rome disagreed and confronted me in the parking lot. We argued and … Rome confessed to me. And… he said I had sent him mixed signals and he wanted to know if I feel the same.”

“And did you tell him?”

“… no, I did the absolute most terrible. I yelled at him that it was impossible for me to like him and that the kiss was just a bad mistake and… I told him that I just played with him and that I made fun about his feelings.”

It was silent. Porsche starred at him speechless and shocked. After he came back to his senses, he hit Pick hard at the back of his head.

“Are you out of your mind? What the fuck, dude. That’s cruel. How could you do that? I’m shocked. I’m very disappointed in you, Pick.”

Pick endured the scolding and ducked his head.

“It was horrible to see Rome cry”, he said weakly, “And I regretted it the moment I said it. I just was so angry and… I don’t know, man. I hate myself for that.” Now he actually felt tears piling up and he had to fight them back. Fuck.

 

Porsche crawled beside him and laid his hand thoughtful on his back. Pick sniffed and blinked aggressively to avoid crying.

“Shit, you really fucked it up.”

Pick nodded depressed.

No one talked for a while, Porsche stroked his back in slow motion while Pick fought with the lump in his throat. Then Porsche coughed slightly and sat towards Pick to look at him sober.

“Pick?”
“Mh?”

“Be honest, okay?”

Pick nodded.

“Do you like N’Rome?”

Pick swallowed and noticed that new tears started to pile up. His cold attitude was gone a long time ago, so he couldn’t hold them back anymore. They leaved his eyes and ran down his checks. He squinted his eyes and nodded slightly. Porsche pulled him into a hug.

“That’s nothing bad, Pick. Quite the opposite, it’s something beautiful. You shouldn’t feel bad about your feelings.”

“But he’s a guy, Porsche.”

“And? Whether a guy or a girl or none. Rome is Rome. And you have fallen for him and not his gender, right? Although it would be an advantage if you feel attracted to his body.” Porsche laughed and Pick slapped him briefly but laughed as well. Gently Porsche pushed Pick away to look at him insistent.

“It’s okay. Really.”

Pick nodded hesitant.

“Take a deep breathe.” Porsche demonstrated it and breathed deep in and out. Pick mimicked him and both breathed together.

“Okay, that’s better, right?”
Pick nodded again.

 

“Good, then-“ Porsche changed his mood in an instant and slapped Pick hard at the shoulder.

“How dare you to tell N’Rome such harsh things?! I thought you had some kind of manners!”

“I don’t know. I freaked out. I couldn’t think clear.”

“You have to fix it, you understand? Get your shit together and clean this mess.”

Pick nodded in agreement.

“I know. I must put things straight.”
“Yeah, and as fast as possible. The longer you wait the harder it gets. If it’s not late already.”

Pick gasped shocked. Quickly Porsche added, “Don’t you dare to give up that easy, just because it’s a lot of work ahead of you! You have to fix it!”

“Yes, I know. But how?”
“I don’t know. Think about it. You did it, you fix it.”

“You’re not helping.”

“I can’t help you, I’m not involved. I just can kick your ass and dry your cheeks when you blubber again.”
Pick kicked Porsche at his thigh.

“Fuck you.”

Porsche laughed.

 

 

“And have you ever imagined N’Rome naked?” Porsche asked unexpected and received another kick.

“Porsche!”

 

 

*

 

 

His alarm teared him out if his sleep and he grumbled unpleased when he tried to reach his phone without open his eyes. He turned it down, rolled around and tried to go back to sleep. He didn’t want to get up yet. His bed was to comfortable and warm. With the blanket covering him entirely he slowly sank back in his dreams, but suddenly someone pulled his blanket away and left him in coldness. Pick whined unhappy, turned to lay on his stomach and pulled his pillow over his head.

“Porsche, get lost. Leave me alone.”

“Oh no, nothing doing. You will get up, now. Times up to be lazy all day, now it’s action-time.”

Pick grumbled but sat up, because Porsche threatened him that he would pour a bucket cold water over him when he wouldn’t get up immediately. That jerk.

Instead of thanking him that he had gotten to stay overnight after they talked till night, he woke him up early in the morning and threatened him. And that even before he got coffee. Pick snorted tired.

 

After a refreshing shower they both sat in Pick’s kitchen with a cup of coffee and were discussing their next steps.

 

 

*

 

 

“That’s a dumb idea” Pick said while they were hiding, sitting in a bush outside from Rome’s condo complex. They surely looked like weirdos who stalk somebody.

“Shh” Porsche hissed and raised his spyglass which he intended to bring with them. They made them look super undercover and not creepy at all.

“That will never work” Pick rolled his eyes and received another ‘shhh’.

“That’ll be awesome, trust me. I thought that through.”

“That exactly what concerns me.”

 

At that moment the front door opened and Pick couldn’t believe his eyes that it was Rome who leaved the house, carrying a big sport bag. He looked horrible. He had red eyes and seemed pale and bleak. A big contrast to his cheerful nature. Pick crouched deeper in the bush to make sure that Rome didn’t recognize them. But he seemed too deep in thoughts to notice his surroundings.

Porsche pulled nervous at his sleeve when Rome disappeared behind a corner. Both followed him as inconspicuous as possible to the tiny café Rome worked at.

 

Pick frowned when Rome entered the café and wasn’t going behind the counter but towards a table to another guy. They hugged and Rome sat down, and they started talking.

“It’s a really nice café, we should visit it all together next time.”

Pick slapped the back of his head and watched the table vigilant.

“Shh.”

“Ouch. As if they could hear us.”

Leery they watched their small talk and inside of Pick grew a weird feeling.

What was going on? Why were they meeting and why seemed Rome so happy all the sudden? He smiled during the whole time, and they hugged again before Rome left. Pick growled.

“Easy tiger. Control your jealousy. You’re not in the position to get between them yet. You turned him down, remember?”

Pick looked at him angry.

“Sorry, but it’s true.”

 

“Now it’s a good opportunity for you” Porsche said and pointed at Rome, who stood outside the café and seemed to struggle a bit with his bag. Pick drew a deep breath and swallowed. He felt uneasy all the sudden and had to wipe his hands against his pants. Porsche was right.

He slowly stood up, ready to walk up to Rome. But then Rome’s phone started ringing and while Rome took it out of his pocket, Pick plopped down on the ground again. All the confidence left his body and he watched Rome taking the call.

“Hi”, they could hear him from far away. His voice sounded hoarse.

“Yes, we’ve finished right now. -  Yes, I’m on my way. – Mhm, I’ve got everything we need. – See you soon. – love you too.” Rome smiled at is phone before he put it bag and started walking towards the city.

Pick’s inside was boiling. With whom had Rome spoken to?! Why had he told them he loved them? Who did he love? Who! The jealousy grew bigger, and Pick felt like he was on fire. And he was visiting that person right now? Was it a date? Was he already over him? Had he even really loved him or was it just a quick affection and he had moved on?

 

Insecurity captured his mind and he swallowed. Fuck, what had he done? He had crumpled up his only chance and had thrown it away like a useless piece of paper without thinking. And now he had lost the most precious person of his life. Just because he was too stubborn. Gosh, he was such an idiot.

 

 

They followed Rome again this time to another apartment complex. He disappeared inside and Pick cursed.

“Damn it, we can’t follow him inside”, He teared his hair in frustration, “And we don’t know, who he visits. Fuck.” Furious he kicked a small stone.

“And he will probably stay for the night, he had a pretty big bag with him”, Porsche added, and Pick looked at him stunned.

“You mean, he spends the night with some stranger?” The jealousy returned. A picture of Rome and a guy cuddling appeared in his head, and he growled.

“Not some stranger. Someone he loves” Porsche noted and watched with glee how his friend freaked out. He started laughing at the face Pick made.

“Calm down, no need to panic.”

“How can I be calm when Rome is there upstairs by a random dude, probably getting hit on?!”

“N’Emma lives here.”

… … …

“And you couldn’t tell me that sooner??”

“It was way too funny watching you panic”, Porsche laughed, “I wish I had taken a picture of your face.” Pick hit him offended but he was also revealed. It was just Emma, his best friend.

“But that also means that he won’t leave the building till tomorrow or even the day after. So, I would say we stop for today and try again later.”

“Hm.”

 

 

 

“Why do you know, where N’Emma lives?”

 

 

*

 

 

Pick behaved alarming possessive these days. He now went to Rome’s condo complex every day to observe the entrance.

Rome had gotten at home a while ago but he couldn’t encourage to talk to him that time. So, he sat in front of it at a bench on the other side of the street and watched Rome leaving and entering daily, just to chicken out every time he got a chance to talk to him.

He had tried to call him, but Rome blocked every call and didn’t even read his messages anymore.

Pick was desperate.

He sighed and shifted on the bench, his bottom feeling numb from sitting.

His behaviour slowly resembled Porsche and that was something scary for him. He felt like a fool, and he should stop his creepy actions. Maybe he had a better idea at home…

 

But all the sudden Rome turned the corner and caught Pick’s attention. He was deep in thoughts, his hand inside his jacket and the other… linked with the guy, he had visited that day at the café!

Pick was shocked. The guy kept talking insistently to Rome while Rome seemed abstracted, nodding occasionally. The guy laid an arm over his shoulders, stopping him from running past the entrance. Rome looked confused and freed his shoulder from the grip and dismissed himself. The guy returned the gesture but held his hand, stopping him from leaving. He spoke with a stern face while Rome lowered his head and seemed uncomfortable. He shook his head in a stiff motion.

 

Pick clenched his teeth. What was going on? What were they talking about? He frowned and looked askance at that scene. Didn’t the dude realize that Rome was uncomfortable?

Suddenly the guy pulled Rome into a hug. The short guy looked surprised and seemed to struggle in his arms. That was too much for Pick. He growled and jumped up to walk towards them. He had seen enough! Nobody harassed Rome without consequences!

Furious he ripped them apart and shielded Rome from the guy.

“Leave Rome alone!” he yelled outraged and clenched his fists. The guy looked at him totally confused, held his hands up in defence.

“Um, what?” he asked dumbfounded.

“P’Pick?” Pick could hear Rome’s small voice behind him but Pick kept is gaze at the suspicious guy who seemed to be not conscious of having done anything wrong.

“Keep your dirty hands off of Rome!” Threatening he raised his fist, ready to punch him.

Immediately two arms wrapped around his arm and Rome squeezed his fist against his chest.

“Stop, P’Pick. Don’t”, Rome shouted and stood between them. Pick looked at him angry. Did he want to protect that guy?

“But he hugged you without your permission!”

“What? How you get that? P’Good is a friend, he can hug me whenever he wants.”

“But you struggled against it!”

“I was surprised. I’m sensitive these days and I didn’t expected a hug to comfort me. But what has it to do with you? What are you doing here?” The last part Rome sounded cold, and the last sentence hurtled at him like a blade. He winced. Right, actually he wanted to start his confrontation completely different and not that impulsive. Damn it! He messed up again.

 

Flustered he looked to the side.

“I want to talk to you.”

Rome looked at him in disbelief.

Behind him Good coughed slightly.

“I don’t want to interrupt you guys but I think I should go. That has nothing to do with me. N’Rome, it was great today. We see each other the day after tomorrow at work. I hope you can clarify whatever this is between you two. If something happens, you have my number, N’Rome” Good said and waved as a goodbye.

Rome turned to him and nodded, pulled him in another hug to thank him – Pick growled dark – and looked after him till he disappeared behind the corner. Then he turned around to Pick, contempt in his gaze.

“Goodbye, P’Pick” he said coldly and rushed past him.

“Wait!” Pick exclaimed after him and followed him inside. With an unusual speed Rome took two steps at once and Pick had trouble to keep up. Rome was fast.

“We’re not done yet” he shouted at Rome, already out of breath.

“You bet, I’m done with you” was Rome’s sharp response and he speed up a little more. My gosh, how could Rome run up the stairs so fast?

“But I’m not! Ai’Shorty, slow down. Don’t run away!” Pick stumbled after him, his legs trembling by now.

 

He arrived at Rome’s floor and could see Rome standing by his door, fiddling with his keys.

“I can do what I want. Stop following me or I call security!” he shouted and pushed his door open. He slipped through it and wanted to close it quickly behind him.

Oh no, that will not happen, Pick thought when he ran towards him. He got so far, he couldn’t give up now. It was probably his last chance to try fixing this mess. If he retreated now, he would regret it forever. He had to act now!

Determined he rammed his foot between the closing door and flinched a bit at the pain that grew in his foot. But he didn’t back up, pushed the door open again, slipped through it, and slammed it behind his back.

Rome looked at him bewildered.

“W-what are you doing?”
“We need to talk.”
“I see that quite different. Leave my room immediately.”

“No, not before you talk to me.”

“I don’t talk to reckless bastards who make fun of the heart from a supposed friend by stomping their feelings with glee.” Ouch.

“Rome, please let me explain.”

“Explain? I don’t need an explanation from you. You have hurt me, P’Pick. You toyed with me and my feelings. For months you had raised my hopes, just to pry them away from me in such a brutal way. You crushed me. You yelled at me that you find people like me disgusting. Do you know how that felt? To hear that from a supposed friend? No, of course not. It hurts! Horribly! But instead of accepting that I don’t want you in my life anymore you appear at my home, attack my friend, and tell me you want to talk. Are you kidding me? I’m done with you! I don’t want to have anything to do with you anymore!” he yelled and started crying bitterly. Angry he wiped over his eyes.

“Now leave my room. I don’t want to see you ever again.” His voice changed and sounded weak and broken. It broke Pick’s heart.

 

Quickly he caught Rome’s wrist and pulled him against his chest, hold him tight in his arms. Rome trembled and cried, and Pick tighten his grip a bit more, buried his face in his hair. Rome tried to push him away, to free himself from the hug but his arms had no strength left, so he gave up and sobbed defeated. He buried his face in Pick’s shirt. Pick stroked his hair gently.

“I’m sorry” he whispered.

“Stop it.”

“I mean it. Not that I played with your feelings but that I lied to you.”

Rome frowned.

“… I don’t understand. You’re not sorry for playing with me but for lying to me?”

“No, um- I… I didn’t play with your feelings. At least not knowingly. I just said that because I was angry because… I know it’s not an excuse and it doesn’t make it less wrong. But I mean it with all my heart, Rome. I’m really sorry.” Rome looked up at him with wet eyes.

Pick placed his hands on Rome’s reddish cheeks and caressed the skin under his eyes with his thumps.

“I was overwhelmed. With the situation. With myself. And mostly with your words. Your… confession.”
Rome swallowed and lowered his head. Pick pulled it up right away.

“Did you mean it?” Pick had to ask again.

Fear was written in Rome’s face and he freed himself from Picks grip. He walked to his couch and sat down, patted beside him to invite Pick to sit down as well. After a short hesitation Pick sat beside him.

 

“P’Pick” Rome said and swallowed. “What do you want?”

Pick breathed deeply and bit the inside of his cheek. He had thought about it for a long time, what he wanted, and he had made a decision. He sighed and took one of Rome’s hand. He caressed it gently. He kept his gaze at his hand which seemed fitting perfectly in his.

“How do you know that you’re gay?” he asked. Rome took a moment to answer.

“How do you know that you’re straight?” he asked back. Pick shrugged his shoulders.

“I don’t know, it’s the usual.”

Rome’s hand gripped firmly for a second. Then he laid his second hand over both of theirs.

“The usual. Why is it ‘the usual’? Because society says it?”

Pick squeezed his hand.

“You’re not meant to be what society tells you. You just have to listen to yourself what you are and who you wanne love. It’s your heart. You can’t force an opinion on yourself just because someone tells you. Be yourself regardless of the other.”

Pick felt his tears rise and he turned his head to the side. He didn’t want to cry in front of Rome. That would destroy his cool image and he didn’t want to show any weakness.

 

“I felt I’m not into girls very early and I had similar thoughts. That I was wrong, that my feelings were abnormal, because society tells you that every fucking day. But I realized that’s not true. I’m gay and I can’t chance that. And I don’t want to because it’s part of me and I’m proud of it.” Rome squeezed his hand gently and dragged it to his heart. Pick turned his head to him and looked at him with wet eyes.

“The question is, what are you feeling, P’Pick?”

“I- I don’t know”, Pick sighed, “You’re more important to me than anything else. It was horrible to think that you’re gone and not a part of my life anymore. That I lost you forever. I want to have you around me, see you happy. I want to hold you and not letting you go.”

The grip tightened on his hand. Rome leaned to him and pulled him in a warm hug. Arms looping around his neck, and he pressed the small body at him, sighed and closed his eyes. Let his calming scent soothe him a bit.

“But… I’m not gay. I like women” he said sheepish and confused. Rome stroked his hair softly.

“You don’t have to be gay like me. You could be bi, pan, or something else. You don’t have to label yourself if you still don’t know. Just listen to your heart.”

Pick nodded.

 

“Rome?”

“Mh?”

“I like you.” He felt how Rome’s breath stopped for a moment and teared dropped at his skin. Next, he felt the corner of Rome’s mouth risen.

“I like you too.”

That sent a chill down his spine. He squeezed Rome even tighter who sobbed again. Pick pushed him gently to look at his face. Rome beamed at him while tears ran down his face. He wiped them away with his thumps. Rome smiled.

“You cry too much.”
“And you cry too little.”

Both giggled. Pick observed Rome, his Rome who sat towards him and presented his bright smile. His gaze darted to his lips and Pick had to think about how they felt on his. How perfect they fitted, and Pick wanted to repeat it. He leaned forward.

“P’Pick?” Rome asked but sighed as soon as his lips touched his. Slowly they started moving, enjoyed the contact without rushing it. Pick carefully broke the kiss to dry Rome’s wet cheeks with his hands. Rome closed his eyes and laughed. When he opened them again, he looked at Pick tender, it took Pick’s breath away. A warm feeling flowed through his body. It was the most beautiful smile he had ever seen. And Rome gifted it to him.

He smiled back and tried to put all his feelings into it.

 

Rome’s hands slid to his hair, and he pressed his lips against his again, this time with more pressure. The restraint got lost in the growing fire of passion. They kissed hotly, Pick’s hands erratic at Rome’s hip. Rome straddled his lap, pressing and rubbing himself at him. Pick gasped when another pleasant chill ran down his spine. It was too good to be true. Rome felt too perfect in his arms.

He intensified his movements and Pick supressed a moan when he felt the growing bump in Rome’s pants. He hadn’t believed it was possible that he got turned on by something like that. But the way Rome looked like with red cheeks, strangling his lap while rubbing himself at him and kissing him uncontrollably. That was the hottest thing Pick had ever experienced.

Soon Pick’s hands moved under his shirt and explored the smooth skin underneath. Rome gasped into his mouth and Pick felt the goose bump under his fingertips. He grinned into the kiss when he scratched his sides and Rome cringed a little.

He gave him a quick annoyed gaze but didn’t break their kiss but added his tongue. Pick lost himself in the kiss and let the passion control him completely. One shiver followed the other every time their tongue collided. Fuck, it was way hotter than he had dreamed.

 

He got braver when he determined grabbed Rome’s butt and squeezed it. The moaning he received ran straight into his dick. Fuck.

Persistent he kneaded his firm butt, cursed low when another wave of pleasure rolled over him. The grip in his hair tightened and Pick gasped. He broke the kiss – Rome commentated it with an unpleased hum – and pressed is lips against his neck. Explored the unknown skin, tasted it and nipping at it to draw some hot gasps from Rome. He followed the skin to the neckline of his shirt. Demanding he sucked at the collarbone and Rome moaned. Tugged at his hair till Pick gasped in pain. He put his head back and immediately some delicious lips landed on his. Rome kissed him with abandon, his hip restless. Pick’s back pressed solid in the fabric of the couch while they kissed rough, he moaned hoarse.

His hands were still on Rome’s butt, kneaded it steadily while pressing him even tighter against him. Their bulges met and they both gasped at the same time. Shit, it was intense. Even more intense than he had imagined. Never was making out this hot. And he never was as needy as he was right now just from a little groping. If they continued, he would come just from rubbing himself at Rome. Fuck!

 

Now it was Rome who broke their kiss to groan. His lips pressed greedy at his neck, sucking at his skin. He seemed to enjoy teasing the sensitive skin. Pick gasped every time Rome’s teeth scratched over the redden spots and he unknowingly pushed his fingers under his waistband, to feel the smooth skin around his tailbone. Rome moaned moist at his neck and sucked harder. They parted with a smack and he sat up. He nibbled at Pick’s bottom lip with seductive eyes.

“Fuck, that’s way better than I imagined” he whispered and rolled his hip again at Pick. He answered with a gasp. Fuck, his pants started to feel too tight around him and it was uncomfortable. He wanted to open them, right now.

A hand left his hair, stroke from his cheek to his neck to his chest. Deeper and deeper till it grabbed his bulge without shame. Pick jerked up in surprise when an electric shock of pleasure rolled over him.

“Relax. Enjoy it” Rome murmured throaty and entangled him in another kiss while massaged his dick through his pants. Bloody hell, that was hot.

 

Pick totally lost himself in the kiss, enjoyed the chills that emerged by every touch of Rome’s tongue and every grab of Rome’s hand.

Suddenly he felt the cheeky hand straight on his dick and he opened his eyes wide, moaning in surprise. Fuck, when had Rome opened his pants?

He looked at him shocked and faced Rome’s hungry gaze, his teeth bit his bottom lip.

“Fuck, that was hot. Do that again” he said greedy, and his hand started moving again. Pick wanted to supress it but he way this sneaky hand caried his sensitive skin and played with the tip he couldn’t hold back and the sounds escaped his throat on their own. He dropped his head on Rome’s shoulder and moaned brokenly.

Rome bit his ear lobe and moved his hand so skilfully that he had trouble not to come in an instant.

Shit, Pick felt like he couldn’t breathe because of the pleasure that ran though his whole body. Rome was too fucking good at this.

“P’Pick” Rome moaned impatient in his ear and Pick’s brain completely switched off. All he could sense was Rome on his lap, nibbling on his lope and his hand tight around his dick.

 

His hands were now entirely vanished in Rome’s pants, groping the firm skin. His wrists hurt a bit because the waistband was uncomfortable tight around them, and Pick wished he could get rid of that damn fabric.

“Shit, Babe. Feels good” Rome panted at his ear and stroked his thump over the tip, smirking pre cum everywhere. It was sticky but damn hot.

Rome stopped, retracted his hand from his dick and his teeth from his ear and fiddled with his own pants.

 

Pick used the short break to breathe deeply. The lack of oxygen and the sensation of pleasure made him dizzy. He swallowed because he felt his climax was coming soon.

He turned his attention to Rome and observed him. His lips were glossy and puffy, his hair laid messy on his forehead. His cheeks and ears were red, and he was out of breath as well. When he looked up and their eyes met, Pick could see pure desire and impatience. It was the hottest thing he ever saw.

He couldn’t hold back and had to slam their lips together. With passion he licked over those delicious lips. Rome returned the kiss with at least the same amount of passion. Hungry and needy they pressed their bodies together.

He felt Rome’s hands working between them and curious he looked down. Rome’s lips travelled to his cheek, caressed it while he pulled at his pants. He felt the pressure at his wrists disappear and instinctive he took advantage of the new room and stroked the plump butt cheeks.

Rome sighed and leaned in his touch, kissed him passionate.

Pick’s hands travelled up, scratched over his sides and his back, receiving sighs and gasps which let his dick twitch. Rome’s fingers run over his chest, cling on his shirt. Impatient they tugged at the fabric, slipped under it to caress his stomach down his crotch. Rome nibbled at his lips, kissed his way to his neck, biting the skin and sucking onto it.

Pick’s dick longing for attention, he was ready and needy, he needed Rome’s hands to continue. Please.

With dark eyes he watched how Rome freed his own dick out of his pants and he had to gasped when he felt it right at his.

That was a new feeling. And it was more exiting that every wet dream he ever had. He had never imagined it was possible for him to get turned on from another dick, but now he sat here, Rome’s right at his and he felt too damn turned on, his dick might burst any second.

 

“Shit” Rome moaned, released his neck, and grabbed both their dicks and stared moving in a slow pace.

Out of reflex Pick thrusted his hip forwards, the unknown feeling prickled though his whole body. It drove him crazy.

“Fuck, it’s good” it escaped his mouth. Rough he pressed their mouth back together. It wasn’t a real kiss, both were too distracted from the feeling at their crotches but they didn’t stop the contact, moaning in the mouth of the other, panting raspy while Rome worked both to the edge.

Pick’s hand slid in Rome’s hair, cling on it. The other was placed on his tailbone, pushed his hip demanding forward to intensify the contact.

“P’Pick” Rome moaned and panted hectic.

All concerns vanished by now and Pick acted by instinct, leaning in Rome’s grip, moving his hip in rhythm and moaning unrestrained when his climax rolled over him. Rome speeded up, worked him through it, milked him dry and reached it right after him.

Loudly he moaned his name, clinging at his lips like a drunk when he slumped down, hanging in his arms, his head at his shoulder. Pick pressed his nose in his hair, kissing his temple, stroking his back.

 

For a few seconds, no one spoke. Just their heavy breathing echoed through the room.

“Wow” it escaped Rome’s throat and he looked up.

“Mhm” Pick answered, he couldn’t find better words.

“That was hot” Rome said, and his eyes darken a bit when they eyed Pick, his arms looping his neck. Out of the corner of his eye he could see his sticky hands and he scrunched his nose.

“Don’t worry, I won’t smudge it in your hair” Rome giggled when he noticed Pick’s glance. Pick frowned disgusted.

“Thanks, and not on my clothes too, please” he mumbled. Rome laughed and kissed him again. Pick returned it, tired but happy. They kissed for a while till Rome cut it to stand up and searching for a cloth to clean them. Pick looked after him and noticed his open pants which just hung barely at his hip.

He blushed when he realized what they did. He had fucking made out with Rome at his room, and he had given him a handjob. Holy shit! He had a dick pressed at his and he had fucking liked it. A lot. They both had come! Fuuuuuck!

Pick felt the panic grow and he swallowed heavy.

 

When Rome came back with clean hands and a cloth, Pick couldn’t look him in the face. Embarrassed he kept his eyes at his lap while taking the cloth, his whole face felt hot. As fast as possible he cleaned himself and closed his pants with shaky hands.

Of course, Rome noticed his behaviour and straddled his lap in an instant to distract him from his spinning thoughts. He took his head in both hand and forced him to look at his face.

“Whatever you’re thinking, stop it. Don’t you dare to regret it now” he said with a determined voice, and he looked at him reproachful. Pick slightly shook his head.

“I don’t” he rasped.

“Then what’s on your mind?”

“I- I need to process what just happened. That we-… you…” he couldn’t phrase it, his ears grew red.

“That I jerked you off and you have come with my dick at yours?” Rome said bold. Pick looked at him with wide eyes, his mouth open and close in shock.

“… hn.”

Rome gave him a peck.

“Bad?”
“No.”

“That’s good. Was it good?”

“…. Y-yes.”

“Great”, He kissed him again, “Then there’s no reason to panic.”

“Hm.”

“I liked it too.” Another peck. “Although more would be even greater of course.”
He giggled when he noticed Pick’s aghast gaze.

“I know, it’s too early for that but I’m allowed to dream. I waited months for that, to be so close to you. I can wait another while.” He kissed his cheek and cuddled at his chest, buried his face in the crook of his neck. He hummed satisfied.

Pick closed his eyes and tightened the embrace.

 

.

.

.

 

“Are we dating now?”

“Hm.”

“A whole sentence, please.”
“Yes, we’re dating now.”

Rome beamed at him and squeezed him tighter, showered his whole face with kisses. Pick laughed. He could get used to it.

 

<3