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Fame and Secrets

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“Lauren, are you absolutely sure this is necessary, because I, we don’t think it’s really that necessary.” James whined, from where he was upside down on the couch.

Lauren, the bands manager, sighed from where she was sitting at her desk, “Yes James, the three of you are great but the label agrees that we need to add another voice and a guitarist. However, I do think you three will really like Marlene and Remus, they’re quite lovely. And I imagine Marlene and Sirius will be getting themselves into trouble sooner than I’d like.”

Sirius was silent on the other side of the couch, he hadn’t said a word, mostly at James’ insistence that he might say something that they would all regret. Still, he raised his eyebrows at that, he could always use someone else to cause chaos with.

The three of them, James, Sirius, and Peter were waiting not so excitedly, although Peter wasn’t terribly opposed to the idea, but he’d never admit it. Still, they were waiting to meet the newest members of The Marauders. James and Sirius had grown up together, always knowing that they were going to make music someday. Sirius could sing like no other and James was skilled on the bass and when they met Peter in secondary school, they’d found their drummer. Even still, the label was insisting they add to the band, and ruin their classic dynamic, or at least that was the boy’s argument.

Lauren their manager and the rest of the label, however, did not agree with them so she had forced them to come in and meet the two new members before they were supposed to start recording next week. Lauren looked at the three men, well maybe children. She wasn’t sure. They were twenty-one, less than ten years younger than her but sometimes she felt like she worked in a daycare. She had also been listening to them whining and protesting the labels decision for the last two weeks so that might add to her feelings.

**

Two hallways away, in a room so quiet you could hear a pin drop, sat Remus and Marlene. They sat with Lauren’s assistant, Andy, a young girl who was only a bit older than the two of them. She seemed nervous to bring them down to meet the band they would be joining but the two musicians just tried to not focus on that.

Marlene was honestly just excited; she had been playing backing tracks and the like for years before the label decided she’d be a good fit for The Marauders, as she heard that they were called. Kind of a stupid name if you asked her but still, she was pumped. Lauren told her they picked her for two things, her talent and the fact that she thought that Marlene was a formidable match with her firecracker personality to go with or against the boys in the group. Which to be far, Marlene knew she was a bad ass, and she was quick to make that known to anyone she interacted with. Marlene smiled to herself thinking back to that conversation, oddly it made her nervousness die down a bit, knowing she was a good match for, or against these boys.

Next to her Remus was a completely different story, he was terrified. He sat there pulling at the sleeves of his oversized sweater. He knew he had talent, but he also knew that no amount of talent could fix the fact that he doesn’t look like a star, so he couldn’t help but think this was a big joke. He was convinced he’d walk through the door and these men would laugh at him, turn him away. Remus was scarred, his hands and his face and everywhere, covered in scars. He lived in oversized thrift store sweaters and acid washed jeans. He made his living between performing back up tracks and working weekends at a coffee shop. He just never believed he’d fit in anywhere in a band.

Suddenly Andy’s phone pinged, she looked at the two nervous musicians in front of her, “They’re ready for you too.”

The two got up and followed her down the two hallways until they came to the frosted glass door of Lauren’s office.

**

Sirius, James, and Peter sat there expectantly as the frosted glass doors opened. They had heard that it was a man and a woman, still nothing quite prepared them for the two who walked through the door.
The woman walked through first.

The girl, Marlene was her name? stood in front of them in combat boots and dark jeans with a maroon turtleneck and a leather jacket. Her blonde hair in a braid down the side. Sirius, although not sold on the idea still, appreciated her style. James appreciated her presence; he could only imagine what her stage presence was like. Peter was terrified of her, she reminded him of Sirius, and they didn’t need two of those.

Marlene stood and looked at the men in front of her, one was practically bouncing off the edge of the couch and it looked like he had maybe never brushed his hair in his like, round framed glasses and a huge smile. The boy in the middle was portly with shaggy blonde hair and bright pink cheeks, he looked terrified, which she didn’t mind. She liked toinstill fear.. the other boy was in a leather jacket, a good sign in her book and a queen shirt, he looked impressed, as he should be she thought to herself.

The man, walked, well shuffled through next.

Remus, right? Remus stood in front of him and avoided all eye contact. Something inside Sirius, warmed up at the sight of the man in front of him. He was completely covered in scars and dressed in an oversized store sweater, the ends were frayed, from picking at them Sirius guessed. Still, he found him so oddly endearing. James was never one to judge, though there was definitely a lot about Remus that raised questions, but he was most curious to see his talent. Peter on the other hand was gawking at Remus, thankfully something he was used to.

Remus stood next to Marlene and looked at the boys. One the end was a boy who was clearly fully of excited energy, his hair flopping in his face and over his glasses, a bright smile flashing at them. The boy in the middle was blonde and Remus could see how horrified he looked at Remus’ appearance and his heart sank. The man on the other side was the most beautiful man Remus had ever seen which terrified him. His long hair went down to his shoulders, and he had a leather jacket that was just like Marlene’s. he had a queen shirt on underneath, good music taste Remus noted to himself. He had rings all over his hands and his nails were perfectly painted black. Sirius smiled to himself just a little before he was taken out of his thoughts by the middle boy talking.

“How did you get those scars?” Peter gawked, and Sirius elbowed him in the cut, “You can’t ask that Wormtail! Quite the way to make a first impression you arse.”

Peter mumbled an apology, his cheeks bright red.

Sirius jumped up, “Sorry ‘bout that, looks like old Wormy forgot his manners, I’m Sirius and that’s James and the one with no manners,” Sirius glared at Peter, “is Peter.” He held a hand out to Remus.

“Uh Remus, Remus Lupin.”

He shook his hand, gently feeling the scars on the other man’s hand.

“And you?” he asked to Marlene.

“Marlene McKinnon.” She said with a smirk and a strong handshake.

“Nice to meet you, Moony, McKitten.”

The two both looked at him with confused faces, Marlene slightly offended. Sirius went back to the couch and James spoke up.

“Nicknames are kind of his thing.”

“Alright,” Lauren redirected the group, “plenty of time for you to make nice later, this right now is about logistics, Marlene will be playing guitar and some light background singing and Remus here will be on keyboard and vocals. Sirius here is vocals, so I want Sirius and Remus in the booth together tomorrow and then James and Marlene I was you working together since James is our bass, I also want Peter in on those sessions, we need at least three singles in the next three weeks. Typically, Sirius does the writing but if either of you,” she looked pointedly over at Marlene and Remus, “Have any writing skills, share the wealth of course.”

She looked at the five kids in front of her, it was a mixed bag of personality and temperament, but she knew all of them had undeniable talent. She just hoped this plan would work as well as she’d planned. “Alright, all of you are free to go, we’ll see you early tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

Once Lauren had let them all go Remus nearly ran out of the room and Marlene followed behind quickly. Sirius was left in the room with his bandmates and a strange feeling in his gut.

The three men got up and headed to James’ car all piling in.

“I wasn’t too keen on new people,” James started, “But they both seem right interesting.”

Sirius hummed in agreement, “I must say I quite appreciated Marlene’s jacket, I always appreciate a leather jacket.”

“Oh, we know Padfoot, we know. What did you think Pete?”

“They seem quite nice, I really do wonder how that bloke got all those scars, looks like he went through a fuckin shredder.”

James could see Sirius tense up next to him and he was beyond glad that they had just pulled up to Peter’s flat.

Once Peter was out of the car James turned to Sirius, a concerned look on his face. “You okay, Sirius?”

Sirius looked at James, his expression was guarded, and James knew there was a lot going through Sirius’ head right now and he was just choosing what he wanted to share.

“I mean firstly, I think Wormtail is extremely rude, you can just ask people shit like that, but I don’t know, there’s just something different about Remus, makes me want to get to know him.”

James was surprised to hear Sirius say that as he’d been most opposed to new members, “Well hopefully this shit goes well, and we’ll have all the time in the world to get to know each other.”

“Yeah, hopefully.” Sirius said, but James could tell he was somewhere else.

**

Marlene had caught up to Remus pretty easily and she slung and arm around his shoulders.

“How ‘bout we head home Remy, I’m sure Lily dearest wants to hear all about our meeting,” She smiled and pulled him close to her.

“Sounds lovely, McKitten”

Marlene hit his arm and they both took the short walk back to her car and the short car ride in mostly silence with some singing in the car. Marlene was honestly overjoyed, the one bloke may have been a bit rude to Remus, but others set him straight and the other two, well they seemed pretty cool honestly.

Remus was stressed, he’d grown used to the stares and comments, it was nothing new. That wasn’t what stressed him out, that was Sirius. He was so quick to defend him and then give him a nickname, and he was so attractive. He couldn’t allow himself to think like that though, who knew if he even liked men, and even if he did, he’d never like a man who looked like Remus.

They pulled up to their apartment and took the elevator up to their flat. When they opened the door Lily was setting the table for dinner. She immediately jumped up and gave them both a wide-eyed excited look.

“How was it? You two must tell me everything.”

“Well Lily-flower,” Marlene started, “there’s three of them, James is their bassist, average but attractive shaggy hair that convinces me he doesn’t own a brush and big round glasses, seems like an alright bloke, Peter is a portly boy, shaggy blonde hair, he at least owns a brush and he’s the drummer. He was quite rude to our little Remy though, off the bat asking about his beauty marks.”
Remus sat at the table along with Marlene and immediately watched as Lily went into mama bear mode. “Wait before you kill the man it gets better, the third guy, Sirius is his name he singings and he’s quite the looker long dark hair and a leather jacket, looks like a Greek god, and that’s coming from me, he immediately tells the other guy to shut it and leave Remus alone. We have to be back tomorrow to record and work with them, honestly I’m excited.”

Lily was wide eyed after Marlene’s tale of their afternoon. Remus finished swallowing his spaghetti and meatballs before interjecting, “you forgot about Sirius’ lovely nicknames, McKitten.”

Marlene glared him across the table while Lily broke out laughing, “McKitten? That’s the best thing I’ve heard all week, I have to meet this bloke.”

“Listen here, Moony,” Marlene started “You call me that… just remember I know where you sleep.”

“Moony, eh? Our Remy got a nickname too?”

“Apparently they’re his thing,” Marlene quipped.

Lily laughed at her two friends, “Well clearly you two are going to have quite an interesting time working with these boys.”

Marlene groaned and shoved a meatball in her mouth and Remus just gave Lily a small smile.

**

James and Sirius walked into their shared flat, Sirius quickly going to his room and shutting the door. James just sighed and ordered dinner.

Sirius walked into his room and face planted onto his bed. Running the day back in his head, his mind stuck on the scarred man in a grandpa sweater who had made his stomach flutter. It wasn’t the first time a man had made him feel that weird little feeling. Still, this felt different, and he couldn’t afford that when he was so close to his dream.

He saw his phone light up, James texting him that dinner was here. He groaned but knew better than try to hole up in his room, he slinked downstairs where James was at the tale with a large meat lovers pizza.

“Care to talk about it?” James asked with his mouth full.

“Honestly Prongs you’re disgusting, and no, it’s nothing we don’t already know, gay as can be and I’ll never act on it.”

James was the only one who knew, not even Peter knew, and Sirius had no plans of telling him or anyone else ever.

“Oh Sirius, you’re going to have to face it eventually. You can’t hide forever.”

“Wrong you are Jamie, hiding is my biggest talent, even the singing is second place to it.”

James just sighed and shoved more pizza into his mouth, he wasn’t getting into this argument tonight.

**

Remus was laying on his bed, every joint in his body was radiating pain and his brain felt like it was going a million miles an hour. He heard the light tap on his door, Lily. He couldn’t turn her away if he wanted to.

“Come in”

Lily walked in and saw Remus laying down, perfectly still and she knew he was in pain, she’d probably never know why but she always knew when the pain was bad. She came and sat at the foot of his bed, careful not to jostle him too much.

“You were quiet during dinner,” She paused, seeing if he would respond. “Tell me what’s wrong Remus,” She sighed and placed a gentle hand on his ankle careful to not hurt him.

“I’m supposed to sing, and play the keyboard, but how can I be a singer in a band? Me in front of people? They’ll be too scared to even come to the show, never mind buy our album.”

“Remus Lupin, you stop that talk this instant, you are amazing and talented and beautiful, and you deserve to be in a rock band on the cover of albums and magazines, and I expect you to always be in a grandpa sweater.”

Remus sighed and Lily knew he didn’t believe her, but she would remind him every day if she had too, still she could tell that there was something else.

“I feel like it’s more than just that.” Lily said simply.

“It is, they said if Marlene and I write that we should bring it and I want to but what if they hate it and then I get booted, I already have so much against me, I don’t need to add bad writer.”

“Remus, you’re a wonderful writer and they’re lucky to have your talent. Life is nothing without a bit of risk and putting yourself out there.”

“Thanks, Lils.”

“Anytime Remus, or should I say Moony,” She laughed as she ran out of his room, Remus launching a pillow at her as she ran out and into Marlene’s room.

There was more, more that he couldn’t tell Lily. She knew he was gay, that wasn’t the issue. He just couldn’t bring himself to admit out loud that his heart had done a back flip the minute they locked eyes and that it nearly exploded when they shook hands.

Remus sighed and slowly repositioned himself in bed, turning off his lamp, working himself up for tomorrow and to work with the too beautiful to be real Sirius Black.

Chapter Text

The next morning Robyn and Jim, the music directors they worked with sat back and watched as the band members all dragged themselves in. James and Sirius were as always bouncing off the walls, although Sirius seemed to be somewhere else. Peter sat at the drums, eating his takeaway breakfast. Marlene and Remus walked in, Marlene with energy to match James and Sirius and Remus walked in slow, as if every step hurt him, something Sirius quickly noticed. Lauren walked in not long after they had all settled down a bit.

“Alright, Sirius and Remus you two will be in conference room three working on reworking some of the songs and maybe writing some new ones, if that isn’t too ambitious.”

“James, Marlene and Peter, start working on what we have so far and then after lunch we’ll see if we can throw something half good together.”

The band nodded and Sirius bounded over to Remus like a puppy. “Excited to spend the day with me Moony?” he asked, his signature smile on his face.

“Overjoyed, Padfoot is it?” Remus asked, with a cautious but also sarcastic tone.

“That it is! Let’s go Moony! Off to conference room three!”

Sirius took Remus’ hand and pulled him in the direction of the door, he didn’t miss the look of pain on Remus’ face as he slowly got up and shuffled out the door, Sirius though had stopped in the doorway.

“I’m sorry Remus, did I hurt you?”

Remus went rigid at Sirius’ concern, his eyes were cold and his mouth a straight line, “I’m fine, let’s go work.” Remus continued on to the conference room and Sirius stood momentarily stunned before catching up with him.

Remus had sat at the table and Sirius sat right next to him even though there were eight other chairs at the table. Remus took a notebook out of his bag and Sirius looked at him with wide eyes, “You write?”

“Don’t seem so surprised.” Remus deadpanned and Sirius wiped the look of shock off his face.

Sirius took a breath and turned more towards Remus, “Can I see?”

Remus looked at Sirius, gone was the hyper puppy like boy from just a few minutes earlier. Now he was looking closely at Remus, and he seemed like he actually wanted to see what Remus had written. Remus pushed his notebook towards Sirius, and he watched Sirius carefully open the book and start reading.

He hated himself for it, but Remus found himself tracing the lines of Sirius’ face with his eyes, taking in every detail he could. There was something so different about him and Remus didn’t know why, and it made every alarm in his body go off.

After a few minutes Sirius looked up, looking at Remus with wide eyes, “Remus this is amazing, this song here, Exposed? It’s amazing and this one here, Blinding Lights, we have to record this. This is the song we’ve needed.”

“Sirius, you don’t need to pretend it’s good, you don’t need to humor we like that.”

 

“Remus, I’m not fucking humoring you, it’s bloody brilliant,” Sirius paused, it had only been a day, but Sirius had a feeling no matter what he said Remus wouldn’t believe him, “Listen here Remus, this is my dream, this band and the music is my dream and your music will get us there. It’s self-serving really, your music helps me accomplish my dream.”

Remus didn’t know what it was about Sirius, maybe it was just the look on his face or maybe it was something Remus would never be able to put his finger on. Still looking at him Remus guessed there was not a single selfish bone in Sirius’ body. He looked at him and sighed before agreeing to record the song. Sirius jumped up at Remus’ agreeing and practically jumped into his lap before going in and picking out more music and having Remus go through his songs as well till they pulled out what they thought might actually make an album.

It was nearly noon once they were done editing and reordering. Sirius looked over at Remus with a huge smile. “My dear Moony, I do believe we may have The Marauders first album sitting in front of us.”

“Sirius, if I had half your optimism, I’d be a whole different person.”

“Leave the optimism to me and the song writing to you, and I think the two of us will be quite the pair Moony.”

Reus felt the blush creeping up his neck and gave Sirius the smallest of smiles. That smile, unbeknownst to Remus, sent Sirius through the roof. He wasn’t sure what it was about Remus that made his heartbeat so fast, but he wasn’t upset about it.

When it was time for them to go and meet the others Sirius was sprinting to the room where the others were until he realized that Remus was still far behind him, shuffling over. He turned around and bounded back to Remus, looping his arm through Remus’ arm. Remus stopped for just a second and Sirius turned and looked at him with big grey eyes before nodding his head gently in the direction of the room. The two of them continued the walk to where their bandmates were arm and arm until they got to the door, at which point Sirius practically jumped in through the door excitedly telling them all about how they had managed to come up with an entire album.

Lauren was overjoyed to hear that and after a quick lunch they ushered them all into the booth to start the recording process. That session was one that all of the band mates were sure that they would remember forever. Marlene, James, and Peter had spent the morning playing together so they knew roughly how it would sound but no one was prepared for what happened when Sirius and Remus started singing together.

It was like suddenly the entire room was filled with magic, once the song was done there was silence. Everyone had the biggest smiles on their faces and Marlene blurted out, “That was fucking electric.”

Everyone laughed but agreed with her whole heartedly.

**
That session set forth the next two weeks of almost nonstop recording and for Remus, more writing than he’d ever done. Lily honestly didn’t even know if she had roommates anymore, half the time they’d end up passed out on the couches in the recording studio. They all lived on take way and strong coffee.

Suddenly though, it was just over two weeks later, and they nearly had an album but what was fully done was their single and it was minutes away from being on the radio.

The five of them sat around the room, Marlene and Remus were side by side with their hands intertwined on one of the love seats, Marlene tapping her combat boot on the ground. Peter sat backwards on one of the chairs spinning his sticks in his fingers. Sirius was practically radiating with excitement as he sat next to James whose hair was even more wild than usual and who was rubbing his eyes, glasses in his hand. The anxiety in the room was palpable as they heard the radio announcer pick up,

“Alright folks, now we have a new song from some new talent, a band called The Marauders, they’re a new band out of London and this is their debut single, Blinding lights.”

The first notes of their song came over the radio and the five of them just sat their stunned in silence. It was three minutes where they were all pretty sure they had stopped breathing. It was only a few minutes later before the internet started in, all the online twitter critics.

Lauren took to reading them out for everyone, “New band on the scene The Marauders are proving with their first single they are a force to be reckoned with.”

“These Marauders have made a statement and it’s that they are here to stay.”

“That new song Blinding Lights is some of the best new talent of this decade.”

Lauren smiled, putting her phone back in her pocket and looking at the five band members. They were all beaming but they also look terrified. “You five, get out of here, go to a pub or something while you still can with out being recognized. I’ll see you all tomorrow at ten to finish up the album.”

She left the room and James was up on his feet, “You heard the woman, to the pub marauders!”

“Aye,” Marlene shouted over Sirius and Peter’s cheers, “Can we invite our roommate Lily, poor girl hasn’t barely seen us in two weeks.”

“The more the merrier!” James smiled and the five of them all started out the building, Marlene quickly shooting Lily a get ready text.

Chapter Text

Broomsticks was kind of a hole in the wall place, constantly sticky tables and the same men on the same stools night after night. It was also James Potter’s favorite pub for that very reason. James arrived first, Marlene and Remus were picking up Lily and then meeting them there. James got a corner booth to fit the six of them and just as they were sitting, they saw Marlene and Remus enter, the prettiest girl James Potter had ever laid eyes on following them.

Marlene spotted the boys and went over to the table, “Move over losers,” she said as the boys all moved over, Remus scooted in next to Sirius and Marlene on his left side, lily on the end. “Marauders, meet our roommate, the lovely Lily Evans, Lily meet these idiots. The one who apparently forgot how to close his mouth is James, that one right there who brought drum sticks to the fucking pub is peter and that one with the wonderful fashion sense is Sirius, and of course you know our little Remy.”

“Nice to meet the boys who have stolen my roommates from me,” Lily said with a laugh. Before anyone could say anything though Sirius burst in, “I’m sorry are we going to gloss over McKitten calling Moony, Remy.”

Remus rolled his eyes, “With a name like Remus who knew you people could give me so many fucking nicknames.”

“Ah give my time dear Moony, I’m sure I’ll find more,” Sirius said, smiling at Remus and he just shook his head at Sirius’ antics.

Marlene laughed shaking her head, “Better find more for Remus and not me,”

“Don’t tempt me McKitten!”

Marlene rolled her eyes, “alright enough, we need drinks, James, learn how to close your mouth, you’re on the end so you’re on drink duty.”

James shook his head a bit, closing his mouth and fumbling over some words.

“Yeah, alright drinks perfect great, what does everyone want?”

Sirius was hysterically laughing at James barely being able to make a coherent sentence and James was a flustered red mess standing up in front of them all.

“Uh a rum and coke please,” Lily asked with a small smile on her face and James nodded unable to find the words to respond.

“Whiskey, Potter” Marlene said, her eyebrow raised as she watched him lose any cool, he had over Lily.

“Ah just a ginger ale for me,” Remus said, and Sirius looked at him with a raised eyebrow. Remus already figured he’d be questioned on his drink choices by the always inquisitive dark-haired man. What surprised him though was when he recovered from looking at Remus and requested a coke. Remus looked at him, with confusion and slight annoyance. “You didn’t have to order a soda just because I’m not drinking,” he said to Sirius quietly while Peter ordered.

Sirius looked at him with a small, amused smile responding in the same quiet tone, “Moony my dear, so self-centered of you, I ordered a coke because I don’t drink.”

Remus looked horrified, absolutely horrified at how selfish and rude he had been to his, friend, were they friends? Regardless he had been so ruse to assume he was the reason Sirius had ordered a coke, to make him feel less weird about drinking, why would he even think that.

Sirius looked over to Remus, and he could see the million thoughts running through his head and all the shame he felt for his assumption. Sirius couldn’t help but smile at the curly haired boy, he wasn’t wrong to think Sirius would do something to make sure someone wasn’t left out, but in this case, it was a different situation. Still, he felt bad to see Remus seem so stressed. He placed his hand on Remus knee under the table, careful to be gentle with him, he’d realized that Remus was in more pain than he’d ever tell, “Hey, Moony, it’s alright, I’m not upset with you,” He said quietly, “No one expects a sober rockstar wanna be, I know that, it’s okay.”

Remus was surprised and somehow comforted by Sirius touch, and his words, he felt like all he had to do was exist and Sirius just knew what he was feeling and what he needed. It terrified him but at the same time, it was the most comforting feeling he had experienced in a long time.

Remus and Sirius were pulled out of their hushed conversation and back into the group, where Lily was telling Peter about her work. James was returning to the table, arms full of drinks, he slid Remus and Sirius their soda’s first, making sure not to mix them with anything, and then passed out all the alcohol.

Once James sat down Lily started, “I heard the single on the radio earlier, it’s really great, what’s the next step for you five?”

James smiled and started, “We’re going to finish the album in the next few days, then it’s album art and pictures and the like then release another single and then the album, and if all goes well… well I’m sorry to say you might be roommate-less for a while because hopefully we’d get a tour.”

Marlene groaned, “Oh god, me living with four men on a bus, can you believe the horror, Lils”

Lily laughed and Sirius looked at Marlene with fake offence, “What McKitten, you don’t like being around all of us and our devilishly good looks?”

Marlene, Lily and Remus all broke out into hysterics and Peter spoke up, “I feel like we’re missing something”

Marlene stopped laughing and looked at the confused boys, “You guys, I’m a lesbian.” She said, giving them a pointed look with her eyebrows raised.

Peter just about choked on his drink and James was once again open mouthed and in shock, Sirius though, he didn’t look nearly as surprised as the others he just cracked a smile, “Ah looks like I wasn’t too far off giving you the name McKitten.” Marlene reached across Remus to playfully slap him, “aye shut it.”

Everyone laughed at that, Peter taking a bit longer than the others to realize Sirius’ joke, but they continued on like that joking and poking fun at one and other.

As the night went on Marlene, who was several drinks in pulled Lily over to the dance floor, from the looks the regulars gave her, it wasn’t something regularly used but Marlene was far too drunk to care. James decided he and Peter also absolutely needed to go make fools of themselves with the girls.

Remus stayed where he was, Marlene and Lily hadn’t even tried to coax him out. Sirius on the other hand had actively denied James’ pleas, he was much happier to stay with Remus, he wasn’t sure why though. Remus turned and looked at him, confused when Sirius refused to join them, “Don’t you want to join your friends?”

“Not particularly, don’t you?” Sirius, asked with a teasing look and eyebrow raise.

“Not particularly,” Remus said with a smile, taking a sip of his ginger ale.

It was quiet for a moment as the two men sat there, watching their rather drunk friends dance around making fools of themselves. Sirius snickered, “I think Jamsie might have a crush on Lily,” he said while watching James danced around a laughing Lily like an idiot. Remus smiled and looked at the scene, “Looking at Lily, I’d think it may very well be mutual,” Remus smiled as he noticed the special glint in Lily’s eye. “I’m going to be hearing about how gorgeous and perfect she is until at least 3 am,” Sirius said with a smile. “Marlene will be teasing her until about then too I’d imagine.” Remus said and then realized what Sirius said, “Wait so do you live with Peter and James?”

“Just James, I’d kill Peter if I had to live with him for a second past when we graduated from boarding school.”

“Not the ideal roommate?” Remus cracked with a smile.

“Not at all, but James, he’s practically my brother, we’ve been through a lot together. He’s helped me through a lot and his parents have practically adopted me at this rate. What about you, how did you end up living with Marlene and Lily?”

“When I was about seventeen, I saw an ad for people in need of a roommate and so I shot them a text and four years later here we are, we’ve moved twice since then but always stuck together. Marlene is the one who got me in working for the studio, I’ve always done music, but I never thought it would go anywhere or anything.”

Sirius looked at Remus in disbelief, “Why, why did you think that?”

Remus looked at Sirius, he looked genuinely confused, Remus took a breath before responding, “Sirius, people like me,” he paused, “People who look like me don’t get famous, all disfigured and such.”

Remus watched Sirius for his reaction, he saw anger flash across his face quickly and then his features softly, he watched Sirius reach out and gently take his hand before taking a breath to speak, “Remus, you’re beautiful.”

Remus and Sirius both went bright red but before Remus could respond Marlene came flying towards the table and Sirius was quick to move his hand, taking a sip of his coke.

“I love this place!” Marlene exclaimed, practically landing in Remus’ lap, she was absolutely sloshed and across the bar Remus made eye contact with Lily who had only had one drink, it was a silent communication, but he knew what it meant, time to go home.

Remus sighed and started speaking, “Alright Marlene, I think it’s time to go home so you can actually make it to work tomorrow.” Marlene just laughed hysterically and stumbled her way out of the booth. Remus turned to Sirius, “I’m sorry to cut the night short but I’ll need to be forcing water into Marlene whilst hearing all about how lovely James is, I’ll see you tomorrow though, yeah?”

Sirius gave Remus a small smile, yeah, tomorrow.”

Remus smiled back, getting most of the way out of the booth before turning to Sirius, “By the way, thank you Sirius, you are too.” Remus turned his head back to where Marlene was swaying in front of him, but he had caught the intense blush that hit Sirius’ cheeks.

**

Sirius and James had made sure Peter was safe at home and had headed back to their flat. Just as Sirius had guess, James was going on about Lily.

“Pads, she’s just, she’s so beautiful, her hair and her eyes, and god her personality. I swear to you, I’m gonna marry her one day. She’s the one, I just know it.”

Sirius just rolled his eyes and agreed with James, putting him to bed with a large water bottle and a bottle of aspirin next to his bed, he’d check on him in a few hours to make sure he was okay.

He sighed closing James’ door and went to his own room, flopping onto the bed. No matter how hard he tried all he could think about was Remus. Everything about Remus just made him so happy and so comfortable. So, few people ever made Sirius feel comfortable after his upbringing, it was a short list that was just James and his parents. Something about Remus though, made Sirius want to hold on and never let go.

Sirius sighed; he couldn’t ever be with Remus in that way. Who knows if he even liked men and if he did he would never like Sirius. Sirius of course could never be with Remus in that way anyway, but even if he could Remus wouldn’t want to be with Sirius if he knew. Knew about all the demons that Sirius had covered in charm and leather jackets. Still sitting in his bed, all he could think about was seeing Remus the next day.

**

Lily and Remus put Marlene to bed with a bucket, water, and ibuprofen and went to the kitchen table to have tea together. Lily placed the two teacups down and then sat across from Remus. She was still smiling, riding the high of the night.

“You like him?” Remus said with a raised brow and Lily immediately went as red as her hair.

“You guys didn’t tell me how charming he was, Lily said with a blush before looking up at Remus with gentle eyes, “Although, I think you might be a bit more focused on Sirius.”

Remus went red, “Hardly,” Remus dismissed, sipping his tea and hoping that Lily would drop it even though he knew she wouldn’t.

“Remus, love, I know you, I can tell you like him.”

“Even if I did, he would never, could never feel the same. I’m just happy to be his friend.”

Lily sighed; she didn’t have it in her to fight with Remus today. She just smiled and got up, dumping out their teacups and gently squeezing his shoulder on her way out the kitchen.

Remus was left at the kitchen table, thinking about the last month of his life. He still didn’t think it was real and probably the best part of it, outside of maybe finally getting a chance at being a famous musician, was Sirius. He didn’t know what it was about the other man but something about him was like a magnet. Remus still couldn’t get Sirius calling him beautiful out of his mind.

Chapter Text

The next day they all came into the studio, all but Sirius and Remus were hung over. It had taken lily and Remus nearly an hour to drag Marlene out of bed and he still wasn’t sure if Marlene was actually going to survive the day. One look at James and peter told Remus that they had very similar morning.

Still despite the hangovers, they spent the day working as hard as they ever had to finish their album. It was a long day and they barely stopped for anything. It was just before six when Robin had them stop and she called Lauren in. the band watched them talk for a while before she asked the band to meet her in the next room over.

The band walked over to the next room, Marlene finding her way to the armchair and crumpling into a very hung over pile on the arm chair. Remus and James were both on either end of the love seat, Sirius sitting on the ground in between them, leaning gently against Remus’ legs. Peter sitting backwards on one of the chairs. Lauren walked in and looked around at the band, not completely missing the way Sirius pressed himself against Remus while teasing Marlene.

“Alright, I have good news and then more good news, to start you guys have an album!”

She paused to let them take that in, all of them cheering and giving her beaming smiles. “So, because of that tomorrow we are going to be taking photos for the album art and some other promotional photos, some that if things go well with the next single and then the album release will be photos used to promote your tour. Now I know you’re all excited, but we need you here early tomorrow, and not hung over.”

Remus was waiting outside for Marlene, James had asked her to stay for a quick moment so that they could work out a riff, so he had snuck off for a smoke. He was leaning against the wall when he heard the door open and Sirius came out, immediately finding himself at Remus’ side and pulling out his own cigarette.

“You’re still here?”

“Waiting for Marlene, I don’t drive. What about you?”

“James drove me today, too cold for the bike.”

There was a moment of quiet while they both smoked, “Remus, can we hang out tonight?”

Remus turned to look at Sirius, his eyes were big and full of, was it hope? That Remus saw, he wasn’t sure and although he wasn’t sure the last time, he had a friend over that wasn’t someone who already lived with him.

“Yeah, of course.”

“Great!” Sirius said with a bright smile, both of them continuing to smoke until the door opened again, their other three bandmates stepping out. Sirius looped his arm around Remus’ as they walked after Marlene.
“James! I’m going to Moony and McKitten’s, don’t wait up!”

Marlene just looked back quickly at Remus, raising her eyebrow slightly, Remus just gave her a small smile in return.

They got into Marlene’s car and Sirius was bouncing around all over the back of the car, Marlene wasn’t sure how someone could ever have so much energy.

They walked into the apartment, Lily was starting to set up for dinner, “You’re both home, and you brought a guest! How lovely, I’ll grab another place setting, I hope you like lasagna Sirius.”

“Sounds delightful Lilypad.”

The four of them sat around the table and Lily was quick to launch into mom mode, “So Sirius, now that we aren’t in a loud bar, tell me about yourself.”

“Well alright, London born and raised, met James at Boarding school when I was seven, we met Pete when we were eleven. My family’s kinda shit so James’ parents practically adopted me when I was sixteen.”

“How’d you get into music?”

“It’s always been something I loved and once James and I met we both just got so into it, eventually got Pete into it too and so we decided to make it our dream.”

“Well, you are all quite good at it, so it looks like it all worked out quite well for you.”

Sirius smiled and agreed, Remus and Marlene both nodding in agreement. As they finished up dinner, stacking plates and Lily clearing the table Sirius turned to Remus, “Moony, can I see your room?”

“Uh sure, yeah of course.” Remus stuttered with a blush, Sirius jumped up and held out an arm for Remus, “Lead the way,” he said with a bright smile, Remus blushed and led the way to his room.

Marlene turned to lily, both of them still at the table, “What are we, chopped liver?”

“No, but we aren’t the moon, shining bright in the sky.”

Marlene and Lily shared a look, and both smiled as they watched the door to Remus’ room close behind the two men.

*

Sirius wasn’t sure exactly what he had expected Remus’ room to look like, but it was both simultaneously exactly what he expected and nothing he expected at all.

There were piles of books along the walls and on every spare surface, his bed was covered in what had to be at least a dozen different blankets. Everything in the room was dark earthy tones, he could see all of the sweaters bursting out of the open closet. He looked around more and saw a keyboard and a record player, a stack of vinyl in the corner. All of those things though, they felt right, like they fit everything he knew about Remus. What didn’t fit though was the other things in the room, a wheelchair and a walker and a bin next to Remus’ bed filled with more medication than Sirius had seen in a long time. He saw other things around the room, bags from hospital stays, a cane leaning against the piano.

Remus looked at Sirius as he took in Remus’ room. He could see the moment that Sirius saw all of the medical supplies, he was afraid of this moment. He thought it would come later, maybe when they were on tour. The moment Sirius realized just how sick Remus was.

Sirius though, just took everything in stride and walked his way to the bed sitting down, raising an eyebrow to Remus, inviting him to join him on the bed. Remus sat next to him, sitting as still as he could, he figured the questions were coming.

Sirius just reached out a hand to graze over the pill bottles next to the bed, “Why you don’t drink, yeah?” he asked, no pity or judgement in his voice, just an honest question.

“Yeah, it is.”

Sirius turned so he was facing Remus, a small smile across his face. “You don’t have to answer, I can understand that you might not want to… but are you going to be, okay?”

Remus sighed, this was something he never talked about, Marlene and Lily had both avoided asking about the walker and the medication and everything else they saw. He had never told anyone who wasn’t a medical professional the whole story. “Long term, no, probably not. At this very moment, I’m okay, somedays are hard but for now I manage.”

“Can I, can I ask what happened?”

“I’d love to tell you, maybe one day I can. Just not tonight.”

“Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.”

Remus smiled at Sirius, everything just felt different with Sirius. Sirius looked at Remus’ tired face, scarred and beautiful. He couldn’t do this; he knew that he couldn’t allow himself to be with or to love Remus like he so very wanted to. Still in the moment he reached out, cupping Remus’ face in his hand. He could feel the contrast from his pale untouched skin and his even paler scarred skin. He smiled at Remus, who looked slightly stressed but not like he was upset with Sirius’ actions.

“Can I lay with you Remus?” Sirius asked so quietly that it was practically a whisper. Remus smiled and nodded. Slowly he moved to the side table, taking his medication and laying down in his bed, gently guiding Sirius next to him.

Sirius laid down and turned on his side, looking at Remus, a hand gently placed on Remus’ cheek.

That was the last thing that Remus remembered because quickly after he had fallen asleep. When he woke up to his alarm the next morning, he was confused at first for a moment, he could feel the warmth coming from Sirius. Sirius was practically on his stomach, one arm gently laid across Remus’ rib cage.

Remus has no idea what was happening, what this meant or what it would mean. He figured it probably shouldn’t mean anything, for the sake of the band. Still as he laid there, looking at Sirius looking so peaceful he almost let himself think that this could be more.

Sirius stirred and Remus averted his gays just a bit. He smiled as Sirius stretched a bit and looked over at him. “Morning Moony.”

“Good morning Sirius.”

“I suppose we need to get to work, don’t we?”

“Yes, we do”

“Alright, do you have something I could borrow, perhaps a black sweater?”

“I think I have something,” Remus said with a smile as he moved to slowly get up. Making sure to take his meds before even getting out of bed.

He walked to his closet, finding a mostly black sweater aside from some grey elbow patches, grabbing a hunter green sweater for himself for the day. He tossed the dark sweater at a now sat up Sirius and excused himself to the bathroom to get ready.

Once he was all set for the day and looked semi-presentable, he walked out of the bathroom to find Marlene sitting on the kitchen counter, one eyebrow raised. He walked over to where she was, ready for the interrogation.

“Please tell me you didn’t fuck our bandmate.”

“No, I would never, we just talked a bit and ended up falling asleep.”

“Oh Moony, well you go get him, we need to leave in the next ten minutes.”

Remus nodded and walked into his room, Sirius was dressed and sitting on the bed, a bright smile on his face.

“Marlene says we have to leave in ten minutes.”

“Alright, are you excited for picture day Moony?”

“Hardly, but it has to be done for the band I suppose.”

Sirius gave Remus a small, understanding smile and jumped up, “Alright then, off we go.”

Chapter Text

Remus was sitting in the hair and make up chair, unfortunately he and Sirius had been separated, so now he was just sitting trying to wrap his head around his life. He had no idea how any of this has happened, he wasn’t the kind of person who became a lead singer in the band, he also wasn’t the kind of person who people like Sirius Black were into. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure what the hell was happening with him, and Sirius and he was far too afraid to ask. He was afraid if he asked it would all break apart.

Remus held in a sigh, not wanting to disturb the make up artist, he felt like he’d been in this chair forever, a glance at his watch telling him at had been nearly an hour and a half. He wasn’t particularly excited for today, he would have much rather stayed at home, with Sirius. He hated having his photo taken, he rarely agreed to have it taken, but Lily could be persistent and Marlene spontaneous.

Finally, after another twenty minutes the make up artist, Kirsty, he remembered being told, told him he was all set and where he needed to go to meet the others. He thanked her quietly but noticed the look in her eyes that he couldn’t quite pace, guilt maybe. He shook it off as his own constant anxiety and went to meet the rest of the band.

As he walked in, he heard Sirius immediately start talking, “Moony! There you are, it’s been ages, we’ve all-” Remus heard Sirius abruptly stop and the whole mood in the room change, he watched Sirius turn to face Lauren and he could see the anger but also fear on James’ face. “What the fuck Lauren? How could you let that happen?”

Lauren stuttered and couldn’t quite answer, Remus was confused as her looked at his bandmates. “Sirius, what are you yelling at Lauren about?”

Sirius looked at Remus and although his anger was there it dissipated when he looked in Remus’ eyes. He slowly walked towards Remus and took out his phone and handing it to Remus, while keeping a hand on Remus’ bicep.

“I’m sorry to cause a scene Moony, I didn’t realize you didn’t know,” he said so quiet only Remus could hear.

Remus gave him a small smile and then lifted the phone up to his face. Nothing could have ever prepared him for what he saw. His face was covered in make-up, so his scars were only visible if you looked extremely closely, even down his neck. He looked like a completely different person. It was like a knife in him looking at this fake reflection, but he made sure to keep his face in check since he could feel every pair of eyes in the room on him, the most important pair being Sirius’ grey eyes.

He saw Lauren take a step forward out of the corner of his eye.

“Remus I… I’m sorry, the label decided it was best and I-”

“Don’t worry about it, Lauren, it’s fine. Shall we go get these photos taken?” Remus said with the politest voice he could muster.

“Uh yeah, let’s go this way,”

He watched as his other three bandmates passed by him and Sirius, Sirius’ hand still on his arm. He could see the anger burning in Marlene’s eyes and the upset in James’. Peter looked nervous, like he was expecting a blowout.

They both waited till the others were a few steps ahead, that’s when Sirius started, “Moony, Remus, you can’t be okay with this?”

“I’m not, but when you look like I do, that’s just not how it works, though they’d save money on make up by just editing the photos. People like me aren’t leading men, but that’s okay. I’ll wear the make up and go with it because this is a dream, I never thought I’d get to have.”

“Remus,” Sirius started, looping his arm through Remus’ so that they could start walking behind their friends, “You can’t truly be okay with this.”

“I’m not, but it’s a part of life and that’s just how it will be.”

“I hate this, I can’t believe Lauren let this happen.”

“It’s okay, it probably wasn’t her choice, let’s just go take these photos and deal with it.”

They were just at the door of where they needed to be when Sirius stopped and turned to Remus, looking him straight in the eye. “Remus, you’re beautiful, I mean that.”

Remus was speechless as Sirius simply turned and looped his arm back into Remus’ as they walked in to get the photos taken. Sirius was quickly whisked away from Remus and when he saw him again, he was back in his leather jacket, a white t shirt on underneath it.

He walked up to where Remus was with the rest of the band, “Don’t worry, your sweater is folded up with some of my other things, nice and safe.”

Remus smiled at him, always thankful for Sirius and him being so constantly deeply considerate. He still had not a clue what was going on between the two of them but for now he thought, maybe he was okay just being friends with or whatever else with Sirius was enough for now.

*

Remus sighed, he wasn’t necessarily excited for these photos and now he was even less excited. He looked over and could just tell that Marlene was furiously texting Lily, he could only imagine how angry Lily would be when he got home.

Still, he stood there and posed for photos because what else could he do, fight the labels decision? Not a chance, this was maybe his only shot at a career. It was uncomfortable though, posing for these photos all the lights and the cameras. He also found that he had become acutely aware of just how much make up was on his face.

They had been taking photos for maybe three hours when Remus became increasingly aware of just how over stimulated, he was and just how much pain he was in. He hoped they’d be done soon, a wish he found was probably going to be holding onto for a bit longer as the photographer had just brought out another camera.

It was another hour before they were told they were free for an hour before Lauren needed them back in conference room four. Remus let out a breath he hadn’t even realized he had been holding. Taking a pained step as he started to head to the conference room, every bone in his body begging him to sit down.

He had made it two steps when he felt an arm intertwine with his, Sirius. He looked over at the shorter man and he smiled at Remus. “Hey,” he said softly, “lean on me as much as you need.”

Remus felt his insides warm at Sirius and the consideration he had for Remus and his pain. He leaned on him a bit more and they eventually made it to the conference room, Remus quickly taking a seat on the loveseat in the room.

Marlene and James, both followed them in, Peter having gone off on his own to get lunch. Sirius stood up and took the others orders and with a gentle touch on Remus’ bicep he was off to go get lunch, enlisting James’ help with carrying back all the food.

Marlene immediately turned all of her attention to him, “Remus John Lupin, you need to tell me everything while I take this pack of make-up wipes to your beautiful face.”

Chapter Text

After that horrid day of photo shoots things had gotten insane. Suddenly they were in the studio or talking to different reporters and radio shows. They had even played a few small live performances and it had been insane, if not completely draining dealing with all the sudden change. It felt like overnight everything had changed for them, to the point where they were now all at their separate flats getting ready for their album launch party tonight since the album was out at midnight.

Remus for his part was mostly just sick of all the make up he had to constantly wear; he was already coated from interviews earlier in the day. He was sure someone would touch it up before he faced the public but there was so little, he could do in regards to that nuisance. So, he just got himself dressed in a suit that Lauren had sent over to the house for him, grey with a light blue undershirt, and went out to the living room to wait for the girls, he was already so thankful they were able to invite Lily tonight.

Lily came out before Marlene, her red hair curled and, in an emerald, green dress that brought out her eyes and was all lace at the bottom, she looked like a princess. He thought for a moment about how they may have to physically pick up James’ aw from the floor. “Lily, you look stunning,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Thank you Re, you look lovely as well though if I could just take a pack of make up wipes to your gorgeous little face.”

I’ll help!” Marlene chimed in as she walked out of her room in a tight royal blue dress, her blond hair styled perfectly to look messy but intentional.

“Marlene, you look gorgeous, and I adore you both but make up is the price I must pay for fame.”

They both sighed, hating that this had become his reality, and grabbed their purses to head out even though they were not terribly pleased about the situation.

**

The party was far more than Remus had expected it to be, it was simply insane. There were so many music industry executives and musicians Remus had spent his entire life admiring. It was beyond anything he could have ever dreamed of.

As he made his way farther into the room, he saw the boys and it was not a sight he was ready to see. James was in a black quite with a coral undershirt, it was a fun pop of color that really highlighted James’ fun personality. Peter was in a very basic suit, just black with a white top but it suited him fine, he was definitely more understated in his personality. Sirius though, there was nothing understated about Sirius Black. He was in tight black dress pants and a white dress shirt that was half unbuttoned, leather jacket on as well.

Remus felt his face get red the moment he saw Sirius and the minute Sirius saw him he came bounding over a bright smile on his face.

“Moony my dear, enjoying yourself?”

Remus bent down and whispered in Sirius’ ear, careful to not let anyone else hear, “I’d rather be literally anywhere else on this earth right now.”

Sirius pulled back a sad smile on his face, “I feel similarly my Moons.”

Sirius looked at Remus and could tell he was in some pain, he nodded his head over to one of the cocktail tables, “I’ll meet you at the table with two cokes, yeah?”

“Yeah, sounds good.” Remus smiled and moved over to the table. He took a look at the room, all of the people all dressed up in fancy dresses and suits. He saw Marlene standing over by Lily who had James at her feet with Peter behind him. He could tell the two of them, James and Lily were absolutely infatuated with each other.

Sirius came up just a few minutes later with soda, Remus was glad both for the table to lean on, the drink and for Sirius’ company.

“Are you excited for the album to drop?” Remus asked and Sirius turned to him with the brightest smile.

“Maybe more excited than I’ve ever been, this is my dream and it’s all thanks to you Moony, you and McKitten changed this band for the better, I know that for a fact.”

“I’m glad we can be a part of this even though this is all terribly horrifying to me. I think about going on tour and God I can’t even imagine how that will go. It will be quite the adventure.”

“Oh god, it would be terrifying but the best adventure yet, especially if I have you with me Remus.”

Remus blushed a bit at that, still completely unsure what the hell was going on between them but happy none the less to have Sirius in this new life he had created for himself.

Chapter Text

The release party had been an overwhelming success, that’s what Lauren had told them the next day, all of them exhausted from being at the party until four in the morning. Remus felt like every bone in his body was on fire and he could tell that Marlene was ready to throw up.

That day after the release party was the day that years later Remus would say that everything changed and suddenly everything was extremely real. The day after that party was the day Lauren told them that in exactly three weeks, they would be going on a four-month long tour.

Remus felt like his head was spinning and he was grateful that Sirius hand found it’s way to his knee under the conference table.

“You will all be primarily living on a tour bus; you’ll each have a small cot and the like. We’ll also have a publicist of sorts on the tour with you and we’re looking to hire a videographer to document the tour as well, really help to create that lovely social media presence we want for you all. The next few weeks will be rehearsals and give you all time to get your affairs in order, rent and such and of course packing. Today we don’t have anything planned for you, we figured it was best to give you this news and then the rest of the day to start getting things in order.”

“Did you say you all were looking for a videographer?” Marlene asked, and Remus smiled knowing where this was going.

“Yes, for documenting the tour.”

“Well Remus and my roommate Lily, that’s what she does for work, maybe we could connect the two of you?”

Lauren looked quite pleased at the thought of one less thing to worry about, “Have her email me her portfolio.” She said smiling a little.

“So, we just have some contracts for you five to sign as well as some other information, schedule and itineraries and the like that I’ll give you and then send you on your way.”

Lauren had Lily’s resume before the last paper was handed out and everyone was excited at the thought of Lily joining them on tour.

**

Remus knew the next three weeks were going to go by quickly and he also knew he had a lot of preparing to do. He and Marlene had rushed home and the first calls he made were to his doctors as he sat on a stool in his closet, picking out what he wanted to bring with him.

He was thankful that they had agreed to give him a five-month supply, wanting to make sure he was never with out in case of any emergency. However, as he was celebrating that win he realized he didn’t own a bit of luggage for whatever reason, he figured a trip to the store to buy some travel items was in order, maybe a collapsible cane as well.

Remus sighed and pulled out his planner that he used for his appointments and copied the itinerary that Lauren had given him in and using the notes section in the back he wrote his list of things to buy. Suddenly realizing that he might be way in over his head, he was about to live out of a cot for four months of his life, God what if he got a top bunk?

He sighed shaking away his worries, he had far too much riding on this going well. He would just need to make sure he was as prepared as possible for it and also hope Lily got the job, having her their would make things much easier if only emotionally.

He figured he would go check on Marlene and see if she was doing any better than him. He learned quite quickly that she wasn’t since she was laying on her bed, surrounded by half the clothes in her closet.

“Remus, I simply can not pack for four months, how do they expect that?”

Remus laughed and walked to her bed, pushing some clothes out of the way so he could sit.

“I wish I knew, I don’t even know where to begin, like how are we supposed to know what we want to wear two months from now.”

“Exactly!” Marlene chirped, “Plus we’re living in a bus, I can’t imagine we’ll have all that much room.”

“Hardly, I don’t even have any travel supplies, I’ll need to go get suitcases and some other things before we leave.”

Marlene sat up quickly, “Well, let’s go now then. I should get some stuff too and I can’t just lay in this clothes pile forever.”

Remus laughed and followed her as she bolted down the hall.

**

Sirius was not made for tasks like this, he was in no way organized. He also was not looking forward to sharing such close quarters with the others, except maybe Remus and James but that was normal for them.

Sirius groaned and left his room to go to the living room where James was sitting with Peter, both of them trying to be sensible and making packing lists although they hadn’t gotten farther than ordering some pizza.

“How on earth am I supposed to pack for four months?”

 

“Sirius, darling,” James started, “You where a band tee and your jacket every day, this can’t be that hard.”

Peter snickered at Sirius and James dramatics, “Hell I figure half the time they’ll tell us what to wear. I’m bringing three weeks of clothes and some pajamas and hygiene products and calling it a day.”

“Peter, you act like it’s so simple.”

“That’s because it is Sirius.”

Sirius shook his head, Peter simply did not get it, he’d have to talk to Moony about this later. Moony was sure to understand. He decided to switch the subject, “So James, excited that Lily Flower might be joining us?”

James immediately went red, “I mean I’m sure she’s great at her job, it would be an asset for us to have her on tour with us.

Sirius and Peter shared a look before singing about James and Lily snogging in trees.
*
Later that night after Peter had gone home James found his way into Sirius room. Sirius was sitting on the floor in a pile of clothes, his suitcases that he’d hand since school were open in front of him,empty of course but the thought was there.

James came in and sat down against Sirius’ bed, far away from the heap of band shirts.

“Well love,” he asked with the same affection he always used for Sirius, “are you sure that you’re okay, that this isn’t too much too fast? Or too soon?”

“James, I’m fine, this is our dream, how could I not be, okay?”

“I know it’s our dream, but you can’t live out that dream if you shoot yourself up and die.”

Sirius gave him a look but didn’t say anything in response. James sighed and rubbed his face, “What about you and Remus?”

“What about us?” Sirius asked looking at his best friend, he was surprised James had waited this long to ask honestly.

“Don’t act like that, you sleep at his flat, in his bed according to the girls, you’re always stuck together and touching. No one will care if you two are dating.”

“We aren’t dating, you know I can’t do that, can’t be like that.”

“Sirius, I wish you knew that you could, it would be okay.” James could see Sirius shutting down.

“So, how’s your packing going James?”

James sighed but knew there was no use in fighting, “Terrible Sirius, absolutely terrible.

Chapter Text

Three weeks went by way faster than anyone wanted. They were elated that Lauren had hired Lily to document the tour, it was the brightest light of the last three weeks. The last three weeks however had been hell.

They had been rehearsing so much that Remus felt like he was going to implode simply from the pain, but he wasn’t the only one who was feeling the burn out. That morning as they all stood there getting ready to meet their publicist, Alice, they’d been told was her name, and their stylist for the tour, Dorcas, both of whom would be living with them on the bus, everyone looked run down.

It was seven in the morning, and they were all standing there on a sidewalk with their luggage when two woman approached the lot of them. There were a few things Remus took in right away, one being Marlene’s face when she saw Dorcas, he thought her jaw might actually hit the ground, another being the quick look of shock that passed over their features as they saw Remus, the way he actually was.

He also watched as the rest of the boys took them in and he saw Lily’s face, the knowing look they shared over Marlene. Remus smiled to himself a bit and looked at the two women, Alice had a short pixie cut and was in a blue floral sundress, a matching set of luggage behind her. She looked like someone who was organized and knew her stuff, but he could see the mischievous glint in her eyes as well.

Dorcas had her hair in long braids, wearing jeans and a purple sweater that was covered in pearls, she looked amazingly well put together, her funky patterned luggage along with the clothing rack behind her telling a similar story of a very stylish person.

Remus realized and found it quite funny how much all of their luggage said about them. He looked over at Lily who had a perfectly matched set, her name embroidered on the front, packed absolutely perfectly, James’ was also packed perfectly, however Remus had it on good authority that his mom had come down with brand new luggage and done it for him, Peter had filled a few duffels to the brim and they all looked ready to burst, same with his backpack he had definitely over packed, Marlene had a dark blue set they’d grabbed at the store, it was definitely packed tightly but still relatively neatly.

Sirius had an all-black set with one bag that didn’t match, and Remus knew for a fact that he had barely packed anything because he had no clue what to pack and James’ mum had more than helped him with his packing and made sure he remembered things like pants and pillows. Remus’ own set was a deep maroon with everything packed perfectly although all his sweaters had made for a tight fit and he had an entire small bag that was going right into his cot that had all of hid medications. He had actually been quite pleased when he found the bag online, it was exactly what he needed.

Now that they were all together the eight of them just stood there, surrounded by luggage and equipment. It was as surreal a moment as one gets in life and when they all saw that bus pull up to the curb everyone looked a mix of terrified and excited. When the doors opened Lauren stepped out.

“Alright, I take it you have all met Alice, she is me but mobile and she and I will be in constant contact, I’ll also come to some of the stops on the tour but primarily Alice will be your go to, and Dorcas here will handle styling, of course I know you’re all found of your wardrobes, but she’ll have some additions and the like. Now the bus is separated with four bunks for the ladies and four for the men and a bathroom near each bunk quad. The girls will be upstairs and the boy’s downstairs, small kitchen is downstairs and living area type space is up.” She stopped speaking for a moment and smiled, “I won’t hold you up too long, but I want you all to know that I am incredibly proud of you, you will all be amazing. Get on and take the time to get settled, I’ll be working with the technical manager, Frank, and we’ll be packing up the crew bus and all the equipment and once that’s done, you’ll be on your way.”

She finished talking and giving them all one last reassuring smile she got down and motioned for them all to get on the bus. Remus hung back, knowing it would take him quite some time to get both himself and his luggage on the bus, he was kind of sad despite himself to see Sirius run ahead of him, second on the bus only after Marlene who had swiftly elbowed him in the face to get on first. However, just after Alice had got on the bus, her movements just at neat and organized as everything else about her he saw Sirius come back out, smiling as he took Remus’ luggage, wordlessly and once it was on the bus he waited at the top of the stairs, looping his arms with Remus once he got up to the top himself.

Sirius led the way, guiding both Remus and his luggage to the small area where there were four cots. Peter was whining about being in a top bunk, but Sirius told him to shut it, simply stating that he and Moony needed the bottom bunks and no he would not be elaborating.

Remus smiled to himself, thinking about all the thing Sirius did, and never made a big deal of, to make his life easier. He rarely if ever had to express concern got anxiety over a physical challenge, it was as if Sirius just knew and was always just a few steps ahead.

He kept smiling as he inspected his cot, it was small which was to be expected, there was a curtain for privacy and a small shelf on the inside along with a hook on the wall on the outside. Below his bead he found two sets of three drawers, one which Pete had already begun to fill and one that he would deal with once he got his bunk settled. On the shelf he placed the small square bag he had gotten for his medications along with ear plus and a sleep mask, both he had picked up figuring they’d be helpful tools. He reached into one of his duffel bags and pulled out the blankets he’d brought with him along with his pillow that was made special to help his neck at night. He also pulled out his heating pad he had brought with him, putting it on the small shelf as well.

It looked fine enough he figured and started working to unpack his clothes into the drawers. Looking around he saw the door that was in between the two sets of bunks, the bathroom. He had a feeling it was extremely small and that as it was gave him so much anxiety. He shook the though from his head as he finished unpacking his clothes, discretely packing him pills for the coming months in the bottom drawer with his pajamas. He sighed, trying to accept this new living situation and moved his empty luggage to the same closet that the others were putting theirs in along with their coats.

He looked around the small, shared space, peter was above him, his legs swinging as he grunted and whined as he set up the bunk area, across from him James was nearly bouncing as he made his bed and put-up photos. Sirius was standing across from him, his bed made, and he could see a few travel items on his small shelf and a small jewelry box.

There couldn’t have been six feet between his bed and Sirius’ bed, it was a tight space, and he couldn’t fathom spending three months in it. Remus took a deep breathe and went to check the bathroom, it was tiny with just the essentials, an over the door hanger with four prelabeled pockets, Lauren knew them well. He smiled a bit at that and went to check out the rest of the bus. The kitchen was small but would do the job as they needed. As he walked upstairs, slowly as he still felt pain radiating all over, he hesitated to think that it was real life.

Once he got up to the top he knocked once and moved the curtain to peak into the girl’s space, Marlene’s already exploding with stuff and Lily and Alice’s both neat and organized. Dorcas’ was neither messy nor organized, it simply was, and Remus felt that was quite lovely. He told the girls it looked lovely and went to check out the small living area.

It was small, with just enough room to accommodate the eight of them who were living on the bus. He sat down on one of the couches, pulling his knees up to his chest and letting his head fall back into the back of the couch, how was this his life? How was this real life? He sat there for a while with his eyes closed just trying to decompress from the insanity of the day and the last months of his life.

He was brought out of it when he felt someone sit down next to him, he didn’t have to open his eyes to know who it was. A small smile came across Remus’ face and he dropped his hand from his knee, an invitation. He felt the familiar thing hand in his own and he felt brought down to earth.

“It’s all crazy, isn’t it?” Remus asked quietly.

“It’s everything I’ve ever dreamed of but all I want to do is hide in my bunk till the end of time,” Sirius said with a similarly soft tone.

Any conversation they were going to have was cut short though as they heard the others running up the stairs and in turn James dragging Lily out of her bunk, Alice, Marlene and Dorcas following closely behind. Everyone else quickly filled in the remaining spots on the couch and they all started talking, Sirius and Remus’ hands never leaving each other’s.

“So,” Alice started, “Lauren told us a bit about you, but I want to hear it from you guys.”

“Well,” James started, “Sirius and I have known each other forever and then we met Pete in school, and we started playing music together. Of course, it wasn’t easy and there was some personal struggle,”

Remus didn’t miss the slight glance that James gave towards Sirius and Remus couldn’t help but feel like he was missing something.

“We got signed with the label though eventually, but they felt like something was missing and although we were all pretty against it at first it turned out to be one of the best things that’s ever happened to us because we got Marlene and Remus out of it.”

“How lovely,” Alice said with a smile, “What did you guys do before you joined the band, Marlene, Remus?”

“We both were doing background tracks, the both of us and they just came to us one day and said they thought Remus and I would be a good fit.”

“What a perfect choice they made it seems, what about you Lily? How did you get involved in all of this?”

“Well,” Lily started, she was smiling, and James’ arm was around her shoulders. Remus smiled at the sight.

“I’ve lived with Remus and Marlene for years and when Lauren told the band that they were going to need a videographer my name got thrown in and since I already had a reputation with the band Lauren thought it was an amazing idea.”

“Well, you guys are quite the story of just perfect opportunities at matching up, I can only speak for myself of course, but I am so excited to be joining you all.”

“I second that,” Dorcas started, “I was so excited when they approached me to work on this project since you all have your own unique styles, which is a surprisingly uncommon thing, most people just want to be dressed in what’s on trend and not to say you guys aren’t cool but you’re so authentic.”

Remus felt a pang in his chest as Dorcas said that, calling them authentic when he covered his face in makeup every night, it felt so disingenuous. He felt Sirius squeeze his hand, reading his mind as always. Remus sort of registered hearing Marlene, she was definitely into Dorcas, ask her a question about who she else she had worked with.

The next thing Remus knew it was dark when he opened his eyes and he was slumped against Sirius who was the only person still up in the sitting area, a blanket draped across the two of them. He looked at the clock on the wall, it was two in the morning, last he remembered it was eight thirty maybe nine in the morning, had he really slept that long, had Sirius stayed next to him the entire time? Next to him Sirius stirred a little and looked over at Remus, “Ah, you’re up.”

“I’m sorry I slept on you, you didn’t have to stay here, it’s been nearly an entire day.”

“I got up just a few times to use the restroom, but I couldn’t leave you up here alone, didn’t want you to be concerned and confused when you woke up.”

“I appreciate it, I suppose we should go down to our cots, yeah? Get a proper night’s sleep?”

“Yeah, got to get ready for tomorrow night’s show.”

“Ugh don’t remind me, my face is already not prepared for all the makeup.”

Sirius gave Remus a sad smile and got up, holding a hand out to Remus, leading him slowly down to their own cots, Remus and Sirius both taking tuns changing in the tiny bathroom, Sirius changing into a black long sleeve and long flannel pants, giving Remus’ shoulder a squeeze before he climbed into his own bunk, black leather jacket hanging on the hook outside of his cot.

Remus changed into his own pajamas, making sure everything that could be covered was and smiled to himself at the leather jacket, climbing into his own cot and wondering what tomorrow and that first show would mean for them all.

Chapter Text

The next day was somehow a million times crazier than Remus ever imagined a day in his life could be. He was woken up early, far early than he ever wanted to be. Alice was gently waking them all up letting them know they were at the venue and breakfast was waiting for them and sound check was in an hour.

Remus had dragged himself out of bed and checked with the others before running into the bathroom to shower, his clothes for the day in his hand, not really wanting to be that exposed in front of them. He had showered quick and found Sirius waiting in his cot to shower as well. He smiled as Sirius had brushed their hands together as they passed on their respective ways. He had quickly gone to eat breakfast and slowly made his way over to the stage for sound check. Pulling up a stool to his microphone, he had to stand for the show of course but until then he planned to be on the stool.

Eventually the others had made their way in, Marlene’s hair still damp, lily’s as well he could tell from where she stood with her equipment, capturing them and their process. Sirius quickly found his way to Remus’ side as he always did, usually preferring to share Remus’ mic then use his own.] as it was.

“Are you ready for tonight, Moonbeam?”

“Oh, about is ready as I’ll ever be I suppose.”

“You’ll be marvelous as always I’m sure, the best grandpa sweater clad rockstar that I know,” Sirius said with a genuine smile that warmed Remus from the inside out, showing in a deep blush dusting his cheeks.

“I’m the only grandpa sweater glad rock star that you know,” Remus said with a smile.

“I could know a thousand and you’d always be the best, and my favorite of all.”

Sirius shot him a smile before heading back to his mic for them to start soundcheck.

Soundcheck was insane and somehow made everything feel so much more real, Remus looked out at the thousand empty seats, and he suddenly felt like he might die under the familiar heat of the stage lights.

Still, it had eventually passed and now Remus was left to his several hours in hair and makeup. Everyone else spent the normal hour or so but Remus knew he’d be there for about three, maybe even four since it was their first night on tour. Of course, it was never too awful because usually Sirius would join him once he was done and had picked out his outfit for the night.

Remus looked over, he’d been in the chair for close to two hours, and he saw Sirius coming towards him, he had decided on his favorite queen t shirt for the night. Alice was speed walking after him, he could hear her telling Sirius he should exercise vocal rest, maybe some hot tea and honey.

Sirius got up to where Remus was and pulled up a chair and turned to Alice, “Alice, I promise not to scream my vocal cords raw but I always accompany Moony while they cover him up, can’t let him suffer this in justice alone,” Sirius paused, turning to Valerie, their make up artist for tour, “Nothing against you love, just the business that thinks Remus isn’t beautiful with his scars.”

“None taken,” she said with a sad smile, “if it was up to me this wouldn’t be happening either.”

Alice smiled at the two off them, “Alright, but both of you take it easy, alright?”

“Of course Alice,” Remus said with a smile and she smiled back turning and already yelling at James who was off with Peter and getting himself into possibly dangerous mischief.

Valerie put her brush down a while later, all of them had been sitting in comfortable silence since Sirius had arrived, Sirius playing with Remus long fingers most of the time.

“Alright, I have to go get a few more products I left on the bus, I’ll be back in ten.”

Remus smiled at her, and she scurried off, all of them knowing she was on a time crunch. It worked out that at the same time Alice had their dinners brought over, chicken and pesto sandwiches with mozzarella cheese.

They both thanked her and ate their lunches, in silence until Sirius decided to break it.

“Moony?”

“Yes, love?”

There was a pause, both of them taking in what Remus said, before Sirius continued.

“Do you think you’ll let them do this to you forever, hide who you are?”

Remus was quiet for a moment; it was something he had thought about quite a bit.

“I think eventually it’ll come out, someone will catch me on my own out and about or something and then it will all come back on them. Why they wanted me to cover up and all that. But I’ll just deal with it till then. I don’t think they’ve really thought it through but that’s their own issue, I’m not putting all this make up on every time I go to the store.”

The rest of their time in make up had gone smoothly and suddenly it was ten minutes before the show started and Alice had the five of them in a backroom with only Lily. She had decided they needed ten minutes of cool down time as she saw it, wanted them as calm as possible before they got on stage. Pete was sitting and drumming his thigh, he looked terrified, but Remus knew he was exceptionally talented and would be fine. James was sitting, Lily right next to him, they were having a quite conversation, both of them wearing shy smiles. Marlene was sitting on one of the couches, braiding and unbraiding her hair repeatedly while talking the music to herself. Remus was sat on the other couch, Sirius’ head in his lap, Sirius gently playing with Remus’ fingers.

It was calm and quiet for those ten minutes and then suddenly they were backstage, and Remus could both hear and feel the crowd, it was the most intense feeling eh had maybe ever felt. They walked out on stage, well Sirius James and Marlene ran but that was expected with the amount of energy between the three of them. Remus found his way to the microphone and watched in wonder as Sirius engaged with the crowd, he was simply magnetic.

“Alright,” Sirius screamed out, “We’re so fucking excited to have you with us tonight, we’re gonna start our set with Blinding Lights, written by our very own Moony!”

He pointed to Remus who shyly waved to the crowd and in a flash, they started their set for the night. It was a night that Remus was pretty sure he would remember for the rest of his life. Sirius was jumping around the stage, dancing around with James and Marlene and laughing and yelling and talking to the fans, Remus could see how all the girls went after Sirius and something inside Remus was a bit jealous. Although they had never defined anything, but Remus reminded himself that he was the one with Sirius’ head in his lap ten minutes before the show.

The energy from the crown had been electric and even Remus found himself dancing around a bit and feeding off of Sirius insane energy, a choice he was sure he’d regret in the morning, but it was worth it for now.

He felt like the show was over a quickly as it had started and suddenly, he was in the crammed backroom, and everyone was drinking and screaming and laughing. He could see Marlene and Dorcas in the corner chatting and Marlene had a drink in each hand. Peter was in the corner snogging some girl Remus had never seen before and James and lily looked quite content on the couch.

Remus on the other hand was in awful pain and also very confused about where Sirius had gone, he decided heading back for a shower and to go to sleep was the best option, maybe he’d locate Sirius as well, that would be quite the added bonus.

He quietly excused himself from the party that was raging on, praying it didn’t end up overflowing onto the bus. He walked in quietly, the bus was eerily quiet, unlike this morning when it had been insanely busy with everyone rushing to get ready.

However, when he pushed back the curtain to their bunk area, he realized a few things all at once, the first being that he was not alone on the bus like he had thought just a few minutes before, that he had never until this moment seen Sirius in anything but long sleeves, never mind shirtless, and that from the lock on Sirius’ face he had probably never wanted him too. He also realized that there was a reason from the marks Remus could see on Sirius’ body and the silence hung between them and was tangible.

They stared at each other for a few moments before Sirius started to panic, “Remus, I-I’m sorry I never wanted you to see this, I should have gone in the bathroom, I’m so sorry, I should-ishouldgo.”

Remus took a tentative step forward and reached out to take Sirius’ hand, “Hey, you’re okay, it’s my fault for not announcing that I was coming in, you’re okay.”

Remus and Sirius both looked down at their intertwined hands, Remus saw for the first time that Sirius’ arms were covered in track marks and as he looked at Sirius torso, he found thing perfectly lined up cuts covering his hips.

“I’m sorry,” Sirius said so quietly that the only thing Remus could think to do was pull Sirius close to him and lead him to his cot, it was a very tight fit for two grown adult men to lay side by side in it but they were both rather thin.

For a moment they just looked at each other, Remus running his thumb over Sirius’ cheek bone to wipe away a few tears that had fallen. Remus stayed quiet, letting Sirius control the conversation if he even wanted to have one. It was a few minutes before anything was spoken and when it was it was barely a whisper.

“When I met you, that day you and Marlene joined the band I was two weeks sober, spent over two months in a rehab. Addicted to anything I could be, clearly heroin as you can see but really anything. James found me overdosed in the bathroom three times, that didn’t even make me go to rehab, that was something else. Still, I was two weeks sober when I met you, I think that’s part of why Lauren wanted to bring new people in, good influences, strong people who didn’t know and wouldn’t have any judgements. It’s been what four months now, I’ve stayed sober the whole time which is why I left the party, can’t risk it. I know, I know you see the scars too, I- I wat to tell you more, tell you about them but just not tonight.”

“Love, you never have to tell me anything unless you want to and are ready too.”

“Thank you,” Sirius said softly, his body relaxing some.”

“And I want you to know that I’m proud of you for what you did, getting and working to stay sober, I really am, it’s not an easy thing Sirius. I don’t judge you for your addiction, but I am quite proud.”

Sirius burst into tears and Remus held him close, rubbing small circles into his back. Once his crying had more or less stopped Remus spoke up again.

“What do you say we go get cleaned up before the others get back, you can sleep here tonight if you’d like?”

Sirius nodded and slowly Remus and Sirius made their way to the bathroom. Remus wanted to hide under a rock at the thought of Sirius seeing all his scars, but he cared far more about helping Sirius than anything else. Sirius didn’t react when Remus undressed and got into the shower, Sirius himself at the sink brushing out his hair and washing his face.

Both of them got into pajamas and headed out and into Remus’ cot once they were done, they hadn’t really spoken much but they both realized they didn’t need to. Remus took his nighttime pills, not feeling very weird doing so around Sirius by any means.

They both laid there, wrapped in Remus blanket in the quiet of the bus. Both of them smirking when they heard a particular redhead come in with a boy and both of them ran up to the girl’s bunks, giggling wildly.

By the time the others came in and got to bed Remus and Sirius were both out cold wrapped up in each other.

Chapter Text

The following weeks went on very much the same, they’d play a show and while everyone partied Remus and Sirius would just hang out in the bus and fall asleep in the same bunk every night. Which wasn’t great for Remus’ bones, but it was good for his heart which he decided was far more important.

 

Remus loved making music and to an extent he even loved performing, tour although at times challenging was fun. Still, he was struggling, and he felt like a fraud. He struggled physically between his constant standing and dancing along with his rather uncomfortable sleeping arrangements he was in constant and horrible pain. He also struggled with the make up and constantly covering himself and feeling like an awful fraud.  He also realized that maybe he wasn’t as okay with never defining things with Sirius as he had originally thought.

 

After five weeks of this Remus felt like he was going to break. They had a day off however and after promising Lauren over the phone that they would lay low, the five of them, along with Lily and Dorcas headed off to a local pub for lunch. Alice opting to spend her time off with Frank who she had become quite smitten with.

 

They all got ready and headed out, all of them wearing the most unassuming and discrete clothes that they had. Which when it came to Sirius didn’t mean much because he was always a bit over the top but still, they figured if they just went to an average unassuming pub, they’d be fine.

 

They could not have been more wrong and suddenly Remus found himself in the middle of the worst day of his life.

 

They were all sitting in a corner booth, all of them eating an assortment of burgers, fish and chips, and bar pizza. It was a fun day, it was nice to just be, all of them just joking and talking. It was something Remus didn’t even realize he had missed.

 

It was comfortable and easy, Sirius’ arm around Remus’ waist, holding him close and also up. Sirius, and Lily both could tell how much pain Remus was in and like always Sirius just knew, with out him saying it, what he needed.

 

He looked around the table, Dorcas was whispering in Marlene’s ear and Marlene was smiling. He could tell just how smitten they were. Lily and James were sitting next to each other as well, Lily looked happy but stressed and she was hardly eating, he’d have to check in with her when they had a moment alone. Peter was happy it seemed; he was joking with James about something. Sirius head was gently rested n Remus’ shoulder as her murmured snarky comments in Remus’ ear, Remus trying his hardest not to laugh.

 

Once they were done, they went back and went up to the lunge area on the bus, Remus and Sirius as always, a tangled group of limbs, Lily sitting in James’ lap, it was just a nice day and afternoon until Alice came busting in.

 

“Have you all seen the news?” She looked frantic and upset and the veins in her neck were bulging.

 

They all looked at her with wide eyes, James slowly moving to turn on the tv in their living space and clicking it to the celebrity gossip channel.

 

Are the Marauders Frauds?

Secret relationships and Lead singers secret scars

 

On the screen flashed photos of them at lunch, Remus and Sirius curled up, Lily and James together, Dorcas whispering into Marlene’s ear. Worst of it though was Remus, he hadn’t worn make up out. He didn’t want to, didn’t think he needed to.

 

Remus felt like his heart was in his stomach, he glanced around the room, and everyone looked absolutely horrified. They just sat their like they were watching a car wreck. A blonde girl came on the screen, a serious look on her face.

*

“Today, new up and coming band the Marauders were seen taking a break from the tour they have been on for the last month. When the band decided to go out for a casual lunch, we were able to get an interesting look at their lives beyond the stage. Most notably lead singer Remus Lupin’s radically different appearance when not on stage that has fans wondering if he has a darker past than was originally thought. Also noteworthy was the several budding relationships between the band and both each other AND their crew. This included what looks to be a budding relationship between lead singers Sirius Black and Remus Lupin as well as bandmate James Potter and one of the band’s crew we are learning if their hired videographer, Lily Evans. As well as what looks to be a budding relationship between Marlene McKinnon and the bands stylist, the wildly popular, Dorcas Meadows. We have yet to hear any response to this news from the band and their management, stay tuned with us for updates.”

*

 

The room was silent. Sirius was the first to storm out, slamming the door to the bus behind him. Remus, eyes filled with tears went downstairs to his bunk and just climbed in, sobbing into his pillow. Marlene ran to her bunk and Dorcas followed behind calling after her. Lily and James were frozen in place on the couch, peter nervously fidgeting next to them. Alice stood there, her phone blowing up and she had no clue what to do.

 

She turned to where the three sat on the couch, “Look, I know- I know I’m the professional fixer-publicity person, I know that. I just, do you guys have any ideas of what I should do, I mean to an extent it is your life, your image and I just don’t know exactly what I should do here. This is a lot, more than I ever could expect.”

 

Alice was visibly stressed and honestly sad, she was their road manager, but she was also their friend and she cared deeply about them. Plus, she had started her own tour romance, how could she condemn that when she could see how happy they were.

 

Lily looked at her and took a deep breath, “Listen I have no clue how to handle this because yes James and I are…” She trailed off looking at James fondly with a smile. “James and I are together and I’m not looking to hide that but despite any level of closeness we are as far as I know the only couple here aside from you and Frank. However, when it comes to Remus, myself and pretty much everyone I think, knew that was not a good idea from the beginning and all it did was tell Remus that he wasn’t good enough as is. And now thousands of people just like him think that’s how we feel, and that Remus hates himself. So that one, I can’t help you with.”

 

Alice sighed, and despite the shit show happening around them, James was smiling so wide. Peter was sitting to the side of him, and he looked so uncomfortable. He had thought, maybe rather selfishly, that he had made it through this media scandal unscathed. Truly he didn’t mind that everyone else had paired off, he didn’t want that drama and he was just excited to be making music and experiencing life. But sitting there and Lily telling Alice that the labels actions, forcing Remus into makeup, made it seem like they didn’t think Remus was good enough. It wasn’t something he thought of and he realized that no one was making it out of this unscathed.

 

Alice looked down at her phone, it was just a mess, blowing up and Lauren demanding her to call her. She just sighed again, what words were there to even say. She looked at Lily, “You’re right, Remus should have never been made to cover up. I don’t agree with it, and I will be making sure it’s handled correctly and then Remus does not get blamed for this. I have to call Lauren before she has a heart attack and then I will go talk to the others and find Sirius because I have no idea where that man went.”

 

Alice quickly scurried off and Peter wasn’t far behind her, murmuring something about how he needed a hot shower after all of this. Leaving James and Lily on the couch together.

 

James and lily sat next to each other, the air on the bus was tense as everyone had gone off to their separate corners and spaces.

 

“Lily, can I ask you something?” James asked her, his face full of concern and anxiety but she could also see the joy in that she had told Alice she was more than okay with the world knowing that they were together.

 

She smiled softly at him and pulled her long hair behind her ear, “Of course James, what is it?”

 

“I hate to pry but, do you know how Remus got all those scars?”

 

Lily quickly deflated and sighed, she looked at James’ worry filled eyes, “Honestly, I don’t know, I met him when I was seventeen, almost eighteen. When I met him, Marlene and I had put out an ad looking for a roommate and he had texted us. I never asked, figured maybe one day he’d tell us when he was comfortable, but after the first three years I just figured I’d never know. Just kept a careful eye for any new ones, there never were any but I have no inclination as to what caused them.

 

James sighed and rubbed his hands down his face. Both of them sitting there in an almost sad sort of silence.

 

“James, can I ask you something?”

 

“Of course, Lily,” he said, placing his arm around her waist and pulling her close to him.

 

“Do you think Sirius wants to be with Remus, this whole time they’ve never defined anything, and Remus didn’t want to wreck it by asking Sirius to define it, but now it feels like they have too, and I don’t know if Sirius will.”

 

James sighed and rubbed his face, groaning a little, he was hoping this wasn’t going to be her question.

 

“I think, no I know that Sirius is in love with Remus. He’s never told me but I just I know he is. However, and I hate to say this, he won’t be with him, it’s not a matter of want. Sirius, knows that he’s gay, has for years but he refuses to admit it openly and to live his life out of the closet.”

 

Lily turned to James, her eyes wide, “James, this is not going to go well because just like you know with Sirius, I can tell Remus loves him too and Remus, Remus will say he’s okay with being someone’s secret but he’s not and as much as I love Sirius, he shouldn’t have to be someone’s secret. Especially not after what he’s gone through with this make up bullshit. He shouldn’t have to hide.”

 

“I love Sirius, he’s my brother but I agree with you, they both deserve to live openly together. Unfortunately, I do think that the paparazzi may have just ruined any chance of that at all.”

 

Lily sighed and leaned back into James’ chest, “This may be the worst day off ever.”