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It's Not All On Me

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Beth was looking forward to getting out of the house. She needed a breather away from Dean and his Mother. She felt like she was suffocating. She hadn’t seen Rhea in a couple weeks and was looking forward to having a drink with her when she called to invite Beth out. 

Beth has been enjoying her friendship with her. She had reached out to her because of her overwhelming guilt after shooting Rio and she wanted to make sure she and Marcus were okay.

Beth knew how strange it looked to Annie and Ruby but it was helping Beth cope with his death. Her nights were filled with nightmares and it was in the early morning hours when her pain and grief took hold of her. There wasn't a night when she didn't wake up crying at some point.

One of her worst nightmares was of her standing over him watching the blood pouring out of his mouth. He is looking at her and she is frozen, she wants to help him but she can’t. When she tries to yell, nothing comes out of her mouth. When she tries to reach for her phone she can’t move her hand. When she tries to run her feet are stuck. She is totally helpless and tears fall from her face onto him. 

No one knew of her pain. No one would understand it so she carried it around with her every single day.

She had relived that night a 100 times over. She just couldn't get the sinister look he had on his face when he yanked the hood off her out of her mind. She felt a fear she had never felt before. On the drive over to his loft she sat in the back seat of his car, hands tied behind her back. She couldn’t hear anything over the pounding of her heart and sobs echoing in her ears. 

She had never seen him act this way towards her. He had been plenty angry at her other times but he was never like this. Even when he shot Dean he didn’t act threatening towards her at all, infact, he was gentle. 

This Rio was a different Rio. An angry Rio, a vengeful Rio.

He didn't have to kidnap her, he could have asked her to come there and he knows she would have. 

She hurt him when she ended their relationship, she knew that. But she had to, she didn't want to lose her kids. She couldn't even look at him when she ended it because nothing inside her wanted to. So she did the thing that she does best, repressed her pain, shoved her feelings down deep inside. She had become a pro at burying things that hurt her, this was just one more. 

When he found her in his loft he enjoyed the payback he gave her when he asked if she wanted it and then told her to leave. That hurt her but she understood why he did it. But he doubled down on it. He disappeared for a few weeks, and ghosted her, and when he returned told her she was just work to him. He hurt her too, a lot. 

He had more than evened the score with her though, she hurt him once, he hurt her twice. But it wasn't enough. He wanted to put the nail in her coffin so to speak. 

He had taught her to fire a gun but she hoped she never ever had to use one. Why did he think that shooting an FBI agent would be the place to start? 

She started to fear for her life when he had that same look on his face as when he shot Dean. When he stepped towards her to take the gun from her she panicked. After firing the first shot, he came at her again. The next two were a blur. Her adrenaline had kicked in. Fight or flight. 

She barely remembers what happened after that, she was in shock. 

He didn't have to do that to her. He set up that whole disastrous night. The night that would haunt her forever.

Maybe she should have told him why she ended it. Maybe it would have prevented all this. But she decided not to because she was worried about what his reaction would be to Dean who he had already shot once. 

Maybe her biggest mistake was sleeping with him, but deep down she would never regret it. The same feelings that she still had for him then, were the same feelings that made her heart hurt now that he was gone. 

Beth sat at the bar that night waiting for Rhea. She checked her phone a few times. The bartender asked her if she wanted to order a drink but she said she would wait for her friend.

Moments later he sat down beside her. She could smell his scent before she even turned to look at him. But it couldn’t be him. It just couldn’t. 

Then he spoke. She heard his voice.

"She ain’t coming."

She looked like she had seen a ghost. She was relieved and terrified all at once. Her eyes were brimming with tears. When she finally turned to look at him, she saw the anger, the dark brewing storm in his eyes. If he was that angry the night he kidnapped her, just how angry was he now?

He started talking to her. In that smooth toned voice of his, but she could feel the hint of danger in it too.

"So what’s up? How you been? kids good?"

"You know my boy says Jane's like the superstar forward on the team."

She couldn't speak, or respond. She was frozen, trying to process what was really happening.

"You think they’ll make the finals this year or what?"

He chuckles.

"Oh! I gotta show you something."

He reaches in his pocket and pulls out a bullet. 


He kissed it and took out another.


Then the last one. 


She looked up at him, tears ready to spill from her eyes.

He took two drinks from the bartender. He raised his glass to her.

"To your aim."

She just stared at him in fear.

"Suit yourself."

He passed her glass over to her. 

"Well bottoms up. You got a lot to celebrate. You made a beautiful family, helped out your community and whatnot. Heck, I bet they name and wing after you at your kids school."

Fear washes over her. Her instinct is to flee. Just like that night in the loft. Fight or Flight. She turns to grab her purse.

"Don’t. Do. That."

He grabs her arm and stops her.

"That just puts off what’s way going to come anyways. Then you got to wait for it and trust me that’s way worse."

He chuckles. 

"Check it out. You’re my girl."

He brushes the hair from her face. 

"You know, so I’m gonna take it easy on you I’ll do it myself. Let’s get this over with, what do you say?"

He was acting like he was that night. Her fear was turning to anger. She swallowed hard, and looked at him. That night was not all her fault. 

"Don't ever call me your girl again."

He scoffed at her.

"You are in no position to tell me anything. Now grab your purse, walk nicely with me to the back of the bar."

She was not going to show him fear this time. She wasn't going to give him the satisfaction. She took her drink, looked him in the eye and downed it. She stood up, and he put his hand on her forearm squeezing tight. He nodded to the bartender. 

She took in a deep breath. They went through a door from the bar to a hallway. She could see another door at the far end that led to a court out back. There was also one half way down on the right hand side. He took her through it and locked the door on their side. 

He took her further down the hall and into a room at the end. The door to this room was solid steel. He unlocked it. He stood back and let her walk in. She heard the door shut behind her. She heard him lock it. Her heart jumped in her throat.

This must be his office. It was actually quite nice. Just inside off to one side was a leather sofa. On the other wall a small bar. It had a few cupboards beside a bar fridge that was stocked. There was a small little sink too. Behind all that was beautiful desk and chair and two chairs in front the desk. It had a similar style to his loft. She realized it would be hard for anyone to hear anything from this room. 

He came around and stood in front of her, leaning close to her but not touching her. She backed up against the wall. He now had positioned himself between her and the door. She felt a rush of fear run through her but she was not going to let him see it this time. 

"You don't look happy to see me alive."

He started to walk back and forth slowly in front of her.

"So I am here thinking, what should I do to you after you put three bullets in me? 

She didn’t respond to him. His eyes were cold as ice. 

"I mean you are a pretty smart woman. You must know what happens if you shoot your crime boss right?"

She just watched him, keeping herself as calm as she could.

“Cat got your tongue?"

He put his hand in his pocket and she’s assumed it was his gun.

“You know, you are the reason my son was almost fatherless.”

She took a breath and she hoped it didn’t sound as shaky as it felt.

“And you shot my kids father and almost left them fatherless."

He stopped in front of her. Still talking to her in that low voice of his.

“You know sweetheart, if I wanted your dumbass husband dead, he would’ve been dead.”

You intentionally shot Dean. I did not intentionally shoot you.“

He smirked at her. 

Right, right… when you missed the first time you tried twice more?”

”No! that’s not what happened.“

”That’s exactly what happened.”

His eyes were now burning with anger. 

“You want to check out your work?"

She kept looking him in the eye.

“Come on Elizabeth don't you want to take a look at what you did?"

His taunting was only making her angry, really angry not scared. This is what he did to her that night.

”I know what I did. And what I did was protect myself. You terrified me and I panicked. That’s what happened, nothing more, nothing less. Do not stand there and tell me I was trying to kill you, I was not, so fuck you Rio!”

”Nah, One shot is panic, two more shots was you tryna finish the job.”

“Fuck you, fuck you, and fuck you!”

"Is that a fuck you for each bullet you put in me?'

Her frustration with him was boiling over.

"Fuck you again!"

"Oh that's right you did that too didn't you darlin, fucked me and fucked me over. All in the same afternoon."

"Excuse me?"

He went and stood right in front of her, close enough that he was almost touching her.

"You remember don't you? You were so sweet to me in the bar, you invited me back to your place, you fucked me all afternoon, got up, turned into the ice queen that you are, dropped my money on the nightstand, like you were paying for my services, then told me to get out."

"That's not what was going on."

He laughed with that smirk on his face. Then ran his finger over her lip. She pulled away from his touch.

"I was there, I know what seemed to enjoy it though, did you get your money's worth?"

Before she could stop herself she slapped him in the face. Rio bit his lip, then moved close to her face. She looked down when she saw his hand move and she flinched ever so slightly. Rio picked up on it.

"I ain't never hit a woman, and I would never hit you."

Her eyes were now the ones burning with anger.

"But you will throw a bag over my head right?"

She stared at him, face to face.

"And you will tie my hands behind my back right?"

"Or shove me into the backseat of your car right??

This was a side of her he had never seen before.

"Then refuse to talk to me all the while listening to me cry right?"

She didn't break from looking into his eyes. 

"Knowing you were scaring me right?

She raised her voice to him.

"You think that is somehow fucking better?"

He glared at her. She didn't back down.

"Now look at you, circling me like I am your prey!"

She moved forward enough to nudge him slightly.

"What's the matter cat got your tongue?"

He gave her a little sneer.  

"Listen Sweetheart..."

She cut him off fast.

"Don't call me sweetheart!”

He stared into her eyes, then put his finger under her chin. He wasn't backing down either. They were in head to head combat now.

"I already told ya, you are in no position to tell me what to do Elizabeth."

She grabbed his finger and shoved it away.

"You can call me Beth, my name is Beth Boland."

He laughed at her. 

"Is it now?"

"Yeah Christopher, it is!"

He looked her over for a moment almost sneering at her. 

"Listen up. I was done with your games, I was done with it all, it was just business for me after you fucked me and booted me out of your bed. So yeah, I was fed up with you that night and the constant mess you caused in my life. Even after you kicked me out of your bed you had the nerve to ask me for help with Turner."

His eyes were so black and so cold as he continued on.

"You have no idea how many problems you have caused me. You were always trying to one up me, screw me over when I was trying to teach you. But you are so fucking stubborn, you wouldn't listen to me and made me your problem when it was the other way around, you were always my  you got what you asked for this time, I brought him to you."

She scoffed at him.

Tell me something, if you were helping me, why didn't you just text me to come over and meet you there? You know I would have."

He didn't respond to her. 

"We both know why don't we? You were simply being vindictive because you and I both know that you didn't have to do what you did, the way you did it.” 

He paused and stared at her hard.

"You and I both know you didn't have to treat me the way you did either when you told me to get out of your bed. You were ice cold, like I was trash you wanted to discard."

"I didn't have a choice, I was going to lose my kids if I didn't end it."

He wasn't buying it.

"So let me get this straight. You can tell me this now, but not at the time right? You see the problem here? This is typical you. You always have had an excuse for everything you do, and everything you mess up. I have lost count it's so many times. So here's the thing, if you are going to fuck someone all afternoon, and then end it all, at least have the decency to tell them the reason why!"

She wasn't budging. She felt angry, hurt and frustrated. 

"You justify those actions any way you want Rio. I should have told you but you had already shot Dean once, which is why I didn't. It's just too bad you can't see the look on your face that is imbedded in my mind when you pulled the hood off me. I have seen that look before, it was the same face I saw the night you shot Dean. You have never, ever looked at me that way before. It was like you were enjoying it."

He was feeling equally angry, hurt and frustrated too.

"And I have the image of you firing the gun at me....not once, not twice but three times!! I saw it over and over when I lay in that hospital bed. I still see it every night when I close my eyes. You were on the other end of that gun. YOU!"

She could feel her insides tighten up. 

"You can blame me forever for shooting you, and it makes me sick inside I did. I haven't slept a night since then. But there's a difference between shooting someone to intentionally to kill them and shooting someone because you felt a fear inside you have never felt before, and you panic because you see something in the eyes of someone you thought you meant something to. What happened that night was NOT all my fault. It's not all on me!! You created that whole situation, intentionally, my response was accidental."

He stared her down.

"Kinda like when you get coldly dismissed by someone you thought you meant something to?"

She walked up to him, faced him eye to eye. There was a look in her eyes he had never seen before.

"You have held a gun to my head many times but that night scared me more.  So you do what you have to do. I am ready for it. I will take my punishment. I want to be done with all of this. The last few months have been a living hell. So fuck you Rio. Let's, get this over with."

All of her frustration boiled over inside. Her frustration she shot him, that he scared her, that she hurt him, that he hated her, that he blamed her, that he fucking pulled that stunt that night, that he was vindictive. That they were totally fucked.

Before he could even respond she grabbed at him looking for his gun. They struggled with each other, Rio trying to get a hold of her arms to stop her. He was taken totally off guard. 

"Elizabeth, stop!"

She pushed him. Her anger was palpable. 

”I told you, it’s Beth to you!” 

She pushed him again. He put his hand out trying to get her to back away. She went in at him again. 

Elizabeth!  Stop it now.”

She couldn't hear him anymore. That pain, hurt and anger in her was deafening. She kept struggling against him, fighting him. She had turned her back to him in the struggle trying to keep her arms away from him but he managed to grab them both. She pushed off from him, yanking one of her arms free. 

"Come on Rio, Let's get this done. You said you are going to take care of me yourself, so do it. Do it!”

She went to reach in again at this pocket but he grabbed her other wrist. He held both of them with his hands but she kept fighting him. He tried to pull her closer to him to get her to stop struggling but she fought against him. He finally pulled her arms up over her head, pushing her so her back was to the wall. He pushed his body tight on hers so she couldn't fight him any more.

It hit him hard seeing her like this, like a switch went off and he had clarity. Suddenly nothing else mattered to him but calming her down, it was instinctual. They had hurt each other way too much. 


His voice broke and she heard it. They were both out of breath from struggling. Her eyes filled with tears. This time when she looked in his eyes, she saw just hurt and when he looked in hers he saw the same. They just looked at each other intensely, all the months of anguish, pain and hurt right there to see. They said so much to each other without saying a word. 

He brought one hand down behind her head and pulled her onto his mouth. She dropped her arms around his neck. Their kiss was rough and passionate. They were so hungry for each other. It went on and on, like they couldn't separate from each other. He moved his hands down over her body, like he was trying to touch every part of her, like he couldn't get enough of her. She held onto him tight, she was afraid to let go of him. He found the button on her pants. He yanked them down and she kicked them off her.

He went up under her sweater, with his hands finding her hard nipples popping out of the lace of her bra. She moaned in his mouth when he took her large breasts in his hands, rubbing his thumbs over her nipples. He turned her so she was against the counter top, neither broke their hold on each other. He reached down and put his hands on her ass. She lifted one leg and wrapped it around him as he lifted her onto the edge of the counter. He unbutton his pants and dropped them down. They were face to face, so close. 

She was wet and more than ready for him. She pulled forward slightly. The head of his cock was right there, ready to enter her. She shuttered when she felt it touch her. Without taking his eyes off her, he thrust into her hard. She let out a loud gasp. He did it again, she cried out more. He got into a steady rhythm as they both moaned with each thrust. They were watching each other. She wanted all of him so she pulled her legs around him tighter moving them up and down and as he thrust in and out. He pounded into her like he was trying to bury himself in her. The bottles in the bar fridge were banging against each other they were fucking so hard. He was hitting that spot inside her that made her cry out. It was like every thrust, every deep penetration was ridding them of the hurt and pain they caused each other. 

She threw her head back when her thundering orgasm shook through her body, pounding on his back with her hands. On his last few hard thrusts he grabbed her ass and pulled her in to him so tight. His groaning was as loud as her when he exploded inside of her. He rested his head on her a moment while catching his breath she ran her hands down his back.  

They needed each other so badly. There was something that only each other could give fill in the other. They both knew it.

They were both totally spent when they were done and her legs felt like rubber, but she kept them wrapped around him. He kept her pulled in close to him. Neither of them wanted to let go of each other. 

She whispered in his ear.

"I can't let go. I don't want to let go of you." 

"Then don't."

"But how do we get over this? How do we fix this?"

"Together, that's how. We fucked this up, we can fix it." 

Rio asked Beth to come home with him that night and she did.