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An Appropriate Language

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There were nights when Jason knew he should have just stayed home. Most nights, no matter how bad it got, he could rationalize and make the argument that at worst he should have just rigged the building and let it go up in a satisfyingly powerful explosion. Tonight, however, was a step beyond that: for tonight was the night Poison Ivy got out of Arkham, Daddy Bats was in Trinidad with Stephanie and Cassandra, and Babs and the Demon Child were inexplicably and simultaneously laid low by the flu that had swept through Gotham. This left Dickface and the Replacement to patrol the city, and while Jason would normally have taken full advantage of this (Replacement was sort of calming once you got past the fact that he was Jason’s goddamn replacement, and Dick always had a blind spot a mile wide for him, on account of all his suppressed rage and Jason’s ability to bring it shooting up to the surface) but once again, Poison Ivy was on the loose. And, as fate would have it, directly in Jason’s path.

Jason stumbled onto the scene when it was already half over. Team Bat’s plan as far as he could tell was this: use Dickling as bait, and when Ivy got close enough to rub toxin all over his face, Replacement would take her down with one of his fancy, modified bat toys. It would have worked perfectly had Ivy been a little less generous with her man-zombies; as it was Jason had to step in when it looked as if Replacement was getting overwhelmed.

(He only had to shoot three. And really, two were leg shots, totally survivable. The last was probably going to bleed out, but as none of Ivy’s zombies ever reached sentience again, he was fully convinced he was doing the guy a favor.)

That left Replacement open to trap Ivy with a nifty electrified bat net, and enforce her compliance with a grainy, beige powder that Replacement claimed would reach her plants’ roots in mere minutes, killing her ‘babies’ before Ivy could use them against them. Faced with such a threat the smoking hot redhead backed down, and Jason whistled low in appreciation. Replacement had his moments, even if Jason would die (again) before he admitted that.

It was right about then when the evening went to shit.

Replacement had turned around, giving Jason that look he was pretty sure he’d made up just for him - one part exasperation, one part sardonic amusement, one part disappointment, and one part quickly stifled relief. It was like the kid’s face didn’t know how to deal with him, and Jason was glad he stuck with the simple and straightforward, and also wore a big red helmet.

Replacement spoke through the com in Lithuanian, the one language he and Jason spoke passably that Dick did not. “I won’t ask you to wait for cops - I know better. But could you get Dick to roof? He is liability, like this.”

Jason glanced over at Dick, noting that he was bent nearly double, breathing heavily and clutching his knees with a white-knuckled grip. Well, now. Dickwad had administered the antidote several minutes ago, and he was still struggling? Ivy must have upped her game. A year ago, Jason would have laughed and went on his merry way, figuring it was charitable enough that he didn’t let Ivy loose and have her toxic way with Dick and/or Replacement. Yet tonight, as it was the night to end all bad decisions, he did something quite different.

Yeah, sure. You owe me though. And not A’s waffles.”

Replacement’s smile was fleeting, just the barest hint that he remembered that conversation. Jason didn’t stick around to see what the Replacement’s face got up to next. Figuring it was like ripping off a bandaid - faster done, faster he could get gone, already - he pulled Dickery over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes - he’d wished he could have said tossed, but damn the man was heavy - and aimed his grapple gun for an adjacent building. The gun would hold the weight of both of them, he was pretty sure. He’d tested it out with Roy and Kori one day, which had been fun and educational, in more ways than one.

Roy was a seriously flexible man, he would give him that…

Dickles shivered as the flew, nearly jolting himself off of Jason’s shoulder. The angle was awkward - even though he wasn’t outright protesting, he was doing his damndest to wriggle his way out of this situation. Jason grit his teeth behind the hood. Sure, sure, he and the Dickmaster didn’t get along all that well, but he was doing the loser a solid. His forbearance of the Replacement did not extend to the Wonder Boy and with the last of his patience he announced this.

“Settle the fuck down, Nightwing. I’ll put you down as soon as I haul your ass onto the roof-”

It was a thankful thing that Jason had just vaulted securely onto the roof as Dick suddenly stopped squirming and cut him off with an almighty squeeze. As Jason tottered towards the center of the roof, Dick twisted around him like he was a frigging monkey bar and suddenly Jason found himself face to face with his old partner. Dickiebird’s pupils were blown wide, leaving only a sliver of blue around the rims. There was just enough time to manage an internal oh fucking hell before Dick’s momentum carried them both back into the side of the emergency staircase partition, and Jason slid down to his ass.

His head thunked against the cement, hard enough for him to take assessment, but not hard enough to really damage anything. Yet it gave Dick the tiny opening he needed - his fingers slid to his jaw and worked the catch, more surely than a person high on Ivy’s sex pollen should be able to do. The antidote was working then, but not well enough - a dangerous combination when one had a lapful of Nightwing.

Jason caught the helmet by the top, keeping it planted firmly on his head. Dickery whined, and caught himself from rubbing his cheek along the smooth surface of the helmet in a mockery of a caress.

“C’mon, Jay. I hate that stupid helmet. Wanna’ see your face - it’s been so long.”

Jason growled. There were a lot of reasons why he hated his older brother figure, but sex pollen had never up until now been one of them. It was simple luck of the draw. Back when he had been Robin, Jason had been sex pollened, sure, and he had witnessed Bruce as well. And a couple months ago he’d seen the Demon Child suffer from some mild sex pollen intake as well, although he’d had enough antidote to cure himself before he could come on to anyone. But he’d never seen Dick like this, never ever wanted to, and now it was happening directly on top of him.

This was the point when Jason knew with all certainty that he should have just fucking stayed home.

“You see me all the goddamn time, Nightwing. And the helmet keeps me alive and pretty, so quit your complaining.”

Dickarina squirmed and adjusted himself so that he was straddling him. Obscene man. Jason leaned back and breathed deeply, thinking very hard about how much he hated him, and not how fucking flexible and masculine and strong the man was. The last thing he needed right now was to discover that his body’s natural attraction to him was stronger than his anger. Jesus. If that were the case, he’d rather switch places with Replacement.

“Take off your helmet and I will. I just wanna’ see. C’mon, Jay. Please?” Now he really did rub his cheek against the hood, and Jason leaned as far as he could to the side without toppling them both over. Yet his squirming couldn’t dislodge Dick’s face or his fingers, which had begun tracing little drunken patterns against chest. Even through the kevlar, it felt like Dick’s fingers were burning like a brand, and unthinkingly he brought one of his hands down to make him quit.

“Got you!” Dick grabbed his hand and went for the other one, and in the resulting scuffle managed to shift the helmet off one ear. He then began twisting like a fucking fish, and it was all Jason could do to hold him still. The helmet was knocked completely off in the process, but all Jason could think of was how manipulative Dick was, and what happened if he turned this onto Replacement? The younger Robin was trusting as hell, especially if he didn’t immediately think the worst of the Red Hood, for chrissakes. Dick would seduce the kid in a heartbeat, especially if the kid had seen him administer the antidote. And Jason, no matter his faults, would never be party to rape.

Finally he managed to get a firm grip on Dick’s hips, keeping him securely in place. The position was terrible. Dick straddled him, held in place but in perfect position to lean forward and nuzzle his neck; hands free to roam all over his chest and shoulders, and even his face. Thank frigging God he still wore a domino. This was all far too intimate anyway, but it would have been unbearable had he not had at least that.

“See? So much better now. I can see you.” Dick breathed in deeply, resting his nose at the juncture of Jason’s neck and shoulder. Jason struggled against his arousal, thinking of Bruce’s cold disapproval and what a rapist would do in this situation. He could not suppress his little shudder, however, and groaned when he felt Dick smile against his skin.

“Stop it, Nightwing. You’ve been sex pollened. Think about it. Do you have any more antidote?” Jason had antidote, but Dickton was oh so helpfully sitting on it. To get it he’d have to reach between them and that was maybe not the slightest move right now. He’d have to just sit tight and wait for Replacement. Where was he, anyway? Ivy hadn’t gotten loose, had she?

Dick shook his head from side to side, and the slide of his hair against his cheek made Jason’s thighs tighten. “No, no, Little Wing. Not pollened anymore. I already took the antidote.”

“Ok, sure. Yeah. Then why the fuck are you trying to cuddle with me?” Jason kept his voice low and acerbic, knowing that tone pissed Dick off like nothing else. He seemed to have misjudged, however, by the way Dick shifted against him, bringing the bodies even closer together. He rolled his hips and Jason was suddenly very aware of the length and width of Dick’s cock, trapped between them.

His mouth went dry, and he forgot what Bruce’s disapproval looked like. Fuck this. Fuck all this sideways, and then fuck it some more.

“Maybe it’s ‘cuz you’re so goddamned hot, Jaybird. Making me forget myself.” Dick shifted his face and suddenly he was mouthing Jason’s neck, focusing on a single spot that set all of Jason’s nerves to tingling.

His fingers clenched at Dick’s hips. Shit on a stick. He was going to have nightmares about this for weeks. Months. He may have to leave Gotham entirely. “You’re full of shit, Nightwing. You don’t even like guys.”

He shrugged without taking his mouth away, and it was single most goddamn sexual shrug Jason had ever seen. No one else could shrug like that. Sex pollen, he reminded himself. Sex pollen, and when he’s not actively seducing me, this fucker is the most annoying being on the planet. 

“Not usually. But you’re pretty hard to look away from.” Dick giggled and then sucked hard, making Jason draw in a deep breath. It cleared his head for a blessed moment and now he could hear it - the sound of boots crossing the pavement. Replacement had taken his sweet fucking time, and was being stealthy about it too.

Still, it was better than nothing. hoping that Replacement had sussed out the situation Jason played along one more time. “So is Oracle listening in? ‘Cuz that would be all kinds of awkward, don’t you think?” Jason could see Red Robin now, with something that looked a little like an EpiPen in his hand. Thank fucking god. He averted his eyes to meet Dick’s as he pulled back, and shifted his left hand so that Replacement would have a clear shot at Dick’s thigh.

Dick smiled sultrily, and Jason swallowed. “If she is, she’s about to get an education.” He leaned in and brushed his nose against Jason’s. “I want-”

What Dickles wanted was never explored. He suddenly collapsed forward, head thunking against the wall behind them before coming to rest on Jason’s shoulder. Behind him, Replacement shrugged apologetically, if a little awkwardly.

“Sorry. I’m all out of antidote, so I figured it would be best to knock him out.”

Jason immediately shoved the unconscious hero off of his lap and onto his back. He pulled his legs up as he reached for his helmet to hide the last lingering traces of his erection. “Thank fucking god. Took your time, squirt.”

Replacement’s gaze was sharp, and not for the first time Jason wished the kid was just a little less observant. “Yeah, I had to drive Ivy to Arkham myself. Sorry about...him.”

Now that the hood was back on and his body all sorted out again, Jason stood. He shrugged, feigning indifference. It certainly wasn’t the kid’s fault that Dick had jumped him and been a little too convincing in doing so. Yet Replacement stood there watching him, a cautious expression on his face. Oh. Did that mean he was worried for him or something? Feeling a bit too much like an older brother right then, he put a hand on Replacement’s shoulder. When the kid didn’t even tense Jason bit his lip. Yeah, the kid was way too trusting. He’d be like putty in Dick’s hands...

There was a lot he probably should say, but he didn’t. Just squeezed his hand for a moment - kid could take it however he wanted, but it was his way of saying good job now fuck off - and then took off across the rooftop, readying his grapple gun for the first launch.

The night was young, but Jason was going home. Gotham’s crime would still be here tomorrow, and unless every building on the block suddenly went up in flames, he was leaving it to Replacement.

Jason Todd knew well the signs of a universe intent on fucking with him, and he got the hint, thank you very much.