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Kingsman: The Misadventures Edition

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Harry was not prone to blushing. In all honesty, he couldn't remember the last time he genuinely blushed and was not doing so under some sort of facade.


It was mortifying to say the least.


Standing on one side of the two way mirror, Harry watched with some modicum of his earlier composure as Eggsy, eyes dilated and cheeks flushed with his suit long gone and replaced by a hospital gown with wires taped to his chest and temples, rambled on and on.


And on.


Harry was tempted to cover his eyes. And ears.


"You should’ve seen him Roxy." Eggsy was breathing hard, hands waving in enthusiasm as he gushed about meeting Harry for, technically, the second time in his life. "Like fucking James fucking Bond come to life--but like John Wick too except without the whole puppy thing. And oh my god that was so fucking sad I had to skip passed it. I cried Roxy, I fucking cried."


While Merlin's face was stoic as he tapped away on his tablet, Harry could see through it. "You're laughing."


Merlin jerked his head. "I am not."


"You're laughing on the inside."


He waved him off. "Shush. You keep talking and we'll miss Eggsy proclaiming his love for you for the fourth time."


Oh lord. Harry flinched. Eggsy had dropped that particular confession moments after he had woken up. He watched in horror, refusing to go into the room for fear that Eggsy might say something more intimate than he was ready to hear. Or that he wanted anyone else to hear.


Harry had never been afraid of horror films. Never skittish in a dark alley. Never felt that sharp spike of fear when he was out on assignment. But now, watching Eggsy happily recount the apparently many ways Harry used a gun and how 'fucking gorgeous' he looked while doing so, he felt a trickle of sweat on his forehead.


"Have you ever seen him without his glasses? And in that red robe he wears?" Roxy shook her head and Harry was impressed with her professionalism. She hadn't laughed once so far.


Eggsy gasped. "Roxy, you don't know what sexy is if you haven't seen Harry in the red robe. He's so fit and his hair is so fluffy. And he taught me all these posh wanker ways to eat in this little apron and I never thought I’d have a Martha Stewart kink, but I do. Seriously, that robe keeps me up at night. I even got to smell it once when I used his bathroom.”


Eggsy took a deep breath and closed his eyes with a blissful look on his face. “Fuck me. I mean, I didn't say 'fuck me' at the time. But I thought it. I did. I really did and I would have said something if Merlin hadn't have been there. But he was and he's such a cockblock."


Merlin snorted. Harry graciously did not make eye contact. He wished, for the hundredth time, that he had been quicker and had taken the bullet that was not really a bullet but an injection disguised as one.


The thought of ending up like Eggsy though, ranting about personal things which should never be said to anyone ever, living or dead, gave Harry the strength to not stalk into the room and knock Eggsy out.


"Do you think he likes me? Like likes me? I mean, I've seen him looking at me but I don't know if he's, you know, looking at me. Like, is he checking me out? I swear to god, if he told me to get on my knees I'd say fucking thank you, sir--"


"Dear god." Harry said, his face burning at the image. He turned his back to the mirror. "When will he be back to normal?"


"In a day or so. Maybe sooner because of his metabolism. We'll have him run a lap or two around HQ." Merlin hummed. He looked at Harry with an awful glint in his eye. "So, Harry. Do you like like him?"


Harry stared at him and did not think for a moment about answering, even though 'yes' was on the tip of his tongue and the redness of his face. "You're recording this, aren't you?"


Merlin grasped at his chest, cocking his head enough to say he was disappointed that Harry had to ask. “In what universe would I not?”