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English
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Published:
2021-11-13
Updated:
2024-02-05
Words:
11,991
Chapters:
6/?
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I almost Do

Summary:

Daryl is surviving after the death of Connie, longing each day for her to return to him alive but what will he do when he returns to Alexandria and there she is? (Based on 'I almost do' by Taylor Swift)

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'Falling in love with her was easy, it was admitting it to himself that was the hardest part and the moment those rocks caved in he knew he had loved and lost and although that shattered his soul, he realised that it was better than to have never love at all and he would always be grateful to her for that'

Notes:

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for clicking on my First Walking Dead story about Daryl and Connie! I love them so much! They have such a beautiful relationship and Lauren Ridloff is such an inspiration to me so I thought I would write this story about two characters I love dearly!

I have recently been listening to the RED album by Taylor Swift (who hasn't) and I thought this song was so fitting for these two people who are drifting around each other longing to tell each other how much they care but thinking it's not the right time or something. It is so beautiful and I thought it would fit well with these characters! I'm not sure when I will post the next chapter but I really hope you enjoy this story!!

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter Text

The walk back from meridian was longer than Daryl remembered. The rain battered on his neck for hours on end, gushing down his back, making his thin shirt stick to his skin as if it were a part of him. The mud seemed to make its way into his shoes, colouring his socks brown and freezing up his toes. 

"Hey, Daryl! Hold up a minute!" someone shouted from behind.

He stopped in his tracks and turned. He was a little ahead of his group, not used to being with anyone but Dog. They were always on their own, wandering through the vastness of the world with only each other. Even now his trusted companion trotted just a few metres up the path, just as wet as Daryl was. For a while he had Leah, but even the thought of her bright eyes brought a wave of sadness with it and the idea of what was and could have been. As the rain finally broke, he looked up to the night sky, populated with flecks of bright light bring with them a sense of calm that settled on his chest. The wind whistled through the trees that lined the path, the ones Dog weaved in and out off. He knew thinking about a life with Leah, the life that he lost, was utterly pointless but he couldn't get it off his mind. Seeing her again after all this time, the world she fell back to because he left, he couldn't help but feel guilty. If he was there maybe things would have worked out differently and they could have lived out their days in their cabin in the woods. Daryl knew, deep down, however, that it wouldn't have lasted, that fantasy. He needed to be in Alexandra, with his family and she needed to be with hers. It's like the wind brushing through the trees, beautiful, exciting but also fleeting. It was something that changed them both forever.

Thinking about all the things that could have been different if he stayed in the woods, there is one thing, above all else, that he wouldn't trade for the world. Connie. Her beautiful curls coloured his mind, her soft touch and vivid smile, all etched into his skin till his last breath on earth. Not a day, a moment goes by without his mind drifting off to her. No words could describe how he missed her. He had fallen for her so quickly, so deeply. Everything she had, made him a better person; He was better for simply knowing her. 

He didn't really know what love was. He had never felt it, not even really with Leah, but something about Connie made him feel like he could take on anything. He felt as though he could live a million lifetimes and never meet someone who made his heart sing as she did, or make him feel as seen as she did, or make him feel as loved she did, even if those feelings didn't truly live in her own heart. A wave of sadness crashed over him, as it always seems to do when thinking of her. He wills his heart to only remember the good things but even the happiest of memories all circle back to his life without her; It always comes back around to the realisation that joy with her will only ever lives in his memories, perfectly preserved in her radiant smile and dark curly hair.

He could feel sadness breaking out of his skin, revealing itself in the quiver of his lip and the tears forming in his eyes. He took a deep, shaky breath trying to steady the emotions that he so rarely showed. He looked down at the ground and placed his hand on each of his hips, breathing in, again and again, pushing all thoughts of Connie, good and bad, away from his mind however hard of a task it was. He heard a few footsteps coming up behind him, so he quickly wiped the evidence of his lost love from his eyes. 

"Hey" spoke Maggie, in her soft southern voice that always reminded him of years past.

"Hey" he replied, his sadness catching in his voice. He didn't turn to look at her, wanting to escape the questions that would surely rise at the sight of his grief. There was a slight pause, and, in the silence, Daryl knew that Maggie could sense his pain. That was just who she was.

"Hey what's wrong?" she said softly, placing his hand on his shoulder. He turned at this on reflex, leaning and retreating from the warmth of her touch at the same time, perfectly balancing his longing for love and his fear of it. 

As soon as he turned Maggie saw the look on his face, the loss in his eyes. All she did was look at him for a moment, searching for the answers to her questions, in the deepness of his soul and the silence on his lips. He could tell that she longed to speak all the questions filling her mind, but she didn't as she knew he didn't want to answer. She simply gave him a small smile, a half-smile that warmed his heart and finally released all the sadness from inside. He wondered how fleeting this freedom would be.

"Wanna talk about it?" she spoke quietly, just above a whisper.

He shook his head and looked down as he spoke. "Nah" was all he said.

She squeezed his arm slightly, with her hand that was still sitting on his shoulder. 

"Well, if you change ya mind ya know where to find me" she replied.

They looked at each other for a few more moments before Daryl nodded his head, a small smile on his lips. He loved Maggie as if she was his blood, his sister. She has brought him back from many a cliff edge and he knew, when he was ready, she would help him back from this one as well. 

"Hey, Maggie! You ready to move?" a man shouted from the group behind.

"Yeah we're comin!" she shouted back and turned to Daryl. "We are gonna stay in that old barn to shelter us from the rain tonight," she said, pointing towards the building just off the path, enclosed in the arms of the trees.

"Sounds good," he said. He turned back to the empty, endless path ahead and whistled Dog who soon emerged from the trees. They both re-joined the group and made their way to the barn.

They all set up, with someone building the fire, another setting up places people could sleep until the morning. With a bit of discussion, it was decided that Daryl would take the first watch, against Maggie's objections but as soon as her head hit her backpack she floated off into her mind. He didn't mind taking the watch as his nights were not filled with peaceful nights of sleep but haunted by the faces of those he had lost.  Beth. Abraham. Sasha. Glenn. Rick. Connie

Daryl set up in the window of the barn, which was about half a metre deep creating a small nook, giving him a perfect view of the path, and any one or anything that could disturb them in the night. He placed his back on the wall of the alcove with his legs bent in front of him, his arms placed on his knees. Dog jumped up and lay in between his legs, his head on Daryl's chest. This was a usual position for the two and, as Dog's eyes started to drift shut in front of him, Daryl softly petted his head, so thankful to have found this warmth in such a cold world.

After a few moments, Daryl reached down to his backpack, which was sitting on the floor next to him, trying not to wake up Dog. He opened the side pocket and pulls out his ASL book. The cover was bent and faded. He flickered through the extremely warn pages that were covered in detailed pencil notes that he placed in the margins, before reaching the section that had the corner turn over, marking his place. After Connie was gone, he continued to learn sign. He found it such a beautiful and pure language; delicate movements that conveyed such power and emotion. It reminded him of her strength and courage.  He wanted to feel connected to her through how she communicated to the world. He had read this book a thousand times now, learning and practising each sign repeatedly. What he couldn't learn from the book, he learnt from talking with Kelly. He long to show Connie all that he had learned with every beat of his heart and breath that filtered through his clouded lungs. He wanted to make her proud; He wanted to be the man that she always thought he was.

He let the book fall to his chest, as he looked out the window. The rain had picked up again and the raindrops were racing each other down the window pane. He allowed himself to wonder if she was still out there somewhere and that one day, he would be able to see her once more. Her bright smile brings light to a world of darkness. Falling in love with her was easy, it was admitting it to himself that was the hardest part and the moment those rocks caved in he knew he had loved and lost and although that shattered his soul, he realised that it was better than to have never love at all and he would always be grateful to her for that. A thousand words rattled in his mind about what he wanted to say to her if his eyes were to reach hers once more. A phase stood out above the rest and as the rain continued to battle down outside, he signed it to the silence, to himself and to her, hoping that if she was out there somewhere, she would feel in her soul just as he could feel it aching in his. 

'I'm sorry'