"Good evening everyone, you're here with Dusty and A Great Big Sook on the Drivethru. If you've just tuned in, Penn is being a nuisance today because we have all apparently wronged him. I think I might be getting the fifth grade cold shoulder in here."
"Your face is a cold shoulder."
"Only twenty minutes left of the show and we've unfortunately devolved into ‘your face' jokes. Wonderful. Now, if you're wondering why it is that Penn is not being his usual loud self today, here's a little clip I've prepared earlier to explain—"
beep beep beep.
The Drivethru! With
Penn, Bar Guy and Dusty!
"Welcome to the Drivethru BG! Everyone, your favourite clothes-selling, drink-throwing Bar Guy will be filling in for Penn today. Thank god."
"Uh, hi everyone. I, uh, actually came by to tell the station that Penn's down with the flu? And then two big burly men in black suits handed me these headphones and told me to sit down or else."
"Our station managers are fluffy kittens, honest."
"I can't believe you got that to work. I can't— that's been sitting here taking up space for months!"
"Oh, well. You just had to reroute the power here to this section and then—"
"Why is it lighting up like that?"
"Um...it always lit up like that?"
"I think I would have remembered epilepsy inducing flashes of blue light."
"Is it possible to convince you you have memory problems?"
"Optimus Prime could totally take Chuck Norris in a fight."
"Is there someone out there who is as appalled as I am? Ylaine, surely you do not agree with this madness!"
"Oh, I want to agree with you Dusty, I really do, but Optimus Prime would totally run him over. Like, twice. Also, Bar Guy! You're so cute! Hiiiiii."
"Um...Er...Hi. Thanks. Um, I... you sound like you're cute too."
"Back to the topic at hand, Chuck Norris would take him to the junkyard and scrap his Autobot arse."
"If he did that, I'm sure Optimus would call for back up."
"You hear that folks? Bar Guy would totally cheat in a fight. Shame on you Bar Guy, shame. On. You."
"I'm crying tears of remorse on the inside Dusty, I really am."
"Penn is a bad influence on you, I can tell."
"We have Ian on the line, happy Christmas Eve Eve Ian!"
"Hey, thanks! I've got a question for Bar Guy."
"Everyone does today, Ian, everyone does."
"So, does Penn listen to his own show? You know, like afterwards? I always thought he seemed like a narcissist."
"I haven't caught him at it? He doesn't like it when I listen to it around him though."
"Probably doesn't want you to judge him."
"I'll take three BGs to go please."
"I have to say that this is the first time I've ever done this show and not wanted to punch my co-host in the face by the end of it. Please don't leave now Bar Guy. Don't leave and turn back into Penn tomorrow!"
"That's nice of you to say Dusty, thanks! It's been so much fun! At least we'll always have our memories, right?"
"And that weird flashing light. You are going to fix it before you go aren't you?"
beep beep beep.
"And there you have it. The reason why Penn is being a stonewalling, jealous Scrooge today. Your significant other is a friendly person. Get over it."
"Penn, you can't pull the silent treatment all right? You'll get us sacked."
"I hate all of you. Especially you Morgause!"
"Because we prefer your boyfriend to you?"
"Don't be so nice to my boyfriend when I'm not around. I'll end you."
"Bar Guy, if you're listening, it's not too late to pack up your things and leave."
"Hey! Don't put ideas into his head!"
"I can't believe you actually succeeded in hooking BG though. Seriously. Lonely forever we all thought. Job well done."
"I'm onto you guys. Seriously. None of you are allowed to look at him ever. Especially you Gwaine! Hey, don't you flip your hair at me!"
"By the way, you haven't gotten me a Christmas present yet. Maybe I'll come round tomorrow and crash your little stay-in Christmas in retaliation."
"How about....no, and my sister knows muay thai?"
"Maybe just a six pack and a stubbie then."
"Happy holidays everyone!"
"The Drivethru team wish you a merry festive season."
"Penn and Dusty over and out — see you all next year!"