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all my worsts

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(a/n: cross-posted on aff and tumblr

warnings: boyxboy love, profanities as well as inappropriate language/behavior, kind of non-explicit erotic dancing au/very slight pole-dancing/lap-dancing, hints/mentions of sexual activity/infidelity, frottage, may be more)




initially, jungkook tells himself he has to, has to give jimin the lap dance because he’s paying for it, not because he wants to.




which is true, jungkook couldn’t stand jimin in high school; the doting and the clingy attitude, practically his stalker. but high school was long gone, and jungkook needed the money, so he tries to mask the distaste he has for the elder. his legs spread apart as he straddles jimin, hearing him let out a surprised moan, as if he doesn’t actually expect his childhood crush to comply. if it were jungkook’s decision, he wouldn’t, and maybe that is why jimin doesn’t look like he’s enjoying himself.



jimin has always been empathetic, and jungkook hates him for that.



he doesn’t feel the erection until he’s finishing up. jungkook doesn’t feel the least bit bad when he gets off of jimin, and he’s already walking away to another costumer. he can still hear through the blasting music and disgusting sessions from the men, jimin’s colleagues start to congratulate him for “getting your first lap dance.”



jungkook just rolls his eyes.



he can’t say he doesn’t expect to see him again, jimin never was one to be satisfied with very little of seeing jungkook, but he is surprised that it takes two weeks later. jimin doesn’t seem interested in a dance, but he’s with his colleagues, and jungkook is starting to recognize them as regulars, jimim definitely stands out with their obnoxious laughter and little respect for the dancers. they grab more than they pay for, and that always annoys jungkook. they pay for the dance, "again," one says, and jungkook isn’t sure if he’s feeling disappointed when jimin repeatedly tries to refuse the offer. jimin’s protests fall on deaf ears, and jungkook is planting himself onto jimin’s form, not bothering to make eye contact.



jimin is looking down, more nervous than the last time, and jungkook is sure jimin doesn’t want to be there.



that makes two of us.



that night, jimin doesn’t leave with an erection, and jungkook tries to convince himself that he isn’t disappointed at that.



he’ll be back.






only a couple days, and he is back, same colleagues paying for it, and once again jimin leaves quicker than last time, no erection.



jungkook is really getting ticked off, even when he shouldn’t because in the end he’s still getting paid. jimin was supposed to have a little school boy’s crush on him, this no boner thing is irritating and insulting.



jungkook is sure the next time, jimin’s leaving with a hard on.





jimin is dragged back three weeks later, and jungkook is a little self-conscious on if his stockings are just right, if his sex hair is just right, if his body is chiseled enough, if his make up is on point. he hopes he doesn’t smell too much like other men, because he doesn’t want it to turn jimin off. jungkook doesn’t even wait to get the money, right when they pay him he’s already straddling jimin, eagerly. the colleagues notice this, and so does jimin. they’re both looking into each other’s eyes, jungkook’s hands go to the trouble to caress jimin’s neck, all the way back and up to tangle themselves in his smooth black hair. his hips are moving to the music, chest occasionally pressing up against jimin’s, and he knows he’s getting turned on when he feels just a little bit of some hardness in jimin’s pants.



the dance is almost over, and jungkook’s hands travel down to jimin’s arms, unknowingly becoming impressed with how firm they are over the dress shirt he’s wearing. jungkook pulls himself away, and as soon as his feet touch the ground, and walking away, he can hear one of jimin’s colleagues bemuse, “i think he likes you.”






jungkook is a little more than mildly surprise to see jimin without his colleagues, it’s just him and he’s sitting in the usual spot, watching jungkook on the pole. it’s a lot earlier than when he usual is there, and jungkook isn’t working the floor until the night, when he knows more elder, richer, most likely married men are stupid enough to throw their money away to pretty young boys like him. as much as jungkook thinks it’s wrong, the amount of money he makes is able to barely drown away his morals. though that still doesn’t mean jungkook condones it.



jungkook convinces one of the floor boys to take his spot, and when he’s waltzing on the floor in a new outfit, he checked thrice in the dressing rooms that he looked perfect, jimin is watching him. jungkook doesn’t stop himself from asking, “where are your friends?”



jimin is quiet, eyes strong, but he still looks like he wants to be somewhere else. “does it matter?”



jungkook wants to be offended at his tone, but he finds himself replying naturally, “they’re always here. they’ll probably show at ten.”



jimin just nods, not really caring.



and jungkook for once feels uncomfortable and out of place; obsolete. his fingers timidly touch against his own thigh, and he queries, “want a dance?”



jimin shakes his head.



what? “oh?”



he doesn’t have to ask why he’s there. “i just…wanted to see you.”



how thoughtful, jungkook thinks sarcastically. why did jimin have to be that way? jungkook is already taking him by the lap, arms enclosing themselves over his neck. jimin is protesting, clearly not asking for it, but jungkook insists, “it’s on the house.”



"but, i don’t-"



"i do.” jungkook is shocked at his own words, but he’s already moving languidly to the music. jimin is watching him by the eyes, never to his hips or legs like before, as if he’s trying to figure out just what jungkook is trying to do.



jungkook doesn’t even know himself.



the dance goes longer than usual, and jungkook notices that jimin never once touches him, not even in the past times, when jungkook’s hands are sliding down his firm arms and entwining their hands together. jungkook feels this overwhelming sensation as he leans in, hips now grinding onto jimin’s erection, and their lips meet.



jungkook has never felt his heart get so jumpy in his entire life, and he wonders just how jimin can make him feel all these worsts, as well as all his bests.






jungkook pulls away, jimin’s lips reluctantly letting them leave, and he looks up to see one of the other dancers. he makes a gesture meaning it’s time for jungkook to finish up with the costumer. jungkook feels deflated, but he looks down at jimin, whose both dazed and focused at the same time on jungkook. he mumbles, quite regrettably, “i have to go.”



jimin doesn’t stop him, he looks like he wants to, and jungkook sort of wants him to. but jungkook is peeling himself away, and he forces himself to not turn back to look at jimin one last time before he goes on to another costumer. he wonders if jimin still likes him, and if he does, if he hates watching jungkook with other men.



he guesses it must be that, because when he braves looking in jimin’s direction, he’s gone and jungkook’s heart feels heavy and his skin feels cold without the warmth of jimin.






jimin comes by again a month later, this time a little later in the night, it’s probably reaching morning, and his colleagues are nowhere to be seen. jungkook can’t hide the tiny grin he gets, even though he’s tired and all danced out. he’s supposed to be clocking out, but he walks to jimin, noticing a different expression on him.



and then jimin says, “i can’t keep coming here.”



jungkook’s breath is hefty, his heart is pounding at that. “oh?” he doesn’t know what else to ask without sounding so upset. “why’s that?”



jimin doesn’t seem like he notices it, because he continues, “because I don’t think my boyfriend likes it.”



jimin isn’t a cheater. at least jungkook hopes.



jungkook’s hand clasps around his wrist, and he pulls him to one of the back rooms, where the more private and sessional dances are saved. people aren’t supposed to have sex in them, but jungkook doesn’t doubt they do it anyway. when jungkook closes the door, it’s thankfully more quiet, and the two of them sit down on the couch.



jimin starts, jungkook intently listening, “his name is hoseok.” he pauses. “he’s really nice, really good to me.” he sounds unsure. “except, before…he asked me to be his boyfriend today, we’d just been dating. he was dating others, and I tried to be okay with it. but then…I don’t know, I gave him an ultimatum in the heat of our argument that I didn’t even mean and-“



jungkook wants to stop him, he’s not sure if he likes hearing something like this. jimin has always liked him, and it sounds selfish because jungkook has never given jimin the time of day. but he can’t stand knowing that there was a possibility that jimin could move on, or have others like him the way he liked them.



how ignorant of me.



"and he said he chose me, that from now on it would always be me. I thought he would tell me otherwise and then-" jimin looks jungkook in the eyes, something in the looks makes jungkook wrong, and right, like jimin should always look at him that way, "and then I could keep seeing you, without feeling guilty." jungkook feels like he couldn’t have felt anymore liked or cared for than that moment. it isn’t necessarily romantic, but it didn’t matter, because jimin was looking at him like jungkook was the most important thing.



and then jimin chuckles, without humor, with his eyes tearing up. “how pathetic, huh? even after all these years, with such a perfect boyfriend, and I’m still pining for you. how goddamn pathetic is that?”



jungkook wants to assure him that it’s not onsided, that he wants to reciprocate his feelings. but then jungkook considers the circumstances; jimin already has a better offer, and jungkook is a mere "erotic dancer". he’s probably just some whore to jimin, what good could come from jungkook? besides his services? he couldn’t even quit his job; and even if he did, he would just put shame to jimin. his colleagues may have been dirty geezers, but they looked important, they sure had the attire and amount of money to prove it. what would happen if jungkook tried being with jimin, when all the guys he worked with knew what he did for money.



jungkook was nothing, and jimin wouldn’t want him the way he did before he was who he is now.



that prompts him to cup jimin’s face, and let their foreheads touch. jimin doesn’t fight him, so jungkook assumes position, and he grabs jimin’s hands to place them over his hips.



jimin shakes his head, “jungkook, please-“



jungkook shushes him gently, finger going over jimin’s beautiful, thick lips, he tries to smile through his jealousy, and whisper, “think of this as a congratulatory present.”



jimin faintly mumbles, eyes falling down, “I never wanted you this way…”



this way. it never occurred to jungkook that maybe, jimin didn’t think any of it was real. jungkook is supposed to do it, jimin isn’t special. jungkook doesn’t flinch, just teases, “then how do you want me?” that gets jimin’s attention, and now they’re both looking into each other’s eyes.



"I’m with hoseok now."



"I understand." but jungkook doesn’t want to. "then…," he voice changes from sultry, to sincerity, "just for tonight, have me however you like." jungkook doesn’t like degrading himself, in fact he loves himself too much to feel like the gross elder men who pay him for his body, is actually him overpowering them for a run of their money. but this, he’s willing to come off as an object, as a goddamn custom-made meal for jimin. have it your way. because he wants jimin to want him.



i want jimin to love me.



the thought screams in the back of his mind, but his body is moving leisurely. everything feels different without and audience, just the two of them. his hands take the chance to examine jimin, roaming over the delicate inches that are jimin’s body. the way his eyes flutter close for a second leave jungkook remembering all those times jimin has ever tolerated his snarky and unpleasant attitude. jimin was nothing but loving towards jungkook, and he took every moment for granted.



if he could, he would take it all back.



he wonders how different it would be to accept the hand-holding and the kisses, the presents and the hugs, the talks and the giggles. all that jimin was, how much jungkook would appreciate it now. his eyes tear up at the thought of jimin becoming giddy at the sight of him, verbally worshiping the ground he walked on, how endearing jimin was. is.



and how self-centered and stupid jungkook was to blow him off every time.



jungkook’s heart races as jimin’s hands grip onto his hips, he gasps when jimin’s hips slowly grind upwards.



he sees a slight panic in his face, and jimin groans under the pressure jungkook is giving him, “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“



jungkook is able to shut him up with leaning in, and letting his lips come over jimin’s. it feels good, too good, and feeling jimin shudder through it leaves jungkook breathless. he plans to pull away, but jimin seizes the lips back, and jungkook moans in surprise. jimin’s hands glide down jungkook’s backside, to his thighs, nails digging through the black stockings.



jungkook’s tongue prods through jimin’s lips, and they begin kissing roughly, jungkook’s hips stuttering as they move down, going along with jimin’s rhythm. jimin holds him by his ass, and jungkook lets out a pleased whimper through their kiss. jimin’s lips moves down his chin, jungkook leans his chins upwards, giving jimin access to his exposed neck. he takes it, mouthing every part of offered flesh, and jungkook’s sure if he gets caught he won’t mind being fired.



their hips are moving at a quicker pace, jungkook’s cock feeling strained against leather pants that are connected to the stockings. jimin seems to understand, because he reaches up to the zipper, and zips it down to give jungkook room to breathe. jungkook’s hands grab jimin by the face and he rewards him with a feverish kiss. jimin responds gratefully, and his arms wrap over his waist so he could reach his orgasm. he could feel it in his stomach, heat and sweat building up at the back of his neck and-



he’s moaning, loud, almost like he’s never had an orgasm in the first place, his body shaking violently under the younger and holding his tight. jungkook feels himself close as well, and his hands desperately hold onto jimin by letting his fingers grab onto his hair. jimin growls at the action, letting him nonetheless.



jungkook hisses, legs tightening over jimin’s thighs, and he tries to keep himself quiet to gasp, “I- I’m cuming…F-fuck, I can’t-” jimin is tempting him over his edge, what with his own hips bucking up at every chance to leave jungkook’s body to crumple each time. but he’s close, so incredibly close and he just wants to cum.



and then, he is, with a moan ripping through him, and jimin is kissing him so he can’t be heard from outside the walls. jungkook’s hips are erratic in their movements, and he feels he just might pass out by everything. jimin feels amazing against him, like nothing else could come close and everything around him is nothing.



jimin is just everything.



but sooner or later, jimin is fixing his clothes, and jungkook is making sure nobody catches he and jimin walking out of the room.



and then, jimin is gone, just like that.



and jungkook is left wondering, you make me feel all the worsts, and yet all the bests.





jungkook doesn’t see him for weeks, and when he does, it isn’t in the confines of a secretive place and time. it’s when jungkook’s getting coffee for he and his roommate before their lecture. he at first thinks he’s going insane, that maybe he needs to get help if he’s thinking of jimin so much that he actually thinks he sees him. it turns out it really is jimin, but he’s not alone.



even jungkook could tell it’s hoseok, but that’s not what angers him.



it’s the fact that hoseok has been a regular costumer at the strip club even before jungkook started working there. at first jungkook thought it was just stripper talk, but the other dancers joked that if they could give out the best regular costumer awards, this guy would be running for first. jungkook had only encountered him a few times, the last time was when he made a crack that jungkook was "too young for me." jungkook’s not allowed to get snippy with the costumers, especially the regulars, so he just let this guy make crack after crack, even when jungkook was busy giving his friends dances.



the worst of it all, it could be the fact that he always calls jungkook a fag, is actually the fact that hoseok hasn’t stopped coming to the strip club. even when jimin stopped, hoseok didn’t. jungkook never knew his name, but when jimin introduces him, seeing his face and the way it becomes horrified is enough for confirmation.



but jungkook doesn’t say anything, can’t say anything, because jimin is smiling, he genuinely looks so happy and jungkook doesn’t want to break the news to him, in the middle of a damn starbucks. so he puts on a smile, and pretends that he really has to be somewhere, so he could leave.



jimin’s smile falters, and for a second he looks not even half as happy as he came off to be.



but jungkook isn’t his boyfriend, probably isn’t even a friend to jimin, so he’s already walking away, and this time he doesn’t look back not even once.



maybe today I won’t tell him, he tells himself. but he knows that as long as he has hoseok, jungkook is just jimin’s whore.




pathetically enough, jungkook will take all that he can as long as jimin won’t forget him.