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Regret

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Pharm had returned to Thailand not long ago. Just a few weeks before the semester starts, to be exact. He had moved to the States with his mom when his father was still alive and there they had stayed when his younger brother was born and even when his mom decided to open a restaurant after his dad's passing. But when the time came, Pharm asked his mom to come back to Thailand and conclude his graduation there, just like it was his father's dream. The gentle woman could never deny something to one of her kids and let him go.

This is why Pharm was excited to begin this new journey in his life. He barely knew a few people there, the exceptions being his cousin Sin and his cousin's boyfriend, Sorn, but in general he was almost a foreigner in his own country. This was also the reason why he felt so warm to be welcomed by a group of friends.

Manaow, Team and Del knew each other from highschool and were now initiating university together, despite being taking different courses. The girls were into the Arts Faculty and he and Team were in the Economics Faculty. It could be an odd collaboration, but the four got along fast and well. It was like destiny.

By the way, Pharm had told them -- in a night they had decided to taste alcohol --, he was back to Thailand because he felt something calling for him, though he didn't know what exactly. He also mentioned that he had problems with loud noises and nightmares, so the group had this kind of protectiveness towards him. It was very heartwarming to see them bonding like lost siblings reunited after so long.

However, after one of their night outs, to celebrate the end of the first exam's week, something happened and changed all that. Actually, Pharm didn't drink that night because he was in charge of driving the other 3 home, since they were completely wasted. It was his way to thank them for always being so supportive.

The ride home was nice and normal, until a car behind them hit them when they stopped at a red light. The driver didn't respond to the light signal or honks, making Pharm startled and then the driver started to accelerate, pushing ahead the car occupied by the students. The sudden move made Pharm freeze on spot. Like in a horror movie, Pharm watched himself incapable to react and hit the brake pedal, seeing the car being led to shock with another one crossing the sign. The noise coming from the crash was the last thing Pharm heard before losing consciousness.

********

Two days later, Pharm woke up surrounded by Manaow, Team and a couple wearing white clothes. They were worried because the doctors weren't sure if he would open his eyes ever again. But if he knew the news he was about to hear from his best friends, he would probably bribe the destiny to never make him wake up again.

"Pharm…", Manaow started and Team gave her a sympathetic look, tugging her hand to give her courage and comfort to say the words. "Del is dead…"

The color faded from the boy's face and he knew it was his fault. His trigger made him put his friends at risk and now, it led one of them to a fatal destiny. Despite the other two being fine, Pharm couldn't avoid the thoughts his anxiety kept sending him.

Del was in the passenger seat, right next to Pharm and they both got the worst of the collision. However, Del was still the one hit by a part of the car and found death instantly. The doctors said she didn't suffer much because the shock made her faint before being hit by the iron, but Pharm couldn't stop his intrusive thoughts. To his surprise, his life was about to get even harder.

He tried to calm his mom and reassured her it wasn't necessary for her to come to Thailand to help him. He had lessened the details about the accident and she believed his lies. However, a certain couple wasn't willing to fall for them.

"You can't get into this room, Khun! Khun! Please, Khun, I'll have to call the security!", the nurse tried to stop the couple entering Pharm's room causing commotion in the hospital's hallway.

The woman didn't need an introduction before starting her line, because her anger made her identity pretty obvious. "So you're the one who killed my baby!", the woman said, facing the boy who was alone in the bedroom. Her voice breaking at the mention of Del. "How could you do this?", she sighed and averted her gaze from Pharm, not giving him the chance to see her tears.

"I'm so sorry, K'Mae!", Pharm tried to say, his lips trembling in despair, tears falling from his eyes instantly, a product of the fear he had been holding up inside his chest since the moment he heard about Del. He was also the one blaming himself, even if his friends, the doctors, nurses and even the police said that it wasn't his fault.

"Don't call me like that! I didn't give you permission to be so informal with me! You had just killed my only daughter!", the woman said and turned to leave the room, but stopped halfway. "I hope never to see you again, boy!", she threatened and left the room with her husband at her heels.

On the outside of the room, a tall man, tanned skin and a death glare tried to comfort his mother. "Don't worry mom, that won't be left out that way…"

"Pharm Trivinij, I'm gonna make you regret your acts.", he thought to himself.

Chapter Text

Pharm was the clumsy type and on top of it, now he was late for the first class. It wasn't his style to be there after the professor came, but after losing his car at the accident, he still didn't have the chance to memorize the correct time to get the bus to go to college. Besides that, he really needed to grab his favorite coffee or he wouldn't have enough energy to go through the day.

This was the reason why he bumped into a big wall in the middle of the campus or at least this was his first impression. Giving it a second look, he realized he had bumped into a pretty tall and handsome phi, making his coffee stain the other's uniform.

"Oh my God! I'm so sorry, Phi! I-I d-didn't see you and… and…", he was startled trying to give the man's shirt little taps like it was making an effect to help to remove the coffee from it. Spoiler alert: it wasn't working!

"It's okay, Nong! Don't worry about this! Phi was the one in the middle of your way!", the stranger smiled at Pharm and he felt like watching the sun after a week of intense rain. 

"Please don't say this, Phi! Good God, I'm so embarrassed. Is there a way for me to make it up to you?", Pharm offered.

"Well… if you really insist, we can have a coffee at the canteen. Are you free?", the handsome Phi asked.

Pharm wasn't the one to skip classes either, but it was really his fault to bump into this kind Phi and his request wasn't a big deal. He could use Team's notes afterall. 

"Actually, I am free indeed!", Pharm said too fast, making it sound like he was offering himself to the other, making the Phi raise his eyebrow in confusion, but also plastering a playful smirk on his face. "I-I mean… t-the coffee! Let's have a cup of coffee, right?", he explained blushing.

"Sure, let's go!", the senior agreed, keeping his thoughts of adoration to himself. The kid was really cute.

********

To Pharm's surprise, that wasn't the last time he had bumped into that charming Phi, which he came to be formally introduced at their coffee date -- the thought made the economics student giggle to himself --, it was Dean, a third-year student at the Faculty of Business Administration and the proud President of the Swimming Club. 

Whenever Pharm found himself in between classes or even when leaving the university, his charming prince was summoned before his eyes by his mere thought. It wasn't that weird, so Pharm never really paid attention to it and it felt good to be pampered by the senior. Dean got used to spoiling Pharm whenever they could: a ride home, a coffee during break time, lunch at the canteen or whatever they could make out of their tight schedules.

And besides the little treats Dean gave him, what mattered the most for Pharm, was the attention the first gave him. He really seemed interested in him, being capable of noticing even minor humor changes.

"Nong Pharm, are you okay? What happened?", Dean asked once when they randomly met at the library.

"I'm here to borrow a book, but I'm not feeling well…", Pharm complained, furrowed brows and a cute pout shaping his plump lips.

"Come here…", Dean simply said.

The taller male interlocked their pinkies and led the other to a reserved place on Campus. Not everyone knew that behind the library there was a small park with old trees which provided a great space to take a nap or just rest from the busy student's life. When he felt pleased with the tree he chose, he led Pharm to sit under the tree.

The boy wasn't really in the mood to disagree and let himself be dragged to the beautiful green carpet under the tree. The grass was so green it looked like coming out of a fairy tale, but felt soft and nice under him. Soon, the younger male was resonating calmly beside the swimmer and his head found its way to the other's shoulder.

As if it wasn't a real burden, the older one let it be.

********

But Valentine's day was the most unexpected of all. Pharm didn't casually bump into Dean. Actually, he was brave enough to wait for the senior next to his car. He knew the other's schedule well enough by now and he knew where Dean's car was parked because he gave him a ride to college that morning.

The boy was anxiously waiting for his Phi with a red box in his hands. He wasn't the one to use chocolates, but it was tradition and he was a cook afterall, it wasn't a big deal to make a few candies to give to the one helping him all this time.

Just in time, Dean arrived at the spot and his eyes involuntarily sparkled with the freshman's sight. The cute boy was waiting for him and his mission was pretty obvious. The taller one had refused to receive chocolates from everyone willing to offer them to him that day because he really wasn't a sweet tooth or either wanted them to have the wrong impression about his gesture. Yet, now he felt the urge to accept the gift.

"Is this for me?", he pointed at the candies after their small talk about their day and all.

"Y-yes… P'Dean, I'd like t-to…", Pharm was stuttering trying to find the right words, but ended up doing a good job out of them. "I'D LIKE TO THANK YOU FOR ALWAYS TAKING GOOD CARE OF ME! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!", Pharm let out in a single breath, almost yelling at the senior. It was funny, but the senior didn't feel like laughing.

"I'm single.", Dean said right after.

"Huh? I'm single too…", Pharm echoed.

"Do you wanna be my boyfriend?", Dean asked blatantly.

"I-I… P'Deeean~!", the smaller male whined blushing hard.

In the end, the younger one accepted and they were now officially a couple. Pharm went to bed that night recalling the previous events and giggling to himself. He had never thought he could fall in love so fast and easily, yet here he was.

Not so far away, the handsome senior was also savoring that day's improvement. His plan was close to its ending before it was expected.

Chapter Text

"I can't believe you're moving on with this sick plan, Ai Dean!", Win's voice was showing his despair and the whole Swimming Club's members were trying their best to pretend not to hear. Their President and Vice-President were at the locker room arguing for a good 30 minutes now and they really wanted to go home, yet no one had the guts to interrupt them.

However, Team wasn't the one to wait when he was hungry. This was the reason why the pouty lips popped up at the corner of the room, making the two seniors finally take a break from their fight. 

"What are you doing here, Nong?", Win asked to his favorite freshman.

"Hiaa~! I'm hungry, I just need to grab my pack of potato chips and promise to let you guys argue freely again, ok?", the naughty boy entered the room and went directly to his locker.

Team was a bit oblivious about several things, but even for him it was clear to see how Dean was about to lose it. For a second he feared for his favorite Phi, but they were long time friends as far as he knew, even if the taller one had transferred a few weeks ago. The freshman sighed and took his way out of the war zone.

"Quit it now, Ai Dean!", Win said facing his friend without a trace of doubt in his tone as soon as they were left alone again. From the first time Dean had told him about his plan to seduce Pharm in order to take his revenge for Del's death, the blonde was adamant to say the other was absolutely crazy for even thinking about such nonsense. However, nothing was capable of moving Dean from that idea and here they were.

Win had heard first hand from Team that his best friend, Pharm, was completely in ecstasy after being asked by Dean to be his boyfriend. The chubby cheeked boy shared the news happily, but Win felt his blood turning cold. He had to do something to stop Dean before his plan took the worst out of him.

"Shut up, Win!", the thickhead replied. 

"I can't let you do this, Dean!", Win ran his fingers through the golden strands of hair. "Pharm is Team's best friend and I love him to the point to know pretty well that if you hurt the cook and my man get to know I was involved in all that, he would hate me 'till death!", Win sighed in distress.

"So your biggest problem is that my plan is working like a cockblock for you, huh?", Dean smirked bitterly.

"You know this isn't true, Dean! I've been trying to show you how crazy this is from day one! But you seem too lost in your pain to see clearly."

"What do you mean?", the tanned man asked confused.

"Have you ever noticed how that sweet kid looks at you? His feelings are written on his face when he smiles at you, Dean… Will you say to me that you don't feel anything for him as well?", Win tried his last shot. It was quite risky to bring that card right now, especially because he wasn't so sure about it, but Dean has always told him about a certain mysterious person he had dreamed about for his whole life. If his hunch was right...

“To be honest… I never meant to let it get this far...”, Dean said lowering his head. Bingo! The cold mountain still had a human heart inside him. He just needed to poke it a bit more and maybe he could make this all work out.

"Are you going to tell him?", Win pressed.

Before Dean had the chance to answer that, they were both interrupted again. This time, it was Pruk, their friend and also a member of the Swimming Club. The tall boy was panting hard and had to catch his breath before trying to say something. He looked worried and this made the other two anxious to hear whatever he was about to say.

"D-Dean, your--", he was still breathless.

"What now? Say it already, Pruk!", Dean demanded.

"Your boyfriend! He is at the infirmary!", Pruk finally let out his message.

Suddenly, the third-year student felt his life changing.

Dean was a professional swimmer, his marks were one of the best among the Club members, but his nice body gave him advantage outside the pool as well and he ran for his life. The sweat made its way through his naked torso and the scene made a few heads turn to his direction -- not that he paid attention to them.

Dean had never imagined that hearing such a sentence could make his whole being react instantly like that. Yet, with his heart thumping hard, he felt the same urge only once before he had experienced in his life. It was when he got a call from his parents saying Del was in critical condition. He got the first flight he could get to Thailand and got a cab when he arrived there. He ran like his feet were the medicine his sister was needing to recover from the accident, but it wasn't enough. She was dead when he finally got in front of her room. Their parents crying in despair after hearing the doctors' bad news were the only thing he had as a welcoming.

Back to the present, he tried to clean his head from those heavy thoughts. "Please be fine!", he whispered under his breath while running to the infirmary.

"Calm down, sir! No running around here, okay? Who are you looking for?", the gentle nurse interrupted Dean when he finally got to his destination. It took him a few times to explain his presence there, he was visibly shaking, which made the woman sympathetic towards him.

Pharm had an anxiety crisis, but after resting a bit, he was fine. The nurse said they could go home and gave Pharm a prescription in case he needed something to ease his nerves to sleep that night. The boy was discharged with the promise to go to see a doctor as soon as possible.

"P'Dean, I'm so sorry, I--", Pharm tried to say, but the taller didn't gave him the opportunity. Dean hugged the smaller body against his, leaving no space between them. He needed to feel Pharm was still alive and well. "I'm fine, Phi…", the nong said, hugging back his boyfriend while giving him light taps on his back.

When Dean could control his breath again, he parted from their hug, but let his hand interlock fingers with Pharm. The smaller male looked at the other with worry in his eyes and then said:

"Phi Dean, I guess I need to talk to you…"

Chapter Text

Before heading to Pharm's condo, the couple went to the pool to get Dean changed back to his uniform. Yet, he didn't have any other clothes to wear.

"I don't think I have a shirt to fit you, but these pants will be okay…", Pharm handed his boyfriend a pair of sweatpants before he entered the bathroom for a shower when they finally got home.

Right after the taller one came out dripping water and trying to dry his hair with a towel, Pharm ran to the bathroom to avoid staring directly at the broad chest at plain sight. It was his first time with Dean inside his apartment and, ok, he had seen him shirtless before, but somehow that felt different from when they met by the pool. The boy blushed, but tried to ease his thoughts with the cold water. He had a serious matter to share with Dean before anything else.

When both students were bathed and relaxed sitting side by side on Pharm's couch, he decided it was time to start.

"I…", the trembling vowel made Dean pay attention to him. "P'Dean… as you are aware by now, I have these anxiety crisis frequently. But what you don't know yet is about another thing… I also have problems with loud noises and sleeping." The sudden topic made the senior definitely change his thoughts and focus on the boy by his side.

"Since a young age I have these… nightmares in which I can clearly see myself watching the love of my life taking away his own life and…", Pharm started to hyperventilate.

"Easy, good boy… I'm here. You can take your time…", Dean said trying to calm him, but at the same time his hand tapping the slender shoulder was trembling because Pharm's words were so familiar to him. The description of his nightmares were nothing different from his own.

"Pharm… is the name Intouch familiar to you?", Dean asked.

"Do you know P'Korn, P'Dean?", Pharm said, tears falling from his eyes.

"Oh, Pharm! I've found you! I have finally found you, my good boy!", Dean replied hugging the boy tightly.

"Wait, P'Dean… there is something else I need to tell you…", Pharm parted from their hug, but still held his hand on his lap.

Dean raised an eyebrow, confused and only then the senior recalled his main objective there.

"Not long time ago, actually, only a few months back… I was giving my friends a ride home, but a crazy driver hit behind my car and pushed it until we collided with another one. The accident took away one of my friend's life… P'Dean… it is all because of these nightmares! Everytime I hear a loud noise those memories come back to me and I freeze without a chance to think and then I… I…", Pharm started to cry uncontrollably, holding Dean's hand tight like that was capable of making him keep track of reality.

This was the moment Dean had waited for a couple of months since he heard the details about the accident. Which he didn't know about yet was that their mistake from past lives was the one to blame for Pharm's anxiety crisis. If Korn hadn't taken away his own life, Pharm wouldn't suffer with the trigger of loud noises and probably wouldn't react that way when the driver hit them. His sister had died because of something he did before he was even aware of that. Pharm really wasn't the one to blame after all.

"Oh, Pharm!", Dean said, hugging the boy and handling him to sit on his lap. "My good boy, please… shh… shh…", Dean chanted sweet nothings trying to ease the pain he knew his lover was feeling at the moment because he knew what it felt like to have this kind of blame to carry. "It wasn't your fault, Pharm! It wasn't your fault, my good boy…".

When Dean said the words, he realized for the first time he also believed in them. It was wrong to make Pharm pay for Del's death. Actually, he was the one in debit with the boy and the realization made him feel terrible for his actions in the past and in the current life and he cried together with the smaller male.

Dean held Pharm and Pharm never let go of his grip either. Their skins were warm, despite the weather changing outside. It was raining and they both calmed their breaths trying to sync them with the smooth sounds the water droplets were making at Pharm's window.

"You'll have to spend the night here, Phi…", the boy whispered softly, blushing hard after.

Dean also realized that night that he couldn't hurt Pharm, not even if he wanted to. The boy sitting on his lap and hugging his nape was too precious for him. His sorrow was his sorrow too. His smile made his own heart warm. He was completely in love with him and nothing would ever change that.

"Do you feel okay with that, my good boy?", Dean asked with a smirk.

"I do! I trust my P'Dean the most!", the brave boy said, gently kissing his cheek like a proof of their trust.

"You're a naughty boy, aren't you?", Dean's smile grew farther and he started to tickle the boy's sides, making him squeal between laughter.

Dean stopped and faced Pharm very seriously. "What happened, Phi?"

"I just realized I need to make a list of every single thing I love about you!", Dean said, carrying Pharm to his bed and gently laying there the small body. "I love your eyes…", Dean pecked the big brown orbs. "I love your cute nose…", Dean said, kissing the tip of his nose. "I love every single detail about you, my good boy!", Dean said, laying next to Pharm at the bed, but resting only his head above the other's heart. He was afraid to hurt the boy if he laid his body on him, but that was comfortable too, since he could hear the heartbeats as fast as a hummingbird fluttering its wings.

Pharm laughed softly and used his hand to comb the other's hair. They both fell asleep not long after, being completely drowned in their pink bubble of adoration.

At the nightstand, Dean's phone received a new message:

"Son, we're getting home on Friday!"

Chapter Text

"Where are you going?", Win asked his long time friend after seeing him lend the clipboard to Pruk and head to the locker room. 

"I'm leaving earlier today, Pharm and I are going shopping for gifts…", Dean explained, looking a bit embarrassed.

"What? For who?!", Win asked in surprise.

"My parents. And brother. I've asked him if he wants to be formally introduced to my family and he accepted… so… this is it, I guess!", Dean was definitely blushing now and the blonde wished he could tease the other because of that, but a sudden thought crossed his mind.

"I'm happy to see you have changed your mind, buddy. But have you told him the truth about your parents? It's better to do this before your meeting and…", Win was interrupted.

"Don't worry, Win! I love Pharm and he loves me too, we have everything under control!", Dean winked and left his worried friend behind. The golden head sighed in distress sensing the war coming.

********

Before meeting Pharm, Dean went home to change clothes and was now dressing a white dress shirt with black pants and shoes matching them. To his surprise, Pharm was wearing the same color code, but looking absolutely stunning on it. The boy was wearing a white shirt with black stripes and black pants. It was almost like they had previously agreed on what to wear for their date.

"You look beautiful, my good boy!", Dean said after approaching the smaller male.

"Thank you, Phi! You too.. are so handsome!", Pharm said blushing hard.

"Let's go, love!", Dean said giggling and holding the smaller hand in his.

They walked around the mall trying to find something, but with no luck.

"Please, P'Dean! You have to help me out here!!", the boy pleaded.

"I wasn't really close to my family until a few months ago, my good boy. I'm afraid not to be able to help you trying to find something for you to give my brother or parents, sorry!", Dean explained.

"Ok, if we don't find anything, I'm gonna quit this and make a dessert for them! But this still worries me…"

"You don't have to think so hard, love! I'm sure they're going to love you as much as I do!", Dean said without doubt.

"But…", the other let out hesitantly and the senior could read his face like an open book.

"Don't worry, they know I'm not straight. We have never had this discussion before using labels, but I've made it pretty clear that I'm not interested only in girls, it won't be a surprise."

"I trust you!", Pharm replied just like it has become a habit for him to say lately and also looking much more relieved.

Those three words sat badly inside Dean's stomach, but the man blamed his nerves. It was his first time introducing a boyfriend to his family and Korn's memories were still too vivid for him to ignore their message. On top of all that, he also knew another detail that could put that whole meeting at risk. 

"Let's go over there, P'Dean!", Pharm called him and Dean swore he could melt looking at that bright smile and flushed cheeks. He also regretted that he had once thought about hurting that man's heart. Pharm was the most precious creature he could ever find. He was his soulmate. He was his everything.

********

After shopping for things to make a dessert, Dean convinced Pharm to go to his house and watch a movie. The boy didn't want to at first, but the senior said the house was his for the whole evening. His parents would come only on Friday and his brother was out, visiting a friend in another province.

"Which movie would you like to watch, Nong?", Dean asked while opening the door just to be surprised by the fact that it was already open.

Before he could react, he saw the familiar face staring at him by the entrance. "Mom?"

The single word connected to that woman's body, made Pharm's anxiety give its best over him. The boy fainted without a single warning and thanks to Dean's reflexes, he didn't hit his head on the floor.

A few minutes later, Pharm woke up in a bed that wasn't his. "What is this? Where am I?", he whispered to the dark room, but was presented with Dean's hug.

"Shh… It's okay, my good boy! I have brought you to my room so you can relax freely. Are you okay now?", Dean asked worriedly.

"I'm fine… I just can't understand…", Pharm said, parting from their hug.

"I'm gonna explain everything to you, Pharm… let me just...", Dean said, turning the lights on.

The sudden light made Pharm react to protect his eyes and he averted his gaze to a much lower spot. There, he could clearly see his P'Dean side by side with his best friend Del and the woman they had just met by the door. The woman he knew the first time because she had accused him of killing Del on purpose.

"What is this, P'Dean?", Pharm asked, pointing at the family photo.

"The woman downstairs… She's my mom, Pharm…", he let out trembling. "I'm Del's brother."

A thousand questions started to roam inside Pharm's head, but he picked the easier from them all:

"Why didn't you ever tell me this, P'Dean? Why did you hide this information from me?"

The taller male lowered his head in defeat. Nothing was going according to his plan but he had to do what was needed now: tell the truth. He then proceeded to explain to Pharm how he approached him on purpose to seduce him.

"But everything changed when I started to feel real feelings for you. And now I know it wasn't your fault Del was hurt and…"

"Shut up!", Pharm ordered in a high pitch tone.

"Pharm, I--"

"I don't wanna hear anything else coming from you, P'Dean! You had made me trust you and now you just proved that all this time I was being a puppet for you to play the way you wanted…"

Pharm's speech came along with painful tears. He could barely see through them, but he managed to get up and walk out from the door of Dean's bedroom, watching the senior coming his way. "Don't you dare to come closer to me ever again! I don't wanna hear from you ever again!", he said before leaving Dean's house.

Chapter Text

Dean couldn't find Pharm anywhere for almost a week. He tried to reach Manaow and Team for information, but they said their friend just came to the Faculty to get some papers for his transfer. He was coming back to the States to his family.

The senior panicked after hearing that, but the boy simply didn't respond to his calls, messages and even ignored when he knocked on his door. He knew Pharm was home because he could see a shadow close to the door in some of the times he went there.

"Please, my good boy…", he begged and only the apartment's walls were Pharm's witnesses to see how much the poor boy suffered trying to muffle his sobbing sounds and not give away to his unwanted guest how it broke his heart not attending him.

********

It was Sunday afternoon and Dean couldn't take it anymore. He grabbed his keys and was determined to see Pharm even if he had to sleep by his door. To his surprise, the boy was at plain sight.

Pharm was carrying a few bags from his building to a cab and they looked heavy.

"Pharm! Hey, Pharm!", Dean tried to catch his attention but ended up being ignored. "I'm gonna help you, my good boy!", he said, grabbing a bag. Only God knows how hard it was for Pharm not to flinch hearing the endearment. Those words were once capable of making him blush, now they only added fuel to his anger.

When there were no more bags, Dean assumed it was time for them to talk.

"Pharm, can we please talk?", he asked watching the boy fixing the bags position so he could shut the car door without problems.

"I don't have anything to talk to you, Dean."

Pharm's tone was cold and the absence of the honorific just made it clear he hadn't any more respect for the man in front of him. The realization made Dean feel a sharp pain inside his heart.

"I'm here to try fixing things, Pharm. Please give me a chance…", he asked softly.

"Why do you think I should hear a liar? I guess you didn't cheat on me, but you still have betrayed my trust!", Pharm's words came from a place deep down his body they brought tears with them. His face became bright red in a shade that made Dean's heart panic. He provoked that. He hurt his precious Pharm.

"Pharm, I really was trying to hurt you before I knew the truth about our past lives and realized how much I love you.", Dean let out before the other could interrupt him again. "I love you, Pharm.", Dean confessed and Pharm felt the urge to bury himself alive. It hurt like hell to hear those 3 words coming out of a liar's mouth. 

Pharm smirked bitterly making his sweet features shaped in a much darker expression. "Should I be grateful to see the great P'Dean saying he'll be merciful and will forget my mistakes to be with me? Should I ignore your bad intentions and be happy to see that you fell for me in the meantime? I don't think so…"

Pharm was sobbing so hard his breath came out irregular. Even the cab's driver looked worried in the rearview mirror. The boy breathed in and out trying to calm himself down.

"I hope you're happy now. Congratulations, you've succeeded on your plan! You've destroyed me completely."

"Pharm, I-I…", Dean tried, but in vain. He didn't have words to deal with that affirmation. The truth making him miserable.

"I don't wanna hear you anymore. I'm going now."

"Where are you going?", he had the guts to ask before watching Pharm climb on the car.

"I'm going back home and I hope never to see you again.

"But, Pharm… I love you.", Dean seemed stuck on those three words. Like love was his everything. Like love was capable of fixing his mistakes.

"I'm moving on, Dean. You should do the same…", he sighed, "I don't wanna hear you anymore. Goodbye.", Pharm said, entering the car and going away with the sunset. 

Dean was left behind with nothing besides his regret. He also hadn't nowhere to go. Before leaving his house that afternoon, his own mother had threatened him saying that if he was about to go after the boy who had killed his sister, he didn't need to come back after. He was disowned by his mother and was rejected by the love of his life. He had nothing to hold on to but his sorrow.

"But our love was real, Pharm… it is real…", Dean whispered to himself until it was too dark to see ahead. 

A long time later, Win came to see him.

"Let's go home, big boy…", the blonde helped him to get up from the sidewalk.

"I don't have a place to go, Win…", the taller male gave him a disoriented gaze.

"You'll always have a couch at my place, dickhead. Even if you don't deserve it, you know?", he tried to clear the mood, but in vain.

"I'm gonna love him forever, Win…", Dean broke up in tears, hugging his friend's shoulders for dear life.

"You always had, my friend.", the other said, tapping his back trying to comfort him.

Chapter Text

5 years later…

"Pharm, I couldn't thank you enough! I'm so glad to see you again!", Team said hugging his friend with tears in his eyes.

"What are you talking about, Team? We met each other the last time you went to New York in spring!", Pharm giggled. "Also, I could never miss my best friend's wedding!", he blinked at Team who blushed instantly.

It wasn't really a surprise when Team announced for him that he and Win would get married, but it sure was a surprise to get invited to be his best man. It wasn't easy, considering who Win had asked to be his, but he still had to be present on his best friend's biggest day.

"Let's go to our seats, Pharm? The photographer said she wants a take from us at the table…", the baritone voice called him, making his whole body tremble.

Pharm got back to Thailand on Friday and had spent an unhealthy amount of time by Dean's side. Since both of them had such important roles in the wedding, Win and Team didn't let their old problems get in the way. And, being honest, they wouldn't do anything to ruin the date either. Still, it was hard to handle the situation and keep a cool mood the whole time.

"I've heard her, thank you very much!", Pharm said stomping his way to their table leaving a beaming Dean behind. It was hard, but he could feel the other male slowly opening up for him a bit more. Or at least, he thought.

Pharm had changed a lot since the last time they've seen each other. His black hair was now a shade of brown with some golden strands in the middle. It was like the sun was kissing his head and Dean could swear he was a bit jealous of this idea. He knew from Win that Pharm was single and he thought this could be his chance to make things right.

After watching Pharm running away from every situation he had settled to make them talk in private, now the younger wouldn't have a chance. They were asked by the photographer to dance together for a few shots and the band was probably part of the set up because they started to play a soft melody.

"I'm sorry… May I?", Dean whispered standing in front of Pharm with a hand scratching his nape.

"Why not?", Pharm said blatantly, but his heartbeats were racing like a horse.

Dean's hands were exactly like Pharm recalled: huge, but gentle. Very warm around his waist. Also Dean's cologne was something Pharm would have chosen for him, not too strong, but still screamed "Phi Dean"... which made his thoughts drift away a bit.

"Pharm, can we please talk now?", Dean asked and he snapped out of his trance.

"I don't have anything to talk to you, Phi Dean.", Pharm said without facing him.

"Not exactly what I wanted, but you still can hear me.", he replied to what Pharm shrugged.

"I love you, Pharm. After all this time, I still love so much it’s killing me.", Dean sighed, which made Pharm stare at him. "’But I also know I don't deserve you. I just want you to know how much I regret my actions."

Pharm sighed. "Love was never the problem, P'Dean…", he finally said.

They were swinging on the dancefloor and didn't notice the photographer had ended her job a few minutes ago. The warmth of each other's bodies made both of them forget about all the rest and focus on themselves.

"The problem is that you lied to me. You didn't tell me you were Del's brother and your mother…", Pharm interrupted himself, still too bitter to bring that woman to their conversation.

"I can't change my mother, Pharm. Believe me, I've tried all these years. She's still the same. But I can try to make it up for you. I was in a bad place and tried to get revenge, instead, I've met the most precious person I've ever had the chance to."

Dean's words made Pharm blush.

"Please, Pharm… give Phi a chance…", Dean asked and Pharm saw something in his eyes. They were reflecting his own desire.

"You would have to work a lot for that!", Pharm offered.

"I'm willing to do that!", he replied with a smirk on his face.

"And you would have to make up for the time we've spent apart to…"

"You were the one who asked for tha--", Dean started to say, but a sharp look from Pharm made him change his line, "I'll make sure to treasure you and our love every single day of my life, my good boy!".

Pharm giggled and he felt like a big weight was lifted from his shoulders. "I'm too old for you to call me like this, Phi!"

"You're always going to be my one and only good boy, Pharm!", Dean said without hesitation. "I'm so sorry, Pha--", he tried to say, but the smaller male tiptoed and kissed him on the lips, stopping him.

Dean took a few seconds to recognize what was happening, but soon after corresponded passionately.

"Let's not start this new story of ours with regret in the middle, okay? Let's make room for love… our love…", Pharm smiled and Dean knew the sun could never kiss his hair because the sun itself was before him, arms around his nape and a smile on his face.

"I love you so, so much, my good boy!"

"Good, because I love you too, my silly Phi!"

The couple kissed again and we can't say they lived a perfect life, because this surely isn't real. But they did have nice moments to remember and a happy life side by side. This is all we mere humans can ask for, right?