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I Love You For Infinity

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He is not angry.  Not really.

Castiel always has this habit of leaving him a little helpless, without reaction, this was always just Cas being Cas. Nothing was going to change because suddenly they're in a relationship and they confessed their undying love for each other. Cas literally left him behind when he confessed this undying love to him…

It shouldn't be a surprise when he wakes up in a bed with the place beside him empty and cold and a text on his cell saying: "Hey Cas here, I'm 'sleeping' with your brother."  But it's a surprise, he didn't think they would have that courage.  He didn't think it would be serious, Sam already has Eileen and Cas already has him.  He underestimated that.  He thought it was just straw fire, it burns fast, it goes away fast.  It is not.  Castiel said it wasn't.  He should have believed it.

He has a certain amount of envy and jealousy, it would be weird if he didn't. The day he doesn't feel at least a little possessive about Cas he's going to be dead inside.  But, that's it, it's just a feeling that's not worth nurturing.  Not when the scene in front of him is Sam, Eileen, Cas, and Jack having lunch together with him and praising the food he's made, laughing and talking.  The looks Sam and Cas exchange and the smile Eileen gives when she notices the two of them talking absently as if there's only them there.  Jack not knowing where to hide his face in trying to get everyone's attention with the latest school project to escape this dynamic -which is clear to Dean when they exchange a look- weird as hell for the kid.

Because you see, Sam and Cas aren't trying to hide from anyone that they're in love right now.  Cas isn't trying to hide that he's in love with Dean.  Cas isn't even trying to hide that Eileen is his next target.  And Jack... He just asks Dean for help with his eyes and Dean just shrugs and whispers in the boy's ear.

 —Sorry kid, but that's it, you're stuck with this weird family.

—It's not that, Dean, are you okay?  You're kinda quiet.— the kid says, he sounds too mature for a 10-year-old, but that's their weird life now.  At that moment Cas looks at them, Jack wasn't trying to be discreet, apparently no one in this family knows how to do that now.  It became their thing.   And now all eyes are on him as he takes a bite of that stroganoff with potato straws.

 —I'm fine...— he says, because honestly, there's nothing to say beyond that.  This routine is fucking weird, but when wasn't it?  But Cas looks at him with that look, the one he uses when he knows he's lying, but doesn't say anything.  Dean thanks him internally when he just shuts up.  Dean just chuckles tiredly and says, —That's just fucking weird, I've never had family routine like this.  I kept a lot of stuff inside and Lee pretended he didn't see it, we were just "bros". But you guys…— The 3 look at him with that curious, worried and loving look, ready to listen to anything he has to say.  Because they care and it feels like a fucking therapy session.  Dean doesn't know how to feel about this.  He just knows his stomach turns cold, and it's not a bad feeling.  His heart accompanies him on this journey of saying things, he wants to say it, but he just keeps silent.

—Say it, what's on your mind Dean?— Cas asks, that deep, loving voice, always that deep, loving voice.  Dean smiles.

—That's good, I like our routine…

—I feel like there's a, “but” coming.— Cas says looking a little sad, looking more guilty than he should.  Dean doesn't understand why.

 — 'But' nothing Cas, you're just… taking this open relationship thing more seriously than I thought you would.  That's all, I just thought…— “Thought you would love me forever and only me,” he wants to say, but it feels wrong to say this to everyone.  He prefers it when he and Cas have private conversations.  Cas is a mystery right now, nothing easy to read passes over his face.

 —I think we should have this conversation in private later.— Cas says and Dean nods. The rest of the people at that table now just pretend they aren't paying attention to this conversation, but the only one convincing with that is Eileen, she's looking at her plate and looking away and not lip-reading, but Dean knows Sam will gossip it all to her later. 

 —I want to see a movie later. My friend was telling me that “Luca” is really cool. Who wants to do this to me?— Jack asks right away quickly changing the subject of the table, poor kid, not interested in adult dramas now that he wants to be just a kid.

 Jack just didn't get rid of what was already his, he said he tried his best to give everything to Amara, but she said it would be impossible,"there has to be a balance" she said. He would never be just a child, he would always be a child God.  It was hard to see how sad Jack was about this for Dean, he more or less knows the feeling, although that's another level of fucked up.  But Jack was doing well, he was obviously a child who knew too much, but still a child, as usual.  So every time he called for company to watch some Disney movie, or Scooby-doo or anything else Dean was the first to do it with him now.  Both enjoy that childhood that was stolen.  And Castiel loves it too. 

 

                                                          **

 

It was a quiet afternoon after Dean saw that pleasantly gay movie for kids he was in a good mood like he wasn't in ages, he loved the message the movie gives, kids of this generation won't grow up like him, someone is saying with subtext that it's ok to be gay.  Just don't say that to homophobes, let's pretend it's just about sea monsters…shiii. But Jack noticed, and told Dean "Luca and Alberto could very well be you and Cas, they were so in love, it's cute" Dean with his mouth full of popcorn looked at Cas who was beside him, and just laughed.  Cas looked at him hesitantly but smiled too.  Dean likes that, he could spend the rest of his life just watching movies with Jack and Cas.

 — That moment when Alberto tells Luca to shut his "Bruno" reminded me of that thing you said when you tried to convince me to help you.— Castiel said looking at Dean, who was chewing the corn barely popped from the popcorn jar.

 — Luca learning to walk in his new form and being silly and clumsy reminds you a lot of your first moments on Earth with me after you fall. — Dean responds looking lovingly and mocking Cas who squints his eyes at him. After a moment he soon amends.

 — It's cool, Luca loves Alberto even after he was stupid and rebelled against him. — Castiel brings up the sensitive subject, but it's not about them, right?  it's about the movie.  They can pretend it is for a second.

 — And in the end he gets over the jealousy and accepts that Luca is his own person and that doesn't mean they don't love each other, it's not a "goodbye" it's a "see you soon". — Dean replies, trying to get away from the parallels that it's easy to establish between them, but it is practically impossible.  He just loved it all.  This movie is very gay.  He wanted to make a T-shirt with the print "Luca is gay and so am I" or bi, whatever.  He's not sure anymore.  Oh… No, better not go down that road and get lost again in what is Chuck and what wasn't.

 Jack now looks at the two.  He doesn't want to interrupt this little moment of his parents looking at each other deeply and falling in love even more while talking about a Disney movie, it's just too good to be true.

— Hum…Jack, it was an excellent movie choice, Disney movies right?— Dean says, clearing his throat and looking away from Cas, they're not alone and he was starting to forget about it.  The boy just smiles and asks.

— Wanna watch it again?— Dean actually considers the proposal for a second, but denies it.

— I would see Moana again now, the songs from that movie get stuck in my head…and it's pretty embarrassing…— Dean says, making a face.  Jack just laughs and nods

— Moana is just…Ahhh — Jack sighs, pleased and excited at Dean's idea of repeating that movie again.  Castiel laughs at the two children in front of him.  When Jack and Dean get together it's like Dean never grew up.  He can't stop admiring it.  It is one of the most precious moments.  He can hardly believe he has it after all.  It didn't even happen in his best fantasies of what their lives would be like when there was finally peace.

— The best thing is that you're not even exaggerating Dean, I've heard you hum that Maui song in the shower.— Castiel says and Dean just squints at him.

— And you keep humming Moana's song about the sea calling you, you can't talk too much about me. — Cas just laughs.

— Hey, I'm not judging!— He raises his hands in the air in surrender.

— Good!— the 3 laugh at each other.

 

                                                          ***

After that, Dean decided to take a shower, he needed to relax in that perfect water pressure that the Bunker has. Relaxing wasn't the right word actually, he wasn't stressed out about anything, he wasn't thinking about Cas and the whole weird situation they're in. That he allowed it to happen…Every time Dean remembers that he was the one who said it would be okay he secretly wishes he could turn back time, because the fear he has of losing Cas when he discovers the outside world is far greater than what he can offer is very palpable. Sam has a lot more to offer than he does. He's trying to be more open with his feelings, but having conversations like that makes him feel exposed as a nerve.

Dean can't help but wonder what Sam and Cas' relationship is like, they probably do a lot more than braid Sam's hair and talk about feelings. Although this is something they definitely do, because coincidence or not, Sam had a braid in his hair this morning... He didn't comment, he didn't want to hear the story or a goofy smile on his brother's face.  He didn't want any of that, to be honest, now that he seriously thinks about it.

Being in a relationship with Cas is the dumbest and most wonderful decision he's ever made. He doesn't want to live without now that he has it.  He hates having feelings, he wishes he could feel nothing. Shutting that "Bruno" in his mind would probably be enough. He's grateful that Cas has Sam to worry about too, he hates being this needy mess.

Cas knocked hard on the door of his heart that day he died and he let him in. The only problem is, Cas hit him so hard he broke his damn heart in the process, and now it looks like he's the only one who has the power to glue the pieces together. He hates to love him so much to the point he wants to offer everything that makes him happy even if it means giving up some things. He hates the way his eyes sparkle when he looks at Sam and the way this brings a smile to his own lips. He mostly hates the fact that he can't hate Cas. “Yeah, Cas is the damn Heath Ledger in that chick flick movie and he's the tearful girl who would write poems about how he feels. Damn it, where are you to be my Heath Ledger for my Jake Gyllenhaal? The love is gone?“ 

The Ironic though sends real fear, actually. It became their routine to take showers together. Maybe Cas would prefer now to take showers along with Sam and his huge… Before Dean's thoughts can get the better of him, Cas knocks on the door and asks.

— May I come in? — He hears Cas's voice muffled through the door.

— Yeah? — Dean doesn't understand the question, they never needed to ask it.

Cas quickly enters and locks the door behind him.  And he exchanges an apprehensive look with Dean.

— Are we okay? — He asks.

— Yeah?  Why?— Dean asked with a frown.

— Oh I don't know, maybe it's the fact that you were weird at lunch and almost said in front of everyone that you're my favorite.  No one needs to be reminded of that, Dean. — Cas says calmly, taking off his clothes. — But apparently, you do. — Cas is already hard inside his boxers. Dean gulped and chuckled as he watched Cas getting naked to join him, already in all his glory, precum gleaming on the tip of that perfect pink head, he wanted to get down on his knees and lick it before the water washes away.  The butterflies in his stomach grow uncontrollably and his intimacy involuntarily quivers in response to the look Cas casts in his way.

— Saying you have favorites doesn't ruin the whole healthy polyamory thing? — Dean says smugly in a dry voice.  Trying to control the fact that he wants to be fucked here and now by Cas.  And that he doesn't care if Cas really considers him his favorite.

— Since when I'm perfect, Dean? — Cas shakes a tube of lube. — Do you want this? Or should I just blow you and let you fuck me the rustic way you like?— Dean gulped again and tried to hold back a smile.  The way Cas says it is so serious and intimidating.  Castiel is a fucked-up dominant even when he's offering his ass to him.  And he just loves it.

— I'm not your favorite, stop trying to distract me with sex, I know you love both of us…Well, 3 with Eileen, who's obviously your next target. — Cas smiles shyly and leaves the tube on the bench near the showers and steps inside underwater falling face to face with Dean and resting his arms gently on the shoulders of the man in front of him.

— Hmm… True, but you'll always be my first. — Cas all wet from the shower water will never stop being sexy to Dean, and he still looks at him the way he looked at him when they first met, trying to unravel the mystery that it's Dean Winchester, even though he already knows everything there is to know about.  It's breathtaking the way his eyes meet.

—I'm not even that Cas, you know, got your memories back now.— Dean argues, still trying…He doesn't even know what he's trying.  Is he trying to resist this?  He doesn't want to resist, he doesn't want to fight, he just wants Castiel and everything that goes with it.

 —You were the first one who was able to break heaven's control over me.  Sam knows this.  And I can never convince him that I love him as much as I love you, and maybe I shouldn't even try.  They are two completely different things, there is no comparison.  Also, my love is just…Transcendental — Cas says, with that hippie Cas vibe he so loves to hate.  He's casually soaping the entire body of the man in front of him running his hands and pad over Dean's chest, shoulder, and back.

 —Why are you telling me this?— Dean says almost as a whisper, he wants to kiss those lips before he gets an answer and lets him fuck him here under this shower.

 —Because I fucked Sam this morning instead of fucking you and I can tell this is bothering you.  But know that I thought about you too, you never get out of my head.  None of you.— He wishes he could hate this too, but what's wrong with him that his dick jumps when Cas says he thinks about him too while fucking his brother?  It's highly possessive and Cas seems to love it because the bastard says he fucked Sam thinking about the two of them with a smile on his face.  That bitch face….

 —Too much information Cas — he just says, trying to contain a smile as Cas hovers his lips close to his, making him moan in anticipation as he feels the heat of his breath against the sensitive skin of his lips.

—Maybe, just so you can convince yourself that I'll never leave you and belong to you two forever.— Castiel says as he slides his soapy hands down the hunter's stomach and envelopes that erection that was already aching, crying out for him pulling a restrained moan from Dean's lips.

—I'm not afraid of this.— Dean says huskily and slowly as he feels his angel's touch.  It doesn't matter at the moment, when they're like this, about to have sex, he'll always think of Cas as his angel .

—Dean…— Cas scolded him by saying his name as if he knew his lie, but what can he do?  Sometimes he really feels like he's enjoying everything Castiel can give him until the moment the angel decides he's done with him.  Everyone who loves him leaves one way or another, Castiel left saying he loved him.  He didn't have the option to stay, but still .  But he knows that kinda insecurity, after all, is just silly at this point.

 —Just fuck me…— Dean begs, he wants to give everything he has to offer to Castiel. He just wants to give Castiel everything he deserves. He just wants to give him everything that makes him happy. Maybe he's doing all this for the wrong reasons, but Castiel has already claimed him.  Since he branded his soul in hell nothing has been the same. He's just always kept a wall of distance between Cas and his heart, but now that's gone and he's exposed.  He just wants to surrender. Forever. He just wants to live this crazy relationship that wasn't supposed to be either of them destiny. Grasping the reality of it with his teeth.

Cas can still feel it, at that moment when he touches the shoulder where he's marked him.  All his adoration.  All his beautiful mess colored with pain and pleasure, hate and love, pride and shame.  He never gets tired of sinking into his perfect imperfect mess.  It's almost too much, it always has been, but he wants it all.  He will never leave him.  When he tried it, broke him apart.  He will never leave either of the two brothers, the two have marked their essence with no turning back and he just wants to surrender and fall off that cliff with both of them. He just wants this to last forever. He just wants to wrap his fingers around it and never let go.

—I'll always find my way back to you…— Castiel simply says as he captures the lips of the man in front of him for a kiss.  When Dean feels Cas's tongue asking permission to meet him, he almost tastes the truth in his words, the passion, the urgency, the despair, the love.  It's all there.  But it's brief, right then and there Castiel is giving Dean what he needs. He spins him roughly against that wall and gets to his knees and sinking his face between his buttcheecks, it's sudden, highly dirty, and rough.  Dean turns off that shower, for now, not a good combination.

—Castiel…— Dean moans the name as he feels his tongue invade his initially shy and restrained rosebud.

—Is that how you want it?— he asks, already knowing the answer, he knows Dean's signs. He can read him like the palm of his hand. Dean just moans in response and he goes back to kissing the tight pleats as if they were Dean's lips.  Castiel feels the man in his hands soften and moan as his tongue swirls every free inch he finds. He squeezes, holds, and opens his cheeks to give more room for his tongue to explore and make way. Dean can't resist the urge to pull him by the hair and hold him in place. Cas doesn't complain, he likes it when Dean's need for him gets so uncontrollable that he pulls his hair until It hurts.  At times like this, it seems like Dean wants him all inside like they're one like he wants to be his true vessel.

Castiel pulls away briefly, easily freeing himself from the grip of the hand that holds him, the hand that holds him doesn't really hold him, he's free to go whenever he wants.  He needs it, he needs to sink his tongue into Dean's, but he also needs air.  Maybe that's one more reason he's begging Amara to turn him into an full angel again.

Castiel rudely slaps one of those butcheecks pulling a smile from Dean's lips and a pleasantly surprised sigh, it's not exactly a surprise that Cas knows exactly what buttons to push after months together. He looks over his shoulder and their gazes briefly meet, and they can both see a clear cloud of lust. Dean offers more of his ass to Cas, if that's possible. He gives another one of that slap and enthusiastically sinks his tongue there again.  Castiel just stops what he's doing and walks away to get that tube of lube.  This interruption is enough for Dean to whimper.

—Come back, oh Castiel, come back!— He hears the angel chuckle at him saucily, it's almost devilish, his laugh is wanton and erotic as he tongues his way back to his ass, this time adding slick fingers as he bites without pity one of the cheeks.  Dean just breathes heavily and lets out a muffled moan.  He doesn't want to make a fuss, they're in the shower room and it makes a damned echo in that place. He's pretty sure if he can hear Castiel humming Moana in the hallway someone can hear him moaning as he gives Castiel his ass.

His fingers are gone fast, giving way to the hardness of Cas already nudging his entrance. Cas doesn't hesitate, he's already got all the way free so he just sinks down and watches Dean bite down on his fist to contain the scream of surprise, pain and pleasure.

—I don't know which I like better, you screaming my name or you holding back moans and squeezing around my cock like a good bitch.— Dean can't resist this he just laughs as a moan escapes his throat. The deeper the angel sinks, the more desperate Dean becomes. He doesn't know if he wants to stay or run away.  Castiel pauses for a moment when he feels Dean hesitate. —Too much?— He asked whispering close to one of Dean's ears and placing kisses on the back of the blonde's neck, his voice with that genuine concern, the fear of going too fast or too rough is always present in Castiel, however much his will is to hit that body with all the passion in his being. As much as he knows that's the way Dean likes it.

When Dean feels the warm air of the angel's breath he exposes his neck even more and holds one of his cheeks open more space. Castiel smiles and buries his teeth there in the soft flesh of the man's jugular and holds his neck lightly, this is enough for Dean to moan pleasurably and a little too loudly.

—Cover my mouth… — Dean says.  Castiel just does as he asks, and goes back to moving fast. That's enough to put Dean on the edge of orgasm, easy. But he holds back, he wants to feel Castiel come inside him first. Dean opens his lips after a few moments of Cas's hand containing the moans, he wants to swallow those fingers. He wants to adore those hands that gripped him tight and raised him from perdition. He wants to stifle his moans by biting and sucking on those fingers. Those aren't the hands that claim him, Dean will probably never know Castiel's true form, but this is the closest he's ever going to get so he wants it, he takes what he can get from Castiel.

Cas buries his fingers in his mouth at the same time he buries his hardness deep in his tight, delicious hole. Castiel loves to make Dean go crazy around his hands and cock. He sucks and loves the fingers in a way he will never understand. But damn it, whatever, who needs to understand. He just knows that Dean is irresistibly and heady moaning around him like that. And just like that, he is on the edge of an orgasm. They've barely started and he already wants to come. Castiel can never resist for long when Dean makes these sounds and begs with all his body for him. 

Dean feels Castiel reach his neglected hardness and smacks it with his fist, forcing that orgasm he knows Dean is holding back and he can't resist, he comes in Cas's hands, he loves when Cas does that to him. Dean, tearfully, feels the angel hit his sensitive spot a few more times vigorously, it's painful, but he wants it. He wants everything. But it's too much.

Dean can't hold back the urge to punch the wall almost too hard when Castiel bites his neck when he comes inside him and buries it deep a few more times almost compromising his wits before he leaves. Castiel jumps startled and laughs when he sees Dean do it.

—Oh hell! Are you pissed or horny?— Castiel quickly withdraws and spins him around to face him, genuinely concerned.  Both staggering a little.  Dean just laughs and gasps.

—At this point, who the fuck knows?— Cas just frowns at him and chuckles softly. He pulls on Dean's hand and analyzes it, making sure there aren't any broken bones or something, kisses gently and gently on the knuckles —It's okay, Cas— He hisses a little at the touch but it's just red and sore.

—Next time just punch my face instead of the wall it's softer.— He scoffs, exchanging a scolding look with him.

—Of course, it will be very easy to explain your black eye. "Don't worry, it's a sex thing totally consensual, not abusive at all” — Dean snorts a laugh.  The idea of Cas preferring to get hurt with the violent impulse that is his own problem is typical of Cas, and it's adorable but still stupid. Or maybe a kink, no judging.

—Surely no one else would ask again. — Cas just says wrapping Dean's arms around his neck offering support for Dean's wobbly legs. He turns the shower on again.

—Sure…New kink?— Dean smiles slightly when he feels Cas's hands caress his face in the middle of the falling water.

—Next time we do this in bed, it's better if you just punch the mattress — he says, his voice sweet as sugar. Only Castiel is able to talk about fucking him roughly against the mattress in such a gentle way.

—You're the one who wanted to fuck me until I almost lost my reason because you thought I was insecure, message received captain, you're going to sink with this ship no matter what.— He says kissing Cas' lips briefly.

—Good!— He just says

—Fucking amazing, Castiel! It almost pushed my limits— Dean is ecstatic, he doesn't know why he likes rough sex so much, it's probably not a nice thing to delve into. The answer would probably not be healthy. He's just known he's been like that since before his time in hell. Alastair tortured him and distorted all his pleasures and kinks, but he decided a long time ago that he's not going to let him own it. He makes a point of claiming his sexuality, it's one of the few things he can truly own. And Castiel makes it almost…pure.

—Sometimes I think you don't have a limit Dean, and you would let me blow you to pieces and put you back together in a snap of my fingers if I was still capable of it and told you it would make me happy.— Cas says worriedly raising his eyebrows at him.  Dean just laughs saying.

—True.— He's obviously kidding.  But it's enough to take a genuinely confused look from Cas.  —I'm kidding, Cas!— he says defensively, maybe too much.

—Sometimes I also don't know if your jokes reveal something deeper about what's going on in your head— He says looking at him lovingly.

—I'm not sure how to answer this...— Dean says smiling and regaining his strength to take the rest of that shower. Cas leans his back against the wall next to him, still trying to hold himself upright after his intense orgasm.

 —Anyway— Castiel looks hesitant about the next thing he has to say and Dean doesn't quite understand why —I was talking to Sam and Eileen this morning, and they got on the subject of marriage out of the blue and asked me if I'd like to be the person who would make it official, I didn't even know it was something I could do and found it curious that they want me for this— Castiel doesn't know if Dean still wants it for them.  Marriage …Dean doesn't know this, but he had this conversation with the 2 after seriously considering the possibility of having sex with Eileen while Sam was recovering for a second round. They gave up, ended up talking about things instead of having sex.  It is complicated.  Castiel was uncomfortable for... reasons.

—For a moment there I thought they weren't getting married anymore…The whole thing about you and Sam doesn't leave Eileen, I don't know…— Dean tries to keep the jealousy out of his voice, finding this particular subject extremely...curious and even a little funny.

—Confused and unsure?— Castiel completes the sentence with the words Dean was looking for.

—At the very least…— Dean chuckles, reaching for a towel as Castiel continues with his shower.

—She's fine, and she still wants to marry him…— Castiel hesitates again.  He shouldn't ask that, he's not sure he's going to like the answer —What about you? Still, wanna marry me? I don't know…Maybe I’m too much of a bitch to be marriage material— The latest events show that he is far from pure as a human.  Maybe that's will be another reason he's begging Amara to restore him as a worthy angel.  He's not sure why he feels so impure though.  He's just showing his love in a more sexual way than he would if he were still an angel.  As an angel, he didn't feel the need he had the prayers.  Dean gives him mixed signals, sometimes it looks like he's totally fine with it and sometimes it's like he's about to break apart. Maybe he went too far, really. But now it's done. The brief moment of silence as Dean looks at him with an expression hard to read nearly kills him.

—Cas, come on... You're a romantic bitch who wants the best of both worlds, if you want to marry me with a ring, suit and a party I'll marry you because you're my hippie bitch — Castiel is not sure if this is an insult or a compliment.  But he can tell Dean is sincere in his statement.  At that point, they just laugh at each other.

—I want it, I want very much soo by the way, and it's a good thing Sam is doing this to Eileen so I can do this to you without feeling guilty.— Dean rolls his eyes and sighs.

—If Eileen wasn't game on I doubt you would, but thanks for creating the illusion that I'm your favorite.— he says gruffly. The fact that Dean doesn't believe in him hurts a little, but I think he deserved this one right?  After all, he was in Sam's bed this morning.

—Well, we'll never know now, but…I would.— Castiel says sincerely.  Can Dean see even a hint of what appears to be shame in Cas now?  But hey…It's not his problem if Cas can't handle his own shit and honor the fact that he likes to take turns between his bed and his brother's.

—Bullshit.— Dean says laughing, of course, he's kidding, he believes in Castiel but he doesn't want to make it that easy for him, offering some resistance feels right even though he's failing miserably to keep the idiot’s passionate smile off his face. —We are far from being perfect Cas, make it up as we go, remember?—  Dean says lovingly.

—Okay…what exactly are you saying? — Castiel asks frowning.

—I don't know, you look worried, thinking too much inside your head.  I think you learned that from me — Dean says with a slightly pained smile on his face offering the best he can to Castiel at the moment.

—Wanting the things I want shouldn't be right.— Castiel says sadly as he looks away from Dean's gaze.  If there's one thing he learned this morning when he let Sam make love to him, it's that this is really what he wants.  It's wonderful, he just wanted to feel less guilty when he exchanged a look with Dean.  Although this is something he knows neither he nor Sam should feel because Dean and Eileen have allowed it.

—Maybe, but you have them. I want to give you this, we've already talked about it.— He simply responds by searching the angel's gaze as he dries off.

—I know— He's right, they've actually had this conversation a few times before now, and Dean's response is always the same.

—What do you need to really live this?— Dean asks sincerely.  He wished he could do more for the lost-eyed angel who is currently feeling the water fall looking desolate having a midlife crisis. He wanted this to be his problem alone.  But it's been a while that when Cas has a problem it automatically becomes his too. He hates to see Cas like this.

—I don't know, maybe I'll never get rid of this feeling because I know you accept this just because you think you owe me one — Castiel says and Dean looks surprised, like he's never thought of it before, it almost seems sincere to Cas.

—I don't know if I would put it that way, it's more than that. I don't feel like I owe you anything. In reality, I feel that we are perfect for each other.  I never believed in monogamy.— Dean says slyly with a sincere smile.

 —Dean…

 —What?  It's true if you pull in your memory and remember how things were with Lisa…— They said they wouldn't talk about it again, but it's the only example of a long, monogamous relationship he has, the rest, there wasn't much of relationship and certainly not a lot of monogamy —I never cheated, but…— He hates to be that kind of guy, but that relationship even though he loves Lisa was tedious.

—You wanted more, yes I remember.  She noticed and wanted more too, but she never talked to you about spicing things up because she was afraid you were the kinda guy who separates girls between fun and you know…— This is new for Dean. Apparently, neither of them had the guts to say what they wanted out of their relationship, great.

—Oh, soo Lisa contaminated you with girly stuff —  Dean doesn't ask, just declares, trying to catch Cas's gaze, which shyly looks away from him.

—Kinda…— He confesses trying to maintain eye contact with Dean.

—Cas, I'm far from being a saint, why should you?  I always thought you should spread out a little, nearly human you seem to appreciate it better, I'm just giving you a hand.— He says chuckling. That's probably the kind of thing that if Sam heard come out of his mouth he would look with that bitch face and say “ men shouldn't be encouraged to be like that” or whatever.

—It's not about that, you know that.— Dean rolls his eyes and nods. —It's about you and your brother.  I am “spreading” with your brother.  You would care less about it if it were someone you don't have to live with.— Dean just shuts up.  What can he say, Cas is right, he would prefer if they did it together and with a thirsty waitress.

—I told you, I just wish it were different, but we're not perfect and destined to be together, we're not soul mates, it's a mess and it's always going to be a mess.  And I'm ok with that.— Hearing Dean say that is almost as good as him saying he loves him, it's the same thing with different words actually. — Castiel, please believe me when I say that the jealousy I have of my brother is not worth discussing, it's stupid, it's the kind of feeling that deserves to rot in a Malak box at the bottom of the ocean. You're too happy with him and I would never take that away from you.— Dean, pauses, takes a serious look off his face, chuckles, and says — But please think with love about the proposal to fuck the hot waitress with me, alone there’s no fun, girls go nuts with two guys

Castiel just ignores the last part. He thought he'd heard all the beautiful things Dean could say to him, but he always surprises him. He's not sure now if he believes they weren't meant to be together and aren't perfect for each other. Because basically, Dean is everything he didn't even know he needed.

From the start until the end.

He can't say anything back. He just looks at him deeply.

Dean just smiles shyly. He wants to ask what's on Cas's mind right now, but he knows that look. It's the same look Cas gave him when he asked him if he looked like “Good Luck” the same look he had on his face when he told him “I love you” and died. The motherfucking smile on his face as he broke his heart and the Empty took him. Castiel is a heartbreaker and he loves it.

When Castiel turns off the shower the first thing Dean does is pull him in for a kiss. The angel smiles between his lips. Dean doesn't say much, just sits on that bench that the shower room has and removes the towel that Cas has around his waist letting it fall to the floor. Cas's cock was semi-hard, it's not hard to get fully hard again and Dean knows it. He just wraps in his mouth and feels it grow reaching his throat. Cas makes that sound he loves.

—Dean…I want you to fuck me so bad!— Cas laments. Dean smiles at him looking up and gently tapping his fist against the length.

—If you make me hard, I'm all yours — Dean just responds chuckling and looking down at his groin now that he's sadly absent from the party, a semi-hard in his jeans. Cas looks at him as he kneels in front of him. Dean just leans forward shrugging his shoulders with a cocky grin on his face. —Did you miss me this morning? You can say, no one fucks you like me, Sam must have felt sorry for your ass and fucked you like a princess.— He teases without thinking, but the smile never leaves his face as Castiel squints at him and gives him that indignant look.

—Sam is thicker, like a beer can. I confess I'm a little scared, even though you… — Cas says opening the buttons on Dean's jeans, wrapping his hand around the semi-hard erection —…is a damn wild horse too — He wants to say that Cas is talking too much now and he should swallow his balls and shut up but he was the one who started the teasing so he kinda deserves that one.  He just laughs, trying not to visualize Sam's cock in his mind.

—“Wild Horse” that's a nice compliment, I guess.— Cas just zombied around his semi-hard cock. Working his head, taking him to his throat.  That's good, but it doesn't make him completely hard as a rock. It's kind of frustrating to see Cas try — Cas, I think I need more time.  This isn't working— He stops and looks at Dean now. Dean's cock feels firm enough, but not quite, something's missing.  Castiel smiles.

—Oh, I have control!— He says excitedly, Dean is momentarily confused by Castiel celebrating his sad, limp erection. Cas soon clarifies —The grace I still have in me. Now that I know she exists I feel I have more control.— Dean smiles.

—Good, good…Now do your thing and give a hard-on, you're fucking a middle-aged human. I can only offer you a half raw churro for now.— He says taking his cock by the base and rocking it sadly.  Castiel can't help but laugh at this.

—It's okay Dean, it's time we started having normal sex for a change. — He says getting up and grabbing his towel to finish drying off.

—Ok. alright…I wish I was 20 again. — Dean says in frustration, drying his cock with the towel and putting it back inside his underwear.

— Dean, we kinda have a life to live and for the last 3 months when we're not hanging out with the other people in this bunker we're having sex like crazy monkeys.— Castiel says seriously, in that thick voice that if it were other times would make Dean's dick jump and get hard again, but now in his mid-40s he just shakes a little.

 —I like crazy monkey sex. — he says with a pout so sad it almost makes Cas consider giving in to him, but he just starts to dress smiling.

—Later Dean…

—Are you going to sleep with me tonight? — he asks hesitantly. 

—Eileen is home today— He says, calling the Bunker “home” is weird, however, he doesn't want to get used to it.  He wants the plans Dean says he has for them.

—Yeah, that doesn't answer my question. You see, put it on the scale, what seems coolest to you: threesomes where there's a woman in the middle or possible sex with a middle-aged guy who's going to fuck you and sleep because he's not a woman who can fuck you until she gets tired of having multiple orgasms — Dean says giving Cas a tired look.  He rolls his eyes.

—You won't believe me if I say I want the middle-aged man to cuddle with me so I'm not going to answer that.— Dean just chuckles and looks at him lovingly.

—I believe.  I would also choose that if the guy is you. — Castiel smiles back at him and kisses him gently on the lips.

 

                                                            ***

For the first time since they'd started spending nights together, Dean and Castiel were really just lying in bed enjoying each other's company with no ulterior motives before bed.  The last 3 months have been… Quite an experience.  Dean likes to show love in a more sexual way and Castiel is happy to receive all that love.

Right now they're just looking at each other in silence lit only by the light from the bedside table lamp. It's nice to just allow himself to look into Cas's eyes like that and stroke his growing beard. The angel just closes his eyes and enjoys the way Dean scratches him nicely.

Dean just doesn't say anything, he feels that if he said anything he would ruin the moment even though he knew they could say anything to each other at this point in their lives. Dean wraps one of his hands in Castiel's and tries to open his fingers fully, comparing the size of their hands. He had never done this before, but he always wanted to. A slight smile invades his face as he concludes that his angel's hand is a little bigger and at that moment Castiel opens his eyes.

—You really have a thing with my hands, I can almost feel your cock hardening for me here— He scoffs.

—Little Dean is trying so hard.— Dean just responds by grabbing his hand and directing it to his crotch Cas just laughs feeling it swell in his hands as he squeezes and massages, but not fully. He lifts his hand to Dean's waist and pulls him close for a kiss, soft and gentle, pressing their bodies together in such a gentle way that it makes Dean smile between his lips.  —And yes, I love your hands, I have a vague memory of you pulling me and branding me and I remember it hurt, but it was the most incredible pain I've ever felt— Dean confesses —So yeah, I think I have a new kink because of you after feeling that yummy pain.— He laughs shyly. And Castiel just looks at him with an undefined expression on his face

—It's almost blasphemous the way you describe it.— he just says. Dean can feel Cas's body responding against his and smiles.

—You know, when Anna had sex with me she put her hand on my mark and I couldn't help it, I thought a lot about you that day.— He teases Cas a little and a smile breaks across his serious face.

—Oh I remember that!  That day was... Interesting.  Very different, very confused — They just laugh together now.

—Interesting…— Dean repeats, mimicking him and inching for a soft, lazy kiss. Castiel strokes the blonde's hair which in recent months has been a little longer than Dean is usually used to, but still short, at this point, he has a smooth, stubborn fringe in front of his forehead and a stubble of beard.  Dean is more beautiful every day.  Every day more different from the character Chuck wanted him to be.

Dean is almost falling asleep, he doesn't have much energy to stay awake anymore and Castiel with those magical hands even without any mojo was still calmly and made him feel light as a feather. It's comforting in a way he can only remember happening once in his life. Dean inevitably remembers Lee. The good times, the brief good times that he hasn't been able to get out of his head since they last met and it was tragic as hell. He prays for his soul every day.  He hasn't heard from him. He knows Amara and Jack have brought some people back for a second chance. He got that call from Crowley, but Lee…

  Were they real?  Or was it all more of a manipulation?  Was he really that bad?

 —Cas?— Dean says in a sleepy voice and Cas just mumbles back at him urging him on. —I can't stop thinking about what was real and what wasn't. — He says opening his eyes and finding the deep blue.  Castiel sighed.

—Who are you thinking about?— he asks simply in his sleepy voice, deep and loving.

— No one specific, just thinking — He lies, he doesn't even know why he denies he's thinking about someone specific it's not like Cas is going to be jealous. He gets an incredulous look from the new human, he knows —Okay…I was thinking about Lee— He confesses and Castiel just smiles at him.

— Amara brought him back too if that's what you're wondering — When Cas says that, something perks up inside him, he smiles shyly and soon his gaze drops and his spirits go away.

—He didn't look for me— he says sadly.

—To be completely fair, you killed him. And it wasn't a friendly goodbye, you said yourself.—  Castiel says with a smile and Dean laughs at that too and counters.

—I killed Benny too and he doesn't hold a grudge about it.— He knows it's a dumb comparison to make, it was totally different situations and he and Benny don't have the kind of backstory that he and Lee do.  It wasn't for lack of trying, but Benny was old-fashioned and said to be straight as a board.  In the end, they really were more brothers than anything else.

—You can look for him, I don't know, to try to rebuild the friendship or something… You know I'm fine with anything that comes out of it — Cas says with a loving smile running his fingers through Dean’s hair who smiles at light up.

—I don't know if this goes as far as you think, he must hate me, but thanks.— Dean says with a wistful smile and a frustrated groan.

—Considering the way Chuck handled his story I'd say love is proportional to hate.— Dean pulls Cas around the waist and pauses their foreheads together for the comfort of it.

—It's very hard to know what was real…— He says almost as a whisper with his eyes closed.

— Amara told you that all the love you felt was the only thing that was beyond Chuck's reach — Castiel places a light kiss on Dean's forehead and rests his lips there — You loved him, maybe you still do — Dean laughs he can't believe how easily Cas tells him that.

— I didn't go after him, but I wanted…When John kicked him out of our lives, I let him go and I never looked for him again.— he says in a tearful voice, holding back a few tears as he remembers how much he wish had gone after him that day.

—You let me go too…— Castiel says this without an ounce of rancor in his voice, he just says it in a voice laden with love, stating an obvious fact.

—And I really wanted to stop you that day, I told you!  But something didn't let me out of my place…I wanted to run upstairs and stop you from going…I wanted to start the car and go after Lee too…— He says this passionately holding Cas's face between hands searching for his gaze.

—I know…you should tell him that too. I told you, Dean, remember this…We're real, you weren't a hamster on a wheel you were a hamster in a maze that was constantly changing.— He says lovingly kissing the lips of the man who lets tears fall freely, Castiel can feel the salty taste of them when he starts kissing his face with several kisses, one for every freckle he can find.  He loves to do it when Dean is sad, it always puts a smile on his face.  — You're so sweet Dean, you deserve all the love you can find, don't ask yourself what it could be. Find him and tell him everything you told me, if he didn't feel the same, which I doubt, you can move on without wondering what it could be.— Dean laughs through his tears and says

—Cas, this isn't a rom-com, I'm going to take him out for a beer and hopefully, we'll fuck.— Cas just rolls his eyes.

—Sure, whatever, because you're not the kinda guy who cries after sex and makes declarations of love, of course, my mistake.— he says wryly pulling an indignant look from Dean.

 —Shut up…

 —You cried in your first time with him, didn't you?

 —No.— he says so defensively it makes Cas smile. —Only in the second time.

 — I knew it!

 — Mm.

Chapter Text

Excellent.

He was waking up alone again. And hungry, that was a great combination. Dean reaches for his cell to check the time, it's 9:05 a.m on a Sunday. That is good. At this time Jack is awake. He wakes up early even on weekends even when he doesn't have school to go to because he likes to enjoy the day. Strange boy. If he chases away the laziness there is still time to have breakfast with the boy. So that's what he does. He gets up from the bed with a long moan. He quickly goes to the small sink in the room and splashes water on his face and lazily brushes his teeth. He puts on that comfortable robe and makes his way to the kitchen.

He opens a slight smile when he finds Jack and Cas there, talking and eating that breakfast. He ruffles Jack's hair briefly and gives Cas a lazy kiss on the lips.

— Good morning, Dean. — Jack says with a smile. Dean just mumbles something as he picks up his mug to pour himself some coffee. Castiel looks at it full of love in his eyes. He doesn't know why he loves Dean's morning bad mood so much. Without coffee he's such a bad-tempered cuddly teddy bear, he's adorable. As soon as he takes a sip of that coffee he gives a satisfied sigh, warming his hands on the cup and taking a seat next to Cas. He takes another sip, takes a deep breath, and finally says.

— Good morning, my babies — His voice is still deep with sleep, Dean gives them a smile.

— Sleep well? — Cas asks lovingly.

— More or less, I woke up alone.— He says trying to disguise the huge pout he makes between the mug of coffee. Castiel smiled slightly.

— I heard Jack waking up and came to make him breakfast. Do you want scrambled eggs too? — Dean considers the proposal and asks:

— With bacon? — Jack and Cas give a slight smile at that.

— We are out of bacon… — Dean makes a face at that

— Sorry, I ate the last slices. — Jack says with a guilty smile. Dean can live with it, if it were anyone else he would complain, but it's for Jack, so that's fine. The boy basically saved the world, he has a free pass to almost anything. He just can't know it. So Dean at least pretends he's really upset about the fact that he's only eating eggs alone today.

— Hey kiddo, what are you doing later? —  Dean asked as Cas got up to prepare those eggs. Jack looks at Dean, not sure what to say. He was going to marathon episodes of Steven Universe. He's not sure why Dean has been so interested in his plans, but he loves it. A part of him thought Dean would be one of the people in this group who would least want to spend time with him when he chose to change his vessel to what he felt inside and now he is an almost normal 10-year-old. He thought only Castiel and Sam would still have patience with him, to be honest. It was a pleasant surprise to discover that the 4 like to have a child around. And especially Dean loves an excuse to be a kid again.

— I want to see more episodes of Steven Universe, want to join me? —  the boy asks hopefully with eyes bright as stars to Dean who just smiles at him says.

— Yeah, that sounds good…Cas? Join us later? — Dean asks, drawing the attention of the angel who was distracted. Dean has the time, he opens the bar every day at 6 pm he loves to spend some of his afternoons with the boy and Cas. Sometimes Sam and Eileen join them when they aren't looking at cartoons or out hunting.

— Sure. — Castiel just responds finishing the eggs.

 

                                                     ****

 

It wasn't very difficult to find Lee's contact. He avoided calling Amara for this as much as possible, it's not like it was an emergency and she was already aware that he had been praying for him. The last time he saw Amara she just said “It's not that hard to find him, just look, I'm not going to snap my fingers and lead you to him.” She was in a bad mood. If Jack didn't like being god, she even less. She organized the whole heaven and disappeared for a few days. According to some angels, she went on a vacation. And it looks like she even hung up on prayers. Because she has been ignoring it even when she's called to attend movie nights and hamburgers and Sunday lunches. It became their thing.

Dean got a little upset away from Amara. She became one of his people like Eileen. He's never been a big family guy, but now that he's got one he wants them all together for Sunday lunches. He is becoming that guy. He wants them all together, and that includes…The Goddess. But it's alright. She knows where to find everyone. It's probably nothing personal. "Amara hot babe? Love of my life? Goddess? The ultimate badass supreme being in the universe? " Nothing. "I just wanted to tell you that I found Lee. Everyone is fine, no one needs you here, but we want you here… Miss you… "

— Hi Dean…—  She appears suddenly, making Dean practically jump off the bed he was sitting on.

— Hey, sorry to bother you! Are you okay? — Dean asks, genuinely concerned. Amara smiles at that.

— I'm fine, Dean...I appreciate the concern, it's nice of you — she says in a sweet tone, she seems genuinely excited about it. Dean frowned at her.

— You look surprised. —  She smiles and sits beside him on the bed.

— I am, it's not just you who are wondering what was Chuck and what wasn't, you know... He told me our bond wasn't something he created, but he lied. For your part, it was. It took me a while to accept that —  she says sadly. — Chuck likes to play with weaknesses, Dean, sensitive points inside something strong — Dean is momentarily confused, but he understands. For a moment he thought there was no way to name how he felt, but that's exactly it. Chuck knew exactly where to work. He knew how important their bond was to Amara and played with it and made her sensitive and susceptible to manipulation. — He tricked me, and worst of all, I miss him sometimes. He prays for me and I feel like looking for him, but I never do. I run instead. —  She blurts out, referring to his most recent disappearing act. She knows that if anyone understands her about complicated family relationships, it's Dean.

— Keep not doing that. Anytime you feel like giving Chuck a second chance look for me instead. I got you back, we are all here for you. — He says lovingly slamming their shoulders together. She just sighs and smiles. — Hey, if it's any consolation, I really like you better now than before and now I'm pretty sure this isn't forced by anyone. But between you and me. — he says, whispering in her ear, — I've always kind of liked you, even though you're too fucking intimidating. — They laugh at this and she's momentarily embarrassed by their proximity. Dean realizes he's gone too far, it's a force of habit he's not even sure he likes her that way. He just knows he likes it. Amara just doesn't say anything for a few moments, she just smiles enjoying the closeness and the shoulder-to-shoulder touch. Dean doesn't pull away, pulls her close instead, wrapping one of her arms around her shoulder and squeezing and slapping her back. He looks at her in a way she can't name, her feelings at the moment confused. Dean is thinking about kissing her, but he quickly dismisses it and is embarrassed, knowing that the smallest of thoughts don't go unnoticed when they're together. She helped him with that, sealed his involuntary prayers, but he still likes to expose what's wrong with him to her. He feels the need to mend their bond without Chuck's interference, he owes it to her. “owes” isn't quite the word, he just wants her around, period.

— Sometimes I feel like kissing you again too, to find out if it's just in my head or not, all this... confused energy…But you already have so much on your plate and we work so well as just…whatever we are —  She confesses, taking a surprised look from Dean. But what did he expect? She is a Goddess and she is brutally honest with him every time they meet. It shouldn't be a surprise.

— I'm really putting a lot of things in place and I don't think you'd want to be a part of my mess. You already know that, I've prayed for you venting this shit…— Amara must have her ears aching. Every time a sexual identity crisis happens she is the first to hear about it. This has been happening a lot lately. Because Dean can't remember the last time he was with a woman and he's only been in a relationship with Cas for 7 months.

— Yeah, I know, you're seriously questioning the possibility of being gay because your most significant relationships have all been with men…Lee was the first person you really loved…— Amara starts with a smile and Dean completes by Is it over there

— Cassie was so brief. Lisa...I loved her, but for the wrong reasons. I was never madly in love. Like I was for Lee, I'm for Cas… — Amara looks at him now as if he could say anything to him. And he can, he's literally already spilled it all out to her. —And the sex…— Dean snorts a laugh and scratches the bridge between his eyes avoiding Amara's gaze — She was having more fun than me. I love giving women orgasms, but it's not a two-way street. —  Dean laughs at that.

— Dean, to be fair, you've never opened up to a cis woman like you open up to me. — Amara says with raised eyebrows readying the obvious for the disastrous human. — I'm not exactly a woman, but I feel comfortable in this vessel, anyway… — She adds and they both laugh at that.

— That's true, as most men who enjoy the art of bottoming I've never said that to any woman … Scratch that, any cis woman. — These days, the fact that he has been with several women with penises is no longer a shame. He can say it out loud. He's still not entirely well resolved with it, but he's getting there.

— Yep just because you love penises doesn't mean you're gay. — Amara says the obvious with a smile on her face. And Dean smiles back at her.

— I know, I'm still…I'm still trying to get my head around it. I'm maybe a little transphobic, but just inside my head. I never embarrassed a woman while having sex... — Dean stops and reflects for a few moments, searching his mind if this information is really true because there were...questionable situations. Rhonda Hurley. She would just say that he was really stupid to ask her if the fact that he liked the pink silk panties meant he was a trans woman too. Rachel. She would say it was disrespectful for him to want to touch her cock without asking first. But they had amazing sex afterward and he made her come without touching her. The guess is he was forgiven for that...Sophia. She literally asked if she would still be interesting without a penis and he hesitated to answer. A few months later when he bumped into her at a bar they fucked and he lick her brand new pussy until she had no more doubts. So the guess is he was forgiven for that one too. He doesn't know, maybe he has to text her and ask…

— Rhonda is the only one who still thinks you're an idiot. An adorable idiot, but still an idiot — Amara simply says. Dean squints at her but chuckles, it's totally consensual the way she reads his mind and makes her cheeky comments. He loves it, he's thought about telling her to stop a few times, but he never really does. — Dean, just stop stalling and text Lee — She says, and before Dean can freak her out some more with more complicated conversations she disappears into thin air saying, “It was nice to see you, but there's a deserted island and an iced coconut waiting for me” 

Well, at least it wasn't personal, Amara just wanted to be alone and disconnected from the world for a while and emotionally get away from Chuck.

He's not stalling, he just doesn't know what to say. Dean opens his laptop again and sits on the bed, settling himself against the headboard. He looks carefully at that information he hacked, containing the address, phone number, and location where he works. Lee is a bartender. He could call with the excuse that he needs one for his bar. It's not exactly true, but it could be. Or he could just be honest and say that they should talk and miss his friendship and that it was really bad how things ended between them. Dean picks up the phone and saves Lee's number there. And he prepares to write a message.

 

“Hi Lee. Dean here, I heard you're alive and you got that second chance. I miss you, do you miss me too?" No, erase that. "...Sorry, You tried to kill me too, are we even?" No. Definitely erase that. “...Don't disappear, we can still fix this. We both know a lot wasn't real between us, but just between you and me, bro, I'm still pretty sure I Han-Solo you.”  He will definitely remember that night they fucked just the two for the first time. Definitely delete that. Oh no. Shit!… That's it, I hope Amara has a place for me on that island. In fact, he wanted to be more sorry than he really is for sending a message on impulse. Dean has a dumb smile on his face. He decides to put his cell phone aside and close his laptop. He definitely won't be hanging around on his cell phone waiting for an answer.

                                                                       ***

 

While Eileen made lunch and Jack helped her. Castiel didn't have much to do but watch. It was a calm Sunday. Dean was trying to call Amara to join them. He thought about going to Dean's room but he went down the hall and heard the Goddess's voice and decided not to interfere, instead he went to the library to find Sam. He was lost in the books, he looked a little stressed. His head was almost smoking while he was concentrating. Castiel pauses his hands on the hunter's shoulders. This startled Sam, he almost jumped, but he smiled. Cas hugs him from behind and gives a light kiss on his cheek saying.

—Sorry if I scared you, I thought you heard me come in — Castiel says close to Sam's ear making him shiver a little. The angel begins a massage on Sam's tense shoulders and he moans pleasurably in response.

—I was pretty distracted,—  Sam says, laughing lightly and stretching his back on the chair giving Cas room to work on it. — It's an interesting read. Rowena gave me this book, she said it was one of her first books... Anyway— Sam almost forgets what he's talking about when he feels the angel's hands go inside his shirt at the collar and land unpretentiously on his chest, teasing his nipples with graceful electrical currents. Castiel wants his attention.

— You look tense, though…I could…— He leans over to say in his ear, —...help you relax a little.— Sam just chuckles. He will never get used to it. Bold Castiel. So brazenly inviting him to something dirty while lunch gets ready

— That's…hum.— Sam is horny and hesitant at the moment and he doesn't know why he hesitates. He wants it, it's new and it's scary, but he wants it. Sam just doesn't say anything else, gets up already with his jeans getting tight around his crotch and takes Cas by the hand, drags him down the halls. A mischievous smile appears on the angel's lips. He has plans for today.

Dean gave him one of those simple anal plugs as a gift. He said there are even some of those with remote control and vibration, but he wanted to keep things grounded for now. He bought two, and sometimes he would show up out of nowhere offering sex and with the facilitating ornament on his butt. It was always amazing. And it really makes a lot of things easier. He wants to offer that to Sam too. They had sex a few times, but the times they did he always hesitates on that part. They end up doing other things. Such pleasurable things as anal sex.

The angel is very curious to know what it would be like with Sam. He wants the human experience of having his hole stretched out by him, but Sam is so thick. He is different from Dean who has a more delicate head and a thicker length. Sam already starts thick from the top. Nothing like his own cock which is almost polite and practically knocks on the door before entering. He received a lot of praise from both of them when it comes to this. Careful praise, but he can tell they both find this vessel perfect for this kind of… activity. He doesn't think he'll ever be 100% comfortable with complimenting his body, but the way the two brothers react to him and praise his sexual abilities is more than enough, however.

He could really write poems about the brothers.

As soon as they arrive in the room, Castiel locks that door and starts getting rid of his clothes. He is anxious and the plug is brushing his prostate perfectly lightly. And the nicest part is that Sam doesn't know what awaits him today and yet he's just as excited as he is getting rid of his clothes too. Pulling him into a passionate, wet kiss pressing his body against the door.

They fall into that bed together. Not saying much to each other. Sam just looks at Castiel like he could do this forever. He looks at him in a way that almost takes Cas's breath away. He kisses him and runs his lips over his neck, chest, and nipples like he's the most sacred creature he knows. The way Sam makes him feel unique is different from the other brother, and at the same time so similar. They both have this silent need to worship him every time they have sex. It's like a prayer, only very different.

Sam slides those black boxers off Cas' body gently, like it's their first time. Cas loves how Sam always looks like he's looking at him for the first time.

—I have a little surprise for you…— The angel says into the comfortable silence amidst excited gasps. When Sam finishes ridding Cas of his underwear he twirls in bed. Sam has a momentarily confused expression on his face, but as soon as Cas turns to him and throws his hips up he can see there is a red heart-shaped stone. Sam's heart races some more. Cas is doing this to him. He freezes for a moment and appreciates it, takes one of his buttcheeaks, and pulls it away for a better look.

— Fuck! — He can't say much, that's too good to be true.

— Did you like it? — Cas asks hesitantly, maybe that's not Sam's thing. Maybe he went too far. He does not know. Maybe using a sex toy that Sam knows for sure was Dean who introduced into his life isn't a good idea at the moment. But Cas forgets what the word fear means when Sam's reaction to the question is asked.

— Are you trying to drive me crazy? Because it's working —  He says as he leans down to kiss Cas's buttcheeaks —Can I play with this? — The fact that Sam still asks things like that every time they have sex is charming, albeit unnecessary. He would say if anything Sam did was too much, is how he learned it, but Sam is so different. And he knows why consent is an issue for Sam, but this is not the time or place to think about it and how complicated their lives are. All he wants to feel right now is Sam's hands on him.

— Yes, please!— Cas says with a smile on his face. And then Sam gently kisses the surroundings of Cas's center and slides his fingers down to the stone. He pulls a little at the base and swirls his fingers around the pink, lube-soaked folds. Sam slides his tongue down to the perineum and licks one of those balls and smiles when Cas's reaction is to offer him even more of his ass. He runs his tongue up the creases and plays with the plug a bit making it hit a perfect spot. — Oh yeah, right there! — Sam perks up at the encouragement, his goal is to make Cas come just like that. He turns his tongue there at the perineum and pushes one of Cas's buttcheeacks wide apart. The angel moans some more.

— You're so beautiful making those sounds for me…— He says in the middle of his thrusts against Cas's prostate. He runs his tongue and lips over balls, pleats, and perineum as he slams his fist against Cas’s length, he wanted a better angle to blow that head lavishing pre-cum in his hand, he just loves blow Cas, he wanted to learn how to do that until he came in his mouth one day. He's about to tell Cas to turn around and face him when the angel exclaims.

— Fuck me! Please, fuck me!—  Cas says on an almost impatient impulse in the middle of a moan that makes Sam laugh. Cas is on the edge.

— Okay, okay. Are you sure you want to try this?— he asks, even with the obvious answer in front of him. Cas all prepared for him.

— If it's too much I cry uncle, I trust you.— Cas lays on the bed and looks back, searches Sam's eyes, he looks at him lovingly and nods his head. He pulls away momentarily to get that lube and a condom from the drawer. He quickly prepares his cock.

— Do you wanna bottom from the top?—  Sam asks gently.

— I want you just like this — Cas straightens his knees on the bed, lifting his ass into the air on the edge of the bed. Sam almost moans just looking at Cas like that for him. He doesn't say anything else, just stands behind him. And he slowly pulls the plug out of the way. His inner part is bigger than he thought it was for some reason. It replaces the plug's place quickly. It gets a little tight and he feels Cas try to relax around him. He didn't hesitate for a second though, and that put a smile on Sam's lips. He's relaxed and unafraid of getting hurt, Sam likes that, he hates feeling like it's a nuisance even when it's consensual. This gives him more confidence to go forward.

— Ohh, that feels good! Sam…oh Sam, feels so good — Cas whimpers and moans pleasurably. He knows Sam appreciates verbal encouragement so he's going to verbalize the hell out of it. Sam thrusts a little deeper, still being wary of too sharp movements, despite knowing that Cas can use his grace to not feel the pain of it — Fuck me! Fuck me hard, just like this! — Cas moans and thrusts his hips back, swallowing with his ass the rest that was missing at once, eliciting a hoarse moan from both of them. Cas takes control of this for himself and Sam just watches for now the pace at which Cas wants to take things.

— Like this? — Sam asks with a loud involuntary moan. The view of Cas like that for him is too much. The angel moves a little faster and takes him to the bottom and sighs a curse in Enochian.

— Just like that, Sam! Fuck me, you won't hurt me. — He says moaning and tightening around Sam's cock for a few moments. It's overwhelming, it's actually a little too thick. He feels Sam pour some more of that lube between them and he slowly slides inside before digging deep into him. And that's good, very good too. He likes the roughest, almost painful thing, but with Sam it's different. He doesn't get to take him as easy as he takes Dean. Lubricant in abundance is welcome. —  Fill me, fuck me, don't take it easy on me!

Sam now feels more confident to make this faster and harsher the way Cas likes it. He's already heard his brother through the door accidentally once. Castiel whimpered as if it were painful but begged for more. He had arrived at the door just as Dean was yelling out loud, very audible "More? What do you mean more? It's all in, I'm going to have to call Sam in here to deal with that thirsty ass?" And then he heard laughter and Cas telling Dean to shut the fuck up and fuck him. That was something to remember. His brother saying his name in the middle of the sex to tease Cas wasn't something he'd expected to hear. He also didn't expect his dick to get hard from that. He never got turned on hearing his brother get laid before. He got out of there quickly, practically running. He was starting to sound too voyeuristic for his taste.

Now he's here, behind Cas, making him moan his name and beg for more too.

—Cas, what do you mean “more”? Do I have to call my brother here? — Sam leaning in to say it, whispering in Cas's ear and capturing his lobe with his tongue as he slaps a little harder against him and reaches for the angel's neglected cock. A strangled moan comes out of the angel's throat and that's almost all he needs to come. He just laughs and teases back.

— You two teamed up to make my life perdition in heaven and I love it!—  He moans some more, on the edge of an orgasm. Sam slides his hand so firmly and deliciously down his length. He doesn't need much to come now, just a few more punctual thrusts from Sam against his hip. — Sam, don't stop! Just a little more, like that! — He says whimpering. Sam tries to hold his ground for Cas's sake, but he's so close too. He can feel Cas tightening around his cock, can't hold back any longer, he comes, an involuntary moan escapes his throat and he speeds up his movements with his hand as his hips give out and his firm cock loses its strength. Cas just laughs a little when Sam tries unsuccessfully to keep his hand steady, but it's impossible.

— Sorry, Cas. — Sam says laughing and falling to the side of the bed exhausted.

— It's ok if it's any consolation, I almost came without hands, but then I held back too much and lost it, it felt so good…oh so good! I wanted more! — He says lying down next to Sam.

— Damn! — Sam whines a little, still tired.

— I usually use grace to not miss the orgasm, but I want more human sex, accompany you guys and the mundane frustrations of everyday life. — Cas just says and Sam glares at him indignantly as he takes the condom off his shamefully soft cock. — You know I didn't mean it that way, you and your brother satisfy me sexually very well, thank you.— Sam just laughs now and lies down beside the angel.

— Oh Castiel, don't thank me for sex, this is just…

— Not human at all, I know, still learning how to compliment you politely. — Sam lays down for a minute on Castiel's chest, he needs a moment before trying to do anything to try to make the angel come. He's still hard there, pulsing seems to challenge him.

— Why politely? You can talk dirty to me.—  Sam says laughing and looking at Cas.

— You and your brother are different, I'm still finding the right way to handle this. —  He explains with a frown.

—Are you okay?—  Sam asked, lightly kissing the angel's cheek. He smiles at that and relaxes his countenance.

— I'm fine, but you made me feel so dirty when you quoted your brother, and it felt so good. He's usually the one who does this sort of thing. You heard us, didn't you? — he asks sassily as he strokes Sam's hair.

— Sorry, that was inappropriate, it was obvious that I did, right? I wasn't snooping around, it was an accident…— He tries to justify himself, but the angel just pulls him close and says

— It's okay, Sam. Really. Inappropriate is Dean to shout that out loud. He says you two have well-separated rooms for a reason, but the hallways have ears... we don't think too much when we're, hmm... you know — 

— I was walking down the hall, I was going to ask Dean something. And then I heard you, and then I couldn't stop listening to you. When you heard my name I heard you come almost instantly. Were you thinking about me? Just imagining that this was a little bit about me made me hard — He says, running one of his hands across the chest of the angel.

— Oh yes Sam, talk some more…— He teases, directing that hand towards the intimacy that sorely longed to be touched. He reaches for the plug Sam had placed on the nightstand and puts it back on with an almost relieved moan. Sam smiles, he never wished so much for Cas to make him hard with grace again. But that's okay, he can play this game. He holds tight to the base of Cas's cock as the angel plays with the plug. He gently begins to move his hand, capturing the precum and spreading it along the length and slit. They look at each other, pure fire in their eyes.

— I couldn't stop thinking about you being fucked by my brother and went to the bedroom to touch myself, your sounds were still fresh in my head. I had to control myself not to do this near the door, can you imagine what an outrage it would be? —  Sam teases, quickening his pace a little more. Castiel who had his eyes closed now opens them and smirks at Sam.

— I can, and now every time I fuck your brother I'll have it fresh in my mind, thanks — Sam just smiles shyly at that and kisses his breast and makes a path with his tongue down to one of his nipples as he slaps hard against the angel’s intimacy. It slides in so easily, pre-cum almost gushes from Cas's slit he's so close, Sam can feel how close he is. Then he runs his tongue up to the angel's mouth and says in between a kiss breathing against the angel's parted lips. Cas can feel the plug hit his sensitive points.

—I want to blow you so much, I want you coming in my mouth…— Castiel smiles and wraps one of his hands in Sam's hair and squeezes it and says with difficulty.

— Go ahead…— Sam doesn't even need him to finish the sentence, he just nods and lets the angel fuck his mouth tightly gripping his hair. He pulls so hard it elicits a muffled moan from Sam. Cas tries to restrain himself from hitting deep in the throat and forcing the human's head down. Sam still has no practice with this. Why this makes it even more tempting is a mystery to Cas.

  He doesn't need much to come. —Sam…I…— He can't finish the sentence, but Sam understands. He was in the middle of a pause, just as the angel says he is reaching an orgasm he re-dedicates his tongue and mouth and is delighted when he receives the hot jets for the first time in his life. Cas tastes so good. So soft, almost sweet, almost as sweet as the angel himself. He licks every last drop of it. The moans and the way Cas trembles around his mouth. If he was younger it would be enough to make him hard again.

— Staying on the edge of orgasm over and over and finally coming, it's kinda amazing, isn't it? —  He says in a broken voice and grinning mischievously. — I could do this all day —  he says, moaning in delight with his eyes closed. Sam just laughs and admires him.

— It is amazing.... —  They look at each other now and Cas catches the way Sam was looking at him. He loves the way he looks at him after they make love. It's always so sweet. Sam moves in for a kiss and he can taste it still on his tongue, and it feels so good, those wet lips taste like sex and Sam. This almost makes him hard again.

They are interrupted by a knock on the door and Eileen's muffled voice, saying lunch is ready and a laugh. The two quickly change into their underwear and Sam goes to the door, to unlock it, Castiel finishes dressing quickly. She was already leaving, surprised when Sam answered.

— Sorry if I interrupted something, but the lasagna is ready, all that's left is to grill the cheese and you'll eat it! — she says, laughing mischievously. Castiel at this point appears at the door along with Sam and says

— You didn't interrupt anything…— He walks over to her and places a light kiss on her flushed cheeks. —And even if you did, hearing your voice would be the end of me, I would come so hard...—  he says in ASL with a shitty grin on his face that makes Eileen blush even more.

— You little shit, you're all talk. —  She says, laughing, patting his shoulder, making him laugh.

— Oh you love it!— He says holding her face with one of his hands. She eagerly closes her eyes waiting for the kiss, and Cas kisses her, but it's on her forehead while stroking her hair and wrapping the back of her neck, gripping firmly. She doesn't get frustrated, it's actually wonderful, feeling his touch, so innocent and yet so electrifying — I'm going to call Dean — He signals to her when they part from the long, almost erotic kiss on the forehead. She sighs and watches him walk away around the hall, turns to look at Sam who has a mocking smile on his face.

— Fuck you — she says slapping him in the chest and pushing him into the room. He pulls her in for a kiss. She is surprised by this, but appreciates the attitude. Melts in his arms and their tongues dance, she can taste sex on his tongue, she smiles between Sam's lips which interrupts the kiss to say.

— I know you wanted to be kissed, I hope I'm enough for you — He says mockingly, of course, he is, but he likes to tease her like that,

— I'll always love being kissed by you. — She says with a smile, and kissing his lips again, this mix of Castiel and Sam in his mouth is magnificent and probably more tempting than it should and what she likes to admit, and Sam seems to know she loves it.

— Do you have time for me to make you come real quick? — He asks in ASL and it makes her laugh and answer

— Jack is taking care of the lasagna.—  She responds a little worried but remembers that he is also a god and she has nothing to worry about.

— Oh he's a big kid —Sam simply responds by dragging her into the room. Sam isn't exactly 100% energized for it, but he's got his fingers and his tongue and he knows he can make her come easy. Unlike blowjobs, he's a pro on cunnilingus and Eileen loves it.

Eileen is already on the edge, it won't be long. The room still smells like Castiel, Sam still smells like Castiel. It's like they're both right there with her if she closes her eyes. She takes off her pants so fast when Sam closes the door, just leaves the black top, fuck it, she's in a hurry. Sam already got the message. When she lays down on the bed and spreads her legs he sinks his tongue into her swollen clit and two fingers slide gently inside. She shivers, and almost comes instantly. His tongue is so soft, his lips too. And his fingers are so sure of her sweet spot. He knows so well where to get it right, where it's intense.

She tugs on Sam's hair, and he moans muffled through her lips. She holds back a scream as she calls his name, and thrusts her hips forward, feeling her orgasms already formed inside her, stinging in her insides. She holds back for a bit, pulling Sam away from between her legs, looking up at him with a smile. He's so handsome like that, messy hair, flushed cheeks, cocky smile. He knows she goes crazy in his hands. He looks tired from his adventures with Castiel but still doesn't shine any less between her legs. She pulls him back. And feeling his tongue on her sensitive clit one more time, it's enough to bring her over the edge again. Just a few more advances against her other sore spot and she come.

And that's it, she explodes into that orgasm. Her legs tremble around Sam's head, but he doesn't flinch, he continues to hit her with his fingers, pushing her hypersensitive clit aside. She can feel her orgasm lingering. She can't say anything, just feels his fingers tap and her orgasm hits once more. She already feels satisfied, but she knows Sam will be looking for more. He hits her until her legs stop shaking or until she squirts for him. Whichever comes first.

She squirms on the bed and nearly slips out of his fingers, but doesn't ask him to stop in the middle of the laughter of her serotonin-drunk orgasm. Sam can feel it tightening around his fingers, so wet and hot. 

Her clit calls out for more so she pulls it back by his hair. Her eyes roll back hard and that's all she needs to come again around Sam's fingers.

— Fuck!...Sam!—  She says whimpering softly, giving him 3 light pats on the head. It's their signal, he only stops slamming against her sensitive spot and running his tongue over her clit when she gives him the signal to stop for real. His fingers rest inside her, at a slower pace now. He removed it to taste her. Bittersweet as with ripe citrus fruit. Perfect. He kisses her inner thighs, catches her scent with his nostrils, licks his tongue back between her legs. He circles her sensitive clit, tastes the entrance with his tongue making her moan and sigh. Her voice falters when she says. — We should go… Lunch is ready.—  She smiles and squirms slyly on the bed, still feeling her orgasm, her clit throbbing for more. She could come once more easily. Sam just smiles, and gets out of bed, with a groan, stretching. Eileen is right. This was supposed to be fast, and his dick was almost wanting to accompany her on this journey in search of multiple orgasms, pulsing semi-hard, expelled pre-cum staining his underwear.

 

                                                            ***

 

Castiel arrives in the hallway just as Dean has left the room. He looks flustered and impatient, running his hands through his hair and sighing in exasperation, so the angel quickly asks.

— Are you okay? — Castiel raises his eyebrows at him asking in a way that Dean can't lie because he knows it would just be a waste of time. Castiel already knows he has something.

— Fine. I just…texted  Lee — he says rolling his eyes.

— And he didn't respond well? — Castiel asked, curious and worried.

— He still hasn't answered. It's just…bullshit, don't worry. — He says patting Cas on the shoulder and kissing those lips lightly.

— I can give you a blowjob for you just relax — Castiel says sassily, laughing. And Dean accompanies him, laughing openly.

— Words that never came out of your mouth even in my best dreams. Baby you're so good to me.— He says lovingly stroking Cas's beard who still smiles at him.

— So that's a “yes” ? — Cas teases him by placing a splayed hand on his chest pressing against the hallway wall, making the blonde's heart leap as he watches that hand steady against him. Dean just laughs and drags him down the hall to his room between kisses and bold hands that grip the angel's ass firmly. Castiel laughs between kisses, ecstatic. Kissing Dean Winchester's lips will never cease to be a novelty. When they enter the room he throws Dean against the closed door, hard enough to make him moan with excitement and pain.

Castiel doesn't waste much time, he reaches for that pillow on the bed and sets it on the floor for support and meets Dean's judgmental eyes.

— What? Those knees are more human than I'd like. — He says laughing, slightly nervous and already unzipping Dean's jeans.

— I didn't say anything. — Dean says, raising his hands in the air in surrender, sighing and groaning as he feels Cas' mouth enveloping him anxiously, he hadn't even touched, his cock had barely popped out of his underwear, he was barely hard and Cas was already thirsty sucking it. He is so fucking sexy. — Hey... I still owe you that thing, I woke up without you, the plan was morning sex — Dean says with a smile on his face as he searches Cas’s eyes. The vision he has now is amazing. Castiel with eyes glowing blue as the ocean looks up with him full in his throat, Dean takes a deep breath and pulls him by the hair, pulling him away, looking for that answer. He sighs and his cock shakes and leaks pre-cum close to the angel's face. Castiel just smiles and licks the tip savoring what leaks out of him, looking Dean in the eye sharply as he does so. Dean moans, softly whimpering a curse. Castiel is lost in the sensations to think of an immediate answer for Dean, considers, but ends up saying.

— I want to make you come in my face — Dean just gasps in response. He says this by working the length with his hand, massaging it firmly. With the other hand, he pulls his underwear a little further to access the balls and wraps them in his mouth. Dean, still holding him by the hair, tightens his fingers around the strands.

— You want it in your face? — Dean asks, repeating the angel's words with a hoarse moan. Castiel just mumbles a positive response while his mouth is busy licking the length of it making its way to the slit. — Can I fuck that pretty face of yours? — Dean asked desperately and moaned, holding back the wild urge he has to sink into that throat without warning. Castiel smiles mischievously, lets out that delicious laugh, and says

— You can…—  he says, biting his lip sassily. Dean just rolls his eyes pleasantly as he watches him smile.

— Fuck you, you and that bitch face! — He says leaning down to kiss Castiel's lips invading his mouth with a wet and boiling kiss, messed with saliva and fumbling wild tongues. — Fuck you Castiel, I don't last anything in your hand, I'm about to come! — He laughs at that and goes back to kissing him.

— You say that like it's a bad thing. — he says, gulping it down. Dean just gives in to this and holds his face in place by rocking his hip mercilessly, making Cas choke a little, but he doesn't ask him to stop so he continues. He would like to come down his throat but he doesn't want to let his angel down, although he knows Cas wouldn't be too upset about it, he loves it when he loses control and just comes for him. But he wants to see the smug look on his face getting it all. Just visualizing it in his mind is almost enough to lose that control he tries to hold on to, but he manages.

Dean pulls him by the hair again and holds his intimacy at the base, holding that flow that wants his freedom so badly.

— Castiel…— He calls the angel's name, he looks at him curiously. — Permission to come? — Dean asks with a strangled moan and a smile. Cas smiles, oh so he wants to play that game? .

— Not yet. — He gently licks the leaking pre-cum tip, and holds it by the base taking the place of Dean's hand. He waits a moment and finds Dean's eyes glaring at him in adoration. Castiel teases, massaging the tip of his cock with pressure that Dean has to hold on to not instantly come. The angel knows he's close by the way the intimacy tightens even more in his hand and the sounds Dean makes.

— Castiel… — He calls the name again, seems to be begging for something that Cas pretends not to know what it is, he holds back a little longer.

— Love my full name on your lips — He says massaging the length in an excruciatingly slow way. Dean smiles.

— Cas-ti-el.…— Dean whispers the angel's name, it slowly comes out of his lips with a teasing intonation that makes the angel smile. He takes it back to his throat and lets Dean fuck his mouth with a few more strokes. Dean stops and says. —I need…Please. — He chokes out a sobbing moan, begging for Cas and holding himself on the edge of an orgasm. Castiel returns to the tip of his penis and licks there, holding the base firmly as he watches Dean's reactions. The cock shakes some more in his hand, spasms so steady. Castiel can't resist this anymore, he wants to see Dean come.

— Come for me. — He says with a devilish grin on his face as he slams his fist, and that's it, he breaks free by painting the angel's face with white stripes. He receives everything majestically, Castiel is divine, receiving cum in his face, even a moan comes out of his throat. He licks the slit capturing every last drop of the sensitive head.

— Fuck, Castiel, fuck you—  He hisses as the angel sucks eagerly hyperstimulating the sensitive red head. Dean loves and hates Castiel right now. He watches the man kneeling in front of him capture the cum in his face with his fingers and bring it to his mouth. He licks it off like it's chocolate syrup and Dean just can't handle the eroticism of this scene in front of him. Castiel deliberately taunts him with his hand. Sucking the ends and moaning pleasurably as if he were tasting the most delicious thing in the world. He's putting on a show just for him with a smile on his face. 

— Do you want to taste my fingers too? —   He asks getting up, Dean just nods and Cas pauses his thumb on his parted red lips. Dean can only think right now how much Castiel is really his angel. He almost cries with pleasure at this point. He just embarks on the adoration he has for his hands without asking anything. Dean just takes those fingers deep in his throat, he could go all day just enjoying the smell and taste of Cas along with his on his fingers. If he was younger this would be enough to get his cock hard again.

— You...want me to blow you too? I'll do anything. — Dean asks, his voice husky with pleasure as he pulls Cas in for a kiss.

— I'm fine, seeing you like this is enough, and besides, lunch is almost ready. I just came here to call you. Eileen was just finishing preparing a few things…— Castiel says, pulling away from Dean and going to that small sink in the room to wash his hands and face quickly. Dean throws that pillow on the bed and follows him and presses his hip against the angel's ass and grips his waist, Castiel smiles at him sassily.

— Are you sure you don't want to do that grace thing of yours and let me fuck you real quick? — he says in his ear kissing the back of the angel's neck. Castiel smiles

— I'm considering…— He says looking at him mischievously in the mirror.

— I don't know, maybe you've already done it today without me...—  Dean says, trying to keep his jealousy out of his voice, but using his theatrical dramatic tone. Castiel just raises his eyebrows at him and frowns.

— I don't...—  Castiel thinks about lying but knows there's no reason to so just says, — I wouldn't refuse you just because I alr... Now I'm offended. Fuck lunch. Grab the lube, food can wait—  For a second Dean wants to ask questions, but he just obeys. He loves to obey Cas. — Just so you know, my ass is already prep, don't ask any questions, just fuck me. — Castiel says it like it's the most shameful thing in the world looking at Dean in the mirror still in front of the sink, kinda stuck in place. Dean just smirks at him. It shouldn't be so fucking tempting, but it is, fuck it, he barely needs Cas's grace to get him hard. But in reality, he does.

Dean hands the tube of lube to Cas and he prepares it quickly. Dean takes off his shirt, he's going to sweat, he knows. Castiel just lets his pants fall down between his thighs and shows Dean the red heart-shaped stone. Giving Castiel this was the best decision he ever made. He gets really hot with that butt plug with the heart tip.

He tries to meet Cas's gaze in the mirror before pulling out the plug. He could fuck him so rough now, he's really open and all lubed up his creases so relaxed from being fucked recently. Cas looks away from him shyly.

— Hey, look at me. —Dean demands. Castiel obeys a little fearfully, breathing hard. — Are you okay? — Dean asks when he sees the look the angel has on his face, he can't tell what's happening to him right now.

— I'm just feeling a little guilty. Because this…this was not planned. — He looks away again from Dean's gaze and smiles — And I'm fucking loving it! — Cas confesses, looking again for Dean's gaze, they exchange a wanton and hot look like a thousand suns. Dean was momentarily confused, but now he breathed a sigh of relief. For a moment he thought Castiel was going to break in front of him and they would have to stop this and have a long talk about it.

Dean takes this as an incentive, so he quickly replaces and plugs and sinks into Cas, eliciting an immediate husky moan, Castiel trembling around his cock. He's so fucking sensible. He has to remember to thank his brother later. Dean thrusts a little harder against the angel's hip and whispers in his ear as he digs deep into Cas.

— Are you a sensitive bitch? —  Cas smiles and nods and his whole body shivers as he feels Dean's warm breath on the back of his neck. They don't look away from that look in the mirror. Castiel fights the urge to close his eyes and enjoy the sensations, he wants to look at Dean. — You like that, huh? Do you like the damage my brother and I are doing to that delicious, thirsty ass? —  Dean asks with such a proud smile on his face that Castiel is outraged for a second, frowns but can't help but howl in pleasure and surprise when Dean hits his sensitive spots.

Avoiding using grace for sex was the best decision he could have made. His sore spot is painfully sensitive and this is painfully pleasurable. Dean thrust with passion. He could come without being touched easily. Dean looks at him in such a lascivious way that it should be a crime. It's new, he's seen that look on Dean seething for him, but not like that, so piercing and with such a devilish smile. Interestingly, they should fuck in front of a mirror more often. He should fuck the brothers almost at the same time more often too.

— Look at you, look how beautiful you are, that ass swallowing my cock! So thirsty. — Dean says, holding his short hair and whispering in his ear as he lunges hard against his hip. Cas looks away from Dean and looks at himself. He rarely does that. Appreciating his own shape in the mirror pulls him back to times he doesn't like to remember. But this is him. He feels like his own right now. Fucking with Dean isn't therapy but hell, how good he feels right now on the edge of an orgasm and looking at them in front of that little mirror.

A smile blooms on both their lips at that moment. Castiel rolls his eyes and groans as he feels Dean quicken his movements and hit him deep. He said it would be quick, so he makes it quick. The more he hits the more sensitive and the edge of unbearable pain he feels, but he doesn't want to stop it, it's so close. And he can feel that Dean is close too.

— Dean, I'm so close…—  Castiel whimpers, he says it in such a pained voice and rolls his eyes so hard and grunt so painfully that Dean thinks he's taking it too hard, but Castiel doesn't beg for mercy. He feels the angel squirm around him, sob his name, tighten his muscles around his cock. His eyes shine with tears. Dean can't believe he's fucking the angel until he cries happy tears. Castiel lets out a stifled howl, Dean watches him squirm briefly. — Oh holy shit, please don't stop! — Dean wants to obey him, but he's so ready to come.

— Cas, I can't! I…—  He thinks he's going to come right away but it goes away, he sits on the edge but he doesn't come, something is holding him back. — Ohh you son of a bitch, you…?—  He doesn't finish the question, but Castiel just nods.

— You’re not...going…to…come…yet….— Hearing Castiel's voice so broken for him and so imposing at the same time and so amazing, if not for the fact that grace was holding him painfully in place he would have outpoured it without mercy.

Castiel throws his hips back and leans against the sink and takes control of it as best he can, rocking his hips. Dean feels like his legs are giving out, Castiel like this is too much for him, he looks down and gets the inside view of Cas pulling his cheeks apart to get him deeper, he's so relaxed around him.

— Cas, I need…I need to sit down. — he says laughing and Cas looks back.

— Okay…— He says breathing heavily and moaning. Dean leads them to the bed, trying not to tear them apart, but it's impossible and Cas whimpers the lack of it. Dean just chuckles, too breathless to make any sassy comment, Cas almost staggers a little because his pants are still on his body below his knees now. So he takes the opportunity to get rid of his clothes at once,  he curses his pants, shoes and shirt. Dean grins mischievously as he watches him in all his glory, his pulsing cock glowing pre-cum, he's breathing hard, but he's not sweating at all. While Dean is a panting mess and dripping sweat down his forehead and chest. Dean can only laugh at it.

Castiel takes this opportunity to face Dean and ride his lap. He, as fast as he can, leads Dean inside with his help. When he's all inside again Castiel throws his head back and moans loudly. He turns his eyes to Dean's looking for him as he moves. In the midst of it all, they were in a hurry to get back to dirty, hot sex. Castiel was missing that too.

— Hi…— Castiel says breathlessly, biting his lip with every movement he makes against Dean's hip. The blonde smiles with furrowed brows.

— Hey…—  He answers in a weak voice. Cas jumps on top of him, rocks his hips as much as he can. He's still getting the hang of it but it's wonderful for both of them, neither of them needs much to come, Castiel is holding it over the edge. — Cas--tiel…— Dean pleads for the name in the middle of a groan and rolls his eyes. Castiel leans in for a kiss and then just comes and lets Dean come in sync with him. It's so fucking intense that Dean can't contain himself and just sob loudly, it's out of his control.

— Oh you son of a bitch this…Oh, fuck…— He feels Cas's grace hit him in places, it's similar to what happened when he used to heal him but more intense and specific, it makes a path to his stomach he feels it tingle in his prostate, it's almost too much, but Castiel knows how to dose it majestically. He becomes weak, without the strength to move. His penis still pumping inside him and gradually softening. Both are breathing hard. Dean feels like he might pass out.

— Are you okay? —Cas asks after a few moments, recovering faster than Dean. The human just mumbles under his breath and Castiel laughs. — I think I overreacted — He says, pulling a smile from Dean's lips.

— You think? — Dean asked, laughing out loud and moaning. He's so sensitive. He's feeling drained, looks like a bad hangover. — Damn it, Cas — He just says with a smile on his face, Castiel just laughs at that and goes to the bedside table and reaches into the drawer for some baby wipes, to clean up and clean Dean. — The last time I felt this drained was when The Cartwright Twins happened.— he says, chuckling proudly. Cas just lies down beside him on the bed now and asks.

— Are you finally going to tell me how that went? — Dean smirks at him, meets his eyes, and says.

— Only because you're so far from being a virgin—  He says, laughing in a mocking way that makes Castiel a little uncomfortable and embarrassed. — First, did you know The Cartwright Twins is the name of a baseball team in Canada? —  Dean asks, adjusting his underwear and lazily zipping up his jeans as he tries to read what the confused expressions on Cas's face mean.

— You had an orgy with a baseball team? — he asks curiously furrowing his brows with a slightly amused smile on his lips. Cas' reaction is not at all what he expected.

— Nah... It wasn't with the whole team, obviously, what would be the chances? Only in porn does this kinda thing happen.... And it wasn't a...hum...orgy.— Dean starts to say hesitantly as his amused smile turns a little self-conscious, he almost regrets agreeing to tell it to Cas. He looks away.

— It's okay Dean, I won't judge you, We over that now. I’m curious actually.— Castiel says lovingly searching his eyes again. Dean now sits on the edge of the bed, moaning a little as he reaches over to reach for the T-shirt he tossed onto the nearby chair. Castiel searches for his own clothes now, patiently dressing.

— Do you know the difference between an orgy and a gang-bang? — Castiel thought the moment had passed and Dean was just going to sidestep the subject, but encouraged by Cas's sincerity, he decided to continue telling about that fateful day. Dean searches the angel's gaze for signs of confusion or judgment but finds none of them.

— Oh...— Castiel just responds, raising his eyebrows with a slightly mischievous and loving smile on his face.

— Lee and I solved this case once...—  He starts smiling slightly as he remembers. — Anyway, we saved people, killed some monsters, the usual—  Castiel just laughs

— Of course.— Dean smiles lightly and steadily.

—The guys said they needed a drink after the day they had, we drank, talked, had fun, they said they were part of a small team in Canada, we told some hunting stories, they were impressed, one thing led to another and at the end of the night, I got fuck for 4 different guys. They were even more impressed…They challenged me, wanted to know if I really was a tough guy.— Dean tells this part of the story hesitantly, but with a shyly proud smile on his face, noticing Castiel's expressions go from confused, curious, and surprised.  — I had to show them you know, that tough guy…—  They both laugh now.

— Wow…this, wow…this is kinda awesome and…dirty, oh so dirty! I'm not the dirtiest person in this room anymore.— he says mischievously and mockingly. Dean sits on the edge of the bed and lies down again, still without much energy. He needs a few more minutes. Castiel lies down with him.

— That's funny, did you really think that you were once the dirtiest person between the two of us? I've fucked brothers too, in various ways, similar to what you did today… — Dean gives Cas a smile and the angel is momentarily embarrassed, he still doesn't believe he gave in to his will like that. Dean just continues — twins, triplets, just brothers, brothers from different mothers, brothers who didn't know they wanted to be incestuous, brothers who were strangely incestuous... — Dean makes this list by counting the topics on his fingers and giggling a lot and Cas just chuckles as he pulls Dean in for a loving kiss —…And I don't think Chuck has anything to do with it, I've read all the books, there's not even half of it there. Pulling on my memory he's responsible for the most mediocre sex I've ever had, the guy doesn't know how to write porn I hope he at least gets laid decently—  This automatically comes out of Dean's mouth, he's surprised. This is the only moment Castiel judges him with his eyes and says something.

— I hope he's having mediocre sex wherever he is, actually.— he says seriously trying to hold back a laugh.

— Castiel, this is very cruel, mediocre sex I do not wish even for my worst enemies — He jokes laughing openly and making Cas laugh along with him. After a moment of silence, Castiel says.

— You know you can tell me anything right? — Dean searches through Cas's eyes. They look at each other in a sweet way lying in that bed. Always that sweet look directed at him no matter what. Dean can't believe how sweet Castiel manages to remain and with this aura of innocence surrounding him even after he and Sam corrupt him so much today.

— I know…So…After a long time, you finally learned that iniquity is one of the perks, angel?—  Dean lightly kisses Cas's lips. The almost human-angel doesn't know how to respond to that.

—Oh my goddess…— The angel just laments looking at the ceiling. Dean just laughs and says.

— By the way, Amara showed up today. — He says, he almost forgot to tell him, he almost forgot everything out there when Castiel let fuck him like that, actually. Cas smiles excitedly.

— Why didn't she stay? — He asks sadly, Castiel has been missing the Goddess too, things between them are good, he never thought he'd end up getting attached to her, but it's a nice surprise.

— She wants to be alone, some shit about Chuck…She misses him so she backs off as much as she can, I don't know her process but I told her to look me up whenever she's tempted to look for Chuck.

— You did good, she doesn't have to go through this alone, she's a Goddess and all, but…she's family. — Cas says frowning.

— You don't want her… that way do you? — Dean asks curiously.

— No, Dean, I don't want to fuck everyone I love. Kinship means very little to angels, but she's my aunt and kinda Jack's sister and I'd rather see her that way.— Cas says laughing, slightly offended.

— I didn't mean to offend, you know that… It's just that she's wonderful, she's literally a Goddess.— Dean says this in a voice so enchanted that Cas can't help but ask.

— Do you want her that way? — he asks carefully, not wanting to sound jealous. Amara is the only being Castiel is afraid of. He's already felt how strong their connection is. The deep bond remains even after all, he can feel stronger every time they are together. They were real too, despite the chaos they found their way back to each other. After this last time Cas didn't think Amara would find a place in her heart to forgive Dean for his betrayal, but she loves him as much as he loves Dean, so she does. She was always free from Chuck's manipulations, the only bonds she had were emotional. Castiel is happy to hear that she tries to stay away from him.

Dean thinks about the question a lot. He thinks about lying, but there's no point in it, he and Cas are past that stage. It's still weird to have a relationship with someone that you can totally be yourself with, the closest he's got to that was Lee...And again he's in your mind.

— Yes and no, I like our friendship. She said I already have a lot to worry about. I don't think she likes this whole polyamorous relationship thing. She knows how I feel about you, she knows how I feel about Lee…And how I feel about her too. But I could see that she doesn't want to be part of it. — Dean says this wondering if he has the right to feel hurt and if that's what he would like or if it's just an old habit. He never has an answer when it comes to Amara.

— Better not mess things up with her then, keep it in your pants. — Castiel laughs, he hates to admit he's happy. Probably her telling Dean this is his fault, Amara knows everything, he knows how to keep thoughts to himself and he knows Amara doesn't invade his anymore because they had a conversation about it, but still she inevitably manages to feel some things. Castiel makes a mental note to remember to pray for her later. He's not sure if he should actually meddle in this matter. He better stay neutral. Anything that happens is going to be inevitable, just as he and Sam are inevitable.

— I won't and I don't want to make things awkward with her. I don't think after Chuck the two of us are ever going to get comfortable with it, and it's nice to just… be whatever this is with her.— Dean says with a soft, loving smile on his face. Castiel just smiles at that. For a long time he and Dean were that for each other too, in the beginning when he didn't have all the memories, it was confusing and interesting, he wanted things he didn't know how to name and express. He knows that's not the case with Amara, she knows everything, which should make things less complicated or even more confusing, he doesn't know

— Lunch?— When Castiel asks this it sounds like his stomach reminds him he's hungry. Dean quickly nods and gets up from that bed and washes his hands quickly trying to disguise the smell of sex. He checks his pants. He should probably change them, there's an unidentified stain there, it's probably lube or cum or both. Castiel as always just looks flawless.



                                                       ***

Sam and Eileen appeared in the kitchen some time later hoping that Dean and Cas were already there impatiently waiting, but only Jack was there sitting at the table resting his head on his elbows and distracted on his cell phone, kind of sulking, but when he sees Sam and Eileen arrive he opens it a smile.

— Good, you're here. I turned off the fire and left the lasagna in the oven. You're going to look for Dean and Cas.— He says defensively, he doesn't risk looking for them when the two disappear together. He knows better — I texted, it's all I do when I want to find them — He says rolling his eyes.

Sam and Eileen just nod, trying to contain their smirk in the boy's presence. Sam doesn't think Cas has the energy for that, but he doesn't doubt that's what they're doing. Before they can say anything or head out to find the two of them for lunch they appear in the kitchen laughing excitedly. They are surprised when they notice that no one has started to eat yet and Jack is sitting there with a sullen face, he smiles again when he sees them arrive too.

— I thought you guys would be finished eating. — Dean says casually, taking the dishes from the cabinet. Jack just says.

—The 4 decided to disappear and so I waited. I wasn't even that hungry— He shrugs trying to ignore the looks they exchange, he prefers to just pretend like he doesn't know anything and be a happy kid, this lasagna looks amazing, Jack will focus on that.

If Jack weren't in the room, Dean would make a highly inappropriate comment when his gaze meets his brother's. Sam prefers not to even know why Dean has such a wide smile on his face as he looks at him and then looks at Cas.

Eileen just goes to the oven and removes the perfectly au gratin lasagna with the cheese still bubbling. Everyone sits at the table excited by the smell and appearance of lasagna. They eat, laugh, delight, and lavish praise on Jack and Eilleen who look at each other and smile excitedly. It was super simple to make the only really laborious thing was the sauce, but it's great to receive these compliments, she knows that for years the brothers didn't have this kind of homemade food made with love, it was always on the road or delivery, just like her. But she wanted to do that, taking root and being part of this family is one of the best decisions she has made in her life. She loves every one of those people at this table. This confusing dynamic is theirs and she just loves it, she can feel the love back even though she's been a part of it for such a short time. They are her family, and she can see that they will be forever, no matter what.

Chapter Text

"Are you kidding me you son of a bitch?!"

 

It's the first thing Lee types on his cell phone when he sees Dean's message. He thinks better, breathes, takes a big breath. He's not going to answer that there's no real need for that is there? He stares at his cell phone, holds it firmly in his hands. He feels like breaking the device into pieces right now actually.

Dean Winchester, you son of a bitch. All the memories are there, the day he said “I Han-Solo you” is a callback to the day he said those same words when the incident in Arizona happened and also a callback for the first time that they made love. They didn't make love, he just fucked Dean the way he wanted and I was stupid enough to throw the word "love" in the middle, can't be, Dean doesn't remember that time as much as I will ever remember...This was so long ago

Hell.

He saw the Instagram of the angel Dean has been fucking these days, the little shit is happy looking at the other little shit in the pics the same way he used to look at Dean, and Dean…Obviously, he's getting a lot of cock in that thirsty ass of his. He refused a fuck in the name of old times when they last met and the motherfucker KILLED him

  "Fuck you, Dean"

He types again on his cell phone. He erases it. To be totally fair… No one was at their best that day. Lee doesn't even know why he got so lost. The Goddess said that he was a character and that little was really him, but he would have to figure out for himself what kind of person he wanted to be from now on because this Chuck guy had taken advantage of a weakness of his, and what if he hadn't crossed Dean's path and interfered significantly with his plans, it wouldn't have happened. Amara said little, but enough for him to understand that the whole motherfucking angel and Dean story was like a Disney fairy tale. Of course, he has to thank the guy who fucks Dean regularly, the universe hates him.

At least he's not in hell anymore, that place is literally hell, despite Rowena being the vision of heaven. God! This universe is ruled by women he would lick their feet. Amara hates him for some reason, but that's okay, Rowena said she'll always be welcome in hell…Yeah, but no. He doesn't want to be a demon again. He doesn't like how easy it was to give in to torture and become a torturer. He hates everything about being a demon, including the weird sex that never fully satisfies him no matter how much he enjoys and explores boundaries. Skin with skin and human is much better. Feeling anything human is much better than feeling nothing like a demon. 

Lee looks at his cell phone again. Dean must have sent this on impulse, but the part about them loving each other is true. When they saw each other again this last time it was like no time had passed and he was still that 20-something kid who was just learning what real freedom was after his abusive shit-ass father died. He had dreams, and he remembers he wanted to live them with Dean or without Dean, and then... A key turned inside him and he lost all hope just because Dean broke his heart and they had a bad hunt in Arizona? That doesn't sound like him, bad hunts are the sum of his life, he was born in the middle of bad hunts, damn Chuck must have been really mad at him, indeed…He doesn't even know what he sounds like him actually, it's been so long that he doesn't feel like he owns himself.

“Hey Dean, how's life?” He writes and hits “send”. And then he throws his cell phone away on the bed and gets up, he's definitely not going to wait for the answer, he has shit to do. Hell. He has a life to live, he needs to take that shower and go to work because he woke up so damn late again and he's going to have to eat something on the way. He's lonely, if he wasn't lonely he wouldn't have answered that message. Or whatever lie you tell yourself when your ex who killed you while you were trying to kill him texts you.

 

Dean: "Life is good. I stopped hunting, I still help my brother and his girlfriend sometimes, but I avoid doing that. Focusing on making the bar work, I did that Lee... The last time we saw each other and you encouraged me to go after what I wanted and things ended the way they did I had some mixed feelings about it but I did. Thank you, I needed this.”

The message beeps on Lee's cell phone as he drops it onto the bed. He sees Dean's name come up. An involuntary smile breaks across his face. Damn, he's fucked. He ignores his cell phone, for now, he needs to go take that shower, curiosity nearly kills him again, but he resists it like a champ.

Lee is proud of himself, he just checked that message on his break.

“Sorry I didn't respond right away, I was leaving for work and I was late…” no, scratch that, he's not Dean's damn boyfriend, they used to be friends, then friends with benefits, then enemies, how do you handle that? “Quite a day here, sorry to take so long to respond. Anyway, that's nice to know, I'm glad for you…” He's definitely going to pretend he doesn't follow the angel on his Instagram account with a generic nickname, the damn angel looks like he found out yesterday what social media is. It's adorable. Probably, his whole saving the world thing doesn't let you rest a little and enjoy life. It's interesting to know him for his interests, he almost doesn't post photos of himself, only in groups. He only knows who Castiel is because Sam he already knows Dean's face too, and the 10-year-old boy isn't him. “…But I got a little confused, do you want my friendship or my naked body? Because Dean, fuck you! Remembering the first time we had sex and you swallowed my dick with that thirsty ass of yours is a low blow, I'm not going to pretend it wasn't intentional on your part.” Fuck it he'll be straight with it, if he doesn't want to answer life goes on, he won't waste time worrying or trying to guess what people want, and he hasn't had sex since he got out of hell, Dean's ass that's all he needed right now. "send" 

Dean: “LoL. And I'm not going to pretend that wasn't the intention, it was by accident, but I'm not sorry. I miss you” He knew it was on impulse, Dean is wanting him and the angel fucking him at the same time and he doesn't know how to ask little shit... Why did he have to involve the fact that they love each other in the middle? It's unnecessary, it won't get anywhere. He doesn't want to go anywhere with it other than to fuck an old friend and keep his feelings safe, he knows better. He's been to hell, for Goodness' sake!

Lee: “Says the guy being fucked by an angel…I'm flattered” Is this really flattering, an angel is fucking Dean and he is like “I miss you”? Dear sweet Jesus, Dean doesn't know what the word “boundaries” means. Dean is really what he needs after coming out of hell practically a virgin again with his rebuilt body.

Dean: “You know me, there's always room in my heart for more. And how are you so sure Castiel and I are together?” Right now Lee can't contain the smile on his face.

Lee: "Yeah you 'heart' LoL...Dean Winchester you motherfucker!" He kind of hates Dean now but hey if he wants to play this game and now that he has an angel in his life he likes pretending dirty sex is about love, so be it "...Last time we saw each other you said there was something complicated going on and Amara told a brief Disney story about how Bert and Ernie helped save the world. It wasn't hard to put the puzzle together." Lucky angel, by the way, he wasn't that lucky, together he and the damn angel got "free will" and "happily ever after”. He couldn't even make Dean fuck him sober or out of orgies because when they fucked alone and almost sober Dean cried. The only time Dean said "I love you" they were both too drunk he didn't even know if it meant anything, Dean never said the words again only reply with the Han Solo reference, at the time it seemed charming and romantic, today Lee sees it only as pathetic. The angel certainly doesn't have to get drunk along with Dean to hear an "I love you" back.

Dean: “In that case, yes, my heart. I won't pretend I don't love you or pretend  I don't know it was real…He's an angel, for a long time it wasn't the way it used to be between you and me.”

Okay. Dean must be drunk right now. In a little while, the angel is going to show up here to kick his ass for winding up his crazy boyfriend.

Lee: “He's not playing hard to get any more then? Are you guys together?" Or maybe the angel kicked his ass and he needs some "comfort" a.k.a, his dick.

Dean: "Yes"

Okay. The angel will definitely show up any minute to kick my ass back to hell. Or the Goddess herself, the angel sure has the connections and she doesn't like me much, she looks like she doesn't need much to kick me back there.

Lee: “I'm kidding with you here, but I don't want a jealous angel wanting my neck. But hey, I miss your friendship too."

That last part isn't a lie, he really feels friendship has always been the best part of them anyway. Damn it, the control of life is in his hands and yet it looks like he just lost it to someone. What the fuck? Is he really considering being friends with someone who broke his heart and killed him? This is just pathetic, he should hate Dean, not want to sing along with him again and have a sleepover and bake pies together.

Dean: "The angel is not the jealous type"

Okay, the angel is not an angel so, good to know. He wished he could control the possibilities that are forming in his head right now... Anyway, the angel is crazy.

Lee: “The angel is better than I was then. I didn't like our open relationship and the whole friends-with-benefits thing. Fun, to a point, feelings got in the way and it was an emotional mess for me in the end... Since apparently we're doing this open heart party and beating the dead dog...”

Honestly? He prefers Dean's friendship, this crazy bitch is a heartbreaker. And since Dean is on this drunken journey of sincerity today he will follow.

Dean: “The angel and you are the only ones I really want. The last few months have been great just with him, the last few years actually...I haven't had sex with anyone for about 3 years...That last time we met and we almost had a threesome with your friend? I just wanted you, I just didn't know how to say it. ”

Oh.

Lee: “I don't know how to answer this. I have to go, Dean. ”

 

What?

 

Oh really?

 

It can't be. Dean must be so drunk right now, it's adorable. He missed it, Dean must have that cute drunk smile now looking at his cell phone.

 

Lee: "I really have to get back to work now, but are you drunk?"

He is about to pray for Castiel, seriously. Now that he knows that prayers are one thing that works, heaven and God are actually a thing, he tends to do it before bed. Dean's angel must hear prayers, right?

 

— Hey, Castiel. Lee here, I don't know if you can hear me, but anyway, your boyfriend seems a little horny he is drunk-texting. I swear I didn't play along...that much. Please don't send me back to hell...Take good care of Dean, drunk he is a crazy bitch but it's the booze talking, be reasonable with him and send him to AA meetings, they're really good...Amen —

 

A call from an unknown number shows up on his cell phone now, he just ignores it and goes back to work. Whenever he answers an unknown number it's never for him anyway.

 

Dean: "I'm not drunk you motherfucker, LoL" Lee quickly reads this as he walks back into the bar and gives an incredulous smile. Yeah, sure and Marilyn Monroe wasn't fucking the president.

 

                     ***

 

—He what?!— Dean asks incredulously and chuckling as he answers Castiel's call. — And what do you mean he prayed and you heard? I thought you were more human than an angel now! — Dean says as he wipes the bar counter and prepares to close the place. The only one still inside is Richard, half passed out. Dean checks the man's pulse and slaps him lightly on the cheek and he wakes up a little startled.

— I'm here! I'm here! I'm alive! — The man grumbles as Dean listens to Castiel over the phone.

— Apparently, I can Dean, I don't know. Strange to be this thing between the two worlds, but ok. I still feel longing, but prayers were quiet, neither do you and Sam pray for me anymore because there is no need. Anyway, why was Lee so worried? I tried to call him, but he ignored my number.

Shit!

Of course, Lee would think he was drunk, he was only open with him like that when he was drinking. He just smelled too much alcohol today, he's trying not to drink while he works because it's not good for business and lately he's not feeling the need to drink and he's really trying to stop because Castiel asked and it's easy not to drink when life is good.

— Why? I was opening my heart to him, I only do that when I drink…— He says sadly. Richard pays attention to the conversation as discreetly as a drunk can disguise something, Dean just rolls his eyes — And he was at work so we were texting, that's probably why he didn't answer you, he was already coming back from break. I did not drink! I am fine! — He completes and hears Castiel's laugh over the phone

— Very effective this texting thing, he was afraid I'd send him back to hell, Dean, call him later, it's still bad, but at least he won't think you drank — Dean twirls his eyes — Apparently he hates you, so be careful ok? — Castiel says this trying to contain his laughter because he's serious now, he actually felt a lot of anger overlaying the love, it was worrying, but he can also feel how sweet and complex Lee is. Interesting.

Obviously, he hates me, but at least he didn't tell me to go to hell when I started hitting on him, this is the Lee I remember…— Dean smiles to himself shyly.

—He's very interesting, I can understand why you like him so much... — Cas says with a shy smile over the phone. Dean smirks, he can't help it

— Good to know… — The high dose of malice in his voice doesn't go unnoticed by Cas, who snorts and says

That's not what I meant, you know…And besides, Lee is terrified of me for some reason.— The angel's tone is almost sad, he doesn't know how to feel about it.

— He's just scared of you because he doesn't know what a plushie angel you are — Dean says with a smile on his face and Cas just complains a little mumbling identifiable sounds.

Anyway... I'll text him since he's busy now, see you later... — Castiel says getting ready to end the call.

— Okay, baby, see you later — Dean ends the call with a smile on his face, and Richard, half-drunk, looks at him with a confused look and asks.

— Are you gay? — Dean doesn't know if a man is asking this because he's a homophobe or because he wants to give some ass, sometimes it's both, it's hard to know.

— Rich, just…We're closing, okay? C-l-o-s-i-n-g.. — He responds defensively and completes —...and It's none of your business! Jeez…I thought you were too drunk to pay attention to other people's conversations.—  The man smiles and says.

— I'm never too drunk for that... — He says, getting up, trying to stay upright, staggering a little. He brushes his long hair out of his eyes and ties it with a rubber band he had around one of his wrists and says looking deep into Dean's eyes with a killer smile on his face, — Oh man I would blow you so bad right now! — Dean just laughs at the drunk man in front of him. He's a handsome guy, natural blond with blue eyes, the kinda wild biker with a beard that would probably sting his groin. The son of a bitch looks like Ragnar Lothbrok after the war now, but if it were other times and he was drunk too he would surely accept the offer. Sober and in his 40s in a serious relationship with an angel he only cares about the safety of the man who goes out giving blowjobs to strangers, he's not exactly a stranger, Richard is a hunter and regular for 1 month or so, but anyway, they are far from being that kind of friends.

— Do you want me to call an Uber for you? — Dean just responds seriously containing the urge he has to laugh, laughing for that kind of proposal is not the right message and he knows.

— Oh God, I'm losing my game! — The man says laughing, — No, I'm fine, I just need a drink, are you sure you can't give me another shot? — He negotiates gently slyly by leaning on the bar counter flirting and winking blue eyes at Dean just because. Dean gives a slight smile and says.

— The only thing I'd give to you right now is a glass of water — Dean says firmly with such affectionate sincerity in his voice that it makes the drunk man's heart warm.

— That'll do, I'm thirsty! — He responds immediately, barely believing his own words. — You're a nice guy Dean Winchester, I've heard so many stories going around about how you were a nice guy…sometimes — the man says, laying his heavy head on the counter and moaning a little queasily, — But you're really nice, and so handsome too the whole package.— He says this in a slurred voice and measuring the ex-hunter with his hand in the air. Dean at this point just laughs and puts the glass of water in front of the man and says

— Dude, you're so drunk! — When it's Castiel saying he's wonderful it tends to sound more sincere, right now he doesn't really believe that's true.

— Yes, yes I am — he says, taking the glass in front of him, turning it over in one gulp. Dean pours the man more water.

— Here, a little more of this…Keep it up — Richard makes a face and mumbles a little, but drinks the glass of water, he really is thirsty but not thirsty for water, he wanted some more alcohol, but oh well he knows better not get in trouble with Dean Winchester, from the stories he heard was that besides being cool he has a strong punch too. — Sure you don't need that Uber? — Dean asks again kindly

— I'm staying at a motel a couple of blocks from here, it's okay.— He just shrugs, trying to get to his feet again, leans against the counter, and grimaces. Everything spins and he's starting to think he's going to need that Uber. Dean watches him closely.

— I'm finishing things up here and I'll take you, does that sound good to you?— He squints his eyes trying to focus on Dean now and can see the genuine concern

— You care too much, Dean — he simply says, and it takes a pained smile off the man.

— Yeah…you've heard the stories about me, I do shit and try to fix the shit out. I own the bar and the drink that made you like this today, I'll take you home safely. By the way, you never drink so much that you almost fall like that, wanna vent? — he asks, almost regretting it for a moment, he really is tired and all he wanted was to go home and sleep in Cas's arms now, but he can never just turn his back when someone gets like that at his bar.

— It's a short story, man. My heart is broken, you've certainly been through worse.— Richard simply says, almost embarrassed.

— Yeah, I did, but a broken heart is a broken heart man, it's never easy. — Dean doesn't underestimate the pain of a broken heart, he never thought it was little like some people liked to believe, pain is pain. He's definitely had his share of that too...

Dean starts to settle the rest of the things to close the place quickly. Without too much trouble on the way home, Rich surprisingly behaved all the way to the place, didn't try anything daring, and most important of all didn't throw up on Baby. It's a good night.

Dean just wanted to get in and get in bed and sleep, he's exhausted but Cas always complains if he does. It's a bad thing his angel doesn't appreciate the smell of a sweaty man after a hard day's work. At times like this, he misses being single so he doesn't worry about what someone else thinks of his scent. Sam used to complain about his habits but he didn't care he didn't sleep with Sam, now it seems he sleeps with a version of his brother, Cas is just as annoying as Sam with that kind of thing, must have learned from him for sure. That kind of thinking almost pulls Dean out of his best moments, but it passes after he takes that shower and quickly goes to his room to join the angel who is not sleeping today. He's standing there distracted by his cell phone with a stupid grin on his face.

— Hey…—  Dean greets him, getting his attention.

— Hey, did you take a shower? — Cas soon asks even before Dean approaches the bed.

— I don't look like I took a shower? — Dean asks defensively, getting almost impatient, turning on the bedside light and showing Cas he's still in his bathrobe.

— Just asking…—Castiel shrugs and ignores the look Dean shoots at him.

— I went straight to the shower, I'm tired mom — Dean almost regrets using that tone and those words with Castiel because the angel looks at him and rolls his eyes in a way that looks like he regrets all the decisions that brought him to his bed.

— I hate it when you call me 'Mom' just because I care about your bad habits enough to draw your attention to them, do you remember that I love you? Do you remember we had sex yesterday and it was amazing? I'm not trying to pick a fight here stupid human…— Castiel chuckles as he says all this, Dean thinks that at some point he's capable of blinding the angel because there is so much eye-rolling going on, however —…That's the human thing that some do? Pick up a fight, hate each other a little, make up, and then have amazing sex? — The angel starts to think about this as Dean searches in the drawer for clean underwear and baggy pajama bottoms.

— Maybe, I don't know. I just know that we're always having amazing sex, I think we hate each other — Dean says laughing as he lays down beside Cas on the bed. The angel looks at him with a thousand question marks on his face

— You kinda hate me… You were happy to see me cry while I…um…— Castiel can't find words that aren't extremely inappropriate — you know…—

— Oh, You mean that thing you were begging for?—  Dean says arrogantly with a huge grin on his face. Castiel nods shyly — Yeah I was happy, you were crying with happiness, that was pleasure, if you had been crying for me to stop it wouldn't be nice I wouldn't be happy — This seems to make the angel even more confused and he just says.

— I've never cried during sex before, our first time we cried after because you know…—  Dean rolls his eyes slightly as Cas reminds him of this. He held back as long as he could to not cry like a virgin that night and it still happened — But this time, it wasn't about the feelings, it was so…Carnal…I felt like I was losing myself in this, it was different. ..The way my body reacted to that, was like nothing I've experienced before — Seeing Castiel talk about it with him, this thing so dirty in such a charming and almost innocent way is just amazing. When he says he remembers he loves to remember the way the angel hole was so stretched out for him, Dean wants it again he just hates to admit he loved having this version of a threesome with his brother... Dean clears his throat and adjusts a mild to swollen semi-erection in his pants.

— Yeah, um... I don't know what to tell you Cas, this is sex, amazing sex, it won't be like this every time, but when it's you enjoy it. — The angel analyzes the human's words. Strangely it makes sense to him now, he's more human than an angel after all. It's complex, the more he explores things with Dean and Sam, the more he wants it for himself, and he rarely feels wrong about it as he could feel the longing and even though there are fears there is also the deeper and more sincere commitment of the two to him every time he fucks the brothers.

And that's it, just like that, he's hard for Dean and they haven't even touched, so amazing, so intense... He'll never get used to it. Before he gave in to this it was easy to maintain control and focus on what he thought was important, but now he has really fallen in every way imaginable.

— You body, I think it was too sensitive, so the intensity. I didn't ask the questions because you didn't want to, but you had just left Sam's room, right? — Dean asks sleepily, snuggling into the chest of the angel who has a confused look on his face. He thinks about it, should he say it, should they talk about it.

— Um, yeah…— He just says shyly — And it was amazing, I enjoyed it more than I thought I would.— He says hesitantly but can't feel any kind of negative feelings coming from Dean, on the contrary, he's full of love for him at that moment.

— Butt plugs are the best things ever invented by mankind, I wish I had thought to explore this before, it's a very interesting world going on inside a sex shop  — Dean says laughing lightly against Cas's chest. — I may or may not have gifted you with one thinking of your comfort when trying things out with Sam...— He confessed shyly. — But of course, I was thinking more about myself and how it would be easier to fuck you with one and…I was right…— He says meeting the angel's gaze on him, Dean can't tell if he's scared or excited...

— And I may or may not be wearing it right now — Cas says, and Dean moans in response, capturing his lips on his lightly. He runs his hands down the angel's back and slips inside the fabric of the pajama pants that Cas is wearing, he goes straight to Cas’s center and bumps into the heart-shaped stone.

— You used a lot of lube… — Dean makes the observation, his voice already wheezing and failing.

— You're tired, I wanted a quickie...— He says with a cheeky grin on his face.

— This is going to be so embarrassingly fast — Dean says, chuckling tiredly, his eyes heavy with sleep.

— I don't care, just fuck me I want to feel — Cas says turning his back to Dean and throwing his hips against him, in that moment Dean wishes he had more awake for this and had more energy to make this perfect for Cas, but that sounds good to his ears too, he makes up for it with one of his surprises later.

Dean just pulls both their pants up to his thighs, his cock is already painfully hard and throbbing, aching for contact, leaking pre-cum, firmer than himself at this point. Cas grabs it with one of his hands and massages it, surprising himself a little to find an already very hard and firm penis. He leaves human intimacy aside and tugs on his buttocks for better access. Dean slides his fingers down to the rock and gently removes it and replaces it almost immediately with his cock, it goes in easy and slippery and they both moan, Dean growls like an animal against Cas's neck he holds him firmly by the hips and sinks a little deeper doing the angel hiss in a way that sets off alarms inside Dean's mind.

— Did I hurt you?! — Dean asked worriedly, stopping immediately with the thrusts.

— I'm not using grace so yeah, but it's okay, I'm just feeling every inch of you stretching me…— Cas says grabbing Dean with superhuman strength by the hip preventing him from pulling away. Dean moans in response, the angel is really testing limits here, it scares him a little, he looks a lot like Castiel from that broken world now, but hey, that Castiel wasn't bad, he was just in a bad situation. This is Castiel when he can have the freedom to be himself. He looks happy, unlike that Castiel.

Cas can feel Dean getting soft inside him and his hesitation taking over. Dean softly kisses the angel's neck. He shrugs off his pants completely and settles between the angel's legs. He turns on the nightstand light and reaches for some of that lube.

— I don't wanna hurt you…— Dean simply says looking into the angel's eyes now. Castiel smiles and wants to protest this, he was enjoying Dean fucking him roughly a minute ago.

— It's okay Dean, really — He says taking the lube from Dean's hand and pulling him in for a kiss and firmly massaging the semi-hard member that quickly becomes firm again. Castiel uses his strength in his favor and pulls him close with his legs hugging the human's torso making their intimacies rub together causing a strangled moan from Dean. When he doesn't protest, Castiel leads him back to his center and rolls his eyes pleasantly when he feels Dean stretching him. Cas grabs him with his whole body and digs his short nails into Dean's back when he feels down to the smallest detail how sex works without grace getting in the way. Feels like the first time again. It's so ridiculously intense and it hits him in places. He can feel Dean gently tapping against his prostate. Castiel whimpers Dean's name and looks deep into his eyes as the human does this to him. He opens his mouth but no words dare to come out. Dean can already feel his orgasm coming on, the sounds of the angel and the expression of pure delight are just too much, he can't and doesn't want to hold it back, he just leaks inside the angel and thrusts it deep inside.

Castiel when he felt Dean pulsing inside him and releasing his hot seed let his release flow too, feeling Dean tremble around him was all he needed to come. It's so erotic to feel like that, for some reason that's one of Dean's favorite things. He loves watching how the colors in Dean's aura dance every time he does this. It's like New Year's Eve.

— It's so good to feel you come inside me!  — Castiel whimpers, and moans as he pulls Dean in for a kiss, he kisses him back as he sinks everything he can sink into the angel, trying to mark him as his own. It's a selfish thought he knows, but he can't help it, he loves it. Castiel loves it too because he always holds by the hips and obscenely delights in the sensation of being filled with the hot jets.

— You're hungry for it, angel — Dean says, rolling over to the side of the bed wearily, panting slightly and with a smile on his face.

— Just between you and me? — the angel asks and Dean nods and has a confused expression on his face. — This is about you and me, so it's our thing and you look great when you do this to me, I refuse to give it up.— he says, feeling momentarily guilty for a second, this is the first time in years that he feels different when it comes to the brothers.

— Do you use condoms with Sam?—  Dean asks, half incredulous that's the kind of question he's asking right now.

— We were stupid only once, we decided it was a good decision to use it from then on. So yeah, Dean, you own that part of me and I'm telling you this because for you humans it's something to be proud of. — He says trying to contain his smug smile.

— You're a son of a bitch, you love it too — Dean says sleepily, snuggling into his chest and lightly kissing the angel's lips. Dean is ready to just sleep now. Castiel reaches into the drawer for those wet wipes. He cleans up quickly and looks to the side and in the dim light he can still see Dean's luscious cock from precum and cum he leans over, seized by impulsive will, wipes his shiny head with his tongue, and licks his stained stomach as well of pre-cum. This makes Dean, who already had his eyes closed, smile. — I have such inappropriate things to say to you right now, but I'm so tired…— He says laughing. Castiel gets rid of the wet wipes and snuggles next to Dean and says sassily in his ear.

— I was just cleaning you up…— The angel laughs devilishly.

— If I was 20 years younger…— They both just laugh now, Castiel gently strokes the blonde's hair and kisses his forehead. He turns off the nightstand lights and pulls a sheet to cover them both before he can say anything Dean is sleeping.

Castiel isn't really tired now. So he takes out his cell phone to distract himself for a bit. And he thinks about what he should say in that message to Lee that he said he would do but didn't. He's not sure if he really should have given Dean his ok to explore things with Lee. The reality is that he didn't want anyone but the brothers in this relationship although he teases Eileen and thinks about the things they could do together. He shouldn't encourage Lee not to fear him, he should just remain neutral, Dean might just forget about this story once he realizes that the only reason he also wants to bond with someone other than him is to be even. Or maybe it's just his jealousy talking.

He's not stupid, he knows Dean only wants him, the deep bond is really deep. The fact that he wanted to explore things with Sam sparked something that Dean didn't even want that much. They would be fine in a monogamous relationship and now they're in that situation. It's not bad though, he's just not sure if he'll be allowed to complain when Lee starts to be part of their lives, he barely knows the guy and doesn't like him for the simple fact that he tried to kill Dean. He knows this wasn't entirely Lee's fault, there are many factors to consider, but Lee has a tendency. He kept himself informed, Rowena said he was one of his best in hell, that it came so naturally to him.

Dean was like that too, he tries to remember. Every time he's had to fight the Mark influence or even in hell that first time…Neither he nor Lee has resisted for more than 40 years, that's little from his perspective of time. He's not sure if two souls like these should be friends or lovers. Maybe he should welcome Lee not give up on him the same way he and Sam didn't give up on Dean when he was a demon, maybe what Lee lacks for him to follow the good path is a good influence, someone who fights for him.

His soul seemed so tormented when he prayed, if he still had his wings he would immediately go to him to offer a kind of comfort. He cares, he's not sure if the importance he's giving this is because Lee was and always will be someone dear to Dean or if he really cares, but maybe that doesn't make a difference in the end. He just knows he should send the message he's been winding up to send for hours. He doesn't want to like Lee. He didn't really want any of that, but making the decision to allow himself and have a relationship with the brothers was the best decision he ever made. He doesn't want to live without now.

“Hey Lee, Castiel here. You are tormented by many things, I could feel in your prayers, if I still had my wings I would go to you to offer a face-to-face conversation. I know this isn't the best way to talk, but you didn't answer the phone. When you can talk to me, do it, I don't want you to see me as this figure you have to fear, Dean said you only fear me because you don't know the “plushie angel” that I am and I hate to admit he's right. ”

 

"Castiel, you crazy son of a bitch"

Castiel can hear that involuntary prayer as he sends the message

Castiel: "I can hear it...don't say my name when you call me names, it's a prayerful intention. I can still hear the longing, vaguely...But you better not even think about my name from now on."

 

Chapter Text

Oh shit! He offended the angel, that's it he can kiss a second chance goodbye

He tries to be friendly as much as he can because it seems like it's better to have the angel on his side than against him. He knelt on the edge of the bed and began to pray.

“Sorry Castiel, please don't hate me. You can't see me now, but I'm on my knees, begging for your forgiveness.”

 

Castiel: "I don't hate you stupid human, chill. Save the whole kneeling thing for when you meet me in person" Okay, rude, but it could be worse. The fact that he doesn't have wings anymore, hum he kinda wishes he did now… “Just kidding, in case it wasn't clear LoL” Okay. He would have taken him seriously and would totally blow him right now, but that's okay.

 

Lee: "You said you don't have your wings anymore. I'm sorry about that…Can I keep talking or would you prefer me to text you?" We're being friendly with the angel, it's going to work out, everything's under control.

 

Castiel: "It’s okay, it happened a long time ago, long story, maybe I'll tell you over some beers one of these days…As you prefer, I like to hear your voice" Wow, is the angel serious about all this fire in Dean's ass?

 

Lee: "You're being too nice, what's the catch?"

 

Castiel: "None, I just want to see Dean happy, he misses your friendship and things ended so badly between you two because of Chuck... So" It's easy to understand that, but why does he accept it so easily? Does the angel have some problem with the mechanics of his head, it looks like the wires are crossed or he's too stupidly in love like he once was to realize he doesn't need to be that way with Dean...

 

Lee: "Yeah, I understand that, but you and Dean are a complicated thing and he doesn't just want my friendship... If you want me out of the picture, I'll walk away. I had my chance with him and life happened, some interference here and there, but I understand, I'm a big boy, I get over it, I get on with my life and it doesn't have to be that way... You don't have to be that way for him."

 

Castiel: "I know I don't need to, don't underestimate me, I have millions of years in my broken wings, I might be as old as God…"

 

Lee: "Wow, ok" So what? That's for sure because he's not human and doesn't feel the human emotions to handle it so coldly and objectively.

 

Castiel: "Dean has had a lot of endings where he really could be happy taken away from him, I'm not going to push you two away because of a jealousy I might as well ignore" Oh, so he's jealous?

 

Lee: "Was I a "happy ending"?” Oh...Really? I didn't seem important on that level, Dean was always a good friend but that was it, he never showed that he went much further than that, their first time maybe... he was a virgin princess who cried and said that if they did that again he would run away from his hunting life and his father to live together, but they kept doing it and nothing happened. It was a good thing he never raised any expectations because of those drunken words of post-orgasmic serotonin... He just stayed by Dean's side hunting for much longer than he intended, no big deal, of course.. .

 

Castiel: “Yeah. That's another long story, but basically, the new god was my son for a while and he had all the stories in his memory, all the moments that Chuck lost narrative control somehow. Anyway, if Dean had real free will, complete free will, if his life wasn't a maze… That day that John kicked you out of their lives, Dean would have started the car and gone after you." His son? Wow, that's a really long story.

 

Lee: "Dean told you about that day? Did he ever say that to you or is it just something you're saying?"

Does he still think about that day as much as he does? Saying goodbye over the phone in the middle of the night broke Dean's heart too? He said he would keep the good memories of their times together, he thought it was just him trying to be nice but if he was thinking about starting the car and going after him that day… This changes everything.

 

Shit!

 

Or not, that was so long ago…

 

Castiel: "Yes. Dean and I were talking about you the other day, he told stories, the conversation came to this point and he said, with no influence on my part or anyone else that now looking back he can see more clearly what it was Chuck and what wasn't. He loved you, maybe he still loves you a lot, there's no expiration date for love." Geez, he said all this to the angel and they're together? He's all about free love and free will and all hippie shit, by the way, Dean must have a lot of fun. Nice the fact that Dean found someone to accompany him in the crazy things, he just wanted peace at that moment, not to go over old moments that will never come back.

 

Lee: "You don't like me very much, do you?"

It doesn't hurt to ask, the angel is brutally honest, maybe he'll tell to back off, he would totally understand, he doesn't want complications and it looks like that's what will happen if he starts playing with fire like that. He didn't want a broken heart, why are these two idiots doing this?

 

Castiel: "That's a tricky question. I like the fact that Dean has been chasing what he wants in life these days now that he has complete freedom...If that means he needs to explore things with you, ok. I will never leave his side and he will never leave mine."

 

Lee: "This is you saying for me never to fool myself and believe that Dean will leave you to be with me, right? It's okay angel, I know I'm not the love of his life, I'm just "a love" who didn't have the force to break down barriers and create a free will or whatever" If regret killed him he'd be in hell right now, that's ridiculous if it was a face to face conversation he wouldn't have the guts to say half of those things. Drunk-callings with angels is not a good combination, it gets the best of him. He looks like a 13-year-old girl now. He's not even that drunk, but he shouldn't even be drinking in the first place, it's going to be such a fun AA meeting tomorrow...

 

Castiel: "That's not what I'm saying, don't be mad at me now, it always gets the best of you!"

 

Lee: "I'm not angry" Lying to an angel, yeah... It works 100% he doesn't read it like anyone else, I don't even know why to try.

 

Castiel: "I can feel your anger at me boiling from here"

Obviously…

 

Lee: "That's a bad idea, I don't want to be a part of this I don't want to get my heart broken again, I don't wanna like you" Since Dean and the angel decided to have heart-to-heart talks today, fuck it. All, let's open our hearts and have a sleepover and bake the damn pies...That's stupid.

 

Castiel: "Are you mad at me because you like me?"

 

Lee: "Yeah, it's the middle of the night and I'm tired but I'd talk to you till daybreak. I hate it" That's too stupid, the way he easily gives his ass to these two is pathetic, he must really lonely to like this angel so easily, the reality is they're just horny and lonely, that's never a good combination.

 

Castiel: "I understand you, it's complicated and it took me a while to understand and feel human emotions, but I understand...We don't need to be enemies, I can be your friend, or at least friendly with each other. Dean can still be your friend too."

 

Lee: "I know Castiel, I just can't resist this, I'm unable to resist Dean. I let him kill me, I wasn't even really trying to kill him, I couldn't...If I let him in my life he's going to be my downfall" The angel must think he's so bizarre right now...

 

Castiel: "He was my salvation and my downfall, I see what you mean" Or no, he's just as weird as he is, too much sharing seems to have become their thing, what happened? Chuck forced everyone to communicate poorly and now they talk to each other about everything? Why is this so good?

 

Lee: "You're barely an angel now because of him, right?"

That sounds like the Dean Winchester he knows and loves. Loveeeddd , past, he doesn't love Dean. Shit. You won't…We’re friends, enemies actually, now more like “enemies to friends” that sort of thing. It's not love, Lee Webb, you just want to fuck Dean one more time, simple and fast. Harmless.

 

Castiel: "I'm almost human, yes...Do you consider that a bad thing? "

 

Lee: "I don't know, I just know what it's like to be a demon and then human, I'd rather be a human a thousand times over"

 

Castiel: "Angels and Demons are not so different, both are soldiers loyal to a cause and feel nothing when executing the most absurd and inhumane orders, not everything is so black and white, but some things are obviously bad and some are obviously good. The only thing I miss about being an angel is my wings.” The angel understands then, what it's like to exist and not live and then live. That's why he's so adorable on Instagram, what he was witnessing is the angel discovering life. Discovering interests, allowing himself to love Dean.

 

Lee: "Sex is so much better human" He misses it, oh how it feels , he wanted them both here so they could get it over with and get it out of the system of the 3 because the angel is giving him a lot of attention, this just might mean one thing.

 

Castiel: "Yeah, it sure is...LoL" Another thing the angel must understand very well too. Imagine how much incredible sex he must be having now that he can feel things more humanly. He must not be a well-behaved angel, if he rebelled against heaven and against God, his repertoire must be vast…

 

Lee: "Sorry you must be feeling all sorts of weird vibes from me right now"

 

Castiel: "You and Dean are more open when it comes to casual sex. I'm more the kinda creature that needs time and bonding to pique that interest, but you're… interesting." Hum, OK. Yes, let's pretend a dirty talk isn't about to happen here.

 

Lee: "You don't know me, I'm just a voice in your head, I think maybe you'll be disappointed a little..." He's flattered, but he should only have a basic description of what he looks like, he might be disappointed. He is not so young anymore and literally gone to hell and back, shouldn't be the kind of thing attractive for angels, but… good blowjobs though.

 

Castiel: “I can feel you and your essence, that's what matters most to me. And you don't even know me either, Dean just told you about me right?” Okay, that's cool, he "knows" and likes him. This day has been such a boost to my self-esteem, Dean "I miss you" Winchester and the angel is walking that road. They will have a lot of fun together.

 

Lee: "I follow you on Instagram"

 

Castiel: ”You couldn't stay away from Dean either…” At first, this was about Dean, but now it's more about you Castiel…Oh no, he thought of his name again, sure enough, it reached the angel's ears, tragic…

 

Lee: "I know pathetic...Don't tell Dean...Of course, you will, you two are husbands" He doesn't know how healthy polygamy works or even if the two of them have a healthy relationship, but Dean seems a lot more open emotionally and maybe the angel is to blame, he's pretty sure it's the truth.

 

Castiel: “We're not married, but I understand what you mean... You're not pathetic Lee, you have such an essence of love, there's nothing shameful about showing it, I find the way you are longing for me very endearing right now, I'm flattered, thank you"

 

Lee: "That's embarrassing but ok...Is that the polite way of saying this late-night chat isn't exactly what I'm thinking?"

 

Castiel: "I'm a bit rusty, but I think I get it, did you think Dean was asking you for a threesome ?" Isn't that what's happening here?

 

Lee: "Yeah, it looked like you guys were doing it, it's the middle of the night and you're talking to me like that, praising me and saying you can feel my longings, sounds like a dirty-talk version for angels, doesn't it?" On Instagram, he's the kind of angel who talks a lot more than he shows his face, so he can hear that thick voice clearly in his mind when he reads these messages, let's just say the situation in his pajama pants is tight.

 

Castiel: "Maybe it really is, sorry. I was practically a virgin before I gave myself to Sam and Dean, I'm rusty, really rusty, I know how to be sassy with both of them, but it's a challenge to try something with someone I don't have. a bond" He what?! Dean is sharing the angel with Sam? This is kind of bizarre, but Dean never thought it was weird the incestuous sisters they have sex sometimes…He just didn't think Sam was like that, well…Anyway, last time he talked to Sam he was practically a kid, a long time ago, a lot must have changed. Castiel: “I think it's important to say that we don't do anything together, like TOGETHER. Sam and Dean would be kinda disgusted if I didn't clear this up, it's all pretty new, we haven't talked to many people yet, but close friends know about our…arrangement.”

 

Lee: "Thanks for clearing up Castiel, the Sam I remember was just a boy the last time I saw him, he must be a grown man by now, but to me, he will always be Dean's little brother."

 

Castiel: “I'm way older than all of you, I understand what you mean. To me, Sam will always be Dean's little brother too, but he's an adult, and he wants me, thought about it a lot. He used to see me as a strange and unreachable creature, they both did…For a long time, it felt wrong to even think about them like that, it was hard to accept. I think to this day they haven't fully understood how old and inhuman I am. If they saw my true form…I showed them drawings, but it's not the same.” I can't say I understand the angel, but it must be tricky.

 

Lee: "Dean said it took a while for you guys... He always knew you were an angel, why so scared?"

 

Castiel: "I thought we would never have peace, there was always a war going on, I was a soldier, I thought I would never get what I most wanted"

 

Lee: "What did you want most?"

 

Castiel: “Peace, a life…Simple stuff, alongside Sam, Dean, and Jack. They've been my family for a long time. I didn't think Sam and Dean after it was all over and we finally had peace after all the wars Chuck was throwing at us they would be so open to me…Wanting me in their beds…It's such a human experience.” He can understand why Dean finds the angel so endearing just for the little he knows of him now. He can't stop texting and just go to sleep. It's so silly, and he's so tired, he's truly a 13-year-old girl with a crush.

 

Lee: "I bet..." It's pretty stupid the way he can't wipe the smile off his face right now imagining the angel on the other end of the phone telling intimate things about him. Oh, I am so screwed...

 

Castiel: “All the feelings you can imagine happening and yes, lots of sex… Angels feel pleasure in other ways, before I had a relationship with them through prayer, a deep bond, they both have a soul marked by me, I raised them out of hell”

 

Lee: “Until you become more human than an angel and feel what skin-to-skin sex looks like …God! Sam has been to hell? WTF, poor kid! Dean wasn't kidding when he said it had been a shitty decade!”

 

Castiel: “It really has a lot of stories to tell. Chuck hasn't given us peace for years, now I know why I always felt like I was on a battlefield, it was an invisible war going on."

 

Lee: "And somehow you found a way"

 

Castiel: “That's not even 1% of what happened to our family and somehow we managed it. Can you understand why I'm being “nice” to you? You two deserve a second chance and this doesn't have to be a competition of who Dean loved or loves more, love is love, it's not exact math, it's not an equation, it doesn't have to be a 7-headed, 10-legged dragon. I hate to feel all these confused longings amid your love and not say anything, we don't need to be enemies."

 

Lee: "I'm not being your enemy, am I?" He's been feeling so weird since they started talking that he doesn't even know exactly what vibe he's giving the angel, but it can't be the best since he thinks they're enemies.

 

Castiel: “Maybe you just need a good night's sleep and talk to us more calmly, to better understand that what's going on between the 3 of us isn't a bad thing, it won't ruin you…Dean will never try to kill you again, I would never do anything bad to you…I only harm those who harm my family, be aware that if you try anything against Dean I will hunt you down and kill you. ” Brutally honest, just the way he likes it. Intimidating in the right measure, a little hot even. Okay, he respects that.

 

Lee: “ Hey Castiel, it's weird that I'm a little horny? No, seriously, I have no intention of trying to kill him again, I hope that's clear in all this vibe you feel.”

 

Castiel: "You're having all sorts of 'vibes' I don't know if you're a threat or not, I'll keep an eye on you"

 

Lee: “Oh, do you like to watch? I give you a show, I know how to do it the way Dean loves it…” He hopes that at least made the angel smile, not angrier. Is it appropriate to talk about the ways he knows Dean comes?

 

Castiel: “I know how to do it the way he loves too” Oh, are they doing it? Is the dirty-talk angel style happening? It feels like Christmas morning!

 

Lee: “We can do it the way he likes it together, you said you're hardly gonna do it with me and that's okay…But what about sex together? That way you can keep an eye on me and make sure I'm well behaved and besides… it's fun”

 

Castiel: “I like your train of thought, human, not so stupid after all” It's Christmas morning! He has the angel, that's exactly how he got Dean. Oh angel, wait for me.

He remembers like it was yesterday the first time he and Dean had sex together without actually having sex together. A random girl at a party was talking to the two of them. She wanted both, they talked about who would take her home and be a gentleman.

He had craved this with Dean since the boy was 17 years old but he never had the courage, until that day, until this girl. Rhonda Hurley…Oh, Rhonda…Where is she these days? God bless Rhonda and her satiny panties. Sorry, Amara, I think I just found out why you hate me. I keep thanking you for the most random and dirtiest things. I will stop, I promise.

But Rhonda and Dean, oh wow…they dated for a few months and he was sometimes part of the shenanigans. This was kinda a healthy polyamory relationship. I think the only one he really enjoyed being part of with Dean. She wasn't in love with Dean the way Dean was in love with her, but it was cool, she was cool. It just ended because life happened. She wanted more than being stuck with two guys who looked like they had no future... Telling her about what they really are didn't seem like a good idea; they didn't want her to know that literal monsters existed.

 

Lee: "I'll try to sleep here, although this stuff is interesting I'm dying here, angel"

 

Castiel: "Ok, sleep well"

 

                                                                                    ***

 

So, that just happened. He should try to get some sleep too, but now he's dying of curiosity. Lee... All this familiar longing, raw. He wasn't kidding when he said he was horny. Lee is touching himself before going to sleep . Should he get in? He wanted to call him now, and at least hear the man's voice. Would Dean find this extremely inappropriate or exciting? They haven't talked about the rules with Lee. They better talk first, for now, he's just going to feel all this vibration and prayerful intention for him that makes his vessel boil and his eyes roll and pray that Lee will ignore his advice about not saying his name, he wanted to hear. Shit. He shouldn't want this, it's not about him, it's about Dean.

  "Cas…?" The breathless voice invades his thoughts. He loves the way it only takes half of his name to be considered a prayer. Oh, the time's Dean just moaned something that was even remotely like his name and it reached his ears… He should say something to Lee again that's so…Oh-fucking-hell! Inappropriate. "Oh...Castiel" Oh, the way he says the name! Oh no...

At this point, Cas can't contain a muffled sob as his eyes roll back and his penis leaks fresh pre-cum. He doesn't want to wake up Dean, he should leave the room but it's a bad idea he can't walk down the halls of the Bunker while someone prays for him like that it would be embarrassing, to say the least.

And that's it, he stopped, as suddenly as began. That was quick. Castiel decides to pick up his cell phone again and send a sassy message, Lee will either hate it or love it.

 

Castiel: "I felt it...Hum...so fast, your almost virginal body must be so sensitive right now"

 

"Castiel you son of a bitch!" The sound of delicious laughter invades his mind "Good night angel now I'm going to sleep for real"

 

Castiel: “Good night, sleep with angels” He loves to say this to Eileen, he almost always gets the same answer...

 

Lee: “I wish…But you're just talk”  There we go…The raw longing again, oh it feels so good.

 

Castiel: “And you love it, now go to sleep” It's better if this just stops.

 

Lee: “So bossy, Dean must love it” Oh, you have no idea! No, wait... maybe he actually does.

 

Castiel: “Seriously now, I haven't talked to Dean if this is inappropriate or not, go to sleep” He knows Dean wouldn't think that's a bad thing, he's been praying for this to happen to someone other than Eileen and Sam for the last 7 months. He even wishes it was easy to find the hot waitress who works at the bar with Dean interesting, but they met and nothing happened. He took a chance, had a beer with her, and had insignificant conversations with the 2 of them. But he could feel Dean didn't even want so much, but with Lee he feels…

 

Lee: “The list of things Dean thinks is inappropriate is short but ok. Good night ”

 

Castiel: “I almost lost him when he noticed that Sam and I were getting serious. He jokes about it, but he keeps a lot to himself. I have to be careful.” This part was true a few days ago, but it seems that everything is more or less fine between them, despite the bumps on the rode

 

Lee: “Yeah Castiel, the shortlist is usually about Sammy. You have the free pass just because you are you LoL”

 

Castiel: “I'm aware of that…I would ask to keep what just happened between us, but I think I'm already screwed” He wants to see if Lee can be trusted, it's not the best way he knows.

 

Lee: “You say it like we just had sex, chill angel”

 

Castiel: “Well I didn't even touch myself and I almost come, I'm on the edge of orgasm and you brought me here…It’s kinda like sex, maybe not for you, but…”  The fact that he would need little to come… If he hadn't already had that quickie with Dean he probably would have come with Lee by now.

 

Lee: “You didn't tell me to stop, I called your name” Lee was adorable, he asked for consent in the prayer intention and only sent intense impulses when he saw that he had and still come fearfully, even though the absence of the message was consent.

 

Castiel: “Yeah, because it was good.” He deserves confirmation that this is good and he can continue to do so in the future. Please do...

 

Lee: "Oh, I can do so much better than that!"

 

Castiel: "Ok, Calm down, just go to sleep!" If he keeps talking like that, it's going to be hard to keep the hands to myself, and it seems inappropriate to do so around a soundly sleeping Dean.

 

Lee: "Ok, I'm going, didn't mean to upset you, Sorry...Your secrets are safe with me" His voice says that it's sincere, but the intention behind it not so much.

 

Castiel: "You say that but you are loving it the possibility that this may be turned into a struggle between Dean and me LoL"

 

Lee: "I'm a bad boy what can I say...But seriously now you will be fine…" Geez, the way he says it ... That voice, he wanted to be there in person for him to say what a bad boy he is while blowing him hard.

 

Castiel: "I know, Dean was kinda thrilled when I told him that I was curious about you but rules make this whole thing work, and I been breaking a lot of those lately" They've been breaking a lot of them, Dean said he didn't want to know if he was having sex with Sam or not, but it seems he himself forgot that rule and among other things...

 

Lee: "Rulebreaker Castiel...You must be the devil in bed...Tell me, what rules have you been breaking?"

 

Castiel: "I not gonna indulge that, go to sleep" 

 

Lee: "I'm tempting you?"

 

Castiel: "When you meet me in person I doubt you gonna be this bold" But please be, I want to get you on your knees in front of me and show you who's the boss...

 

Lee: "Dude, bold is my middle name, ask Dean later, he "misses me" or something" 

 

Castiel: "He was worried about you, pray for your soul  every day but yeah, he probably misses you in bed too" This isn't a lie and he doesn't understand why the human is having a hard time accepting that this is more than just sex, maybe he needs proof or it's just too fresh in his mind.

 

Lee: "Can this be just about sex for one minute? This is hard Castiel...You say all this bring back the good times and I don't wanna fall in love"

 

Castiel "You say this and is supposed to mean something, but you never stopped loving him"

 

Lee: "Shit, fuck you Castiel! Please, you two just forget that I ever existed" He screamed. Not a good sign, maybe I pulled too hard. Dean will be pissed about this for sure...

 

Castiel "Sleep, you will feel better in the morning " 

 

He hopes that is not all lost, he didn't want to piss Lee off but it's true, he can feel everything, he wants to believe that this isn't about their love that never went away but it shouldn't be that way maybe Dean knows better how to deal with Lee, they've known each other since they were practically kids.

Lee fell silent and slightly closed that window he had opened. He can still feel it far, far away. He is sad and quiet, a beautiful tormented soul. He wished he could fly to him now and envelop his sleep with grace, but everything is going to be okay. It has to, he will never forgive himself if Dean misses another chance with Lee.

Chapter Text

Dean woke up from that good sleep a few hours later to find Castiel still asleep next to him. A smile forms on his lips, he leans down gently and carefully so as not to wake him up and places a kiss on the angel's forehead. He admires for a few seconds the figure on his bed. How he got so lucky is a mystery, against all odds, here they are…

Dean reaches for his cell phone on the nightstand by the bed and looks at the time, it's almost 12h. He kind of wished he had a message from Lee there, but he tries to keep that thought in the back of his mind. Interestingly, there is a message from Cas on the cell phone. Okay, sometimes he warns things by text, but he usually does that when he's not here when he wakes up.

“I kinda talked to Lee yesterday, he prayed, I listened and I wrote back…Things got a little out of hand, and we did a different kind of sexting, yeah I know, told you things wouldn’t be that way and were. Surprise!..." Okay, Castiel, nothing to be ashamed of so far, could have asked before if that was ok, not that he would object, but it would be good. “Lee got mad when I told him that he still loved you and that this wasn't about sex like he wanted so badly to believe. Sorry, but he was hiding behind this, I don't even know why I got into that part. If you want, you can look at the messages I sent him.” Yeah… Cas, it's not your best day huh buddy? You know he was sensitive when he and I talked about complicated things, knew he was in disbelief and still pressured the guy who was already at the edge?

Dean does as Cas suggested and goes to his cell phone to read the conversation. The conversation…Yeah, it's not Cas' best moments. It was going pretty well until Lee probably told him to stick an angel blade up to his ass and they said their goodbyes for real. He should probably text Lee. No, better, he should call. Calling is better.

The blonde gets up from the bed and goes to the small sink in the bedroom to do his morning routine of brushing his teeth and washing his face to really wake up. Castiel ends up waking up even with Dean trying to be silent, he internally curses himself for it and turns to look at the angel who has an unfriendly look on his face.

— Good morning, angel, did you sleep well? — He uses the most loving voice he can, he doesn't want to show how upset he is with Castiel's transgressions, but it must sound fake, after all, he's an angel, he feels, despite being more human than an angel, he'll understand.

— More or less, I kept thinking about Lee, he got pissed at me, sent me the shit, and told us to forget he exists.—  He says in that defeated voice, really upset. Is the angel falling for Lee? They kinda had "phone" sex once and Castiel already looks like he's lost a boyfriend. Adorable, but calm the fuck down…That's not where I wanted to go with this.

— Not yesterday's best moment for sure...— Dean simply says coldly as he prepares his face to shave that morning stubble — Hey, you shouldn't have opened up to Lee like that without telling me and you knew it but did anyway.— Dean meets the angel's gaze in the mirror. He has that same look on his face, the one he gets whenever he knows he screwed up. It's kind of become their routine. — Our relationship is open, but that doesn't mean you can be with anyone you want without talking to me first.— Dean finishes as he prepares to run the razor through his beard.

— Didn't think it was going to be too much of a problem, on the phone yesterday you were excited by the interest I was showing.— he says, getting up and heading towards Dean to help him shave places he doesn't see so well in the mirror. Dean just leaves it up to him, he kind of loves their routine and doesn't know why, it's stupid, he knows how to shave, but whatever.

— I was, just the communication needs to improve, pal —  Dean responds after Castiel carefully runs the razor along the curve between his chin and neck and dips it into the water to clean it. — And it's not just because this isn't the “ Leviathans from Purgatory” level kinda shit that you get a free pass.— Castiel nearly misses his cut and draws some blood now. Dean groans softly, it wasn't intentional, but it threw him off to a high level. Dean shouldn't bring that kind of shit into casual conversation, he gets the point.

— Sorry… — Dean doesn't know if Cas is apologizing for the piece of skin he just ripped off or for his indiscretion with Lee last night — Sorry about Lee too, it won't happen again — It's okay, he won't care so much about these things, but he kind of wanted to share in all the fun Cas can have with someone who's preferably not Sam or Eileen. He's been thinking about suggesting something with Sam but he's really not feeling the vibe and besides Sam would never agree and he really doesn't want to blow his little brother's dick, that's where he draws the line. He once fucked demons with Crowley, but this… Nah, it's not happening. He'd do the demon thing again before considering fucking Sam just because he wants a threesome with Cas. He might, like a very slim possibility, share Cas along with Sam fair and square. They kind of did it the other day, anyway...

— It's okay… Oh, and just because Lee is my childhood sweetheart doesn't mean that you can tell I'm madly in love with him. — Cas smiles at Dean  — I was kinda leaving out the part where I told you I wanted to go after him that day, I thought that was implied enough — He says shyly, looking away from the angel. — Now he has me in his hands and he can return the broken heart if he wants… This is not your fault, of course, I had already accepted that this would be a possibility when I looked for him and sent that message a little impulsively —  Dean says this and his gaze falls. He tries to hide how much it hurts. He tries to swallow the emotions and heartbreak inside his chest. He tries to hold back the tears that well up in his eyes as Cas holds his chin in place. He hates feeling this way, it's like since Chuck no longer has control over him every time he feels frustrated he wants to cry more than he wants to punch a wall, although he still does. He hates how crying works better than punching something.

Castiel makes his final cut and rests the razor inside the sink. He holds Dean's half-wet face in his hands and looks into his eyes, blurred with tears that he tries to hold back.

— Let it out, you never grieved over this relationship because Chuck didn't let you, just let it flow.— Castiel says in his sweet, understanding voice that makes Dean blush and laugh through his tears. — If it ends badly this time it will be because life happened and not because of the interference of others, you see, all I did yesterday was try to bring him into our lives because I can feel the love... it's all so tangled up it's like if our love was one, it's beautiful, I wish you could feel what I feel — Castiel kisses Dean's eyes capturing the salty tears gently. He wraps Dean's hair with his fingertips and a light simple kiss on his lips and then pulls him into a hug encouraging Dean to lay his head on his shoulder, the blonde took the opportunity to pull the characteristic scent with his nostrils. and comforting of Cas wetting his bare shoulder with tears.

— It's so hard to stay mad now that you can offer kisses and hugs that smell like home, it's a low blow —  Castiel just laughs.

— You're silly.— Castiel places another light kiss on Dean's lips.

— You've always been my home, you'll always be my home, no matter what, okay?—  Dean meets the angel's confused gaze on him and the brunette just says.

— Okay…

— I don't know if you were ever insecure or not with this whole thing and you told Lee in the messages that you're a little jealous there, so this is me saying we'll always find our way back to each other — he clarifies, using some of the words Cas told him that night that he was insecure about Cas and Sam's relationship. It seems strange that this is their life now, but it is.

— I'll always be a little jealous, he was your first everything. — Cas simply says with a mocking smile on his face. Dean wants to protest, but what can he do but roll his eyes and agree? Lee was the first guy he tried to kiss amid a silly game of “truth or dare” but was interrupted, the first man he had sex with despite being far from a virgin at the time, was a different kind of virginity... Maybe he's even his first love, must be, after all, he thinks about him to this day, even after everything, even after Cas, who is his most epic of loves. It can't be crazier than that, anyway…

— I should make that call… —  Dean says shyly, trying to look away from Cas.

— Should I stay or go?— he asks hesitantly, starting to give Dean space to move around the room.

—  You can stay, there's nothing I would say to him that I can't say in front of you — He says taking his cell phone and sitting on the bed leaning his back against the headboard.

— I know, but you might still want privacy. —  he argues with a shrug. He's really curious and anxious about the outcome of this, but if Dean wants him to leave he will. Dean just claps his palm on the mattress beside him signaling Cas to follow. He, with a smile on his face, sits next to Dean.

Dean looks at his phone for a few seconds and finally hits the "call" button. The phone rings a few times and goes to voicemail. His heart is racing and his anxiety is high, but he won't leave a message, he wants to hear Lee's voice. A message beeps on his cell phone, it's Lee...

Lee: "What do you want?" Okay, short and rude, maybe not a good day for this.

Dean: "Just talk"

Lee: "You're trouble Dean, you and your angel"

Dean: "Can I call you or not?"

The answer to that is a call from Lee beeping on his cell phone. Okay, less bad. He answers smiling at Cas, who accidentally gets excited too, the two of them look like two 13-year-old boys with a crush.

— Hey Lee! — He answers in such an idiotic voice that he wants to bury his face in the pillow.

— Hey.—  A sleepy, husky, half-drunk voice can be heard on the other end.

— I woke you up? — he asks laughing.

— Kinda, I wasn't really sleeping anymore — he replies politely.

— So, Lee, here’s the thing, I can’t forget that you exist…

— Dean... —  Lee tries to interrupt, but Dean soon talks over it.

— Listen to me... Please. Tell me where you are, I'll be there.—  He says this and is surprising to Cas and Lee.

— Dean…— Lee's voice cracks and is a little huskier. Dean also can't contain the tears that want to fall. — You know where I am, you've probably already hacked all the information you can about me, you got my number. I got it not even a week ago.— he says laughing, trying to hold back tears.

— You know what I'm trying to do. — Dean says, sniffling a tear and laughing. Cas can't contain his smile and the urge he has to gently stroke the blonde's hair as he looks lovingly at him.

— I know… You shouldn't, that was a lifetime ago. — he says wistfully.

— Don't be afraid, Lee, if the only reason you don't want this is fear, please...—  He pauses, thinks about the next thing he's going to say, if he should, hesitates when he hears silence and a heavy breath in the air on the other end of the line, —  I love you. —  He hears Lee laugh on the other end of the line.

— Are you sure you're not drunk? Castiel? Are you there? — Dean just laughs and puts it on speakerphone, Dean signals the angel to say "hello" he just frowns and says.

— Hey Lee, you're on speaker now.—  He breathes. Take that long breath. He slaps his face a few times to really wake up and says.

— I feel like I'm still drunk... Did your husband just say he loves me? Why can't you guys be like all other normal gay couples just and have 3-ways without complicating things for me?— Dean just laughs at this and rubs his eyes with his fingertips. Castiel just says

— We're not normal, I'm an angel and Dean was part of a story written by God without his consent. I think this pretty much answers everything you need — Dean can't disagree with that so he just shuts up and nods at Cas.

— That's it, basically. — Dean says with a laugh.

— I hate you, did you know that Dean Winchester? — Not quite the answer he expected, but Lee says it with a laugh. — I'm going to regret this, but come, you know the address, come if you want to since you want so much to resurrect this story. — he says impatiently, Dean isn't sure if this is an invitation or not, if Lee feels like it, if trying to kill him or not, he only knows that Lee hangs up the phone in his face. Castiel just laughs.

— He's so in love with you! — Dean looks confused, still holding the phone in his hand. He looks at Castiel now with a thousand questions flashing on his face.

— He hates me, probably wants to kill me if I show up there!

— Yes. — Castiel says simply relaxed, smiling.

— And you're laughing?— Dean laughs a little too.

— You like angry sex, this is your chance — Castiel just gives Dean a light kiss on the lips and says — Take a condom, lube and use that butt plug, you're going to have to. — He says laughing lightly, hitting one of his cheeks making Dean blush.

— Dude! Come on, you're not even going to say I shouldn't go or that you're going with me in case he tries to kill me again?! — Castiel just laughs and grabs him by the shoulders and uses the most serious voice he can find for the moment.

— Dean, be careful, Lee will try to impale you with his dick! It's better than rusty rebar, I guess...—  Dean just growls at him and gets up off the bed. This shouldn't excite him, but anyway...

He can't believe he's going to do this. He can't believe he's changing clothes as fast as he can to go run after Lee, but here he is. And I should probably take Cas' advice. He needs to go to the bathroom anyway...Dean takes the lube, plug, and anal douche out of the drawer and turns his eyes to Cas who is sort of judging him with his eyes or is just finding this extremely amusing in a way he doesn't know why.

— Shut up!

— I didn't say anything! —  Cas says defensively, laughing. Dean goes over to him to give him a quick kiss on the lips.

— If you're finding this amusing now, imagine when you join in…— he says slyly.

— Give me time, I'm getting there…— Cas says with a mischievous smile.

— Yes you are…— He says slyly heading towards the door and blowing an air kiss towards Cas who just laughs shyly.

                                     

                                                      ***

As he takes that quick shower he considers whether he should even go to him. It's definitely not going to be a pleasant conversation, he's being very understanding over messages and such, but in person, he must be puffing smoke out of his ears the same way he was when he was talking on the phone. But he wants to do it, every fiber in his body wants to do it, it looks like he's trying to make up for lost time or some shit like that. It's crazy, but when was his life normal, right?

He quickly finishes his shower and gets dressed at lightning speed. He barely needs to check the address again, he already has it memorized in his head and written down on his cell phone. He runs to the kitchen for a quick cup of coffee and Cas is already there along with Sam preparing lunch/breakfast, cooking together, and teasing each other like two lovebirds, it's cute. Adorable, makes you want to throw up a little, but it's adorable.

— Hey Dean, we're making hamburgers! — Sam says excitedly when he sees Dean arrive.

— I'm just going to grab a quick coffee and head out, I need to run some errands at the bar. — He exchanges a quick glance with Cas who understands not to mention this to Sam even though he knows they are like two husbands and the minute he leaves Cas will gossip everything with him. At least he'll be out by them. He doesn't want to know what Sam thinks of all this or if he cares he just needs to go.

— Hmm…Ok— He answers a little suspicious and a little worried. Dean has never turned down food when the kitchen smells like bacon. But before he can get really worried, Dean pinches a ready-made slice that was resting on a plate and stuffs it whole in his mouth, moaning pleasantly and leaving the kitchen as fast as the wind. — Okay, what was that? Spill the tea, Cas. — Sam says with a laugh and Cas just rolls his eyes.

— He didn't tell you, but he knows I tell you everything. — He says looking at Sam with a mischievous smile — But I won't tell you —  Sam frowns and makes a huge pout, but then changes his gaze, he measures Cas with his eyes.

— Can I convince you?—  Cas meets Sam's gaze on him.

— You can try…if you beg on your knees while you blow me.— They both laugh now.

— That's not going to happen…— Sam says, giving Cas a light kiss on the lips.

— No? Too much? — Cas says with a goofy grin on his face turning his attention to the hamburger he's making.

— Too much…—  Sam actually thinks about it and looks at Cas sideways with a slight smirk on his face and shakes his head in disbelief.

 

                                                          **

 

Dean makes his way all the way to the place Lee is, listening to some songs they used to sing together inside that same Impala. He hates being that kinda bitch, but it brings a smile to his face. What can he do, he's only human and Lee… Lee is The One That Got Away . Oh no, not the stupid Katy Perry song stuck in his mind as he listens to Led Zeppelin. Damn it.

— I hate myself…—  Dean says as he swaps his current tape for one he has hidden in the bottom of his glove compartment with a mix of Taylor Swift, Katy Perry, and Selena Gomez. When he's alone inside the Impala he allows himself, fuck it. The first song on this list actually resembles Cas. He wished he could advance this, but it's really good! Dean starts singing along and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel.

 

Don't blame me, love made me crazy

If it doesn't, you ain't doing it right

Lord, save me, my drug is my baby

I'll be using it for the rest of my life

 

He wished it wasn't so pleasurable to hum Taylor Swift, but yeah, what are we going to do? Cry? Crying we save for when Lee kicks that nice ass with a butt plug out of his place. Which by the way, it was a poor choice to put this on before leaving the house and sitting down to drive, it looks like a carnival is happening in his butt with all the bumps on the road, at this rate he's going to come to the sound of Taylor Swift. But anyway, it's a good thing it's not that far, it's about 20 minutes driving and only 10 more to get there. 

For some reason Lee chose a place in Kansas and not Texas, I don't think he could stay away either, or didn't even know he would be so close. So many possibilities, he'd told him the last time they'd seen each other that he was living somewhere in Kansas. Has he been rooting for them to bump into each other at the market as much as he was when he discovered the place he was temporarily living?

When Dean arrives in front of that modest and charming motel, his heart flutters like the last time he saw Lee on that stage at the bar. He thought he would never see that face again, for some reason, he never went after knowing where he was even after John died, even though he wanted it deep in his soul. It was as if someone had buried that will deep down, made him forget it, but not quite, he knows why now… it's ridiculous. He should move on even with all his instincts drawing him to that man, it's not going to end well.

Dean finally works up the courage and gets out of the car. He walks towards Lee's bedroom door, knocks on that door. Lee answers in an incredulous tone of voice.

— Who is it? — Dean gives a faint, shy smile.

— Dean — Hearing this, Lee doesn't say anything, just opens the door and for a while, he can't believe his eyes. He is static looking at the handsome middle-aged blond man looking at him with those bright green eyes without saying anything, looks as surprised as he is that he is standing in front of this door.

— You actually showed up…— Lee breaks through the heavy, dense silence, squinting at the man in front of him. He throws some holy water in Dean's face. He just spits out water and rolls his eyes.

— Can I…? — he asks when Lee is still standing at the door after the holy water has no effect. He awakens from his trance and makes room for Dean to enter. Dean enters without any problems, Lee closes the door quickly and taking the opportunity, pulls Dean's arm, reveals the knife he had discreetly in his hands behind his back, and makes a quick and clean cut in the palm. Dean just groans a little with the pain, he was already expecting this one, he could have defended himself from it, but chose not to. Lee knows that — I'm not a shifter either! Come on, dude! —.He says Lee looks for one of his old shirts to offer Dean a patch, easily ripping the cloth He throws it not too gently in the ex-hunter's face and he takes the opportunity to dry that holy water that was still dripping from his face and wraps the cloth around his hand. It wasn't a very deep cut, it will stop bleeding fast.

— Caution is never enough. There are some demons in hell who don't like me very much and this was starting to look like a bad prank, I don't know, too good to be true you know? — Lee says meeting the green eyes, he quickly dodges it.

— It's me, Lee.—  Dean tries to meet his gaze again.

— Yeah…—  He says still a little in disbelief, huffing out a laugh — What are you doing here? — he asks, his voice rough and thick, impatient. He fixes his gaze on the blonde's now.

— I told you, making up for the lost time. — Dean says, trying to give Lee a slightly shy smile, for a second he can see the wall Lee built against him crumble a little, but it's quick as a sigh, he's standing on his feet again in a matter of seconds.

— No, that's not going to happen…— He forces a smile.

— Lee, you thought I was a demon, but what about Castiel? You talk to him —  He asks with a little laugh.

— I don't know! —  Lee yells at him and laughs. — It could be anything, I was a little drunk yesterday, Castiel might hold a grudge because I tried to kill you, he might be trying to seduce me with that horny virgin boy scout act  — They both laugh now.

— That's pretty specific. — Dean says, crossing his arms and squinting.

— Yeah, anyway, I considered the possibilities, you know that anything is possible, but it seems like this really happened, you're here in front of me staring at me as no time has passed for us and I don't know what to do with it — He says sitting on the couch he motions for Dean to follow him and he sits next to Lee, trying to contain the small moans as the plug rubs against his prostate — I didn't cut you that deep, stop moaning like a princess — Lee comments making Dean roll his eyes at him to chuckle impatiently.

— Okay, Lee… You don't want to turn that part upside down, I get it, but we can still be friends, right? — he asks, looking for Lee's eyes.

— Hardly, but we can try. This Chuck guy wanted to destroy everything that was real, I'm not going to give the guy the taste, right? — Dean smiles and puts his arm around Lee's shoulders for a hug, he squeezes Lee who seems a little on edge but accepts the touch and unwinds and hugs him back. — Since you're here and already with an open heart, needy as a good bitch. — He says the sound of his voice half-muffled by the fabric of Dean's layers of clothing. This was meant to be offensive and provocative, but it does the opposite effect and Dean's eyes cloud over as he tightens his grip around the plug, he laughs shyly and lets out a slight groan. He sits straight on the couch to hide a slight erection that is forming around your jeans. Lee can see that Dean is looking a little weird but he doesn't comment.

— We can work together, I needed a reliable man at the bar, it's just me and the waitress, you could be my bartender. — He tries to divert his attention to a real conversation as he tries to get rid of that erection resting his arms on his knees, this position seems to be the best to focus on. Lee looks at him suspiciously.

— You don't really need it, you want it, your bar is small, it really just needs you and the waitress. — He throws these truths in Dean's face and watches him blush and smile adorably.

—  How do you know? —he asks, surprised.

— You angel, shares a lot of stuff on Instagram.— He scratches his head shyly.

— Oh yeah, true, and you follow? Cool, miss me like a good bitch too — He teases back, and Lee pushes Dean's shoulder chuckling.

— I'm surprised your husband didn't tell you every detail of what happened last night. — Lee says this trying to sound lighthearted, but Dean can see the jealousy building in the man's voice and facial expressions.

— He's told enough of your... chatter. — Dean says a little spitefully too and Lee takes the opportunity to tease him some more.

—  Jealous? — Dean rolls his eyes and says

— A little, you opened up to him more than you did to me yesterday! — Dean laughing, Dean's words surprise Lee.

— Jealous of me? I thought you were jealous of the angel, it's more jealous of the fun he was having, right? — Dean doesn't say anything, the reality is that he was jealous of both of them, but whatever, it passed and it was just a dirty prayer.

— Cas has a weakness for dirty prayers, but don't abuse it ok?! — he says impatiently, already getting frustrated with the light stimulation on his prostate and no action.

— It won't happen again, it was just to get it out of my system, the angel has a beautiful voice, he's all hot actually, and this isn't about the vessel he chose.— Lee says, teasing Dean a little more.

— Oh, I know, believe me.— Dean winks at him, Lee blushes a little and looks away laughing.

— He's not around, is he? We could have that little party to get out of everyone's system — Lee says in his most seductive voice he knows, bumping his knee against Dean's teasing him lightly, Dean laughs and says.

— He's not, but you could pray for him while you fuck me, it would be pretty much the same for him — Dean returns the provocation looking Lee in the eyes and staring at his mouth, his will at this moment was to move towards that kiss when Lee smiles so for him.

Lee scratches his head nervously, thinks about it. He shouldn't even consider the possibility, in fact, it's stupid. So he just laughs at it, Dean smiles back at him with that motherfucker grin. It's torture, maybe if he does it just once...

Lee gets up from that couch to take some distance from Dean now and before he knows it or can say anything Dean is pulling him by the arm and kissing him, trying to invade his mouth with his tongue, Lee thirsts for a few seconds, melt like butter in that kiss, responds with raw, passionate enthusiasm. He feels Dean pressing a wide-awake erection against his stomach as he wraps his good hand around his waist and squeezes.

Geez, how did it get here so fast?

Lee whines and pushes Dean. He glares at him, he hates how that kiss woke up all the butterflies in his stomach that were pretty much dead. Without thinking too much he punches Dean hard in the face. He groans in pain, but laughs and says stroking his jaw.

— I was expecting the right hand —  Lee just laughs back at him and rolls his eyes. He pulls him back for another kiss, it's passionate and rude, Lee bites Dean's bottom lip almost enough to draw blood, he groans in pain and arousal, which makes Lee's erection twitch inside his boxers and an excited moan leave his lips as well. Lee quickly reaches for the waistband of Dean's jeans and eagerly undoes the belt, button and zipper.

— This doesn't mean anything! —  Lee warns before pulling Dean's pants down and turning him easily and making him face the round wooden table that exists in his room; it almost gives in and shakes a little when Lee grinds him against the wood. Dean just doesn't say anything and closes his eyes, waiting for Lee who sighs in surprise and excitement as he stares at his ass with a heart-shaped rock in the hole. Dean just chuckles against the table and reaches into his jacket pocket for the condom and lube and hands it to Lee.

— You son of a bitch! —  Lee exclaims that he hates all the preparation and Dean's arrogant certainty that he would end up giving in to him. Lee wants to stop this. He closes his eyes trying to get his attention away from that well-groomed and shaved ass of Dean with the butt plug in his hole. This is news, Dean used to never bother to shave like that and neither of them, when they were young, cared about that. He hates to admit how much he loves it.

No, he won't.

He's not going to fuck Dean, he's going to be the voice of reason here. It doesn't matter how delicious Dean's ass is and clamoring for him so high and ready.

— I'm not going to fuck you! — Lee after a lot of a deep breath finally says, making Dean sigh in frustration. He prepares to leave the table and shamelessly pulls up his pants.

— Okay, fair, I think I went too far with the excessive preparation.— Dean says as he tucks his dick into his underwear, and buttons his pants, his gaze lowered, he tries to look at Lee sideways and finds the man with his hands on his hips and hard cock out of pants trying to focus with eyes closed eyes.

— You're a son of a bitch!—  Lee yells as he laughs as he tucks his dick back into his underwear as well, cursing himself internally for still being so hard. — Can you leave now? I need to take a really long shower and go to an AA meeting.— he says with tears in his eyes and chuckling nervously. It's obvious now to Dean that Lee is still kind of shaky, just like the last time they saw each other. He saw the empty bottles and that Lee had been drinking, but he didn't know it was an issue for him.

— Sorry… — Dean says pulling him into a hug, Lee doesn't want to give in to this, but he does, it's just a hug, they'll be fine. He sniffs Dean's scent hard into his nostrils and it doesn't help one bit with his delicate situation rolling in his pants, his cock throbbing.

— It's too much Dean, the first few months I came out of hell I couldn't stay sober, I was 1 month clean until you showed up and turned it all over. It's not your fault, but you must know how these things are, you're a crazy bitch who should stop drinking too. —  Lee says this by being brutally honest through his tears, expecting Dean to curse him back or hit him, but all he does is sniff some tears, laugh, and hug him even tighter.

— I've been trying to get sober for the past 2 months because Cas and Sam were hanging in my ear saying I couldn't own a bar if I kept drinking the way I was.— Lee laughs at this and squeezes a little tighter into Dean’s hug — Can I go to that meeting with you? I've never been to one before, I still don't think I'm an addict, but I support you — That's interesting, there's a day he thought would never come. He and Dean instead of fucking each other and drinking until they passed out are going to an AA meeting together, it seems like a bad joke.

— Sure, but first...—  He says pulling away from Dean's hug for real now. — I need that shower and that handjob.— he says, looking at his still wide-awake groin. Dean groans slightly looking at him like that, Lee almost gives in when Dean groans in frustration and looks into his eyes like that, but he just runs into the bathroom and closes the door.

— Can I go before you? That thing in my ass doesn't help, I mean, it helps… But you get the point.— He says loudly through the door, Lee opens the door just to say.

— My room, my rules, you suffer. I didn't tell you to come here with a butt plug in that insatiable ass of yours, deal with it. If you jerk off in my room I'll kill you —  He closes the door in Dean's face. He rolls his eyes and sighs in frustration, it's okay, he deserved it.

                                                        

                                                                 ***



— Castiel, are you there? — Lee sits on the toilet and starts a prayer, pulling out his cell phone and waiting for an answer.

“Is everything okay? Castiel responded almost immediately, pulling a smile from Lee's lips.

— It's okay, I just…I don't know why I called you, I intended to pray dirty for you again, but I'm kinda too bummed for that right now. Dean is here and it's too much to handle and I need to go to an AA meeting. Sorry to bother you. —  Lee lets a few tears fall. There you have it, the hangover, the realization that he fucked up last night and should apologize to all the people he's somehow interacted with, he just remembers being a little inappropriate with Cas and him let him, so I guess the angel has no hard feelings… Instead of texting, Castiel calls him. Lee answers with a smile on his face.

— Sorry, I didn't know you were a recovering alcoholic. I saw you were a little drunk yesterday, but I thought it was normal. Dean has a problem and hates to admit it, but he's been avoiding drinking because Sam and I asked him to. And Sam has been trying to stop drinking as well in solidarity, but he's never drunk as much as Dean, and I've never been a heavy drinker, it's pretty casual, anyway… Should I go over there and deal with Dean? — The way Castiel asks this brings a smile to Lee's face, it looks like he's asking if he wants me to come over here and kill him so he doesn't have to.

— You should come over here and fuck Dean for me because I can't deal with him right now. —  Lee laughs, he doesn't know if he wants to laugh or cry right now. — He's driving me crazy and all he's doing is waiting in the room. I wanted so badly to just fuck him, but he's like a bottle of whiskey now. If I give in, if we do this whole falling madly in love thing, it's going to cost my sobriety. That's all, h–e…He will have to wait and you'll have to put him on a leash because if he shows up at my door again shaking that wonderful ass at me I'm going to have to kill him Castiel, I'm serious! — He says laughing.

— Please don't kill him, he's just as lost as you are. — Castiel says in a sweet voice — Hand him the phone, I'll tell him to get out of there, he always does what I say these days — They laugh now at Castiel's obvious joke. Lee loves to hear Castiel's voice, he doesn't understand very well why, he tries to push away the feelings that sprout for him, too soon for this kind of thing too, the angel must find him ridiculous for all this crush he has on him.

— It's okay, Castiel…He's waiting for me to go to an AA meeting together. He said he doesn't have a problem, but he wants to support me.— On the other end of the line he can hear Castiel chuckling lightly and sighing in relief.

— I barely know you and I already love you, what did you do? I've been trying for months to get him to stop stalling and go to therapy, he went once and said that this kind of thing wasn't for him, I suggested that maybe an AA group is more his thing, but he just wouldn't listen. — Castiel sounds genuinely impressed on the other end of the line and it puts a smile on Lee's face that just says.

— I didn't do anything, I just told him to fuck off because I needed to go meet my group. I almost always go before I go to work. — Lee just says and adds — I also let him with his dick in hand almost literally. My only pleasure is knowing he's just as sexually frustrated as I am right now, motherfucker…Castiel, what the fuck is this, man? It was practically gift-wrapped. I didn't even know his ass could be so pink! — Lee lets a moan in the form of regret leave his lips, then a sigh. Castiel smirks at the other end of the line and that doesn't help his current situation either. He will definitely need a cold shower.

— What can I say? He thought it was a good idea, I have a face full of beard and he wanted to give me better access and really feel my beard... — He says seriously now in his deep voice.

— Oh Castiel, stop talking dirty to me.— Lee jokes, making them both laugh. — Just one thing, do you also have a smooth ass? — Castiel on the other end of the line just laughs and is ready to answer, but Lee interrupts him — No, don't answer that, don't encourage it! — Lee punches his own head slightly to shake his brains out and stay focused. 

— Seriously now, I'm coming over, you look pretty distraught and need all the support you can get. — Lee just rolls his eyes, he wishes he could deny that, but he knows it would just be pointless to lie to the angel.

I'm going to take that long shower now, see you later. Castiel smiles on the other end of the line.

See you soon. Lee smiles and ends the call.

Does he really have two friends now? Two friends who want to fuck him and even though he says he's not willing to have sex, they still want to help him and just be friends with him? Never late for first times, I guess…Castiel is really something different, he seems empathetic and loving, very different from the angels he's heard of. He has to urgently push those feelings away from him or he's going to be doubly screwed. He wants their friendship, everything that will happen between them is this, brotherhood.

 

                                                        ***

 

Looks like today isn't going to be Dean's lucky day. So he just takes this opportunity that he's alone in the room right now and pulls the accessory off his ass. Humiliating, taking it away and having no purpose, but he's the one who wanted it. It's even funny, he could be with Lee right now doing that thing they both love in the shower, but instead, he's here patiently waiting for the man to finish his shower so they can go in an AA group. Oh, the things he does for love...

Dean's cell phone vibrates and he receives a text from Castiel "Lee called me, I'm coming over, it's not what you're thinking" It was good for him to let him know that it's not what he's thinking, he was thinking at that moment in  3-ways and drinking, can't have either. One because it's not the right time and another because he promised and wants to prove to himself that he can do without. And he can, the daily beer after lunch is hardly needed, it was just a bad habit, like the bad habit he had of sneaking cigarettes from Bobby while he slept when he was 15. He doesn't have a problem, he can control and live a functional life.

He is awakened from his daydreams with a knock on the door. He stands up and looks into the peephole before opening it, it's Cas, obviously. He opens it. With several question marks on his face.

It's nice that you're here, Cas, but why are you here? Cas rolls his eyes and ignores the judgmental tone in Dean's voice.

Lee needs friends, I'm already involved, he needs me, you need me here too, I could feel your longing for me from miles away he says sitting down on the couch.

You and Lee are going too fast, in a little while he'll officially ask you to marry you before I do. Dean jokes sitting next to him.

Then you should just give me the ring you have 'hidden' in your underwear drawer.  He makes the quotes smiling and Dean blushes shyly, he knew he should hide that thing better, but anyway, he wasn't afraid that Cas could find it, it's no secret that they want it.

Seriously, Cas… Do I have to share you with him too? He asks wistfully looking at Cas with his brows so furrowed that Cas thinks at some point he's going to be permanently like this one day.

—  He doesn't want either of us like that right now and it's probably for the best.  Dean gives Cas that incredulous look, eyebrows high and malice to spare, he's going to open his mouth to say something and Cas completes Okay, he wants to, but he doesn't want any complicated thing, he's trying to focus on his sobriety and I think that we're supposed to help, not get in the way.  Dean gets serious now when Cas says this without the slightest hint of malice or anything.

I agree, he didn't look good at all when… — Dean wants to talk to Cas about their attempt to have sex, but just shuts up —…You know… Castiel just raises his eyebrows and meets the look Dean was trying to dodge.

I know, the 'vibes' were all over my head, you two… It was like Christmas. He says, groaning softly and trying to focus on the current situation. Is he living in a motel? — They look around observing the place. Dean wonders if Cas is thinking the same thing as him at the moment.

Looks like it… Dean watches Cas' gears ticking. I know what you're thinking, Bunker? Oh, really? Cas just looks at Dean seriously and thinks about his answer, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't thinking about it.

Sam was thinking about recruiting hunters, and there's like 30 rooms in that place...

Yeah and Lee isn't a hunter, he doesn't want that life, he made a deal with a monster so he doesn't have to live that life. This came from a place of desperation, but I think the message is pretty clear. Dean says seriously looking at Cas, who swallows hard and frowns.

We could offer him the place to stay for a while, just a kick in the right direction. I don't want him to give up on building the life he's trying to build and he's already on edge. Cas says worriedly, looking at Dean with those puppy dog eyes glitter that Dean loves so much.

Cute, you want to take care of your new boyfriend. Dean says wryly, ignoring the feeling in the corner of his mind that says he wants the same thing. The reality is that he also wants Lee to be okay and to offer everything he can to Lee, he's just not ready to say it out loud.

Oh spare me, you want the same thing. Cas just says cheekily and impatiently. And he's not our boyfriend, he's our friend, he's already made it clear he doesn't want the headache. Castiel says lovingly.

I know…Ok, you talk to him, it seems these days he's more open to what you have to say. The jealous tone of voice doesn't go unnoticed by Cas who just gives a slight smile and rubs his eyes with the tips of his fingers.

Okay, are you in a bad mood, all because for the first time in your life someone didn't want to fuck you? He says cheekily with a smile on his face, Dean narrows his eyes at Cas, he wants to deny it but it's really the first time anyone denies fire right when they're about to have sex. It's okay, I'll fuck you later, don't worry. Castiel says, patting Dean's shoulder reassuringly and winking an eye at him in a way that makes Dean laugh.

Fuck you… He says affectionately with a big smile on his face that he can't help it.

No, I'm going to fuck you. he corrects, running that hand that was on his shoulder to the back of his neck and affectionately wrapping the tips of his fingers in his hair and massaging the scalp. Dean just melts every time Castiel does it, he's hungry for any touch from him after years of wanting it, so he always just relaxes with those pacifying touches, he feels like Castiel's pet, but maybe that's not a bad thing after all. He's practically purring involuntarily now, but fuck it, it's good. Castiel pulls him in for a brief, tender kiss, but Dean deepens this by surprising Cas and capturing his tongue for him, capturing it with his teeth causing Cas to moan softly.

I wasn't serious when I said you should come and fuck Dean, Castiel They hear Lee's voice invading the room, they quickly compose themselves and laugh lightly looking for the owner of the voice who only had a towel wrapped around the waist. I'll just… He says crossing the room and digging through his suitcase for a clean change of clothes trying not to make eye contact with the two who stare at him now like he's the vision of heaven Someone took my focus away and I didn't think about it before I got in the shower, don't mind me. he says practically running into the bathroom. Dean and Cas just say nothing. When he closes the bathroom door, Cas comments.

I'm officially fucked, his hair is as long as Sam's, that's it. Dean just rolled his eyes and moaned in frustration.

Yeah, the hair…Hmm it's longer since the last time I saw him and I don't know how to deal with it either, at least we can gossip about Lee's gorgeous hair together like two high school girls with a crush, He says smacking Cas' shoulder and a pained smile on his face. Cas just laughs back.

He's like… Cas can't find the appropriate word. So beautiful and damaged soul, just the way I imagined it and more... Castiel meets Dean's eyes on him and brows furrowed as if he's just sucked on a sour lemon As beautiful as yours. He completes and Dean just rolls his eyes.

I should have kept my mouth shut and never sought for him. He says laughing and showing an amount of jealousy he doesn't even feel all that much. Castiel just laughs, he can feel these are just words.

At that moment Lee comes out of the bathroom, looking neat, much better than when he greeted Dean at the door. He looked more refreshed, the hangover effects less evident. He felt better, nothing like a shower and a handjob to renew his energy.

I'll just dry my damn hair and then we go. He says shortly, grabbing a hairdryer and brush from his suitcase and heading into the bathroom. Castiel gets up from the couch and follows him to give a proper hello to the man who hasn't stopped for a second, he's embarrassed by his presence and doesn't have to be. He leans at the door frame and watches as he sticks the plug into the hole.

Hey, are you feeling better? You look great. He compliments, and Lee blushes slightly.

Sorry I didn't even say “hi” it's been quite a day. He says leaving the dryer and brush in the sink and heading toward Cas to really look at him since the angel arrived. The tension is obvious and the way Lee measures him with his eyes doesn't go unnoticed by Cas who smiles shyly. I'm feeling a little better, thanks for asking. Lee says as they exchange a look.

Come here, I think I can cure your hangover, it's light, my grace should take care of it.  Lee smiles shyly when Castiel doesn't even wait for an answer and wraps his hands around his face, he tries to get rid of it gently pushing the angel's hands away and saying.

Nah, you shouldn't waste your grace on that. Castiel just laughs and says.

I've been 'wasting' my grace these days to heal Dean's sore ass so he can give me more, I guess I decide what's worth it or not.  When he simply says that, Lee laughs openly at the angel. When Dean hears this, he just rolls his eyes and laughs and screams feigning anger.

Hey! Cas and Lee just ignore it and he gives in to angelic healing. When he feels the soft hands around his face again he blushes violently and smiles, his healing feels like gentle electrical currents, it's a delicious, warm tingle, so comforting, and almost immediately makes him feel so much better. It feels like it's over, but Cas continues to lightly caress his face for a few more moments and that's okay, that's harmless right? He tries to look away from the vastness of the blue eyes, but it's practically impossible. When Cas finishes, he groans a little in unease but hides it with a smile.

That didn't look good, I think Dean's ass is a lot less work. He is very used to it. Lee comments making Cas laugh. Dean gets up and goes to the bathroom to participate in this conversation and says

You don't have the right to talk about my ass anymore, I'm deeply hurt. He feigned outrage, placing a hand on his chest, making Lee laugh.

I was still a little drunk, I had a beer for breakfast, sorry I shouldn't have even started that. He moans, looking away from the two men in front of him and concentrating on the task of fixing his hair. It's not a lot of work, and the only thing he's been proud of lately is how his hair curls at the ends when he brushes it with the blow dryer. He tries to ignore the way the two of them look at him as he does this. It's so fucking intimate, it's almost an invasion of his privacy and he loves it.

— You know, the way you two are looking at me right now… He finishes smoothing his hair in the mirror and stares at them both in the reflection — That's usually how threesomes go, but usually with Dean there's a girl in the middle — The two look at each other with a slight laugh and Cas says.

I used to be a woman... He teases with a shrug, they both look at him now, Lee smiles confusedly at him.

If it were other times you could do a DP, cool. Lee just teases back taking a surprised look from Cas who smirks and says.

There's a good chance I still might. Lee just closes his eyes and tries not to visualize the mental image Cas has put in his mind and laughs. Dean just laughs and says.

I don't think you'd go that far, Lee it's almost as big as I am. Lee wags his eyebrows at Cas and crosses his arms.

Okay, let's stop the bullshit. He claps his hands together, drawing their attention Let's get out of this room, get some air that isn't the smell of you two making me dizzy and horny. He says pushing his two out of the bathroom, the 3 laughings just get out of there. I really need that meeting, my desire at the moment is drinking and having sex with the two clowns because drunk would be so much more fun. Cas looks at him questioningly with his eyes and frowning.

Why?  Lee smiles and says.

Because I'm an alcoholic, everything is better drunk, he says with a shrug.

You're really not in a good place right now, sober sex is much better Dean says laughing and Lee looks at him frowning.

Do you really think so? Dean nods his head sheepishly. That motherfucker never fucked me sober Lee says in a pained voice and looks away from the two of them looking at his feet.

In my defense, I'm sober, and I tried to fuck with you today. Lee just laughs genuinely happily now.

Yeah, you were. He looks him deeply in the eyes and says, First time I've tasted you on your tongue, not whiskey or beer or whatever the fuck you're drinking. They stay like that for a while, staring at each other, Dean wants to pull him into another one of those kisses, but he just enjoys his lips and smiles shyly. Cas watches this entire exchange of glances with a slight smile on his face.

Lee considers the possibility, he's sober now, he can think better of it, wouldn't a kiss be the end of the world right? Whenever they kissed they were both drunk or in this case he wasn't entirely sane.

Just one kiss? And then we go back to being friends or whatever this shit we're doing — Lee bargains with Dean who is momentarily speechless and stutters nervously looking around.

Okay, whatever you want is yours.  Lee smiles in disbelief, sounds like words he's wanted to hear for a long time, and it's not too little, too late…it's just what it is.

Lee approaches slowly and Dean along with him is also approaching the nape of the brunette's neck with his fingers, who breaks the distance that was still missing is Lee. He seals his lips on his and Dean thrusts a tongue looking for permission that is hesitantly granted by Lee. That's good, Lee feels really good about it, smiles slightly between the kiss and moans lightly against Dean's mouth, and feels the blonde wrap a gentle hand in his hair. Dean just interrupts this to look for Castiel who is just standing there just watching this with clouded eyes with lust. Lee smiles at the angel as their eyes meet, he looks confused that this is so exciting to him, it's adorable. He catches the moment Cas looks at Dean and their silent communication telling the other it's okay if he wants to kiss them too and the angel looks back at Lee.

Castiel wants to say something, but he just steps forward to kiss Dean. Lee pauses a hand on Cas' shoulder as he does so and he breaks off the bold, wet kiss he was giving Dean to stare at Lee's lips. He swallows hard as Lee slides that hand to the back of his head and pulls him roughly back with an open-mouth kiss. Castiel doesn't hesitate, he advances with passion, as rude as Lee. They fight for control, practically a battle with their tongues, the angel moans against the man's lips and gently wraps one of his hands in Lee's hair and grabs it almost rudely, making Lee moan back to him.

Dean on the other side, just tucks Lee's hair behind his ear and moves in for a kiss on his neck, slides his tongue until he reaches Lee's lobe and captures the skin with his teeth, Lee moans against Cas' lips as Dean wraps his waist with one of his hands. 

If this were other times when he was younger, his cock would be hard right now as he felt their erection against his hip. He appreciates the fact that he's a middle-aged man and he just jerked off in the shower, or all his self-control would be going down the drain right now as Castiel joins Dean in attacking his neck while pulling his hair and the two of them press on him. against the nearest wall.

Okay, alright, that got a little out of hand. Lee stutters and walks away from the two, laughing. The 3 now look at each other and Lee defensively pushes them away from a little. It was a very interesting kiss though. he says instinctively looking at his bed and wondering if the three of them would fit in there, he shakes the thought out of his head and watches the other two doing the same thing.

We should go. Castiel is the first to say and the other two agree with him without saying a word. Lee goes to the side of the bed to get the room key that is on the nightstand and almost gives in to his wishes and lies there and calls the other two, but pushes it away and quickly the 3 are leaving the room. It's too complicated for a lifetime to just allow himself to fall in love with these two and he knows it. If he fucks them it won't just be about sex, it's pathetic, I know, but what he can do is the truth.





Chapter Text

Flashback

There they are, it seems like no time has passed. A bar table, lots of drinks, a beautiful woman in the middle waiting for the moment when Dean will make his move and propose that scheme and share her fair and square with Lee. If there were other times he would probably do that, but today, he can only think of Cas and how complicated things are and how he wished he had the courage to say everything he feels for the angel, but Lee... in front of him now looking at him that way, that same way he looked when he wanted him in bed, in the alley, or anywhere he could kiss Dean without anyone seeing, where he allowed.

They stare at each other in such an intense and steamy way now that Lorna clears her throat and takes it as her cue to give up and accept that she's a third wheel, as she knew she was from the start. She'd noticed that Dean only had eyes for Lee. 

It wasn't Dean's intention to make the woman embarrassed and discouraged, but it's probably for the best, he wasn't really feeling the vibe, she's beautiful and all, but that's another time. He doesn't want to think. He doesn't want to question the fact that he only has eyes for Lee and only thinks about Cas these days, fuck if he's gay, he's too old to care about that shit.

— I should go back to work now... —  She says with a sly smile, exchanging a look with Lee who just nods in agreement. He won't say anything to discourage her from going back to work, it's not like he's interested in sharing Dean with her. It's not like he's interested in her and period, she's nice and all, but it's... No. She can go back to work, he doesn't care, he just invited her to join this because he thought it would be easier for Dean, the Golden rule and all, but it seems like a man doesn't care about that anymore, the way he looks at him now in Lorna's presence is practically shameless. Funny to see the way she maliciously looks at Dean and he instead of saying something to encourage her to stay just looked away and forced a smile, Lee had never seen Dean turn off a woman so quickly.

— I'm going to take a piss. — Lee says standing up and patting his hair, giving Dean “that” look. They'd always gotten along really well when it came to being discreet and sneaky fucking in bathrooms.

Dean nods and follows Lee with his eyes. He looks at the shot he has on the table and turns it over. A little more liquid courage is welcome for this occasion. He's rusty, he hasn't known what casual sex is for a long time, but Lee...Lee is far from casual, this is stupid and would open an old memory box, he shouldn't, not after the way they had to say goodbye…. Fuck it, he's going. He needs to go to the bathroom too anyway.

When you get inside the place is surprisingly half empty, just him, Lee, and another guy there. He breaks the universal rule of a urinal away and stops beside Lee.

— Hey, until you said I needed this I didn't even realize I needed it too, I'm getting drunk, like really drunk…— Dean says laughing, taking a smile from Lee too who blushes shyly with Dean so close to him. He gives a sideways glance, Dean is trying to pee semi-hard. Damn, bad combination, poor man... But he's not in the best condition either, he was already excited in anticipation and it got worse when he saw that Dean followed him to the bathroom, and now with Dean so close to him with that characteristic and musky smell of Dean that he hadn't felt in years. It's too much, he can't handle it. He watches the other guy looking at him strangely as he washes his hand and leaves the bathroom and that's it. They are alone in that bathroom. He finishes quickly, speeds up his jet which is purposely slow, and goes to the sink to wash his hands too. He watches Dean do the same. And then they exchange a look and when Lee least expects it Dean is dragging him into one of the individual booths while looking for his lips. This surprises Lee, he was always the one who took the initiative.

Dean slams the door shut and presses Lee against it as he runs his hands over his body which is now very different than he remembered, softer though the tight muscles are still there, but still, the same touch, the same kiss, the same butterflies in the stomach, the same smell, the same taste, the same familiar volume nudging his hips…

— Sorry, I had to do that. — Dean says, interrupting the kiss to look into the eyes of the brunette who gasps a little and says.

— You can do that anytime. — Lee just replies laughing, Dean laughs back and kisses him again, but hesitates a little when Lee strokes his erection through his pants. He wanted this, but his head is miles away. wondering what else Chuck controls in his life, it suddenly doesn't feel like he wants to anymore, and his stomach turns. He interrupts and says.

— I don't know if… — He doesn't even need to finish speaking, Lee takes his hands away and surrenders with his hands.

— Sorry, for a minute there it felt like old times… — The two smiled at each other and just enjoyed each other for a while. It feels real, but he's not sure of anything anymore, the only thing that really feels real is Cas and Sam…even Jack. When this is all over and Chuck is no longer in control, maybe he'll come back here to finish what he started with Lee today.

Lee doesn't feel like he deserves to touch Dean, if he knew what he does to maintain this bar he would probably kill him rightly so he's more of a monster now is what Dean would say.... he's still the same, the same guy he fell in love with all those years ago, the same gleam in his eyes the same hopeful thirst, the same will to save a world that doesn't deserve to be saved and that has no salvation he knows he doesn't have he gave up a long time ago and there was no turning back.

He wanted everything to be different, he wanted to be able to love Dean, to be able to be loved by Dean. It's pathetic, he only needs two seconds to rekindle everything he took years to forget or pretend he did. It's there, as fresh in front of him like ripe fruit, kissing his lips as gently and lovingly as he is usually does, maybe even more delicate, more innocent, they don't even look like two adults there, he feels like a teenager now keeping his hands above his waist. He can almost feel the love. He wants to cry. It surprises him when he can taste the hot, salty tears and they're not his. Dean is crying.

— We should stop this. — he just says, sniffling back some tears, trying to hide the fact that he was crying, — I'm in love with this guy, and things are complicated between us and everything else, there's so much you don't know. …— Dean starts to explain himself and Lee feels stupid at that moment, he for a second thought those tears were about him, but Dean moved on.

— Do you have a boyfriend? —  Lee asks more as a statement, his heart aching in his chest as the words come out. Dean laughs and says

— No, he's a friend, it's complicated. —  Lee laughs back at him, trying to pack everything he's feeling back into the box he shouldn't have opened.

— Is he playing hard to get? — Lee asked, opening the cabin door laughing trying to disguise how much it hurt him. By the way, he won't see any action today, Dean isn't hard anymore, he's not hard anymore… They're just two old men frustrated by different reasons now. Dean wanted to be with someone else and he wanted to be in another life.

— Something like that, it's complicated... —  Dean just says laughing following him out of the cabin. Dean feels defeated now, he can't even have sex with an old lover without thinking about Chuck or Cas, without imagining what he would think of him, and he probably doesn't think at all, things between the two of them were over before it even started and now they're barely friends and he doesn't know how to get back together, it seems something is holding him back, all he wanted to say was that he's sorry, that he was aiming his anger at the wrong person, that he already had an idea that Jack was soulless but Jack wouldn't even be in their lives if Cas hadn't brought him, he said the boy has a great future and was going to bring heaven on earth but why does it feel like they're in hell? Whatever he just wanted Cas back… He also wished he could explain more simply what's been going on with Lee, but I think his head would spin and boil.

— He's an angel, I don't even know if he's capable of liking me that way. — He can at least say that. Lee looks at him at this moment as if he wants to laugh or cry, he's not sure.

— An angel?! How do you know an angel? — He asks, surprised.

— Oh, there's a long story there...Maybe I'll tell you one day, but some other time... — He genuinely promises and Lee smiles at Dean's prospect of them having a future, if he can get him to forget about his investigation and outwit him they might have but it's unlikely it will likely end with one of the two dead and he bets it won't be Dean, he could never…



                                                                                              ***

 

Current days…

 

That same Impala, he never thought he'd be together with Dean in that car again. If this car could talk, Cas would probably not be so comfortable in that backseat looking at him like that in the rearview mirror, actually, something says the angel would love to hear stories, he would definitely love to hear the angel's stories... Dean last time they saw each other owed a story of how the two met, at the time he couldn't care less, but now things are different he feels different, a lot has happened, he feels more in control over his feelings for Dean despite that being throbbing in his mind as a constant reminder isn't as suffocating as the last time they saw each other. It doesn't hurt anymore, it's a good memory. Mainly because he knows other things hurt more than that now…

How did you two meet? Lee asked, breaking the reasonably comfortable silence inside the Impala. It was starting to get awkward, they hadn't exchanged a word since the 3 kissed and it was starting to eat them alive. Castiel looked at Lee as if he had discovered a new species and he didn't know how to deal with it. Dean looks at the angel in the rearview mirror with an indecipherable smile, he looks proud, he's confused and he doesn't want to try to figure out what's going on in Dean's head right now.

Didn't Amara tell you? You said you heard the Disney version, what did she tell you? Dean says mockingly, looking away from the road and looking at Lee.

She literally said it was a Disney story and Bert and Ernie saved the world and her brother had control of almost everything and that's why I deserve a second chance, mentioned that you prayed for me…Or something like that said you were hard to ignore. She looked kind of pissed off, I don't think she likes me that much. Castiel laughs deliciously in the backseat. Lee looks back and the angel is so graceful he can't help but smile too. What happened between you two? He asks, turning to Dean who nervously says.

— She and I have a history, we have some kind of bond or something. She was imprisoned, Chuck betrayed her, it's a whole family drama there, anyway…  Lee at this point just asks the first thing that went through his head when Dean started talking.

Did you fuck a Goddess?! At that moment Castiel laughs some more and Dean responds almost immediately, a little nervous.

No! — He settles uncomfortably on his bench. — It's not like that, we have a connection because of the Mark of Cain. I needed it for me to kill a demon that was one of the Knights of Hell, do you remember that in John's diary? Lee is surprised just says.

No, but I've heard a few stories around, sometimes old hunter friends would show up at my bar.   Lee pauses to think a bit.  I've heard stories around about you, I thought most of them were like… He doesn't finish Castiel completes for him.

— Out of a TV show with several endless seasons? Lee nods, positioning himself on the bench to talk to Cas as well.

Something like that… —  He looks at Dean sideways and chuckles.

In one of the universes Chuck created, it really was… Lee looks at Castiel even more surprised with his furrowed brows. This Chuck guy really did have a peculiar sense of humor.

Okay, I have to ask… So you were really a demon who had orgies with the King of Hell? Castiel laughs at this but doesn't comment. He's just finding all this talk pure entertainment, updating Lee on what's happened in their lives being his favorite part of this little road trip. It puts into perspective the amount of absurdity he had to face and at the time thought it was entirely plausible.

Is that what you heard around there?! Dean asks, the surprise in his voice confuses Castiel; he heard worse, and is Dean embarrassed by what Lee heard? Okay, these two...

Well, yeah…  Lee just shrugs.

First, it wasn't “orgies” in the plural, it was just one time, damn Crowley adding to what really happened, what else do demons talk about? —   Dean asks. He's mildly annoyed by the turn of this conversation, but it's nothing he can't handle, he's done worse, sex with Crowley being the least shameful part of their summer love.

Better not… Lee says with a mischievous, fearful smile. But it sounds…Hum…Dean Winchester at his core to me. He finally says shyly, averting the look Dean gives him now.

They say I…?  Lee exchanges a look with Dean and sighed, wiggling his eyebrows at the blonde positively. No, that's not the way it happened... Dean laughs nervously and Lee looks at him in “that” way that says "It's ok Dean, it's just me, you and the angel here” — Okay, it was only once, but of course, I wasn't going to see the end of it, Crowley won't let me forget either… — The 3 laugh at this and Lee wags his eyebrows at Cas who just gives a shy smile.

In his defense, it's a pretty hard thing to forget, in his place I'd miss it too.  Castiel says seriously in a mischievous way making Dean roll his eyes and Lee laugh even harder.

Cas, shut up… He says feigning impatience with a slight smile.

No, he's right, it's hard, almost literally… Poor Crowley.  Lee says looking at Dean. No one believes you are a bottom, only those who have tried it, it's like an urban legend in hell. Lee scoffs with a laugh.

Good.  Dean just says firmly, proud.

I hate the fact that Chuck turned me into a demon when I got there, but it's fun to participate in the conversations. Lee hesitantly says, afraid of being judged by the two of them in the car, but Dean just says.

Yes, they are despicable creatures, but when you're one of them they're fun to hang out with, it's a curse.  He laughs at Lee and they silently understand each other.

I can't say I find this whole exchange fun, I'd rather go back to the part where I was kissing you two, it was less embarrassing. Castiel just says frowning at both of them. Lee almost misses hell right now and it's embarrassing.

Calm down Cas, we know hell isn't a nice place. Dean says laughing and Lee follows him.

Yeah Castiel, hell it's like a toxic-ex knocking on your door, you know it's no good for you. Lee uses the dumbest example he can find and it puts a slight smile on Cas' face because he knows Lee is talking about Dean now by the tone of voice he uses and the wink he gives.

Oh, you say that from experience?! Dean asked frowning, it didn't go unnoticed by him all this exchange between the two, he doesn't know if he likes this brotherhood that is being born.

I didn't know you were my ex-boyfriend, it was just an example Dean. He says wryly.

Mm, it wasn't that bad... Dean grumbles almost inaudible, not even he believes it that much himself, but Lee pointing out the fact that they weren't that good together hurts his chest and he doesn't know why...He knows actually because he wished he had done so much better, he was young and stupid, but he wished he had done so much better.

And you can't say you genuinely miss our times together, it was obviously toxic, I want to go back to that as much as I want to go back to hell. Lee says, pain in his voice, low, almost defeated. He wanted everything to be so different.

— Wow, thank you! Dean says with an offended tone of voice, maybe this was really a bad decision, after all, Lee only remembers the bad part now by the looks of it.

It's not just about you Dean, we were both bad to each other. I don't ever want to live inside the closet again and only kiss you in dark alleys and bar bathrooms or get drunk until I pass out again or participate in orgies with you! He says looking for Dean's eyes, placing a hand on one of his thighs, trying to offer some kind of comfort, for he can see that it really hurt Dean.  ...But we've had our moments, I can admit that.  He says lovingly, gives in a little that wall he's built, and makes Dean smile.

I don't want to treat anyone like my dirty secret again either, I'm too old for this shit he says and Lee smiles at him back, that's really good to hear, he looks at Castiel with that look in the eyes, he knows he the angel has a finger on it, Castiel just smiles back.

I don't know how much of that was Chuck… Lee vents, it's been bothering him since he knew crazy things like this happened, he doesn't know his place anymore, not sure if what he lived with Dean was somehow fabricated, just a way to make a character more complex and interesting, but if Dean is here somehow trying to rebuild that, maybe...

I know how you feel, if you go into that spiral and think about things that were or weren't Chuck you freak out. Dean says flatly, leaving Lee with more questions than answers, he looks at Cas, he says something in the messages about it, he doesn't remember well, he is about to ask, and the angel steps forward, placing a hand on the man's hand that was hanging on the bench.

Lee, Chuck didn't care much about you until the last time you and Dean met. Amara said the only thing she found about you in his manuscripts was a poorly written story of how on your last hunt you found a monster and made some sort of deal with him. She gave you a second chance because the last few years of your life were Chuck's interference, rewritten on top of a story that was already yours… You basically just crossed paths in a meaningful way for Dean and he didn't like it —  Lee’s face lights up, that's not the best of answers, but it's something, Castiel smiles at him.

— Serious?! I knew it! I knew it didn't make any sense! —  Dean says almost with a scream and slams Baby's steering wheel, then caresses it carefully, practically apologizing to the car. It almost makes Lee almost jump out of his seat, he appreciates Dean's reaction, he seems happier than he is with this information. — So it was my fault? I kiss Lee that last time, show him some love and curse him? —Dean says looking at Cas in the rearview mirror causing Lee and Cas to exchange a look and roll their eyes.

— Chuck's fault, Dean, he's crazy, remember? — Lee says what was on the tip of Cas' tongue and the angel looks at him and says.

— Yeah thanks, I've been telling him that but he always ignores me, he says he'd rather just live and start from scratch but sometimes he throws shit like that on the fan. — Dean tries to ignore the way Cas plays with the hand that Lee has leaned into the seat at the moment, the two look like two teenagers in love, Lee just leaves it as if it's so natural to him, plays back with Cas' hand doing a thumb war.

— Yeah, okay…— Dean simply says.

— Amara doesn't want to erase anything that happened, it's complicated, but you can write your own story now, Lee — Cas says so lovingly that Dean wants to roll his eyes and throw up a little.

— Why are you telling me all this, Castiel? — Lee asks, with that undefined look squinting his eyes and smiling. Dean jumps into this conversation now and talks over Cas.

— Because he has a huge crush on you and wants you to get well soon so he can fuc…— Castiel narrows his eyes at him and almost screams.

— Dean! It's not about that! —Dean lets out a laugh and says:

— Of course not… — Lee just watches this entire exchange with a smile on his face.

— I'm serious Lee, my intentions are good. —Castiel catches Lee’s eyes who was distracted looking at Dean and laughing.

— It's okay Castiel, I like your intentions, whatever they may be… I also want to find the reins of my life so I can start being a normal person who can fuck you guys without falling madly in love in the process. — He says in a sigh, provocative enough tone to make Dean smirk. Castiel wants to say that he can fall in love with him as much as he wants because he would never hurt him, but he gets the point, he just squeezes one of the man's shoulders reassuringly. Dean watches this out of the corner of his eye with one brow furrowed, but gives a slight smile.

— I don't need to fuck you to show my affection for you. — He says.

— Oh don't you?  — Dean says wryly and slyly and in disbelief. Castiel rolls his eyes and says.

— I don't need to, I've shown my love for you and Sam for years in other ways. — He says defensively, plopping down uncomfortably in the back of the Impala, sulking slightly.

— It's just that lately you've been loving taking the two of us to bed, and don't get me wrong, that's not a criticism I love your passion and the way you like to take things to you know where… — He says looking Cas in the car's rearview mirror and wiggling his eyebrows and suddenly Lee feels like he's witnessing something he shouldn't, it's so hot the room gets thick, Castiel blushes so much that it even brings an extremely smug smirk to Dean's face and he can see the angel inadvertently looking in his direction full of passion. Lee doesn't know exactly what it's about, but he can have an idea because then the angel clears his throat and looks out the window and comments.

— It's a beautiful day out there. — His voice high pitched and Lee watches Cas not very successfully trying to contain an erection, it's a semi-erection, but enough to capture his attention.

— It's a beautiful day in here… — Lee says, catching Cas' attention and winking at him, the angel laughs shyly and relaxes now, he has succeeded in disappearing with that erection. — Hey, Dean, turn right here and go straight for another 100 meters and we're there. — Lee says to Dean and he nods.

— Hey…This feels like old times, me and you in the Impala, you giving me directions to the places you wanted to take me and it was always fun, this time maybe not so much…It's not some gay bar, or strip club…. —  He says laughing and Lee just laughs back at him.

— Do you remember that bar in Miami? What was the name again? — Lee asks and Dean lets out a laugh and neither of them quite understand why and then Dean answers.

— Oh, oh… Purgatory. — At that moment Castiel starts laughing along with Dean and Lee is the one who doesn't quite understand why.

— Coincidence or not, Purgatory actually exists and it's the place where Dean allows himself to be as gay as possible. — Castiel clarifies and Lee laughs, but is even more surprised, although it makes sense, if Hell and Heaven are places, Purgatory would be too and of course, these two know about the existence and went there because their life is a damn TV show.

— That place is pure and I'm pure fruit! — Dean says laughing, Lee never thought he'd see Dean admit it out loud, it's really other times.

— Tell Lee about your vamp boyfriend, Bella. — Castiel teases, Lee just watches this, curious as to where this is going and Dean complains a little but laughs and responds.

— Benny and I never hooked up. — He says, making Cas frown and giving Dean an incredulous look in the rearview mirror. — We didn't even kiss, it was just a handjob... — He says shrugging his shoulders admitting it. — It was nothing, he said he was straight after. — The three of them laugh a little painfully, Dean hates to admit that he and Benny were one thing, it was so long ago and Benny is ashamed of it to this day, but it's okay the three in this car manage to keep a secret and Lee says.

— Of course he is...—  Dean just sighs tiredly and says.

— He's an old-fashioned guy and had a harder time admitting he's not straight than I did, but he's more open now. We've talked these days and he's doing well. — Dean says with a smile on his face.

— Oh, did you search for all your exes? — Lee asks in a slightly offended tone, he's already here thinking he was really "special" as Dean told him over messages, but here he is saying that this Benny is more "open" whatever that means, whatever, he's not clinging, remember that Lee?

— A lot of people are back, and I have a lot of background, but the only one I really look for was you. Benny and Crowley are just my friends. — Dean writes, he really was being honest when he said Lee is the only one he thinks about besides Cas, but whether he wants to believe it or not is up to him, but the brunette seems to understand the look now with less rancor in his eyes despite trying to convince everyone in that car that he doesn't care so much.

— We're here… — Lee just says. Dean turns the car around and parks in front of that church, it's been a while since he's been to churches, why does this meeting have to be in one? Does he have nothing against God now, why is he suddenly feeling so suffocated?

— I won't have to talk, will I? —  Dean asks, anxiety was already pounding in him and his heart was racing, he hates being put in the spotlight like this, maybe this is a bad idea, what is he going to say? It's not like he can be honest, if he's people in that room besides thinking he's an alcoholic he's crazy. Lee just looks at him with the most loving smile he can find, pauses a hand on his shoulder, and says.

— You can just sit back and listen, the only thing you have to say is "Hi my name is Dean, today I'm just going to listen, thanks" you don't have to say anything else if you don't want to. — Lee's words somehow soothe Dean and he asks.

— Don't I need to say, 'Hi, I'm Dean and I'm an alcoholic'? because that shit gets on my nerves. —  He says laughing and Lee just says.

— The only thing needed to attend an AA meeting is the desire to stop drinking, if you don't want to admit or don't think you're an alcoholic, it's okay, you're there and that's what matters, you don't even have to do it the whole 12 step thing… — He says, wishing inside that Dean wouldn't give up on this, but he would totally understand if he left now, he even had to stop in front of this place a dozen times before he mustered up the courage to go inside, but Dean seems calmer afterward from the basic explanation he gave, he wished someone had told him this when he started.

— That's good… —  Dean simply says.

— Yeah, that's a good thing, Dean. — Castiel who was just watching said, patting him on the shoulder, trying to calm him down, he could feel the waves of anxiety hitting Dean as he looked out at the building.

— But first, I need to get something to eat. There's a place around the corner that serves excellent coffee and eggs and bacon. — Lee says this with an emphasis on "bacon" and wiggling his eyebrows and when Dean hears the word "bacon" his stomach growls and he notices how hungry he was as well as anxious.

— We have time? — He asks hesitantly and excitedly, making Lee smile.

— Yeah, we have time, the meeting is in an hour, we have time, I knew you were going to be stuck in the car for at least half that time. — Lee says wiping a smile off Castiel's face, Dean rolls his eyes, but snorts a laugh, he cannot argue against it.

— It's good to have you back, Lee — He simply says meeting the blue gaze of his other favorite brunette who smiles shyly and says

— Let's eat that bacon… —  He says, patting Dean on the shoulder and opening the Impala's door.

                                                                                       ***

 

— Hey Lee, the usual? — Alice, the friendly waitress asks as she approaches the table the three of them are at, distributing smiles to the new faces and patting Lee gently on the shoulder to greet him. Lee cracks a smile when he sees her and nods at the question. The nice girl in her 20s has been the light of his day, she was the one who said — when he showed up drunk or hungover looking like he literally went through hell — that he should go along with her to an AA meeting. Initially, he just ignored her and told her to just bring him his strong, unsweetened coffee and mind her own business, but his bad mood never took him away from her, however, she was always nice and asked if he was okay. At first, he thought the girl who was practically old enough to be his daughter was looking for trouble, but she dumped him forcefully one day and continued to be nice, she knew it had just come out of a place of desperation. He thought before that he didn't have any friends, but I think Alice can be considered that, although she is far from wanting to spend time with him outside of meetings, maybe she's just that person who is nice to everyone, anyway...

— I'll have what he is having. — Dean says as she turns to him to ask the question, she writes it down and turns her eyes to Cas who smiles at her and takes a quick look at the menu and says.

— Caesar salad, please, and coffee. —  When he says that, Dean makes a face at him and Alice laughs.

— New friends, Lee? —  She asks the obvious with a smile on her face, she's glad that for the first time she sees the man he's not alone.

— Ex-boyfriend and his husband, it's a whole thing, don't ask. — He says, and she just laughs. Dean isn't sure how he feels about Lee saying it so freely, but it's not a bad thing, and he said he wasn't in the closet anymore for Lee, I think that's what out-of-the-closet people do.

— I saw blue eyes in the park near my house the other day. — She says exchanging a look with Cas, trying to stay neutral in her voice and winking at him and Dean laughs and says.

— He was probably being a teenager with the tall guy, right? — Dean says smiling, she is visibly uncomfortable and confused and just says while scribbling her notebook pretending to be a misunderstanding.

— He was friendly racing with the tall guy and winning. It was funny to see. — She says with a smile and Dean just looks at Cas and says.

— Cute, when I thought you guys couldn't be more nauseating — Alice looks a little confused, but finding this extremely amusing, she decided to just say it.

— I like your friends, Lee. — He just smiles shyly and she leaves to order.

— I like her, she has a very colorful aura. — Cas says quietly at the table as she leaves.

— Colorful aura is code for “Gay, very gay, super mega gay?” — Lee whispers back leaning close to Cas who was across the table.

— Not necessarily, why? — He replied with a frown.

— Just a thought… — He says scratching his chin and ruffling his hair, Dean bumps his knee on Lee's under the table catching his attention, and says.

She turns you off and the only reason you can find is that she's a lesbian right? Lee narrows his eyes at Dean as if he finds this extremely outrageous, but the reality is, yes, he thought so, he's just never going to admit it. At that moment he shuts up because she approaches the table to serve the 3 coffee and they thank him with a smile.

I'll be right back. She smiles adoringly and walks away.

She's too young, she must be what 25, 23, 20? He says ironically, trying to show how absurd that would be.

— 24 — Cas responds by simply throwing that information into the air. Lee is still getting used to the fact that Castiel is anything but human, it's amazing.

I have twice that, plus the time I spent in hell, it's like…I'm disgusting and she's a blooming flower. Lee says wistfully, he's really in a bad place these times, what can he say, it's complicated. Castiel just frowned and said.

Do you really want to talk about age with me? At this point, Lee more or less remembers the conversation they had yesterday about Cas being almost as old as God and he feels stupid, Dean just chuckles. — You two are two blooming flowers to me…How about an inappropriate interest in another species…I won't even begin to dismember this one… — Castiel just snorts in displeasure raising his eyebrows at Lee who at this point just runs out of words. — And yes, it's a little inappropriate, the girl is young and she's just being nice to you because you remind her of her dad, but you're not disgusting, you'd be disgusting if you disrespected her, did you do that? — Castiel asked pointedly, using his thick and intimidating voice that makes Lee even shiver a little, if he says “yes” would he be punished? Lee just puts that thought in the corner of his mind for another time and says:

— No, I was cool, I'm a cool drunk — Lee says wryly and completes. — I just told her that instead of trying to take me to AA she should blow me. — He forces a wry smile and rolls his eyes.

— Lovely. — Castiel says wryly. — And she still likes you, unbelievable. — He scoffs lightly, bringing a smile to Lee's face. Dean just watches all this conversation that seems ordinary, but more like a Castiel-style of flirtation.

— You nearly deafened me when we first met and I still like you. — Dean says, bumping his shoulder into Castiel's shoulder.

— We technically met in hell and you and Alastair almost killed me. —  He says in a passionate love voice that makes Lee laugh and Dean gets confused and looks at him lovingly, Castiel just kisses one of Dean's cheeks making him blush like a pepper, he's still getting used to public displays of affection like that, but it's not a bad thing at all.

— Oh, meet-cute. — Lee says wryly. — Is that why you veered off topic when I asked earlier? —  The two now look at him still laughing.

— You started asking other things and the story is long. — Dean just says with a shrug.

— Yeah, I noticed — He says laughing. — Were you in hell? How did you get there? — He asks confused and surprised, Dean looks at Castiel as if asking who should start and Castiel signals him to go ahead with the first part of the story.

— I made a deal, Sam had died, I couldn't accept it so…1 year later straight to hell, one-way ticket. — Lee is surprised and impressed Castiel continues from there.

— This was not in Chuck's plans, he wanted Dean alive so I and some angels went to recover the soul of The righteous man in hell because he was destined to be Michael's vessel, his sword to be more precise. — Castiel at this moment involves one of his hands in Dean's across the table as he can feel that this kind of reminder is always uncomfortable for him, but he wants to tell Lee everything, as he thinks it's important, so he'll support that decision.

— He was going to wear me to prom and kill Lucifer and Lucifer was going to wear Sam. Chuck wanted that whole Cain and Abel show, for so many years he wanted the story to end like this, killing each other or giving up on each other. — Dean tightens his grip eyes right now, trying to just tell the story and get away from it emotionally, but it's always impossible.

— But the three of us and Bobby didn't follow Chuck's plans… — Castiel continues by him and squeezes Dean's hand a little more and they look at each other lovingly.

— We’re making it up as we go. — Dean looks back at Cas and he smiles, he gets emotional whenever Dean remembers the words he said the day he rebelled against everyone for a cause.

— Oh, you rebelled against God because you were in love with Dean?! — Lee asks, surprised and delighted. Castiel rolled his eyes a little and laughed and said in a serious and kind of angry voice.

— No! It was to avoid the apocalypse, God wanted the apocalypse, Dean showed me that "fate" was just a way that God used to manipulate me and I always knew he was right, this whole thing never smelled right to me, I started to question why the apocalypse needed to happen and the rest is history… Why does everyone think I rebelled because I was in love? — Dean laughs and looks at Lee and says

— He always looked at me funny. — Castiel rolls his eyes and says

— I was curious, you were magnificent and complex and your soul was the brightest in hell, I knew I could trust you the moment I saw you the first time. — He says this looking deep into Dean's eyes and the human shyly turns away to look at Lee wanting to identify if they share the same thought and the two just laugh.

— You just said he tried to kill you… — Lee says, mocking a little amid his laughter.

— It happens... Nobody's perfect. — Castiel shrugs and starts playing with Dean's hand and contouring the lines of his palm absently avoiding their gazes and Lee says

— Looks to me like you've always been in love, pal. — Castiel looks at Lee with a shy smile and says

— I couldn't say, I didn't remember what feelings were, but I could feel... — Castiel tries to remember what it felt like when he was still starting to feel, or in this case remembering what it was like to feel again for the first time. — ...I don't know… naming what I felt when we first met is a difficult task. — He just gives up and takes a deep breath, looking at Dean who looks at him enchanted and lovingly.

— Love... — Lee says, making a heart in the air wrapping the two in front of him making Castiel look at him shyly and Dean laughs. — It's okay Castiel, the first thing I felt when I met Dean was like identifiable too and accompanied by several queers butterflies in my stomach… — Lee pauses, not sure if he should continue to say this, but just says. — He was this adorable, fluffy blond boy with the freckles that looked like constellations and the brightest green eyes that I've ever laid eyes on... — Castiel looks up to Dean and wants to say he still is but Dean laughs so shyly he just watches him. Dean looks away from Lee. He's still processing all those adjectives Cas gave his soul today and now Lee is joining in to make him even more embarrassed.

— Really? Or are you just making fun of me because you know how I get when I hear compliments? — Lee is now the person who shyly looks away. Dean reaches for Lee's free hand on the table for his attention. Lee looks at it and looks around instinctively, no one is paying attention to them, but the place is relatively full and he can see Alice with the plates in the distance smiling at him with flushed cheeks as she observes this.

— That was a long time ago. — He smiles looking at him again and they both know this isn't just a long time ago. And before Lee can think of anything to get rid of this dialogue, food arrives on the table, and Dean perks up at the smell of bacon. And then they begin to eat in comfortable silence.

That's cool, Dean missed eating at diners with Lee and he feels more cheerful than he should be enjoying the 3 at the table so much. He didn't want to like it so much, but it seems Lee is a piece of his puzzle that he's long since lost and stopped looking for... But that's not all. He feels so confused right now, he shouldn't love them both like that, Castiel was supposed to be the one, he's the most epic of loves, he'll never meet anyone like him, but Lee... If Chuck hadn't in his life he would be the end of his road and he would never have met Castiel, and now what? He should thank Chuck for putting the angel in his path? What a confusing feeling, well… I think things are just like that in his life right now, confusing and amazing. But it's like Lee said, "It was a long time ago" and the only thing he can expect from him is that the brunette with the blue eyes still wants to be a part of his life, even if to live these little moments, that's all he wants, the two of them by his side for the rest of their lives, no matter what… He kind of understands how Castiel feels about him and Sam now, not completely, but that's about it.

— Lee… — He starts catching the attention of the man who was distracted drinking his coffee — Are you living in that motel? —Castiel is surprised by Dean initiating this conversation, he thought he would be the one who would do this. Lee tenses slightly and shyly respond.

— It's just temporary, I'm looking for a place, scraping together the money I'd spend on booze… — Dean takes a bite of his bacon and plays with his eggs a little, and says.

— We live in a place that has, like, 30 spare rooms. It's weird and stuffy, but it's our place and like…if you want.

— You said something about living in a Bunker the last time we saw each other, is it that big? — He says impressed and Dean and Cas just nod. — Do you guys have a sex dungeon? — Lee asked mockingly, biting into his slice of bacon, and the two look at each other in a way that Lee regrets asking and Castiel responds.

— It's not that kind of dungeon, but we do have one — the 3 laughs now and Dean says

— It's not, but it could be, there are some handcuffs that work on angels…— He says seductively wiggling his eyebrows at the angel and Castiel at that moment blushes violently and almost chokes on the salad he was swallowing at the time. Lee exchanges an extremely mischievous look with Dean and laughs.

— I don't know if the 3 of us should live together. — He says hesitantly, still laughing.

— The place is so big that if you don't want to run into anyone all day it's possible, I once managed to avoid Sam's existence for 3 days. — he says excitedly, making the proposal tempting to his friend who just laughs at it and says.

— I'll think about it, I'll visit you guys. — They both nod and go back to eating in silence.

This would make things easier and more difficult at the same time. On the one hand, it would be great to live with people, so every time he felt like drinking he could just get distracted and pull someone to talk and he would still be able to save money easier, the motel is cheap but the cost of the food and the place at the end of the month… It would be simpler, logically thinking, it is not effective to live in a motel.

And he can trust Dean, if he was holding a grudge and trying to kill him he would already be dead, it's the exact opposite, in fact, he can't stop looking at him with hearty eyes, and that's exactly the problem. It will be hard to resist, it's like Dean said, he can help it, but does he want to? Hardly. He knows very well that the first chance he gets, he's going to be in their bed. Although Castiel seems focused on trying to keep him in line, Dean is a little shit, he's going to push them both to the edge and it's going to be hell and heaven at the same time. Maybe it'll be okay and he's just fearing in anticipation, we'll see...

He only knows that the feeling of Dean holding his hand in a public place without worries took him to heaven and back, his heart nearly jumped in his mouth and he felt… He doesn't know how he felt. Almost 20 years ago Dean did that for a second and then he withdrew forever, but today he let it linger, he let it linger with both of them, Dean Winchester held two guys' hands in public. What the hell is happening?

Chapter Text

— Sorry, I think I heard wrong…Did you say, Lee?! The same Lee who tried to kill you?! — Sam says in exasperation throwing his arms in the air while Dean takes a bite of his mashed potatoes and tries to ignore what Sam is saying. — Cas?! What the hell, man?! — He tries to find support from Cas in that he exchanges a look with Dean and Eileen, the expressions just say "You deal with your husband, I won't get involved." Castiel takes a deep breath and has the courage to face Sam again.

— It's okay Sam, he's a different person now... — He tries to say in a placating tone. — He's been trying and we just thought it would be a good idea, the Bunker is huge… But I understand if you don't want him around, he also felt weird about the idea, I don't even think he's going to want to anyway. —  He says in a defeated tone of voice, shrugging his shoulders. He knew Sam was going to act like this, that idea is really insane after all that's happened. Sam is right, after all, if he doesn't want Lee he'll find another way, he'll make sure Lee stays in line. He'll even use the obvious crush the man has on him to keep him in line, there's a yearning there for someone to dominate and he can fill that void.

— Do you trust him then? —  Sam asks, in disbelief, huffing impatiently.

— Yeah… — Cas simply says, and Sam frowns at that and looks away.

— The way you talked about him I'm not even sure it counts for anything. — Sam grumbles with jealousy, it would have been barely audible if it weren't for the fact that Cas' ears are still heavenly.

— What are you implying? That I lost my mind and suddenly I can't read longing anymore because you fucked my brains out?! You're not that good Sam. — At this point, Dean almost chokes on the puree he was trying to swallow and Sam just rolls his eyes laughing.

— Okay, I deserved that one. — he says, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers trying. — Okay, if you two clowns want to bring your boyfriend to live here for a while, that's fine by me, as long as it's temporary. — He says trying to meet Cas' gaze who rolls his eyes and says.

— He's not our boyfriend, don't be jealous. — he says, facing Sam and using his thick, incisive voice.

— I don't… —  He thinks about denying it, but what's the point? Castiel can feel he's still lying — What is he then? Do you want me to really believe that you are doing this from the purity of your hearts? You two want to fuck him. — Sam simply says and Cas turns to Dean who was just ignoring Sam and says.

— I'm so glad we're having this conversation while Jack is at school so Sam can say everything he really thinks about me. —  Dean shrugs, he doesn't want to get involved in this, that's just Sam's problem. He's not wrong, but if he wants to automatically assume that Cas is like that from now on, he's going to have to deal with his bad temper. Cas turns back to Sam and says wryly. — And yeah, when I get the chance I'm going to let him and Dean fuck me until they both pass out, do you have a problem with that? — Dean nearly gasped again, and this time even Eileen, who was in her corner being neutral clapped Dean on the back. Sam doesn't know if he's joking or not, so he asks.

— Are you serious? — He tries to keep his voice neutral.

— Of course not…— He answers and when he sees Sam's sigh of relief he completes — I would never let them pass out. — He says patting one of Sam's shoulders making him roll his eyes. Dean can't help but laugh now. Sam exchanges a look with Dean and glares at him.

— Okay, I don't like it that much, I don't trust him, I haven't seen him since he and Dean were teenagers. Be careful, that's all I'm going to say on that. —  Castiel can feel the jealousy now giving way to genuine concern so he says it is the most loving voice he can find.

— Seriously now Sam, if this is too much, if you don't want me to get involved with him I can let it die and just be his friend, I'm already his friend, for now, you have nothing to worry about. — Sam smiles shyly and simply says shrugging his shoulders trying to ignore the jealousy he has about it.

— It's your life… —  He says with a slight smile.

— My life isn't just mine anymore, you two are my life too… — Dean gives himself a smile and exchanges a loving look with Cas. Sam just gets extremely embarrassed avoiding the looks Dean and Cas throw at him. At that moment Eileen wishes she hadn't read Cas' lips but it was good, for her to remember where her place is in Castiel's life, it's not like she can complain, they have nothing really, he flirts, he teases, but he's never taken her to bed, never said he's in love with her, so… — We're not there yet… —  Castiel looks at Eileen and says this with the greatest sincerity in the world and so naturally that everyone in that kitchen starts laughing.

— I didn't say anything… — Eileen defends herself by surrendering with her hands.

— I could feel the spiral of hatred building. — Castiel says in justification and Eileen narrows her eyes at him and says.

— I preferred it when you didn't say the kind of yearning you can identify, sometimes I just want to feel my stupid shits at peace Castiel, so if you can…I don't know, shut up maybe? — She says in ASL to him and speaks as lovingly as she can and still comes out more impatient than she intended, but it doesn't seem to bother Castiel, on the contrary, he opens a smile and says.

— You're so beautiful when you're angry. — He smiles so lovingly at her that she blushes and signs.

— Suck me… — Castiel raises one of his eyebrows at her and teases back.

— Now? In front of them? — Eileen just rolls her eyes and laughs looking at Sam who still hasn't said anything, just let the subject drop as he takes his plate off the table.

— Look, Cas… — He starts not really knowing what to say — Anything I say at this point will be a lie to make you feel better. — He with all the sincerity in the world. — I'm jealous and scared, I don't know, but this is complicated enough, you're already dating 3 different people here… Do you, like, have room in your life for that? — He asks with a slight smile, but hold back, he's trying to be serious. Castiel can only laugh, he wanted to make a sassy comment now, but Sam is trying to be serious so he holds back when Sam rolls his eyes at him. Dean wanted to comment that there's always room for more, but he holds back, he just raises his hand to try to say something and ends up laughing.

— I don't know Sam, do you think I should be less of a whore? — He asks this, trying not to sound spiteful or mocking. Dean laughs lightly now and says

— No… Definitely not. — Sam huffs at him and says.

— That's not what I said. —  He switches glances between Cas and Dean now.

— That's what you were trying to say, Sam. — Cas simply says  — I don't even know if I really want to have sex with Lee or Eileen, it's just the two of you and you're already, I don't know, like this… — He says waving his hands in the air in front of him reflecting all the feelings he can capture and doesn't want to name.

— I can't help the things I feel, I thought you already had sex with him just because Dean wants a threesome. — He says closing his eyes avoiding the looks he knows he will receive, Dean just laughs and Cas says

— I didn't do it just because you want one, why would I do it because he wants one? — He asks looking for Sam's gaze, pressing his shoulder, Sam feels stupid now laughing shyly, of course, Cas was going to say that.

— Because you and Dean are different from you and me — He says softly.

— Not that different. — Castiel justifies himself, taking an incredulous look away from Sam. — Maybe in Chuck's book fanfics, those fans are kind of obsessed with Destiel…— This manages to wipe a smile off Sam and Eileen's faces. He was signing his sentences in ASL; Dean couldn't catch the full meaning and ask:

— Obsessed with what? — He finishes taking one last bite and takes the dishes to the sink.

— Destiel. —  The 3 say at the same time and Dean laughs.

— What would be the name of the ship now, huh? Destielee? — He jokes with a smile and a look so bright that Cas smiles back at him. — Samstieleen… — He starts to ramble and the 3 of them ignore him for now — Uhh! Uh! That's good one! Sastieleen. No? — He tries to get their attention, but they decide not to feed the monster now, but that was pretty fun though. Dean gives up on creating shipp names, he hates to admit how much fun this is.

— Leeanstiel? — Cas says to Dean with a slight grimace, even he didn't like how he sounded, he wished he could ignore this conversation, but it's too tempting. Dean just smiles at him.

— Anyway, Cas...— Sam begins. — I just love you, I don't want to lose you — Castiel looks at him now frowning, processing the absurdity that it was looking at him so lovingly now that Dean thinks at some point he's going to throw up his lunch because Sam looks at Cas the same way, and he's sure this is one of those moments he should stop looking at because for sure they're going to kiss, but he doesn't really want to, they're cute.

— You won't lose me, don't be silly, after all we've been through together, do you still think I could stop loving any of you? — Sam looks at him with those puppy dog eyes and Cas can't resist the urge he has to pull him in for a gentle kiss. Sam would like to deepen this kiss, if they were alone he might have, and before he pulls away Castiel searches for his tongue. This surprises Sam, he hesitates for a second but lets the kiss go the way Castiel wants it to, if this is the angel's way of proving he never intends to leave him he won't complain. And then Sam remembers that Dean is in the room and breaks the kiss and looks around worriedly clearing his throat, but what he finds is his brother sitting at the table sipping his coffee smiling at it with a sweet look he can't help it.

— What Sam? — He asks laughing.

— Nothing, it's just that at the beginning of all this you said you didn't want to see anything like that and now Castiel is like this, I'm confused. — He just says shrugging his shoulders.

— It's okay, it was a stupid rule anyway. — He just says sipping his coffee. — And besides, I like watching Cas kiss other people, it's my new kink. —  Sam can't help but laugh about it.

— I still remember your reaction when you saw him kiss Meg. —  Sam quotes her name and Dean growls at him and says with pursed lips.

It was Meg, it was like watching Cas kiss Hitler! — Castiel looks at him indignantly now and then he reconsiders it, at the time he was stupid and she was more of an enemy than anything else. — Good! Don't say anything, you know I'm right! —  Dean just growls and sips his coffee, rolling his eyes.

— Did you say “Cas kissing people”? Who has he been kissing? I thought Lee was just a “friend”. — Sam squints at Cas, making air quotes. Cas huffed impatiently looking at Dean and he laughed and said.

— Oops…sorry. — He's not the least bit sorry, however, he sips his coffee smiling as Cas glares at him.

— It was just a kiss… —  Castiel just says making Sam laugh. It was just a kiss, and he wanted to say it to Sam more calmly and avoid conflict, but he's not as exasperated as he was after he received a kiss.

— “Friend”... of course, this Bunker will become such an inappropriate environment for Jack. — When Sam says this in a serious mocking tone, obviously joking and Cas rolls his eyes and says.

— Sex is not murder. Are you saying couples with kids should stop having sex forever just because there's a kid in the house? — he asks wryly and it's Sam who rolls his eyes now.

— I hope not! If the answer is yes, I want to rethink that whole thing about having kids one day. — Eileen says as she sits down next to Dean with a cup of coffee. Dean exchanges an amused look with her and they laugh together now.

— I don't intend to do a three-way on the library table, Sam. — Castiel says and it makes Sam laugh a little and want to bury his head in the sand, he won't hear the end of it now.

— Damn it! I had a whole plan that involved the map table and whipped cream. — Dean says wryly, dramatically patting the table.

— Okay, I get it, I was kidding. — Sam says with a laugh.

— I know you were kidding because if you were serious about me not being a good role model for our son because I want to have sex with an 'inappropriate' number of people I would stop having sex with you. — he says cheekily and Sam laughs

— You know I'd be perfectly ok with that and would be happy to just sleep next to you. — Cas smiles and looks at him lovingly and for a while they just stand like that, making love to their eyes as Sam's cheeks flush.

Dean wanted to make a sly comment about that, but cuddling with Cas is one of the best things in life so he just has to agree, if that was all Cas wanted to give he would be the happiest, most satisfied man alive, ok... maybe not so satisfied, but happy for sure. He wants everything Cas wants to give him.

— Sam, is it a “yes”? Lee is welcome here? — Cas asks seriously now, Sam has been deflecting with humor a definitive conversation.

— Yeah, if you guys think it's a good idea and he needs a place to stay… The Bunker is huge. —  Sam tries to be as neutral as possible on the subject, he knows jealousy won't help and he shouldn't even be that jealous, he doesn't even know why he's anyway.



                                                    ****

 

Dean really wanted Lee to accept both proposals, to work together with him at the bar and live with them for a while, but would be happy if he accepted at least one of them. He wants to have a bar together with Lee since they were young. He had every idea what it would be like if he could have everything he wanted and the dream is still very much alive, it's surprising that it's still alive after all and after so many years.

After all, Lee also wants to continue working in a bar. He explained at the AA meeting why and no one there seemed to disagree or judge him. He controls that, not that controls him. They didn't get hard on him even when he said he'd fall off the wagon. It's complicated, though, but he understands, other people do too. The person who was clean the longest in that room said it never gets easier, but it is more manageable as you stop and think, ask for help, and actually understand the first step of the 12. He also said that if the person is not ready to take the first step is because they haven't hit rock bottom yet. It made Dean think, he hit rock bottom when he lost Sam, he literally went to hell. Their reality seems far away from the people in that room and surprisingly not all that different at the same time...

Lee: "Hey Dean, are you around?" Dean gets the message while resting absently after lunch watching random YouTube videos on his laptop. A smile appears on his face as his cell phone lights up with a message. He wonders if he should respond as quickly as he feels like or if he should wait an appropriate amount of time. He puts that silly teenage thought aside and replies "Hey I'm here, how are you?" The answer comes almost immediately.

Lee: "I'm fine and you?" Dean smiles at this like a silly teenager with a crush again and tries to shake it off his mind. They're friends, that's all.

Dean: "Alright, what do you have in mind?" Dean tries to remain casual when he responds to the text immediately again.

Lee: "Wanted to talk to you about what you said, us working together, do you really want that?" Dean wants to say that he wanted a lifetime with Lee that was stolen from them, but just says…

Dean: "I want, always wanted this" Maybe a lot of heart still, but not close to what he would really like to say, next to the things he's been feeling lately this is the lightest.

Lee: "I just didn't want to be alone at the bar serving drinks, I wanted to propose something to you" Marriage maybe? Stop Dean, you'll end up getting hurt.

Dean: "What?"

Lee: "I want to sing in your bar, that would help a lot, if I could help you serve drinks and among other things in between singing, that would be great. I miss that" This part was supposed to be a surprise, but since he needs that confirmation that he won't just be behind the bar being tempted by the drinks he's going to say what he has planned.

Dean: "That would be a great idea, I wanted something like that with you, I'm organizing some stuff for us to have some kind of stage, I don't know…" I won't mention the fact that I did this thinking about you, too soon.

Lee: "Yeah, you have a good space for that, hence the suggestion" The way he casually says he's been stalking Cas on his Instagram is adorable, he doesn't even seem embarrassed anymore.

Dean: "It's not as big as your old bar" Why did you have to mention that Dean? You don't even know how that place is now, probably not great, why mention the place you killed him, Lee is probably cursing you right now.

Lee: "Bigger doesn't always mean better" He was even nice about that answer, I thought he was just going to send me the shit and call it a day, Lee is really trying this whole friendship thing.

Dean: "When is about sex, in that case, would be better"

Lee: "Another thing I have Chuck to thank, he erased the bar's existence from the map and disappeared with everyone who worked with me, Lorna, the band..."

Dean: "I didn't know that" What? Motherfucker…Chuck really put in the effort here, what the hell was he trying to do? Why so much hate? Just because Lee showed a little hope for something good the last time they saw each other? Chuck deserved to die, if he wasn't in that “zen” place in his life where he just wants peace with his family he would kill him but his fate is worse than death, last he heard from Chuck he was working in a post gas station in Texas, he's doing too well, he didn't even deserve a job, he deserved to eat from the garbage for the rest of his pathetic existence. He hates what Chuck brings out in him, usually he just tries to get away from it. He hates to feed this cycle of hate, but sometimes it's just impossible. That's why he doesn't want to know and at the same time he wants to know what's his fault. It doesn't help, just to hate the man even more.

Lee: "I asked Amara where they ended up when she took me out of hell and she said they were in heaven Chuck has no power to destroy/recreate without her, she said they were all at peace. Can I believe her? "

Dean: "Yeah, she doesn't lie, if she said they're safe they are... Are you okay?"

Lee: "I need a drink and I miss my people so the answer would be “no”" At that moment Dean instead of sending a message calls Lee, who answers the phone surprised and is even more surprised when he hears Dean's words.

— I'm on my way. — he says worriedly, his voice so sweet Lee almost melts into a smile on the other side.

— No need to do that Dean, I already called my sponsor. — This time he remembered to do it before heading to the liquor store on the corner of this motel. He hates the fact that his room isn't even 200 feet away from one.

— A good reason for you to come to the Bunker is: Whenever you feel lonely me, Cas, Sam, Eileen and the boy are here, there's almost always someone around your corner. — Dean says this with a smile on his face, it's really good, whenever he thinks about drinking he looks for Jack and they watch something instead and the boy is always willing to do something with him. Perhaps he is taking too much advantage of Jack's goodwill, but he seems to enjoy the company, always seeming surprised and cheerful when they spend time together.

— You have a family now, how's it going? I know you've always wanted a big, normal family. — Lee says in a sweet voice on the other end that makes Dena smile even wider and say.

— There's nothing normal about us, we're 4 people in a polyaffective relationship “taking care” of a child that when he grows up will be God, but it's cool. — He says laughing and Lee laughs on the other side along with him.

— The angel and Eileen…? — He asks a little surprised, but it's not that big of a surprise, he knew that the angel's heart would be a contested place, not that he wants a place there, of course not, he just wants their friendship. Wanting more would be stupid.

— What? Of everything I said, what surprised you the most was this? — Dean asks, laughing some more, Lee doesn't even know how to disguise the big fall off a cliff he has for Castiel and it's just funny. Neither of them knows how to hide it.

— Just surprised by the angel's fire. And maybe a little curious too, his disposition, wow… getting the angel to bed now was all he needed. That kiss… it felt like he was trying to suck the life out of his body with so much pressure and passion he put into that tongue suck.

— He's stalling her, waiting for the right moment to make his move, for now they just look like they're already hooking up... But yeah, the angel has " THE fire". — Dean says this so maliciously that it doesn't help the current situation wanting to happen in Lee's pants. He just laughs and responds.

— You and Sam, what's going on over there? — There you have it, something that is a boner killer will work, it already worked, Lee never thought he'd be as happy with a soft dick as he is now, if they keep this up he's going to have phone sex with Dean and that would just be pathetic.

— I knew you were going to ask that…Nothing too weird, we just shared Cas's attention. — Dean seems sincere in his answer and Lee just says it.

— What can I say? I have a lot of questions and until my sponsor arrives you can distract me by telling me facts about your life that I missed. — He says with a silly smile on his face and Dean says it with pride.

— I killed Hitler once. — Lee laughs a little more on the other side, thinking it's a joke, but when Dean doesn't laugh he frowns and asks.

— Are you serious? — Lee asks laughing on the other side. In disbelief at this information.

— Yeah, I'm serious! There were these zombie nazis necromancers wanting to resurrect Hitler, they had saved his soul, managed to bring him back just for me to kill, I don't know, Chuck has a sense of humor that I'll never understand. —  He says ironically with a huff of displeasure.

— I think Chuck was dying to blow you and didn't know how to ask for it, Dean... — Lee says smiling, from what he said it seemed like Chuck couldn't let go of Dean in any way and go write something else, wounded ego or something. He's only seen this kind of obsession happen a few times in his life.

—  Sometimes it felt like it did. —  Dean just says in a defeated voice.

— It's actually really nice the sounds you make when you have someone's mouth wrapped around your cock, I can't blame him. — He says slyly regretting it as soon as he says it because Dean on the other end of the line sighs excitedly, almost moans his name and laughs. He can almost feel the moment Dean's cock steadies into him.

— You say that but I don't think he watched we have sex, if that was the case he'd write the sex scenes better — He says teasing back.

— Too vanilla for you? — Lee asks, regretting it again, but says it with a smile.

— I'd tell you to read the books, but it's just too bizarre. — Dean says, chuckling on the other end of the line.

— Are these things still around? — Lee asks, surprised.

— Yeah, Amara can't just disappear with everything, apparently, there are a lot of people who were inspired to stay alive because the whole 'family isn't just blood' thing, and I didn't argue. I met some teenagers once who made a school play based on the story of the book, and they needed that in their lives, it really influenced in a positive way, it would be just cruel to take that away from them... one of them was kinda bizarre she imagined me in a romantic relationship with Cas and also liked incest, but hey. I can't blame her, my brother is really hot if he wasn't my brother…— Dean says maliciously and laughs and on the other end of the line, Lee laughs some more.

— I don't even know what to say, everything you just said is just so bizarre, every sentence. — He says laughing some more.

— Welcome to my life. —  Dean just says with a tired sigh. Lee wants to ask about Sam and him again, but doesn't know if it's his place to question. That would definitely be the thing that would kill the interest he has in Dean, so it would be nice to know the answer. He asks using the most understanding tone he can find.

— Do you want to fuck your brother? —  Dean on the other end of the line almost chokes on his own saliva and laughs out loud and says.

— No! — He laughs some more and Lee waits for the “but” he can feel coming — I thought about how Cas looks like when he's in bed with him, but this has nothing to do with Sam… Fuck, Cas…Oh man, watching every expression he makes, the sounds he does, oh.. and the way he squirms is amazing, I wish… — At that moment Dean stops talking and breathes, he was almost growling into the phone just imagining Cas, Lee, and him together.

— What do you wish for? —  Lee asked, holding his breath, trying to contain his imagination that was far away now. Dean's been hard on him, no mercy, how does he expect them to be friends like that?  It's just impossible he can hear Dean breathing on the other side.

— I wanted to fill all Castiel's holes and make him a happy mess with you, like that one time with the triplets, remember?  You from behind and me in her mouth… — He says laughing and rolling his eyes at this and sighing in satisfaction when he hears Lee's groan on the other end of the line.

— You know he can probably hear that right? — Lee says, letting out a sigh along with a shy laugh.

— Oh I know, Cas is probably with Sam right now, and if he is I want him to hear me, that motherfucker… I want to kill him with happiness again, this time from coming hard. — Dean says laughing.

— What do you mean 'again' ? — Lee asks, scared and surprised.

— That's another long story, one I'm not ready to dismember right now, but he died several times, Chuck always brought him back, I don't know why.  I think he missed Castiel obeying him, maybe he thought if he did that he would obey and follow the plan, but he never did — At this point Lee is speechless, he can't say anything, it's just too much, these two have passed through hell together, literally and figuratively, is so surreal.  How can he think about stepping into this relationship and being as relevant to the two of them as they are to each other?  These are just fantasies, he should bury them deep and just fuck both e get over them. He won't fall in love, he has nothing to worry about.  He would be stupid to open his heart to both of them.

Just then, Cas opens the bedroom door, exasperated and almost impatient.  He takes the phone out of Dean's hands making him laugh and tells Lee.

— Hi Lee, good talk, but I need to steal Dean from you for a moment now.  I'll tell the story of all my deaths the next time we see each other.  Bye. —  He says making the two men laugh and Lee just doesn't say anything, he kind of expected this one.  Cas just hangs up without waiting for an answer, Lee will be fine.  He throws Dean's cell phone on the bed.

— Hi Cas. — Dean says with a shit-eating grin.

— Fix this! —  He says squeezing his erection through his pants in a firm, impatient voice that makes Dean shiver all over and smile even more as his cheeks flush. He sits on the edge of the bed and undoes the button and zipper on Cas's jeans, staring him straight in the eye. Cas swallows hard as he watches Dean tug at the waistband of his boxer just enough for his cock to pop out.  Cas whimpers as he feels Dean's hot breath near his sensitive head, his tongue, Dean's mouths this without his hands as he rocks back and forth in front of him slowly involving him along the entire length.

Castiel wraps the hairs on the top of Dean's head in his fingers and tugs at it, holding him in place.  Dean groans and nearly chokes but doesn't stop him or signal him to stop, he just enjoys the feel of Cas filling his throat and pulsing against it. Dean slides his hands on the angel's hips and buttcheeks, opening space, sliding the clothes out off his body, making him fall to his knees, looking for the slit and being surprised when he doesn't find anything there filling his hole.

— I was with Sam, but I was in the library reading a book with him. — Castiel says, his voice breaking and laughing. Dean if he could let out a laugh too. He pulls Dean by the hairs away from his crotch making a line of saliva between the blonde's mouth and his hard intimacy, watches him gasp with a smirk with his lips flushed, wet and swollen, Dean smiles as he watches Cas' cock in front of him throb — I owed you something I promised, right? —  Dean smiles even wider and nods his head already knowing where he's going with this.

Castiel reaches for the lube in the bedside table drawer and leaves it nearby. He removes his shirt and finishes getting rid of his pants and shoes as Dean eagerly does the same. When they're completely naked, Castiel pulls Dean in for a kiss, sucks his tongue hard, grabs those hairs that are long enough to fill his fingers, and pulls making him groan and crumble into a thousand pieces as he pulls him tight like this and makes him his rag doll, he was the one that wanted to be the happy mess right now and be filled by Cas and Lee.

— On your knees in the bed! — Castiel orders and Dean is happy to obey, he offers his ass to the angel who wastes no time sinking his tongue into his cheeks.  He jumps a little in surprise and shivers at the tickle the angel's beard causes so close to his hole. It's so soft, like feathers, so smooth, the tongue doesn't waste time, it glides over his perineum and balls before hitting the sensitive folds that blink in anticipation. Dean moans gracefully and his cock throbs.  Cas shivers around it and groans back at him.

— I didn't prepare for any of this... — Dean laments, hoping his ass tastes relatively pleasant now and chuckling in embarrassment.

— It's an ass, it tastes like ass. — Cas just mutters laughing, he tastes salty skin but it's clean enough, fuck it he licks all the salt off Dean's body and now he can taste the skin but careful, he doesn't sink the tongue so much after all Dean said he didn't prepare any of this and he's not insane.

Castiel reaches for that lube and soaks his firm cock with it. It doesn't waste much time, it forces entry with it and doesn't find much resistance.  He loves the shape of his penis, he has such a gentle glans, Dean opens up to him so easily and at the same time the rest of it is thick and makes Dean shiver and squirm beneath him, he loves seeing the reactions when he finally it's all inside is always a mixture of relief with desperate tension and overwhelming passion.  Dean loves to feel fulfilled by him and he loves to fill Dean.

Castiel places kiss down Dean's back, making a path with his tongue and spreading his legs wide with one of his knees, digging as deep as he can into him. Dean laughs and groans, falls on the bed, his knees are failing with every steady thrust from Cas, no mercy. He doesn't move away; he accompanies him still inside, still pounding hard, doing the way he promised he was going to do when they were in the shower that day. Dean growls and almost screams, he whimpers as Cas hits his sweet spot, he can feel an orgasm building.

— Castiel… — He says the name like a prayer, pleading and sobbing the name he smiles mischievously.  The angel kisses Dean's shoulder blades and slows his pace, he wants to prolong this.

— Look at me… — The angel asks, and he turns his torso a little confused and meets the angel's eyes admiring — This still seems like a dream. — He says laughing, looking lovingly at the blonde, who swallows hard and positions himself better on the bed standing face to face with him.  The angel frowns and smiles, he tries not to let his emotions get the best of him as Dean cups his face with his hands and pulls him in for a kiss.

— You're not dreaming in the Empty, you're here with me! — He reaches for one of Castiel's hands and puts it on his chest and the angel can feel the accelerated heartbeat.  — Touch me, I'm real, we're real. — Dean hugs him with his legs and Castiel drives his cock back inside Dean. He doesn't say anything, just reaches for some more lube and sinks in roughly, taking sounds from Dean's throat as they still look deeply at each other. Dean pulls Cas into a tight hug with his arms and legs and groans hoarsely once more as he feels the angel hit his sweet spot just right again.

— I love you. — Castiel groans this close to the blonde's neck and kisses him and bites there howling his name.  Dean smiles and groans hard, feeling Castiel pick up his pace against him and slam hard

— I love you too. — He says with difficulty, his voice cracking. — Fuck me harder! — Castiel smiles in response and watches Dean reach for his neglected intimacy and pound the rhythm he slams against his sensitive spot.

— You are so beautiful!  — He says beating harder and harder.

— Right there, don't stop, oh, right there! — Dean moans and holds the angel's hip with one hand, throwing his hips forward, synchronizing the beats against his penis. Castiel wanted to prolong this, but he really wants to see Dean come for him right now, and he's so close. Just a few more beats and that's it, right there...Dean releases in his stomach and growls, surprised at the intensity of his own orgasm. Castiel loves watching how Dean is always surprised and on the edge of tears when he comes, it's like he still doesn't believe he deserves so much pleasure like he still doesn't believe he deserved to be saved by him, it's always a beautiful mess when he has an orgasm. All those feelings… the way Dean longs for him even though he is right here, inside him, stuck in place, thumping hard.

Cas hits the sensitive spot some more and Dean whimpers and groans around him, unraveling some more. It's on the edge of unbearable right now, but Dean doesn't ask him to stop, but Castiel does, and pulls himself out of Dean and lies down beside him, still hard. Dean takes a deep breath, recovering from his orgasm, fighting the urge he has to close his eyes and take a quick nap. He's getting too old for this shit .  He lets out a laugh, he can feel the clear difference when Cas uses his grace for inappropriate things and when he doesn't. For example, at this moment, he is there looking at him admiring his panting and destroyed figure with his dick still hard and an indecipherable smile on his face.

— Did you at least get close? — Dean asked, smiling, embarrassed as the angel smiles and says.

— Yes, but you were so beautiful holding me in place, feeling my cock filling you…Next time I'll tie you up. — Dean smiles at this.

— That's a promise? — Castiel laughs and kisses Dean's lips briefly.

— Is this something you really want or are you just joking about it? — Castiel asks, running his hand over Dean's sweaty chest and contouring the tattoo making Dean shiver all over. He squirms as he feels Cas's tongue roam his chest and wrap around one of his nipples and sweep into his mouth every cum he finds along the way.

— I-I think.. is something I really want. —  Dean says, breathing hard, answering Castiel's question that was unanswered in the air as he lost his mind. — Do I taste that good to you? —  he asks as the angel runs his tongue down his abdomen to his flaccid intimacy, capturing the drops of his orgasm in the rift, making Dean moan in disbelief and surprise as he gently strokes the angel's hair.

— Sorry, I'm kind of addicted to this, it was an entire existence tasting the overwhelming taste of molecules and now that I can…— He looks at him with a smile and says. — I want to taste you, even the salt on your skin is tempting to me. —  He says seriously looking at him so wildly it makes Dean gulp and feels intimidated, he can't say he doesn't like it. He loves actually, the angel almost growls at him, nudging his hip with that still hard cock looking for friction.

— You're looking at me like you literally want to devour me. — He says chuckling and Cas laughs back at him and captures his lips with a lazy, passionate kiss.

— I'm not developing a taste for meat like Hannibal, you're just too hot. — Castiel jokes and Dean laughs proudly.

— Oh look who's learning to use pop culture references, my baby in a trench coat is not my baby anymore, I'm so proud! —  Cas growls at him and pinches his brows together.

— You son of a bitch! — Dean just pulls him into a hug, Castiel resists it a little, but ends up giving in and laughing along with Dean. He wraps his hands around Cas's hardness, which is still slick with lube and surprisingly clean, he feels it tighten even more and smiles. He doesn't even need to reach for any more of that lube, the slit leaks pre-cum enough for him to spread over his red head and the rest of his cock as well. Cas sighs and moans at the delicacy he touches him, and then he holds on tight and starts moving his hand in a fast, steady rhythm.  Dean knows the way he likes it and comes easy, it's always so good. Just a little longer and that's it, it will come in his hand. Dean smiles when he hears the moans, sighs and growls; he enjoys the way Castiel is staring at him now.  He can feel he's almost there, and before he can come in his hand and waste all that juice on the sheet he snaps it up and finishes it off with his tongue and lips, Castiel lets out a surprised and grateful cry and holds him tight, thrusting into his mouth and throat, causing Dean to choke a little and cough and pat his hand 3 times. He lets go immediately and Dean makes a face, he has tears in the corners of his eyes now, he coughs a little and tries to compose himself quickly so as not to worry the angel.

— Sorry! I'm so sorry! —  Dean laughs and burps involuntarily and laughs some more. Castiel looks so worried now that he's afraid he's broken the angel.

— It's okay, I've had worse. — He says automatically laughing and regretting it, this is not the ideal time to say that kind of shit. Castiel at this point is so silent that he thinks he actually broke the angel.  — It's you Castiel, these things happen, I know you didn't mean to, it's okay, sometimes it's going to happen and I'm going to choke. I don't care. — Castiel laughs wistfully and says.

— I know, I just hate it when it happens, your essence goes to dark places briefly and I feel bad… — Castiel vents and watches Dean take a deep breath.

— I know, one of the disadvantages of you being able to feel my shit is you feel my heavy shit. — Dean moans lightly, he knows that Castiel despite accompanying him likes some heavy shit, doesn't like to admit he likes it, and has his limits, he can't complain, some of the shit he enjoys is from the time he was a demon. The one who would understand is Lee, and he knows that would be a bad thing not a good thing so he appreciates the angel security locks.

— I'm not afraid of your heavy shit. —  Castiel says, watching the expressions on Dean's face.

— Oh no?  Would you like it?  — Dean asks, wrapping himself around Cas and whispering in his ear — Me and Lee, filling you all up with come, making you choke and beg… — Castiel closes his eyes and can't help but wonder, he smiles shyly.

— Sounds like you are the one who would like that happening to you, huh? —  He just responds by teasing him back.

— I sure would, but something tells me you would love it too… — He says with a smile plastered on his face. Castiel shyly looks away from Dean and responds.

— I don't know how to feel about…Lee, his feelings for me are all there, but he hates that I bring that out in him and I can't exactly come and ask why, we're not there yet. —  He says in frustration, taking a tired, impatient sigh from Dean that says.

— You could just fuck the guy without thinking too much about your marriage plans, you know? — Castiel huffs in displeasure at him and says.

— I can't exactly ignore my feelings for him and just fuck the guy, that's not how it works here and you know it…and you like him too, I can't see the problem. — Dean sighs and closes his eyes tiredly.

— That's exactly the problem, it's going to be a mess, you see, he said it himself. He just wants to fuck without strings attached — Castiel laughs a little at this and Dean looks at him questioning this.

— He says that, but his heart is going in the opposite direction, he might even act that way, but I know his true intentions and I'll be here when he's ready to admit he's falling in love with both of us. Until then, we show him the love. — Dean can only smile and appreciate his angel now. He really wants him to be right.

"Show him the love" you mean…? — Dean asks slyly and Castiel frowns at him.

— Not like that! But it can be that way too if he wants... — He says surrendering, hoping that's what he wants too, if it happens he won't object in the slightest.  Dean can tell Castiel is getting embarrassed and asks.

— So if it does, are you open?  If he wants both of us if he wants just you if he wants just me…— Castiel tries to keep from smiling, but it's impossible he sinks a little into the crook of Dean's neck before responding shyly avoiding his gaze.

— Yeah, I'm in love with him, okay?  He's got me good, don't let Eileen know that, I love her, but I'm not at all ready to go all the way — Dean chuckles at this and tenderly kisses the angel's forehead.

— What is the problem?  Do you like cock a lot and are you afraid of pussy?—  Castiel laughs against Dean's chest and says.

— Maybe, I don't know anymore, it's been so long since I've been with a woman, I don't want to hurt her. What if it's not what I want? —  Dean strokes Cas's hair affectionately.

— I'm sure she'll understand if you're a gay angel. You have the numbers in your favor, just tell her "Look, Eileen, I tried but I'm a fruit I'm in love with 3 guys." — He says lovingly making the angel laugh — I can't help you much with that, I can't remember either the last time I hooked up with a woman, I'm not even sure I like women anymore and it's not like I have someone I want to test a theory, I'm in love with 2 guys and that's it, the interest It's close to zero for the women who flirt with me at the bar…— Dean blurts out and Castiel listens intently, just as confused as he is at the moment — But hey, remember, Eileen can wear a cock strap, don't be afraid to ask if that's the problem.— he says seriously, trying not to break down because he really means it. Castiel also tries to hold back his laughter and actually think about it, this is actually great advice. 

She would definitely love it, she already loves using her fingers on Sam.  Possibilities, are nice to think about when you open your mind. He likes her, he really does, he just wouldn't want to let her down, he's not even sure he knows how to please a woman anymore.  April could have been lying when she said he was good at it, he and Meg never got a chance, she refused to fuck him when she claimed he was too crazy chasing bees. And he has no idea how to properly suck a woman. She's sure to be disappointed in him, but if she's patient, it might not be a total disaster.

— Is it okay if I sleep with them tonight? — Cas asks hesitantly, Dean laughs a little and says.

— I'm not going to lie, I'm going to miss you, but I will be fine. — He says kissing Cas' lips briefly and he can feel that Dean is being totally honest with him.

— You really want me to have everything that makes me happy and you really want me to die of happiness from coming hard, huh? — He asks jokingly, causing Dean to huff out a laugh.

— I really want to, baby, I've been trying to get you to fuck a hot woman for a long time, I wish it was with me in the middle, but you know how it is… — They both laugh now looking at each other full of adoration and love in their eyes. Dean plays with Cas's beard briefly caressing him fondly, entwines his legs with his and they stay like that for a while, a mess of limbs on the bed.  Peace, that's what Dean can feel now, it feels like the weight of the world is no longer on his back when he lies like this with Castiel, it feels like the weight never existed.

Dean reaches for his phone and checks the time, it's 3:05 p.m., he has time to take a lazy post-sex nap before he goes to work so that's what he's going to do.

— Wake me up when it's five o'clock, will you? —  He says snuggling into Cas' chest and capturing with his nostrils the characteristic comforting scent of the angel. Castiel just smiles and mumbles a positive response, lightly stroking the human's hair. He stays there with Dean, even though he doesn't feel like sleeping at all. He just loves to lie next to him and enjoy the calm rhythm of his hot breath on his bare chest, Dean so vulnerable and beautiful in his arms.  Among other things, he thought he would never have it, it's just magnificent.  He doesn't even know how he is so lucky.

Castiel reaches for his cell phone that was on the nightstand and is happy but not surprised when he finds a message from Lee there. A silly smile invades his face and he tries to contain it. They should hold back in his presence when they eventually meet, he wants space despite his yearnings to the contrary, he's learned to respect that for years with Sam and Dean and it won't be any different with Lee.

Lee: “How are you angel, did you have a lot of fun thinking about me there?”  It will be a hard task to keep away if he provokes like that personally too. So confusing to know what would be right or wrong in this situation.  He says it would be better for his mental health to wait, but he doesn't want to wait and wants to keep himself emotionally distant although the longings he can feel are confusing, seem balanced enough, sometimes not too much, he's a beautiful mess, just like Dean. He never knew when the time was right with Sam and Dean either, ended up waiting too long, and then he couldn't have anything, and then he could have everything.

Castiel: "It was really fun, better than that only if you were here to help me fill in all of Dean's holes."  This rude language seems to please both of them, he can even understand why. He doesn't know yet why talking dirty on the phone is so much fun, but it's his new favorite thing...

 

Chapter Text

After that message he sent to Lee, he got no response. He could feel the longing however stinging right in his core, familiar, intense…Lee went silent, but his passion is there very much alive and raw over him almost a prayer, but not really, it's pure and at the same time overwhelming and obscene. He hates to admit it's one of his favorite types of yearnings these days. He feels something similar coming from Eileen too, feels how she tries to contain it when they're close to each other, feels it every time she's with Sam, felt that intense day when the two of them were practically having sex at the same time… It was quite a day.  But he feels like she's not like Lee, she's not in love with him, she wants him, is different, and that's okay, he wants her too, he just doesn't know if he should, if he's going to be as good at the act itself or that's just good in their heads.

It's been an interesting year.  He is taking this sabbatical for himself, to rest and mainly reflect on what he wants for the rest of his existence and has the encouragement of Sam and Dean, they say he deserves that time.  He doesn't think the word "deserve" is correct in this case, however, he appreciates the rest, there was never the right time for it.  There was always one apocalypse after another behind everyone's back, and now it's all so quiet...

What he saw Jack bring to his life was nothing less than normalcy, he called it heaven on earth, but it was “just” normality to their lives.  He saw a glimpse of everything, Dean really alive and out of the hunting life chasing his dreams, Sam and Eileen getting married, him and Jack making heaven the way it was always meant to be... He could never tell if it was just a projection of the things he wanted the most or a vision of the future, but sometimes he has those feelings of deja vu and wonders: Will it all come true?

He saw his wings restored too, but he didn't want to give up the almost-human creature he is today is far from human he knows, unlike the last time he was human he lost all grace, this time he can feel it was still here, resisting holding on to him, almost sparsely, but never quite letting go.  It's comfortable, he decided he likes it a while ago.  He likes to be this thing between the two worlds, not quite a human, not quite an angel.  Most angels would just call him a freak or abomination.  He knows that there are many labels out there, not all are good and not all are bad, some admire him, some still despise him, but the important thing is that he has the love of the people he really cares about. He has his family.

Perfection doesn't exist, but he feels he comes close to it when he's lying in bed like this with Dean. He's never seen it coming, it's always a surprise, it always feels like a dream, it feels like a dream to actually inhabit the two Winchesters' bed, a thing the angels automatically assume he did, a thing he - ever since he knew what pleasure was - wanted.  One of the things he thought he could never have is now his. He wasn't referring to that when he said the speech, which he thought would be his final one, to Dean.  He wanted peace and a lifetime with them no matter what. He always likes to remind himself of that, just in case neither of them wants this relationship anymore so his heart has where to go.  Existence is long, they have an eternity, a lot can change and always does, although he never wants to leave them and never want them to leave him.  They have the bond for a lifetime, that to an angel means something, between angels and humans, he's not sure but would like to find out.

 

                                                        ***



It's 5 pm and Castiel spent his entire time lying with Dean and waiting for a text from Lee. He wasn't expecting it, he was hopeful that this would be another one of those interesting dialogues, but it turns out... Well.

There's hardly any need to wake up Dean, he wakes for himself, it seems that this human's biological clock is calibrated for the full alert even when he doesn't have to prevent any apocalypses. He wakes up, searches for Castiel's lips, and finishes waking up almost literally, he's ready for another one now, too bad he doesn't have the time. They quickly get out of bed, take a quick shower together and Dean leaves them to run that bar.  Lee isn't working with him yet, something about needing to give him advance notice of where he's currently at, fair enough.

He is left in the Bunker with only Sam and Eileen for a company today, Jack goes to sleep at one of his friend's houses, it seems that this is the kind of thing normal kids do and Jack wants to experience normal as much as possible. He and Dean have been talking about getting a house close by now that the bar looks like it's going well, for Jack's friends to have the normal experience too, this place isn't even remotely ideal or inviting, it's not like he could invite someone to this bizarre place. He hates to admit it, but he'd like to live somewhere with windows for a change.

He also hates to admit that today would be the perfect day for him to do that thing he told Sam he wasn't thinking about: Threesome at the library table. Okay, he's not really thinking about it, but just because the library table doesn't look comfortable for humans, he could do it anywhere, though.

When he shows up in that library 3 hours later, they both look at him with that characteristic longing that looks like they were thinking the same thing. Eileen even gives him “that” look when he arrives to see what they've been up to. He looks at Sam and his stack of books and asks.

— Have you been here reading books for the entire three hours I've been gone? —  Castiel asks with furrowed brows.

— Did you have sex for all these three hours? — He asks back and Castiel furrows his brows even more and replies:

— No… —  At that moment Eileen laughs and Sam rolls his eyes and says

— Exactly, I stopped to eat, take a shower, relax… — He replies as if it's obvious, Castiel can tell he's not in a good mood.

— The 'relax' part doesn't seem to stick. — He says and Sam takes his eyes off the book he's been trying to read and failing and gives a light laugh. Sam always gets this way when he knows the reason for his absence is Dean. Neither of them knows how to handle this whole relationship 100%, but at the same time, they like it exactly the way it is. Humans are complicated, at this point, Sam is jealous and wants him far and close at the same time. He never knows if he should stay and insist on a conversation, usually when he tries to leave and do something else, Sam asks him to stay and they end up talking, but there are also times when he prefers to be alone. He doesn't know what it will be until the moment comes. He tries to leave the library and hears Sam's voice say.

— Hey Castiel, Bunker just for us today, want to rethink that whole threesome thing at the library table not being part of your plans? — That besides making Castiel stay makes the 3 laugh out loud. Sam closes his book and just gives up focusing on it when Cas looks at him like he's really been thinking about it.  — Seriously now, do you want to hang out with us, see a movie, or whatever? —  Sam says with a little laugh. Eileen also ends up closing the book she was reading, she already has enough information to pass on to her hunter friends stuck on a case, so that's what she does as the two decide their fate tonight.  She is fine with whatever they decide, it won't be the sex on the library table anyway.

— Yes Sam, I want this… — Castiel replies with a silly smile on his face. Eileen finishes sending the messages she was typing and Castiel walks up to her and asks in signs.

— You finished? — She answers "yes", wondering why he's so close to her but doesn't complain at all, she likes him close. He takes the phone out of her hands and puts it on the table.  — You're looking at this table, looking at me and lusting for me.  What do you think about me doing what you want at least a little bit? —  She's about to say he's a little shit, but the words are lost in her fingers when she feels him wrap his arms around her waist and set her on the edge of the table, firm movement, she opens the space between her legs for him to settle in and she is surprised when he does, her heart racing in anticipation, and Castiel's gaze is penetrating. Sam watches this all a bit not knowing what to say or do, but the only thing he knows is that Dean is right, it's nice to see it from the outside, Damn, Castiel is hot.

Castiel hovers over her lips, gently tucks a lock of hair behind her ear, feels her hot breath shift in anticipation, and finally kisses her, and does all sorts of things he didn't expect as he explores the smooth taste of coffee in her mouth. Her mouth...  Kissing Eileen is amazing and different, soft and gentle, nothing like kissing Sam or Dean or Lee, but he appreciates the duality of it.  Castiel sucks and bites her bottom lip and can hear the disbelieving moan coming from her throat. She thrusts her hips forward looking for that snug against Castiel's thigh, hugging him with her legs and pulling him a little more against her. She breaks the kiss and looks across the table.

— Sam…? —  She begs for his name, and he who has been just watching until now comes closer and pulls Cas in for a kiss too, invades with his tongue, kisses him passionately. Sam positions himself behind Cas now and rubs his erection against the angel's hip as he reaches for Eileen's thighs and squeezes them. Right now she wishes there weren't any layers of clothing between them and she could see Castiel take Sam inside because just at the threat of it he looks like he sees stars.

Castiel falls apart in his hands and he starts unzipping his pants and flashes a smile when Cas doesn't stop him, oh he wants this, oh he's ready for this. Castiel shyly takes a condom out of his pocket and offers it to Sam.  Eileen is confused for a moment, and then she smiles as Sam leans him against him, pulls his pants down to his knee, and pulls out a plug.  She laughs and pulls Cas in for a kiss as Sam prepares to penetrate him. He is quickly inside Castiel and he growls in response. Sam throws him between Eileen's legs and she nearly gasps at the closeness and curses the layers of close again, she wanted to feel his hardness against her now, skin to skin.

— Do you have another condom in there? —  She asks and Castiel smiles in response as Sam thrust against him. He takes a condom out of his pocket.

— This is going to be embarrassingly fast — Castiel says, almost on edge. She's about to say she doesn't care when Sam and Cas can hear the squeaky door to the Bunker opening. They manage at impressive speed to pull pants up and quickly sit up, Sam opens a book while pulling on his zipper.  Eileen is confused for a second but then realizes the problem, she remains in exactly the same place, she was fully dressed and just a little panting, it's not strange that she's sitting at this table, she does it all the time.

 — Can you believe I forgot the keys to… — Dean stops talking and starts laughing, Eileen feigns confusion — Yeah guys, that totally doesn't look like 3 people were about to have sex. You guys need to work on those evidence hiding skills, I can see that condom wrapper over there… —  He points to the table right in front of Sam, he quickly picks it up nervously and hides his face.  Dean and Cas exchange a smile and he completes. — You son of a bitch, don't waste any time...  — He says laughing and biting his lips and leaving the room, he's kind of late, if he didn't he would make their lives more difficult, but he really needs to find his keys and head to the bar. He is quickly back and passes by laughing hysterically at the faces of the 3 who are still in the same place. Sam looks like he was caught by his brother literally in the act of how embarrassed he was.  Eileen comforts him by stroking his hair.

— I won't hear the end of this, this is worse than the time he caught me alone jerking off and I was 12…— He says laughing nervously and Castiel just laughs back at him.

— It could be worse, I almost couldn't get the plug out of the table in time. — The 3 laugh at the absurdity of this.

— Could be worse, what if it was Jack? — Sam starts spiraling into guilt and Castiel knows they won't end it anytime soon today.

— I can feel it when he's around, I'm not crazy Sam, and the fact that you think I am made me even more out of the mood for this...— He says rolling his eyes getting up to leave.

— That's not what I meant, sorry — He tries to say, but Castiel has already turned the corner, Sam runs after him and reaches for his hand — I'm sorry, sometimes I forget how not-human you are —  He says lovingly pulling him for a kiss, Castiel just sighs impatiently and gives in to it.  Eileen goes after them and says lovingly to the two men in front of her.

— Let's go see a movie, I'll make the popcorn — She says excitedly and Castiel smiles at her.



                                                                                                   ***

 

After almost getting caught the two humans were too embarrassed to continue anything and Castiel didn't quite understand why, he just sat on that couch between the two of them and watched the movie. Squinting at times when he felt that familiar yearning from both of them.  Two shy hands landed on his thigh at the same time and he just didn't say anything, just wrapped his arm behind the back of the couch and continued to watch the movie they pretended had their attention.  All that energy is pretty distracting, but neither of them makes their move, they just rest their heads on his chest and enjoy existence.  That's good too, he was also more nervous than he likes to admit at the prospect of them going to bed at 3 today.

He liked Eileen's kiss, but it looks like she was more excited than he was about it, maybe they should really take it easy and he should really consider the possibility that he is in fact a gay angel or that he needs more time before it seems right. He doesn't know what the problem is, with Lee it just seemed to flow naturally…Oh damn, maybe he's gay! But he likes her, he likes the kiss. Maybe he and Sam should have that conversation about his demisexuality again.

Anyway, after spending this part of the late afternoon and a little bit of the night with them and eating together, he picks up a book that he was more or less halfway through and goes to his room to relax.  He texts Jack to check on the boy. He misses him, and he's only been gone for 1 full day, he's really a doting dad as the kid complained back in the message.

Castiel: "Yeah Jack, I know you're practically a god or whatever, but you're still my son" Jack just responds with a big blue heart emoji.

Castiel is about to relax and read his book, he puts on his glasses because apparently he needs them and then a message beeps on his cell phone and it's Lee.

Lee: “Do you think we're in the energy for this angel?  Neither Dean nor I am 20 years old anymore, take it easy LoL Sorry, I didn't reply earlier, I was kind of busy, and that's not the kind of message you can answer around people…” It really isn't. Castiel reflects on this, wonders if he should really add more fuel to this fire, and ends up giving in.

Castiel: "I'm more human than anything else, but I would end up using some of my grace on Dean unintentionally and he would say it's like being 20's again... Now I have more control of it than before, I was a little shaky because of one thing that happened, but now it's okay" Castiel can't understand why all this technical talk about using his grace has made Lee crave him even more, but he appreciates it, appreciates it even more when the first thing what Lee asks isn't about all the sex they can have but...

Lee: "If you want to call me and talk about the crazy stuff and tell me about your 'deaths' in the plural, I'm free, that 2 weeks notice wasn't so necessary after all he got another guy fast and now I'm home” Castiel opens a slight smile and calls his number.

— Hey Castiel… —   Lee answers with a slight smile on his face on the other end of the line.

— You can call me Cas if you want. — He says, relaxing a little more on the bed.  He hears Lee on the other end of the line snort a smile.

— I like your whole name like that, Casti-el.— He hums the name, and Cas can't help but smile and be embarrassed. The effect this has on his groin is worrying even, he's just saying his name and that already feels like a hot flirtation.

— Dean only uses my full name like that when things are getting serious. — he jokes, making Lee laugh a little on the other side.

— Like when are you dying? — Lee asked, laughing a little desperately.  Not really, Castiel isn't sure if he should say it, it'll just sound like dirty talk if he does, but fuck it.

— Also, but mostly he uses my full name in bed these days. — He replies in the firmest voice he can find, but then immediately becomes embarrassed, curling up on the bed.

— Is it a good trigger for you when I use your full name like that then, Casti-el? — He teases and smiles in satisfaction when the angel's response is to complain with a groan.

— Maybe...— He says making them both smile.

— Seriously now, angel… Dying was as bad for you as it was for me? — He asks a little hesitantly, he doesn't know if the angel wants to talk about it or not. Castiel can hear the genuine concern in his voice and the familiar yearning he feels every time Sam and Dean are worried, or every time Dean tells him not to do anything stupid. This only makes his heart grow fonder for the human.

— Not really, I mean, maybe. It wasn't pleasant to be blown to pieces, but I was immediately brought back by God. There was one time he didn't bring me back and I woke up in a place called the Empty, that's where angels and demons go when they die, the creature...— At that moment Cas pauses, it's really a long story, he doesn't know if Lee really needs to hear this.

— It's okay if you don't want to talk about it. — He says affectionately and it's as if Cas can feel the hug he'd like to give him right now.

— It's okay, it's just that we don't usually talk about my deaths, Dean is afraid to ask what it's like to die for me, I've died for him many times...— He says hesitantly taking that surprised sign out of Lee.

— You two…Hard to believe that you've only now allowed yourselves to be in a relationship. — Castiel laughs a little at this and says.

— For me it's as if nothing had changed, I told you, I could feel the longings and hear the prayers...

— The angel version of a romantic relationship…— Lee says filling in for Castiel.

— We just didn't talk about it because it was the angelic version of internalized homophobia, for a long time I felt ashamed of being who I was. — Castiel says wistfully, he's already left most of that behind, when he first fall he knew he was going down a path of no return of allying himself with humans and choosing them over his family, he made the decision and kept making it every day, he can even say he's proud of it these days.

— Yeah, I've had my share of that, I get what it's like, just on a much smaller scale than you do. — Lee says on the other end of the line.

— Very different and at the same time so similar, I've always found this fascinating about me and humanity, it's no wonder I'm this hybrid creature today.— Lee smiles at this on the other end of the line and says

— You're fascinating, have you ever been told that, Castiel? — This makes the angel laugh shyly and blush.

— Is this a flirtation? — He asks curiously and Lee on the other side laughs and says.

— Not necessarily, I'm just being obvious. — At this point, Lee wishes he could hide underground and thanks Amara that this conversation is happening over the phone and Cas can't see how red he is.

— I've done a lot of shit, depending on who you ask, they'll say I'm just a traitor to my race. I'm not perfect, my actions resulted in a good thing, but I protected Lucifer's son and everyone thought I was crazy, I tell this story today I can tell how insane it sounds — He says laughing nervously, he doesn't want to Lee has the wrong idea about him just because he's falling in love, he wants him to get to know all of him.

— Jack is Lucifer's biological son? —   Lee asks on the other end of the line in surprise.  — The boy looks so much like you. — Castiel smiles proudly upon hearing this.

— Yeah, since he was in his mother's belly I was chosen by him to be the father. — Lee is even more surprised on the other end of the line, it seems like a constant state of his lately

— Lucifer was not happy about that, I presume…

— Yeah, no, he killed me and Jack was the one who brought me back. I believe he is the one who woke me up and so I disturbed the ancient cosmic being so much that he sent me back to earth. — Cas pauses when he hears Lee on the other end howling in surprise — The last time I died, it's a long story, it involves a deal I made to save Jack, and what Dean told you, I died of happiness. Jack was dead in heaven, but The Empty wanted him because he's half-angel, he belongs there, technically. I bargained for my son's life and the creature said it would come when I allowed myself to be happy. So I told Dean I loved him, accepted that I wouldn't see my son grow up and the end of the war with Chuck, and I saved Dean. Death was literally knocking on the door for him and the two creatures hated each other so I summoned the Empty and he took both of us — He tells this in a tired and defeated voice and on the other side he hears silence, he thinks he has broken the human because it's anyone's guess what he's feeling right now.

— Wow, you two…really love each other. — He says, laughing nervously. Castiel can feel at this moment that Lee is half sad, and also half happy.  — Your love... Your love literally saved the world, saved me... You trusted Jack would be good even though he was Lucifer's son and that saved us all! Amara said something about her and Jack saving each other inside Chuck but didn't want to explain in detail, but she basically said she couldn't do it without him...It was a war inside Chuck…? Something like Star Wars and Dark Side and Light Side? — At that moment Castiel could feel all the glowing pride and a hint of love for him... Yeah, It's love, it's familiar to him now, he remembers when he first felt it coming from Dean too, that's when he rebelled, Dean felt something he couldn't name at the time, today he can say that it is love or at least the seed of love. Lee is falling in love, the more he gets to know him, the more he falls in love with him, he'll never fully understand how he brings that sort of thing into Dean and Sam, but here we are.

— Something like that, yeah…Jack was innocent, he was just a baby, a powerful baby full of potential to be good, he was already good. He needed to be born, I can't explain it to this day, but I saw a glimpse of what the future would be with him and I saw the thing I wanted most: peace, he filled me with grace and peace. — Castiel laughs a little at the memory and says. — The first time I felt him kick in his mother's belly I feel… And fair warning, this is going to sound ridiculous, I felt like he was part of me…— He sighs and smiles and on the other side, Lee hears his voice with a smile on his face and a warmth in his heart. — I felt like a father and I didn't even know what it was like to be a father or have a father. He kicked my hand and that was it... When Kelly said I would protect him I said she was crazy but it was exactly what I wanted. — They both laugh now, Castiel remembering that time gets a little emotional, and a few tears of happiness form in the corners of his eyes and he tries to hold it back.

— It's nice to see you and him on Insta, that boy looks at you the same way I used to look at my dad, only better because you really seem like a good dad. — At that moment Castiel sighed and said

— Dean told me something similar the other day… the 3 of us and fathers… What a tragedy. — He huffs a tired laugh and Lee joins him in this.

— Oh, tell me about it… You haven't met John, but he and my dad could probably hold hands and go to hell. — Lee says with a deep sigh, Castiel wonders if he should say it, but he ends up saying it.

— John… He is, complex, not even Amara knows what to do with him, she said that Chuck never had to move many strings with him, after he lost Mary he lost himself… — Lee curiously asks:

— And where is he now?

— Purgatory, that place used to be just for monsters, but... If you deserve Purgatory, you go to Purgatory. — He said this to Dean the other day and his reaction was to say that his father probably really needed to cleanse himself in the gayest place in the world.

— Does that place purify souls for real? 

— Basically, Jack and Amara fixed a few things.

— Well, that's good, I've always liked John, he had his moments when he didn't drink he almost managed to be a normal human being… on his good days, he was like a father to me, whatever that means… — At this point, they just sigh into the phone and Castiel can't resist the urge to ask.

— Do you wanna come over? It's still early — He checks the time on his watch to be sure and it's 9:36 p.m. — I'll give you the tour, you said you were going to visit any day — Lee on the other side is a little surprised but excited by the proposal.

— Okay, text me the address, I'm not doing anything here, some company would be nice. — He says with a smile on the other side. Castiel could feel him sad, he assumed it was from loneliness or something, nothing better than inviting him over.

That's it, they end the call and Castiel gives him the address and sends Dean a quick message letting him know he's coming. He also remembers to look for Sam and Eileen and warn them both of this. A message beeps on his cell phone a few minutes later.

 

 Dean: "Man, what an energy huh?!"

 

 Castiel: "Dean! come on, I didn't call him for that and besides after you left nothing happened, they were too embarrassed"

 

Dean: "Poor babies LoL... It's ok if that's his intention, you have a free pass"

 

Castiel: "Okay Dean, I know, we talked about this"

 

Dean: "See you later, baby. Ask him if he wants to spend the night in one of the rooms. This is a normal thing to do between friends, right?"

 

Castiel: "Yes, Jack is doing it"

 

Dean: "Yes, normal…"

 

At that moment Castiel just laughs. Okay, let's pretend this is totally platonic, maybe it will work out and no one ends up in anyone else's bed tonight. Lee was more focused on having a serious talk with him today, maybe he's even trying this friendship thing.

Castiel can't find Sam in the library so maybe he's in the room with Eileen, if that's the case he doesn't want to risk interrupting something so he'll just text. They're not in the kitchen either. A message will be. He opens his book and resolves to briefly distract himself while waiting for Lee to arrive. After some time Sam answers the message.

 

Sam: "Okay, I guess... I missed my chance with you today by the way. I thought you were going to sleep with us tonight...Hope for…"

 

Castiel: "I didn't call him to this, but if it happens it happened"

 

Sam: "Ok Cas, I know, "friends" is more like “friends with benefits” and is fine, we talk about it."

 

Castiel can feel that jealous longing followed by... more envy actually, but he doesn't understand. They'll be fine, he's not really worried. And if Sam doesn't want a relationship like that with him, so be it, they'll always be family, as they promised each other. He just knows he's not willing to give up anything, he wants Lee, at least once, to get out of his system, as Lee said once. He really wanted Sam to be on the same page as him. He let Sam fuck him briefly in the library today just to show him how much he loves him, if that's not enough he doesn't know what is. He tries to refocus on his book now before he can get lost in thought and it gets the better of him.

A message from Lee beeps on his cell phone. Lee: "I'm here at your door, it doesn't exactly have a doorbell LoL" It really doesn't. He practically runs to the map table room and goes up the stairs excitedly. He tries not to show how excited he is, however, takes a deep breath when his hand finds the doorknob and he opens it. Lee offers him a smile.

— Surprisingly it wasn't hard to find this place, I thought it would be like the Batcave or something. — He scoffs a little, chuckling and wiping a smile off Castiel's face as well.

— It's pretty isolated, no one can find it if that's not what you're looking for, there are some magical wards too. — He enters now and Castiel closes the loud, heavy door behind him.

— So it's a vote of confidence, like taking a girl's virginity on prom night? — Castiel at this point doesn't know exactly what to say, this seems like it was meant to be casual, but the yearning gave him away, he could feel Lee being more malicious than he intended, but with little regret.  They just smile at each other for a moment.

— Something like that... —  Castiel says, patting the man on the shoulder and leading him down the stairs. He lets the touch linger a little because after all, there's nothing wrong with that.

— I can already say that this place is very badass! — He says when he's finished descending the stairs, running his fingers over the map table and taking in the huge library ahead.  Castiel just watches him fall in love with the place, maybe it won't be that hard to convince him to live here for a while after all. He flashes a youthful smile when he sees the swords.

Castiel quickly shows him where the kitchen, bathroom, showers, garage are, the Deancave which is now practically everyone's cave with a sofa instead of armchairs, the bedrooms... When they pass in front of what used to be Castiel's bedroom not long ago he ends up asking what he and Dean both want to ask.

— Do you want to spend the night here today? This room used to be mine, so it's relatively organized and the bed has a good mattress...Just to see if you fit in, no strings attached. — Castiel says he can swear the word choices weren't malicious internationally, but he can feel that it has an effect on Lee. He turned on the light and looked around, there was a little dust on the bedside table, but nothing too alarming. It's a little dustier, there are many rooms. — I have the energy to clean everything, but I only do it once every 3 months — He says laughing and shrugging and Lee laughs saying.

— You use your angelic disposition for more interesting things, right? —  He wags his eyebrows and at that moment puts his hands in his pockets.  Castiel can tell that just saying that has already caused Lee discomfort in his pants and he just laughs in response.  — Yeah...can I spend the night... — Lee after a moment smiling back at Cas answers the question.

— Hey you two, how are things? — Sam appears at that moment, attracted by the voices he's heard in the hallways. Lee cracks a smile and says.

— Hey Sammy! It's been a while! — He says he is not sure if he should try the hug thing or not, so he just pats his shoulder eagerly. Sam's face, when he looks at him, is not the best and he can feel that there is tension between him and the angel when they exchange a look.

— Welcome, it's been a really long time, I don't trust you that much, but Cas does, so… — He says trying to sound as welcoming as he can and offering him a hand to shake. They firmly shake each other's hands and exchange a look that Lee can't quite put his finger on. And then Sam is gone, just as suddenly as he arrived. When he turns the corner and they leave the room and start walking the halls again Castiel just says.

— He still hasn't come to terms with the fact that you tried to kill Dean and at the moment I don't know if he doesn't like you here because you can try again or because we kiss, just ignore him. — Lee looks at him in surprise.

— Did you tell him about that? —  A little pride in his voice, he's really surprised by it.

— Dean told him just to tease him. I would tell him otherwise, I wanted to avoid all this — He says referring to all the strange energy he could feel coming from Sam at that moment.

— Do you tell each other everything? — It's not really a question, it's more of an affirmation of the tone it comes out of Lee's mouth.

— The important things…— Castiel says with a smile that makes Lee blush and looks away from the angel is giving him now.

— So that's jealousy? —  He asks still not facing the angel.

— It'll pass, he's a big boy. —Lee chuckles a little shyly.

— I'm not exactly a threat, he has nothing to worry about. — He says this and Cas can feel that characteristic sense of ingrained self-hatred he always felt and sometimes still feels coming from Dean.

— You say that because…? — Castiel wants to know how he feels, without pushing too hard, whatever he's comfortable sharing is enough for him.

— I don't… — He starts, stutters a little he doesn't know how to answer this without showing up a spiteful teenager with an unrequited and pathetic crush — I'm not going to be the love of your life, you already have both for that, I'm your really good fuck at best. — At this point, Castiel wanted to start a whole conversation about his growing feelings for him too, but he doesn't know if that would drive him away from them or not so he just smiles and says.

— Is that what you want right now or are you just talk? —  They stop for a moment, and coincidentally or not they're in front of the bedroom that currently belongs to Dean and Cas.  — This is Dean's bedroom, mine too now... — He says casually and stops as they pass by and Lee isn't sure if this is an invitation or Cas is just letting him know, he feels that at this moment his breath even fails and his jeans are slightly tighter in the crotch. Lee just laughs nervously and pats his hair as Castiel watches him in an identifiable way, seeming to analyze what he's feeling at the moment. When he finally works up the courage to look into the angel's eyes he can see a smug smile forming. It's a beautiful smile he has there, he almost melts now and smiles back at him slyly.

— Are we still doing the tour or are you inviting me in? — Castiel laughs some more and says.

— That depends, are you going to answer my question? — At this moment Lee opens an even wider smile he bites his tongue now and tries to contain a little, he shouldn't. And at the moment he has a lot of questions and a lot of concerns, he doesn't want a bad relationship with Sam if they're kind of going to live together, he hasn't decided that yet, but he's quite inclined to accept it. And what about Dean? He's like, okay with that?  — Are you worried, if this is about Sam and Dean, I already talked to them… — Lee just invades the angel's personal space now and presses him against the wall next to the side of the room and says leaning one hand on the wall, Castiel nor does he blink or hesitate when he does so;  they stare at each other for a moment and Cas shifts his gaze to the other man's lips holding back the urge he has to kiss him now.

— You really want this, isn't it just talk? You know I want because you can read me, but I can't tell if that's just you teasing me or not, and I'm trying too hard not to drag you into that room and fuck your ass until you tell me to stop... — Castiel he smiles even wider and runs a hand over his chest and he can feel his heart racing.

— Darling, I think you're going to be the person who's going to beg me to stop no matter who fucks who. — Lee at this point lets out a laugh and looks in disbelief.

— Get a room you two! There are literally like 30! — Eileen is now walking down the hall and comments on this before she even introduces herself to Lee. She read Cas' lips, but she didn't even need to know what this moment was about, they were both breathing on top of each other like animals in heat and they weren't even kissing yet. Lee is startled when he hears her voice and she can't say she was sad to interrupt the moment, her moment was interrupted earlier but...Castiel wasn't looking at her like that, I think it doesn't matter the interruption, nothing will stop these two from fucking today.

— Hi, you must be Eileen. — he says, offering his a hand. Eileen seems surprisingly less hostile than Sam, they'll be fine.

— Hi Lee, hey Cas….— Now that she looks at Cas, it doesn't seem jealous there is just an obvious tension between the two — Welcome to our "home" and I don't know… try to avoid having sex at the library table, It's not a good idea. — At this point doesn't know what to say just frowns at her as the woman laughs and Castiel just tries to hold back as Eileen turns the aisle and walks away.

— Jack isn't here today so…I was trying something, and Dean had forgotten the keys to the bar… — He didn't even need to finish. Lee was already chuckling.

— Oh, that's why Sam's mood is so bad, he's suffering from blue balls. — He says in a whisper so he doesn't risk it getting to his ears.

— I would have continued, but he didn't feel like it... Dean didn't catch anyone without clothes, but for him, it was enough to spoil the mood, well... What can I do, I make up for another day with him. Today, I think he's a little intimidated because I called you here — He says, his voice giving away a little that he feels a little guilty, Lee can tell.

— The way every man's mind works, he must think you called me here because he didn't handle you today. — At this point, Castiel frowns.

— I hadn't thought about that, humans... are so... — Castiel can't find the word.

— Stupid? Yes, especially a man who fails to get a hard-on, they are the most stupid, but I don't think you've ever suffered from that, right, angel? — Castiel smirks at that and tries to ignore the obvious sexual tension between them when Lee winks at him and asks.

— What do I do? I talk to him about it, and I say it's natural... — Lee almost despairs and interrupts him.

— No, no! This is like Voldemort, you just don't say the name of the thing and try another day. — Castiel chuckles

— Okay then... Let's continue with the tour, I still have the gym to show you. — Lee just accepts his defeat of course Castiel wouldn't want anything to do with him now, he has to think about Sam's feelings, Cas doesn't would be the guy he's falling in love with if he wasn't so sweet. Dammit!... Did he really just get more enchanted because the angel gave up on having sex with him?  What a mess…

— Does this place have a gym? That's great, I'm like... Needing it. — He says shyly, he didn't want to be that kind of guy but he's a little insecure with his belly, he's still a strong guy no doubt but he's more fat than strong lately, he's retired, and he's been trying to take care of himself, but he takes it easy on training, Dean is still the same way he remembered if not firmer and Cas...Wow, the guy is an angel, literally, that day they kissed he could feel how firm he is.

— You look healthy, I can feel you're healthy, I'm not sure I understand what you mean when you say you 'need'. — Castiel smiles lovingly at him.

— I'm trying to be healthy, but I still haven't gotten rid of the beer belly. — Castiel looks at him as if he's only noticed his body now, which seems impossible because the guy has been checking him out him since he came into his life, impossible he not have noticed it.

— I just noticed how beautiful you are. And you're healthier than Dean, he needed to get over the bacon, it's almost e-v-e-r-y day. — He says rolling his eyes.

— Yeah, we're getting old for this shit, I eat bacon once a week, and it should be less. I talked to Alice about decreasing the amount of bacon on my plate gradually, and she tell me to go to hell. Side note, been there, done that. She said I should just stop but ended up doing what I asked anyway, she gets rid of the bacon on my plate put it in her pocket in a napkin, and handed it to the dog standing in front of the diner. — When he tells this little story he can see Cas' eyes on him with a loving smile he looks at him now like he really is beautiful and that's a little intimidating. Castiel notices he's been staring at his throat too much and says.

— Sorry, I know you humans hate it when I stare at it like that, at first, Dean said it was just weird. — Lee huffed a laugh, was the angel really admiring him like that?  He was just talking about bacon and Alice and the dog. Oh hell...He can't resist it.

— Can I kiss you again? — Castiel smiles at the question, that wasn't really what he was thinking, but he understands why humans think that when he stares he wants a kiss, he knows why it awoke it in Lee, he was just admiring his figure and he's not used to it thereby. It's not that he doesn't want to be kissed by the man, he wants it so much, they're getting closer and closer, he could just give in to that and take him to bed easily.  It's what he wants to do, but Sam seems upset with him. He's calmer now, but he can't ignore the fact.

— Just one kiss... — He says seriously and Lee's response is just to get even closer and break the distance that still exists between them and kiss him. Castiel couldn't resist the urge that he had to thread his fingers through the hairs near the back of his neck to pull it to him. It pulls a groan from Lee's throat making the skin on his neck tingle, he can feel it run down his spine and send a direct response to his cock. It doesn't help the fact that Castiel sucks his lower lip willingly and bites it lightly, he bites it the same way he bites his neck that other day, it's soft and at the same time firm, curious combination, it seems like he knows exactly the amount of pressure that must apply to turn on the right buttons, and he's an angel he probably knows it. He just knows that kissing Castiel is amazing. The angel interrupts the kiss just to say. — Just kisses...—

He starts to drag Lee into that room which puts a smile on Lee's face, he closes the door quickly throwing him against it sinking into his neck pulling his hair harder while brushing against a semi-hard erection against his hip.

— Angel, you have kind of a bold idea of what kisses are all about. — He says with a laugh, making Cas laugh too and say.

— Want me to stop my kissing? — He asks cheekily, running his tongue down his neck and biting the lobe as his other hand wraps around Lee's waist and pulls him closer.

— No… — He sighs.

— Good! — He says getting down on his knees in front of Lee and watching the reactions, wondering if he's going to object to it or not.  The man's reaction is just to groan and throw his head back as he anxiously undoes his belt and buttons.  Castiel just smiles as he without thinking too much just pulls out of his boxers a very hard cock and leaking pre-cum, Lee strokes himself briefly and exchanges a look with Cas who swallows hard and says.

— Dean wasn't kidding when he said you were almost as big as he was! You're beautiful, that pink, delicate head… — Castiel wraps his hand around him and spreads the pre-cum down the length. He admires noticing every detail of it, he's obviously smaller than Dean, but almost as thick, kind of like his own, has a nice curvature and a smaller head than his body, perfect for bottoming.

— Oh you motherfucker, I bet you say that to all the guys. — he says jokingly and sheepishly and Cas frowns and says.

— For all 3 I know intimately, yes. — He laughs a little at the purity Castiel says this at the same time it's so hot his cock tightens a little more in his hand. Is he part of the small group of men Castiel knows and fucks? He thought there would be more, he really wasn't buying all Dean’s talk about him being the only one he thinks about and wants to fuck, he thought he and the angel were having fun now that they can, but the angel says that to him and seems sincere. At the moment he hates himself for even thinking that for a second he might be really special in their lives.

Castiel can feel all of Lee's beautiful, glowing confusion as he hovers on his knees next to his cock, for a moment he thinks the man is going to ask him to stop it, but he lets out a moan and gently caresses his head looking at him that familiar way. Castiel knows he doesn't just want his hands, he promised kisses, after all, so he smiles and places a kiss on the head that drools pre-cum for him, teasing. He licks it lightly and Lee throws his head back closing his eyes, he's sensitive.

— This isn't how I thought my day was going to end, I thought you were just talk. — Lee says watching Castiel work his head with tongue and lips and feeling his balls envelop his hand. Castiel just mumbles an answer, too busy to form sentences with his mouth right now, so instead of answering he just drags him to the back of his throat and grabs the man's hips in place, pressing him a little closer against the door. Lee lets out a surprised groan and looks down to meet his angel's gaze. He could swear there's a smile there somewhere. He doesn't even hesitate, he's working his entire length down his throat and he doesn't even hesitate…This is going to be so embarrassingly fast.  — Cas…Castiel…— Castiel pulls it out of the back of his throat just to say.

— Oh no, you're not going to come yet...— Lee raises his eyebrows and is about to say that this ship pretty much has sailed, but he's there on the edge, and he feels an electric current, similar to what he felt when the angel cured him, it's a nice tingling. The motherfucker is preventing him from coming.

Lee doesn't say anything, just admires him now as he stands up and sheds his layers, he already looked amazing in that navy blue shirt, without it he's even more majestic. It's a little intimidating the way he makes it easy and he's frozen in place watching him undress.

— Sorry, is that what you want, or were you just talking? — He says as he unbuttons his jeans and stops at the zipper. The sound of his jeans button opening called him back to planet earth and he started to shed his layers too and only heard Castiel say. — Good boy. — Oh, God, Castiel…

Castiel opens that drawer to look for the lube and a condom and tosses it on the bed while kicking his shoes and pants away. He looks at Lee who was cursing his boots finally getting rid of them and heading towards him. Majestically tossing that hair back. The brunette pulls him in for a kiss and they both moan as their erections rub against each other without layers of fabric getting in the way. Lee looks for Cas' cock and wraps it in his hand anxiously as they exchange a look. The human swallows hard at the way he stares at him now. If he was deluded enough he'd say it's similar to the way he looks at Dean. But he doesn't want to waste too much time thinking about nonsense now.

— Your cock is kind of similar to mine…— Lee says, comparing them together and making the angel laugh.

— Yeah, that's interesting, I've always wondered what it would be like to be fucked by myself and now I'm going to get an idea. — Castiel says, reflecting away and meeting Lee's gaze that was on him.

— Are you glad you now have a cock partner you can compare to and not be sad about? Because Dean is a horse and it makes me depressed — He scoffs laughing and Castiel follows him and can see the man's nervousness

— You're rambling about dick sizes, you're nervous. If you want to do this just with Dean, It’s okay, I'll understand… — The angel gently caresses Lee's face and at that moment he thinks he can melt with the affection and delicacy that the angel does this.

— I'm nervous because you're an angel…—  He lies, Castiel can see right through him effortlessly and it's on the angel's face, but fuck it he's polite enough to ignore the real reason. — I want you, this isn't about Dean…I won't complain if he wants to participate, though. — He says with a smile and Cas kisses him gently in response and pulls him onto the bed. Castiel wraps his legs around him and for a while they stay like that, kissing passionately and rubbing erections, feeling each other's touch. Lee explores every inch of the angel's exposed skin with his hands and Castiel just sighs and moans between kisses. His touch is electrifying and so different, he likes it, Lee is a rough romantic. Comparisons are inevitable in his mind at this point, he's a lover more like Sam only rougher in his touch. Sam at first looked like he was afraid of breaking him, he is still delicate, but no fears, Dean always touched him without fear when he allowed himself to go to bed with him, Lee gradually loses his fear and dares in his touch, squeezes his skin, clings to the reality of it as if he still doesn't believe it's real, sometimes as Dean does. He sighs with happiness when he feels the texture and taste of his skin.

Lee musters up the courage and spins the angel on the bed to make his way to his buttcheeks. He kissed his shoulder blades and the middle of his back. With anyone other than Dean he doesn't take time like that, but Castiel isn't like most "people" he wants to taste the angel, he wants to memorize its scent just like he memorized Dean. He wants to feel like he hasn't felt in a long time.  He wants to allow himself to delve into it at least for the moment.

Castiel takes his time in appreciating that, appreciating that yearning for the adoration of his body, he was expecting something ruder, but it's a pleasant surprise the way he kisses his buttcheeks and separates them gently, bites the flesh, licks and says:

— It's just the way I expected smooth ass too. — At this point, they both laugh, but Castiel turns around to say.

— Shut up and kiss me… — He says pulling him in for a kiss. Lee throws his legs over his shoulder and Castiel cracks a smile as he starts to work his way up to his thighs with his tongue and says.

— You're the boss… — He sees stars when he feels Lee wrap his mouth and tongue around his balls and make his way to the tight folds — Just kisses… —  He says returning to kiss Castiel's pleats making him groan, he separates his buttcheeks for better access. He can't resist the urge he has to pull that hair and tries not to pull it too much towards him, even though it's hard — Gosh, I want that hot piece of ass in my face! Push me, push harder! — The angel smiles, encouraged by him and pulls his hair together tightly in a ponytail with one hand tightly.

— Yeah? Do you like it? Take it! —  He says as Lee sinks his lips and tongue there, he just manages to mumble a reply as he penetrates him with his tongue, Castiel presses him against his entrance as they exchange a lewd look. The angel pulls him away and he runs his tongue over his balls while not looking away for even a second. Lee reaches for Cas' cock with one hand and runs his tongue down the length. Castiel at that moment can only moan and enjoy the sensations of the tongue and firm hand around him caressing him while he sucks his entrance again.

Lee at that moment is so magnificent, he lights up all over like Christmas lights and Castiel is looking forward to seeing what he looks like when he comes and the sounds he makes. He loves the sound of his moans, it's like music to his ears. And he hasn't even heard him sing, another thing he's extremely excited to see as Dean says it's wonderful and his aura lights up like Lee's now as he sinks his face into his hole when he tells it.

Castiel fumbles around the bed for that lube and condom and hands it to Lee who eagerly prepares it. He's nervous in anticipation, he knows it won't last at all, in fact, he will, because the angel will hold him back, but that would be shamefully quick. The angel seems to sense that he gets too nervous as he pauses a gentle hand on his sweaty face, kisses his lips gently, and just doesn't say anything. He smiles back at the angel, takes a little breath, and spreads a good amount of lube on his dick. And he's about to ask how the angel wants to take him when he feels a hand on his chest that pushes him roughly onto the bed. Wow, the angel is strong, if he was going into cardiac arrest it would make his heart start beating again.

And before he can make any sassy comment the angel is riding him making him lose his mind. Oh, he takes it so easy, Oh how he wanted to feel it skin to skin sex right now. Castiel moves gracefully up and down. Lee is already on the edge of an orgasm. He tries to hold the angel's hips in place pull him in for a kiss and slow down. Castiel lets him, he appreciates the sweet way Lee kisses him, and he wants to avoid using grace for a more human experience. He could sense how delighted Lee was and also a little scared earlier, and even a little embarrassed. He doesn't want the human to feel shame. Sam and Dean are used to him using grace and they even find it amusing, but he may have misjudged that Lee would appreciate it too.

— You're too much for me angel, I can't handle this whole monument — Lee says lovingly caressing his face hugging him. Castiel moves more slowly, taking him to the bottom and staying there, enjoying the feeling of being filled by Lee.

— I'm the size of the Chrysler Building, so you're not wrong…— He groans this and Lee laughs lightly and kisses him, turning him on the bed still holding himself inside, gently thrusting.

— Tell me more about your true form, I wish I could see you without going blind in the process…—  He says with a slight sweet smile. Castiel can feel that he is not afraid of the creature that exists inside this vessel that he willingly enters, just like Dean and Sam.

— It's not a sexy conversation to have in the middle of sex, most humans would find my true form just unsightly to the eyes. — He says a little wistfully and Lee kisses him. For a moment he thinks he's broken the angel, but he's still pretty hard against his belly.

— Show me those drawings you said you have later? —  he asks lovingly, beating slowly and sinking into Castiel making him whimper. He pauses for a moment and before Cas can protest Lee reaches for that lube smears his palm and envelops his intimacy, focusing on the head leaking pre-cum.

— Yes…— He groans in response and Lee smiles as it looks like he's just groaning and not answering the question. His goal is to make the angel come before him at least, then he doesn't guarantee he can and he really doesn't want to let him down.  — Yeah! You're too hot… right there…— Castiel moans hoarsely making Lee smile, he knows, once he finds the right rhythm and the right position for someone's prostate he can only focus on one thing.

— Hey, look at me. — Lee asks, and Castiel smiles, he fights the urge to close his eyes and just free himself in Lee's hands. He's close, he can feel Lee is too, but he holds on as long as he can. Oh, it syncs so well.  — Damn it! — And that's it, Lee loses his fight against his inevitable orgasm, he hits some more and inevitably loses his hardness, quickly comes out and replaces his cock with his tongue and that was all Castiel needed to come, oh he appreciates the way that Lee dedicates himself to kissing his ass now... When Lee feels the hot cum hit his hand he smiles and almost screams excitedly, but holds back. Lee slaps Castiel's ass lightly and places himself between his legs for a brief kiss on the lips before falling exhausted beside him.

Castiel can't help but smile when he sees the bright proud smile on Lee's face. He brushes a strand of sweat from the middle of his forehead and briefly caresses his face, Lee with his eyes closed enjoying the gentle touch, Castiel pauses a hand on his chest as he watches, suspending his head with one hand and elbow on the bed, he runs his fingers and traces the anti-possession tattoo he has on his ribs and it tickles Lee who takes a deep breath, opens his eyes and looks at him now. He takes off the condom and knots it, Castiel takes it and the wrapper and throws it in the trash next to the bed, and Lee thanks him with his eyes.

After Castiel returns to his side on the bed he snuggles into his chest for a second and curses himself for it. He looks so needy, he tries to pull himself away from it, but Castiel pulls him back and kisses the top of his head affectionately.

— I like that after sex if that's okay with you. — Castiel says with a smile, he feels the man relax in his arms and laugh a little.

— Say the truth, you felt the needy mess I am now. — They look at each other now and Castiel frowns and laughs.

— I was trying to be nice about it, but yeah…— They exchange a look and Lee laughs a little more embarrassed — And I really enjoy cuddling after sex — Lee just accepts the angel's answer and chuckles lightly against his chest, and comments on something he can't help but point out.

— You're already hard…— He says in a defeated voice.

— Angels have practically non-existent refractory periods, that's why I use grace on Dean sometimes, he keeps saying how much he misses his 20s. — He says with a laugh.

— I thought you were just being a funny perverted angel, but this is really necessary, this hard cock is practically a challenge, I can't resist — He says sleepily looking for the angel's gaze and Castiel smirks pulls in a lazy kiss.

— Save that energy for when Dean arrives…— Lee just laughs.

— Does he have the energy for it? —  he asks surprised.

— He's going to want to have the energy for it when he arrives and sees the two of us in bed, and I can help…— He says arrogantly.  Lee laughs but frowns a little, he wasn't planning on staying that long in bed with Cas.

— Relax, just take a nap, you're a very tense human…— He says seriously, frowning at him. Lee wants to protest, but he doesn't see a real reason why he would leave the angel's arms right now. He's not going to fall madly in love just because Castiel is the most affectionate creature in the world after casual sex. He made the mistake of falling in love with Dean before sex even happened once when he was young and stupid, he won't let that happen again. He is too old for this shit. He, Castiel, and Dean are just friends with benefits, and this time it's going to be true and it's going to be just that. This will be a new mantra.

 

                                                                                              **

After a long day, all Dean wants is to lie down and sleep. He takes that quick, relaxing shower and goes straight to his room. He opens the door carefully, not wanting to get in the way if Cas is sleeping. When he opens the door, he is a little surprised by what he finds, but not so much, he already expected that. A very naked and wide awake Castiel and a sleeping Lee on his chest, covered only by a sheet and lit by the light of the lamp. They smile at each other. His heart warms, the two people he most desires in this world are in bed together. There he witnessed scenes like this many times in his life but never was one as beautiful and as "pure" like this one. It feels so good, but he shouldn't be this excited, that's not what Lee wants, but at least they can have those little moments.

— In my bed?! What an outrage! — He says in a whisper, pretending indignation that Cas knows damn well it's a lie, the angel just laughs at him a little and he feels like a clown. Not wanting to risk waking up Lee who looks so peaceful, Castiel holds back a laugh and Dean does too, they just look at each other passionately and let the moment linger for a few seconds.

It's a good thing that not too long ago they swapped the bed for a slightly bigger one. What Dean really wanted was a king-size, but this double bed that fits 3 if you try hard enough is apparently pretty good too. Castiel left a good space for him and settled in with Lee on the other side. He sneaks under that sheet and gives Cas a light kiss on the lips and whispers in his ear maliciously.

— Castiel's sandwich for breakfast... Yummy… — They chuckle and Dean settles on his other chest briefly, gently brushing a lock of hair out of Lee's face. He turns off the light, snuggles on his pillow and he can feel sleep overtake him. Castiel is almost not tired right now, that's relatively comfortable, he didn't want to move right now, but he would risk waking Lee up. If he wakes up now, he's sure will leave, and he didn't want him to.  Maybe a little longer and he'll be able to sleep too.

He tries but fails, he uses his angelic strength and grace to his advantage, a smile crosses his mouth. The day he uses his mojo to properly settle in with 2 men in a bed has arrived, he is officially retired from his role of helping prevent apocalypses. Castiel turns Lee, and makes him his little spoon, he feels Dean transform him into his little spoon and grab him by the hip lovingly. And so that's it, he found a position comfortable enough to fall asleep too.

Chapter Text

He can feel the memory foam mattress underneath his body. For a second he's not sure where he is, and then he remembers the night before. Damn it, he didn't drink anything and ended up in Dean's bed anyway.  He had sex with the angel, but even so... He didn't mean to sleep so much, he doesn't even know if it was for a long time actually, this place doesn't give you any idea if it's morning or night, he just knows he can feel the angel still against his back. Lee reaches for his cell phone that was on the bedside table and finds that it is indeed morning, more specifically 9:44 a.m. He blinks his eyes a little with difficulty because of the brightness of the cell. Lee hears a familiar groan beside him waking up too, now that he's noticed, it's not Castiel. He turns on the bedside table light.

— Hey, you're not the person I go to bed with yesterday! —  Lee says feigning indignation, Dean scowls at the light and sinks his face into the pillow.

— Good morning to you too…— He says slyly, muffled by the pillow. Lee smiles try to contain the wide smile that he's happy to wake up next to Dean.  — And before you ask, I don't know where the angel  — Lee wants to protest, but that's exactly what he was thinking, he's not needy, no…far from it, he just wanted more sex since the angel has such a cozy chest that he made him sleep next to him. Dean exchanges a look with him now and they smile at each other in a slyly familiar way.

— Sorry, I didn't mean to sleep so much, I was supposed to be quick with Castiel, but…oh, you know what I’m talking about…— Lee shyly looking away says huffing out a proud little laugh. Dean just mutters positively and laughs mischievously. Lee lies on his side on the bed to face Dean now. He watches him carefully face to face, not sure if he should dare touch him, and Dean isn't sure if he should initiate anything despite all the conversation they were having on the cell phone yesterday. For a moment it feels like old times waking up together like this.

— I would kiss you, but it's a mixture of literally ass and morning breath in my mouth now, it was a nice ass, but still an ass. — Lee says, making them both laugh. Dean closes his eyes, biting his lip involuntarily visualizing in his mind Castiel being kissed by Lee.It sends an electrical current straight to that morning hard-on.

— I think I'll risk it...— He says approaching for a kiss smiling, Lee is surprised but smiles back at him he closes his eyes and breaks the distance that still exists between them sealing their lips together. Dean searches for Lee's tongue and passionately deepens the kiss. They used to exchange morning kisses like that only when they'd had too much to drink and were still too drunk in the morning to care. Sober and in his 40s, it's almost too much for Lee. He feels like he might break, but remembers that it's in the past and should stay there. Lee interrupts that kiss and goes straight to the subject that currently interests him both. He pulls the sheet off Dean's and quickly gets rid of the hot dog pajama pants he's been wearing, pulling his boxers down roughly along with the pants.  A surprised sigh leaves Dean's lips as he enjoys all the morning excitement of the brunette.

— Nice pants, but I still prefer you with nothing on. — Lee says he looks into Dean's eyes, its warm and a sly smile sprouts on his face as a firm hand wraps around his already hard and aching cock yearning for touch. Lee doesn't think too much about Dean's smile and how it wakes things inside him right now, he just wraps his lips and tongue around it, capturing that signature Dean taste, his pre-cum has always been irresistibly delicious and that hasn't changed. This will never change. Dean helps him by gently holding all that hair which doesn't help much at times like this. Lee watches Dean roll his eyes and pull him away.  — Already?  — Lee mocks.

— Shut up…—  He just says laughing — I want to blow you too, come here you son of a bitch. — Lee can't resist the urge to laugh lovingly as they exchange a look. They settle into bed lying on their sides in a comfortable, lazy 69. They're barely awake, Dean would like a coffee before this, but fuck it they want to suck each other off more than anything else right now. Dean wraps one of his hands around him and licks the tip, capturing that glistening drop of pre-cum as Lee does the same thing back.

It's intimate, it's familiar, it's lazy, and it's everything as Dean remembers. He has to control himself, he's about to tell the man he loves him, he can't, that's not why he's here, that's not what he wants. He wants to stick his dick in that throat and come deep inside because it feels good, and he's good at it. He was always good for him at that. But he couldn't help but caress the man's thighs lovingly as he slowly took him deep, going back and forth steadily, enjoying every inch of his length. Dean lets go of Lee's cock for a moment to kiss that thigh he's missed kissing so much. And then he goes back to working his mouth around the trembling intimacy of the man in front of him, grabbing him thigh by the ass, squeezing hard, caressing, memorizing his flesh in his hands. Lee at the moment is taking it with a little difficulty to the throat. Dean stops and watches for a moment as Lee works his hand and licks all the pre-cum that leaks from his cock. He makes his way to Dean's inner thigh and licks, squeezes, and bites lightly there, causing him to moan loudly and hard. He is so beautiful.

— Dean. — Lee calls his name and he immediately exchanges a look with the brunette. He cries out to him the same way he used to when he was drunk and accidentally told him that he loved him, for a moment he can feel his heart racing, he swallows hard as they exchange that look. Lee resists the urge he has to tell the man he loves him so he just says panting and shaking with lust, — You were right, sober sex…—  Dean smiles back at him.

— Come here… — Dean says, sitting on the bed and looking for Lee's lips. He kisses back and pulls him to him, they roll together and Lee presses him against the mattress rubbing their erections together. They feel skin against skin, sounds of moans and stunned gasps fill the room. Dean runs his hands down Lee's back and roams all over his body as they kiss breathlessly.

This was supposed to be just sad, old lovers reminiscing about a time they still loved each other, but Lee doesn't feel sad, he feels like he's exactly where he should be. He fits into Dean's embrace as if he never left. Lee wished he was drunk, he wished he could blame his current state of pure euphoria on some drug, but this is just him and Dean in bed and it's magnificent. He hates the way Dean interrupts that kiss and thrusts against his cock just to look him in the eye like he wants to say something, it's scary.

— Lee… I… — I love you . Dean starts to say this and immediately feels Lee tense up in his arms, he knows exactly what it's about, he's feeling it too. Lee desperately panting stops him, his heart skips a beat and he says.

— No! Don't say it…just kiss me. — He says pressing their lips together.  Trying to get the rhythm of his breathing right, to hold tight to the urge he has to cry.

— Not saying the thing doesn't make a difference…— Dean says, huffing out a wistful laugh, inevitably remembering Castiel and their whole tragedy saying “I love you” to each other for the first time. Lee just sighs sadly.  — We're making love, not fucking and you know it…

— The angel ruin you, he is really intense when it comes to fucking… He made me feel special, imagine how he is with you! — Lee jokes and laughs lightly, he won't admit anything here, he's not ready for this. Dean seems to understand, just smiles slightly at the mention of Cas in the conversation. Lee admires Dean now, this he can afford. The last time they looked into each other's eyes this intensely was when Dean was killing him and he was saying he was glad he was the one doing it. At this point, he can tell he's doing the same thing when he tries to say he loves him. He's happy to be making love to him now, even though it's killing him inside with this overwhelming feeling that makes his heart almost jump out of his mouth. He wanted to get the words out, but if he did he felt his world would be turned upside down. He's already lost, but words carry more real weight. It's ridiculous, it's the kind of lie you tell yourself to pretend you're in control, but it's still the truth.

— I understand…just…Stay with me. — Dean just says, trying to hold on, trying to hold on to him as long as he can, just like the day he was killing him.  He didn't want to let go of that day any more than he wants now. Dean wraps his palms around Lee's face keeping their gazes together, the brunette was trying to "walk away" and he is unable to let go of him today.

— Okay…— Lee says this in a choked voice, sighing hard, both of them shaking in their embrace. Lee tries to kiss him, smother these feelings that are erupting, but when Dean kisses him back it only intensifies, Dean isn't content to just kiss him and put this morning sex session back on track he kisses him like his life depending on that, he rolls him over in bed, kisses his face, the tip of his nose, his forehead, his cheeks, goes down his neck, chest, abdomen, groin… Dean makes his way to his cock and wraps it in his mouth again. It's so sweet, and he feels adoration in every kiss, the motherfucker learned that one from the angel for sure. The two now have distorted ideas of what kisses should be. He urgently needs to change the tone of this before he breaks down in tears with Dean kissing his hardness like that.

Lee takes control of this for himself and turns Dean roughly on the bed and quickly makes his way with his tongue to the middle of his butcheeks, Dean sighs in surprise but doesn't stop him so he continues, Dean just says:

— That's not such a good idea…— He laughs openly when he says this and Lee just slaps one of those cheeks hard and loud.

— Did I ask you something, boy?  Get me a condom. — Dean bites his tongue and grins mischievously and shaking his head positively he reaches out his arm to turn on another bedside table light and hunt in the drawer for the lube and condom. They got lucky, it was the last one there, this stash hasn't been stocked for a while and if he hadn't had one there he probably would have let Lee fuck him the same way. Screw this.

He hands it to Lee. Who prepares himself quickly, leaving that dick that was already a little hard, sad and unfocused at the point to put the condom on, swirls Dean's hole with a good amount of lube when he plays a little there with his fingertips, making the blonde sigh and moan in anticipation and also rub a good amount of it on his cock. He gently accommodates his cock there forcing his way inside and listening to Dean groan softly in discomfort. He stops. He rests his cock between his cheeks and leans down to kiss his neck.

— Dean…? — He asked, finding so much resistance strange, usually he opens up like a flower to it, maybe he has changed a lot in the last almost 20 years that they don't have sex, maybe he appreciates a longer preparation, maybe he's just not what he wants and he must call Castiel here and accept his defeat.  Maybe this is being too much for Dean too.

— I'm not clean…— He says shyly burying his face in the mattress. Lee just laughs and smacks his forehead on his back laughing hard. If Dean is worried about the situation then it's really worrying.

— Okay, alright…— Lee says taking off the condom and rubbing his dick between Dean's butcheeks, it slides easily making both of them moan — That ass is delicious…— He says purring against Dean's ear, and making his back and forth — Inside or out… — Hearing this Dean groans in response and smiles. Lee pulls back a little, rotates Dean's pleats with the luscious pre-cum head of his cock, and at this point, it takes a lot of willpower not to sink in there because the head goes in easily. Dean groans like a good bitch. He pulls it out, spreads those buttocks wide, and watches, rubbing his aching cock there in the middle. It feels so good to feel his skin against his like this, his skin smooth and perfect, and he's on the edge of orgasm just by it. He squeezes one of his buttocks and pats himself off of Dean, pushing away the urge to sink into that hole, sighing heavily as he falls down beside him on the bed, his cock throbbing and drooling pre-cum.

Dean doesn't think twice, he grabs it in his hand and takes it to his mouth, licks the pre-cum and takes it to his throat and back, sucks, applies pressure with his hand and mouth. Lee groans and squirms beneath him, he feels he's so close.  He threads his fingers through the hairs on top of Dean's head that are long enough to grasp and pulls it toward him.

— Can I fuck that throat? — He asks when Dean is with him in the background.  He didn't used to ask, Dean just let him do it without warning and didn't care when he was choking on his cum or not, but those are other times, he doesn't know if he should. Dean just mumbles a positive response with it in his throat and his cock quivers some more in anticipation. Roughly he grabs Dean's head and eagerly thrusts his cock into it. Dean is beautiful right now, panting, his face flushed, lips wet and the corners of his eyes accumulating tears, he knows that look, Dean is a happy mess. Lee pushes him away and Dean is momentarily confused but cracks a smile as the man straddles his chest and starts pounding his fist against his hardness.

— Yeah, come on, come in my face, you son of a bitch!—  He encourages.  And he finally breaks free, Dean lets out a laugh as the first jet misses his face and lands far away, and then he can feel the hot liquid on his face, he opens his mouth to take a part there and groans satisfied when he tastes the bittersweet on his tongue. Lee quickly leaves and reaches for Dean's neglected cock, spreads the pre-cum that was leaking down the length and starts to firmly pound his fist there, Dean almost comes instantly, he was on edge too and that puts a smile on Lee's face as he tries capturing the rest of the jets with his mouth, he groans.

At that moment the bedroom door opens and they both jump a little scared, but it's just Castiel appearing with a smile on his face and two cups of coffee in hand, he pushes the door with his foot.

— I thought you guys might want some of this to wake you up, but…— He says placing the mugs on the bedside table. He can feel all the longing for him here, but he thought they should have this moment just the two of them for now, it felt too intense and intimate for him to get into, but the minute he walks into the room he can feel this overwhelming surge of desire for him, invade his essence and tingle down his spine. He doesn't know who he should kiss first, he decides on Dean, who looks more irresistible with all that cum on his face.  Dean is kind of low on energy and lying on the bed now, he takes advantage of the fact that his head is hanging over the edge of the bed and gives that upside-down kiss, capturing all Lee's cum with his tongue before searching for Dean's. He hears Lee next to him curse his name and smiles between the kiss, feeling his longing for him increase even more.

When Castiel finishes putting on a show for Lee and sweeps all the cum he can find to their tongues, he wipes Dean's face swallows his saliva, and exchanges a look with him. The two do, Dean has the same smile on his face as Castiel.

—  Good morning! Did you sleep well? — Castiel asks in a thoughtful, cheeky tone as their gazes meet. Lee stutters a little.

— Yes, I slept well as I haven't slept in a long time. What did you do to me? — He disturbs in his surprised and disbelieving tone. Castiel steps forward to give him a kiss as well who was sitting on his heels on the bed next to Dean. Lee welcomes this, pulls him by the back of his head, not expecting an answer to his question, just kisses the angel passionately, tasting the 3 in his mouth.

— I showed you some of my love and grace. — He says proudly as they break away from the kiss. Dean at this moment observes this moment with the coffee cup in his hand smiling. Lee doesn't know exactly how to feel, it's good, but the angel's words are also too much. He feels like he should leave now, it's too early in the morning to deal with so many feelings, but the minute he starts to get too desperate Cas's hands are on his face gently calming him down. His thumb sweeping away a tear he hadn't even noticed had fallen, his lips covering one of his eyes with a familiar tingle, is it healing? Is Castiel healing the pain? He can feel it hurts less, love hurts less now. And he can also feel his cock getting hard again.

— That was not my intention, but when I heal, I also renew energies. — Cas justifies himself. And Lee laughs at him when Castiel seems too preoccupied with how he might interpret his intentions.

— The angel says that like it's something bad, a hard cock again. — Lee says looking at Dean who laughs as he drinks his coffee.

— You felt a little embarrassed when I held back your orgasm yesterday. — Cas says in justification.

— A little, but you can ignore it...— He says, Dean and Cas let out a light laugh as they exchange a look.

— Do you want to take a shower with me, Lee? —  Dean asks, wiggling his eyebrows at him and grinning when the man blushes shyly, looks away, and responds.

— Yes…— He says, taking that cup of coffee.  — I'm hungry, are you hungry?—  Castiel smiles mischievously and responds.

— I think you know what I'm hungry for...— They both look at him now with wide grins and Dean says.

— Hold that fire for a moment, I need a shower, food and…— Dean can't believe he's going to say this but ends up saying, fuck it —…shit, I really need to take a shit, okay?  —  He says a little impatiently.

— I was wondering where his morning mood was. — Lee comments to Cas who just laughs and Dean frowns at him and says.

— I shoved all my bad mood up my ass, that’s why I didn't have room for you — He says with a slight impatient smile as he gets up, and goes to grab his robe, change of clothes, and stuff… — I'll wait for you in the shower room...— He says quickly leaving the room. Leaving Cas and Lee alone for now.

Lee at this point doesn't know what he should do first, he has a hard cock and an angel staring at him. He doesn't feel well enough to propose something dirty and quick to him, however, he's feeling too sweaty and unworthy to fuck Castiel right now. This heavenly love invading him is intense and intimidating. He just goes looking for his clothes around the room. Castiel watches him like he's really special and not to be pitied, but that's just the angel being nice about it.

Castiel tries to ignore all the mess of feelings he can get from Lee and searches the drawer for a clean robe. He tries to look for Lee's eyes, but he looks away in embarrassment. He suffers from the same problem as Dean years ago, he doesn't think he deserves any of this. That's a downside of the healing he tries to do on the soul, it stirs wounds, it takes a while for him to feel comfortable in his body again. All Lee needs now is food and a shower to really feel refreshed.

— Can I accompany you in that shower? —  Castiel asked, trying to sound casual, Lee smiles shyly as he finishes putting his pants on and says.

— Of course, Dean is your husband or boyfriend or whatever…— He says, trying not to sound bitter or jealous, but shame washes over him because the angel can see right through him. He doesn't comment, however.

— Lee…— Castiel just says the name and he tries to search for the look, his brows furrowed. He tries to reach out to offer comfort but feels him close himself off to it, pulling away from the touch.

— Don't do that…— He says wistfully looking into his eyes now — I'm your good fuck remember? Let's not spoil a good thing, try to be less…— He says measuring it with his hands —... That, ok? Let's screw each other, shall we?!  —  He says, taking a tired smile from Cas, who just closes his eyes for a moment. All this energy coming from Lee is blinding and attractive, he needs to really contain the urge he has to give comfort to the man in front of him. That kiss they shared was too much for him. Lee was loving everything about this morning in a way he didn't want to and Castiel could feel it.

— Okay…— Castiel just says.  — I'll be less…— He can't find the words and ends up saying something that surprises Lee, —…Passionate about it.  Noted.  I can just fuck you. — He lies blatantly, but fuck it he maybe sounds sincere — I'm good at this, excellent actually — He says cheekily and Lee just rolls his eyes laughing now.

— Cocky… I don't doubt it, I've seen how you get dick in that ass, everything else must be excellent — At this point, he can already see Lee getting more open to him again — and you're a cum slut too, good to know — Castiel swallowing hard he wanted to protest but he really is so he just smirks and raises one of his eyebrows at Lee measuring him up and down and stopping his gaze on that still slightly swollen crotch. Lee looks away from the look the angel is giving him now trying to control himself not to throw him against that bed. He really needs that shower, food, water, and bathroom. Damn, that angel has a lot of fire!



 ***



The three meet in that shower room, Dean was washing his hair when Lee and Cas join him. He smiles when he sees the two of them turning on showers on either side. He doesn't know where to look now. Because they both look at him as if they want to possess his body and they both quickly have erections pointed at him. This looks a lot like the beginning of some random porn and he can't help but smile. He rinses his hair and when he's done Castiel is pressing him against the wall and kissing his neck lightly as his hands explore his body. Lee just watch this and takes his shower quickly.

He's not sure if he's horny or hungry right now. He really wants to fuck Dean's ass, Castiel brought some lube but he didn't see any condoms. Does that mean he can just look and not fuck? Patience, that's for another day, watching Dean get fucked was always nice to look at anyway. And he's getting ready for it, turn off that shower now. Castiel slides that sharp tongue down the middle of his butcheeks, a sound he's all too familiar with comes out of Dean's throat.

Lee doesn't think much, just gets in the middle of it, reaches for Dean's cock with his hand, and gets on his knees to start sucking his head leaking pre-cum, the water still on his skin gets in the way a little, and his knees hurt, but fuck it, he wants this. Dean curses them both now and laughs, he groans beautifully as he feels their tongues in their most sensitive places. Castiel sinks his tongue to the point where Dean almost whimpers in pleasure. Lee notices him holding himself back from moaning loudly, this place echoes. And the fact that he can't or wants to make that much noise only encourages more of his tongue. Lee takes it to the throat and back quickly to the tip, licks, sucks, and again slides it down the throat. Castiel kisses the pleats and sinks his tongue there, separating the butcheeks. Lee speeds up his movements a little more in a way he knows drives Dean crazy.

— I'm going to…Cas--tiel.— He says, wailing, calling the angel's name and then relief, Lee feels his cock throb in his throat, but without cum, Dean seems to have orgasmed, however, he shivers and squirms in his mouth as if one had happened. Castiel laughs proudly, stands up, and reaches for that lube. Dean exchanges a look with Lee and says.

— Son of a bitch, that wonderful mouth.... — Dean compliments, and they smile at each other as Lee caresses him with his hand, lightly.

Castiel comes back, ready to just penetrate Dean, he does, without hesitation, and Lee stands up to admire Castiel covering his mouth and rudely thrusting.  Lee exchanges a look with Dean and can see his eyes glistening with tears of happiness. So beautiful, he rolls his eyes and shivers, Castiel is a delight to watch, he can't wait for the angel to be able to do that to him some other day, if they had the chance.

Lee places himself behind Castiel, searching for the angel's lips, he can feel him melting through them, moaning against his mouth as he feels the hardness next to his ass. Lee makes his way, kisses his neck, licks and bites there. He runs his hands down Dean's back and Cas's chest, kisses the angel's shoulder blades, and runs his tongue down the middle of his back. He breaks into the tight pleats drawing a surprised groan from the angel who sinks deeper against Dean, who tries to get a sense of what Lee is doing now and groans in satisfaction when she realizes he's kneeled behind Cas.  Lee reaches for that lube briefly withdrawing from there, the angel groans in frustration missing the new and unique sensation.

— Calm down angel, I'm here…— Lee says, sucking his hole a little more while smearing his fingers with lube. He twirls his pleats with two lube-smeared fingers and bites one of his butcheeks lightly. Castiel struggles a little, but the initial surprise gives way to pleasure and he opens himself to Lee's fingers as Dean takes control of the rhythm of the thrusts. Lee inserts those two fingers into the bottom there, he probably found what he wanted, because the angel curses his name and rolls his eyes moaning as he searches through his hair pulling him in for a kiss. Lee lifts up and kisses the angel's lips while working him with his fingers making him moan into his mouth.

— Fuck me…— He says, actually begs. Lee smiles, he wants to protest, but the angel must know he's clean or something, or too horny to think straight. Either way, he won't protest.  — I want to feel you coming inside, just once…— Castiel says, squeezing Lee's fingers, totally taken by the heat of the moment, he seems even drunk with pleasure. Dean laughs at this and before he can say something sassy Castiel whispers in his ear — And then I want you to come inside me too...— He says and Dean and Lee share a look. Lee just stops working right after that and penetrates him all at once, he's already wet the hole well and his cock is leaking pre-cum enough to finish sliding inside easily. The angel hisses and holds back a scream biting his lips, but he opens himself like a flower to Lee. He takes care of the rhythm of it, making quick, precise thrusts, a little out of rhythm because he's already almost at the edge and has barely entered it. He's so sensitive and feeling Castiel's hot, wet insides and feeling his every spasm, hearing his low, hoarse moan doesn't help.

— Dammit, dammit, dammit!  Cas--? — Lee complains trying to hold it, hoping the angel will hold him, but he doesn't and he just lets him explode into an orgasm inside him, shamefully not lasting even 5 min. But he hears the angel groan, hold back a scream squeeze Dean's hips and slam against him as hard as he can.

— Cas--, I'm going to…— Dean warns too, but the angel holds him back and they both laugh now.

— No, you won't…— Lee takes this as a cue to step out from behind the angel and make room for Dean, who staggers and laughs back out of Cas's path, groaning in satisfaction. He separates the angel's butcheeks to watch the swollen pink hole leaking cum, he rolls his fingers there pushing back inside what wanted to escape and Lee watches this and the expressions on Dean's face, he bites his lip, frowns and he lets out an excited sigh as he sinks into Cas who whimpers something in a language Lee can't identify and it brings a smile to his lips. 

The angel looks for Lee and pulls him in for a kiss that is returned with enthusiasm, he moans wonderfully into his lips and Lee enjoys caressing his face as they exchange a loving look that Castiel at this point forgets to contain, but Lee doesn't care. Wanting to appreciate just for that moment the way the angel appreciates his cum being slammed deep into him, eyes clouded with lust, the glow of blue almost getting literally glowing and heavenly, he could swear he saw Castiel blink his eyes like Christmas lights. He moans between Lee's lips and Lee smiles and reaches for the angel's cock in his hands, he feels Dean slamming against the angel so violently that he exchanges a look with him half surprised.  

Lee kneels down and takes Castiel to himself, licks his balls well, and makes his way to the slit leaking pre-cum in abundance. The angel lets out a guttural scream and then laughs embarrassedly, biting his lips. Fuck, Cas is beautiful cumming. He can feel the hot cum on his tongue, takes it all in, and sucks on the sensitive tip sucking every last drop making Castiel hiss and curse in Enochian again. At that moment Dean comes too, lunging deeply, sighing in relief, and slapping Cas on the ass as he comes out of him. Legs wobbling and laughing, he pulls himself out of that shower to sit on that nearby bench for a while before plucking up the courage to take a quick shower.

Castiel just smiles mischievously and starts the shower again. Lee also turns on one of the showers and quickly washes his cock which was dripping with some cum and quickly wipes the sweat off the rest of his body, turns off the shower, and grabs his towel. He watches Cas exchange a glance with him as he runs his fingers around his hole letting the water run down and clean it. It's the hottest, lewd look anyone has ever given him after sex, without a doubt.

— What? Do you want some more? — Lee asks in surprise, Cas just smiles lewdly and Dean responds.

— He always wants more…— He says, sighing tiredly, getting up, and following Cas into that quick shower to finish cleaning up. — Maybe Sam can deal with him later. — The 3 just laugh now, and Castiel just doesn't say anything. It's not his fault that he's nearly insatiable and humans can't keep up with him even when he's low on power, but there's no shame in that as he can feel coming from Lee.

— It's true, I always want more once I start.— He tells Lee who just nods and wraps the towel around his head now as he finishes dressing.

— So we have to fuck you a few more times to get out of your system? What a shame it was a one-time thing…— At that moment the two look at him as if he were breaking hearts and look at each other with a slightly shy smile.

— Of course, a one-time thing…— Castiel repeats and Lee shrugs. He has to say that, he doesn't want this to become their routine, waking up together and fucking. That's a couple thing or a throuple thing in that case. They're not that. He's a fun addition to their relationship and that's it. Or any lie you tell yourself when you're trying to get rid of the feelings the angel obviously has for him while he's about to come.

Dean right now is exactly the emotional mess he knew he was going to be after this morning they had, he can't say he didn't know this was going to happen, but it still sucks, despite being one of his most pleasurable days and dirty from the last few years, he can't remember the last time he had 3-way sex this hot, I think the answer is never because he's never had 2 people he loved at the same time. It's amazing, it's just wonderful. It would be even more perfect if Lee were ready to admit that they are “The thing”, and not just amazing casual sex. Can't have it all…

Castiel just finishes that shower and tries not to stare at Lee who was combing that hair with his fingers. Why did he have to be so beautiful to look at? Now he wants to exchange kisses with both of them, but if the sex is over, maybe it's a bad idea, he's not good at this casual sex thing, he doesn't know the rules, maybe he'll ask later, whatever. He won't die if he's never allowed to kiss Lee again. But he's also never had to get over anyone. The times he had feelings for someone were brief and soon after memories of him were erased by Chuck, he was never allowed to grieve anyone. Look what a unique cool opportunity, Lee right now is trying to be so emotionally distant that he's actually succeeding, maybe he just needed a fuck with him to get over it and move on. Anyway…This post-sex isn't being fun.

— Do you guys still think it's a good idea for me to live here for a while? — Lee asks hesitantly, Castiel frowns, he asks like this is really just for convenience and they aren't even friends anymore, it's confusing.

—  What? You come on my ass, but we're not even friends anymore? — He boldly replies, fuck if he's going to think this is bad. Dean and Lee just laugh.

— Don't mind the angel, he's not used to all the existential regret spiral you emanate after a sober fuck. — Dean just says, exchanging a look with Lee.

— Sorry, Dean…have you met yourself ? — Cas asks wryly, drawing a laugh of Dean and Lee — I've experienced all sorts of existential crises, but you never thought we weren't friends anymore, even on your worst day…— He thinks about saying more, saying that he could still feel that he loved him that day he decided to leave the Bunker, that he left because he needed space and today he knows it was Chuck working Dean's worst, but he just shuts up, it doesn't matter at the moment, it's over. Dean sighs tiredly at Cas now and exchanges a look with Lee who just sits on the bench and tries to exchange a look with Cas now he lets the wall drop a bit and Cas sees what he's feeling at the moment. It's just fear, love, regret, and more fear, of what? Rejection? Of his love?

— Of course you're welcome here, we're your friends, I already understand what you're afraid of and I already promised that I'll respect your space, I'm not a princess...— Castiel rolls his eyes and says angrily in Enochian to himself. — I once led armies and now a human is afraid I might cry when he leaves my bed because apparently, I'm that kind of cum slut…Great! — Dean understands everything he just said and just laughs, Lee just stays confused. Castiel puts on his robe and leaves that place slamming the door. Lee just chuckles and tells Dean he's sitting next to him now.

— I think he hates me now…— Dean just laughs.

— Nah, he adores you, he said he's still your friend, he was just done with your shit, when he's about to punch you in the face he does that, it's too dumb human shit to feel sometimes, he does this to me and Sam all the time, get used to it.— Dean can see how much that sounds like the 'plans for the future' kind of shit and says — Or don't get used to it and just walk away, that's fine by me — He says wryly making Lee chuckle sadly.

— For a moment I really thought that after you guys got what you wanted the friendship would go away after a good fuck, it scared me the fact that I really like you guys and really wanted this place for a while, so I was trying…— Dean interrupts him talking over him.

— Yeah I know, “leave us before we leave you”, I get it, I invented this shit, you don't have to explain it to me, you don't even have to explain it to Cas, he understands — Dean claps him on the back and says — Now, let's get something to eat, I'm hungry and I'm not talking about dick. — He says pulling on his clothes as quickly as he can, still kind of tired from the shower action, kind of sore, but with a smile on his face. Lee smiles slightly and just finished putting on his clothes too.

— What language was he speaking earlier?— Lee asks curiously.

— Enochian. You know you're fucking an angel real good when he forgets to speak English, right? — Dean taps Lee on the shoulder proudly and Lee tries not to get too excited about it but ends up giving in to the urge to ask Dean for a high five and he knocks without thinking twice.

— But what did he say when he was cursing me? — He asks extremely curious now.

— Basically, he said you think you're the last Coke in the desert and he won't cry when you leave his bed because he's led armies in wars. And he's not a needy bitch. — Dean laughs as he translates what he said in his own way, it's not that accurate, but that's what he got as he complained about the things he could feel Lee was feeling.

— Awt! — Lee hisses, biting his lips and completes — I think I owe the angel my apologies, I don't think he's needy, I find him intense and scary, but not needy — He says almost disgusted. — I'm afraid of becoming his needy bitch...— Lee confesses, taking a smile from Dean who looks at him lovingly now and doesn't say anything, everything he could say now would only scare the man, even more, he thinks a lot in what to say.

— Just...I don't know, worry less, he's nice, I don't think he judges what you feel, he's been hanging around with humans for almost 13 years now and he loves humanity and all the complexity of it or so…be more open to his “friendship” I know you want. — Lee just chuckles now as Dean glares at him.

— “Friends with benefits” is a tricky thing to deal with when you're in recovery, I shouldn't even be doing it, because it's hard. — Lee says in a husky, choked voice, trying to hold back tears, he knows damn well he shouldn't, but it was a conscious decision, one of the first since he was resurrected.

— I know, but you're doing it the hard way right now, there's no way to unfuck us and you can't even blame the drink this time, I know you were pretty sober. — Dean says proudly, patting Lee's shoulder as he squeezes that arm and pulls him into a quick hug, Dean pats him on the back hard and kisses one of his cheeks.

— Yeah, I am, 314 hours...— He starts with a tired voice pulling away from the hug, picking up his cell phone to check the time — 316 hours, 34 minutes and 30 seconds—  He says and takes a deep breath and closing his eyes.

 

                                                          ***

When they go to the kitchen to get something to eat, they find Cas there preparing lunch, a smell of potatoes cooking and pork in the air. And Castiel humming excitedly through headphones. He does that a lot these days, every time he's alone in the kitchen he puts his headphones on, but usually, Sam is with him or Eileen. Dean wonders where everyone is, Jack he knows he's still at school and won't be home for another 2 hours. He checks his cell phone and sees what he already imagined, the two went on a hunt and there's pie in the fridge. When Dean reads the word "pie" a smile breaks out and he goes straight to check it out. It's a red fruit pie. When Cas notices them there and Dean opens the fridge he pats the hand that is trying to lightly finger the pie. He takes off his headphones and says.

— Lunch first, then dessert. Good Goddess, my husband is a child — He complains looking at the ceiling. Dean laughs, and Lee just watches this entire exchange as he sits at the table, admiring the two of them.

— Hey, don't call me a child, kids don't do what I did to you earlier. — He says slyly, grabbing Cas's waist and pressing him against the kitchen counter as he chops some spices onto the cutting board. Castiel smiles cheekily at that.

— You know I can get you ready for more, don't tease me. — At this point, Lee raises his eyebrows and admires this even more.

— I just don't tell you to stop what you're doing right now because I'm really hungry.— Dean says leaving Castiel's waist. — Do you need help with something? — Castiel reflects on the question, it's already well underway, the potatoes are still cooking, the meat is ready practically by itself in the Airfryer so he just takes a deep breath and says

— No, it's okay, kids, just wait. — He says jokingly and laughing, and he can feel Lee hating him from a distance and exchanges an amused look with him, and then he can feel him melting.

— Should I call you 'daddy'? — He asks slyly and Castiel frowns and responds by sitting across from the two of them.

— There was a time that maybe, and just maybe…—  He says slyly looking at the two of them — That would make me horny, but I'm really a dad now and it's just… My brain is exploding right now.— He says making the noises and they both laugh at it

— I like the way you call me 'good boy' though…— Lee just laughs, scratching his chin absently trying to shyly disguise how much it turns him on.

— Oh, I know... You fucked me good with that encouragement, it's pretty fresh in my memory. — He says grinning lasciviously at him, cheekily slamming his legs together under the table, making Lee smile shyly biting the lips. And Dean really wished he wasn't hungry.

— I wish I didn't have to eat anything…—  Lee just replies.

— Oh, but you do, you're going to love my potatoes, and after that, I'm not going to fuck around, I will give Jack attention like I promised.— He says laughing and leaving the man confused.

— Does he know when you're busy with…things?— He asks, making Dean and Cas laugh at that.

— He knows everything. When the Bunker is bubbling he finds a way to get out of the picture or ignore us all, he even goes out to visit his mother in heaven...When he stays and isn't making plans with friends it's because he wants my attention and today his plans are to watch Steven Universe with me and sorry Lee, but I'm really curious to know how Steven is going to get out of that alive — He says laughing. He can feel the tension between him and Lee in the air again and the man's gaze drops sadly so he adds. — You're welcome to do that too if you want if it's not too early in our "relationship" for you to meet our son... — He says mocking cheekily and ironically and then Cas reflects seriously now and completes saying —… I don't know, maybe it's too much to introduce the most important person in my life to you. I don't know the rules, you should tell me.— He says sincerely looking at Lee lovingly now with a slight smile and a heavy, tired sigh.

— I don't know the rules either, I just know that if you guys want me to stay I want to stay and watch cartoons because I miss that kind of thing in my life. I didn't even know I could still allow myself that — He says simply sighing with a slight smile, surrendering a little to what he really wants. Dean and Cas look at him lovingly with a slight smile as well. At that moment, Cas gets up to finish lunch because the Airfryer timer beeps. And Dean just says looking his eyes

— Stay…— Lee nods and tries not to let his emotions get the best of him right now. He wants to stay, and he tries to slightly ignore the voice of reason in his head that says he shouldn't. He looks at Cas right now, mashing potatoes and this is the most domestic thing he's seen in years, he can't even remember the last time he ate something made with love like this, the kitchen smells wonderful and his stomach growls and all that what he wants is a plate of food made with love and watching cartoons after lunch, he can't even remember when was the last time he allowed himself to relax like this. It was so long ago, years...

Chapter Text

They've established a routine these past 4 weeks, a normal routine. He's been staying away from Dean and Cas' room and they've been staying away from his room too. Lee is trying to focus on his sobriety, and the two are really trying to be friends. And he appreciates it, but it's still hard, he still wants the angel with all his strength and the angel knows it. Castiel tries to hide it the best he can, but he's been literally hard on the whole no-benefit friendship thing that once had benefits. He knows the sounds an angel makes when he comes, he knows the taste of his skin, he has already tasted the delicate and sweet taste of his cum, he has slept in his arms...

The angel feels all these longings coming from him and keeps his distance, doesn't initiate anything. He wished he dared to ask why. It must be the fact that he's a mess and specifically said that it wouldn't happen again. The angel is adorable, if he's expecting more appropriate verbal consent than dirty prayers, which he suspects is the case, it's going to be hard to get anything out of him. It's kind of embarrassing, he should avoid it as much as possible. Besides him not being ready for it, the angel deserves much better, he already has better in fact, why would he want someone like him in his life right?

It doesn't help that the angel is so irresistibly domestic. The way he cooks, it seems like little miracles happen in his mouth every time he eats something Castiel made, is heavenly, literally. He accepts his help with the food sometimes, but he doesn't really need it. During his entire first week at the Bunker, he basically watched the angel cook by himself, which he says is therapeutic. And that's okay, he never cooked well anyway. Just wanted to be more helpful in this place, Castiel says he already helps him well when he does the dishes and tries to keep everything he messes up tidy after he's done doing something in the Bunker, he's proudly organized indeed.

And things with Dean have been easier, they've got the bar to worry about. Dean still gives him those breathtaking glares, especially when he's singing a few songs at the bar, but that's normal, he gets that look from a lot of people. They kissed one day when they were closing the bar and there was no one else around, but Dean didn't try anything bolder. He's taking it slow like they've never had sex, he's curious and almost funny, and to be blunt, adorable. The two took it seriously when he said it would be a one-time thing, he appreciates it, but really wanted them to just ignore it and take him to their bed again, but he understands why they don't, he wouldn't in their place either.

He manages to keep his head on straight for the next one that he thinks he can handle. Cas' healing on him that day, lightened him up, despite it being just a patch on his cracks - as he said himself later that day. He's no less broken, that's for sure. Cas compared him to a "Kintsukuroi" . When he explained what it was, he was kind of unsure if this was a compliment or not and so Castiel Googled the images of the broken pottery repaired and he was just embarrassed and flattered. Those things are beautiful, and if Castiel refers to him as "Kintsukuroi" maybe he has a chance in this life.

At that moment when he's in this bar singing his favorite songs and getting some drunken cheers and he feels like he has some worth, it's good. He might feel like himself again, as he hadn't felt in a long time. Singing always brings him back on track, it's nice to know that this passion is really his, it feels real, he can cling to it, almost taste it. It had been so long, he wasn't even sure he even knew the chords, but it was like riding a bike, he started it yesterday. Dean didn't want him to start working just at the bar, he wanted to set the stage for him, Dean made his heart warm with that.

At that moment he appreciates the way the angel admires him from afar. Dean said he rarely comes to the bar who is probably here to "see his crush on stage singing" . He doesn't believe the angel actually has such a big crush on him. But the angel really appreciates it when the two get on that stage to sing. Dean took the opportunity that Castiel could run the bar to sing a little too.

— Hey, Lee. — Dean says right next to Lee's ear, making him shiver a little — If I tell you the song I want to sing right now, promise you won't laugh? — he asks as he takes a break to drink some water. Lee seriously thinks about taking advantage of the fact that people are getting a little distracted to go to the bathroom too.

— I'll be right back, I really need to take a break. But tell me, which song? — Dean escorts him there, he also needed a break anyway.

— It's a Beyoncé song, 'Halo'.— Dean finally says when Lee thinks he's already given up on saying something. He was hesitant as if he wanted to invite him to plan the president's murder. He can understand why, Beyoncé isn't exactly in his repertoire, but this song he knows, was in his head the other day as he thought of the angel, when he learned that he liked listening to Beyoncé he hummed shyly to him just to see that smile, it was totally improvised he didn't even know the whole lyrics just the chorus part.

— I don't know all the words…— Lee just says, making Dean grin at him. The ex-hunter expected a more outraged reaction apparently, but it's not like he hasn't accidentally seen that tape he has at the bottom of the glove compartment without a label. When he asked what was there, Dean went almost pale and replied the most incriminating "nothing" in the world, he didn't insist on knowing, he figured it was some pop music that Dean must pretend to hate. He likes to listen to Lady Gaga on the sly, he understands, he's not in a position to judge.

— I know all the lyrics, and all the arrangements, I'm not proud, but…— Dean says a little hesitantly, but gives a smile and completes — I want to sing this song, “you know who” loves Beyoncé. — Dean wags eyebrows at Lee.

— Oh yeah! He likes it. I sang the chorus of this song to him the other day because it was the only part I remember and he looked at me with that bitch face and laughed. — They both crack a smile now and Dean says.

— That song is basically a declaration of love to him Lee, you're going to make the angel fall in love like this...— Dean teases as if that was really a possibility. As if after the way he acted and the things he felt he's going to want something. The angel seems to have even lost what little casual interest he had in him, they only tease each other in the Bunker.

— It's just a song Dean, and from what I remember it has more to do with your relationship, he's going to love hearing you sing this one. I'll join you on the chorus...— Dean just looks at him in that disbelieving way when he says it's just a song, but doesn't comment on anything and that's great.

They arrange themselves on stage, Dean asks if he knows how to handle the keyboard, because he memorized it on the keyboard, but he doesn't think he will be able to sing and play at the same time. And yes, he still remembers how to handle a keyboard, maybe not 100% but... Dean hands over the sheet music and it's good, it's not that complicated. He feels nervous now, but he has few people. It's a Wednesday and it's almost closing time the show is just for Cas and half a dozen drunks. Castiel, at this moment, looks at the stage with several questions on his face, probably Dean must be emanating all kinds of feelings towards him. When he starts playing he tries to pay attention to the sheet music, to focus on them, he doesn't want the angel to feel anything coming from him at that moment, but he looks sideways to see the reaction. Castiel quickly notices what song they're going to sing and cracks a smile and shakes his head at Dean who laughs at him back, and then he starts.

 

Remember those walls I built?

Well baby they're tumbling down

And they didn't even put up a fight

They didn't even make a sound

 

I found a way to let you in

But I never had a doubt

Under the light of your halo

I have my angel now

 

At this moment, hearing Dean singing it seems like his heart is a carnival. He missed hearing that beautiful voice of his, he tries to concentrate on the keyboard only, but the two of them at this moment, the way they exchange glances... Castiel seems to know exactly what moment Dean is referring to when he sings that first part and he's gorgeous watching that. He can't help but admire Castiel now that he smiles and exchanges a look with him too, he looks away from it and focuses on his keyboard.

 

It's like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breaking

It's the risk that I'm taking

I ain't never gonna shut you out

 

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can see your halo

You know you're my saving grace

 

In this part, Lee finds it practically impossible not to look at the angel and not remember the day they slept together and he enveloped him in his grace and had the most peaceful sleep he hasn't had in basically decades. He didn't remember this song being so romantic and so accurate when it comes to Castiel. But almost all he can feel now is actually gratitude and Castiel smiles at him when he notices that.

 

You're everything I need and more

It's written all over your face

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

 

It's getting to the part he knows by heart now. Come on,

 

I can feel your halo, halo, halo

I can see your halo, halo, halo

I can feel your halo, halo, halo

I can see your halo, halo, halo

 

He looks at Castiel now as he tries to hit the notes on the keyboard. He's looking at Dean, but when he starts to sing along the angel shyly looks at him too. He looks away just because he needs to pay attention to the sheet music, but he can't stop his heart from pounding and throwing confused feelings at the angel, damn... That song... Damn Dean!

 

Hit me like a ray of sun

Burning through my darkest night

 

Lee is pretty sure he had a line here somewhere about " You're the only one I want. "

 

Think I'm addicted to your light

 

Did Dean really skip a line in the song and exchange a look with him and wink now? It's best to pretend he doesn't know what it's about and continue to focus on the keyboard.

 

I swore I'd never fall again

But this don't even feel like falling

Gravity can't forget

To pull me back to the ground again

 

Dean sings this part while exchanging looks with the two of them, and Lee just doesn't know how to handle it. In this part, it's hard not to look at Castiel, the angel smiles at him and that's it, he's fucked up, he can feel everything he wasn't supposed to feel at that moment when the two of them smile at him like that... those smiles will kill him someday. The music manages to keep him steady, however, he is less afraid when he can sing his feelings. He was kind of lying to himself when he said he couldn't sing this whole song. So the rest of it he sings along with Dean, fuck it, it's just a really good song that makes you feel things like a good song does, he thinks about it later.

 

Feels like I've been awakened

Every rule I had you breaking

The risk that I'm taking

I'm never gonna shut you out

 

Everywhere I'm looking now

I'm surrounded by your embrace

Baby, I can feel your halo

Pray it won't fade away

 

I can feel your halo, halo, halo

I can see your halo, halo, halo

I can feel your halo, halo, halo

I can see your halo, halo, halo

Halo, Halo

 

It was fun, two guys who basically have the voice for country songs singing Beyoncé. The few people who were still there cheered and he even heard a loud whistle. It was a guy with long hair, a beard, and an badboy look like a road biker who screams half-drunk excitedly.

— Yeah! Beyonce, bitches!— Lee couldn't help but flash him a smile. The guy blinks back and turns down the shot of what he was taking. He gets up and comes towards him. Shit… At least the guy can walk straight, doesn't look so drunk, but he needs that liquid courage, this guy is probably about to propose something in the bathroom with him, he sure knows that look. He looks to the side and can see Castiel saying something in Dean's ear and smiling. Dean pulls him in for a quick kiss and he turns red like a pepper. Castiel looks towards him now with a smile but scowls at something, he's not sure why. He just ignores it and then a voice next to him.

— Can I buy you a drink? — The blond guy with the long hair and irresistible blue eyes asks seductively. He looks back at him. If there were other times he would accept and they would have very dirty sex in the bathroom of this bar. This guy is quite the type of guy he loved to fuck, usually, the ones with that bad boy face like him are the ones who blow like nobody else and are the best bottoms. He considers himself a versatile guy, but the preference will always be a top. Unlike Dean who is versatile, but who always tends to give preference to bottom every time he has a chance. And that's why they were perfect together.

— I don't drink man, but thanks. — Lee replies, patting the man's shoulder gently, he's surprised when the guy doesn't freak out when he touches him like that.

— Dean loves serving glasses of water too, will you join me for a glass of water? — The blonde cracks a smile and he can't help but laugh, that's not usually the response he gets when he tells people he doesn't drink, it's usually always an amazing " What do you mean you don't drink ?" Or that discredited " Not even a little bit? "

— Okay, I can join you for a glass of water. — He says politely, the guy seems nice, he doesn't plan on doing anything with him or anyone today and it doesn't hurt to make some friends right? Wrong. As he sits in front of that bar, Castiel looks at him with furrowed brows, but tries to hide it, keeping his face very neutral, he forces the fakest smile he's ever seen. When the hairy blonde asks for two glasses of water he actually smiles and says.

— You asking me for water, Richard? Angels will come down and serve you, it's a miracle. — Lee couldn't help but smile at him. Castiel seems calmer now, well, I don't think it was like…jealousy, it was more concern, Castiel might have thought he was going to accept the guy's drink. Why would it be jealousy, right? What? Did you want it to be jealousy? Lee, hold your horses, you've had sex twice with him and this is it...

— The guy said he doesn't drink. I have to play my game with water. — He says and Castiel rolls his eyes a little and pours the water and leaves to do something else. Lee sideways follows him to go talk to Dean.

— You're drunk, there's no game going on. —Lee says as he reaches for that ice-cold glass of water to drink.

— Really? — Richard asks indignantly.

— Yeah, I don't drink and I don't hook up with anyone who's drunk, I doubt if you were sober you'd have the courage to hit on me — He says teasing lightly.

— Oh...Ok, I would have thought, but ok...— The man just says a little sadly, and sighs deeply, staring at his glass of water. Lee knows that look, he just wanted someone in his bed today to make him forget about something or someone. It would be the kind of sex he doesn't miss even though the man is handsome. — What is your name? I didn't even ask. — He asks with a slight smile.

— Lee, and you're… Richard, right?— The blonde smiles at him and nods and says after he takes a sip of his water.

— Call me Rich, it's my pleasure, Le-e. — He says the name to his lips seductively — It's a great name, very easy to say in bed while you are on top of me...— He sends that, and Lee can't help but laugh... Ah if it were other times.

— You're so predictable. —Lee teases back and drinks some more of his water with a laugh. The blonde just laugh back at him, and regrets it instantly, if he hadn't been drunk he probably wouldn't have said that really. Talking to a sober guy when you're drunk is so weird, he realizes how ridiculous it is. Flirting is harder sober, he prefers to do it drunk.

— You're new around here...— Richard tries to turn this conversation into a normal conversation between two human beings, he was starting to feel like they were just two guys sitting next to each other at the bar by coincidence. — Are you a friend of Dean's? — Lee appreciates the change in tone of the conversation, he was about to just ignore him and look for Castiel and ask him if he liked the song.

— I'm an old friend of his, we used to…— Lee thinks about saying “hunt together”, but not everyone in this bar is a hunter, although most are so he just says —…work together — Richard smiles and says

— Did you used to be a hunter too? — Lee smiles back and is glad he doesn't have to lie, and they can actually have an interesting conversation.

— Yeah, but that ain't life, man. I did it for a long time and then I stopped. — He says sincerely to the guy next to him.

— Oh, man…I know, but I don't really know how to do anything other than that. — Lee frowns.

— There's always something you can do. — He says with furrowed brows.

— Yes, but nothing like that, protecting people from things they don't even know exist or choose to believe they don't...

— Yes, but there's always someone doing it after you're gone, there's always a new hunter being born somewhere, a person you've saved and inspired…— He says reflecting on the times he's seen this happening, sipping his glass of water wishing it was a whiskey. He's so close to a bottle now, it would literally just reach out and mix some alcohol into that water, it would be awful to have whiskey that diluted, he's always been the cowboy type of guy, but at least it would kill his urge to feel his favorite drink again, but he doesn't.

— Yeah, but I still feel like it's kind of my responsibility not to give up, not that I have anything against whoever left this life. Dean and you are guys with legacies, if you're an old friend and you've been in less than 1% of his hunts, you're my hero too. I've heard so many stories, and I've been asking if some of them were true for him and the answer was always positive! — At that moment Rich lifts his glass hits him and takes a sip of his water, Lee does the same. Rich feels kind of ridiculous doing this, sure if he hadn't been drunk it would be something else he wouldn't say, he hates the sensitive bitch he is when he drinks.

— Hey, thanks, it's hard to find a hunter who says that to another, you're my hero too, you continue what I don't have the strength to continue, so thank you .— At this moment both men feel a little stupid about it, but what are we going to do? At least Richard is drunk and won't remember this silly dialogue as much.

— Dean is amazing, I have an embarrassing crush on him, I probably wouldn't tell you this if I were sober, but fuck it. — Richard says taking the last sip of his water wishing it was whiskey, he wanted to forget he said it to an old Dean's friend.

— You two…? — Lee asks, leaving the intention in the air.

— I wish pal, I wish… He gives me rides sometimes because I'm staying in a place that's the way to where he lives, but he's like, he doesn't have eyes for anyone but Cas... Another hot one too, my dream is to get in the middle of it, but they're kind of a well-behaved couple apparently — Rich says wistfully and Lee at this point just laughs and tries to contain a very malicious laugh now. Oh if Richard only knew... The fact that he doesn't, is kind of surprising, this guy is quite the Dean type, he must be the angel type, this guy is the type of anyone who has two eyes that see. Looks like he came out of an episode of “Sons of Anarchy”

— You tried? — Lee asks curiously.

— Man, yeah… And now they're like my friends, I stayed in the friend zone. I even had a few beers with Cas one day and… — At this point, Rich stops talking and Lee is curious, but he's embarrassed.

— What? – Lee asks suspiciously.

— I'm not the kiss-and-tell kind of guy, but that's the rule for when you actually do something other than kiss someone, right? I have nothing to say except that I kept my hands above my waist with him. — He says laughing and drinking the last of his water.

— You guys kissed…— Lee says in disbelief and Rich shakes his head.

— He kissed me in front of Dean in the middle of the bar so it's no secret to anyone. The guy is not in the closet... He kisses so good... — Richard says, reflecting on the horizon. Kissing Castiel was the highlight of his week. Lee just reflects on this for a moment. He wanted to say that Castiel does other things really well too, but what kind of guy would he be if he shared that around, huh? If it were other times he wouldn't hesitate, however, he would tell the dirty story about the 3-way they had and would brag about it but these are other times. He's slightly jealous of Rich actually, he's apparently seen more action from Castiel than he has in weeks.

Richard calls for the angel now and asks for a beer, and Lee is slightly uncomfortable but asks for another water and asks Cas.

— Did you like the music? I was a little out of rhythm there, it's my first time playing it, I haven't used a keyboard in years, but it was like riding a bike…— Castiel fills his glass of water, smiles lovingly. He says interrupting Lee's anxious ramblings:

— I liked it...— He takes his hand and approached for a kiss. Lee is surprised by this but doesn't hesitate for a second he breaks the distance that still existed between them and Castiel kisses him, maybe a little too dirty to get between the counter and the middle of this bar; It makes him kind of stunned and aroused, but it's good, Cas' tongue tastes like whiskey, but he doesn't look drunk — I wanted to do that as soon as you left the stage, but you got a little distracted by Rich. — He says leaving Richard embarrassed and in the mood for a kiss too.

— Do you have some of that love for me too, baby? — He asks after taking a sip of that beer and Castiel looks at him as if considering. Lee notes this a little surprised. Castiel just approaches the man to place a kiss on the corner of his lips, he lets it extend long enough to make Rich as red as a pepper, Richard tries to search Cas' lips with his own carefully and Castiel hovers over the man's lips with a smile and seals it with a very simple but intense kiss. Cas uses only his lips, but it's enough to put a smile on Richard's face. Lee looks for Dean out of the corner of his eye and he's just chuckling behind his back going about other things, watching the scene sideways.

— I can go home happy now, bye Cas, Lee was a pleasure…Bye Dean. — Richard says drunkenly, putting some money on the counter and downing the rest of his beer, Dean turns around and waves his hand at the man.

— Bye Rich. — Castiel and Lee say at the same time, Lee laughing out loud, looking at Castiel now with a face full of questions.

— Do you like his dirty prayers too? Because for sure that's what he's going to do when he gets in his bed.— Castiel looks him deeply in the eyes and says:

— He was more interested in you today, and besides, Rich doesn't have such a strong connection with me, I've never heard anything from him, I've just felt a few sparks here and there. That always happens when someone finds me attractive.— He just says it like it's no big deal. Lee remembers very well the day they kind of did this over the phone and the angel said he almost came. This is perhaps another compliment from the angel directed at him.

— Do you feel my sparks? — Lee asks teasingly.

— Darling, from you I feel the whole carnival going on in my pants…— Castiel replies seductively back, leaning against the counter. Dean at this point just turns to the two of them now and says:

— Get a room you two… — Lee wants to protest, but Castiel looks at Dean and cheekily replies:

— Does the Impala count as 'room'? — Dean looks at him indignantly and Lee thinks he's going to object to what's happening.

— Respect Baby, she will always be like home, I can't believe you still ask that, she is everything! Just go, I'll close the bar and meet you guys in a bit. — He says laughing and tossing the Impala keys to Cas who laughs at this openly and shakes the keys at Lee, raises his eyebrows suggestively, and leaves without saying anything. Lee follows him with his eyes, half static in place. Dean says getting very close to Lee whispering in his ear, making him shiver a little; for a moment he thinks Dean is going to kiss him too — Are you going to let the angel high and dry? If you want to close the bar in my place I won't complain, there are still 3 people to kick out of here. — Lee at this point doesn't say anything, just follows Castiel with his legs now. Dean just watches this laughing and says to himself — That's what I thought… Give me another second and I was doing the same.

 

                                                              ***

 

When he gets to the car, Castiel has the keys in his hand leaning against the Impala there in the dark, lit only by the flickering light of that small deserted parking lot in the middle of the night. He unhesitatingly pulls him into the kiss, gropes his tongue roughly, and receives an even ruder response. Castiel pulls him by the hair and runs his hands over his body, and he squeezes Lee's buttocks hard through the tight jeans that get even tighter when Castiel touches him like that. The angel interrupts this kiss only to run his tongue along Lee's neck and say next to his ear in a hoarse, thick voice.

— Wanna be a good boy and let me fuck that ass? — Hearing this, Lee's legs almost give out and his cock trembles, he doesn't say anything he just groans in response and Castiel speaks in an even firmer voice — Use your words, boy! — Lee laughs at this and says:

— Yes, please, whatever you want is yours! — That was all Castiel needed to quickly unzip his pants, roughly twist Lee's body and make him face Baby's hood. Lee doesn't hesitate much, it's not like he's prepared for this, but it's okay, he's clean enough.

He hears a lid open feels fingers lubricating it and takes a deep breath. He looks around worriedly, it's kind of deserted here, but someone could show up at any moment. He hopes the angel makes it quick today. And before he finishes completing a thought, Castiel is penetrating him, he hesitates a little, the cold wind on his ass is kind of icy, but soon he's taken by the warmth of the angel's hands separating his cheeks and gently thrusting. It's kinder than he expected from the angel, it's kinder than he deserved from him. Castiel leans against the man's back and says close to his ears as he slowly thrusts into his hole.

— So tight…— He says teasingly, stopping when he feels the pleats tightening around him when he's all inside. Lee swears and can feel the angel slowly moving his hips with him all inside. It's been so long since he's done this that he's practically a virgin again. It's ridiculous the way it leaves him on the edge of an orgasm, he feels the angel hit his prostate and that familiar warmth of his grace hitting the sweet spot, a more familiar tingle still runs up his spine and he can't stop an orgasm from happening while the angel holds tightly to his hair and whispers in his ear. — Yeah, cum for me…— He doesn't feel the cum in his cock, however, and it stays hard. Lee lets out a laugh and curses the angel in his mind.

Oh, he's got all the control here...

It feels so good, he can still feel his orgasm happening, and then Castiel starts pounding harder, this time a lot less gentle. Lee tries to hold back a very loud scream, groaning against the sleeve of his jacket, tugging at it with his teeth. And then he can feel it, the angel orgasming too, his cock trembling, the moan he's memorized so well coming out of Cas's throat against his ears as he tugs the hair, he wishes he could feel skin against skin, and only now does he notice. Castiel fucked him with a condom. He was so stunned by it all, it was sudden and so passionate that he didn't care if Castiel had fucked him with or without one.

Castiel reaches for that neglected cock, wraps one of his hands around his neck, and smacks him some more pulling him closer. The fact that the angel doesn't lose his hardness between one and the other becomes advantageous and extremely hot and that's enough for him to have another one of those orgasms, but this time he ejaculates hard against Baby's hood. Dean won't like to see a stain there. He feels Castiel leave right away and look for his cell phone turn on the flashlight and say.

— Well, we barely messed up. — He says happily, looking around Baby's glove compartment for baby wipes and handing some to Lee as he tosses that condom away, hitting a nearby trash can. He timidly wipes his ass. It's kind of humiliating he hates that part, but he's happy when he realizes he didn't make too much of a mess. He reaches for a few more of those tissues Cas is offering and wipes Baby's hood quickly.

— I didn't expect this, but...I've been keeping my ass pretty clean, just in case...— Lee confesses, drawing a devilish laugh from Castiel.

— Right back at you, boy…— He says after he stops laughing. At this point, Lee frowns at him as the two of them zip up.

— You're so angelic I thought you didn't...

— Oh, my grace is pretty low, I now need to go to the bathroom, shower sometimes, and even eat...— He says half sad, half resigned, and half happy, Lee can't identify what he really feels when he says that. Castiel sits nonchalantly on the hood of the Impala and Lee follows him with his eyes. —Did you think my ass was angelic? — He asks with a half shy smile looking for Lee's eyes who smile shyly and says:

— Tastes like angelic ass…— They share a look now and Castiel frowns playfully.

— Do you like my ass that much? — He asks curiously and cheekily.

— I'd spend my whole day worshiping that ass, angel.— He simply says, placing himself between Cas's legs, who welcomes him right on the edge of the hood and pulls him in for a dirty, loving kiss. At that moment Dean appears and observes the two with a slight smile on his face.

— Are you guys taking it slow? — Lee is slightly startled by the voice behind him, but soon calms down. The 3 share a look now and Lee shyly smiles at Cas who responds with a shrug.

— It was a quickie... — Dean is surprised, doesn't comment anything, just shakes his eyebrows a little disappointed. He hoped to get in the middle of this and also enjoy Lee.

— Do you wanna drive, Lee? — He asks, looking slyly at Cas. — I need to punish a naughty angel. — He says and Castiel bites his lip involuntarily and exchanges a mischievous look with the two of them.

— Were you hoping this would last long enough for you to take turns with him? — Lee asked surprised and almost indignant and Dean shrugs and says.

— What? Are you a princess now? Do I need to take you out for coffee first? — He asks ironically and Lee narrows his eyes at him and says:

— I told you threesome would be a one-time thing. — He says simply.

— OK but why? — Dean asks seriously now. Lee at that moment just doesn't answer anything, takes the car keys from Cas' hand, and opens the car door, he doesn't want to talk about it, for now, he doesn't want to throw up feelings. He wants to keep them safe and keep fucking Cas. If he says he's falling in love the angel will want to stop it. He sure can already feel some kind of love from him. He doesn't want the angel's pity and his thick, gentle voice saying he doesn't feel the same. If the angel felt something for him he would say it, like Dean who makes it clear that this is more than sex for him and takes things slowly. He told the angel they would just be each other's good fuck, he's the one who closed the door, he deserves to suffer for it.

— Just…Get in the car, I wanna just watch. — Lee responds and climbs into the driver's seat and closes the door, trying to ignore the looks of the two on him. Dean resolves not to press an answer, he knows when Lee is ready he will say so. Lee watches in the rearview mirror as the two get in and the minute he starts the car the two are on top of each other, he can hear Dean undoing Castiel's seat belt as he makes the turn out of that parking lot. He takes advantage of having entered a straight road to hit his mirror and observe. Dean gets rid of Cas's pants and tosses them into the front seat. He sheds his layers and Cas also sheds his shirt and leather jacket. Dean also gets rid of a butt plug… When Lee sees this being thrown along with the clothes he can't help but look back quickly and see the second Castiel holds his cheeks for Dean lying on the bench with his legs in the air.

— Hey, eyes on the road…— Dean says, causing Cas to scream and laugh out loud as he thrusts into him roughly. He keeps watching in the mirror and tries to keep his attention on the road; imagining getting into an accident and having to explain this . But it's hard to keep attention, however, Castiel moans so loud, he seems even looser than when he's in the Bunker, maybe it's adrenaline from fucking inside a moving car, he doesn't know, he just knows that the two of them right now they are driving him crazy. Castiel is so handsome and the sounds he makes… He does it with a smile on his face.

— Hey Lee…— He hears Castiel's voice calling out to him amid a moan, and he just responds with a murmur — I want you in my mouth so bad right now…— He says moaning so huskily and beautifully that Lee moans in response.

They're kind of far from the Bunker, but Lee knows a perfect place to stop the car, it's deserted and basically in the middle of nowhere, so he does it, he stops the car. He gets out and goes around and opens the back door, he can hear Castiel's devilish chuckle, and Dean portioning him better so his head hangs out of the car. Lee holds the door in place with his hips and undoes his belt and as soon as he pulls out his still embarrassingly limp dick, Castiel snaps him up and makes him hard again. He feels the grace envelop him, he can't keep his eyes open as Castiel sucks and moans around his cock. Dean thrusts slower now, wanting to prolong this. And he admires Lee and on impulse, he reaches for his face, caresses him gently. Lee smiles slightly still with his eyes closed and then slowly he gathers the courage to open and meet the green eyes and staring lovingly, his heart pounding. He pulls him in for a kiss, leans in with difficulty, which makes him sink deep into Cas who moans around Lee's cock vibrating his throat, he impulsively sinks into the angel as well. Lee breaks the kiss and checks that the movement wasn't too abrupt for Cas and gently pulls away.

— OK? — He asked breathlessly, that was the only word he could form and Castiel smiled at him in a way that made him smile back. He doesn't say anything, just looks for his cock again and Lee looks at Dean — I think he's fine…— Dean just laughs back at him breathlessly. Lee sighs and leans down to wrap his hand around Cas' cock, Dean slowly moves against Cas' hip. Lee is a little impressed as Cas doesn't seem to have any gag reflex in that throat, he tries not to be rude and sink in there, but the angel doesn't seem to mind at all. Then he takes confidence to sink more sharply. He feels Cas's cock grow even firmer in his hand. He tries to synchronize his hand with Dean's thrusts. Lee withdraws from Cas's throat so he can reach his throbbing cock with his mouth, he can tell the angel is close and he wants to feel the sweet taste of it stinging his tongue. He could hear Castiel moan something in Enochian and if he could he would have a smile on his lips right now. He can feel the strong, hot jet of the angel hit his throat and he sucks every last drop.

Lee feels Cas reach for his cock and sink it down his throat. Dean slams against the angel's hip so violently now that the angel chokes. Lee quickly pulls back and places a tender kiss on his lips. He is keeping his cock away from Castiel's throat, for now, he wants to kiss him more than anything else anyway. The angel appreciates it, kisses him passionately back moans against his tongue, and smiles. Dean is rudely lunging in the angel's ass and he's smiling. He's so beautiful. Damn! And then he hears a groan and Dean breathes a sigh of relief. Lee exchanges a look with Dean now and pulls him in for a kiss too. And this is almost too much, Lee's heart is pounding. And when he breaks away from the kiss Lee looks him deep in the eyes and caresses his face gently.

— Dean...— He wanted to say the 3 words for them both, but he's too sober for that, Dean just smiles at him and says:

— I know...— And then Dean shifts his gaze to Castiel who was breathing hard. — Are you okay there, buddy? — Cas's legs shake a little and he laughs, Dean reaches for that plug he threw with the clothes he asks with glares if Cas wants him back and he flashes a big smile. Dean smirks and gets out of him and with the help of his thumb stops his cum from coming out and then replaces his cock with the plug. Castiel moans pleasantly.

— Coming first and continuing, it's quite a human experience...— He just says, they both laugh at him.

— He didn't use any grace here, said that having sex with you that day without using his angelic poppers was one of the best things he's ever done in his life, so he's...Sensitive now.— Dean says this in an extremely malicious way, his gaze filled with lust as he looks at his angel and smiles back at him cheekily. At this point, Lee just laughs and looks at Castiel who now frowns and repeats the word.

— "Angelic Poppers"?

— It's a drug. — The two respond at the same time and exchange a look.

— I know, but sex with my grace is like a… drug? This can't be good. — He says a little worried, sitting on the bench a little uncomfortable and pulling on his pants and shirt. At this point, he can tell that the angel was upset so he tucked his dick into his pants as well before saying something to him. This talk isn't exactly exciting for him, so his dick is calm. He hates remembering the time in his life when he used poppers and alcohol like water.

— It's great actually. I don't feel high on it. — Lee clarifies as he fastens his belt. — Don't worry angel, you're nothing like a drug. I know drugs, you are…— He tries to keep his heart away from it, but it's practically impossible. —…Good. — He wanted to say that the angel is lovely too, but that he leaves with Dean.

— This coming from the two of you doesn't convince me, but ok. At least I don't have the negative effects of a drug, I'm not addictive. — Castiel says relieved and Lee smiles shyly and says:

— Oh, I don't know about that, I'm kinda addicted to your kisses…— This takes a shy smile from Castiel's lips and he just doesn't say anything. Dean just smiles at that too, admiring their exchange of looks.

— I'll drive the rest of the way, the two lovebirds can enjoy each other...— Dean simply says wearing the rest of his clothes. Lee wants to protest but he really wants to kiss Castiel some more today, he missed that. Lee sits in the backseat with Cas as Dean prepares to start the car again. And the minute he settles down on the seat and closes the door, Castiel briefly searches for his lips and says:

— I didn't finish a thing…— He slides a hand down Lee's thigh and he smiles lovingly and says,

— I'm fine, all this talk about drugs and grace was a boner killer, just kiss me…— He says this hoping he doesn't sound too romantic or too pathetic. He told the angel he was going to be his good fuck, after all, probably what Cas wanted right now was a really hard cock inside, but all he did was gently caress his face, smile and kissed him. At that moment his heart races and he tries not to think about how passionate the angel is. Castiel just straddles his lap now and looks at him with those piercing blue eyes and says:

— I'm starting to get addicted to your kisses too...— And he just kisses him. The angel's words and the way he kisses him now, if he didn't know any better he could have sworn the angel is starting to fall in love with him too, but that's crazy so he just kisses the angel back. He told Castiel never to talk about a guy's sad dick, that's probably him being nice. That doesn't mean anything, he was kissing Richard too. Just because the angel has the hots for him doesn't mean he's going to fall in love one day, it's just about sex.





Chapter Text

The only thing Castiel knows is that he wants to fuck with Lee. Everything else is anyone's guess, ambiguous. He knows what he wants. Lee is the one who's confused as hell and sending out all sorts of signals that he's in love sometimes. He can almost hear the man's heart-pounding for him as he simply cooks for him, or says hello to each other down the halls. And sometimes it's like today he's just wanting to fuck him like there's no tomorrow. Like now… He knows Lee isn't ready for anything complicated, but fucking him isn't complicated. Is easy. It's never been easier to just fuck someone with no extra complications afterward. “ He's not going to try to kill you, he's not going to try to tell you he loves you.” . Castiel kinda wishes he did the second though.

They bump into each other in the hallway after he and Dean do some exercises at the gym. It was innocent, at first, they were avoiding the whole 3-way thing. Every time Dean is in the middle, Lee's heart fills with love and fear and he can't contain anything. Castiel understands why Lee avoids being with Dean. He's the one he loves, it's harder. With him it's easier, he even said it's just about sex, but in moments like this, when they're alone and Dean is no longer present he can feel small sparks of it directed at him. More intense and raw when he comes, more intense even in moments like this when the man is pressing him against the wall of this bathroom. Eyes to eyes, pre-cum soaked intimacies brushing against each other, his breath ragged near his ears, his heart so racing he can almost hear it, kisses so long Castiel can feel his own heart in his throat. And suddenly a knock on the door and Sam's voice on the other side muffled by the wood.

— Is it safe to come in? — Castiel startles and Lee jumps even more, and is immediately out of the mood to continue anything at the sound of Sam's voice. Unlike the angel, the dick seems to perk up even more when hearing his voice despite being scared. Lee and Cas exchange a look and Castiel finally responds.

— One sec…— He turns off the shower that was running without purpose, grabs his towel quickly, and goes to the door to unlock it. Sam just raises his eyebrows and says:

— You could just say 'No'.— He laughs a little and enters. Sam is momentarily confused, his smile dies. He could have sworn Dean was the one with Cas. He didn't know that Castiel and Lee were already at that stage of locking themselves inside one of the Bunker's shower rooms by themselves. For a moment he thought Cas would take longer to give himself to the man, after all, he's all about “connection”, apparently he underestimated Cas' fire. Anyway, it's not a surprise, but it's a disappointment.

Castiel just shrugs, Lee doesn't like Sam very much. Sam doesn't like Lee very much. They don't like each other. Hearing his voice from the other side for some reason intimidated him, so it's not like he's going to see much action after that. He just doesn't say anything to Sam.

— Hey Lee…— Sam greets briefly, he wants to apologize for the interruption, but he's not exactly that sorry.

— Hey dude.— Lee just responds by getting back to his business. He's like, kinda embarrassed, they don't do that. They don't shower together amicably. Castiel at least doesn't leave, even though his shower is over. He stays, turns on the shower beside him in solidarity. And Lee wants to avoid looking as Sam lathers his hair with his eyes closed, but this is stronger than he is. A locker room, several penises, he always looks no matter who it is. He wished he hadn't looked this time, though. Holy shit… Lee just finishes that shower at lightning speed and turns off the water. He puts on his robe and leaves, he avoids looking at Cas now, he's too embarrassed for that. He loses the moment the angel watches him sadly depart.

— Aren't you going after your boyfriend to finish this in the bedroom? — Sam asks, rinsing his hair and looking at Cas with that bitch face. Lee is gone and they were in a kind of dense silence.

— Blow me. — Castiel just responds a little impatiently. Sam looks at him, smiles, and asks sarcastically.

— Are you being literal? Because I can do this…— Sam stares at that still hard as a rock cock now. The angel can feel all the blind desire in him.

— You thought it was Dean here with me, and yet you came… Are you two kinda planning something? It's not a coincidence that you're almost always in my corner when I just bottoming for him, right? — Castiel just asks, it was starting to get obvious, when it happens it's pretty fun, but they might as well just say that to him.

— Obviously, it's what you want, isn't it? Do we really need to talk about this? — Sam asks, a little embarrassed. Castiel considers this for a few seconds. Sam appreciates the silence, but then Cas says:

— We do, I only turned you down two of those times because I still had my hole full of cum and I didn't know if you were going to react well. — Castiel simply says while looking away from Sam, who at that moment swallows hard and says:

— Good to know… Next time, don't hesitate.— He just says embarrassingly, still looking away from Cas. This isn't about who branded him, this is about the fact that Cas likes to be filled with cum.

— Next time don't use a condom…— Sam looks at him now, they exchange a lewd look. Sam isn't sure how to answer that.

— You said…— Castiel interrupts him and says:

— I know what I said, but this was when I thought I was going to be human…— He clarifies and doesn't need to say anything else Sam understands. He still has grace for his fun activities, he still has the grace to cure anything that comes along with unprotected sex.

— Have you been fucking a lot of people like this?— He asks, a little hesitantly, he doesn't know if it's his place to ask anymore. He regrets asking like that the minute he does, though. Castiel glances at him, he can tell that it broke his heart a little, and the angel's will now is to shove an angel blade down his throat instead of his cock, he swallows hard and Sam no longer knows if Cas' eyes are wet because he's in the shower or he's almost crying.

— I would say if that were the case, I told you about Lee, I even told you about the insignificant kiss I wanted to give Richard. Because when this happened to Lee you were upset!—  Cas just says, turning off the shower and reaching for his robe. — I'm in love with Lee or I don't know… falling for him. That's why I'm having sex with him!— He says getting impatient and turning away from the look Sam wants to give him now, he has no right to feel sorry for himself right now. — Just because I'm taking things slowly with Eileen do you think that somehow this is about what Dean wants still? I didn't have a threesome just because he wanted one! I did it because I want one! Eileen doesn't like me the way Lee does… 

He simply says, a little flustered but keeping his voice low and steady in a way that makes Sam shiver. He was surprised but said nothing. He figured that was the case, but chose to be an idiot about it because he can't understand what Castiel sees in Lee; just as he can't understand how Eileen doesn't fall head over heels in love for Cas too; just as he cannot understand his space in the angel's heart. He just tries to offer Cas his feelings now as he puts on a robe and angrily storms out of the room.

— I love you too Sam, I just don't like you very much right now.—  He says with his back to Sam, leaving that place, trying not to slam the door so hard.

He goes straight to Lee's room. Ponders stops in front of his door, sighs heavily; and finally works up the courage to knock. He hears the muffled voice tell him to come in. As he enters, he watches Lee rest the book he was reading on his chest; take off his glasses, and toss the hair back out of his eyes. He looks gorgeous in those reading glasses, he looks like his best wet dream Castiel didn't even know he had. Lee casts a slight smile at him, Castiel can feel that wave of love enveloping him, familiar, comfortable, passionate, warm, seductive, and irresistible.

Castiel doesn't say anything, just sits on the bed and leans in for a kiss. Lee welcomes him, seriously, trying to contain a smile. Castiel can feel the moment he tries to sink the love away and bury it with lust. He presses him against the bed and pushes his robe aside and undoes the tie and wraps his tongue and lips around one of his nipples, making his way down to Castiel's well-marked hips. The angel can feel pure adoration as he watches Lee trace this path with his tongue to the slit that leaks pre-cum in his abdomen. He walks away from Castiel only to get rid of his clothes as well without saying a word. And then both are naked. Lee kisses him and Castiel spreads his legs and pulls him between them; hugs him with the whole body; press erections together.

— Are you okay? — Lee asked, noticing that Castiel was serious. The smiles that usually don't leave his lips have given way to furrowed brows and it looks like something is troubling him even though he wants this with him right now.

— I'm fine, Sam was just being a bitch...— He says and Lee frowns with a wave of slight anger spilling over the edges and asks:

— What did he say to you?! — Castiel gives a slightly tired smile kisses him lightly and then replies:

— I didn't come here to talk about Sam, I came here to finish what we started…— Lee laughs and kisses him lovingly, and then roughly Castiel wraps Lee's hair in his fingers. —Do you have lube here? — Castiel asks and Lee exchanges a look with him and says with a shy smile:

— No, you into anal today? Sorry…— The angel just smiles affectionately at him and says:

— I love to feel you inside me. — Hearing those 3 words so casually coming out of the angel's lips to refer to their sexual act sends Lee on a journey, for a second Castiel can feel him breaking that wall he has around his heart. Castiel just doesn't say anything, rolls him over on the bed, and makes his way with kisses and bites to the very hard intimacy and leaking pre-cum. He wraps his mouth, tongue, hand and firmly works the hardness as he exchanges a look with Lee. He watches Castiel douse his cock with saliva and bring it up to his throat and then, suddenly, he wraps his legs around Lee's torso, riding him. It takes a surprising sign out of Lee as he feels the angel make way to put him inside. Easy, he slides all the way inside, sharp and imposing. The angel just lets out an excited sigh amid a mischievous smile. Lee groans loudly and holds the angel's hips in place, he needs a second. 

He still hasn't gotten used to the fact that Cas sometimes uses his grace to make it comfortable and wet and warm, as if his angelic ass was made for it. He's got all the control, everything, and it's just too much for Lee. And then he lets Castiel move freely. An illusion is the fact that he has to "lets" something, but he loves the way Castiel makes consent sexy, if the angel wanted he'd ride his cock all afternoon and torture him on the edge of orgasm for hours, the idea of this doesn't sound bad at all to Lee, actually, but it also sounds like something he would do with someone who isn't Lee. It does with someone he loves and really respects. Not this emotional mess of a man who wants to come as soon as he begins to ride him.

— Can I hold your orgasm for you?—  Castiel asks when he feels he's getting too close early and he strongly wishes he could last longer, trying to disassociate himself from the moment; closing his eyes clutching the sheet as his head spins.

— Yea! Oh yes, Castiel! — Lee just responds with a smile amid a groan – Whatever you want! — The angel smiles cheekily biting lips involuntarily and says holding his face in his hands:

— Okay, but tell me when you really need to come, I don't want it to be uncomfortable for you. I could do this all day, please don't try to keep up with me, it's humanly impossible. — He says it so lovingly that Lee's response is to just smile and pull him in for a kiss as he takes control of himself and sinks into the angel as far as he can; spreading his but cheeks with his hands. Castiel groans loudly, let him do it for a few seconds, and then takes control and pins Lee's stubborn arms to the bed and says in a thick, menacing voice while laughing, — Use your words, say you understand, be a good boy.— Lee smirks lasciviously if Castiel hadn't been holding back his orgasm right now just hearing him order him like that would have made him come.

— I understand, I'm your good boy, Castiel!— Lee feels the orgasm stinging his spine, it's like New Year's inside him. He can feel it, he's coming… But his cock is still hard and without ejaculation. Oh, Castiel... And then the angel gives his sensitive cock a break. He kisses him now and says to the sweaty mess in front of him.

— Yes you are, my sweet boy. Now come here and suck me, I want to feel the passion that you said you have for my ass! — Castiel says boldly and gets off Lee who immediately puts himself between him. Lee holds his legs in the air and makes his way to sink his tongue into his sensitive folds. Castiel almost screams in delight when he feels Lee's passionate tongue, it's amazing. He manages to be almost as passionate as Dean is at it, and that's a hard task. The two kiss him as if their lives depended on it, they both have the same level of surrender. They flash like Christmas lights every time. 

— You are so beautiful! I love it when you look at me like that, I can swear I saw your eyes shining blue for me!— Lee says when he meets Cas' gaze on him. The angel smiles, he loves compliments like that, for a moment he thought Lee was talking about his vessel, but he was talking about the way his eyes shine. That's the kind of thing he tries to contain inside him. The reality is that if he allowed it, his eyes would glow like Christmas lights all the time while he's having sex. He's starting to let that run free when he's with Dean, still kind of afraid of Sam who still freaks out every time it happens despite loving this.

Lee puts even more passion on his tongue, sinks there, wraps his erection in one of his hands, and spreads the pre-cum there. He kisses the entrance, makes his way with his tongue on the angel's perineum; wraps the balls in his mouth. Lee watches the angel's eyes brighten a little more and smiles. He makes his way back to the angel's luscious folds and sucks harder.

— I want so badly to make you come with my tongue in your ass…— He says, his voice half-muffled by Castiel's balls. The angel just smiles in response and groans, shaking in his hands as his tongue fucks him beautifully. Lee spreads the pre-cum on his sensitive head and focuses there as he hears the angel moan aloud at the delicate touch in tandem with his tongue that sinks into him, sucks, and licks. Castiel can't resist and pulls Lee's hair, pushing his face against him. When he hears the muffled groan and watches Lee's core almost come close to an orgasm just from that and literally enjoys it with love and lust; he doesn't resist. Castiel comes and his eyes glow azure blue and he moans deliciously loudly. Lee observes with a smile the eyes of the angel look at him in an intimidating and magnificent way and says:

— Come here…— He calls out to Lee and he makes his way up to his lips. Panting, Lee trembles in his arms. Eyes still glowing, he meets Lee's gaze on him. Fascinated, not an iota of doubt, not an iota of fear at that moment. — No fear... — Castiel just says delightedly stroking Lee’s face who smiles at him and kisses him again. Now he feels fear along with love and lust.

Castiel looks for Lee's hard cock and leads him back inside. The human promptly gives the angel what he wants, slowly sinks inside while making a point of looking into its glowing eyes. He smiles as it shines even brighter, and only looked away because he was starting to get uncomfortable and blinding. He laughs and pulls the angel in for a kiss as he sinks into him.

Lee puts passion into it, he knows Castiel likes it rude and merciless when he uses his grace. Dean told him that, told him how much the angel doesn't care if it hurts him because he heals right away. It feels distorted and wrong, Dean said it's almost a limit for him. Fortunately, it's not for Lee, it's not even close to being a limit; the heavenly sounds of the angel's throat and Castiel's bright pure eyes and the reward of it make him even forget that his pleasure in inflicting pain comes from hell, he feels pure every time he goes to bed with Castiel. Lee almost hesitates for a second when he hears a groan that sounds like a cry of pain, but Castiel smiles at him right away.

— No fear, just like this…— Castiel orders, and Lee's eyes go cloudy with lust and he badly needs to come right now, but he tries to hold it back and ignore his trembling legs as he moans along with Castiel. He grins when he sees the white stripes paint the angel's stomach and he hisses hard, biting his lip trying to contain a pleasurable cry. Lee is chasing a third orgasm for the angel, but it's too much he needs to come.

— Cas--.— He laments Castiel's name and this puts a smile on the angel's lips.

— Yes, say my name, beg!—  Castiel teases him and observes, if he's overstepping bounds he'll know. In his slightly selfish mind, he badly wants that third orgasm that Lee is so eagerly trying to give him.

— Please! Castiel! — He pauses to let out a moan trapped in his throat. — Let me, oh, let me come!— Castiel now takes control of it for himself, pushes him on the bed making Lee lament Castiel's absence in him, but then he's riding him again. Lee smiles, he likes this game. Castiel smiles back at him slyly. Lee feels his orgasm right on the edge as he watches Castiel gracefully on top of him. The angel breathes so raggedly and Lee can feel it tightening around his cock. He can feel that the angel is so gracefully close. Castiel leans in to kiss Lee's lips and then makes his way to the human ear and says:

— Come for me...— Castiel orders and Lee rolls his eyes and comes hard inside the angel that when he feels him squirm and release his hot blasts inside he almost comes along with him. Lee opens his eyes in surprise and wonder. He feels the angel pull all he can out of his orgasm and enjoy whatever hardness he still has, he seems to be looking for that third orgasm, but then he gives up.

— Oh, shit! I almost came a third time! Fuck you, Lee! Motherfucker! — Lee smiles when he hears the angel curse his name. Castiel might be enjoying this whole thing about owning the orgasms of the humans he's fucking too much. He wasn't holding Lee with grace in that last part, and it was hot as hell. He might have gotten it because of the lingering effect of the grace on him, but Lee genuinely didn't want to come until he told him to, just like Dean. Those two... He's fucked.

Castiel falls beside Lee now with a smile on his face, the human also can't stop smiling at him. Castiel looks to the side and tries to contain the urge he has to take the hand the man has resting on his chest right now. Instead, he reaches for his robe, gets up from the bed, and says:

— I think we need another shower. — He says trying to keep serious, Lee looks at him and laughs openly.

— Yeah, I guess so… I'm all sweaty and covered in angel juice. — He laughs some more because of his post-orgasm serotonin mess. — Never thought I'd say this in my life, I'm fucking an angel… Did Dean ever tell you it's so much better than fucking demons? — He says without thinking, almost immediately regretting it, but when Castiel flashes a cocky grin at him as he closes his robe he smiles back.

— Yeah…— Castiel chuckles. — But he was telling a half-truth, Dean likes to fuck Crowley, he just hates what it brings out in him, so he doesn't. — Castiel says seriously, remembering when they had this conversation months ago, he can see it in Dean.

—Who wouldn't? — He says frowning in disbelief, getting in bed lazily.

— Crowley told me that every time I was doing my angelic things, disappearing and making Dean pissed, worried and horny he used to come to him. And he wasn't lying, but that's in the past…— Castiel comments with raised eyebrows. He laughs as he remembers something he said the last time they saw each other — Listen to this. He even said the last time we met that I'm too vanilla for Dean and he's going to get tired eventually...— At this point, Lee just laughs devilishly and throws his head back on the bed, Castiel joins him in this, throws himself on his back, just a few more minutes. Lee looks at Castiel now, his eyes filled with tenderness.

— Do you test limits just because you don't want to be vanilla? — Lee asked, a little worried now, it's so adorable and genuine that it takes a smile off Castiel's face who now looks at him delighted. — Because there's nothing wrong with vanilla, although I really appreciate your flavors I'd fuck you very vanilla and it would be great…— He says bumping his shoulder on Cas's shoulder who smiles back at him. Lee at this point blushes, extremely embarrassed to tell Castiel that he would basically make love to him and it would be great, and there wasn't an iota of lies in it. He closes his eyes and shakes his head to himself, cursing himself internally.

— I'm figuring out what I like in bed, so yeah, this is me pushing boundaries. — Castiel answers truthfully.

— And how's it going? Did you really like the 3-way we had? — Lee asks, really curious. Lying on his side to have this eye-to-eye conversation with the angel. Castiel frowns at him at this point and says cheekily mocking a little.

— I think the answer to that is pretty obvious, I would do it every day if I could. — He answers seriously, giving Lee that look.

That look.

Lee feels like he's a berry pie in Dean's presence. He swallows and laughs shyly.

— Is that why Sam was being a jerk with you?— He asks, and Cas can tell he really cares as he stares at him now with that look in his eyes.

— It was the way he asked, he insinuated I was being unfaithful. — Castiel says, a slight pain in his voice; stroking Lee's hair making the human in front of him blush a little more.

— Did he call you a slut in the not good sense of the word?— He asks with a smile that makes Cas smile back at him and pulls him in for a brief kiss.

— Almost, and I'm not as much of a slut as I'd like.— Cas confesses with a mischievous smile, Lee widens his eyes a little at that and laughs. — I wish I could call Rich to fuck me along with you and Dean.— He chuckles a little shyly as he says this and Lee genuinely smiles at him in a light, amused way.

— And Richard thinks you're a well-behaved angel, are you testing your vanilla sex on him? — He asks mockingly and teasingly in a way that makes Castiel laugh back sheepishly. When Lee asks this, it's nothing like Sam asking that there's no judgment in his tone of voice, there's no jealousy taking over his feelings no matter how emotionally involved he is right now, there's no anger and disgust, just pure affection, so Castiel replied nonchalantly:

— I'm not testing any kind of sex with him, I don't have that kind of connection with him. Kissing him is nice, but he didn't pique my interest to take things to another level.— Castiel can tell that despite trying to keep his cool exterior, Lee is happy to hear that and kind of proud of himself and trying to contain a smile.

— Wow, I would fuck him without a second thought if he was sober that day.— Lee simply says and Castiel lets out a sigh.

— I'm sure he would love that, you're great in bed...— He tries to say that and remain neutral, he doesn't want to show the slight jealousy he has of it, it's not his place, he has no right. Lee just looks at Castiel with a smirk. —I'm going to take that shower now, want to come along?— Castiel asks casually, trying to contain how much he wants this.

— I wanted to ask if you're up for another round, but I'm not feeling your grace on me anymore, in fact, I'm now feeling age-appropriate for an asylum. — He says and Castiel laughs deliciously.

— I didn't use grace on your last orgasm and you held back until I told you to…— Lee cheekily meets the angel's gaze on him and flashes a smile.

— Cool…— He simply says. — I'd hold on longer until you come first, next time let me, I love to see you come. — He says slyly looking for Castiel's neck who smiles and says:

— But what almost made me come was feeling you come on me and asking for permission, I don't know, the whole situation was amazing…— He says genuinely, almost confused and pulling Lee into a light kiss. Lee pauses his forehead on the angel's now and swallows hard. This is being a very intimate post-sex. Castiel can feel Lee trying to allow himself to enjoy while holding back feelings burying them in lust again.

— You like being a dom, what else about BDSM attracts you, angel? Should I ask Dean where he keeps the handcuffs? — Lee asked wiggling his eyebrows at the angel with a shitty grin on his face that makes Castiel look at him seriously and say,

— I think I have to seriously consider buying ropes, you and Dean keep making those kinds of jokes to me. He's already confessed that it's something he wants. Do you want it too, or are you just teasing me, boy?— The angel's deep voice makes Lee swallow and smile.

— I think Dean is more inclined towards it than I am, I like the orgasm denial and Dean’s stuff. He loves being a bottom…— He answers sincerely and Castiel smiles.

— Yeah, I like being his dom. I kinda wanna be yours too... Do you want me to own your orgasms? — He asks seriously and Lee at that moment laughs shyly and looks away from Castiel.

— I don't know, like all of them? I can't come until you decide you're going to fuck me? — He asks and when it leaves his lips he smiles more than he intended. Castiel laughs devilishly and appreciates Lee's involuntary excitement about it.

— I thought you only wanted that every time we had sex, but if that's what you want I can do that too.— They smile at each other now. Lee can't keep his feelings away from Castiel, the smile dying on his face, he swallows hard and finally works up the courage to say it.

— That's probably not a good idea. — He looks away from the angel.

— Why? — Castiel asks, looking for Lee's gaze, who tries to get away from it. He pauses a hand on the human's shoulder, drawing his attention. Lee takes a deep breath and finally says.

— You're kind of starting to own my heart, if I let you own my orgasms too I'm literally fucked.— He confesses. He had to say, this whole game was starting to get too intense and exhausting to handle. Lee knows his limits, if he allows it to go on any longer it's going to start to influence his sobriety and he really wants to be in control of it. So that's it, he said it. He's got nothing left to lose, just the hot sex and the angel's affection, but that was never his to lose so...

— You finally said it...— Castiel looks at him delightedly and places a light kiss on one of the flushed cheeks. Lee smiles slightly and looks at Castiel now. Castiel can see that Lee is hopeless, his eyes are brimming with tears, but he still looks at him with sparks of love escaping around the edges.

— Of course, you knew, I'm an idiot. — He says defeated.

— Of course, you are, but not for the reasons you think.—. The angel says and that draws a wistful smile from him. — You think if I didn't feel the same way I'd still be in your bed fucking you. — Lee at this moment is a little surprised.

—You...— He tries to initiate, but Castiel cuts him off and continues talking:

— I would be offended that you think I'm that cruel, but I know that you, Dean, and Sam are idiots. This is just my burden, the price I pay for wanting to live with and fall in love with humans and being able to see every little longing you guys feel.— He finally vents and sighs wearily. Lee is silent now, gazing at him delightedly and almost doubting this moment is real.

— Take it easy with me...— He simply says snorting a shy smile.

— Yeah, okay… What exactly does that mean? Do you want me to leave the room? — He asks, trying to mask the pain in his voice. In the beginning, things were like that with Dean and Castiel is a big boy, he understands, his heart needs a lot more to break. At this point Lee just kisses Cas' lips and promptly says:

— No, no! Just...I'm going to be an idiot, I still can't believe you're starting to like me...

— Falling in love with you…— The angel corrects. — Liking you is the bare minimum, I was fucking with you half an hour ago.— They laugh together at this and Lee tries to hold back the tears of joy he was holding back by sniffling them in.

— Oh I don't know... I've fucked people I didn't like very much just because the sex was good. — He says laughing, making the angel roll his eyes and scratch his eyes with his fingertips.

— It's… not the case.— He tries to put a smile on his face.

— I know...— Lee says, kissing Castiel's lips lightly.

— I promise to take it easy, I know it's complicated. You and Dean and now it's You, Dean, and me. — Lee smiles at the angel, he appreciates that.

— I still can't believe this is my life. — He says, laughing in disbelief. — It's too good to be true, it's scary, and maybe I'm feeling all this because I was lonely until you guys showed up. — When he says that Castiel sighs sadly.

— I knew you could say that. You're trying to sabotage a good thing, just don't…— He asks wearily, his tone almost defeated. Rising from the bed and offering a hand for Lee to come along, he takes his hand and stands up from the bed as well with a groan. Castiel captures his lips briefly and says, — Shower? — Lee sighs heavily, still full of doubt and uncertainty.

— Yes…— He replies as he searches the drawer for a bathrobe, he puts it on and follows Cas through the hallways of the Bunker. On the way, they find Sam, dressed but still with wet hair. Sam gives Cas a shy smile and tries to ignore Lee's presence there.

— Hey Castiel...—  He says the angel's name so cheekily Lee widens his eyes and just keeps walking, he doesn't want to know what comes next he's already witnessing the way Sam measures the angel with his eyes and that look Castiel is giving him. He knows that look. The angel is ready for more. Castiel watches Lee hurriedly turn the hallway and for a moment he doesn't know what to say. He wants to, but he's still kind of pissed off at Sam to even thinking about fuck with him.

— I gotta go. — He says trying to contain a smile, Sam knows that smile, Castiel is on fire inside. Sam is feeling particularly bold today so he grabs the angel's arm and approaches Castiel's ear and asks.

— Are you sure you have to?— Sam's hot breath and the absence of negative feelings amidst his lust make Castiel instantly ready for it.

— Can you make this fast? — Sam laughs proudly, he looks at the state of his jeans getting tight and Castiel follows that with his eyes.

— Yes…— He says, capturing Castiel's lips and dragging him into the nearest empty room. Castiel appreciates all this passion, he kind of likes it when Sam thinks he has something to prove to him, the best sex of the two is when Sam is jealous and kind of wants to hate fuck him. He doesn't really hate, which makes it all the more wonderful. He likes it when Sam is afraid of losing him. He should feel guilty about that, but at this moment when Sam is anxiously pulling his robe up just enough to penetrate him, he really doesn't want to think about anything else. But Sam hesitates for a second.

— Damn it! I do not want to hurt you! — He can feel that Castiel is still wet with cum and his sensitive folds are relaxed, but when he feels resistance he doesn't have the courage to go on. Castiel sighed a little frustrated but tried to contain it, just using some of his grace to relax the rest of the way for Sam who breathed a sigh of relief and sank into him comfortably now. And now he feels more confident to sink mercilessly into Cas against that door. The angel wants it fast and dirty. He's going to do it fast and dirty . Sam grins cheekily when he hears Castiel groan hoarsely and squirm.

— I'm almost! Don’t stop! — He pleads and Sam says next to his ear, beating as hard as he can.

— Not gonna stop…— And then Castiel breaks free into an orgasm that was already on the edge before they even started this. Sam continues a little longer, lunges hard almost angrily making Castiel smile and groan loudly as he feels him hit bottom one last time and release himself completely inside him. Sam turns Castiel to face him now and pulls him in for a kiss as the angel cackles breathlessly.

— Cas, for God's sake you're laughing… I gave you everything I had and you're laughing! — He says laughing along with the angel who pulls him back for a kiss and sinks his tongue in search of him. When they break up Cas says:

— I love your dick in me so much! Oh shit, how I want the 3 of you in me right now! Oh fuck, all these feelings, I feel like I'm going to explode with happiness any one of these days. The 3 fuck me like I'm the most delicious thing in the universe!— Castiel says as he shivers happily in Sam's arms and moans softly, trying to contain it. Sam just laughs and kisses the angel's forehead.

— That's because you are, I'd fuck you all day long if that were humanly possible! — They both laugh now. Castiel could make this humanly possible, but he has to hold back. It's very easy to lose focus and he promised Jack that they would later play video games together. And he really wants that too after this shower. Then he gives Sam a brief kiss on the lips and opens that door.

— Hey, I was looking for you!— Castiel hears Dean's voice in the hallway and he involuntarily smiles as his eyes meet. Deam laughs openly when he sees Sam zipping up shyly walking out of that random room in the Bunker.

— I was with Lee…It took longer than I intended and then…— He doesn't finish his sentence and Dean didn't need him to finish. Sam at this point just says.

— I will go do that thing…Anyway.— He just walks away. Dean measures Castiel with his eyes and swallows; he waggles his eyebrows looking at the room next to them and Castiel starts laughing.

— Are you serious?—  Dean just smiles at him shrugs his shoulders and says:

— I’m into it if you are…— The two laugh together now and Castiel responds:

— I need to meet Lee at the showers, he…— Castiel hesitates to say and he doesn't know exactly why. — He told me today, he said he's falling in love. — He says with a slight smile and feels Dean genuinely rejoice at that.

— He said it…What did you do? — He asks surprised and smiling, Castiel smiles back and says:

— I basically refused Sam and went after him. He showed up in the shower room because he thought I was with you. Lee was intimidated because…you know…— Castiel is momentarily embarrassed, Dean laughs at this and the angel continues. — He left, and I went after him. Sam was going to be fine, Lee wasn't. He needed to know, I wanted him to know that I want him…— He smiles shyly and says. —…We made love…— Dean at this point just grabs Castiel and offers him a hug and a loving kiss on top of his head.

— Go, we can do this some other day...— Dean says, slapping Castiel on the ass who smiles at that and almost grabs him right there and drags him into that room. But he goes on his way, smirking at Dean who smiles back at him as he hits his semi-erection in his pants putting his hands in his pockets; causing Castiel to almost choking on his will as he turns down the hall.

When Castiel arrives in the shower room, Lee is in the middle and almost finished. It was brief, something just to get the sweat out of his body and relax his deliciously sore muscles after a hot fuck. When he sees Castiel coming he's not shy about cracking a smile when their eyes meet. Lee welcomes him as he sheds his robe and steps into the shower with him. Castiel doesn't waste much time pulling him into a passionate kiss, now that he can and his feelings are exposed he's going to do it; he will kiss Lee as much as he wants because he knows that's what he wants too.

— That was pretty quick…— Lee comments, making them both laugh. — Poor Sam, he must have been so pissed and horny when you went after me…best combo. — He comments wiggling his eyebrows making Castiel blush and laugh in his arms.

— Oh, he deserves the wait. — Castiel says teasingly — Even if he didn't deserve it, I would go after you…— The angel says, giving a light kiss on Lee's lips making him melt inside for him. There's still a slight fear there, but he can also feel him allowing himself a little more as he kisses him. And then Lee breaks off the kiss, trying to keep a little emotional distance with a silly comment.

— Angel, you are really brave, that dick is big! He's like a grower or a shower? — Castiel concludes that his only option is to laugh, he kinda expected this one.

— Grower, but Sam is kind...— He responds with a little laugh, taking a surprised look from Lee who whispers in his ear teasingly.

— Does he fuck you nice, but not quite the way you'd like?— He bites Cas's earlobe lightly and then works his way up to his neck to his shoulder with hard bites, making the angel hiss and laugh.

— Yes… But never tell him I told you that! — Castiel responds as Lee attacks his neck with hickeys, leaving marks that soon heal. This leaves Lee kind of disappointed, he kind of wanted to make his mark there, but not disappointed enough to stop biting and sucking.

— Of course not, I don't want to get punched in the face. — Lee says, muffled by the skin of the angel's neck.

— He's kind, but he can't be vanilla with a dick that big, win for me! — The angel celebrates with a groan making Lee laugh.

—Hum…Dean said he hesitates, Sam does too…So in conclusion I'm your very good fuck? — Lee asks proudly with a shit-eating grin on his face and Castiel tries to stay neutral and contain a smile says:

— I'm not going to encourage this…

— Mm…

Chapter Text

He can't believe that Richard is just asking for water today just so he can flirt with Lee; and he can't believe even less that Lee is falling for the guy's charms like he's a teenager. He wished he could have the guts to tell Richard that if he's not drinking he shouldn't be here, but he serves nachos too and he's been buying it and eating it all night. Shit.

— Hey, Dean? — Lee's voice wakes Dean from his devious inner spiral. He was distracted. Dean just mutters something and encourages him to continue, trying to sound casual. — If you want to go I'll finish here…I'm thinking about accepting Rich's invitation…to…um. — He nods his head as if to say a “You know…” and Dean just nods back and smiles at Lee.

— Hum…Okay…— Dean rolled his eyes but didn't say anything. Lee kind of wanted him to say something and Dean wishes he dared to say something. They are not boyfriends. Dean was never the jealous type, if he ever felt any kind of jealousy, he never showed it. Honestly, Lee doesn't want to think about it too much. He just wants to have no-strings-attached sex with anyone other than Cas or Dean. Ever since he told the angel he's in love he's been avoiding it. He doesn't want the complication. He'd be all in quick and would be disaster. He wants to feel like he at least has some control over his life now. Richard is cool, after the two of them get it out of the system he might even be friends with the guy, it's simple, he's done it before. He's had sex with hunters back then, when he was young, he never fell in love with any. He needs to test a theory, if sex with Rich exposes him to feelings too he knows the problem is with him. Cas told him not to spoil a good thing, but he can't help himself, he doubts this is really real. Fuck it, he's doing this. He needs a hot body in a bed today, and he doesn't want to risk letting out a desperate "I love you" in the middle of it.

 

                                                       *

 

— Lee went to spend the night with Rich today…— Dean says in his wistful voice as he snuggles into Castiel's chest in the middle of that ordinary Saturday morning. Castiel when he heard Dean's words, resigned tone and the mixed feelings bubbling up inside him, took a deep breath. That wasn't his favorite thing to hear today either.

— We never told him he shouldn't…— Castiel declares in a half-broken voice hugging Dean tighter, trying to contain his idiotic emotions inside. The two seem at this point as if they are trying to glue the broken pieces together in that embrace.

— I should have said something…— Dean says letting out a sigh as he tries to hold back some stubborn tears, he doesn't want to cry, that's stupid. He didn't even cry when Cas was with Sam that first time. Maybe it's easier to accept because Cas really loves Sam. Lee just wants to deflect the fact that they're in love and have random sex to prove something to himself.

— I should contain the urge I have to call Lee and beg him not to be with other people, I'm a hypocrite, but fuck it, I'm doing it…— Castiel says grabbing his cell phone from the bedside table. Dean laughs through the tears he wants to hold back, at this point it's hard to tell if he's laughing or crying. And Castiel just composes himself entirely, sniffing it all in. He doesn't even look shaken as the phone rings.

— You know if he's in bed with him right now he won't stop doing what he's doing just to answer right? You should spare yourself that and just talk to him tomorrow…— Dean says throwing his head against the pillow putting his hands on his face feeling helpless and stupid.

— Shut up…— Castiel just responds.

— Hum…Hey, Castiel…— The voice on the other end of the line seems uncertain, he hears a snort on the other end, an incredulous smile.

— Hey…sorry…—  Castiel starts nervously, he doesn't know exactly what to say. He fails to stand his ground, not even he knew how hard it would be. He suddenly feels very stupid for doing this, his will now is to just hang up that phone and do what he said wouldn't make him "cry for the idiot human" — That was a stupid idea, calling you just to try to interrupt things. I'm an idiot, just ignore me. Goodbye! — Castiel immediately hung up, not waiting for an answer. Dean beside him just laughs now.

“Castiel, what the fuck, dude?!” 

He hears a kind of involuntary prayer and his phone ringing. Of course, he wasn't going to let that go. He knows better now, why does he keep doing the things his heart tells him to do? He shouldn't follow that instinct every time. This is ridiculous, he has no right to feel jealous and ask Lee not to get involved with other people when he himself is in a relationship with 3 different people, 4 if you count what's being born between Eileen and him. He must be the last one Lee wants to hear from.

— Sorry…— Castiel starts in a tearful voice he can't contain, he tries to laugh to cover it up — I'm stupid…I'm sorry…— It's the only thing he manages to say as Dean laughs or cries beside him. — Shut up Dean, this is hard enough…— Lee on the other end can hear Dean's laugh and Cas's shaky voice. He can't help but smile and be genuinely confused.

— Cas? — Castiel can feel the confusion and love for him right now. Then he finally works up the courage to say it, in his most pathetic voice.

— Don't sleep with Rich, come home. I'm...I need you here...I want you in my bed...—  He says laughing or crying, Lee can't really identify what it is and can hear Dean on the other side in the background laughing a little, but his voice It's kind of stuffy.

Lee is momentarily in disbelief, sitting naked on the edge of that bed while Richard smokes a cigarette. They had sex, but he was pathetically thinking about Castiel and Dean. And this was turning out to be one of the most embarrassing moments of his life. Rich was being nice about it, they ended up talking. Naked and sad, the guy also wanted to be with someone else. They were almost pathetically crying and braiding each other's hair in this depressive post-sex. It wasn't bad, it was good, but he wanted to be with those two clowns. He wouldn't say that to them, though. He wouldn't risk it like Castiel is doing now.

— I'm going…Hold on…— He says and hears Castiel let out an incredulous breath on the other side.

— We can talk about this tomorrow, it was stupid of me to call you, sorry…— Castiel starts to ponder his emotions now. He's starting to feel extremely ridiculous. He shouldn't feel this way, he's not jealous, he doesn't even know why he's doing this. He could feel Lee's yearning for him from afar, but he shouldn't meddle in this process of whatever Lee is going through. Castiel has decided he's going to jump for both of them this time, he's no longer going to ignore the man's feelings and try to take things slow. This is stupid. He can't even get back that late.

— You're not stupid Castiel, you know very well that I'm the stupid one, between the 3 of us…— Lee smiles lovingly over the phone, even though Cas can't see him now and the involuntarily smiles.

— When you said you were interested in Richard I should have said something, I should… I don't know, I should… I have no right to feel what I'm feeling, we don't have anything serious and I'm kind of a slut…— Castiel finally says regretfully and takes a deep breath, he laughs at the end and can hear Lee on the other end of the line laughing along with him as yearning for him becomes clearer, it's something tender and loving, it's new and it's beautiful… It looks like love, but it's different is something Dean has felt for him since they met.

— Dude, you're adorable. — He hears Lee say on the other end with a little laugh, — I want to make Cas’s burrito with blankets and kiss your cheeks when I get there…— Lee says this so lovingly and almost mockingly that Cas's only reaction is to lower his voice into his voice through some of the tears he was holding back and say:

— Blow me…that's not funny.— Lee smiles even wider on the other side and says wryly.

— Love you too, bitch.— He says and Cas knows that's how he feels, but he's not sure if it was from the heart or just him being an asshole, the words are right but his tone isn't.

— This isn't funny…—He repeats resignedly and sighs deeply.

— You know I'm not kidding, Cas…— He says with a weary breath, leaning against the headboard and meeting Richard's gaze on him. He looks confused and curious.

— Yeah, whatever…— Cas says impatiently on the other side, making Lee smile on the other side. — We'll talk later...— He says calmly and shyly, the tone of his voice giving away that he is extremely embarrassed.

— Okay, see you later, baby…— Lee wanted to finish by saying he loves him again, but he's not going to be the person who says it again twice in a row without a response back. He's in love, but he's not that stupid, a little self-preservation is important. He wanted to come back today, but it's late and he's tired.

— I'm fine now if you want to stay there and fuck Richard some more, whatever…It's your life.— He says trying to put truth into his words, but feeling more and more stupid, he feels like he has no more control over this. Anyway, he's already fucked up any chance of hiding feelings today. Lee hears Dean just chuckling and on the other side, he can't say anything and just laugh too.

— See you later, Cas…— He decides not to say anything else, just not to continue this dialogue for now. He just now hears the angel hang up the phone in his face.

— Hum…Cas? From the Bar? — Richard asks curiously, putting out his butt in an ashtray, and lying on the bed with his hands behind his head.

— I need a drink…— Lee just groaned, laying back on the bed and pulling a sheet. — Yeah…Cas from the bar, he's like…— Lee couldn't find the words, he was still in disbelief at the turn that call had taken. For lack of anything better, Lee pulls out one of Richard's cigarettes. That's just trading one bad habit for another, but at least cigarettes won't make him drunk, just a little more relaxed. He hates how he misses it too.

— Jealousy? — Richard concludes for him a little in disbelief, lighting the cigarette Lee has in his mouth now with his lighter. Lee reaches for the ashtray Richard has on the nightstand next to him. Richard tries to be discreet in his attempt to catch Lee's scent without him noticing as he leans over him to reach it, but Lee notices Rich's gaze on him. He knows that look the guy is probably ready for more. Lee squints down and notices he's bumped into a hard cock there.

— Yeah and I wasn't trying to make him jealous, this…us, it wasn't about that. — Lee clarifies taking his cigarette out of his mouth briefly, meeting Rich's gaze on him who shrugs and says:

— I didn't think Cas was the jealous type, did you fuck him so deep it reached the guy's heart? — Richard says seductively, wiggling his eyebrows at Lee who just laughs and says.

— I'm not going to encourage this talk about Cas…— Lee can't stop smiling, though. They looked at each other slyly now. He won't encourage this talk mainly because he knows he can hear when someone mentions his name. He's not a saint, he's far from a saint, now he wants to tell him he fucked Cas the same way he just fucked Richard.

— He's lucky…you and Dean. — He says teasingly as Lee just puffs on his cigarette trying not to participate in this highly dirty conversation, Richard's cock is pulsing under that sheet and making a tent of respect. He tries not to think about it, but Rich smiles even more widely when he notices Lee has his eyes on him.

— I should go…— Lee says nervously.

— It's hard to get an uber at this time. — Richard just responds casually — You can stay if you want… — Lee takes out his cell phone and checks the time and if there are any Ubers nearby. Yeah, he's out of luck.

— I'll text Cas, just a minute…— Lee says as he types with the cigarette in his mouth.

Lee: “Hey baby, I wanted to come back but I'm out of luck with uber. Do you want to pick me up?”

Castiel: “That's not necessary. I said it's okay.”

Lee: “I wish I was there with you.”

Castiel: "I know, don't worry."

Lee: "I didn't mean to hurt you, baby"

Castiel: "I'm fine, it was stupid, it was on impulse."

Lee: "I know it was on impulse, but never did anyone care so much."

Castiel: "Dean never put it into words, but he was being an idiot like me."

Lee: “Exactly, he never put it into words, I have two balls and neither is crystal.”

Castiel: “Yeah hahaha I know.”

Lee: "See you later, baby."

Castiel: "See you later, honey."

This quick exchange of messages puts a smile on Lee's face. Richard watches this and when their eyes meet he simply says:

— That's cute…—  He's sincere and his tone is loving, but Lee narrows his eyes and says on impulse:

— Blow me…— When he says that, a smile crosses Rich's face and Lee smiles back.

— I would, but you have a boyfriend now. — Lee wants to protest, but he doesn't know what to say right now. He's free to do that, they're not dating, they haven't had a conversation and Cas says it was on impulse. If were other times he would be blowing Richard right now or letting the man blow him...

Both actually...

But what's wrong with him that the very idea makes him feel guilty? Richard is a delight, but Cas is in his head now, he's never left, but now he's more present than ever.

— I can get another room…— Lee suggests reaching for his clothes and starting to pull on his underwear now.

— No, man. Come on, you can stay here, no problem. Rest, let's sleep...— Richard says amicably, patting the mattress beside him.

— Are you sure? — Lee asks a little fearfully and raises his eyebrows at the man who smiles friendly and says as he reaches for his underwear and puts it back on his body.

—  Friends sharing a bed. — He says offering a hand to Lee who shakes it promptly — I won't try to seduce you, it's a difficult task, but I promise.— He offers Lee the pinky now with a charming smile on his face. Lee just laughs at him trying to look away and says:

— That smile is your seductive smile, stop smiling at me like that, man…— Richard blushes now and an even wider smile appears on his face as he looks away from Lee.

— Fuck you… — He says laughing.

 

                                                                                                                                 ***

 

When he woke up the next day, around lunchtime, one of the first things he did was take a quick shower, fix his morning breath with mouthwash, it's not perfect, but it's better than nothing. He put on his clothes, called an Uber, and left a note beside Rich, who was still sound asleep, even though he didn't try to contain noises. Uber arrived pretty fast, he gave an address close enough to not have to walk far, but far enough away that the location remains a secret.

It's hard to do the walk of shame when the Bunker door is so loud. As he descends the stairs he is grateful that there is no one in the library, but at the same time, he wonders where Cas and Dean might be. He checks the time on his cell phone, by the time they're probably in the kitchen. When he gets close he can smell food being prepared and some familiar voices. It was Saturday, so Jack was home and helping Castiel with lunch. Lee stopped in the kitchen doorway and watched the two of them.

— Hi Lee...— The boy's excited voice greeted him. A smile curved his freckled cheeks. It's amazing how the boy has Castiel's eyes, Dean's freckles, and Sam's hair despite being blonde. The boy's references are clear when it comes to rebuilding himself and he's adorable. Every time Lee sees the boy he wants to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his hair. He's a restrained adult so he only does one of the two.

— Hey Jack! — Lee says approaching the boy and ruffling his hair. He complains lightly, as he does every time someone in this Bunker does that, but he smiles. At least no one has ever tried to bite or pinch his cheeks yet, they must be too scared of hell for that. Not that they should, but he will never take that fear away from anyone.

Castiel was still willing to ignore Lee's presence there, offered a shy smile as he cut seasonings for the pasta sauce. He didn't really say anything, but Lee could feel he was a little tense and a little embarrassed. This isn't the kind of conversation they can have in front of Jack so Lee just walked over to Cas and gave him a light kiss on the cheek. He considered touching Cas' shoulder and giving him a brief hug, but let it die midway by scratching his head nervously. Castiel gave him a faint smile with flushed cheeks now.

— Dean's in the garage washing Baby, in case you're wondering. You guys should talk…— Castiel says, Lee nods, taking this as his cue to leave the angel alone. And then he's gone. Castiel wants to go after him now and hug him tight and give him a breathtaking kiss, but he holds back. Jack watches Cas sighing deeply and emanating that energy of someone who needs a hug. He clings tightly to Cas's waist and rests his head in the middle of his back. The angel smiles openly now.

— He wanted to give you a tight hug, but he didn't have the courage…— He simply says with a silly smile on his face. Castiel took a deep breath. He's not enjoying becoming an emotional mess that Jack has to comfort, that can't be right. He wants to be a kid, kids shouldn't be anyone's solid foundation. And that's stupid, he doesn't even know why he's so jealous.

— Sorry, Jack…I didn't mean to worry you.— He starts and feels his son squeezing even tighter against him.

— It's just a hug, Dad, I'm just hugging you. Normal kids do that.— He says, trying to convince himself for the millionth time this week that he can be a kid, sometimes it works.

— Your father is stupid...— He says finishing chopping the spices, he laughs and turns to face Jack now and cradles his face with his hands and gives a loving kiss on his forehead.

— You're not stupid, don't call my father stupid! — The boy says frowning — He likes you as much as you like him, I don't know why you have to complicate it…— Jack says smiling while Cas still has his hands squeezing his cheeks.

— Well... He manages to be even more complicated than Dean, it seems that one learned from the other how to be complicated. — Cas says laughing now, having these silly conversations with Jack is always good, they understand each other, on a level that normal father and son wouldn't, but that's ok.

— It's weird, his feelings are the purest thing to watch, like Sam and Dean, but he tries to contain it like it's a bad thing sometimes and then I stop paying attention... It becomes... mm... Inappropriate. — He says shyly, scratching his head. The two start laughing at each other. And Jack can see Cas trying to bury himself in his shame as he tries to smile at him.

— You know too much...— Castiel simply says as he steps away from Jack to get some utensils needed to finish this lunch today, he clears his throat and says, — Put some water to boil. You came here to cook with me, not talk about weird shit. Let's forget that your dad has 4 different types of relationships and make lunch. — He says nervously and Jack just laughs and starts doing what Cas told him to do.

— You know I love you right? It doesn't matter how many relationships you want to be in.—  Jack says it sincerely and so lovingly that Cas's only response is to stare at him speechless and bewildered. Usually, they just ignore it, Jack is very uncomfortable. He's never really known what he thinks of it all, and maybe he doesn't even want to know. Sam worries him enough about that already. If Sam loves and judges him so much he can only imagine what Jack thinks of him. — I just disappear sometimes because the 4 of them look at me and wish I wasn't here when we're watching movies together. Sometimes it's just a thought that goes away fast and I can ignore it, but sometimes... you understand…— Cas just laughs and says,

— Just ignore it, you know you're more important to me. — He says sincerely, because, honestly? All that shit can wait decades if Jack wants his attention.

— I ignore everyone except when it comes from you. — The boy says, shrugging his shoulders, making Cas blush.

— Sorry…— he says blushing, his tone the most guilty of all.

— It's okay, no hard feelings, I have friends! — He says excitedly, with a genuine smile. It's been amazing, he's not exactly… normal . Lucas has already realized that he is not normal. The only thing he had the courage to tell the boy is that he is half-angel. He knows the boy can be trusted, mainly because they are children and no adult would really believe him if Lucas said he saw him move a pencil with his mind. The rest of the story he leaves for when Lucas is old enough. For the moment he'll just appreciate the fact that Lucas isn't afraid of him and loves him. He says they're like Luca and Alberto and Jack isn't sure if that means what he thinks it does, nor does Lucas have it yet, he's just a kid. And it doesn't matter, Lucas is actually 10 years old and Jack… Well, Jack is trying to be a kid and sometimes failing . — By the way, is it okay if I sleep over at Lucas's again tonight? — Castiel looks at him with puppy dog eyes and says on impulse.

— But what about…Steven Universe later? — Jack notices Castiel tries to keep the pain out of his voice when he asks that, but he knows it hurts him a little. He laughs lightly at this and says.

— I can leave it for the next weekend. — Jack responds lovingly.

— If you really want to go I won't stop you, I won't be that kind of father…— He says sincerely, feeling a little silly about it. What's going on with him and jealousy these days?

— I'll stay…— Jack says, and realizes that Cas is happy about it. He doesn't care if Cas' jealousy is silly or not, he actually likes it when he really wants to spend time with him.

 

                                                                                                                          ***

 

It's not like he and Dean need to have this conversation. He got it, he has two boyfriends now, no more fucking around. He didn't need to fuck around and didn't even want to. It was about taking control of yourself, breathing a little out of that sometimes suffocating feeling of helplessness. He wants to tell the two that he loves them, live together in a house by the lake, and go fishing with Dean on the weekends. Even if it just seems too soon, too much love, too much madness. He wants them to pick up right where they left off before Chuck interfered in their lives. He wanted it all with Dean… And now he wants it with Cas too, and that's crazy, but apparently, it's not that crazy, the angel seems to love him as much as he loves him. It's a fragile, newborn feeling that he's afraid to break every time he comes close to touching it, but it's there. He just hopes they still want it with him.

Lee arrives at the garage and can see Dean there, distracted with Baby. It's almost a ritual for him to wax this car. He knows Dean does this when he's stressed about something, but this isn't about him, right? It can't be…Dean and Cas aren't really that upset because he spent the night with someone, right? If they are, it's the beginning to the end for him. Neither of them said he shouldn't, but who would want that kind of headache within a relationship. Castiel is already being cold, strange, and distant, maybe he has realized that he is not worth it, after all his plate is already full and he would be the first to go. He's just a good fuck.

— Hey Dean…— Lee says with a heavy voice and sighing deeply. Dean still hadn't noticed his presence there and startled. He was really distracted.

— Oh, hey…I thought you were going straight to the bar today. Richard seemed excited to keep you a whole day with him…— He says, keeping the jealousy out of his voice, Dean knows better than anyone how to hide what he's really feeling.

— I got back as soon as I could, there weren't any Ubers at dawn and I asked Cas if he wanted to pick me up. — Lee justifies himself and Dean is a little surprised, he didn't expect so many justifications. Castiel didn't say that part of the conversation to him. Yesterday after that disastrous phone call he went to sleep, he didn't want to live that day anymore, it was reminding him too much of how things used to be in the past with Lee. And honestly, he doesn't have the energy anymore.

— Cas was being over the top, no big deal…— Dean tries to say as he finishes waxing Baby and tosses the rag into the bucket.

— Oh, so you didn't care? — Lee asks ironically, Cas has already given him away, this whole carefree boy act won't stick.

— We're not boyfriends, man…— Dean shrugs, trying to force a smile. —You don't owe me anything…— He swallows, and if Lee didn't know better he'd even accept that answer.

— You know this is bullshit even if you believe your own words. Why don't you tell me what you really felt for once? — He says looking for the eyes that Dean tries to avert. Dean takes a deep breath, he wished he could contain it inside, but unfortunately, it's not possible. He is tired. He's tired of keeping it inside, he's had it too long. Since their youth he's been swallowing gigantic frogs for fear he'll say something and it'll all fall apart or just look like a needy bitch.

— I love you. — He simply says, calmly with a smile. Lee smiles back and now he's the one trying to look away, but the blonde wraps his hands around his face making him look at him, and continues — I love you, and every time you fuck someone to try to forget that you love me too, it breaks my heart. — He says in a choked voice, taking a deep breath. The green of Dean's eyes glistened with tears meeting the glistening blue of Lee's tears differently. Lee can feel it, the words have the weight of years. Dean sighed as if he'd let air into his lungs for the first time.

— You used to do the same thing and it broke my heart too. — He says not containing the emotions inside him pulling him for a kiss. Dean responds, excited, happy that they're on the same page. For a moment he thought this was going to end here and he would have to pick up the pieces along with Cas. Dean laughs mid-kiss and says mockingly.

— It's a relief your mouth doesn't taste like ass.— Lee laughs at this with Dean says:

— Dude, I kinda brushed my teeth and I just do that with you and Cas. I've been making love to you two since I moved in. — He confesses laughing nervously and trying to hold back emotional tears, but failing. He takes Dean's face in his hands and pulls him back in for a kiss. Dean wraps his hands around Lee's waist and pulls him tight.

— Yeah, when Cas described in excruciating detail how and what you did to him really sounded a lot like our first time. — Dean says with a half-shaky and jealous voice after he breaks the kiss.

— What? Were you jealous of him too? — Lee asks surprised with a smile and gives a light kiss on the cheek of Dean who moans dissatisfied, but smiles.

— Of course, you refused to be with me and only ended up in my bed because of him and it's been that way ever since! I can only be with you when he's together, sometimes not even that. It's like I'm going to infect you with love like you're capable of getting even sicker for me because we've had sex more often or not. It's stupid, but I keep my hands to myself! — He says nervously, but keeping a smile on his face. That's not the kind of thing that bothers him, it's okay for Lee to want Cas, but not for the wrong reasons. He's been avoiding him and that's not cool.

— I was trying to convince myself it was all about sex with him!— Lee says defensively, laughing nervously and throwing his hands in the air. Dean wraps his hands around Lee's face again and says:

— This is insane, do you hear the words that are coming out of your mouth right now? You two look like idiots in love when you're together. I'm pretty sure you fuck him better than I do, because we're both practically flipping the coin to see who's going to be the bottom, and he kinda likes to be the top…From the bottom. — It makes them both laugh when Dean says it like that. Lee is pretty sure he's right, but he would never say so. Castiel refused to confess that he did, even after they fucked a fourth time that day in the showers with Castiel constantly saying “Do it fast, I have to do something after this” and when he did it fast and hard he wanted more. The angel is kind of insane for this and he can't help it.

— I'm pretty sure he loves you more. — Lee says because at the end of the day that's what matters and today he really wasn't feeling that Castiel was open to him despite saying it was okay over text.

— I'm his first love, like…love, love…He's always going to be insane for me and I for him. — Dean says unconcerned, this is the same kind of problem that Sam faces sometimes. Castiel constantly complains that Sam thinks he's just an interesting addition on his ass and no matter how much he says he loves him he always doubts a little bit deep down in his essence. He can understand his brother, it's Castiel, he will always seem… Unreachable.

— I know, I don't think I've heard even half of the stories and I can already tell you two are insane for each other. I don't even know how you guys still don't have rings on your finger and a wedding set. — Lee wails in his resigned tone. Dean looks at him and can't believe he still hasn't figured out what's going on here.

— I have a ring in the drawer and every time I look at it I don't know if I want it on your finger or his.— So Dean just says, hoping that coupled with the fact that they're still in each other's arms isn't too much for Lee and don't make him want to run for the hills

— Too much information. — Lee just says a little embarrassed with a smile on his face. The fact that Lee didn't want to run from his arms the minute he said that is a victory so Dean just says:

— I don't care, I love you. Deal with it. — Lee raises his eyebrows at him and says.

— Trying to…— They laugh at each other lovingly. Lee runs a hand through Dean's slightly long hair, there's a stubborn streak that always falls on his forehead now and some wrinkles at the corners of his eyes, even when he's not smiling and he still has that same look from 20 years ago on him – almost 80 if you count the time they were both in hell – admiring him as if no time had passed. —  I love you too...— Dean smiles now, so beautiful and so pure. It seems that hearing those words from him after so long makes him happy. Lee can't contain the urge to pull him in for a kiss again. It's so different, and it tastes salty like tears. Lee can almost taste love, it's just Dean, but even so, this familiar kiss from his old lover still wakes the same butterflies that were sleeping. He thought he would never feel that again; and now he feels it every time he kisses Dean and Castiel.

— I want to put a ring on your finger, I want to choose a house together with you, I want you to grow old together with us… I don't care if this is too insane anymore, my whole life is insane and I've wanted to do this to you since we were young. — Dean says when they break away from that kiss, he whispers those words as if saying it out loud would weigh more or would frighten Lee, but the brunette's heart dances with happiness in his chest and he's not as afraid of it as he should be.

— Chuck didn't let us…— He reminds them both of that, Dean smiles, he smiles as he lightly kisses the lips of the man in front of him.

— I wish I had started the car that night Lee, I would have gone after you. We'd have a whole different life, maybe we'd keep hunting for a while, but eventually, we'd stop, we'd sing around just the two of us on the road…— He smiles even wider and pauses his forehead on Lee's and goes on to say — In the year that same-sex marriage became legal, we would have gotten married... — Lee appreciates the plans he made for a life they didn't have, they line up very much with his. When same-sex marriage was legalized in every state in the U.S. his first thought was to remember Dean. He felt pathetic remembering an old flame who had barely been his boyfriend, but those plans and fantasies in the corner of his mind manifested. This was when he came closest to thinking about looking for Dean, but he was already living the dream and heard that Dean still hadn't stopped hunting. He didn't want any of that in his life again.

He's starting to remember; the pieces falling into place better after Castiel has been healing him. It's easier now to remember the part that was real and the part that came from Chuck. He was happy before Dean bumped into him that day at the bar and was even happier when he saw him again; and then…

Darkness.

Hell.

Despair and agony.

Since then it's been a journey, a journey to find happiness again in the little things and find love again. And he still doesn't feel like he belongs, but Dean and Cas are his safe haven. They are trying; they are doing their best and he can almost see the end of the crooked tunnel. He's not sure he deserves either, let alone both, but it looks like he does. He hopes Castiel isn't tired of putting up with bullshit. Dean... He values this complicated and twisted history of theirs in a way he'll never understand, but the angel... He deserves better, he's got better.

 

                                                                                                                      ***

 

Later that day, after the 4 of them had lunch together – Sam and Eileen were still out on that hunt – Castiel didn't exactly have time to pay attention to Lee, he didn't seem to want to, but that was okay. He looked happy and relaxed, focusing his attention on Jack. And maybe it's for the better, it's been a nice Saturday afternoon. He wanted all his afternoons to be like this, watching cartoons and eating popcorn with Jack. He can understand why Dean loves the boy so much, he brings lightness. At this point, it doesn't even seem like they are 4 extremely complicated and scarred creatures. Jack doesn't even look like he's going to have the responsibility of the world on his shoulders when he's ready, he just looks like an adorable normal kid with worries 10-year-olds should have.

Tomorrow is the day they've decided it's going to be the bar days off, Mondays are always the best option, no one really goes to the bar on Mondays. Dean wanted to open the bar every day because every day can be a bad day for some hunter out there, but Lee managed to convince him that at least a day off was the most reasonable thing to do. Even he doesn't know how he managed to convince the former hunter of that, but Dean heard him. He can't even believe the positive influence they have on each other's lives after so much shit that surrounded them when they were young and stupid. He can't believe that while time has passed and made them more mature they still have the same youthful spirit sometimes. Especially at this moment when Dean is making Jack watch the entire Star Wars saga, stuffing his mouth with popcorn and smiling at him and Cas as if he has no worries. That's one for the picture, the 3 looks like a commercial family at times. 

He doesn't belong here…

Jack is the one who wakes him up from his inner annoyances, he rests his head on his shoulder casually and says.

— Stay...— He just says it, nobody but him hears him, the boy doesn't even look like he said it with his mouth actually. He looks at him now, the piercing eyes glow golden yellow briefly and he hears it again, his reaction is just to smile back at the boy and rest his head on Dean's shoulder who was on his other side. They stay like this.

Eventually, they fall asleep; Lee accidentally rests his head on Dean's shoulder, still pretty tired from his extracurricular activities, and Dean has been having this after-lunch nap routine lately. Cas and Jack are the only ones awake until the end of the movie, he pauses the DVD and looks away. Dean was hanging on to Lee and the two of them were asleep so adorably he didn't want to disturb it, a sudden urge to register the moment hit him. So that's what he does. He takes out his cell phone and takes a picture. Jack was distracted with his cell phone, he just gives a slight smile to the picture and then goes back to texting with Lucas. Castiel looks at the photo he just took, a lump in his throat suddenly hits him... 

Chuck stole this from them…

He shouldn't even be here.

He leaves that room. Jack noticed a strange thing, the same feeling Lee was feeling a while ago, he wonders if he should get into this, its crooked waters. He should probably remain a normal 10 year old now and continue this conversation about what his favorite pokemon is with Lucas, but he's not a normal 10-year-old... He finds Castiel in the kitchen, trying to distract himself with the dishes. He's crying, Jack just doesn't say anything, hugs him from behind, and tries to heal Castiel. The nearly human ex-soldier of the Lord smiles at this, he wipes his tears with the back of his hand and doesn't say anything, just turns to face Jack to hug him. Jack wishes he were small enough now to ask for a lap, but he's 10…maybe 10 billion years old, he's a big boy, but Cas carries him anyway and sits on one of the kitchen benches, with Jack hanging around his neck. They smile at each other.

— Those cheeks…— He says gritting his teeth, fighting the urge to squeeze it. Jack gives him a nervous glowing gold gaze and snorts, but he relents, Castiel needs it now.

— Squeeze them…—  He says defeated, Castiel frowns and says:

— Nah, I know you hate it.— He says, kissing him on the cheek. —  You like being tickled… — He says attacking his armpits, making him laugh and squeal.

— No, I hate it too! — He says screaming and laughing, but Castiel knows very well that this is a lie and continues.

At that moment, Dean appears there, a little scared; when he heard the scream on his way to the kitchen all sorts of alarms went off inside his head and he didn't hear the laughter, but the scene he finds is the most heart-warming thing he's ever seen. He laughs and joins Castiel in the task of "torturing" Jack with tickles. Lee watches this in the doorway with a smile. When Jack starts to feel really sorry, they know it's time to stop. Dean kisses them both on the cheek.

— We belong here…— Jack says to Castiel in a way that only he can hear and Castiel smiles with his eyes shining with joy as he nods. Lee has paid attention to this entire exchange and wonders what that was all about. Castiel looked worried as well as happy. His desire now was to actually wrap him in a blanket and make a Cas’s burrito. When Cas catches that feeling coming from him, they share a look and Castiel blushes and Lee smiles even more widely at him.

Chapter Text

Pink, purple and blue.

Lee makes a point of using these colors in the stage lights. Dean wonders if it's for the reasons he suspects. He watches the man smile wide and bright as he tests the lights before the bar opens. In the old bar he remembers that there was red too. Dean thinks about asking if this is about the bisexual flag, but holds back. He's not sure if he's ready to hear the answer. He only knows that if someone asks him if that was the inspiration he might deny it to death or proudly say yes. He is already openly Cas' boyfriend to everyone who comes to this bar when the angel is here, he doesn't even know why those colors are bringing him so much anxiety. Dean's thoughts are interrupted by Lee's voice trying to make conversation with Cas.

—  Cool? — Lee asks Castiel who looks at him neutrally. The angel can identify something flashing proudly inside the human, he smiles.

— Yeah, cool! — Castiel tries to offer a genuine smile, as he feels that for some reason this is important. Things were still kinda tense between them. Lee still hasn't exactly had the heart to talk to Castiel about the two; he was still digesting the fact that he'd heard from Dean's mouth that he wanted to marry him and basically saying that if things like polyamorous marriages were possible it's something he would do in the future. It scares him that this is the kind of thing he would do too.

— It's bisexual lights, the colors of the flag…— Lee says shyly meeting Dean and Cas' eyes on him. — It's very subtle. For some reason, it's nice, warm, and reassuring to sing around it. Soothing. — He smiles shrugging his shoulders. — I don't know, it's silly… — He says blushing because Dean and Cas now look at him with heart eyes with slight smiles as he starts to ramble on about his feelings about colors.

— It's not silly.— Castiel protests with a frown. — Nothing that makes you so adorably charming and happy like this is silly. Your feelings…— Castiel lowers his voice now and shyly says. —…are important and I like being surrounded by them. — They look at each other embarrassed with flushed cheeks. Dean looks at the two like that and smiles and says to Lee.

— Remember what I said about you two?—  Dean asks, looking at Lee who opens his mouth to protest, but nothing comes out, he just smiles and blushes a little more, if that's humanly possible. He looks away from the two of them and moves around the bar looking for something to do, but for now, there's nothing really, they haven't opened it yet.

— What about us? — Castiel asked Dean suspiciously.

— Oh, nothing, you're just silly lovebirds every time you look at each other. —  Dean says, giving a loving smile to Castiel, who looks away shyly.

— I have proof that you two are cute lovebirds with each other too. — He says taking his cell phone out of his pocket and showing him the photo he took earlier today. — I almost posted it on Insta, but it's just too adorable to share. — In the picture they were in the background of Cas’s selfie holding hands and sleeping, one head supporting the other, Dean in the crook of Lee's neck. Jack beside them made a heart with his hand and blew a kiss to the camera. The only thing you could see of Castiel in the photo was the obviously smiling eyes in the right corner. Dean looked at Cas and said nothing. Lee came close to check what it was and the 3 looked at each other. Nobody said anything else for a long time. They were blushing aggressively.

 

                                                       ***

 

Castiel wanted to disguise the fact that he was going to the bar more often to see the two of them singing. He loved the duets Dean and Lee did and loved the fact that he had a privileged view from the bar. He didn't even have to pretend he wasn't paying attention. The movement today was kind of slow. Monday is coming and Castiel could almost feel the sadness of some people there realizing it. Some had normal work to get back to their regular week, but hunters continued their drinking until dawn if that was possible. He was trying to deflect all these tormented feelings and try to focus on what Lee was singing right now while Dean took a break. People are already dispersing, but Lee keeps singing. He can feel it's for him, so he pays attention.



Livin' with me, it ain't easy

But I do it every day

sometimes even now

I wanna run away

But there you are

You're tryin' to please me

Yeah you stand your ground

It's more than I deserve

 

I've taken more than I've been givin'

I've taken for granted this life I'm livin'

I don't know why heaven above

Blessed me with your sweet love

Though I never tell you what you're worth

It's more than I deserve

 

It's just your style to wear a smile

Oh baby you wear it well

If I had my way, I'd dress you in nothin' else

 

In this part, Castiel can't help but smile at Lee. He's trying not to react and pretend it wasn't for him, although it's a practically impossible task when what Lee is doing is singing, looking at him in the midst of those beautiful lights and feeling each note and word and sending everything to the essence of both. When Lee notices he's hit the angel's heart he smiles back while singing.

 

So come on here and lay down, a little while

'Cause you right now

You're more than I deserve

 

— Damn it, Castiel! The guy is in love. I hope you've forgiven him for that slip! — Castiel hears Richard's voice that catches his attention in the midst of the music and the looks Lee has been exchanging with him in the midst of it all. The man arrived not so long ago and is sitting across from him at that bar and has been deflecting their conversation ever since, other than ordering drinks is the only thing he said to him today. Castiel looks at him confused and says:

— Shut up Rich! There's nothing to forgive! — He says as he pours the man another shot of whiskey. — I was being silly. You're being weird too, stop being weird to me…— He says with a slight smile.

— Sorry, I just didn't know if the friendship still existed. — He says not looking at the angel, turning the top of the glass with his fingers.

— I was just being an idiot and now I won't see the end of it…— Castiel complained, rolling his eyes and laughing, making Richard laugh too.

— You two are adorable…— Rich just says raising the glass to his mouth with a smile.

— Blow me.— Castiel just says growling in displeasure.

— I would...— Richard teases with a wag of eyebrows and Castiel wishes he could say it's a surprise, but he expected it, even so, an involuntary smile emerges. He won't engage in it, he doesn't want to, but this flirtation is delicious. He feels alive. For a long time, he didn't allow himself because he had more important things to worry about, but now... He can feel the lightness of this moment. It's fucking amazing.

Lee now rests his voice for today. It's almost time to close the bar. Then he approaches Cas and Rich, the two of them are… friendly with each other, maybe that's not the word. Castiel is flirting. He looks like he's trying to prove a point today or it has nothing to do with him, he doesn't know anymore either way... Hurts. Lee pats Richard's shoulder in a brief greeting and sits down beside him.

— Thanks for staying at the bar today. — Lee says to Cas who nods his head offering him a slight smile.

— I could tell you really wanted a drink today, it felt like the right thing to do. — He says tilting his head to the side. He knows today was going to be a rough day for Dean too and that's their deal. He helps when things are hard for him to stay sober and he's surrounded by drinks, so he'll do the same for Lee.

— I can handle it, some days are harder than others, but you shouldn't worry so much, I'll be fine. — He says in a low, embarrassed voice as he smiles.

— I know, but...—  Castiel wanted to say "But I love you" but he held back and said his replacement instead. — I'm kiiiiinda starting to like you.— He says wryly and Lee laughs.

— Bitch…— He responds lovingly, trying to be rude.

— Jerk… — Castiel responds almost immediately, averting his gaze. They use the old Winchesters method of saying "I love you" because it's too soon and this isn't the place or the time for chick flick moments. Richard is watching this sipping his whiskey with a slight smile as he tries to pretend he's not paying attention.

Dean kind of watched this whole exchange from afar as he came out of the bathroom. He can't tell if what he felt was jealousy or not. That song Lee was singing and the looks they were giving each other… They were obviously having a moment, but when the two of them see him arrive those loving looks they were exchanging one with the other are directed at him now as he sits next to Lee who rests his head on Dean's shoulder and says with a low voice:

— It's really more than I deserve…— Dean smiles slightly, barely perceptible as he sinks his nostrils to the top of the man's head and runs his fingers through his stubble. Lee looks at him now and leans in to kiss his lips briefly. A drunk in the corner of the bar looked at the scene with disgust, he drained the rest of his glass in one gulp; seems to have taken his liquid courage, or in this case: his liquid stupidity.

— I didn't know this was a gay bar…— He says in a heavy, melancholy voice like he's referring to something really unpleasant. Dean looks around and at the moment there's only Rich, Lee, Castiel, and the waitress at the bar; so he says:

— Man, literally no one is straight here. Deal with it. — He says laughing and Castiel shrugs at the man who looks in his direction strangely. If it were other times, Dean would curl up in his corner and shut up. Richard looks at the guy and gets up from his seat after downing that glass of whiskey and Lee gets up too.

— Do you want me to show you the door? — Lee says, snapping his fingers and neck and rolling up his sleeves.

— No, there's no need man, I like it here, just don't do that shit in public and it'll be fine. — The middle-aged man complains, putting some bills on the counter. If he was sober he wouldn't say this, he has 4 guys now staring at him and ready to throw the first punch. Maybe it was a bad decision. The bearded man drying glasses looks at him like he's a bug.

Castiel looks at the bills on the counter like a man has put shit in front of him, they're normal bills, but even so, he's never seen anything so disgusting in his life. He has no desire to take that money. So Dean does what he felt like doing at the moment, he takes the guy's notes and stuffs them in his jacket pocket.

— Cope. It's not my problem…— He just says and turns back to Lee and leans in to kiss his lips and pauses foreheads together for a few seconds. Lee smiles at him and immediately blushes. They look at each other now as if the rest of the world doesn't exist. The guy narrows his eyes even further at this and Castiel can feel the man's desire at this point was to choose violence, he just doesn't do it because it's 4 against 1 and he's not drunk enough. He just doesn't say anything, just head towards the door.

— No one will miss you here. Disgusting perv! — Amber, the waitress comments with disgust in her voice. Dean turns to her confused.

— Did he touch you?! —  He asks angrily. The girl is old enough to be their daughter – If he were a teenage dad at 16, but still... and even if he wasn't, no one touches anyone in this bar without consent. Dean is pretty sure he's already stopped some rapes from happening here. There is a clear difference between drinking with a girl and going to bed with her and trying to leave the bar with a person who can barely walk with that predatory look on the face. The reality? Dean is just dealing with different types of monsters every day in this bar...

— No, he didn't touch me, he just talked shit about my ass. — She rolls her eyes and Dean rolls his eyes along with her.

— I could still punch him in the face for that...— He starts to negotiate with his conscience as the man is standing in the doorway and looks back indignantly giving him that "come on man, look at her" look.

— Nah, never mind…— Amber says, holding Dean's tense forearm affectionately. — Your hands are too good to touch shit, touch me instead…— She says seductively, flirty winking at him. He just laughs. The man at the door decides to say it on impulse.

— Aren't you barking at the wrong tree, honey? — He asks, laughing drunk, making everyone in that place roll their eyes and look at him wondering why he's still here. The man is laughing at his own joke like it's the funniest thing in the world inside his mind.

— First: She's not a bitch to bark. Second: I thought you were leaving, what are you still doing here? Third:...— Dean thinks about saying something about cocks and pussy being his thing, no matter the package, but he doesn't owe anyone anything and this motherfucker doesn't deserve the amusing answer he was going to give — Just go away and don't come back, if you come back you get a free drink called: kick in the ass. — The guy's just gone now.

— If anyone be disgusting to you again, tell me and I'll kick them out. — Dean says to Amber who raises her eyebrows at him and says.

— You'd run out of clients Dean…— She says laughing as if this is really funny and Dean looks at her seriously with his brows furrowed, then she completes by saying — It's ok, I prefer if no one flirts with me when I'm working but they're not all gross some say my eyes are pretty. — She says with a slight smile shrugging her shoulders Dean exchanges looks with Lee and Castiel and takes a deep breath.

— Sometimes I want to make it the house rule: “Don't flirt with the waitress” but then I'd be the biggest hypocrite of all, I've spent half my life flirting with waitresses. —  He says with a shit eater grin. Everyone there gives a light laugh and rolls their eyes at Dean.



                                                                ***

 

That dawn when the 3 arrived at the Bunker, a little tired from the night they had, they went straight to the showers. Castiel was low on energy too, he rarely felt such a need for sleep, but today he is particularly tired. Today has drained him of a bit of energy and he doesn't really know why, but he can guess it's because he's starting to get more and more human, although his grace is still there. He can feel it, she's never quite gone, but the weaker it is, the more he can feel the human part of him. Not bad, but he wished he didn't need to sleep. Every time he closes his eyes and sleeps he wakes up wishing he hadn't. Luckily Dean or Sam are always there for him. Today is one of those days he wishes he didn't need to sleep, but he has to.

— Cas? Are you okay? — Lee asks when they're done taking that shower. He noticed the angel with a faraway, rather wistful look, and he's pretty sure this isn't about him anymore.

— I'm…— Castiel thinks about saying he's “okay” but he can tell Lee is really asking and worried. — I don't like sleeping, but I have to do it today.— He answers sincerely and Lee nods his head, he understands, he doesn't like to sleep much either. Nightmares are…yeah, he definitely understands.

— He always stays up for like 3 days. I'd say that's not very healthy, but he's an angel, so I don't think he's going insane because of this. — Dean says, trying to convince himself it's okay, but he worries. Castiel looks fine as far as possible for a creature like him they are doing well despite everything.

— So…can I wrap you in the blankets and make you a Cas’s burrito until you fall asleep tonight? — Lee asks lovingly, making Dean and Cas smile at him. Castiel looks at him so tenderly for the man's compassion that Lee almost regrets asking this, except that he really wants it, so he won't bury himself in shame.

— You may…— Castiel replies with a smile on his face as he puts on his comfortable pajama pants. Dean just can't resist the urge he has to kiss the cheeks of the two men in front of him.

 

                                                         ***

 

Castiel never thought that one of his favorite things would be this: being in the middle of this bed, being cradled by two humans with a blanket. He still really enjoys being in their midst for sex very much soo but this right here is one of the soothing things about his existence. That day the 3 of them slept together was one of his favorites, but Lee didn't really want to be here. Today, however, he doesn't want to run away to the mountains while humming a song for him to sleep.

 

This ol' Ruby Rider is Ruby riding alone

She's a sturdy solitary stone

This ol' Ruby Rider, not a fusion no more

 

— Are you serious right now? — Castiel laughs lightly and Dean, who had his eyes closed, opens and starts laughing too.

— Shut up… — He just says and goes back to singing.

 

Now the dirt and the dust and the danger is my new home

I used to think I would always be by your side

But lately, you've been rather cold

One look in your eye could make an honest gem cry

But Ruby Rider don't need no one to hold

 

Lee whistles the music very quietly now and Castiel snuggles into his chest with a smile. Dean now makes Castiel his little spoon while listening to Lee whistle with his eyes closed.

 

This ol' Ruby Rider is Ruby riding alone

She she's a sturdy solitary stone

Yee-haw

 

Now Lee sings in Dean and Castiel's ears that charming song from the cute cartoon they've been watching with Jack until they fall asleep. Lee hates to admit it but seeing two Gems get married and see them turn into Garnet was one of the most adorable things he's ever seen in his life and will stay in his memory. He understands why Castiel said he was more curious to watch that cartoon than to have more 3-ways with them that day, it's really wonderful although all the sex is magnificent too and he sure wants more…

Eventually, Castiel fell asleep while Lee hummed Ruby's song to him and felt Dean's weight on his back. It was supposed to be just uncomfortable, but it pulls him back to reality. Feeling their hot breath and the weight of their bodies against him is a comforting reminder that he will never be alone, not anymore.

Chapter Text

Sam wasn't sure why he was exploiting this part of Rowena's spells. He likes to fool himself and say it's because he needs to know a little bit of everything, but the reality is he's curious as hell to know if this sex switch spell works. He really wanted to test this on Cas, he thought about testing it on himself, but he didn't want to have to deal with all the questions it would bring him. Having a vagina isn't something he wants to experience exactly, he's comfortable with his body. Castiel, on the other hand, has already said that he sometimes misses his female vessel. He went after it because he wanted to find out how serious he was when he said it.

He would do anything to make Castiel feel comfortable in his own body. This spell has several variations. This spell was thought to be a torture technique by witches according to Rowena. When real witches in the old days were confronted by angry men with pitchforks and fire they would take their penises and replace them with vaginas, and sometimes even give them a female appearance too, so they could get a feel for what it was like to be a woman. Causing gender dysphoria in someone as a form of torture is, to say the least...Pretty cruel. And what every guy who burned "witches" deserved back then. Real witches rarely got involved in this problem, most thought it was none of their business, but when they did, no one had the guts to mess with them. This, of course, you won't find in any ordinary history book.

How to introduce this subject to Cas is anyone's guess, however. What if he misunderstands his intentions? What if he thinks this is some kind of fetish? What if he thinks this is about some dissatisfaction he has and not what Cas wants ? It's not even one of those options, although he's curious. This can't be good...

— Sam, you seem troubled. I told you once, right? Sometimes I ignore it because that's a primary aspect of your personality, but I can tell you this is about me, so say it…— Sam hears Cas's voice awakening him from his intrusive daydreams, he laughs. Of course, Castiel can feel it. Sam sometimes forgets that Cas isn't fully human yet.

— Hum…I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it. — Castiel now looks at him frowning, extremely worried — There is a spell I'm studying here that might be of your interest. — Castiel breathes a sigh of relief and pauses a hand on his chest.

— My God, Sam! For a moment I thought you were breaking up with me. You have very messy energy going on there! — He exclaims in surprise, breathing hard, furrowing his brows even more. Sam is even more surprised, his lips part in shock and he exclaims in exasperation:

— No! Why would I do that?! —  He looks at him with bright eyes and Castiel looks back at him with bright eyes. The two now only with the possibility of ending things are taken by a wave of agony. Castiel can feel that this is nowhere near what Sam wants, but even so, he says:

— You've been so weird lately, because of my relationship with Lee and Dean…Things have been changing and confusing. I thought you were getting fed up with me, done with my mess.—  He blurts out, his voice hoarse, he tries to hold back emotions, but it's in vain, it's clear to Sam that he's sad when he looks away from him. A lone tear traces one of his cheeks and he quickly wipes it away. Sam is seized by a sudden urge to go around the library table and hug this beautiful angel, so he does, wraps him in his arms and he can feel Castiel a little tense around him, he gives up on that for the moment and kneels down in front of him in front of the chair and tries to get Castiel to face him.

— I've just been stupid and jealous, that's all. At first, I had the excuse that it was because I didn't trust the guy, but he's been nothing but good for you and Dean, even Jack likes him. You two are cute together, although I don't understand what you two see in him. — Sam says with a smile, taking one of Castiel's hands who smiles shyly at him now as he wipes stubborn tears with the back of his free hand.

— Oh, God this has been happening a lot… — He says referring to his tears — I look like a woman in PMS. If I were in my female vessel I would say this is my cycle syncing with Eileen's, but I don't have that excuse. — They both laugh about it now. And there you have it, Castiel bringing up the subject of his female vessel again.

— Hmm... Do angels in female vessels have cycles? — Sam asks curiously, frowning and pursing his lips questioningly. Castiel gives a slight smile and says.

— Yes and no, it's complicated, but you didn't want to talk to me about menstruation, what's on your mind, Sam? — He asks, laughing now. Sam just has more questions about menstruation and angels now, but that can wait.

— I'm studying a spell in one of Rowena's books. It's basically sex change, sorta…—  At this point, Castiel completes by him taking the hook of it

— Oh yes, I remember that. Witches and their tortures. This one was my favorite, very clever. Men without their penises who were still men. Cruel, beautiful… Hated it to love. — He says boldly, reflecting on the horizon, remembering ancient times when he was still an angel who obeyed orders and just watched humanity. Sam watches him with a tight smile. — People who were born this way and suffered this torture without deserving it wasn't fun to watch though. — Castiel reflects a little more and starts to ramble — I remember that I really wanted to perform miracles on these people, but I held back, today, however, I wouldn't think twice. I did this a few times, actually,  when I had more healing power, took away the suffering, and only left the beauty of a trans body, now...well. I'm limited… — He says with pride in his voice, looking down at his hands. Sam smiles at him. He doesn't know exactly what to say after that, he feels silly. Castiel already knows his options, knows God personally, if he had been dissatisfied he would have gone after it himself.

— I wanted to ask if it's something you want. If it's too much, I don't know, crossing a line, you can tell me if you want to tell me to eat grass, feel free too. — Sam says as he pulls out a chair to sit next to Cas. The angel just has a smile on his face.

— You're adorable, you came across this spell and your first thought was how to make me comfortable in my own body? — Castiel says with eyes shining with joy, Sam can almost see the stars and hearts. If Castiel were a Steven Universe character they would now be literal stars. Sam feels even embarrassed, intimidated by that look, he doesn't feel like he deserves all that love because he's also thought a lot about what it would be like to fuck Castiel with a vagina and that's not nice and cute. It's far from adorable.

— Yes, but also... Maybe just a little fetishistic. — He says, looking away from the loving look Cas casts at him now, scratching his head trying to calm down.

— There's nothing wrong with fetishes, have you ever disrespected someone and treated a trans person as just a fetish? — Castiel asks seriously in his usual thick voice. — I'm pretty sure you're cinnamon roll who worries too much for that. — Castiel says lovingly reaching for Sam's face with one of his hands making him look at him. Sam shyly blushes.

— You know I don't know how to treat anyone like that. — He says with a slight smile.

— Do you want to test this spell on me? — He asks sassy with a smile that makes Sam shyly look away from Castiel now biting his lip involuntarily and he says shaking from his mind the dirty possibilities that arise now and tries to focus on what matters:

— I just want to use this spell on you if it's something you want to do, I want you comfortable in your body. —  He says sincerely and Castiel just smiles at him and pulls him in for a deep kiss, invades his mouth with his tongue, and advances, riding his lap getting face to face with him. Sam is surprised by this and Castiel says briefly between kisses.

— The fact that this is such a pure truth is so sexy, it makes me a little horny…—  Castiel says moaning against Sam's neck, making the human breathe heavily between his lips too. — If I had a pussy, you would definitely be inside me by now. — He says whispering and laughing deliciously cheeky in one of Sam's ears, who growls at him and tries to get up from the chair with Cas around his torso. He is a little surprised that he manages to lift Cas' heavy and muscular body without so much difficulty but stumbles a little. Doing this with Eileen is much easier, no doubt, but he manages to get him to get to the closest room to this Bunker. — There's no one here today, you can fuck me right here…— Castiel breaks off the kisses to say as he untangles himself from Sam's torso and sits at the library table, and pushes the books to the side.

Sam's heart nearly jumps out of his chest as Castiel undoes the button and zipper on his jeans. He's still a little apprehensive about all the disastrous results of trying to have sex at the library table that day, but maybe today he doesn't have anything to worry about. Dean and Lee are long gone, Jack has gone to sleep at one of his friends' house and Eileen is out on a hunt and even if she was in the Bunker it wouldn't be a problem, she loves to watch. She and Castiel have been teasing each other like this, while neither has the courage to move things forward and it's been… Fun.

Sam snaps back to the present moment now, where he has a very horny Castiel in front of him with his pants on his knees. When he turns around, Sam can see that he's not wearing regular underwear as he usually wears, is a red Jockstrap. He doesn't think much now, just makes him stare at the wood. Castiel smirks at him, and Sam just internally curses him and drops to his knees behind him, invading his ass with an eager tongue.

— Oh, fuck me! —  Castiel moans and pleads as he spreads his buttcheeks open even wider for Sam who just moans around his pleats.

— You like it fast and dirty, don't you? Even when don't have to be fast and dirty! — He asks as he undoes his belt. His intention is to move on to the part that interests Castiel now, but the angel turns to him and says.

— Do you want to take this more slowly? I don't want you to feel anxious like that, it's my kink, it doesn't have to be yours. — He says lovingly, wrapping his hands around Sam's face and placing a light kiss on his lips.

— I just…— Sam laughs nervously and wonders if he should say the next stupid thing he's going to say. — I'm terrified of the idiotic possibility of overstepping your bounds right now. — He gasps, kissing him back.

— You forget so easily that I'm not human, I don't understand… — Castiel says kissing him lovingly and pulling Sam into a tight, bone-crushing hug. Sam melts into this hug for a while, allows himself, and then works up the courage to say:

— Before you didn't rest, didn't change your clothes, and were always ready for some battle. You were a soldier on a mission, I was trying to emotionally distance myself from you...— He says, cupping his face in his hands and kissing him briefly, Sam's eyes are bright with tears. — When Jack was born and you died…—  The mention of Jack at that moment makes Castiel smile and pull up his pants, he can almost feel Sam's disappointment spiraling into feelings as he closes his eyes to it. Sam's limp cock inside his pants indicates this is going to be a long conversation, and that's okay. Castiel just wants Sam to kiss him and open his heart to him. — I tried to focus on Jack, you died protecting him…Dean even yelled at me about not being able to forget that you died because of Jack and I did like it was easy…— Sam just sheds his tears now and sits on the edge of the table.

— He said that? That he wouldn't be able to forget and you could? —  Castiel asks indignantly, placing himself between Sam's legs in an affectionate way and kissing his lips briefly. Sam hugs him tighter and captures Cas's scents with his nostrils. — That was rude and unnecessary. — The way Castiel talks to him now so loving and sweet makes Sam giggle shyly.

— He was upset, and he didn't trust Jack. Me neither, but I was trying…Jack was looking for you and calling you dad. Not Lucifer. You. — He says looking Castiel in the eye and admiring him with such love it makes Castiel blush and holds back a few tears.

— Did he call me by name? — Castiel asks, sinking his nose into Sam's hair and kissing his temple.

— Yeah, he said he was looking for his dad and I said Lucifer wasn't good news, I was trying to get Jack on our side and then he said 'Lucifer? No, my dad's name is Castiel… — Sam says, not taking his eyes off Castiel. — I've tried so hard to believe that you protected Jack for a reason, that you died for a reason. Every time I looked at Jack I saw you, he was so much like you I think that's why Dean couldn't look him in the eye back then. — He says looking deep into Castiel's eyes now that he lets out a delicious laugh and says:

— Oh Sam, you're giving me emotional orgasms right now, not quite what I expected, but pretty good too. — He kisses Sam's lips lightly and he moans a lamentation and says:

— Fuck you! I love you so much! — At this moment Castiel just kisses Sam, tries to put into that kiss what Sam almost never believes when he puts it into words, he kisses him slow, unhurried, without ulterior motives despite his kiss awakening all kinds of things in Sam now, he drives Castiel's hand to his aroused cock with pride as they pull away from that kiss exchange a look.

— Make love to me…— Castiel says looking deep into his eyes, that infinite well of love and adoration that Sam never understands how is possible.

— You want to be fucked, not make love. — Sam says laughing and making Castiel laugh along with him, the way he laughs tells Sam that this is true.

— I want whatever you want to give me. — He says, trying to convince Sam of this in vain, kissing him deeply making their tongues dance, he kisses him so sweetly, boldly, and slowly that Sam almost convinces himself that this is true. Castiel grabs Sam's hair gently and exposes his neck to make his way there with his tongue and teeth making him moan and shiver, his cock throbbing a little more inside his pants. The passion with which Castiel kisses his body will never cease to amaze Sam. He is always taken by the almost blind eroticism wave when they fuck. That last time he had to hold back, he could tell it wasn't exactly what Castiel wanted as he slowed down, but he couldn't quite give Castiel what he wanted.

— I want to give you what you want…— Sam says getting up from the table — My way…— He says getting rid of Cas' shirt who smiles cheekily when Sam pushes him against the table and starts undoing the button and zipper of his jeans while his eyes never leave his. Sam strokes his erection over the jockstrap and watches Cas — It looks really good on you…— Sam comments with a shy smile.

— Thanks…— Castiel replies sheepishly, blushing a little more. — I've always been curious. — He says shrugging his shoulders with a cheeky smile on his face. Castiel pulls him in for a loving, passionate kiss as he sheds Sam's layers. They are completely naked. Castiel chuckles sheepishly, he feels exposed like this outside of four private walls, but it's so fucking good the way Sam puts him on that table and runs his lips and tongue over his collarbone, chest, and belly. Sam makes his way to serve himself of Castiel. He puts Cas' legs on his shoulders and runs his tongue down his thighs, bites hard, in a way he knows Cas loves it and the response is immediate, he moans deliciously, he takes his time there. Then invades the buttcheeks with his tongue in search of Castiel's hungry throbbing pleats. He tries to look him in the eye as he does, he doesn't take long there. He doesn't know exactly what he wants to do first every time they fuck. Sam can never decide if he wants to spend hours sucking on that delicious ass or feel Castiel's heat on his cock.

Sam spits on his intimacy and spreads it along with his precum, and he doesn't think it's enough, but Cas has his grace and he said don't be afraid and he really wants it now. He just does, and Castiel moans hoarsely and beautifully, letting out a surprised sigh as he grips the edge of the table, he even hears it creak under them. His eyes sparkle and Sam smiles as he tries to keep his eyes on him as long as he can.

— Is that how you want it? — Sam asks in the midst of a hoarse groan as he thrusts passionately and presses Cas's thighs against him. The angel starts cursing in Enochian and Sam smiles. — Be careful what you wish for, I can understand when you curse me in Enochian. — Sam says laughing and slamming more violently against Castiel, who lets out a strangled cry and comes in his jockstraps with a smile on his face.

— Don't stop, come, come inside me, I want to feel… Oh shit! I want to feel you all in! — He says still in Enochian — Fear nothing, just…Never leave me…

Castiel pulls him in for a kiss and he can feel Sam stretching his ass with gusto. It's still not all he can do. Castiel knows that Sam always holds back his desire to possess a little and he doesn't quite understand why. He appreciates all the ways Sam makes love to him, but he wants to taste everything he has to offer. Because right now he's kissing him so sweetly and looking into his glowing eyes in such an adoring way that Castiel feels like he might end up crying as he trembles in his arms.

—  I love you so much! — Castiel says whimpering in Enochian. Sam smiles at him and picks up his pace. He feels that he is so close. Sam loves to hear Castiel make statements like that to him while they fuck; forget how hot and bold he is and the charming husky moans, what makes him come is when Castiel looks at him with those glowing eyes, hugs him like he's life depended on it and whispers love vows in Enochian in his ear. — I am forever yours, I would spend eternity by your side, no matter if the rest of eternity is another 1000 years or another 1000000. I want… I want you in my bed, in my life until the end of time. I want it all! — Castiel declares all this as Sam trembles in his arms and breaks free into him. When he says it all like that, he almost believes Castiel can love him as much as he says it passionately in his ears in his mother tongue.

At that moment they hear the door of the Bunker opening and Sam almost has a heart attack at that moment, but he feels Cas pull him back and calm him with his grace and say in his ear.

— It's Eileen, it's okay…— Sam collapses with his weight on top of Castiel now and breathes a sigh of relief. They hear Eileen laugh and say:

— You guys should really work on your hiding skills…— She says mockingly, using the same words Dean used that day while laughing. They both look at her half embarrassed, half proud, still panting. Castiel can feel how excited she was to witness this scene and also how tired she is right now. — Shower? — She asks, dropping her bag on the floor and massaging her sore neck. They nod at her and watch as she hurries off to take that shower.

This is the first time Eileen has invited them for a shower and Castiel appreciates the idea, usually, she just likes to watch the two of them. He's not sure if that means what he thinks it means, her yearning for him is always the same and that doesn't necessarily mean she's giving consent to touch her, just to watch, it's complicated, but he likes it, he definitely likes it.

Castiel and Sam quickly gather their clothes from the floor and library table and go after Eileen almost immediately. When they arrive there with a robe and changes of clothes in hand, Eileen is absently letting the water fall with her eyes closed. When she feels Sam's hand briefly touch her shoulder she smiles, opens her eyes. She smiles sheepishly at Castiel, he can tell she is pleasantly surprised that he has embraced her proposal for a shower together. They don't say anything to each other until Castiel watches her complain and moan while massaging her shoulder under the hot water. He catches her eye and asks in ASL

— Do you want a massage with grace? — She smiles slyly at him and says.

— Is it like a normal massage, only with angel healing? — Castiel exchanges a look with Sam who smiles mischievously at him. The human knows all too well how Castiel's massages tend to end when he decides to give one.

— Something like that…— Sam signals to her with the most brazen smile he has and Castiel looks at him indignantly.

— I was just offering a massage, she's sore and tired! — Eileen at that moment smiles and just says:

— Happy ending or not, a massage would be nice. — The 3 just look at each other now and Eileen shrugs when Sam raises his eyebrows at her.

Sam already had this conversation with Eileen about Castiel wanting something with her or not and he thought the day would never come, but the angel is getting more comfortable with her, and Sam can see them slowly burning with each look they exchange. Castiel has already confided in him that at this point the only fear he has is that he won't be able to please her in bed because of his almost non-existent experience of having sex with women; despite knowing what it's like to be in a body of one.

Eileen wants Castiel to be bolder when it comes to having sex with her and making things easier for both of them, but she understands why he doesn't. He seems to have doubts whether he really wants her, he's been embracing his "gay angel" label too literally lately. She understands how bisexuality works and how confusing it can be, but not in the way that people say it is confusing. She questioned herself a lot before embracing her sexuality, she even thought she was a lesbian because her first crush was a girl, despite her eyes shining every time she went to buy bread at the bakery and the boy with the greenish amber eyes was there. It seems that the angel is only now giving himself permission to experience these things and she doesn't mind being his science project. She really wants it.

As Castiel runs his hands over her aching body, she can feel a little grace tingling through her body. It's light, almost imperceptible, what she feels most is the weight of his hands and the firmness. Castiel's hands… He handles it firmly and gently, two things that are so opposites and only Castiel is capable of. His hands are warm, perfect, every time he feels his touch her clit throbs, no matter where he touches her, it's always a direct response to her core. 

She really wanted to be fucked lazily and cum right now, but Cas's goal is to make her sleep by the way, even though she can feel the dick inside his boxers against her bare skin there between her legs as he runs his fingers behind her back. He tries to disguise that there is an erection there, but it is very present. He threatens to go down further and touch her ass but stops. She could feel Castiel lean against her back and get his attention with a kiss on her cheek. She opens her eyes, this is a sign that Cas wants to talk to her.

— Can I touch you below the waist? — He asks hesitantly and Sam who was lying next to them laughs at this as Eileen scolds him with a frowning look.

— Touch whatever you want Cas…I'm serious…— She just responds laughing at herself blushing violently. Castiel just laughs along with her. Okay, that's verbal consent enough for sure, but he's still unsure and she can feel it.

— She's wanted you to touch her from the inside out ever since she met you, Cas. — Sam says laughing a little more, making her bury her face in the pillow and laugh embarrassed. Castiel kisses her back laughing too. And making his way to continue her massage, now focusing on the muscles in her buttcheeks. He felt her shiver and tremble all over in anticipation as his thumbs swirled the flesh of her ass. Castiel can see now how wet she was, her lips inevitably parting as he massages there he can see how delicious she is now. He wasn't using grace to arouse but to relax, so this is really…Interesting. Castiel exchanges a lecherous look with Sam who just says:

— I told you…— He smiles saucy, proudly cocky, he knows damn well what Castiel just saw happen between her legs.

— Go fuck yourself! — Castiel responds with a smug smile, trying to contain himself.

He wants to lick everything that leaks out of her now, it's so irresistibly inviting and juicy, but they haven't even kissed today, that would be incredibly rude. He reaches for her shoulder to get her attention, which makes her turn to face him now, the look in her eyes, he knows that look. It's the look of someone who wouldn't care, yet he kisses her, filled with lust.

— I've never done this before…— Castiel signals to her as he places himself between her legs; her lustrous black almond-shaped eyes don't look away from him with intimidating expectation.

— That…I…just…— She can't complete a thought when she finally feels his fingers inside. — It's okay, Cas…— She wears the most loving smile she can muster at the moment. As he searches for her sweet spot and teases her. Sam now captures one of her nipples with his tongue and teeth as he pinches the other with his fingers. She lets out a cry when she feels Cas's tongue on her in the midst of it all. She can't believe that all she wanted today was to come and sleep and that's exactly what she's going to get. Their full attention. She feels so hot right now that even if Castiel doesn't even know what he's doing she would come, but he does. The motherfucker said he hasn't done this before, but he tastes her and sucks her clit, and smacks her sensitive spot like a damn pro at the matter. His fingers know exactly where to hit; gently rotate the cervix and reach her firm and sure G-spot again.

She could feel it coming, and she wished she could extend it for a long time. This, so… It's her favorite scenario, she loves the attention. It's so nice to have them both. She holds on to the edge of this orgasm longer, but it's nearly impossible; pulls Sam by the hair to meet his eyes on her, she wants his eyes on her. He smiles, she smiles at him back and kisses her as she plays with her sensitive nipples. She feels it coming, the more Cas hits and sucks and licks she feels it. And she is so wet. Maybe too wet. And then, finally, there, that orgasm exploded inside her with tiny waves of electricity. Her entire body trembles, tenses and relaxes all at the same time. She can feel a different electrical current inside her flickering and stretching ever so slightly. That must be Castiel's grace in her, it's magnificent. It's like having an orgasm while high on drugs, only better, it's pure and fucking heavenly. She meets Castiel's eyes on her and he smiles shyly.

He lets her sensitive clit rest, but his fingers keep it up. His blue eyes don't leave bright hazelnuts. She doesn't ask him to stop. She really could do this all day; Coming around Castiel's fingers is a dream come true. And she wanted him inside her right now, wanted to have the energy to ride him and make him come as good as he was doing to her now.

— Fuck me...— She says pulling him in for a kiss. He removes his fingers, licking them quickly replacing them with his cock. Eileen rolls her eyes, but stops for a moment and asks. —Wait…that's not how you make a Nephilim, right? — Castiel pauses, startled for a moment by the sudden rejection of Eileen's essence against him, immediately pull out of her but laughs along with Sam.

— Both of us need to give consent, you have to want to get pregnant and I would have to want to get you pregnant…— Castiel shyly gives this brief explanation. Eileen breathes a sigh of relief and pulls him back. Sam just laughs now watching this entire exchange. He tries not to take it to heart that Eileen is at least 5 years away from wanting to be a mother. He didn't want it right away either, but one day...Well. Seems more like “never” than “5 years from now”.

Castiel now sinks fearlessly into her. He could feel that she was so deliciously close to another orgasm, her muscles clenched against him. And she clings with her whole body and scratches his back enough to leave marks that soon disappear. Castiel kind of wishes his healing factor at times like this didn't work, he loves the marks the 4 like to leave on him. At times like this, he wished he were human.

And at that moment he realizes that the fear he had of not being able to satisfy Eileen is just a silly fear. All those years in a female body were worth it. And all the tricks he learned from Dean when he got rid of Lisa's memories were also fresh in his memory at that moment. He pays attention to her every reaction now. He watches the beautiful way her essence lights up when he aligns up with her. He remembers that it was better to be penetrated like that when he was in a female body than long thrusts – although that was pretty good too.

Sam runs his hands down Castiel's back and takes advantage of that moment to do something he's been in the mood for since he started this and Castiel's ass was pointed in the air as he had his mouth on her pussy. He kisses his back and runs his tongue down the middle of Cas's ass. And sinks his tongue there as he slowly and intensely sinks into Eileen. Castiel smiles and groans as he feels Sam make his way, sucking him passionately. It won't be long for him if Sam keeps it up and Eileen keeps moaning and squeezing around him like this. She's close, she's very close to another orgasm. He doesn't take his gaze off her when she gets there as he continues to pound against her hips at a faster pace now. Castiel musters all the strength of his self-control to ask Eileen.

— Can I come inside? — They didn't have this conversation before this started, and they probably should because he can feel the immediate rejection of it when she reads his lips, she doesn't even have to say anything. He leaves quickly, lies down beside her, loses his concentration a little, and ends up losing his orgasm. And before he can finish it in his hand Sam wraps his mouth around him.

— Sorry I just shower…— She starts to give her a long explanation of why she doesn't want this right now and Castiel just smiles at her as Sam sinks it in his throat. Castiel rolls his eyes and he can feel that familiar wave coming on again. He can't say anything to Eileen now, his words fail, just come in Sam's throat, who sucks every last drop of it and invades his lips with eager, passionate, disconnected, and shaky kisses. — I would do that …But Sam fell on your dick like he hadn't seen you in 10 years…— She commented, making the two of them giggle against each other's lips with open mouths panting.

— Sorry…— Sam just says shyly to Eileen, as he pulls away from Cas, and lies down on one of his thighs. She shrugs and asks.

— So, Cas, how was your field research? — Castiel wants to deny that what he was doing was that, but he can't hide it.

— It was good… You are delicious! — He says it with the greatest sincerity in the world and Eileen, who was already blushing, blushes, even more, when she reads this on Castiel's lips. She pulls up a sheet now; sleep was starting to catch up with her, she wanted to go to the drawer and put on one of Sam's shirts, but she's too lazy for that right now, she just sighs and says what she's been trying to avoid saying:

— I feel like there's a 'but' coming. — She says a little worriedly, hoping that they haven't crossed any imaginary lines and that they can still be friends, she can see that even though Castiel really enjoyed it, there's still something making him slightly uncomfortable.

— There is no “but” it was delicious. — He says trying to convince everyone of that. It really was delicious… He would feel that it would be much better if their feelings were in line with their sexual attraction, however.

— That was sex without the love part.— Eileen simply says wiggling her eyebrows and Castiel raises his in surprise.

— It was really good…I really like you a lot, it wouldn't be so good if I didn't like you. It was way better than my first time with April! — Castiel says truthfully, it was really better. He really enjoyed doing that with April, but he didn't feel as comfortable as he did with Eileen now, perhaps for obvious reasons, Eileen really wanted this, she wasn't trying to manipulate and kill him.

— I hope so! She's not trying to kill you, point for her! — Sam says as he sits up straight on the bed now so Eileen can read his lips. Castiel scolded him with a glare but chuckled lightly.

— You know what I mean…— He says, surrendering to their laughter and looking lovingly at Eileen who smiles. That smile…It's able to light up even the depths of The Empty, she exudes that afterglow. So relaxed, happy, and sexy with her hair a little messy.

— So…— Eileen starts excited and a little embarrassed — Friends with benefits? — She offers him a hand for him to shake and Castiel laughs some more, he shakes her hand and says.

— We know how it ended the last time I tried this “friends with benefits” thing, I'm soon adopting a cat along with Lee. Did you guys know he's a cat person? — He says happily, making Sam roll his eyes and huff as he smiles out of the corner of his mouth trying not to show his jealousy and contempt for the man so much, but falling slightly.

— Castiel, honey, that was never a friendship with benefits, you two were too involved for that from the start. — Eileen simply says, pulling a surprised look from Sam and Castiel. It's not like either of them didn't know this, but hearing Eileen say it so naturally makes Castiel feel embarrassed, Sam jealous and huffing hard. Castiel wants to try to deny it, but from the start he had a connection with Lee that he could never explain where it came from, it's like he once said to Dean, his love intertwines the 3 like a perfect Venn diagram. The result is this kind of complicated and magnificent relationship, scarred and beautiful in its own way.

— Ever since he first prayed to me I knew I was fucked.— Castiel declares, simply leaves it in the air, resigned, not even knowing if this is a good or a bad thing yet. He wanted to know the future of this, wanted to know if it was a mistake to encourage Dean to look for Lee because that day he'd let the two of them snuggle with him; he'd felt exposed like a nerve. Does Lee sometimes feel like the worst human being on the face of the earth because sometimes he wants to run away from it all? Well…So does he. Lee never really goes and neither does he nor Dean. They always choose to stay, as scary as that can be. 

This with Eileen, however, isn't scary, it's simple. It's like she said, friends with benefits that's it.

Castiel looks to the side and sees that Eileen is sleeping now. Castiel tries to get up carefully trying not to move the bed so much so she doesn't wake up and he hears Sam's voice saying:

— Stay…— He almost begs for it, his tone is like he doesn't believe he's asking for anything fair, the feelings are so raw inside him. He doesn't believe Cas wants to stay but asks anyway.

— I just need to go to the bathroom, I was going to come back here, Sam…— Cas says, offering him a smile, Sam lowered his gaze and took a deep breath.

— Yeah? I thought you wanted to spend more time with your two lovers. — He says, trying not to sound resentful as Cas puts on his boxers and baggy pajama bottoms; Castiel just laughs, it's not a laugh from someone who actually found this funny, he just wants to roll his eyes and just walk away and not come back, but he just says:

— I thought arranging this in a calendar to not make anyone jealous like Dean suggested the other day was bullshit, but I'm starting to think it might be a good idea. I didn't know you'd be such a sensitive bitch, Sam. — He mocks cheekily.

— Go fuck yourself…— He complains softly, it almost really offends him, he doesn't know exactly how to feel.

— No, you come and fuck me, I don't have to fuck myself anymore, that's the point of sharing a bed and my ass with you and your brother, right? — He says snarky and impatiently but offers a shit-eating grin, as he leaves the room to make that quick trip to the bathroom. Sam just lays his head on the pillow laughing out loud.

Castiel comes back not long after, and snuggles into Sam's chest, it's still not too late, and Castiel isn't really tired, but he really doesn't want to leave Sam right now. And he knows Sam still isn't tired either. The bedroom lights are now off and they are lit only by the dim light from the bedside table. Castiel hates to admit that he prefers it that way, darkness still intimidates him. This is something Sam and Dean have noticed and tend to just do for him sometimes. Speechless, it's not necessary, and he's grateful for it.

— I really love you…— Castiel says softly against Sam's chest, voice cracking, Sam tries to meet the angel's gaze in him and kisses his cheek lovingly — I know it's complicated, I wish I was better, I wish this was better. simpler, but I love you. —Sam squeezes him tighter in his embrace, his heart full of affection for the angel in his arms, at this moment he just says:

— I love you, just the way you are…— Castiel can feel the truth of the words, no doubt hanging over them, though he can feel Sam's shame deep inside. 

— I can feel this is true, but why do I feel shame in you? Loving me is shameful? — He asks softly, the words barely getting his freedom, it's something Castiel is so afraid to ask he thinks he might not like the answer. Sam just takes a deep breath and laughs lightly and tries to calm his angel.

— This isn't about you, it's more about the crazy way we fuck through this Bunker, you don't have inhibitions and I do have some … I don't think this is something you're used to with Dean… He maybe taught most of the things you like. — Sam tries to meet Castiel's eyes now. He wouldn't say it was Dean who taught him to be like that, it's more something he's always wanted and their desires line up, but he just lets Sam carry on — Cas, I'm pretty sure this kind of situation isn't common with most people. Sometimes I have conversations with my brother about you that I'm not proud of. We have a code, remember that? Poughkeepsie? — Sam asks embarrassed and Castiel just nods his head and curiously looks at him — Poughkeepsie, now it doesn't mean “Drop everything and run” anymore it's "Drop everything and fuck Cas' ass today, he's on fire " — At this point, Cas just laughs out loud, pulls Sam in for a kiss and says:

— Okay, I think I understand now…

— Good.

Poughkeepsie… Castiel whispers this in Sam's ear and watches the magic happen in his essence…

Chapter Text

"Hi, Dean, sleeping with Sam and Eileen today. We should really organize this into a calendar..."

 

Dean laughed when he saw the message from Cas that vibrated on his cell. Initially, this was a stupid idea that crossed his mind and he shared it with Cas, but reading about how some people deal with polyamorous relationships on the internet he discovered that this is actually something that people do. It's not easy to know for sure when Cas would prefer to spend the night with Sam, this whole damn fun thing has its downsides as well. He wanted to spend every day of his life sleeping next to Cas. He's already told Cas that, he knows it. They're doing this thing of being honest with each other about feelings now. It's not easy, sometimes, like today, it's difficult. He can't just say what he really thinks and tell him to fuck off.

Lee was just finishing up lifting chairs and turning off the stage lights. Getting everything right so they can go home... "Home" is weird to think of a place like that as home, it's not even remotely like the house he used to have, but he likes it. Mainly because Dean is just around the corner a few feet away. Dean... Who at this moment has his brows furrowed and a faraway look in his eyes as he finishes washing and drying glasses. Lee captures with his eyes the moment Dean looks weird at a bottle of whiskey. That one used to be their favorite when they were younger. He knows that look, it's the same look he gives that bottle when it's been a rough day.

— Dean? What is wrong? — Lee asks unceremoniously, are they past that stage where he surrounds Dean or hopes he eventually says. Dean just rolls his eyes and takes his cell phone out of his pocket and shows Lee the message from Cas.

— He must be riding Sam's dick right now. — Dean says, Lee can't tell if the laugh at this moment is because he's actually finding it funny and amusingly malicious or just sad and ironic, his gaze dropping at the end gives away that he's not having fun with it today.

— Getting too old for this shit? — Lee asked, taking the bottle Dean was staring at in his hand. It wasn't the best news of his day either. He wanted the 3 of them sleeping together again today. That day was a one-time thing...again. He wanted to do it again but didn't know how to ask. They would probably just embrace the idea, though.

Lee thinks about opening that bottle and pouring at least one dose of it for the two of them, but he knows they'd be done with this in a heartbeat. He just puts it aside and takes a deep breath. He can tell that Dean wanted the same thing and he breathes in disappointment when he just puts the bottle aside. They wanted to drink together again. They wanted the ignorance again of not recognizing themselves as alcoholics and having the perfect excuse to say this is casual, but they both know what booze does to them, how instead of helping it brings out the worst in them, the how amplified the aftertaste of melancholy that are their lives. How is much better to just stay sober.

— I thought this would be easier but I miss him... I think it's good that he finally got that whole oak tree out of his ass and now he's filling it with dick, I really appreciate all the fire he didn't have when he was an angel…—  Dean says this with sincerity, he gives Lee a genuine smile who just can't control a laugh right now — But there's that part of me that's getting too old for that and just wanted to drink a beer, fishing, fuck lazily and snuggle with him until we died. — The two look at each other now and laugh together at this once more.

— Yeah…well, he's not human, not entirely at least. — Lee says resigned.

— I know… I know… — Dean says grumpily, rolling his eyes — He tries, but he really isn't, that's fine. I've known him for years, I know what I've gotten myself into, I'm just saying... And even if he were human, I don't know how to do this whole relationship thing, I nearly died of boredom when I tried years ago. No one is perfect in this relationship and that's okay. — Dean vents.

— I tried it too, this relationship thing, I almost got married... Some people would call it marriage, I lived together with the guy for 2 years. — Lee says, getting himself a glass of water and sitting in front of that counter. He was starting to want to drink something, decided that every time he felt like he wants to drink he would do it a glass of water instead. His kidneys and livers thank him for that amount of pure water that comes in constantly.

Dean is a little surprised by this information, it's not like he thinks Lee stopped in time but knowing that he almost married someone makes him...Sad. It reminds him of all the wasted years Chuck took away from him.

— Why didn't it work? — He asks, trying to take the subject out of Cas for now, and being casual should be the healthy thing to do right now. He was pathetically missing him today and was looking forward to coming home and snuggling with him in bed.

— He was an asshole, he was monogamous and proposed a threesome between him and a friend and got pissed when I liked the idea. He always knew I was far from monogamous and teased me about it anyway. — Lee pauses and takes a sip of his water and continues, this time his voice altered and indignant — He did all this drama about how he was ready to propose and had a ring, but since I accepted the threesome I somehow wasn't worthy of it anymore or didn't have the maturity for it. Oh, whatever... He was an idiot, just talking about it makes me angry! I almost forget how much I loved him. — He says laughing, takes a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket, and asks Dean — Do you mind if I?... I can do it outside... — Dean just shrugs and reaches for one of those plastic bowls he usually serves the nachos to be an ashtray.

— Give me one of these too. And we're not trading one addiction for another, smokers stinks.— He says in disgust as he takes one of Lee's cigarettes and lights the fire without thinking too much. It's exactly as he remembered it, like riding a bike smoking one of those little devils with filters. He chokes on the first drag but soon adapts. Lee just laughs and says.

— I'm not trading one addiction for another, I bought this pack last week and there are still about 15 here, it's not an addiction… "It helps" — He makes the air quotes with his fingers and inevitably remembers Castiel.

— Kids these days use the vapes, if you're going to get addicted to nicotine, we do the thing that doesn't make you a smelly cat at least. The angel has a keen sense of smell. — Dean makes this observation while he draws his cigarette. Lee nods and takes a drag on his cigarette. The only reason not to get addicted to these little devils is the fact that Castiel grimaces every time with the scent, neither of them wants to displease.

— He complained the other day that I stank and used grace before kissing me. — Lee comments laughing and remembering Cas affectionately. — I had smoked a cigarette in the morning, it was night and I had already showered and brushed my teeth like 4 times. — He says taking that tired smile from Dean, who says it curiously, still wanting to steer the topic of the night away from Castiel.

— Tell me more about the guy you almost married, did he have reason to be insecure? He sounds like someone bad in the sack to me…— Dean scoffs lightly and Lee follows. He looked away from Dean shyly.

— I loved him, it didn't matter much at the time, but yeah…He wasn't the perfect match in that department, but we were happy, at least I thought we were. He just couldn't love every part of me. —  Lee forces a wistful smile and says — Sometimes he made me feel that loving me was difficult, maybe he was right, I don't know... —  He says resignedly shrugging and Dean at this point goes around the counter and spins Lee in his seat so they face each other. The attitude takes away a surprised look and a smile crosses Lee's lips. Dean gets between his legs and pulls him into a hug. He reciprocates this very willingly.

— You're not hard to love. He was the one who was an asshole. — He says this with conviction and rests his cigarette in that makeshift ashtray, Lee does the same and the two at the same time pull each other for a kiss. Dean sinks his tongue looking for his. Lee just lets Dean take the lead on this and smiles between the kiss and when they interrupt this he says:

— I missed you…I missed you so much. — He pulls Dean back in for another breathtaking kiss. Dean wants to continue this in a warm, comfortable bed, so he just hesitantly pulls away and sits next to Lee as he feels their jeans tightening around the crotch. He pulls his cigarette back and says:

— I missed you too, for a long time I missed good things in my life. I thought I would never have any of this, I thought I didn't deserve any of this. — He takes a deep breath and says — Chuck put up a lot of barriers, it's like he amplified every bad feeling, every intrusive thought had a lot more weight before... I can't explain it. The drink didn't help to lighten anything either, but once he was gone the difference was clear. — He just gives up trying to make sense at this point and just finishes his cigarette and discards the butt in that ashtray.

— That's a good definition of him actually, shit amplifier, just the bad shit of course, what fun would it be for him if love was stronger than hate that day you were trying to kill me, right?—  Lee says this with a slight smile on his face, trying to be casual, Dean looks at him and laughs too despite the pain in his eyes.

— I regretted it the moment I did it, I couldn't believe I actually did it.— He says, being overcome with sadness, his gaze drops so much now that Lee is the one pulling him into a hug now.

— It wasn't your fault...— He says kissing Dean's left temple who laughs lightly when he feels some hot tears stinging his eyes and says:

— I know, but it still happened, you died in front of me.— He says, holding tightly to the man's waist as he sinks into his chest. He's tired of seeing the men he loves or loved die in front of him. Lee, Benny, Cas…They all somehow went by his hands, he knows it's not his fault, but it doesn't mean it hurts less, it doesn't mean it will ever hurt less, even though they're alive and well now.

— I am here. —  He says kissing his forehead and brushing his hair with his fingers. He's never seen Dean's hair this long, he didn't know how beautiful it could be, the long hair and 1 weak stubble make Dean even more handsome than he used to remember if that's even possible. He cups the ex-hunter's face in his hands and tries unsuccessfully to brush that stubborn lock off the front of his forehead. He always fails but loves to try just to see her fall back into place. Lee envelops him in a kiss so sweet now that Dean sighs in disbelief between his lips.

— You're so real right now it's hard to believe. — He says laughing and wrapping Lee's face in his hands as well and looking him deep in the eyes. He is taken by a little more emotion when he notices that Lee's eyes are also bright with tears and focused on him with an almost frightening admiration, if it were other times he would step back.

— I know...— He laughed in disbelief and sniffed his tears in, he didn't want to turn this moment into a chick flick moment too difficult to deal with, he wanted to fuck Dean against this counter and run his tongue all over it, but everything that he does is look deep into those glowing green eyes and say: — I fucking love you! It's so scary! I would die at your hands again, I would do it all over again. — He kisses Dean's lips briefly. — I'd lose to you that day a thousand more times, I... I-- I wasn't even trying to kill you. — Dean always knew that it was pretty clear to him after so many years working together that if Lee had wanted him dead he would have killed him easily that day, they know each other like the back of their hands. Lee knew he needed a lot more to keep him stuck in that chair. He knew how to shoot much better than he actually shot... When he killed him it was in his eyes that he let it happen.

— Damn crazy motherfucker! — Dean just said pulling him in for a kiss again, it's desperate, passionate, and awkward, mouths open and tongues fighting a battle they both will win at the end of the night. Lee just interrupts this to say.

— Come on, I want to fuck you against a bed!— Hearing that sends a direct message down Dean's spine, and his cock responds trembling slightly in his pants again. Lee pulls Dean off that high stool he was sitting on and they quickly wrap things up. Dean gets rid of all the contents of the makeshift ashtray and keeps this pot away from the others now. He didn't want this to become routine, but fuck it that's officially the bowl that was promoted to an ashtray. He quickly locks the doors to the bar and they walk, practically run, in fact, to get into the Impala.

— Shower first? — Lee asks, when they get in the car and is putting on his seat belt and Dean laughs and responds:

— Definitely shower first, but I don't know, you might have developed a new kink during that time we were apart, you seemed pretty willing to face my shit that day. — Dean says laughing out loud as he starts Baby's engine and starts maneuvering out of that parking lot. Lee just looks at him indignantly and almost screams.

— Go fuck yourself! Your ass is irresistible, not your shit! I think that's where I draw the line. I'd let you kill me a thousand more times before I got the hots for your shit! — The two laugh now and Dean says:

— No water sports either? — He asks, trying to contain his laughter, but it's practically impossible.

— Fuck you, are you trying to turn me off for the rest of the night? — Lee asks, feigning an impatience that doesn't exist. Dean doesn't want that, no way, so he just looks at Lee now that they're on a straight road:

— Oh no, I want you very turned on tonight and fucking my clean ass with plenty of lube, sliding all the way to the bottom, no mercy…— Lee's eyes at this moment glisten with lust and just imagining that briefly makes his dick respond and just like that he has an erection tight through his jeans again. Dean smiles when this captures his attention.

— Remember when I used my belt and tied your hands behind your back and you came untouched? — Lee says, squeezing that erection through his pants. Dean laughs and closes his eyes for a moment, remembering that moment vividly. That day he tied him up much tighter than the day he was supposedly trying to kill him.

— Yes, do that...— He says with some difficulty, already breathing a little hard.

— I think that day was the last time you had sex with me, just the two of us…— Lee says musingly. — Did I fuck you so deeply that I hit your heart? — He asks a little resentful, but he also tries to keep the conversation light and funny. Dean laughs nervously and tries not to look at Lee right now.

— Actually, yes, you hit me right through the heart that day, right from the start. I told you that. — Dean says now, looking a little questioning, he doesn't know where Lee is going with this, but he's curious.

— I had my doubts, I wanted to know. — He just shrugs his shoulders. Lee still has a lot of doubts about what happened to them back then, he doesn't doubt it was real, but he's also not sure it was reciprocal from the beginning as he believed.

— You were the first guy I had the guts to give my ass to, that says a lot. —Dean says laughing, making Lee smile too. He still remembers that first time to this day, Lee was the perfect combination of the most affectionate guy on earth with the hottest and boldest, impossible not to fall in love with him, even more, that day.

— I remember you saying it was your first time, but I had my doubts, honestly. — Lee says laughing a lot Dean just scolded him with the look and hit his arm hard enough for Lee to complain and frown at him still laughing. — What? You were too good at it to be the first time, opened like a goddamn flower to me, begged for dick the second I used my fingers on you, drove me crazy, but I was a gentleman, tried to believe you were a virgin on prom night. — Lee says pompously, his cock trembling inside his pants once more.

— Blow me…— Dean responds, laughing some more, feigning impatience. Lee looks at him with blazing eyes. He doesn't want to do anything in that car right now, he's too old for this shit, he's tired and wants to fuck in a bed. When Castiel is in the middle it's like they're 20 years old again and he's got enough energy, but today he's busy with other things…Lee tries to distract himself now by opening the glove compartment looking for something to listen to. He reaches for that unlabeled tape and Dean looks at him rolling his eyes.

— Driver picks the music, shotgun…?— He takes that tape out of Lee's hands and tosses it back to the bottom of the glove compartment. Lee sighs impatiently at him.

—...Shuts his cakehole…Okay, but no bullshit, put on what you really want to hear! — They look at each other and Dean rolls his eyes hard — Come on man, I'm curious, open your heart to me, you already opened that ass so many times — He says with a soft and seductive voice looking at the tape Dean threw in the glove compartment. Dean laughs out loud when Lee tells him this. — You're literally more in the closet about what's on the tape than anything else with me, it can't be that bad! — Lee says, widening his eyes at him mockingly. Dean just sighs and puts the tape on. He forgot to rewind so the first song is one of his favorites, it's about halfway through. The signature beat starts and initially Lee has no idea what song it is, but when he hears the voice he smiles.

— The clip for this song is wonderful. — Dean just comments seriously, frowning listening to Taylor Swift sing, not resisting, and humming along.

 

You are somebody that we don't know

But you're comin' at my friends like a missile

Why are you mad

When you could be GLAAD? (You could be GLAAD)

Sunshine on the street at the parade

But you would rather be in the dark ages

Makin' that sign

Must've taken all night

 

You just need to take several seats

And then try to restore the peace

And control your urges to scream

About all the people you hate

'Cause shade never made anybody less gay

 

Lee breaks into a huge smile when he hears that last sentence and his eyes twinkle at Dean. He just doesn't say anything. Lee immediately remembered that guy at the bar the other day talking shit. Dean just smiles back at Lee and turns his eyes to the road. Lee rests his head on Dean's shoulder the rest of the way to the bunker as they listen to 3 more Taylor Swift songs on Dean's tape. Katy Perry's "The One That Got Away" starts playing and when they arrive at the garage and Dean turns down the music to say shyly:

— This one kind of reminds me of you…— Lee looks at him surprised and his cheeks flush and just says with a silly smile on his face.

— We kinda have a matching tattoo. — He says kissing Dean's cheek and running a bold hand inside Dean's shirt where the anti-possession tattoo is.

— There's nothing romantic about the tattoo and I made you get one and Sam has one just like that, but still...Romantic. — Dean says laughing, making Lee laugh a little too as he lightly kisses his neck. — I don't have to say anymore that you're the one that got away. — Dean says as the song hits that painful, melodic phrase that leaves Katy Perry's lips.

— It doesn't have to be in another life…— Lee says with a smile as the music plays low in the background and pulls him into a soft, tender kiss. It's so soft that Dean gives a slight smile against Lee's lips and pulls him into that kiss. He tastes like home every time they kiss. It's so weird loving Lee like that, whenever he allows himself all the things he feels for him to come in he feels a little guilty, he thinks of Cas. And then he realizes that the fact that he loves Lee like that doesn't in any way diminish the way he feels about Cas either. Which is even more confusing, but it fits into this life they live. It's confusing and beautiful actually. His heart seems to agree with him as it beats so hard and warm in his chest as Lee strokes his hair and kisses him like that.

They broke away from that kiss and looked at each other deeply. Dean swallows and caresses the man's face, noticing every detail about him. The lines around those marked blue eyes, that smile… That crooked smile never changed, it's more painful now, it tells a story, it's not as light as when they were young, it shows that time has been cruel to them. Lee might also be able to see that when he looks at him. But he has hope in his eyes too. A determination not to let it die despite all the pain and suffering. He doesn't see this love as something that only brought him pain and it surprises Dean every time Lee's eyes meet his.

They get out of that car in comfortable silence. They make their way straight to that shower after quickly passing through their respective rooms to get a change of clothes, bathrobe and etc…They take that shower together, actually, in the same shower, this is stupid and the place has so many showers around, but neither says anything about it.

— I thought I was going to miss you forever and feel guilty about it. — Dean says as he soaps them both with that loofah. Lee just looks at him with that undefined look. — When I was able to open my heart and tell him I missed you was weird, I thought it was impossible to fall in love with him even more. Do you know what he said? — Lee nods his head and listens to what he has to say. — “You deserve all the love you can find. Don't wonder what it could be. Find him and say…” You deserve it too, you know? Jack told me that sometimes you feel like you don't belong here. Please never leave. I love you. — He begs in a soft, barely audible voice, frowning and trying not to cry, his eyes are bright, however.

Lee is surprised by this. He didn't expect the kid to say this to Dean or anyone here, it was a moment of theirs, but he understands why he did. He thinks hard about leaving when panic sets in and he feels like this isn't his place when he sees the way Dean and Cas are with each other. When he sees the way the 5 are a family and they don't need him there. There are times when he just feels like he is Cas' amusing addition to his ass, but Cas and Dean try to include him little by little and he's not sure if that's about the angel's reservations or his.

He never dares to ask. It seems like they are always taking two steps forward and three steps back. And his intrusive thoughts always get the best of him. He used to be a much more confident person, not 100% but still…He was a lot happier before this mess Chuck made of him. It had been a long journey to find happiness again and he was proud of himself. At least all is not lost. He is still proud of many things.

— I will never leave you. I will always love you. — He says in his voice full of emotion and tired. Dean just smiles at him and doesn't say anything. That's enough thrills for a day even for a refreshed Dean without Chuck on his corner to haunt him. He could easily cry pathetically if he said anything else to the man in front of him.

They finish that shower and Lee goes to the room to wait for Dean already lying naked on the bed. Only the light from the bedside table illuminates him. He puts on some music playing in the background on his cell phone, he knows Dean likes to fuck while listening to music sometimes and they haven't done that for what seems like millennia. The playlist is made up of the classic rocks they always listen to, Lee considers the possibility of including Taylor Swift's romantic songs as well, but that's not the vibe he wants to bring. Only classic rock will be.

When Dean enters the room he smiles to hear Led Zeppelin playing in the background with a very hard and naked Lee on the bed. Naked he was expecting, hard after making him wait is flattering. They exchange a lewd smile and Dean shyly opens a drawer in his nightstand and pulls out leather handcuffs and lube and says laughing shyly:

— The angel gave me this the other day, no need for a belt anymore. — Lee reaches for the thick leather cuffs and his eyes sparkle, it's perfect. He gets up on the bed and pulls Dean in for a kiss before making him face the mattress. He immediately ties Dean's hands behind his back and hears the man let out a strangled, excited groan. It's exactly the way he remembered it. Dean is on the edge of orgasm with only the restraint in his hands. That hasn't changed, that was theirs, never was, and never will be Chuck's. Lee has to control himself not to burst into tears now. What he wants is to burst an orgasm inside Dean. He focuses on that.

A path of tongue and lips run down Dean's body, from the back of his neck, shoulder blades, arms… Dean feels Lee grab his arm where Cas's mark used to be and it makes his body remember and long for him here too. Lee and Castiel. Ha wants them both here with him today, but the fact that it's just Lee running his tongue over him today isn't the least bit disappointing, on the contrary. The moment Lee slipped his tongue into Dean's crinkled, tight pleats he forgot even his own name. The two moan in unison, Lee muffled by Dean's buttcheeks and Dean muffled by the mattress. He didn't want to moan so loud it's the middle of the night, the room is far away, but he doesn't know who might be in the halls. He doesn't know why I'm afraid, he doesn't know if it's a fear or if it makes him even more excited. He only knows he can feel an orgasm building inside him little by little more and more. Lee with eager enthusiasm sinks his tongue in, runs it over his perineum, and feels Dean squirm and tremble beneath him.

— Lee…— He hears the name and knows what it means. Dean is fucking close to orgasm from this. He stops immediately. And he hears Dean moan and complains and laugh. All at the same time, beautiful ... In that pause, he takes the lube and pours a good amount on his cock. He doesn't want it to be hard to slide, he knows Dean likes hard and that would only make him come faster. Lee separates his cheeks a little and fits there in the middle, brushes against the hole that blinks eagerly for him. He grabs one of Dean's buttcheeks willingly and slaps it hard. Dean groans loudly which makes Lee smile once more tonight with confirmation that this is theirs too.

He slaps. 

twice.

three.

four.

Five times, and goes back to rubbing his cock in the middle of that reddened ass. Dean rolls his eyes and groans with each slap on his ass. He feels on the edge of an orgasm.

— You're such a good boy, Dean. — Lee says murmuring in his ear as he leans against him and grinds against his hole still without penetrating him. Lee can feel his orgasm close too, just like that. He needs a break. He stops and tenderly kisses Dean's ear and neck.

— Please fuck me, make me come, I know you're as close as I am! — He begs, he wants it fast, he also wants it to go on all night, but his body doesn't cooperate and he's tired of the day he's had. He also wants to sleep next to Lee peacefully, he wants everything. He wants to grab everything with his teeth and never let go.

The brunette just groans moans at the truth that leaves Dean's lips and reaches for that tube of lube and finally just slides inside making both of them whimper on the edge of an orgasm.

— Dean! I'm going to come so embarrassingly fast! — He says laughing and smacking repressed against Dean's hot and delicious insides.

— Just you?! — Dean's hoarse groans, he whimpers, and an orgasm reaches him even though he tries to hold back. He groans hard, biting the sheet. Lee feels him twitching all around his cock and he can't help himself either. He comes, filling Dean with his lust. He lovingly kisses Dean's back and gently bites his neck. As he pumps everything he can inside. He grabs Dean's arm where Castiel's handprint used to be and they can both feel the delicious tingle of it. — Oh, you're so good to me, baby! 

He hears Dean whimper muffled by the mattress and groans loudly. He laughs and slumps momentarily against Dean's back, breathes heavy against his ear, and smiles as Dean clumsy seeks his lips, they share a sloppy, passionate kiss. Lazily, Lee unbuckles the leather cuffs and collapses beside the blonde, groaning pleasantly and tiredly. Dean is still in the same position. He could sleep that easy, he's already falling asleep, but he musters the rest of his strength to wipe his ass before that happens. He decides the sheet wet with his cum has to go too. Lee complains about having to get up, but Dean convinces him by asking.

— Do you want to sleep on the cold, wet side? — He gets up immediately. Lee didn't know he could stay, but of course, he could, Dean hates sleeping alone now that he has someone to sleep with. He tries to push this intrusive thought away from him, but it's too late. Dean notices the melancholy in his eyes. He doesn't know exactly why Lee is dropping now, he's seen it happen before but he's never asked in the past, today however he asks — Are you ok? — Dean asks offering a sip of water from a bottle he brought to the room, Lee accepts this and looks at him with eyes still bright and tries to smile.

— I’m fine…— He responds by trying to dodge an honest answer by pulling on his underwear. Dean quickly changes the sheet and decides he's too lazy to get this right on the bed 100%, 70% will have to do. He lays down and calls out to Lee who still has that puppy dog look on his face.

— Come on, come here, snuggle into my chest and tell me what bothers you. BDSM does not work if there is no communication. — Lee genuinely laughs at this and lies down next to Dean.

— Oh, look at you, all grown up. —  He says lovingly kissing him softly on the lips. Dean pulls a sheet over them. — We didn't know how to deal with that shit when we were young. I'm pretty sure I've already crossed some of your limits. — He says, fear crossing his gaze. Dean frowns and says.

— No, not really. I'm pretty sure I crossed some of yours when I asked you to hit me harder. — This is the moment when the two realize that they are two idiots in love with a lack of communication skills. Dean's Life Story.

— No, but your ass was always sore and I'm pretty sure that's what gave us in to John. — He says hesitantly, not sure if he should mention his name in this conversation.

— We weren't discreet, not even when we had sex without exploring boundaries. He told me he always knew, and looking back I can see I was pretty stupid if I thought anyone didn't know about us. Even Bobby knew…— Dean says laughing lightly, trying not to be so emotional at this point.

— He told me he always knew, and that the last straw was the last hunt in Arizona when we slept together. — Lee hugs Dean tighter now.

— He realized that I love you, if I was just fucking you it would be okay. — Dean sinks his nostrils into Lee's hair. Trying to push the memories away.

— Did he tell you that? — He asks with wistful curiosity.

— He didn't have to…— Dean simply says it with a heavy sigh. Lee went silent for a few minutes, he didn't want to feed his insecurities, but he also needed to know the answer to something.

— Did you sleep with me tonight just because the angel isn't here? — Dean kind of expected this, but hearing it coming from his lips breaks his heart a little. Mainly for part of that is a truth. He really doesn't like to sleep alone.

— I want you here and I miss the angel, both can be true. — He responds without batting an eye. Lee smiles slightly and says.

— I miss him too, but I like our time together both can be true too. — He says a slight smile pulling him into a light kiss.

— It sure can. —  Dean says smiling mischievously at Lee deepening that kiss. At that moment his eyes start to get heavy. Sleep starts to take over. Lee ends up sleeping like this, on Dean's chest. He still has his head very full, but gradually his eyes are getting heavy too. Dean hears his cell phone vibrate on the bedside table he reaches for it and reads Cas' message.

 

“I felt that! You will be punished later. Your orgasms are mine, boy.”


Dean grins at that and closes his eyes. Lee is here, and he has it all. He has everything he thought he would never have.

Chapter Text

He is not uncomfortable. Not really. The more human he feels, the more he feels out of place in this body, however. Sometimes, like today, he looks in the mirror and manages to recognize himself as Castiel, not Jimmy.

Jimmy...

He was gone for a long time. And sometimes he misses the company, he misses the certainty in that male body that he was nothing more than a man.

At first, when he didn't understand humanity and feelings, he didn't really care what happened to Jimmy or what he was feeling, but the second time he gave permission to possess him they would sometimes talk. He wore every kind of angelic protection known to man and angels to stay under the radar, but they talked. If the angels found out he was treating the human with that little respect he would have been killed or maybe worse.

Jimmy hated being away from his family, but he was happy to sacrifice himself for Claire. At the time he didn't understand. Today, however… Jimmy changed him too. It was a set of things that made him a rebel. Dean was a big part of it all, but if he hadn't let Jimmy into his head the way Jimmy let him into his, none of this would be possible today. He owes a lot to Jimmy, he feels he wasn't grateful as much as he owed the man. He dreams about the day he will be able to thank him almost every day.

He's grateful, he shouldn't be ungrateful and feel uncomfortable in this body and crave his old vessel. Whenever he was remade, Chuck would put him in that body again, but the last time it wasn't Chuck, it was Jack. Castiel was the one who chose to come back like this again when his body was physically manifesting again in a matter outside the Empty. Mainly because he wasn't thinking about his comfort, he was thinking about how it would be easier for Dean and Sam to accept that he was really him. They were used to it, they were always drawn to this body. He was thinking of his duties. He didn't have time to live. He had an invisible cold war to fight. Something always felt wrong and out of place and there was never the right time to say how he felt to either of the brothers.

Now, however, life has been simple, peaceful, almost monotonous if it weren't for the fact that he fucks like a teenager who's just lost his virginity – At least that's how Dean refers to him – He doesn't feel his libido is that high, but Dean must have a point after all not everyone has 4 simultaneous relationships going on and with fire left for everyone. He really isn't a normal middle-aged human. He is far from human, actually.

That body hurts sometimes, and he feels drained like someone has ripped his grace away after he abuses it by trying to explore boundaries with it. That's the most human he's felt in ages. Being a burrito because of Lee and Dean after the three of them have sex like crazy monkeys is something he wants more often. He can't feel their yearning now, but he knows they are loving him because he can feel the weight of their half-asleep bodies and the gentle kiss Lee places on his forehead, and the music he hums trying to make him sleep. It's nice when he can't feel the weight of their feelings after having sex. It's always so overwhelming, he feels like he can be swallowed up and getting lost in it, it's almost suffocating.

It's so peaceful, he can almost feel his grace gone entirely, but it renews itself, sometimes faster than other times, depending on the quality of the sleep. Today he's feeling like he did the last time he was human, only a lot better, a lot less agonizing, a lot more peaceful, still not quite human, still not quite a man. He's not sure as Jimmy used to. He would be what some humans call gender fluid. There's a whole community out there that knows how he feels, not exactly, but still, he's more human than an angel these days.

On days like today, he wishes he didn't have that beard on his face, it's something so typically masculine despite being beautiful, it doesn't match at all how he's feeling inside. He misses feeling feminine, he remembers how uncomfortable it was to wear that long dress with petticoats, the delicate and soft body, the volume of breasts making that beautiful curve, Ishim in his ear saying that he has the most wet and hot pussy he ever knew. Memories that were long ago erased, but somehow remained in his essence even when he couldn't remember… He knows he'll probably regret it in a few days, but the beard has to go. Dean likes the beard so much, but fuck it, this is important, he's a big guy, he'll be able to handle it.

Today he's going to work up the courage and shave his beard and wear that black nail polish he stole from Eileen the other day. He needs at least one element in him that doesn't make him feel so suffocated in his own body. Painted nails, despite not being something exclusively feminine, are something that is mostly only done by women. This whole gender thing is a very human and idiotic social construct, but today, she's feeling suffocatingly human as fuck. It's unbearable, confusing, and hell on earth.

Castiel looks at his face without the thick black beard in the mirror. He runs his fingers over the smooth, freshly shaved skin and it's smooth, better than that if she just removed it with hot wax, but she was in a hurry, the blade had to do. She feels ridiculously isolated in one of the bathrooms of the secluded Bunker near the gym, but it's safe here today, no one is going to show up and ask why she's having a chick flick moment crying at the feel of her smooth skin on her face. Here she can do that without worrying about what the humans she loves will think.

She slides the small black nail polish brush across her toenail and this is perhaps more complicated than she anticipated, it would be nice if she could ask someone for help right now. Castiel nearly has a heart attack when the door opens; she breathes a sigh of relief when she sees Jack entering. She didn't want to torment the boy with it, but he can never ignore it when he senses her in pain. Jack can't be a normal kid and Castiel can't be a well-adjusted human, they were made for each other.

Jack doesn't say anything, just takes the small bottle of black nail polish from Castiel's hands and sits on the bathroom floor with her. Castiel can feel the moment that Jack – who paints his nails with focused precision – also heals him from within the agony she was feeling today. She can take a deep breath for the first time today and fondly admire his typically masculine hands with that shimmering black nail polish. Jack smiles, Castiel's eyes sparkle in thanks and when they're done, Jack just says:

— Now you do it to me, I always wanted that too, but I was a little lacking in courage. — He says with a smirk on his flushed cheeks.

— Do you want to talk about courage with me? — Castiel jokes, blowing his nails, maybe they dry faster that way. Jack blows to her and just like that her nails are dry. Castiel just laughs and pulls the nail polish bottle out of Jack's hands.

— If I go to school like this tomorrow…— Jack wonders as Castiel concentrates on the task of painting Jack's nails. — …Will I attract too much attention? — Castiel exchanges a look with Jack and takes a deep breath. She doesn't know exactly what to say to the boy, the world is cruel sometimes to those who don't fit in, that's why she’s here hiding from Sam, Dean, Lee, and Eileen. Despite knowing that they would absolutely love her no matter how she feels today, a week from now she might be feeling completely comfortable within her masculine identity. People on the internet have been strangely understanding. She's actually more human every day. This is more human than she'd realized.

— Maybe, but if that's what you want to do, just be you…— She offers a tired smile and Jack smiles back, looking down at her beautifully shiny black nails. They just don't say anything now, for a moment just admiring the black nails with smiles on their faces. Castiel wants to give Jack courage, he is just a child, a powerful child who can influence the world positively. It was pretty clear to Castiel that Jack chose his appearance as gender-neutral as he could, he could be a cute girl or boy to the outside eyes. One day he was even confused on the street and didn't care, but they never had the conversation about it and it seems their emotional mess lines up in that regard. This moment is being a moment of partnership with one supporting the other more intense than it should be between father and son, but that's ok. They are two half-human angels trying to understand each other.

Castiel works up the courage to get up from that cold floor of the Bunker's bathroom and offers Jack a hand who promptly grabs and pulls her out of the bathroom. Castiel, before following Jack, cleans up the mess of fur he left in the sink, puts away the shaver and razor, and then goes straight to the kitchen where Eileen is preparing that Sunday lunch. Castiel grabs her from behind and kisses the right cheek, making her jump startled at first, but smiles. She turns and cups her smooth face gently in her hands, and kisses him lightly.

— You're wonderful no matter what, aren't you? —  She commented caressing her face and giving him another kiss, this time deeper, but she contains a bit of the urge she has to drag Castiel into a room right now because Jack is present, when she remembers it, she is momentarily embarrassed. Castiel just smiles at her when she hears the sweet words coming from her lips. She takes the little bottle of nail polish from her pocket and says:

— I took this without asking the other day, sorry. — At that moment Eileen notices Castiel's painted nails and smiles, despite not being too happy with the fact that she thought she'd lost that nail polish bottle and been looking for a few days. Castiel is a little shit but he is really beautiful with those nails painted. She picks up the nail polish and then watches his hands intertwine hers. Castiel can see the silent admiration on Eileen's face, she can barely feel other people's feelings today, but nothing negative comes from the almond-eyed brunette that shines at her.

— Next time, ask. I was looking for this! — She says patting Castiel's arm lightly while laughing. She looks at Jack who is proudly showing off his painted fingernails dancing his hands in the air, pulling a John Travolta move from Pulp Fiction. She still thinks this movie wasn't appropriate for Jack but he promised not to share the experience with his colleagues. She squints at him, but she can't contain the love. — Yeah, yeah… it looks great on you too!— She says impatiently, rolling her eyes.

— Come here, I'll paint yours too.— Jack says, taking Eileen's hands and pulling her away from Cas. She just goes and says.

— Cas, look at the potatoes, please. — She just nodded and went to look at the stitch. Sees it's time to take them out to make the mash, so she does.

Castiel prepares the potatoes and watches Jack paint Eileen's nails and she celebrates the fact that her nails dry almost immediately. They laugh at each other and Castiel can only see the love there. Sam chose well, Eileen is truly an enlightened soul. From what she's seen on the internet, the fact that everyone in this Bunker is somehow LGBT+ didn't guarantee “holding hands”, understanding and love, but Eileen, looking at her now… It feels like if she told her how she felt today she wouldn't judge him. And neither do Sam and Dean, But they never really had “The” conversation. When Dean once asked if he was male or female he said he was an angel. They gradually came to understand that she is not human. She never had this conversation with Lee, however, she only commented once about her old vessel. Probably won't be a problem, he's not afraid of the fact that he's having sex with an angel.

The day went as normal as all the others. When Jack called everyone to the table to eat. Dean and Sam were only a little surprised by Castiel's smooth beardless face. The two kissed each cheek and made her blush with praise. Lee watched this, wanting to get in the middle of this Castiel worship session, but held back. He should get rid of the part in his mind that still says he doesn't completely belong in this situation, but it's kind of inevitable. Castiel can see that lost look on Lee's face, as Sam and Dean start to get plates and help themselves to food, she pulls the human in for a light kiss. Lee caresses his freshly shaved face and enjoys looking into her eyes. He is the first to comment, taking his hands and intertwining hers.

— It's a good color, it suits you.—  Castiel smiles and comments.

— I'm having a girl moment today.. — Lee smiles as Eileen and Jack show him their nails. He doesn't know what to do but smiles. Lee wanted to delve further into this conversation, he gets confused when Cas refers to himself in the female, doesn't know if that's the line he should take, maybe he should just ask. A trans friend once said that when in doubt he should just ask, it's never offensive to ask.

— Is this how you're feeling today? Very human and very girly? — When Lee asks that Sam and Dean pay attention to the answer as well. Everyone now joins the table to help themselves to lunch. Castiel takes a deep breath, his gaze drops a little and Lee notices that maybe he has crossed a line there, Sam and Dean look at him like he has, and then Castiel just says.

— It's confusing to be half-human, half-angel. Sometimes yes, I am feeling feminine. I can't externalize it, because you know... This vessel. — Castiel smiled slightly and everyone at that table smiled sweetly at him.

— I had a gender-fluid friend, he rarely appeared at the bar. He complained that I gave off a straight vibe, even though I wasn't and the bar was full of assholes… It was Texas, it was hard, if I kicked out all the assholes I'd run out of customers. — Lee laments casting a tired smile to Castiel — Anyway, there's a whole community out there ready to welcome you, human or angel, as you once said once, have a lot in common. — He smiles and Castiel grins at him too. — You can say, if you feel more comfortable with the female pronouns, we love you here. — Lee takes one of Castiel's free hands and bumps his shoulder against hers. Castiel just smiles and kisses one of Lee's cheeks.

— Thanks, Lee…— Sam says and continues. — I've been a little lost on how to approach this with Cas, I'm hanging around in my own way, but I don't think it's the right way. — He says laughing and looking at Cas who just laughs and offers him a loving look and says:

— It's okay Sam, I'm also figuring out what makes me most comfortable, the more human, the more confused. — She says, his voice isn't thick like it usually is, it went down a note, more natural, less deep, but still Castiel — I wasn't going to say anything, I didn't want you guys to get confused along with me. Most of the time it's ok for you to use masculine pronouns with me, it doesn't bother me, but it's ok if you want to refer to me in the feminine pronouns, today I'm feeling particularly feminine. — She smiles at the rest of the people at the table and Dean frowns at him.

— Since when have you been feeling this way and haven't said anything, Cas? — He asks in a worried, sad tone — And what do you mean you know this better than I do Sam? — Sam and Cas now exchange a look and the rest of the people at this table pretend to stop paying attention. Castiel just laughs

— We talked the other day about a spell Sam discovered, he kept in mind the times I said I miss my female vessel and started exploring possibilities…You asked once, but you and I just let the subject drop. — Castiel says exchanging a look with Dean and shrugging, he rolls his eyes a little and eats a forkful of his mash and looks at Sam and grumpy says:

— You share your thoughts with me about 'Poughkeepsie', but do you keep quiet about this ? God is seeing this shit, literally. — He says looking at Jack who just blushes like a pepper and almost spits out the piece of carrot he was chewing and starts laughing. Lee and Eileen just get confused looking at each other asking with the look if one of the two knows what this is it about and Castiel just smirks to himself shyly, looking at his puree on the plate. Sam just huffs and says:

— I thought you would be bored with this talk about transgenderism and angels, or think it's bullshit, you're not exactly the most pro-LGBT+ kinda guy in the world, I was afraid you'd be an asshole about it. — Dean narrows his eyes at Sam and says impatiently, almost offended:

— Remember Rhonda? — Sam rolls his eyes and says:

— Oh, how could I forget? You kept saying what a pair of beautiful silicone breasts she had.—  Dean laughs and says:

— Hey! She spent a lot of money on those breasts, they deserved to be adored, but anyway…— He looks shyly at Cas as if apologizing with his eyes or something, Castiel just squints her eyes trying to understand the concern, Dean just remains a little confused by the confused look from Cas — Rhonda is a trans woman, I learned a lot from her, I was young and stupid, but she taught me a lot. — Sam surprised frowns and looks at Lee who just smiles slightly at him and says:

— She wasn't exactly out and proud. She only told Dean and he told me because he's a little shit and we were two little shits together at the time, she was pissed but it was okay.— Dean just sighs and says:

— Yeah, I was really a little shit, I thought he had a right to know, we…hum…you know…Involved. — Dean scratches his head and clears his throat and Sam just keeps eating his mash while raising his eyebrows.

— Yeah, I get it, you don't have to draw…— Castiel says shyly, taking a bite of his carrots. Jack at this point just pretends he doesn't know what this is about. He's curious to know about Rhonda, though.

— Anyway, my first contact with all this was Rhonda, she explained what a trans person was because she was starting to like me and thought we were going to have a future and wanted to know if I was a complete asshole or not. I was in the closet Sam, doesn't mean I'm an asshole to the LGBT+ folks. — Dean completes his line of reasoning looking at Sam a little displeased.

— You were still a jerk to Rhonda…— Sam says nonchalantly chewing his carrots, Dean narrows his eyes again at Sam and says.

— She forgave me for that, and I only told Lee because I knew he wasn't going to be an asshole about it. I wouldn't in a million years tell John, for example! — Sam sighed wearily and asked:

— How could you be so sure of that? Because were you in love with Lee? — At this point, Dean shuts up, the reality is that he really couldn't be sure of that, he just had faith that Lee would react as well as he did. He remembers it to this day as if it were yesterday. She asked if he knew what a trans person was, he had no idea at the time. When she explained, he remembers being amazed that something like this was possible. It seemed simple to him, the mind doesn't suit the body, medicine helps. Simple only the medicine helps part, the mind doesn't fit the body part he never experienced, but he never questioned how it was possible. He hunted creatures that haunt the night, nothing seemed impossible. He was just happy to know that Rhonda was ok and feeling comfortable in her shell, how she was born mattered little to him, he was kinda in love, she was beautiful, today he knows he was more in love with her flawlessly sculpted appearance than for herself.

— You're right Sammy, I thought Lee would have the same reaction as me and he did, but I was lucky, my job was to protect people and he could be the worst kind of transphobic possible, but if he was, you can be sure of one thing. I kill monsters. —  Dean says harshly, chewing his carrot angrily with his brows furrowed because of the fact that it's a carrot and because he remembers Rhonda. He wonders where she is and if she's okay sometimes. And all this talk about killing monsters and Lee doesn't bring back good memories. Lee is kind of tense, munching on his carrots too.

Castiel didn't know about this story with Rhonda, it makes her wonder, is Rhonda also one of the people who stayed behind because Chuck wanted to? Castiel wanted to be able to not ask that question because he knows what Dean is thinking right now as they talk about her. Chuck...

— Did you love her? — Castiel just asks and Dean almost chokes on his food, he laughs and says.

— It wasn't like that...— Dean says nervously, his voice a little choked up, taking a sip of his water to help him down. Lee rolls his eyes.

— You kinda were in love, you were sad when she kicked your ass… — Lee says laughing, enjoying the mashed potatoes, making almost everyone at the table smile. Dean rolls his eyes and says:

— It wasn't for the reasons you think…— He simply says hoping no one at this table asks what the reasons were. Lee already knows more or less, the sex with her was kind of amazing, she knew how to deal with dick, in a way that no woman they'd met until then did, and the panties…Ah, the panties, whether she wanted to or not she was a big woman and the panties fit Dean, they were kind of tight, but she had a nice ass and a lot of flesh to squeeze. Rhonda is still the hottest woman he's ever been with and it's the most unforgettable sex, she was free of inhibitions, Lee knows it well. She was a lot like Cas… Okay, maybe he was a little in love, but she kicked him out of her life because he was a piece of shit with no future.

At this point, Castiel wonders why Dean is looking at her like that. She probably doesn't want to know. That's the look he saves for when he's on fire. She doesn't know how to feel about it today. Is Dean imagining what it would be like if she were like Rhonda? She'll never be… That's why he was embarrassed when he talked about her boobs, was that what he wanted? Is that what he expects when he hears the word “trans”? Castiel hopes not, because it's far from what she wants. He's being confused enough, if he has to ramble on about what Dean would like best in this situation he's going to freak out. He'll just remain just Castiel, maybe with a few changes here and there. Maybe try out the spell Sam found and explore possibilities.

— That's a lie, Dean. — Jack says to everyone's surprise at the table, he wished he didn't get in this, but it's just so funny to see everyone's reaction now that they laugh and Dean just squints at him says:

— Shut up! — He looks impatient, but he laughs along with the rest of the people at that table. 

— And i'm here thinking you were always the “love them and leave them” kind of guy. — Dean rolls his eyes harder now and says:

— Young and stupid, Sammy, young and stupid…— He chuckles and remembers another time it was just like that. — Remember Cassie? Yeah…I was stupid like that, I just never let you know. — He says proudly, patting Sam's shoulder back. At that moment Castiel exchanges an indignant look with Lee who just laughs and Cas asks Dean.

— You use an ex's nickname with me?! — Sam and Dean look at Cas choking on his potatoes, and Dean starts stuttering, Sam, Eileen, Lee, and Jack laughing their asses off while munching on carrots. Dean knows that if he said it wouldn't be half a lie, he'd call Cassie, Cas…At times…Hum…Yeah, exactly.

— There's a complicated answer there, how about we have this conversation later, okay? — Dean says laughing a little, Castiel shrugs, it would just be funny, it's not like she was really mad at him for that, the names are similar after all. — I don't even know why I'm talking about my exes so much today, I should be focusing on you and Jack, who also gives me the vibe that sometimes...you know...— Dean stumbles a little on his words and Jack smiles at him and says.

— I'm half-angel, half-human, and god…I don't really have a gender. — The child just responds without much trouble. — Sometimes I'm afraid to confuse children, but they are nicer than most adults, the only person who judges me a little is the teacher. — He says a little sadly, his lowered gaze giving away that it bothers him a little even though he's trying to be mature about it. Sam asked worriedly as he finished eating.

— Did she say something to you?— Jack smiles slightly, trying to reassure Sam.

— No, just thought, but it's definitely going to say something if I go to school with my nails painted tomorrow...— He looks at his 3 parents and everyone at the table takes a deep breath and regrets the world they have to live in,t Sam says:

— You're just being a kid, if she wants a problem with you she's got a problem with us, right? — Jack smiles as everyone at that table agrees with Sam and sends out the purest love impulses possible. It's nice to feel welcomed like this. He didn't expect anything different, but it's still...

— I know, I'll never stop being myself because of people, but it's going to be hard sometimes. — He did with a heavy smile. Castiel reaches for Jack's hand and says lovingly putting a smile on her face.

— Let's go watch Steven Universe? — They smile at each other. Whenever things are tough and the world becomes a very suffocating place this cartoon is always the best solution. It gives an immense comfort that no one in this room can explain, but allowing yourself to do “kid stuff” when you're an adult is one of the best things in the universe. So they do it...

 

Chapter Text

The day Dean thought would never come has arrived. He's been hunting houses with Cas instead of hunting monsters.

It sounds like a dream, but it's very real

He's pinched himself at least four times since they got to this house that's within their budget. A house by the lake, the way he'd always dreamed of. It feels right, but he wanted Lee to be with them today.

He thought it was too soon for that, despite agreeing to move in with them once they had already secured the house. The part about sleeping together most nights and lazily fucking like a throuple of middle-aged men doesn't scare him as much as the thought of looking for a home together.

He will never understand why Lee still thinks Cas owns certain things and parts and he doesn't. Lee has everything of him whatever he wants and he's been crystal clear – though it brings a certain level of anxiety every time he thinks about it.

He understands, they've come a long way here and it still doesn't feel real or 100% right. He wonders if Lee has the same fears he has about it, that they're clinging to their complicated history because they once wanted all these things together and now they're doing what feels right instead of good for both of them. He's pretty sure he was a piece of shit to Lee from the start. Young, stupid and reckless who barely knew what love was. He remembers like it was yesterday the first time Lee touched him, how they held hands in that dark motel room. Two scared kids hoping their parents would come back from a hunt and at the same time hoping they never did.

When they met he felt like everything had changed, a new color . He saw a new color in his future and felt so stupid for having hope. At the time he was too stupid to admit it, but Lee made him consider – at the pick of his 18 years –  The possibility of him being gay, what he felt was so intense, it was reality hitting his face, like love at first sight. He felt the same way about other people as his life went on, but Lee was his first love and would have stayed if it hadn't been for his father if it hadn't been for Chuck.

— What do you think? — Cas asks, waking Dean from his ramblings and daydreams. They had been standing in front of that huge glass door in the kitchen of the house admiring the view of the lake for quite a while now.

— It's great, it's all I wanted, you know that you've seen my dreams…The pier…— He says pointing to the pier in the middle of those beautiful trees just ahead, and Cas knows it's true, but still has a faraway look at Dean, he's mulling over something.

— Dean? — They exchange a look now and Cas continues — Are you okay? — Dean takes a deep breath, he didn't want to externalize it, he wanted to die with it corroding inside him for the rest of his life, he swore to himself that he wouldn't wonder what was  Chuck and wasn't, but he had to ask that last thing.

— Was Lee my soulmate? — He finally manages to get the words out. The tone feels like an accusation, it's not how he wanted to ask this to Cas, but he was the one who wanted to kill the concept of it, it was one of the first things he suggested to Jack and Amara. He's been wondering if he had a soulmate ever since.

— No… — Cas narrows his eyes and adds, — I thought we weren't doing this thing where you ask me things you don't want to know about Chuck anymore. — He says a little more nervously than he intended. — What? Did you think my reason for scrapping the soulmates concept was because I didn't have a soul and I was jealous? — Dean narrows his eyes at him and says.

— No…— He reflects on this and rethinks his answer when Cas looks at him with that bitch face he does when he can spot a lie in him. — Maybe, I don't know. — Cas takes a deep breath. Dean can see that he managed to break his peace today, perfect, that's what he does, it seems like some things don't change.

— You didn't have a soul mate, not everyone has one. — At that moment the realtor came back from the bathroom. She is a very pregnant woman with a very tight bladder.

— Sorry boys. — She arrives with a smile, but when she realizes the atmosphere that has settled between the two she quickly withdraws — Do you want to see other houses? Within the profile and budget, you gave me, there are 2 more in the area. — Cas looks at Dean and asks, trying to keep his voice neutral, but failing a little, there's a bitterness there.

— Do you want to look at more houses? Stay with this one or I don't know, stop looking for houses and break up with me without hard feelings…— He intended it to be a joke, but looks so genuinely hurt now that Dean looks at Madison and says.

— PMS, don't even ask…— At this point, Cas glares at him even more and then Dean laughs softly and completely. — We love it here, I don't think we need to look at more houses, do we, honey? — Cas just tries to force a sincere smile and shakes his head. Madison just chuckles, she doesn't quite know what to make of the misfit couple in front of her so she just says.

— Okay…— She gives some more details about the whole process and they sign papers. They chat some more and then Dean and Cas are driving back to the Bunker. The way back is silent and a little uncomfortable. There's that tension in the air that you can cut with a knife.

— You know what I think is funny…?! — Cas starts with that irritated tone.

The temporary spell that gave Cas a vagina also gave a fully functioning uterus for 3 months and cycles… Oh, the wonderful menstrual cycles in a half-human Cas who was already unstable as an erupting volcano. Dean just stares at Cas for a few minutes waiting for the continuation of what he was going to say.  

— You and Lee are the two insane people who can't just live your relationship, but I'm the crazy one with PMS. — Dean can't help but smile at that.

— To be fair, you're on PMS and a little angrier than usual with me. — Cas looks at him now and rolls his eyes some more through gritted teeth.

— PMS just intensifies some things, angry with you I almost always am, it's just harder to hide. — He just says and Dean is slightly offended by it and says.

— Remind me again why you love me and want to be my family at the lake house, because…That doesn't sound good. — He frowns at the road now.

— Oh, spare me. — Cas just says it in a way that makes him laugh. He had forgotten how someone in PMS could be so funny, the smallest things become a headache, and also the smallest things sometimes become a reason for sex too.

— You need a good orgasm, that's what you need. — Dean says simply knowing that it could either piss him off even more or make Castiel ask him to stop the car in the middle of somewhere and fuck him. — Cas, honey, why do you think I asked you if Lee was my soulmate? — Dean genuinely asks looking for the eyes of the nearly human who glares at him, sighs deeply, and responds:

— I don't know, enlighten me. — He says ironically.

— Soulmates wasn't a good thing, you said it yourself, it was Chuck's work, a manipulation… I wouldn't be happy if he was my soul mate, it would be a lie. — Dean vents, squeezing the Impala's steering wheel tightly — Chuck already took away the guy I loved and took away almost all the confidence he had, Lee is almost a shell of the man I knew now if Chuck had done that too…— Dean feels his stomach churn in anger. He doesn't finish the sentence, words fail Dean, but Cas doesn't need him to finish.

— Soulmates weren't such a bad thing, in some cases of course it was more like a loveless arranged marriage, but in some cases, cupid was like Tinder, it was still a higher power manipulating, but not everything was a lie. — Cas says trying to use his sweet voice now. He always hated the concept of soulmates and the way Dean asked him if Lee was his didn't seem friendly and happy, now he knows why. For a moment he thought Dean was looking for a reason, someone to blame. The relationship with Lee has been troubled, he was supposed to be here today, but he thinks it's too early to dive in like this as if he hadn't already. Every time they have sex and sleep together in recent times has been perfect, when Lee is able to surrender to what he really feels and let go of his fears the moments are amazing.

— I understand, you're afraid, things with Lee haven't been easy, you remember a lot of your past and from what you've already told me it was complicated and passionate. — Cas says looking for Dean's eyes who returns him a slight smile and says:

— It really was, when I try to remember us I try to remember only the times when we shared a bed and said "I love you" in our own way if I'm going to dive into all the internalized homophobia and all the guilt I felt every time we had sex I go crazy. I'm finally in a good place with my sexuality Cas…— He says this proudly meeting Cas' eyes on him looking at him lovingly now —…I don't hate that part of me anymore, Lee and I fucked that other night and I felt everything you should feel when you're having sex with someone you love. I wish I could say the same every time we had sex in the past. — Dean says with a tired smile — I'm old, young Dean deserved that too, so much time wasted… — Dean can't hold back some of the tears he's been holding back, tries to look at the road now, to look away from the loving gaze Cas is giving him now.

— I felt it, I know what you mean, it was beautiful. — Cas says with a smile making Dean blush and shy away from it even more — The first time you made love alone after so long was full of guilt, fear, lust, and love, it was a beautiful mess, the last time there was only love and lust, still a beautiful mess, but anyway…— Dean tries to look away from the look Cas, chuckling, shyly tries to give him.

— Okay, I'm not sure you can call the shit we did “making love”, but feel free. — Dean says maliciously.

— Your version of “making love” involves handcuffs and a sore ass from slaps, violent thrusts, and lots of cum in your face, but still…Love. — Cas says in a way that makes them both laugh.

— Young Dean would have died of shame if you had said that out loud to his face. — Dean says, trying to stop laughing now.

— Young Dean was young and stupid, all humans go through the stage of being young and stupid. — Castiel simply says. — Was the first time you and Lee had sex really the first time? You told me you never did anything with Benny and then… Handjobs. — Cas asks laughing and Dean gets even more embarrassed and red.

— I wanted to correct you and say that it wasn't "Handjobs" in plural, but yeah, it was plural… Anyway…— Cas raises eyebrows at Dean and looks at him trying to feign surprise, Dean just rolls his eyes and says — There were a lot of handjobs between Lee and me. From the time I was just turn 18 until the day we finally accepted that neither of us were straight and we had “real sex” — Dean confesses nervously, chuckling shyly.

— It's not a surprise, I remember the whole “Bert and Ernie are gay and I won't let you die a virgin” thing and the handjob you give me and pretended forgot it happened. — Cas simply says trying to take his gaze away from Dean.

— Would I have let you fuck me that day why you stopped halfway and lied saying you didn't want to and didn't feel what you were supposed to feel? — He asks genuinely curious and confused, Cas looks at him now as if the answer is obvious and Dean continues, — Was it because of Sam? You already had your fall-off-a-cliff crush for him? — He tries to ask this without the bitter jealousy in his voice, but fails. Castiel rolls his eyes and says:

— No, it wasn't because of Sam, at that time it was too complicated what I felt for him, I just liked him because he was your brother. — Cas looks at Dean now practically pleading with his eyes "Never tell him I said that" and then continues — It was because you were drunk. — Dean presses his lips together in a mocking smile and says,

— Back then I was always having drunk sex. — Cas takes a deep breath.

— Yeah and dubious consent are not my thing, I didn't want it to be that way for you and me. — Dean shrugs and his gaze drops now.

— Just the handjob was ok, kind of a hypocrite if you ask me. — He says teasing Cas with a shitty grin. Cas doesn't know exactly what to answer so he just embarrassed says:

— I really thought I was going to die, I was thinking about that a lot, and then I remembered that God could bring me back again just to punish me. — Cas confesses — I was just going to go ahead and fuck you the way you wanted, you remember; fingers were already inside, dick in your hand… — Cas laughs at him lightly when Dean's reaction is to settle uncomfortably in his seat and look at him mischievously — But… my guilt got louder, I could never be like you. For a long time, I repressed myself sexually because I thought it would have consequences for me, and I was not wrong. Now I remember that the punishment was much worse when I gave in to the sins of the flesh with humans. — He says with a heavy voice trying not to break into tears, Dean swallowed hard and asks:

— Do you want to talk about it? — His voice is careful and Dean uses his understanding and caring tone and Cas can immediately feel better.

— No, not really, not with you, I already talked about it with Mia. To you, I'll just say that I'd rather forget. — Cas says honestly heavy smile now, Dean looks at the road now and says:

— I know the feeling…— He says dryly remembering the times in hell with Alastair, not everything was with dubious consent or rape with a capital R, many things he liked, many things he did since before he was corrupted in hell and many things were good even if not consented. The pain and guilt of it have followed him for years, he's almost not strong enough, but then he remembers that it's Chuck's fault, he wanted to end any trace of hope and pleasure in his life and take over his mind completely. He never gave Chuck that taste, and he never will. Pleasure and pain. He owns it.

— I won't let Chuck ruin things anymore, and you should do the same. I told you that Chuck started actively messing with your life after you were 22 when you really considered leaving the hunting life together with Lee. Why do you doubt that? — Cas asks, confused, wanting Dean's eyes on him now. Dean before answering this parks the Impala in the Bunker garage and turns off the engine, the few minutes Dean shuts up about it are kind of torturous for Cas, but he tries to respect Dean's space when he doesn't want to say something.

— You wouldn't be in my life if it weren't for Chuck, I'm sure it brings you mixed feelings sometimes too, I just thought you were trying to save us both one more thing to think about. I thought if Lee was my soul mate, you wouldn't tell me and let me find out on my own that he and I are just…Nothing. — He says looking Cas in the eye and reaching for his hand, Cast intends now, Dean watches the muscle in his jaw almost snap so hard he grits his teeth.

— Yeah, no, that's not why I let him into my life, into my bed, and into my ass. I never thought he would just be a fun party in my ass. You are so stupid sometimes. — He just says angrily, squinting his eyes and letting go of Dean's hand. He slams the door shut with unnecessary violence in a way he knows he can just because it's Cas, but Dean almost yells at him to watch out for Baby, but shut up, he deserved it, but what can he do, they're doing this open communication thing and sometimes conversations are not comfortable to have.

Dean involuntarily laughs, the subject of this conversation is anything but ordinary and “normal life”, but the way that PMS Cas acts is very Lisa and normal life. Cas is more and more human, and more and more charming, manages to be more charming than when he was just a newly fallen angel confused with humanity, he loves all versions of Cas, even the grumpy one about to bleed for 7 days. He said the other day that he only misses his dick so he can "Fuck your thirsty ass the way you deserve and like it", but like Dean, himself said, "That's what a strap-on is for".

Shit, he just loves Cas!  

He would have any kind of relationship with him, even if Cas never wants to have sex with him again as he hasn't since he's adjusted to his new body and still deciding if that's what he wants. Sam has all the spells at his disposal, there has to be at least one advantage to living in a world where magic and monsters exist, right? This is perhaps the first time he's seen a witch doing something good and not being all Vader going to the Dark Side. He's heard stories out there about Max and his sister, it's a disappointment, but he can't say it's a surprise that he found a way to bring her back. He investigated Max, he only corrupted his soul to get his sister back, he hasn't been doing anything catastrophic bad with it yet.

Sometimes he's afraid of all Sam's involvement with Rowena and spells and all that shit, but he seems to be doing fine, even though now the motherfucker isn't as sweet as a sweet potato candy, he at least tries, said that his friendship with Rowena is strictly about “gathering information and knowledge”, and hopefully he's not really fucking the Queen of Hell, that would be a very… Dean thing to do.

      

                                                             ***

 

Looking for Cas is probably a good idea, he's already taken his time to cool off, usually, it's short-lived, but now we don't know. The apology for saying unpleasant things to hear can be accompanied by a bar of chocolate. Dean knows Cas's favorite brand and has been tucking it away in the back of the kitchen cupboard for moments like this. To his surprise, Cas is already in the kitchen attacking a bowl of ice cream along with Jack.

Dean doesn't say anything, just opens the cupboard, looks for the dark chocolate bar, opens it and reaches for a bowl inside the cupboard, breaks some squares, and puts it in the microwave to melt. Cas just watches this with a slight smile on his face, not wanting to show how much he appreciates it. 20 seconds later the microwave beeps and Dean takes it out to stir it quickly and puts it back in to finish melting for another 20 seconds. He repeats this process 2 more times and the result is delicious melted chocolate just the way Cas and Jack love it.

The boy flashes a big smile and sprinkles chocolate on his ice cream which quickly turns into a half-hard chocolate crust and Cas licks his spoon trying to hide the smile still, but Dean exchanges a look with him as he dips his fingertip into the melted chocolate and smudges the tip of his nose. Dean licks his finger and Cas smiles at him now rolling his eyes. He wipes his nose with a paper napkin, throws some of that on his ice cream too.

Dean takes the opportunity and takes some of that for himself too and keeps the rest of the ice cream back in the freezer, he knows very well that if he leaves the pot there they are 3 ants that would easily finish the whole pot. At that moment Lee arrives in the kitchen, to look for something to eat. When he sees the 3 of them eating ice cream, he smiles and Cas asks with a gesture and eyes if he wants some.

— Nah, I want something salty, but I'll take a spoonful of yours, can I? — Cas nods and offers a hearty spoonful of his chocolate-covered ice cream, Lee bites into it and lets out a pleasurable little moan. A strand of still-soft chocolate smudges Lee's mouth a little and Cas doesn't think much when he runs his tongue over it and pulls him in for a kiss. Dean laughs and looks at this slyly, but holds back the thoughts running through his mind right now. Lee giggles and his cheeks flush as he exchanges a look with Cas who just shrugs innocently.

— I was cleaning you… — At that moment Dean bites his lips and laughs, closes his eyes trying to ward off the not-so-innocent triggers that this sentence from Cas causes. Jack's eyes widened and he put a hand to his forehead trying to ignore this mood that had set in while he ate quickly and scraped his bowl. He looks at his cell phone and thanks Amara that there is an unread message from Lucas there. He just ignores the adults in that room now. Lee just tries to focus on making his quick afternoon snack.

— Someone wants some grilled cheese sandwich? — He asks as he takes the sliced cheese out of the fridge and the bag of bread.

— I'll take one. — Dean responds casually as he finishes scraping his ice cream bowl. Jack shakes his head no and takes his bowl to the sink and washes it quickly and leaves the kitchen now. Lucas was calling him to play free fire online. Castiel after Jack is gone just says.

— I stuffed my ass with ice cream, so no. — He says taking the last spoonful of his ice cream and breathing heavily and happily.

— I would suck that ass. — Lee says casually preparing two loaves of bread to put in the sandwich maker.

— Oh wow, you guys are really missing me and it's been less than a month. — Cas says laughing and Dean and Lee are shrugging — I would have sex with you guys but I have cramps and a headache. Hell in my pants started this morning. — He says wistfully. Resting his head on the kitchen table now, Dean strokes Cas's hair affectionately.

— I don't know about Dean, but I'd still go down on you. I heard orgasms are good for those cramps. — He winks cheekily using his best naughty smile. Castiel just laughs now, he doesn't comment on the fact that Lee is speaking the truth now. 

— Oh this kink is new, you've never been the biggest fan of cunnilingus, let alone bloody pussy. — Dean says, laughing openly. Lee shyly laughs, looking away from the two of them now.

— Things change and… It's Cas… Even his bloody pussy must taste good. — He says that putting the buns on the plate and going to the table and sitting next to Cas who returns him a malicious smile and says:

— I doubt that… — He enjoys their touch on his scalp now. — And my clit is very sensitive today, sensitive in a bad way, I don't know if I'd like that. — He complains softly and feels a light kiss from Lee on his forehead.

— But that's something you're into? — Lee asks as he takes a bite of his hot bun.

— Maybe, but some other day…— He says with a smile and Lee lightly kisses his lips.

— And how are you feeling? Is this what you wanted? I mean, not the cramps and the headache, but do you feel more comfortable? — Lee asked sweetly, making Cas smile slightly and appreciate the question. He knows Sam and Dean have been wanting to ask him this but they always surround him with indirect questions. Lee is always straightforward about what he wants, Cas doesn't know how the man didn't tell him sooner that he loved him and was in love, in fact, he knows. Lee thought it was too crazy and too early for all of this.

— Weirdly yes, I think that's what I wanted, the two vessels I had somehow combined and made a unique Cas… complicated, I don't think I'll ever be able to explain it in a way that makes sense. — He says laughing lightly, still feeling Dean's fingers on his scalp. He loves the fact that Dean isn't shy about doing the sort of thing he's always wanted to do with him lately. He knew having a relationship with Dean would be good, but he had no idea how good.

— Anything that makes you happy, Cas, I mean it. — Dean says lovingly looking for Cas' gaze that was fixed on Lee. He looks at Dean and sits straighter in his chair now.

— I know…—  He says and Dean continues.

— You're in love with nail polish and my old band shirts for some reason. You look a bit like an Emo teenager in 2006, if you want to grow a fringe and get the weird bracelets Lee likes to wear and black eyeliner, feel free. — Dean obviously says this jokingly, and Cas just laughs sweetly at him, the intention behind it is good, if he really wanted to he could just be himself around the people he loves. Lee takes this as a personal attack on his wardrobe and protests indignantly.

— Hey! You used to love bracelets too, it was like our ring and at some point, we even had a ring that “accidentally” matched, don't talk shit about my jewelry. — Dean smiles sheepishly when Cas gives him that curious look at the story behind it, but Dean just says,

— I got rid of the things that reminded me of you when I tried to take things seriously with Lisa. She said she loved the ring and bracelets and I couldn't tell her it was just a gift from a friend. I ended up stashing it in the back of some drawer in her house and never looked back. —  He says sadly and says — It's not like I can knock on her door and ask for the things I left behind. — At that moment, Cas who was far away in his mind at that moment says:

— When you asked to get rid of the memories I did a whole file burning job, erased memories of neighbors and friends. — When he sees the impressed looks in his direction, he completes — I still had my wings, I did all this in less than 20 min, I had all of Lisa's memories, anyway... I never dared to get rid of the things and photos, used to stay in a box with me that I named “Lisa's stuff for when Dean's ready to talk about it” — Cas starts and explains and watches Dean's expressions go from confused to happy to confused again.

— Did you keep it with you? Like the thing, you used to do with the angel blade in your coat? — Cas nods and says.

— Like Steven’s Lion's mane, yeah, I had every kind of shit imaginable in it. Did you think I really liked the coat? It was more like my armory.  — He says it like it's just the most normal thing in the world — I'm not sure I have what you're looking for in my boxes, but they're under the bed in room 15. Just stay away from my porn, there are too many poems about dick and Destiel fanfics and fanarts with too many tentacles. — He says, very little embarrassed, very little regretful. At that moment Dean and Lee almost spit out what they were chewing and look at him with wide eyes and laughter — What?! I like the creativity of the fans with my true form! Oh, and don't even let me start with the soulfisting thing…— He says and Dean's reaction is to laugh even harder.

— But that's just painful, Sam told me it's awful! — Dean says indignantly and Lee at that moment just tries not to react to all this talk of fists and souls and eats his sandwich nervously, at that moment Cas turns to Lee and says.

— I was looking for Sam's soul once, I'd taken him out of hell and I was pretty sure I'd taken his soul too, but Chuck thought it would be an interesting plot with him without a soul. I couldn't see his soul, I thought it was just too withdrawn. Dean's soul was also hard to see at first, so I searched, with my fist…— Cas explains patiently and pauses; Lee looks at him with malice wiggling his eyebrows and he laughs and completes — Not like that! — Lee just laughs along with him now, he had more or less understood that it wasn't sexual, but he couldn't help but joke.

— Okay, Cas, now I'm curious what's in the box and curious about what's in your porn. — Dean says still laughing and Cas exchanges a look with him says:

— Have fun, don't say I didn't warn you when you find something you don't want to see. — Castiel just shrugged his shoulders.

— You're scaring me, what's the worst thing I can find there? — Dean asks hesitantly, afraid of the answer, but asks anyway.

— I told you, tentacles…— Cas says frowning, and Dean just smirks and says:

— Ok then. — Lee at that moment just laughs and says:

— That's a new kink…— Dean and Lee exchange a look and Dean shrugs with a mischievous smile on his face.

 

                                                        ***

 

Memories… Funny thing. Dean told himself he was just going to leave those memories behind and never look back, but when he opened that box along with Cas, he didn't expect to cry, but he did. He saw the pictures and knew it was a bad decision to take this away from Lisa, it sure didn't make her any safer, just blank.

He investigated her life not long ago. She's fine, married a decent enough man, more normal than he could ever be at least, and Ben is happy too, dating a boy. The conversations he had with him about being true to himself and what he feels are lost, but somehow the message stick or he found his way alone. He'll never know, and that's okay, it's not his life anymore. Dean doesn't know if he ever was, despite loving Lisa and Ben, he knew deep down that he was living a lie.

Is he now living the truest of himself that he can be?

The answer would be yes, his life is insane and will never stop, and that's okay. It's amazing how Lee is back. It's amazing how a relationship with Cas is nothing like he imagined it would be and yet they're settling down and buying a house together. Everything is where it should be for the first time. He didn't think Cas would be as awesome as he is, he honestly expected he'd have to hold back the kinks and have lots of vanilla sex. Which would be ok, he likes that too, but the fact that besides he's best friends with him and encourages fetishes the way he does… Oh, he's got it all. It can't be better than that.

It scares Dean, puts him on high alert, he wonders what the next tragedy will be, he dreads the day that chaos and darkness will overtake him and his life will be turned upside down again. At that moment, he holds in his fingers that silver ring with an "L" that he improvised carved with his knife on the inside. He smiles and fears for his future. He did it on the inside where no one could see it, not even Lee knows he did it.

— You can wear it if you want. Lee still wears his sometimes… — Cas says as he watches Dean lose himself in thought as he holds the silver ring so affectionately. Dean laughs when he hears this coming from Cas. He says it, even though his voice hurts slightly, even though he knows it's an absurd proposition.

— You know it's just a ring right? — Dean asked as he put it around his finger just for a minute to see if it still fit. It doesn't feel right, he can't go back to this anymore, he can't pretend it's just another lie he tells himself until he believes it.

— Not even you believe that, Dean. — Castiel just says as he watches him take the ring off his finger. Dean searches the box for a silver chain he bought the same day as this ring, smiles when he finds it there. He feels proud of the idea he just came up with; takes the opportunity they are in their room and opens his drawer looking for the ring he bought for him and Cas. 

He chose silver too, he was never a big fan of gold-plated things, never thought it suited him. Cas also said this when he asked once. He opens that black velvet box tries not to pay attention to Castiel's reactions to it and puts both rings on the necklace and now exchanges a look with Cas who smiles sheepishly at this and says:

— Here, let me help with that…— He helps Dean with the lock around his neck and hugs him from behind, he doesn't say anything, he's speechless, he just smiles lightly against Dean's back.

— I should put your ring here too, I don't know how Lee and Sam would feel about it if you… You know…— He doesn't finish the sentence and Cas doesn't need him to. Cas just nods and holds that ring in his fingers. Exchanges a look with Dean, and puts it around his finger, just to test one thing. It doesn't feel right, but it is… Probably the same as Dean felt earlier.

— I love you. — Castiel says as he takes off his ring his look looks confused and almost apologetic to Dean, but he understands, he has nothing to apologize for, There's nothing wrong with the way he feels, he feels the same.

— I know. — Dean says with a slight smile and Cas says:

— You just Han-Solo me…

Chapter Text

There's a reason why he likes to wear Dean's old band shirts, besides having all his signature smells like Old Spice, Impala, sex, sweat, lavender, and vanilla, he can connect with his masculine part because there's nothing more masculine than Dean, ok that's an exaggeration, but whatever. It doesn't matter if Dean washes his shirts really clean, all those smells are still present in his sharp nose, and it's magnificent.

The lavender and vanilla come from Sam's hair products which Dean pretends not to like, but uses sometimes now that his hair is a little longer. Sam pretends not to notice and buys extra bottles of his hair care products. He has the two brothers' scents with him when he wears Dean's clothes. It's a good thing Dean doesn't care about it, because it's something he's always wanted, for the comfort of wearing everyday clothes, to connect with him in some way and to connect with himself. No matter where he is, he's at home when he wears a Dean piece of clothing.

It's not hard to feel at home in that new place by the lake, though. Mainly because it's perfect and he couldn't think of anything better. They moved 7 days ago and for 7 days Cas has been waking up to the light from the big window and the slight heat of the rays of sunshine on his face. He wonders if this is what the Empty was talking about; he wonders if the ancient cosmic creature reads time differently… He feels he has reached the peak of his happiness these last few days. He tries to push those intrusive thoughts away now and looks to his side and smiles at the sight of the blue sky, the trees, and Dean…

Dean sleeps with a mask on now, they could just close the curtains, but Dean knows how much Castiel enjoys being awakened by the light from the big window. Dean likes it too, but sometimes he allows himself to sleep a little longer on lazy Monday mornings like this.

The bed is finally big enough to comfortably accommodate 3 adults, but sometimes Lee prefers to sleep in the guest room; pretend this isn't that serious yet and he's just going to live here temporarily. His "temporarily" thing has been going on for 3 months now. He already has enough money to rent a place of his own, but Lee pretends he still hasn't found the perfect match; he hasn't even been looking and Dean and Cas pretend to believe that one day he'll leave.

It was a good thing they moved when they did. Sam was starting to recruit hunters and give the Bunker a Base vibe, a new Men of Letters so to speak, and among the people he recruited, Richard was in the middle and Dean wasn't too curious or eager to know if Cas was going to make his move on him when Rich settled down in the Bunker and they started to live together; he also didn't want to find out or know if he and Lee still had any spark left.

Lee, despite his jealousy, wanted Castiel to go ahead eventually with the idea of wanting all 3 at the same time, it would be a beautiful thing to see... But he's leaving this life behind, he said he wasn't looking for orgies with Dean anymore, and he meant it, it's not really what he wants but if Cas wants to he might be into something like that, but he's glad that Castiel seems happy with just Sam, Dean, Eileen and him, although the nearly human ex-soldier of Lord wanted to be more like Dean used to be when he was young.

The fact that Castiel isn't like Dean - even though he has all the possibilities at the table being the stud guy he is - makes Lee proud, shouldn't, he knows; it's not like it's a choice he only enjoys sex with people he's emotionally connected to. Now he knows Castiel has been kinda in love with him from the start. Castiel was embarrassed to say the reasons why he wasn't as strongly attracted to Richard as he was; as the conversation went on, it became clear that they were something special, something that perhaps neither of them were quite ready to admit, although they had almost exchanged an "I love you" once. It's still early, literally early in the morning to think about that sort of thing.

 

                                                     ***

Castiel awakens, again, for the third time this morning, to find Dean still asleep in bed wrapped in his sheet. He lazily gets up and goes to the bathroom in that room. He loves the fact that the bathroom is now practically 10 steps away and he can quickly make it back to bed. He's thinking – as he uses the toilet – it's really been a while since they've had sex, with all the rush of moving and the fact that his grace is getting unstable and he gets drained easier, they've been almost… normal and he's practically a virgin again. Not really, but anyway, he checked, he has a hymen and his fingers get tight around it, he's been exploring and reminiscing a lot on his own, maybe it's time to take the party to Dean or Lee or both.

A mischievous smile crosses Cas' face as he brushes his teeth in front of that mirror, he spits into the sink and rinses his mouth. He checks himself and concludes he looks sexy enough in one of the basic panties Dean gifted him the other day. They're pink and satiny with a lovely black bow at the navel line. He didn't question when Dean enjoyed wearing it the other day and looked in the mirror satisfied, just complimented his nice ass and they exchanged glances.

Dean likes to wear panties.

And that didn't come as a surprise to Lee.

He wonders what else these two know about each other that he hasn't fully explored yet. He's eager to know, in fact, aroused by the thought; his pussy responds to the mere fantasy. He misses them both.

He looks at the bed and Dean is still sleeping. Grab the cell phone to check the time, it's almost 10:00 a.m. Dean went to bed very late yesterday, he was kind of exhausted, insomnia is sometimes a problem for him. Castiel decides not to bother him up with sex – even though he knows he would love to be awakened like this. He heads to the kitchen, his stomach crying out for something today. He missed the opportunity to have breakfast with Jack and had a message from the boy on his cell phone saying "Good morning" with lots of blue hearts. He replied to this, hoping Jack wasn't looking at his cell phone during class.

Arriving in the kitchen he finds Lee there, absently preparing a coffee in the coffee pot. He hugs him from behind slowly and surprises the brunette who had the Bluetooth headphones in his ears. Music is a constant in Lee's life, he once said that it was one of the things he missed the most when he was in hell. Music always comforted him in difficult times and there were always difficult times with nothing to hear there.

— What are you listening to? — He asks and Lee's response is to put one of the headphones over Cas's ear in an intimate, familiar gesture. Lee turns the music down a bit and says:

— This song kind of reminds me of you…

 

Castiel hears the guitar cry and an extremely malicious lyric penetrates his ear.

 

She's my cherry pie

Cool drink of water, such a sweet surprise

Tastes so good, make a grown man cry

Sweet cherry pie, oh, yeah

She's my cherry pie

Put a smile on your face, ten miles wide

 

Castiel just smiles back at him. He's been on Earth now long enough to know this isn't about cherry pie and yet it's about the kind of thing Dean loves. He watches Lee ogling him now. Castiel didn't bother to put on a robe, just had them in the house and he's not ashamed of being practically naked next to either of them, he's been noticing those glares all week, but it's adorable that they have been waiting for the initiative to come from him to do something.

Lee is already hard in his light pajama bottoms and keeping his hands to himself. Castiel doesn't say much, just gently pulls him by the back of his head for a kiss while the music is still playing in their ears. He feels Lee grab his ass through his panties and move his hips against his as the tongue eagerly invades his mouth looking for his taste.

Lee feels Castiel anxiously pulling him by the hair away from the kiss now, for a moment he thinks maybe he's gone too far, but the fear goes away as Cas starts to push his head towards his crotch; before he has time to form a thought he is already promptly on his knees. They exchange a look. Lee watches Cas pull his panties to the side and grind him against his crotch. Lee just invades those lips with his tongue and mouth eagerly; pulls those panties out grunting impatiently, this was way too much in the way, it's beautiful panties and Cas wanted to be sexy here but this is also too tight for this game. He needs free access.

Urgently!

Castiel grins when Lee's next action is to lift him up; Castiel wraps his legs around his hips and Lee pushes him against that counter. He has him sitting there and with a firm and incisive move, he sinks his face and tongue into the ex-angel's pussy, inhaling his scent. Castiel moans loudly as he feels Lee's delicious tongue swirling around his clit. Damn! Lee is magnificent at this!

— Fingers, I want your fingers on me now, boy! — Castiel orders, one eyebrow raised and that intimidating look on his face that Lee loves so much. He turns his face away from the former angel's crotch and smiles.

— Yes, Castiel, your wish is an order. — He rolls the entrance with two fingers and it is hard, but his insides are deliciously wet and his fingers when he hits hard make that sound he loves — That tight pussy… Fuck, Castiel!… Are you kind of a virgin? — Castiel just smiles and pulls his face back. Lee growls against Castiel's flesh and promptly captures his clit with his tongue.

Lee realizes he didn't even ask how Cas was feeling today before he started this. Whenever they start their day he asks Cas what pronouns he would like, even though Castiel says it's ok to treat him by “He” and that's according to Cas "more of an internal battle than anything else", he just wants to make the angel feel comfortable, as much as he can offer. Everything he can offer. They've come this far today with him playing a song about a wild girl, maybe Cas is feeling like a wild girl today and if that's the case, she really is!

Fuck, he wants to get lost in that pussy sweet as ripe fruit. This is so good that it almost makes a grown man cry indeed. He loves to feel Castiel grinding his face against any of his holes.

— Like that, boy, suck me! suck me hard! Look at me, I want you looking at me! Open those eyes! — Lee, who at that moment was lost in sensations and with his eyes tightly closed, opens them immediately and finds Cas' smile. He slams his fingers harder against the sweet spot of that soaked pussy and a husky moan leaves Cas's throat. Lee feels the inner muscles tighten even more around his fingers. The realization that Cas is coming nearly knocks him out of his mind and he starts to slow down, then Cas exclaims. — Keep your fingers in, don't you dare stop, boy! — He pulls Lee's sharp tongue away from his sensitive, aching clit. Lee does as he's told and watches Cas throw his head back exposing that irresistibly delicious neck, chest heaving, gaze lasciviously as he continues to come and twitch around the fingers. Castiel pulls Lee in for a kiss as he continues to pound and can taste his own there as he sucks on his tongue; he pulls him away, pulling his hair to look at the brunette with clear sky blue eyes.

They gasp against each other's mouths with almost disbelieving smiles, Castiel captures Lee's bottom lip and bites it hard making the brunette growl and slam his fingers harder against the sweet spot. Castiel pulls him back against the clit now and moans some more as another wave hits him. He almost regrets demanding that tongue on the sensitive clit, but it's too magnificent. He's bursting into multiple orgasms, one more intense than the other, so fucking good…

Lee's fingers and tendons were starting to ache, but he didn't care. He taps Cas' sensitive spot until he sees it squirt at him. They're definitely going to have to clean up this kitchen and counter afterward, but it doesn't matter, the only thing that matters is that Cas is coming around his fingers and mouth, moaning hard because of him. His legs tremble beautifully, and Castiel doesn't know whether he wants to laugh, groan, or whimper when he notices the strength in Lee's fingers wearing out and he groans wearily and uncomfortably.

A kissing path is traced by Lee from the inside of one of Castiel's thighs to the sole of his foot. Breathing hard and with his heart pounding in his chest, Castiel watches this worship session at his feet and wonders if this is a fetish and what he can do about it. They exchange a smile as Lee kisses the back of one of his feet.

— Do you like feet? — Cas asks mischievously with a lascivious grin as he runs his foot across his chest and grabs the pulsing erection with toes.

— It's not a fetish, no…— He answers sincerely with a shy smile — It's just, you know… You. — Castiel can't say why Lee seems so afraid to say he worships him, but he appreciates the flushed cheeks and deliciously shy smile on those irresistible lips, pink and swollen from kissing and sucking so much.

He takes a moment for himself to recover from his orgasm; quickly feels ready to take care of Lee now.

— You were a really good boy…— Cas says getting up from that counter and pushing Lee's chest towards the living room that is right next to the kitchen with this open concept – one of the things he loved most about this house — Take off your pants, and sit down. — Castiel orders pointing to the couch. Lee swallows hard.

— Yes, Castiel…— Lee responds and his dick throbs in anticipation, he shrugs off his pants at an impressive speed and sits on that couch.

— Keep your hands to yourself, if you don't keep your hands off me I won't make you come. — Castiel orders as he steps on Lee's chest pressing him against that couch and watches Lee smile and nod as he rests his hands on the back of the couch. — Say you understand, use your words, boy! — Lee smiles even more and says stuttering:

— I-I understand, Castiel. Sorry, I'll use words. Sorry! —Castiel exchanges a look with Lee. He waits a second and asks: — Color? — He saw a bit of hesitation in his eyes and he's not sure Lee wants to go on with it like this, he's been testing something. He's coming here on pure instinct stepping on him like that. He presses his foot a little more against Lee's chest and he finally responds.

— Green! Oh, it's so fucking green! — Castiel smiles and watches him close his eyes and groan as he sees him drop to his knees and feels him run his hands down his thigh. He finally wraps it in his hand and says:

— Look at me! — His tone is sweet, but still, an order, and Lee looks him straight in the eye, the blue of Castiel's eyes glow briefly and Lee smiles. He still hadn't seen the azure glint in Castiel's eyes today, was wondering where those beautiful eyes were and there they are as he caresses and spreads pre-cum along the tip before capturing it with his tongue. When Castiel finally wraps his mouth around him he almost comes instantly, he was on the edge of it just from tasting him earlier and seeing him come, his cock has been crying out to be touched ever since.

Castiel watches Lee grip the arm of the couch and curses his name. He stops what he was doing and looks at the angel pleading with his gaze to let him come, he moans and Castiel captures his lips and says:

— You're only going to come when you're inside my pussy, do you hear me?! — Castiel says as he squeezes Lee's cock hard with his hand and hears him moan and wail.

— Yes, Castiel…— He responds almost inaudibly, moaning with every movement the angel makes with his hand along his length. He rolls his eyes hard when he feels Cas's tongue on him again. He slides it to the back of his throat and Lee nearly loses his battle against his imminent orgasm. — Castiel…— Lee laments the angel's name. It's almost a cry, but he needs to warn him to stop. Castiel stops and repeats this 3 more times and watches Lee sweat and pant trying to hold back that orgasm.

— Do you want to come, boy? — He asks, taking his hands and mouth away from him, letting his cock and a line of saliva and pre-cum follow him. Lee almost comes as he watches the former angel's gaze weigh heavily on him, the parted and swollen lips are his perdition.

— Yes, Cas! — He clings to the edge of that orgasm, squirming uncomfortably on the couch. Castiel smiles.

— What? What did you say? — He teases.

— Sorry! Sorry, Castiel, make me come, Cas--tiel! — 

They smile at each other.

Castiel doesn't want to extend this any longer, Lee has been so good to him. They've been so good to each other. And all this dom/sub play seems to fill something in Lee, something he used to see in his soul, it was beautiful and it's still beautiful when all he can see are his facial expressions. He used to get lost in the glow of souls, but now that's weaker, he can still see almost everything, but not so intensely, not if he's not focusing heavily on it.

Castiel can see the surprise in Lee's excited eyes when his next action is to ride his lap and lead him inside. Lee is so obedient, he's still keeping his hands to himself. And Castiel knows how much he wants to touch him now, his eyes pleading for it shines so brightly that Castiel thinks Lee might start crying under him at any moment, the way he moans against his lips now is more of a cry than a moan.

— You are perfection, Castiel! I want to worship you forever! — He exclaims as the angel rides like a mechanical bull.

— Come, come for me… — He asks, almost pleading, but it's still an order. — Touch me, kiss me, fuck me, anything you want, just fill me with your cum! — When Castiel says this, almost whispering in the brunette's ear, he feels Lee coming and holding his hips in place, digging his hard cock deep inside, slamming his sensitive cervix, almost bringing another orgasm out of him. They moan together and kiss sloppily within that embrace. Castiel gradually feels Lee's hard, throbbing cock soften in him as Lee himself trembles in his arms; he can feel their racing hearts beating against their chests.

— Damn! Fucking tight pussy! — Lee exclaims, chuckling, making Castiel gasp for him as well.

— What can I say, you took the girl's virginity…— Castiel scoffs and Lee joins him in that wonderful laugh.

— I didn't expect that, I thought you'd want to “pop your cherry” with Dean, or Sam…— Lee says, a little apprehensively, looking around worriedly. Dean still appears to be sleeping even though Castiel hasn't held back this morning. Lazily, Castiel gets off Lee now and plops down beside him on the couch.

— I'm not really a virgin…— Castiel says laughing some more, Lee gets up and quickly gathers his courage and goes to the small bathroom next to the kitchen and reaches for the toilet paper to wipe himself and Castiel clean. He gently swipes the paper across Cas's entrance, which leaks cum, and laughs as he looks at the red stain on the white paper.

— Your pussy with that light red trail along with my cum disagrees with you, honey…— Castiel just rolls his eyes and takes the paper out of Lee's hands now, it seems his healing factor still works for light stuff like this. He no longer feels the slightly uncomfortable sting that he'll never admit he felt when Lee was sinking down and invading him with the thickest part of his cock.

— You didn't see anything, all healed up. — He says passing the paper again and showing it now, only the wet transparency on the paper. — See? I don’t know what you're talking about. — They both laugh now and Lee gets up and goes to the kitchen and reaches for those panties of Cas's that were still on the counter. He didn't want to be that kind of guy, but he smells it on his way back to the couch and kneels at Cas' feet and helps him put it on even though he doesn't need the help and kisses him sweetly on the lips. For a moment Lee looks at Cas and he could have sworn he was going to tell him something just now, but he just smiles and kisses him again.

At that moment both wanted to say the 3 words, but neither of them dared to do so. Lee was so sober and so open, he held back, he would probably pathetically cry if he said it now. Tries to convince himself that Cas choose to “lose” his "virginity" with him because he has love for the new pussy and Dean and Sam aren't exactly small guys and he did it for comfort, he's heard many times in his life how much his dick is perfect, how is not too big and not too small and all that shit. He's actually a great go-between for what Cas sure wants to do with Dean next. It's really too early in the morning to think about that.

— Don't tell Dean, you humans are stupid, he might get jealous…— Castiel musters up the courage to say, he's not feeling guilty about anything here, but if Dean is seeing him as a virgin again just because he had a new seal to break, that information could die with Lee and him, no one else needs to know. He has these thoughts as he flushes the bloody paper, feels like he's gotten rid of important evidence, and it's just a fucking paper.

— Okay…but with all due respect, Cassie, baby, even the squirrels on the trees out there know you were having sex with me. — Castiel laughs along with Lee who gets up from that couch and goes after that coffee to serve for both of them.

— Don't tell Sam and Dean I had a “cherry to pop”, jerk! — He says, patting Lee on the shoulder and pulling him in for a light kiss. — I love it when you call me Cassie…— He says shyly and completes — I basically love everything about you right now, but I think this is my orgasm talking. — He scoffs, trying to take the weight off his words that when they reach Lee's ears have the effect they should, he can see the love in his eyes and a delicious smile forming. He doesn't say anything, and Cas doesn't need him to. They just kiss in a way that says almost everything. Lee slyly says when that kiss ends:

— Careful over there, the floor is kind of wet…—  He puts his coffee on the counter next to it and goes to the laundry room and looks for a mop, throws some random cleaning product on it, and does that while Cas cleans the counter. ; most of it was on the floor so they ended fast. And as simple as that, the kitchen no longer smells like sex. They quickly prepare PB & jay’s sandwiches and eat breakfast while listening to some music and exchanging passionate glares and smiles.

— I have to ask. How are you feeling? I got kind of distracted by… things, but tell me, are you okay? Your pronouns today…If you want to vent something…— He asks with a smile, and Castiel smiles lovingly back. 

Lee is charming; he knows the brunette is just doing the bare minimum about what he's learned, but it always makes him happy when he, Dean, Sam, or Eileen asks. Most of the time it's fine, he has a few days that he would like to be referred to as "she", he will say when appropriate. He noticed he confused Lee a bit this morning when he referred to himself as a “virgin girl” and he's just asking to be sure, he's also noticed that Cassie's nickname comes when he's trying to use something more feminine or neutral and toe the line that he has established unintentionally, as has often happened in recent days. He loves the nickname in Lee's mouth, in Dean's mouth he forbade it to be used because he knows he already had a girlfriend with that name, so with Dean, it's always just Cas which is good too.

— I'm fine, I'm not feeling particularly girly today, but I like it when you take it seriously when you use the line I set without realizing it. You guys have been paying more attention than me to tell you the truth. — They smile at each other now and Cas completes — Thank you…— Lee nods and taps his coffee mug against Cas's and says.

— If I always refer to you with female pronouns, would that make you comfortable? — He asks and Cas reflects on this with a questioning face.

— Yes, you always do so affectionately, I feel good. — Castiel offers a silly smile to Lee that says:

— That gender-fluid friend of mine once told me that when I confused and called “he” “she” when he was having “boy days” he felt validated for some reason, and he looked just like you, the most of the time he said he was comfortable being a male and only when he was having a strong day of dysphoria he wanted the female pronouns. — He takes a sip of his coffee and finds Castiel's gaze on him and an extremely affectionate smile.

— That's cool, I've seen people on the internet saying something similar and I kind of relate to it. — Lee now reaches one of his free hands and starts playing a thumb war. And they look at each other in that way, 3 words hanging in the air again; mouths opening to say something and shutting up.

 

                                                        ***

 

Castiel returns to the bedroom now after taking a brief shower along with Lee, and finds Dean wide awake playing his cell phone with the headphones on, he probably didn't hear anything that was going on in the kitchen, he sure would have appeared if it had woken him up. Castiel crawls across the bed in a way that Dean knows he wants his attention. They exchange a look and Dean puts his phone aside and says:

— Hi baby, did you sleep well? — Dean asks as Castiel rides his hip languidly.

— Yeah, it's just wonderful waking up like this, looking over the side and seeing the beautiful scenery outside, the blue sky…— He leans in for lazy kisses on Dean's neck, —…beautiful scenery in my bed too. — Dean smiles, and smiles a little more as Cas presses and rubs his pussy on his semi-hard cock which quickly gets the message and stays fully awake. They exchange a look and Castiel watches Dean's reactions to check if he really wants this, but of course, he does, he's been wanting it for a month now. — And you? Did you sleep well? — He asks as he drags Dean's boxers out of the way just enough to expose the throbbing intimacy. Castiel's penetrating gaze doesn't deviate from Dean's bright greens, pupils dilate as Cas just drags his panties to the side and his full lips hug the head of his already luscious pre-cum.

— Yeah… The blue sky and all that shit. — He groans strangled as he feels Cas try to slide him all the way inside with one shove. It's so fucking wet and tight; Dean wonders if Cas isn't uncomfortable for a moment, but his doubts are all thrown out the window when he feels Cas move against him with slow thrusts. He grips Cas's thighs tightly. The ex-angel curses his panties a little now, he wanted to be sexy and not take it off, but fuck it, it's getting in the way. He quickly gets off him and hears Dean's almost frustrating sigh along with his own. He tosses the panties on the bed and quickly turns to the part that interests them both.

Dean searches for Castiel's lips with his own, invades his mouth with his tongue feeling the fresh taste of coffee on his breath. He grabs Cas' buttocks and tries to take control of it. It comes as a surprise to Dean when Cas just lets him roll around on the bed. Usually, Cas appreciates the control, grabs Dean's hands, pins them to the mattress, or uses the cuffs now that they have the option, but today...

— Fuck you Dean, your damn dick in me feels so good! Look…— He says massaging his clit and swirling the border of his entrance, capturing some of his natural lubrication that leaks out and almost paints Dean's length white. Dean's reaction is to laugh and nod, the sight is truly a spectacle, he almost comes now. He withdraws from inside Cas to rotate that clit with the head of his luscious cock, when he does and draws a delicious moan from Cas. Dean looks at the entrance practically asking to be licked and can't resist it. He abruptly sinks his tongue over the edge and tries to capture all of Cas' reactions to it. He just looks at him in surprise and his mouth forms a big emotional and sonorous “O”.

— Fuck! — Cas just exclaims as Dean captures the clit with his tongue and slides two fingers inside. Dean feels like he can barely squeeze in for a second there, then feels Cas relax around his fingers. He smiles and sets Cas' clit aside for a moment as he taps his fingers, he smiles even wider when Cas's reaction is the look with a raised eyebrow. Dean can almost read Cas' mind saying "How dare you to stop sucking that clit right now?" Dean, like the good boy he is, wraps his lips around Cas's clit again.

Cas can feel that orgasm coming, so close. He grips Dean's hair tightly and hears him growl against his pussy and feels him intensify the thrusts of his fingers against the sweet spot. Dean's damn skillful tongue hits the clit 3 more times before Cas breaks into an orgasm. He cries out, feeling the wonderful waves and the way Dean continues to hit his fingers as he pulls away from his sensitive clit to get as much of that orgasm as he can. Cas wants him back on the clit, he pulls it but regrets it immediately the hypersensitive clit complains. Dean laughs at the reaction, it's the same reaction he's gotten from several women over the years, he's never made a dude come like that, though. Oh, wait, Cas isn't a dude either. He's getting more human every day, and more beautiful, but he's not a dude. He's the most beautiful gender-fluid creature he's ever seen in his life right now. Maybe he should ask after they're done with how he's feeling today, but for now… For now, he's going to focus on rocking Cas' world with multiple orgasms.

— Dean! Dean! — He says desperately and Dean immediately stops tapping his fingers — Fuck me! Fuck me now, I want you cum in me! — Dean smiles excitedly and does as Castiel says. He tries at least, the pussy is so fucking tight and kicking him out now.

— Breathe, breathe…— Dean says to Cas, kissing his cheek tenderly. — Your pussy is so tight, baby… Oh, shit! — He says as he slowly moves inside and feels the entire pussy contract and release. Castiel laughs.

— You're big, it's hard…— Castiel says, whining a little. He can't feel enough grace inside him today to do something about it. The realization that he was becoming more and more human hits him now, and instead of being mildly sad, he is happy. Castiel reaches out for a tube of lube in the bedside table drawer and hands it to Dean who thanks him briefly and gently rolls the edges of Cas' entrance who smiles as he feels the cool gel against his warm skin. This is new, he was never as sensitive as he is today, not using grace was close to that, but he still had some difficulty feeling hot and cold of things.

Feeling Dean's warmth in him was never a hardship, though. He now glides carefully. Castiel watches Dean roll his eyes and squirm on top of him. He knows these signs, it won't be long before Dean comes. He can't feel what Dean is feeling right now, but he knows that look, he wanted to hold back and he couldn't. He knows that sound coming from his throat.

— Castiel…— He knows that pleading on his lips, he knows that line of sweat forming on Dean's forehead. He knows that feeling of the hot jets hitting him inside. This leaves him on the edge of another orgasm. He won't miss it. Before he could sync it up with grace, now he has to use his fingers as Dean thrashes and pulls everything he can out of his own orgasm, tentatively thrusting it all into Cas. Exchanging a lewd look with him as he does so.

Dean grins as he watches Cas smack his clit to orgasm along with him and succeed. Another beautiful orgasm, he can feel the pussy tighten and expel his soft cock from inside. That privileged view of watching Castiel ooze cum; he will never get tired of it.

— Look at you…— He says, looking and separating his lips with his fingers. — Can I...? — He can't finish the question, gets too embarrassed, smiles shyly.

— What? — Castiel asks, slightly panting as he smiles at him.

— I want to clean you with my tongue…— Dean says, deciding he wants to blow his inhibitions away.

— You're such a cumslut. — He says just pushing Dean's head towards his crotch. Dean just groans, smiles, swirls his tongue around the edge, and sinks in making them both moan loudly.

— I'm your slut…— He says briefly when he has the opportunity and then goes back to licking Cas's pussy like a cat drinking milk.

— Oh shit, I've lost count of how many times I've come today…— Castiel says almost regretting letting Dean do this, the level of sensitivity he's at right now... Dean looks at him questioningly. — Lee and I…— Castiel doesn't finish his sentence and Dean just doesn't need him to say it.

He listened…  

Preferred to put on his headphones and not interrupt or pay attention to what the hell was going on in the kitchen. He was a little jealous of both of them, which is insane because he's pretty sure if he wanted to ask to participate he'd get a positive response, but it was too early in the morning for him to think straight and when he decided to go they were already over. He needed coffee, more than he needed Castiel's pussy on him this morning, but this…It woke him up pretty good too.

— I heard you guys, but lazy morning, I needed my coffee…— And as if Lee had heard his thoughts he knocks on the door briefly and enters with a cup of coffee in his hands.

— I heard you woke up…— Lee just says with an extremely mischievous smile on his lips. Dean gets out from between Cas' legs now and pulls Lee briefly in for a kiss. Lee searches for tongue with taste of Castiel and Dean and more embarrassingly than he'd planned, a moan escapes his throat.

— You love it, don't you? I know, I love it too…— Dean pats one of his cheeks and Lee looks at him almost annoyed but just surrenders to it. He's getting harder every day to disguise and pretend they're not a trouple, moments like this leave him exposed in a way that he almost vomits the 3 words at them both. He's been swallowing those words so much that soon they'll come out unintentionally during sex like the first time he and Dean had sex. He's not afraid to tell Dean they're past that stage, but he's afraid to tell Castiel… He knows everything was going to be okay, it would also make it more real than it already is, but it's like Dean once told him: "It doesn't make any difference not to say it. We're both making love and not fucking and you know it…” Lee exchanges a look with Cas at this point and winks at him.

— I love this, yes…

 

He is so fucking screw.

Chapter Text

1 year has passed since all the madness of being dragged to hell and pulled back in happened. 1 year and the memories of that day are still fresh in Lee’s mind; he still remembers the brief seconds when he felt pure again, whole again as if not a single piece was missing. Confusing time and space when he came back to Earth while he felt like an old man nearing 90 he was still a middle-aged guy. Dizzy and confused…And in the midst of it all: Castiel.

The angel smelled like hope, lemon, and grass after a summer rain and he still smelled sulfur and despair in himself. The pure, multidimensional wavelength of celestial intent creature didn't seem to care, healed him without judgment or rejection; he himself was a little corrupted by everything around him, but in Lee's eyes, Castiel was forever going to be an angel, forever worthy of worship, forever worthy of all the good around him even though he didn't think he was worthy of it at times.

He fell in love with the angel abruptly, it wasn't smooth and pleasant; it was like being hit by a truck that came from nowhere after you looked at both sides of the street. It was… Inevitable. Intense. Insane. Wrong. He didn't want to, he thought things between them would be too complicated, that he would lose Dean forever once it became clear that he was in love with the angel, even though he never stopped feeling the way he felt for Dean.

A blessing and a curse cast against him. When he thought Dean was giving up on him for good and convinced himself that he should just stay in life as just a memory too painful for his heart and a good friend, Dean said "I love you" . He said the 3 words and it startled him, he said that after he got back from a night out with Richard, he honestly thought all was lost. He wanted to be lost, deep down he didn't want Dean reliving things with him because they were once in love. He wanted it simple, Dean simply accepting his defeat; pure and simple.

They were just two confused souls meeting again, it was better to just remain friends. He tried to just be friends with Dean after that hot night that Castiel wasn't present and they slept together. They pulled away for a bit, but he couldn't stay away from Castiel and that brought him back to Dean's bed. They exchanged confused kisses in the middle of sex together with the angel and he tried to walk away again in the next few days, but something always brought him back he always ended up going back to their bed.

He would sneak in in the middle of the night when they were still living in the Bunker and sleep with them, trying to get out before they both woke up. It wasn't about sex, most of the time he did it, sex didn't even happen. When this happened for 3 nights in a row and he stayed awake along with the almost human angel and Dean during one of those insomnia nights, he knew he was fucked. Words weren't needed and it was the day he felt most connected to the two of them.

It was terrifying and incredible.

He'd already accepted that they were more than just friends with benefits a while ago. It was simple and complicated at the same time. It was everything he dreamed of and wanted, and he couldn't let go of it, even after his life felt like it had fallen into place, the bar was doing well and he already had enough money to get his own place and he no longer felt like a complete failure unworthy of heaven, perhaps not quite worthy, but still… Hopeful.

He felt what was left of Castiel's grace and Jack's power was undeniable over him whenever they had the opportunity. These two were almost better than therapy and AA meetings. Therapy… He thought he'd never be able to go and feel comfortable, but Mia made it possible. Castiel said he could say everything he considered crazy because she wasn't a normal therapist, he thought she was a former hunter or something, but recently he gained her trust in one of their conversations about his former hunting life and she revealed herself as a shapeshifter. He'd never met a good shapeshifter, it was a nice surprise.

2 months have passed since he accepted to move in together with Dean and Castiel, 2 months ago he made one of the best decisions of his life. The craziest, most unexpected decision he's ever made, but still the best. The routine settled fast and soon he knew he wasn't going anywhere, he wanted this. He really wanted this. He really was here for the long run and Dean and Castiel were right there with him every step of the way. An unlikely throuple; a fallen angel-nearly-human and two ex-demons who had a troubled and confusing relationship in their early youth.

It was just supposed to be chaotic and catastrophic, but they loved each other…Castiel had his jealous moments when Dean and Lee reminisced about stories and sometimes they seemed like a longtime couple in love, he felt left out and tried to hide as best he could that affected him.  Like that moment when he'd returned from the weekend, he was spending with Sam to find them in bed, post-sex going on, the two of them vaping a bubblegum juice that they know Castiel doesn't appreciate that much, the room in the middle of that cloud. Castiel doesn't appreciate anything about their newfound vaping habit, but mostly the way they like that nauseating bubblegum smell. He loves and hates how it's just their own quirk. He loves and hates to unintentionally witness these moments when they are obviously a couple.

At least it's better than cigarettes...

Lee and Dean now quickly without Castiel saying anything, change the vape, each has one for himself, but for some reason they were sharing this one, they look for what Castiel appreciates the most, that herbal vaporizer for some weed.

At first, Castiel was kind of reluctant to the idea of using weed, not that he thinks it's a gateway to other drugs, he knows better than that, but he knew how important it was for Lee and Dean to stay sober and that was a risk, but marijuana had a completely different effect on them than alcohol. He said that if the quasi-medicinal use of it was not really advantageous they would stop immediately. He was charmingly menacing as he determined that with the two of them. Using his dominance in this relationship with them for good, always for good… Although all this marijuana use killed the concept of sane, safe, and consensual , which was an incentive for Dean and Lee to keep substance use to a minimum.

A choice between a recreational drug and sex with Castiel is not a difficult decision to make.

They take advantage of the fact that today Jack is at a friend's house and the 3 are already very satisfied sexually to be the day to get high as if they were young. A very interesting Monday, far from an ordinary Monday for most people, but they are not like most people; lives far from ordinary, young spirit, old minds.

— Is that another thing you two did too when you were young? — Castiel asks after his fifth hit in that thing, and that's the moment Cas knows he's high enough; the whole body relaxes he is taken by a transcendental euphoria.

— If I say “yes”, will you be jealous? — Dean asks, resting his head on Lee's lap and stretching his legs on Castiel's crotch, relaxing there with his eyes closed; he loves that feeling, his body responds much better to it than to alcohol without a doubt, something he never noticed before because marijuana use was always accompanied by alcohol.

Castiel reflects on the question for what seems like an eternity for the 3 of them, but the reality is that it was only a few seconds.

— Maybe, but that's just stupid, it's more envy than jealousy...— He answers sincerely, running his fingers down the texture of Dean's thigh unpretentiously, enjoying the blond hair that grows there, distracting himself in the sensory journey that marijuana always brings to him; Dean laughs at the touch, it tickles and makes his balls rise and his whole body tingle pleasantly, he loves their touches on his body when he's this high. Lee runs his fingers through his hair and gently scratches his scalp in a calming, soothing way. Touch for touch, he loves it, he's always been hungry for it.

— What's important is that we're together now, Cassie…— Lee says, reaching out his hand to offer comfort on Cas's warm scalp as well; he melts into Lee's hand and looks for his touch practically purring against his hand. Hearing this makes him happy because it's true, what matters is now, it's been a long tiring journey to get here, but what matters is now.

Lee slides a little on the bed to line up his hips with Cas's and bumps their shoulders together, catching his attention; when their eyes meet he slowly leans in for a kiss, both enjoying the anticipation before their lips completely seal. Their breathing changes and they close their eyes now, their lips meeting briefly in this silent dance; a smile forms on both their lips, they bump noses and Castiel brushes his lips against Lee's. Dean watches this entire exchange with a slight smile on his face, enjoys the moment when they finally kiss and tongues meet, the muffled moan vibrates in both their throats, and their body responds to it, but no one has the energy to take this to another level; the 3 wanted to be younger now to turn that moment into languid and lazy sex, but maybe another day.

Castiel's grace barely manifests itself anymore, he tries to achieve it but it's in vain. It rests in his core now just as a reminder of the life he used to have. He is no longer an angel nor a human, but something in between that he loves to be. Castiel just is, each day more he finds happiness in just being, at this moment he feels he is getting close to perfection.

The 3 of them are so relaxed at this moment that they nap like this, Lee with his head resting on Cas' shoulder and Cas with his back against the comfortable and soft headboard of the bed, and Dean sprawled on their laps. They wake up 5 min later, however, it is far from a comfortable position to sleep for real. Dean's weight in their laps is uncomfortable and Dean's extremely crooked position isn't favorable either. Then the three of them lie down properly on the bed with Dean still in the middle. Lee snuggles into Dean's chest along with Cas, the two continue to caress his chest in an unpretentious and affectionate way.

The necklace with the 3 rings catches Lee's attention and he starts playing with it and enjoying the smooth texture of it on his fingers and the dazzled shine of the jewels, he admires it for a long time until he loses track of the time. The improvised carved "L + D + C = 8" on their old ring catches his eye. 8 lying down… He knows it means "Infinite", an inevitable smile crosses his lips. He tries to meet Dean's gaze on him now, but the blonde is already sound asleep; who he still finds with his eyes open is Castiel. They smile at each other.

The half-angel knows what it's about, he's the one who came up with the idea, he's the one who carved it with Dean; it was silly and in the heat of the moment, Dean said no one would see it and only they would know. They performed their silent ritual in the safety of that room and felt stupid, satisfied, and…young. Castiel remembers seeing couples at the beginning of their new-like-flower-blooming kinda love, doing it on trees. He remembers finding it fascinating, tingling something inside him, made him want to find out what it felt like, now... he knows.

His hands meet now, Lee starts playing with Cas' palm and making rambling patterns on his palm, he traces his lines with his fingertips, and Castiel smiles with each touch. Lee now draws a sentence on his palm, he advances each letter carefully. "I love you" It forms and fades as it goes, but the message sinks into Cas's essence and his heart skips a beat as Lee doesn't divert the blue depths of his eyes from Castiel's azure blue depths even for a second. 

They smile at each other again.

— I know…— Castiel replies with an arrogant, almost affectionate certainty in his voice. They both laugh a little more now at the youthful stupidity that surrounds this moment. The eyes sparkle and get heavy with sleep too, it doesn't take long for them to surrender to it along with Dean.