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Will you remember all the danger we came from?

Summary:

"Kamenashi Kazuya, also known as Johnny's sex symbol, or yet again, as Ueda liked to describe him: a sexy, yet cute and innocent baby on the stage and a sex machine who goes with everyone he likes, regardless of their gender, off stage.
As for Ueda Tatsuya, he was just one of the many guys, many people, who fell into Kamenashi's trap.
Just another guy to have sex with, another guy to fuck."

-

Alternatively: a wild Kamenashi who enjoys the way Ueda falls into his traps, a desperately in love Ueda who can't resist Kame's charm, a supportive Nakamaru who never leaves Ueda's side and Koki who gets along with Kame. How will the tables turn?

A/N: I'm sorry to all the readers of this story, but I don't think I'm going to continue writing it as I'm not really fond of the plot anymore. Of course, if I ever feel like it again, I promise I'll complete it. But, for now, I don't think I will

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Chapter Text

"Oh, you're already here. Did you wait long?"

Ueda shook his head, still giving Kamenashi his back while keeping his eyes on the wonderful night landscape the hotel's huge glass window offered, looking at the lights coming from Tokyo's buildings and the Tokyo Tower.

He heard the other guy's footsteps getting closer to him, walking in his usual slow, somehow sexy pace. He could almost feel his smirk behind him, until his breath finally touched his nape and his arms wrapped around his waist, pulling his body closer.

Kamenashi Kazuya, also known as Johnny's sex symbol, or yet again, as Ueda liked to describe him: a sexy, yet cute and innocent baby on the stage and a sex machine who goes with everyone he likes, regardless of their gender, off stage.

As for Ueda Tatsuya, he was just one of the many guys, many people, who fell into Kamenashi's trap.

Just another guy to have sex with, another guy to fuck.

Kame just liked to have sex with whoever he wanted to, not looking for any other kind of boundaries with anybody. This is because, he says, he has no time for any serious relationships, he just wants to have fun. However, in spite of his continuous one-night stands, Ueda is the only person he keeps going to for sex, be it if he just feels like doing it, be it if there's nobody else he can go with. 

You may think who would be as crazy or masochistic to the point of giving their body to a person who seeks for them for one single purpose only, right? Well, the fact is that Ueda was just too head over heels for Kame, to the point he didn't even care to give his body away to him just like that. He knew Kame might have been probably aware of his feelings already, as he had been trying to convey them through his touches, his kisses, his looks when they were in bed. However the other guy just pretended he didn't see that and kept doing his thing, covering Ueda's eyes so he would annihilate anything in front of his own eyes. After all, Ueda was his granted fuck, it would have been a pity to give up on him.

It would have been a lie to say this whole situation didn't affect Ueda at all, though. Of course, he didn't feel as happy or satisfied as he tried to show. Actually, it just hurt more than he thought, it consumed him each time more, yet he just couldn't refuse Kame whenever he approached him. Neither him nor his body could. Although he is stronger and older than him, whenever Kame would get closer, his whole self would become weaker and finally give in and become helpless. Whenever he'd try to tell Kame not to or to stop, his body, even his voice, would just do the contrary. Just like what was happening that very night too at that hotel.

Ueda just saw that as Kamenashi Kazuya's counter effects: once you try him, you get addicted.

To make things worse for Ueda there was also the fact that Kame wanted to keep that whole relationship a secret in front of the other five members, despite him being fully open to make his usual mischievous jokes with them. Not that Ueda would have been fine with the others knowing how shamelessly and willingly he let Kame fuck him. Yet, being treated almost like a stranger wasn't the best treatment either. Basically, in private he liked to do anything he wanted with Ueda, but once they were on stage they would suddenly turn into two perfect strangers. 

Isn't that funny? So much that it's sad.

In any case, after having spent another of their usual nights together, the two guys were resting on the bed; Kame was busy smoking his cigarette as he used to do whenever he was done with sex, and Ueda rested on the other side, turning his back to Kame while fully wrapping his naked self in the blankets.

"You know", suddenly Kamenashi's voice cut the usual silence reigning in the room whenever they had done their thing. Ueda almost flinched at the sound  of Kame's voice, then he slightly turned his head to him so he could listen to him speak.

"I think I like Koki", he said in a nonchalant tone, while exhaling a puff of cigarette.

As soon as those words arrived in his ears, Ueda's eyes widened in shock, his voice started to already tremble: "S-since when have you...?"

The other guy slightly shrugged while placing his arm under his own head and stared at the ceiling: "Dunno exactly, but when I was with him for a drink last time I felt something strange, so I think it's for this reason."

The more he realized what Kame was telling him, the more Ueda felt his heart being smashed into pieces over and over. His eyes were already filled with tears, and trying to hide the tremor of his voice was almost hard to do.

 "Why don't you ask him out then...?"

Not even Ueda himself really knew the reason why he was suggesting this option to Kame. Perhaps, he hoped that the not-dating rule Kame had would have been valid in this case too. Yet, Kamenashi's response to this wasn't exactly what Ueda expected nor what he had been hoping for.

"I plan to do it sooner or later. First, though, I need to make sure of my feelings since I don't want to get into any serious relationship if it's not worth it."

Ueda nibbled on his lips and buried his head in the sheets and against the pillow so he could muffle any sound coming from him. However, he couldn't stop his tears and silently sobbed in pain.

Since no response was coming from Ueda, who was still giving his back, and since Kamenashi obviously noticed the sound of Ueda's cry, he quickly turned him towards him, in order to look him in the eye. 

"Hey?", Kame worriedly sat in front of the other guy, despite this, once Ueda was facing up when Kame turned him, he promptly proceeded to hide his eyes using his arm as a shield; never would he ever want Kame to see his tears, even more if they were for him.

Kame softly caressed Ueda's hair after seeing what was going on, yet he still didn't speak a single word: he just kept looking at the other guy, making it impossible to decipher what kind of emotions he was feeling at that sight. Once Kame's hand reached his cheek, Ueda leaned his face closer to it, snuggling against the other's palm, as he closed his eyes.

Why was he being so kind, caressing Ueda as sweetly, if he didn't even feel the same way for him?

"What's wrong?", finally Kamenashi spoke, using a warm, low tone of voice which just made Ueda feel more helpless. Hence, he turned his face to the other side as facing Kame while trying to speak his feelings would have made it worse.

"I... I don't want to get in your way, I don't want to get too affectionate", he said, trying to hold back his tears, in vain. Not get too affectionate, as if it wasn't too late already to say so. 

Kamenashi tenderly smiled after those words, then he softly caressed Ueda's cheek before leaving a feathery kiss on it. "You'll always be my baby, you know it. Even if I ended up with Koki, that wouldn't change the fact that you're important to me."

As much as those words could make Ueda's heart skip some beats, he couldn't help but thinking it was all lies, just a way to calm him down and please him, make a fool of him as always so he'd fall into his trap once again thanks to those sweet words and touches. He didn't even see himself as important to Kame, Ueda knew he was just like the others, just another person whom Kame could have fun with whenever he pleased.

Kame proceeded to slowly touch Ueda's chest as he forced himself closer, pecking Ueda's lips softly until the other guy finally surrendered and deepened the kiss himself, pulling the other guy on top of him, falling back down on the bed.

Although he liked to feel that sensation, to kiss Kame just like that, Ueda knew that those kisses too were fake, they were just like the kisses he probably exchanged with others. If not so, why would Kame only kiss him when they had sex? Once they were done, everything, the sweet words, the caresses, even the kisses, everything vanished.

Kamenashi caressed Ueda's leg, before positioning himself back on top of him, licking the tears off Ueda's eyes: "Do you still have energies left?", he asked in a warm, seducing tone of voice which made it impossible for Ueda to try to resist. Despite his resistance to it, Ueda couldn't simply not fall into Kame's trap over and over again as he would have liked to. Hence, he just nodded his head and tightly held onto Kame, burying his nails into his skin and as he welcomed him back inside of him again and again that night.

Once they were fully satisfied, finishing many other rounds, Ueda stood up and started getting dressed again. Kamenashi followed all his moves, looking at him silently for a moment. He leaned onto the other guy and played with his hair: "Not gonna stay here tonight? I've booked till morning. C'mon~ Just have a shower and sleep here~."

Ueda shrugged Kame's hand off himself, still turning his back to him: "No, I'd rather go back home tonight. I have some stuff left to do anyways. I'm sorry."

Before Kamenashi could reply back, Ueda quickly left the room, not speaking any other words.

After he finally got back home, Ueda curled himself in the blankets trying not to think about what Kamenashi told him at the hotel. Despite that, Ueda couldn't sleep a wink that night. Staying at the hotel and spending the rest of the night by his side would have been too much, yet even staying home wasn't helping him at all. 

 

The following day, Ueda headed off to work. The signs of that sleepless night were blatantly showing on his face, not only because of the under eyes he had, but also his pale colour and puffy, red eyes suggested just how bad that night was. 

As he walked into the room, Nakamaru, who was already sitting there, noticed his friend's conditions and quickly rushed to check on him.

"Hey, are you alright? You look so pale!"

Ueda didn't move a single muscle, he just sat on the couch, resting his head on his knees facing the void. 

"Yeah, just had a bad night..."

Nakamaru shortly looked at his friend, not asking further. He knew Ueda would open up when he felt like it, so he decided not to press him. Instead, he lended him his jacket and bought something warm for him to drink before rehearsals started. 

Even the other two members seemed to be just as worried as Nakamaru witnessing Ueda looking like that, yet none of them tried to dig deeper into the matter, knowing how reserved Ueda was.

Suddenly, the dressing room's door opened and Kamenashi too joined the others, finally placing himself on the sofa, next to Ueda. He glanced at him, obviously noticing his weird behaviour, just like the previous night.

"So? What's wrong?"

Ueda flinched when he heard Kame's question, he then slightly shrugged, placing his head on his knees as he replied in a faint tone: "Nothing."

Finally, the last missing member, that is to say Koki, joined the group too, sitting on the sofa's armrest right next to Kame. 

He firstly turned to Ueda, asking him what was the matter, to which the other guy just replied in the same cold way he did with Kame a while before. 

Not too long later, Koki and Kame were already in their own world, speaking of stuff the other four didn't know about and laughing together about something that happened when they probably hung out together.

Ueda looked at the whole scene for a moment. However, when he felt himself reaching the verge of his nerves, he abruptly stood up and quickly left the room, heading to the toilets, while the others speechlessly looked at him.

Once he reached the toilets, Ueda took the chance to refresh himself with some cold water. He looked  himself in the mirror, noticing how bad his face actually looked, bearing not only the sleepless night he had, but also that whole scene between Kame and Koki. 

Despite it being something those two used to do daily, somehow seeing them at that moment hurt even more than before. Up until that moment, Ueda had never realized how painful it would be to see the one you love being with someone else, even more when that one person had always stated how he hated being in a relationship up until then. He just wanted to have sex, so why changing his mind out of the blue?

Ueda paused for a second.

 

Out of the blue...

 

It might haven't been out of the blue, maybe. Since nobody knew about his relationship with Kame, it would have been fair to assume he, too, didn't know about Kame's relationship with the others.

 

Shit.

 

Ueda, reaching the peak of his frustration, couldn't refrain himself from punching the wall in front of him. 

So, as expected, that's what he was for Kame: nothing more than one of his sex friends. 

Suddenly, while he was still facing the wall, Ueda didn't hear somebody come into the room and pat his shoulder. He quickly turned and found Kame standing right behind him.

"Why didn't you stay with me last night?"

He leaned himself closer to Ueda, who tried to step back, hitting the wall behind him. 

The other guy grinned and ran his fingers through Ueda's hair: "I could have helped you with what didn't let you sleep, so now you would have been much better."

Ueda shrugged and tried to push himself away from Kame: "It's nothing you should worry about, I'm fine now."

Despite Ueda trying to resist him, Kame finally took his hands so he could block him from moving and used his free hand to touch Ueda's forehead and let it caress his cheek. 

Ueda squinted his eyes at the touch of Kame's hand.

 

Please, don't touch me so kindly...

 

He finally opened his eyes, meeting Kame's deep brown eyes, slightly blushing once they were finally looking at one another.

"At least you don't have a fever, which is good! Try to get better soon and cheer up, okay? I don't like seeing you so down, it's not like you."

He smiled and patted Ueda's shoulder before leaving the room.

Ueda stayed still for some time, still looking at the door Kame just exited. 

If only Kame knew what was the reason behind his being down. It was all his fault. Only Kamenashi's fault and his fake kindness. 

Who would treat people they don't love that way?!

Ueda took a deep breath and reached the others to rehearse. 

However, once they were done for the day, he went straight home so he could curl himself back in his bed.

Not too long later, Ueda's doorbell suddenly rang, making him almost jump off his bed. He sloppily made his way to the door and, once he had opened it, he found himself in front of Kame. Yet, when he saw him, Ueda still couldn't speak a single word. All he could say was an almost inaudible and incredulous: "Eh?"

"I brought you some food", Kame said while already making his way to Ueda's kitchen. Ueda stared at him for a moment, still puzzled by the whole situation but eventually followed him.

The other guy put some homemade food into some dishes and placed them on the table.

"Sit down and eat this so you can gain some energy back."

Ueda slightly nodded his head and sat down. He slowly ate and savoured the food Kame had brought him. The taste of Kame's food was impossible not to recognise, and Ueda just loved it. He almost felt touched by the fact that Kamenashi even bothered to cook something for him. Yet, he wouldn't let his mind go too far with his fantasies. It was Koki the one he wanted, after all. Thanks to his stupid and continuous overthinking, the food he loved so much suddenly had a bitter taste.

After Ueda had finished his food, Kamenashi took charge of washing the dishes, letting Ueda go and have a shower in the meanwhile.

Following his shower, Ueda sat on his bed still wearing his bathrobe, silently looking at the sheets as his mind was busy thinking who-knows-what.

"Feeling more relaxed now?", Kame's voice interrupted Ueda's thoughts, making him quickly turn to the door, where the other guy was standing. 

Kame sported one of his usual smiles, to which Ueda responded with another smile: "I feel much better now, thank you for taking care of me!"

Kame reached him and sat on the bed too: "Do you want to get some rest?", he said while gently caressing Ueda's cheek.

Ueda shook his head. "No, I'm fine."

Of course there would have been no way for him to sleep if Kame was there. If he fell asleep, Kamenashi would have left.

Kame grinned and let his hand go from Ueda's cheek, down to his chest and let it run further, until he opened the other's bathrobe. He looked Ueda in the eye and whispered in a warm, provoking tone: "May I?"

Ueda nibbled on his lips and slightly nodded his head while getting rid of the bathrobe covering him. He knew how desperate he might have looked, but he just wanted Kamenashi to stay despite it hurting. 

Kamenashi grinned and pulled Ueda's head closer, sealing his lips with a kiss before slowly sliding his tongue between the other's lips. 

Ueda ran his fingers through Kamenashi's hair, deepening the kiss more. 

Kame smirked, and broke the kiss, pressing his thumb against Ueda's lips. The other guy promptly kissed Kamenashi's finger, which didn't fail to make the younger greedier. Therefore, he proceeded to go to Ueda's neck, teasingly tracing it with his tongue and going down until he reached his nipple. Kame started licking and nibbling on Ueda's nipple while busying his hand rubbing the latter's manhood.

Ueda leaned his head back, grabbing Kamenashi's shirt tightly while letting out some already pleased and rather loud sounds. As always, even the slightest touch coming from Kame would drive him crazy, giving him unending pleasure.

Once he was satisfied enough with Ueda's nipples, Kame slowly let go of them, while the latter quickly got rid of that annoying shirt covering Kamenashi's body. 

Kame looked at Ueda grinning: he loved the helpless look on the other's face and how he'd go crazy for him at the slightest touch. Kamenashi quickly went down between Ueda's legs and grabbed his cock, wrapping his fingers tightly around it, causing the other guy to mewl in pleasure. He, then, slowly introduced Ueda's manhood into his mouth and started to hungrily and roughly suck it, just the way Ueda liked it the most. He knew how Ueda liked those forceful and rough manners on him in bed, hence, he proceeded to avidly suck his cock while grabbing his leg tightly, almost squeezing it. 

Ueda threw his head back; the way Kame knew how and where to touch him and please him was insane. He tightly held onto the younger's shoulders while letting high moans out and already feeling his whole body twitch in pleasure. The other guy kept changing pace as he sucked Ueda's length, going more roughly the more he moved his head back and forth, until Ueda grabbed his hair, almost pulling it as he moaned out a loud: "Kame, n-no more! Coming!"

Kamenashi smirked and proceeded to suck his cock even more eagerly, teasing it with his tongue and rubbing the rest of it with his hand, following his head's moves' pace until the other guy finally released himself in his mouth, soundly moaning as he did.

Kame grinned satisfied as he swallowed the other's cum and wiped his lips with his thumb. After that, he made his way back to Ueda's pelvis, kissing all the way up to his neck, making sure to trace his abs' curves with his tongue while he was at it. He fully enjoyed the way Ueda would twitch and whimper whenever he used to do that, either licking or kissing his pelvis and abs: that was one of Ueda's weak spots and Kame just loved teasing him that way. 

Once he had reached Ueda's neck, Kame didn't miss the chance to bite it as hard as he could, making the guy beneath him scream in pleasure as he tightly held onto his arm, almost scratching it. But, there again, Kame knew that Ueda deeply enjoyed that pain, so he just served him what he liked, of course. After leaving a vivid mark on Ueda's neck after biting it, Kame licked that spot and sucked it until an even more visible hickey joined that mark. 

Ueda was his favourite toy, hence he had to mark him to remind him whose property he was.

Ueda took some deep breaths before finally switching places with Kame. 

He proceeded to kiss the younger's neck while undoing his trousers to get rid of them at last. Then, he positioned himself between the other guy's legs and grabbed his cock. He slowly licked the full length first, then moved his tongue around its head before introducing it into his mouth. 

As he saw Ueda having a hard time with his hair getting in the way, trying to tuck it behind his ear every now and then, Kame helped the other guy and tightly held his hair back while Ueda was busy sucking his cock. Ueda shivered, almost moaning when Kame grabbed his hair: he somehow loved it when he'd hold it whenever he was giving him a blowjob.

He caressed Kamenashi's leg and sucked his cock more hungrily, more eagerly than before, moving his head back and forth as he rubbed the other half just as quickly. 

"Fuck, Ueda! You're so damn good at this", Kame moaned while holding the other's hair tightly, pulling his head closer to his cock. Ueda quivered at the sound of Kame's beautiful voice moaning those words, and whimpered as he felt Kamenashi's cock hit the back of his throat, almost choking him. He loved that feeling, hence he just proceeded to suck Kamenashi's manhood even more devotedly, until the other finally came in his mouth. 

He closed his eyes, taking some second to savour Kame's taste before swallowing it. He felt himself burn almost, he was so aroused. That was Kamenashi's effect whenever they met in private and Ueda just couldn't get enough of that.

So, he placed himself on top of Kame, who, on the other hand, quickly took the chance to grab his butt and squeeze it, making him whimper in pleasure. Kame proceeded to introduce two fingers inside Ueda's entrance to scissor and thrust them while devouring the other's neck and chest, enjoying his adorable moaning voice filling the room.

"K-Kame... this time, please, take me from the back."

Ueda's moaning voice interrupted Kame with that request, leaving him rather puzzled. 

Of course Kame couldn't possibly know the reason behind that specific position, but Ueda actually asked it because he didn't want the other guy to see his face while he was fucking him. For some reasons, despite all the pleasure, Ueda felt ashamed of himself that night: offering himself just like that to a man who, he knew, had feelings for somebody else and who was just using him to satisfy himself and his selfishness. 

Yet, Ueda couldn't hate him, he couldn't even resist him, so those conditions were fine for him, to the point he'd ignore his own feelings and his pride as well.

In spite of that, he still didn't want Kame to witness that desperate face of his that night.

Kamenashi quickly grabbed Ueda's arm and, with a swift move, he pulled him beneath him, laying him on his tummy. Once he was facing Ueda's bareback, Kame grinned: "Is this way good?"

Ueda nodded his head and buried it in the pillow, holding it tightly between his hands while Kamenashi proceeded to kiss his back, slowly going down to his butt, making sure to kiss it, while squeezing it with his hand. 

Ueda closed his eyes and deeply breathed while enjoying Kamenashi's soft lips gently tracing his spine. However, once he was done with all that soft treatment, the other guy sank his teeth in Ueda's skin, biting it hard and making him flinch and moan loudly for the unexpected, yet well-received treatment.

Finally, Kame placed himself behind Ueda and, grabbing his butt tightly with both his hands, carefully spreading it, he thrusted his full member deep inside of Ueda's entrance. As he buried himself into Ueda, Kame leaned on him, while the other guy arched his back welcoming him inside. 

As soon as he felt Kamenashi penetrating him, Ueda pressed his head against the pillow, holding tightly onto the sheets. Yet, once he had started moving his hips, already aiming for his sweet spot, Kame harshly grabbed Ueda's arm and pulled it so he could make him go on all fours rather than lie down on the mattress. He held Ueda in that position still grabbing his arm while mercilessly thrusting deep inside of him, pleasing himself with the loud, satisfied moans the other guy was blessing him with.

He let Ueda go, making him lie back down on the mattress while holding his hips high so he could roughly thrust deep inside of the other guy, making him scream even louder. Kame couldn't help but feel more aroused given the way Ueda was reacting to his touches, feeling better than usual. He licked his lips in delight while increasing the speed of his thrusts.

Ueda buried his head into the pillow once again, not being able to keep his voice back given the strong pleasure.

 

Hurt me.

 

The younger guy smirked and raised his hand to finally smack Ueda's butt as hard as he could, making him moan to the core of his lungs.

 

Break me.

 

Kame was in pure ecstasy, just as much as Ueda. He grinned in pleasure feeling how Ueda tightened around his cock when he spanked his butt, hence he did it again, enjoying Ueda's pleased cries.

 

Make a mess out of me. 

 

I don't care anymore.

 

Kamenashi grabbed Ueda's arm, making him go back on his knees while he proceeded to roughly hit deeper inside of him.

 

If this is the only way to have you with me, then, I don't care.

 

He smirked and raised Ueda's head pulling his hair, as well as his arm, with the result of yet another high whimper coming from the other guy.

"You're loving this, aren't you?", he growled inside of the delighted mess he had beneath himself.

"Yes!"

 

Use me as you want.

 

Again, Kame pulled Ueda's arm so he could fully raise him on his knees and, holding onto his pelvis, he thrusted harder against Ueda's sweet spot, making him twitch more.

"Kame! I... Coming!"

Ueda leaned his head back on Kamenashi's shoulder as he moaned those words out. The other guy wrapped his arms around the older's waist, pushing him closer to his cock the more he thrusted. Ueda buried his nails into Kame's arms as he fully threw his head back, hitting Kame's shoulder while he finally released himself together with Kamenashi too.

 

I would be yours anyway.

 

"Gosh, that was amazing", Kame sat on the mattress and leaned his head back while still gaining back some breath after the rough round he and Ueda just had. 

As for Ueda, he sat giving his back to Kame and suddenly murmured: "More."

"Eh?"

"I said more", he repeated, raising his voice one tone higher.

Kame grinned and quickly glued himself to Ueda's back, turning his head so he could face him: "But, this time, I want you to show me your face."

Ueda blushed and widened his eyes at the sound of that request. He took a deep breath and, while shuffling close to Kame, he whispered a: "Fine", before placing himself on top of the other guy, on his lap.

He looked Kame in the eye, his cheeks fully red: "Is it okay like this?"

Kame smirked as he first rested his hands on the other’s hips and let them slide down until they reached his legs. He licked his lips eagerly: having Ueda on top of him, showing him that kind of face never failed to make him even greedier.

“What an erotic face you’re making now”, he said having a smirk printed on his face.

Without speaking a single word, Ueda just proceeded to grab Kame’s manhood so he could slide it inside of him, as Kame helped him, spreading his butt. He slowly sat on the other’s shaft, and let out a pleased groan once it was fully in. 

Ueda leaned himself forward so he could kiss Kame, deeply, passionately, entwining their tongues while he moved his hips, roughly, enjoying Kamenashi’s cock’s thrusts hitting deeper and deeper the more he moved.

“Hey”, Kame suddenly broke the kiss and grinned while looking at Ueda, “how’s it that you’re so needy today?”

Once again, Ueda avoided giving him any answer and, instead, he just started moving his hips faster, more roughly, pressing himself harder on Kame, so his cock could reach deeper places, all of this while never breaking eye contact, not even for a second. Kamenashi promptly took command of the situation again after what Ueda just did and grabbed his butt tightly as he started thrusting deeper and harder against Ueda’s spot, making him moan even higher. 

Given the position not allowing him to move as freely as he wanted to, Kamenashi swiftly pushed Ueda beneath and, after he had grabbed his legs and positioned them over his own, he started to mercilessly thrust deep inside of the other guy.

Ueda buried his nails into Kame’s shoulder’s skin, shamelessly moaning and calling his name, asking for more, to go harder and harder. He could see the satisfaction coming from the other guy’s eyes, how pleased he was since he knew he owned him no matter what. 

Kamenashi caressed Ueda’s cheek and traced his lips with his thumb. The latter instinctively licked the other guy’s finger and took it between his lips.

“Shit”, was all Kame could say at the sight of Ueda sucking his thumb, while holding onto his hand with both his own, looking directly at him as he showed one of the most erotic faces ever: his cheeks were fully red, his hair completely messy, his eyes went glazed and his gaze was unfocused. 

He was enthralling to see, even more arousing than usual.

“Fuck, Ueda!”

Kamenashi growled those words out as he had reached his limit after witnessing that scene. 

He took his finger out of Ueda’s mouth and, as he buried himself deeper inside of the other guy, he hungrily, almost desperately kissed him.

Ueda’s body started to twitch in a more spasmodic rhythm, his breath got heavier than before, and he completely lost control of his own voice, not being able to contain his loud moans.

“Gonna come?”

Kamenashi’s sharp voice suddenly echoed inside of Ueda’s ears, but all he could say was a breathless “Y-yeah”, moaning it just as loud.

After Ueda’s answer, Kamenashi raised the other’s legs over his shoulder and changed, once again, the pace of his thrusts, going more roughly than before. 

Feeling himself on the verge, almost weak because of all that pleasure, Ueda raised his arms over his face, almost fully covering it. 

At the sight of this, Kame quickly moved Ueda’s hands away so he could reveal his face again, whispering into his ear: “I told you I want you to show me your face.”

Ueda slightly nodded and, a few thrusts later, he came, along with Kame, wrapping his legs around his hips and tightly holding onto him with his arms.

Once they had finally gained some breath back, Ueda fell asleep straight away while clinging himself onto Kamenashi.



///



“Kame, wake up.”

After sloppily turning off his alarm clock, Ueda slurred those words as he just woke up. 

Once he had turned to the other side of the bed, he noticed it was empty. He smiled bitterly, somehow he expected Kame to leave him before he woke up. 

He had a shower first, and then checked if the other guy happened to be around the house. For some reasons, Ueda still had a faint hope that he could still be there, even though that wouldn’t have been the first time Kame had left earlier.

When he reached his kitchen in order to have something to eat before heading to work, Ueda noticed something was placed on his table. 

He sat at the table and saw that Kame had made him both breakfast and lunch before leaving and left a note beside his dish.

《I had to leave early this morning because I had some things to do. I made you breakfast and lunch so I’m sure you will eat something which will help you gain some energy back. After yesterday’s night you need it ;)》

Ueda took a deep sigh after reading that note and managed to eat only less than a half of what Kame had made for him. 

His head started roaming again, trying to imagine whatever was so important for Kame to the point he had to leave that early. Something to which he would have found an answer not too long later at work, when he saw Kame wearing the exact same clothes he had worn the previous night. 

Ueda knew how fussy Kame was about his clothes, not wearing the same thing two days in a row, hence the only possible reason was for him to have gone to somebody else after leaving.

Ueda chewed on his lips because he was positive that the person Kame went to could have 100% been Koki, especially seeing the way the two had been talking all the time ever since Ueda got there, Kame not leaving Koki’s side for a second and vice versa, and how, coincidentally, they were the last ones in the studio.

“Hey, are you okay? You seem to be spacing out a lot today, and your face is a little pale again. Has something happened?”

Suddenly, a voice, Nakamaru’s voice, called Ueda back down to Earth, almost making him flinch.

“No… I’m just tired… really tired”, Ueda replied, still not taking his eyes off Kamenashi and Koki.

Nakamaru furrowed hearing Ueda’s answer, and he tried to understand what was going on facing the same direction the other guy was so intensely looking at, yet he couldn’t really grasp anything from it.

“Is that all? Are you sure?”

Ueda slowly nodded his head in a weak way and lowered it, so he would stop looking at those two being more flirty than usual that day. 

Was it necessary to rub to his face the fact they had been together before getting to work?!

Enough was enough, Ueda finally stood up and left the room, heading to the toilets so he could have some peace before rehearsals started.

Suddenly, Ueda felt his butt hit by a strong slap, squeezed and fondled right after.

He raised his head to face the mirror in front of him and found Kamenashi behind him, still massaging his butt, pressing his hand closer to it, squeezing it even harder than before.

“Hey you!”

Kame smirked and spoke, brushing his lips against the other’s nape. 

“I didn’t have time to say it before, but last night you were amazing! It was the best fuck ever!”

After pronouncing those words, Kame bit Ueda’s lobe, still not letting go of his butt.

 

Yeah, ‘the best fuck ever’... That’s what I am. Just a fuck and nothing more…

 

Ueda closed his eyes and nibbled on his lips as he'd heard Kame’s voice continuing his speech, while his hand proceeded to massage his butt in a more devoted way: “Say, what was it making you that needy yesterday? I’m curious~”

As Kamenashi’s touch got even more intense, Ueda was having a hard time trying to suppress the half moans he was about to let out. 

“K-Kame, please… Not here… Somebody could come here and see”, he tried to change topic as he choked his voice back.

 

Also… last night, what I did wasn’t the result of me being ‘needy’ as you say. It was because I’m hurt, because I want to be the one you prefer. They were feelings, not lust.

 

Kamenashi grinned, forcing himself closer to Ueda after hearing the latter’s desperate attempt to keep his pleasure back. 

He held his hips close to his groin and licked his ear, enjoying the way Ueda quivered and bit his lips to shut himself.

“You say so, but you’re already leaning your hips.”

As he said that, he grabbed Ueda’s hair and pulled it so the other guy could see his reflection in the mirror and how positively his body was responding to Kamenashi teasing him.

Ueda tried to object, yet, as he was about to open his mouth to speak, suddenly the door of the room opened. 

When they both heard the sound of the door, Kamenashi quickly stepped back and Ueda just pretended he was fixing himself in the mirror. 

"Guys, we're about to start rehearsing", the sound of Koki’s voice calling them back to the others made Ueda almost jump off his spot, hoping he didn't see anything of what was going on till a moment earlier between him and Kame.

As for Kamenashi himself, the moment he saw Koki stepping in the room, he immediately clung to him and followed him back to where the rest of the members were, leaving Ueda there. 

Ueda took a deep sigh when he noticed the conditions of his body after Kame’s tease.

Of course he reacted to his touch and now Kame had left him with a half hard-on in progress. 

Ueda pulled his shirt down in order to cover it as much as possible and snorted: “Shit… How am I supposed to deal with this now? I can’t work properly like this, nor will I be able to focus on anything else.. That idiot-- Teasing me while we are working…!”

He tried to put himself back together as much as he could and reached the others. 

The thought of that hard-on didn’t leave him not even for a while, having as a result a goofy and distracted Ueda who couldn’t even properly get the steps of the new choreography right. 

And to add more to this, Kame seemed to be enjoying that show more than necessary since he was blatantly laughing at him whenever the choreographer or the other members scolded him, and chuckling whenever he saw Ueda space out or try to fix his trousers. 

A fucking sadist. 

Ueda truly hoped Kame had thought of the best night ever after all he had to put on with that day. 

The rehearsals were finally over, and Ueda could find a moment to relax in the dressing room since that day was so rough on him. When he'd noticed the other members getting ready to go back home, he stood up in order to reach Kame so he could ask him where they were supposed to meet that night, as he was positive they had to be together after what Kame did. 

Instead, before Ueda could call his name to catch his attention, Kame had already left the studio with Koki.

 

Eh?

 

Ueda took some seconds to realize what was happening. 

Why did Kame leave with Koki? Why would he even tease him if he didn’t plan to spend the night together? 

Ueda started to feel so ashamed of himself for hoping that he could come before Koki. He took a deep sigh and left the studio without greeting the others; he was too frustrated to even care at that moment.

Once he was home, Ueda went straight to his bedroom to seek some peace. 

He let himself slowly fall on his bed, so he could finally lie down. 

As soon as he placed his head against the sheets, he breathed in the sweet scent Kame left on them and closed his eyes letting that scent intoxicate him.

“I can still smell his scent on the sheets”, he slowly breathed those words out as he tightened himself into said sheets. 

Before he could notice it, Ueda found himself hastily and desperately unbuckling his belt and undoing his trousers to, finally, touch himself.

He buried his face into the sheets so he could inhale Kame’s scent, and the more he did, the rougher he proceeded to rub his painful cock until he came, calling Kame’s name.

As he had set himself free, Ueda let himself rest on his bed for a moment, while gaining some breath back.

 

What have I turned into because of him…

 

During the following days, Kame kept playing the same game on Ueda:  teasing him in whichever possible way and leaving the place without him, but with Koki instead.

As Ueda was about to lose hope that Kamenashi would ever ask him out again, since he seemed to have found somebody else to replace him with, one day, while he was on the way out of the studio, Kame suddenly approached him. 

He caressed his hip softly and whispered into his ear a quick: “See you at my place” and left before Ueda could even say anything.

As expected from Ueda, he didn’t think twice before reaching Kame’s house. 

Once he had stepped in, without saying a single word, Ueda already made his way to Kamenashi’s bedroom. 

When the other guy had reached him, the older one didn’t wait a second and pulled Kamenashi on the bed, desperately kissing him as he proceeded to unzip his trousers already. 

After he was done with that, Ueda kneeled between Kame’s legs and took the latter’s cock out of his underwear. He proceeded to plant some wet kisses all over it and rub it until it was fully up. 

Then, Ueda slowly and teasingly traced the full length with his tongue, enjoying its taste as he did so and he kissed the tip after he had reached it, making Kamenashi produce some soft sighs of pleasure already. 

Kame tightened his hand around Ueda’s hair while holding it back for him and tried to make a messy speech among the heavy breaths he let out, given how hungrily Ueda was sucking his dick.

“L-listen Ueda… I didn’t show up these days coz--”

As he heard Kame’s voice, Ueda slightly shivered and tried to talk, still not daring to let the other’s cock go not even for a second: “Don’t want any explanations, no need to excuse yourself”, he quickly said to get back to his task right away, causing the other guy to moan even more, even louder.

“I just wanted to tell you that I started inviting Koki out and so does he. That’s why”, Kame said, still trying to let his voice find a way out among his moans.

As if Ueda didn’t notice that. 

Since he had had enough of knowing about Kame and Koki, Ueda started sucking Kamenashi’s member in a rougher and more eager way, in order to prevent him from speaking further, until Kame finally came into his mouth. 

Ueda smirked in a satisfied way once he was done, and looked at Kame grinning while licking some cum leftover off his own lips.

“Fuck, Ueda.”

Kame couldn’t keep himself back anymore at the sight of that scene. 

That night Ueda was truly testing him and his already non-existent control over him, teasing him and grinning like that. Therefore, he wasted no time and pulled him over his bed, facing his back as he threw his trousers and underwear away all at once. 

Kame proceeded to quickly finger the other guy’s entrance, using and stretching two fingers, pushing them deep in so he wouldn’t have to wait too long to finally get inside of Ueda. 

Ueda grabbed the sheets tightly, moaning as loud as he could, yet enjoying those forceful manners Kame was using that night. 

However, what he didn’t see coming was the way Kame would have spent part of their time together, in the middle of them having sex.

“Since you’re the only one I told this to, I want to tell you how it’s going. I need to talk about it with somebody: me and Koki went out together these last few days, either drinking together or doing some other fun things”, he said while switching from his fingers to penetrating Ueda with his cock. He forcefully thrusted the full thing in as he kept talking about his latest dates with Koki.

“He always chose all the things I like the most even without me asking or pointing them out and made me feel so comfortable around him."

Ueda closed his eyes, turning his body to the side so he’d avoid looking at the person on top of him, talking about the one he was interested in while screwing and destroying the heart of the person who, instead, loved him.

“It was amazing”, Kame continued as he adapted himself to Ueda’s position, placing himself on top of one of his legs while thrusting deeper inside of him and holding the other leg on his own shoulder.

Why… Why would Kame go as far as that, talking about Koki when he knew Ueda felt something for him. 

And why, on top of all, talking about it while he was having sex with Ueda? 

That was all Ueda could think about, making that time the most painful ever, rather than pleasing, to the point he couldn’t prevent his tears from flowing out of his eyes. 

He tried to bury his head into the mattress so he wouldn’t have shown his crying face to Kame, who, however, noticed it anyways.

“Ueda, are you okay? Am I being too rough? Does it hurt?”

 

Yes...

 

At this point Ueda couldn’t understand whether Kame was just feigning innocence so he could avoid taking responsibility for making him feel like that, or if he was really not getting just how bad what he did was.

“No”, was all Ueda could murmur. 

At the end of it, why was his voice the most painful thing during that whole situation?

Hence, since Ueda would have preferred to even avoid hearing his own thoughts, he just wished for Kame to hurt him more with his body rather than his voice as that pain would have been much more bearable. 

“Go harder!”, he moaned as he raised his voice, almost crying that command out, wanting to be ravished from the inside. 

Kame smirked and licked his lips at that request. 

He quickly changed positions, throwing Ueda beneath him and widely spreading his legs so he could thrust his full member deep in, roughly thrusting against the other’s sweet spot, making Ueda cling on him as to hold on to dear life and moan his lungs out, almost.

“How’s it that you’re so needy lately? It’s making me go crazy, you’re amazing”, Kame breathed out as he proceeded to thrust more roughly and devour Ueda’s neck, whichever spot he managed to reach.

Ueda grabbed Kame more tightly, trying to hide his face, thus his tears, from him

All of that wasn’t out of lust, he wasn’t “needy” as Kame said. All Ueda wanted was for Kame to only think of him, at least when they were together, and that was his only way to try to achieve it. Yet, that night, despite Ueda putting his own self and feelings aside for Kame for the nth time, all of that was just in vain.

And, as the pain wasn’t enough that night, Ueda wanted to make sure of yet another thing given that the focus of that night was Koki anyway.

In order to either confirm or confute his thesis regarding where Kame had been when he left his house and wore the same clothes the following day, finally Ueda gathered some courage and asked: “Have you already had sex with Koki?” despite him already knowing the answer. 

Yet, he still tightly held himself onto a small, faint hope that he might have been wrong.

“Yes”, Kame promptly said.

Ueda widened his eyes and bit his lips hard, almost scratching his flesh off his lower lip as his eyes filled with tears even more.

“Harder”, he moaned, pushing Kame’s body closer to his own so he could reach deeper and hurt him more. Whereas all he got was his own mind torturing, destroying him more than those merciless thrusts.

“Gonna come?”, Kame bit Ueda’s lobe after whispering into it, hitting deeper inside of him, roughly and pitilessly.

Ueda nodded his head and tightly held onto the guy on top of him after he finally came along with the other guy. 

For the first time ever, Ueda felt glad that they were finally done.

After gaining some breath, Ueda didn’t waste time and took his clothes back on so he could go home at long last. 

He had had enough of that night and just wanted to put an end to that day. Even looking at Kame’s face was making him almost sick. 

So, despite Kamenashi inviting him to stay, Ueda left without a second thought and rushed back home.

After that time, Kame kept disappearing for a couple of days and, whenever he came back to Ueda, he would spend the time while having sex with him talking about all his developments with Koki, not even noticing nor caring about whatever was going on inside of Ueda at that moment.

 

One day, as Ueda was getting ready to go to the studio for the R-ONE, suddenly his phone started ringing. 

He checked who the call was coming from and noticed it was Kame. 

 

Kame?  

 

That was weird.

 

“Hel-”, before Ueda could speak, an overly-excited Kamenashi interrupted him: “Tacchan! I know it’s sudden, but I really needed to tell somebody about it!”

Ueda blinked confused: what could it even be? He had rarely seen such an excited Kamenashi, and, on top of all, why would he want to tell him about whatever was making him that happy?

“Eh? What’s the matter?"

“Me and Koki! We got together!”, Kamenashi’s merry voice started echoing inside Ueda’s ears, repeating that last part over and over again, as Ueda could literally feel his chest hurt because of it. 

He widened his eyes as he processed what Kame had just told him and fell back down on his bed, tears already streaming down his face. 

He stayed still ever since Kame pronounced that phrase, unable to speak a single word.

“Ueda? You still there?”

“Oh… I… E-eer… I’m happy for you. Congrats. I have to go now or I’ll be late for the R-ONE. Bye”, he managed to put himself back together for a moment and used the last bits of control he had left on himself to say that all in one go. 

He quickly hung up the call while Kame was trying to speak to him some more. 

He didn’t need to hear more of that shit that day, it was more than enough already. Finally, he threw his phone away and allowed himself to burst into tears, a desperate, loud, sorrowful cry. 

Why out of all people it had to be Koki the one Kame got with? They were in the same band, so there was no way for Ueda to avoid thinking of it whenever he had to work and he couldn’t stand that thought. 

And, on top of all, why did he tell him about that? Why was he so happy about it? He was the one always saying he didn’t want to be in any kind of relationship, so why did he sound so excited and merry?

Ueda sighed, that news hurt way more than he had thought it would despite him knowing that day would have come, sooner or later. He knew he wasn’t enough for Kame anyways, so of course he didn’t expect Kame to let go of all the others, to let go of Koki to go to him.

He took a deep breath and tried to put himself back together as he was almost running late for the R-ONE. 

Once Ueda reached the studio and sat with Nakamaru, each of them checking the various papers containing the topics of the day and such, he couldn’t help but space out all the time, barely even trying to understand what was written on those sheets. 

He just saw a mass of meaningless characters flowing under his eyes.

Nakamaru noticed Ueda’s poor condition from the moment he had stepped into the room and cared to silently check on him from time to time, raising the head from the papers. 

He looked at him for a moment, yet he decided not to ask him anything; knowing Ueda, if he wanted to talk about whatever was happening, he would have made the first step without being asked first. 

The only thing Nakamaru allowed himself to do was inviting his friend out once they were done with their radio show.

However, after Nakamaru had invited him, Ueda gave him a strained smile and turned him down. Then, he left the studio without adding anything else, just apologising for not joining him.

Once he had finally reached his home, all Ueda could find wasn’t the peace he would have liked to have, as his mind was making so much noise thinking of what Kame had just told him, ending up with him injuring his hand after punching a glass away and breaking it.

 

Shit...

 

What made things even more unbearable for Ueda was the next day at work, having to witness Kamenashi and Koki being all flirty in front of everyone, more than usual, not caring about their surroundings. 

They had been in their own world for the whole day.

On top of that, Kamenashi seemed to ignore Ueda that day, not even caring to turn to him while speaking or talk to him once. He just avoided him.

It looked like they were two strangers, not even crossing their gazes once. 

All Kamenashi did that day, that whole day, was act as if Ueda wasn't there, as if there had been nothing between him and Ueda.

Thinking of this, a bitter smile formed on Ueda's face.

 

Right

 

There was nothing between them. He was only sex. A continuous one-night stand, that didn't count as something.

As Ueda was sitting on the sofa during their break, a worried Nakamaru approached him, sitting next to him and checking his injured hand. 

"Ueda, what happened to your hand?!", he asked in distress. Ueda blinked as he came back to Earth; he had almost forgotten he hurt his hand. He didn't even remember how that happened.

As Nakamaru literally screamt when he saw Ueda's injury, the other members reached the sofa too, all worried about Ueda. Everyone except Kame, who left the room right after.

Ueda raised his head as he heard the door shut once Kame exited the room.

Kame continued adopting that sort of behaviour around Ueda during the following days too, with no apparent reason as well. He started to rarely interact with him, avoid being alone with him and just glued himself to Koki.

Once again, that made Ueda realise how important he was for Kame, witnessing that sort of behaviour and undeserved treatment. That just made it clear that all the sweet words Kame had fed Ueda with were all meaningless lies and nothing more. 

《You'll always be my baby, you know it. Even if I ended up with Koki, that wouldn't change the fact that you're important to me》.

Even that. That was just another of his countless lies. 

The reality was that Ueda didn't mean anything to Kame. If not so, how was it that it was so easy for Kame to let him go?

 

"Important" his ass!

 

Since Ueda couldn't bear that situation any longer, he decided to take some days off work in order to put some order to his own feelings and to ease his mind again, before destroying himself more and more being around those two.

Those days off became one week, almost two, making the other members concerned about his condition since he didn't contact anyone either, nor was he replying to any message or call.

Nakamaru, in the quality of his best friend, finally decided to take charge of the situation and personally go and check Ueda. 

Once Nakamaru was in front of him, after Ueda had opened the entrance door to his house, his friend tried to lighten the mood, showing up to his door with a bright smile on his face.

"Hey there! It's been a while! You look--", as soon as Nakamaru had finally raised his head and properly looked at Ueda, he was unable to complete his sentence. 

He found himself in front of somebody, who -hard to believe- should have been Ueda, with his hair looking messier than ever, his cheeks flushed and his eyes puffy and red for obvious reasons -still unknown to Nakamaru-.

"You look like shit! What the fuck have you been through?!"

Before Ueda could even reply, Nakamaru rushed inside Ueda's house.

"Now, go and have a shower and fix yourself first. And, have you even been eating anything at all?! You look terrible!"

He left Ueda behind him, still standing on the genkan while he rushed to his kitchen to cook some proper food.

After Ueda had finally put some order to his appearance, he sat at the table and slowly munched on what Nakamaru had cooked for him.

Some moments of silence followed before Nakamaru interrupted it: "Listen. I'm not here to bother you asking what happened or why haven't you been coming to work lately. I just want to take care of you and be by your side as your friend, trying to help you feel better whatever happened. Then, once you feel like it, you can come to me anytime and tell me what's going on."

Ueda slowly nodded his head, tightening his fists on his legs: "Thank you for worrying about me and taking care of me. And, also, thank you for understanding me. About what happened... don't get me wrong, but I'd rather not talk about it now... It's not like I want to keep it a secret or what, it's just that...", as he was speaking Ueda could feel his eyes filled with tears again. 

Before Ueda could continue with his speech, Nakamaru stood in front of him, leaning himself close so he could give him a tissue to wipe his tears. 

He tenderly smiled: “Don’t worry! You don’t need to force yourself, I get it. I don’t want you to feel bad, so no worries. I want to take care of you in the quality of your best friend, that’s all.”

Ueda looked at him for a moment, feeling taken aback from what he had just heard. 

He and Nakamaru had always had that kind of friendship, however he couldn’t help but feeling rather surprised, but also extremely thankful for the way his friend was trying to help him, understanding his reasons and not pushing too much on him.

“Thank you so much, really. I knew you would be the only one understanding me. Furthermore, I’m sorry for all the troubles I’ve caused not only to you but also to the group…”

Nakamaru chuckled and shook his head, sitting back next to Ueda: “There’s nothing to thank me nor to apologise for! You haven’t caused me any trouble. I was just really worried about you and wanted to check how you are and help you if needed. Not only me, but also all the others are really worried about you, but we all want you to feel good enough before coming back to work. So, just take your time and get better again. I’ll inform the others too.”

After that night, Nakamaru promised Ueda he would check on him every day -especially because he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t find the same unhealthy mess he had found that night- and so he did. 

Nakamaru diligently went to Ueda’s house everyday, and, depending on what he had to do for work, he would either go to him before lunch and for dinner, or for just one meal. 

Yet, he had never skipped a single day without seeing Ueda. And, whenever Nakamaru was at Ueda’s place, he would tell him about all of what happened within the group, all the things he should know in general and made sure to cook for him or bring him something to eat anyways.

During one of his usual visits, Nakamaru ended up staying longer than planned at Ueda’s house, as the clock read half past one in the morning.

“Nakamaru, I was thinking… Since it’s gotten too late to go home, why don’t you spend the night here?”

Nakamaru looked at Ueda, widening his eyes for the surprise. It had been ages since the last time they had spent the night at each other’s house, especially because Ueda had always felt uncomfortable about it.

“A-are you sure? I don’t really want to force myself here, really. I’ll get a taxi and it will be alright.”

“Of course it’s okay! I wouldn’t have invited you if I didn’t want you to stay.”

After some hesitation, finally Nakamaru gave in -also because Ueda was starting to lose his temper and his punches surely didn’t taste any sweet- and accepted Ueda’s invitation.

For some reasons, they both ended up in Ueda’s bedroom since he didn’t have any futon at the moment, nor was his sofa any good for Nakamaru to sleep on.

Silence reigned in the room for some moments as they both sat on Ueda’s bed, until Ueda interrupted that quietness.

“Listen… I wanted to tell you something…"

His voice was faint as he tightened himself into the pillow he was holding in his arms. Nakamaru quickly turned to face the other guy, scanning him as he noticed the different aura surrounding Ueda as he tried to speak. 

“Hm? What is it?”

Ueda took a moment to reply to Nakamaru’s question, but eventually decided to go on: “The reason why… The reason why I’ve been feeling this way lately and which made me take some days off work…”

Nakamaru looked at him for a moment, as he sat straight in order to properly give him attention:  “Are you sure you feel like talking about it?”

“Y-yes… Thanks to you I’ve been feeling a little better, so I think it would be even better if I talked about it with you. But… Please, don’t laugh at me, I know that what I’m about to tell you might sound stupid or…”

Before Ueda could go on, Nakamaru patted his shoulder and shook his own head: “I’m here to listen to you, not to judge you. So, just feel free to talk to me.”

Ueda tightened himself more into the pillow in his arms, almost fully hiding his face as his voice slightly hesitated as well: “W-well… I… I have a crush on Kame and… It’s been a while already. O-of course you’re the only one I’m telling this to. I mean… I’m sure Kame knows it already since I’ve been clearly showing him, I guess…”

He took a deep breath after finally saying that out loud. However, there was no way he could have told Nakamaru about the kind of relationship he had with Kame. His pride was at stake and Ueda himself felt too ashamed to ever admit how he shamelessly offered himself to Kame. 

A moment of silence followed after Ueda’s revelation. Of course, Nakamaru already suspected that Ueda felt something for Kame since he noticed the way he was whenever Kame was around, or how he looked at him or also the way whatever Kame did could change his mood, be it in a positive or negative way. Not to talk about how they would often disappear from the room everyone was in at the same time.

“Did you properly tell him, though? Did he turn you down and this is the reason why you’ve been feeling this way?”

Ueda took a deep sigh and lowered his head, his voice was starting to get weaker: "No... I haven't told him yet, but I showed him on various occasions already, I think he just pretends he doesn't know..."

"Then why don't you tell him if it makes you feel this way?"

Ueda bit his lips, "He is with Koki now. Even if I were to tell him, that wouldn't change anything."

As he pronounced those words, Ueda almost had a hard time choking back all the emotions he was feeling, all the pain that phrase only was causing him. 

"Wait, what?"

Nakamaru looked at the other guy, vividly surprised by that news. 

Given the way he seemed to always want to be in private with Ueda, he would have expected Kame to be with him, if anything. As for Koki, the way Kame used to play and flirt with him was way too explicit to ever give him any hint it was serious. 

"Please, don't tell anybody! I'm the only one who knows it..."

Ueda paused for a moment. He was the only one who knew about it. 

Nakamaru couldn't help but pity his friend, seeing how miserable he looked. 

Why would Kame even tell him if he knew Ueda had feelings for him? What did he do to deserve to bear with that?

"This is why I took some days off", Ueda slowly continued his speech, "I couldn't bear seeing Kame ignore me as if I didn't even exist and spend all the time around Koki. I know it sounds stupid or selfish, but..."

This time, all the efforts Ueda put in weren't enough, as he suddenly broke into tears while speaking, not being able to control it. Why did it hurt so much? 

He buried his face into his hands, ashamed to show Nakamaru his pitiful and miserable self, crying like that for another man. 

What a shame.

He tried to push his words out among his desperate sobs. 

The more he tried to stop himself, the more tears ran down his eyes, the more his voice was interrupted by his cry's sobbing: "Seeing the one you love being with somebody else and having to work with them both everyday... It was too much to bear, so I needed some time off..."

Unable to find any word which could have helped Ueda even a little, all Nakamaru could do was sit next to his friend and gently rub his back, as Ueda was letting all his pain, his frustration and disappointment out. 

It really hurt seeing Ueda that way. 

Ueda was his best friend and he hated knowing that he was suffering as much. 

The worst part was that, as much as he would have liked to help, there was nothing Nakamaru could either say or do which could have cheered Ueda up.

"It's really hard, isn't it? Loving someone who doesn't love you... It takes a lot of courage. You have all the rights to break down for this..."

Ueda chewed on his lips, trying to calm himself down at last: "Thank you for understanding and for taking care of me. Really, if it weren't for you, I don't know what would be of me now... I'm sorry to bother you with these problems, but I'm really so thankful you're here."

Nakamaru tenderly smiled and patted Ueda's shoulder: "You don't bother me, really. Friends are made for this, so there's no need to thank me."

Ueda slightly nodded his head, still feeling himself rather overwhelmed with all the emotions he felt as he had to speak about the whole matter about Kame. 

He rested his head on his pillow for a moment, still feeling his eyes wetter than normal, and just like that he fell asleep without noticing it. 

Nakamaru stayed next to Ueda for a while with his eyes placed on him as he was sleeping. 

He noticed how his face didn't look peaceful even while he was sleeping as it vividly showed all the pain and frustration Ueda was bearing with. 

Nakamaru took a deep sigh in front of that sight as he couldn't even imagine just how much that situation was hurting Ueda, nor could he find any way to help him out. 

As he was lost in his thoughts, Nakamaru noticed Ueda moving in his sleep, almost about to open his eyes. He quickly stood up in order to change rooms: he didn't want Ueda to think he was a freak or anything, staying awake like that while he was sleeping. 

However, before Nakamaru turned to reach the door to change room, he felt a strong grip around his arm, holding him back.

"Stay here. I don't want you to sleep on the sofa, especially after all the hard work you do everyday."

Ueda mumbled as he pulled Nakamaru back on his bed, making some more space for him to lie down too. 

They fell asleep facing each other.

The next morning, when Ueda woke up, he found himself alone in his bed. 

He slowly made his way to the kitchen, while still trying to fully awaken himself, and he heard some noises coming from the other room and smelt some delicious scent coming from there.

 As expected, Nakamaru was still there.

Ueda couldn't hold back a half smile: it felt weird to wake up with somebody else still there with him from the night before.

He slowly entered the kitchen and smiled at Nakamaru, who was serving their breakfast: "Good morning."

Nakamaru smiled back at him and sat down: "Good morning! I made you breakfast, have a seat."

Ueda nodded his head and quickly reached the table. 

He proceeded to eat with taste all of what Nakamaru had prepared for him, enjoying the kind of flavour Nakamaru’s cooking had.

"So? How do you feel today? Is it better than yesterday?"

Ueda cracked a smile as he held his mug of coffee against his lips: "Yes, I feel a little better and I should thank you too for this."

"I told you: there's nothing you should thank me for. But I'm happy you're better, at least."

After having breakfast together, Nakamaru had to leave for work. 

"I have to go now. What about you? Will you take some more days off?"

"Yeah... I still need some time..."

Nakamaru smiled softly and ruffled his hair gently: "No need to rush, just take the time you need. I'll be back in the evening after work and bring you something for dinner."

"A-are you sure this isn't too much for you?"

Nakamaru shook his head: "I want you to feel better, so this is nothing for me."

That being said he left. 

Ueda took a deep sigh after closing the door behind his back. 

Why couldn't he just fall in love with Nakamaru instead of Kame? He was always so thoughtful, caring and kind, it would have been much easier and that wouldn't have made him suffer as much.

As promised, Nakamaru truly rushed to Ueda's house again for dinner and they spent the evening together.

 

One day, as it was Nakamaru’s day off and, as usual, he was with Ueda, after a long time he decided to spend the rest of the evening in a different way.

"Listen, Ueda... You've been locked in here for ages, why don't we just go out tonight? We can drink something, it'll be fun!"

"B-but..."

"Hurry and wear some good clothes. We're going out."

With no other choices left, Ueda quickly got ready and finally left the house after a long time. 

The both of them first went for a chilling walk, then they reached a bar and just grabbed some drinks, happily chit-chatting about this and that. 

At long last, Ueda seemed to be relieved, more relaxed and he was showing a natural and amused smile as well. 

Perhaps going out was indeed what he needed to ease his mind for a moment.

"Thank you for these days! You've been able to help me distract myself and not constantly destroy myself thinking about Kame."

"I'm happy I could help you a little. It's been a while since I saw you smiling like this, I'm relieved. Furthermore, spending some time like this helps me ease my mind too after stressful days at work, so it's a win-win."

They both bursted laughing and so they spent that evening, talking about whatever crossed their minds and laughing almost all the time.

Once they left the bar and were on their way to call a taxi, Nakamaru turned to Ueda, who was walking beside him: "Would you like to come to my place? I have another day off tomorrow, so we could go out again, if you'd like that."

Ueda smiled cheerfully and nodded: "Sure!"

They got to Nakamaru’s house and after refreshing themselves, Nakamaru lent Ueda one of his pajamas for the night. 

The other guy was making his way to the sofa when Nakamaru blocked him, placing himself in front of it.

"No way. I'll sleep here, you'll use the bed!"

"Eh? No, no, no. This is your place and I'm a guest so I'll be using the sofa. It'll be comfortable here", Ueda quickly pushed Nakamaru away and placed himself on the couch, "See? Just fine."

"Nope", was all Nakamaru said before literally raising Ueda from the couch. He held him until he reached his bed, where he promptly threw him on.

"Here."

Ueda looked around himself and moved to the side of the bed. 

Although it was a single bed, he could try to allow them both to fit on it, hence, Ueda tried to make as much space as possible turning to the side.

"Since none of us wants the other to sleep on the sofa, then let's both use the bed. It's not that big but we can make it work." 

Ueda smiled and patted the mattress, signing Nakamaru to join him on the bed. 

The other guy slowly reached him, yet they both blushed once they found themselves extremely close to the other, their bodies and faces just a few centimetres away.

"Are you sure this is comfortable for you? You don't have much room to move either."

"It's fine~ I've slept in way worse conditions when they gave me a single room when I went to hotels with--"

As he heard himself speak and realised what he was about to say, Ueda shut himself, widening his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

Ueda took a deep breath and sat at the centre of the bed. He couldn't take back what he was about to say, pretending it never happened, after all. Therefore, he thought it was about time to tell Nakamaru how things between him and Kame actually were. 

"There's something I haven't told you yet..."

"That is to say?"

"I trust you, so that's why I'm telling you what I'm about to say. But, I beg you to keep it a secret since it's not something to be spilled to anyone, nor is it something I'm really proud of..."

Ueda nibbled on his lips, lowering his head so he could avoid Nakamaru’s gaze.

"You know you can trust me."

Ueda stalled for a moment while trying to find the right words to use and the courage to actually speak them out.

"W-well... The reason why this whole thing with Kame hurts way more than necessary is because of the kind of particular relationship we used to have before he got with Koki..."

"You mean...?"

"Me and Kame used to... we used to sleep together. And with this I mean that we were fuck buddies and I had sex with him several... many times and pretty often. Whenever we were in bed, he would feed me all kinds of sweet words, blabbing about how important I am to him and all sorts of similar bullshits. Yet, in the end I was just another of his many partners, with the only exception that I was his certain fuck."

Nakamaru looked at Ueda’s back for a moment, processing what he just told him. He wasn't that surprised to know about Kamenashi's habits when it came to sex, yet he didn’t expect Ueda to be into that sort of thing for the sake of being with Kamenashi. Of course he didn't think Ueda despised sex nor he thought of him as a saint whatsoever. Still, he couldn't find the right words after that revelation. 

"Ah... Wasn't... Wasn't it painful for you to have sex with the person you love while being fully aware of the fact that he did it just for the pleasure and that he considered you just like a fuck buddy?"

Ueda took a deep breath to calm himself down, he didn't want another breakdown at that moment, not when he was slowly putting all his broken pieces back together.

"Sometimes it hurts more than other times. Despite it hurting I just couldn't refuse him because my body... even my heart needed that to be happy. Even just feeling him and his body, fooling myself that I truly meant something to him at least when we were together, that was okay for me. For this reason I would agree to anything he did to me since I knew that would have been the only way to make him mine, even temporarily, for one night only."

Nakamaru chewed on his lips hearing what Ueda said: he couldn't believe he'd go to that extent just for the sake of being with Kame, hurting, consuming himself like that.

"You've suffered and still are suffering a lot, right? You're really strong to have been able to do this, and for loving somebody so passionately, desperately and selflessly... I hope talking about it could help you at least a little bit."

"Well... It still hurts, unbearably, even if I just talk about it. But having somebody like you, a friend, by my side helps make it a little better at least."

After that talk, both of them slowly fell asleep.

The next morning, when Ueda woke up, he tried his best to be as fast as possible to get himself ready so he could help Nakamaru with breakfast. 

He rushed to the kitchen after washing himself and getting dressed, then he reached Nakamaru’s back and smiled patting it: "Good morning!"

"Hey! Did you sleep well?"

Ueda smiled cheerfully and nodded his head: "Yup! Told you I'm used to that~ How did you sleep, instead? Was it uncomfortable?"

Nakamaru proceeded to place some dishes on the table and shook his head: "Not at all, you were surprisingly quiet, actually."

Ueda chuckled, then he reached the stove in order to check if there was anything he could help with: "Can I help? Is there anything else to do?"

"Not at all, I'm already done. Just sit down and eat."

Ueda pouted and mumbled: "Don't baby me, I can help too."

"It's not about babying you, but more about preventing us from a premature death by keeping you away from the kitchen", he sat down and laughed at Ueda, who was, instead, giving him one of his death glares.

"Anyway, what would you like to do today?"

Ueda took some time to think: "We could have a walk or... would you mind coming to the gym with me?"

"Not at all, maybe that will help you pour some frustration out!"

Ueda smirked and clicked his tongue: "You know me well! Though, I'd like to get my stuff first, so is it okay if we drop by before going there?"

"No probs!"

So, they quickly finished their breakfast and took all the stuff they needed to train, also stopping at Ueda’s house.

 Once they were at the gym, wearing more comfortable clothes, Nakamaru tried some boxe with Ueda, helping him sparring.

"I have something I wanted to ask you, is it okay?"

Ueda nodded his head, as he focused on his punches.

"All this time you seemed to be down or spacing out, even back at work and at the R-ONE, was it all because of Kame?"

"W-well, yes... I usually didn't really mind being just a sex friend since I knew he didn't want to get in any kind of relationship. Also, since I was the only one among his partners he kept coming to, I fooled myself into believing I was special to him, and not just one of his usual one-night stands. But one day he suddenly told me he had a crush on Koki, and ever since all of what I thought, the happy little world I created based on some lies, started to crack. Even more when he would tell me about his developments with Koki when we met, when we were in bed together on top of all. That was the most painful sex ever... And, finally, that day before the R-ONE he called me to happily tell me he got with Koki... There, at that right moment, those cracks started to break into pieces and my whole world fell on me..."

As he was trying to explain himself, Ueda's punches became weaker and weaker, just like his voice which almost broke when he had to tell about how Kame had treated him after he developed a crush on Koki. 

Noticing this, Nakamaru had no other choice but to let Ueda stop for a while. 

He took him to some benches nearby, and they rested there in silence for some moments. 

Once again, Nakamaru couldn't find anything to say to cheer his friend up since all words seemed too meaningless. He just offered Ueda a shoulder to lean on and his ears for him to vent.

Not too long later, they decided to go back to Ueda's house.

They stood on the veranda, relaxing in silence, enjoying the peace of that evening.

"You know", Ueda interrupted that silence, talking in a soft tone of voice, "I said that my world fell into pieces, earlier... However, I'm slowly trying to build it up again and I would like to thank you for helping me with it."

He paused for a second, a bitter smile shaped on his face: "I wish I could go back in time and be less stupid..."

Hearing the pain coming from Ueda's voice, Nakamaru couldn't help but finally pull Ueda closer and wrap him in a tight hug.

Nakamaru took a deep breath and finally started to speak: “Listen… I know you’re in love with Kame, however, since you say I can make you feel better when we are together and don’t think of him, get together with me. Let’s try going out and see where this goes. I’m aware of how strong your feelings are for Kame and I’m not asking you to forget him, but I can try to be his… sort of substitute and help you feel better and heal. We’re already so close and know each other well enough, so, even for me this would be a good way to ease myself and have a good company without going with people I don’t know or wasting time. What do you think?”

Ueda widened his eyes in shock as he heard Nakamaru say those unexpected words. 

He took some time to process what he had just heard before trying to word a reply for it: “I-in the end the only thing changing would be the fact that we’d call ourselves a sort of couple, isn’t it so? I want us both to be happy and make you feel better too, just like you did with me…”

“Is it a yes, then?”

Ueda slightly nodded his head and tightened himself into Nakamaru’s arms: “Yes.”

They stayed like that for a while, tightly holding each other.

“Since it’s gotten late, why don’t you stay here for the night?

Nakamaru smiled and nodded his head: "Sure, if you want me to then I have no problems with it!"

Once they went to bed, Nakamaru fell asleep first while Ueda, on the other hand, looked at him silently, lost in his thoughts. 

He chewed on his lips.

Even if they got together nothing would have changed between them, right? They'd still be the usual friends since even Nakamaru made it sound like that. 

Furthermore, that would have been a good chance for Ueda to finally forget about Kame for good, he had better take that chance. Who could be better than Nakamaru, after all?

And, as his mind kept wandering around, Ueda just put himself closer to the guy sleeping next to him and slowly fell asleep too.



Notes:

Hello everyone!
It's been a while since last time I posted here, but finally here I am with a brand new story!
I actually wrote this story long ago and it was meant to be a doujinshi, but, since I don't have that much time to draw it anymore, I've decided to turn it into a fanfiction. I hold this story very dear, so I didn't want to let it go. That being said, I hope you will enjoy this story too!
Comments are always welcome!

EDIT: Err... I'm so sorry for any of you who read this chapter, but I think that for the time being I'm either going to take a break from it or drop it, as I don't really feel the plot anymore.